Alienation of Affection is a tort or wrongful act dating back to old English law, which allows individuals to sue someone for breaking up their marriage. In some states, such as Mississippi, North Carolina, Illinois, New Mexico, South Dakota, Utah, and Hawaii, a spouse living in these states can sue the person they believe broke up the marriage.
To open an alienation of affection lawsuit, you need to prove that your marriage was happy and that love existed between you and your spouse. The third party destroyed the love, and the third party’s intentions were to destroy the marriage and the love between you and your spouse. If a man broke his promise to marry, the woman could sue him under the breach of promise legal theory.
Negligent infliction of emotional distress (NIED) is a tort, meaning you can file a civil lawsuit to recover compensation when someone negligently causes you distress. However, you cannot sue no one for ruining your marriage, and there are some limited circumstances in which you may be able to sue someone.
In summary, alienation of affection is a tort or wrongful act that allows individuals to sue someone for breaking up their marriage. However, it is not worth the time and effort to sue someone for emotional distress, as it takes your partner and the other person together to break up the marriage.
📹 How to Predict Divorce With 95% Accuracy | Jordan Peterson
In this compelling video, renowned psychologist and speaker Jordan Peterson unveils an astonishing method that claims to …
Can I sue the other woman for emotional distress in Canada?
What is emotional distress? Claiming for emotional distress is when you sue someone for hurting your feelings. You can sue for emotional distress if the party was negligent or intentionally harmed you. In Canada, emotional distress claims are as serious as physical injury because they are so damaging to the victim. But these claims are hard to prove in court. How do I prove emotional distress? Proving emotional distress takes more time and preparation. Ristich law can help you prepare a case that shows how you were hurt and gets you the fair compensation you deserve. We can prove mental health issues in emotional distress claims in several ways.
Medical history. One way to prove mental injuries due to another person’s negligence is to look at your medical records. Your medical history shows how your mental illness affects your daily life.
Can you sue someone for breaking up your marriage in Texas?
Suing a Spouses Mistress in a Divorce. Can you sue your spouse’s mistress in Texas? The answer is no. Texas and many other states don’t allow lawsuits against a spouse’s affair partner for divorce.
This is because marriage is a contract between two people, and it is their responsibility to make it work. While the affair may be a reason for the divorce, Texas law does not allow you to sue the mistress.
Community Property Laws: Dividing Assets and Debts. When a marriage ends, dividing assets and debts is important. In Texas, community property laws decide how property is divided. No matter who was at fault, community property laws say that assets acquired during the marriage must be divided equally between the spouses.
Knowing these laws can help people divide property fairly.
Does your wife still get half if she cheated?
In a California divorce, community property is divided. In California, all property and assets collected during marriage are considered shared property. Before a divorce is final, both parties must agree on how their assets will be divided. If a wife cheated, her spouse may be less willing to negotiate. If a wife cheats, she is still entitled to half of all community property during the divorce. How Cheating Can Affect a Divorce in California Cheating doesn’t affect property division in a California divorce. It won’t affect the outcome of the case. California is a no-fault divorce state, so you don’t have to give a reason for ending your marriage. Cheating can affect alimony and child custody.
Spousal support: If a spouse cheated and it hurt the other person’s mental health, the unfaithful spouse could pay for their treatment. If a cheating spouse moves in with their new partner during the divorce, alimony may be lessened. Child support and custody orders may also be affected. If a parent cheats, it can put their children in danger. If a child is hurt because of their parents’ infidelity, it can affect their custody, visitation, or child support.
Can you go to jail for adultery in California?
Cheating has always been grounds for divorce, but adultery laws have not always been clear. Until the mid-twentieth century, most states considered adultery a crime. If a cheating spouse was caught, they could be arrested and charged. In California, having sex outside of marriage is not a crime if you are married. But adultery is still one of the top reasons couples get divorced. A recent study found that infidelity is the reason for over half of all divorces.
Finding out your spouse is cheating can be devastating. You may no longer trust them. It can hurt your mental health. People who find out their spouse is having an affair are more likely to be depressed or anxious.
California is a no-fault divorce state. You may want revenge for your spouse’s infidelity. You may want to hold them responsible for your divorce. That’s understandable. Your spouse having sex with someone else could make you blame them for your divorce, but it could also make your divorce case more complicated.
What evidence do you need for emotional distress?
Medical records of therapy sessions or diagnoses related to emotional distress. Witness statements from individuals who observed your emotional state. Personal journals or diaries documenting your emotions and their connection to the defendants’ conduct. Evidence of any changes in your daily life, such as missed work days or altered social interactions. You will typically need to incorporate several of these methods in proving your claim. You may want to show how bad your distress was and get a doctor’s note about the pain and any injuries. If you or a family member are considering a lawsuit for emotional distress, you should work with an experienced personal injury attorney. Proving emotional distress can be hard. A personal injury lawyer can help you with your case.
Can I divorce my wife if she committed adultery?
8. You can get a divorce for adultery at any time. It’s not unusual for a married couple to try to stay together even after one of them has been unfaithful. Sometimes, couples can work through their issues. But it’s also okay to divorce.
But couples must be careful not to time bar themselves. If you live with your spouse for more than six months after finding out about the adultery, you can’t use it as grounds for divorce.
9. You must name the person your spouse had an affair with. You don’t have to name the person your spouse committed adultery with on the divorce petition. You don’t have to fill this section in unless your spouse’s partner needs to be involved.
Can you be sued for breaking up with someone?
Social values have led to fewer lawsuits. Many states have abolished them through modern statutes. Some states still allow such suits, including North Carolina, South Carolina, Illinois, Hawaii, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, South Dakota, Georgia, and Utah. In a few of these states, you can sue an ex-fiancé’s mistress for millions of dollars. Read more here. Although these cases are not common, they do occur. In 2013, a Georgia jury awarded a jilted bride $50,000 from her ex-fiancé. The ex-fiancé appealed the case to the Georgia Court of Appeals, which upheld the lower court decision and the award. The Court of Appeals said the ex-fiancé deceived the woman. He was actually having an affair when he proposed. The court said that Georgia still has a law against breaking promises to marry. The state legislature says that marriage is encouraged by the law.
In 2012, the South Carolina Court of Appeals also ruled in favor of a woman who sued her ex-fiancé for damages. She claimed that he had broken his promise to marry her and that she was entitled to compensation for her expenses, mental distress, and injury to her health. The man’s ex-fiancée tried to say that promise-to-marry claims were old-fashioned and banned. But the court said they hadn’t been banned.
