📹 My Spouse Wants Separate Finances!
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Should you marry someone with bad finances?
Your future spouse’s bad credit or debt is not your responsibility unless you take it on by getting a loan to pay it off. Your future spouse’s credit problems can prevent you from getting credit as a couple after you’re married.
How do I protect myself from my husband’s debt?
Sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage to protect yourself from your spouse’s debt. It’s important to protect your home during a divorce to ensure you get your fair share, since it’s likely your largest asset. If your spouse dies without a will, state laws will decide who will manage their estate. The surviving spouse or domestic partner is usually the executor. If you’re the executor, you’ll settle your spouse’s estate. Your spouse’s debt won’t affect your credit score unless you’re a cosigner or co-borrower. Missed payments and a high credit utilization ratio can hurt your credit score.
How do married couples pay off debt?
Apply the debt snowball or avalanche method. Debt payoff strategies, such as the debt snowball or avalanche method, can be effective for managing wedding debt. The snowball method involves paying off the smallest debts first — regardless of their interest rate. The avalanche method, on the other hand, prioritizes paying off debts with the highest interest rates first. *Both methods can help reduce the overall amount of interest paid and expedite the pay-off process. Using the snowball method, you gain momentum through small wins, which boosts motivation. The avalanche method can save more money over the long term as it focuses on debts with the highest interest first, but it can also be a slower process. *To choose the right strategy, list all your debts, along with their outstanding balances and interest rates. The snowball method may make more sense if you have many debts with similar interest rates. But, if you have debts with very different interest rates, the avalanche method may be the better approach, as you could save more.
How to protect yourself from financially irresponsible spouse?
If your spouse is still behaving irresponsibly, protect yourself. Remove your spouse’s name from the household bills. This ensures you have access to them and that payment is received. Another way to protect your money is to set up your own bank accounts for savings and household bills. If your spouse is putting your family in danger by being irresponsible with money, you have to take control of your finances. While love is wonderful, marriage is more than love. Each partner should be open, honest, and responsible with their spouse and family about money. If one partner isn’t being transparent, there are ways to fix it. Both parties must be committed to these steps. Budgeting and planning your finances go hand-in-hand. A financial advisor can help with many things, including retirement planning, estate planning, tax planning, and more. It’s easy to find a qualified financial advisor. SmartAssets matches you with up to three vetted financial advisors in your area. You can interview them at no cost to decide which one is right for you. Ready to find an advisor to help you achieve your financial goals? Start building a budget today. Start with the free SmartAssets budget calculator.
How to keep a spouse from opening credit cards?
Tell the credit bureaus. Tell the three main credit bureaus about the identity theft. They will put a fraud alert on your credit report, which will make it harder for anyone else to open new accounts in your name. When contacting the credit bureaus, provide them with all the necessary information to initiate the fraud alert. This includes your name, social security number, and address. Tell them about the credit card account opened by your spouse and any supporting documents. If you have a fraud alert, the credit bureaus will let you know if someone tries to open a new credit account in your name. This will help protect you from further identity theft and let you take action if needed.
What happens if I marry someone with a lot of debt?
No. Any debts either spouse had before marriage are their own responsibility, with one exception. If you cosign a loan or open a joint account on a credit card before marriage, you and your spouse are both responsible for the debt. Your partner’s debt doesn’t mean you can’t help with payments. You can pay off debts together and reach your goals faster. How do you handle debts after marriage? Even if you and your spouse start married debt-free, you may still get into debt as a family. You could open a joint credit card to pay for furniture. Or you may decide to buy a home and get a mortgage together. You both share responsibility for these debts.
Is wife responsible for husband’s debt?
Don’t assume you have to pay. You are not responsible for someone else’s debt. If someone dies with an unpaid debt, it should be paid from their estate. This is their estate.
If there is no estate. If there is no money or property left in an estate, or the estate can’t pay, the debt is usually unpaid. If state law says the estate must pay survivors first, there might not be money left to pay debts. You might be responsible for your spouse’s debt after their death if it is shared. This can happen when:
Should I marry someone with a lot of debt?
If you get married and take on or refinance student debt, it becomes both partners’ responsibility if you live in a community property state. California is also a community property state, but it treats student loans differently. This can also affect you both in a divorce. One partner’s student loan debt could delay or prevent you both from making life changes like getting a mortgage or starting a family. It could also make it harder to save for retirement.
Start a conversation with your partner about money and your future together.
Start by sharing credit reports. You can get a free credit report from each of the three major credit bureaus once a year. The reports show current and past accounts and payments. If you see any problems on your partner’s report, like late payments, talk about why they happened and how to avoid it in the future.
Should I pay off my husband’s debt?
Joint debt is shared, but individual debts are yours to tackle. Debt can get in the way of making life plans as a couple. It may make sense for your partner to help you with your debt. Make a plan before you start. It’s important to be open about your finances, especially as your relationship gets serious. “If you’re planning to get married, talk about money before you tie the knot,” says Trina Patel, a Los Angeles-based financial advisor at Albert.
Do I have to pay my wife’s debt?
