Masturbation is a self-centered desire that is typically done in private, but it is not intended to be a private pursuit. The Bible teaches that sexual activity is reserved for marriage and is designed to be inherently relational. However, masturbation outside the marriage bed is considered sin, as it shows a lack of self-control and is considered a sin.
Masturbation is an act of self-gratification rather than a part of giving gratification and pleasure to one’s partner. Some religions view masturbation as a spiritually detrimental practice, while others view it as not spiritually detrimental or as part of healthy self-exploration. Some religions allow masturbation as a means towards sexual self-control or as part of healthy self-exploration.
There are several dangers of masturbation, including psychological effects, isolation, and the need to focus on oneself. However, masturbation is not a sin in itself, particularly for women or men who aren’t being satisfied by their spouse or partner. In marriage, a healthy amount of love, sex, and affection should be shared, and self-pleasure is preferable to the act of betrayal involved with adultery.
The Bible never specifically discusses self-masturbation when masturbation does not involve the participation of one’s spouse. Masturbation may be permissible for individuals who are not being satisfied by their spouse or partner, and God’s word does not specifically mention masturbation. This gives freedom within the boundaries of marriage for it to have a place in our lives.
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Hey BEAT family! You know we never shy away from the topics that may make people feel uncomfortable but many people are wondering about. Today is no exception. Many people are struggling in their marriage and not getting their sexual needs met. As a result, they feel that masturbation is their only outlet. Let me know your thoughts and comments below on this subject!
I’ve been set free from this sin for 8 months now. Took me 4 years or so to overcome and not to mention before that it was a weekly and or daily sin for 15 yrs. I’m at a point where even when my flesh tries i cant even fall into that sin. I’m so shocked. Also when I’m at the store or in public I find myself naturally looking away when a woman is wearing ungodly clothes or lack of clothes lol. Praise God through Jesus.
Alan, you hit the nail on the head with all of these scenarios and how you addressed them. Well stated and thanks for having the courage to bring the subject up. Today like never before, this topic needs to be discussed and the truth told. There are so many ways to get dragged into an unhealthy lifestyle that seems great in the moment but typically will end in massive amounts of destruction on a personal level as well as relationships. Keep up the great work. People are listening. God bless you !
I am a Christian woman and a bible based believer but I struggle with masturbation and have been for 20 years! I love being convicted by the Holy Spirit but I still find it hard to be set free from this nasty spirit! I NEED an army of God’s people to pray for me to be set free once and for all from this!!! I was ashamed to comment this but I believe it’s gonna help set me free!! In Jesus name!
This actually helped clarify a lot of things for me. As a Christian man who is in a marriage, I have problems with dealing with this sin. Even when I envision my wife, they are other impure thoughts that come about and cause me to desire my wife in a way that is not fitting for the life God wants me to live. Even when I asked for forgiveness for the sin I committed, I ended up going back to the same sin in order to fill the void because I was using this even before I got married. I still struggle with this issue. And always question myself “How can I call myself a Christian and still hold onto this sin? I don’t deserve God’s love and I don’t deserve to be apart of the church or the Christian faith.” But then I started perusal your articles, and with each article, you answer the questions that have been struggling with while trying to continue my walk with God and my marriage. It felt like God was giving me the answers that I needed to hear through you. While I was perusal your articles, it felt like Jesus was telling me that there is no problem that He could not handle, He loves me through all my faults, and I should put my trust in Him. And even when I stumble and fall back into sin, He wanted me to just repent and that His salvation is not something I could ever lose. I thank you for the articles that you have posted and I thank you for the teachings that you have provided in order to deal with sexual sin. God has truly blessed you with the knowledge of His Word and thanks you for letting me know that Jesus still loves me no matter what.
Thank you so much for this I’ve been struggling with this for 2 months now and that scripture made it simple, God has answered my prayers for clarity through you. Men don’t give the enemy any gateway into your life to create a stronghold of division, stay strong and faithful in our Lord Jesus Christ.
TY for covering this! I’ve been standing for the restoration of my marriage for quite some time and thought it was ok as long as I was thinking of my spouse, but the part about pleasing myself and becoming more “me minded” was an eye-opener! Also, I agree that it can open the door to the enemy. Stay in the spirit and not the flesh!
This is a interesting subject, I know in my marriage, there are times where I did this, but yet still felt convicted by the Spirit afterwards. Other times with prayer I overcame my temptation and did not do anything, and felt at peace about it. It may be the lesser of evils, but still felt wrong to me.
