In-law relationships can significantly impact a marriage, as they can erode trust, create monster-in-laws, and cause mental torment. Trust is built on open and honest communication, and when communication is lacking, it can lead to suspicion and doubt, which undermines the foundation of the marriage. In-laws may also find fault with everything you do, say, wear, or accomplish.
To survive in-law wars, prioritize your partner and your marriage, set boundaries, and focus on building a strong foundation for your relationship. It is unlikely that stepchildren will break up your marriage, but it is important to prioritize your partner and your marriage.
In-laws can sabotage a marriage by consistently forcing their children to choose them over their spouses. They may demand that a woman spends the holidays with them instead of with their spouse or create arguments and demand that their child take over. It is crucial to take proactive steps to protect your marriage and to spread the love. By following these steps, you can help your in-laws regain control and maintain a strong, healthy relationship.
📹 “My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me” | Dr. Renu Kishore x Bonobology
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What is the number one thing that destroys marriages?
1. Lack of honesty. We often think of honesty in a very tangible way, like telling the truth about where you were last night. While this is important, there are other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages. Not being honest about spending, internet relationships, or substance use or addiction can cause problems in a marriage. If we keep secrets, we might start having secret lives with other people or substances. These can become more important than our partners. Our partners can’t compete with these secret lives, and marriages fail. Affairs often start this way. Affairs often start because of a lack of emotional honesty. Emotional dishonesty is when we don’t tell the truth about how we feel about our partner, our marriage, or ourselves. If we say we’re fine when we’re not, we’re being dishonest.
What breaks up most marriages?
What causes most divorces? Studies say the four most common reasons for divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity, too much conflict, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are lack of shared interests and incompatibility.
19 Most Common Reasons for Divorce. 1. Too much conflict. No one wants a marriage where they argue all the time. How long could you stick it out when your home is more stressful than your worst day at work? In a good marriage, your spouse is your partner, your support, and your cheerleader.
How do I protect my marriage from toxic in-laws?
To have a healthy marriage, you need to set boundaries. Instead of holding grudges, say what you want and don’t want. In-laws love to give advice, but they shouldn’t tell you how to handle your household or spouse.
Do marriages end because of in-laws?
In-law conflicts can make it harder to stay married. They don’t cause divorce, but they can make it more likely. To keep your marriage strong and healthy, you need to understand how in-laws affect you and work to resolve conflicts. Communication, setting boundaries, seeking help, and fostering empathy are good ways to deal with in-law relationships. If couples focus on their marriage and deal with in-law conflicts well, they can build a strong and lasting bond.
Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.
In-Laws and Divorce: The Verdict is in! That wraps up our look at in-laws and how they affect marriages. Let’s take a moment to think about what we’ve learned.
Can bad in-laws ruin a marriage?
If you’re wondering if living with in-laws affects your marriage, the answer is yes because they can interfere in your life. In-laws may try to control their decisions or give unwanted advice.
10 ways your relationship with your in-laws affects your marriage.
5 tips for setting healthy boundaries with your in-laws.
5 practical ways to improve your relationship with your in-laws.
What is the #1 cause divorce?
Why people are getting divorced in the United States. 42. A recent survey found that lack of commitment is the main reason for divorce. Here are the reasons and their percentages:
Lack of commitment 73%; Argue too much 56%; Infidelity 55%; Married too young 46%; Unrealistic expectations 45%; Lack of equality in the relationship 44%; Lack of preparation for marriage 41%; Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
How do you say no to inlaws?
Singh teaches us how to say no to our spouse or in-laws without offending them. Be united with your partner and have an understanding and emotional intimacy with each other. Respect each other and your in-laws. Discuss any conflict with your partner’s parents with your spouse. Let your spouse take the lead and explain why you’re saying no. Make a decision based on facts. Stay polite and explain your stance. Don’t criticize their stance. Show you understand their perspective. Timing and environment matter when sharing sensitive information. Don’t discuss controversial topics in front of a large group or at family gatherings. Choose a quiet place to talk. Before saying no, show you understand. Tell them you understand and that you respect their feelings. This makes them more open to your ideas. Instead of saying no, offer a better idea. This way, you’re not just rejecting their idea, but helping find a compromise. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This approach makes you sound less accusatory. Instead of saying, “You’re wrong,” say, “I feel uncomfortable with this idea.” Building strong relationships means open communication and compromise. It’s important to stand up for yourself, but also to be empathetic and respectful. This will help you maintain healthy relationships with your spouse and in-laws. Love horoscope for the month: Read also: Arigato: The Japanese Money Mantra Why is flirting important for a healthy marriage?
