Female-led relationships defy conventional structures, creating a unique dynamic where the female partner leads in decision-making and direction. This can be achieved by considering a life partner keen on your life and showing genuine support for your ambitions and goals. Establishing shared goals and a collective vision is crucial in a female-led dynamic.
Generousness is important in every aspect of a relationship, including giving and accepting affection, doing things for one another to make life easier, forgiving each other, and keeping your partner sexually satisfied. In a female-led relationship, the female makes decisions, which works well if the partner is in support of not giving in to traditional stereotypes. Intimacy is another area where gender differences can cause conflict in marriage, impacting self-worth and confidence.
Higher resentment and distance can lead to the couple growing apart, and confidence in both the partner and the relationship can empower her to face obstacles head-on. Independence is essential for maintaining a harmonious balance in a female-led relationship.
As a spouse, it is important to invest in yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically to function at your best. To obtain the perfect female partner for your marriage, look for someone who shares your passions, be open-minded, and be truthful. In some cultures, the female partner usually goes to live with the groom’s family after marriage.
📹 Jordan Peterson’s Advice on Finding a Woman, Marriage and Having Children
Original source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/1GSUG_B-new”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/DsHrKvRqhzY?rel=0&modestbranding=1″ frameborder=”0″ allow=”autoplay; encrypted-media” allowfullscreen>
What is a woman’s role in marriage?
2. Respect your husband. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says, “The wife must respect her husband.” When you respect your husband, you honor him. It means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values. Our husbands have many needs. The myth of the invincible macho man is false. One day Dennis gave me a list of what he thought were some of the main needs most men have.
Men need to feel like men; to be listened to; to have a companion; to feel needed. Meeting these needs is what respecting your husband is all about. I try to encourage Dennis by being his number one fan. Every husband wants his wife to support him. A husband needs a wife who believes in him and supports him.
What is a female fiancé called?
Should you use “fiancé” or “fiancée”? If you want to be traditional, “fiancé” is for men and “fiancée” is for women. Both fiancé and fiancée are pronounced the same. English doesn’t have gender endings, so it’s not clear to modern English speakers whether to use “fiancé” or “fiancée” for a male or female betrothed. The difference between fiancé and fiancée seems old-fashioned and out-of-date, especially given the increased social awareness of non-binary gender issues. Some people don’t want to choose between the terms. They use “fiancé” for both men and women.
What is wifey material?
A woman is “wife material” if she has the qualities someone is looking for in a lifelong partner. Maybe she can cook or is always there for you. If someone says their girlfriend or crush is “wife material,” they believe she’ll make a great wife. “Wife material” is a pop culture term for an ideal partner in a heterosexual relationship. It’s not definitive. Your “wife material” can be different from your friends’. Everyone has different partner preferences. Not every woman wants to be a wife. That’s okay! Women are more than just wives. They’re individuals first.
What is the difference between a spouse and a partner?
What is a spouse? The difference between a partner and a spouse. If you live with someone but aren’t married, they could be your partner, but not your spouse. A partner could also be a boyfriend or girlfriend you are in a relationship with, but not living with. As family lawyers, we often get asked about what “spouse” means. This article explains what it means to be a spouse and how your legal rights differ depending on whether you are married or cohabiting. We often refer to someone as a “spouse” in our articles. It’s important to understand what this means and the difference between living together and marriage. What is a spouse? When someone says “spouse,” they mean either the husband or wife in a married couple. The word “spouse” can be used for men and women.
What are the three roles of a woman?
Women experience role overload as they juggle three roles: productive, reproductive, and community. These roles are performed in different places.
- Journal List
- SAGE – PMC COVID-19 Collection
- PMC9922660
J Asian Afr Stud. 2023 Feb 11: 00219096231154240. This paper uses Moser’s ‘triple role framework’ to understand how women in Zimbabwe balanced work, family, and community responsibilities during the COVID-19 pandemic. The study found that while women faced different challenges at home and at work, the main causes of these challenges were patriarchy, hegemony, and other dominant gender cultures. Men and women are valued differently in space.
Is a fiance a spouse?
Fiance means “husband-to-be.” An engaged man is called a fiance. Fiance and fiancee are two different but related words. They sound the same and mean the same, but knowing the difference is important. Fiance is a noun meaning “husband-to-be.” An engaged man is a fiance. Here’s how “fiancé” works in a sentence: Brian is my fiancé. We are getting married on June 4th. The word “fiancé” comes from Latin, French, and Old French. It means “trust,” “promise,” and “betroth.” These words show how being engaged means being betrothed or promised to someone.
How to know a girl is wife material?
4. She gives you a second chance. Life and relationships are imperfect. Forgiveness and second chances are important in any relationship, but both people should be willing to give them. A woman who is “wifey material” should expect the same level of forgiveness and understanding from you when she makes mistakes.
5. She gets to know your friends. Even after marriage, we still need friends. If she gets along with your friends and hangs out with them, it shows she values your friends. This shows she has good marriage qualities.
Can a wife be called a partner?
Some see the word “partner” as more than just “husband” or “wife.” Partnership means a supportive connection based on trust, admiration, and respect. Some say “partner” is the best way to describe a serious, long-term relationship.
Ashley Austrew Boyfriend or girlfriend. Husband or wife. Other half. Bae. There are many words for the person in a romantic relationship. The word partner is redefining how we talk about relationships. Is “First Partner” the future? Jennifer Siebel Newsom, wife of California’s new governor, Gavin Newsom, made news when she said she’d prefer to be called “First Partner” instead of “First Lady.” She has a simple reason. In an August 2018 interview with the Daily Democrat, Newsom said that if her husband won the election, she might like to be called “First Partner.” She said this would “allow women to be seen as more than a stereotypical lady.”
Does wifey mean wife?
Wifey and wife are the same. Wifey is an informal word for your wife.
What makes a woman a good wife?
A good wife should be kind, considerate, caring, and never mean. She should have her own ideas, but sometimes keep them to herself. A good wife should be patient and tolerant. Sometimes I’m not like this. I’d fail at being a wife in school.
But now I think of it, I’ve learned how to be a good wife.
Can a spouse be called a partner?
Some see the word “partner” as more than just “husband” or “wife.” Partnership means a supportive connection based on trust, admiration, and respect. Some say “partner” is the best way to describe a serious, long-term relationship.
