After a breakup, it is essential to take care of yourself, write a letter to your ex, surround yourself with loved ones, expect healing to take time, feel the feelings, do something kind for someone else, and seek professional help. There is no definitive answer to how long it takes to get over a breakup, but it depends on the length of involvement, feelings, investment, and ambivalence. Expressing your emotions is the first step to recovery, and making a plan for the future can help ease anxiety and stress. It is also important to avoid indulging in alcohol or sex to feel better, as the pain will still be there. Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup or divorce of a love relationship involves multiple losses, including loss of companionship, shared experiences, support, hopes, plans, and dreams. Seeking professional help can help with pressing concerns affecting your relationships.
📹 How to Get Over The End of a Relationship | Antonio Pascual-Leone | TEDxUniversityofWindsor
Have you had an important relationship end and felt a bit stuck on how to move on? Clinical psychologist Dr. Antonio …
How long does it take to get over a long-term breakup?
You’ll probably feel better in a year. Every breakup is different, so there’s no set time for feeling sad and hurt. Generally, Juarez divides break-ups into three groups based on her experience. It may take six to 12 months to recover from a big breakup, three to six months from a mid-breakup, and under one to three months from a mini-breakup. Similarly, Dr. Lewandowski says three to six months is a typical time to learn how to move on. It’s important to develop coping strategies. Instead of waiting for time to heal, think of yourself as growing, learning, and healing. Your mindset affects how quickly you heal. Your mindset is the most important factor. If you want to move on, you’ll find it easier to do so. If you keep thinking about your ex, check their social media, or ask mutual friends about them, it will be harder for you to move on. Stay positive by focusing on yourself, getting support from your friends, and not worrying about your ex.
Why can’t I get over my ex after 10 years?
2. The relationship ended amid unresolved issues. Closely linked to a lack of closure around a relationships end is the feeling that a relationship was simply cut off too soon, without time to resolve underlying issues—which often means there are unresolved emotions, too. “It can be really difficult to stop recurring thoughts about a relationship when you feel that certain aspects of the relationship were not dealt with at all or thoroughly enough,” says Dr. Hauser. Perhaps you regret saying or doing certain things in the relationship, and it ended before you could seek forgiveness.
“When the psyche feels that something has been left undone, it often works overtime—whether through dreams or ruminating about ‘what ifs—to understand what occurred,” says Dr. Manly. “The mind wants to figure out how things could have turned out differently, so it recycles old material as it tries to reach a conclusion.” But in reality, theres often no conclusion to reach after a sudden breakup, says Dr. Manly. There are typically too many loose ends to tie things up neatly in a bow.
3. Youre imagining what might have been. A relationship that ended too soon in your mind could also leave you lamenting “what might have been” for months or years after the fact, says Dr. Manly, and fantasizing about these coulda-woulda-shoulda scenarios.
What is the miserable husband syndrome?
Miserable Husband Syndrome is when a man gets angry, frustrated, and anxious because he’s losing testosterone. This can be caused by aging, certain medications, or too much stress.
What to do after a 10 year relationship ends?
Cope with a broken heart. … Write a letter to your ex. Love and be loved. … Healing takes time. … Feel your feelings. … Do something kind for someone else. … 7 Ways to Connect With Others if You Have Hidradenitis Suppurativa. … Get help. 7 Tips for Coping When a Relationship Ends. The pain may be temporary, but it’s still hard. We asked psychologists for advice on how to cope.
1. Take care of yourself. When you’re feeling down, you don’t think clearly and probably aren’t thinking about your well-being. This is when it matters most. Research shows that breakups can cause insomnia and weaken the immune system. Harding says to focus on the basics. Keep exercising, sleeping well, eating right, and staying social.
2. Write a letter to your ex. “I often have clients write a letter to their ex thanking them for what they gained and saying goodbye,” Leader says. This exercise is from the book Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It could help you move on.
How do you get over a long marriage break up?
Spend time with people who make you feel good. Choose wisely when reaching out. Surround yourself with positive people who listen to you. You should be able to be honest about what you’re going through without worrying about being judged.
