Focusing on oneself in a relationship can be challenging, but it is essential to create space for self-discovery and self-realization. Spending time alone, setting goals, and practicing gratitude and appreciation can help create a sense of contentment and reduce the focus on negative elements. Creating a list of positive qualities about oneself can help you see yourself better.
As a spouse, it is important to maintain the quality of the relationship, while as an individual, it is crucial to maintain yourself as a separate and autonomous person. It is important to recognize that your needs and wants often come last in the relationship, and to pamper yourself to find happiness within yourself while in a relationship. By doing so, you can create a more fulfilling and fulfilling life.
📹 how to *actually* focus on yourself (instead of a guy!)
From my Heart to Yours, thank you for being here ❤️ Kat.
Why am I so unhappy in my marriage?
3. Bad communication. Poor communication is one of the main causes of marital conflict. People often assume their partner knows what they want, but they rarely do. If your partner doesn’t know how you feel, how can they help you? To communicate well, you have to try and understand each other. A therapist can help you learn and practice communication skills. It’s easier to complain than to ask for something. If we tell our partners what we need, they can help us.
4. Infidelity. Infidelity can challenge your marriage. With the rise of the internet and social media, emotional affairs are on the rise, adding to existing marital issues. If you and your partner are dealing with this, a therapist can help you repair your relationship and restore trust.
What is a toxic marriage?
Ask a Fort Worth divorce lawyer. What is a toxic marriage? A toxic marriage is one where partners can’t trust each other, have a healthy relationship, or keep their promises. Toxic marriages are full of conflict, criticism, and disrespect. In these relationships, one or both partners may feel disconnected, unheard, and disrespected. Also, there may be a lack of trust and intimacy between the two partners. Common issues in toxic marriages include poor communication, unhappiness, unresolved issues, jealousy, infidelity, and a lack of understanding. It can be hard to tell if a marriage is toxic because the signs can be subtle and build up over time.
Signs of a Toxic Marriage. In a toxic marriage, one or both partners suspect it. If you start hating your partner, it means your relationship is unhealthy.
How do you Prioritise yourself in a marriage?
Prioritize self-care in relationships by communicating openly. Talk with your partner about self-care and how it affects the relationship. … Schedule time for yourself. Set aside time for self-care activities like reading, exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
Elfan Dan Griffiths. McKenzie Friend, Transformational Coach: I’m not here to please people. I change lives. I’m the author of four books. Published Aug 2, 2023.
Take care of yourself in relationships to stay well and have a healthy partnership. When you take care of yourself, you can support your partner better. Self-care is important. Here are some ways to prioritize it in your relationship:
Staying emotionally balanced: Self-care helps you manage stress, anxiety, and other emotions, which can improve your emotional well-being and communication in the relationship. Taking care of yourself makes you healthier and happier, so you can be your best self in the relationship. Avoiding burnout: Self-care prevents burnout and resentment. It also promotes mutual respect. By taking care of yourself, you show your partner that you respect yourself. This makes the relationship stronger. When both partners take care of themselves, it makes the relationship stronger.
Is it okay to take a break from a relationship to focus on yourself?
A broken relationship doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It can actually be a chance to grow. Taking time apart lets partners find themselves and think. This is good for the relationship and the person.
How do I focus on myself instead of my husband?
20 ways to focus on yourself in your relationship: Be gentle with yourself. … Don’t hide your partner’s emotions. … Take time alone. … Exercise. Set goals. … Make time for your hobbies. Reorganize your living space. … Relive your memories. When we’re alone, we know what’s important. Many people are fine on their own. But in a relationship, they lose their individuality to avoid conflict and please their partner. Pleasing your partner is important in a relationship. Every relationship needs time alone and time with your partner. Know when to take a break and when you’ve gone too far. What happens when we get lost in a relationship? We’ll learn more about self-care in relationships in the next parts.
Should a husband prioritize his wife?