Ashley Austrew Boyfriend or girlfriend. Husband or wife. Other half. Bae. There are many words for the person in a romantic relationship. The word partner is redefining how we talk about relationships. Is “First Partner” the future? Jennifer Siebel Newsom, wife of California’s new governor, Gavin Newsom, made news when she said she’d prefer to be called “First Partner” instead of “First Lady.” She has a simple reason. In an August 2018 interview with the Daily Democrat, Newsom said that if her husband won the election, she might like to be called “First Partner.” This would allow women to be seen as more than a stereotypical lady, and it would also work for spouses of future governors who aren’t straight men.
Is a girlfriend considered a partner?
Scope. People in committed relationships are sometimes called significant others or partners, especially if they live together. The words “girlfriend” and “partner” mean different things to different people. A girlfriend is a woman with whom the speaker is romantically or sexually involved. In a romantic context, this means a committed relationship where the individuals are not married. Titles like “wife” or “partner” usually mean the people are married. The term for men is “boyfriend,” which almost always implies romantic involvement. People in committed relationships are sometimes called significant others or simply partner, especially if they live together. The meanings of “girlfriend” and “partner” differ from person to person. How the term is used depends on personal preference.
📹 LOVE LESSONS – 125+ Years of Marriage Advice in 3 Minutes
How did they do it? Three couples with over 125 years of combined marriage experience share the secret to their success….
Great points. I would add that, for most men, your best years for finding a partner (both in terms of your attractiveness and your emotional maturity) will be your early-to-mid 30s. Spend your earlier years studying, earning, acquiring experience, learning useful skills like cooking and planning a foreign holiday, dealing with any mental health issues you have (no matter how mild) and cleaning your room. My father waited until his late 30s and ended up having an absurdly happy marriage, ultra-successful career, three successful/happy kids, and he’s now having lots of fun in his retirement. As a man, you have the option of waiting very patiently for the right time in your life and the right woman. Use it.
I’ve been married 30yrs. My husband and I have annoyed the other into sticking around for so long by being brutally honest with one another in all things and trusting each other implicitly. He irritates me. I irritate him. He has so many foibles I could write a book. So could he. Sometimes we learn new crap about each other and sometimes we bore each other to tears. We argue and we disagree on stupid stuff. We’ve raised x6 kids and wish we were young and fit enough to raise x6 more. When he dies I won’t remarry. When I die he won’t remarry. (We’ll both go on mission most likely and annoy others!) Oh. And we agree on the big stuff. Always have.
I genuinely believe that you should find a person that makes you want to be better than you are. You find someone that you can put your hopes, dreams and faith into, and you know that no matter how shit a situation turns, they’ll always have your back. Before you find your missing piece, you need to do a lot of self-reflection and understand yourself.
I had always dismissed girls growing up who I thought were quite boring or weren’t super smart for interesting conversation. Then I realised those girls over-think everything causing psychotic arguments and put career ahead of family. I got hitched with a nurse who was part of a large family who wants kids like her mother. She has artistic hobbies, our house looks fucking suave and I get along with her more so than any other. She’s clumsy and as a result funny but confident and puts happiness ahead of being right. Changing my approach, realising I wanted to partner a mother rather than a drinking buddy helped me a lot.
This is from the recent Q & A. One of my favorite questions and answers so far, so I highly recommend checking out the full link in the description. I know for a fact that many people here disagree with the message, which is why I put it here to discuss it. Personally I find it refreshing to hear advice on this topic that is so rarely talked about in a serious manner.
Myself and my first and only girlfriend of 3 years now just had one of our bigger arguments. They’re very rare for us to have. No yelling, name-calling, or anything else juvenile. We just talked through our disagreements openly and honestly and we both conceded grounds. I hate having to have these conversations, but part of me loves it because it forces me to understand just how functional we are. Even in the face of disagreement, annoyance, and stupidity, we can always talk to each other and figure it out. Plus I know I won’t be due for another one of these for a while now 😉 I guess I’m just trying to reinforce what the professor said. I trust her and she trusts me. It’s only been 3 years and we’re young, but trust has served us so well that I can’t imagine actually fighting with her for any reason (but I recognize we likely inevitably will). I don’t know if that helps, but yeah. Good luck on your relationships, people.
Oh my, this is all I wanted to communicate to the man I loved. What a wonderful statement “have someone that you can weave the rope of your being with, together to make your joint rope stronger”. Love without trust is useless. Peterson always manages to articulate the soul, I hope everyone that needs to hear this does.
I am perusal some of his articles and I have to say they should be tought in school! So educational and wise that I cannot express my gratitude enough for this kind of insights.So beautiful idea about the spiritual bond of the family which trascend the 2 persons and its based on the fundamental truth. This kind of education would have helped so much people not making big mistakes in life. Thanks again for your articles😊
There are two primary types of people: Those who grew up in environments where lying occurs and those who did not. If liars stick with liars, then both understand the nature of the other, and perhaps they can get along. Likewise honest people with honest people. But when liars and honest people mix, it is not sustainable.
You know someone is good at what they do when it takes a handful of short articles for him to completely change your world view, built up in the twenty plus years that you’ve been self-aware and help you realize what’s really important in life. Thank you, sir, for being a substitute father to us and thank you Bite-sized philosophy for making these vital clips so accessible to us all.
As always, Dr Peterson is on point. My girlfriend is pregnant with twins. She is everything I could ever imagine. Before I met her, my ex wife left me, I was in a dark place. Then I met my girlfriend and she has never left my side. Has always helped me whichever way possible. I just hope I xan do the same for her.
I agreed up until the end. I am a mid-20s female, who my entire life wanted children with a passion. Now I have a great career and I see the kind of commitment that it takes to raise children, and I cannot decide if this is for me or not. I feel so much passion for the work I do, and I know I am good at it. I know I would put that much passion into my children, but I cannot even comprehend how much selflessness and patience that would take. People talk about how much love they feel for their kids, and I feel that for my work. I am fearful of the intensity of the maternal response I would have with my own children. As I get older I get less sure.