The bottom line. You are not usually responsible for your spouse’s credit card debt unless you are a co-signer or it is a joint account. However, state laws vary, and divorce or the death of your spouse could also affect your liability for this debt. If you’re worried about your spouse’s credit card debt, it’s a good idea to keep track of your credit reports. This will help you understand your credit standing and any active joint accounts. Contact me at [email protected] with credit card questions.
Is debt a reason to break up?
Do you and your partner fight about money? Debt is hard on relationships. Many people are in a bad financial situation or are one paycheck away from losing a relationship due to debt. Debt can cause stress in any relationship and lead to breakups. USA Daily News says that almost half of Americans think debt causes divorces. Debt alone is not a reason to separate. If you found out your partner has debt, would it end your relationship? We will discuss debt and breaking up. We hope this helps. Debt and Breaking Up: How are they related? Debt and breaking up go hand in hand. Debt can cause stress and conflict in a relationship. If one spouse has a lot of credit card debt and the other doesn’t have much money, they’ll probably argue. This can cause arguments and financial problems in the relationship. It can also make you feel ashamed and guilty, which can damage your relationship.
Should I marry someone with bad credit?
Marrying someone with poor credit won’t lower your score because the reports are separate. Your spouse’s credit affects shared financing. Address credit issues before applying for shared accounts. Your spouse’s poor credit won’t affect your credit score, but it will impact your joint financing options. You can also help your spouse repair their credit to improve their financing options. Here are some ways to help your spouse with their credit before applying for a joint account.
📹 My Husband and I Still Keep Our Finances Separated
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I know couples that have a joint account and two separate checking accounts where the paychecks go into the joint account which is used for household expenses and savings while the two individual accounts are for personal spending – gifts or incidentals. Still fits into a household budget and still accounted for without either person feeling dominated or controlled around their spending.
We started out with a joint account and left the finances to my spouse. I took care of house, kids. We both worked. Realized years later I was a better person with bills. And I decided to have 1 household account that we each put money into for household bills. AND we each have a personal account. Our personal spending is to go out of our personal account. Anything for house, kids, pets, goes in the household account. Then neither of us have ask the other to spend personal money.
We started off with joint finances. Always caused a fight. I like to save and he likes his daily coffees. After 6yrs we finally said enough. We have separate accounts and 1 joint where each of us put in half for mortgage, house/car bills, things for the house. Everything else from phone down to groceries, separate. I know groceries is odd but we both have different diets so no point for me to pay for steak if I’m not going to eat it.
Joint finances makes things so much easier. You don’t have to worry about who’s paying for what. What happens if one loses their job? People aren’t ready to work together as one. People see marriage as just a fancy label for dating and an excuse to have an expensive party but aren’t ready to BE married.
The fact she even has to ask the question shows indubitably her partner has qualified reserved motives for not pooling their cash, turning to Dave for his imprimatur notwithstanding. When their relationship falls apart, and it will, she will drain that joint account in a NY minute. Best practice has always been for the partner with the least funds to ask “Honey, can you write me a check?” as the need occurs
So if I were to adopt Dave’s philosophy, if I married, I would put my husband on the deeds to my residence, cabin, and rental properties; bank accounts; and brokerage accounts? Absolutely not. Never, ever would I do that. If my prospective husband expected me to do so, I would know to run far away at lightning speed. And I would not want my husband to put my name on his assets. Those would be his — acquired before and separately from me. Dave lives in a fantasy world where either people never divorce or if they do divorce, it’s all rainbows and butterflies.
Advocating for separate accounts does not always mean live separate lives or have separate goals. My advice is have both joint and individual accounts. Put money in the joint for shared living expenses and goals you have as a couple and hold each other accountable to make sure this is met. The individual accounts can be for whats left over so each of you can retain your own safety net in case the other person sucks with money. Joint accounts allow for “legal robbery”. This to me would be ideal to mitigate or eliminate money fights.
This happened to me and I divorced him as we were not on the same page about money. He put me on a small monthly budget and kept the rest for himself. I am independent and can earn my own money, but I had taken a leave of absence from my job, at his insistence, so so we could travel abroad and we did not combine our accounts, however prior to our marriage, he showed me all he had and was eager to combine our accounts. Two weeks after getting back from our honeymoon, the scenario above developed.
We wanted to do premarital counseling, by the advice of my parenta and grandparents. We never did since I got into a life or death car crash before marrying and have dealt with it for at least a solid year after. We now have realized that we never did it and in fact that the first two years of marriage where you learn and start to grow, never really happened. Always do premarital counseling ❤
You know…it just dawned on me that I don’t know how Dave Ramsey does the job that he does. With so many people going against his recommendations it must be far more difficult than I had ever imagined lol. It just never occurred to me that so many people don’t agree with him and the way he teaches. His teachings have helped my husband and I so much, that I just never thought that it could be such a big problem for others apparently.
My wife and I have separate accounts. I make a lot more money, 7 times more then she makes. She saves everything and I pay all of the bills. She saves everything she makes and I have my own savings. It’s been this way for 15 plus years and no issues. It doesn’t matter, everything is community property anyway. I have several paid of homes, plenty in my retirement. I don’t see what the issue is. She is good with money so am I. People don’t have to follow a specific set of rules, it work for some and doesn’t for other. She has not paid a bill in the past 15 years. I know exactly how much money she has so does she. As long as you can agree on how you want you finances to be handled do what is good for both of you. Of my my friends is much older and they have separate accounts with his wife and they are worth 50 plus mil. So it does work.
