A 2013 IPSOS survey found that 74% of young Indians aged 18-35 prefer an arranged marriage over a free-choice one. In 2018, 93% of married Indians said their marriage was an arranged marriage, with just 3% having a love marriage. Arranged marriages have been the dominant form of matrimony in other parts of the world, with the tradition predominating in Africa, the Middle East, and Southeast Asia.
In India, approximately 90% of marriages are arranged, with one in 100 ending in divorce. The divorce rate for arranged marriages is 4.3%, while the divorce rate in the United States is around 40 to 50%. In India, where some estimate that 90 percent of marriages are arranged, the divorce rate is only 1.1%.
At the same time, the divorce rate for arranged marriages is much lower compared to love marriages, with a 50:50 share between arranged marriages and love marriages. The global divorce rate for arranged marriages is 6.3%, which could be an indicator for the success rate of arranged marriages. Success is defined not only as longevity and not ending in divorce but also as fulfilling and satisfying marriages to each partner.
In 2020, 68% of couples revealed that their marriage was arranged, while the divorce rate in the U.S. is around 40 to 50%.
📹 Finding love in arranged marriages | Omar Durrani | TEDxFIU
With his family’s counsel, modern, business-savvy Omar Durrani embarked on a journey to find his soulmate through the arranged …
Which is more successful, love or arranged marriage?
Your success rate depends on how responsible and mature you are in your relationship. In India, arranged marriages are more successful because parents are more mature.
What percent of marriages are successful?
Many people think that half of all marriages end in divorce. But this only applies to first marriages. People who marry more than once are more likely to divorce. Two-thirds of second marriages end in divorce, and three-quarters of third marriages do too.
What is the success rate of arranged marriages?
Some marriage experts are asking whether arranged marriages are better than typical U.S. marriages. In the U.S., we rarely hear about arranged marriages. When we do hear about them, we discuss their low divorce rates. The divorce rate in the U.S. is between 40 and 50 percent, while the divorce rate for arranged marriages is around 4 percent. (Some research says that about 70% of divorces in the U.S. are caused by infidelity.) In India, where 90% of marriages are arranged, the divorce rate is only 1%. So, is it a sign that arranged marriages work better than non-arranged marriages? Or is it just that arranged marriages don’t lead to divorce? Modern arranged marriages are curious. Why do arranged marriages have fewer divorces than other marriages? Do arranged marriages seem to be more committed than non-arranged marriages? Are non-arranged or choice-based marriages less committed than arranged marriages? While there are concerns about arranged marriages in Western culture, many modern approaches are proving more successful and satisfying than love-based marriages. In the U.S., we celebrate the right to choose a spouse. However, with couples having sex, getting married, and then divorcing, there is some logic to looking at arranged marriages to improve love-based marriages.
What is the #1 divorce cause?
What causes most divorces? Lack of commitment is the main reason couples get divorced. A 2013 study in Couple and Family Psychology found that 75% of participants said lack of commitment was a major reason for their divorce. In 94% of the couples surveyed, at least one person cited lack of commitment. For some, commitment decreased slowly, while for others it plunged after an event in the marriage. One person said they no longer felt romantic towards their partner, while another said their spouse no longer wanted to work on their marriage. The next most common causes were infidelity and arguing. Common reasons for divorce. From my experience with thousands of people, here are the main reasons couples divorce.
Do arranged marriages ever lead to love?
Some couples in arranged marriages fall in love. A shared life with similar interests may make you feel passionate or affectionate towards your partner. The Makassar of Indonesia believe love only arises after marriage. A study of arranged and love matches in Indian American marriages found that they had similar long-term feelings of love and marital satisfaction. Anthropologist Marcia Inhorn looked at couples in Egypt and Lebanon, where arranged marriage is common. She found that many couples loved each other very much. Even if they couldn’t have children together, they often stayed married. Romantic love isn’t the only thing that makes a happy marriage. While many young people are moving away from arranged marriage, others are moving towards it. People looking for love around the world are using intermediaries to find suitable matches.
Are arranged marriages more successful?
Arranged marriages have lower divorce rates. In the US, 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. In arranged marriages, it’s only 4%. In India, where most marriages are arranged, only 1 percent end in divorce.
How arranged marriages are made today. Technology has changed how arranged marriages are formed. Anita Jain wrote in NY Mag that her parents have found lots of websites for arranged marriages. Some sites are for specific Indian regions, like punjabimatrimony.com. These sites are just the latest way of doing things in India.
