Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse where a person goes above and beyond to manipulate their partner, often using gifts or flattery to boost their own ego. This behavior is typically seen at the beginning of a romantic relationship, where one party comes on strong with praise, affection, and grand gestures that make the other feel like the biggest catch in the world. Love bombers expect a lot of attention, expecting recognition, rewards, or validation for themselves. They often shower the partner with over-the-top positive attention, often through compliments, frequent texts, and public displays.
Love bombing can occur at any stage of a relationship, but it is often seen in the early stages of getting to a healthy relationship. The individual who is doing the love bombing is responsible for influencing another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection. This type of behavior is often seen in the early stages of getting to a healthy relationship.
To avoid being love bombed, it is important to recognize the signs and patterns of this abusive behavior. Excessive attention and flattery can be a sign of narcissism, and it is crucial to understand how to protect yourself from this type of abuse. Love bombing can lead to unhealthy relationships and can be a sign of a toxic or abusive relationship.
📹 What love bombing IS vs what it is NOT
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
Do love bombers actually love you?
Takeaway: Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists and abusive people. They want to get love and attention fast, then hurt their victims. They seem charming at first, but this fades and is replaced with emotional abuse.
Know your own vulnerabilities in relationships. Love bombing isn’t a sign of affection. Speak with a friend, family member, or therapist.
Related articles: Help a Friend Break the Cycle of Abuse; 7 Relationship Killers; Is It Time to Seek Couples Counseling?
What is the next stage after love bombing?
What is devaluation? Narcissistic Abuse Therapy in Philadelphia, Mechanicsville, Ocean City, and Santa Fe. In narcissistic relationships, devaluation happens after love-bombing ends. Narcissistic devaluation means the narcissistic person realizes their partner isn’t perfect and can’t provide them with unconditional love. Narcissists try to make themselves feel better by getting love and admiration from others. They feel empty without admiration from others and without being able to control when and how that admiration is given. The narcissist needs to present a facade. If they make you think they’re perfect for you, you’ll love and trust them more. During the devaluation stage, the narcissist sees their partners as less valuable. They often make this clear, even if they don’t take ownership or acknowledge the impact on the non-narcissistic person. This is tricky. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, or actions. Narcissists don’t empathize with how they hurt others. If you think you’re being abused by a narcissist, The Center for Growth has therapists in Philadelphia and Ocean City who can help. If you feel devalued, you may try to address this with the narcissist, but they may deny it. Gaslighting means the narcissist denies your reality and tries to convince you that you’re wrong. They may make you feel like you’re the problem or overreacting to the devaluation. You’re probably just feeling more anxious because the narcissist is acting differently. Devaluation hurts. For those vulnerable to narcissistic abuse, it can confirm low self-esteem and questions of value and self-worth.
What is a narcissistic love bombing?
Summary: Love bombing is a tactic used to manipulate and control a partner. Love bombing is when someone uses lots of affection to control their partner. This can include giving lots of gifts, complimenting excessively, wanting undivided attention, and other manipulative tactics. Love bombing is often linked to narcissism and can lead to emotional abuse. Love bombing is a red flag in a relationship. Love bombing can last several months.
How do I know if it’s love bombing or genuine?
Love bombing has been inconsistent. The person doing the love bombing can be very affectionate at first, but can get bored or distant. Love is personalised by consistency. It means supporting your partner at different times in the relationship. Love bombing often ignores or overrides boundaries. The person may also ignore the other person’s desire for space or individuality, often overwhelming them with constant interest. In loving dating, each person knows what the other needs and respects their independence. Genuine love values both people’s well-being and autonomy. Love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation that controls the other person’s feelings and actions. It may also make it hard for the recipient to say what they want. Genuine love is built on open communication and a balance of energy.
How to tell if it’s love bombing or genuine?
What’s the difference between love bombing and a real relationship? Love bombing is about self-interest, not love and affection. Love bombing often involves a strong and fast feeling of love.
Love bombing is a term used in psychology to describe showering someone with love and affection. This can be confusing. You don’t know if the person is interested in you or just trying to take advantage. People believe in love. This blog is about love bombing, real love, and the difference between them. Love bombing is a way to control and manage someone by overwhelming them with affection and gifts. It can be hard to tell because it often looks like love and kindness, but it’s not always. Love bombers want to control people by making them dependent on them. Love bombers use this method to get what they want from others, including money, sex, or manipulation.
Real love. Genuine love is a healthy way to date. It’s based on genuine interest and emotional connection. It’s about more than just showing love and gifts. It’s about building a deep bond and sharing information. Genuine love is built on trust, honesty, and a shared dedication to happiness.
What mental illness causes love bombing?
Love bombing is often seen in people with an anxious or insecure attachment style or NPD. Love is a complicated thing that takes time, investment, and work. If your relationship is intense at first but feels wrong, ask yourself what’s making you feel overwhelmed. Are you getting lots of gifts? Are you being pushed to make your relationship exclusive? Are you spending less time with family and friends, or does your partner get angry when you spend time with other people? If any of these apply, you may be experiencing psychological and emotional abuse. “At first, you might feel safe, secure, and loved because grand gestures boost self-esteem and make you feel important and desired,” says psychologist Alaina Tiani, PhD. “But the love bomber wants to control you.” Over time, these grand gestures are an attempt to control you.
What kind of people lovebomb?
Love bombing is often seen in people with an anxious or insecure attachment style or NPD. Love is a complicated thing that takes time, investment, and work. If your relationship is intense at first but feels wrong, ask yourself what’s making you feel overwhelmed. Are you getting lots of gifts? Are you being pushed to make your relationship exclusive? Are you spending less time with family and friends, or does your partner get angry when you spend time with other people? If any of these apply, you may be experiencing psychological and emotional abuse. “At first, you might feel safe, secure, and loved because grand gestures boost self-esteem and make you feel important and desired,” says psychologist Alaina Tiani, PhD. “But the love bomber wants to control you.” Over time, these grand gestures are an attempt to control you.
How to tell if you’re being love bombed?
Love bombing signs give you gifts you don’t need. They want to get things settled. They’re always available and want your attention. … They won’t take no for an answer. … They like you better alone. … They tell you how much they love you. … You feel overwhelmed, uneasy, or off-balance. Love is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, investment, and work to build a healthy relationship. If your relationship is intense at the start but feels wrong, ask yourself what’s making you feel overwhelmed. Are you getting lots of gifts? Are you being pushed to make your relationship exclusive? Are you spending less time with family and friends, or does your partner get angry when you spend time with other people? If any of these apply, you may be experiencing psychological and emotional abuse. “At first, you might feel safe, secure, and loved because grand gestures boost self-esteem and make you feel important and desired,” says psychologist Alaina Tiani, PhD. “But the love bomber wants to control you.” Over time, these grand gestures are an attempt to control you.
