A platonic marriage is a voluntary, legal union of a couple as spouses, and it depends on how happy each person in the marriage is with the way things are going and whether there is enough good stuff in the marriage that makes intimacy not that important. Friendships are an essential ingredient in a happy life, and it’s important to give them the care and attention they deserve.
Platonic love refers to a relationship that is more than friends but less than lovers. Some signs that you may be in platonic love include an absence of sexual attraction and romantic feelings; shared interests; and shared life and goals. Platonic spouses do not get jealous of their partner’s success and growth, support and cheer you every step of the way.
To cultivate a platonic relationship, one should be honest about their feelings and have open and honest conversations about why they want to be or remain just friends. A platonic marriage can be possible for some people, but both parties must agree to this arrangement in order for it to work.
To be happy in a loveless marriage, one should change their approach towards marriage in general and make sure they both agree and don’t assume the other is fine with arrangements. Maintaining a platonic relationship requires having an unbridled trust between the spouses.
In summary, understanding how to be happy in a platonic marriage starts with setting clear expectations, having open and honest discussions about what each partner seeks from the marriage, and maintaining a healthy platonic relationship.
📹 PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS: The Top 3 Reasons Married Women Have Male Friends
In this video, I pull back the curtain on married women having platonic friendships with men and the hidden agendas we have by …
Can a married man have a platonic relationship with another woman?
Anyone can have a platonic relationship with anyone, married or single, male or female. It’s easy.
Can you have a platonic relationship while married?
To keep a great marriage and platonic friendships, socialize together. Everyone feels included, and your spouse can make a new friend. It makes everyone more comfortable. Your spouse can see how happy you are in your relationship.
Admitting the risk is another way to make a platonic relationship work for you, your spouse, and your friend. People often defend their friendships too much. One partner says, “You’re crazy for thinking I would ever be interested in her!” Saying you’re just friends and you wouldn’t see her as more than that is a mistake. Just because you don’t feel attraction now doesn’t mean it can’t develop. All platonic relationships should be treated the same. Boundaries should be the same with coworkers and lifelong friends. 5 Ways to Protect Your Marriage. Some people say they’re just friends, but it can lead to more. Good intentions don’t always stop infidelity. To keep your marriage safe, but let partners have good friendships with the opposite sex, take these steps.
What does lack of intimacy do to a man?
The Impact of Lacking Affection. The lack of affection affects men’s physical health as well as their emotions and mental health. Not getting enough physical touch can make you sick and make you feel bad. Knowing how important affectionate touch is and how it releases hormones like oxytocin and dopamine shows why men need more affection. We can create a space where men feel comfortable seeking and embracing touch by talking about it openly and breaking down social stigmas. Doing things that make you feel loved can help you feel less lonely and more connected. It’s important to recognize and address the impact of the lack of affection on men to promote holistic health and emotional fulfillment.
Related Link: The Social and Emotional Impact of Alopecia Areata.
How to cope with a platonic marriage?
How to cope with a sexless marriage: Pick your moment to talk. Listen when it’s right. … Be honest. … Decide if sex is a deal-breaker. … Be patient. … Ask for help together. … Kindness is sexy. No sex. Choose the right time to talk. People stop having sex for many reasons, including stress, illness, worry about performance, low libido, age, menopause, and lack of confidence. It’s easy to let your sex life go, but talking about it is hard, so try to find a good time when you’re both relaxed and unlikely to be interrupted. Don’t do it in bed or when you’re trying to persuade your partner to have sex or when you’re angry or frustrated. Pick the right time to listen. Don’t take it personally. Don’t assume they don’t want you anymore. It’s hard enough to talk about without adding extra emotions. Listen to what your partner says and how it makes them feel. It isn’t about your weight, age, or appearance.
Be honest with each other. Do you both stop trying, do you take each other for granted, and do you roll into bed in a dirty T-shirt without brushing your teeth? No one is saying you should be a supermodel or totally buff. If you don’t love yourself, it’ll be hard for others to love you. You might feel bad admitting that you’ve gained weight or that you fart in bed. But you can do it tactfully, especially if you admit areas where you are also no longer quite the person they fell for.
Can a marriage survive without emotional intimacy?
A romantic relationship without emotional intimacy isn’t sustainable. If you don’t feel safe, loved, supported, or connected, it will affect your physical intimacy. “It’s not sustainable to have a romantic relationship without emotional intimacy,” says Rachel Wright, a marriage counselor and licensed psychotherapist. “If you think of emotional intimacy as the basis of any relationship, it’s obvious to invest in it and keep it strong.” 4 ways to improve emotional intimacy. Fostering emotional intimacy takes time. There are a few things you can do tonight to improve your emotional connection with your partner. Be vulnerable to earn their trust. Even if we’ve spent a lot of time with someone, it’s hard to let down our guard. You can’t make someone vulnerable, but you can be vulnerable yourself.
Why should we push back against platonic marriage?
In “Why We Should Push Back Against Platonic Marriage,” someone who believes in traditional marriage says that separating sex from marriage will lead to destruction and that legal recognition of platonic marriage will make things worse. He says platonic marriage is “lacking in richness and color,” and that people who are “asexual” can now find a place within the institution of marriage. The Christian conservative view of marital sex is another way of upholding the gender binary and heteropatriarchal rule. Sexless marriages are an abomination to them. In “Compulsory Sexuality,” published in the Stanford Law Review, Emens looks at asexuality in marriage law and the legal requirements of sexual activity. She writes, “Our legal system assumes sexuality in many ways, and asexuality shows us the sexual standards in our sexual law.” Emens says that “legal marriage requires consummation for full ratification.” Some states say that not having sex is a reason to cancel a marriage. Also, if you enter into a marriage without the intent to have sex, it can be considered fraud. These things affect anyone who is or wants to be married.
If you make sex the only thing that counts in marriage, you make it so that other kinds of marriages and relationships don’t count. The Christian conservatives want to limit marriage to only sexual relationships. It’s an attempt to make the gender hierarchy of heteropatriarchal, sexually active unions the only right and fully legal form of marriage and family.
Is it okay for a married man to have a female friend?
Is it okay for a married man to have female friends? Yes, it’s healthy! Your husband should have friends, regardless of gender. As long as your husband and his friends respect your relationship, it should be fine. Boundaries are important in any relationship, especially marriage. If your husband has female friends, you might see him texting them. That’s probably fine. However, there may come a point when it crosses the line. We’ve answered your questions so you can decide what’s okay and what’s not. Your husband might text a female friend or coworker. If the messages are friendly, you don’t have to worry. If he’s texting her late at night or sharing lewd photos, that’s when it crosses the line.