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Why people are getting divorced in the United States. 42. A recent survey found that lack of commitment is the main reason for divorce. Here are the reasons and their percentages:
- Lack of commitment 73%
- Argue too much 56%
- Infidelity 55%
- Married too young 46%
- Unrealistic expectations 45%
- Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
- Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
- Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
(Respondents often cited more than one reason, so the percentages add up to more than 100 percent)
What Makes People More or Less Likely to Divorce? Your age. 43. 48% of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25% of those who marry after 25.
Is it wrong to stay away from in-laws?
It’s OK to dislike your in-laws if they don’t understand you. You need to find a way to live with them without feeling bad. You’re right, they have a view of how things should be. You and your husband have different views on their role in your life. Good you realised this early. I talked to Dr. Reenee Singh (aft.org.uk), a family psychotherapist who works with people in similar situations. “Relationships with in-laws often get worse after a child is born,” she said. “Having a child means you have to change how you relate to everyone in the family because everyone is a different generation.” In-laws who didn’t interfere when you were a couple suddenly feel they can get involved when there is a baby. Everyone wants to be in charge.
How to convince husband to stay separate from inlaws?
Tell your in-laws why you’re leaving. Keep it factual and don’t get emotional. Don’t argue or blame each other. Your in-laws will probably oppose the decision. Don’t defend or justify your decision to them. If abuse or a toxic family member is involved, cut off all contact. Block them from your phone, email, etc. This will help you avoid being pulled into a toxic cycle and prevent any more negative impact on your mental health.
How common is cheating with in-laws?
In 45 % of marriages in America, one or both spouses admit to marital infidelity; 57 % of married men admit to being a cheating husband; 54 % of married women admit to being a cheating wife; 36 % of cheating spouses enter into a secret affair with a co-worker; Extramarital affairs occur 36 % of the time during business trips; 17 % of cheating spouses are having affairs with their brother or sister-in-laws.; The average length of an extramarital affair is two years; Only 31 % of marriages recover from infidelity; *Now if you happen to be reading this information with a question in your own heart, at least you have some solid statistics to help you understand that you probably wouldnt be wondering about your marriage if there was no basis for concern. Kind of like that old saying, “Where theres smoke, theres fire,” you didnt just suddenly get up one morning and decide to be preoccupied about the health of your marriage and the fidelity of your partner. *If you have considered the possibility of following your husband or wife, think about the emotional toll that act would take on you- especially if you did happen to catch your cheating spouse. Also keep in mind that cheating spouses put forth a lot of energy into not getting caught. That means that unless you are lucky enough to have a whole team of support, you are not likely to outsmart him or her- no matter how hard you try.
What to do if your in-laws are toxic?
If you don’t like your in-laws, talk to your partner. Don’t bring up sensitive topics. Set boundaries. Don’t take things personally. Accept your in-laws as they are. Be thankful for the good moments. Spend time with them. Find common ground. Many people think, “I hate my in-laws.” When you marry, you marry your spouse and their family. You may love your partner, but not their parents.
It’s normal to have conflicts with your in-laws. However, research shows that a bad relationship with in-laws can make it more likely that a couple will divorce. Just because you don’t see eye to eye with your in-laws doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. With patience and understanding, you can build a healthy relationship with your in-laws, even if you don’t love them.
📹 The Power to Destroy your Marriage your Narcissistic In-laws – protect yourself Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
Narcissism #NarcissistAbuse #Marriage Who has the Power to Destroy your Marriage, your Narcissistic In-laws? Narcissistic …
The daughter in law is the gatekeeper. She can make or break her in-laws ties to their son and grandchildren. A strong, confident actualized man is going to make sure his parents know this. He is a man that understands what “leave and cleave” really means and prioritizes his wife above all others. A strong, masculine and confident man is going to rear his head up and show his fangs if anyone tries to abuse his wife. If more men operated in their full masculine strength, in-law problems would be non-existent. Too many people enter into marriages without the full understanding of the “leave and cleave” commandment for marriage and they wind up letting their dominant parents control them for the rest of their lives and ruin their marriages.
