Family background plays a crucial role in choosing a spouse, as it influences the overall association between human capital measures and fertility for both women and men. Intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner, allowing you to let your guard down and let them know how you feel. Family relationships are enduring and consequential for well-being across the life course.
Family background factors have a strong negative impact on the overall association between human capital measures and fertility for both women and men. The risk of marital disruption is highest among women with young age at marriage, low education, a cohabitation history, and those whose spouse has been married. Genetic compatibility is also important, as certain genes make someone a better or worse partner.
Research on race, dating, and marriage has found that marriage has a much greater impact in our lives than many have assumed, especially in the area of adult health and well-being. The rise in religious participation appears to increase the ability of males and females to hold a steady job, drink less, and be less abusive in relations with family and spouse.
While family background might not affect all aspects in a relationship, understanding the role that your partner’s family background plays is essential. A marriage without a proper family background check is always a risky decision, and compatibility issues are common in marriages where compatibility issues are common. Understanding the nature and kind of family the man has can help girls parents decide whether they will be able to give her a good life or not.
📹 Why should I check his family when I’m marrying HIM? – Mufti Menk
The mistake that people are making… Subscribe to the Official Mufti Menk Channel —- Official Mufti Menk Channel: Study Hadith …
Can family affect a marriage?
That outside influence can’t be related to you or your spouse. Friends and colleagues are one thing, but family members can make things much worse. Both spouses usually have parents, siblings, etc., with whom they interact. These relationships can affect the marriage, especially if there is any conflict between a spouse and their in-laws. The old joke about in-laws isn’t always funny. The TV show “Everybody Loves Raymond” showed the sometimes difficult relationship between a wife and her in-laws. The show made things worse by having the husband’s parents live next door. Even if you live with your in-laws for a short time, it’s not that unrealistic. Having one’s mother- and/or father-in-law live under the same roof and offer their input on everything can strain a marriage. Most people feel protective of their parents, even if they don’t get along. When a disagreement happens between a spouse and their in-laws, the other spouse may feel pressure to take sides and feel torn between loyalties.
How does family of origin affect relationships?
Family background is shaped by many factors. These factors affect how families interact. They can tell people what to do. The family is where we learn how to be in relationships. In our families, we learn how to interact and control our emotions. These interactions help us regulate our emotions, and we repeat them, which creates patterns. These behaviors can be useful because they create predictability and stability. But sometimes these patterns are bad. Let’s look at some common types of family patterns and how they affect our relationships. One common pattern in relationships is the purse-withdraw pattern. It’s also called the pursuer/distancer or demand/withdraw pattern. It usually follows the same path. In relationships, people who are more pursuers try to make things better by getting closer and reducing distance. If there’s a lot of stress, they may try to fix it. If that doesn’t work, they may criticize. The person who is more of a withdrawer deals with stress by trying to create distance. If they are stressed, they may want space. They may zone out or tune into other activities to create space. This pattern is shown in this clip by Alison Poulsen.
Does family matter in a marriage?
Family background. A person’s family can affect their personality, beliefs, and worldview. Knowing each other’s family backgrounds before getting married is important. One partner might be more conservative than the other.
Resolving conflicts. Marriages have conflict. Couples must be able to resolve disputes. It means listening to each other, agreeing on some things, and making compromises. If one partner wants to live in the city and the other wants to live in the country, they need to find a compromise.
Lifestyle. Partners must be compatible in terms of lifestyle. This covers hobbies, free time, and socializing. If one spouse likes to party while the other likes to stay home, it can cause problems.
Does your partner’s family matter?
The old saying, “When you marry someone, you marry their family,” is true. If you’re in a serious relationship, your union involves your partner and their family. Your partner’s family is a big part of your life. They can have a big impact on your relationship. Your partner’s family also affects your loved ones’ beliefs, behaviors, and decisions, which can either help or hurt your relationship, according to Dr. Margo Lewis-Jah. Dr. Margo Lewis-Jah is a licensed psychotherapist and sexologist with 25 years of experience. She is also the owner of Synergy Consultants and Psychotherapy Practice in Wilmington, Delaware. Adelle Kelleher is a certified dating and relationship coach with decades of experience and the owner of Coaching Hearts Consulting, which offers personalized coaching to her clients. If you are romantically involved with someone whose family is difficult, you might feel as if these relatives are ruining your relationship. If you marry someone whose family is difficult, it can damage your relationship. To resolve these issues, effective communication is key.
Does family background matter in relationships?
