Roommate marriage is a common issue where the emotional and physical intimacy of a couple has diminished, leading to a more roommate dynamic rather than a romantic one. This can be identified by the absence of physical affection, cuddling, holding hands, and kissing. To overcome roommate syndrome, it is essential to create intimacy and share private thoughts and dreams with your partner.
To break out of the roommate phase, it is crucial to make time for your partner and invest in their relationship. Talking to your spouse about spending six months completely investing in your marriage and committing wholeheartedly to saving your relationship is essential.
In the roommate phase, one partner may become dissatisfied with the relationship, leading to days and months becoming years until the lonely one decides that this isn’t working. This dangerous phase can result in a stagnant and platonic relationship, with other commitments seeming more timely or urgent.
To bring romance back, couples should find excuses to hang out alone, flirt with each other, and go on dates. Both parties need to bring something to the table, whether they have a roommate, lover, or marriage partner. By understanding these signs and taking action to break the roommate phase, couples can work towards a stronger, healthier, and happier marriage.
📹 Has your Marriage Become a Roommate Situation?
Does your marriage suffer from the roommate syndrome? If you feel as though your marriage has changed and it has become dull …
What are hardest years of marriage?
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have rated the risk of divorce based on how long couples have been married. Low risk.
Home People also ask: What are the hardest years of marriage?
Years 1–2: Very risky; Years 3–4: Mild risk; Years 5–8: Very risky; Years 9–15: Low risk; Years 15 and over: Low to Mild Risk; in 2019, 2,015,603 marriages happened and 746,971 divorces were granted in America. That means about a 37% divorce rate. The average American marriage lasts about eight years.
What to do when your partner feels more like a roommate?
Take the time to understand each other. Listen to each other and agree that you want the relationship to work. Discuss problems together, even if it’s uncomfortable, to repair the relationship. Is your partner more like a roommate than a lover? You’re not alone. Long-term relationships can be hard, especially if you’ve been living together for a long time. Life gets busy, and sometimes the spark fades. If your partner used to be your world, but now just seems like someone you live with, you might have roommate syndrome. You might see each other sometimes when you have joint obligations. You might still be friendly. But there’s no romance left. You may feel detached and wonder how you got here.
Learn how to manage conflict and identify problems in the relationship. Don’t wait for time: value the relationship and make time for it.
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Why people are getting divorced in the United States. 42. A recent survey found that lack of commitment is the main reason for divorce. Here are the reasons and their percentages:
- Lack of commitment 73%
- Argue too much 56%
- Infidelity 55%
- Married too young 46%
- Unrealistic expectations 45%
- Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
- Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
- Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
(Respondents often cited more than one reason, so the percentages add up to more than 100 percent)
What Makes People More or Less Likely to Divorce? Your age. 43. 48% of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25% of those who marry after 25.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used to describe when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
How to fix roommate stage of marriage?
To fix your relationship, you have to spend more time together.
Start spending time with your spouse again. You can start by taking a walk, starting a project, or watching a TV show together. Do anything to feel like friends again. People come to my office and say their marriage is bad because they don’t have sex. Many say that if they could have sex, things would be normal again.
What is the roommate situation in marriage?
Life is busy. Romantic relationships start with passion but often fizzle out over time. Roommate syndrome is when a couple’s relationship becomes just an arrangement.
Roommate problems. Genesis Games, LMHC, a therapist in Florida, lists the issues you might face living with a roommate:
Household chores; paying bills; using common areas.
What is a silent divorce?
What is a silent divorce? A silent divorce is a gradual separation between couples. Intimacy, love, and connection erode, leaving couples feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. A silent divorce is not recognized by law. A legal divorce involves court proceedings, lawyers, and dividing property. A silent divorce is about emotional disconnection, indifference, and a lack of shared experiences. The couple may still live together and have children, but they don’t love each other anymore.
Signs of a Silent Divorce. A silent divorce isn’t discussed. But there are signs you might be going through a silent divorce. We list these signs below.
Is there a roommate phase in marriage?
The “roommate phase” can make couples sleep close but feel far apart. When familiarity replaces novelty and routine replaces intimacy, even long marriages can become stagnant.
But you can reconnect by understanding why you fell out of love and making each other happy again. This article offers ways for couples to keep their love alive even when times get tough.
What is the “roommate rut”? The “roommate phase of marriage” is when spouses become roommates instead of romantic partners. Intimacy and communication are replaced by practicality amid stressful careers, finances, or child-rearing.
Why does my husband treat me like a roommate?
The roommate phase of marriage happens when couples stop seeing their relationship as special. It’s when couples live together like friends. Instead of being interested in each other, you just live together. It feels like the magic is gone.
You stop caring when your partner is late home. You don’t notice the new haircut, clothes, or food.
What is the 7 year itch in marriage?
The seven-year itch is the idea that divorce rates peak around seven years into a marriage. Many people worry about divorce seven years into a relationship. The seven-year itch doesn’t always mean you want to divorce. It can mean major relationship issues like conflict, cheating, or irreparable differences. These issues may come up during the seven-year itch.
It is possible to get through the seven-year itch, even though relationship challenges can be tough to navigate.
How do you tell your husband you feel like a roommate?
Don’t be accusatory. Don’t say, “You do this and you don’t do that.” Instead, say things like, “I feel like a roommate” or “I don’t feel fulfilled.” His response will tell you everything.
Why do I feel like a roommate in my marriage?
In a nutshell, marriage is a challenge. Marriage is a challenge. If you don’t set boundaries, don’t get along, or have different sexual needs, your relationship can become boring. If you don’t connect with your partner, your intimacy and attachment will fade.
Marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC, and online therapy in North Carolina. At Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, I offer the best marriage counseling I can using Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). This is not your typical weekly therapy. I help couples and individuals in relationships heal their relationships. Marriage counseling, marriage retreats, online therapy, and individual counseling are all options for couples who want to heal their relationships.
📹 Save Your Marriage From the Roommate Situation
Your marriage has become a roommate situation, what do you do to escape it? Here are ten ways to turn your marriage around …
We were roommates for about 18y I’d say. A few weeks ago I decide to tackle it head on and if that burnt it to the ground so be it. Best thing I could have ever done. We are like teenagers again. If you had said this was even possible a few weeks ago I would have said no way. I believed we were done and needed to go our own way. I gave a great deal of thought to how I’d approach this and choose what I said very carefully. Yes there were tears and it was bloody uncomfortable but I never backed down or away. I remained unapologetic as what I had to say had to be said. Maybe I got lucky but I believe we are set for life now.
