To maintain peace in a marriage, it is essential to avoid responsibility for bad decisions and hurtful words made to your spouse. To be the bigger person, one must demonstrate a willingness to find common ground and achieve resolution, even if each person’s reality differs. Two major areas of personal growth that can help enhance a marriage are self-reflection and knowing.
To avoid bigger person fatigue, it is important to let go of issues experienced and not hold grudges. Maintaining a standard and avoiding lies can lead to increased stress and increased stress hormones.
To handle common problems in a marriage, accept your reality, have a real conversation about it, practice grace forgiveness, and avoid pride/arrogance. By focusing on the things that truly matter and avoiding cryptic responses, you can create a better relationship and maintain a sense of unity. By adopting these habits, you can become a better person and enhance your marriage.
📹 Jordan Peterson – Make YOUR RELATIONSHIPS last FOREVER by DOING THIS
Healthy relationships treat arguments as a time to communicate their feelings. But some couples treat arguments as a time to …
How to be the bigger person in a toxic relationship?
You can stay calm, listen, and not act impulsively. This is being the bigger person. When you’re the bigger person, you don’t get into drama. You don’t match the other person’s negative energy with more negative energy.
Who initiates divorce more?
Women are more likely to divorce than men in heterosexual marriages. While divorce is hard, women are still the main reason for it. Why do women file for divorce more often than men? This article will look at why women file for divorce more often than men. Who files for divorce more in the U.S.? In the United States, more divorces are filed by women than men.
How to rebuild love in a marriage?
Here are eight ways to repair your marriage: Share joy. … Don’t blame your spouse. Avoid the three things that ruin marriages. … Kiss more. … Let conflict lead to growth. … Know the difference between good and bad. … Ask yourself why you want to make this work.
How to be the bigger person in divorce?
Here are seven ways to be the bigger person in your divorce: … Be fair in your dealings. … Stay with your superhero friends. … Don’t cause more trouble. … Keep going. … Be honest. … Be a superhero. We don’t want divorce to make us bad, but it often does. Before your divorce, you might have looked at other divorcing couples with a critical eye.
Or thought, I don’t get why everyone’s so excited. It’s a divorce. Stay together.
How to always be the bigger person?
Smile at the person after arguing so they know their efforts don’t matter. Don’t show a negative attitude when you’re talking to or turning around from the person. They’ll know their harassment affects you.
What is the biggest divorce predictor?
Contempt. Contempt is the most important predictor. Dr. Gottman says that four communication habits are the best predictors of divorce. One of these behaviors is contempt in marriage. Dr. Gottman says this is the most destructive behavior in a relationship. It is also the number one predictor of divorce. Contempt is name-calling, sarcasm, disdain, disrespect, hostility, eye-rolling, or insensitive joking.
It hurts the person’s self-esteem and is done to hurt or control the partner. One or both partners feel resentful and lose trust or respect.
Am I toxic or not?
Are you taken advantage of? Manipulated? Toxic people manipulate others to get what they want. This means lying, exaggerating, or leaving out information to get what they want. They’ll do whatever it takes, even if it hurts people. Another toxic behavior is substance abuse. These behaviors become toxic when the person hurts others and themselves. Now that you know the signs of a toxic person, you may still not know what to do. Here are a few ways to deal with it:
How do I know if I am the problem in my marriage?
If you don’t communicate and don’t let your partner work through issues, that’s bad. Not listening, interrupting, not letting your partner speak, and being impatient is also problematic.
Argumentative. Have you been called out for always looking for arguments? Do you often focus on problems instead of finding solutions? Do you try to catch your partner out during an argument, or do you expect the best of them? Some people fight because they crave attention but don’t know how to ask for it. Some people don’t know how to express their feelings, so they get angry. Some people get into arguments because they’re bored.
How do I tell if I’m the problem?
If you’re hot-headed, you might be the toxic one in your relationship. … You think your partner is inferior. … You avoid conflict. … You’re obsessed with social media. … You don’t take responsibility. … Your friends tell you what to do. You put your own needs first. Most people want to be in love and have happy relationships, but many marriages end in divorce. Many singles wonder what went wrong. We often blame our partners for our relationship problems, which may or may not be valid. Maybe you need to look at your own behavior. Here’s how to know if you’re the toxic one in your relationship.