My evil mil absolutely ruined my marriage since day 1. On My honeymoon, she called 3+ times each day 2 hours each time so her son would all be hers. I had lonely dinners all by myself in hotel restaurants and her son was constantly on the phone chatting with her. On my birthdays or anniversary, she’d make her son do errands for her like picking up people at the airport. Now he’s being returned to his manufacturer. A Defective product.
I have a narcissistic in law. On to them now and I can’t stop laughing. I can predict their next move, don’t care. I deliberately wind them up, I ignore them when it pleases me. They have no idea I have found them out which gives me the upper hand. But mostly I avoid them and have no love for them. They have destroyed that. I value me and my good character but, thank goodness, I have another family member who totally agrees with me. I do feel that narcissism needs to be more openly talked about because it is highly mentally damaging to the victim. We need to alert people.
My in laws are an extended family of Monsters for 32 years they have made my life a living hell i cut them all off best thing i have ever done I moved from my hometown 16 years ago but now they moved 3 minutes from me now i have gone no contact its super sickening there always competing with me since day one my husband is always been the scapegoat of the family its evil 👿 disgusting behavior.
I’m getting that when the partner “doesn’t see” the problem, the problem will persist beyond badly. My boundaries are strong, but since my partner doesn’t understand why I have them; he fails to take them seriously. Then I have no choice but to set even bigger boundaries around his family, and ultimately with him. The relationship is getting smaller and smaller, because he doesn’t see the risk I take with his enmeshed family dynamic and so he “allows” me to be treated with disrespect and ultimately a loyal committed relationship is not possible with Us because he has not been given “permission” to do that. I would be crushed, destroyed, and dismissed if I let it happen to me.
I am starting to see the narcissism in my mother in law even more than before. Now that both of her sons are married she is constantly seeking attention and everything has to be all about her. She chose to have surgery on her knee right before Christmas when the doctor told her it could wait. The Doctor strongly recommended her to do in patient care for a quick recovery but she declined. She fell on purpose right after the surgery and both her sons have been missing work because she demands them to wait on her hand and foot.
My husband doesn’t set boundaries with his mom and she takes advantage of us. She has done some questionable things to me and my husband had a talk with her about it and she will not apologize and expects me to play forgive and forget. She drops laundry off at our house when she is capable of doing her own laundry/ going to the laundry mat to get it done but expects us to do it knowing we work long hours and are under a lot of stress. She complained that her new washing machine cant get hooked up because of covid19 and that she ”feels bad” that we have to do her laundry. I said to her that we work long hours and are under a lot of stress and have our own laundry and cleaning to do and that it’s frustrating that you continue to drop laundry off at our house or expect my husband to go pick up your dirty laundry to bring it back to our house to wash than turn around and deliver it back to you when it’s done. You are more than capable to go to the laundry matt and do your own laundry. It went right over her head and she feels like she is not in the wrong. This is what happens when husbands don’t set healthy boundaries with their mothers disrespect!
My first Christmas with my wife, living in my father in-laws basement, was made to stay in the basement, while the rest of the family opened presents upstairs, while broke down and cried alone in the basement. The WORST feeling I had ever felt in my life. I pray for them all the time. He finally managed to separate my wife and I, I’ve lost my marriage to these ugly people.
Wow just a few minutes in and you already have my Covert Narc MIL completely dialed in. She was demanding, divisive, domineering and cruel. I had no idea until I finally listened to others who told me to look up narcissistic mothers. That woman targeted me and then my oldest daughter became her Scapegoat grandchild.
Wish I had know this years ago. Married a man who’s Malignant Covert Narcissist Mother. She had nothing to do wiyh me unil I gave birth to our 1st son. That was a red flag…and msny followed. A sad unpredicrable 45 yr marriage. He has since passed away. I have broken total contact with the entire family and moved away. Healing X 2 yrs. Thsnk you for validating what I lived through! Great article!!