Get help if you need it. If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out, see a counselor or join a support group (see the Resources section below). You need a safe place to open up.
Make new friends. If you’ve lost your social network because of a divorce or breakup, try to meet new people. Join a club, take a class, get involved in community activities, or volunteer.
How to get over a 20 year relationship?
To heal from heartbreak, disconnect from your ex. Know the five stages of grief. … Cry. Spend time with friends. … Think about what you want. … Make a space for yourself. … Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Can you mend a broken heart after a long-term relationship? Yes. Believe you can heal from heartbreak and learn the 8-step process. After a long relationship, only a few people don’t feel heartbroken. You probably thought this would last. Can you really heal from a broken heart? It’s normal to feel like your whole life is falling apart. Maybe you were planning to marry this person. Heartbreak makes it hard to start over.
How long will it take to get over a 20 year relationship?
Peacock says that for most people, it takes about six months to fully heal from a relationship.
What are the 5 stages of marriage breakup?
If you started the split, you’ll go through five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages of grief, according to Mental Health Matters. These are the natural ways to heal.
How long does it take to recover from a marriage break up?
Divorce takes about 3.5 months to heal, but can take longer.
Scientific research. The poll doesn’t qualify as a study, but researchers have considered this question. In a 2007 study, researchers surveyed college students who had broken up with someone in the past six months. The breakups happened on average 11 weeks before the study.
How long does it take to get over a 10 year marriage?
Most people who have recently broken up feel better after about three months. A survey from 2017 found that six months is the average. A 2009 study found that people take about 18 months on average to move on from divorce. The truth is, a formula telling you the end is in sight doesn’t always work. Many people take a long time to get over past love, while others take less time. This is like the how long is a piece of string question, says Hilda Burke, a psychotherapist, couples counselor, and author of The Phone Addiction Workbook, in an interview with mbg. There’s no set time for getting over a breakup.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other in a seemingly abrupt manner. It leaves the other spouse reeling, and it may shock family and friends. Theres a term for this: walkaway wife syndrome. This term is sometimes used to describe instances where a spouse – often the wife – has felt alone, neglected, and resentful in a deteriorating marriage and decides its time to end it. *What is walkaway wife syndrome?. Although the term “walkaway wife syndrome” might make it sound like a spur-of-the-moment decision, the “walkaway” usually comes after a long period of unresolved conflict. The divorce that results is sometimes years in the making. *After unsuccessfully trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife in this situation finally decides its futile. She has taken time to consider all her options and prepared herself mentally, emotionally, and financially to leave the marriage.
What is the hardest year in marriage?
Years 5–8: Very Risky This phase is hard on marriage. Small children need a lot of care and attention, and it’s hard to balance housekeeping and work, leading to differences and resentment.
📹 NEUROSCIENTIST: Worst Thing To Do After Breakup | Andrew Huberman
Neuroscientist explains how to get over a breakup. Andrew Huberman reveals truth about moving on from relationships, …
It’s hard, gosh it’s so hard. 3.5 years with my best friend, talking everyday, getting engaged a few months ago, planning the wedding, living together for the past few months, thinking it was the happiest moment of my life, then the relationship ending suddenly, out of the blue. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life. The irony is my heart, my chest, also hurts physically. Going to sleep is torture as I dream of her. Waking up is even worse as I realize we really are no longer together. I still can’t admit it is over, 3 days in now and I wish death would take this all away from me. If only she gave me another chance. All my future plans were built around her. Now it seems I have no future. This is terrible. Praying for everyone out there feeling wretched like me
6 years and I feel like I meant nothing.. completely disgarded. The pain is like nothing I have ever felt… Anxiety.. depression.. just wanting to reach out. The hardest part is having to accept they don’t want you too. Life is hard.. I hope anyone reading this finds the strength they deserve and finds happiness again 🙏❤
I’m going up and down. One minute I’m fine, the next I’m pissed off, the next I feel like crying. Is hard especially when you’ve genually loved a person and they hurt you deeply. I’m a man. Tougher than a lot of people but she made me cry. Everyone hurting, you’re not alone. Thanks for sharing everyone.