How long does love bombing usually last?
Love bombing doesn’t last long. Affection usually starts fast and can switch from idealization to devaluation in a few weeks. Yes. Love bombing is often discussed in romantic relationships, but it can also happen with new platonic friends. What does love bombing mean in a parent/child relationship?
What are the three stages of love bombing?
Many people get involved with an NPD thinking they’re wonderful. NPDs don’t abuse. Most people would leave if they were treated poorly right away. For an NPD, getting attention and admiration is their main goal. They need this to feel good about themselves. Narcissistic supply is essential for an NPD. They can’t calm themselves or be alone because of their problems. An NPD is a mass of desperate insecurities and bottomless need. NPDs can sense the vulnerable. They target people who focus on others’ needs because they have unresolved wounds. The best match for an NPD is a non-self-aware co-dependent. They are ready to ignore their own needs to help the NPD. Like a frog in a pot of boiling water, the co-dependent doesn’t realize when “love” turns into abuse.
If you’ve read about narcissistic abuse, you know that it’s a form of emotional abuse. It’s also called “love bombing.” This involves being showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future.What is it? What is it? Love bombing is when someone showers you with affection, gifts, and promises. It’s the first stage of abuse. The NPD is totally focused on you. It’s like being in the sun. You’re on a pedestal and can do no wrong. Skilled NPDs are good at this. You solve all their problems. You’re the best. You’re the smartest and most beautiful woman in the world.
What are the red flags for love bombing?
It can be extravagant or regular gifts, excessive compliments, wanting to spend all your time together, or needing to be in constant communication.
📹 Why Men “Love Bomb” and What You Can Do About It (Matthew Hussey)
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I’ve been love bombed by men who weren’t narcs. I think some people are just very romantic and want to write poetry and songs and sometimes the initial high of a love interest can feel like magic and Disney movies. But there isn’t a scary undertone, no rushed feeling or pressure. Sometimes it’s totally innocent. So definitely need to see the whole picture of a person because “love bomb” overly romantic feelings and behaviors aren’t always toxic manipulation in my experience. Depends on the whole picture. I’ve also been with narcs and when they apologize with gifts, or need you to wear an engagement ring early on, that’s a red flag.
It’s disheartening to know that these individuals somehow tap into your shadow self and cater to that side of you. It’s predatory in a way. Everything you believed about people and the world changes after being with them. I didn’t believe in the cruelty of others until I saw it first hand with my first narcissist relationship. Feels like my innocence was stolen. I believe that’s what I miss most, my innocence. I miss how I use to view the world.
Better safe than sorry I don’t wish a covert narcissist on my worst enemy Trust your gut The gut never lies we lie to the gut DO NOT IGNORE THE RED FLAGS I’m getting out of a 9 year nightmare right now because I ignored the red flags and fell victim to the love bombing Thank you Dr Ramani for all you have taught me
The challenge of Love Bombing is not knowing that this type of manipulation exists. When you are completely unaware that there are people who are devoid of empathy and compassion, that they see relationships as transactional, and no matter what they say, they don’t have the capacity to genuinely care about you, you can get fooled by this. Especially, if you were raised by narcissists. Run from these people. They don’t love you. The don’t care. And they don’t change.
The relationship with my ex also moved very fast and felt like too good to be true. He said “I love you” two weeks into the relationship and started talking about getting married 2 months into the relationship. He used a lot of phrases like “soulmate” “the one” and “one true love” very early on as well. What I also notice now looking back that he complimented me a lot on what is considered as narcissistic supply “I love that you are being so generous/affectionate/caring/compassionate/loving”. The shift started to happen after the initial honeymoon stage when I started to refocus on family and my career instead of him 24/7.
8:05 If an adult says “it’s like a fairytale” I’m… thrown off. At 26 I’ve been AROUND THE BLOCK. Part of growing up was realizing life is mundane, everything comes with pros/cons, and what other people say/show about their lives isn’t reality (it’s a curated highlight reel) Love bombing would have worked on me in my teens/early 20s. It seems like a lot of narcissistic behavior works because adults don’t: 1) Know themselves 2) Know healthy boundaries 3) Know what is reasonable to expect from life
We both liked food and cooking. I thought getting taken out to restaurants was nice at first. But quickly learned it was about being around attractive women for him, checking out the room, looking past me as we talked, and inappropriately staring. He wanted to be “on the go” to a public place all the time. It was miserable for me. Dr Ramani is so right about pay attention if something is too much or makes us uncomfortable.
I liked the love-bombing so guess I was starving for love…and thought the guys liked me a lot and were excited to meet me. It seemed too desperate on the guys part at first but I caved. Ugh 😩 I agree that we need to learn what’s normal now as if we knew this, we would not have landed that narcissist devil. But at same time we can’t think and call everyone a narcissist and scare good people off!
Thank you for this. Was reading about a girl accusing someone of lovebombing, and her damning example was “he called me perfect and beautiful – I was being lovebombed!” I felt bad in the moment for my gut reaction being “girl, that’s not it.” A guy wanting you fly you out to their private island in the Caribbean after meeting you twice (happened to me) is lovebombing lol. I hate when these terms get overused and diluted.
At the beginning of our separation, my ex love bombed our daughter and grandchildren as a method of recruiting flying monkeys and having a captive audience for his smear campaign. Shopping trips, workouts together, camping, meeting for lunch… the attention they wanted all along, lavished generously with a poisonous side of smearing mom/grandma. It goes down easily when you’re starving for daddy’s/grandpa’s love. I get it. Thanks for helping me understand the mechanism at work behind the behavior. It helps me understand why they would discard me, when we’ve been close all these years.
My ex female covert tried to make me feel like I was her dream man. Like she had searched the world over and finally found me. I remember thinking to myself “I’m a good person, but I’m not that damn great” She brought meals to me at work, bought Hallmark cards (incessantly) and soon into the relationship told me I was her soulmate. I think a synonymous term for love bombing is …… blowing smoke up someone’s ass ! Love your website Dr. Ramani. Please keep up the wonderful content !
I had the love bombing with friendship. He was intense and fun, reminded me of the fun parts of being a teenager. Me and my friend both got wrapped up in him but luckily I’ve been in abusive relationships before. And when his confusing behavior tipped to emotional abuse I finally caught on and got us both out of there. It can be really hard to spot an abusive relationship that you are in, and they do it on purpose.
I wish I had known this years ago! It would have saved me years of grief living with an NPD. I always told him he got a “A” in courtship, not realizing it was really love bombing. Expensive gifts, flowers all the time, sweet notes, cards, trips, ……you name it, he did it. Once married, the devaluing and hell began.
