Heartbreak can be excruciating and frustrating, and there is no fixed timeline for how long it takes to heal. Each person and heartbreak is different, and some find it easier to deal with. To heal after a marriage separation, it is important to stop blaming yourself, give time to grieve, learn about your fears, don’t lose hope, focus on yourself, and let go of the past.
One way to heal is to write down what you need, including tangible and emotional support, and discard everything that reminds you of your partner. Be mindful of self-blame, self-doubts, and self-criticism, as rejection can lead to personalization. Betrayal in a marriage is the deepest and most painful form of betrayal, and this pain will make you wiser, more patient, contemplative, and more careful. Channel this pain into prayer and du’a, and turn to Allah Most High with all of your obligations.
To get through the grief process, allow yourself to go through the grieving process, acknowledge that something bad happened to you, be kind and gentle with yourself, and make a list of your strengths. Take this marriage separation as an opportunity to expand and redesign your social circle, connecting with people who are happy and self-assured in their own lives.
Remember that it is okay to have different feelings, give yourself a break, and not fight your feelings. Talk about rebuilding your relationship, dealing with previous failures, learning your spouse’s love language, developing empathy listening skills, and finding joy.
Mourning, stopping fighting with your ex, letting it all hang out among friends, reframe your anger, and keeping the kids out of it are some ways to deal with the hurt and be a better person.
📹 If You Are Dealing With HEARTBREAK, Watch This! | Mel Robbins
Break ups, divorce, heart break… It’s all painful. But they don’t have to make you feel BROKEN. Here are my top 4 tips forĀ …
How to heal a broken heart in a marriage?
How to cope with a heartbreak: Grieve. … Ask for help to cope. … Take care of yourself. … Embrace healthy habits. … Set boundaries with your ex. … Focus on your goals. … Practice mindfulness. … Healing takes time.
How to ignore a husband who hurt you?
How to Deal with a Cheating Husband: 1. Don’t take it personally. 2. Process your feelings. 3. Focus on yourself. 4. Boost your self-esteem. 5. See a therapist if you need to. 6. Lean on friends and family. 7. Confront your husband if you can’t ignore him anymore.
Finding out you’ve been cheated on can be devastating. Some people want to end the marriage, but there are reasons to stay, like societal pressure, kids, or not being ready to leave. Read these tips to learn how to take care of yourself while ignoring your cheating husband.
This article is based on an interview with Kelli Miller, our relationship expert, licensed psychotherapist, and award-winning author. Read the full interview here. When a husband cheats on their spouse, it’s about them, not you. Don’t take his cheating personally. It will make it easier to ignore him.
What is the most stressful phase of a marriage?
Year 7. The 7-year itch is often a joke, but it’s no joke to those going through it. It may not be seven. Some couples are in year 5 or 6, while others are in year 8. But around this time, couples in healthy relationships often question their relationship. Some reasons why number 7 is a struggle include:
Lack of passion in the bedroom. Those days of sex anytime, anywhere were great, right? Why don’t they last? Couples can keep their passion alive year after year. After a few years, attraction and sexual interest can decline.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used for when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
How to get over past hurts in a marriage?
Take time to work through the process. Show you’re sorry for hurting your partner. Promise not to hurt them again. Accept the consequences of your actions. Be open to making amends. Forgiveness is a key to any relationship. Forgiveness is good for you. Forgiving and letting go is one of the best ways to keep your relationship strong. While some hurts are too big to forgive, forgiveness can help you move on. This article explains how to forgive your partner and move on.
The Benefits of Forgiving Your Partner. Holding onto old hurts and anger wastes your time and energy. If you don’t forgive, you’ll eventually hate and be bitter.
What is a toxic marriage like?
Ask a Fort Worth divorce lawyer. What is a toxic marriage? A toxic marriage is one where partners can’t trust each other, have a healthy relationship, or keep promises. Toxic marriages are full of conflict, criticism, and disrespect. In these relationships, one or both partners may feel disconnected, unheard, and disrespected. Also, there may be a lack of emotional intimacy and trust. Common issues in toxic marriages include poor communication, unhappiness, unresolved issues, jealousy, infidelity, and a lack of understanding. It can be hard to tell if a marriage is toxic because the signs can be subtle and build up over time.
Signs of a Toxic Marriage. In a toxic marriage, one or both partners suspect it. If you start hating your partner, it means your relationship is unhealthy.
What are the 5 stages of marriage breakup?
If you started the split, you’ll go through five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages of grief, according to Mental Health Matters. These are the natural ways to heal.
How long does it take for a woman to heal from a broken heart?
Journaling, grieving, sticking to a routine, self-care, and avoiding contact can help you move on from a relationship. Healing from a breakup takes time. After a bad breakup, you might wonder how long it will last. People recover from grief at different speeds. You may need more time to recover from certain relationships. You may always remember your loss.
How long does it take to get over someone you truly loved?
Research shows it takes 11 weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. Another study found it takes about 18 months to heal from a marriage.
Heartbreak is a grieving process. Everyone grieves differently. Because love is messy, each relationship is different. There is no set time limit for healing. Factors like the length of the relationship, shared experiences, betrayal, and the depth of emotion all play a part in the healing process.
When there is too much hurt in a marriage?
If you can’t resolve your emotional issues on your own, find a professional to help. Couples therapy can help you and your spouse solve issues that are hurting your marriage. This article is not about physical or emotional abuse. If you are in a marriage with domestic abuse, get help. If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for help. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
How to overcome a marriage breakup?
Coping with a breakup or divorce: it’s OK to have different feelings. … Take a break. … Don’t go through this alone. … Don’t fight your feelings. … Talk about how you feel. … Moving on is the goal. … Think about the future. Why are breakups so painful? A breakup or divorce is stressful and emotional. No matter why it happened, a breakup can turn your world upside down and make you feel sad and confused. Even when a relationship is bad, a divorce or breakup can be painful because it means losing the partnership and the dreams and commitments you shared. Romantic relationships start with excitement and hope for the future. When a relationship fails, we are disappointed, stressed, and sad.