Can a husband fall back in love with his wife?
Couples often face a dilemma: after years together, one or both partners feel less in love. Can you fall in love again? Yes, but it takes work. Below, marriage therapists share advice for couples at this crossroad.
1. You may have to work at falling back in love. Falling out of love takes time. Falling back in love takes time, said David McFadden, a couples counselor at Village Counseling Center in Hanover Park, Illinois. Lower your expectations and ask yourself: What can I do to like my spouse again?
How to make your husband want you every day?
11 ways to keep your husband interested in you. Many people lose interest in their marriage. Being too nice can be bad. Have sex. … Smell seductively. … Appearance matters. … Pamper him. Respect him. Many people lose interest in their marriage. It seems like there’s no need to be alluring anymore because the goal has been reached. But that’s what ends marriages. Spark should last. It should last as long as your marriage. Here are some tips to make your man interested in you. Being too nice can be bad. Nobody likes a goody-two-shoes. Show your true colors sometimes. If you’re too nice, it can seem like you have no flaws. It can also mean he has bad habits. Be a little looser. A little bad never hurt anyone. Don’t be boring.
Have sex. Don’t stop being sexy just because you’re married. Marriage isn’t the end goal. Men love what they see as much as women love what they hear. Keep your marriage sexy.
Is it healthy to always be the bigger person?
Being the bigger person is good for you and others. Sometimes, always taking the high road lets bad behavior happen and makes it easier to accept bad behavior. In these situations, it’s best to challenge bad behavior, set clear boundaries, and encourage positive change. By balancing being the bigger person with addressing issues, we can create a culture that upholds values, fosters growth, and benefits everyone. Challenging bad behavior is not a sign of weakness. It shows strength and commitment to build a healthier and more respectful environment. Mark contributions as unhelpful if they’re irrelevant or not valuable to the article. This feedback is private.
📹 How Not to Be Defensive in Relationships
There’s no more common response to a partner’s remarks than to find oneself in a ‘defensive’ mood. It’s hugely understandable …
Jordan Peterson is the reason I was able to walk away from a 17 year toxic marriage. I was married to a narcissistic person that was badly damaged before we met she hid her damaged past years went on we got married and had kids the mental abuse started off small just nit picking and eventually became a daily routine where no one could do anything right I knew she was sick and had issues but I prayed that things would get better they never did i loved her deeply and I still do I wanted nothing more then my life to get back to how it was . it took many many years of abuse and listening to Jordan’s Peter Pan theory on repeat for months for me to realize the life I was living was nothing more then a bad fairytale and it was never going to change and the mental abuse had killed the person I used to be . I finally walked away and I’m now living my dreams traveling building haunted houses, 100 % self employed and HAPPY !!
This actually works me and my hubby really hated that we said such mean things to each other when we are pissed and feel bad about it later so we started to speak to eachother the way you are suggesting letting each other know how we feel about certain situations instead of HOPING THEY CAN READ OUR MINDS we talk about what’s bothering us
I’ve been married for 31 years! Nothing is easy in life, think about it. There are times you can’t stand yourself! So you will have fights but be kind! And remember to think about what it must be like to be the other person. Talk to each other! Tell her or him how much you love being with them! Make their day whenever possible! And you’ll wake up happy and live a blessed life with another person. Eventually you become one soul! Love each other!
The best relationship/partnership is one where both individuals create space for the other to be themselves…and one where you can fully express your wants and needs without resistance. If you really love that person, even if its something YOU wouldn’t do or like, showing up for them in the way they need you to will surely improve the quality of your bond. It gets better from there…and respect goes a very long way. Hope this helped someone.
I am so glad that my fiancé is a very good communicator and understanding and very empathetic. I am finally being treated the way I want to be and all the efforts I am giving are being reciprocated properly. We are already doing these things and we just have little arguments to enlighten each other but never had a fight. We both know how to be silent when the other one is explaining. 🥰🥰🥰 This really works!