Negotiating and Vetoing Arranged Marriages. One big change in modern arranged marriage is how young people are included. An arranged marriage used to mean meeting your spouse at the altar. Now, it often involves more negotiation. The family still has a big influence, and they often choose the partner. But some people can say no. Today’s arranged marriages focus more on free choice, says Pamela Regan, a professor at California State University in Los Angeles. People say, “I’ll let my parents find someone, but if I don’t like him, I can say no.”
What is the regret rate of marriage?
Wedding bliss doesn’t last long. People start wondering if they made the right decision, especially men. This is according to research by IllicitEncounters.com. They surveyed 1,800 users of the extramarital dating site. Three-quarters of men and over half of women regret getting married. One in ten people regretted their marriage within a year. But most people start to regret it after three years. People who regret getting married don’t hate the idea of marriage. They just say they chose the wrong person. 38% say they should have stayed with an ex. The dull routine of married life was another reason people regretted getting married. Being no longer attracted to their partner led to 1 in 5 people saying they wished they hadn’t married. Samuel, a survey participant, said: “Two and a half years into my marriage, I started regretting my decision to get married. I wasn’t a fan of the idea, but I knew my wife wanted me to, so I just asked her to make her happy.
What are 2 disadvantages of arranged marriages?
Arranged marriages have some disadvantages. Arranged marriages can have some drawbacks, like not being able to choose your partner and not being compatible. Also, pressure to fit in can make relationships stressful.
Together Forever. One downside of arranged marriage is that you don’t get to choose your partner. You may feel pressured to accept a partner you don’t want, which can make you unhappy in the marriage. Incompatibility is a risk in arranged marriages, but you can make it work by remembering the four magic words: I’ll do the dishes.
Love Shackled. In arranged marriages, one or both partners may feel trapped by love. They may not be as emotionally invested in the relationship. This can make the marriage unhappy. Plus, both partners may lack trust and communication because they don’t love each other.
Which marriage has the highest divorce rate?
The Supreme Court of India says that lover marriages cause most divorces in India. The Supreme Court’s two-judge panel, BR Gavai and Sanjay Karol, was hearing a case about a marriage dispute. The lawyer said the couple married for love. Justice Gavai said most divorces come from love marriages. The court asked the couple to try to work things out.
What is the failure rate of love marriages?
Love marriages are becoming more common. People think they’ve found the secret to a happy marriage. They believe they can now choose their own partners and build their own homes. But experience shows otherwise. People all over the world marry the partners of their choice, but most of these marriages end in divorce. Love marriages don’t guarantee a happy marriage. What causes love marriages to fail? A love marriage is a union based on physical attraction. But all that glitters is not gold. People find out after marriage that it’s not easy. An affair before marriage is deceptive, but after the marriage, this deceptiveness disappears. What seemed extraordinary before marriage seems ordinary afterwards. Frustration leads to separation or bitterness. It’s better to leave marriage decisions to parents. Parents should ask their children before making a decision.
What relationship has the highest divorce rate?
Divorce Trends. Since 2000, there have been fewer divorces and marriages. The number of divorces in 2021 (689,308) is much lower than in 2000 (944,000). The divorce rate dropped from 4.0 to 2.5 per 1,000 population.
Third marriages have the highest divorce rate, at 73%. Most people think that half of all marriages end in divorce. But this is mostly true for first marriages. Second and third marriages are much more likely to fail, with 67% and 73% of them ending in divorce.
How Divorce Affects Health and Homeownership. Divorce is not just about the law and emotions. It can also have long-lasting effects. Divorce increases the risk of death. Divorced men are more likely to die than divorced women. Many divorcing couples argue about the family home. In 2022, 53.4% of divorcing couples owned their home, while 46.6% rented.
📹 Sadhguru on Arranged Marriages
Are arranged marriages outdated and regressive or is there something about them that is relevant in today’s times? Sadhguru …
If arrange marriages were all done like this then that’s perfect. Sadly, in many cultures arrange marriage means the girl gets to marry the guy without having a discussion. Some don’t even see their partner until the wedding day, and it’s so sad. I wish more people would look at arrange marriages the way this guy does. And congrats btw!
I think arranged marriages happen in Western culture too, we just don’t call them “arranged marriages”. But often a friend says: “hey, I know this guy. It seems very kind and he is single. Can I give him your number so you can talk to him?” When asked “how did you meet your spouse?”, many people reply “through a family member or mutual friends”. Now is that not an arranged marriage?
My only problem is that, this isn’t how it’s done in most families. My parents still want me to go infront of every family that visits to see me as a potential partner for their son, whom btw, they don’t even bring along! Like if the mom and sis of that guy approve then they think of getting me in contact with the guy. Now how screwed up is that? And it becomes even more annoying when i am truly not ready for marriage and my parents want me to ‘just consider’ every family that shows up. It’s emotionally traumatic and frankly quite insulting. I mean how can you force yourself even into thinking of something you are least interested in? This is why the divorce rate in south east asia is increasing. Omar had it just fine. The guy and the girl met BEFORE the families did and had full choice to accept or decline. So yeah, let’s just say that’s an easy peasy version of an arranged marriage.