I greatly appreciate this topic because it hit right home on the current long distance relationship status of my marriage. The Lord allowed the separation so we can both heal & the waiting period to our actual reunion can get really trying on some days—esp when I am missing the physical aspect of our partnership. Praise God indeed for His wisdom, grace and mercy 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you Pastor! A controversial subject for sure. You explained clearly and concisely. I think it’s a choice…as many things….and if its a choice for SELF satisfaction….then its not about your spouse….its about you…which basically is pride and entitlement. I would err on pleasing God alone if I was unsure about it. Thanks Allen.
Allen Parr!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 This is soooooooo good and a much needed discussion from a biblical perspective. We typically have satisfying “self” in mind. I love how you addressed all of these. I especially agree to scenario 1 that, and if the spouses are Christian spouses and one is withholding sex intentionally, that’s not biblical. The Apostle Paul addresses that as well. If there is a conflict that’s the cause of withholding sex from our spouse, that needs to be dealt with. The last thing we need to do is intentionally withhold from our spouse a need that we know we are to fulfill. Doing so leaves room for the enemy to interfere and temptations arise. We’ll regret it later. Simply put, don’t give the devil a foothold in our marriages.
Props to you for addressing this topic that nobody speaks about! My views are the same as yours, in particular the view about masturbation opening doors to the enemy. The mutual masturbation via Skype or whatever is ESPECIALLY dangerous for those of us (myself included) who have ever had an issue with pornography, it could be YEARS since you last watched, but those images are forever impressed into our memories, and the enemy will bring those images up during the session, even if it’s with your spouse. Next thing you know, you’re back on those websites again. I lean more on the conservative side, better to just avoid it all together. Paul said “All things are Lawful, but not all things are beneficial” and if we look at things from that perspective I think it will really help with this issue.
This made so much sense. I’m in scenario 3, due to my husband’s illness. I don’t want to be selfish, but it’s hard to be rejected by your spouse in a situation they can’t control. I feel disconnected in those times and long to be close again. However, your explanations did clear up why I felt both justified and convicted when considering if it’s ok. Praying for his health, understanding/communication, and to become less selfish. Thank you for this article!
My husband and I have both dealt with health issues that at one time or another one can not perform. When this do happens, we both self pleasure ourselves while we are together and we’ll have to admit, from time to time while one is in the hospital and the other, which is healthier, have been at work, it’s been done as well. But we both prayed over this, are fully aware, and we find no problems with it. We are both heavy in our faith, prayer, fasting, meditation and Bible studies and we have (as you stated) prayed over it and thus far, we haven’t felt or been led to feel condemned because of it. Again, we do this when our health do not allow us fully physically submit to one another and I can only speak for myself on this, but I only have my husband in my mindset while this is being done to accommodate and accomplish my/our mission. Again, although my spouse say the same, again, I can only speak for myself and take his word because I’m not in his mind at those times. (Keeping it 💯) But we both share a very committed, supportive and loving relationship while putting God first. So for us, it’s been part of keeping one satisfied when the other is not physically able. He’s my husband and I love him and the thought of being with anyone else other than him has not crossed my mind. At least up until this day – it hasn’t. Hope me being open and sharing my thoughts has helped someone else. It’s been nineteen years of marriage and almost two years of courtship before we wed and we both have truly enjoyed our marriage as a whole.
Thank you for this, my goodness this timing is perfect. My wife is going back to her country to finish her immigration process. And it’s going to be difficult being away from each other. Keep us in prayer for strength during our time missing each other. Also please pray for a speedy process. Thank you!
I’m glad you addressed this. To be a Christian is to be at “Spiritual Warfare”. A lot of it starts in the mind, and this particular issue opens the door to a lot of things, even in marriage. It’s quite easy for the mind to slip. So for your walks as a Christian and spiritual edification I would say no.
Thanks Brother. I really needed that perspective. I’ve found out over the years you really have to be careful cause the mind also can drift easily. Yet masturbation can trigger a lustful desire to seek other stimulants. I pray for all the men on here that The Lord will give us strength and perspective that it can diminish the desire when you actually get to the bedroom. Let the Lord lead you cause this is a habit you don’t want to get dragged into.