Imagine a relationship where both people could be humble and mature enough to share with their partner what they want and need. To then express how they feel when the need isn’t met and to ask if their partner truly understands what they’re wanting, needing, or how it feels when that need isn’t met? Imagine the partner confiding can turn to a partner that can also be humble enough to communicate and work to understand their partners needs and show effort to actually meet those needs. Maybe both could look at where the disconnect might be and mutually work to remove it. Imagine not have so little respect for someone else or for yourself that either side would call the person stupid.. maybe dont marry a person who would act like this… hhmmm, thats just crazy talk..
The act of trying means willingness, a willing individual means happiness, a willing couple means strength, love, honor, respect, all of it! PLEASE know each and every day will get better but you both need to work for it. The payoff is a beautiful life partner. Please if you are being dragged through the mud and you’re the only one trying, you need to ask yourself “is this person healthy for me?”\r That person can say they love you but that doesn’t mean\r They nor are you being honest to your heart.
Imagine being self aware enough to understand that what Jordan is saying about not just our partner, but ourselves is wholly true. There’s nothing wrong with having the feelings that we do, but that goes both ways. You didn’t marry yourself, so don’t expect your decisions and behaviors to be the reaction from others.
Most couples argue to hold their ground, to be right, never wrong & this only acts to reduce the love the other person has for that person. If, when the other person is angry about something, give the reason they describe some thought. If its correct, then admit you made a mistake, apologize & you’ll find the other person loves you even more, because you put their feelings 1st, not your own & that’s how love builds. I finally got that in our marriage & we’ve now been together since 1987, married since 88. You have to be careful with this that the other person is a sincere person, not a manipulator, but as long as the other person is sincere, then it works both ways. Some other time your partner will admit wrong doing & you’ll notice how that builds your love for that person. It’s just natural that people will step on each other’s feelings & there has to be a way forward or if it can’t be resolved, it reduces the love you both have until it eventually fails. Remember, loves builds through adversity or diminishes.
I’ll never understand how the woman I loved so very much and did anything and everything for, always concentrated on the things I didn’t do, or didn’t do very well at. I renovated a farm for us to live in, I got up through the night to feed our baby, I walked the dogs, I cooked our dinners, I worked 12hrs a day. I drove myself physically and mentally into the ground for you. But still you only ever noticed my faults. Of which there are no doubt many. I Dont understand. I didn’t at any point put any pressure on you. I hate that I allowed you to abuse me for so long but when I think of it too much I’m reduced to tears. I love you and our daughter. Even after all this, you still use you legal profession to punish in any and every way you can. I hope you have found happiness, wherever you are. I sincerely mean that.
I was married for about 20 years. I thought that what we went through was the norm…about 5 years ago I met a man, we dated for a while…we never had an argument. His level of cool was inspiring. We’re still friends. I learned that contention is not a necessary part of an intimate relationship. And that some people like drama, and I’m not one of them.😏
Never call each other names and if you are angry take a minute to think about what you will say, remember that you both have feelings. Sometimes you need to remind each other that you both have feelings and that you can’t read each other’s minds. It’s all about working together and maintaining your relationship.
My parents before their passing. Who we’re married 50 years. I never heard them downgrade, belittle, or talkdown to each other. The last time I saw my mom. I said as she laying there on a ventilator, I told her. Mom. You showed us kids, what a real marriage looked like. If I can’t have a marriage life like you and Daddy. I don’t desire one.
My partner tells me I’m stupid and all that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from laughing because after all their the ones that ended up with me so what does that say about them? Truth is, anytime anyone says anything about anything it’s actually them saying more about themselves than the subject. Those that hate being psychoanalyzed are often the ones that don’t do enough introspection and end up in situations they don’t want to take responsibility for. ^^;
We’ve been married 38 years, and we still say, “Please”, “Thank you”, “You’re welcomed”, and “Excuse me”: “Will you PLEASE turn that down!!” “Well, EXCUSE ME for living!!” “I happen to have a headache, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!” “You have a headache? I worked hard cleaning this entire house!! YOU’RE WELCOMED!!”