What type of intimacy do men crave?
Men need love, warmth, closeness, validation, and acceptance. Men are also more physical and express their need for emotional closeness by doing things with their wives. Women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need sex to feel loved. Does that sound familiar? Is this always true? Are these just stereotypes? What happens to a long-term relationship when there is no intimacy? In the next two blog posts, we will look at how both genders feel and act when there is no physical intimacy in a relationship. As a woman, I’ve heard a lot of negative stereotypes about men, like “men are dogs,” “they only care about sex,” “all men cheat,” “men only fake romance to get sex,” “men think about sex every 20 seconds,” “men who show emotions or ask for attention are needy,” and “what’s wrong with men that don’t want sex?””There must be something wrong with a guy that doesn’t want sex all the time.” “If he wants sex all the time, he must have a sex addiction.” These ideas have been in my head for 25 years. When I started my career as a psychologist, I counseled men at different stages of life. Many were in unhappy relationships. Lack of sex and physical intimacy made them unhappy. But that wasn’t the whole story. It was also about being rejected, invalidated, and not being able to open up. It showed up in anger, aggression, tension, drinking, and disconnecting from home life. These are socially acceptable norms of male unhappiness. Then I became a wife and mother of three boys. Seeing how men think and how they change as babies, toddlers, and young men made me see the conversation in a new way. My kids are between 2 and 11, so sexuality isn’t a big issue yet. But I can tell you that men are really focused on their penises from the time they’re in diapers. I now understand that they have a special relationship with that part of the body. But most of all, I know they need love, hugs, kisses, and emotional support. I’m not saying they need them more than girls or women do. They need them as much. That’s normal. It doesn’t make them needy, weak, or dysfunctional. It makes them normal. But to expect that to change when they grow up is also wrong. Jed Diamond at MenAlive.com has a great essay on this: I’ve come to the same conclusion after 20 years of experience. Sometimes old stereotypes come to mind and I have to stop and think before I say something that might be hurtful. This topic is essential in couples therapy to ensure we don’t have outdated beliefs that affect our thoughts and words to our spouses. Men still need physical touch and intimacy, but they have to combine it with emotional needs. I wrote about this in my book, My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me. 2-Minute Solution for a Happier Marriage. Here’s an excerpt from the book: People think women only care about love and security, and men only care about sex. But both sexes care about all three things, in different amounts and at different times. Talking about physical needs in a relationship is still a taboo topic. It often doesn’t happen until one or both partners are frustrated or choose unhealthy ways to fill those needs. Listening and accommodating each other makes a difference. It’s better to do it earlier in the relationship to set the right foundation for stressful times. ABOUT: Dr. Ruxandra LeMay is a psychologist in Litchfield Park, Arizona. She has experience in family therapy, ADHD, stress and anxiety management, and executive coaching. She wrote My Spouse Wants More Sex Than Me. The 2-Minute Solution For a Happier Marriage. Click HERE to check out her free resources on communication, emotional unavailability, intimacy, and anxiety management or join her at truxandralemay.com for monthly blogs.
Can a platonic marriage last?
Can a sexless marriage last? Yes, a sexless marriage can survive, but it can cost you. If one partner wants sex but the other doesn’t, lack of sex can lead to less intimacy, resentment, and even infidelity. Even if both partners want sex, if one has a low sex drive or is in the military or has a disability, the couple must find other ways to be intimate. If you’re in a sexless marriage due to uneven sex drives or other problems, it’s important to work on restoring passion and intimacy. A sexless marriage can survive if the partners convince themselves it’s normal and keep a brave face. Don’t let this happen. Everyone reacts differently to losing the physical aspect of their marriage. Don’t let it become the new normal. How to fix a sexless marriage. First, change your mind. Instead of worrying about how to survive a sexless marriage without cheating, try to bring back the passion. Learn how to regain physical intimacy and connection in a sexless marriage.
Is it cheating if you have a platonic relationship?
Kors says the main difference between platonic intimacy and emotional cheating is the depth of the emotional intimacy. “It depends on whether you are doing this in a way that could hurt your main relationship,” she says. This can happen in different ways, but the main issues are trust and growing close in a romantic or sexual way. 3 signs of emotional cheating. 1. You’re keeping secrets from your partner. “Secrets betray trust in a healthy relationship,” says Kors. She says, “Keeping secrets is cheating.” You don’t have to share everything with your partner. “If you have to hide things from your partner, it’s a problem,” she says. If you’re hiding things from your partner, you might be cheating.
Is kissing allowed in a platonic relationship?
Is kissing a platonic relationship? There are many ways to kiss. If you want to kiss your platonic friends on the cheek, that’s fine. But if kissing is about sex or romance, it can make things complicated in your platonic relationship. Another way to kiss in a platonic relationship is for emotional support. You can hug and kiss your platonic partner on the cheek or forehead when they need it. Can platonic friends cuddle? Romantic or sexual feelings are not allowed between platonic friends. Cuddling is not recommended for platonic friends. If you need to cuddle, you probably can’t be just friends. Cuddling can lead to romantic or sexual feelings, which is the opposite of what you want for your platonic friendship.
How common are platonic marriages?
Are platonic marriages common? There aren’t many statistics on platonic marriages, but a report from the National Health and Social Life Survey found that 2% of married people reported no sexual intimacy for a year. This means that 2% of married couples are in or about to enter a platonic relationship. But we don’t know the exact numbers. Why would two people who aren’t romantically involved want to get married? What are the benefits of platonic marriage? Marriage has many benefits. People may want to get married for love, companionship, family, or money. “There are many benefits to a platonic marriage,” Amias says. “A platonic marriage provides a context for a family that is intentional and committed,” she says. “These marriages have less jealousy and a stronger sense of connection. Platonic marriage is also a good option for asexual, aromantic, pansexual, and some polyamorous couples. If you want to make your marriage platonic, even if it wasn’t at first, it’s an alternative to divorce for couples who want to stay together without sex. Some couples find that making their marriage platonic deepens their commitment and intimacy.