How much is emotional damage worth?
The attorney will then calculate a settlement amount using a multiplier method. It adds up all the tangible or economic damages and then multiplies that sum by a given number, usually between 1.5 and 5. That total is the settlement proposal presented to the at-fault party or insurer.
Recovering Emotional Distress Damages with Van Law Firm.
If you’ve been injured in an accident and want to file for non-economic damages, the award-winning personal injury attorneys at Van Law Firm can help you get the compensation you deserve.
Is sexting considered adultery in NC?
North Carolina law only defines adultery as sex with someone who isn’t your spouse. This doesn’t always match what our clients think or what they’ve experienced in their marriages. Adultery is not defined as:
Sending Explicit Messages – This includes sending sexual images or texts. Dating Someone Else – Your spouse is not committing adultery if they go on a date with someone else. Adultery only occurs if there is sexual contact. Some spouses promise other romantic partners that they will get a divorce. Your spouse has not committed adultery by expressing desire to date or marry someone else. This definition of adultery can impact your divorce. An unfaithful spouse can end your marriage. The legal definition of adultery can affect your divorce. A divorce caused by adultery can affect your finances. Alimony can be changed if this was the case. Alimony is money paid by one spouse to the other after a divorce. Your spouse may have to pay you alimony. You may have to pay alimony. If your divorce is caused by adultery, alimony may be affected in these ways:
Can you sue someone for breaking up your marriage in South Africa?
How to Break Up a Marriage Can third parties be held responsible? In the past, South African courts allowed a spouse to sue a third party for ending their marriage. However, the Supreme Court of Appeal changed this law in 2014 because it was old-fashioned and based on patriarchal beliefs. The Constitutional Court upheld this in 2015, and it no longer applies in South Africa. Adultery is one of the most common reasons for divorce in South Africa and many other countries. While South Africa’s legal system has changed to a “no-fault” system, where fault is not needed to divorce, adultery is still a key reason for divorce.
Can you sue someone for ruining your marriage in California?
Suing for adultery means proving your spouse cheated on you. This means proving your spouse had sex with someone else while married to you. This is a private matter that most people don’t want to discuss in court. It’s also difficult to prove. It’s hard to prove adultery unless you caught your husband in the act or have proof.
In California, you can sue on no-fault grounds, which might make your case easier. No-fault divorce means you don’t have to say why you want a divorce. You can say that you and your husband can’t get along and want to end the marriage. The court doesn’t need you to prove anything. It won’t ask about adultery or other fault grounds in a no-fault divorce. While your spouse cheating on you might be the reason you file for divorce, you don’t have to discuss it in court. This lets you keep your divorce private. The court won’t ask about or use facts about adultery in the case. If you have children together and your husband’s affair hurt them, the court might limit his custody. If you have a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement with an infidelity clause, this could help you gain more assets and alimony in your divorce. Talk to a lawyer about enforcing this agreement.
📹 When A Karen Ruins The Wedding…
Watch as the following Karens ruin the most important day of these peoples lives! Instant karma gets served. In this video you will …
I’m a widow. My husband died after 24 years of marriage and 3 children. I miss a lot of things about him. But probably the thing I miss most is our “non-verbal” communication. During a party, dealing with the kids, or family, or out at a restaurant, we’d exchange a look, and each would know exactly what the other was thinking. Sometimes I see that look pass between other couples of my acquaintance and it makes me ache for missing him. I don’t expect to have that kind of connection with anyone ever again, and it makes me sad. But I was lucky, I had a good marriage for 24 years.
My wife and I picked up a hobby together a few years after getting married…….birding. a lot of people think it’s a stupid hobby but it has done a lot to keep our relationship strong. We always jump to look at the bird the other person has spotted. I do think there’s a much deeper meaning to our birding hobby. It has never really been about the birds….and that’s what the people who think it’s a stupid hobby don’t understand. It’s really just an excuse for us to enjoy spending time together in the great outdoors. Before I got married I loved hunting…but that wasn’t something she enjoyed. I mostly gave up hunting for birding so that I could enjoy that time with my wife instead. Birding isn’t my favorite hobby and it isn’t hers either, but we have become big time birders because it’s the best hobby we can share together and with our kids.
I’ve been married for 40 years and the one thing that I have learned is that we are totally different people and we have to learn respect each others strengths and work through our differences. Don’t let the differences destroy your relationship. There has to be give and take from both sides. Love will never be enough to have a secure marriage. People have to need each other. With out needing each other it’s just too easy to walk away at the slightest disagreement. Life today is to easy and people don’t need each other. When you need each other the bond that is created by the struggles you work through create a greater love and respect for each other. More importantly it is lasting.
This is absolutely true, and I recognized it early on in my last relationship. If she brought up the cardinal, I’d jump to the window and share how cool it was with her. However, if I brought up the bird, she would either ignore me, or worse, look at me and not respond or do the sigh. If she ever wonders why I never proposed, we’ll it’s because I knew we would have ended up divorced. I could take that abuse from a girlfriend for a couple of years, but not from a wife for life.
I know now after 11 years of marriage that I can’t keep my focus on negative and annoying things about my spouse. He has SO many wonderful qualities that are all the important things. He puts up with my garbage and loves me in my worst moments. I do the same for him and we can weather any storm that comes our way.
Couldn’t agree more. Sadly, my wife and I are in this stage. Doesn’t help that she likes to imbibe often. I will say that she has a problem with Responsibility and Accountability. We had a bad blow out, disagreement several years ago. Went to counselling, had a horrible Feminist crazy that filled her head with insanity. I stopped after several sessions, as I had gone as far as I was willing to go, with the constant blame, gas lighting, polite bashing through the sides of the counsellors mouth, always my fault, never hers, etc etc etc. Extremely biased from the get go. Made things worse. A year later, agreed to go to counselling again, as the previous was obviously unresolved. Went to a counsellor that talked about Gottman. We had separate sessions to start. Her going first, then I. The third we came together. Things, I thought were going well, no recriminations, no attacks, no unnecessary blame put on either shoulders. I believed we were making progress. Then it stopped. She started making excuses. Back to the imbibing. There are other details I will not mention that are pertinent, however, I now only stay for my children. If I could leave, and be secure financially, I would. Sadly, in this day and age, it now takes two to have a family financially. If I had the choice, knowing what I know now, I love my children unbelievably so, however, I would not marry my wife a second time. Life’s way too short. You deserve to be happy. I made a mistake and married a Modern Feminist Woman who just does not understand that you can not have your cake and eat it too.