This is what I haven’t been telling her. She didn’t listen she wanted her way and she wanted to be that way as soon as possible without caring how I felt or what I delt with all she wanted was to make sure she was happy and she got what she wanted. After putting me through hell for years and I stayed by her side. I struggled and she left expecting me to put myself together after she broken me. I noticed it’s and it wasn’t fair. So I pushed myself back a little because I wanted her to appreciate and love me for me and for what I could provide at the moment. Instead of loving the idea of who she wanted me to be. I do things for her and the next day she will forget and ask for something different. Never really appreciated the fact that I got her something. She cared more about what I get her. And that hurt me and brought up a person of me that had only anger. And tired of being pushed around. She noticed I stopped trying. And i know it was not the right respond but it was how I felt at the moment. I did things here and there because I really do love her. But I stoped doing big things for here because she never appreciated me
I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my husband. We’ll celebrate our 20th anniversary this summer. Lovely traditional family. Nicely conservative. Great kids. We never argue. It’s all enjoyment and happiness until my mother in law shows Nd all is chaos and argument. All our fights revolves around something related to her. She decided to move to our subdivision. She can call my husband several times during the day. Her sons live close by but still she always demands my husband attention. I was the one telling my husband long ago to always check on his parents. I bring them food, groceries and help them on everyday life issues. Still is not enough. My husband works away from home all weekdays and come back on weekends. Still she cannot stop calling hima or demanding him or simple making something up so he can assist her. We cant go out on a date without her calling him. It’s very exhausting. He even takes her to our summer vacation every year. That’s my rant.
Tried sharing, tried defining my desires, gave much positive response to the tiniest nice behaviors and still got shot down, devalued, lied about to family, friends and aquaintences. The entire time I was giving credit where credit was due for about the first ten years with absolutely no reciprocation. It wear me down to the point where I made a decision to stop and fight. I changed everything about myself that ever brought me happiness and he never changed to do good for me. He left continuing to lie about me and except for the people who saw his true colors, I have had no support or comfort. Therapy and directional counciling only work for those who really want what they already have. If they made up their minds say one day after marriage that they really didn’t want you then the war has begun and no telling how long it will take to destroy the union that is why a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave Only unto his wife. Simply put happy wife leads to a happy life.
Question: is wanting to be acknowledged by your partner when you walk in the door really a sign of insecurity? Or is it a sign of valuing the person’s presence rather than acting they don’t exist. Maybe it’s just me but whenever my partner shows up I’m always happy to see him and greet him and I’ll stop what I’m doing for a moment once it’s feasible to do so.
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I like Jordan Peterson a lot. I also think it is so great to help people consider how they are ruining their hoped for outcome by fighting…. Along with this, I must say one problem I have with ‘I have a peculiarity/ greet me when I come home’ is that it is a mode of interaction that takes control of the other person, & directs them how to act & treat you. That is just a bit off to me. I think that would work IF you first agree to run your relationship that way- open the door for letting each other know your ‘love language,’ & when you feel loved & what is done where you don’t… at a set time, for both parties. Otherwise, you could also get the focus off yourself, & “do unto others as you would wish for them to do to you.” How about, when you come in the door, you decided, “Yes, connecting is important.” So YOU make the effort, to go show your great joy to see THEM. Ultimately, it will create a great dynamic, that will feed in a positive direction, so it is not a loss if you focus on your part, what you can give.
The key to this like Jordan says is that being patient is ANNOYING and triggers defensiveness, blaming etc. Many people can’t catch themselves in those crucial moments or don’t even recognize when they are having one of those moments. They need a coach to stop them and coach them through those moments to train patience and suppressing negative outbursts. It’s a battle of mind over emotions because negative emotions make people feel devalued and makes them want to give up or deflect the negativity to the other person instead of explaining those feelings and asking for what they need.
Upsets = Expectations not met, undelivered communication or thwarted intentions. When a person is upset look at these for reference. When YOU are upset consider those. Also… call your partner on the way home and say get ready …I’m going to find you the minute I get home to get a hug or give you a hug.
It takes two to tango. If one of the partners is the type who doesn’t care about how you think or what you want, no matter how many times you ask that person to change a bit and be a little bit more considerate. They just won’t do it. What to do? WALK AWAY and don’t turn back. Living with toxic people is a horrible situation, so don’t stay too long with someone like that.
