Arranged marriages are legal in the United States, as per the U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services. The government recognizes unions coordinated by families, as long as both parties agree to the marriage of their own volition. More than half of the world’s marriages are arranged, with the tradition predominating in Africa, the Middle East, and Southeast Asia. In the U.S., arranged marriages are not the norm in contemporary times, with 40 to 50 percent of all American marriages ending in divorce.
A 2018 survey of over 160,000 households found that 93% of married Indians said theirs was an arranged marriage, while just 3% had a love marriage and another 2% described theirs as a love-cum marriage. A common rationale for arranged marriages is that young people are too young to have a love marriage. However, with “free-range” marriages predominant, this approach discourages parental involvement.
Arranged marriages have been a long-standing tradition in many cultures around the world, including Italy. While the prevalence of arranged marriages has declined in modern times, almost 80 percent of Indian-American marriages are now interracial, intercultural, and interfaith in the United States, and more so in New England.
In conclusion, arranged marriages are legal in the U.S., but they are not as common as they are in some other cultures. While some people may love the idea of having an arranged marriage, there are still many arranged marriages taking place in America today.
📹 Are Arranged Marriages Outdated? | Middle Ground INDIA
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What is marriage culture in America?
Weddings in the United States and Canada follow traditions based on religion, culture, and social norms. Most wedding traditions in the United States and Canada came from other European countries. Marriages in the U.S. and Canada are usually arranged by the participants and can be religious or civil. The future groom asks his future father-in-law for his blessing. In a traditional wedding, the couple invites all their family and friends. A woman getting married is a bride, and a man getting married is a groom. The couple’s closest friends and family members are chosen to be bridesmaids and groomsmen. The maid of honor and best man are usually the couple’s closest friends. The couple can add a list of desired gifts to a bridal registry. The maid of honor may plan a wedding shower for the bride-to-be. The best man often organizes a bachelor party for the groom.
In the US and Canada, weddings usually take place in a church. During the ceremony, the couple promises to love and support each other. The officiant asks if anyone knows of a reason why they shouldn’t marry. If no one objects, the couple exchanges rings. Finally, they are married and referred to as each other’s husband or wife. Then they kiss as a married couple, sealing their union.The couple leaves the building and family and friends throw rice or wheat at them, which symbolizes fertility.
Which country has the happiest marriages?
The questions covered topics like intimacy, passion, and commitment. People ranked how much they agreed with statements like, “Just seeing my partner excites me.” Researchers also looked at how developed the country is, based on its levels of education, income, poverty, health, infrastructure, and the economy. They also factored in the country’s annual temperature and level of gender inequality.The team found that happier couples live in more developed countries with higher gender equality. Based on their research, they named Hungary as the country where couples are most in love with each other.
What country is most known for arranged marriages?
Arranged marriages in different countries and cultures. Arranged marriage is common in eastern cultures, including India, Japan, and China. But it was also popular in the West. In the Elizabethan era, parents in high society often arranged marriages to ensure their children’s economic status and bloodlines. Parents of the bride would often offer their daughter to the son of a family with the same economic status.
Marriage in the Arab World: A report about marriage in Arab culture. Arranged Marriages in Indian Culture: Information about arranged marriages in India and Muslim cultures.
Why is arranged marriage illegal in the US?
What is forced marriage? In a forced marriage, one or both parties don’t consent fully. They might be forced to marry or stay in a marriage through violence, threats, grooming, fraud, or other methods. Parents often play a role in facilitating forced marriages, making escape difficult and adding betrayal to an already traumatic situation. Forced marriage is recognized globally as a form of modern slavery and as a harmful practice that disempowers women and hinders gender equality. Forced marriage is a human rights abuse. It happens to people of all genders. Unchained has seen parents use forced marriage as a form of conversion therapy. A forced marriage can happen at any age. Even if both parties enter a marriage with full consent, it can later become a forced marriage if one or both parties are forced to stay in it. Within a forced marriage, individuals typically lose all sexual and reproductive rights. They are forced to have unprotected sex repeatedly – a lifetime of rape. This often leads to forced parenthood, with individuals repeatedly forced to endure pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing without their consent. Forced marriage often means violence and abuse. Many survivors lose their financial rights and remain financially dependent on their spouses, which can result in a lifetime of domestic servitude. Forced marriage can be a form of human trafficking. Divorce is often seen as shameful in communities where it is illegal. Those trafficked to the U.S. as part of a forced marriage often can’t get a divorce because of their immigration status. People who try to escape a forced marriage often face violence. How is forced marriage different from arranged marriage? In an arranged marriage, both people agree to get married. An arranged marriage is supposed to be different from a forced marriage because it is based on consent, not coercion. However, consent can easily become coercion. What if one or both parties agree to an arranged marriage because that is the only kind of marriage they know, or because they were taught that someone else must choose who, when, and whom they marry? Is that consent or coercion? What if they agree when they don’t understand? What if they are forced to answer before they can think? What if they are bribed? What if they are tricked? What if they are threatened? What if they are locked up, beaten, or shunned? If one or both parties don’t give full, free consent, the marriage is forced, even if a family or community labels it “arranged.” In a child marriage, one or both parties are under 18 when they get married. Child marriage can easily be forced because children have few legal rights and face many legal and practical barriers if they try to escape or resist an unwanted marriage. The United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights says all child marriage is forced marriage. Child marriage hurts girls in almost every way. It is seen as a bad thing that makes women and girls less powerful and stops gender equality. The U.S. State Department considers forced child marriage a form of child abuse. Child marriage often undermines statutory rape laws. In most U.S. states, Some states and the federal government say that sex with a child in marriage is not rape. Learn more here about child marriage in the U.S.