I tried to tell this man I thought was to be my husband that him masturbating and fantasizing about me was wrong. He told me I was crazy. Eventually, more perversions manifested and I pulled away from him. These are definitely things that need to be discussed in the church. I brought this subject up to a pastor. He talked a bit about it. Then the guy I was seeing told me I was being nosy and intrusive and needed to stay in my lane so to speak. I am celibate and he said he had been abstaining for 8 years. OMG
First time to this website. A great topic to discuss. The only suggestion I would have or critique is that of referring to sex as a need. Ive heard to many times where people who have been cheated on, the person doing the cheating made the statement they weren’t getting there “needs” met so they needed to look elsewhere. The definition of a want and a need are very contrasting, and I do feel that the better term to use for sex would be that of a want not a need.
I can understand those who don’t necessarily fantasize because I didn’t. I think men and women approach it differently. Since women aren’t typically as visually stimulated as men, many I know simply do/did it for the feeling. Honestly, I did it mostly just to get to sleep. However, even before I understood it to be wrong biblically, I knew it wasn’t right because of the shame I’d feel afterwards. I know nothing good should cause us to feel shame.
Absolutely Must feel deep conviction and guilt of this sin. Confess it to the Lord, but also to a Pastor or an elder. Brother/Sister in Christ. With Tears and pray for the Holy Spirit to take away that sinful desire. Break away those sinful strings that keep us like a puppet attached to the Devils hands.
guys, if you still cant determine what is sin or not, it means you are still not sealed by the holy spirit.. when i accepted Jesus last year, the moment i accepted Him, i was awakened.. my spirit was like dead and was awaken.. and in instant, i knew what is sin and what is not sin.. even lustful thoughts in my mind, i cant take.. even on dreams, i wake up and rebuke it.. Jesus came to me personally, and casted out demons in me.. so many.. and im free! so if you ask “is this a sin or not?”, i advise you just cry out to Jesus.. call Him.. ask Him to save you.. remember ” not everyone who calls me Lord Lord shall enter the kingdom, only those who does the will of my Father”.. cry out to Him day and night.. everyday, non stop.. He will come.. and when He comes, it will be fulfilled, :i shall put my laws in their hearts, and i shall remember their sins no more”.. that is the reason why i knew what is sin or not.. i cannot even say curse words anymore, even in my mind.. if i do, i cry.. yes, seriously, i cry.. i go to my room, and cry, and pray to God that i said bad word..
In my prayer every day I do not forget to thank the Holy Spirit for delivering me from that power of masturbation!! For many years… I was held a prisoner of masturbation, tried everything within my power to stop but I couldn’t, seriously became addicted to this.., masturbation is demonic people if you doing this, there’s hope in Christ Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit..! Even though I knew that doing this was WRONG just didn’t have the power to STOP, but you know what ? One day the lord set me free…! Broke the chains of masturbation, disinterested that thirst to masturbate into ashes and make it look as though it never even existed,! Trust me JESUS Can set you too free!! Setting us free is something only he can do,
Idk of any married military members that do not masterbathe with their spouses over FaceTime/zoom when deployed far away from each other. It re connects them in a very important aspect of Marraige. Thanks for this article. I understand how it can control you but ik with prayer and protection from God this can be done in the right way.
My spouse told me after she delivered our child, her sexual appetite vanished and she no longer really cared about sex. This has screwed me royally because now she comes home from work always stressed, tired and having pains that she refuses to get looked at by a doctor. All we do is argue about petty stuff. I try so hard not to upset her and I pitch in on the housework daily. I work part time due to injuries suffered in the military and she works full time. She is never in the mood and hates when I bring up sex. I have been married for 23 years and I am afraid I may have to end it. We haven’t had sex in 3 years! If it weren’t for masturbation, it would have been over long ago.😐 I feel lonely, unattractive, unappreciated and sad. It feels like everything depends on her and as stubborn as she is, I don’t believe things will change. We are roommates sleeping in the same bed.😔She suffers from depression as do I but I’m medicated and feel well but she refuses to be seen. Please help, anybody. I don’t want to separate but I fear for my health, well being and emotional stability staying intact. Any help is appreciated.