Yes and no. Our families influence us, so it’s important to understand a partner’s background. But we also shape our own lives, so even if your partner had a bad family, he or she may have overcome that.
How do backgrounds affect relationships?
Your family background affects how you relate to others. It shapes your values and beliefs, how you communicate, and how you handle conflict. It also teaches you how to build relationships despite differences.
Can couples from different backgrounds work?
Not everyone agrees, but that doesn’t mean a relationship can’t work. Some couples can’t manage their differences or the stress of society’s disapproval. Couples from the same background might not always work well together either. Research shows that couples from different backgrounds can work well together despite differences and social disapproval. Most importantly, research and relationship experts say that it’s how couples respond to these challenges that matters. Couples from different backgrounds can still be good for each other and have a successful relationship!
Can a relationship work with different backgrounds?
Not everyone agrees, but that doesn’t mean a relationship can’t work. Some couples can’t manage their differences or the stress of society’s disapproval. Couples from the same background might not always work well together either. Research shows that couples from different backgrounds can work well together despite differences and social disapproval. Most importantly, research and relationship experts say that it’s how couples respond to these challenges that matters. Couples from different backgrounds can still be good for each other and have a successful relationship!
Why is family background important?
Children’s educational achievement depends on their family background. Research shows that parents, money, family, and how parents raise their kids affect how well kids do in school.
Is it better to marry someone of the same religious background?
Same-faith couples have less conflict. They also have longer and happier marriages. Couples of the same faith may fight if they don’t believe the same things.
Marriage can be happy. Married couples also face stresses that test their relationship. They often face these stresses at the same time. In the best cases, they work through them together. But how one spouse reacts affects the other. Couples need tools to fight challenges together. Religion can help. Religion affects how couples think and react to stressful situations. Religion affects how couples cope with stressful events. If spouses cope in a compatible way based on similar values, they communicate better, which protects marriages. When couples understand how religion helps them, they can face challenges together. Marriage can be challenging. Research shows that religion can help married couples deal with three types of stress.
📹 Sadhguru on Marriage – Choosing Consciously
Why does the institution of marriage exist, and what role does it play in human life and societies? Sadhguru answers a question …
My mother isn’t in my life because she was abusive and mentaly unstable and my parents divorced when I was 8 and I haven’t seen her since. My dad is a good man and tried his best. He got married to a non Muslim woman. Some people don’t like him and some make rumors about him even his own family but he saved me more times than I can count. I took him for granted before but I realized how much he did for me. My extended family, his sisters and brothers are not so nice people but are ‘decent’ outwardly. My dad and I are completely different in our ways and culture if I can call it that from my extented family. If someome marrys me yes my dad will be there but I have nobody else. And if people judge me according to my family nobody will want me because my mum is not a nice person and does bad things and I heard last she got divorced again. I’m nothing like her, in fact I don’t even know her and she didnt bother. If I’m being objective, let’s just say my dad did someone thing bad to people which I highly doubt because he helps alot of people. I’m not aware of it and I’m more emotional than he is. And I’m not a person who hurts others. I dont have family functions etc to attend. So is it fair now that I’m being judged based on these things I can’t control? Maybe thats part of the reason I’m unmarried- nobody wants to be involved with someone from a broken home and a mother who does bad things. I hope people take this into account with other people. I didn’t choose this. I may not have the best career yet but I did get my CPA despite everything and I try my best but I didnt get the best circumstances before and I’m trying to be as successful as I can despite life’s hiccups and also because of human error and general issues everyone faces which may have been challenging for me because of the lack of guidance from a mother figure.
I have given up to get married. If i want to marry then i want to marry in Madinah, at Masjid Nabwi SAWS. It might be a dream, but that is the only i have left, since many of my dreams have broken torn apart & never came into existence. If there is someone who does duaa & close to Allah then remember me in your duaa. Jazak Allah khayra
Beautiful message much needed in today’s times… Great topic. Please elaborate in next article as men n women need to learn this… Most important point is if parents r wrong don’t obey blindly… That’s also disobedience to Allah.. Allah is most fair so be fair dont take wrong sides. Blindly. This is main cause of breakups
Assalamu alaikum mufti ur topics are so related to we indian muslims where we live together in a joint family but our hearts are separated still we try our level best to follow islam practically inspite of the hardships which u spoke abt juz now i belong to an educated broadminded family but my husbands family is uneducated n narrow minded ppl except my husband so had to face all sorts of trouble in every thing i do they find fault n teach me their ways of doing it rather than the islamic way its been 12 hard years masha allahu barakallah that i m struggling with it hope allah relieves me from my struggle hope to speak to u atleast once in my entire life for counselling
Alhamdulillah, this is one of what my family and I had done before saying yes to marry. Alhamdulillah Allah guided me in his best choice in shaa Allah. This is really important issue that everyone must be considered, because marriage is not only the wedding of both human, but also marriage means that each spouse must accept his/her family in a very well heart. So make sure that they also accept you well. And involve Allah in every choice of life, He will show you the best choice you must choose. In syaa Allah. Thank you mufti. May Allah always guide us aamiin. Salam from Indonesia.