In your 4 possible responses to the statement about the cardinal, you lack the 5th option, which is the partner ignores his partner’s statement altogether. There is also a 6th hidden response, where the first partner wants to mention the cardinal sighting, hoping for a moment of shared pleasure, but has come to realize that there is no point because her partner will either respond negatively or not respond at all.
Walking on eggshells essentially means tiptoeing around their partner, significant other, or family member in order to avoid emotional blow ups, mood swings, criticism, forms of disapproval, or put downs. People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) challenge those close to them with their often bewildering mood shifts and unpredictable behavior.
Personal example: I entered a national contest years ago. There were four prizes. Top prize was $100 and a recipe book. The other three were the recipe book. I won a cookbook! My husband didn’t even know that I entered. I was so excited to win in a national contest that when the cookbook came with a letter of congratulations, I ran to the barn where my husband was feeding the livestock and told him about the contest and that my original recipe had won me the cookbook which was one of only four prizes. He turned to look at me and asked if I won money as well as the cookbook. “No,” I said. He shrugged his shoulders, grabbed the pitchfork, and turned around to pitch the hay to the cattle. I went from being proud of myself to wishing I had never even entered that damn contest.
After 52 years of marriage, I would say that we’ve done well. I listened while he talks about electronics and work even though it goes over my head. He (kind of) listens to me when I talk about something he’s not interested in. We’ve been broke. We’ve had plenty of money. We’ve had problems with both our son and our daughter. We lost our son to suicide, and I had a strained relationship with our daughter for over 20 years; but we still were happy with each other. Life is good.
All of my friends who got divorced, it was the woman who initiated it. All of them were taking almost total responsibility for taking care of the kids, running the house, managing the finances, and working full time. The husband become the expendable thing that they could drop. It was one less thing for them to have to factor into their hectic lives. The relationships I’ve observed to last are ones where the husband pulls a lot of weight at home OR where the woman does not also have a full time external job.
Several decades married here and we’re very different people. He likes to talk about everything in detail, I like to keep things in my head, to myself. It’s not like I don’t like to chat and share and given the cardinal example, yeah for sure we’d both be excited to point that out to each other. I recognize that he has this need to go over things, in a lot of repetitive detail, so I’m willing to listen but for sure I’m typically multi-tasking in my head. He’s not aware of this, so he gets to tell me in detail how his soccer game went, every play, every quarter(?see I am listening)and I nod and make appropriate listening noises. You could say this would be me shutting him out or being cold even though he perceives me as interested. The thing is I’m aware that I also have traits and habits etc that must drive him crazy. A marriage is give and take and when you’ve been in it for so long you take the good with the bad and if the good outweighs the bad then your relationship becomes a place of stability and refuge and peace.
He sighs, but you feel attacked because you are. So accurate and true, so much of communication (or the lack of) is non verbal! All couples go through ups and downs but you can tell that it’s never going to work out when this is the style of communication. A couple I know are on the verge of divorce, the man sighs and makes “subtle” grimaces and uses body language to deliver a passive aggressive message, then accuses the wife of having anger issues when she feels attacked and responds accordingly. Absolutely insane.
everything it took me 30+ years to learn, was simply explained in 5 minutes. I’m glad I’m managing my current relationship differently and I feel so lucky that we both could identify those things before they happened. most likely due to bad past experiences. this is gold As someone living with autism, I have never heard of the term “flooding” before. My feeling of “not knowing how I feel” was pretty much classified as a mystery…. but this makes oh – SO much sense! You are absolutely brilliant! My parents were a rare case. Things were rough early in their relationship. VERY rough. Pretty much everything you listed plus infidelity on both sides. The fights were insane but never became physical. Being witness to all this as a child wasn’t easy. The word divorce was a word being thrown around a lot. By some miracle as the years went on they somehow figured it out and grew to love each other even more. The fights, the infidelity. It all stopped and for 30+ years until my father passed away they never lied to each other or fought ever again. They were inseparable. It’s really amazing what they overcame but also as I said, very rare.
Summed up in a nutshell, for a good marriage you need: > Clear and honest communication > Be willing to listen to your partner and respond to their needs and demands in a positive way > A partner who is also willing to listen to you and responds to your needs and demands in a positive way Of course, for 2 and 3 you don’t need to do that for all of each other’s needs and demands. It’s about compromising. Both of you need to be willing to make some sacrifices to make the other one happy. I do suppose there’s probably a lot more factors that count into a successful marriage. Lots of marriages are doomed from the starts because of poor partner choice and an inefficient mindset. Difference between now and how it used to be is that back in the day, you had no choice but to make a marriage work (not that it did always work, but it most certainly affected partner choice and effort in a positive way in general). There was almost no way out without ruining your life for the rest of your life. These days there’s an easy way out in much of the world. But what do I know, I’m just a single unmarried pleb.
If you feel like you are walking through a mine-field and if you say something slightly off she will explode and you will then endure an hour of abuse, then, well, one word, RUN! JP is right. It is this mutual acceptance of faults and honest communication of a couple that was worked through the first line of conflicts and can now “walk freely” when communicating that ensures a lasting relationship.
I read that book by Gottman 15 years ago. It is such an EXCELLENT book and it is really easy to see what is going on in one’s relationship when you learn what they discovered at their “lab”. I HIGHLY recommended it, although if Jordan Peterson recommends it I’m sure that’s plenty for many people LOL
Nice article, I’m still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can’t seem to shake the constant thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to bring her back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I’ve tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don’t see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can’t seem to stop missing her.
I have noticed that the type of wedding is a good prediction of whether the marriage will last. If you want it to last go to the court house and get a marriage license have a magistrate perform the ceremony and have 2 strangers witness the wedding. If possible do this on a cold miserable day,so no matter what happens later it is better than the wedding day. If you have a huge extravagant wedding every day after that is going a disappointment when compared to the wedding, thus making a divorce almost certain
Married 40 years as of two days ago. Of course there is conflict and occasional anger and frustrated sighing. My wife even directs those fed-up sighs to the computer when Word doesn’t do what she wants. We do know, however, to blow off these transient moments. We’re fortunate; we don’t sigh because of deep-seated problems. A lot of our success arises from the fact that we took the “death do us part” pledge with absolute seriousness. Today it was a roadrunner on the birdbath, on a roasting, drought-stricken afternoon. That was worth both of us looking, but no, I wouldn’t have responded to yet another cardinal!
