To show love in a marriage, it is essential to accept that your way of showing love will be different from theirs. This can enhance physical and mental health, give partners a sense of vibrancy and purpose, and resist entering a critical mode. Communication, love, and romance are key to increasing intimacy in a relationship.
Initiating meaningful conversations, staying curious about your partner, being kind, writing songs, adding excitement and spontaneity, and expressing love to yourself are all ways to maintain a love-filled relationship. In a loveless marriage, partners might be oblivious to each other’s emotional needs, so it is crucial to articulate your needs and expectations.
Focusing on loving yourself and treating yourself with care and respect can help boost self-worth and confidence in your partner’s love for you. Showing them that they are your life’s priority can help restore trust in the marriage. Fighting for your relationship is another way to learn how to gain someone’s trust back.
There are two major objections to considering love as the essence of marriage: marriage is a framework of living that includes other important factors besides love. Passionate love is essential for strengthening the bond together, but it is not impossible to learn how to do it.
To increase intimacy, suggest activities like meditation, card decks, or sharing fantasies, and be open-minded to suggestions. Expressing love through acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or words of affirmation can help strengthen the bond.
Practicing romance together and showing gratitude and recognition can also help maintain love in a marriage. By recognizing the drawbacks and celebrating the wins, couples can strengthen their emotional feelings and reduce stress.
📹 LOVE LESSONS – 125+ Years of Marriage Advice in 3 Minutes
How did they do it? Three couples with over 125 years of combined marriage experience share the secret to their success….
Why am I so unhappy in my marriage?
3. Bad communication. Poor communication is one of the main causes of marital conflict. People often assume their partner knows what they want, but they rarely do. If your partner doesn’t know how you feel, how can they help you? To communicate well, you have to try and understand each other. A therapist can help you learn and practice communication skills. It’s easier to complain than to ask for something. If we tell our partners what we need, they can help us.
4. Infidelity. Infidelity can challenge your marriage. The internet and social media are making emotional affairs more common, adding to existing marital issues. If you and your partner are dealing with this, a therapist can help you repair your relationship and restore trust.
Why do I not feel loved in my marriage?
Sometimes, feeling unloved is not because of our partner, but because of ourselves. We might have low self-esteem.
Sometimes, it’s about the relationship or our partner. We haven’t told our partner what we need to feel loved. The worst is when they don’t care if we feel loved even when we’ve told them. Let’s look at why you might feel unloved in your relationship. Why do I feel unloved? Your partner loving you is one of the best things about love. People can’t always feel loved in a relationship. Some things we can change, and some we can’t. Let’s look at some of these below.
What is a silent divorce?
What is a silent divorce? A silent divorce is a gradual separation between couples. Intimacy, love, and connection erode, leaving couples feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. A silent divorce is not recognized by law. A legal divorce involves court proceedings, lawyers, and dividing property. A silent divorce is about emotional disconnection, indifference, and a lack of shared experiences. The couple may still live together and have children, but they don’t love each other anymore.
Signs of a Silent Divorce. A silent divorce isn’t discussed. But there are signs you might be going through a silent divorce. We’ll explain these signs below.
How to get the affection back in a marriage?
Here are 10 tips to bring back passion in your marriage: Initiate sex more often. Hold hands more. … Let tension build. … Make sex special. … Spend time with your partner. … Touch each other. … Be more emotionally vulnerable during sex.
Spice up your marriage. Jason and Kendra have been married for 12 years and have three kids. They mostly talk about work, chores, their kids’ activities, and the boring parts of their marriage. Kendra says: “I love Jason, but there’s no passion left.” When Kendra says this, Jason says, “I thought we were doing okay.” We don’t have sex much, but it’s just a phase. “I don’t have any energy left by the time I go to bed.”
Is it normal to feel unloved in a marriage?
Nobody should make you feel unloved on purpose. In a loving relationship, you should feel wanted. If you feel unwanted or unloved, talk to your partner.
What does a loveless marriage feel like?