Watching this as my heart breaks into million pieces because the love of my life is getting married and I realized that he will have a good life, but not with me. “I am happy for you baba. Knowing that you will have a good life ahead of you, is more than enough. I will always cherish you in my heart. “
I’m 25, going on 26 at the end of this year. Once I’m settled in my career I think I would go to a match maker if I haven’t met anyone yet. I’m not Asian or from a cultural background where this is common practice but I’ve tried online dating and in person and both to no avail. With a matchmaker, you know you’re both serious enough to go through that website and to me, that’s one step down already. Yes I know that I’m young and I’m not saying I want to be married tomorrow, I want to start my career first, have good savings and get my own property before I think about marriage, but once I do that I’d like to enjoy me time with someone where we’re headed towards something serious.
I jumped from my seat when Omar mentioned Hyderabad city (of India), happy for a fellow hyderabadi’s Ted talk. And Well done for putting light to Arranged Marriages in US which if done right will be successful one, Because its a union of 2 families and not just 2 humans, so its important that both families and in sync with each other at least in few things that are important for them. happy families is what America needs more than anything…
I liked this talk a lot! I always used to think I was open minded and that what I learned in school always had an objective background. I only just realized, while perusal this article, how wrong I was. What I was taught were little scenarios, the rare cases of really unhappy arranged marriages. In my culture arranged marriages are also common and I do think that they are great. You are not being forced into something you don’t want. People choosing your ‘partner’ are the ones that are closest to you and know you the BEST and eventually they find a really great match! Thank you for sharing your story
Me and my family are not super into arranged marriages, but I can understand the appeal. After years of getting my heartbroken my dad finally said, “Hey this guy really likes you, he’s hard-working and will treat you right, you should give him a chance”. After two years, I finally just decided to talk to him to see where it would lead, and now, I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Thanks dad!
I Seriously thought this scenario was online dating. Am I the only one who thought that? This wasn’t arranged or anything like that, Just a desire for a mom who wanted her son to get married. This man went to an online dating site and found a woman, got to know her via email/ chatting etc., met in person and decided he wanted to marry her. Got consent from the families and the rest is history
Based on this, I think that both arranged marriages and “love” marriages are more similar than not- just in one the onus on finding the right person is on you and in the other it’s on your family/matchmaker. Both have the potential to end in disaster but also to find the love of your life. I don’t think it matters how you find the right person as long as they’re right for you- I’ve found that person myself and I’m glad you did too!
So did my mother and father.. They both fell in love even before their marriage in the process of arranged marriage.. now they both have been together for 25+ years and trust me.. The romance, friendship, trust, commitment, and happiness they have between them is just so beautiful! 💙 P.S- I’m from India.
All the arranged marriages in my family have been super successful. Ironically, most of the loved marriages haven’t worked. Some of them ended in bitter divorces and the others are where both people live in bitterness and regret. It’s horrible. I think one of the reasons why arranged marriages are successful is because you get to discover a person and grow with them. Plus when there’s a problem, the families get involved and sort it out. Of course there are arranged marriages that fail. But the ones I’ve seen are successful and they’re happy.
I’m getting married in January, tbh when I first started talking to the guy I had it in the back of my head, there was no way I would marry him. A week or so went by of us talking on the phone; bare in mind he lives half way across the world, I tell me mom he seems nice “we have the same goals in life.” In April he proposes to me over article chat and I say yes :). I still didn’t love him but I knew it would take time, now it is almost September I can honestly say I am in love with him. Being unable to see him in person is not convenient, yet we make it work. I can say my marriage was arranged but I love my fiancé. <3
I LOVE this article! Omar and Areeba came into the restaurant that I work at and they were ridiculously nice! They have a beautiful baby girl and seem to be happily married. To see this article and hear about the journey Omar went through is so interesting. The indian chef at my job tells me about all the pictures his mom sends him for his arranged marriage and I agreed with Omar in the beginning “that’s not how love works” but after seeing this article, I understand that arranged marriage doesn’t mean “forced” and there is a chance to find love through arranged marriage!