Here is a very simple advice for every single person who truly wants to attract someone into their life to love them unconditionally like a life partner. Write down a 5 values from 1 being most important to 5 being least important. For example 1 being family 2 being money 3 being work 4 being travel 5 being education. For each individual it’s different. If you would like to know what your values are just look where you spend your money during the week where your money goes if what you value most. Also wherever you take most action in life is what you value most. Things you like you gonna wanna do easy things you don’t you gonna tend to avoid and they are low on your list of priorities. I hope you understand what I mean exactly. So your values will show you what’s really important to you a lot of people I work with want a partner yet they don’t have relationships or partner on their list of values or things they priorities. Wanting something from your ego or your head is different than actually taking action on it or prioritising it over other things you actually value more than what you thought you wanted. The reason you write those values down is simple awareness exercise to actually help you see what’s really important to you. Because you might think you want a relationship but you actually don’t because you aren’t ready and that’s ok and you actually realise that there is other things more important to you right now than a partner. First get clear why you want a partner or relationship and also get clear on why you don’t have a partner on the first place.
First I cried, then I did a Johnny Depp and laughed at it all. I clean the house top to bottom every week on the same day (as dictated by my partner) only to have him find a crumb or a tea leaf to complain about. At first I just tried to point out “I cleaned the whole house, you say nothing about that, you only complain about a cup left out? ” His response was that he goes out to work and so he is entitled to expect I do the housework -properly. I hated him being so nasty to me so For weeks I tried harder to make sure everything was perfect….I caught him looking under rugs to find something, then I discovered little traps he would leave lying around like walnuts under the bed, tucked into hard to reach corners. This was about the time I started searching the internet for help, I wasnt sure….was he abusive? I researched what abuse was, and that led me to narcissism. I researched hundreds of hours and became more and more certain he had NPD…then perhaps some BPD …maybe histrionic. Its been ten years of learning to understand these things, and learning how to deal with them. Im ok now, I can live with it. I can accept the way he is and keep my own happiness. You see, we cannot blame them for our misery when it is our own responses that are the real cause of it.
I love this and everything Jordan Peterson says. Sadly, some spouses don’t care what the other spouse needs, regardless of how the information is relayed. If they don’t align with their own needs, they don’t change. Some spouses just want attention from themselves for themselves, or from porn or Facebook. Selfishness is the ultimate destroyer of relationships.
Why would I be with someone who calls me stupid? I would never be with them. I would never treat someone I love like that. It’s unbelievable how people stay in relationships where there isn’t mutual respect, love, courtesy, admiration etc. People ignore red flags. People need to think with their brain and not with their hearts.
This was very helpful! I remember something my family and I use to do when I was a kid. Everybody wants to watch a movie. But my mom would like one thing my dad would not like that at all nor would I. It works any which way you work that problem. So a solution we came up with was this. 1 person on movie night (which we rotated so we each could have a turn) would pick 5-10 movies they would like to watch but knowing that we may like them as well. Then out of those picks the next person would make a selection of those movies they would like to watch, typically 3-5 movies and the last person would make the final selection on the single movie we would watch. This assured we were all happy to watch the movie that was selected. I think this could work in relationships as well. It doesn’t have to be with just movies. They could be choosing the restaurants or bars or maybe even the activities. This way your both on the same page and would be glad to do what was chosen. 🙂
It’s perhaps 300% easier to point out mistakes, issues or negative things rather than talk about positives. A failure of routine is that negatives can become a routine to notice far easier than positives. Learning to celebrate the little positives will help a lot. Learn from my mistakes of talking about the negatives way too much. Choose to participate in your partners life.
Every day for a full summer I used to talk to this old couple for years (I was 17 now I’m 19). I’d wake at 6, swim in the lake, run around, then around 9 I’d go talk to them until 12 or 1pm. They have been married for 55 years (88 year old and 87). They told me their life story, how they met etc. It’s actually a really beautiful story but the thing that stuck out the most to me to this day is what they said is the definition of true love: “true love comes out on your worst times”. It can be kinda corny for some people but it really changed my perspective of “love” it’s easy “loving” someone when everythings cool. Think about someone you really love like a mother, father or brother. Even after you fight eventually you’re back to good terms again and IG that’s a part as to why these familial relationships last. Sadly tho I moved to another country so you can be sure I was balling my eyes out last time I saw them
It amazes me how little people investigate what would make themselves happy. It amazes me more how so very few people get it. It’s OK to think that something will do something for you only to find that achieving it wasn’t what you thought it was because now you know better. Delusions when pursued always lead to disillusionment which always leads to truth. So if you’re disillusioned now then rejoice because the truth is close at hand. Be vigilant, open and receptive when it comes. Now that you know whats coming that will be easier to do.
everyone saying that a woman will always find a reason to fight. yes it is true but not if you find the right woman that was raised by good parents and has made up her own mind on how to be a good wife, woman and friend. if you want to find that woman you have to be the man for this kind of woman. work on yourself. work on your body and mind and you will stumble upon a woman like this.