Is arranged marriage legal in the UK?
Arranged marriages. An arranged marriage is not a forced marriage. In an arranged marriage, the family finds a partner for their son or daughter. Both parties can choose to marry. Both parties agree to an arranged marriage. It is legal in England. A forced marriage is slavery. An arranged marriage allows you to refuse. Don’t confuse the two. This is wrong because it makes countries and cultures who do arranged marriages seem bad. They are not. In an arranged marriage, the couple often marry before they know each other well. Parents respect their children’s wishes. In traditional arranged marriages, children don’t have much say because parents know them best and can make decisions that will make them happy. Arranged marriages are about happiness. Parents consider things like family reputation, wealth, career, appearance, values, religion, and medical history.
Is forced marriage illegal in the USA?
In some U.S. states, forced marriage is illegal. In all U.S. states, people who force someone to marry may be charged with violating state laws. People who force someone to marry may also face immigration consequences. If you are being forced into marriage, you are not at fault and have not broken any U.S. laws. If you think you’re in a forced marriage or at risk of one, you may be able to get legal help, social services, and safety planning (including emergency housing). You may also be able to get an order of protection, annulment, legal separation, divorce, or custody of any children.
What is an American vs Indian wedding?
Customs. American weddings usually have three parts: a dinner, the ceremony, and a reception. It happens over two or three days. Indian weddings have more ceremonies, including one that can happen months in advance. This is the engagement party, where the couple announces the wedding date.
Clothing. Indian clothing is known for its symbolism and color. Like in Indian culture, guests and the newlywed couple wear beautiful clothes at the events. Any color is fine, but black is not. Don’t wear white unless you’re the bride. That’s her color on this special day.
Compare this to American weddings, which are usually white or black.
Is arranged marriage legal in the US?
You can relax a little. The U.S. government knows that arranged and forced marriages are different. If you didn’t marry against your will, your marriage is valid. You may still have another issue. In many countries that practice arranged marriages, religious and traditional marriage ceremonies are conducted without involving the government. If your foreign marriage wasn’t registered with the civil authorities in your homeland, you may have to prove it’s valid for immigration officials. If you have any problems or concerns, it’s a good idea to consult with an immigration attorney as soon as you can. The U.S. recognizes many arranged marriages. This is called marriage reciprocity. It means your marriage can still be recognized, even without the civil authorities’ approval. If your arranged marriage was legal in your country, it may be legal here.
How do Americans view marriage?
Majorities see committed relationships, marriage as important, but not essential, for living a fulfilling life. About seven-in-ten Americans say that, for a man or a woman to live a fulfilling life, being married is either essential or is important but not essential. *Most Americans find it acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together, even if they don’t plan to get married. A majority also says that married and cohabiting couples can raise children equally well. At the same time, the public still sees societal benefits in marriage, and many say marriage is important, though not necessarily essential, in order for a man or a woman to live a fulfilling life. *Views of marriage and cohabitation vary by age, with younger adults more likely to find cohabitation acceptable and to see it as having a positive impact on a couple’s chances for a successful marriage. Opinions also differ by race and ethnicity, religious affiliation and party. *About two-thirds of adults favor allowing unmarried couples to enter into legal agreements that would give them the same rights as married couples, a view that is particularly common among Democrats and those who lean Democratic. To the extent that the public sees advantages for those who are married versus cohabiting, they say married people generally have it easier when it comes to achieving certain goals.
Do Indians prefer arranged marriage?
Arranged marriage is a tradition in India and Pakistan. It is still the most common form of marriage in these countries. Despite the fact that romantic love is celebrated in Indian media and folklore, arranged marriage has survived and even changed with the times. Arranged marriages first became popular in India when the Vedic religion gave way to classical Hinduism. This happened around 500 BCE. At that time, other religions were less common. In modern India, people no longer see arranged and love marriages as two different types of marriage. They see them as two different ways of choosing a spouse. The Indian subcontinent has had many different wedding traditions. Some were unique to the region, like Swayamvara, which was based on the Vedic religion and was popular because it was used by Rama and Sita. In a swayamvara, the girl’s parents announce her marriage and invite all interested men to a wedding hall on a specific date and time.
📹 Do Indians Prefer Love or Arranged Marriage? | Street Interview
1:36 – Why are arranged marriages so common in India? 2:58 – How do arranged marriages work in India? 4:54 – What basic …
A summary of Rina’s whole argument : “I have friends from America who thinks arrange marriages works and I have white validilation so I’m not wrong. Also these never happened to me so therefore it must not exist. Arrange marriages are best and always works but I am divorced from an arrange marriage. Not to mention I am extremely privilege and my source is “trust me bro”
the main arguments for arranged marriage were essentially “well, my arranged marriage is/was fine” and “i can’t seem to figure out how to date on my own so i need someone to do it for me.” Idk if it’s just me but Pradhyuman’s whole rant about how online dating didn’t work for him just screamed “i favor arranged marriage because then woman are obligated to talk to me.” gross. like Aastha mentioned, most of the points they made seemed to come from a very privileged place. i’m glad that the two of them didn’t end up in miserable, or downright abusive, arranged marriages but that is not the case for many, many people.