📹 Signs A Man Is Unhappy In His Marriage
In this video, I talk about the signs a man is unhappy in his marriage. This video is intended for wives to understand that how they …
I once heard a woman say, “A woman’s heart is an ocean of secrets”. I believe that to be true. I dumped a woman who did everything in her power to prevent me from meeting one of her male friends. She called me insecure. I told her she can call me insecure; she can call me a microwave oven; or she can call me a pogo stick. If the shoe fits, and keeps her from making a fool of me, then so be it. She tried to come back two years later… swing-and-a-miss!
in the 1990’s I was engaged when my ex fiancee started accumulating male friends. I was suspicious & she insisted that I was just being paranoid. She also demanded that I don’t have female friends. It wasn’t long until I caught her in bed with one of those male friends and called off the wedding. After 4 LTR’s I saw that every longterm gf I had kept male friends around while insisting that I don’t have female friends because as these females said in their own words : “You know how females can be” . I clued in and then just kept a few FWB for a few years. As each of these FWB started dating other guys, they were still coming over to see me while in a committed relationship with other guys and it didn’t bother these girls one bit that they were cheating. I started to see the true modern day female nature now that I’ve been on both sides of the dating spectrum. Now I just don’t date anymore as I’m more interested in my financial stability and my piece of mind. I own my own home and I don’t want to lose it to a female under any circumstances.
Not just for marriage; but also when you’re boyfriend & girlfriend. This applies too. You’re giving time & energy to someone else that’s not your significant other. Ultimately your relationship will fail. 100% energy must be given to your significant other. You’re building a future together; outside interference destroys that future; your potential future will never happen.
Male friends are either: • Backup plans • Affair partner • Emotional Sponge(which is also affair) • Someone from the past Her having male friends never ends well, don’t let her shame you into accepting it. If she’s the so called modern woman she’ll most likely use words like “insecure, controlling, misogynistic”. Noise. Look for a woman who sees you and only you, preferably one without baggage from the past, meaning exes they’re not over.
I got into a fight with my ex over one of her having male platonic friends. My argument against them was that they are competing actively against me for your attention and that all the attention you have should be the relationship and us. I got called controlling and every name in the book. I snapped back and asked her if it was completely fine if I hung out and re-connected with some of my friends that were women. Then she accused me that I was going to cheat, again I told her her train of thought is completely idiotic and double standard. Needless to say 3 months later she dumped me and 5 months after that one of the plutonic friends she had became her new boyfriend. Then 2 months after that he dumped her because all he cared about was the thrill of being a homewrecker. Needless to say she wont learn her lesson.
This article brought up instant anger, remembering my 27 year marriage to my narcissistic wife. Thankfully you immediately got to the truth of the matter. I put up with all her excuses. Then I told her this behavior had to stop after I was publicly humiliated multiple times. She said she didn’t want to be controlled. I said I wasn’t going to try to control her but I was certainly going to control myself and I was no longer going to tolerate other men in my relationship with her. It was the beginning of the end and the end finally came. In 15 years since, she has not a lasting relationship. She hinted at reconciliation and all I could do was laugh hysterically. I don’t know why she thought I might volunteer to suffer under her narcissism again.
I’m looking at my soon to be ex wife while typing this. She demanded to have her male friends. I told her everything this woman said. She called me jealous and controlling. Then had multiple affairs with her male friends. I m divorcing her as we speak. My next relationship will start with perusal these articles, if she has any bad response to any of them, moving on to the next woman.
It is actually a huge betrayal and is disrespectful. If she wants to speak with a guy about things, speak to me. If she talks to him about us .. that’s a MASSIVE betrayal. Ladies .. don’t fight this .. we are telling you it is NOT ok and you will lose your husband’s trust – and the marriage. It just blows my mind you all even trying to excuse it. Like, what!? And it is NOT that we are insecure!
I remember when my father was a pastor of a church. He had a policy that he would never talk with a woman privately without his wife in the other room – and he always left the door open. This ensured there was no temptations from either side. The women coming in knew this and they had to trust my father’s wife as much as my father when opening up regarding their issues. So, even in a professional setting, it is good to have some accountability nearby.
I love it when a woman says ” you don’t make me happy” and bail on a relationship. A woman’s happiness is her responsibility. You will also hear her say “I talk to him (male friend) because he supports me and listens to me. Gaslighting you into thinking it’s your fault for her adultery. Then she takes half of your shit and goes to the back up guy.
Found out my wife had “reconnected” with what she says was a mere acquaintance from 20 yrs ago. She makes it sound like he was always in the friend zone. I looked back at the phone records and she was talking and texting him 24 hrs a day, non-stop. Hundreds of texts everyday and night! He’s also married. He lives 7 hours away, so a hookup would not have been easy. She swears it was innocent. But, she was leaving the house to call him, had him saved under a fake name, did a factory reset on her phone and the lies she told when I found out. It was overwhelming! She left when I found out and we signed divorce papers. She said it was exciting and he validated her, because I wouldn’t talk to her. We all know few women have the skill to talk to their husband…
The only winning move is not to play this game!!! Just broke up a 2 and half years long relationship around 5 weeks ago because of this “friend from the past”. I am Totally confident that I have had the best decision. The power of walking away. I feel inner peace and no regrets. Thanks for being real in the article.
Statistics: 1) More than 50% of the married women keep a roaster of contact info of their ex boyfriends. They are her backups if she gets bored or upset. Most recent stats show it is now 80%. 2) 80-90% (90% is for well-educated couples) of the divorces are filed by women. 3) When a women files for divorce, it usually means she had checked out of the marriage 2 years earlier and she has contemplated her options during this time before filing for divorce.
I would have definitely passed this along to my ex 10 years ago, before she left for someone else. She had all three of these delusions and needs. Even our 2 adult daughters scolded her for spending time and energy with this other guy instead of healing our marriage, which I wanted to do more than anything.
Would have to completely agree with this. I have been on both sides of this equation – a woman I was married to having male friends and other married women wanting to be friends with me. It was a very difficult time, extremely painful. Ultimately I am not married anymore and don’t have married female friends. If anything, I waited too long to make the changes and should have seen the issues sooner. It is on me that I did not. If either of these happen to you, you have some tough choices to make. I think if it’s your wife doing this to you, you divorce her…. because you already have lost her respect and her caring for you has been compromised. She can no longer be trusted. If it is a married woman coming on to you, it has to be cut off. You can be as respectful and tactful about it as you can, but nothing good would come from a relationship like that. Cut them off. I did not say it would be easy, but I was a healthy man before this happened and have been trying to recover ever since. It’s about your survival. Don’t play around with this.
I told my ex wife to unfriend ex boyfriend’s on Facebook. Not to give a long story, but it was a big reason for divorce. And yes, it caused insecurity. I looked at it as choosing to stay connected with old boyfriends over her husband. And all the women from my past, I had nothing to do with them when I was married or when I got divorced.