A breakup or divorce is new territory. Everything changes: your routine, your home, your relationships, and even your identity. A breakup makes the future uncertain. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you be alone? The unknowns can seem worse than being in an unhappy relationship.
How do I stop emotionally hurting my wife?
When you can, express your feelings in a calm and respectful way. … Step 2: Share and validate. … Step 3: Talk about what makes you angry. … Step 4: Accept, Apologize. Step 5: Fix problems before they happen.
📹 Heartbreak and Loss
Loss of loved ones and heartache are a constant part of life. It’s often something that we think we will never get over, that it is aĀ …
I’m going through a painful breakup. There were red flags early on in the relationship and I chose to ignore them. There was a voice inside my head saying this is not right, but I still kept going. Now it hurts. I feel empty, confused, angry, heartbroken. We didn’t even talk things through thoroughly. It ended in chaos and anger, even though there were parts of this love that were very deep and beautiful. I will get better. It’s just very tough right now. Time heals all wounds. May we rise again.
Im on day 3. I had a big meltdown yesterday after I stupidly decided to try to drink my pain away. After 7 years together he got under his coffee chick in the first week after I moved out. I’m on day 3 because I found out 3 days ago, and it destroyed me. Thank you for your articles. You are helping me a lot in this hard time.
I am hurting and have noone to talk to. People always confide in me yet I have no one to talk to. It’s so painful. The worse part is having no energy, no desire, no spark for anything. I hope it gets better soon. I just have to find the strength not to go into the same old cycle of he comes back. It hurts so much more every time.
I just broke up with my BF of over a year. he is a good person and has a good heart, but there were red flags. Ive always ignored red flags. I did the right thing even though it was so beyond hard. Its not that I didn’t love him…..i ended it because it was not right for me and ultimately for him as well. I am very proud of myself. Thank you Mel for always being there for me/us <3
I am currently in the midst of a break up that is completely 1 sided, im feeling as low as imaginable, what makes things even harder is she seems to be absolutely fine while I am falling apart. We have been together for 13 years, have 2 beautiful children and share a family home..it just feels my entire world has ended, over the past 2 weeks I have slept maybe 1-2 hours per night. I really hope this can get better.
I did a month ago. It broke me at first. However it was crucial. I was painting to many red flags, white. Reflecting on things I found myself being in love with the illusion of what I thought we were going to be. In reality it was tumultuous, toxic is the best way to describe it. Don’t worry. They will realize your worth when they can’t find someone like you.
Today is the 3rd day of our breakup. My mind is all over the place. We were together for 3.5 years. We tried very hard to hold on to each other to save the relationship but nothing worked. We weren’t toxic but due to some situations we had grown distant. We turned against each other. We had ugly fights and lots of arguments, every other day. And 2 days ago we just broke up. I shared it with my friend who is there for me. I am afraid no one is there for my partner, or ex, hah. It kills me inside. But i know going back would only cause more harm than any good. I still feel lost. And worry about him constantly. I hope he will be okay and he’ll finally be able to be happy!
I’m so sorry for everyone here all going through the same experience I did too I’m getting there but god it’s hard when you believe you love them, I ignored red flags too I knew it wasn’t right there were many problems along the way it became toxic, the break up was dreadful what happened and the confusion I feel at this moment and the pain just doesn’t go away I’m with everyone here take care all
This is the best advice I have seen or heard ! This is so me right now. I knew the 5 year relationship I was in was not someone I was gonna grow old with. Yes I stayed with her cause I loved her and I didn’t want to be alone. In the end she broke up with me for the same reason, she said we grew apart and it was beyond repair. Yes it hurt and I will be fine because I know it was over at least a year ago. The only thing I deal with is anger because less than a week after we broke up I saw her on a date. I had a gut feeling there was someone else and that confirmed it. Thing is you gotta let go and move on and even wish them the best. I’m working on me now and looking in the mirror.
So much of our attractions are based on our parents. Not only do we need to learn and heal from this relationship, we also need to find the wound from our parents that’s having us be attracted to the same type of person for a partner. We keep trying to heal that parent wound by finding someone who will create the same wound so we can heal it this time. Trauma bonding is a real thing.
Some fairly clinical and correct advice and also some very dismissive advice that minimises a lot of people’s issues. Saying you’ll feel a million times better in a week (post break up) is utterly ludicrous. It’s also insanity to completely disregard a relationship’s history, family dynamic, other roles the SO plays, sickness, motivational ruts, depression, ambivalence caused by external components such as pressures from family, friends, financial distress etc. The list goes on. Relationships are very intricate interwoven and THE most important social dynamic seen in humans, and we need to approach considering losing somebody exceptional from our lives with greater care and consideration than A+B =C.
I just broke up with my boyfriend that I’ve dated for a year. The attraction between us is so great and I really love him, but I ignored so many red flags and there were many times I had doubts about him. Decided to finally rip up that bandaid. Whole body is aching now. The pain is just so strong but I know it will get better
I just got out of a trauma bond. I am in my mid 30s never been married. My parents have a wonderful relationship and have been married for 30 plus years. Looking at this rationally now I think I fell in love so fast because I was codependent and wanting love not rejection like my past. Throughout this ordeal I have decided that no one can love me the way I want to be loved and that I have to love myself. Unfortunately my last relationship ghosted me after 8 months for someone else. I think what hurts the most is that I was vulnerable with someone havent done that in a long time. I realize the more vulnerable I am the more I am acceptable to hurt. However the pain of a BPD relationship is far more extreme than anything I have ever been in. I will perserve through it however I have learned that I do NOT need to fix everyone and need to stay in my lane focusing on myself.