Aastha is honestly the only person worth listening to here, because she seems to be the only one in touch with the modern situation and current reality of the general middle/upper class people of India. The points she raised were so valid, and the concerns she pointed out were those that pretty much every single woman would have.
As a European, this article was fascinating to watch. I’ve never met anyone who is/was in an arranged marriage. In my country arranged marriages stopped being a thing over a century ago so it was really fascinating to see how modern people grapple with it, and how their society is affected by its continuation. Also, props to Aasta! She seems so intelligent!
Rina’s views are so based on “gora” validation. everytime she comes up with the America thingy or about her family, which seems to be very progressive and privileged. She’s so privileged that she’s couldn’t differentiate between caste difference and regional difference and changed the whole conversation to people marrying from different states and not castes. I like Aastha’s pov.
There should have been LGBTQAI+ representation. There would have been very different perspective. For example 13:00 For this question I would have said no, parental support is not important to me because my family and India as a whole is very homophobic. It is a privilege to have parental support not a necessity.
Im indian and my parents got an arranged marriage. Even though they both cheat on each other, do not love each other, dont want to be together, they wont get divorced because my dad needs someone to take care of the kids and house, and my mom needs the finical support. theres a low divorce rate in indian couples out of necessity to be together and cultural upstanding, not because they love each other and want to be together.
On low divorce rates: 1. Divorcees are shunned from society especially if they aren’r privileged (unlike Rina). 2. Women are dependent on their husbands for financial support, because of not being allowed to work or not having opportunities (unlike Rina). 3. Getting a divorce is expensive so it is not an option for most people (unlike Rina). In conclusion, Rina is blinded by her privilege and is unable to see the pain of so many people in unhappy marriages because she has never had to deal with that or face the harsh reality.
The divorce rate in India is low not because arranged marriages work out for people, 1. Its a taboo to get divorced 2. There are still many housewives who rely on their s/o to earn the money and parting ways will be difficult for them 3. Couples think it will leave a trauma on their child if they get divorced but the actual trauma is still continuing a failed marriage
Aastha was the most mature person, calling them out but also trying to be respectful. It was downright mean of Rina to invalidate the newspaper experience. The man on the anti-arranged side had a lot of valid points. Pankhuri definitely tried to understand and represented her side well. It was annoying to watch Rina and Pradhyuman.
I am a Fulani from West Africa, and I can relate a lot with the issues being discussed in here. The divorce rate in my ethnic group is extremely low too,and most marriages are arranged…But almost 90% of those marriages are miserable,and there is this fear of divorce, because for women, it will be extremely difficult for them to remarry and men that are in unhappy marriages can always cheat and if caught they either marry a second, third or fourth wife. But I am very happy now that a lot of the new generation are going in for love marriages, and even if it fails at the long run, you’ve at least lived with someone you actually loved!
Rina and pradhyuman are the biggest examples of being urban ignorant and not realizing everyone aren’t as privileged as they are! they don’t understand how arranged marriages works in so many other rural or even middle class cases, that arranged marriages are soo deep rooted and is a catalyst for so many other social issues!
The group here is more privileged than any average Indian. Not a correct representation of the entire population. I’m pro love and pro arranged marriage. Though I’ll never go for arranged myself, I think people are different and they marry for different reasons. Some might do it for love whereas others will do it just for companionship. But what I’m against is forced marriage. And a lot of arranged marriages are forced in rural India and only happen within the same caste. Racism, Elitism and Dowry, also take root here.
Those who are pro arranged marriage can’t seem to deal with their own relationships at all. As if they always had to involve someone else in order to solve marital issues, because they’re not emotionally mature to do that. It’s as if they never grew up. Being an adult is all about taking responsabilities.
I felt like the pro arranged marriage people are playing it safe … They can’t take the responsibility of making the “mistake” of being in love with the wrong person… like If they had an arranged marriage and the partner turns out to be not compatible, then getting a divorce is ok.. but having a brkup or having a divorce after love marriage isn’t acceptable 😅
As an Indian I would just like to point out that even though arranged marriages in India have a very low divorce rate it’s not necessarily a good thing. Domestic abuse in India is horrifyingly high and as divorce is still stigmatized a LOT in Indian society many find it hard to leave. Domestic abuse is still normalised by many people so many victims think they’re obliged to tolerate some of it. Also a lot of women might be financially completely dependent on their husbands so it makes leaving a marriage very hard. Lower divorce rates =/= happy marriages
I think arranged marriage is not evil. It’s pretty much a formal way of dating these days bc you still have the freedom to say no. But I reflect that having this ability to say no is a privilege when it shouldnt be. Forcing arranged marriage on people is what gives it a bad rep and honestly that truly sucks.
I’m okay with arranged marriage if 1. You’re not forced into a marrige and 2. Your wants is being addressed. Not your parents, not your friends. Yours. Cause you know yourself better and how you feel about the person. Your friends and parents can act as a guide but not indefinitely. Also after the first meet up, I’m a believer of not getting married immediately. You need to know this person in and out before you commit a life time with them. It’s not just marriage, there’s money, mental health, physical health, emotional health all tied to this. Marriage should not be taken lightly.