Its very hard in a case like this mufti menk because in my personal experience that iv seen not only with myself that the family acted so good and kind and now after so many years, your the worst thing that happened to this family and before u came along this was different and that was never like that so i feel that its very hard talking about things even making decisions but Allah is great, i just make dua Allah will make a way for all those struggling
Yes Mufti Menk, you are right. Another thing I’d like to add is that even if your potential future spouse looks allright but her family isn’t, then there is a high and realistic chance she also will have some of those bad traits. It is unavoidable. Same applies for ourselves. Even if we do our best to better our lives but we come from an abusive family then it will affect you wether you like it or not. And that will show more strongly once you are married. So yes, the family is super important and for other reasons as well.
This is so true this what im dealing with my wife never stands up for me special in a difficult times. But if she lie or told the truth i all ways help my wife throw difficult times because she the woman I’m going too spend my hole entire life with but if her family said something instead off listening to the husband she would listen to her parents and that’s what really going breaks marriage no that this marriage is not going to last if people all ways getting involved so it’s really important to look in to the family before you put self in a sticky situation.
People should talk about this more often. I took pre marriage counseling before getting married and that saved me soooooo much trouble. We mostly talk about in-laws because we came from different countries. Women need to understand that when they marry they are also marrying into his family. I was shocked how much drama the elderly can create over the smallest things. My second advice is install cameras in the house because people lie.
1) If the parents is bad, the children will be bad. 2) If the parents is bad but the children still OK. The child is so special and very rare. 3) If the parents is good. The children will be good. 4) If the parents is good but the children still bad then that children is the problem and I think this happens many times. Can Al Fadhil Mufti Menk or anyone show they opinion about this comment???
Assalam aleikum wa Ramatulahi wa Barajatuhu I am a Brazilian Muslim woman, deceased father, mother is never an example of family, does not accept my religion, much less black husband and Muslim…. muutis problems but Allah make me Muslim then what have I with my family? And why check my parents for marriage? If I’d watch my family, I’d never have gotten married. but Allah ( SWT) and great
I know a woman who belongs to the noble family and she married to a person who lived under poverty but owned something that pleased her to marry him. Her husband’s family do not like her they are jealous of her good personality but due to her patience and kindness Allah blessed her with everything she need.
OMG the man’s family is very very very very IMPORTANT. Did not know this before but now I wish I knew this even though I heard it a lot, but didnt believe it as I use to think its not like im marrying the family! But omg this is a KEY POINT in marriage, regardless if you live with the in laws or not!
asalamoalequm mufti menk saheb..family represent ones values ones upbringing..i remember once we visited somebody’s house for marriage proposal..they made us sit on new room which was newly constructed n didn’t even allowed to see their house…the way they stopped my sis nt to enter the house when she was trying to help them…one shudnt hide even if the house was messy its completely fine it wud b my headache to make it proper make it worth living…bt they created an issue about it why my sister try to enter a place..i was feeling that tomorrow it will b my home n why there is a need to hide…bt than i resloved somehow bt i cudnt marry that person..i felt bad about it bt its k…allah subhantallah knws best do best for us.
Sirrr plzzzz telll me something i am not undrstnding wt to dooo.. Sir my husbands family his troubling him too muchh … Tdy sir my husband ws not having money but still when he saw his moms fav dish he took an when he gave his mom his like ( Ahhh nly 3 you brought dnt prposely bring me down I have ate more than youu then he told I ws not hving money thts y I brought otherwise I wld have not bought so less then she is telling no it’s ok I know I know) it’s hurting my husband a lot I feell so bad everyday
Aslm i would like to know tips on how to deal with non Muslim family members my husband is a revert and has family that the only time they are social is when they drink and party. It is his duty to go to his mother but i worry about exposing my future children to this unislamic life style which is the complete opposite of how i was raised. Its very difficult to cope with for me and i feel like there is no respect for me and my husbands religion. What does one do in a situation such as mine with a revert husband and non Muslim in laws who live immoral lifestyles that want to get us to participate in such haram acts?