I… can’t forget her. I thought she was happy. It tore me apart when they said they weren’t. I just wasn’t what they wanted… I was so happy with them. They were the light of my day and I only got motivated to go to work everyday because she needed me… now I return to that dark place in my head. I see no way out…
It’s a shame I’ve gone from being incredibly happy 90% of the time to being incredibly sad 90% of the time and even though I’m trying all I can to distract myself the feeling still lingers. Even during the relationship when there were times when I wouldn’t be happy it was alright because I knew there was something safe and reassuring for me to come back to, but now the sadness is just an empty sadness. There’s no respite from it, I just have to work through it and wait for it to leave.
I’m going through something rn too. He broke up with me 3 days ago so out of the blue, its just last weekend we were making tacos and laughing, dancing… he said he wasn’t happy… and called our relationship toxic… i had no idea…what hurt me the most is that he didn’t give us a chance to work through stuff… he came to my place with all my stuff and broke up with me so abruptly when i was so happy to see him after a long week. I couldn’t function for 2 days already, i don’t know how long is this going to be. i was in and out of the sleeps and sometimes woke up crying, and sometimes cry falling asleep. reading the comments made me feel somewhat comforted bc i know one day i will be ok again. and i can’t wait for that day to come. thank you for sharing your story.
Time really does help. I’m 9months into my separation after a 20 yr marriage & a 17 yr old son. We weren’t happy but I was still committed to fixing us. Women are just hardwired that way. THANK U CINDERELLA lol But when I think of 9 months ago when the bomb dropped, the non-stop sobbing has subsided thank God. All I want to do is get on with what’s left of my life. I’m obsessed with tiny homes so this is my new goal to achieve, work on & distract me from my fading misery! I’ve gone back to school to help expedite better finances. This part is a struggle but LIFE GOES ON. Take that power away from ur X
I’m going through the break up process for a month now and even though it still hurts a lot, I know that I made the right decision. I loved him so much – still do, but I realized that the relationship wasn’t as worth it as it once was. Looking at it now, I have a different perspective of what happened in my situation; I won’t give much detail, but basically I read a quote that says “you’ll never find the exact person twice, not even in the same person” and then it suddenly made sense for me that after more than one year of my relationship my ex-boyfriend became a different person and so did I, but the present us is not a match like the past us and I am actually suffering for someone that doesn’t even exist anymore beyond my good memories. I don’t know if it makes sense, but somehow thinking about it made the acceptance stage easier for me in a way, even though it’s still hard.
My wife cheated with multiple people. We were together for 15 years, high school sweethearts. We were supposed to be together forever I was sure we would be. Her drinking and partying was getting bad and we grew distant, then she began cheating. She seems very unapologetic through all this which adds insult to injury. There was a time we were so in love. I miss her terribly despite her treating me so awfully. She’s already moved on with another person and I lay awake at night knowing they are in bed together. This really sucks.
4-ish months in. I’m gonna tap in here because this feels like a safe space and I need the outlet. At the end, he told me that he had lost faith in himself. That maybe: he wanted an out. He wouldn’t say we were over, but I knew it so I broke things off. But I wasn’t ready. And I had a couple days in between telling him I wanted to break up and us actually meeting in person so that we could have that space to end things. Those days were so hard. It’s still hard. Because of the short responses I got through text, I was expecting him to be rude in person. Cold. But he wasn’t, he was just him, and that was hard too haha. When he says that he’s the reason it’s ending, and you know you’re also responsible for things ending up where they are. It’s up there with the world’s toughest pills to swallow. Occasionally, the thoughts strike me: was I not interesting enough? Did I not support him good enough? And the thing is, the answers simply don’t matter. I presented himself with me. Wholly myself, trying to see this other human being for the possibilities that be. And he was going through his own course of life, and he realized we weren’t working for him. Maybe I was on my way to getting to that realization, too. And there is no resolution. Not here. Not now. I’ll always remember him. Maybe someday I will be able to forgive and we can reconcile. Right now, I need to take care of me. If I do that, there is a chance that someday, the fact that we once were and that now he is doing his life and I am doing mine–there’s a chance: I can swallow one of the world’s toughest pills.