What i hate most about the times we live in currently is that theres no consequences for your actions anymore, not happy in your marriage get devorced, go out sleeping around and get pregnant get an abortion, make mistakes and blame someone else, we live in a time where just about everything has an out so you dont have to think about your situation or what could happen because of it
I did all that and i was just ignored. When i’d be upset because i’ve voiced what i’d like them to do and they still didnt(obvioslu after a few situations where they had the chance to) they’d get annoyed with me lol and it would hust backfire. When it’s them that made me feel unimportant to them in the first place by not doing something so little that would cost them nothing so long after i’ve voiced it….
A store has just opened in New York City that offered free husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance: “You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads: Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the Sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store just across the street. The 1st first floor has wives that love sex. The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
BELIEVERS TURN FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS The LORD told King Solomon, “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land” (2 Chronicles 7:13,14). “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes themself an enemy of God. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Being a double-minded person is being unstable in all one’s ways. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4, 1 Timothy 5, James 1:8, 4:8). “Who is wise and understanding among you? By one’s good conduct let one show one’s works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.
I listen to this and I remember all the fights about what wasn’t done, or what didn’t happen. As time went by I realized that there was never happiness, or simply peace for the things that did happen, that were done. Those things didn’t matter, because they were done. I’d bring that up and she would say “…you want praise for bringing out the trash?!?” and I’d tell her “No, I just don’t want to be yelled at or belittled if I don’t.” Things devolved to the point where, more than once I said “…let me know when I do something right, I’ll just assume everything else is wrong.”
Great article so far really interesting how everyone laughs when he says the other person is stupid and everyone laughs then he immediately says and so are you and everyone get dead quiet it’s one of the largest issues and problems people not realizing that what you judge is judging you and you surround yourself with what and who you are no matter how “stupid”
UGH. It’s so difficult to put into words the effect JP has. His ability to understand complex literature and than break it down and explain it in a way where you can understand an apply it to real life applicable situations. Sometimes it feels like therapy is bullshit because they want you to figure out the solution yourself and it’s like what am I paying for here? Jordan Peterson is able to understand the things that matter and construct an approach that is tried and tested and is something you can ACTION and use after hearing. Thanks for the article!!
I think a good argument is a very good thing. You get rid of some frustrations, you set some boundaries, you get to say stuff that you suppressed, you get to see how they see things, you get to undersd each others point of view and understanding and and and. Then you get to make up and learnt loads of new lessons. Time to move on….. Nothing wrong with a good argument 🤔
Me and my partner have this mirror thing going on, we both want to make each other happy, sometimes that’s what causes issues between us. For example if I want to do something for him because I love him, later on he says he doesn’t want me to do things for him and then resent him later for it. I’m the same way, I don’t want him to do things just to make me happy if it’s not what he wants. It’s taken us a while to realize exactly how alike we really are and how to understand each other and basically ourselves, because sometimes you have to see that the things said or done that hurt you, might actually be the way you are treating your partner. Therefore like you said we are training people how to treat us.