Lost my girlfriend after 4 years because I wasn’t up to par with her expectations. I come from a bigger struggle than her and the last 6 months have been really hard on me. I wasn’t motivated and I lacked drive. I felt like I wasn’t what people wanted and I ended up being exactly that to her. I manifested my own downfall. I loved her with all my heart, I’d talk with her everyday, see each other weekly and take her out to nice places. I’d always praise her and I guess I put too much emotional dependency on her and it became overwhelming for her. I wished we communicated better and were able to resolve these issues. Most were fixable but she did not want to give us a chance to work through it. She claims to have fallen out of love with me. I gave her time, love and attention. It wasn’t enough and I’m feeling at all time low.
I was married for 17 years. If ghosted me and left me for someone else. It’s been 2 years. Still feeling heartbroken. I tried moving on just a few weeks ago . I felt so guilty. The hurt is unreal, I’ve been cheated on times before but this one was rough. I wish this would go away . The pain. The tears . I think it’s the rejection, not sure but I know he’s not worthy of all this energy.
My boyfriend and I just broke up recently. We only dated 6 months, but he was the best and healthiest guy I’ve ever been with. We both knew it was not going to work out long term because we are currently on different paths in life, but what kept us going was our attraction, strong connection and care for each other. He initiated the breakup even though it was mutual, but I wasn’t brave enough to ever do it. This article helped me see that he truly did love and care for me by being honest with me in this conversation and being strong enough to walk away, when he could have easily kept me around for himself and his own needs. This will help me move forward and heal knowing I was with a truly good person who genuinely cares about my well-being. Thank you Mel.
Yes yes and yes!!! And remember emotions are hormones, chemicals in the body…drugs we can easily get addicted to. You have to learn to recognize the emotional addictions first before you can even hope to break these patterns. The best training that changed my life was learning how to cultivate the feelings of what I desire in my life before the actual event…and I mean really feel it as if it was real and guess what..according to modern studies the brain doesn’t know the difference…it just equates emotions with events and survival and will work behind the scenes so to speak to manifest in your reality those desires you are able to make real in your emotions and thoughts on a daily basis.
Hardest part of getting over my break up is that she cheated on me and left me for that person. The idea of her starting a new relationship while we were still living together hurts so much. She couldn’t even own up to what she was doing when I confronted her about the cheating. I moved out because I couldn’t handle the stress anymore and she didn’t even hesitate to move the person in 2 days afterwards.
It’s so hard for me to listen to advice like this, because I’ve never felt more myself than when I was with my ex. I felt safe. I felt loved. And now I’m supposed to do “the things I could never do” because of him — but there’s nothing. I was even so secure in the relationship that I was finally able to study abroad for some time. The relationship gave me hope and so much power. articles like these seldomly talk about losing a great relationship. One that was really fulfilling.
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and we live together. He took a a “break” for a month and a half before this and I had to make him tell me what was going on. He said if he has to decide then he wants to break up. We have been together for 4 years. I moved across the country with him where I have no family. Now, though we still live together and have the same bank accounts and he is fine and acting fine. I am looking for a place to finish out the year and I had just got a new job. He is not acting like the guy I fell in love with. I have issues to but I wanted to talk about them and work them out. He is done. It hurts
It took me 16 months and two international trips to see him to end it. We met online, opposite sides of the world, fell in loveā¦ it’s been 6 weeks since it ended. I wish I listened to my intuition in the first placeā¦ I look back at my journal and cringe because it was all there. “I don’t feel like he cares. He doesn’t love me gently. He’s so cold. Why can’t I ask him to be nicer and have him listen?” I should have listened to myselfā¦
I was with my ex for nearly 18 years. I was 18 when we met, he 21. We separated 5 years ago. I still love him with all of my heart and struggle to move on. He just got married last weekend and its killing me literally. I have been through therapy, antidepressants, gym classes, meeting new people, volunteering, changing jobs, changing where I live and I still cannot let go. I want to, because it’s not helpful but I fear it will never happen. I am at the end of my rope, and hope. I watch your articles all the time and I wish I was as strong, well spoken, and knowledgeable as you. The kicker is, he just married the man that I had met/dated first after our break up. The guy stopped talking to me a year into the relationship and sought out my ex and my ex had no clue š I would love your advice on what I need to do, how I can do this. I remember one of your famous lines and I understand it but sometimes people just need a push in the right direction, your quote is “No one is coming. No one is coming to save you. Its up to you”
This helped so much! I may need to watch it over and over to remind myself! After almost 20 years with someone I’m feeling lost and my heart hurts. It’s broken even though I know it’s for the better. This is a trauma bond, but I just need to cling to better days coming! Thank you for your words again always so uplifting and positive and gives me some hope for better days to come.💔
All i did was worry about what he was doing behind my back. I wasted my energy gaslighting myself and worrying about the extent of his lies. He spent most of his spare time with me, he took me to beautiful places and in many ways seemed perfect. The dissonance was real and like you said Mel i knew it wasn’t right but i kept lying to myself. Lying is not ok, to yourself or someone else. I know I’m in for some really sad times but i listened to my heart. I’m free now although i don’t want to be alone. I have wished him well. I’m beyond anger now. He has no capacity to understand that i can not stay with him after the lies. He doesn’t even understand that his lies were wrong. I gave him a chance after he was caught lying yet he did it again. That was my boundary and he crossed it. So i have no choice but to respect myself and love me more. Thanks Mel for your great work. I’m binge perusal your articles
Hi. Thank you for these article. I have been struggling. I met someone i know is the one and only person i have ever loved these much, someone i would ride and die for. BUT.. i have problems about myself that i can’t figure out what. Maybe after my last divorce in which was traumatic, since then i could not or is afraid for commitment that when i met these person i love, i always almost switch my self off in every conflict which drives him crazy. His reactions and my fear of commitment is not a good combination. He has his own problem and it’s clear.. it is also clear for him what my problem is which is switching off..but we could not find the solution.. we talked about it… but it still kept repeating. Now we finally broke up for good and for real. It hurts. 100% i don’t want someone else. I love him in ways that he is a part of me and my life now even if we won’t talk or see each-other anymore. I just wanna stay alone now and try to be happy for what i have. Maybe then… i will look back little by little to those moments that i will realize and understand my problem with a total clear mind.