You’re the closest thing women have to Kevin Samuels. You’re much gentler but you’re still spitting straight facts with no chaser. Thanks for telling the truth about modern women. My Gen X female friends are psychological messes from all the false, negative messaging they absorbed about dating and relationships. A lot of them are on meds that aren’t helping. Happy that you deprogrammed yourself and saved your marriage. It takes courage and integrity to change. I have mad respect for you for that !! 💯
This advice is solid even when you are in an exclusive sexual relationship. You don’t have to be married. The amount of gaslighting you hear from women is astounding. They’ll say he’s just a friend, they will say you’re insecure, they will say they don’t want to be controlled by you. It’s about respect and having standards.
I had a female friend of around 20+ years (there were a few gaps where we didn’t see each other for a few years or several months, but eventually reconncected), that I eventually started having feelings for. At first, she wasn’t interested, and I didn’t pursue it, but eventually I started to sense that she might be open to it. The problem was that we were both experiencing considerable stress due the responsibilities of caring for aging parents, our jobs, and she had a daughter from a failed marriage. We got together when we could, which wasn’t frequent, and shared a lot of stuff and joked around a bit. Eventually, she started cancelling on me last minute on a regular basis. Then one time when we did get together she told me that she had met someone and was seeing him. I backed off, feeling sure it wouldn’t last. Then when I did reach out to her later, he and his kids had moved in with her. She had the audacity to tell me, “Oh, we should get together again soon for dinner.” While I didn’t say it, I’m like “No we shouldn’t and we won’t. I have no desire to hang out with you any longer and if I did it would only be a matter of time before I would plot my move. Besides, if I was in the position of your husband to be, I wouldn’t want a male friend from your past around.” She did reach out to me a few years later to me know that her father had passed and after much thought I did decide to attend the visitation (I wouldn’t have made that same decision today). The introduction to her husband was ackward.
Thank god for someone trying to balance the scales of men getting dumped on and called “insecure. Jealous. Controlling” because we are shamed when we confront women with the truth, why men and women cannot ever be friends to be shamed for our truths and told to accept unacceptable behavior Thank you 🙏
Women often fail to realize that WE as men know that the “friend” is up to no good, yet it’s easily shamed on us for being jealous. Especially when they put themselves “out there” at the bar or club with their male “friend”. Utter disrespect. They just don’t compute logic, it’s all just those feelings facts
I think you’re spot on, and it applies to men too. I’m comfortable with couples being friends with each other (i.e., where the spouse is present during interactions), but that’s about the limit to it. One of the most dangerous things to long-term marriages is the presence of women in the workplace (i.e., “work wife” or “work husband”). That’s a real minefield. And then there’s “Me-Too” . . . .
Again, an excellent post. As I was listening, this kept coming to my mind, learn how to communicate with your spouse. Maybe a key word or time for open, non-judgmental time. Always seeking to listen, understand and forgive when necessary. I understand how a work environment can be hazardous. Having managed Restaurants and having leadership positions I’ve learned that social enteraction out side of work or “invisible” on smartphones is not smart! These situations only allow for a portion of the individual to be seen. That also includes you.
In my case, the 2 toxic exes I had would weaponize the male friends and sneak behind my back talking to them. She would then say that it’s none of my business who she talks to and that her malefriends tell her that I need to become less controlling and jealous. All her “male friendships” were always short-lived.
My Ex (as of last week) had a guy friend who was flirty (though some might say he’s just playful. he’s a jokester) with her the first time I met him (joking about kissing her, giving her hugs, chest bumps, etc. just a horrible first impression). In my gut I didn’t like him but tried to make peace since he was her friend. She’d assured me she never saw him romantically and that he was just a friend and vice versa. Besides, he’d confide in her all the girls he was trying to hook with so they were just “bros” (my ex is an athletic tom boy) This didn’t work out long term as my annoyance with him grew and began showing itself since they hung out often and because a sore spot of the relationship. I asked her, given the evidence (which she agreed with), that she tell him to cut the behavior otherwise they shouldn’t be friends. If he was truly a good friend he’d have no issues whatsoever and would want her/our relationship to succeed. She initially agreed that this made sense and that she’d talk with him, but then backed off last minute because she didn’t want to make their relationship awkward because he hadn’t done anything recently. I was in a word, disappointed. Eventually this ongoing issue became too much with her and she decided that “our views on relationships were just too different”. Will miss her but feel better that I’ll find a gal who is willing to hold boundaries and advocate for our relationship
It is such a breath of fresh air to see a woman say that men and women can’t be platonic friends! I’ve been gaslit in the past saying I’ve been “insecure, controlling, emotionally abusive, etc.” for not trusting a girls “male friends”. I wish 20s me had more self respect is all I can say! I’m in my 30s now and I have learned the hard way.
Beware of the “but he’s a friend,” or “he was already a friend before I met you.” I asked an ex not to wear the bracelet and necklace given by her ex. She defended wearing them saying, “but its just a necklace/bracelet..” When we were intimate, those two objects would rub against me. Effing no way! On the spot, I told her to remove them. Women hold on to the past, believe me, especially if they didn’t initiate th break up. I ended it eventually. Later on, her friends told me we broke up because I was the “jealous type.”
I’m so grateful I found your website! I’m a new wife, 2 years married 😊, and I love your content. This is a good topic. I have never had males friends like that, even as a child and young woman. I thought men and women naturally were not really friends because they were not friends with me. I took that mindset into adulthood. I didn’t hang on to ex’s and the men I knew of were coworkers or men I saw around just by living. Now, I’d say my husband’s friends and their wives are my friends, that’s our circle and I love it. It’s easy and peaceful and we get together from time to time, share pics of the kids. It’s good. So yea all that to say I do think it’s much less of a headache not to have male friends to begin with
There is always an exception to the rule. My best friend of 20 years is a woman, we were friends before her marriage and several relationships prior to her marriage. The key is communication, we have never had a romantic or sexual relationship always just friends. I have saved her marriage several times over the years by helping her understand given situations. It hasn’t always been easy but we consider each other family and you don’t turn your back on those who have been there for you through thick and thin.
I feel like men understand the danger of having a female friend, because attraction is so much simpler for men. I find it’s a very rare woman who acknowledges the complexities that you’re describing. When men confront them about it, It’s often met with excuses deflection and denial and delusion that attraction is not occurring, and that it’s nothing to worry about.
A very good point. I’ve been happily married 41 years. The only “relationship ” I’ve had with any other female has been business related or on a very casual basis. For example, I will, maybe every 4 months, have lunch with a former female co-worker. And it might be 2 co-workers. Even that feels somewhat businesslike.