But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir. So whenever he had intercourse with his brother’s wife, he spilled the semen on the ground. This prevented her from having a child who would belong to his brother. But the Lord considered it evil for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother. So the Lord took Onan’s life, too. Genesis 38:9-10
#4: Wife busy with caregiving to an elder, for first some years because constantly wore out from motherhood duties. If wife got help so she can have some rest and not running too much sleep deprived or rest deprived, she may be into intimacy more. #5: One or both spouse(s) having to work long hours or multiple jobs just to afford necessities. When planning to get married, to ask honest questions to themselves, can they have the ability to accept a sexless marriage should a partner become lifelong physically unable to because of a permanent or chronic condition? What about if partner got raped and becomes too traumatized to want sex, can you handle and be prepared to not have sex? How aware are you that after 40 or after so many years of togetherness, your partner may lose complete interest in sex? I am dead serious, I noticed that people over 40 or after x amount of years of togetherness, no longer interested. So, to be careful in not marrying to avoid premarital sex, because Satan lies to people believing life cannot be happy or fulfilled without sex. People can live with peace and joy being lifelong virgins if marriage is not their desire or God’s plan for them. Also, you can marry today, and there is no guarantee that something won’t come up where sex can no longer happen, so, make sure you both are each other’s 2nd best friends with Christ being 1st Best Friend, so, if the sex cannot happen, at least the friendship is there or sexless ways to romance.
Definitely a sin. All sexual experiences should be shared with one’s spouse. When one feels the need for “relief, ” and cannot be shared with the spouse, one should connect with God. If resentment is building up, this is a good indication that one’s # 1 love is not for Christ. Great analogies though. Blessings
I have a higher sex drive than my husband so like… if we had sex as much as I wanted to I might kill the guy 😅🤣🥲 I think I’m gonna talk to him to see if we go the route of coming to a mutual agreement that it’s okay to do so once in a while if it’s really needed. This article was great! Keep up the great work.
Hello Allen Parr, I enjoy listening to some of your articles. I would like to add that in Leviticus, it mentions something about emissions of semen. Men were killed for wasting it (letting) it fall to the ground. This is much needed and you will not hear it in most building people go to to hear a Word. Many really go to hear a Word from the Lord for things they are dealing with but instead the get a bunch of stories. Thanks for sharing.
Awesome content! Please Please PLEASE, Can you please do a article (and in this day and age this will be very controversial) about if women with husband and children should work outside of the home or not? The Word says the woman is to be the keeper of the home but now a days it seems the woman’s attention is elsewhere and I think it’s a part of the big problem…
OK I can see how this makes good gospel sense. I am glad he hit on this topic. I love the truth!!!!! You can have a full loving relationship in marriage if circumstances blew all your chances out of the water from no fault of your own. After I realize that jodie was” DEAD and out of commission and couldn’t move anymore” I rekindled my relationship with JESUS CHRIST. It was painful in my sanctified mind because I said “THIS IS UNFAIR.” I love my husband so much and he is so good to me. I do not struggle anymore with it because I know it is painful for him as well. We are in love and tell each other all the time. I am totally committed to my faith in the LORD. THAT REALLY HELPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been attending church for 32 years now and this is the first time that I have heard this topic addressed. Good job Alan. Church leadership wonders why the membership is loosing trust in them since it appears that leadership doesn’t want the membership to be informed on major issues in marriage. A good topic for the guys in marriage would be sexmongering which many Christian guys struggle with. Sexhostaging is for the ladies…send me the royalties later..lol
A topic I’ve been struggling with due to my own current circumstances. My husband had been incarcerated for 2 years now this coming August. God willing he’ll be granted parole in March of 2020. I appreciate the fact that the Lord Jesus just worked through you to help me with my struggling heart on this very issue I am experiencing. Sexual intimacy with the person we have become one with is so critical in the covenant. It’s obviously impossible during a circumstance where sexually intimacy isn’t an option due to a situation such as mine & my spouses. Despite my needs as a woman, you really hit some very important key factors that I had not highly considered & I greatly appreciate that the Holy Spirit worked through you to help answer many of my questions I’d been seeking answers to through prayer. It’s a challenge to discern what I am thinking or feeling on my own due to me own desires & needs that are not being fulfilled…overall I feel I can not rely on my own reflections on scripture or after praying due to this deprivation period I am experiencing. Thank you again, I appreciate you a great deal….especially for keeping it real! May God continue to bless you & your ministry my brother in Christ. All the Glory to God 🙏🏽🙌🏽♥️
Brother amazing article. Thank you for this block of instruction through scripture. I would ask,…..what if you found yourself displeased with a characteristic of your spouses’ body that they did not have before, and it is something that can be changed whether it be weight gain, skin tags, sagging parts on their body, etc.,……what if these things hinder you from wanting to have an intimate connection with your spouse ? What then do you do ? In my mind I wouldn’t want to mention certain things to my spouse for fear of making her feel inadequate, and then questioning other actions. What can be done about this ?