I was broken up with less than a month ago. It really felt like we had an awesome connection. If there was any sign of disagreement, we’d talk about it. Nothing ever got ugly. It lasted about 3 1/2 months. There was a 2 week long breakup before the final one. There was about 3 weeks between the breakups. Both initiated by her. I blame myself for ignoring the red flags of being a rebound, she was fresh out of a bad relationship, which in itself may have been a rebound from her divorce. We tried to be friends after the first breakup, and I did my best to respect that, but I couldn’t resist the mixed signals I was getting from her. I really just want to be able to look out the windshield more and stop looking in the rearview mirror so much and work on myself. It’s not easy, but no one said it would be.
Mel, we were married for 22 years, together for 25. He discarded me and the children when I discovered his affair. Why after 9 months do I feel love for him and so sad for our long marriage not counting for anything. I have been so strong and kept the family going and went to work each day but still I do not want another man. I am 53 but still feel so hurt at how he did not have my back or even care about how this situation would effect me. Help
Thank u so much my ex lead me on and let me fall in love with him and he knew he didn’t want me. He lied to me that he was single and he was married to his wife in Nigeria I found out he was married 1 months before he bring his wife here from Nigeria he even trick me and borrow my money from me to pay his wife and his child fare to bring them here from Nigeria. I feel it with all my heart.
And what should I do if I cannot exclude him of my life as we have daughter? He left me in a really sneaky and unworthy way – he had no courage to tell me that my cousin’s wife had been his lover for more than 6 months’ time then when I told him to do something for our relationship (15 years). He let me coming with my ideas and struggeling for nothing when he had already planned his future with the other woman. I’m getting better but still have nightmares with them although this stuff turned out in january.
Mel, I am separated for a couple of months now. I was with her 24 years, married 18 years. We have a son,, 16 yo. I separated & filed for divorce from her & I feel better. So far, she is 0 for 8 in seeing our son…that’s not good. I’m trying to have a better relationship with our son now. We are good but it is getting better.
Am healing from a 26 year marriage which I was discarded for another woman it’s been 7months since the discard and a week since she’s moved out and in with her new partner I try to focus on my kids and myself I always wanted to join a gym and get healthy and now I can and not feel guilty about doing things for myself with every pasting day the pain slowly subsides a little bit and I think about her once a day instead of every minute hoping to get to once a week to once month and so on what I got out of this break up is never sell yourself short every time you say no your saying yes to yourself be an individual and not an extension of the other person and if they truly love they will let grow and flourish in the relationship together
My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months agoā¦ and I am a recovering addict that was using and lying about it and gambling. And I ignored the warning signs, I really tried to change but didn’t happen soon enough. So now, I’m clean, motivated and I see the messageā¦ but I’m still heartbroken. I’m still in so much pain and I’m so frustrated. What do I do or what can I do? Thanks
It’s been half a year and I’m still in love with my ex. I have tried going on some casual dates with guys but I am just not into them no matter how good looking they are I just don’t have any feelings. I decided in the last few month to just work on myself delete all dating apps and stop trying dating. It has been hard just being alone, working on myself and everyday I still think about my ex. I think I tend to choose the same type of men not decisive, more feminine and too soft. Sometimes during relationship I feel frustrated with some of the traits he had and all my partners have all been the same type of guys.
My now ex partner broke the relationship and we didnt ever had fights or anything. It was instead a beautiful, yet extremely hurtful ending of a beautiful bond created by lovers that now are trying to become loving friends. Media and society often shows only the ugly, toxic, bad breakups but this one hurts even more because it was so unforseen and I dont quite understand her reasons. She wants to leave for a couple of years abroad and does not see me in her future, while being abroad in korea. I respect that but I will need time to wrap my head around the fact and comfort my confused heart, because for me, a long distance relationship would be imaginable. But she didnt give us this option or even the chance to talk it through, to try and experience life. I know she wants me to be happy with someone who is available. It is just that I need to learn to let go of my phantasy of it all working out.
I left my 31-year marriage. It was so toxic. I hated the person I had become. He was narcissistic, mean, and cruel. He controlled everything. The mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial abuse was so awful. I knew I should have left 10 years ago. Im really struggling and dont know what to do… He’s getting remarried after only knowing this woman for less than 6 weeks. I don’t want him back, I truly don’t, I go back that toxicity. I dont know how to deal with what I’m feeling.
I was accused of chesting on my boyfriend for months and months, stayed with him because I thought I loved him. Then he cheated on me, and abused me physically, and so many other things. Stayed with him because I thought I loved him and I was innocent and expecting some sort of amendment and also afraid of being alone. Then he just ghosted me over a month ago, and I’m just left here with all these unresolved feelings. I never did any of the things he accused me of, instead HE did all of them. But still I just miss him so much and feel so completely broken, don’t know what to do, still sitting around hoping he’d just come home. I forgave and overlooked so many things that I meanwhile broke myself and I guess that’s what I’m dealing with right now. Anyone who has some thoughts on how to move on from here? I am crying as soon as I wake up in the morning… 😓
Message is to not break my own rule of not f*cking feeling. I allowed myself to feel. I allowed her to break through. And she made me feel i could love again. And then she dissapears after making me completely fall for her. Now isn’t that manipulation… What did i ever do wrong. Atleast properly talking it out would have been better. I just feel sorry for myself to allow myself to feel again.