I’ve tried my whole adult life to obtain this type of relationship, I am a sensitive, sensible woman but the men I have put my precious time into have let me down by dismissing my needs. I’m now 43 with no partner, no children and I’m still putting my best foot forward to dating but at this age it is brutal. More lies than ever before now and at the exact time I am at my most honest and confident about who I am. I certainly don’t go on dates and open with ‘I want children etc etc’ because I know it’s too late for that and deep down I don’t hold much hope for the men I meet in their 40s & 50s. They are incredibly unrealistic about life. I would still like to look after a man and still hope to get married but this gets further and further away from me everyday. Some of it is dating fatigue but most of it is spending lots of time & energy on a relationship that only ever last 6 months. I’m very tired of being used and thrown away. It has shaped me unfortunately and unfairly. I also wish the love of my life had not taken my best years (my whole 20s) then left me to marry another 6 months later.
I told you a couple of years ago that you are the only hero that I have ever had. I introduced my 20 year old son to you and he has become a huge fan. Here is a statement from his most recent email to me: “Been listening to some Jordan Peterson recently and trying my best to implement his advice in my life. It feels really good to take responsibility for as much as I can.” There are so many really smart people in this world and so few of them are wise. It is difficult, for those of us who pay attention, to understand why those who are blessed with intelligence do not seek wisdom. You are true Philosopher sir. You seek the truth and you have the intelligence necessary to incorporate all that you have exposed yourself to with your message. Truly brilliant! You are the Buddha/John the Baptist of our time. May God bless you sir.
Exactly. If your partner does not have the emotional maturity to tell the truth, you need to let that person go. They will betray you again. That being said, I was going to make a point on your view of marriage. While I do agree that it is necessary for a person to experience having a family, some people (including myself) feel they have been sent here to send a message. I am a highly creative person, and I notice that when I am in a relationship, but volume of creativity is staggered by obligations to my partner. The constant fighting over finances, whether or not I’m doing the “right” positions in bed, the fucking string of shame tactics that elicit my anger and frustration… It’s too much. Moreover, I’m from low ses circumstances, and almost every girl I date assumes that I have money, based on my appearance (tall, muscular, symmetrically attractive). A lot of these girls have lived pampered lives, hoping to continue their string of free theme parks, empty Facebook likes, and white knights. Ill tell you this: if your partner supports you unconditionally, and you can absolutely trust them 100%, the build a family with that person. But if they’re constantly complaining, a soul sucking siren that feeds on your tangible good faith, and belittles your dream in front of her friends/family… you’re better off shooting for the stars by producing something of value for others, than producing children with a woman who despises having them. What’s the point of just getting married and having kids, if both parties do not live each other equally, and the children bear the burden of two incomplete people that facilitate a broken home?
To find a great partner: If you are a giver, marry a giver. If you are a taker, marry a taker. But a giver with a taker = disaster and tragedy. Also – I don’t believe it’s all about looks – I’ve found some very odd types of guys severely attractive, even sometimes totally not “my type” guys have been seriously appealing to me. I think genetically we were a good match, it’s all in the science of things.
The hand cuff idea is awesome. It really was my idea on marriage. Unfortunately, my last fiancée planned an escape route. Lesson learned. Never marry a woman who has planned an escape route. No commitment. No real love. But, Damn, I loved that woman. Still do even though she is 1000’s of miles away. Marriage can be the most wonderful thing and it can be most hellish thing. It took three years for my heart to heal. When I found her plan, it was over for me. It was the hardest thing I ever done and probably the smartest thing I ever done.
Thank you for this valuable piece of advice! It seems to be a general trend in the West, women and men alike refuse to grow up and take on responsibilities, reminds me of Peter Pan story so well explained by Mr.Peterson. And yes, I agree that being mutually trustworthy, reliable, responsible are the crucial stones that any worthwhile real relationship is built on. But it will be harder with time to find one. You should be fortunate enough and smart too.
Lo que me gusta de Jordan es que te dice solo la realidad de lo que piensa … Por fria o positiva que sea pero siempre te ataca con lo que sea … Y eso hace que sea una persona a la cual escucho.. Porque hay mucho positivismo que no soluciona nada y busca crearte una falsa felicidad… Por ej: psicologos o doctores o psiquiatras… Ellos siempre te van guiar a lo positivo y que todo es posible y blablabla… Cosas que por muy bonitas que sean … No te generan ninguna ayuda y/o beneficio porque hasta uno mismo sabe que no esta abarcando “X” problema enserio.. Y si acudes a tu familia o cercanos es lo mismo, porque por el hecho que te aman o que se preocupan por ti, te persuaden a lo positivo sin dar niuna ayuda (aunque igual lo hacen por algo que se agradece) .. Pero falta gente que uno pueda acudir y que sepas que te esta diciendo las cosas como son por cruel que puedan llegar a ser …. Y ese es el unico modo de que la gente con problemas puede superarlos …
I think that being an integral part of a tribe is even more important than finding a partner and having children. If you have a group of people that you are tightly interwoven with, you will be okay. What’s even better is if you can find something to do that sets your soul on fire. Such as painting, or making music… something that stirs you within and aids in the transcendence of feeling separate from the universe. What’s more important than asking, “will I ever find a partner to have children with?” is asking the question, “what am I?” When the outside is in, and the inside is out, and you realize that the “I” you carry around is an illusory prison, then you begin the path of deep and peaceful fulfillment. When you can see the moment for what it is, for what you are, and that your body is nothing but a rental, you are not here forever, then all the petty cultural pressure will fall away. Then, if you find a partner and have kids, that’s wonderful, if you don’t, it will not take away from your experience as a human being. Jordan’s advice here is incredibly polarizing and quite thin. It is the picture on the magazine cover in the supermarket, pedaling an image that is probably not who you are, but rather who everyone thinks you should be. Everyone is convincing everyone else to be a particular way because they don’t take the time to figure out who it is they actually are. “Yeah, get married, have kids… that’s the road to happiness! It always is!” Is it? Always? It’s complete dis-empowerment.
Find someone who you can trust with anything. And “anything” can be a lot of things. “Honey, I broke the blender. ” “Dear, um, I just killed our neighbour.” “You know how I’ve had this lifelong battle with body dysmorphia, hun…?” “… I’m thinking Mormonism might be the religion we need to follow.” If you two are not ready to deal with anomalies like these and many more, you may not be ready for marriage.
There is an inverse mathematical relationship between marriage success and the number of children couples have together. If they have 4 or more children together, the divorce rate is 3%…..if they have 3 children together the divorce rate is 10%…..if they have 2 children together the divorce rate is around 40%….if they have 1 child together the divorce rate is 60%….if they have no children the divorce rate is 70%….read into that, what you will.