What I also learned is some people don’t hear your words when you talk. They can only hear your words when you create consequences. They hear you better, when you talk with DISTANCE (not words). When you say ” this hurts me” – they don’t hear anything. But when you physically move out and refuse to physically be with them in addition to saying what hurts you, then and ONLY THEN they realize there’s something you don’t like.
Thank you SO much for this article. My ex-wife and I had been together for 18 years, 14 of which we had been married. While we were dating, everything seemed perfect. I kid you not, the very week after we had gotten married, things had changed into the roommate situation. That’s how I’d started to feel. I am glad that you’ve talked about this, but I’d never heard anyone mention it before. Ever. I’d thought that I was the problem, and why things had changed. I felt as though I was imagining things. Talking between us about whatever, also sex went from VERY often to almost nothing in no time flat. In retrospect, I’ve come to realize that I’d always confused sex as meaning that I was loved. Very few words were ever spoken between us. We passed each other in the hallways as if neither of us were there. I was never kissed, nor even smiled at anymore, as I’d always had been before when I came home from work. Never knew what kind of mood she was in, so I was scared to speak until I was spoken to first. Eggshells. I started to stay at work much longer than I had to simply because I was afraid to come home. She used to sit on my lap, hugging me while we were perusal TV. For no reason that I know of, she had started sitting as far as she could from me while perusal TV. I eventually gave up trying. She ended up bolting with less than a day’s notice, both leaving my 13 year old daughter and I to fend for ourselves, with no financial support at all for more than a year until she was order to pay child support when our divorce was final.
I had a husband for five years. He turned from a passionate lover to a distant roommate. He made love to his self-phone every day, caressed his pet, but never looked at me. When I asked “how come you don’t want to hug any more?” He would answer something like:”why are you complaining?” Or “why are you so difficult?” or with his most favorite phrase : “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT”. That left me feeling guilty for even asking instead of resolving my problem. When we went out somewhere, his public display of affection turned into a public display of disgust and contempt. No matter what I tried to say, no matter how positive, he would roll his eyes. So, I stopped going out with him. I told him it hurts me when he pushes me away with frowned face. It seemed he always decided to go out together only to push me away when I try to hug him in public or walk away from me in the middle of the day as if I vanished, which often followed by his silent treatment, lasting for days….. And I never knew why he would get so silent and uninterested. So, I asked him why he was like that? He never answered. He just went silent or said “I don’t want to talk about it”. Well, I gave up on going out and decided to spend time together only inside the house. But inside the house he became glued to his phone and started requesting me to not bother him at all and that I should set up an appointment, if I wanted to talk to him. Meanwhile, his facebook friends reached out to him any moment of the day without any appointments.
Ashley, thank you for posting this article. I find that most, if not all, of these situations apply to my current relationship with my wife. I liked what you said about meaningful conversations, and were our conversations ever meaningful in the beginning. I have been married for nearly 29 years. I confess that I’ve made my fair share of mistakes along the way. Our marriage nearly ended a couple of times. Each time, I did my best to keep the marriage intact. However, we never fully recovered, and we have been in a roommate situation for over a decade. Maybe even 2 decades. I have reached a point where I don’t even know what I want anymore or which direction to head. Thank you again for posting this article.
My husband is doing exactly what you are doing, and now I don’t care a damn, I am fed up. He moved me almost an hour away from my family to abandon me, and be disrespectful. I wasted 22 years chasing him and dancing to his tune, and begging for romance and sex, and now I am done, I should be officially out by spring, i ma exhausted of his endless argueing without ever wanting a solution.
You are Spot On Ashley! This is my second marriage, and again I’ve fallen into the Roommate category… It doesn’t help with the M&L being here, wife has 4 diagnosis of (POTS, Migraines, Fainting Disorder and Insomnia). At first we would make decisions together (purchases/ideas/goals), now we surprise each other when a big purchase or idea was made without talking with the spouse first. I can see how she places her mom first before me, intimacy is gone and the only kiss I get daily is when I drop her off work with a no so “heart felt” love you… 🤦♂️ I’m basically still here for my 5yo daughter and that’s about it.
I feel this! But it goes both ways from my wife and I. She is always depressed and reserved. I feel like we have had so many fights over three years that has made our love language awkward. I find myself talking about bills, work because we lack much in common. Sometimes I wonder if all our fights have caused us to resent one another. I just wish we could get back to trust, communication and passion. I sometimes think she is bored and wants out and possibly would entertain someone else.
At 45 years old, I have been married 10 years. And I am considering staying in a marriage that seems over and emotionless. Is staying in a marriage where you know something is missing between you two worth having money, cars, home, and more importantly your kids grow up with both parents living in the home? Living unhappy. No connection or intimacy with your wife. You feel like roommates. Two ships passing in the night. Do I want to wake up in twenty years at 65 and wish I would’ve got out of my marriage and tried to be happier? No idea what I’m going to do.
A year later from this article. I’ve been married 21 years. Husband and I never had deep conversations unless I initiated. Even then he always has sat across from or beside me in complete silence. No interaction. He’s always been animated on shallow things. Can’t have discussions or make amends without both people working. I suspect a lot marriages have always muddled through “til death do us part”. Even begging, crying, yelling, silent and ignoring has never worked. Being calm and trying a conversation doesn’t work. No changes except on my part. 21 years later and I simply am unwilling to keep living this way. If I go along to get along and ignore everything, it’s all good. If I don’t act happy it’s all bad.
I live upstairs and he lives downstairs. He comes home eatts his dinner that is sitting out from him . He sends the kids up to get boxers and socks,gets a shower and then drinks . He then sleeps in our daughters room . We go without days of even looking at eachother . He tried to control me for years, threatened my friend to stay away from me and told lies to everyone about me just to isolate me from everyone and for me to be solely dependent on him and it backfired enormously. He doesn’t even have a relationship with our children. If I won money ( which will never happen ) I would be away in the morning. We have not had sex in years either nor do I ever want too . I often wonder are many couples the same as me x
Just stumbled upon this amazing article. Here’s a couple of factors impacting my marriage that you did not address: huge age difference. My husband is 20 years my junior. We’ve been together 24 years; I’m getting older, he’s not growing up. And I suspect that he is on the autism spectrum – something that I never really considered until recently, but is becoming increasingly difficult for me to handle. The guilt & depression I feel are crippling.
