Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder that makes individuals more likely to be unfaithful to their partners. However, not all narcissists are cheaters, as they can have various reasons for their behavior. Some of the signs of a narcissist cheating include poor impulse control, dissatisfaction in their relationship, or low self-esteem.
Narcissists often engage in game-playing in their relationships to exert power and reinforce their independence. They may also blame others for their cheating, which is a decision they made on their own. To catch a cheating narcissist, you need special tools and tactics.
Narcissists often cheat due to several reasons, including a lack of empathy, which allows them to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings. They may also have a high sex drive, using sex as a source of supply and a chance to prove their worth.
Not all people with narcissistic personality traits are unfaithful in their relationships, but narcissism may naturally make cheating more likely. Patterns to be aware of include serial cheating, having multiple partners, and increasing cruelty.
In conclusion, while not all narcissists are cheaters, they can still be a significant factor in their relationships. It is important to recognize and confront these signs and patterns to ensure a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
📹 Narcissism and Infidelity: Why do narcissists cheat & how do they get away with it?
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
How do narcissistic husbands treat their wives?
Your narcissistic spouse may not support you or show emotion. They only love you for themselves. Your spouse might have made you feel loved at the start of the relationship. They may have made you feel like the most important person in the world.
Can a narcissist stay faithful in a marriage?
A narcissist is unlikely to be faithful. A narcissist puts themselves first and needs a lot of attention to feel good about themselves.
- Can a narcissist be faithful?
- Reasons a Narcissist Is Unfaithful
- Can a narcissist truly love someone?
- Can a narcissist ever change?
- How do I know when a narcissist is cheating?
Pursuing a relationship with a narcissist can be difficult, especially if youre worried about infidelity occurring further down the line. Is it possible to have a secure relationship with a narcissist, or is unfaithfulness inevitable? This article answers all your questions about narcissists.
This article is based on an interview with Jay Reid, LPCC. Read the full interview here.
Will a narcissist ever divorce his wife?
They use you for emotional support. Narcissists are hard to divorce. They use their partners’ emotions against them, making the process take longer. They need the “narcissistic supply” to feel good about themselves. Narcissistic supply is the positive attention and affirmation a narcissist needs to feel good about themselves. This can be compliments, adoration, or other positive reinforcement. Without narcissistic supply, a narcissist feels empty, depressed, and unworthy. They need people to feed their egos.
Do narcissists regret cheating?
When narcissists cheat, they focus on themselves. They don’t regret cheating. Narcissists don’t feel regret for hurting their partners.
Ouch. It hurts to think they did it, knew, and don’t feel bad.
Don’t be fooled by their “I want my family back” statements. “I’m sorry and I’ll do whatever it takes.” Narcissists knew what they were doing.
Will a narcissist regret cheating?
When narcissists cheat, they focus on themselves. They don’t regret cheating. Narcissists don’t feel regret for hurting their partners.
Ouch. It hurts to think they did it, knew, and don’t feel bad.
Don’t be fooled by their “I want my family back” statements. “I’m sorry and I’ll do whatever it takes.” Narcissists knew what they were doing. Narcissists only feel regret briefly. Some narcissists get more excited about getting away with something than they do about getting caught. Some narcissists forget about remorse or regret. Narcissists don’t think about the consequences of their actions until after they’ve done them. Narcissists don’t learn from their mistakes and try to avoid getting caught.
How do you know if a narcissist is cheating on you?
If your partner disappears often and doesn’t tell you where they are, it could be a sign they’re cheating. … Flirting on social media. … They won’t let you use their phone. … Accusing you of having an affair. Sudden changes in behavior. … Changes in sex drive. Do you think your partner is cheating? Do they disappear for days and not answer calls until they return? Do they get angry when you ask about disappearances and unfaithfulness?
Are they always on their phone and secretive on social media? You may be dealing with a cheating narcissist.
Do all narcissists cheat on their spouse?
Not all narcissists cheat, but they are more likely to be unfaithful. Narcissistic cheaters feel entitled, impulsive, have control issues, and lack empathy and remorse. What is a narcissist? Why do narcissists cheat?Narcissistic Cheating Patterns Coping with a Cheating Narcissist Partner When to Seek Help Conclusion Additional Resources Infographics.
Lydia has over 16 years of experience and specializes in mood disorders, anxiety, and more. She offers therapy to help clients on their journey to well-being. Heidi Moawad, MD, is a neurologist with 20 years of experience. She treats mental health disorders, behavioral health issues, neurological disease, migraines, pain, stroke, cognitive impairment, multiple sclerosis, and more.
How does a narcissist end a marriage?
When a narcissist leaves a relationship, they often use a lot of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for the relationship ending, try to keep you around, make promises to change, or badmouth you.
How Narcissists Act in Relationships What They Do at the End How Therapy Can Help Conclusion Additional Resources Infographics.
Nicole specializes in psychodynamic and humanistic therapy. She’s an expert in complex trauma, substance use disorder, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, narcissistic abuse, and relationships and intimacy.
Choosing Therapy aims to provide accurate, actionable mental health content. We have high standards for what we cite in our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other reliable sources of mental health journalism. Read our full editorial policy for more information.
Do narcissists apologize for cheating?
If you want them to apologize for what they’ve done to you, be prepared to wait a long time. Narcissists often apologize to benefit themselves, not out of remorse. A narcissist might apologize to get something in return. They might apologize to make themselves look bad or to fix their image. Some narcissists don’t apologize. They probably won’t apologize because they’re proud. They may not admit they did anything wrong. Let us help you improve your mental health. Get expert mental health tips and insights delivered to your inbox monthly.
How does a narcissist behave after cheating?
They say you cheated. Narcissists get defensive when accused and blame others. If you tell them you’re worried they’re being disloyal, they may say you’re the one acting disloyal.
Find out if your partner is having an affair.
- Signs Theyre Cheating
- How to Respond
- Why Narcissists Cheat
- Expert Interview
You love your narcissist partner, but you might have seen some troubling signs lately. It hurts, but you doubt yourself too. How can you tell if it’s not just a symptom of narcissism? Narcissists are often flirty, but not all of them cheat. It’s important to learn their cheating patterns. When they cheat, they’re charming and deceptive. If you know their signs of infidelity, you can be sure they’re cheating. Don’t let them get away with it. Learn the signs of a narcissist cheating, how to confront them, and why they cheat.