In the “t-shirt” study, the outcome wasn’t exactly how Jordan said it was. When the women weren’t on the pill, they were more attracted to men with opposite genes and were less attracted to those with similar genes. However! when the women were on the pill (which puts them in a similar state to being pregnant), they were more attracted to those with similar genes.
I once had a girl as a friend. She was pretty much into me and I could easily tell that I could make up with her if I had wanted to. She smelled like my grandma so I kept distance to her ever since I decided that I could not bear her presence. It wasn’t just the smell but this is definitely a big factor also for men liking a woman!!
Sex plays a big part in a healthy relationship, when a couple commit themselves to not have sexual intercourse until after marriage, then they will have a very healthy relationship due to the fact that they resist temptation because these days lots of people confuse lust with love, young people think that just because the sex is good the relationship must be good to, which is not the case at all.
I find it extremely unlikely in life to meet a woman with all those qualities, and in a time in which you are also ready for commitment. Most men have to forget about being fussy and just be ok with what they find, if expectations are high one might very easily end up alone. With all due respect I think that dr. Peterson was lucky enough to have met his soul mate… with perfect timing.
He’s right about telling the truth. If you tell the truth and be honest and tell them what you’re thinking your relationship will last forever. Even if you don’t due to other reasons that is the key to a good relationship. You will become best friends and you will fall in love with each other. It works with guys and girls. And if that doesn’t work than you can know that it wasn’t your fault because you always told the truth and never lied. You obviously can ruin things other ways by physically abusing them or treating them horribly.
The perfect wan exists in south poland. Beautifull, valuable and with tenderness. 3 years in london and i can honestly say there is something going wrong with woman in big towns. I do not say about all of them but they are susceptible to social media and any kind of enviromental manipulation changing them soo much. Time to start reading Jordan’s books.
Together for 7 years, married for 5-was my best friend before that-we basically share all the same philosophies and principles-had open lines of communication-regarded her feelings-took her critiques, basically changed completely who I was over the time of the relationship-now getting divorced because she cheated because I got really busy with my Masters and TA for two months…two months of not the amount of attention she wanted, and 7 years gone-didn’t see it coming. I had the real thing as far as I’m concerned; I’m not at all superstitious and I still tacitly bought into the notion that we were “meant” to be, and it still failed, suddenly and unexpectedly. The only relationships I’ve seen last are those under threats….threats from the spouse, family members, or threats of damnation by God. Not an MGTOW, just sharing my experience and thoughts on the matter. It might be a human thing, not a woman thing, but I’ve never cheated despite many opportunities, never came close, and now I definitely never will because I simply don’t believe in together forever anymore. We’re here until one of us gets bored of the other, plain and simple. Doesn’t matter how communicative or open or even compatible we are.
100 percent! My husband was 39 when I was 24 when we first met. Knowing he had experienced life, made me trust him more. Like he’s pretty much done it all! And now he wants what really matters.. a home and family. You can’t buy that. Only a good women can create that warmth. . And older men just appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.
This is so vintage Peterson. He throws pearls of wisdom at us, beautiful nuggets of timeless advice, just blows people’s minds with how he can siphon centuries worth of thought down into simple, seamless little tidbits… and then “if women don’t want children there’s something wrong with them…” wtf, lol…
Couldn’t imagine my life without my kids. By them I was able to know the amazing love that we as humans are able to giveaway. Being parents extend your heart, your empathy grows and you get more conscious about the important things on life; such as love, mercy, compassion, empathy, solidarity…. as well the AMAZING creation we are, it is just WONDERFUL to realize that part of that tiny human have your ADN data. AMAZING !!!!!!!!
Early on in our marriage (after we had pledged faithfulness in front of God and others at the ceremony) we vowed to each other not to allow the door of divorce to even exist. Our image was of an automobile piston in a chamber. If the ‘escape clause’ of divorce could exist in our marriage, the pressures that occur in ALL marriages would burst through the opening and the engine of our relationship would sputter and die. Resisting, however, the existence of that ‘escape’ is THE VERY THING that ultimately gives that engine POWER! We have been married for 44 years.
I wish he would make a article addressing this age new wave. MGTOW stands for ‘Men going their own way.’ In short, these men are fed up with the so called female nature, and as a result have chosen to have absolutely nothing to do with women. More interestin, there are other guys online specifically, YouTube who called themselves Alpha Male Strategies. There’s an actual YouTuber who goes by the name. His sole purpose this to encourage men to be on their purpose, which is fair enough. Also for lack of better words, sleep with multiple women and never get married, settle down or have children. These articles testament the attack on family or healthy unions is real thing. It’s amazing to watch and wrap your head around
Just make sure she looks good to you. Make sure she has good healthy habits. Exercises, reads, is politely and respectful to all she comes across. Make sure she makes her own money. This is a big one. A woman who makes her own money is with you because of your energy. Not your money. Make sure she is emotionally available and align to your personality. Make sure she can make you laugh and can talk to her for hours. She in that sense will become your best friend, your soulmate. Your energy. And at all cost avoid women who need $40 for the light bill listen to Cardi B, curse, drink hennesy, have some type of strong desire for cosmetic surgery and lots of ‘friends’ on their phone. That’s a waste of time and an insult to your time management skills.
I want to have many kids. I myself has three younger siblings and it’s wonderful. Although my mother quit her job of prosecutor to raise me, she never once complained that she had to sacrifice her life etc. But finding partner is very difficult, since I have a policy that I will only date a guy who has marriage in mind. ( Now i know that most ppl figure out if they want to marry their boyfriend or girlfriend after a certain time of dating, i think this would take a lot of time. I have seen perfect couples end up breaking up since one of the partner is not interested or can’t afford to get married.) I also think it’s not very good idea to have sex before marriage. Most guys and my girlfriends freak out when I say this. But since my goal is to build a family that will last till I die, I have no intention to follow the example of others. And, thus in this modern world I have quite a difficulty to find a guy who is patient to know you and have a will to create a stable big family. Personally I think our current culture is not really good to have a good relationship. It’s all about instant gratification and self indulgence, that only results in sad results like broken people, abortions, and neglected children.
I love jordan and his speeches/debates. They are massively influential, and provide a deeper insight into many things that people struggle to articulate and yet are so important. However his exiting comment here i feel was massively wrong. Saying if a women doesn’t want children by her mid-20’s means she has something wrong mentally, or isn’t fully wired properly is massively wrong. There are SO many small and subtle nuances that can affect a women wanting children. Whilst it is a natural biological development to eventually feel the need to have children and re-produce, in todays society there are just way to many things that can influence this line of thinking, and that’s without even mentioning the now constant evolvution of families and relationships and the womens role within it. (for example, we now no longer view the women as a house-wife, or a tool to be used to produce heirs and sons.)