I feel like I chose to marry my husband to keep from being lonely and to give my 2 kids a father. Now I hate my life because he doesn’t do anything for me or with me. He is grumpy and doesn’t want to talk about anything. When I tell him what I need he just looks at me. He doesn’t even attempted to try!
Most people get divorced because they married for the wrong reasons. Men marry for sex, women marry for children. Both tend to marry out of desperation. Nobody wants to admit that when they stood up in front of all their friends and family and said “I will love this person forever” they were actually thinking “I’m marrying this person out of desperation”. Then the kids come along, life gets tougher, and the marriage comes under pressure. Nobody wants to say “My life feels much worse because the kids have changed it beyond recognition” because they love their kids so much. They can’t blame themselves either – so they blame their partner, because that’s the only person left to blame. Then they get divorced and their life is even worse.
Mine did. All of the above was checked. It only last a little less than two years thank goodness! plus he has a problem with substance abuse most of his money was spent in drugs, strippers, alcohol, and expensive restaurants. Interestingly, there was no money for the mortgage, or the utility bills everything was going downhill. I’m soooo happy I’m out. I feel like a brand new person now and I’m loving it! Women, if all of these apply to your relationship just walk away it’s not pretty and it won’t be.
My marriage became a roommate situation and she left. By the time I knew what was going on she was gone. When we finally talked she said it was over. I asked why, I didn’t cheat, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, and she said she found another. She needed to get back onto the cock carousel. I lost. I will NEVER open my heart again. She told me I am no good. I am just a bad person who doesn’t deserve happiness. It’s ok my heart will never be hurt again. I locked it up.
Add to the list: All ways finding things to put your full attention own talking to them but not full attention. Or come home an leave an spend time with a friend. An care more about others feelings more then hers. Most of the time over look her feelings an some times kind of contacted when she is hurting. But connect more with anyone else when they are hurt or what ever.
Got married in 1985. Had 3 kids. No sex for me since 2005 now. Even before then it was once about every 4 weeks for us. We have slept in separate rooms since the late 90s. Deeply distraught, I went to 5 different counselors on my own (she would not go), then left her for 7 weeks, but came back because of the kids, which are grown now. The whole long term situation ended up killing my male libido, so I’m just resigned to it all now. She is GREAT in the kitchen, but bedroom fun ended many years ago. Our grown kids are STILL living at home. When they came along, for her, it was 99 percent about them and I just became Johnny Paycheck and DIY man around the house.
I believe the reason marriages don’t do as well these days is simply the ECONOMY. Back when I was growing up my mom never worked my dad had nothing more than a high-school education he drove Hilo at a furniture company for 35 years. We had no debt we had new car’s every 5 years had a couple of RV went on family vacations we always had nice things and plenty of time to go on vacations. So naturally when the household is financially stable mom can stay home and raise kids and the kids are doing well of course the marriage is going to be in good shape. But unfortunately modern times don’t allow for that. Both parents have to work the kids are raised on daycare and social media and have all kinds of issues the household is in debt up to the roof parents and kids are stressed out to the max and you combine all that with the shit for food everyone eats life itself is set for a path of disaster.
After 15 years of marriage i feel this situation, she took up a master degree programme which totally shifts her ambitions and timing away from me and our daughter. I wanted to retire and go back to my country home and live simple life but now she doesn’t seems to want that. She didn’t trust me anymore, and says it clearly, she doesn’t respect me at all. All the time keeps shouting at me for right and wrong reasons, she even shouts a lot to our daughter which i really don’t like, my daughter has started saying rude things to me, doesn’t talk or behave well with me. She also has recently started shouting and showing aggression and rudeness, i believe is because of her, also she never liked what i buy in the house ‘ she’s hates what i like, she thinks whatever i buy or like is crap, she shouts and fights to me in front of my parents and daughter, which i feel is not respectful at all! How do i tell her all this ? Truth is i love her so much she mother of my child, i love or daughter she’s a gem !
I’m living this situation, we are married just 5 years, together 8, but the big change came when we moves to a campingplace to live a bit cheaper, save money to DO things together like travelling in europe…What happend then? He got “friends” there who really wanted to pull him down to be…I don’t know…like them! just beer drinking, smoking and talking about nothing, I was there but living alone, I saw my husband maybe 3 hours a day…and all the indicators: getting up late to not have much to do with me, staying all day long with the others and jsut coming to eat dinner, not talk and after going back to his friends for the last beer…that lasted till 10 in the night, I was already in bed. It came to a point in which I decide to go to other provinz to work and live under the week and come home on weekends, we talk about it…If I’m coming we do something together, you have the whole week for your friends….so it lasted like 3 times and now is a good change I’m coming home to find it empty. Sex? what’s that? like 3 years without, not missing it…it was never good, but thinking I’m wasting my time with somebody who doesn’t see the issue even that I try to talk about this so many times…I’m putting my life in hold just to the end of this year and if he doesn’t really want to try to save our marriage with me, we together…then I’m better off alone, anyway I’m living alone the past years. Thanks for this article, just find you, new subs.
Every sign you talked about matched my relationship, it’s so hard to sit and talk and make the decision to separate. We have lived together for more than 10 years and have 2 children. He is ok living like this, he said it, but I’m not, but I can’t say it or make the decision to end this 🥺😒 I cant like like this more years its killing me inside
When you have a spouse that has been abused as a child you have a lot of Shame and even though that might not be resentment towards you that is never dealt with that becomes projected upon you. This can create a roommate situation even when it is not really the fault of the relationship of unresolved shame and Trauma that needs to be processed and many times that allows or puts the supportive partner in a role of not understanding how to bridge the gap when the Survivor partner is unwilling or unable to face that shame and Trauma. So the question is how do you guide you’re a Survivor partner to get help so they can deal with her past issues and be able to deal with current issues in a healthy way instead of current issues being a trigger to keep going back to the past?
Ashley.. we do a lot together.. our calendar is full of activities that we do together. We do not sleep in separate rooms.. (Actually if she snores and I sleep in another room she gets upset). There are hobbies we share and some we do not. But there is no sexy time. In all fairness I have periodic issues with my health and I think it scares her.