What do narcissists do after cheating?
Be prepared for denial. They may say they didn’t know they were cheating. The narcissist may act like they didn’t know what they were doing was wrong. They may use excuses to justify their actions. You and your partner define cheating. Ready to transform your journey? Heal from trauma, narcissistic abuse, and grief. Our newsletter offers expert advice, strategies, and stories to help you. When you join our community, you’ll receive a free gift to help you get started. Let’s heal together!
The Narcissist May Attack You. Safety first has already been discussed. The narcissist may attack you verbally, emotionally, mentally, and financially. The narcissist may attack your character and past actions to justify cheating. They’ll use anything to defend themselves and attack you. They’ll always blame you. Narcissists justify cheating by blaming others.
What is the real reason the narcissist cheated?
People with narcissistic traits may cheat because they think too highly of themselves, don’t care about others, need constant admiration, and have poor impulse control. These people may think they can have other relationships without thinking about their current partner. How does poor impulse control relate to cheating? Narcissists often have poor impulse control. This can mean acting on impulse without thinking. If a narcissist is attracted to someone else, they may cheat on their partner.
📹 Do ALL narcissists cheat?
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
Not going to lie, but we are actually really proud to have an employee like you as part of our team. The job is done so gracefully and neatly. Very well done, dear Future Imperative Corps . First of all. Thank you for making the work environment so friendly and taking your responsibility seriously and completing the work gracefully! You deserve so much.
When I first met my husband he presented himself as a true Mr. Nice Guy, sweet, honest, emotionally stable and faithful man. But everything turned out to be different, he cheated on me when our daughter was just a baby, I got a VD, which indicated he did not use protection either. Where was that wholesome guy that was supposed to have high moral values ? Amazingly, he always said he had not done anything and that he didn’t understand why that happened to me, talking about gaslighting. I remember I said, sure I got it from hugging the cat. It devasted me because I had never been around, I was a virgin when I met him, it was something that should had never happened to me.
Yes. The Narcissist in my life cheated on me numerous times- and he also cheated on his mistress. He told me that never once did he think about how any of it would effect me or our children. He’s also very impulsive. He’s a master of manipulating and mirroring; he lies as easily as most people breath. He was emotionally and mentally abused toward me and our children. He has since been diagnosed as a sex addict. He told me he never viewed any of his partners as anything more than an object- even though he promises everyone the world to get what he wants. He plays many characters to fill the role of the person he’s targeting.
Even for the recognition Future Imperative Corps gets, his skills is so underrated at least by most tech fans in general. I mean I get that there is stamina and all that involved in things like he does but being able to stand so far away and have the ability get the information needed with high speed as expected to hit it perfectly with a paddle just over the net is extremely impressive.
You are absolutely correct! You CAN tell the difference between being cheated on by a narcissist and a non-narcissist. I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing both, but when it happened with the non he was very contrite and apologetic and we went to therapy and it didn’t happen again. With the narcissist, there was zero apology, no therapy, and it happened five more times.
I think the most disgusting thing for me when it came to my ex and his cheating is that when he finally admitted he was seeing someone else (after a year and a half of me already knowing), he wanted me to empathize with him as he mourned the loss of the other woman. I had to feel bad for HIM because he lost a source of supply. I think back on that memory and it makes me feel physically ill in my stomach. And two weeks after his “confession,” he was back on the dating apps.
I literally convinced myself my communal narcissist husband wouldn’t cheat! 26yrs later I finally realized he was the whole time. Even when confronted he denied it of course & started textbook gaslighting me. Because of education from Dr Ramani & a few others I now know how blind I was. I’m currently working on getting healthy & out of this toxic relationship. Praying for Gods guidance.
When my ex ( after 15 years of marriage) wanted to come back after 3 month discard, I asked ” what about your cheating?” He first tried explaining that he had a medical disease that he couldn’t say no to sexual offers. He then went to Plan B ” what kind of lousy nurse are you, these women need love and you don’t even care”. This was 30 years ago; of course I didn’t reconnect.
My ex cheated on me. When I found out, things were already over for me. The worst betrayal was that our long term friends took his side and did not beleive me. They discarded me and when we happened to connect one time, she had to tell me all about my ex’s new girlfriend. I just feel sorry for anyone associated with them now. Our friendship was a lie.
The biggest problem in this subject is, most of the articles (and comments) are about narcissistic, cheating husbands. But for those of us men suffering with narcissistic, cheating wives, it’s isolating. Remember, folks: women can be narcissists and cheaters, too! And it’s just as deeply traumatic as the more traditional story of the male narcissist.
He treated me and beat me like a dog for 18 yrs.. i finally got tangible evidence and got a restraining order. I thought the hardest part would be to walk away… it’s actually the intense fight and vindictive revenge that comes after that… its been 5 months and i just started the divorce process yesterday. I am so grateful to see how strong I am to say “No More!” We have kids, and yes parental alienation is painful.. but I need to fight for my life in order to set my children free from a future of abuse.
Thank you for posting this. My narcissistic ex cheated on me with his coworker and I had a gut feeling it was happening, but he gaslighted me into thinking I was crazy. I now look back in hindsight and realize that right around the time he started cheating, he was starting fights with me all the time over the stupidest things, so that he could justify his cheating by acting like we were so unhappy and fighting all the time. Little did I know that he was purposely creating the unhappiness. I spent years thinking it was my fault and that I did something to make us unhappy, and tried to fix things that were not broken. Not that I was perfect; I definitely had things to work on and we really weren’t meant to be together anyways. But he could’ve just said that. He didn’t have to make me think I was crazy and create all this chaos just to justify his choices. Narcissists cannot just move onto the next person; they have to make sure they make that transition as painful as possible for the partner they’re leaving.
Left a narcissistic partner 3 months ago. He was hiding texts and phone calls to an ex girlfriend. Lied about who was calling, etc. This, along with all the other lies I had documented, was enough for me. When addressed, he invalidated my feelings and then gaslighted me, and finally ended with him raging and verbally abusing me claiming I didn’t trust him. It was traumatizing. That was it for me ….I walked away.