The expanded version of the Bible passage above from Proverbs 31 says, “You are the best of women.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she deserves and let her work bring her praise at the city gate. The Bible and real life show that families are best when the husband/father puts his wife first, then his children. He loves them all equally, but there are priorities. God has made the father the leader of the family. Men must follow God’s guidance in using this authority. Ephesians 5:33 says, “Love your wife as you love yourself.” Men like to be recognized for their accomplishments. Men need respect, and they like it when their wives show it. Women want to be loved. Men know their wives need love, but they don’t know how to show it. The Bible says the man is to lead in marriage, but many misunderstand this. Jim Collins’ definition of a Level 5 leader in business (from his book “Good to Great”) comes to mind. Here is his definition of a great father, with a few changes: Level 5 husbands focus their ego needs on building a great family. Level 5 husbands are not egoless. They are ambitious, but their ambition is for the family, not themselves.
What does a toxic wife look like?
Disrespectful behavior towards your partner is toxic. Name-calling, belittling, and dismissive behavior can be hurtful. It makes you feel worthless, ashamed, and guilty. Respect and kindness are important in a relationship. If you and your partner ignore each other, it can be a sign of a toxic marriage. Not talking to each other can make you feel lonely. It can make you feel detached, insignificant, and unloved. Spend quality time with your partner and show them you care. Physical abuse is a sign of a toxic marriage. If you or your partner is being abusive, get help. Physical abuse can cause serious injuries and even death. Tolerating physical abuse is never okay.
Is it selfish to put yourself first in a marriage?
Nurturing a relationship and taking care of yourself are both important for long-term happiness. Putting yourself first in a relationship is not selfish. It is an act of self-care and self-respect. In this article, we will explore ten ways to take care of yourself while staying close to your partner. These practical tips will help you build a loving partnership that supports your growth, happiness, and well-being. Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor, says:
How do I live my own life while married?
Follow these six tips to find yourself while keeping your marriage strong: Involve yourself, but don’t depend on your partner too much. … Remember they’re on their own journey. … Don’t talk about divorce. … Start a new project. … Be disciplined. … Take time to be quiet.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used to describe when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
What is a silent divorce?
What is a silent divorce? A silent divorce is a gradual separation between couples. Intimacy, love, and connection erode, leaving couples feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. A silent divorce is not official or legal. It happens without a formal declaration. A legal divorce involves court proceedings, lawyers, and dividing property. A silent divorce is about emotional disconnection, indifference, and a lack of shared experiences. The couple may still live together and have kids, but they don’t love each other anymore.
Signs of a Silent Divorce. A silent divorce isn’t discussed. But there are signs you might be going through a silent divorce. We list these signs below.
Is it selfish to break up with someone to focus on yourself?
F – Put your needs first. Hurting is not a competition. Your partner may be sad to lose you, but their pain is not more important than yours. It’s okay to take care of yourself. That doesn’t make you selfish. If your current relationship is painful or doesn’t serve your needs, you can leave it. The worst thing is not breaking up when you know you should. – Adonis Lenzy: Breaking up is okay. It doesn’t hurt your ex. It doesn’t ruin your ex’s life. Ending a relationship doesn’t make you a bad person.
📹 Cptsd How to Stop Focusing on THEM & Focus on Yourself
If the videos are not enough – if you are hopping from video to video yet still struggle to experience real and lasting shifts in your …
1. Focus on yourself, stop overthinking things 2. Spend time focusing on yourself, shift your attention to what’s in your control “you” 3. Don’t drain your self thinking about someone that’s not worth your time, catch yourself when your externalizing your energy. 4. Invest in your own; hobbies, interests, passions. What motivates you? 5. Find purpose and meaning in things you do for fun 6. Do the things that motivates you and makes you happy 7. Make yourself feel okay, stop expecting others to do it for you, be independent 8. Take care of yourself by learning to spend more time alone. 9. Stop coming up with reasons why you aren’t deserving. 10. Reflect on why you repeat patterns so you can let them go. 11. What does it look like to you to invest in yourself? What does it mean to you? 12. Get curious about exploring yourself 13. Be grounded in your own authenticity 14. The opinion you have of yourself matters more than anyone’s else’s (stop giving a fuck meditation)
I think this is super important. Thank you for sharing your light! I’m finally at a place where I DONT over analyze my friendships and my connection to myself is stronger than ever. As someone on the other side of this, I wanna let people know that it does get easier and ultimately, it’s so much more fulfilling loving your body, mind, soul, and developing a deeper connection to the earth. I’m gonna do a little heart chakra exercise today and root myself in my heart space even more.