Omar, God bless your marriage, you made me cry 😥😥😥😥😥. My father & Mother, marriage was arranged and it was fine until the family, made it their business. ……..Loved how you spoke about your mother and grandmother, that’s is more than enough for me to like a guy…….. Thank you for sharing your story. ..😜😜😜.
wait…. leaving aside the cheesy cuteness of his story, I watched almost the entire article, just to find out in min 13:00 that he has just married? How can he be qualify to speak about arrange marriages if he can’t elaborate about the product of them. I mean, what people want to know is if its a sensible way to commit to someone for life, base on the satisfaction rate of married couples. 2 months married implies they barely came from their honeymoon, they are in no position to assess if they made the right choice?!
I can still remember me being rude AF to him when he came to see me I wore my least good looking outfit and had no makeup on didn’t even bother to brush my hair and I kept glaring at him and in the end of our meeting he told mom that he was more than happy to meet me and would like to meet again I was frustrated is he crazy but yet we met again and this time I decided to be everything a guy hates I talked nonstop wore a ton of makeup wore his least favourite color and tried to be completely annoying but he was still not mad..days passed and I had an important event I had to sing in and my dress hot ruined he rushed to me out of nowhere and got me a new dress I was crying and s nervous wreck I remember hugging him and sobbing and he comforted me and gave me the dress and then I knew he was the one cause I felt safe with him two years later we are on our honeymoon
I agree this is a nice story about your love story and a way arranged marriages would ideally work, but to say “arranged marriage is not a forced marriage” is an oversimplified and utterly naive way to view the subject. Just because the two were not interchangeable in your situation does NOT mean it is not in many other situations. Historically, those who have gotten an arranged marriage did not have any other option — it WAS a forced marriage, the two were synonymous. Additionally, just because it is not explicitly stated as a forced marriage, doesn’t mean that one’s “arranged” marriage does not have all of the pressure and expectation that a forced marriage does. Arranged marriages have the implication that there is no out, if you get married and figure out soon that this won’t work out, you have, unfortunately, much more to consider, that you will dishonor your family. In no way am I condoning these thoughts or attitudes, but I am simply stating that although arranged marriages may not be called forced marriages, they often, not all, times have many of the same pressures as an arranged marriage. You could then talk about, then, that historically people have only had forced marriages…well..yeah that’s very possible and it’s really great that you had a great experience. I would be happy to further discuss this with anyone in a civilized manner.
I’m in my arrange marriage process, the guy also lives in Chicago. We’ve talked to each other but hasn’t made a decision yet. I like the guy and the guy likes me (that’s what it looks like) but he has to many things to tell before we make our final decision. He told me some of them which I do find creepy but the good part is he’s very honest. He’s telling me everything you need to know before you marry someone.
I think it really depends. The culture I am from uses arranged marriage a lot. A lot of the older people I know who were put into arranged marriages but there is also the factor that usually if you are from a culture that practices arranged marriage, divorce is considered taboo. This is, at least, the case for my culture. Instead of divorcing you’re expected to just deal with it no matter how bad it is. Arranged marriages are getting a bit better because there’s more stress on putting more time into the getting-to-know-each-other process rather than deciding if you like each other based on one meeting. Very glad that his marriage turned out well! I hope it continues to prosper!
I’m SORRY but I’m still NOT in the favour of “arranged marriages”. This guy is really lucky and an exception if he’s found the RIGHT person or the person of his dreams through arranged marriage. But everyone’s not that lucky. It’s really very very important to know a person as much as you can before committing your whole life to them. A human mind is a complexed one and cannot be understood over a tea or coffee table or a set up. BUT by this I do NOT mean that in love marriages you can definitely know the person to be that right one. Like I said.. human mind is a complexed one. There are so many love marriages too that fail. But here the point is actually not love or arranged. It’s about knowing the person well so that you don’t regret later. But yes.. there are still chances of the person changing to completely an opposite one a few months or years later than what he/she was before the marriage. Life is anyway full of surprises. So anything can happen. But atleast you don’t curse yourself or anybody else of not knowing and understanding the person before marrying them if at all later your marriage dosent goes well.
I’m not going to lie, your parents being persistent about something that you’re not interested in or blatantly tell them you don’t want and they still bother you about it is VERY annoying. My mother asked me so many times for grandchildren. It’s not something I want, I ignore her every time she asks.
There is a lot of social pressure on getting married. More pressure on women. Men are at least allowed more time. Maybe there is no physical force involved but a lot of social stigma. I don’t like this guy’s message. He makes arranged marriage sound funny but ignores that an unmarried woman or a woman without children has to suffer discrimination from society and family. I prefer the western approach and not stigmatize non-traditional lifestyles. Also: men normally don’t realize how much more women compromise in traditional marriages. Often because a divorce is harder for them than for men. Divorced women often loose their children and their reputation. The situation is not as funny as this guy presents it.