Dude really said he’s tired of rejection and wanted someone who couldn’t say no. Dating apps not only expose you to the harshness of a wider dating pool but to the knowledge of your own type, turn-offs etc. There are many reasons why people ghost, but all in all if dating apps aren’t for you, there are a thousand other means of dating and courting for like-minded people, not limited to arranged marriage.
I agree with what Aakanksha said in the start. “When you meet an arranged suitor, the environment where you are meeting is not natural”. I belong to a conservative and religious Muslim family in Pakistan, and most marriages in my family have been arranged. Though it’s true that very few ended in divorce, I haven’t personally seen a relationship between couples that I envy. When you meet a possible partner, you act and talk and behave in ways you don’t normally would so you never truly know that person until you finally marry them. And getting a divorce after that is a long and complicated process which could have been avoided if you had just observed or met that person in an everyday scenario.
this was the only middle ground episode i couldn’t finish. the majority of the participants seem to rely fully on their own experience for the conversation and it was difficult to watch without seasoned arguments and any eye-opening insight. the topic is very interesting tho, i would love to see this topic with different people 🙂
I find it extremely funny as a Pakistani born Canadian who worked as a Pilot and used to travel extensively to India because white people think Urdu = Hindi, that individuals from the high-class or from the upper-class fail to see the plight of the middle and lower classes. I would routinely hang out with my Delhi friends who all without being dismissive since they are wonderful people come from well off families and are basically handling their family business. So not only are they born with silver spoons, they somehow have convinced themselves that since they work for their Dad’s or Mom’s business they somehow can accept the ego that comes from building something from nothing. It was always off-putting because they were driving around in AMGs, and 7 series while they are in their early twenties but they somehow feel like they have worked extremely hard and came from nothing and earned everything they have so they can understand and relate to the working class. The class system and subsequent privilege’s in the Asian societies is night and day. The pro-arranged marriage individuals definitely come from the upper-class and therefore were more than likely arranged with other individuals from the upper-class, if the husband or wife did not fit their needs or interests, they can 1. Get money from their families to continue an independent lifestyle 2. Always can get a divorce and find a new partner. Both options aren’t at all available to individuals in the rest of India. There is a huge stigma around divorce, especially as it pertains to the reputation of a woman and it limits her prospects for an another marriage moving forward.
My aunt was married to a guy a few years back. It was arranged. They didn’t know each other before. But after marriage he started to shed his true colors. He was sexist, mean just all the bad stuff. No abuse(I think…hopefully). But lots of toxic masculinity and control etc. she left him in literally 2-3 weeks. Got divorced a year later. She’s late 30’s and still isn’t married. She suffers from bipolar disorder and…yea. The arranged marriage ruined her life in a way. No bachelor would want to marry a woman who’s a divorcee. Her best bet is to marry a guy who also divorced.
My mom dad is having their 27th marriage anniversary and it was an arrange marriage. I just want to say that their married life has been horrible and hanging via loose threads. They fight everyday, doesn’t respect each other and just merely exist for the world. I would never hope that happens to anyone.
Why arrnage marriage in India is problematic : 1) you are expected to marry at a very early age . 2) Its often that the family decides who is your suitable match 3) you are expected to fall in love after marriage . 4) Caste diffrentiations. 5) “loog kya kahengey ” Etcetera……… (this is just the tip of the iceberg “
The people in the comments are so judgemental. It clearly shows that Divorce in India is still looked down upon, Even by GenZs, so many of yall act all woke, but literally disrespect Rina because she is divorced. So what if she is? HER marriage might’ve not worked out, doesn’t matter if it was arranged or not! Suvir was also divorced & it was Love marriage. What about that? Why did noone point that out? I’m GenZ myself, but I understand why older generations say we’re so surface-minded, because majority of us ARE just in the name of being modern & woke!
The youngest was the wisest. The most balanced. And the most matured. Aastha, if you are reading this, you were a star!!! Loved how patiently you heard everyone and put your reasoned out arguments with such clarity and conviction. Glad to see such bright young people have such refined progressive thoughts. You actually reminded me of my niece.
Rina talks about young people having negative experiences like heartbreak and betrayal as if they won’t experience such things in an arranged marriage, also to grow as a person and understand human nature you need to have those experiences, not shelter yourself. That’s like the person who stayed in his room because he was afraid he’ll get into an accident if he steps out and ultimately the painting on top of his head falls on him and kills him.
I studied in DELHI UNIVERSITY and all the people I know were in a relationship it’s one of the most prestigious University in India and trust me 99% of them hide their relationship from their parents. ….. I know most of us has been gone through this…. So first we need to normalise dating atleast 😂 then take the discussion to marriage….. So dating is still a taboo for many Indians …. But on the other hand things are changing ❤️ I am hoping for the best ….
I have one small pro argument for arranged marriages is that first, it’s harder for many people to spend time on relationships/socializing, as some people are shy and not convenient in initiating relationships due to their looks, confidence or occupied in career etc. And secondly if there’s a gap of 2-3 months before marriage after an engagement, so it would be way easier for both of them to cancel the marriage if something’s a deal breaker. I just think that going relationship thing might doesn’t work with every kind of person.