A friend received a $500 gift, a full length leather jacket from her date on their 2nd date. I told her to watch out because he may now think he owns you. She got mad at me as if I was saying why would anyone want to do nice things for you, but I was simply saying it was too soon for such an extravagant gift to mean anything. Well, long story short… She broke it off with him within weeks because he became very controlling and smothering very quickly.
I love this series so much, it can be so confusing at times. Especially if you’re in the process of healing and aren’t really sure of your own emotions at times. I’m unfortunately immediately very skeptical of anyone complimenting me or asking me things about myself. It helps to know how to differentiate but sometimes when we get swept up we look past the red flags.
The sad reality is when we have been so used to being loved bombed a healthy man doesn’t feel right- being so used to being loved bombed over the years I have found myself now seeking the validation as it’s left tremendous wounds that I have been working on for years! We become so conditioned to what we have been around…. It’s a huge undoing 💚🙏🏻
As a laborer/handyman I feel very cringed out when I watch a “romantic” film where the man fixes up the woman’s house, rebuilds the house’s façade as a Parthenon and makes a Taj Mahal out of her toolshed in the back before releasing a herd of gilded peacocks into the garden. It’s like “wait, we know he has feelings for her but they are not even in a relationship yet ! Did she even ask for any of that?” Certain films should come with “cringe warnings” before the opening credits.
I had a narc friend who would give me her expensive hand offs. She’d buy a new ginormous TV & give me her old one that was much nicer than anything I could buy. Stuff like this happened a lot & made me uncomfortable because she would treat me like crap on a personal level. She always let me know I was beneath her, in her eyes. I didn’t want the expensive “gifts”. I ended the so-called friendship on multiple occasions but she always Hoovered me back because I didn’t know she was a Narc. Now that I know, the hoovering is not working! There was no empathy, kindness, awareness, or respect towards me. The gifts were always too much & were used to manipulate me, & to make me feel indebted & obligated to her . I admit I don’t like to accept gifts from others anymore! It makes me very uneasy.
Love bombing is very distinct. If you’ve ever had a normal relationship, even if you haven’t, you’ll know when you’re being love bombed. It’s thick and fast and although it feels great it’s excessive and your alarm bells will be ringing. The difficult thing is that it feels so good because all your dopamine and feel good vibes are awakened and it lowers your guard. You don’t listen to those alarm bells ringing. That’s why it’s so manipulative. Lowering your boundaries is exactly what it’s meant to do.
I have met a guy during a trip. And we got along very well. We spent 4 days with zero breaks from each other. We deleted dating apps before we said goodbye, appearing it was a “relationship” to him. He’s a pilot, so he promised to see each other again somewhere else (where I live). But it just felt not right…something is off…till one day he got drunk and told me he loves me after 5/6 days we have met. And I told him no…so he switched the table and told me what a “normal girl” would respond, and got angry at me not appreciating his love to me…many things just don’t add up together. So I ended the “relationship”. Am still asking for confirmation from friends that am not the crazy one for trusting my instincts 🤷🏻♀️
Yes, healing or trying. This is my mother, my mother, my mother. I used to think she did it because she cared. Now I know she did it so I’m indebted to her. She uses it to control, guilt and manipulate me into doing whatever she wants. It has taken me YEARS to learn this. And honestly, it still works a lot, but I’m trying. Thank you so much for these articles.
Hey Doc, thanks for the steady stream of difficult stuff to hear delivered going easy on victim perspective. We’re here so much stuff on narcissism it’s nice to see you go back to the first phase and good for us to break it down and be a reminder,”don’t fall back in the LB pit lol Ps. I’m sure a lot of us thank you for keeping up the pace even with experiencing a lot of notoriety and living in a fishbowl we appreciate you
Thanks Dr Ramani. I was worried I had love bombed in the past. I have ADHD and suffer with RSD and anxious attachment related to that. This means I could fall hard and fast and be very impulsive with words and actions. I would say what I felt in the moment, with a lot of enthusiasm (not as strong as your LB examples). I realised this impulsivity could cause problems. I would call someone my best friend or say I was in love because I thought I felt it when I said it. Later I realised I didn’t know the person well enough to say these things. I would notice red flags and think why did I say those things before, when I didn’t truly know this person? Probably something I have to explore more in therapy. I think it comes from wanting to subconsciously secure that person in my life and fear of rejection.
Hearing this soothes the migraine (diagnosed) I first felt around March of this year. That’s when I realized things would never, ever change. I love this platform. Reading the comments help me heal as much as listening to Dr.Ramani. I just signed in at Spotify @ 4am. No love bomb, just love for Dr.Ramani.
Sitting in a parking lot right now after a first date. I had to look this up because dude definitely was love bombing me… being grandiose with his compliments and wanted to hold my hand, which I refused nicely. On our walk we ran into a past co-worker of his and he introduced me as his girlfriend. I dropped my jaw and shook my head no. He also showed up smelling like alcohol. 😮 🚩
Love you doc. “Love is a striking example of how little reality means to us,”Wish I would have read the book before broke it off with my narcissistic friend. And grateful I am not looking for the answer at the bottom of a glass .the beer goggles are never as clear as the the lens that you provide thank you!
In my case it’s reverse. Never love bombed. Never loved or allowed intimacy in our 22 year marriage. Not even in honeymoon. I cried during that trip. S*x was only ritual for 5 min often. Never spoke during private moments or later. I feel i m with a robot all these years. But God gave children. Wonder why? He Says It’s enough for me. Now even that doesn’t exist. Now I understand why I always tried to avoid him in nights after loosing my’self’
I did sometimes worry that I was love bombing by accident because I tend to fall in love quickly and I’m quite intense. I take note of all the things they care about and love and surprise them with gifts accordingly. But I’m not doing it to control them or manipulate them or hurt them. I genuinely feel that way and I just want to go the extra mile to make someone feel special and happy. Although sometimes I go overboard and burn myself out.
Thank you for this article, I have OCD so I get really worried that I’m too much or that doing something toxic but knowing it’s about knowing boundaries and communication and not going to fast really made me feel so much better. I feel fantastic when someone puts up a boundary with me or feels like they can cancel because then I know they are comfortable around me (also I tend to only really date people I’ve known for like a year or so hahah 😅)
I’m a pleaser and healer. Getting to help him and earn his intimacy, then when his relationship with the other didn’t work out, he turned it and made me the focus of his attention. Texting all day for months, telling me I was the ideal woman he’d been looking for. Fairy tale indeed. But…Boundaries breached as I was married. My fault, but also it snuck under my radar as was ignored romantically prior
I think a lot of people overthink it. If it sounds genuine and sincere it could be love bombing but I think sometimes you pass up really good people due to paranoia. Some guys are just gentlemen and genuinely want to compliment you. Trust your gut and it will tell you the truth, if it seems out of place chances are it is. Just my thoughts
What about if they invite you to they place for the first time, and they ask you to spend the night after yall just started talking beginning few weeks to a month. But they say say “you don’t open up” but they pressure you to open up to them..they feel some type of way or you sending them mix signals “thinking they did something wrong” in a way they trying to get something what they want from out of you. It’s creepy, predatory, narcissistic, gaslight, manipulative in a way!