My younger brother got married through arranged marriage, but it wasn’t arranged by our parents (we lost arranged marriages tradition 3 generations ago). It was his spiritual teacher who arranged my brother to marry another student of the teacher. Thank God, they are able to grow love into each other. They live happily. Both families are happy as it turns out, my parents and the girl’s older sister knew each other since a long time. Now they are part of our extended family.
We need to understand that when people use the word forced marriage. Its not the marriage on gun point. In an typical middle class indian family a force marriage is 1. Start showing you pics to aunties ever since you turn 23, asking them help to find a perfect groom. 2. Emotionally blackmailing you to get married for the sake of society, age, parents falling health. 3. Because all your cousins are getting married. 4. Because if you marry after 30 you will not get a guy or you wont be able to conceive. ( in case of girls) So you are given option to choose from a wide variety of girls or guys. So it kind of becomes not a forced marriage. But the mental and social pressure given from age of 25 .. So much that the only way to get your peace with family is to get married, so that this marriage chapter is closed. The mental and emotional pressure is force. The blackmail that society wont accept you if you are not married in right age is force. Its never dragging you to mandap..
I am from Alberta, Canada and would love to find someone genuine, sincere and committed. I am in my 30s. My parents are from Kerala, India and had an arranged marriage. They were married 42 years and raised 4 children. After viewing this speech and hearing Omar and his story, I would not mind an arranged marriage. I feel it is based on respect, maturity, family values, responsibility and commitment. I hope I find someone soon. Please let me know how I can contact to a positive and supportive matchmaker.
my mom and dad had an arranged marriage (not forced! both my mom and dad were okay with the fact that they’re getting married) and now they have 3 kids with me being 14 and my brothers being 7 and 8, they are happily married for over 16 years now and they don’t fight and even if they do they talk it out or deal with it like adults and not some bunch of 5-year-olds. and I know they will spend the rest of their life together, till death do them part. I am glad to call myself their daughter!
Omar talks about his childhood, learning language, culture and etc is life time process, he seems to be a ”gifted” as he learned all that at age 5, and moved on…phew! so easy for him. I see him as being very focused and successful person, Asian kids have parents with “Great Expectations” usually they fullfill their parents dreams.
what he describes is a basically a series of blind dates with marriage as the goal up untill they get engages on the second meeting. thats the part that wiggs me out. family and friends setting up blind dates can work out amazingly, who knows you better? but why rush into an engagment ? i always say a couple needs to have one huge massive fight befor getting married. that way they eavh see how tjr other is when angry, hurt, remorsfull, ect. you never know what if she hits when she is angry, what if he turns sulky and pouty?
This was not an arranged marriage. Coz if it was, then it means that when a friend or your friends introduce you to a single person suggesting you could date, that would also fall into arranged marriages category??? No!!!!!!! I beleive arranged marriage is when you don’t have a choice, your parents have decided who you are going to marry and they do all the planning and you just have to marry. If you can still have a choice, then that is no different than a dating website or matrimonial companies or friends introducing you to a potential date…
It is not always such a happy ending. There are soooo many cases in which it goes wrong. I now it out of my own experience. Lives are ruined by it. I’m not exaggerating. Of course there are also cases in which it ends up as a fairy tale. But in a lot is doesn’t, because the western world doesn’t match anymore with such old ways of engaging. And in Omar’s case he was asked if he agreed, that didn’t happened in the cases I know. They were forced, not asked, they just needed to marry the person the family choose. Within arranged marriages there is are differences. My life has already been changed twice because of arranged marriage, and it didn’t changed possitively. So please don’t encourage arranged marriage. It is only ok if both man and woman want arranged marriage themselfs.
I had an arranged marriage and no it was NOT forced. When my parents were looking for matches, i had a proper say whether i liked the guy or not. This is the main difference between an arranged and forced. One guy i said okay to meet, i met him and he said you cannot work after marriage. I told this guy is rejected and they rejected that proposal. Then we continued to look and finally found my husband. On the first meeting itself i liked him. As he told a natural chemistry. Next time when we met it was our engagement and the next time it was our marriage although we were texting and talking over phone. We have our fights here and there, but i am happily married. I feel it doesnt matter if its arranged or love marriage but the willingness from both parties to put an effort in your marriage makes it work.
This is not we called a arrange marriage, in my point of view this is totally a love marriage, he draw his marriage resume according his likes and dislikes, when he got a girl according to his personality 50% work has been done, after that he did conversation with her almost 30 days and when they get attached almost 80% work has been done. So they are meeting with each other and after that their parents made decisions and they are getting married. Arrange marriages is that you are not allowed to talk each other, you are only allowed to see a pic of your partner because your parents is already decided your partner and you only have to say YES as you have no any option. This is called Arrange marriages. @Omer i am really glad you find your love….. May ALLAH PAK bless you more with his more blessing AMEEN.