Very, very interesting discussions. It’s hard to determine any side victorious because each person’s perspective seems unique to their socio-economic class and personality, and so that obviously shapes their side of this debate. For the three people pro-arranged, two of them strike me as being strong enough in their position- and privileged enough socially-economically- that an arranged marriage for them would be more of an exclusive match-making. I would have appreciated that myself. The youngest there, Aastha, had very, very sound insights. Really appreciated her voice and agency. But my conclusion at the end – arranged marriages via legit match making is a very useful tool for those who have the fortitude and maturity to still be selective. For those who do not have these privileges and qualities, the person is at great risk, women especially. As a Westerner, I would be interested to hear a discussion on marriage equity, integrity in marriage and in partner selection whether arranged or love. In the US, love marriages here really suffer due to the delusions of this society and the inequities still prevalent. And women who are in low & high social-economic status can suffer greatly in any marriage here where there is economic or psychological dependence.
I think the difference is that arrange marriage is defined by parents choosing your partner but you have the freedom to say yes and no. In india, there is an extreme version of arranged marriage where some are forced to marry which sucks. Arranged marriage CAN work but the way arranged marriage is in india, it isnt great.
Why are some people in favour of arranged marriages while others are against it? It’s because this topic can be viewed as a spectrum, with varying opinions falling somewhere in between. There can be a scenario where two people are introduced by their parents, talk to each other, and then decide whether they like each other or not. This doesn’t happen in just one meeting; they can go on dates and meet as many times as they want.
This isn‘t only relevant to this article but in general: Jubilee, PLEASE add subtitels. You are a pretty big website with important messages and very interesting content. But it is not accessable to all. Not to people who are deaf or hard of hearing and not to people who‘s mothertongue isn‘t english and who still want to watch these articles and understand everything. It would be very nice if you could do that. Love your articles and thanks
Okay I am Muslim and I live in America and there’s a lot of arranged marriage or arranged marriage types in my community and all of the ones I do see are filled with people who either have no connection with their partner or only with their partner because you’re scared out of divorce or they married someone it got too deep and there’s nothing they can do about it now
Absolutely loved it. In India,this open talking should be promoted. Literally people have some assumptions about somebody/some caste/race/religion and they don’t speak it out to them and keep it in themselves only. That’s the main cause of all those clashes happening by those misinterpretations and trusting the only source of information,i.e.,the Media.
My marriage is considered “arranged” but I had a choice to meet him, spend time to get to know him and we were engaged for two years before we were actually married. During that time both parents knew that if either of us had an issue the arrangement would be off, no questions asked. I feel that because our intent from the get go was marriage we were very open and honest about our wants and desires and future visions of our relationship and there were no games in trying to impress one another. I do understand that some arranged marriages are not like that and I think it’s tragic to force someone to spend their life with someone they barely know.
as rina said bout conservative family, I come from a non-conservative “so-called upper class” family, and still many people in my family believe that we should prefer “upper cast” for arrange marriage(according to them if it’s love marriage then it’s okay), and says that we should go for outer-cast marriage only if we’re getting older and don’t have any option left. It’s not about the conservative family it’s just that the whole concept of having a life partner is rigid in arrange marriages
I feel more younger people should be given opportunities in this platform because they ARE the future. Also they understand the seriousness of what they are doing when given this chance and actually communicate better and not make it a typical news website debate. Debates are to provide the different sides of a topic and NOT to derive a conclusion. It always lies in the hands of the person listening to this on what decision they want to make on the topic discussed.
Arranged marriages where I come from are part of a very elaborate process, wherein both the bride and groom have an equal voice regarding the prospective success of their match. Its actually more of a platform/mechanism to meet partners, sort of like online dating sites or applications. I don’t think they should shamed, just as love matches should be shamed either.
Pradhyuman: “an arranged marriage is simply getting two known people together whom you can vouch for” Also Pradhyuman: Enters a matchmaking reality show and let’s some random Indian aunty named Seema to scour the country and find him a random match. And Rina’s source in this whole debate was : “trust me bro” I know. I got second hand embarrassment for both of them. Sheeesshhh! And the fact that Astha respectfully called both of them out on their privilege! Lmao Power Move!
I see a lot of people in the comments (and the article) confusing “arranged” marriage with “forced” marriage. Arranged marriages can and do work, absolutely. Forced marriages, whether blatant or put in a box and wrapped neatly with the label of “arranged” marriage, will never work. Unless there’s great compromise and change on one or both sides I suppose, but that scenario’s an outlier in the dataset.
First thank you for Middle Ground, it is a great concept which gives so much inside view and understanding. Just one little thing I want to mention for this episode, the background music was really loud, that combined with the indian English made it really hard to understand for me as a non English native speaker.
I am not against the arranged marriages but it comes with a cost especially for women. Still fighting for basic rights like education and career. Still we have to get permission or explain these basic things to the groom’s family. And only few agree and most don’t. Why should I risk it? I had a horrible experience in this process one lady asked that she need a house help for her son. She mentioned it as house help not even housewife. I am a civil engineer with 3yrs experience in the relevant field and I want to pursue my master’s. Why should I accept this mentality?
6:51 two unknown people meeting each other and marrying each other. 2 years later finds out, that the husband is abusive under the influence of alchohol. She is afraid of criticism from society so she stays in the marriage. Arranged marriage isn’t beautiful. It can feel very lonely and oppressive. I’ve seen many many marriages around me were both the partners were not very comfortable around each other. They got to deal with for a lifetime.