I was so shamed at the weekend marriage retreat we tried. Yes, there were some people there that were dealing with one time affairs, no narcissistic issues in the marriage. But we were there after he finally did get caught, after 20 years of cheating with 25 different affairs! The dynamic was so wrong. One elder told me that I need to change my perspective, forgive and forget! I became so physically ill in the following years while I tried to fix it. But he continued, I left. I still get pangs of shame and guilt and it has been 20 years since the divorce. I have learned so much, wish Dr R had been around then!! That retreat just gave him justification for sexual addiction and narcissism. Sick!!
My ex narc cheated on me with a girl and now wants to cheat on the same girl (who became his gf in the meantime) with me !!! He keeps sending me all kind of messages (you’re the love of my life kind of things) even though he is blocked. Out of anger for what he is doing, I send a message to his girlfriend telling her that I would be glad if she accepts to talk to me. She didn’t answer to me. He told me that they spoke about it and that whatever I have to say she doesn’t want to know… I really don’t know what lies he told her about me !
Mines a covert narcissist. And he’s spent all his time since I found out subtlety implying I was to blame, gaslighting me that he didn’t actually cheat and having amnesia it seems. Interesting thing is for years he accused me of possibly cheating!! While I’m taking care of our kids 24/7 like I’d ever have time to do that and I never would, never did…even when he’s been abusing me for years. I still wouldn’t do that. God sees all. Thank you for your articles so I can learn and get a grip on reality while I figure out how to get out of this mess I’m in.
During my happy 23 yr marriage, I NEVER EVER believed he would cheat. Signs were there, people hinted to me, but I said they were crazy or jealous of our incredible relationship. I wasn’t just confident, I was smug! When I found out he cheated some way every single day of our marriage, my sense of reality shattered. Now I can’t trust my reality, or any reality. I see happy couples and think their realities could be a lie like mine and they don’t even know it.
Appreciations you Jack from coherentrecovery for your commitment to your job. Your outstanding performance helped me alot. Thank you once again for your hard work and dedication. The project was successful because of your fantastic idea. Thank you so much, dear. Thank you for being someone I can truly depend on. I appreciate and admire your quality and hard work.
I was in a relationship for 5 years and the last two years I moved my life for them which was 6 hrs away from my family. When we lived together he had a whole other relationship in a different city where he worked in the corporate world. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I was incredibly insecure but it turns out he was doing the things I assumed, but he made me believe I was crazy and “he’d never cheat on me”. He took us to the same places, bought us the same clothes, took us to the same restaurants…
I’m a 64-year-old man who’s still dealing with the toxic effects of a narcissistic mother and a cheating narcissist I had a relationship with over 30 years ago. The romance was with a married woman (now deceased). It was my first serious sexual relationship and a template of sorts was formed in my brain. Of course, the time came when I received the “Dear John” letter. This came while she had begun a sexual relationship with another man. The romance began with what I’ve learned is called “love bombing.” She flattered me at every turn and pleased me sexually. For someone like me, a young man with zero self-confidence, this was a brief golden age where anything seemed possible. She convinced me I needed to attain higher education in order to be a better earner when the day came she would be leaving her husband (a high earner). So, I stupidly went back to school, starting at a CC, transferring to the Ivy League and then on to law school. And she pulled the rug out from under me. I’m fortunate to have found a good, caring woman to whom I will be married a dozen years next month. She has been supportive in my efforts to heal. What I’ve written here is not to encourage sympathy but instead to demonstrate how destructive narcissism can be. I wish you all healing…
Yes! My narcissistic abuser carried on several complete relationships for almost a decade. I’d be discarded (I didn’t know anything about anything until I started writing everything down and recognized that there was a very distinct pattern, a cycle. Every 7 to 10 days for 8 years, he’d pick a bogus fight, ghost me, and then when he was done making his rounds, he’d hit me up as if nothing ever happened. I, being a codependent with abandonment issues, was left bewildered, crushed, often spending days curled up on the bathroom floor crying and completely broken. In the summer of 2021, he was gone for 3 months, missing my birthday, and I lost 30 pounds.. unable to eat, to sleep, or even function in my day to day life. I’d been accustomed to the weekends, or a week but months…I completely could not deal. I began keeping a journal of all the abusive tactics he’d use to keep me broken, to keep me wanting him to come bk and make all the overwhelming pain go away. After Dr. Ramani taught me every single aspect of narcissist and narcissistic abuse. I became strong…realizing that it wasn’t me, I wasn’t stupid, I wasn’t the moronic idiot he’d proclaimed that I was. He had taken a once extremely self confident, self secure, strong woman and belittled, devalued, and gaslit into to thinking that I was the most egregious person to have ever walked the face of the earth. That I had mental issues, that my memory was horrible, that I was hearing things and making up scenarios in my head that he just couldn’t take anymore.
I was married for 17 years & my ex-wife did cheat on me 3 times, then years later I met another woman & dated her for almost 7 years & she did the same thing to me, I never knew what a Narcissist’s was until I started perusal podcast like these, all of you nailed it 110% of these types of people, keep up the great job on your podcasts, I watch you once a week or so & learn so much about them 👍😊
This hurts me so bad. This is what I been going through for the last 5 years!!! And I have 2 year old twin boys with her. I started educating myself on this because I haven’t done nothing wrong. I been loyal, I work, take care of our home and have a big heart but she so cold to me. She got caught cheating twice and barely found out she did it the third time and was trying to do it again. I’m really hurt! Thus is a horrible feeling because I really try to be a family man.
They not only cheated on me but also gave me an STI, and still blamed me for it and denied even cheating while we’re receiving medical treatment for the STI. While this is all happening they told me how they didn’t cheat and how lucky I am to have them in my life because I am awful and no one likes me and I would be alone without them . So I should be grateful to him and thanking him for putting up with me!
The narcissist I was with did cheat. Sadly there was absolutely no reason to cheat. We both had a high sexual appetite. I was absolutely floored when I found out he was cheating. He was going to sex clubs, meeting up on one night stand etc, etc, etc. It horrified me to come to realize what he could have exposed me to … luckily I am clean. I loved myself enough to walk away. Be safe out there … there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I am gay and my ex was a covert narcissist or I believe him to be. I realize he had numerous affairs even with his “friends”. Sometimes they actually hint at who they may have cheated on you with. But the reality is that there are more than you could imagine. I have found they also typically have a partner in crime who has similar sociopathic traits who they may cheat with or covers for them. Those “doesnt make sense” moments become “ah, thats what that meant” moments. I find myself constantly ruminating over those.