My Indian best friend always said, he was “sold like a cow” regarding his marriage…thats how Indian marriages work, in best case: a matching thats going well with all the life facts such as cast, education etc. In all to many cases its not like this. Strangers are locked together in a life long arrangment, always under the control of the whole family.
This is like shopping see if the bride fits, what if the arrangement is made by the parents and one or the other thinks their parents choice is not attractive to them. Feelings are important and so is learning, relationships can be good or bad its part of the human experience. I know of one 16 year old forced to marry an older man and after having 2 children by the age of 19 left him, ten years later she is being forced to return to him by her parents. Look at the internet and you will find countless stories from very unhappy women who have arranged marriages and are desperately unhappy and often subjected to abuse at the hands of their arranged partners hands
he talks about his experience which was great so far but not all arrange marriages work, as not all love marriages work. It’s a matter of destiny, finding love is a mystery. You can also find love in tinder, you can find love in the supermarket, at uni, love can happen everywhere and there are no prescriptions or methods to guarantee you will find it, otherwise we would all try those methods. Love just happens and the means make no difference
My husband’s parents met on a blind date. His mother’s girlfriend’s boyfriend recommended his friend. On that first date, my future father-in-law brought my future mother-in-law to meet his widowed mother and two sisters. They got married a year later. Their seventieth wedding anniversary is next month.
My Pakistani Mom got me into an arranged marriage. She introduced me to a girl who seemed nice and I said yes. We are still married 10 years later and she’s the love of my life. The important thing is that there is a choice. Western people assume arranged marriage means forced marriage. That’s definitely a no no, especially since it’s illegal in Islamic law.
i am 22 years old and i am with arranged marriage. get a legal chance to meet someone who you may think that he or she is suitable to you regarding life basis and get engaged for a while to know him or her and if you find her or him suitable for you(almost think the same) and love is in between then get married. and if not get separated. no hearts breaking.
my parents had an arranged marriage and they are perfectly happy. every couple has their issues, but my parents are generally well-functioning and are each other’s best friends. i personally am not going to be having an arranged marriage, but i think it’s a tradition that isn’t really outdated. so many people find their one through arranged marriages, so who am I to judge?
This is not a true definition of an arranged marriage, this is how usually it is, their is no talking before the actual meeting the boy and the girl dont meet before, the family of the boy comes to the house of the girl, they all meet they’ll talk about what the boy wants or what the girl wants from this marrage and then they’ll leave and say we will get back to you later, both families think and if the parents decided that this marriage will work . Then again they’ll comeback to the girls house and finish everything the boy asks for the girls hand from her father. So then they are allowed to talk to each other the boy and the girl and theyll get to know each other
I don’t know whether I’m matured enough to say this but both arranged and love marriages are similar in a way that it deals with life. I don’t think one is better than the other. Just two distinct roads,to reach a destination, where your plight can be either sad or sweet. Just like the “road not taken ” you are responsible for your decision in life. You can’t go back and choose the other route later.
I’m fine with this. This is no different than somebody setting you up, or finding somebody using a dating site. It’s matching people and if they like each other, they like each other. What I object to is when somebody is forced into a marriage and disowned if they refuse to marry the person. I know a guy who I’m convinced his wife is a mail order bride. I have no problem with that because it’s an agreed upon relationship and isn’t abusive. Marry who want, but make sure you marry who you want.
What he describes as “arranged marriage” is literally just like normal dating, only difference is that marriage is the expressive goal. What we usually mean by “arranged marriage” is if the marriage is literally arranged by the parents, with little to no input by the children. Plenty of horrible stories revolve around parents forcing their children to marry someone they don’t love – just because sometimes an arranged marriage turns into love doesn’t mean it’s a great system. Let people LOVE who they want to love – THAT is the important thing!
I had an indian boyfriend in 4yrs, a month ago he went back to india, in kurukshetra, we are happy communicating with each other, telling me dont think too much just trust me.(so i believe). He love me i love him so much, we have a lot of plans to meet up in other country.. then guess what? just this month, he told me his parents arrange his marriage for this up coming october 2019… within 4months he will marry a girl he dont love,, and the hardest part most we need to give up our 4yrs relationship because of this force marriage(i cant still accept😣) 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.. all our plans gone in just one snap😭
if you do it this way it’s more like family tinder, a person who knows you connects you to a person they seem fitting. My only doubt about this would be, what if your family does not agree, or if you get married, and it turns out you don’t feel that way for each other, you start to notice the other persons annoying habits, or are just not really attracted to each other that way, marriage is quite a big deal. Especially if you imagine that your family agreed with you, you cant just take this back. And what if one person has regrets, and the other person does not? i don’t believe the arranged part of arranged marriages are bad, i just think that it’s like a blind date, but the pressure for marriage is something i personally would be uncomfortable about. But it’s up to you, so as long as you have a choice, and you are comfortable with this, you do you.