Love Bombing is an attempt from one person who does not love you, but tries to hook you, into you loving them instead. It’s nearly a one way street (when it actually JUST is.) It may be high speed and over the top, but can be slow speed as long as they get what they want, “you loving them”, as in one way street, no returns or jump starts slowly from fading as towards what the person actually was from the beginning diminishing return is at bay slowly getting pulled in. Just a reminder it needs to be balanced, as in reciprocal, like said if communication becomes an issue, disengage should be mandatory.
I like him cause he’s easy to talk to I told him I just wanted to be friends. He constantly says he can’t live without me and that he’s in love. I’ve only known him for like two months. He speaks about the future and how he wants me to be his wife and have kids. He brings me gifts I feel great I’ve never been treated this way but I also feel forced. Idk in a way I feel like he’s trying to trap me. He’s not as attractive but he makes me feel bad if I don’t speak to him. So that’s why I continue but I honestly don’t want to anymore I feel a bit overwhelmed. It’s like hot and cold when I’m with him and he’s so kind I forget how I feel but then after I remember everything I feel like I’m drowning or trapped.
Hi Dr Romani, a totally different topic, but a question about this topic that is fascinating and odd. One narcissist I knew insisted that people see her as wonderfully nice and friendly, while another insisted that people be afraid of her. Do different narcissists try and present themselves as different things; one sweet and one scary?
I really am “No thanks” when I go on one date and don’t see them for two days and they say “I really miss you” – it’s happened three different dates and I think these people may be looking for different motivations than I am – I am in no way an amazing catch and I think these people may be looking for a Visa.
So glad to find this. I had a perspective client hit me up for my first commission piece. She came at me with what I’ll describe as adoration. I am very used to be devalued, dismissed and ignored. I grew up in a narcissistic family system. Love bombing was rare but it’s happened a few times. I’ve done a lot of healing, learning about these dynamics here and a few websites on YouTube and seeing a trauma therapist doing various types of hypnotherapy and energy work. I’m a self employed carpenter. In my 20 years of working for myself I’ve had a steady run of every type of narc there is as clients and contractors. But I started making art with the skills I already have as a carpenter making sacred geometry 3d wall art. Big stuff. This person saw one and wanted one. Badly. But I’m all guard up. Im wondering to myself. Am I just not used to receiving the passion I give to others? Because if I think something is cool, I’m not afraid to let someone know,” hey, that’s fuckin kool, NICE JOB!” Or is this just another test to not trust others or myself? I’ve been teetering on making a grounded decision for a couple months now. She is adamant that these concepts I have is gunna be a big thing, yet no one comments on anything, I took me years to find a home for the first piece I made. At the moment I’m just trying to draw up a contract that protects me and any clients from gray areas if this becomes a service I can provide.
very familiar, at the start it was overwhelming in good and bad ways.. demanding constant communication, even in irrational situations such as known “out of service” mobile areas or when you are at work etc.. the good is great but this soon becomes withdrawn and the bad, manipulation, control remains so eventually that there is all there is, what they want and how they want it to be.
In retrospective, I’d often find myself texting too much for fear of hurting. After perusal tons of your articles, I think I’m not exactly a love bomber or a narcissist, but a magnet for that. I think it’s called “enabler”. Because if I text too much for that fear, then the relationships that are more susceptible to getting traction are those with love bombers or narcissists. Does that make sense? It’s all too much great information and I’m still digesting them all, it takes time. But it’s great that being exposed to it gets us in a place of being able to learn to see things. And turns tides.
7:00 – great point. One of the biggest red flags I notice (especially now, in hindsight) is when they use the super overly-dramatic terms early on, i.e. “I’ve NEVER had anything like the love I have with you! Being with you is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME type of thing! I’ll ALWAYS love you!” If you’ve been together for a long time, that’s a little different, but when they are speaking in “all or nothing” types of ways super early on, like Ramani said, “before the appetizer arrives,” then it’s important to take note. Recently a guy tried to use that type of a line on me; he was saying, “You take my breath away in a way that no one else ever has before”. RED FLAG. This dude barely knows me. He’s my neighbor who I have maybe hung out with like twice and not even in a romantic setting. Like dude I’m not that great… calm down with the “mystical” talk.
ok. I’m thinking like the truth about who i am and what I know I can be consistent in ‘giving’. Because this other person, (my lovely wife), is trying to make decisions about ‘us’ and it is deceitful if I lie about who I am and what I will bring into it. People lie and have learned how to work the system to get what they want. I told my son, listen to your mom, they wont get past her… less surprises. I like these topics, practical. A pastor once preached a whole sermon on the two bucket illustration. Where one dips into their bucket and takes something out and puts it into someone else bucket. If that is not reciprocated, over time, the giver can run out because they are always giving to the other without reciprocation. (This has happened to me outside the home.) Over time, I started lugging and eventually rutted out… Like in need of a psychotherapist. Kind of humbling to admit this. But this is not a money or material thing, but something else. Something that cuts to the core of who I am. A different exhaustion. A sensitive person a natural giver who doesn’t get depressed or angry… and a high level of love to do things and to help others.
I feel saved after perusal this article . Thank you thank you thank you . ❤ i had a headache 1 week from a love bomb who out a ring on my finger before metting me o felt aick . This is the 3rd article i watch and i awear my heache went awy i feel like myself it was killing me . ❤ in my heart this is not how i want tk meet aomone after being single 3 years . DR much love and thank you thank you . I was suppose to meet him Saturday nah i am good . I am Hreat thank you
I had a friendship sort of like this but they would buy gifts (and I ended up catching on that those gifts and nice words were fake because she was a nasty, mean person). How you feel around a person says a lot too. I never let one red flag pass me by after I ended that friendship. I’m out as soon as I see one. They also wanted to hang out a lot right away in the beginning of the friendship and made themselves seem meek and kind. Like they wouldn’t hurt a fly. So far off from their real self.