My husband is completely shut off from me. When I ask why it’s 1 of 3 excuses, work, stress, tired. It’s been this way for a solid year. He did things in the beginning of the relationship involving other women and I forgave him, but it still hurts. Yet, he can’t tell me he’s happy to be with me, he is grateful for me, etc. He also is romantically absent. I loved to be touched…coming up behind me and putting his arms around me, rubbing my arms, holding my hand, etc. When he’s home he’s constantly on his phone. On the weekends he spends 2 solid hours at the gym on Saturday & Sunday (on top of barely seeing him throughout the week). I feel like I’m screaming for attention but like we are just coworkers.
She sorta reminds me of Maud!! But yes I’ve got the roommate situation too. I will tell all of you that it’s better to have not loved and not lost at all!!! Because the other way around is much lower a feeling. As an old man said to me 35yrs ago, the little bit of scratch isn’t worth the aggrevation!! I didn’t believe him, i had to prove him wrong….. He was right. Im going to be 55yrs old soon, and half of that i was alone. The other half with a roommate relationship! I built a great relationship with pets, there nothing like people. But its true simple love. And they always greet me everyday i come home . I even have Provisions set aside just in case I never return. Meaning if i were to be dead!! I did enjoy your article here. Thank you. Best of luck everyone.
This is what we are going threw.. I even get it for not paying rent during this pandemic.. we been married for 2 yrs but dated 5yrs. I’m constantly trying communicate but nothing seams get threw him. I know I am not perfect but I put up with way more then he has ever done for me. So much emotions rn.
Yep…I’m living this shit right now!! 30 friggin years and this is what I get, and when I attempt to talk things out. She has an excuse or says.., I don’t know. I forgot to tell you something, or she just up and conveniently lies to me when I catch her in some BS.. I’m outta here. This shit is over !!!
My husband comes in looks in the bedroom some times.Then, sits in the living room for long periods of time perusal TV; often he gets on his phone laughs jokes and has conversations with family/friends even co-workers. Later but still an early evening climbs into bed next to me where I’m perusal TV or reading/studying turns his back to me and goes to sleep “SNORING” loudly without saying a word. Our marriage is everything you said plus this and more but, I am tired of not being apart of his itenerary I.e. list of explorations of the day(s). Truth
Wow I was just praying to God about how I just can’t do this anymore. I’m 41 yrs old and been married for 15 yrs. You just described my current situation to a tee in this 15 min article! We’ve been in the roommate sutuation probably within the last 2 yrs. Of course there have been things that have happened that led us here but it didn’t bother me this bad back then. Since I’ve been out of work due to the worldwide “flu.” I’ve just started noticing how wide the gap really is between my husband and I. The thing is we still have AMAZING sex…not as often but when we do that’s when all the feelings and emotions come flooding back and just as it ends on a good note we go right back to being roomates again as that has become our routine and I guess our “norm.” That’s what actually makes me more confused because during that intimate time you’d never think there was anything wrong but then we go back to square 1 and the cycle starts right back up untl the next “visit.” Anyone else in the same situation? Ican’t be the only one. Pls drop a reply if you’re like me. I’m so happy I came upon your website. I’ll definitely be binge perusal your articles today!
I remember seeing an interview with Mary kay Laterneau and Villy. (A recent interview) & the interviewer asked, “Is there still passion?” Mary Kaye smiled & started to say something and Villy piped in & said, “it’s all about the kids now”. I think most marriages are like that after a long time unless couples have the same interests & share alot and like you said, get things out on the table & not sweeping things under the rug.
This is literally my life right now. 😪 So much pain, anger, resentment, and betrayal has driven a huge wedge between us. It’s time to let go. Real love doesn’t involve the hurtful names that we’ve called each other.. i just can’t argue anymore. I’ve got to be happy again. 😊 I’m going to focus on me and my babies.
My wife kept everything in and expressing it in ways that didn’t even show the marriage was in trouble like… can you take out the trash? Pick me up from work and…. the truck needs gas. Then there’s that hospital situation where she harbored resentment and a grudge and held it in without showing it until she couldn’t take it anymore… then said it’s to late for the marriage and all we need is divorce. Then told me all the signs were there I just ignored them all until it was too late!!!! Like… really.
You’ve just defined my (so-called) marriage with the points in this article. I’m at the point in my life where MGTOW is looking very inviting and attractive. We’ve been married for 9 months and we haven’t had sex in 7 years and our conversations are succinct. The reason for the non-sex is because she claims to have a prolapsed vagina but I doubt that’s the whole story. Yesterday, I had the day off from work so I did a bunch of housework. Laundry, dishes, bathroom, kitchen and all I got was the one thing that I forgot to do.
My wife and I are definitely in a roommate situation. We are cordial and have found ways to avoid serious fighting and conflict; however, we have slept in different rooms for the last 11 years and of course there’s been no intimacy or sex. Eleven years ago my wife moved into my son’s old room because she found it more comfortable as she suffers with a rare spinal disorder that leaves her in constant pain. I saw this disease as a need and an opportunity to come together and fight it to regain what we professed was a marriage. I vowed to take her to therapy, she usually goes twice per week, or the gym every day if necessary so she could hopefully reduce her pain, regain mobility and lose weight to reduce knee pain and regain her confidence. She’s a beautiful woman; however, she’s adopted what I see as a passive approach leaving me to believe she is not truly inspired to take on the emotional and physical challenge necessary to fight for what we should have. My perspective is that wrt fighting this disease, we might make only small improvements; but, we could become closer in a parallel and supportive fight against it. I’m a lonely guy.
I feel like not only are we in a roommate situation but I do all the adulting as well. I make sure all our bills are paid anything having to do with money I take care of that just any kind of normal adult situations I do that I think has made me look at him like I’m the parent & he is the child if that makes any since. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I just need a break from adulting and I need him to take over some of our adult responsibilities. He had this care free life he can fish and hunt he is enjoying life I’m unable to do that someone has to be on top of things and be responsible all this is going on plus our roommate situation is how we live. I feel alone more alone than I have ever felt in my life and I love this man to death we use to have so much passion for each other now there is nothing. Idk if it’s cause I have gained some weight due to menopause or what. I’m lost and need help we can’t ever talk to each other he feels like I’m attacking him yelling at him when my voice is never raised I just want to have a conservation can’t even do that. Your article so describes is the falling asleep in front of the tv not coming to bed or coming to bed at 2 a.m I feel like he just avoids me . I’m just lost
25 years with my husband and we been roommates since we meet its all ways seem to me that way even though we was together 6 years before marriage 💑 what i think make people stay together is situations or cuzz there familiar 🤔 people.but anyways I say either fix it or move on. Really Don’t waste time trying to fix it, basically your in it alone. He has his friend work . Your just there at the end of the day,for him and thats not anuff. Point-blank. Dont get breadcrumb people ..