You might feel distant from your partner even though you’re in the same room.
No one listens, and it’s stressful to be in an unhappy marriage on the brink of becoming toxic. Don’t let the cold war go on forever. Get marriage therapy to fix your relationship before it’s too late. People get married because they’re different. Different values, backgrounds, and lifestyles can make it hard to grow together as a couple.
How to cope in a loveless marriage?
How to Survive a Loveless Marriage: 1. Evaluate your priorities. 2. Be specific about your needs and desires. 3. Be specific about how you may be contributing to the problem. 4. Have a blame-free conversation on neutral ground. 5. Start small. 6. Give it time. 7. Seek outside help.
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
- Lack of Intimacy
- Time Spent Apart
- Priorities
- Needs and Desires
- How You May Be Contributing to the Problem
- Blame-Free Conversation
- Start Small
- Give It Time
- Seek Outside Help
- Reasons People Stay
- Reasons People Split
- What to Decide
Can a married couple fall back in love?
You can rekindle the spark. With time and effort, you and your spouse can fall in love again. Therapists often see couples who don’t feel as in love as they did before. Is it possible to fall in love again? Yes, but it takes work. Below, marriage therapists share advice for couples at this crossroad.
1. You may have to work at falling back in love.
Can a marriage survive no affection?
A marriage without intimacy can’t last. Physical intimacy is as important as emotional intimacy in a relationship. If there’s no emotional connection, it leads to separation and divorce. Emotional intimacy develops when both partners feel secure and loved, trust each other, and can see into each other’s souls.
What are the 4 pillars of unhappy marriage?
What are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? The Four Horsemen are four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce, according to research by John Gottman, Ph.D. Those four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist in Philadelphia. She is a certified Gottman therapist and director and therapist at A Better Life Therapy. She got her master’s in couples and family therapy from Thomas Jefferson University.
. The research shows that differences in background, age, or opinions don’t affect relationships. It’s how people communicate that affects a relationship the most. One important finding is a set of communication habits called The Four Horsemen.
Gottman named these four communication habits after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in the Christian Bible. The four horsemen—conquest, war, hunger, and death—signaled the end of times. If you use Gottman’s Four Horsemen a lot, your relationship is likely to become unstable and unhappy. It will probably end.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used to describe when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
📹 I Feel Lonely in My Marriage
I Feel Lonely in My Marriage Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email …
Speaking of marriage, can someone explain this roast to me? A banquet manager angrily reprimands one of her caterers at my brother’s wedding reception. She said she didn’t think he could do a coffee service alone and was all “I’ve told you not to sign up for shifts by yourself, I’ve been very clear about that, I don’t know how much clearer I can get for you to listen”. And then she told him he needs someone there to give him instructions and guide him. That’s when he looked at her and said, “You know, I’m beginning to see why you manage so many wedding receptions.” That tone of voice was so sassy and sarcastic. I know he was insulting her, but I have no idea how.
Caller says “I travel for work”. What I’m hearing is that his wife got tired of being alone. She may not have realized how often she would be alone bc of his work travel and decided to create her own fun. A woman who feels cherished and prioritized doesn’t plan trips/activities that take her away from her spouse.
He’s right: she doesn’t want to hang out with him, it’s a lot more fun to travel with her girlfriends. Is she running up debt he doesn’t see? Has he looked at her spending? Does she like to party and drink? What’s the age difference? She’s living a whole different lifestyle than he is. She doesn’t like his company, and she gets to be independent and travel.
She wanted to travel but didn’t have the money so she went into debt. She ran out of credit so she found a man to pay off her debt so she could continue to travel. She went into more debt to travel and hid it from him. He paid that off and she continues to travel. He is a fool and she is selfish; perfect pair.
I actually think John was spot on with this one despite what he says in the beginning. They are living two different lives. I have been there before up close and personal and recognize it. I also know a couple who is doing this and it’s headed for disaster. The married couples who are now basically roommates is very common nowadays. It is very sad and marriage isn’t supposed to be that way.