This explanation is the only one that makes me feel that I might be attracted to a narcissist. The other narcissistic experiences I’ve had are with my narcissistic mother, people who I work and neighbors who more tried to invite themselves into my life, more than I invited them. That sort of thing. But, I worked for a man, years ago, who was very attractive, but a tough person to work for. I worked for him, for over a decade. We had a horrible working relationship, which wasn’t surprising, because he had a bad working relationship with most every who worked for him. He was also married. But, one day, he started being nicer to me, better performance reviews, sexual innuendo. I wouldn’t reciprocate, but it went on for 4 years. When I look back, I wonder if he was a narcissist. I was under the impression he was accustomed to getting his way so, my lack of reciprocity seemed perplexing for him. But, I also came up with conspiracy theories as to why he suddenly seemed to like me. I was very much into him, but hid it, although I may have had tells. Anyway, I’ll never know what was going through his mind or whether he was a narcissist. But, it was one of the two confusing times in my life, other than the discovery of my mother’s narcissism.
I’m glad that I’m learning this stuff because I inadvertently love-bomb like crazy. I’m autistic and it’s difficult to understand how to make friends and I feel intensely towards people and not always sure about how to express that appropriately. But I don’t want to manipulate anyone! I’ve come to understand that people question my intentions and I’ve tried to understand why I do. Maybe part of it is just not knowing how to appropriately grow a friendship/relationship slowly, maybe part of it is being a military brat who moved every few years and I’ve learned that I have to make friends quickly because I’ll move again soon. And I think part of it is knowing how intense and difficult to deal with I am … I feel like I have to offer something up to make it worth people’s while to “deal with me” and often that looks like going above and beyond to be helpful or love bombing. I don’t want to scare everyone away … I want badly to love and be loved. To know and to be known deeply. I never know what levels are appropriate. I don’t know the fine line between radical compassion and being a doormat, either. It’s made things very difficult socially and I attract all manner of users and narcissists while detracting normal people who probably think I’m a narcissist.
My ex was awful about texting and calls there were no boundaries and he would get mad and upset if I would tell him I have to go I’m at work, I’m spending time with my daughter, I’m busy I can’t talk right now, one of the many red flags ignored! he would get on the phone with me and I couldn’t get him off, I will honestly say I’m very grateful I never did marry him but I wasted 6 years with him! there’s not enough room, time or space for me to put everything he did to me here. I just know that I ignored the red flags and my advice to anybody is if something doesn’t feel right run! don’t ignore them, don’t make excuses for them! get out of the situation! ( One of the things he got mad at my daughter and I for was not inviting him to HER SR PROM🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️. Three years later and that still confuses me)
The more I learn, the more I realize I missed in the early stages. Two weeks into dating and with only one date behind us, she started making passive aggressive facebook posts about us not talking constantly. Didn’t really think anything of it besides “Oh I need to make sure I text from work more.” 🤦♂
Had a creepy experience, & I had to put the brakes on. A budding friendship…..I was love bombed and it was interesting. A learning tool for me. The other person was overwhelming available to lend a hand with whatever I needed to do in my personal life. But— she wasn’t happy when I didn’t remember details of info she says she’d shared with me of her family dynamics. It was all too weird and I was just overwhelmed by this very new friendship. When I attempted to set a few boundaries, she let me know that she felt offended. I was in a new area and was meeting lots of people some of whom I wanted to hang out with, without her. She’d hear none of that!!! So….I set that last boundary….ended the “friendship”. YAY FOR ME!!!!
I did not recognize it as love bombing until after, it felt nice just to be seen and admired. The gift giving, and the gifts felt impersonal, just general things that they felt they needed to mention the price of. Responding and acting in the way that I had previously explained was what I was looking for in a partner. Future planning, moving way too fast, idealizing me which felt like so much pressure to regulate their emotions.And I hate to admit this one, but he wanted to get me pregnant one month in and I agreed because a child is what I wanted in life, luckily I did not fall pregnant. Saying they love me one month in which I expressed was way too soon for me.As the mask began to come off I could feel a complete shift in the energy, tip toeing around them, being accused of cheating, them always saying that everyone leaves them and I will leave them too. Making me the source of their happiness. Isolating me from friends when they felt my attention was divided and not purely on them. Responding badly when I dressed nicely because they did not want other men looking at me as if it’s in my control. Whenever I tried to express something they would jump to the conclusion that I was leaving them.When I ended things they flipped completely, saying they hate me, saying im sleeping around and they should get tested because I probably carry stds, showing up at my work after I asked them not to approach me at work. I was so starved of love that it took me a while to catch on but once I saw it i left.
For me the love bombing wasn’t extremely grandiose in terms of materials, the narcissist wasn’t rich and he was rather young, but for it was the fact he was pushing me out of my comfort zone time and time again, despite me saying I was uncomfortable. He spilled his entire tragic life story to me within the second date, and kept going on and on about how he had NEVER told anyone the things (he had as I later discovered) he was telling me and he had NEVER felt a connection with anyone as strong as this before, how I was like no one he had ever met before etc. To me I was taken in by it because I’m a fixer, I love people being vulnerable with me, however I remember constantly thinking how does he feel so strongly about me when he hardly knows me, it was a rushed feeling. Thats how I would describe it, it was over the top and didn’t feel natural, although at the same time it felt intoxicating.
I think the most different between narcissist’s love bombing and heathy love is that, narcissists in fact did everything is manipulating, no respect, and everything for themselves.. even dying crying, my ex boyfriend is like that.. all cheating and traps.. A person who truly cares you or loves you, don’t need that sneaky but evil skills… if you don’t have trauma, you can feel the big difference.. but if having trauma, and I don’t have love bombing knowledge, it leads to nightmares.
What I learned about love is that maybe some are told to always have the option to make yourself a back door so that one can escape, god it’s so tough because it becomes what-aboutisum territory the fact is one can only take what you learned and not pick off your feathers caused or peal off the onion skin that your putting back on you had once loved. Loving oneself before others isn’t wrong.
D mor i c ur articles mor my past comes into my mind,its really a scarring xperience wit narcissist,i feel xtremely dumb n stupid dat i did not c it n wasted 7 n half yrs wit confusion,disrespect n being miserable,its vry disturbing to recollect all dat,but thanks to u atleast now I understand wat happnd wit me
Whats really weird is being love bombed by your new boyfriends mom. I didn’t know anything about narcissism back then so I didnt know it was a hint of all the horrible stuff to come 😅. She would give me so many nice gifts and there was no way I could give similar gifts to her. Now, we have been married 7 years, but we have no contact with his family in hopes to protect our son from all the manipulation. Holidays are so much more enjoyable now. It’s sad, but it just has to be this way..we tried and tried to make it work but no amount of attention or time spent with them,or money spent on them was ever enough. So much guilt tripping, competition, and controlling was going on!