This is interesting, and a dynamic that can start at a very young age too. Someone who has had a history of people not responding positively to the little things they point out will simply stop sharing them, or at least be extremely discerning about how they’ll share them with. These people can end up with much greater issues communicating in general when they get older.
I feel like It’s actually pretty simple to predict honestly. In my experience with perusal all of my friends get divorced and remarried, Ive noticed it depends on long term goals, if the person has been on dating apps and see relationships as fluid, how selfish they are when there’s some level of compromising needed and of course their friend group. Long term goals as in, are they focused on building a life and career together, without the distractions of outsiders. Are they willing to compromise on the sacrifices that being in a monogamous relationship bring? We live in a culture where dating apps are the norm, which brings the ability to date around faster ( thats great in some ways) but it can make people less forgiving to flaws when they see just how easy it is to switch. And of course friends, are they supportive or against the relationship? Toxic friends are a MAJOR issue when people really arent happy with themselves and their choices and dont want to see their friends find any level of happiness.
Would being married for 24 years be viewed as somewhat of a success? I think there should be some type of scoring for couples who for the most part were compatible vs couples who failed quickly as in 8 years or less.. Also just because some couples remain married for life, does not mean their marriages are wonderful. I know a few marriages where the couple loathe one another, but remain married for appearances only.
Relationships take a tremendous amount of work on both people’s parts. You have to be able to work together through the ups and downs of the relationship. I met Penny when I was 16. She was 30 and my medical training mentor. We eventually became EMT/Paramedic partners working on the ambulance together for many years. In fact, we worked the vast majority of our EMS careers together. We were a great team on and off duty building a successful life together. I knew Penny for 43 years. We lived together for 30 years, married 15 of them (I was her second husband). Unfortunately, she passed away suddenly in May of 2020. I can tell you they don’t women like her anymore. When Penny sighed, that meant she was extra happy. I loved hearing her sigh. I love and miss you, my wonderful wife. But life goes on.
I find that relationships start to devolve once you start having to guess what your partner is trying to say, that’s when you’re being misled, attacked, or paranoia starts to set in. I’ve tried to always insist on total honesty in my current relationship, and I’ve now been with a partner I adore for 5 years. We trust each other completely and it makes life so much easier. Of course, that honesty can’t be harsh. If it is, you probably have been resenting something and it was left unsaid, so by extension, you haven’t been honest. Instead, when issues arise, when we have questions, when we need reassurances or we’re asking for something to change, we communicate that early before it becomes a problem, and we respect each other enough to not get outraged or defensive, and then we work together, issues get solved and we keep loving each other.
Past (baggage) and present negative interactions with other people especially partners tends to unconditionally develop a negative based thought process in people. One must concisely practice positive thinking especially when going off on a negative train of thought. Healther and good for relationships. Hopefully both partners are willing to practice it. It ain’t easy but gets less hard to remember and do over time.
I like the bird analogy because it is such a real-world experience. We have a partridge that has ‘adopted’ us, the only one we’ve seen in sixteen years of living here in the Staffordshire Moorlands (UK) It sits by a window most days, huddled against the elements/predators, so I decided to buy a sack of gamebird feed. I tell my wife when I’ve seen her, and worry when not. Now my wife mentions when she’s seen her, and feeds her too (it’s now quite tame). We’re now on the second sack of feed. We named the partridge Truelove, (inspired by The Twelve Days of Christmas song)
My ex, I was told by a medical professional, he was a severe narcissist. I didn’t even know what the heck that was. Married over 20 years I started to research. I finally got strong enough to leave. He remarried again and shortly thereafter, divorced. I spoke to his 3rd ex and she didn’t know what hit her. Luckily for her it was only about 4 years. Sometimes that divorce takes years to be realized. I’ll never marry again!
I think a lot of relationships evolve or devolve into a combination of committed ownership of the relationship in an obligatory way mixed with a cumulative resentment. People often think they’re completely committed in a positive way but often have passing thoughts of either vulnerability or strategic departure upon some possible justification. I was given very valuable advice many years ago that requires both people being on the same page and that page is one of endearment and appreciation. The advice was if both people get up in the morning and go to bed at night with the other’s best interests in mind… that relationship however imperfect, will never fail. In a way it comes down to having the right values and character to which you both possess and use to choose your partner. If you do that it’s then about both people mutually surrendering to each other, communication, and a richness of trust. The specifics after this fall in place… but it takes two people holding the same concept and being on the same page and belief. ❤️
The being attacked thing makes a lot of sense. And how it causes stress. My previous relationship was filled with unrequited bids, and I always felt I was walking on egg shells. My ex had an avoidant personality and I still feel he didn’t truly love me because at one point I realized he was being two faced with his friends about me and yet wouldn’t let the relationship go whenever I broke up with him. (Which was more than twice. I know I was stupid for going back, but loneliness sucks. We can all agree. And I was in high school- that DEFINITELY doesn’t help) anyway, during that time, my friends said I looked incredibly skinny despite me eating all the time. I was under so much stress, my body was just eating away at me. In the end, I hated being around him. Happily married for nigh on a decade now. (To someone else) and we keep communication open even when we’re angry. And we respect each other for who we are and how we’re different. I know how he feels without him telling me even though he bottles it up because it’s what he’s used to. And he’s accepted me as someone who’s imperfect and holds a lot of anger despite no longer needing it. Love and respect goes a long way in relationships. But even more so does complete understanding and compromise.
Some people are innately selfish, others simply get into the habit of it. I remember the story of the woman who went to a counsellor, saying she had grown to despise her husband and was planning to divorce him. Cruelly, she asked the counsellor how she could spend the next month inflicting the most pain possible on the husband before leaving him. With a twinkle in his eye, the counsellor advised her to do everything possible to make the man happy – cook his favorite food, bring him his morning coffee, speak kindly, etcl, and what a blast of ice water it would be when she left. Oh, and please come back in 2 months to give an update. So 2 months later, the lady returned wreathed in smiles to say they would NOT be divorcing and had never been happier. That much to her shock, the nicer she was to him, the nicer he became to her. Let this be a lesson to us all. And ladies, a man needs 3 things from his wife: respect, sex, and food. Make sure he gets those 3 things in liberal measure, and the 2 of you will be able to weather nearly any storm.