I bartended in my mid-twenties at a few popular vacation resorts. I can tell you from experience that there’s more going behind the scenes with this woman. She and her friends are definitely looking for fun, but not with him for a good reason. I saw married women do this all the time, even women overtly wearing their rings and propositioning me
I’m so lonely my husband works graveyard. He’s tired all the time. I understand why he’s so tired. But I have to do everything by myself. It really sucks! When he does have time, people ask him to constantly to help them out. An he is so sweet he’s always helping family, friends, neighbors. But it’s straining our relationship. He doesn’t seem like he affected. But I just want a lil bit of his time.
I had this experience when I was married. Let my home country, gave up my life and good government job to join my then husband in the US. Boy did I regret it. He was glued to the tv when he got home. He watched all the walking dead services, all the basketball games including the replays among other unhealthy habits. I dared bot to disturb him to help me with anything in the house. Mind you, I’m in a new country and don’t know anyone. My bed and sleep became my best friends.
Oh my goodness, the old you is my husband! My husband is so critical and so tight with money and so opinionated and always has to be right, and messes up trips with his cynicism at this point we don’t include him in our lives. 14 year old daughter and a senior in high school that’s getting ready to go to college and none of us include him in and it just makes him more mad. The issue is that my husband doesn’t have friends, or a father that he actually would talk to about marriage concerns. And so his opinion is the end-all-be-all and I have created a world that doesn’t include him just for my own peace and Sanity. I feel bad but if I don’t do that, I’ll leave the marriage. I really don’t know what to do
This guy sounds like a sweetheart actually. I do things without my husband bc he often refuses to go and I also need a break from him now that he’s retired. Hubby has told me that he’s depressed but doesn’t do anything about it. My daughter and I think there is an underlying mental illness that he won’t deal with. If you can’t talk to someone easily you can only change yourself!
As a woman, I feel like your wife, does not want to be married to you anymore. I feel like she does not genuinely love you anymore, the same as me with my now ex husband. I would rather go on a vacation with my female friend, than with my now ex husband. I cringed at the thought of sharing a bed with my now ex husband on vacation with expected intimacy, on a vacation. We did not share a bed at our house for a few years before divorcing. I did love my now ex husband for the first eighteen years of being married to him, but fell out of love with him. I, unfortunately feel your wife will be leaving you permanently.
For the most part, I agree with what John said. Was she always like this or was this something that developed. It’s definitely fixable, but this isn’t the root cause, and there are some hard conversations you need to have. But, I think he needs to be honest with himself and ask what he really wants out of this marriage and set some boundaries for the relationship and $$. It does sound like he is shrugging his shoulder a lot on things, and we’ve all been there and that means you need to put a lot more attention into the marriage and figure it out.
In the final months of my marriage, I was extremely lonely. My love language is Quality Time and my ex didn’t seem to care about it. She would say things like “All I remember about the trip, I just wanted to not be there and be home.” When we do simple outings, she start complaining about wanting to leave. So we stopped doing things together. It was mostly quick dinners, movie and TV nights, and the occasional sex night. There was no sustenance. Just 2 roommates who argued with no resolution on making our relationship into an equal marriage.
Almost 17 yrs for us and I feel the same way. I speak up every few months and it gradually goes away again. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much, but think more and more about divorce. Then I panic at how much I’d miss him, and how lonely I might be…then I think of how hard it is to have both of those things already still married. Married alone.
Sorry different perspective. She’s told him a million times what she needs and he doesn’t hear her. He’s married to her but has no clue what the issue is. Maybe if he listened to her he would. Nice guy. She’s fighting for his attention. Went through FPU so committed to getting out of debt Gets into debt behind his back and he just lets it go. Another cry for attention. She’s had enough and is taking care of her own needs cause he hasn’t. Love to hear her side. You are married to her you should have some idea what’s wrong if you actually paid attention to her.