Doctor Romany can you please do a article that differentiates respect from obedience, I feel like you are the only person that has enough knowledge and experience to talk about this topic. I always heard that healthy relationships are about respect but what is respects exactly? With the toxic person in my life, EVERY mistake I made were automatically interpreted as disrespect and they took it as an excuse to abuse me, I could not even express my thought or just contradicts something without it being interpreted as disrespect and I notice that toxic people like the words respect a lot and throw it in your face each time you challenge them even when it is their behaviors that were inappropriate.
I wasn’t in a relationship with him but he kept telling me that I was “his” in an intimate way during sex. It really started to mess with my head when the fake intimacy started to increase. There were no gifts, but just sweet words that meant nothing to him. I was showing interest in dating someone at the time so he started love bombing me to keep me in this fwb situation. It was a terrifying way of manipulating me. Somewhat glad that he found a romantic partner a few months later though getting discarded did hurt. Him trying to hoover me back in wasn’t pretty when that relationship ended.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Could you do a article on How your health suffers in a narcissistic relationship? I feel I have aged 10 years suddenly and have all types of health issues since I married my husband. Migraines, B.P, kidneys, joint pains, gaining weight… ? Is it true? I ever had any such issues except migraine before I got married 10 years ago.
I think I’ve been love bombed by my recent ex, they did tell me pretty early on they were falling for me, we had not even been on our first date, they had a million similar interests as me but when I tried to arrange to do things together they didn’t seem as interested, soon as they broke up with me it was “oh I just need to be selfish for a bit to focus on my career we are still friends” they quickly pushed me away
I had a guy fall in love with me on our first hang-out (a walk in the mountains), telling me he’d never felt anything like that ever in his life. “I had opened up his heart” or something like that. I didn’t believe him, but that maybe has something to do with my low self-esteem, haha. Anyway.. We were getting to know each other, theres was a LOT of texting every morning and every night from him. He told me he would change this and that in his life for me (stuff I was open about that I didn’t like, but I never said he had to give them up). A week later we were talking, and he told me that he would delete all social media after entering a relationship (implying, with me). That made me cringe. What is that? It felt kinda suffocating, like “I want you all to myself, no one else can talk to you and this is how we do this now”… I dunno. I ended up avoiding this person. Maybe I avoided true love, who knows.. I guess that’s what a narcissist would want me to believe anyway. I still think about this from time to time..
But then I have witness people who are player giving advise to don’t do anything extra in order to get a date, some make a reference to Hitch the movie. They do going around talking with friends and family of their target and looked into their target social media to see what kind of person they are and shaped them to be that person, including act as if they are someone who don’t show a big gesture when courting but play it slow.
Dear Dr. Ramani, please can you make a article on the topic of stalking, (especially when cluster b personalities stalk) for example why they stalk, how victims should behave and react properly. It would be interesting to hear your opinion and experience on this topic. Thank you very much for your time and investment to open the eyes of many.\r Best regards from Germany
Any thoughts on red flags vs green flags article? Maybe I missed it. Both of my ex husbands love bombed me, then I was left wondering what happened to the romance. Did I do something wrong? I didn’t notice manipulation until later. I met someone earlier this year who was very sweet and attentive. It made me suspicious, because of my past. I paid a lot of attention to what happened when I said no or had to change plans. He actually respected my boundaries and gave me space. That seemed like a miracle. One day this new guy told me I demanded respect. Lol. I couldn’t wait to tell my girlfriends who have also been with narcissists. I have done a lot of work and I am finally attracting different partners. Hallelujah!
Does Dr ramani book sessions with people or just do articles on these topics? I was told I was a narcissist when I got mad at someone because of how they acted I feel they might actually have been boderline (seems rather blatant once I saw traits of boderline) and oddly the person called me narcissist was I believe a narcissist who love bombed/trauma bonded this boderline person at the expense Of her issues and my miscommunication. She was calling him soulmate in a few weeks and he totally manipulated the situation. I’d like to go over this interaction in detail, is this possible?
I feel confused after today’s talk. My ex did not love bomb me as defined here. He seemed like the real deal. I was looking for a long-term serious relationship and he appeared to want the same. Then as I became comfortable and very trusting, I started noticing the negative behaviour, which certainly fit much of the qualities of narcissism. So, is it possible for someone to be a narcissist without love bombing as she defined? I wish Dr Ramani had addressed this today 😖
I remember trying to explain this to my mom a few years back. She had this “friend”. This woman dropped off flowers on moms birthday which is fine. Right? Right! Except that…it wasn’t one bouquet it was literally FIVE. She told me it was because they were “on sale”. Like that makes it normal or something. This woman KNEW she couldn’t fool me. That’s why she never made any real effort to befriend me as well because she knew she would never be able to suck me in. They also had a prayer group at her home. She left me a message for mom once and it started off/went like this. “Hi, we’re going to be doing this next week so I’m calling to let “All My Ladies” know about it as soon as possible.” And she meant it not as an endearment but in a “All My Ladies…In Waiting” sort of way. I just can never trust this person. My mom died this spring. Last summer she had emergency surgery and decided to recover at my aunts house. She didn’t give anyone but me and my brothers the number there. So her “friend” calls me up and thank goodness I wasn’t there or I would have gone off on her. The message was this “Oh, your Mom gave me the number but I went and misplaced it. So if you could just call me back with it. Thanks.” Nuh-huh! Mom didn’t giver her that number. She was straight up lying to me and I don’t accuse someone of lying lightly. That is a serious accusation. I grilled my mom about it and she said every single time that she had no memory whatsoever of giving her number to her. These people have no shame, are super entitled and will stop at nothing.
So, I’m talking to a guy. We have been talking online for 2 days and he wants to drive the 2 1/2 hours to see me this weekend but he keeps telling me he’s thinking about me almost seemingly to get the smell response back. He even asked me the first day we were talking if i was thinking about him which seems to me to be too much so soon, then he says he wants to spend the weekend with me and I told him I don’t let people stay at my house on the first date, and he said he would drive back and forth every day the entire weekend. That is 5 hours of driving for 2-3 days. This all feels a bit too much when we have never met and we just started talking. But I keep getting told by people that because I’m always looking for narcissistic signs from people I’m probably pushing good people away because I think that all of these things are red flags instead of giving them a chance. But why would I give someone who is showing narcissistic signs thst early on the my time? My time is very important to me, as is my emotional well being.
My partner carpet love bombed me. But she was no narcissist, instead full of deep love and empathy and kindness. Just had no filter when it came to her feelings. An Enneagram type 2 so shouldnt be a surprise. So many years after her passing and one relationship with a vulnerable narc later i had to revisit things, my memories, her actions, the daily letters from her (no texting back then), everything…no, she was exactly and everything that he, my narc abuser 20 yrs later was not. The bottomless well of empathy, gentleness and capacity for unconditional love. But understanding about lovebombing i had to put her memory under a microscope. Ill never forgive him for that.