Noticing lately that I spend a large chunk of my days texting my ex and looking at social media. External validation and then distraction in a loop. Then when I try to start a project to spend time with myself, I always end up looking at my phone. It’s been making me sad that I ruin my “me” time on other people. Thus, I looked up a article to help. And your article has me inspired! Tomorrow, I’m going to try going the whole day without texting anyone (unless absolutely necessary) or looking at social media. It will be a day of spending all that energy on myself for once!
100 percent because god created u to be you only u know what u do 24 7 your only person u have control yes that’s your gift I had ex when I stopped thinking what there doing I became happy if u focus more on yourself others are attracted to that u need to respect your self if not others won’t respect u if u played boxing golf or darts or any sports match u want to win to be happy if something said let me win to be happy I would say no I have to win to put my self 1st
Thank you so much for this article! 🙂 My relationship with this guy isn´t healthy…We´ve been on and off for almost 3 years now. We tried to come to an end, but our hearts always said something different. We cannot ever be “just friends”, yet, the situation he is in and his family dynamic doesn’t allow him to commit to our relationship. I became obsessed with him, worrying too much, always wondering where he is at, crying about ridiculous stuff, and catastrophizing things as well… He said that he has feelings for me and does not want to let me go, however, my behavior dissuades him from me. It made me realize if I want to ever make a change after these both beautiful and extremely difficult 3 years, I need to focus on myself. This article truly opened up my eyes, and I am looking forward to creating a big step in my life. Take care!
honestly, everywhere i go i feel like i’m so self conscious whether this guy is looking at me or ( i hate to admit ) falling in love with me because i feel like i’m sooooo single, people around me be getting into relationships, and recently a guy i thought liked me actually has a girlfriend, and he said he’s never made this much friends before so he treasures it. so yeah that’s one thing, in 6 months i had 4 crushes? i think that’s alot and getting a little bit sad, boys are overrated ( i still love men 🕯 ) lol but i want to focus more on my career, myself and the future i’ll be building.i’ve been contemplating should i text him ( this is another guy ) and yes i keep changing my crushes help me… AND I AM FED UP WITH ME THINKING AB IT to the point i don’t want to even look at any guy straight in the eye :///// But i do love girl power, being independent and a person who EMPOWERS, prove that I AM AT the same level as them, WE ARE AT THE SAME LEVEL AS BOYS. so imma focus on rebuilding that, i built it before but it hit rock bottom when i started to care again. But tho there’s a limit Don’t give a f*ck but also have humility. to anyone out there, you’re not alone! we’re all trying, and WE CAN F MAKE IT!!!!!!!!! p.s ive always wanted fo be an elegant, smart, kind, beautiful, successful, driven woman in the future, so a tip! Think about who you’ll be in the future, Live by that. CARRY ON!
gurl to be for real i really dont get motivated easily by some simple motivational words but omfg your article really described me😭 and something about it made me think deeply about myself thanks for those wonderful words you shared I really know now what self worth really is T-T I really wish you become more successful❤❤
Thankyou so much for this but it’s really hard for me to focus on myself I focus about others more trying to be so good with them while I become very bad to myself. It really hurts to realize that I don’t spend more time with myself I wait myself to be happy depending on others actions which is not good. I hope I will get there I will get to my goals to love myself be enough for myself and be the center of attraction for people
As someone who is struggling with my first breakup, this article was so helpful. I text them every now and again and am effectively hurting myself by not allowing them or myself to let go. A lot of it is time, and clearly we both need it. Everything that is meant to happen will happen, and I think if they truly do care for me after they will ask about me, talk to me, etc.