The hardest part of the end of my 20 year marriage, was going through the gut wrenching pain all day at work, crying off to the side, not eating, not wanting to talk to anyone or anyone to me. Getting home at the end of the day just wanting to collapse into bed. Thinking I made it to the end of the day but knowing I have to go through the same experience the next coming day. So sad. But you slowy pull out of it. It will get better! Promise!!! 😊
Just out of a 8 year relationship. moved over the other side of the world to be with them. We broke up in January and we continued to see each other to try to make things work but today we officially ended it for good today. It was very mutual, which makes it even worse. This will be one of the hardest parts of my life. I will work on myself and better myself! I will learn to love myself 1st. Goodluck to anyone who is going through the same thing!
This was the most toxic, painful breakup I’ve ever had. My biggest advice is to focus more on your selection prior to the breakup even if its hindsight because 9/10 times we saw the red flags and drove ourselves into nonfunctional relationships. I’m in pain but its mind over matter and seeing us all here in pain means we are all human. Emotions make us human
First relationship I ever had ended a few days ago after 2 years. I had always helped friends with their breakups, I never considered how emotional it could be. This is the most painful thing I’ve ever had to deal with, emotionally or physically. I’m trusting I’ll be able to find the right person, but it hurts so bad right now. The sinking feeling has been pretty crippling in terms of getting work done. Praying for all of you/us, we’ll get through it.
Never thought the separation would be so hard even after having some issues in our marriage. But the pain is unbearable. The thing which helped me move on was while instead of recalling the positives in our relationship,I started recalling the negative aspects which were far beyond the positive ones. Do not make yourself feel weak or repent on your decision thinking about the good times spent together. Time is a great healer and never underestimate the power of being close to your God. I just wish nobody ever had to go through this process.
It’s hurts even more if you still love each other but you just can’t be together. We realized that we had too different plans for the future. We talked about it a month ago but decided to keep going as we are far too young to look that far into the future. It did kinda hurt me that maybe we’ll have to breaker up eventually an a few years but thought as long it doesn’t bother him I’ll stay strong. Then a few days ago he said that he couldn’t go on knowing that things will end. We kind of have really strong opinions on the future and both thinks that neither of us will change their mind. So we decided to break up. Although we weren’t together for a long time (3 months and before that we were best friends for 4 months) it still hurts. It was my first love. The first person that made me feel loved and worshiped. I know that it’s for the best and I just hope that he’ll get over it soon too
Whenever you are dealing with grief and a break up, I learned a very important thing from one of my favorite authors, “But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.” It will hurt, but don’t drink it away, gamble ur away, hid it. Feel the hurt, pain and loss. One day it will be ok.
I never blamed myself, I know I am a good person. I was just being used. And I finally had enough after he had an affair with my best friend. They can have each other. I have been single its going on 2.5 years and I am very happy. The only thing I get is lonely sometimes. I was never appreciated, I did everything, I even nursed him through cancer and he still treated me badly.
It’s refreshing to read in the comments that the men cry and feel sadness. It’s weird probably to you, but I’ve never heard a man admit or talk about his sadness over a woman/loved one. Unfortunately, my exs have ghosted, cheated, one did travel but hasn’t done anything else for his life(aka peter pan), or bragged about their rebounds and drugs, so I honestly didn’t know men could feel guilty, sadness, love, anger, shame from love. I thought I was one sided, and I’m the only one hurting in the breakup. Thanks for sharing and being human.