Been with my husband 25 years, 19 yr married even 4 months since e separated, 2 weeks will be divorced, still talk, he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore, he hadn’t been in love with me for 13 years, we fight, argue about everything, he has clinical depression, abused at 3 yrs old, we can text and be nice to each other but not when h we lived together. I see all the points where I could of end it, like within a few days of meeting him, thought he was just going thru a phase after his divorce of 1/12 years. My first marriage of 21 years, 4 kids ended when he cheated on me.been working full time now for 4 weeks landscaping, had our own business since 2004, no employees, just me,myself and I doing the work. I’m 60 yrs old, feeling better since working, love what I do, any advice, let him go, right, tank you
I don’t know how to even meet menā¦I look on dating apps and not even one looks even slightly a possibility. I’m now 52 so time is passing byā¦.After a year I’m missing my ex more than ever now!! He was so toxic but now I know the wrong answer is wanting him back to try again! What if I never ever meet anyone else again! I’ve been alone most of my life and only 3 major relationships. I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life. I’ve been working so hard on healing myself and moving forward and bettering myself!! But I’ve fallen into a deep hole againā¦his stuff is still here and he has my stuff at his house. š
This is hard when he broke up with me after 11 amazing years, wildly attracted to each other even more each year, he expressed wholeheartedly wanting to marry me just a few years ago after we went through a bout of trauma together, we talked about starting a YouTube website for relationships because ours was so good, we never argued, we both had immense respect for each other, we were very open minded with each other, could talk about ANYTHING, he’s the most mature and supportive person I’ve ever known, I’ve only become a better version of myself because of him, but he started falling away from me a couple years ago without telling me. So the wound is fresh for me, I feel blindsided, he’s had years to make this decision, spending a decade knowing you’ve found your soulmate, we’re the same person but he wants a better life for me so he broke up with me so I can go get a better life for myself, which I understand, I don’t have a very good income and I think that he’s reasoning. I think I need more clarity from him on why he pulled away. It’s so hard to lose a huge chunk of myself.
it hurts because i know she wants to be with my but her dad doesn’t approve of me because he thinks i’m not where i should be in life i’m 26 and she’s 25. she’s working on her masters and i’m working on a business living with my parents. I think the reason why it hurts and it’s hard is because i know she does want this but she’s scared to disappoint her parents
After a 24 year marriage, he left me in February, not legally (he says we can’t afford it). He started to change after his father passed away in 2017. The way I explain it is he died on the inside overtime in the last 6 years, so what he is now is the shell of who he is now. No job, living off his mothers bank account. My problem is we still live in the same house different floors, it’s hard for me to move forward in this situation any recommendations?
Ending it should be easy but you still love and want that person and you feel like you made a mistake but he is with someone he loves. I couldn’t be just friends. I was fooling myself but I have to get through this alone. I am tucked as usual. You say to delete social so I am not going to be able to watch his love affair with her. All I have is YouTube and then I’m punishing myself because I like YouTube but I have to do what I know to do at least for a couple months.
Help please. I have seen many red flags but ignored them. Lately i told him i need a few more months to finish my phd. He is so tired of my extensions. I was supposed to ginish last may. Today is February. He’s picking on everything i do and is saying I’m not doing my best. He told me to go my way until i finish the PhD. I don’t have my scholarship money anymore since December. He knows financially I’m in a difficult situation yet he told me to go. I don’t understand this. He even went as far as belittling my work. Do you think this is bad news too? And we’ve been together for 4 years (soon). No engagement no marriage. He says life needs to start and it will once i finish my PhD. My friends have told me life has already started. This is life and i should’ve had more support already. Please let me know what you think.
I was with a Latina for six months, she failed to disclose that she previously worked at the Hong Kong lounge in Tijuana. She said she was just a dancer. She shared that some nights she earned $ 2,000. As it turns out, it is a full sex club and a one hour session cost $ 100. I did the math, she was sleeping with 2000 men a year! But I loved her, I found out by accident, I’m in so much pain.
This is a breakthrough message Mel, Thank You. I’m going through a painful breakup now after 3 years of investing 100% of myself with time, energy, resources into my girlfriend. She was my life, world, and everything. It turned out she had three Affairs during our years together. Stack on the lies and the narcissistic abuse I’ve been left in hell
All I had to do was be a good boyfriend, and I would’ve had the most wonderful, amazing woman a guy could ever find. But I can’t get over the conditional love that my mother showed me 60 some years ago. That love is always held back. That I don’t allow myself to express it. There are very few women in my age with perfect mental, physical and 🍑 health! In my town of badasses, I don’t think there’s a single one available. Just shoot me.!!!
If you believe in God . And you don’t fear him then you might be well educated and smart but you are not wise. Because to fear God is the beginning of wisdom. A wise person will never encourage divorce. If you know the true and living God that came and died on the cross for our sins. Then you will be afraid to encourage divorce
Lol.. 1st, a lot of ppl don’t end their lives. So not everyone is okay after. But really, the issue is men are raised to have families when you should not. You sound get complete strangers pregnant as far away from home as possible as often as possble and never date anyone… All men should become pirates again for a while until we remember why civilized men mattered… #PiratesCode
Heartbreak was what made me the man I am today. I dated a girl from the age of 19-23, and I thought she was the love of my life. Planned my whole world around her, and then she dumped me out of the blue. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me; I didn’t know who I even was without her. I thought about doing terrible things to myself. But over time the pain lessened. I grew into myself. I graduated college, hit the gym, discovered new hobbies, found God and, one day out of the blue, found the woman I would end up marrying. And she is the one I was meant to spend my life with. I didn’t look for her, I didn’t even try – all I did was focus on myself and becoming a good, solid man and then things fell into place. All this to say: it gets better. I promise you. It. Gets. Better. You just have to persevere, as all humans have done before you.