Once again good message brother. And it was kinda funny hearing the beat while talking about masturbation lol then the “on the other hand” pun. Anyway my wife and I usually have a pretty healthy sex life though recently she’s been stressed and tired from work therefore making sex only once or twice a week which isn’t bad but quite less than earlier in our relationship when it was minimum 4 times a day. But that was 8 years ago. still this is a struggle for me and has bothered me wondering if it’s wrong. However I don’t have any problem thinking about my wife since we’re very much in love and approaching 30 years old she’s looking hotter than ever and even when I know I’m not going to get any she still allows me to enjoy her body. So I don’t know. I just try to limit it a bit.
Wow this was bothering me and unfortunately my husband is an alcoholic, yet a hard worker. We’ve been together almost 9 yrs and both of us are faithful Christians, but he looks down on masturbation. He pleases himself during the week with Miller Lite! I would never cheat, but I take care of myself. I appreciate your words. Thank you.
Hi Allen, There’s a 4th scenario. A husband and wife are physically separated for long periods of time yet totally infatuated and deep in love. Their thoughts never lie with any another and they fantasize about each other. Masturbation isn’t performed on any regular basis at all. So in this situation is it ok for a husband and/or wife to masturbate all the while longing and fantasizing about the other? God Bless you brother and I LOVE your shirt!
Yo Mr. Parr, your articles are great! Just elite sound biblical doctrine which is consistently backed with scripture. You answer a lot of the questions that I had before but, I got a question. Is it a sin for a young teen or adolescent to look at a girl sexually? Young men’s hormones tend to act up. Because I did read the scripture and it said “if I look at a woman with their eye lustfully, then You have committed adultery in my heart” but it seems to me the Jesus was talking about Married Men, because to commit Adultery is to sleep with someone who is not your spouse outside of your marriage. So I would love to see a article of you going in depth with this topic if you get a chance !
love the show man but scenario one was a point of one version of the scenario that you added in assumption. If one thinks of his wife and isn’t scared or led to fall to the temptation of thinking of someone els then I cant see this as being an issue but the issue of not working on there issues is a different issue all together haha .
Wow, covered so well. I have wondered about this topic and you’ve pointed out some things for me that I had not reasoned out in the ways you’ve discussed. Thank you for taking on such an uncomfortable topic for most people. This isn’t one I’d feel comfortable discussing with my pastor, that’s for sure.
Wow! Thank you Lord for bringing this to me after asking many many brothers for awhile now, this very same question. I think the problem is most God fearing men don’t want to speak about this matter. I know I won’t die from the lack of but what if I wait too long til the point of that dream. Is it a sin to dream this same thing? I really am starting to think that if I wish to see her (my wife) in the flesh, it isn’t looking at another woman improperly, therefore unless she is offended, it might be lustful maybe even disgusting to the Lord, but He would forgive something like this easily. My scenario is number 2, whereas she is living abroad. I think masturbation with her, wouldn’t always be selfish because I mostly want to do that to please her, so she isn’t tempted elsewhere even 99% of the time. Also thank you Brother Allen for this, My hat goes off to you for approaching this subject that everyone else seems to fear.
I’m in my second marriage with my wife I been with for 20 years now. Both of us was baptized in Jesus 2017. So many strongholds was broken that day. 7 more people followed me after to be baptized and filled with the Holy spirit. Then it started to happen, not wanting to worry my wife about my needs. I would just fantasize about her (masturbating). I would ask the Lord if I did anything wrong, anything against your word, forgive me. I ask myself, why would I say that if I didn’t do everything wrong. Because it was wrong. God lead me here and gave me the answer to my question. God is so merciful and His grace is bountiful. It’s Nothing that we have done but what Christ have done for us. Thank you Lord. May this message and others bring down the strongholds and strengthen us to walk upright before you. Always humble, grateful and thankful. Amen.
2Timothy 3:2 NKJV I myself always thought masturbation fell under this verse but if you look at a few of the newer translations the text changes more in a direction of a only loving yourself with possessions &. money and not helping anyone but yourself. I believe it is deceitful and a sign of the times by the newer translations by taking the sexuality out of it, one could be led astray . And by no means am I trying to be an expert I’m just Sharing my opinion just I recently found and subscribed to your website a lot of it made me think thank you for your content my brother in Christ🙏🏼.