A good compromise would be for each of them to put half of their wages – assuming that they are both working and earning separate incomes – into individual accounts, so that they can buy their own things that are unique to them and put the other half into a joint account for joint bills! And make sure both spouses have equal access to the joint account! With benefits, it’s usually paid to the husband – half of which is meant to be for the wife – but they could have separate accounts for wages – his pay goes into his account, hers in hers – each partner, as far as is possible, puts half of their wages into a joint account – thereby getting the best of both worlds!
The only problem I have with her situation is that her husband changed his mind right before getting married. My husband and I have separate bank accounts because we started off at different stages in our financial lives. Our compromise is that we check in with each other before making major purchases. It also makes going out for food extra special because we treat each other out.
I have my own bank account with all my earned money and my wife cannot take money out of it, she has her own bank account where it’s her money that she earns. I think it’s better this way cause i want to have my own money and see how much i spend and use and if my wife uses up all her money she won’t be able to steal mine lol
Both my fiance and I want to keep our finances in our own accounts. It’s just easier. We honestly don’t understand the big deal. Maybe it’s because we aren’t religious? I don’t know. I just know that any time we buy things together or pay bills, we go half and half, sending money to each other. I think people are making a big deal out of this for nothing.
We just talked about this. Most people I know who are married they agree on a certain percentage of their check going into a joint account. Than the other percentage into retirement/personal savings. I personally would never expect a woman to want to combine finances. Even if she did I would want her to have a certain percentage for herself that way I didn’t know about her every single purchase.
What part did you naysayers didn’t hear? Dave said don’t get married or get a pre-nup if you do? Otherwise it’s a joint account because marriage is a team. What’s the difference if someone who initially buys penny stocks and does nothing and then the stock Skyrockets because of a merger or IPO? Does this mean that tthose Investors aren’t entitled to the massive share increase?
Living together for 9 years??? He had some kind of rude awakening immediately after the later and is now regretting getting married. Without counseling and a LOT of emotional compromise on his part, this isn’t going to work. Any ultimatums, and he’s gone. They’re going to have to go through the process of him rediscovering why he spent a decade with her and why he said “yes” other than out of some feeling of obligation after eating at the buffet for free for so long. I’d give them a 5% chance without counseling, a 30-40% chance with counseling.
I think what I see is that Dave is giving advice and treating relationship finances like 50/50 when it comes to who has a say in the finances. You won’t get anywhere like that. At the end of the day, these people will still spend to their personal preferences. YOU NEED ORDER IN YOUR HOME. The man has to lead and the woman has to follow. If Dave’s wife went off and kept spending however she wanted, Dave would be broke and wouldn’t have a radio show today. She stayed home and became a house keeper. Dave had to get his act together and manage his career to make sure his family was stable. That’s how this works.
Proverbs 23:4-5 “Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness.Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.” Another verse basically saying money has no real value yet here we have Dave speaking as if Money defines relationships.
I’m not whit Dave whit this issue … joint account for the house and bills and a seprete account for our personnal purchase….. my husband dosen’t have to ask me if he want a BMW and a motocycle whit the money that he’s earn on my side I can byy a BMW and a motocycle whitout his napprouval .. and yepp wheve been together for 7 years
The only one thing Dave and I don’t agree on but I agree he is the expert. But you can look at the same deer through two different scopes. Wife and I still talk through every little purchase and big one. That way if I wanna spend small $ on something she doesn’t agree with (around $200) she knows it’s not her buying it and vice versa.
Marriage is a business transaction! Couples need to do a budgeting planning of what finance will look like when they marry. I do believe financial hardship leads to divorce. Having separated accounts I do not see as a problem if the household expenses are split and each one do their part. That will teach each individual on being responsible with the income and not spend money without proper planning,
I disagree. There’s nothing wrong with having separate accounts. If you cannot trust your partner to have and manage his own account without going astray, then the problem is a lot deeper than finances. Complete trust means trusting your partner to in making independent decisions in the family’s best interest, even if you’re not around. There are situations where independent critical thinking is necessary, and a difference between trust and toxic co-dependency.
Ppl should do what’s best for their marriage whether it’s joint or separate accounts. The only issue I see is that he is all of a sudden wanting to change what’s they’ve been doing for years right before they get married. Sounds like he’s avoiding a more in depth conversation that needs to happen. Maybe he really does feel like she trying to police him as she said. No one knows what that looks like in this relationship. Maybe she feels like she needs to police him because he’s bad with money. Maybe she’s bad with money and her doesn’t want to tell her how he feels.
Ehhh people’s marriages can look different. I’m not combining my income with my husband. We will do some kind of split by income and put x amount in a combined account for goals. He will also sign a pre-nup. Just saying it’s okay to o manage your marriage differently as long as y’all are on the same page!