Its been a month. We were togeather for 1 year and 10 months. And she was my first love, first kiss, first almost everything… A girl from my dreams. I felt something was wrong in last few months of our relationship. I was constantly thinking about ending it or just trying to do something about us. I even had an idea of breaking up on our anniversary… But we never made it to that… She was the one to call it quits. And I wasn’t surprised because as I said I was thinking about it too… But it still hurts… Even though I wanted it (kinda)… Now I hope everyday that she’ll come back, but I am also looking forward to explore the world, to just live life. I have a long journey before me… I still have feelings for her and last time I asked she felt the same. But we both know it’s for the best. I would take her back anytime… But she won’t… And I understand all of it. I just need time. And the time will tell… I know that’s not what the article said… I will of course work on the situation etc.. But I think that time will tell anyway… I love her. But I can love someone else as well. And if she doesn’t want my love. I can give it to someone who wants it. But if she’d want it, I’d be happy… I guess… Maybe. But now I’m here and I need to work on myself. So. Good luck to all of us! And I swear and am telling everyone that we all will come out of these situations strong, better but most of all happy and healthy. Stay strong! (Thanks if u read this here… if I helped u… I’m glad that I did… But if nobody reads it here I at least helped myself… I needed this fr.
officially broken up with my girlfriend 1hour ago, it hurts so bad knowing that another guy is after her and she might be with him in the future. I’ve done nothing wrong and she assured me that but every single time my relationship was ruined, my exes always give me the same phrase “it’s not you it’s me…” I’ve learnt to value myself, it was a hard break up because i love her so much and she does too, but I finally did it, i let her go, blocked her from everywhere possible. Now it’s day 0 of healing and i hope i get through this( i know i will…)
So accurate! I was cheated by my husband last December, I decided to left him in January (last time I seen him ) I have been “no contact” no social media nothing, even though was the most difficult thing to do leaving him but still in love, now after nearly 3 months I feel 10 times better I don’t regret all this, I have forgiven him, I’m on a journey healing myself and learning from this pain, I’m so excited to rebuilt my life, about my goals and dreams, once in a while I have moments when I feel sad but I don’t avoid the feeling I embraced it and then move on, I still have a long way to go but every day gets better 🙂 I’m getting to know myself !
I just got out of a relationship 3 days ago, been together 4 years and been best friends for about 7-8 years, he was my best friend and boyfriend. We were arguing and fighting a lot. So he said he didn’t want to be with someone like this, he wanted to break up and try to work on ourselves and I get it, I see his point and I agree. But if freaking hurts🥺 we talked about our future, houses about kids and vacations etc. Now we won’t have it. I know that there might be a possible future for us but I don’t want to hold on to that. It sucks, he was part of my family, all my family loved him and he came to vacation with all of us and we talked with our family about our future together. Now I can’t even think of a future with anybody else except him. I don’t hate him, I wish him the best but it freaking hurts so much. I’m going to try to focus on myself but all o can think about is how we will get better as individuals and come back to each other stronger but I know it’s wrong to thin because I need to do it for myself and I don’t want to give myself hope that we will be together again. I know it’s been just 3 days but I feel like it will get worse everyday
10th day of my first breakup of 6 years and 1 day. I’m not sure I will survive this, as it is the worst thing I’ve ever went through in my life. I’m not sure I have the strength to get thru life going forward. I cry myself to sleep every single night. Life has lost the meaning. I’m filled with bad thoughts, ruminations, guilty, sadness and emptiness. To whoever’s going through this, im so sorry you’re going through this and I would hold you and cry with you if i could.
My boyfriend lost feelings for me. My heart shattered into pieces and I’m currently preparing for my cllg entrance exam which is after few days.. he changed when I needed him the most. So I had to break up with him bcus he was ruining my mental health every single day. It’s so hard for me to move on ..I loved him the most but he lost feelings for me even though I was totally committed to him and gave every effort I could.
Having gone through Grief counseling 5 years ago when Dad passed. It helped me in dealing relationships, projects, partnerships that fell apart abruptly it all came back to me with going through the steps…. its understanding TIME is what matters. I do express myself of what I want to do and what I miss.