I started listening to this guy 4-5 days ago. I’m a female Muslim. And a lot of the things he says really harmonizes with my religion. It’s nice to see how some one like him, being a Professor and using data and research, to dissect certain topics from a scientists point of view. It also really translates very well to these modern days. It’s nice for a guy from this guy to actually tell those things.
1) Search for wife 2) Talk to divorced men who got thrown into the woodchipper by the family courts, and jail if they can’t pay. 3) Make a better decision Sorry Dr. Peterson. I didn’t get married or have kids and I’m happy and free. Don’t impose your goals and values on others, then tell them what they will like or not. Or regret or not.
And, for Aphrodite’s sake, don’t ever let your self-esteem be based on relationship success. Enjoy love and sex and marriage, but don’t ever make them a condition of your self-acceptance. Follow that advice and you’re more likely to have a lasting marriage, a more loving partner, and MUCH better sex.
I think the truth about desirability is that you either have it or you don’t. And sadly, most people who have trouble finding a partner, are simply not desirable. There is no “solution” to this problem. It is not a question what you DO, but one of what you ARE. So in terms of advice, I would simply recommend accepting reality: you’re not going to get the partner you want. Get over it. Focus on the things in your life that you CAN achieve. There are thousands of ways to live a deeply satisfying life. Romantic intimacy is not the only way to find happiness and fulfillment. Chasing after the impossible will only ever lead to misery. Update: I think I oversimplified things in my original comment. Bob is right: you can, to an extent, improve your desirability in certain areas. You can exercise, obtain wealth, practice certain skills, etc. But no matter what, you ultimately have to accept your limitations, whatever they are. You cannot control whether someone finds you attractive or not. All you can do is try to be the best version of yourself you can. Rather than looking for a way to get others to like you, try to be the person that you like. Once you gain approval from yourself, you won’t need to get it from others.
I have often found people express a desire for what I have and for whatever it’s worth I’ll put my advice down here as I think there might be people here who are genuinely curious on how to find a good mate. You know how they say that if you’re unemployed you should work as hard at finding a job as you would if you had the job? It means that you should be working at least 40 hours a week finding a job right? Well, I think people–who want a partner of course–should do the same when looking for a mate. Be active, get out there, get hurt, try again. And one other part that can’t be overstated is don’t settle. If you don’t KNOW that they are “the one” then they are not. It’s not that they’re maybe not the one, they aren’t. I knew within 2 weeks but I’m sure it’s different for a lot of people. The point is if you’re still not sure a year in then you need to go find someone who you would be sure about. Sorry if this is something you don’t want to hear, it’s just the truth as I see it and I hope it helps.
If anyone would have talked to women 70 years ago and mentioned the idea that women in their 20’s don’t care about having kids but instead want to work and go their own way, they would have considered it insanity. Why do so many women not want children anymore considering they are the primary caregiver and have the special gift of giving birth, they are truly blessed. Their children they bear will be the most special relationship and their caretakers in old age. Is a society fundamentally broken and potentially doomed where the majority of younger women no longer have interest in bearing and rearing children?
It’s easy to make fun of the MGTOW crowd, but there’s often a grain of truth in even the most distorted thinking. The insight they mostly have is “I shouldn’t get married right now.” The reasoning often is something like “It’s too big a risk, because I might get rejected/exploited, and that would destroy me. I need guaranteed love.” And someone who thinks that way isn’t ready for marriage, right now. “I should never get married” is probably false and “No man should ever get married these days” is certainly false, but let’s give them their due: they have an insight about their fucked-up mental lives. And learning to be happy & single is an excellent way to start addressing that.
You know i been seen articles for years on internet still cant get a hit on anything and is not because i dont learn but for some reason i just dont have it and today im way older just 35 but i been about 10 years trying to get somebody. Ill just quit in the end i dont need a partner and i dont like kids so im really tired of loosing and not be more for a random stranger
Lies are the just the killer in any relationship. I’d like to here your view On lies that we tell ourselves and the social denials that are just so ingrained they’re almost understood and what the effect on the trust or baseline for trust. For example:!telling my wife I still am attracted to most and really attracted to certain women and that dose not change with my relationship status is tricky because on some level she must get it. But It seems Such a unacceptable and hurtful truth when any sort of evidenced is not shielded and repressed. Regardless of my actions. – Chuck Neugebauer
Love the article. But at 4:27 I would say that introspection, time alone, and mental and physical health are 20% of your life, work and career goals are 30% of your life, marriage is 25% of your life, and 25%of your life is children. Off the cuff numbers by Jordan Peterson, I understand, but slightly inaccurate.
My wife and I met as undergrads. We had a larger group of friends that gathered at the student center daily, but we always seemed to stay after everyone left to do other things. That was back in 1983. We share all of the same hobbies, and all of those hobbies were discovered together. They tend to be what were usually considered male hobbies at the time: canoeing, sailing, fly fishing, shooting sports, cycling, etc. My wife prefers the company of men over women, so I guess that helps….
5:33 I’ve just realized that I have never heard any reason to have kids that is not selfish. Everyone only thinks about the improvement to their own life and do not bother to ponder what a responsibility it is to create a new being with so much potential for joy or suffering. Edit: this made me think, Antinatalism would be a great topic to hear Jordan talk about.
Well, I never smelled, sniffed my brothers, hahahahaha, we did fight, but I wasn’t smelling them. Ohh one time my dad told me to smell one of my brothers to see if he smelled like weed, haha, but at that time I never knew what weed smelled like, but dad I don’t know what weed smells like, just smell him, well I didn’t want to see my brother get a whooping. Sooo I told my dad he smelled like burning leaves and sticks from a fire and the woods behind our house. He didn’t get a whooping, I was glad. 👍🏽😊 But not long after that he was caught red handed, then he got a whooping.
I have a lot of mental health problems, and one genetic developmental disability. I will most likely not reproduce with my partner. I have discussed this with her. So that’s another reason some may not have children. Disabilities and the way they would affect the household. I like children, I do not want them to have the same struggle I do.