My current relationship is just another narcissistic interaction. My first was a relationship with a covert sexual narcissist. She was seducing her coworkers and leaving work with her hip out of joint so she was hunched over when she walked out of the shop to her waiting car intact with her current boyfriend who has no clue of what she is doing. Everyone at her work knew or participated in her infidelity. Why is the committed person in the relationship the last to know. No one will tell the commited person that their partner has been having sex with her coworkers. This is why I have blasted my experience all over the Internet. The pain of knowing that I have been cheated on for the last few years has taken it’s toll on my self esteem. Every one of these narcissistic animals are preditors and need to be punished and made responsible for their actions against their fellow human beings
Having been cheated on it does re-set one’s view of “trust.” It affects your entire outlook on the world and the people in your sphere. I guess I have learned that nothing is as it really seems, certainly not relationships. Even the seemingly most moral person has within them deceit. It can be consciously overcome but in a weakened state I now believe everyone is capable of cheating or betraying. I wish the world was not this way but my experiences tell me differently.
I’m 78 days healing from ending my relationship/ being discarded after over 5 years together. I was progressing ok, for the most part, in this journey to find myself again, UNTIL I learned yesterday that he was in fact cheating on me, leaning on someone else emotionally & with her encouragement and “support”, discarded me like trash. I actually believe at the very end, much of his rage & annoyance with me came from simply not wanting to be with me anymore but also not wanting to miss a chance to play victim, so his treatment of me became absolutely unbearable until I finally said enough and asked him to leave… He lingered a few days then hatefully discarded me as if I did him wrong. Now that I know about this woman, my healing went into a tailspin. Searched this article out in hopes it will help me. I’m devastated all over again and it makes NO sense.
I can’t thank you enough for producing these… it is taking me a long time to realize I am not crazy and that what is happening to me is insanely fucked up. I’m realizing my partner has convinced everyone I know that I am crazy and I am being gaslighted by not just my partner anymore, but by my dearest friends who see how charming and fun my partner is and see me now as being unstable the more I try to protect and defend myself. It is a crushing hopeless place to be.
My vulnerable narcissist was incredibly self-righteous, but still ended up cheating. His self-righteous ways blinded me completely; I never thought he’d be capable of behaving so dishonestly. Of course, when I found out, he tried blame-shifting and deflecting, but I could finally see him for who he was and left.
My narcissistic wife made a point of showing me her posting on Ashley Madison website (where married people hook up) as a way to punish me. She also encouraged me to join her for 3-way sexual encounters. My response was “Absolutely not!” It was all so disgusting; plus I did not want to catch a sexually transmitted disease from her. I just focused on being a good father to our 3 young boys. I divorced her in 2017. She has had many live-in boyfriends/sexual partners both during and after our marriage. Yet she feels like she is entitled to mistreat me and blame me. It’s pathetic and despicable. She has absolutely no sense of decency, morality, loyalty, or compassion. Her mission in life is to use and control people.
What I could never understand is who he cheated with. I mean no disrespect towards these women, because they had no idea that he was in a relationship. Each time the infidelity would come to the surface, it caused me more trauma than just the cheating alone, because the women he chose weren’t anywhere near my level or what he told myself and others that he wanted in a relationship or what he was “supposedly” attracted to. I don’t know how else to say this, so I’ll repeat what he said, which was: “if someone is going to step out of their relationship, they should at least upgrade.” These women weren’t upgrades. It made me view myself even lower than I already was, because he had programed me to believe that if he did cheat, he’d choose a woman of higher value. So when they weren’t, it devastated me. I know this sounds awful. I really am not trying to down anyone. I’m just trying to explain my mentality during the relationship. I also wasn’t in the habit of comparing myself to others or placing value and judgement on others before him. I really lost myself for a while.
Yes my narcissistic husband has been doing this & keeping me literally trapped in life & in his house. It’s been 26 years, I finally woke up & realized about him over 10 months ago, his manipulation game is good, he’s got everyone manipulated against me including my kids!! He’s so sick & disgusting!! I quit having sex with him 2 years ago when he was having affairs with my best friend at that time, there’s been other women too, he allows me to stay in a bedroom in his house, he’s literally got me trapped with pretty much nothing! I’m physically sick from the long term abuse, he blames everything on me, I cannot get out, I’ve tried getting help from free legal services, domestic violence hotline, abused women help services & nope, nobody can help me, I have been trying for 10 months 😭😭 I’m trapped like a hostage, I cannot make a move out of here without him & his family & all the friends I have had to cut off communication with because he has them all manipulated against me too I have nowhere to go but the streets to die & he knows that 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭All I can do is cry all the time & pray to God ♥️🙏🏻♥️
Great Content Dr Ramani, enormously helpful and logical, this helps our feelings around this unpleasant subject. It was inevitable Icould see it coming! Luckily I wasnt married to him or had children but it was still horrible. So thank you! ❤❤❤ its particularly helpful to realise you are not alone having had this happen …
If you will listen to them on very beginning and read between the lines you will quickly notice that they mirroring them self they accusing you cheating because they think you could do the same what they will do or mostly doing at that moment it’s another pattern I discovered when I looked closer…. It’s tragic we all know cheating = game over for healthy relationship…
A friend and coworker was the one who finally broke it to me. I was talking with her, telling her how awful our marriage was, how miserable I was. I actually said that I almost wished he would cheat on me so I would have a solid reason for leaving him. She asked if I would want someone to tell me if he was. I said yes and then she proceeded to tell me that he cheated on me constantly with a string of young women and everyone I worked with knew it. I started laughing. I honestly thought that was one thing he wouldn’t do because he was so self righteous. I went home and told him I wanted a divorce. The crazy thing was he then managed to convince all of my coworkers that I was a narcissist and cheater…when they knew he had been cheating all along. About a year later they had all seen the light and apologized to me for turning on me.
I have always felt like as a couple we never could grow and anytime we started to get closer he would pull something on me that ruined it all or I would discover something he had done. I never knew what the problem was until my niece said he’s a narcissist and then I started researching it and boom it all made sense. If something happens and I get mad he literally will try and act like nothing happened and everything is fine but I don’t say much anymore because I absolutely cannot deal with listening to his mouth and the same old deny deny deny and lie lie lie! I know before I even say anything how he’s going to react so now I don’t say anything but sometimes I can’t help but let him know I’m not stupid I know what you did!