Love and choosing a life partner aren’t random tho. It’s a very conscientious choice. If two ppl meet by chance, and choose to form a relationship, then all the best. If they choose not to, then all the best as well. If two ppl whom are arranged to meet choose to form a relationship or not, then the same applies.
4 montths ago, i leave a comment here saying i tryna to lose weight and i havent meet my match maker yet, turns out my mom was my match maker and my wing man all along she introduced me to her friend and her friend has two daughter, after 4 nmoths ive lose 10 kg and look a little bit better surprisingly her friend said im good looking, next chewsday we are gonna propose the idea of arrange marry to her daughter, im still a bit skeptic but after rewatching this article i had a peace of mind, whatever happens,happens man, ill keep u guy updated .
You know he’s clever he listened to his family and succeed nowadays kids when you mention arranged marriage the kid is taking his bag and running or calls 911 that my parents they’re forcing believe me when you listened your parent you will be successful am Somali girl even us our parents they arrange marriage for us I hope it will end up beautiful like this
There’s a difference between arrange marriages and forced marriages, arranged marriages are parents that allow their children to talk to each other to see if their compatible, and if both parties agree they get married, on the other hand forced marriages are pretty much blind marriages, you don’t even get to see or talk to the person you’re going to marry until the wedding day, and forced marriages use to be common a long time ago in mainly third world countries, but it’s pretty less now, mainly India and Pakistan still practice force’s marriages, which should be illegal.
i’m being forced by my mother to marry a guy who’s allegedly “in-love” with me. however, i don’t love the guy. i repeatedly expressed my disagreement to this marriage but my mother keeps pressuring me by blackmailing me that she would disown me, that i won’t have a family to come back to, and that she’d rather die if i end up with other guy. the engagement has already been set and the families of both sides already know. but i’m not 100% willing. all of them know my stand. but they keep convincing me by pressuring me.
You are a fantastic speaker! But I do not see how this “arranged marriage” is any different from standard dating, other than it being sort of like a blind date that your mother/matchmaker found for you (and after your mother’s first choice turned you down). You had a full year of engagement to say no – which is fairly normal for Americans. However, your wife is BEAUTIFUL! I’m so glad you found each other!
My grandparents had love marraige and they were not really that much happy …my grandmom was a police officer and my grandpa was an engineer . Contrary to them my parents have arranged marriage and my mum had a choice …she rejected 68 proposals of marraige and dad bout 25 (Dad’s parents died early) . When she met dad she really liked him and went of 3 dates before she said yes to him. Then they registered their marraige and since my dad was in defence he had to go but he came to meet my mum sometimes and they went to see movies or go to parks…..and after 2 years they got married(my mum wanted to complete her M.A) and I have never seen anybody be more in love with each other. It was an arranged marraige too….I am not really gonna follow their footsteps and my parents are like you hv to study now no dating 😅😅 and get a good job then you can marry or date anyone you like or else we might get you married b4 (jk) . I am not denying that in Indian forced marraiges do not happen or even in arranged marraige which is willed by both parties they have to compromise a lot (which is not exactly a bad thing as ppl say). Like my mum had to do some compromises too so do my dad…..like I hv never seen both of them spending even one penny on them unless necessary but spending everything gor us sisters. I am so grateful to my parents and I want to become someone successful and make their life better. They belonged from a middle class family between. And I m bengali …so here education and jobs are given the high priority
There is a big difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages. When you think about it, all marriages are “arranged”, the question is WHO arranges them and do the bride and groom have a say in who they want to marry. As you can see, this guy didn’t end up with the first match his mother made because that lady opted out! He then had multiple other matches that he could choose from! How is this any different from Tinder or other dating apps and websites?? It’s more of a matchmaking process than a fixed “arrangement” made by the parents! As long as the bride and groom have a choice and the final say, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with arranged marriages.
Fairy tale marriage is the long struggle to meet the right person, admitted. asking both set of mothers if they ‘approve’ is little frightening, Arrange marriages were a norm to control and manage the people in a given class/caste hierarchy. Both of them share lot of common background/cultural/ religious/etc. so the approval and blessings, long story made short. Indians have lots of boxes to tick right until they find the right person. it is backbreaking exercise. picking, choosing, measuring, its no joke. Well, it is not all that straight and simple. Even the clothes one has to spend on. that’s another story. lastly, arrangement is well an arrangement only please accept that. I wish you all the best….