MashaAllah for this Mufti! Believe me from personal experience, this is vital. We must remember that even though everyone is on their best behavior when they meet, meeting the family tells what your going to have to deal with. Whether it is good or not so good. In the States there is an old saying, “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” Alhamdullilah That is why it is so important to have a wali, or wakil to be with you and guard you while you talk with his family before marriage. This is also a very key topic, no matter how old a sister is she needs to have someone there who is unbias and is able to see the bigger picture. Maybe Mufti, you can expound on that topic as well. InshaAllah Especially for reverts who may not have a family member who is Muslim let alone unbias. Very difficult these days, that is for sure. Alhamdullilah
Bottom line- you cannot tell what someone is like unless you (or someone truly close to you) live with them or are related to them. The amount of fake religiosity, acting, and disingenuous references I have seen in arranged marriages is unacceptable. I fear the young in coming generations will move towards dating to truly know their future spouse.
True. I am in trouble because of that. Even if your fiancée promises your Dad that he will stand with you because of the differences between you and your husband’s family, don’t believe it. They will change their words even after the 1st day of marriage and you will be in trouble. My own experience. Lost 8 years of my life thinking they may change one day, lost my career which is worth 10 years of hardship because they told me to sit at home and be a domestic servant and I had to obey them in order to save the marriage. Still they left me.
Assalamualikum.sir my name is Abdur Rahim.i am a boy of 20 years.i am a student of A level.i am badly in need of a marriage.bt as i am not established and i dont have a income source so my family is not taking any steps for me.and i also told them about all these.bt they reject my proposal and told me that first get a job and then u r gonna get married.bt sir i am getting involve in many sins.even the sins are distracting me form the good deeds.it is also hampering in my daily life.i am becoming more anger day by day.my physical want is killing me.i am try so much to be patient bt i cannot.sir please give me a solution
Wow sheikh how can I get my husband to watch this My husband and I r having a lot of problems and we are apart from each other he doesn’t want to talk to me and he wants to divorce me now because I said I need to figure out why ur family disrespects me, doesn’t love me doesn’t trust me and doesn’t treat me right all they see me as a slave I have a 3 year old and I don’t want a divorce for my baby but if allah wants this then Alhamdulillah May Allah grant me the ability to see their daughters broken as they have broken me I’m broken and sad
assalam brothers and sisters i need some advice i have a mum who argues with me unnecessarily but whenever i try to speak and explain anything to her i just get hit back when i speak she thinks im answering her back and im rude but i just want to speak up for example she said to me you should get a part time job and swears at me for being lazy and whenever i speak back and say im trying to find one calm down mama i get slapped and she constantly accuses me of being gay she says it’s because im on the phone 24/7 with my friend im always getting shouted at i have college work to do assignments to hand in im 18 and she looks through my phone and she has broken it twice i admit i get angry and say to her whats wrong i raise my voice a little but she takes my phone beats me up with a stick and threatens to kick me out of the house if i misbehave but in my eyes im not misbehaving im trying to have a debate or even if i disagree with her boom i get a slap i cant speak to her on a professional level its either i do what she says or i get hit she wants me to get married at 20 i try to listen i help her clean the house i just dont know what to do
I need help I’m about to get marry, the guy is a good Muslim, he has pity and very respectful, his actually the breadwinner in the family but he wants me to stay with his family, his mom is good but his brothers wife is problematic, she’s already telling the girl my suitor wanted to marry before that his about to marry me and even sent my pictures to the girl and her friends, so my suitor actually said he would never get me my own place and I have to stay with the whole family bcus it’s culture here which will be difficult for me, cus of his brothers wife.., do I have the Islamic right to cancel the wedding bcus I know I’m gona suffer if I marry in the family.
Like i said several few times before, Mufti Menk hardly talk about other side of the coin (which is politically incorrect over internet or else you will lose views) . There are many sisters(women/girls) even who likes to create a wedge between brothers, sisters, sons . Not all mother-in-laws are bad but if you talk about any topic please dont make it gyno centric. Make just one article, just one for the sake of ALLAH to let know these sisters there are few things they need to work particularly .
Assalam o alikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu, all of this problems come back at the issue of lack in obeying the commandments of Allah, Islam and the Sunnah of our beloved prophet Muhammad (saw.). Mostly those problems are created because of the fact that those people follow cultures and traditions more than Islam. It starts with having a big fancy haram wedding like the disbelievers and you slowly but surely give up islamic rules and regulations more and more and dont have certain rules in your marriage. Then you suddenly wonder why you have so many problems. You should check your partner by their islamic lifestyle, character, then after their physical apperance. Its from the Sunnah otherwise you wont be satisfied in your marriage. This is my opinion and Allah knows best.