I’m here after a relationship that never even happened. The what-if relationships that never even happened, the filling in, your own imagination just doing all of the work for you… It’s just tearing me a part and I’m working on me to just better myself day by day. But the hardest part isn’t moving on… but not wanting to move on 😔
11:40 That’s just amazing how until that time everything is right… and that’s so great to pull a name on all of this … to feel that I’m maybe surely getting over a relationship with a friend… for me it was getting awkward since one month ago and suddenly ended one week ago … but I’m glad to see that it didn’t take much time to go over the relationship thought I still have to finish the step 3
Breaking up knowing you both still love eachother makes it so much harder to accept reality and get used to the new environment. Its been about a month and a half since I went through a breakup like that, its not on my mind as much as it was, but theres so many things that trigger those thoughts and memories for me, the worst part is not being able to get it off of my mind. To think about the future that I had invisioned and know its gone is also very hard to deal with.
it really hurts when it’s all you can think about everyday, all the time, every second, of every hour . and the only time that u get some sort of break is when you sleep . and then you wake up and for a second you forget . you forget about the heartbreak, you forget about them pain. and then you remember . you remember and it’s real . and it’s like the moment your heart broke is playing all over again and all you want to do is go back to sleep and never wake up so you don’t have to relive the pain of knowing that it’s real and it’s actually happening . and how you have no idea how your gonna do anything in your life anymore knowing that this one person who you love so much broke your heart . and you know that no matter what they do you’d still love them . and your stuck in this never-ending hole of numbness and pain . and you haven’t the first idea on how to get out .
This comment section is making me feel way less alone :’) i was in a relationship for two and a half years with a girl I genuinely thought I was going to marry. We’d talked about getting engaged and our future, and it really seemed like our future was solid. I think I’m just adjusting to the new uncertainty of what my future is going to look like without her, and it hurts because I’d never imagined it without her before. It’s a pretty fresh wound and I’m not even sure what I’m feeling right now, but I have hope that I can pull myself out of this
im still hurt even after a month of trying to forget her. she’s my first love. every morning is so hard and im still crying every night. i feel like im not getting any progress but based on the article, maybe im on step 3. i just need to finish it. i don’t wanna be stuck so i’ll do my best. i hope, i’ll go back to this article someday with a healed heart.
She was my high school sweetheart together for 10 years. We grew up, got married, saw the world, bought a house, grew apart, separated and a week later she moved in with my best friend. Still a year later I find myself playing over memories from a girl I used to know. But I’ve made a lot of new great memories as well. Idk why things happen the way they do in our lives. But I do know that pain is necessary for growth. And I’ve grown so much since losing my best friend
5 years. I always suspected I was far more in love than he was and when I suggested we break up because I couldn’t get him to see ME while I was in front of him he put up no fight. And today we talked on the phone. It was great we laughed a lot until he brought up that he’s already in a new relationship just a few short weeks after we broke up. 5 years. 5 years of my all for what?
about a year and a half of on and off dating.. it was complicated from day one but we couldn’t let eachother go cause we loved each other so much. Finally called it quits today.. it’s kinda relieving.. but, gosh, it’s so painful.. SO so painful.. If you’re going through something similar.. I’m sending you a big firm hug.. you got this. It’ll take time. It’ll hurt. But it’s not forever. I promise you❤ We’ve got this.
i just had my first relationship 8 months, she was very controlling, took advantage and did everything she asked for. I was oblivious that it was a toxic relationship because besides the arguments almost every other day She made me happy whenever we hung out with each other. I never really had that affection and attention in my life, I believe that’s why I was so attached. We were promising each other to stay together forever, and be there when we reached out personal goals. I was even planning a future together. There’s a feeling inside where I just wish she knew what I truly felt and why I ended it, and wanting closure but again some things are better left unsaid. I’m really trying to force myself to delete the memories of her out of my head but nothings working, I just wish there’s something I can take that deletes it forever
The way they act and behave is who they truly are. 1. Dont be hopeful about them coming back, this isn’t a teen movie with happy endings 2. People show their true side when they are angry 3. Love yourself and realize that going back to them just so the pain can stop, will only cause you more pain overtime with fight etc. Let yourself get over it 4. Embrace your emotions, the more you think about it, it will hurt less and less 5. Accept the fact that you cannot change the person no matter how hard you try 6. Dont let your emotions cloud your judgment, if you know it’s a bad idea, dont do it. 7. It’s not your fault 8. If they dont own up to anything they’ve done, dont feel bad and think you messed everything up, it was them. 9. If you never had full closure(ex) not talking to each other after a fight. Have a proper closure with the person, it helps. But dont do it if you know it wont work. 10. Understand how you feel, search for answers and understand how they were in the wrong and you were in the right. That wont be the thing that satisfies you from the pain but it will help. Don’t be hopeful and naive about the person, stop looking for the good side.