This Christmas I lost my Dog, my Girlfriend, my job, and my mother. Absolutely the worst time of my life. I got in my car and just headed west. Drove for 4 hours with just a blank stare forward. After 4 hours I realized I can’t run from it. I turned around and went home. Everyday since has been a living hell facing it but I got to believe this is part of my journey. Gotta be better days ahead….
Heartbreak was the best thing that could have happened to me. At the beginning it hurts and you try to persuade the person somehow to continue. Until time heals your wounds and you start to focus on yourself. For me the process took a long time but in the end I have never felt better than I do now because of the development I have taken through it.
My girlfriend (now wife) quite literally walked into my life, met her at a friends house, and I was just drawn to her, been married for 6 years, together for 8 years, and are expecting our first baby here in 6 weeks, your comment about stop looking, couldn’t be any more true. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, great things happen when you least expect it.
About a year ago, my fiancĆ©, and I had fallen on hard times. I’d known her since High school and we had been dating for 4 years. I moved out and tried to move on, but despite our grievances, our connection was still strong. In June my father passed away suddenly and I didn’t handle it well. His death and my searching for a new place lead to me taking a 2nd job and working every day. My ex and I continued talking, sporadically, and things seemed like they could be mending. One evening in late September she had invited me back over to spend some time together, but I found myself too tired to get out of the house. She passed away early the next morning. I have become intimately familiar with loss and heartbreak and guilt and regret. If you’ve lost someone or some connection you’ve had with someone, I can certainly relate to the pains, and sorrows you feel. And I’ve heard all the advice you’re likely to hear. But no matter your loss, the most important thing is that you keep moving. I won’t say “move on”. Eventually you must, and one day you will, but that’s something that evolves over time. Time does heal and the pain isn’t infinite, but if someone had told me to just move on back in October, I’d probably need to be physically restrained. For most people, moving on is a process. But for now, just keep moving. Get up. Get out of bed. Keep working. Work harder. Start working out. Try new things. Do not fall into the traps of depression and self pity. It’s okay to be sad and sullen.
Believe me I can tell you about heartbreak. My Wife of 37 years, who I have known since grammar school (she was 70, I am 72), so we have known each other all our lives, passed away on 22 December, one month ago tomorrow. My life is shattered into a million pieces. I was not ready to lose her, not sure I ever will be, frankly I don’t want to be over it. My love for my Wife, my Lover, and my Best Friend will never be over. It’s so recent, I don’t know that I will ever find my way without her. I’m sure God will show me the way someday to be without her, but not yet, the pain is so intense, I can’t begin to explain it, but I Pray it never happens to you.
In my humble opinion at 34 years old, if you make it to my age and haven’t had any heartbreaks or some form of trauma, you haven’t really lived what we call “life”. Its the hardships that you struggle through that makes you stronger, smarter, and wiser. Just don’t let your hardships get the best of you like they almost did to me. Give it time for the wisdom that life is trying to teach you to set in.
Man, I’m 42 and all my life has been is heartbreak and loss. My first funeral was when I was 5 (in 1985). It was my grandpa (Dad’s side) and I remember being just tall enough to see him in his coffin wearing his medals and ribbons on his WWII Class A’s. That was the first time I remember contemplating what it meant to be “dead”. I also remember my dad as he dealt with the loss. My dad, nicknamed “Pie”, was always a stoic man. He didn’t say much until he thought deeply about it. He was measured and was also a walking encyclopedia 😂. But, I remember him as he dealt with grief and loss. He and his father weren’t close, the war will do that to a person. I recall feeling his grief (I’m kind of what they call an “empath”ā¦..so is my mom). By the time I was 17 I had been to over a dozen funerals. My family went through a bad time filled with deadly accidents, suicides, and loss of loved ones through health issues. At the same time I even had close friends that passed away. I lost friends that were my age at the time. It’s a very difficult thing to attend the funeral of peers when you are still a kid. It hits harder in its own way. I got to the point where I refuse to attend funerals anymore. Not out of anything negativeā¦..it’s just that I can’t handle it anymore. The departed just don’t look real. Their souls aren’t there. It’s just feels off on top of the grief that not only I have felt at those timesā¦ā¦but also feeling the grief all around me. It’s rough. The hardest one that hit me ever was in 2015.
The stop “Stop looking” lesson was brilliantly put. Having just come out of a relationship and in the heartbreak phase (idolising the person, thinking of the memories and plans that never were…) I realised that I had been some desperate for her to be the one that I projected a lot onto her and checked all my boxes without checking the ones I didn’t want to be checked.
One of the best advice for heartbreak that I ever heard of was for a son who told his dad about how he got dumped and how bad it hurts and it was like “Son I know you’re hurting now, and nothing will fix that quick. But I promise you, that in a few years, you’ll look back on this moment and you’ll be ashamed that you let someone who cares for you so little hurt you so bad.” and it hit me, because at the end of the day, that father was so right.
Facts. I lost a 7 year relationship. The night it ended I committed to being the man I was meant to be. Lost 45 pounds, got myself disciplined, got a small promotion at work, cleared some debt, and radically improved my diet. I am still working on myself to be the man that can earn the traditional woman I am after. I know my own worth and will not compromise. Better to be single than to settle for less. I am done, so done settling for less.
As someone who spent 20+ years not even trying to find a woman. Don’t go out and try to force a relationship.. but it is still important to make some kind of communication if you are interested in someone. If you close yourself off to everyone your chances of meeting the one is very small. Also be yourself
Everything this man has said is true I’m 27 and I’ve been through break ups, disappointments, jail time, job loss, all kinds of things since 17… in ten years ive learned what most don’t experience in their life but it’s true to work on your self and get where you need to in life regardless if your spouse leaves and doesn’t return… anyone who gives up on you during your worst times doesn’t earn to be with you during your best ones 👍
At 24 years old I experienced my first relationship. She ended it and it broke my heart, the most real pain I’ve felt in a long time. But I’m grateful, because I almost settled for a life and a career that was below my potential. This heartbreak serves as a catalyst for me to grow and have a sense of urgency.