Assalamu alaykum. Alhamdulillah as usual This is also very important topic for everyone . there is a good and bad side in every relationship, no one is perfect. Not every mother in law’s are bad and not every daughter in law’s are bad. We cant blame only one side. Some daughter in law’s can accept her in law’s like her own family, same way some mother in law’s treat their daughter in law’s like there own daughter. There for we can’t just blame daughter in law or just mother in law’s. We should think positive about everyone as a good Muslim. May Allah guide us, protect us, give us understanding and forgive us all. Ameen. Assalamu alaykum. Scotland
There are so many of them are happy with his husband not want to see the in laws, especially mother in law,. Don’t forget if you are leaving you family you going into a another family where there is a mom, dad, brother and sister you should accept them na why don’t lots of them are doing this, so don’t be a villan be a hero and a heroin be happy, Allah will reward you.
hello mufti menk! maybe u wont see it but…its a very important question that bothers me everyday and it has made my life very hard! is drawing haram in islam? specially drawing cartoon and animation? i think this is more complicated than people think, my life has become very hard. I’m looking forward an answer. there are arts which have different catagories like sculpting,realistic,semi realistic,cartoon,sketch,digital painting etc! so i think not everything leads to bad. i hope I can get a article or reply and not only me but also many artists in muslim world will be helped. inshallah
ASSALAM O ALAIKUM !!!! Please answer me. I really want to know that is there any concept of MARITAL RAPE exist in Islam??? someone talked to me about it and what defined was like women are almost sex slaves. And please elaborate about cursing of angels to woman who says No. PLEASE ANSWER ME . . . I AM HOPING THAT AMONG ALL THESE COMMENTS U WILL SEE THIS INSHA ALLAH!!! I REALLY REALLY WANT TO KNOW.
I think mufti has to balance on these topics and address both parties views and be just most times women are portrayed and assumed to be victims but afterwards you come to know that she was the one who had started all the shit In the marriage by being controlling and going as far as having affairs and other interests while playing victim of abuse and manipulating family and even her own children
I hv seen here in india how the old woman mistreat their daughter in laws …firstly they r biased between their own daughters and their daughter in laws…after the daughter in law comes in…they remove their maids nd make her work all day long while the own daughters does nothing…in the occasion of Eid or any family function they r not even brought new dresses sometimes while the own daughters are bought new expensive dresses….the daughter in laws has to serve their sister in laws when ever they give birth to child…if the daughter in law is sick they took them to government hospitals with low charges where the risk of life is even more but if their own daughters hv to deliver the child they take them to pvt hospitals….most of the time the daughters are given their separate rooms in the house while the daughter in law are not provided with separate rooms except for few initial days of marriage….they are made to sleep in the hall room….to make matter worse the old lady keeps the son or daughter of their own daughter in their own house to raise them nd then the daughter in law will always hv someone or the other to serve life long beside their husband’s parents… may Allah almighty safeguard us
Dear Brothers and Sisters, please read this comment! It will only bring you benefits, I swear by Allah! 1. It was narrated that Abu Umaamah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever recites Ayatul Kursi immediately after each prescribed prayer, there will be nothing standing between him and his entering Paradise except death.” 2. Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He who says, ‘Subhan-Allahi wa bihamdihi‘ (Glory and praise be to Allah) one hundred times a day, his sins will be obliterated even if they are equal to the extent of the foam of the sea. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim) 3. Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet said:”There are two statements that are light on the tongue, heavy on the scales, and beloved to the Most Merciful: Subahana Allahi wa bihamdihi, Subhana Allahi Al-`Azeem (Glory and praise be to Allah, Glorified is Allah, the Most Great.)” (Al-Bukhari) 4. Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet said: He who repeats after every prayer: Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah) thirty-three times, Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah) thirty-three times, Allahu Akbar (Allah is Greatest) thirty-three times; and completes the hundred with: La ilaha illallahu, wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa `ala kulli shai’in qadir (There is no true god except Allah. He is One and He has no partner. His is the sovereignty and His is the praise, and He is Omnipotent)Will have all his sins pardoned even if they may be as large as the foam on the surface of the sea.
I was a victim of such a family…..my husband did not take stand….not only this he believed obeying his parents unreasonable demands against his wife and kids would take him to jannah….la hola Walla quwata illa billah.. I hope this article helps the ppl who are still going to be married…in sha Allah