Imagine having to manipulate your partner just so that after one year they do one of the most basic things like greet you when you come home, and on top of it have someone tell you that the reason why you “need to be greeted” is because you’re incapable of being happy on your own. I didn’t need to train my dog to be happy when I come home, they just are because they love me. Walmart even hires greeters because it’s a nice thing to do for costumers. Listening to Jordan’s advice has helped me realize that my relationship is pathetic and and that playing mental gymnastics during years to get the bare minimum out of someone. On my way to break off my engagement
It’s everything basically about personal inteligence. Your level of reached inteligence in terms of empathy, understanding and ability to describe what you feel and think is a frame that determines your criteria to evaluate other’s person compatibility for quality relationship. In case of lacking these skills on one or both sides the inevitable result is confrontation. Very important factor is fact how certain level of inteligence naturally generates poverfull self-confidence that connects body, mind and soul into balanced environment focused in continuous positive & constructive self-development. Therefore no matter how hypocritical it might be from first sight, in fact, the way someone looks, lives, behaves and what world creates around is a template showing what kind of relationship that person most probably will have with you….If you find with chosen one that any of these specifics are critically distracting to your honest chart of values in the beginning when dating…. break and leave no matter how sexually amorous you are at that moment nor later you end up in long-term severe internal pain…Letting go the wrong ASAP is always better than deeply SORRY when badly lose later…. Simple rule – real honest mature love doesn’t manipulate, abuse, hurt or misuse, it’s not worried, insecure or bully, it doesn’t need be proven, bought or bring sacrifice….Madona sang: …”Love is a bird, She needs to fly”…..and I add that the couple in love is it’s two wings…
Sama kiedyś wzięłam się pod uwagę wzięłam pod uwagę ( samokrytyka) Mnóstwo pytań Odpowiedzi dostałam. Tak jestem stała w uczuciach brałam pod uwagę również swoje nieudane zwiazki. Byłam w szoku jak to odkryłam. Myślę że kochamy za każdym razem inaczej. Wedle potrzeby. Jest to niesprawiedliwe wobec …. A zdanie sobie z tego sprawy było … U mnie wyglądało to nieco inaczej. Oszukać!
I really need help in my relationship. I am going to take this advice . I feel like my marriage is ending and its scary and it hurts. The hardest part of thinking of trying to save my marriage is how to open communication again. A big argument took place today and now I don’t even know how to start communication again. I want some respect and some understanding. I am not getting any of that.
Elogiar a pessoas quando ela fizer o certo E não “punir” elas, as falando mal quando fizer o certo, pois se fizer tal coisas 2 ou 3 vezes, talvez nunca mais terá tal cooperação, Isso é importante Não foque no que a pessoa possa não ter feito de bom, foque no melhor Sair com o parceiro é importante, e frequente, caso o primeiro “Date” não ser bom, ou algum, e você não quer mais, imagine que em 30 anos, ou seja em 12 mil dias vocês deixar de sair só por causa de 1 ou 2 que deu errado, tente denovo, e denovo e denovo, frequente, e explique para o outro oque você quer e oque te faz feliz, e em alguns meses vocês dois terão um relacionamento melhor e mais saudável O outro não é advinho e provavelmente não vai advinhar sozinho, (principalmete se for homem kkkkkkkk) se ensine a tratar ele, trate o outro melhor e ensine o outro a te tratar melhor tambem Comunicar oque sente, oque você quer, e o que a pessoa faça, oque te faz feliz e como seria aquele cenário você gostando ou sendo feliz nele Não falar mal, Não punir quando elas estiverem fazendo o certo, elogiar e recompensar quando fizerem o certo e deixo-os saberem que o fizeram, aprecie, elogie e valorize – abrace mais
Jordan, I own and have every book that you have authored. I have studdied them for many a time. I have purchased all of them and have given them as gifts everywhere. In the future we will be talking one on one. Remember these initials gLCTLC. I am coming out to do my podcast work. Now it’s underway. I have been waitng for the Divine to enter in, and now the feminine has.
In a relationship, understanding is the main key. If dishes are dirty, do not expect the woman to do it and do not expect the man to do it. Both people should expect themselves to do it because both live in the house, both eat using plate and if the man or woman don’t clean the dishes where are they going to eat? Just because he doesn’t for it, I won’t do it and I guess the roaches will have a feast. Great and informative article.
How do you deal with the mother who keep no confidential/secret? Ive come to realize some people can never be too sure if they will pass on what you say or not. Im not gonna lie some of them aren’t good. but I thought it was trust of mother to keep bond of trust between them. for example some is about 1 parent over the other but living in same household means everything gets past-around and mixed/convoluted, results in detriment for the person who wants to keep confidential.
Nie ma stałych uczyć w związku w związkach partnerskich. To liczymy w mini dekadach Od eksplozji cielęcej miłości (hormony ) zabawa etc.. Po drodze zależnie od statusu materialnego przechodzimy w fazę prokreacji powiększenia z wybranym partnerem potomstwa. Te czasy mówią o wyborze nawet odpowiedniego nasienia Stał się wymogiem Nie doszukałem się tu uczuć.