1st possible problem: you showed him for 9 years your spending habits and perhaps he doesn’t agree with them. I personally am not concerned about having separate accts. What bothers me is the law. A lot of states believe in community property and will have 1 person responsible and paying for what the other person does. You could have no debts in your name and in divorce could be fighting to not have to use your money to pay your spouse credit card bill. If they don’t want you telling them what to do with their money then you need to sign paperwork stating you are not responsible for the debts that occur while married. Here’s another issue with not having freedom of spending. What happens when you want to buy something necessary, do you have to ask for money every time? Wife: hunny I need some money. Husband: what for? Wife: pads my cycle is on. Well that’s just weird and absurd. But run your household as you please.
If I’m making $200,000/year and marry someone who’s making $20,000/year, I’m sorry but I’m not doing a joint account. That doesn’t mean I don’t love or trust the person.. Every time you hear a story about a spouse complaining about the other not wanting to do joints, it’s always because the other person is worth 10 times that spouse. It’s all about love, money shouldn’t have to be a part of the equation. If things need to be purchased jointly, why can’t we just combine the funds then without being called a sinner
Most of my women friends who have been divorced before WANT separate finances. They put so much into a joint fund for house expenses and then their own money to spend as they wish. They have been “bit” once, then divorced. They seem to make it work for them. When I was married the first time my husband wanted our money separate…I did not….. I wanted a partnership. When I remarried at age 46 I WANTED a partnership and we combine our finances from the beginning. We have been married 25 years now and have been successful with our finances.
What does he want to spend on and have you not know about? Big old baby doesn’t want to be managed? Boo hoo. It’s the money that’s being managed, and it should be both of you managing the money since both of you are going to be managing the household. He should stop dating anybody since he doesn’t want a commitment. Don’t waste others’ time.
I’m not married but have been living in sin with my girl for over 7 years. We keep our finances separate and that is the only thing we have not got into a fight about. Even when we get married we are not planning on joining them because we like having some independence and we trust each other. We also both use credit cards but pay them off every month and have no debt other than our home. Sorry Dave, I know we are on your naughty list. Lol
Reading some of the comments… I see people posting about using a three account system. So here is the question, the joint account is for bills and retirement, the separate accounts are hers/ his. What happens if one of the spouses ends up in trouble with the “separate” account? Does the other spouse step up and help out? Are you not setting yourself up for failure? Now the spouse that needs to help, has to take their “spending” money account and helping the other. I see a war coming and a lot of trust issues being developed. Marriage is “Unity”, and if the Unit lives as two, the road is going to be rough. JMO
He has a YouTube show? This guy stole several thousand from my Uncle who built his vacation home. Wanted a bunch of extras done and never paid my uncle for em. I also know people who had relatives work for him and he is a horrible boss. The only reason he has money is he cheats people. Might give good advice but he’s a bad person.
Most women spend money on material stuff and most men know how to budget effectively. Im 31 and single and loving what i save and what i invest in. When i do get married i will have separate accounts as well. 1 joint and 2 separate. Simple. Its hard to find a woman that knows how to budget and invest. I cant wait to find her
Mark 4:19 “but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” Funny how Dave is acting like wealth has anything to do with your word bond in your relationship. As if keeping (or not keeping) Joint accounts have any value when it comes to your vows.
Couples having separate finances makes perfect sense. Especially when in many relationships, one person often spends frivolously. Also, for men, if a divorce occurs, it gives him a level of protection from being taken to the cleaners. In fact, due to he current state of family law, it makes NO sense, financially, for a man to get married. Period! There is no financial benefit to it, whatsoever and men should avoid it at all costs. Marriage is currently just a way to give a woman claim on half of a man’s assets. There is a huge risk to him which entirely benefits the woman. His is one topic in which Dave is objectively incorrect.
Deciding to not combine finances isn’t a mistake, getting married was the mistake. This isn’t 1950, no clue why anyone gets married these days. Tremendous amount of risk, zero reward. Slows down the path to becoming a millionaire? Half of all marriages end in divorce, how much does that slow you down? Getting married is like tapdancing in a minefield, you won’t get me to do either unless there’s already a gun at my head. I usually agree with Dave but in this day and age I think he’s wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy off when it comes to marriage.
It’s never the man calling in and asking why his wife wants a separate account 🧐 Women spend something like 72 cents out of every dollar while earning less than half so the statistics don’t support this idea of “equal.” Men want authority over what they are responsible for and the Bible supports this. A separate bank ensures a greater level of control for the person responsible for earning the income. Personally, I think every marriage should have two separate accounts and a joint account. Everyone agrees what they’re putting in the main account and the separate accounts. This way everyone is financially literate in case something happens to the other spouse and if one account is compromised you don’t have all your eggs in one basket.
My wife and I had separate accounts and split everything 50-50. We didnt have any marital problems, but we weren’t really making any financial progress either, pretty much were just treading water. We combined our accounts and have since cleared all debt except for our home and have a plan to have our home to be paid off in 9 years from now. Simplification is key. When all the money is in one spot, it’s easy to see where it needs to go.
If I don’t trust somebody with my money, then I can’t trust them with anything else either. Be careful who you marry. Don’t be in a hurry. You have to see how a person handles themselves through all seasons and all reasons. I’ve told my husband more than once both when we had nothing and now when we are financially comfortable: I’d rather be broke with you than rich with somebody else. He’s that special., and 41 years later I’d trust him with my life.