Three wives, three marriages. All three brought Male friends with them. I told them, to get rid of them or leave with them. They complied, but picked up more along the way. After the third divorce, it was no longer worth the heart ache and financial loss to try again. I’d rather be gunshot on a daily basis than marry or even date again. Zero trust. But I did find peace. Lonely peace. But peace nonetheless.
Absolutely correct. A smart woman knows this very well, but she knows how to take advantage of her husband’s inattention for many reasons and still “reach” one of her or her husband’s “friends”. Then the shifting and arguments begin, and very often the husband “adapts” to that situation… As younger, I had female friends only when I didn’t like to touch her.
True. I just had to cut off my female friend for 30 years cause she just didn’t give a damn about me. She got married and had children which was cool but after awhile I learned “that past is done”, leave it alone. I would listen to her problems and care yet she just didn’t give 2 craps about me. Boy did I learn! Basically she used me.
Exactly…it is as Harry told Sally they can’t be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way. If the man is even the slightest bit physically attracted, it will eventually become a problem. Even in the movie, it seems that Harry and Sally are just friends. But obviously there’s a physical and emotional attraction when they end up sleeping together when she breaks up with her boyfriend. And if a man in any way shape or form satisfies even a little bit of a woman’s emotional needs, the combination of the physical attraction from the man and the emotional attraction from the women is just a disaster waiting to happen. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Jesus even said it. If you look upon a woman and lust for her in your heart, you have already committed adultery with her. So don’t even go there.
The only women I’m “friends” with are ones I work with. I always keep it platonic because I don’t date women I work with. We cut up and bullshit at work, but outside of an emergency I’m not interacting with them outside of work. I don’t even text them outside of scheduled work hours. I always hated when my girlfriend had male “friends”. They weren’t friends. They were vultures waiting to pick the bones of our relationship. I always thought it was very disrespectful on both sides so that’s why I keep things platonic and never step out of bounds with women who are in relationships.
Timely article for me to watch. Excellent info. I’m a single man and know a married lady who is steady inviting me over to the house, wanting to be ‘Friends’, telling me that ‘They’ (her & husband) enjoy having me around. Yeah right…. She actually told me that she wants to go on a vacation with me. Not gonna happen. I’m keeping my distance. Also had an old girlfriend that I hadn’t communicated with in over 2 years contact me out of no where, letting me know that she lives close by now and saying that she wanted to get together for dinner and catch up. (She is married by the way), I’m staying clear of that too. I’ll just say, we (Men) have to have integrity and put ourselves in the husband’s shoes. If their wives are trash, don’t be the one who contributes to it. Walk away and mess with a single woman.
Karyn, many thanks for wise words. There are definitely wise truths here, and I respect the perspectives you bring. However, I do think relationships are like a partner dance, two people coming together, moving to the music, sharing time – and the whole point of a friend is to be able to off load, share a problem, have a sounding board, listen and be listened to, hear from a trusted other. Men rarely have that from other men, yet have all manner of problems to work out, work through – sometimes sometimes
I hear a lot of wisdom on your website. I agree with you on this article but I also have an outlier case. I maintain a somewhat distant friendship with one of my exes. This very woman made me laugh when she told me that even the appearance of anything possibly improper is bad. She was right. We talk every so often but never visit in person unless her husband, my wife, or other people are present. That her husband and I hold each other in high regard means something. I’m glad they found each other. My wife is 20 years younger, my kid’s mom, and not worried about any of this. I think the strict rules are important. I won’t be alone with any woman other than my wife or family. To think I poked fun at this concept years ago.
At the beginning of every relationship, I put contact with my female friends on hold. I explained that I was doing this out of respect for my new girlfriend and that I wanted to spend my time with her. Very few of them reacted positively to this. But I was able to get back in touch with most of them after the relationship.
When I confronted my soon to be ex-wife about a male friend I hadn’t met or wouldn’t let meet, she swore up and down it was because the male friend had cancer. I moved out and two months later, I seen a photo of her kissing the male friend from a weekend that was supposedly a girls trip weekend. I’m thankful I’m mature enough and didn’t act out negatively after confirming energy I was feeling. 8yrs of marriage wasted and now I question situations that were similar during our relationship. Gaslighting….raging…lying, future faking, guilt tripping, manipulating were on full display after move out and when I confronted about the photo. I’m hoping the courts give me custodial rights so our young daughter is safe mentally/emotionally from soon to be ex actions.
This was insightful. Now I don’t feel bad for being upset with my now ex-wife who refused to let go of her male friends and continued to make more male friends throughout our marriage until she finally filed for divorce. Ironically, she’s still in contact with many of those guys, but we have no contact even though we share a child.
This is SO DAMN TRUE. Women WILL run when things get hard. My former-fiancée, who I gave everything to (an engagement, a house, vacations, and in the process of a new car), ran as soon as some trash from my distant past came to light. No conversation; no effort- just gone. She even told me the day before that she wanted me to be fully open and she’d “never judge me” (I believed her, since she was a “strong Christian” and I was her first; so, I believed she was fully committed). And guess who she’s seeing now (nearly a year later)? The boyfriend she had in college, who she was still on good terms with his family, and who she was likely still connected to on Facebook. Even though I can see that she’s not happy, and I know this rebound to the past will fail (not least of which that I’m better than him in every way AND he’s in the military, which I know from experience makes relationships incredibly difficult), I was so disappointed that I built my house on such a cowardly sex (i.e. women).
Thorough! 17-years when I made my word bond to the woman whom I would eventually marry, I told her-moving forward, all your male friends ex-communicate, and your ex-boy friend ex-communicate. If evidence reveals to me that you are holding shenanigans unbeknownst to me, I will instantaneously keep it moving from you.
Damn, I didn’t expect it to be a no. Respect. A good topic would be how romance novels which are so popular among women perpetuate the ‘fantasy of love’. Thereby setting women up for failure. Honestly any form of entertainment that expresses value, attitudes or actions contrary to what ought to be valued, done, etc. is a continuous problem in our society.
As a single male in my 40’s with 2 kids, i am offput about entering a relationship due to these factors, why would i want to enter into something that feels like, psychological warfare with women, i don’t fancy men so my options are strictly limited, & i no longer am attracted to women, due to past relationship trauma’s involving both my kids mothers, so this is it for me, a simple /single life, is on the cards, & I’m very happy, the thought of accepting it 👍🏻
I had an older female supervisor that I considered to be a respectful mentor on some levels only in the most professional of ways. I grew very wary when a lot of her behavior and commentary toward me was very sexualized and inappropriate. I knew her husband and four kids well and genuinely respected them. After that happened, I gave her a chance to correct it and addressed it with her in a gentle but serious manner, which actually backfired, which made her do it more, which ultimately lead to me reporting her and it’s too bad that I had to leave that job and cut ties with her and her fam because of HER initial behavior.