This never been a real struggle for me until my husband got locked up. I never really did it but now that he’s not present. It comes in my mind once or twice a week.. it be me dreaming about my husband .we satisfy eachother VERY WELL. But he’s not around & I know once he’s back around I won’t have this problem but it’s a moment thing.. idk.. I ask him about it & he don’t care if we do it together but I’m still confused.
I would say this topic is extremely subjective. I’m a widow now but my husband may not have been as interested as often and any self care on my part was done only thinking about him. In addition self care kept my libido up said that I would be available physically to him when the desire was they’re from him.
My take on the liberal/conservative viewpoints is in the scripture itself. 1 Corinthians 10:23, “”All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.” There’s no scriptural rule that says you can’t masturbate in this circumstance. But will it improve and benefit your relationship? Will it create a more intimate relationship? Or on the other direction, will it be destructive and detrimental to the relationship? If our conscience tells us that it’s not beneficial, then we don’t do it even if we think we are allowed to.
“In an ideal world”, was the outstanding quote in your lesson. We don’t live in an ideal world! That is why Christ made it possible to live by Grace and faith in His gift of eternal life. He crucified His flesh for us. Something even his disciples could not follow and accomplish. Even though they walked with Him for years and saw all His miracles! In my book, as long as what we do isn’t hurting or offending anyone else, it’s no longer sin. It’s humbling, it’s not honorable, and it’s dirty. But sometimes dirty, lowly, humbling jobs need to be done. Like cleaning the toilet. Carrying out the garbage, etc. etc. Remember. God desires to dwell with people who have a contrite and humble spirit. Not with people who are proud, know it all, sinless, self sanctified saints.
So relevant even 4yrs later. I am somewhere between scenario 1 and 3. My wife and I are 27 yrs married. Sex proliferated our first 10 yrs. Then it became a battle. I have been in counseling for more than 5 years but she does not see it as a priority. Now her health has become a problem and could prevent sex going forward. She has given me permission to masturbate but not fantasize about her. Further complicating things is the fact that I have worked 8 years in article rental and exposed to a lot of porn. I also raised Catholic, so a lot of shame around the subject of masturbation.
Hey here’s another question that I have regarding sex. so as a Christian I try not to ever cuss but there has been a time during sex my wife wanted me to use certain words that I usually wouldn’t use everyday for “dirty talk”. I declined since I do not talk like that on the regular and thought it was wrong but she disagreed since it was between us and the way the words are being used. So would it be bad to use in dirty talk for being intimate with my wife or should we just refrain from that language altogether? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks for clarity. I am going to repent for good. Everytime I have fantasized over my husband (not many times but still) I felt unsure if it is sin or not. So I prayed AFTER for forgiveness then not do for a very long time. A pattern I can now break. I feel so messed up now… dang. I have asked several times for forgiveness then not do for long periods of time then again and so on. Reasons I did is because I can’t “release” with love making although we have fun and is so good. No complaints how he pleases me. I have prayed and asked God to acheieve this during our love time yet never achieve one. I don’t understand why I can’t but only by self achieving. 😢
When you are fantasizing, do you really trust a debased mind to lead you on and not go astray and think others? I was tempted to do this, but me being me, and people being people, if we give an inch of us in temptationa and trust ourselves that, “it’s okay, it’s my wife..” do we really not recall moments that is not really our wife but others, specially Christians who had struggle on sexual sins on their past. No easy take on this, I believe. If you lust purely your wife, but are we sure that those recollections of thoughts wouldn’t make us stumble.
What about when you and your spouse have different sex drives/needs! If one of you doesn’t desire it every week but the other does, then to think of them as you relieve yourself can’t be wrong? You are not denying your spouse! If they know as well and you’ve both talked about it, it’s not a ‘problem’ in your relationship!?
The article didn’t exactly discuss masturbating while in the spouse’s presence. (Perhaps he’s not considering that as “masturbation”, but many would). At first I was somewhat embarrassed about pleasing myself in front of my wife, but she actually says she finds it very attractive to see, and even learns about the way I like to be touched. I realized I actually feel exactly the same way about her! With that permission, I felt free to connect with her in that way, and as a good warm up to pleasing each other.