The separate accounts is one thing, the absolute polar opposite stance on debt is completely different. Highly doubtful she will be able to withstand the pressure of being “half debt free”. Eventually, they’ll come to resent each other. If he refuses to change, then she has no choice to begin the process of protecting herself. Dave is right, this type of relationship is doomed.
My husband and I have always had a joint account. We both get an agreed upon set amount of money monthly that we can spend however we like. We take this out of the bank every month in cash. So when it’s gone it’s gone. Anything else one of us wants to buy (that was not budgeted for) and exceeds the cash, we discuss it with each other to see if it is something we should purchase or if it will affect our financial goals negatively. Discussing every purchase like this keeps the lines of communication open as well as our future dreams alive. It keeps us on track. And when one of us is weak and wants to splurge we have the courage to say to each other that this is going to hurt us financially and slow down our dream. Are we willing to spend money on this and if we are then we both agree to do it. There is never any hard feelings because someone spent too much. Because both of us agreed that yes this purchase was ok before it even happened. We are married and are one. This type of behavior with money really feels like we are team. And we don’t feel like we are limited in any way. We both get to spend our cash as we wish and we still have a sense of security knowing we will achieve our financial goals.
This is one of the greatest advise for married couples! My husband and I are 27 and we were in a similar situation. We did everything separate/ 50/50 for 4 years and barely had any savings and had individual debt plus a mortgage together. The day we combine everything we were able to tackle our debt in 2 years. The only thing we own right now is our mortgage with almost 10k in savings. (We pay more than the minimum payment on the mortgage)
My wife and I each start with 20% of our income saved into personal retirement off the top. The remaining money is split 65% towards a joint account where we pay bills, save for common wants/needs, and take trips together or buy gifts for mutual friends/family. The other 35% is personal, which we can use for solo travel, giving to our own causes, personal wants and clothes/toys etc. It works well, we dont fight about money, nobody has any grounds to question anyone elses expenses so long as our personal savings and common savings are paid first.
The problem she runs into is if (when) they get divorced. She spent 10, 15, 20 years living debt free while he piled up debt, bought a boat (a hole in the water you pour money into) and never denied himself one thing that he couldn’t throw onto the credit card. When they walk into divorce court, 99% of the time the Judge will divide the assets in half and the debts in half. That means she ends up paying off all of the debt she had in the marriage and the next few years after the divorce paying off half of the debt that he made.
My wife and I did the same thing: lived together, got married, and have always had our own accounts. We’ve been married for 11 years and have been together 15 years. I grew up with my parents having a joint account and they ALWAYS argued over money. If it works for you you don’t need stats cause you ARE the stat!
Been married 11 years and I have worked on and off. My husband has been with the same employer and I currently stay at home with our kids. From the start we have had combined bank accounts! When we married I had$7k saved he had zero with a car loan. Now are only debt is our house but we are worth a good bit. I control the money and pay the bills.
Our bank accounts are 100% separate (we are both each other’s beneficiaries) My husband pays most of the bills and I pay a few utilities, we each pay our own car insurance. I would not ever want to have one joint account and pay for everything “together”. We have the same goals and we discuss our finances all of the time. I like having the independence and individuality of having my own account with my own money. I would never want that to change.
My husband and I have two joint accounts, one checking one savings, and we both have our own separate account. I think the difference is that we both have communicated our goals and are committed to working on it together, we both want to be debt free ASAP and are a united front working towards that goal together
Separate accounts are great, but you have to tackle common expenses together. You both have to agree on your joint expenditures (e.g. home, utilities, retirement, auto, student loans, etc.). The way it should work is as follows (if you make about the same): Pay all joint expenditures first and then split the funds for personal spending patterns (I.e. he likes many small frequent things versus you liking to save for occasional big things).
This sounds like my relationship. All separate accounts, we share expenses. Her expenses are way higher than mine. She is not interested in finances etc, however, after a decade of dropping hints, it finally stuck and she had started investing about a year and half ago. She’s got over 100k invested now. She sees the light and she now invests but I still keep things separated. I’m not in debt, she always has about 5-10k debt. She doesn’t understand that she’s servicing that debt monthly with payment while she could be zeroing out the thing bases on her income. And I’ve tried and failed to communicate that. So, I actually kind of appreciate that my stuff is not mixed with her. I act as if our (yes, our) retirement is dependant on me and I disregard what she is doinng/has financially in my projections. So, I am essentially overshooting my goal Net worth because in my book, I’m the only one doing this but that’s also not really a negative. She also has an inheritance coming here way, which, again, I don’t account for in my net worth projections, so…it ends up being a better deal for me where I work harder, am more motivated, and have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m driving my own wealth forward. Yes, ideally, it would be nice if she shared the exact goals and was completely on board but people aren’t the same and as soon as I realized that you can’t influence someone who is not interested, I just let it go. I’m much happier than if I kept trying to mold her thinking towards a common goal.