This really isn’t doing anything people don’t know. This is simply labeling signs of people who already don’t like each other. Seeing signs that people hate each other and have contempt for each other is an obvious sign that anyone could find out. What’s more interesting is statistics on behavior patterns and personality types that lead to divorce. For instance, women who smoke while the man doesnt smoke have insanely high divorce rates but not vice versa. This shows that there is either something wrong with women who smoke, or that men who don’t smoke hold women who do smoke in very low regard and find them gross over time.
so basically the research shows people are physiologically under threat when together, but pretend to be calm and “try to make it work…”, so the tip we can take is: enter a relationship with someone you can be relaxed around. If they make you tense, if you have to worry about what you say, pick the right words, etc., then that person is not right for you and the relationship is doomed ultimately anyway, so why bother…
I agree that if it is a chronic instance of every time one or both partners reaches out and is met with “ugh, fine!” Then there are some issues. But one off instances of such do not indicate an unhealthy relationship. For example, if the man in the example had been driving 8 hours all day, was exhausted, tired, and just wanted to go lay down and go to sleep, and his wife is distracting or delaying him getting that rest… Then yes, he is going to respond negatively and communicate overtly and covertly: “I don’t care about the damn bird.” One off instances do not an unhealthy marriage make, because everyone has bad days.
I don’t know if this is actually useful information for a lot of people. It sounds like they are able to reliably detect when there is tension in the relationship, but only when it is already there. It doesn’t say how to avoid or undo the tension. You can not sigh, but the way Dr. Peterson described it, the sigh comes from previous tension, so, simply not outwardly showing it will only solve the problem in the absence of that previous tension.
My wife and I having known quite a few couples in my lifetime, one of the common themes that I noticed of all the couples that eventually divorced was they were critical of my marriage. Now these are couples that had all been married for at least a number of years so this isn’t an early indicator, but an indicator none the less. Alot of the criticism wasn’t outright either. Usually very subtle and passive aggressive. An example might me we would show some pics or short articles of a vacation. You could tell that it literally annoyed them that we were having a good time my wife an I. They might roll their eyeballs or make a subtle snide comment. Here’s an experiment. Have your wife wear an I LOVE MY HUBBY T shirt. That will draw out the couples having marriage issues for sure. LOL!
Marriage is a give and receive relationship. We don’t take. We gratefully accept what is given and so we wholehearted give what must be given. We shouldn’t let our partners beg and vice versa. As a partner, we want happiness for our spouses. We prioritize their needs because we know and also feel that they do the same for us. Marriage isn’t perfect. It takes years of understanding, patience, and communication.
@jordanpeterson Dear Dr. Peterson. Thank you for your succinct transparent explanations and insight into so many phenomena. You have been a big help to me. I have a question for you. You may have covered this in a article that I haven’t seen. Why does our society put so much importance on spousal relationships and those with significant others when they happen to be the most volatile? For example, a man should share everything with his wife and vice versa. Yet most of our good friendships last as long as we live. Cheers Tim
Dr Phil said he had a clue that was better than 80% of a divorce within five years. It had to do with whether or not the couple personally insulted each other when fighting. My wife and I seldom fight, but we’ve never insulted each other’s person. Oh, said nasty things about behaviors, but not each other.
My wife often makes these non-verbal negative motions and Im so fed up with this. I noticed myself not going for her bids as often. I called it ‘not doing something minor for her eventho I know it would mean a lot to her’ on purpose, because I felt neglected for so long. We had the second baby 8 months ago and since then the relationship plummeted. I need to invest energy to be a dick to my wife just because I think shes a bitch to me :-/ I felt sad when I realized that I acted petty towards my wife. I rather want a partner in my life where I do little things for her and where we both do compromises for each other and truly try to understand, or at the very least respect each other. But lately I can’t shake the ‘realization’ that she may be incapable of that. When I tell her that I felt unloved or unheard during our hard period I had lately it feels to me that she denies it. “No you’re wrong” or “youre imagining things” or even saying its all my fault. Not sure how to deal with her anymore.
I feel like I’m a bad husband. I’m in the army, and I work long hours every day with people who just want to crush me. Every day I go home, and as a man, I feel like I have to do so much for my wife, whom I love. I do what I have to do to make us grow and be the best versions of ourselves. We are young, at 23 years old, married for a year so far. I came across this article from my recommended, and I just sat and listened to it. I’m feeling like I’ve been doing so many things wrong because I’ve just wanted free time for myself. I need to de-stress. I do have anger problems, but I never, ever do anything against her or maliciously. I talk a certain way with a certain tone, and she wants me to be a better man. All the men I know are the way that the army men are: angry, tough, and meticulous. I’m straightforward and always try to find a solution for every problem. My wife does a lot in the background that I don’t see, and she doesn’t see what I do either. I gave up a lot just to be with her. I love her, and my sacrifices are not enough. I feel she makes it known. I’ve lost eight good friends through the time I’ve been in the army, and I can’t talk about them because I feel that it makes me less of a man. I just want to be heard and not told that im not good enough for whats going on
I am a “sigh baby” so Ive been told. My sighs are not represented in this interpretation, but more of an ‘assessing the situation and what to do about it’ moment. If you always act on impulse, you will get in trouble pretty consistently. I also believe that the first 10 years of your marriage must serve as a basis, and create a bond that will last for the rest of your life. This applies to both members IMO. Short of the ultimate betrayal, I believe happiness will overcome most adversities. 33 years BTW.
I have been getting therapy since my divorce. I have noticed my relationships overall have improved enormously. Family feuds have been diffused and there has been a lot of healing of relationships. Unfortunately, I still have not met anyone I am attracted to or feel safe and comfortable with. I recently travelled to Europe and saw a number of very attractive men so i know that there are feelings there. One younger man (40s) started to chat to me in French on the Paris subway. I chatted in my high school French but ran away when he told me i am beautiful. It appears as if I am still afraid of being hurt again. Maybe it will heal, maybe I will meet someone. Who knows.
Walking on eggshells it is. One of the two is always a predator and is making the life of the other a living hell. In divorce “it takes two to tango” is an idea of naive people who don’t understand much. One is enough to ruin a marriage and in most cases only one does. The proof of that will come afterwards when it becomes obvious who creates problems when they have to co-parent.