What about when they cry in your lap and open up about their deepest darkest thoughts, and admit that they’ve done you so wrong.. you support them. The love bonding starts… after some time they start to go back to their pattern and you find yourself shrinking again…. On good days they are so good… and you see them with the kids.. but mostly you don’t feel their affection, and you find yourself so hungry for it..
Is there a denial phase? ugh. I see EVERY single vulnerable narc. trait but I want to explain each of htem away as “JUST _______”. Insecure, immature, poor social skill, infatuation, depressed, desperate for approval, easily influenced, addiction, ocd…….. on and on. He seems so normal sometimes and not overtly cruel ever. It was all behind the scenes, when I was out of sight. We divorced 15 years ago.. he dated NO ONE in all that time. We struck up a friendship and then he turned intensely pressuring about wanting more, future faked me, and then took off to hook up with a stranger, and thought we’d just go back to being ‘best friends’. I’m struggling. It’s been 3 months with no contact and I’m still a mess! He can’t be trusted with emotional intimacy. Am I trauma bonded?!!
Sometimes it’s so under the radar, it comes off as sweet….until you look into it further. I was getting love bombed by a police officer while I was homeless. It was an unlucky strike that left me living in a tent for a few months, and this officer seemed to hyperfixate on “saving” me. He began by checking on me to make sure I was okay. It became offers to let me sleep in the police station. Which turned to him parking his vehicle next to my tent all night long. Then it was him claiming he heard me calling out for help so he’d pull over to talk to me. His coworkers started asking him why he wouldn’t leave me alone and he became irate with them. He said “I can’t have her outside. She’ll end up getting r@&$d.” The key phrase was “I can’t have her,” since I ultimately determined that he felt possessive of me. His gestures turned into him stalking and acting aggressive to the male friends who interacted with me in public, and referencing them as “the creeps who talk to you on the bench.” He didn’t like it when I praised other officers in front of him, either. I’d see a very strong flare of jealousy in his eyes. He would try to mask it, too. We were discussing another officer and I mentioned that I hadn’t seen him for a while. He told me that officer was out for a back surgery and I said “oh I hope he feels better soon.” The look that crossed his face was sheer anger and envy, but he kindly said “thank you. You’re sweet.” I particularly remembered the confusion I felt between his facial expression and how his response was oppositely praising me.
The “what is vs. what is not” articles may have as much or more value than any others (particularly for those who don’t have years, or even decades of experience with all of this – and are trying to understand and differentiate all the nuances of is vs. isn’t. Or even differentiating acts of narcissism vs. being a narcissist/NPD … or worse, being a high functioning SPD/PPD). Is vs. is Not, keeps people from thinking NPDs are everywhere, because they aren’t (which people could easily see narcissists everywhere if they don’t know all of the circumstantial nuances). It also keeps people from thinking they are a “victim of a narcissist/psychopath”, when really they may have just experienced every day life and a rather normal personality from someone, or a normal reactive personality from someone – given whatever CIRCUMSTANCE they were in. (Or is VS. isn’t, may get someone to realize, they themself were the issue – or realize that neither person was the issue/a narcissist, your personalities just may not mix). Unfortunately, it seems its the “in thing” in psychology now (at least more so than ever before) to push “narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths” etc., when really they are NOT as common as it seems. It negatively categorizes people who are not disordered, as disordered (because of lack of understanding, or society pushing victimhood – for those who don’t understand what a REAL victim is), and it also devalues and invalidates those who have had their life genuinely ruined permanently (FUBAR) by someone who was truly disordered (a true Psychopath, or even true Narcissists have the ability to screw someone’s life up pretty bad too).
Ex got me with sad story was just 18 years old and he 32 yrs old. Hooked me. Had he said grab your passport early or anyone now I’d instantly think my body is never going to be found and I’ll end up on an ID website series. At 18 yrs old I thought Antique Roadshow fun…things have changed greatly. Anyhow, thanks for this series. Helps.
I um… may be love bombing, but like, I’ve got a lot of issues with myself that I’m actively working on, I only realized recently the effects of my upbringing, being that I wasn’t really attended to emotionally, so right now I’m experiencing and fighting limerence with a girl I’ve loved for 15 years, we use to feel the same, and dated 5 years into knowing eachother, but we both weren’t ready for a relationship and it ended… but we always run into eachother and talk, we ran into eachother recently again and my limerence has come back full power… and we genuinely have a good time with eachother but my own issues keep rearing their head and I have made it tense Like i feel like whatever we end up, either friends or more i think itd b3 great, but my mind is so clouded with all my swirling thoughts, im tired of ruining my own life and relationships (interpersonal not just romantic) i have been trying to improve but its not easy.
I ended up moving in with my ex after a month of dating, which is a thing in itself. She would get up early and get home very tired, I would get up at the same time as her but had to go in a few hours later. So, was me washing the dishes and cleaning the house considered love bombing? I would honestly really appreciate if someone helped cleaning the house.
I’m pretty sure I have BPD (I’m 16) or at least some form of personality disorder and I love HARD. So hard that it could be considered love-bombing/have parallels with it even though I just genuinely care about them and want them to stay 🙁 I feel like a horrible person and so undeserving of love because of it- I don’t want to hurt anyone.. I haven’t been in a relationship since my ex, I’m too scared I’ll get that codependent again, so I withdraw and keep to myself- figured if I isolate myself, no one will become my favorite person and no one will get hurt- I’ve rejected two people that have confessed and waited for me to be ready after only days of us talking because I’ve just- turned off the part of me that wants a relationship.. and I somehow feel WORSE for saying no to them-
I had a maternal love bombing encounter from a woman who was 20 years my senior. I admit the encounter with this woman was quite beautiful at the beginning. Out of nowhere she started telling me where my life should be going because her god told her she should invest all her divorce settlement money in me. And when I said “no thanks” she went OWFFFFFFF! told me I’m projecting and I’m using the wrong words to speak with her, all she ever wanted to do was invest money in me. And I was like. “I’m not a start up, though”. 😂 😂 😂 😂
Hey, so I don’t know if this is the place to put this, but I might’ve been love bombing my partner for about three months and I’m trying to figure out if it was love bombing or not. I don’t really have contact with my partner atm, but the idea of me hurting/manipulating them is making me lose sleep. I haven’t seen much of anything concerning people who are trying to stop love bombing here or anywhere in the internet so- do you have any tips for that?