My wife and I are complete opposites who come from completely different backgrounds and it is a big bridge to cross that comes between us. I am an ex criminal who came from poverty and drug addled relatives and she is a professional with an advanced degree and lots of friends. I can’t begin to describe the loneliness I’ve always felt and I have to keep this in check because it’s not her fault
“A nice guy is being manipulated by a younger woman” 🙄 sounds like he wanted a younger woman who was supposed to be a home keeper and she wanted an older man who would fund her responsibilities while she funds her lifestyle. He wasn’t manipulated. He tried to get one over on her but she’s smarter than that. He’s not some poor nice, old, good guy with good intentions. He is just as manipulative as you think she is. I guarantee their age gap is 10 years MINIMUM
I think it’s pretty simple. He was “good enough.” As long as she gets to live the life she wants, he’s good enough to be with, but I would wager quite a lot that the second he starts really pushing back and holding her accountable, she’s out, and it won’t be a protracted issue either, she already knows she’s not here to do the work. All the caller can do is decide what he’s willing to endure to have her around.
I’m curious what the age difference between these two is. He said he’s getting older and doesn’t like to party. Which tells me his wife does like to party and might be a bit younger than he is. I also heard him say that they have opposite schedules. That alone creates a scenario of building separate lives. My husband works night shift, and its a STRUGGLE to get him engaged in our lives. I’m literally running the household all day and all night. He will lament that he doesn’t feel needed in our home, but when I try to include him in the daily routine or family events, he’d rather sleep or sits like a zombie because night shift just destroys your functioning. So………… often people with schedules like this are left to build separate lives. Both people need to be intentional with their time. There’s only so much you can do on your own. The other person has to want to participate.
This is what happens when you marry someone younger and probably attractive. Men think that big age gaps don’t matter and that money will solve everything, but in reality it won’t. It’s just a temporary patch on a wound that needs deep treatment and stitches. Also, he sounds like he’s clueless of the situation or in deep denial. I hope he talks to her in a serious manner and things get sorted out and fixed.
She’s either having an affair or she doesn’t want be with her spouse…it’s one or the other..this man should stop being a fool and wake up..plus she’s running it all in debt..she loves Sally Mae more than she does him..she should be ashamed of herself treating him like that as he sounds like a decent guy..she has no awareness he’s suffering..shame on you lady..😢
Hi John, I’ve been married for 28yrs. I gone through a lot maybe all the things that can and will happen in marriage. I have looked at myself and did changes from bad guy to good guy along with trying to understand what my wife my be going through at times of her life. At this point I don’t have a real clue on what to do with myself or my spouse. We can’t seem to talk about much when it comes to relationship issues and I become feeling helpless . The bed room looks very cold and she doesn’t look like she has no interest in me. Example I ask why she doesn’t ask or make a move in the bed room. She replied maybe I don’t want to hear the answer. And that I am a crying bit#$@!. Or there is no one else but if there was he would be a real man compared to me. Also that I am not a good father. In the past I was the provider and protector of my family. Now I am 53 years old and cannot work because of health issues and feel that I am the ownly one holding this family together. Of curse she has the history of cheating and use our children as to hurt me. I want to leave family. Comes first. I didn’t have a father My child do and will always. What can I do now?
I am often left in these calls wondering why people can’t just ask their partners sone very direct questions. On this call for example, it’s starting with Baby, I miss you so much lately. How can we spend some more time together, is there any reason you feel we don’t or can’t? This guy sounds super nice. I think that at least John gets one thing right on this its just that something outside of travel is wrong. Also just so this guy can read this. We all need some time away with the ladies, but all week every week? I’d never seclude my partner like that. That would be too lonely and unfair. Our relationships to children or partners need to be the closest in our lives. Not on same shelf as friends. One must take priority, at least sometimes. We don’t have enough info to know anything about the GF / wife from this call.
I don’t know whether this kind of thing is off-limits on his show or if John just missed it… Twice … (He capitulated on his podcast that he didn’t handle this call as well he would have liked but still didn’t bring up the possibility of cheating. The wife’s behavior totally fits the profile . Women usually won’t risk alienating their husband and straining their marriage just for trips with their friends.