Wow. I had to pause at 3:37. I think I just recommitted to my relationship that has been under trial, at least in my mind. I’ve been monogamously committed to my man for 7 years. However, two men have popped up in my life just recently that have severely tempted me. They are both long stories I won’t get into. Hasn’t helped that my man’s health is in the toilet. I recently lost a lot of weight and he’s gained a lot. Just started getting him to see a doctor about 6 weeks ago. He prolly hasn’t seen one in ten years. There are many problems. I can’t say that I’ve seriously thought about leaving him. Not seriously but it’s crept into my mind with having some temptation around me. As if what is out there might be better than what is right before me. But if we are chained together he could be the better man and I need to help by telling him the truth. I’ve already started as in demanding that he see the doctor, checking on his appointments, asking him if he’s taking his medication. The first steps have been taken even if they’ve been badly.
Eh, the asymmetry thing is debatable. Yes perhaps more people prefer a symmetrical face, but how can we really determine the nuances of symmetry in a person’s face unless their extreme? Say what you will but I find asymetries or irregularities to be more attractive and unique. I mean look at Thom Yorke or Joaquin Phoenix.
Regardless of which gender you are, seeking a mate always contains some risk in it. Even if you yourself aren’t suffering of any noticeable emotional handicaps chances are that you’ll still be dealing with someone else who might. That’s the unknown territory and it brings the potential for taxating chaos in social affairs. IMO, seeking a relationship, whether it is with oneself or with another person, basically means seeking balance to life itself. A relationship should ONLY serve that balance, not complicate it. The first step is to confirm that both parties in the relationship are emotionally sound people who can manage ordinary conflict in a healthy way. If that’s not possible it is probably better to stick to singlehood. You can’t force relationships to function interdependently if the odds are simply stacked too high.
I’m slightly puzzled. Although I totally agree that trust is essential, it is also earned and can be betrayed before and/or after the vows are exchanged. But mainly, why would I marry and THEN drop the mask and tell the truth!! Like I don’t want to marry someone that didn’t showed me first who they really were cause that’s the biggest deception of all and now I “stuck” with a person I didn’t vow to. Does that make any sense?!
I saw this article some time ago, and agreed with everything you’ve said and held you in my mind as someone who’s wise and gives good advice. But then you brought up the last point, about a woman not being ‘orientated properly’ for not wanting to have children, and it’s stuck with me for some time now. I kept thinking back about what you said while reading other women’s stories of being denied of getting sterilised simply because the doctors don’t think they’re being serious and that they will ‘change their minds’. I’ve watched tons of articles of women sharing their fear of childbirth, and me myself have never felt like I’ve wanted children period. If a woman makes the decision in her heart that she doesn’t want to bare children, she shouldn’t be ridiculed for it or forced to, which is why I think your point is misleading. You seem to have an old fashioned set of beliefs; that keeping those thirds and settling down is crucial for a succesful life and that you can’t skip them without having a crucial reason- but that’s an old belief that isn’t progressive. The world is overpopulated and cramped, and you don’t need biological children to have a family . If a woman doesn’t want to have children, she she shouldn’t be told to- which is why your point is damaging and old fashioned.
Reading all these MGTOW-type posts here is concerning. These men have had bad experiences with women in the past, and now chalk it all up to women today just being bad. Yeah, maybe there are a lot of shitty women in your area. Have you tried moving somewhere else? Have you tried dating different types of women (perhaps religious, traditional, or maybe artistic, depending on your requirements)? Some of these older men that were legitimately burned by scornful women and the system have some room to complain, but they’re inadvertently turning too many young men into bitter zealots of this MGTOW ideology. They aren’t prefacing their warnings with merely being conscious of such things, rather, inadvertently implying that these young men avoid relationships altogether.
Telling women that they’re wired incorrectly because they don’t want children, and thereby pressuring them into having children that they don’t want, is a sure fire way to ruin both a woman’s life and her child’s. I have seen SO MANY unwanted kids be ignored and treated as a burden because women and their partners were pressured by society and people like Peterson into making decisions out of fear and a sense of societal normality or duty.
The key part he’s missing is that you have to make sure your truth aligns with the woman’s desires and need for security. If your truth is incompatible with that, it’s only going to hurt you in the long run because women turn contemptuous very easily (which relates to my ending point). The best thing you can do for any relationship with a woman is learn what it means to have a spine. Also, how to fuck them properly helps too, but that in itself is an extension of having a spine. As for finding a wife, build your SMV up to a point where dating down a point or two for you becomes doable. Nothing will end a marriage faster in these times that letting her think she could have done better.
I arranged for myself a marriage with a woman in her mid-20’s who wanted kids. Best decision of my life. We have been married for 15 years and have 5 children. I have no certainties as to what the future holds after the kids grow up but I enjoy today. Men need to be honest with themselves about their expectations for marriage and approach it candidly. It is absolutely worth the effort.
hes absolutely 100% right about kids being delightful. Im a dude and was always against kids, never thought I would have them, always thougth theyd be a pain in ass and make you age quicker. Now that I have one, it was easily the best decision of my life, there is nothing else like it. I have fun w my 3 old and she gives way way more than she takes.
Man, this was SO GOOD up until the part where you said, as I have heard you say in other places, JP, that women who don’t want kids have something wrong with them psychologically. I think choosing to be childfree is an increasingly popular choice with people from all kinds of backgrounds and you are hugely generalizing and dismissing a large and growing percent of the population.
The last part i didnt like. He said if a woman doesnt want to have kids, there is something wrong with her. Im 33 and i dont think i want to have kids. I find them cute but also very very demanding and i am glad i can give them back to my friends aftet playing with their kids for two hours i value freedom, quite time, travel and sleep. I dont think that makes me a bad person. People acually like me and i have many friends. I just dont want to give up my freedom.
It’s pretty out there to just assume marriage is a third of life and children is another third. Sure, it might take a third of your time and effort etc. But that doesn’t mean it’s a third of what life is by definition, or even that it’s recommended for everyone. To me it feels like a compromise at best, getting tied down to some woman and sharing your life that might mean limiting your life so much if she is not supportive of some things you do. You might find a great wife but then again you might not and get stuck with some girl just to get married. All of that for romance and sex? You can have romance and sex without getting tied down possibly forever. And children – that shouldn’t be looked at as such a benign thing. Oh just have children they’re delightful. You’re literally creating humans you don’t know if you are even gonna be good at being a parent. You have to think about their wellbeing before yours imo, it’s not something to just take lightly. It’s not something you do for you. You should be aware of what you’re creating because there is no going back with children. Although marriage is a different thing but could have major money consequences after getting divorced. In short, don’t just do it. It is not a necessity by no means. We are no longer even close to being an endangered species, we are expanding larger than ever and growing smarter than ever, and it is not a smart decision to by default just create a family. Do you truly wanna get married, or are you just attracted to the person physically and to the idea of having a life partner?