I’ve seen married couples over draft their checking simply because of a lack of communication. For most couples, their method works because it puts financial responsibility on the individual. Image if your a man and your wife doesn’t work. You come home to your wife purchased a whole bunch of things and your short on rent $300.00 because you didn’t tell you hadn’t paid it and she thought you did. For most people this is a huge problem. Around 70% of people are living paycheck to paycheck. Any lack of communication can destroy your wallet when your living close to that 0 balance. Though, if your not sharing those accounts It’s easier to keep track of that money. Ramsey’s does have some points about building wealth and paying debt. It’s easier to pool your money together and put it where it needs to go, paying off debt. In this particular situation. I think the clash between the two preferences is more important. He wants to save and she wants to pay off debt. Even if the money was pooled there would be an argument, focusing exclusively on the separate accounts in my opinion was the wrong way to go.
When my husband and I were still boyfriend/girlfriend his married friends were having an argument about BORROWING $20 in front of us. I told him in private that if they don’t fix that, they’re not going to make it because that’s not a marriage. I was right. If your finances are separate as a married couple than it’s likely you have other areas of your life that will separate as well.
My future wife and I have talked about finances and we both agree that it’s important to have our own seperate accounts as well as a larger account together. I personally don’t have any student loans but I plan on matching her loan payments in order to get rid of any debt once we graduate from college.
My ex was like that. One day I asked him what would he do if I ask for financial help from him in the future? His response was “Why don’t you use your credit card?” That spoke so much and we’re no longer together. He had a broken mindset about “togetherness”. P.S. I’m an educated young lady with high financial responsibility =)
It is important to get an idea about whether or not you are on the same page with finances before you get married. We agreed that when the time came I would be a SAHM while the kids were little and that any money either of us made would be ours. We always set our monthly budget to his income, this prevented a financial shock when I stopped getting paid for my work. The money I had made was used as extra payments on student loans, a car, and the downpayment for the house. We get an equal percentage of windfalls like tax returns and bonuses to use how we want. Marriage is a partnership, work together and find value in what your partner contributes no matter how little or much money is coming through in their name.
I’m not married, but I find these comments very interesting. I don’t think one size fits all advice is best. Everyone has to do what works for them. There are people that have marriages that are unconventional and guess what, it works for them. Therefore, using the “The data says” approach is not always correct. What may be perfect for one may not suit another person. On another note, in the short time that I’ve learned about Dave Ramsey, I’ve watched enough horror articles of him counseling someone that fully trusted their spouse to do the right thing but they were ultimately done wrong, very wrong. One can go into a marriage, where both parties have the best intentions, and the spouse evolves into someone that the other spouse never knew. I’m all for a joint account where we pool our money, but I will absolutely have my own money. I will not start having to justify why I purchased shoes or anything of that sort, and I don’t need to police my man on how he spends his money. As long as we’re both building wealth in one account, me having a separate account and him having his separate account woks for me.
I make 80k/year and my wife makes 120k/year. She is a pharmacist, and I am a high school teacher. We live in California with a $500k mortgage on a 15-year fix after putting 20% down ($100k, $30k from my personal savings, and $70k from my wife’s savings) down on a 5 bedroom/3 bath in Northern California. Our home is worth $627k right now, we bought it in January 2018 for a closing cost of approximately $600k about 1.5 years ago. I am 26 years of age and my wife is 30 years of age. We got married in late 2017 and we both have no student loan debt, just the mortgage. Luckily I met my wife when she paid off all of her pharmacy school debt. I have a 403(b) retirement account through my employer with currently $30k, but my wife used up all her 401k and personal savings for the downpayment. She contributed 70% of the downpayment. We each still drive our own car we bought and paid off while in college. The cars are 5+ year old but we do not plan on replacing them unless we have a child or the cars break down. Our monthly take home pay is $12k/month. We have one checkings account for direct deposit and bills. Our monthly bills include $3k mortgage, $1k in utilities, internet, phone, gym, car insurance, life insurance, and $1k for food and transportation. Our total monthly expenses total $5k. We have one savings account as our emergency fund which we put $1k into every month. We have several brokerage accounts: 1) a college fund account which we put $1k/month, 2) a retirement account investing in good growth stock mutual fund where we put $2k/month, and 3) my own individual brokerage account where I put $1k into every month.
I think Ramsey’s opinion on this is skewed by his personal relationship with a mature and responsible spouse who is focused on supporting her marriage’s financial stability for the rest of her life. Unlike the vast majority of spouses who are immature and irresponsible and only focused on their entitlement to their hedonistic desires at any particular moment.
They waited way too long to get married, especially after living together all of those years. I have a feeling they might not even really love each other but are just stuck in the pattern they’ve been living all these years. I could be wrong, but that’s just how I think it would feel if I was in that situation. Like Dave said, they’re roommates.
Dave I think you are wrong on this one. I’ve been there done that. 2nd wife and we’ve been married almost 20 years with separate accounts and never had a money fight. We are both on the same page with no debt and building wealth. I’d rather be a happy almost millionaire than a millionaire with an ex wife.
My wife and I have separate bank accounts, separate retirements and we split the bills 50/50. Never any arguments about finances. It’s smart to do it that way. My wife is a spender and she buys a lot of useless junk, and I won’t have a joint account with her when I KNOW it will cause arguments. It’s 2019, not 1950.