My husband is a narcissist, I try my best not to speak. We have been married for 39 years. He has become worse. He accused me of boyfriends which don’t exist, there are cameras everywhere, he pays my phone bill, location is always on and because I don’t complain about anything. I figure if I stay quiet, I will let him go mad on purpose. It worked, however he is very vindictive and said you can look after yourself as I am not the one you love. I said nothing. Well to cut to the chase….he is currently running his mind into the ground that he is now having anxiety attacks. Truth be told. I hate the man to the point he will one day self combust.
Appreciate the preface. We are all human but this call should not have been aired and that guy should get a call back. He is definitely being cheated on. I’d walk him through the next best steps he can take for himself offline. Still my favorite podcast it’s like Dr. John has even said. Not every call is the right advice given.
I think this happens when there is no attraction when you are sexually attracted you can’t stand to be apart. But a marriage of convenience or alternative motives can be satisfied within distance. He can provide you with all the bags shoes holidays whikst you are apart. He can be a comfort and support whilst you are apart (on the phone) But he can’t satiafy her intimacy of wanting to be physically with him whilst they are apart. And thats the part of the marriage she doesnt desire…
One think I always hate about the any of the Dave R shows or spin offs. If it’s a lady about a husband they will bash him, but the other way around they soft glove it. I would bet 100% if he got a PI and monitored her communication. He would very quickly end his marriage with her. He might as well go out and get a sugar baby or an escort. At least he would get someone that pretends to like him not just take his money.
I needed to hear that. I am the husband that is high strung. I don’t like being around a lot of people and in public I will do things to either make other people laugh, just to make me comfortable, people at the gas station or wherever. Sometimes i can be embarrassing. Other times I am high strung and and that is also embarrassing for my wife, and me sometimes too.
This guy is very nice man ( and women don’t appreciate nice men, and don’t respect them). Yes he needs to sit down with her and find out for sure what’s up. Sir, I think you are a pay check to check, that’s all. By now she could also have someone else ( girlfriend meaning lover) that spends time with her all the time. That’s why she wants to go on vacations All the time. My best wishes to you my friend.
John absolutely does not try to avoid badmouthing a callers spouse, it’s only if it’s a woman that he doesn’t. His default response is always, are you safe, are you being abused? ..He’s said countless times your husband acts like a child countless times 🙄. So yeah, John is far from balanced ngl lol.
Something is off about the wife. My husband is older than me as well but we love staying home together. I don’t like going out that much as an introvert, and he provides me with everything so I can be comfortable at home. As a wife, I do all the wifey duty, cleaning, cooking, and giving him a massage when he gets home after work! I’m happy to do so. If he’s a provider, you should be a traditional wife as well!
My boyfriend is an older dude. By older, I mean, actual age. He is 50, I am 48. We have established homes separate from each other, and have lived a lot of our lives single, never married. He is an awesome person, and loves people, but really loves being single. He is fixed on his solo life and it is hard for him to change his life to accommodate me. I feel like we are living two separate lives, and I would love us to move forward and merge our lives together. We have been dating almost 4 years and I see no effort on his part to do so. Whenever the idea of spending more time with me comes up, he is in a mad rush to get home. I feel like he is spending obligatory time with me, not because he wants to, but bc I would be upset if he didn’t. Not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated!
My marriage was great for 14 years but when my cute Filipina wife gave birth it was like a switch went off in her head & all of a sudden I did not exist except to pay all the bills. I kept my sanity by having a 15 year affair with a coworker who was simply fun & sexy. \r But even worse at home the wife accused me of not loving our son & the relationship turned into that of adversaries her & her son versus me the evil man in the home. Mental Health is real & I so wish I had my wife tested before I married her. She always had emotional swings but I never knew she actually suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder & unfortunately has been a 21-year postpartum nightmare to deal with.