Hi….I want to thank you for being out there…I feel like i was one of the blessed ones to have found you and your articles. Me and the Narc in my life had an awesome summer vacation..3 days after we got back i asked him to leave…he was so caught off guard. He moved out after trying to push my buttons. I moved out of my own home until he was gone . He says he is still in shock and doesnt understand what he done wrong…he was seeing another when he was still sweet talking me…good thing i never said i was his girlfriend..that would have been more devistating. Thank you again…feeling blessed seeing your articles at the start of this friendship/relationship.
I feel betrayed by his new relationship even though we’ve been seperated 3 years and I was the 1 that told him to leave. 30 years of toxic marriage and he never had 2 mins for me and the kids, that’s why I told him to go, I was sick of him disrespecting me, he was either working, in gym, out late, or building his plane, I threw him out hoping he could see what he was doing, but it has only confirmed he never wanted a family, he has taken months off to be with his new woman and has not bothered seeing our kids, disgusting man, I can understand him not wanting to give us another chance but I can’t wrap my head around his awful treatment of our kids, it hurts so much to see what effect it has on my kids.
In my experience, YES. He did not want to be found out. Result: tantrum, devaluing, discarding. Sooo transparent. His biggest fear was for me to ‘out’ him to his friends or family. I never ‘told on him’ It drained the lifeblood from the relationship.There was lots of ‘online cheating’ he could not stop himself. I am so happy to have found out.
Yes, they cheat. My narcissistic husband cheated on me with my narcissistic, BPD mother. Yes, my biological mother had an affair with my husband (who was 22 years younger than her)! She died of cancer 3 years later and I eventually divorced him. The last time I saw him he looked like a shell of his former self. Karma’s a b*tch!
My ex-fiancé emotionally cheated on me with an “old friend from HS” that he “reconnected with” on social media. He was communicating daily. I told him how much it hurt me and he told me he could talk to whomever he wanted to and I was being too overbearing. He kept telling me over and over he wasn’t PHYSICALLY cheating. I guess that made it all okay?!? I ended the relationship after I realized his “relationship” with her was more important than our relationship. 😢That was 3 months ago. Last week (I broke the block 😣), he told finally admitted to me he DID want it to become physical. 😮 But it “doesn’t look” like she will divorce her husband so now he wants me back. NOT!!! 😡Re-block!!
I just wanted to tell you that I am a magnet to narssistic personalies. And I came to the conclusion that I ignored the signs early on in the relationship. I should of shut the door when unacceptable behavior took place. They always show their bad behavior right away to see how you react, if your a sucker or not. You reinforced my thoughts on Gate keeping early on and avoiding the damage. They do so much harm that it cost you years. You can’t get back your time, it important. So thank you lady!
They know we know they are cheating or telling lies. Tolerate from you will make them think they are in control of your relationship. Abandon them will makes them feel like you have ruined their entire life and will act extremly weird, even pretend to be extremly vulnerable.——expericence from abandon my Nacrcissism parent once and for all.
You just saved me a ton of heartache, a ton of cloudy thoughts, and a ton of time rebuilding myself after getting cheated on, forgiving, and getting cheated on again, left, strung along for a month, and made to feel like I was the problem, from my narcissist. She’ll never admit it, but at least now I know. Yes, I see you Anna. Just know now that I know.
I just left my alcoholic narcissist after 5 years. He “accidentally” told on himself! He had a charge in his bank acct he didn’t recognize and he asked me who it could be. Gave me the info, I looked it up and it was a singles dating app! He tried to say it was during his weakest moments, he was sooo sorry and that he didn’t “do anything” he was drunk! Smh. It made me soooo sick and I just said I’m DONE! That was the icing on the cake for me! I’ve changed my number and haven’t heard from him in over a week. (Mind u, this happened about 2 weeks ago but we have been separated off and on for 2 months now) He EMAILED me yesterday asking me if “I don’t want him anymore” I just said NO. I just don’t understand. He has always been the one to tell me that if I ever don’t wanna be with him, just to tell him. No texting, no talking, no having sex, etc…that its ALL considered cheating. Don’t make him look like a fool. Yet HE did it to ME!!! It seems as tho he wants to live the single life but still hang on to me. Ugghhh!
I love these articles. A couple years ago I’ll admit that I was delusionally a narcissist… I literally couldn’t see the hurt I cause others or why I did what I did. Then I met someone I loved who matched me. I began drinking and my life blew up and I hit the worst rock bottoms I ever dreamt. it took that, it took all the empty nights living with the myself the intensive therapy and applying myself to sit in that shit. It took ALOT and by Gods grace the right parings to be direct but informal enough for me to slowly see it. That rapidly change my life. I can’t express, learning vulnerability, self awareness, empathy-true empathy- learning to be okay to open up was the hardest thing I ever allowed myself to do. Learning my family’s history and how it played into my development blew my mind and also helped me have compassion for them, but also have boundaries. When you learn to resist thos things it puts you in a constant state of survival mode”. It’s essentially like addictin in ways of you can, given the right circumstances improve yourself and be a better version and live that of your self and others to others. My values and morals have changed and I feel I know myself now. That other side of me was a constant not knowing who I was, doing what I experienced and saw, and being in a constant state of preservation. It’s made me value the youth and development of children seeing after trauma informed classes have shown how crucial it is. How we steal others beauty away when we are self wernt given the chance.
I’ve been in a relationship with a Narcissist for 35 years. I have just started learning about these personality types and have discovered that I am an empath. My husband is dying of kidney disease and I do not have the heart to leave him. When my brother died four years ago, he was on grinder instead of listening to me grieve. I came very close to leaving, I also found out that he had been cheating on me for basically our entire relationship. I am trying to be patient and just take of him until he passes.
Whether or not they are narcissists, if they cheat, they are horrible people who are not worth a second look or chance. Remember that you will never again achieve what you had with them before the cheating or what you could have had if the cheating had never occurred. Probability is a real thing and unless you live in denial, you will NEVER be able to completely trust them ever again.
I know exactly why my ex cheated on me – she feeds his ego. In a way I almost don’t blame him; I had been losing respect for him for a long time before it happened. That sucks even for a normal person. I know she feeds his ego because he provided actual proof. He made an audio recording of her yapping on for a couple of minutes about how wonderful he was and how I was “lucky” to have him, and put it in a place where I was likely to find it. (I hope she’s as lucky as I was. He did what he did because he’s a narcissist. What was her excuse?) When I confronted him with some evidence I had found, he hit all the classic notes. He tried to bury me in bullshit. He called it “making a mountain out of a molehill”. Tried to make me out to be the bad guy. He even insinuated that I had brain damage. Worst of all, I could tell he felt NOTHING.