You honestly wouldn’t believe how this help me so much! I been focusing on a guy and just found out that.. well he doesn’t love me. I want to let him go but I don’t know how, but what I do know is to focus on myself. But I don’t know how to do it. But then I found this article! It was honestly so amazing. You really help me change my life. Thank you. (Ps: My username is just a joke y’all)
focus on you and release the ego projection. When you focus on someone is like sending a fire energy which can be overwhelming to the other person. Hence they avoid you or ignore you. Most of the time it seems like they life is going on and well while you are stuck thinking of them. Therefore release the excess energy by focusing on your life, doing something you are passionate about. When the time is right you will have all the answers.
I already spent so much energy and time crying for someone to treat me the way i want, the problem is that this guy really likes me and is serious about me but i keep overanalyzing everything and hurting myself and overthinking and obsessing when hes just busy with his day and my pressure and clinginess and critisizing is driving him away and i feel like its too late and i lost at this game i look so available and clingy that he doesnt see me as a challenge or someone he wants to work for. My question is : is it too late can i reclaim my power back
I’m a teen that is going to therapy and it’s actually trying to feel better for my obsessive behavior. I always feel like i need to do things for others and not for myself! I also had a toxic relationship (i was the toxic and obsessive one) and I’m still friend with my ex but now she changed and she makes me feel badly sometimes. I also still feel very jealous whenever she praises other girls…idk what to do
Try to remember the person you was and own it,drink water and eat right, stay on your purpose,and stop the emotional thinking,you can be gas lighting yourself, think positive thoughts remove toxic people out of your life that dont serve you anything, work on you,focus on yourself, even if its getting out and fishing,hiking,nature walks, enjoy yourself when your out in having fun own it .
I am so happy and grateful that you touched upon this topic, Michelle. For someone who can’t afford therapy, this is sooo helpful ! I am still married to a malignant covert narcissist and taking care of myself is like charging myself before I get drained at the end of the day:) I cherish every moment that I am not around him, by just being myself. Oh and that humming just does the trick! Thank you😘🌸
Being what everyone demands of me and needing my loved ones acceptance has been my identity since my teenage years. It’s terrifying to focus on myself, because it feels like I’m letting go of my loved ones and I need to always focus on fighting for them and the relationship. After a while, after a relationship ends, I’m able to enjoy self love and care but it takes time. And once im in contact with anyone, even in a new relationship that isn’t abusive, I get anxious and feel im not enough if I self care. And so the cycle repeats itself. Although I don’t tolerate abuse, I still stay and try to work through it beyond saving. Im just realizing this after twenty years- my fear of self love and care while in a dynamic with another person. My fear of losing them trumps loving myself.
I was not consciouss of how much attention i put on other people s lives, or tasks… No wonder I had no power to my own life or tasks. I was and still am usually tired… Yes, of course, I am focusing on things that nobody see or care… That s what narcissists do to us… Make us always worried, checking each detail to perfection to give them pleasure… And forgetting our own pleasure and life.. I didn t notice it at all… Now for the first time I wanted to pipi and first it felt urgently, but then it felt normal… Before i had to go just anywhere to discharge nervous nervous… This is a great sign of my body already regulating its functions, as with narcissists… You can not even go to the toilet in peace! 🤦♀️💆♀️
I totally get the part where you can kind of feel everyone else’s emotional state, but just get blank when trying to feel your own. It takes a lot of work and practice to actively focus on what’s going on inside oneself before it slowly starts to become the new default. Thank you for another great article Michele! Your tips has been very helpful and a big part of my recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse!
Telling someone to stop thinking about the toxic person especially when still trauma bonded and going through a discard or even shortly after is definitely not helpful and extremely difficult to do. I was told the same thing. Yes we definitely need to get ourselves to a calm and safe stage first to be able to start healing.
Its hard when its your mom. I keep myself secluded in my home but she calls me with her problem I try my best to keep my mouth shut. Its hard when your mom gives everything for everyone else except for you. Its hard when she always want to be the hero for everyone else and complains about how many problems she has. I try to focus on myself but when my dad need moral support because he is about to lose a job an got injured and she don’t even know how to listen. Its hard been empathetic. And you can’t even talk to your only sister because she’s very close to your mom and says yes to everything my mom says because she lives with them rent free with her three boys. Its hard.