If you’re reading this comment, it’s not too late; you’ve already been immensely blessed with an abundance of love, wealth, luck, health, joy, and whatever else your heart desires!! I’m so proud of you for surviving everything you’ve been through This is your sign to go after what your heart most desires for the highest good, it’s your time to shine.
I don’t need anything to be happy aside from a small amount of support. Someone to not constantly withhold. I never get any “good job” or “that’s awesome what you done” like I could save a child from a burning building and my wife would be like, eh people do that all the time don’t start acting like you’re special now.
I no longer don’t know what to do and how to talk to him anymore.. Everytime I talk to him and tell him I don’t like what his doing he will tell me I am crazy. If he did something I don’t like and try to ask him calmly he always says I don’t know how to humble myself and ask him.. Im really asking myself what should I do now.. In which way should I talk to him because really I no longer don’t know how..
My husband and I have had some really terrible fights and said some really bad things to each other over the years it was almost the end of our relationship and than the thought of losing each other something switched and now we are talking more and practice giving each other space after work also if one of us is heated we do not retalate we wait 30 minutes and than kindly speak to each other it’s been getting better and better over the last few months and we speak kindly about what bothers us no more talking under our breath that sort of thing
Whrr when children endure abuse & neglect that don’t learn developmental skills of feeling, communicating & caring for others where ones life is consistently at risk. These things need speaking about- traumatized adult child people are not fully developed, hide from perceived authorities threat’s to safety & struggle to find friends & keep them. Sr Gabor Mate teaches this bio psychosocial environmental lens on addictions /dysfunctions.
No I never call my partner names and when she’s getting upset I always ask her is what your upset about actually worth getting upset and raising your voice bcs of my father’s treatment of my mother i learned to not to raise my voice and respect my house wide and my kids are always perusal like I did
Well, one summer when I was super pregnant with our first, it was extremly hot, so I wanted to leave all the windows (especially those in the bedroom) fully open for the night (>20°C). My husband did not let me. I explained that I feel bad when it is so hot and stuffy inside. Still no. Note: we live in a city, 3rd floor, no stairs outside, it is safe to leave windows open). I had to sleep in the living room on the couch. I had to fight with him to open the windows in the living room (he slept in the bedroom but still wanted to control windows in other rooms). God, it was the first time I shouted so much. How do you communicate with a person who does not care about your needs? Please, remember I was like 8 months pregnant with his child. His argument was: those windows were always closed (It was his parents’ apartment before we got married. Sidenote: no, they weren’t: now I know that even his father opens windows at night in hot weather). It went for some days as long as the hot weather lasted. Next summer was similar. I think 2 years later he apologized :-/
Alternatively after being told ” you are stupid and will be stupid forever ” you can reply by saying, ” that may be true but my being stupid never prevents me from loving you, being with you and staying with you ” . Why, because all love is selfish and ultimately self serving even though others benefit from it, but love is not a mirror, it does not automatically reflect . So you may love can love and are free to love someone who may never ever love you or reflect your love.
Sometimes only that person will do… Box of Chocolates, you can’t pick / choose flavors…New box of Chocolates will also come with all kinds of flavors…all energy consuming efforts. For lazy or low energy, best to stick with existing box of Chocolates where all the flavors were identified, hopefully good flavors out number the bad ones.
Lmao that cleaning thing was on point smh I cleaned the mother of ny child’s house while she was at work and I had the day off I cleaned everything and did her laundry and when I left and hours later while I was at work all she could say was u didn’t fold my laundry when I pretty much did everything and all I could tell her well that’s the last time I clean up for u lol
Now what if this is the first time im seeing this article but this tbh is what I’ve been trying to do with my girlfriend but instead of being receptive to it it was more like her claiming the prize and me being stuck not being enough, and also tried tried the sex thing and it became more of a even tho we follow it its becoming too much type of scenario . This led to an awful breakup for me because i truly was in love and now have insecurities about if she ever really loved me now. But really all im saying is I didnt even know about this and oddly enough its what I was going through and attempting unconsciously 😅