This speaks to me so much. My wife and I have combined finances, but literally for 2 years of marriage she HATED when I said Dave Ramsey recommends “X” whatever it may be. To the point I started saying “The guys who’ve really studied this stuff say X”. Of course now she’s on board and it’s all good, but for years I couldn’t say the D word… “Dave says” hah. I’d love for her to take FPU though with me, perhaps soon.
The joint account thing is interesting in our situation. My husband and I (married 4 1/2 years) have separate personal accounts, but also have a joint checking/saving account we can both transfer money back and forth from. We do this because my “personal” account is actually what I pay all our bills out of. His account has direct deposit from his job, I budget and transfer what I need for bills from his account to mine then what he’s left with is a little personal money (maybe $20 a week) and usually just his gas money. I currently am not working and staying home with my son so this way works! I wonder if anyone else does if like this. Bill pay is all set up through my account and I manage it quite well. If we buy something for the house, we use the joint account if there’s money in there for it. If I made a similar income, we may do this differently but it works
I used to be on the what’s-mine-is-yours bandwagon. Not anymore. I’ve been with my woman for years. Great person. She has the financial sense of a child. Credit card statements go in the trash, Bill collectors call her almost daily, has even had to make court appearances. There is NO WAY I’m signing up for that. Thankfully, my state doesn’t recognize common law marriage so I dodged the bullet there too.
My husband and I got a joint account when we got married. I was 19 and he was 25. Actually, a previous girlfriend of his had bounced so many checks on their joint account that the only way my husband was even allowed to have a checking account at any bank was if my name was on it. We set up a joint account out of necessity, but we never separated our finances. We have been married 18 years and our finances have always been combined. Our goals are similar though and we are debt free.
I’ve been married for 40 years, and I love my wife dearly. In the first few years, we had joint accounts, and she would spend whatever money accumulated as soon as it accumulated. So, I figured out we needed to separate our finances. And, frankly, it works great. I earn a lot more than she does and I handle the bigger expenses (mortgage, new car) she keeps her own money and spends all of it immediately and she’s happy) I make sure we have savings for retirement. If she needs something that she can’t afford, she asks me, and if I can afford it, I do. This system has allowed our two very different personalities to be happy together. I don’t criticize her spending because it’s all her own money. She knows that we’ll be OK in the long run because I save save my money.
its very simple. you have ME bills and WE bills. the home, the electricity, the groceries are WE bills. find a way to split them. your car, your cell phone, your hobbies are ME bills. pay for that yourself. if you can’t afford your car on your own then ITS TOO EXPENSIVE for you. i was driving a $2500 car while my ex wife was driving a $25,000 car. why would we split that?
My husband & I have been married for 5 years, together 15. We have separate bank accounts and split our finances however, we do have an account together that we put money into to pay off debts and save. We don’t argue over who puts how much in that account. In fact, we haven’t ever had a money argument.
I would never have just a joint account if I get married again. My ex-wife took everything out of our account just before she told me she wanted a divorce. She never put any money into the account even though she was working that was very old-fashioned didn’t have a problem taking care of my wife however in the end I literally had zero in my account when she decided she was ready to leave. If I ever get married again I would have my own checking and savings my wife would have her own checking and savings and then we would have a joint account that we both put money into solely for bills. Weathers the house payment or whatever the case may be but then again if we’re debt-free there’s no need to have a joint account
This is a personal choice, we keep out monies separate and it means we keep our financial independence. We have a split that we decided based on earnings and we are very open about our finances. I feel this way we aren’t resentful about how the other one spends their money. Aslong as our saving goals are met and we pay our mortgage plus a bit extra, we are good. Maybe it’s because we are areligious ;). Thanks Dave! I really do appreciate all your advice and definitely agree with you more than disagree. Keep up the great work and you do deserve to feel as good as you do.
I completely disagree on this one ! My parents had the joint finances thing and my mom was always begging Dad for $10 measly dlls when she worked equally hard. Yes, with Dad being the main money keeper they managed to own a home and all just for it all to come down in their 11th year of marriage. I learned from my parents… from day 1 of my now 14 year marriage we have kept our finances separate and it works wonders!! We are in only $2000 TOTAL debt and never argue about money. Together we make over $100k. I plan to stay this way….no one will make us put our money together
You gotta agree and pay down debt, make savings together. We have three accounts but our personal account is fora fixed monthly spending amount (basically for entertainment and hobbies) so that we 1) control our unnecessary purchases, and 2) we both have hobbies the other thinks is a waste of money. So of we spend our personal budget on it we don’t get frazzled at each other. Bills, and any extra money aside from that fixed personal budget is all joint. (We also have a system for little rewards like an extra sum for birthday, bonuses on overtime weeks ECT).
My parents have a budget for everything and each month they’re both allotted a set amount of money to do with as they please(money left over after necessities). If one wants something costing more than they have, they save. It’s basically an allowance that makes the day-to-day living easier on everyone.
For all of you who are married and keep separate accounts. Can it work? Yes, but rarely. Not combining funds usually indicates trust issues or other underlying relationship problems. Just because a few people make it work, that is the exception that does not disprove the rule. In 90% of cases like the one above the marriage ends in divorce. Dave is right on this one. It can work, but rarely does.(MS-Psych)
My husband and I have separate accounts. We also have one for bills and food and we put money in it each month 50/50. We bought a tiny apartment together and paid it in cash. We have different salaries and different debt from previous flats (in Spain it is hard to sell) and we never argue about a thing, not money, not anything.