Usually if the parents narcissistic the person your married to is too ! I got told to go with the flow??!!! No They threw me out of the family by making up a lie saying I told my mother-in-law to take back the ring his family gave him at his father’s funeral. I was really lame everyone knew it was a lie because he was wearing the ring and I didn’t care. It was ridiculous!! But they did me a favor what’s when my husband got psychotic and that’s when I finally found what was wrong with him . NPD
I feel like my in laws create competition between my husband and I, like there’s no way I can be “better” than their son. They minimize my accomplishments and when giving complements to something I do alone, it’s towards “us” or if both of us work on something together, HE only deserves the praise. So what next- if I’m pregnant, my husband is the only one solely responsible? He pushed out the baby and went through child birth?
Thank you for posting this. My inlaws and my husband’s sibling as well as their wives are narcissistic. I was abuse the moment I married him. I made the mistake of letting my mil live with me and that was when hell broke lose. The lies that mil was being mistreated in my home but living a queen life. Her other children would verbally and abusive through conduct attack me and my children. I would always tell my husband but he took their side. It wasn’t until my husband started to get abuse by his family he realized he wasn’t safe. Not sure if it was their way for him to abuse me but instead he realized they were toxic and I was telling the truth. By then we sold our home and left. That was too late for me I became it permanently. My one advice never take in your inlaws and self care. Dont feel sorry for any of them from the mil to the inlaws they don’t care for you. Run and be just as selffish.
My mother in law is like this. She is always criticizing and putting me down. She is always in our business. She is obsessed with my son. My son is 9 and aware of how she is. She used to tell him I was a bad mom and did nothing with him. She stopped when she realized he was telling me. She talks bad about me to her whose family. To my husband she tells him she loves me and im a great mom. She sees me as her competition. My husband doesn’t believe it because she is so sneaky. He knows she is difficult but doesn’t see her true dysfunction. She buys my son stuff and refuses to let him take it home.
I endured a narssistic Sister in law. She made my early married years so miserable. I moved away from my home town because I loved my husband. She was so nasty she really was. She played mind games for years. This vile woman made me feel unworthy and that my husband had married beneath him. I was a qualified nurse she was in Tele sells. It was only after her marriage failed with my brother in law that my husband told me how jealous she was of me. I had no idea! She was such a nasty piece of work!
39 years of marriage dealing with these awful people, not only my husband’s parents, but his brother who has done the most damage. Next week is our 39th anniversary. Now I’m an alcoholic. That part is on me. I’ve quit 3 times over the last decade then relapsed. Anyway, I started AA, and have been sober for a month. Forget his family for a minute. My husband said he wanted a separation 6 weeks ago. I was/still am in total agreement. Even during the time we separated 6 weeks ago, I reached out to him and asked him if he’d go with me to AA meetings. And he has. He knows about this insidious disease. I told him that I think we should continue with the separation for now. But things between us are a bit better. For me, being away from his parents/brother has been a big contributor to my recovery. So, yesterday, my husband told me he’d been taking to his brother, sister, and parents. They think it’s time for him to file for divorce. Now’s the final test for him. Is he going to choose to please them or is he going to finally think for himself. It’s sad. Whatever happens happens.
Thank you so much! I don’t feel so alone. I am married to a man who has a narcissistic mother. I think he sees that her behavior bothers me but he does nothing. So in September I decided to help myself and get some help. I’ve now been in counseling for a few months and that is helping. My husband knows that I’m going because of him but doesn’t seem to care I guess. I’m not sure if he will ever stick up for me as his mom has abused him yet “love bombs” to reel him back in. He is the oldest and we have to take care of her every need (literally) it’s exhausting! Unfortunately, In her eyes I’ll always be her competition. She’s gonna win! I needed this article more than you know. Thanks again! 🥰🥰
I am going thru exactly this scenario, we are starting a divorce because of these narcissist family where I made the biggest mistake to allow my father in law to live with us with out knowing of all the hell that was about to rain on my family, everything you say in this article is exactly how the whole family is!…. they destroyed my marriage and my life!… need help!