I am out. I gave my best. I am very close to packing and leaving with only a note that says I will deal with it legally or with therapist but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be heard, I end up begging all the time, I am ignored, he expect me to have a perfect life path which means as much money as him, same beliefs with parenting, even same beliefs in family..etc. he refused to deal with any of the problems, and gives excuses, and just say I understand and I am sorry but never change. He blames me for not having sex, yet I am the one that always initiated and begged for it. He says nasty mean things to me and if I finally say it back he pretends to be the victim. I feel like I am with psychopath. He claims he did all he can get he stays in front of the TV, disregarding me, abd talking to everyone else but me. I actually an easy person to do talk to but unless I will let him insult me and say mean stuff and lies in the discussions, he don’t want to have him.
Achieving and long-lasting partnerships/team/groups/organizations are not always “sunshines” and “happy picnics”. Many of it are not even known for emotionally-ridden experiences. Whats their secret? Knowing the goals/objective and your corresponding roles. That’s it. Marriage is no different. Objective: Family-oriented Roles: Husband – Breadwinner, final authority in decision making, technical lead/advisor on family/home management. Wife – Support, Primary homemaker, Emotional and moral aide to the family, First-teacher to the kids. (some the roles can be interchanged/simultaneously executed by both partners) Other roles – Lovemaking to each other. Reminding partner to each other. Troubleshooting? “Never fight fire with fire” – When a partner is emotional and unreasonable, the other partner must be aware and must not retaliate (dont let ones pride ruin things). Let things cool down first and speak about these privately. TIP for men: Weight things one more time, and if your side proves to be of more gain/productive than her side, then creatively convince her of the upside your choice/decision could make (assert your position). In case you realize your wife has the point, clarify your side and your reason and calmly concede to your wife on the matter. Pull out some ‘cheezy’ stuffs/moves at the end of the conversation and your wife will love you more for it.
My neighbours both in 60s sleep in separate rooms and even on a morning i never hear his voice in her room so he is obviously not allowed in. And she works 6 days a week he is retired she comes in and then i hear her in her room early evening with t v on! So she really doesn’t want to spend time with him. He is a lonely you can tell.
Oh sure, I’m in a roommate situation. Sexless for decades, sleep in different beds, can go for days without a real conversation. I do my own cleaning and laundry, etc. Am I happy. What does that really mean. I’m hanging in till the kids are grown and gone. I have way to much financial obligations to divorce now. I had all this prior to marriage and I’m taking this with me.
The root of the issues are your own issues. You usually beat up on people when you have bern hurt in the past. When you are having too much conflict and getting beat up, he or she has unresolved issues and takes it out on you. You need to leave the relationship. Life’s to short to stay and keep getting beat up..
My husband and I were sent home to work about 11 months ago due to covid. We are around each other 24/7. There is literally nothing to talk about. Me: “Did I tell you that my boss is being a jerk?” Spouse: “I know. I was in the room during your zoom meeting.” We live in a 1 bedroom apartment. There truly isn’t anything talk about.
I spent over a decade (from my late 20’s until 37 in the “roommate situation”. We did talk about interesting topics and enjoy some of the same hobbies, but it was completely platonic. 100% platonic. We finally divorced, and my new husband and I are so in love. We have known one another for 30 years. We each married other people, but ended up back together. I still have a great relationship with my ex-husband. We spent 19 years together, but it was a “best friends” relationship. Please—never waste a DECADE of your life doing this. He’s a good guy, and I pray that he finds the love that I have now, which I never knew existed.
It has been this way since before the kids were born and got worse. I tried everything to try and engage. However, most of the time I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I have tried to modify my behaviour to try and help out as much as I possibly can, but it seems like it’s never enough. I get verbally degraded and insulted, sometimes in front of the kids. When I call her out on this, she just says that she won’t change and if I’m not happy then I know where the door is. Eventually, my wife was unfaithful. It took everything to try and get her to couples therapy, but she just isn’t motivated to go. I feel like she checked out of this relationship a long time ago.
I confided in friends and did my own thing because my H wasn’t interested in me or my day or my experiences. He even told me multiple times to get some hobbies and hang out with friends more. In other words ” your an intrusion in my life and the things I’m more interested in. He only wanted to “hang out” after he was done with his interests. And then expected Sex. I left!
You must have cameras in my house. I’ve said the exact words to her, “It feels like we are roommates”. Even telling her that wouldn’t initiate any meaningful talk about what’s going on. Work, home, no talking except where’s the remote, etc and then she falls asleep and the next day is groundhog day. But she insists she wants nothing to do with splitting up. I’m lost.
I left my roommate because I saw her true colors when our coworker expressed emotional pain. She was SO insensitive. My coworker (let’s call him Paul) is on the spectrum and doesn’t really have a great filter. He’s said some ✌”inappropriate”✌ things, but never intentionally. He’s actually a really conscientious guy. He just makes mistakes in social situations, that’s all. I think most of the crew have been a bit unfair to him. Even exclusive. They’re college students and they have fun with each other, but they don’t really include him in. They have shown some signs of annoyance or “dislike” (I say loosely) toward him. And then one day, I overheard the chef speaking firmly with Paul, not knowing I was nearby. She told Paul–who was always outgoing and tactile at work–that he shouldn’t touch coworkers anymore and that he can only talk about work or school. Paul never meant to discomfort anyone. He expressed his pain to me and my ex-roommate; said he hated discomforting and/or hurting people, and perhaps even himself at this point. He even cried a bit. Now, I had lost my voice, so I couldn’t say anything to make him feel better; the best I could do was pat his shoulder. I noticed my ex-roommate staring emotionlessly at him…as if she didn’t care. I gestured toward him when he wasn’t looking, and mouthed “say something,” and she mouthed, “Like what?”\r \r When Paul left, I confronted my roommate (who happened to be able to read lips) for not trying to make a hurting Paul feel better.
This was my marriage absolutely. I begged my husband to go to marriage counseling or even just TALK to me, but he refused to do it. He always made me out like I was the problem while he accepted no responsibility for what took place. Then he says stupid stuff like “Well, the building has burned down, and we can’t fix it. We just have to move on.” I want to slap him because we could have avoided it if he’d just given a damn when I was shouting about the smoke. I’m better off that we’re divorcing because why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t care about you or the problems enough to work on them? I’m sorry I wasted ten years with him, but I’d be more upset if I wasted ten more to have that same sort of cold indifference and constant blame shifting continuing.