They’re called “Male Orbitors,” and for a man, its being a “Male Orbitor” because you know that you’re waiting for the chance to “get lucky.” It’s not ok, either way. As a Recovering Nice Guy, i know I’ve been that male orbitor, and in my shadow I’ve been waiting for her to pick me, and I’ve been frustrated at being in the “Friend Zone” but not showing the frustration or resentment because I’m being the “Nice Guy”. It’s so sick and effed up. As men, the only friends we need are other men.
Speaking as a platonic male friend, I had no idea at the time I was destroying someone’s marriage. But I watched it fall apart as a buddy. I don’t do that anymore and avoid women that try to make me a friend right in front of their husband. I already know when it happens that the marriage is on the rocks when I encounter it.
my mom is the most perfect woman i know, shes smart intelligent working woman and i have never ever seen any male friend of her, or hanging out with a male with or without my fathers presense, its just my father and her brothers. whenever she goes anywhere its always women.small talk with random men or collegue, thats different.
When I was married, there were three women who were craving attention from me. I naively felt they would be just friends or needed help with something. One told me about her disenchantment with men, but needed tech help with her computer. Another, got booted out of her home she shared with her live-in boyfriend and wanted a place to live – near me. The third was just someone who divorced her doctor husband. She was well off, but had a pathological need for attention. At the time, I didn’t see it as I was a bit of a people-pleaser. All of them had red flags that my wife could see clearly. All situations had the potential to turn into emotional affairs. That’s how it starts. Luckily, I put the kabosh on all three before things progressed beyond initial contacts. I didn’t realize I needed to be on my guard so much. Never needed to when I was single. I felt invisible to most women then and didn’t think I would ever have such a target on my back.
My wife has no male friends outside. But she acts like a teenager about George Clooney. Im serious. One of her female coworkers years ago gave her a framed photo of him from a magazine. She actually kept it at her desk. I wasn’t aware of it because I worked too. I had occasion to stop in to her work, and saw it. I was justifiably mad about it and made her throw it out. She had a picture of our three kids, but not me. You talk about a kick in the balls…that was one helluva kick. I have NEVER had a picture of another woman, whether a movie star, or singer. I m not all that into them.
You are truly an example of Beautiful Woman. Nothings is important than the inside. Clutter free inside will never lead to chaos. You are like fresh Oranges directly picked from the tree. Thank you very much to spread this precious knowledge towards those unhealthy mental Women who always seek validation from others.
I just find this website very trustworthy so you got a new sub. The information you share is very accurate my ex-wife never wanted to give up her friendship with males so she cheated couple times saying that her male friend was like her brother nothing romantic, nothing sexual, just friendship so 6 months later we married I filed divorce papers till this day she denies that she have sex with,better single than with a cheat.
It blows me away how violent of a reaction I get when I tell women (like my mil or my wife even) that it’s not ok to have guy friends (or for me to have female friends). And it doesn’t matter what I say to attempt to clarify my position; I get lambasted and accused of being some kind of hard pharisee. I think it’s common sense. I have very very little in common with women because we’re DIFFERENT……and we’re different because we’re most compatible when we’ve committed to each other to celebrate those differences; one being having children together. Thanks for these HONEST articles…..if they aren’t speaking to people to open their eyes, at least they are helping me feel as though I’m not alone in this thinking.
I felt like you were reading into my mind as you were speaking. If a wife does have or insists on having make, then there is no better way to hurt him or damage the marriage. I agree madam, this a no go for wives. Thank you for being so candid about this cancerous tendency or practice by some wives. Go on madam, give us more of the good advice!!!
It feels weird seeing someone directly call out how naive you can be about things. Im a man, and have had those women of the past bubble up or hold on. Part of me really wanted to beleive we could really just be friends, until I sometimes realized their intentions, or the fact that they would often remember I exist when they thought something was wrong with their current partner. The same way I noticed that the more I felt like my partner was keeping their doors open behind my back, the more id be unhappy and in turn start keeping my doors open. I was unhappy with this, I didnt want to have any doors open but when put in a situation you feel helpless sometimes you start trying to mimic the actions of the one hurting you. Needlessly complicated, and spiritually hurts myself because I never even intend to act on the doors, yet it leads to almost one place. When I had finally had a partner who respected these things, I dont think I had ever felt more secure, and that allowed me to invest more and more in her (not out of obligation, by choice). I did not need to live with a disgusting feeling of myself keeping the door open. Ive never cheated, and hopefully never will, I dont think most people start a relationship thinking “ill get bored of this person in 5 years so then I will cheat”. We dont have this goal but yet we let it get so close to us for no reason. We know statistically it is easy to fall into but still entertain it.
Hi I just bumped into this article and it’s eye opening. So much truth in what you said. As a married man, I’ve tried being friends with other women and it’s HARD. It’s better to just focus on your wife just because of the Temptations that arises. Thanks for this article. It’s food for thought. So much I could say based on personal experiences.
Hello Dic. I just stumbled upon over this article by chance awesome article indeed. 100% true, Girls wanna extra friebds, avbytare på avbytarbänken. My ex did, gave her warning, then I moved on, she is sad,Doctor, pills and so on me : when the train left the station! Left the station. Cheers 🎉❤ p.s Subbed2
I think you are mostly right but it’s impossible to cover every possibility. My longest friend in my life I met at 8 years old and we played in the dirt together. We are 62. None of these apply to us. We now live in different states and I talk to her regularly. I also have female work friends all of whom know my wife. None of them want me. I’m a good guy and they are good women and neither parties have any sexual interest even though people would say we are all good looking. None of us talk sex with the other but no other topic is off limits.
This sounds a lot like narcissism. I had an experience like this recently where I thought I was falling in love with a woman that’s in a relationship she was giving me open energy and I really became attached to her. she’s a covert narcissist I discovered. A very complex personality type with hundreds of negative emotions. I may have been drawn to her because my mother was a narcissist so it was familiar to me. I started getting anxiety when I realized how much I cared for her then she got even more distant and made me feel unimportant. These people go from one place to another one person to another leeching energy. they’re shallow and insincere.