I just set up my boyfriend of four months on a fake profile on face book. he had blocked me but my friend who set up the fake profile was able to talk to him. within 5 minutes he replied and set up. I had suspected it that week end as when I arrived early at his house and brought my things upstairs that the bed was a total mess, ha,d the blsnets on the floor and my pink shaver in a drawer as opposed to the side of the tub where it was for the last four months. I am feeling all the emotions you stated but I also realize that I had been loved bombed and fell for it because I attract the wrong men due to abandonment anxiety and neediness. Why in the hell are there so many jerks in this world. Thank you so much for your knowledge.
This is so right on. Almost everything you’ve said is exactly what I’ve gone through for 22 years. I’m done! He’s out for good. Whether or not he ever had sex with anyone else is beside the point. He was always trying to spark new relationships with other women and accused me of being jealous whenever I expressed my feelings about his behaviour.
My wife cheated on me 3 times during our 39 years of marriage. The first 2 times I forgave her but she just recently did it again and I made her move out. The other day she wanted to talk so I met her at a park. She told me that it was all in my imagination and it really didn’t happen. I was making it all up. She has our daughters fooled and convinced them that it never happened.
I have been in a marriage for 31 years with a female narcissist and just recently divorced. I have read 100’s of computer reports, 3 books and watched many podcast. I just wanted to let you know that this was the very best of the best I’ve ever seen. I live in Florence, Oregon and have been going though counseling but would like more help. Thank you for this fantastic information. David Ostoin
I know a young women who was perusal you on your website- then going to her therapist “educating” HER!!! I brought that awareness to her. She said omg that’s what’s been happening and stop going. Really if you just want someone to listen…. You can probably get anyone to “listen only” for way less per hour!!! Good counselors (on this topic) are harder to find than a needle in a haystack!!!
I was in a 15 year relationship where she cheated on me more times than I could count. And one day I got home from work and she was gone no note, no goodbye, all she did was leave her cellphone. And didn’t delete anything so I had to see how she was planning on leaving for months. And the next day her and the guy she was cheating on me with for the last 2 years of our relationship they signed a lease together. And moved within a 5 minute walk from my place. That was 4 weeks ago. And nothing from her not even a text saying I’m sorry I hope you can be happy one day.
This explains so much. I tried to be as understanding as possible and even opened our “relationship,” & encouraged them to explore their sexuality without fear of judgement or shame (while they remained my only partner as I had no interest in looking elsewhere for sex). I made an effort to grow from it and thought it could add excitement again into our relationship. The expectation I had was that they would be transparent and honest, and share their sexual experiences with me – I thought it could grow our trust and connection, as I decided it would be better to have fun and be a team, rather than be jealous and end things. That still wasn’t enough for them as I unsurprisingly became aware of another romantic and sexual relationship that had been going on behind my back. I think they found the thrill of cheating to be what they needed, idk. But the dishonesty and lack of respect & emotional awareness towards me was my last straw. I was done.
Listening to Doctor Ramani describe everything that I allowed to happen, in my relationship with a narcissist, just makes me feel like an idiot for being so blind. Basically I and no-one else, enable this narcissist to feed on me. I have no one else to blame but myself and the shame, guilt and embarrassment is still crippling and overwhelming, 5 years on from the end of the relationship
A few summers ago, my brother died unexpectedly. The day after his funeral, my mom had a heart attack. She was in ICU for months and had every complication imaginable. During this, I found out my narc husband was trying to initiate an emotional affair with someone he’d dated before. He was doing all this all while I was at the hospital by myself perusal my mom nearly die. His response? He was “bored and lonely.” I told him every time he felt “bored and lonely” he could have called me because I sure could have used a shoulder to cry on. Naturally, when I became “unhinged”(and who wouldn’t, given all that I was going through), I was the one who was crazy. Whatever. The end of that relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me.
This is so validating. I’ve had 3 narcissistic relationships. I divorced my self righteous ex who I was with for 20 years because I didn’t want the kids to suffer. Then I dated a vulnerable narcissist who was a psychologist. My most recent ex cheated on me and I have proof. He denied everything and shifted blame on me. I’m free of them but the after effects run deep. Everything you’re saying is true and I feel like factual evidence is defending my feelings. I know I was right to leave these relationships but the self doubt and anxiety keeps resurfacing. It’s maddening at times. My view on trust and romantic love is fractured. It’s devastating when someone goes into your mind and heart and rips you apart. My empathy even tries to forgive them and the people pleaser in me wants everything to be okay again. But it never will be with people like that. I’m taking time to feel, love myself and find reassurance in this kind of validating information. I know I’m worth so much more. But I’m deeply wounded. Thank you Dr. Ramani. You’re giving me hope.❤
feelings AND PHYSICAL HEALTH. making the decision for your partner of who they are intimately exposed to (narc cheats with person x, then the partner is also exposed to person x biologically). i can get over the emotions of being cheated on but the rage of who and what i was exposed to through the cheating will never leave
I found out 6 months after the relationship ended that he had been cheating on me during. He was on a dating site messaging hundreds of women there, time-stamped over the course of our relationship. But he accused me of cheating all the time! I couldn’t go to the grocery store without being accused of it.
My wife met a guy on tiktok and after a few days, booked a flight to go see him in Texas. I found out right before Christmas. She canceled the trip, but then continued it lie to me about talking to him until I caught her a SECOND time at the airport going to see him after telling me she was driving to a friends. I didn’t even try and stop her. I felt sorry for her. Seems so sad and lonely, as if she will never be happy.
Years ago, I was in a long-term relationship with a narcissist who didn’t actually cheat on me until after he’d hoovered me back in. But throughout our relationship, he would openly compare me to other women or talk about flirting and spending time with women to make me jealous. I felt like I was always on edge that he’d cheat, but then convinced myself I was being paranoid. Whether he did it on purpose or he just couldn’t see how hurtful it was, I now recognize how much he manipulated my insecurity in the relationship.