Great advice Michele 👌 It’s a step by step process of self discovery where our nerves are calmed in a safe and caring way. Sometimes you gotta feel it to heal it, meaning it hurts initially peeling off the bandaid but then it feels soooo much better. The short term pain is worth the long term gain of self Respect & Freedom ♥️
The subconscious does not understand negation. Saying stop thinking about is heard as think about. I studied hypnotherapy a while back I think it’s called pharsing. Don’t remember the jargon. But I can tell you for sure there is a need to reframe speech patterning to avoid using negation to elicit action.
This is such a great topic and some brilliant advice here about focussing on your body. I found that focussing on the emotions in my body using a mixture of Claire Week’s float theory and David Hawkin’s Letting Go technique really helped me recover. Moving away from thoughts and onto feelings. Breaking the cycle of prefrontal cortex rumination. 💜
Could you do a article on how to do this while still having to live with the narc? How would we go about focusing on us while still being abused if we can not leave, so that we can get healthy enough to leave if we have to get healthy first before going because we can’t work and are being financially abused .
Focus on your you today ! I’ve had to stop focusing and start in unfocusing ! A very pretty young girl are in danger of others focusing on any false move you make to make that move on you ! No matter what age from 8 to 88 years old ! As long as you escaped alive and only trauma affected you is like what happened to Dorothy on the yellow brick road vs the wicked witch of the West !!!😀
Michelle really knows what it’s about, To not only be abused by Narcissistic people, Michelle really understands truly understands being an Empath/HSP, like no other I’ve heard, is really Genuine & is a true gift to us all, Thankyou so much for sharing yourself with us all we are very Blessed by you to learn ourselves through you, Bless you always Michelle 🙌❤
Words and activites can have some feature of “how do i do this”. So when i do a you tube hynosis or meditation im slowing down the central nervous system and increase parasympathetic nervous system. The narc is 6feet away but no biggy cause when she tries to interact i use Ross Rosenberg’s observe don’t absorb. She know i will process any verbalizations she makes and if it takes longer than she thinks it should. She will say something. I will then reframe the situation and verbalize that “i’m not you”. Which is helpful because she lacks object constancy. If she asks again she will get the same reaction from me (“i am not you”- that could be used as michelles broken record technique). It may help her increase her cognitive empathy. She then will increase her own ability to filter her thought before she just says them. It would be aversive if she repeated her question or said why are you still thinking. She will hear ” i’m not you”. I use these words because narcs think everyone is their possession. They own you. So she had heard this so many times that it can become an introject. I couldn’t tell you if it will be or is egosyntonic (not emotionally foreign or negative\\emotionally painful or egodystonic (emotionally foreign and possible painful emotionally).
I find you one of the better ‘experts’ on this subject because I like how you focus more on moving forward and getting a new life. Like many I was in an abusive 5 1/2 year relationship with a Female Covert Narcissist, Cluster B…yes fun times ! Wasted enough time on her now I want to focus on me, so thanks for putting out these type of clips.
My take is that feeling safe is the main ingredient of a no contact recipe. All can recall the health deprivation during a stint in narc subjugation. It would be no different after being in a car accident & requiring safe driving as the pilot or passenger. Many of life experiences are logically rooted and is totally understandable. No need to doubt it from questioning it being a reasonable concern. The fear based decision dissipates and becomes logic.
Just pamper yourself… Manicures💅(specially if they told you your hands are not pretty, wear bracelets and everything possible to show love and respect to what they wanted to damage… Or if they criticised your hair, love your hair… Groom it with a lovely, romantic color… And so on. To calm down, I also feel useful hot salt bath at home, or at the beach… And green juices (chlorella, spirulina powder, etc), or from supermarket(apple, celery, parsley, etc)… These juices remove the heavy toxines from your system, left from long time over excited brain throwing cortisol and adrenaline and creating damages to your organs… And go to safe places, move to a safe town or neighborhood where you feel great! And avoid new malignant people, even on youtube..