Key note at the end of article….balance… as with everything in life….drink, food, sex…. to much of anything specifically when it becomes an obsession is sinful. I understand pastor Allan’s view and knowledge, but for some people it’s possible to masturbate without fantasy…. sometimes it’s just a sexual release. One spouse might have a higher sex drive OR one might not want to have sex at all…..each couple is different.
Its been almost 3 mo months of lockdown and my husband is in another country and cant come home till the lockdown is over. So we result viewing each other since we miss each other. I read that for as long as you are thinking and fantasizing over your spouse rather him being tempted to watch porn then might as well its me he’s think about. So we did discuss this agreed to this. So is it still a sin?
Here’s a question: what about fantasizing about your finance? (With or without masturbation) Is that considered lust? What about even weeks or days or hours away from the wedding night? I think it’s natural to anticipate and be excited for that, which would probably include imagining it. Would that be wrong?
My husband is currently in prison. He says it’s okay as long as you just think about your spouse. But I told him I just can’t do it because it does give the enemy power. Every time I’m tempted I try to get my mind off of it and it works but I feel bad that my husband is in prison and we can’t do anything together which is hard for both of us. He tells me his does it which I am okay with as long as it doesn’t turn into lustful thoughts or imaging other women. But for me I just can’t do It
Wasting seed is a sin that The Most High hates. This doesn’t apply to women though. I’m separated from my husband right now by distance for a short time. He’s overseas. I vividly fantasize about him, almost every night lately as we get closer to being back together. It’s not a regular occurrence, occasionally I wouldn’t be able to focus or function if I didn’t ‘help’ myself. We article chat every day, just his voice sets me off. He’s beautiful, he’s intelligent…he’s incredible. I miss him. I always feel guilty after, I’m just wondering why, is it because I’m really doing something wrong or because someone else said It’s wrong? He knows. He’s not offended.
You are one of my finest proof in these last generation just before the End of the Church Age and Christ’s return for His Bride that there will be a fallen away from the truth. I know like you may believe the fallen away is the true Church falling away! But it’s not what it says! It’s written about people will not stand to listen to the truth anymore!! The true saved born again spiritually through the Holy Spirit will not ever be unborn just like our mortal flesh body cannot be unborn again! Anyway, what’s my finest proof is only for me personally. And even so this proof does not come from me because I’m not that smart. I live and need discernment from what I see and hear every day by the Holy Spirit, Christ’s Spirit residing in me!!! You are probably the best teacher and preacher for the younger and early adulthood generation preaching Christ and the truths of scriptures. Among the many preachers and teachers on YouTube like you are making Satan proud. With your teaching about everything, it’s like you have taken over the Working and Power of the Holy Spirit for all the lost and blind left on the earth. You and others are part of the Church we have today! Not the true saved born again spiritually believers through the Holy Spirit. In every generation some are being saved but it’s always a remnant of a generation compared to the false churches that believes they are saved but are not. This is not a rebuke from me! You preach Christ and the truths of scriptures. It’s in our Father’s hand where whoever hears His Word may be convicted and not going to man, a church for salvation but directly to the Word and God in prayer!
I think that “lust” means something different in the bible from what we mean when we say “lust”. In the bible lust comes with dishonor. I think that a strong sexual desire for your spouse would be totally fine. I avoid it as to avoid letting dishonorable thoughts slip in. But, if you can keep your thoughts under control, then it’s not a sin.
I always wondered if masturbating would be a sin if you didn’t have lustful thoughts while you were doing it but that’s actually really difficult to do. Because you can’t find the pleasure in masturbating if there’s no thoughts at all. Is it weird I feel more comfortable talking about this stuff with Christians than I do with regular people? I feel like a regular person would just laugh and make jokes but Christians are the people you should feel comfortable talking about this stuff with because it’s our job to tell people the truth
Thanks for your explanations : on the spot! However, can you do a article from the perspective of a godly wife who wants to submit to her selfish unbelieving husband, and in this regard of sex, she feels compelled to do it but he just wants to use her body to satisfy himself? Should the wife refuse to give her body to him to be ‘used’? Or to do the act out of duty as described in the Bible that our bodies are not our own? This has been troubling me.