Married 45 years here. I’m a second wife. The odds were against us. We fight and argue a lot. I can be pretty nasty and him too but we’re careful in what we say when angry. There are things that are too hurtful to be said and we never crossed that line. We are who we are, we never pretend to be okay when we’re not. With time the fighting lessened. We have a tempestuous relationship but it works for us. If we contempleted divorce we never said it. Most of the time we are content. He’s the only person I could have spent all that time with. 😊
My marriage was doomed the moment I got started dating and later married a malignant narcissist. I was warned what she was (if not by name) by everyone whom knew her, including her family, everyone in my family whom knew her, and my closest friends. I didn’t listen. I saw the good in her (of which there was a little), overcredited other aspects of her as being good, and ignored the bad (and unholy hell was it bad, worse than I knew) because I thought that’s what good spouses were supposed to do (forgive and forget as much as possible). Yeah, I was wrong, I was stupid, I should have listened to those whom knew better. Well, she was a serial cheater, and that was the beginning of my real lessons. Been divorced for over a decade, and my hindsight is crystal clear now.
I need advice on how to genuinely respond to my wife’s work stories that she insist on telling me every damn day. Context: she is a therapist at the local hospital and her job is essentially the same set of problems with different variables. Patient has head injury, she needs to help find a way to get him to a skilled nursing facility. Patient had a stroke, she needs to get him up and walking and to be able to do daily activities. Well my problem is that even though she is doing a wonderful service, every story is almost identical and the words she uses are medical so I don’t understand at least 15% of what she is saying. It’s been 8 years of listening to what seems like a broken record. It’s not that I don’t want to listen to her and provide her the response she is looking for; it’s like these stories have become nails on a chalkboard.
how do couples get like this? the ones carrying around cartloads of resentment? That takes work. I haven’t been married that long compared to some people, but it’s been well over a decade. 2 kids, financial stress, health stress. My wife and I fight occasionally, but neither of us have the time or energy or even the desire to carry that resentment. It’s definitely a feeling I recall from my young adult relationships, do some people just never mature out of that stage or is there more to it? Whatever the reason, thanks as always to Dr. Peterson for his insightful analysis.
A successful marriage is from loving your wife more than you love yourself, and to value their happiness more than your own. That’s what I’ve found, and I find this attitude is reciprocated likewise. The game of marriage is a game of love, and if a disagreement occurs, and the winner is the one that acts in the most loving way.
Lovely content, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can’t envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her~
one thing that lies underneath the surface is that if you have a wife with a high body count she will resent you for not giving her the rush getting easy male attention did for all the years she was sleeping around, she will not know how to please a man because she never had to, the man had to put up with her shit for years to avoid conflict but then when her looks fail her he starts to give up, thing is women are now so entitled they do not know how to submit, they would rather fight to the death than admit their mistakes and work on the relationship they have
It is like this: You are never happy in the present and never was happy in the past and will never be happy in the future. I have given you everything and there is nothing anymore that I can do or add to this relationship that is going to make you happy, because inside you are not a happy person and can never be happy. How is agreeing with you about the Cardinal bird going to change any of that.
What if you got married to a woman who was feminine, pretty, sexy and made the effort to look good for you as a man, then within a year after marriage only wore older, oversized t-shirts with boxers or oversized shorts, no bra, long compression socks, and a slumming appearance every day? On purpose? Then only looks nice gor church, a lunch date, or work, and all other times dressed way down, and avoided, suppresses, or bad mouths femininity and beauty? And when your attempts to connect with talking, time together, etc are showing her love, but she doesn’t reciprocate with sexual intimacy, a feminine good appearance, or admiration? Then when you bring up with her, and counselors, that you need these things from her, she attacks you, says you are trying to control her, she doesn’t want to be s Barbie but just wants to ‘be comfortable’ every day? That has been the past 15 years or so and I hate it. Both the man and the woman need to take action to meet the love needs of the other, even if she thinks your needs are silly, selfish, or dumb, or if hers are more important.
I am wonderfully married for 21 years and I can honestly say I love my wife more every day. Not to say it’s easy, in fact we are polar opposites in many things. However because we see the world in different ways we never run out of things to talk about. I’m thankful for her today knowing we have something special. Relationships Peterson has said can be heaven or hell on earth.
Dang that just made me see all the signs leading up to when my ex ultimately got tired of me. Its like i remember hundreds of times of expressing a emotion a excotement. Curiousity. Ask a random silly question. Anything reguarding my interest. Was just met with less and less enthusiasm and care until she just started saying she isnt interested.
The structure of the conscious depends on the subconscious. Isn’t trauma stored in the subconscious? If the conscious gets overwhelmed with trauma and continuous stress activation,this will eventually change the structure of your brain, therefore putting you in survival mode. When you are in fight or flight mode for a long period of time,it will eventually change the subconscious part of your brain therefore changing your thought process and eventually your perception because your perception and emotions are linked to your thought process. So there for, to make the definition of trauma more relevant, we have to look at trauma as nothing negative that has happened to us but rather something that overwhelms our coping skills and that leaves us different as we move forward. So, it changes the way our brains function and then that change is evident in us as we move forward. I think most marriages end because these people have been exposed to Trauma,NPD and disease’s which is evident later on in life when they get divorced because they were unable to see past the point to where it actually could of been saved through solution snd not resentment.
Sometimes bids go both ways. Don’t let someone take advantage of you, but don’t abandon someone just because they can’t meet you halfway right now. There’s a big difference between someone withholding themselves from you and someone who doesn’t have enough of themselves left to share right now. When your spouse doesn’t have enough left to share your happiness, that’s when you share their sadness or their fear, or their emptiness, or whatever they are up against. It’s why you have to go into marriage 100/100 instead of 50/50 if you want it to work. Eventually one of you will have to lean on the other for a while and that’s ok.
I read a summary of this study. And it’s hard for me bc my husband has adhd and he really can’t focus and seems to only be able to stay interested in things he enjoys. It took him years to finish college. And my bids for attention are always ignored. But we’re still married somehow. I’ve had to learn to deal with it and he really can’t help the way he is
We were on vacation, and i noticed a red bird. it wasn’t a cardinal but some other type of red bird. I acknowledged it & my partner came over and smiled and acknowledged it with me. As small as that moment was i never thought of it in the way Dr. Peterson explains it. We’re always on the same wavelength even when we don’t realize we are, and that’s what makes us so great together.