I’m 💯 right there. And your explaining the man I’m not with/with. Hes a drug addict, he tells his bm he’s still with her, has multiple fbs with relationships with different girls, uses every excuse to be on his other phone, yes two phones, we aren’t together and he reminds me daily but acts like we’re together when it comes to me. And I beleive I’m an empathic. He doesn’t haven’t tons of money, no place to live, so all he does is lie play victims and do everything you’ve said in this article
Dr. Ramani, you saved my pocketbook and more shattering of my heart. My husband got “tentative” on MMPI.Personality test. He okayed the Dr. talk results with me. As a retired Special Education teacher I said,” If that “tentative” and narratives on other tests was put in front of our team I would have to say, these results lean waaaaay over into the true narcissist diagnosis.” She replied,” Why, yes, I can understand your determination.” Then, she went on to say it appears he was trying to beat the lie factor. While living apart for 2 years, I had hoped to see empathy, gentleness and no more ” geez! get over it! Do you always have to bring up my faults? Do you have to find fault with EVERTHING I DO?!” I am so broken. I thought a 5 day intensive might help. You know, after he put ALL cheating and hows out there, i had clarifyiing question time,and he would take polygraph and then all of us go over it, then determine if we want to try to make it work then, then, then….Another polygraph after 3 months and working to polys once a year FOREVER! UGH. Before seeing this, my betrayal trauma therapist, last week, told me retreat was perhaps not best idea. She thinks he is a narcissistic sociopath so he could BS way through it all. My oldest son says,” Mom, do you really, REALLY want to put yourself through that and think about it, mom, who wants to be married to someone who has to take lie detector tests? You can never trust him! Just stop, mom, STOP!” He is right. I would tell others the same but for me?
I’m honored to have this team around in this hard time Thank you for always supporting and helping me with your private investigator plans to the fullest! Thanks Astratrusthq! on the internet The world has been pretty bad lately. Almost everyone have been crying practically, but it kept happening. That’s what you get when you feel you can navigate the process on your own. Big thanks to you. I’m not bothered with how bad the world is because my narcissistic has been caught cheating because are insured due to your advice and I still got my divorce .
My narcissist Mom ( or as I like to refer to her as ‘my Dad’s 4th wife…she was 24 years younger than my Dad ) cheated most of the marriage with my Dad, and bragged to me about it, then told me I wasn’t allowed to tell. She had 30 years of boyfriends starting ( or when I realized it ), when I was in 4th grade, where everyone was someone else’s husband. Many of these husband’s had families I liked and kids in my school and we were friends. I carried huge secrets that she has never accounted for. *pardon me for ending sentences in prepositions.
Before I started therapy and went full no contact, the covert narcissist spouse in my life would say things like “you will be fine”, ” I didn’t tell you because I know how you get” “Stop crying”. When I found out his email address showed up on Tagged dating site member for 2 years and I confronted him his response was “Well I want to see this website” and denied cheating on me even though it was his email.. He would have new sex moves and I questioned it and his response was “What does it matter where I learned it because I am doing it with you”. Whenever I stood up for myself, my feelings his tone changed and he would respond with “I heard you” or “I have heard you.”. I would try to talk with him about something we had not resolved and he would get angry and say, “Why can’t you just forget it” or “Why are you bringing this up again”. He would also say “is that what you think”? He would say sorry or sorry babe but never for what. He did not and would not take responsibility for his actions, his wrongs. his neglect, his laziness..He would claim to need help with money. He would say “Can you help me with paying for”… I would ask with what and how much? His response was “Whatever you can”. And I am wiling to bet he was using whatever money I gave him to pay for other things or another person(s). It was14 years of marriage and the last 7 have been a living hell. I am so thankful he is out of my life, mind and heart. I feel free, alive, relaxed, confident. I feel genuine, real. clear headed, focused.
Thank you so much for your generosity of heart, Dr. Ramani . You have helped me so very much… While you have shared that not all narcissists cheat (& have asked your listeners what we think), I have only met one, that I know of, who did not. I’m sure enjoying the book you recommended…. “Behave” God bless you & Happy New Year.
Last weekend I refused to go with my partner to lunch with his siblings I didn’t have the energy to put up the act😔😔 following day we had to buy our child clothes and he was so proud when he told me he is not buying it. Now he changed the wifi password I’m unemployed looking for work so he knows I can’t afford data and he started cheating openly. Im feeling the punishment
Indeed. My h once very happily introduced me to the woman who split up his first marriage. Told me about another who was the ‘love of his life’ and if I were more wealthy, like her, I would be almost perfect. And, yes, once a cheat always a cheat. He has no outward signs of being even the slightest bit concerned how his behaviors affect others and shows anger at being exposed for his behaviors. He’s proud of it and everyone else needs to be so as well in his mind. Here’s just one example: he first asked me out while dating a woman he had left his wife for!! I didn’t find this out until 15 years later. And when confronted he just shrugged his shoulders and said ‘So? I’m with you now aren’t I?’ Just stunning the level of arrogance.
I don’t know about if all narcissists cheat but I wouldn’t doubt it because of their ability to justify every action as someone else’s fault. I do firmly believe if you are in a relationship and they are constantly accusing you of cheating follow the adage about if someone points one finger at you they are pointing 4 fingers at themselves. I dealt with so many accusations over the years. I still feel so blind, oblivious and naive when I think of the instances where I found out they had been cheating. Usually though I only found out after ending the relationship. I to this day have women who hate me because of the narcissists’ narrative of my unreasonableness and “machinations”. I mean they couldn’t leave me because I wouldn’t let them?!? Yeah no I have always held the view of not wanting to be some place I’m not wanted. I just remind myself that not everyone needs to like me and I don’t need to exhaust my energy putting out fires the narcissists in my life lit while claiming I held the matches.
You hit the nail right in the head with this one! My mother in law was a faithful person but she’s very bitter, gaslights and has no sympathy to be apologetic about anything no matter what it was. But my ex was a serial cheater and used manipulation, entitlement, and always gaslighting tactics to keep his relationships with everyone going. It’s just sick how they’re this way.
OMG TRUTH!!! I went through hell and back to get through my 18 year relationship with mine. Only to fall into the arms of another same kind for over 2 years. I’m realizing now, what I need to heal🙏❤️ your content has helped me so much!!! I only hope your messages get out more to the world to stop these kinds of people!!! Once and for all!!! Heal yourself first before jumping into another relationship!!! Or you’ll find the same in a different way. Sad but true!!! 🙏❤️
I’m curious about breaking the cycle of getting into relationships with narcissists, looking back I’ve literally dated the entire spectrum 🤦♀️ what’s the issue? Why do I keep doing this to myself? Taking a year off after the worst guy I’ve ever been with almost killed me. First and only malignant one but JESUS it made me fully understand trauma bonding and abandonment issues. It’ll be one year this December and I’m terrified of dating anyone.