One thing that I think about like when I think of identifying lust is lust is when u see a person 4 ur own pleasure, like u don’t think of them as a person with feelings, hopes, and dreams, a soul etc and when u r lusting after someone u r only thinking about that person being used 2 bring pleasure 2 urself, the beautiful thing with sex in marriage is it’s suppose 2 b intimate, pleasurable and selfless the two people r suppose 2 communicate and both try 2 pleasure the other person that is how a married couple can have the best sex
There is a such thing as mutual masturbation between partners were you’re not pleasuring yourself but your partner and vise versa. Most people call it fore play. But my question is, is that permissible considering its with one another and not self pleasure? It would seem to me that couples were one partner has a medical condition or a physical disability (e.g. fibromyalgia, endometriosis, dismemberment or disfigurement, cancer, urinary or yeast infection, ect….), it could still fulfill that need with their husband/wife when penetrative intercorse either isnt possible or unadvisable!
Maybe instead of using technology to try and bridge the gap and get sexual pleasure while apart, it would be better to use that same technology to come together in prayer thanking God for the gift of your marriage and strength for your spouse during your time apart. Not only can it help avoid the pitfalls he mentioned in the article, but also build up the spiritual connection between the couple and God.
Wow I did not know that masterbation is a sin and to be honest I have done this and I am single and I ask God forgive me of this sin what I had done this Everytime. What should I do in this situation and this article helps alot and I know I’m guilty of this and just want know God help me in this situation
1 Corinthians 7 “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. …”
Somebody BETTER start addressing the difference between being attracted to someone and lusting after them. Because to the church ladies, they are always one and the same. And if they have their way, any type of sexual attraction or desire is ALWAYS going to be sin, even within marriage. And therefore no one should ever get married. Thank you for taking on such a controversial topic.
Crazy that you uploaded this article when me and wife were just discussing this very thing a day or two ago. Let’s face it; anything can become a habit. Alcohol, food, YouTubeing…. I fall on the side that masturbating OCCASIONALLY while fantasizing about your own spouse is OK. While it is true that masturbation is about self-pleasure, intercourse can just as easily be as, or more selfish with the wrong spirit and mindset. Ultimately I don’t think wr can say there is a one size fits all rule here. Different people will need to approach this differently, and that can change from moment to moment even. I think the best advice here is to ask the Lord. Be well dear bothers and sisters.
No matter what scenario you find yourself in, God the Holy Spirit gives His children the fruit of self control. Galatians 5:22-25But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. The word temperance here means self control. Be blessed!
My husband and I feel it’s wrong in all cases, no matter the walk of life or what you’re going through. Masturbating either comes down to lust, robbing from your partner, and in the third case you list, we believe that just like we all other things that might happen to you in life, young or old, we are called to walk through them together with our spouse,and that might require a season of no sex or abstaining from sex all together. God is greater than our sexual desires. If my husband were to lose the ability to have sex, then I do too since he is my partner. God is enough to help me through. Ultimately, we view sex as a gift from God intended for marriage between a man and a wife. If marriage is missing or man or wife is missing during the sexual act, it’s wrong. It’s not a treat you get to enjoy on your own haha.
Idk why everyone says the bible doesn’t speak on masturbation. Doesn’t leviticus chapter 15 include the issue of masturbation? It describes any issue of the flesh that runs out of a man as being unclean along with anything he touches before he is cleansed. How come that chapter isn’t talked about when discussing masturbation?
You’re able to go without doing so for longer periods than a few days…it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve been with my wife and i haven’t barring a short time after the separation (by the grace of God). Im not saying so in a prideful or judgmental/condemning way. But, in a encouraging and merciful one. God bless those with self-control that are struggling to do so in Jesus’ name. It’s not an easy habit to overcome but with Him all things are possible.
Masturbation can become addictive. I really don’t think it should be a consideration even when couples are apart. Also consider the fact that a partner may kick the bucket, what then happens in that case? Should the Christian partner, who was used to having sex with only their spouse, resort to masturbation?
I think its all about practicing and exercising the fruit of the spirit call self control. However great point taken from your wife especially in military couple. Long time of waiting (6mo – 12mo) is where masturbation come in handed to prevent us from infidelity. As long as you’re walking on the straight line, I think all things are possible. Thanks for sharing by the way. (More educational articles like this please) Thanks!
We have to go with God says about these ideas, not what we think we wish the Bible said. M-tion is directly related to porn…which is totally fake. Some people think porn represents God’s purpose for sex. NO. Mankind perverted sex through porn, prostitution, rape, incest, and etc. Those who practice m-bation for 20 years and then marry will have and do have “issues” with sex in marriage. They have this personal idea about sex that is abnormal, and they can’t break the habit ot pleasing themselves.