I’m 16 year old Indian boy, the thing I have learned living in india is that there are no strong boundaries between the child and their parents even though the child is an adult the parents have huge authority over their children, they are afraid that their child will make mistake but they don’t realise that it’s better to make a mistake and learn rather than just live regretting that they (children) did not explore enough. So my dear friends learn to say NO to your parents at a young age you may be wrong sometimes but it’s better to have boundaries.
Arranged marriages in a normal functional Family who respect each other’s choices could be perfectly used as a platform to meet people and that’s privilege. In a dysfunctional family where they care more about society and treat kids like property that’s when arranged marriages are more like a business deal. So the name “arranged marriage” cannot be defined in just one perspective.
all the pro arranged arguments literally are this rina- i have friends in america and they think arranged marriage works and i have white validation so no one can say im wrong pankhuri- im from the most privileged families and i basically had a love marriage but i just met my partner through my parents so everyone has my privilege and should have an arranged marriage pradhyuman- i dont want to put an effort into my relationship and i cant find one so im dependent on my mom and dad to find me a girl so that she’s stuck with me for life bc divorce is basically not an option in india and she cant complain and i still dont have to make an effort
I am indian and my dad was disowned because he didn’t follow his parents rules and participate in an arranged marriage and I’m so glad he married my mom (also indian but they were not arranged) because seeing what my mom went through with having 2 parents who were arranged vs my life is so different.
In a 1982 study psychologists Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh of the University of Rajas- than in Jaipur, India, used the Rubin Love Scale, which gauges intense, romantic, Western-style love, to determine that love in love marriages in India does exactly what it does in love marriages here: it starts high and declines fairly rapidly. But love in the arranged marriages they examined started out low and gradually increased, surpassing the love in the love marriage about five years out. Ten years into the marriage the love was nearly twice as strong.
Love = a choice followed by actions and sometimes feelings. We choose to love and then the feelings of “love” will come. I don’t always have feelings of “love” for my wife and children or any family members but I choose to love them by sacrificing for them everyday and I feel love for them most of the time because of the actions I do for them. I don’t do things for them because I have a certain feeling towards them. Feelings come and go, don’t base your whole life on them or it will be a roller coaster of a life.
The way i can’t relate to a single thing they mentioned… Except the point astha mentioned….like.. choosing between love and arrange marriage… But the thing is option is not giving to most of people …. And we still live in society where if daughter comeback to her parents bcz of abusive partner they ask her to adjust and society try to convince her for a family planning so they will be more responsible if there is a child in the relationship…. divorce is never an option which can be considered if the anything goes wrong in so called arrange marriage..
I think most important thing should be – you should know the person before marrying whether it is love or arrange..take your time and just don’t rush . You can’t just say yes in a meet which still happens in arrange marriage mostly . Even if it’s arrange marriage take time to observe, analyse and talk with the other person, dig information how he/she behaves in general with others, family etc . Because everyone shows their sweet side in first meet or first few meets . At the end of the day — it’s your life, you shouldn’t regret after 5 or 10 years that your decision taken in hurry was a mistake… I have seen successful arrange and love marriage both around me and well as getting divorced or separated .. choose wisely with whom you wanna spend rest of your life ❤️
See I am an Indian Youth and according to me, it doesn’t matter whether it is arrange or love . I am happy in both. And I dont even know my future but no issues with arrange marraige. I have seen many beautiful arrange marraige and love marraige and such bad marraiges as well. It souly depends on the nature of the couple according to me. Both are amazing. The worst thing is forced marraige not arrange marraige.
It depends a lot on context. Maybe in well educated, well groomed families which is closely knit, where respect to all is taught arranged marriages will work out. However where such a conscience is not available where it is not taught, arranged marriages may cause a lot of problems. Especially in rural areas, low income households wherein their struggle with life may translate into anger and distaste in their marital life, the core attitude will be transmitted to their children as well. I am not against arranged or love marriages. I personally prefer falling in Love and then moving forward with my parents Blessing.
You can literally feel the ignorance and sexism oozing off of the shoe designer and the jewellery designer, whatever their names were. Also, Pankhuri seems like the woman who was so typically raised how women are raised in India, taught that marriage is whole and sole of a woman’s future, and she just got lucky with the marriage, or they grew in the right direction, together.
My parents aren’t divorced but they don’t even talk with each other, don’t acknowledge eachother’s existence. The only reason they aren’t getting divorced is cause they think it would be beneficial for me financially but they fail to understand how painful it is to see them like that and how I am so freaking against arranged marriages because of them.
Divorce rates in Indian arranged marriages are so low because there’s such a huge stigma against divorce in conventional, traditional circles, that a woman who’s a divorcee is automatically a social pariah. And it’s highly misogynistic, because a divorced man is treated like a person, but a woman is treated like damaged goods.
Rina is the literal definition of elitism. Actually the amount of oblivious privilege that comes off of both Pradhyuman and Rina is just so unnerving. Please try to apply your logic to the women who are not living in upper class societies in India and tell me how that goes. If you’ve had a good relationship in an arrange marriage, you should be counting yourself lucky. You can’t epitomize all arrange marriages based off of your (privileged) experience alone.