For all the women out there be honest about what you want. I would meet women that for me were ‘it’ but they only wanted ‘a good time’ Women need to have a goal – more so than men. Us males don’t think in terms of calendars – we work to live – we’re happy to swing in behind the goals of the woman we love. When I was about 14 my mother said to me that when I got older, ladies will want a man that wants to support a woman (whom may or may not want to have a baby) – that’s all women really actually want. There’s more than that of course, but I’ll leave it at this…
0:14 You can’t eliminate physical attraction… Physical attraction is important. I disagree entirely, and I’m surprised Peterson reached this conclusion. Choosing your mate, the parent of your child, it seems to me that the last thing you are concerned about is physical attraction. If she is hot but a horrible mom and a horrible person… Choosing your mate based on looks is akin to choosing your diet based on taste primarily, the best tasting foods do not indicate their health value. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great if you can also be (somewhat) physically attracted to your mate, that is a bonus, and your children will take on their physical traits. But character and values are the top priority in choosing a mate IMO. Almost everyone adheres to this “it has to begin with physical attraction…” <-- This makes as much sense as hiring people not on merit but on physical appearance. People get stuck in relationships, they have kids haphazardly and then cannot terminate the relationship easily, and they have wasted a decade or 2 of their lives, and put their children in a bad place. I think you will find that you will come to be attracted to someone you appreciate and respect. If you choose a mate on character, and at first are not blown away by her appearance, your view of her may change as you get to like all of her qualities. I support tossing this old adage out, call it a myth.
Worthless advice. He just explained how smell works with attraction, which is of absolutely no actual help to any young men whatsoever, and then went on spouting advice on how to make a marriage work, which assumes you ALREADY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, which is not what the original question was about. He then went on to explain why relationships are a “good thing”, which is also completely fucking unrelated to the question.
It seems Peterson can only see the world from his perspective as a person who has always known they wanted to be a parent. I am 33 and have never had the slightest desire to become a mother. I don’t see anything wrong with that, and I don’t agree that it is a sign of psychological instability. In fact, my not having children leaves room in the world for those who do wish to have them. It’s true that lacking the desire to breed seems counterproductive with regard to evolution, however, I often wonder whether it is a response to a rising population and scarcity of resources. It confuses me that Peterson does not discuss childfree men. Also, by his logic, he ought to be attacking gay people as well because (though they may desire children) they are highly unlikely to breed by natural means. For the record, I believe homosexuality is totally normal and acceptable.
Even with trust you are gambling that she won’t decide that “now the kids are old enough’ she can go off and do what she wants – and you can provide the house for her. The gag about not bothering with marriage and just buying a house for a woman you don’t like comes from a place of truth The social contract that existed between men and women has been broken, now it’s just a minefield for men. Peterson has one flaw – he’s a traditionalist – and a religious one at that. The self preservation behaviour of modern men is in his blind spot.
Problem is: modern society has developed so much challenges that for some people it’s very hard to engage in a healthy, mutually-growing, loving and respectful relationship, where the marriage and the kids improve their lives rather than worsening it. Requirements have increased, and so has the suffering from failed expectations. I suppose you’re either lucky or you’ll have to choose between sub-optimal relationships, or a chronic dose of pain from solitude.
Hi, I’d just like to say I firmly believe there are plenty of women and men out there who still desite “traditional” values and deeply want children and family. I know I do. You have to look in the appropriate places, i.e. likely not bar hookups or clubs. Not judging, just thinking logically that individuals who devote lots of time and prioritize partying and living for themselves and the moment are probably less future oriented or ready to be a stable family builder. And yeah, it is true that many religious people are more traditional because modern cultures pushes hookup culture and casual sex and dating, and many religious people at least don’t claim that culture or ascribe to its values. Anyways, work and improve yourself, live out the values of the partner you desire, and you will attract a like-minded person. Keep looking, they’re out there. ❤
I’d love to hear his advice for gay men. I have conservative values, don’t like the norms of ‘gay culture’, and I really want a family of my own… but there’s no sexual attraction to women. Can I have a healthy marriage without that generally critical factor? Abstaining from sex with men isn’t difficult for me, but I REALLY don’t want to have sex with a woman. I might can do it with Viagra, but it’s still gonna be extremely awkward for me and the woman. I’m up to the challeng, but just finding a woman who’d agree to such a marriage is only part of the difficulty. We’ve also gotta share values and at least be somewhat comfortable with each other’s looks and personality.
Well I had a partner who appeared to have deep psychological issues but nevertheless she seem to strive to be moral and kind in her own way. However I broke up with her due to differences in lifestyle and personality type and a lack of willingness to improve and change, and there was severe codependency on those processes. However I am relieved because before I broke up with her, she said she wanted kids but not for a moral reason (ie. Just to “prove someone wrong”), and she mostly echoed my ideas on having kids which wasn’t helpful to me (ie. Very agreeable personality trait and “letting me steer the wheel”). Anyway, after I broke up with her and sought closure with her some time later after taking a break… she said that she didn’t want kids. And so it does allude to what Peterson said about psychological orientation about your moral path in life, so to roughly speak. By no means is she is a terribly malevolent person, although everyone has severe demons at some level or another from life experience’s traumas and thus we are all capable of tragic and damaging behaviours towards self and others from time to time. Nevertheless, I wish her the best and… to sum up my point, I’m relieved to know that I felt like it was the suitable and correct choice to part ways from each other because of issues in growing together relatively stably and balanced with mutual respect for each other which wasn’t always possible and was avoided whenever I tried to discuss the deeper issues to try to resolve them (it was just a merry go round that came and went.
He is right about scents!! When i was in high school i had a boyfriend who was devoted to me and not bad looking but slightly thick but his natural scent was so off putting to me that i knew it would not go anywhere. Later on in life i got myself into trouble by going crazy for guys whose natural scent made me wild and crazy!! Its all about phermones!! Up to now if your sweat doesnt smell good to me no matter how i try i just cant force myself, u need have the combination of good phermones and trust!!!