A recently divorced colleague confided that she had drunken sex with one of her male friends and now he was glomming onto her “I’ve always had a crush on you!” I told her that she was naive, that any dude who wanted to be friends with her secretly wanted to have sex with her. That was the sole reason he was a “friend”. My ex had a male friend from university. It was absolutely obvious he was still carrying a torch for her though they’d never dated. He was beta as hell, had zero chance of ever getting in her pants and was extremely jealous and rude to me, but I didn’t put him in his place because I didn’t think I had the right to tell her who she could have for a friend. I know better now.
so basically, don’t wait until you get married to find out about these male orbiters that she keeps around. Once you get married,, if you do, you need to then find out before you have kids with her or hit the seven year mark. Divorce should happen immediately if you find out about these orbiters. It should happen ideally before marriage or, if nothing else, before kids, and the seven year Mark.
Any man who allows his woman to have any type of relationship with a man other than her boyfriend/husband deserves what he gets. I tell her she can do whatever she wants but if she values our relationship she will NEVER have any type of “relationship” with a man other than me or family. It goes both ways so I shouldn’t be doing it either. At any time I sense something that violates that expectation SHE just ended the relationship. A woman who truly loves and respects her man knows not to go there. Only a fool with no self respect would tolerate it.
I’m going into dating now knowing that her friends and family members have to gain my trust. She’s being judged carefully on the company she keeps. Before a committed relationship will even happen, I’ll draw a hard line on friends that haven’t gained my trust. As much as I don’t want the shameless hanger-on orbiter male friend, I ALSO don’t want the party-girl friend that’s cheating on her husband or boyfriend. My exwife was Navy. Undending texts from other dudes. BUT she had this one guy friend who would always bring his wife along and would only ever hang out with my wife when I came along. AND he made an effort to befriend me. That was one guy of her HUNDREDS of dude-friends. WOULD I ever tolerate another male friend? Not likely, but that guy at least made an effort… Then again, perhaps the ones who make an effort are the biggest threat? Hmm…
Even having the Best intentions, it is a Hazardous endeavor. You are correct. Married people, both men and Women should avoid spending time with persons of the Opposite sex that are not their spouse. Feeling and thoughts happen often without conscious intention. If you are commited to your Marriage you will not allow yourself to get close to any other than your spouse. It is unfair to your Spouse, it is unfair to your Family/Kids, it is unfair to the Friend who is kept close. Thank You for pounting out the truth of Female nature. It is rare as Frogs Hair, Hens Teeth and Unicorns.
Revelation and confirmation here. My wife did this when we had been married nearly 30 years. She was on facebook with “him” more than spending time with me. I was just waiting for a mysterious business trip to California to pop up. I did confront her but all I got was the gaslighting. It didn’t come to an ultimatum, but it could have because I read their comms. Then, he died of cancer! Wife told me but I just walked off without a word. I wasn’t about to talk it over with her. I did let her know she doesn’t want to FAFO.
Once years ago my friend asked if i would take his wife to concert she really wanted to see while he was unexpectedly working away. They had already bought tickets so went but it i felt very uncomfortable the whole evening. At the end i made sure the taxi stopped at hers first, on the way home i also told the driver we were not together. Got to cover the bases.
If a woman has male friends for the reasons you mentioned, you are right; but that’s not always the case. I as a man have female friends and in both directions they are not a back door or for getting sexual attraction aso – they are just normal friendships (even now, when I am single), and with their partners I am good friends also. Of course one have to be careful and responsible with this – but you can’t say it’s not possible or it must not be. After all, the idea that when you marry the man has to cut ties with all women and the woman with all men is ridiculous. Then marriage becomes sort of jail
It is very challenging for a married person to have friends of the opposite sex. Instead, I’m only friends with women in marriages that we as a couple are jointly friends with. I’m never alone doing things with these women nor any other woman like I would with guy friends. I think this is just pragmatic and respectful of human nature. This does not mean I am unfriendly towards women – because I am friendly with everyone (unless they are jerks). Even when I was single, I would consider myself friends with several married women but I would never allow myself to be alone with them in a “just hanging out” type way – always in the company of others. And, to be honest, any relatively attractive woman I was “just friends” was simply me wanting more and hoping I would be elevated out of the friends zone – unless I found them completely unattractive. Just keeping it real. The only exception I have with my wife for her are gay men that I know are actually gay, not bi.
It’s a breath of fresh air to hear this volunteered by a married woman in 2024… You remind men that responsible women are not yet extinct Karyn & that is quite some achievement given the Himalayan mountain range of contrary femiNazi evidence available almost everywhere in Western countries nowadays .
Interesting topic! I do get it from a male’s perspective. My wife had a “just friend” in college when we had been married for 13 years. They went on to have an adulterous affair for 10 years. Yes I had asked her to stop seeing her friend and she lied when she said she had. Now from my side. I never collected a bunch of male friends. I always enjoyed the female friends and yes I had a few lady friends where there was no ulterior motive. I had two married ladies who wanted to be friends and I readily agreed BUT I demanded the husbands were ok with that. Both husbands weren’t so I backed away in respect. Decades later I don’t have a wife, no female friends and no real male friends.
I have a female friend that’s married,her husband is aware of this,i am going through a divorce and struggle with depression she also struggles with depression so we their for each other as a support,their is no physically relationship only planktonic have coffee and breakfast now and again she will always be in my life 😊😊😊
I had a friend from high school that I always viewed as sort of a sister (I never had any actual sisters). So when I got married (short courtship and engagement) I was blindsided by my wife’s expectation that I stop associating with this person. I’ve long struggled to not feel bitter about that. Now I’m wondering if I really was just naive. Do you think the fact that women are less concerned with looks than men makes this more problematic from the woman’s side?
My wife talks to everyone but me. She has male friends that make me feel replaced, unimportant. I was so angry when she arranged to go on a long weekend with one of them. Platonic or not I was furious. Then she treatened me over her friendship with him. It is really hard to forgive her as I am not on her list of what’s important, She say I am, but her actions say I am after everything/everyone else
I have a good female friend. We were friends several years before I met and married my wife, and her, her husband. We never dated or flirted. She is a very thoughtful, caring person. I have maintained my friendship with her to a lesser extent throughout my marriage. We live 1000 miles apart now and talk to each other 3 or 4 times per year. We do not text or email each other. I talk to her in front of my wife as well. I don’t believe it has affected my marriage and my wife has never expressed any concern. She is the only female friend I have. We have never spent time alone since being married. I think, for the most part, you are right that opposite sex friends are bad for marriage. Especially, if one of you is attracted to the other and/or you spend time alone together.