Pro arrange marriage points – we got validation from Americans and we have exp even tho we r more privaled than any normal Indian family . The whole point of arrange marriage is to see someone’s looks, money, job, family and personality . Point of love marriage – trust, love, not just personality but they k bout character, will love without money, family won’t matter . Love marriage is about finding a person u love and is great . Arrange marriage is all bout money, looks, family and outer personality
We arranged marriage for my sister and it’s out of caste. While finding for a match, we came across maximum matches which were inter-caste. We arnt Brahmins and we even got few matches from Brahmins. P.S. I particularly gave e.g. “Brahmins” becoz they are considered to be very rigid and conservative.
In Punjab (a northern province of India), many young women will have an arranged marriage to an Indian man living abroad in the United States or in the United Kingdom. I cannot begin to tell you how many of these women are married off, have their marriage consummated, and then left in their villages waiting for a husband that never returns. My mom saw this happen with two of her classmates. The reality of arranged marriages to NRIs is absolutely horrific in cases like these.
it’s very important to have someone older and wiser and honest who can guide you when choosing a partner because once you’re in a situation and feelings get involved it’s hard to see things clearly.. also … there are many homes that are divided because of religious differences because of differences in values and beliefs so these things should be the first things you bring up …. what are things that are immutable and the things that can be compromised. a relationship built on passion will not last because it is the wrong kind of material to keep a fire going for decades
Just because two unknown people got married and haven’t got divorced doesn’t !ean they are always happy with each other. In a lot of these arrange marriage one might have a lot of fights because they don’t actually know each other,abuse between the two,and also remember in India till now in a lot of aprts mostly in some of the North Indian states divorce is considered as a taboo,and people even if want a divorce they don’t for “Ghar ki izzat”
Did the “DJ” just admit that the only reason people are willing to have an arranged marriage is because they absolutely have a hard time being compatible with another human by themselves? I mean if you can’t find a partner for yourself, why should anyone be responsible to be with you? Says more about the person. 🤷🏻♀️
Arrange marriage is about less effort and control over woman as some property restricting her in every possible way and societal compliance whereas love marriages takes effort and allows to you have freedom to express and know the compability for both parties effectively ! Sometimes arranged marriage turn to be lot of love for each other and emotional support and growth for both too..anomalies exist!
@16:17 Love isn’t the same as attraction. Love is caring about the other person in light of their flaws. Their flaws aren’t deal breakers. I think ppl confuse attraction with love. I think marriage needs about attraction and love. Attraction is a biological motivating factor (a drive not a choice) and Love is a conscious motivation factor (a choice). On that note, the ratio between the two needs to be carefully observed.
I really don’t understand why people label marriages as “arranged marriage” or “love marriage”. Marriages are always arranged, the only question lies in how is it arranged? Or who is arranging??. So the very concept of labelling marriage as arranged or love is something that really does not exist. We are blindly debating or forming opinions on something that does not even exist.
I appreciate how respectful everyone was throughout this conversation. Respectful, but firm on one’s beliefs – that is something I can admire whether or not I agree with the position. There were some moments of energy and passion throughout the debate, but ultimately, everyone remained fairly poised, kind, and articulate. Well done!
I’m from Russia and my husband is from Uttarakhand. We met in Delhi and were going back and forth (Russia-India) for something like 4-5 years until finally getting married. His parents at first were trying hard to find him someone, ambushed him with the parents of all sorts of Indian women hoping that he will see some Indian chick and lose his mind. Friends, relatives, everyone were telling him how bad these westerners are, how they divorce all the time (lol). 2 years after marriage we have a small child and our family is getting only stronger, while one of my husbands friends got arranged marriage and divorced same year. Checkmate. BUT: I don’t think love marriage is better than arranged. It is not what I mean. Both can work or be a disaster. But if I’ll feel to go away – I can do it easily without losing my “market” price. It’s easy to stay in marriage if you know that divorce will make you a second sort of human. Try to stay and work on it if you have no consequences whatsoever. It a choice then, not a threat. Also I agree that parents support is very important. In the end my parents and parents of my husband became very happy with our relationship, otherwise I would have never agreed.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but divorce rate is not and should not be considered based on how long it lasts. Marriages are not clothes for crying out loud. The length of relationship does not matter if it was an unhealthy one. Divorce is a sensible end to an unhealthy relationship. You’d end your friendship, your business deal, or contract if it starts to hurt you or if it’s not working, marriages are the same.
It’s easy for westerners to judge without having ever been to the country or understanding why it’s the way it is. It’s not a country that gives hand outs, it’s not an easy life for most people. Staying married is a lot better than being a single parent here even if the marriage isn’t great you need the family unit to survive.