I’m in this situation as well. I’m a go getter. Always moving around, always wanting to go somewhere together and do something. She’s a lazy antisocial homebody that just wants to sit around, watch tv and drink wine. I didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t know she would change negatively so much. No matter what I say or do to spark the marriage, it’s always shot down. I’m 50 years old and I don’t know what to do. I’m crawling out of my skin. She has also gained about 75 lbs. I’ve lost about 30. I love her and couldn’t imagine my life without her. I put on a happy face, but I haven’t been happy in about 15 years. We have sex maybe 2X a year if I’m lucky and even then it feels like it’s a task for her.
HOW DO YOU GET MY WIFE TO RECONNECT, TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN WHILE SHE IS IN MIDLIFE CRISIS ? she has very high walls all around her. i am very open with her, kind,respectful and helpful but nothing ! she is snappy, cold and mean. i am trying my best to be supportive, is it a case of riding the storm of her midlife crisis ? we have been together for 23 years with two sons.
My partner and I work seperate shifts. He has home schooling for his daughter then 40 hours of work. I am often by myself. He falls asleep infront of tv. Our sex life has diminished. He often has no time for me. we were supposed to get martied in April but covid stopped that. we take no vacations no laying in bed together. I don’t know what to do. I feel so disconnected
It’s going to stay in the roommate situation with my husband. He doesn’t have any conversation unless I entertain one. He has no emotions only for himself maybe. He CANNOT cry if he wanted to. No empathy whatsoever. He puts the whole weight of the relationship on me. He is very toxic. Covert narcissist is his name. To me that took over his whole individuality because he doesn’t do the right thing and he loves to get a rise out of me and that means to make me upset. He won’t help me with anything and doesn’t deserve to be a husband to me.
As a Christian, it seems to me that everyone can describe input. As a male victim, does God allow divorce and would he bless another marriage? I’m tired of the 22 year room mate. Under the case of no intimacy,sex or and discussions to the subject. It’s my fault. She claims she don’t feel my love. And if I use the word sex I am shamed. I admit that after 17 years of waiting for her, I bonded emotionally with an old h.s. gal. There I get my sanity. I’m considering leaving my roommate wife just for peace. And my friend knows and says I’m in a very unhealthy marriage, and it could mess my head up. I can’t blame my friend, all this loneliness went on 6 years before my friend and I began talking. I let wife not work if she choose, I worked hard, we are debt free. Own our home, yet nothing I say or do is thanked or appreciated. I want to be loved, not liked by my wife. No heart conversations just,bickering, worrying, and I am at my wits end. Knowing I am a good man, we all need work, yet living with what I think is a covert narcissist. I lost my desire to want to try to fix it. I don’t like people like her. If I leave,I have God to answer to, I’ll be in debt the rest of my life and I will always feel sad for my wife.leaving her alone. If you have an answer for that I could use some imput. I brought up divorce 3 times to her, she says No. So I live on the patio sleep alone,forced into celibacy and totally lost as to how to process and resolve a loanly and constant wrenched gut life. God has blessed me so far, but how much is a man suppose to take?
I’m in the middle of that situation,, I’m fighting and suffering just for my son, He is 2 years old, I really don’t know if I should continue this relationship or just get divorced, Everything around me tells me that divorce is the solution, I really don’t know what to do, pls comment if u have an advice for me ❤️❤️
My wife of nearly 20 years is my best friend. But she changed from being the sweet perky vibrant woman I knew…to one with a shorter fuse, one who never conceded a thing for the sake of compromise, and let herself go physically. I love her but I am not IN LOVE with her. We haven’t been intimate in years and I look at her more now as a co-parent, business partner, and friend….but NOT as a lover. I want to cry sometimes knowing I’ll never feel physical pleasure. Our physical chemistry didn’t mix and I had no way of knowing because we are both traditional and never slept together before marriage. To further elaborate (because I just have to vent)…her internal shape is inverted so PIV is either painful or very difficult. Her cycle lasts half a month and her work schedule makes her wake up very early because she cannot get ready in under 2 hours. Therefore, we’re regulated to Friday and Saturday nights twice a month. We have a child turning 15 but who is emotionally having issues and needs to be tucked in still if she doesn’t just come into our room. Add to that, my wife’s hygiene isn’t exactly stellar down there….last time I saw bits of toilet paper which was a total turn off. She doesn’t groom herself, she’s gotten fat, odor is bad, lies/smells like a dead fish, and it takes her forever to get ready. I found it was faster to take care of it myself but it left me feeling empty. It is disheartening because my one other partner I had before I met her was fiery and incompatible with my personality long term.
I kinda got the hint after working in my veggie garden and when I came in to have a shower hubby had moved everything of mine into the spare bedroom. I was absolutely devastated. He said it was because I keep him awake by wiggling, coughing, etc. Problem is hubby is hearing impaired and doesn’t talk much at all. He never initiates any form of intimacy and when I tried to discuss it, he said sex is just an animal act and foreplay or intimacy is just a fairytale girls have been brainwashed with.
How bout no communication at all for 1 and when it is small talk cant believe one word come out their mouth because their a compulsive liar,i mean lie bout things they dont have to lie bout i dont have a roommate i have a stranger after years i dont know nothing bout them period anymore (double life)
I am there just now, have been for years … but communication ( as a way of solving stuff ) is shut down now a days before it even starts, tried marriage counselling but I found us both to be insincere and on individual cases so bogg down with resentments, hurts, past issues, incompatibilities that we never reached any solutions at all … I do not see any way so start solving this but communication or is there other way without using language? Messages, friends ( mediators), notes doesn’t work either … there are ignored or brushed off … ? My problem solving skills are limited, please help
Probably not. It’s not even a relationship. I wanna be more connected than her. She has some form of schizophrenia. Possibly a personality disorder of some sort. Yes I know I probably have some of my own as to why I wanna stay/be with her. I know I’m not right in the head. You should see my parents 🤔🤪✌ Thank you…
my partner of more than ten years continues to throw our early dating days in my face regarding my ex. I have been 100% faithful all these years but we are not close anymore, no sex and no intimacy. If I do get the opportunity to please her 2 times a year, she usually finishes and turns over and goes to sleep. I dont even know how I got here !!!