Relationships come and go: no matter what you are going thru regarding love, friendships, family; remember that you will get thru this! As a Vietnam Era veteran and homeless off and on the last 10 years, I can tell you this: You will get thru your present situation… You will be STRONGER… You will be WISER… it’s all about learning and getting to know YOU! Make YOU be the one in the “drivers seat” of YOUR life and not others!!
I’m 55 1/2. 21 was yesterday. That’s almost 35 yrs ago. In another 35 yrs, I’ll be over 90. Time truly does fly and it becomes very apparent as we age. My point: focus on helping others and not your own happiness. In the end, it will be the most fulfilling and will be something you can actually take with you when you die. The only things you can take with you are the things you gave away and the people you helped.
My 81 yr old husband passed away two weeks ago. He had been ill for years and suffered terribly. His passing was a blessing. I miss him, but i don’t miss him being sick. We were married for 13 years. My life is now different and each day i know that i have things to do. I’m reinventing my life. Life goes on. I’m grateful for the time we had and the memories we made.
This article really resonates with me. Got broken up with by a woman I could’ve swore was it. Just like you said, I found ways to make sure she checked every box. Not only that, but I ignored red flags along the way too. When she left, it shattered every illusion I’ve ever had about love. Rather than lashing out I looked inward. I came to terms with what really went on, who she really was, how I contributed to things going sideways, and the faulty lenses I looked at relationships through. I worked on myself, took up new hobbies and interests, got a better job, and came up with a more realistic way of looking at the world. I haven’t found my partner yet, but I’ve never felt like more of a man.
I needed the heartbreak in my life. I could not be alone. My boyfriend left me for another woman, I was 25 (30 now and still single). It was absolute agony, after a 3 year relationship. I couldn’t eat and lost 20 pounds. Mind you, I started at 120. I fought like heck to get him back. Compared myself to the new girl 24/7. But, I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learned never to trust, to focus on yourself and your mental health, et cetera. Definitely 100% learn to be alone and take care of yourself only. I won’t ever let someone affect me like that ever again. Now I absolutely love being alone and can hardly believe it. Learn to love yourself and you don’t “need” that other person you thought you did.
i recently lost my girl. We were together for 4.5 years. I’ve devasted and I cant stop things of things i could have changed, done better and regret. Regrets man…. biggest fucker out of them all.. So many sleepless nights but i am aware of the fact that our mind is our own worst enemy. I have faith that time will heal all wounds and i’ll come back stronger. I hope the same for all of you.
The most important sentence here was “find peace and fulfillment in yourself”! As long as you’re not happy and enjoying your own company, nobody on earth will fill this gap. The loss of loved ones is a different story. My father died 7 years ago, I still miss him every day. I just have to accept the fact that this is just the way nature goes, – we all have to leave some day. It hurts bad, but you have to go another day, another week, another month … Some day you can look back with loving thoughts and the pain will be manageable. Thank you for the article!
I enjoy your talks. I find it ironic that my wife and I are in the mist of a 1910 farmhouse renovation located on Dry Creek Road. Thank you for your sincerity. Every time I get frustrated by my wife, I am reminded that I too create frustration. More often than not, my wife puts up with a lot more from me than I do from her. I love her dearly for this quality and I am humbled by her tolerance.
Thank you, I need to hear this. I refused to grieve and rushed into another relationship (desperately checking off all the boxes) and about 6 months later I got hit hard with my heartbreak and am now single again. I really need to fix this heart, and I guess focus on myself. I hate that I have this burning desire for a woman and family when clearly that’s just not how things are right now😕
My Mom’s dying of cancer and we’re at the final few days. The sense of devastation is something I don’t even know how to describe. I already feel the hole that is going to be left in my heart and in my soul. Two mini-strokes have made communicating with her so very sad and hard. I’m 46 years old and cannot believe the sense of devastation I am feeling. I remember my childhood with Mom like it was yesterday and it’s crushing to think about life without her. I related to when you said honor them because that is what I am going to do. Thank you Dwayne.
I’m 62. When I was 57, love happened. I had never in my imagination described or pictured this fine woman… but here she was. She was 11 years younger. Almost two years ago now, I lost here. We were in a motorcycle accident where her leg was severely injured. On the sixth week of her recovery, she succumbed to a blood clot. It was devastating. We had plans to be married and had a date picked out. Without disagreeing with anything you’ve said, I will confirm that time does make a difference… but it does not heal. It hardens, like a scar. Loss is like the crushing waves of a storm, they eventually subside. The waves become smaller and farther apart. You can breathe, exist, think and do again. But there will always be another wave. Thank you for what you do here.
Hello, a girl here from India. Recently, found your articles and it really helps. Appreciating your way of putting these things in a simple, really helps a lot. Even, helps with loneliness. And you’re like my metaphorical grandfather on YouTube haha. Thank you so much. Sending lots of love and happiness.
Heartbreak is the best thing that happened to me. All the bad days do in fact lead up to that 1 day where ALL the bad days melt away. They melt away because you realize that those days were just there to prepare you for what is in front of you. When you arrive at the foot of the real mountain you’ve been searching for.. you’ll know it. If you don’t know it yet, you just haven’t gone through the stages of 1) adjusting to the truth 2) waiting for peace through forgiving yourself 3) Loving yourself and being ok with that (3 is a Big step) 4) Be loving to others and be the best at what you do. You will illuminate as a great partner. Right when that light turns on, everyone in the room will know it. Then She/He will just appear. We live on a ball hurdling through the cosmos with no instruction manual. That is not normal and you are not normal. Love is not normal. Its ok to have to learn how to do it right
I found the positive male role model life had thus far denied me here on YouTube. Looking and sounding exactly as my imagination would of had him look and sound despite my being Scottish and never setting foot in the US 😂, my male role models were weak and abusive/toxic, the females just left ( can’t really blame them ). Thanks for your advice, it really hits home 😊
What a savior I really needed this just got out of a 3 almost 4 year relationship and things have been rough not as rough as it was when it initially happened but still it really does get hard at times when I get caught up in those bitter sweet memories but ultimately I hope I can move forward from this naturally because I find myself trying to do anything to numb the pain and I’m just trying to move on so hastily when I just need to go along with it.