What IF it’s the response is the symptom of something good or something bad? For example if the person doesnt like or is disinterested in their partner they will respond with the sigh in turn or a good response? So maybe someone can pretend to be interested or they can be genuinely interested be cause they actually love their partner? So maybe there’s a big issue causing the sigh?
Oh, my predictive accuracy is 100% on this topic, but only concerning myself, and it works quite simply: If I’m married, there’s a 100% probability that I’m going to get divorced and lose all of my shit. Because the problem is me, you see, and my dirty, broken, little picker/chooser. The women I’m interested in aren’t any good for me, and the women that are good for me I’m not interested in… at ALL. But, like the idiot that I was, I wanted to wife them up, yet still DARE to have Surprised Pikachu Face when the entirely predictable happened, entirely predictably. I’m older and wiser now, and when I get the urge to do something stupid like that again, I remind myself that cocaine and hookers are the cleaner, less expensive, more moral option for ruining my life. That usually kills the urge. Usually.
I feel like one thing that helps is to treat your spouse like family. Treat them on the same plane as your pets, your siblings, your parents, etc. because they are family. You don’t just give away your dog because it keeps messing up the couch for example. We sometimes treat pets better than human beings.
I would define the sigh as contempt. After several years of getting that type of treatment from my wife, I told her she was making my life hell. Being the quick-witted queen bee that she is, she responded, “I’m burning up too!” I actually had to go into another room and laugh at that brilliant flippant response.
Relationships that last long have ups and downs, primarily through life’s changes, i.e., careers, kids, finances, tragedy, and aging. Sometimes, I’m into the little insignificant things my wife is into, and other times, I am not. The same goes for her. Relationships are work, so sacrifice, duty, and respect are needed. Love is all those things.
I can make the same prediction by looking at their level of social media consumption. When it looks like all your “friends” are living it up, only (fake) good news, and you are confronted/dealing with real everyday life with your partner … eventually you will start to believe your life/relationship isnt living up to what you feel others are experiencing and you go look for a new partner who can make it better. Only to find out the grass isnt greener on the other side.
Another thing and is before getting married, if they are only focused on the wedding (dress, venue, flowers, bar, photographer’s, guests) and not the actual marriage the day after the party, then that marriage is doomed specially if they’re bridezilla or groomzilla. Also going for qualities in the person that doesn’t translate in a good marriage (like drinking, partying, the looks, just focusing on the sex part but not on the love or relationship part, etc)
Failing to see how that’s a 2×2 matrix. You either participate in the moment with your spouse or you don’t, and there’s a spectrum in-between, not a matrix. There’s participating with them, making fun of them (in good fun OR in a disrespectful way), sighing, sneering, rolling your eyes, ignoring, legit not paying attention, looking and just not deriving any enjoyment out of it, changing the subject, etc… That’s an exercise I’ve seen done in acting classes. Your instructor gives you a prompt, you react, they say “again” and you react again… but differently. Same thing in writing and improv comedy classes. It’s a great exercise.
Bottomline every person is not the “right” person. Any sort of change in communication isnt going to perfect a relationship when you are with someone who just isnt the right person for you. Many of us marry the wrong person in our 2ps and 30s because of infatuation with an image that isnt the real person.
I struggled with this in my early marriage and it still takes a fair amount of discipline now, but responding positively to bids is crucial. I really don’t want to watch that rom com with my wife. Really, there’s about 100 other things I’d rather be doing. What I do want however is for my wife to feel loved and sought after, and if that means the evening is hers, than so be it. She deserves to feel that way, and I should seek opportunities to make her feel that way. The flip side of the coin though is if my wife detects without me complaining or pouting or doing somethning demonstrable, that I’m “doing it just for her,” she needs to be okay with that. Let your partner do things for you and accept those gifts graciously. I don’t have to like rom coms. I just need to be a gracious enough person to enjoy her company even if I don’t particularly enjoy the activity.
My hubby is 74, im 63. We’ve been together since i was 37. I just found out he is instagram following, mutually, a girlfriend he had when he was 30. It was 6 months. All this time together and he never mentioned her. I asked him what her name was and he said “no, im not going down that conversation, its going to lead somewhere i dont want to go. Theres nothing to this and im making a big deal out of nothing. Shes been married twice and she reached out when she was going thru her 2nd divorce. I gave her advice.” Im gonna sit with this a few days. Maybe reach out to an old boyfriend for advice and then let my husband know what his advice was. Am i causing unnecessary trouble? Suggestions?
Ok, here it is, if she doesn’t love you the same as or more than you love her walk away. She will not learn to love you more, or gow to love you more. Most when will be comfortable with that arrangement because its easier for them to divorce, cut ties or hurt you. A good test of her love is will she put herself in harms way to protect her man? If she fails that test walk away. Finally i call it the coffee test, and this is for relatively new relationships, tell her you experienced some financial hardship, and are broke, a few days later ask her to spend time with you anyway, but say to her could you buy me a cup of coffee before you come over go out whatever. See how she responds, but also take note the following does she buy you the cheapest or does she buy u the best, does she complain? Does she bring it up later? Does she buy you a treat, most importantly how does she make you feel about it?
Like all people in this world, we just don’t want to feel we’re alone (not just physically, but emotionally as well). Having a consistent supportive “other” is important to everyone. Some people need more support than others, but it’s important to recognize and acknowledge to that other person(s) that they are not alone.
What is more important? Love or stuff(house)? I’m in a safe relationship: meaning no love, sex, intimacy but house, truck, job, safe neighborhood, trust and everything you can imagine after twenty five years of marriage, I believe I live frugally, no excessive possessions. We agree somewhat politically but not parenting. It would not matter if I found a soulmate tomorrow, I don’t believe it would be worth it.
I think this is the case with sharing a negative observation as well as a positive one. Btw…There’s wisdom (חָ֭כְמָה) that the Lord gives freely to everyone and then there’s wisdom from above (חָכְמָ֑ה) that one is instructed (Solomon to his son, David) to ask for and pursue. Jordan has this wisdom. Such a beautiful soul.
I do the “sigh” with my wife all the time now. We’ve been together for 7 years and married for two. She had a bad mental break last year and coupled with menopause she became such an abusive nightmare that now she’s out of it she expects me to just go back to normal. I can confirm that I genuinely do not love this woman anymore and I’m only sticking around around my kid is in high school then I’m leaving. If I had to stay with this person for the rest of my life I’d off myself.