I am in the roommate can’t get by all the hate and anger I have towards him for the past almost 11 yrs of hurt separation. I feel in 2014 multiple surgerys with no sympathy didn’t care I needed help, crying in front of him in pain doesn’t even get a response. Left me just 3m ago after 4 week post op with the only car made me walk around town to get my meds and food I can’t forgive him for that. A week later he comes back only because he would have to get acjob pay bills on his own. When I settled my injury case and bought a house in cash. I was never going to be homeless again, yes homeless. He quit his job in 2016 blamed our money issues on me because I fell and couldn’t work full time. So he left me no job at that time no on unployment couldn’t keep the rental myself. I was forced to give everything away and stay in a tent. I spoke to a lawyer he said don’t divorce him intil you settle your case. Well 2021 I settled bought a house. 7 jobs he went threw in 2 yrs blamed on moving out of state he didn’t know what job he liked. I was forced to find a job in pain so part time teaching staying under my allowed amount for disability. Yes I am legally disabled now. I have to much anger I mean nothing to him. I am nasty I want him to loose everything like I did ibtried talking about it he feels he is justified for doing all this to me. So I am a bitch controlling because that’s all I have. I feel used and abused not loved at all. I am done.
Well, this seems like a male/female conversation but a am a man married to a man. We have been together 25 years. We were legally married the first month we could be. We never consummated the marriage even on our wedding night, or on our honeymoon in Hawaii. It’s now been 20 years since we have had sex. I have tried to talk about it with him so many times, but it turns into a fight every time. We can not talk about sex or money. We are very good at small talk. I would split up with him, but he is my best friend. Our finances are so intertwined that a split would be very difficult. I guess I feel if we did split I would then just be all alone. I am now in my 60’s and feel I would never meet anyone ever again. The Gay community is so youth oriented. So I am basically just waiting to die.
I used to be alone but I’m lucky someone understands what I’m going through and is trying to help me. It’s fucking lonely as hell with absolutely nothing to look forward to. I wanted a cat because I know they don’t need me to survive and for the affection. I’m sure guy’s can’t even say this out loud.
What about a wife who is never satisfied, who can find ways to criticize literally anything her husband does, who never runs out of chores and requests and demands, but is rarely pleased with the results, who can pick a fight over literally anything, who wants everything done when, where, and how she wants it, who is passive-aggressive as hell, makes backhanded snide remarks constantly, but turns into Mother Theresa when family or friends come around? What does that indicate?
Wow! I used this terminology with her often. Roommate! But why can’t I break the cycle. When I say “sometimes I just wanna leave and be alone”, I should expect questions from her . It s.b ” let’s talk”….” what’s going on, that doesn’t sound like we are on the same page”…but I don’t get that response….it’s done! Then why am I still here!
I have been married for close to 16 years, and i feel that her children are finally at the breaking point since one is 18 and the other is 24, and wont move nor help out in the home, she gets upset when i mention this, as she is very protective and the form my relation is i dont see a future in us. and making love is very seldom and things have changed either because of her defensiveness about her kids and that i feel like i am now just a roommate that is paying his share just to live there. what can i do?
I already know where we went wrong, but how do I get over or past this.. cus we’ll be fine one minute and the next I’m reminded of where everything went wrong and anger surfaces all over again until I self talk out of those thoughts.. I hate it! I just wosh everything was back to normal again. How do I get pass those triggers that piss me off all over again.. cus everything just stops for me.. u made sense when u said we start getting thoughts like “what am I still doing here in this marriage, like WTH!!” Please help me understand.. pleease??
Marriages these days are just a mutual benefit schemes where I give you this and you do this and visa versa. It is unspoken in the marriage but we all honestly know the real deal. It is a transactional relationship at the core of it. When someone does not hold up their end of the contract is when things go bad it’s that simple. JJ Walking
We have been married for close to 40 years, we have had some very bad times in those first years but we have had a lot of wonderful years. I haven’t had sex with her for a long time but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her and that she doesn’t love me. Love evolves it is not the same when you first get married as when you’re 40 years married. Things just slow down physiologically and mentally. I have had lust and crushes over the years but I would never trade my wife for anyone else, she’s beautiful and wonderful. I love traveling with her and doing things with her. I take care of her when she’s sick and she takes care of me. I think it’s sad when people are unfaithful or say they are happy they are not married but marriage is wonderful. I can’t imagine how sad it would be to be sick and all alone or old and all alone dying by yourself and no one to care about you. It takes both people to compromise and make it work. Remember why you married her/him. I know every relationship is different but respect for the other person has a lot to do with it and don’t think of sex as the absolute rule to staying married or divorced, that part is going to end at some point.
I am married 20 yrs. he was abusive for 15 yrs when i rebelled and he stopped being abusive. But i have drifted away emotionally, we r literally in two different rooms and i have no love for him. My kids are about to leave for college and we will be by ourselves in 2 years. I do not see myself loving him the way i did before. He has disrespected me enough for me to move on. How do i plan my exit? How do i tell him I want out? I am the one feeling it all, my husband thinks what he did should be forgiven and forgotten. I am unable to do that. Being around him is hard for me, forget the touch of him.
21 years. Sex average 1.3 x a week. After kids moved out I moved upstairs to have privacy (finally) and started smoking pot. In arguments I have literally said that to her face like 20 times. I am a structural engineer who founded his own 50 man engineering firm. I am fit 50 Yr old man over 6 ft. I am active good looking and fit. Camp, ride motorcycles etc…at the end of the day…I can’t lay next to her anymore and feel yet another “lost” opportunity pass while I lay there and burn…she gives zero fucks.
I’ve been with my partner for 17 years and he hasn’t touched me in 3. Id like to think I’m not an ugly girl. But I feel like I am. I just want someone who loves me. Not treats me like a roommate. He won’t even talk about it even though I want to work it out. But sometimes you have to walk away especially if the other person isn’t working as hard as you are.
im not even married an i felt like this i watched a thing an it said give your partner 2 weeks an if nothings changed then leave but dont tell them there on a time limit an maybe its just not even worth it you should have a connection an intimately connected an be able to tell them what you want if its been 3 years with no sex an when you did have sex it was just boring the same thing same position no intimacy an your afraid to tell them what you want but you dont have that connection where you can tell your partner what you really want an if nothing chages you start trying to find other ways to satisfy you or they start cheating an then they leave an its like you dont kiss or hug or even talk then whats the point noone wants to be miserable forever i tried to bring it up an my partner would say all you care about is sex when its been 3 years with no sex noone should be miserable forever theres no connection living in the same house because we havent been able to find another place we could afford im tried of wasting years of my life with someone i apparently dont need to be with
I have been married for 18 years but the last 9 years have been sexless. We are roommates on 2 beds in one room. We are still together because of our children. He was never comfortable to talk about difficult issues. He was so dismissal as a way to avoid conflicts maybe. It made feel emotionally isolated.