I want to ask this question to all the men out there. If a woman chooses to not have children because it would not be a good decision financially, does that mean there may be something psychology wrong? Does more of a guarantee for a better financial future for her and her spouse categorize a “viciously important reason”?
What jordan said.. Is exactly, what i said to my ex, that my ex brand me to be manipulative and too pushy towards her. It, drives me insane for a year, especially since she finally got my replacement, am i in the wrong? And i finally realize in a long run, i am right. Sadly she “masked” her “relationship goal” as a long term, when it was actually just a short term, she doesn’t realized it. Tbh i’m afraid that she’s get into some toxic relationship because of it but well i guess that’s the path she has to go through. But the fact remains tho, i am alone lol. Life sucks i guess, just like Jordan says, I have to go through this But fuck it ATE MY SLEEP SCHEDULE
As much as I like Jordan Peterson, I believe that his views on relationships are largely dated and delusory, for he thinks and instructs along the lines not of what relationships are like but what they ought to be like. His fanciful narrative sends me into a reverie of what could but, alas, never can be. I personally have witnessed female chicanery and avarice often enough to know that in my lifetime I am never leaving the red pill sanctuary. It’s MGTOW for me. Go thy way.
Maybe I have some psychological problem or something like that, but the thing is that I am a woman who is 30 and has never really dreamed about having kids. I think maybe that is why I don’t think I should get a boyfriend. I assume most men eventually would have kids, but I don’t have that “dream” where I see myself as a mother, so it will not work out at the end. To be honest, I think I am a healthy person, but I have never had a genuine interest in having children despite how a lot of people try to tell me it is natural for a woman to want kids. Maybe it has to be with how I see the world… Maybe it is because I like the idea of adopting kids more. Maybe it is that I think we are a lot of humans in the world right now. But that’s my reality right now. I feel good about myself right now. I feel attracted to men and would like to pursue relationships, maybe? But I don’t feel like I really need it, if the ultimate goal of having a relationship is having children…
Why don’t we apply that idea of ‘marriage’ to all our relationships. “Hey, I’m going to open up to you and trust you. If you trust me, then I am in for life”. This could apply to friends, family or new partners. It’s all well and good that marriage and kids may get a bad rap from culture. But what’s the evidence that it’s a “Huge mistake” if you don’t do them? I don’t really understand why the only acceptable reason for not having kids is if you are a brilliant artist or the like. That seems overly specific, and possibly influenced by the kind of society we live in, i.e., where you need to contribute to be of value. Why is someone who doesn’t want kinds somene who “doesn’t know what’s important in life”. Fair enough if this is his opinion, but where’s the psychological evidence for this? Is this claim based on research or just Jordan’s personal understanding of the world.
“You can have someone to weave the rope of your being with.” That does not require entering a legal contract known as “marriage.” I also have to disagree on the importance of having kids and how they are “delightful.” My hobbies are delightful, and kids are thieves of the freedom I need to enjoy those hobbies. Work and other responsibilities rob me of enough time already, why would I willingly sacrifice what little I have left?
I couldn’t help to think about… why is Jordan’s camera pointing to the door while talking about marriage. Is that some kind of subliminal message? Jokes aside, he’s quite right, marriage requires trust, in every aspect, behavior, child care, organization, decision making, everything is going to depend on trust. When you add doubts to the equation, everything crumbles.
If you got an ex that you still love and she hasn’t been in a relationship with another man since, write that apology letter (by hand) to admit your faults and apologize for the wrong you did in my case cheating, lying, etc. At the very least you won’t live with the regret of never having tried. Take her up on her offer to be friends, instead of letting your anger tell her no way. That’s a woman who CARES and they’re rare. Perhaps I can meet Dr. Peterson and ask him something specific he hasn’t addressed in regards to relationships.
A woman can easily obey a benevolent man, and the limit of her worries can be bordered by the walls of her home, for she is awarded despotism of it. Then at the end of the day the man returns home: the head of the family. Here he finds order, submission, respect and love. The Heirarchy must exist in order for the man to realise and feel it’s worth. Many great men of history could not have been so if it wasn’t for the structured rearing of them by the benevolent mother. Benevolence is dead, and it’s taking the whole world down with it…
I know that this could he considered a case study and not the general analysis, but what seems to be the idea if the necessity to have kids in your twenties is strange because if what ai have experienced. I get the argument sort of, but having kids does not make you grow up. What if you don’t and instead you ruin these young lives? I have seen it on a regular basis. It is one argument I have against JP. It sounds catchy to say but it does not seem to be so definitively true.
To all the women out there who “don’t know if they want to have children” – Dr Peterson in his other lectures says to you “when you are in your 40’s and 50’s, you will KNOW that you WANT to have children but then it will be too late.” I’m of the opinion that no woman ever regrets having a child. So get hitched and have a child. You won’t have any regrets about having a baby. Stop with the “I don’t know” just do it and then you will experience the only gift you can give to the world: LIFE!
I feel that a lot of people in relationships try to convince single people to get a partner as a method of ignoring how unhappy they are in their relationships. Almost all men I’ve ever encountered who are in long-term relationships seem miserable. They’ve given up and allowed their abusive partners to run their life. As such, they’re always desperate to convince single people, and therefore themselves, of how good they have it. Marriage is dangerous, because it encourages people who probably shouldn’t be together, to stay together.
4:30. I dont agree at all with that. What if I can have third life? It doesnt mean that it’ll be better. Having a child is associated with many sacrifices and obligations. I’m not free then, I cant just flay anywhere, whenever. I lost plenty of many etc. I think he is wrong. Marrige might be good indedd, but in terms of strenghtening of bond.
“she doesn’t know what’s important in life” ….. I find this fascinating as a married 31 yo woman with no kids by choice. Hmmmm……… Perhaps, it is the very fact that I do know what is important that I have decided to wait until I feel in a secure and comfortable place /time to have kids……. I won’t deny I’m mentally unstable tho haha… But still that was a very broad generalization, Dr…. Tsk tsk
Amazing really because I’m a MGTOW for a lot of reasons that basically surround law and how men are treated in society. But I also really align with this advice, if you want a woman and you are willing to risk it all and sacrifice, find a woman who wants kids, who knows her own biology, who wont resent the male/female asymmetry of marriage, and who you can trust and be honest with. Put everything else a distant last.