What I find missing in this analysis is the ability to forgive and to appologize for the times of inattention, interruptions, empty disputes, slights, unkind words, forgetfulness, real complaints that aren’t resolved and on and on. They may appear to be “resolved” in Peterson’s words, but they aren’t really. They are just forgiven and forgotten.
Why does everything with Jordan Peterson reduce to hierarchy? Sounds as though, based on what he is describing, it is the absence of hierarchy in the healthy relationships that makes them healthy. In other words, it’s not through duty to position that one goes to look at the cardinal but through duty to a relationship based on equal worth. Does Peterson understand that hierarchy is inherently the acceptance of inequality of worth and value between people?
I knew I would love Pam forever when we were in the bedroom on the floor and she brought out a jar of buttons and started talking about them as she poured them out and I actively listened because those buttons were important to her. Unfortunately she ended the relationship after 14 months but almost 22 years later, I’m still in love with her and will be until I take my last breath on this earth.
This was excellent and very I believe on point I just wonder if there’s someway you can do this with couples before they get married, such that the religious community isn’t all in a tizzy that they’re spending the night together in sin or whatever, but it is so helpful to be honest The truth will set you free before you hanged
Hey, JP sees that there’s something beneath the surface! Coool. Some very generalized statements out of him! ❤ I was able to predict the durations of 5 relationships of a female friend of mine in a row AND IN ADVANCE and with the breakup reason and without knowing their partner in 80% of cases. Some of the relationships lasted for 2-4 years and I predicted their length down to a month precision. Insane, right? Like magic, absolutely noone’s gonna believe it even if it’s true. Honestly to explain whats going on would even blow me up, I just generalize it to the changing chemistry between the partners, not much better than JP or Gottman. But one essential part is one that society doesn’t want to believe in, it’s that women fall out of love.
So what I’m getting from this is that it’s a good thing that I’m very honest and verbal about what I want and what I’m not happy about? 😅 My husband calls me fiesty – sometimes he means it as a term of endearment, sometimes not. 😅 Our arguments go like this: Me: (Lots of words in a variety of pitches and volumes. Lots of hand gestures.) My husband: (Arms crossed. Huff.)
Word salad …Peterson is the king . There are many relationships that don’t check the boxes but are still good . There are many that appear completely sound that fail . It’s complicated, it always has been it can’t be funneled into a checklist, analyzed and spit out on to a spreadsheet. It’s a plus too the human experience
You have the luxury of never being abused by a narcissist, if you automatically assume the sigh is coming from the abuser. The sigh could be coming from the abuser or the abused. The husband may have just heard an earful, the whole way there, about how this was a very stupid trip to take, we don’t have the money to do this…etc….etc….etc. He was offering to turn around, asking what she would like to do instead, but she still made them go, while complaining the whole time there. They are in the lobby, he is confused and irritated, trying to wrap his mind around what he can do to make her happy, and she says “hey look, a cardinal!” Sigh (a way to cope with stress). He actually goes over there to look at the bird with her, trying to do something that will bring her peace. But he sighed, so even that action is now seen as a negative. The husband could also be the narcissist. A narcissist’s natural reaction, many times unconsciously, is to dismiss the things in their partner’s life that brings them peace. If seeing that bird brings her comfort, he wants to put something in the air to make her uncomfortable, and make her feel dumb for even thinking or feeling that way. The automatic observation, that assumes the husband it at fault, is ignorance. But not necessarily false. I give it 50/50.
Yoy described my childhood. My mother still wonders why she’s been divorced 4 times and wanted to divorce this latest guy whom she’s been with for 35 years (because she’s always believed in God, but sure as F hasn’t lived like it, while he’s always been Atheist. She’s always known this about him but now she wants to divorce him? I told her “you’re not living with me”. Ultra narcissist, she).
Hey man, as some half drunk dude on the Internet with a minute to spare, any relationship that has room for arguments isn’t one that should have started in the first place. My grandparents had such a relationship, and it is the best one I have seen. There are no arguments or discontent because they agreed to be real with one another in the first place. Me? I’m to sane to involve a burdensome person in my life. Leave me to my boundaries so that I may continue to be happy.
You can feel bad faith between the partners when a divorce is likely. If someone says something, they worry the other person is going to skew it and abuse them. “Walking on eggshells”. Sometimes it is negative projection or negative “mind reading” and often comes from toxic environments or toxic pasts. Usually it is a both ways thing. They assume each other will be abusive.
So I want to know the fuller theory from Gottman on this, but hearing this I think it seems a little fatalist. I believe couples can work through these things- like the bird issue. I think it takes time and outside mediation and raised self-awareness and commitment to the process. I also think prayer and the power of God can change any marriage, because He can change any individual. But I’m inclined to believe that if a couple is struggling with this type of issue, it can still be worked on and possibly healed. Right?
Biggest problem, in my estimation, is that people both men and women think marriage is this magical thing. You find someone that will say yes to your proposal so you get married and magically you will both be happy forever and ever and it will be nothing but sunshine and laughing at farting in bath tubs. Then the expectation collides with reality. The second part of this is that people arent conditioned to dealing with conflict anymore. They either avoid it all together, mainly women, or they see conflict as something to win, mainly men. Both are wrong, especially in a marriage. Repeat this process 1000 times a year. Then they see marriage is a net negative and then have this sour taste in their mouths about marriage in general. People arent trained to work through inconveniences anymore. Now a persons entire day can be ruined if their Starbucks order is wrong. Oh no…..the horror. How did you survive the rest of the day? My Starbucks order is never wrong, because I never go there. I actually know how to make coffee. The secret is you dont reuse the coffee grounds and you dont brew it with usee dish water. Jordan Peterson has articles on how to navigate a difficult marriage. Some pretty useful advice. A successful marriage is a rewarding job. A strained marriage is a job you always want to call in sick, but cant.
I’m just an average Joe with no schooling in psychology or marriage counseling but in the last thirty years I have been 75% accurate at predicting who will stay married and who will not. If the woman did not have a loving, kind father who gave her reason to believe men can be kind and generous, she will eventually be the one to file for divorce because she entered marriage hoping it would be better but was always expecting it to go wrong and with that mindset, she focused on every little infraction, all the while ignoring the good. Women are far more likely to file for divorce than men. Last time I checked the women were 85% of the ones who filed.