I know I have the power to cut the cord with him completely yet I don’t. He keeps reeling me back in. Can’t even get myself to block him. Yet I am generally a strong woman. Love bombing after the fact yes but not grandiose. This roller coaster is driving me nuts. Only walked out 2 weeks ago. Feeling drained
I’ve been wondering… is it ever possible to adopt some of these “sweep you off your feet” behaviors without being toxic about it? Because it seems like the toxic part is that it’s used to manipulate someone, instead of just… genuinely wanting to be with them? Does motive matter or is love bombing always toxic in and of itself?
I would Love to see articles about narcissistic romantic relationships among more poor people….the tactics a narcissist might use for love bombing when he doesn’t have much money…a narcissist that can’t keep a job or stay at a job for a lengthy period, spend money on unnecessary material things, can’t save money…Then always expect help from the ppl they haven’t burned bridges with. I want to hear about any info on narcissists that haven’t used their ability to manipulate and stomp on anyone in their way to become successful…get to the top. Instead, the person is more like a bum, messing with drugs, dealing with illegal activity. That kind of stuff. Because that would help me even more to understand my ex/son’s father. We are both 37 by the way….too old for that kind of crap. Your knowledge and guidance has already helped me to understand narcissism so much. I’ve been researching for a few years now and got a little out of it, but your articles are so helpful.
So was buying me clothes and at first showing me off to friends. Only to cut me off from my family,friends and take back everything if I disagreed with him. His friends took a wail to understand if they disagreed with him or spoke to me they were shown his not so nice side. I sent out warnings to others that his demands weren’t reasonable ones. The gifts were he was dressing me in his style. He would tell me I wore them like rags. He wanted a trophy wife that melted all over him and read his mind as to what he wanted. I’m not sure it was N only he suffered from.
Ive been confused by this. Becuase some people love bomb in a spiritual way (the realization that all is love) but then do trully show that they want to know you, But sometimes can and sometimes can’t. Other times someone love bombs and it is with a subconscious desire to control through emotional manipulation. It’s difficult to tell the difference so I tell people “don’t say u love me please cause you don’t know me yet” and I see how they respond and if they freak out.
i went out with this guy who was telling me things like, he was going to introduce me to his daughter, and how he could see us being together for a long time if not forever, he also said we were in a relationship all before the first date, and then after three dates he told me he wasnt ready for a relationship. like he was adament that he wasn’t because i was questioning all the stuff he said before, and then 6 months later he’s in a relationship with someone else. i feel really embarrased honestly, but what is that called when someone does stuff like that?
I’m just now getting back into the dating scene after losing my husband a year and a half ago. I don’t know that the F I’m doing!! I may have love bombed and didn’t even know it!!! I felt a strong connection, and just went with it. I don’t know ….. I need suggestions on this shit!! I haven’t dated in over 30 years! 🤷♀️
but how do we know if the person is love bombing or just is this way, especially when love bombing can look so different for all of us? like i understand that sudden huge efforts in the very beginning can be a red flag, but not much else. i guess it is harder for me to understand since this article talks about mostly love bombing in a romantic situation and i have never had that. i guess it only becomes love bombing when the control and emotional manipulation follows? from what i understand it is a tactic used by narcs to essentially trap the victim by giving “too much” love to bring the victim under their control so then they can start abusing them and essentially chain the victim in a cycle of abuse. This did remind me of one time when i was a teen and this older family friend was newly engaged (arranged marriage) and mother was telling us how her in-laws and fiancé celebrated her birthday with a huge gesture (filling the car up with balloons and gifts and coming to surprise her etc.). I remember feeling a bit… uncomfortable. The emotion i felt at that time (which i couldn’t understand) is the same i felt reading about experiences with love bombing. some years later, she divorced her husband as she was treated horribly and then i thought… then why do all those grand gestures for someone who you don’t even plan on actually respecting and loving and that too in the start of the relationship. Well, i guess now i know.
So im a 23 year old man who is very romantic when I’m with someone I genuinely am throughout a relationship I don’t try to be over the top or pressure my s/o but I’ve been told that I love bomb, it’s very confusing to me because I don’t want to be perceive as a controlling narcissist. I genuinely do nice things out of love not to control Idk if I should just dial it back when I’m in a relationship but that’s not me ya know? Idk what I should do honestly :/
I’ve told my boyfriend I love him 2 months into dating, he felt bad because he told me he wants to wait longer before he says it. I don’t mind or take offense at all, I just hope it wasn’t feeling like I was love Bombing/pressuring him into anything. I’m unsure if I should still tell him I love him anymore even though I do, I just don’t want to make him feel like I expect him to say something he doesn’t mean yet.
“If you have to cancel something, and the person doesn’t take it as a personal front.” Yes, just like the other day when the Exterminator called. My dad and I discussed that I would try to use natural substances, because I do not like poisons being sprayed on my yard/house/etc. Well, after we cancelled, he called a few days later saying he was looking to be in the area and wanted to do our house. So I told “mother dearest” that we already cancelled, and she starts flipping out saying that isnt’ my call, this isn’t my houyse all this shit, just FREAKING OUT and going nuts, and i told her that DAd and I already cancelled and she goes nuts saying how because the Exterminator is the Husband of our Dog Groomer, how if we were to cancel an appointment, the Groomer would get upset and she doesn’t want to deal with the groomer’s “bad attitude” that mom is apparently scared of. Mom can talk shit to me, about me, and about everyone else, but when she has ot actually confront people, she’s a little weasel. So instead of thinking about things rationally, she htinks the world is going to end…. Even though we are looking to move, and she would only use the dog groomer 1-2 more times… But the impact and the pain/suffering I felt…. Pushed me over the edge. EArlier that day, I had something incredible(which i hope goes trhough), so I was, for the first time in awhile, actually happy, and felt calm, peaceful, and just no stress…. IT ONLY LASTED A FEW HOURS, AND HTEN I FELT PAIN WORSE THAN I’VE FELT IN A FEW WEEKS.
I.. I mean we’ve been together almost two months. Known each other for not much longer (maybe three weeks after meeting we dated) I feel like maybe I’m love bombing him??? I LOVE doing things for him. Compliments and gifts and notes, etc. I wanna make him feel loved because I feel like I love him. This is such a fine line and I just don’t get it:(
With my experience of having been in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder: Love bombing is one of the major red flags to look out for. Maybe someone here needed to read this. I certainly felt a responsibility to comment because this can be part of an actual personality disorder in cases that can be super harmful for the partner. If you need more info, feel free to ask <3
Hey Matthew. I’ve seen many of your articles and I find it very helpful. I’ve experienced some things which can make It difficult for me to live my life as I want to. I would love a private session with you, but I’m not sure how to book it, and if you even do private sessions. I hope you see this, I could use the help. Thanks <3