It’s been 2 days since an almost 4 year relationship ended. I’m going through so many emotions. One moment I feel relieved to be out of the relationship because a lot of gas lighting went on. The next moment I’m sad. I’ll randomly cry just walking to the kitchen. He hasn’t even reached out or shown and remorse but has told his co-workers (that we mutually know) that he lost his best friend and really messed up. It’s hard, but it will get better. I deserve the world.
I relied so heavily on him for an entire year. He was my everything. My best friend, my main support system, the love of my life. We lived in different states which is why he broke up with me. He also said he wasn’t good enough for me. He’s basically the only person I was with everyday for a year and so now I feel so empty and alone. I have friends yes but he’s the only person I want. It’s been a few days now and it has not gotten easier. Everything reminds me of him. I’m doing my best to not text him as much but we used to facetime for multiple hours every day and fall asleep on ft so everything just feels lonely now. It’s so so hard. This is my first breakup and I was naive to think he was the one. Still hurts though.
Work sheet: * Step 1: Untangle and identify your feelings * You need to take some time to tease these (Sadness & Anger, most common feelings) apart, find the right words, and describe what’s so awful, awkward or hard. * Where does it hurt? * What is the worst part of it? * Step 2: Understand what you really need * “What do I most deeply need?” These aren’t surface needs, such as “I need a partner to go on vacations with,”, they are deep as in: what you need to flourish as a human: * These might be “I need to feel like I matter,” “I need to feel lovable,” “I need to feel like I have dignity,” or “I need to feel that someone knows the real me.” * Step 3: Revisit the relationship’s end and look at what was lost * Ask yourself, “What do I resent?”, “What do I miss?” and “What dreams and hopes do I need to say goodbye to?” * “When we work through grief, we usually focus on the good things — ‘we’ll never get together again for a barbecue’ or ‘there will be no more Wednesday family dinners.’ You have to say goodbye to these things and put up little tombstones for them,” says Pascual-Leone. “But one of the reasons that people have trouble finishing the grief process is because there are also so many undeclared losses — the hopes, the dreams that you had together.”
To me, the hardest part is: having idealized him, making myself believe he is someone who is not, forgiving myself for my mistakes in the relationship (dictated by my abandonment issues), but mostly I would say losing a person who embodies many missing pieces that I lack. Although I can honestly say the day and days after he left were the most painful of my life, even if he gaslit me into making me believe it wasn’t the case, being with him made me realize I had many missing parts that I need to find within myself. I’m very mad about the way he treated me throughout the relationship, I was neglected for months, and during the end of it and what followed. I have felt profound love and never denied those feelings to myself or to him (unlike he did), and I’m proud of myself for my bravery in my ability to love. He will never ever take this gift I have away from me, and proud for not giving up to his breadcrumbs. I’m worth someone who can care as much as I do.
I’m getting over a break-up of a 6-month relationship that we knew would likely die out because she had to move far away. A bit of long-distance for a while but then it came to an end. We tried breaking up a couple of times but neither took and we kept texting, talking, etc. Eventually she stopped texting because I’m assuming she had another guy lined up, which hurt, but I can’t blame her because all we had was texting and we both knew we needed to move on. But still it hurts so much even if you know you have to move on. What is more is that we won’t remain friends which means for 6 months we were very close, then poof! never see you again. How do you deal with that? It’s so hard, especially that you enjoyed each other’s company. Then gone forever, feels like a death. I remember telling her at the beginning of the relationship “let’s go for it, even though in the end it will hurt.” Well, here we are, hurting time. Her hurting is done because she knew it was coming, but mine is only 1/2 month in, it’s just hard imagining them carrying on their lives without you, I see her apartment in my mind’s eye and I see her and want to be a part of her life but it’s not possible (we had other issues that made us not compatible as well). You know you’ve been seeing someone special when it hurts so much to have them cut out of your life.