There are two kinds of arranged marriage in India. While i do not support the ancient concept of arranged marriage. I have no problem with the modernized version of it where the parents basically sit with the girl and guy and tiger they screen prospective partners and then send them on dates with the shortlisted people to decide if they are compatible and they can date for a few months or years and choose whetherto get married or not. That is basically like going on blind dates set up by your family/friends, there are also these apps/websites for matchmaking which qre pretty much like dating sites with marriage minded people. Personally I am grateful that i found the love of my life at 19 but not everybody finds love organically, if i hadn’t i would be open to the idea of a modern arranged marriage that is practised in urban cities and in liberal communities of India.
also hate how the pro arranged marriage guy and rina were completely invalidating the woman’s experience with arranged marriage giving some shitty excuse as to why its not “concrete” enough but their own experience alone is like the deciding factor as to why everyone should glorify arranged marriage lmfao. gross
To anyone who made the subtitles, at 15:52, where it says “Why are we placing parental judgment on such (indistinctive)”, she says “on such a pedestal” Just thought I’d throw that in there Anyway, thank you for this article and thanks for always providing us with subtitles. As a German who is fluent in English, I do sometimes find it hard to follow what people are saying when it’s in a discussion setting like this, especially when accents are involved. You’re doing some great work, keep at it ♥
What constitutes an arranged marriage? Is it forced marriage due to parents, or can it just be that your parents choose a partner and you guys get to know each other and decide later? If it’s the latter then I don’t see an issue because a lot of people struggle to meet new people by themselves anyways, but if it’s forced and either side barely know each other then that’s bad
you can never discover layers of a person because it changes with time. its a belief system we trust for both types of marriages to get us through our life. lets say you are mature enough to get married at 26 years of age then taking those layers will take years of knowing each other and for once if anyone felt its not the right soul mate them bravo you have lost all these years just to start it over. learn to adjust.
I don’t think people living in foreign countries would even relate to what happens in India (not even most people from Indian cities), the arrange marriages here are really intense, the way they are talking about how Americans are doing it is just so irritating to listen to! they are still giving their child the choice to choose! while where I live, you don’t get a choice, you either do it or you are emotionally tormented as long as you live in parents’ house and do not have the choice to leave unless it’s some government job or some elite high paying job! it is so messed up. The PRO PEOPLE have not even seen the intensity of actual arrange marriages! they had a choice, WE HAVE TO FIGHT FOR OUR CHOICE AND THE DEPRESSION IT BRINGS, ALL ALONE!
Pro-arranged: *talking about personal experience and anecdotal evidence of success Anti-arranged: “Have you considered that your experience is coming from a place of privilege and does not represent the norm in India?” pro-arranged: *ignores the root of the question and continues to give personal examples Ah, these kinds of people are always impossible to talk to about more serious issues.
There are two kind of people, one whose priority of practicing their own values and ethics is much more than the social validation and acceptance. The second kind being those who are all for validation and acceptance much more than their liberty of practicing own beliefs and values. The first one will never settle for the arrangement and second one can’t deny the arrangement and would suck at selecting partners and cry about it later. This is not arranged marriage vs love marriage, but simply about liberty and self belief vs social validation and acceptance the priority vary from individual to individual.
We will be happy to make similar pieces with you from Africa as we are still pushing to tell similar stories. I’m Richard from Ghana, West Africa. I’ve been a fan of jubilee for years. Not only did you inspire me to start a non-profit in Ghana, you also inspired me to make articles with Africans that creates empathy. In a nation where voices are discouraged, it’s truly amazing to find young people give voices to the most sensitive issues. Thank you for inspiring me and setting a motion for change that’ll affect the whole world. Thank you so much @jubileemedia ❤️❤️❤️❤️ you’re the best!
In some places, arranged marriages are forced marriages. And then there’s also the thing where a spouse you’d marry, thinking he/she is a loving, kind, loyal, truthful, etc., person, also because everyone or most people around u compliments him/her, would make u think they are a trustworthy person. Even if this ‘trustworthy’ persona that you knew of, went on for years. Sh!t changes COMPLETELY when, or after marriage happens, even if u married that person after a year, a few years, some years, or many years
This thing need to be very clear that there’s difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage…… What what happening in india just a few years ago or even now somewhere Was or is that forced marriage……. Arranged marriage not at all are like what has been depicted here or everywhere else rather it means that your parents or your relatives approach you with a guy after doing all sort of their own research, and ask you to meet him and conform if he’s actually the one. In this kinda situation they even give you quite a lot of time to observe or to know the other person better or start having feelings for them. So that’s kinda you’re dating but bound to a certain limits
The representation in this article could have been so much more. A person who understands caste biases, someone who has equal proficiency in Hindi/any Indian language + English, an older Indian parent who has arranged marriages for their children, a Indian researcher with a focus on this sociological aspect of Indian society etc. We need more from you Jubilee.
Dating apps are the worst place to have a successful love marriage. They are incredibly shallow and attract shallow minded people. People mostly judge each other on looks on dating apps rather than important qualities like values, character, interests. In many ways, dating apps are more like arranged marriages, which are also very shallow. The best way to have a successful arrange marriage is to join clubs or interest groups in order to meet people, expand your social circle, and meet someone to date through your social circle. This way, you are much more likely to judge people on important qualities like character, values, interests rather than looks or status. The most successful marriages are love marriages in which people met through this method, rather than dating apps.
Rina: “You got a bad groom cos you looked in the newspaper.” also Rina: “Tinder and all these apps dont work very well and the people who are on these apps are left heartbroken.” Lmao lady dating through an app is the same as looking for a spouse on newspaper and everybody’s judgement of dating in general is just based on tinder which is the most out of touch thing ever
Aastha is giving me life! Call out their privilege and the disconnection! They don’t see it. I grew up with a lot of South Asians in high school and this idea of choice particularly to marry someone who was of a different religion was not an option. It was sad because at the end of high school, a bunch of couples broke up partly because of issues surrounding marriage.