My husband is emotionally abusive he would even call me names when he is angry. And never apologise. Ive already told him i dont like it. So i jist shit down and he would never say anything until i do. But ofcourse he won’t be talking about what he did. Its been a month now. Yesterday was our anniversary. He left without me and returned in the morning
This is exactly what I am going through. My fault is, it started when we were not yet married. Instead of leaving her, I proposed, we get married and now we already have a baby because I though everything will go back to normal but I’m wrong. I still love her even in this situation but I really don’t know what to do to save our marriage and specially for our son.
Sleeping in a separate room is not necessarily a bad thing. I have never shared a room with my wife. We both prefer it that way. It makes it more exciting when we get in a bed together – it feels new and fresh every time. You can get desensitised to your partner by having them next to you all the time. We have great sex, we just prefer to sleep seperate. We do our talking on walks or on the couch.
Ashley. Here is my comment.. I have been married a long time. Decades. We are definitely roommates. No intimacy. But everything else is fine. We go out. We do things together. We have dinner together. Watch movies and sports. She buys me great presents. Gets my favorite stuff at the grocery store. We share housework. Just no intimacy and when I bring it up she just makes a joke and moves on. I don’t get it.
He said he has peace here at his place he want me to leave he wont let me sleep nex to me he wont talk to me he wont touch me we were separated for 8 years I regret that I came back to him he also holding things over my head when we argue about it 2 weeks ago so I’m just goin to walk away even though its hurts so much I feel I cant breathe
I’m glad I watched this, so I have been with my bf for going on 15 years, we stopped having sex about 8 years ago. That seems like that would be a big deal but when perusal this I see that’s our only issue everything is great besides that. I’m pretty sure, yeah I know it’s my fault cause before him I am the one who is always with a new partner cause doing the same person to me can bore me. I’m also the person who would only want to be with my bf I couldn’t ethically be with someone else other than my bf. The only problem I see is when we get old we may wish we would have used it while we had it! Lol But our relationship means more to me than that. Some people say that I should just do that on the side and not tell him, but I couldn’t do that either that wouldn’t be fair to him.
My husband is just defensive, he wants to be respected while himself lying and ignoring me all the time, I lost my trust in him. Also while I am in a great physical shape he doesn’t do any activities, he started growing a belly. I look at the men in my gym, they also work, have families etc but they are not neglecting themselves! Sex is shit too, it’s become like a chore
I guess we are halfway so there is still hope. We are opposites completely. Offer any diametrically opposed adjective pairs and we would be one or the other. I’m tall, she is short, Im male she is female, she is wicked dark skinned south asian I am very white WASP, she grew up in Cali, I’m for Vermont, I am interested in everything. She is only concerned with what background noise will be playing while she zones out. She loves warm humid weather, which I hate, She hates the cold, which I love. Etcetera
Been married for 6 years, we have 1 child and its been 4 years of no sex. Im currently in the resentment stage of the roommate relationship. Im an attractive man 37 yrs old. I make good money i have great hobbies and im in decent shape. I have no desire to look outside the relationship because my daughter WILL grow up with her father. In her life. Every day. Regardless of my feelings. Am i wrong for not caring about my own feelings wants and desires?
I have been married for 46 years. I was a lucky one he sent flowers, planned nice vacations. Some days after after work we would sit and talk for hours. Until he said took a jobk 0:working with a man that drank and all he wanted to do was go to strip joints!! He even told me about them and how pretty they were just money for college 🤦🏻♀️ Then he would stop answering my calls when he was in Wv. When he came home on day i started to hug him and he said ” he no longer desired me. After that, when we retired, we moved into a house and he designated one room his man cave he comes out of his room long enough to get something to eat, and he goes back in there there. we don’t talk. He will go and visit with people and talk to them. But he never ever says anything to me. I walked past me and he might wave his arm but that’s all after 46 years. I really think I deserve more, but the problem is we’re both on SSI, I had to retire because of my eyesight and then a year later he had a heart attack so that put us both too young to draw the full amount and at $1200 is what I draw there’s no way I could afford a house or anything I feel like I’m in prison it’s a miserable feeling to be this age and think that you’re going to die with somebody that cares nothing at all about you
Date night did not work because I was the only one wanting it. If the other person loses interest in me and stops giving attention, I don’t try to fix it – instead I lose interest myself. I never want to fix and change people who are not interested in me into someone who is interested. I rather move out and say: “Honey, I had a great time with you. Whenever you are done hugging your phone and staring at TV snd finally ready again to hug me and go out with me, let me know – I’ll be more than happy to spend time with you. Untol then, I’ll be enjoying my own company. Bye.” My rule is – if the person wants to give me any attention, they will willingly do so without me trying to “get back” their attention. I love myself enough not to put myself down into a desperation mode of chasing after someone’s attention. Either you show me your attention and affection in a reciprocal way, or be ready to part with me. Anything in between is like playing desperation games.
For anyone wondering, this article is spot on. Two months in from doing these things and my marriage has turned a corner for the better. No more talk of divorce and so much more hopeful and excited for our new future together. Another word of advice, work on yourself in every area with self confidence and love, you will become irresistible to your spouse again. Marriage is work and most of that work is being the best version of yourself for your spouse and putting the marriage first over everything but God.
I shared this article with my covert narcissist wife. Her reply to me was…. “there you go being childish, toxic, and paranoid.” It is what it is with her and she’s never going to change or even care to. I’ve decided to get ready with an exit plan. I’m not going to lose myself over her. I’m a good man with a good heart and I deserve better!!
I think we may have gotten this whole thing wrong…being taught from the cradle to make lifelong commitments that force us to disregard our feelings, intuition, and circumstances as we grow and change. A 50% failure rate supports my theory. Our feelings are telling us that it is time to move on (lack of attraction, lack of respect, no longer looking forward to coming home are HUGE indicators)…that we have learned everything that we could have possibly learned from our current relationships, but culture and belief systems teach us to beat a dead horse instead of parting in peace and moving forward to the next leg of our journey.