If I was married to a narcissist with children. I’d find a good therapist and devise a plan of what to do and how to manage your own emotions. Get as much social support from your good friends and family. After a while, you may see the bad patterns as a third person, from another point of view and be able to separate yourself from the marriage union. Look at how you can live financially without him or her……speak to a lawyer. Keep everything on the low down, for your and your children’s mental health. But in the long term, living without the narcissist will bring you more freedom and peace than you could ever know. I hope this helps someone who is wanting a way out of this toxic abuse.
Dr Ramani every time I watch your articles it has given me insight and validation of what I’ve been through, after years of self doubt and not trusting my instincts. Married 32 years and to be told in counseling my soon to be ex-husband was leading 2 different lives, cheating on and off the whole marriage. Was told he wished I did the same to justify what he was doing. My world fell apart and I stopped functioning. Now 3 years later and still trying to get divorced from the narcissist I’m determined to get away from his control and manipulation. Bless you for providing articles for us!
You sure hit this one out of the park, Dr. (Ugh can’t wait for baseball to start again 🤣). I remember when my spouse told me they were going back with an ex how I took it so personally, wondering what I did wrong. It was such a terrible time, being thrown out of the boat and wondering which way was the surface. Your ability to show folks the way to sanity is something that I will forever hold gratitude.
My narcissist father (& I only worked out what his issue was when discovering your articles a few years ago, prior to my mum’s death 2yrs ago, so thank you) had been having an affair for 2yrs, unbeknownst to us, and asked Mum if he could go away for a (dirty) weekend with his mistress on my parents’ 16th wedding anniversary. My mum obviously gave him permission… by kicking him out (although we say that my father “abandoned us”, because that’s actually what he did). My father has always been a petty rule-breaker (ie my mum illustrated it like this: if there was a “No Trespassing” sign, my father would go & investigate as to why nobody was allowed there. According to my mum, his father was fairly much the same). My father was a womaniser before, during (apparently, the woman he left for wasn’t his first mistress – he has one 6yrs before, so a 4yr gap) & after their marriage. He was engaged countless times, and according to rumours, cheated on them, too. Yet despite his cheating, he was adamant that my mum not remarry (& I’m so glad she didn’t, although she was still hung up on Dad… albeit less & less, and fully released of him when your articles opened my eyes to the fact that my father was an absolute narcissist). For many years, he’d drive past my mum’s house (& my brother’s). Plus, when visiting me, he’d bring me a box of food, half being stuff she’d like – note: after my mum died, he’d stop buying those things she’d like. That food was & still is his way of trying to control me, in fact he’s always going on about what to eat, my weight, etc – all control.
I’m in this mess right now, 12 year marriage that wasn’t even real. He cheated in 2015,I forgave him (this infidelity happened 14 months after my son died). Fast forward to now, he started an affair with the secretary at work. Of course he didn’t admit it,I found out. If they do it once, just run. He played on my vulnerability, my forgiveness, my commitment to our marriage. This has devastated me and my family but he has zero remorse. He started devaluing me 2 months prior, then flipped his switch. Very cold and calculated. Of course he blames me
Recently I realize that my narcissistic husband is cheating on me for a long time. Thanks for your articles. I have a kind and supportive father but he once cheated on my step mother, which always makes me confused. Now I think that both my husband and step mother are narcissists while my father is a non-narcissistic cheater. My father and my step mother got divorced after the affair, but for years my step mother keeps asking my father to help her deal with business and personal issues.
I feel so much better now knowing that I was not crazy as he called me. All of the above or mentioned was the reasons and excuses I was manipulated with. Lately I could not sleep but after this article I feel so inspired to just move on not even wish him bad or seek revenge I kind of feel sorry for him. Oh did you just save my sanity of seeking the faults from my side I continuesly tried finding what I did wrong or where I made him do these things I finally understand that if there’s justice then be it and if not it’s also fine I am who I am and I saw each and every red flag but he just persuaded me all too easily that I’m the crazy one and the one seeing little green mars men oh my gosh I was right all along every step of the way, my justice is still having me in one piece to now have a consciousness of being humble free and lucky to have gotten away.
I was married for almost 25 yrs, always asking excuses for his behaviours at family gatherings. It wasn’t until I became very unwell CA, lung, that I realised he wasn’t picking up/ or taking care of me, leaving me alone, at home he was too busy!! It wasn’t until more hospital admissions, I started to notice a change, Lies Going away every weekend Not having time to care for me Went to couples therapy, only for him to take out his rage, on me, after the 1st appt, I’m now free, but finding moving on by deceit Having his new mistress abusing me Dr Ramani, Bless you I now understand IT ISNT ME johanna
that bit about narcissistic abuse that does not include physical violence or cheating being not a good enough reason to leave is really thought provoking. it’s not “somehow” that way, but arguably either a matter of especially bad gaslighting and/or a play on societal expectations. instead of being about having poor boundaries only (which is of course also societal, everything is in the end). this is quite a gendered issue as well, because women are still very much expected to be the kind, patient and forgiving one in a hetero-normative relationship, so it really is a lot harder to justify a break up without physical violence or cheating as a woman, especially if there is a lot of internalised misogyny and/or the narcissist has been able to (or been enabled, by money or fame) establish a glamorous reputation with the victim’s family and friends. so yeah, this goes much deeper than the title suggested at first (as it does so often), so thank you for that inspiration ^^ i’d also like to say that i’ve been here for a while now, and your articles have really become a stabilising factor in my life <3 they were not at first, because it was much harder for me to have these issues brought up, but you have managed to really gain my trust by being so very truthful and involved with this, quite unlike most other doctors and content creators around these issues, who often slip into whitewashing or victim blaming without even noticing it (due to the traditional "don't let it get to you" medical ethos). some might say you're unprofessional, but i say you're doing the hard work, doing what is needed to really help, and that is what it's all about. so thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for being a human being and our absolutely reliable anchor instead of some opportunistic snakeoil vendor. thanks <3