DISAGREE BIG TIME. I’ve been married more than 45 years and have more male friends outside my marriage than females – simple easy reason is they’re good intelligent conversation not fixated on themselves, appearance, social media, designer handbags and judging others like so many women are. Too many women when they aren’t talking to you they’re talking about you. My husband has no problem with my having these friendships – he’s met them all and often comes along for a coffee too. He doesn’t feel threatened or insecure, he understands that my having worked one in one with a male boss most of my working life, I relate far better to male company than female company. No one size fits all.
As a man that’s about to end things with a female friend that’s recently gotten married, I needed this. I’m “friends” with a woman who told her now husband that if he wasn’t ok with her and I having a one -on-one friendship, she would break up with and/or not marry him. After she got engaged, I told her we needed to talk to set up boundaries so our friendship wouldn’t interfere with her marriage. She said that wasn’t my business and that she was too stressed to have that conversation. I stayed firm and had the conversation. No boozing, no staying at her place overnight, and no taking trips alone. While she agreed to those terms, she had a mental breakdown right after that talk. Things really shifted when I first saw her post marriage. In the past, she would rarely bring up her man. She would only bring him up if we were spending a couple days together. And it was never anything negative. But the last time I saw her? She brought up two negative things about her husband in the less than 4 hours we spent together. That was a massive departure from her previous behaviors and was not in keeping with her saying she would never bring up their issues to me. As much as I hate to lose her, I gotta let her go. For the safe of her marriage, we gotta end it. And for the sake of my future marriage (whenever that may be) I gotta cut her off.
My ex-girlfriend married a school buddy…. He and I worked together and when his wife needed help with work related stuff, she would call me….. eventually, she asked me for sex. I thought she was just a friend, I had no desire for anything more. ultimately, she was starving for attention and intimacy. Little did I know she was fantasising about me? It was the furtheredt thing from my thoughts..
Thank you for this. I have had this happen to me. My wife or girlfriend even visits so called boyfriends. I’ve had other married women “be friends with me” Not good! I’ve cheated myself out of friends with benefits with married women. My mother drilled it in my head when I was young to never touch a married woman. It insults my integrity when a married woman thinks I’m going to be her boytoy
Another reality is that Women step out on their Husbands more than Men do. Back in the day people would talk about the Milkman and the Mailman. Those were the days when most Women were Homemakers. Nowadays Women have access to Men at their employment. Actually that is a scary situation, but is over looked by most Men. Not thinking or realizing the Potentiality. Then the phone call is made: (HI honey, I have to work a little Overtime to get some things done, so I will be late getting home tonight. Oh yeah. 🛏 Sound Familiar.
New sub here and I’ll try to make this as short as I can. My wife and I have been in a pretty bad spot for 2 years now. She constantly tells me that she feels unloved, uncared for, unsupported and unheard no matter what I do or how I try to adjust or what changes I make it’s always the same thing over and over. I’ve been living with the threat of divorce looming over me for the two years now and the uncertainty of not knowing when I’ll be served with papers or if I ever will be. But yet here I am day after day going back home to her immediately after work even when she accuses me of cheating on her. I love my wife in spite of how much she has hurt me over these last 2 years and the false accusations and hurtful things that she has said over and over again but I can’t seem to find a way to change things for the better. This is not to say of course that I am with a flaw because I have committed mistakes throughout our relationship but nothing so dire that warrants me being treated this way or being held in limbo like this.
I’m glad we’re not monogamous and don’t have all these hangups. I don’t have to worry about what she might be doing with her male friends because she can be honest with me about it. No reason to lie about platonic male friends. If they’re boyfriends she’s straight about that as there’s no reason to lie. I can’t think of any worse way to live than a traditional marriage, for me at least. I’d much rather be alone if that was my only choice. What an awful thing it must be to have to be suspicious every time your partner leaves the house.
I am close friends with a married couple. They were dating when I met them, happily married with a kid now. I end up talking with the wife more (because she reaches out), and often hang out with her alone/ with her kid, but we all have a deep mutual respect for each other’s character. I’d be lying if I said I was never attracted to her because she is attractive and has a good heart. But I would be devastated to see their relationship fall apart. This is a very rare circumstance, but I’m happy I have them both in my life and wish nothing but the best for their marriage. I hope I can find someone with the character of this woman for myself some day soon..
As a therapist who is male, our cohort going through school was and is very close. Married or divorced we are still close post graduation, and there has never been the slightest interest or indiscretion. We’ve got through hell together to get where we are, and we all feel like family, so we are able to have coffee or dinners together and have it be platonic. All my cohort friends who are married, I’ve met their SO, so they know who everyone is, and there has never been an issue.
To add to this as a man I was recently married.. my college woman friends found out.. I had to fight them with a bat to keep them away. They confess they wanted to sleep with me..I told them I’m married now.. thanks. Lol Really.. it takes a strong and dedicated moral man to say ..I can’t do that… I passed the test sweating bullets.. Honor your vows… God will hold you and me accountable..
Interesting subject. I do believe people can have opposite-sex friendships, but certain proper boundaries need to be maintained as well as self-examination for the reasons for the friendship. I have a number of female friends, including some who were exes. Since getting married, I generally don’t have one-on-one time with any of them anymore (maybe once in a very long while and always in a public place, but certainly not a frequent occurrence.). Also, there are a wide variety of my female friends, including married ones (with whom I usually have at least somewhat of a friendship with their spouses) and lesbian women. I also have male friendships. I have been pretty OK with some of my ex girlfriends (when we were dating) having male friendships, even with their exes, but I have a sixth sense for when a friendship goes to the inappropriate zone (not only in deed, but when the reason for the friendship, or the overall vibe of it feels inappropriate). Also, if my wife has male friends who appear to come out of nowhere and every one of them is straight and single and obviously thirsty (and usually has no interest in either getting to know me, or about her life with me), usually accompanied by an overzealous interest in setting up some kind of alone time) it sets off my alarm bells. If the male friends exist in her history and come from a variety of situations (single, married, gay, straight) and don’t exist in a vacuum (ie, without acknowledging me) and are kept at reasonable arm’s length, I am usually OK with it.
I disagree, I introduced my female friend to her husband and I still have a friendship with both of them I go over for supper or tea we have game night’s when he is away do we get together? yes but only as friends in a public place. There is over a 10 year age gape between us and I have know her for going 10 years. So in short do I give her any thing like a back up plan…I give her a friend that people may need.
My wife of 26 years had a male friend. I began looking at the cell phone bill and adding up the amount of time she was talking to this “friend.” From Jan to Sept, it was 16,478 minutes (almost 11.5 days straight). Then she left me “to explore the single life she never knew.” While I was begging for counseling, she was chasing her fasntasy of happiness….