I say keep to it separate, you don’t think you will lose everything to the one you trust till you lose everything to the one you trusted! Your spouse might have 0 common sense when it comes to money and they can destroy your life if you aren’t careful. Sometimes they might not even mean to hurt you but people make idiot decisions and people can be stubborn. I regret helping my other half get a car. It has caused so many issues for me, especially when he got fired from his job of 5 years 2 months after getting the car!
My husband and I have separate and a joint accounts. We’re both 27 so we got separate accounts before we got together and it’s been 9 years. I’m good at holding money and he’s not. However he has no credit cards, or student loans, just a car loan. The only debt I had was a thousand dollar CC, which is paid off. I think if we had only one account, transactions would get messy, but that’s my opinion.
That’s the way it should be. All they need is to have a joint bill pay account. Your expenses are yours and his are his. Only your mortgage with both your names on it is “joint”. Pay off all your debt and expenses and he should have his all paid as well then you can consider combining Finances. Or just break off the marriage. That’s where it’s headed. He’s likely doing it because you have too much debt that he does not want to pay since he was not involved in creating that debt. I personally think he’s being fair as he keeps paying his half of the mortgage and his half of house hold expenses. He should not be obligated to pay your debt and/or expenses you accumulated before ya’ll got married and you should not be obligated to pay his.
My marriage started out this way he rejected The idea of a joint account And asked me for rent money like a roommate. Eventually it caused arguments and resentment. that was resolved after I pushed for it. But it did take another 4 years to finally have access to see what was going on in our bank account. There is hope. If you’re in this situation. Pray and let your spouse know you need to be valued And treated like a spouse and not a roommate.
I think the point that Dave is trying to make is that you can’t “build” wealth with separate accounts. You can have a functioning marriage 10 years, 20 years, or even more but how much wealth could’ve been built if the joints were combined? This topic is also completely different from having small side allowances vs separate accounts and paying bills 50-50. Additionally, not having any “perceived” marital problems isn’t necessarily an indication that the marriage is doing well, sometimes when issues are buried, marriage can do well until the issues can’t buried any longer. Hence lifetime marriages that thrives are very different from long term marriage that survives.
I agree that if something works in your marriage, you should do that – split accounts or a joint account, either way. I’m just having trouble visualizing how separate accounts can work. I see so many logistical problems: – what if your spouse never pays his bills on time out of his account and when you go to get a mortgage together, his bad payment history drags you down? – what if he doesn’t save for retirement? Will he live off of yours or will you just divorce at that point? – what if he says he paid a bill but didn’t and then you can’t handle it because you don’t have the account info? – isn’t it a pain to constantly transfer money back and forth as variable bills come in? -do you save together? How many accounts then? Three checking and one or two savings? Doesn’t that open a lot of security risk? If it’s about spending money, why not have a joint account and withdraw cash to spend? That’s what my husband and I do
Seperate accounts can be very beneficial as well as covering ones own costs. If you want that $800 phone and high end plan then you can have it…. You will pay for it but nothing is stopping you from getting it because you can put in the work yourself. Keeping things seperate can help some people not be taken advantage of as easily. Because Many have a spouse who wants a lot but provides little
This depends on the couple. I fully agree having separate accounts and finances when married especially when you come into the marriage with debts and once the debts are manageable then merge finances together. I’m curious if the husband has past debts he needs to get a handle on before merging all the finances
My husband and I have bank accounts separate and doesn’t have any joint account. We stay in different state and live life traveling, living together during weekends after marriage since 3 years. We both make similar salaries and dint have anything joint. Please advice if we need to have joint account and as such we don’t have any money issues so far and is there any tax implications when we combine and have joint accounts. Thank you and appreciate your response
we have separate accounts, but the money is both of ours. If one runs short, the other jus transfers it over. I was self-employed for a decade and the ups and downs of my bank account each month made it too difficult to keep a joint account in order. You end up with a lot of money that is just pass thru money and it’s hard enough trying to keep track of that for one person, much less for someone who has no connection to the business.
The data says? Where is this data? We have been split on finances for 20 years… zero issues and keeps my wife and I down to earth. My data shows nothing but divorce and hatred once one has a setback in a joint everything marriage. This position is kinda ironic for Dave… seeing as all he does is take calls about their partner setting them back.
your financial goals should be the same with whoever you are with and those goals should always be paying things off as fast as possible or even better get all things cash and save and invest at least 30% of your monthly income every single month and only spend what is left over….so I would get rid of that husband,…. if he is not willing to be a real team together than he is simply not the right one, ….separate bank accounts are always a bad idea, because this will cause lots of trust and financial problems…
Combining accounts is a huge mistake, there is no such thing as “equal” when it comes to humans. It sounds loving and romantic to combine accounts with the love of your life… until you check your account one day and your wife took the 70k you saved up together and disappeared. There is no reason to not keep seperate accounts. Keep a joint account for bills, seperate accounts fof everything else