I appreciate this so much, acknowledging the potential dangers of giving advice & causing more harm! I am a licensed counselor and I don’t give advice. We are trained to be an objective helper but it’s so much about the client/counselor relationship that helps the individual find the answers within themselves because the majority of counseling happens outside of the session in daily life (when using coping skills in your daily life).
That remote control analogy got me. Totally true. Coming out from another break-up. 41 years old, third girl that lived together with and couldn’t make it work (3 years of relationship) so I’m not feeling great about myself honestly. Thanks for this kind of articles, you are literally helping folks from the other side of the World. I wish you all the best for you and your family.
I love this, every bit of it. I’ve been recovering from a toxic relationship and motorcycle accident from 2 years ago. I loved her to death, but she was a prime example of someone who just didn’t love herself and placed her self worth & validation onto relationship partners. Low self esteem, compared herself to others constantly (even me), physical abuse at one point, and much more. This eventually eroded my own self esteem and I was convinced I was the problem and that everything that happened was my fault. Been going to therapy since January, traveling more to places I’ve put off, picking up new hobbies, rediscovering my old hobbies, finding new friends who challenge me and don’t fuel bad behaviors I picked up, and life has been improving for me since. It can be hard still on some days, but I’ve learned to recognize those negative thoughts and acknowledge them. I’m staying single to focus on myself again and finding that self love so I can be the best man for the next one.
Dewayne, as someone currently going through grad school for mental health counseling in pursuit of a career as an LPC, I cannot express to you how much I appreciate your approach. You are one of the most wise men I’ve ever listened to, and the fact that you know and speak to your limitations really shines to that wisdom.
Mr. Dwayne, what you do is better than any response you could provide in an email. I have not emailed you before, but the fact that you are praying for those of your following, myself included, who are struggling means more than you could know. I loved the three legged dog article, reminded me of stories my dad tells. This just ties it all together. I appreciate what you are doing and it’s helping a lot
I appreciate your website so much. My best friend showed me your article about not feeling like I would ever have it all together. I’m going through a break up after a 10 year relationship. She is in fact the love of my life. So seeing you upload this today really seemed right. Thanks for all of your articles I watch them all the time and it has really been helpful in trying to better myself regardless of what I’m going through. I just turned 28 in December. I am in a bad place and don’t see myself getting out of it tomorrow but I’m starting to see myself get out of it one day. I’m an alcoholic who’s been trying to get sober since I was 15. I’m 5 days no drinking now and it’s such an achievement to do it without a rehab (I’ve been 8 times) I’m doing it because I genuinely want to get sober for the first time. I’m not doing it for my mother or my now ex. I’m doing it for me. Anyway I’m ranting now. Thanks a lot.
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Your words are so true. Going thru this right now. She stopped talking to me out of the blue, I tried to get an explanation as to what’s going on but all I got was radio silence. Hope anyone that’s going through a rough time keep your head up and find something that will occupy your time and rebuild yourself. Empty the cup and pour in a new one.
Regardless of what this life really is, there’s no question that personal bonds color life, make it more. It’s like we’re these emotional creatures just steadily seeking things to connect with. Doesn’t have to be people either, can be activities, places, ideas, anything. As if each of us is writing a story and it’s connections that fuel it.
The only thing I have found from rushing into relationships looking for love is that falling for the first person who appears to love you and want to be with you can sometimes be because the other person has so many issues and red flags. Met a woman after my Mom had passed and she treated me well, but she would casually mention shooting her ex-husband and harming people who disagreed with her. No amount of wanting love could make her worth settling down with.
Heartbreak can be tough, I’ve been through it in the past back in highschool-grew up and learned a lot over the years, found my soulmate 2 years ago and we’re still going strong. She loves me so much, will do anything for me as will I for her. Always supporting me even through my worst days. I’ll protect her with my life she’s the most amazing girl I’ve met. Such a sweet personality and heart, enjoys smoking weed and playing article games with me that’s all I need in my life. It’s all about that communication and connection, soul bonding. Both people (or more for poly relationships) taking care of each another. If he/she was toxic to you, cheated and broke your heart don’t ever give up on love. There is someone for everyone and it takes time but trust me, you don’t wanna waste too much time knowing what could’ve been.
This advise is right on. It took a long time for me to accept that you can’t try and find love. When you have good boundaries and you enforce them and know what you will or won’t accept it will also weed out certain types that aren’t good. A good test is simply say no to them and see how they react. Say no to going out just cause you want to chill out and be by yourself, see how they respond. I’m single and am really enjoying learning all I can about different topics to gain wisdom. If you have The Lord in your life (not religion) you can also entrust he will bring you both together at the right time, in the mean time, learn to really enjoy your own company doing what makes you happy.
Not sure the correct spelling of your name, D; but the genuine temperament of your words, thoughts and advice on life are sincere and pleasant to listen to; and the topics and things you cover are nice to hear, when there is so much brain rotting crap on this platform. You are certainly appreciated for your wisdom and insight on life; thank you!
In all honesty despite how many times you’ve probably been told in these comments, I sincerely find all these articles incredibly honest and well put. I find praise hard to receive myself knowing that no man is better than another but I’m glad God has blessed your life and provided you with knowledge and wisdom through trial and error and you’re desire to help others deserves praise. I pray that I become someone such as yourself through fire and hammer. God bless <3