My chinese parents was a arranged marriage. They only share the same nationality, the same culture, the same family background, the same food and 3 kids. BUT NOTHING else. I never see them happy together. My mom stopped hopping dad to do thing with her. She travel with her sisters. Sometime i hope they divorce. But i know they will never divorce…because it’s again the culture and because of the kids. When my mom said: you should not be in couple with a westerner because it will always end up in a divorce. Me: that’s a normal end if there is no more love mom. I’m good with that.
Arranged marriages between adults, who ask for it, and just want to meet people whom also want to marry and have a family in order to avoid dating people with very different life goals, is ok for me . Long term relationships need common goals, compromise and compativity more than romantic feelings . Forcing marriages between teenagers and very young adults is plainly wrong .
Well. After making it clear that arranged married are not forced marriage, AND after we all protest against marriage under the age of 18 … Because,only then we can fight agains forced marriage (that some actually call “arranged”.) The stigma is real and wide spread, unfortunally, but it is with some reasons, as mentioned. It is hard to se pass forced marriage. It cast It’s shadow on a lot .
I used to think that arranged marriages were done for the sake of kinship between two families, not out of romantic feelings between husband and wife. If love develops between both, then it’s a bonus, but the main purpose of the marriage is to provide kinship between two families. For-love marriages as done in the US and other Western countries can work if all that matters are how husband and wife feel about each other, but when family background and personal wealth start to become factors, then it becomes the same as an arranged marriage, so why not consult family elders for their opinion? In fact, a for-love marriage is an arranged marriage, only that instead of two patriarchs arranging it it’s the man and the woman seeking to marry each other – especially if online matching services, such as eHarmony and Tinder, are involved.
My family tells me, why don’t you work with the family business? Well, if I work with you, my grandmother who is very engaged in the family’s business will find me a wife and I don’t want that. It’s so embarassing and humiliating. They don’t know their limits, they just push and push and if you push back you are an ungrateful kid. That’s why I am not working with you, Ill take over when you are too old, hopefully, ill be married by then. Other negatives: my salary is low because they feed me and shelter me and my position is not well defined, I just go along with the ride and have just to be there all the time. The only positive is: I don’t have to worry about missing my family and can wake up at 9 am. I have to find the courage to leave the house for good and BELIEVE that it’s the right choice and when the time is right I could take over because their business is mostly social stuff, there is a few technical stuff but you can learn that fairly quickly. My heart is too sensitive……
Reporting sexual offence is also very less in India. Does that mean it’s not happening? Divorce rate is less doesnt imply marriages are working. People are concerned about their image in the society here in India. This is the reason why they don’t file for divorce and refrain from reporting sexual offence.
summary : 1. divorce rates in India are Considereably lower than other nations. 2. every marriage is arranged, either my someone or by emotions or you. 3. you need to be happy within yourself and only then enter a relationship, not compulsiveness. 4. you need to marry the girl and nothing else, not her background or things that don’t concern. 5. usually parents make marriage with best interests in mind and a longer time frame
how joyfully Sadhguru explains and clarifies this matter of break ups, which is one of the major causes of immense pain and stress to almost half of the world’s population.. thank you Sadhguru for always explaining even the hardest of matters (as the world perceives it to be), in a very simplified and humorous manner💖🕊️🙏
I can see how arranged marriage could work, especially because families are involved. In the US our families are too separate. But I think the percentage of divorce per country are just as reflective on how easy/hard it is to get a divorce in those countries. That cannot be separated from the equation.
When you don’t allow any one, but you, who can make you happy or unhappy, no relation can be failed once established in your life. Perhaps problem is that every one wants spouse to be ideal according to his/her definition but don’t want to be so for his/her partner, or they take marriage as business contract, where, spouse behavior is directly related with partner’s behavior, almost no tolerance.
Well, it’s depends on your behavior and respect on the Partner, doesn’t matter whether it is a Arrange or Love marriage. In INDIA divorce percentage has raised because of different mindsets and independence of one’s feelings and never ending expectations from partner. In INDIA, people are much worried about image, so they try to adjust within themselves as they treat Divorce as negative impact on their family Image and also may be because of children they have. Simple way to be happy, “Don’t Expect Much” from partner. Respect her/him. Forgive them if any mistake, because you love them & no one is perfect in this world, Even sachin “multi record breaker” gets out on Zero… Forgive them with smile as you do with your kids/friends. Soon your world will be changed. ALL THE BEST.
Marriage, like everything in this universe is something which is complete, true & bliss only when there is undivided CONSCIOUSNESS involved. When there is no unpleasantness in you, full Blissfulness and pure love towards each other, only then marriage is a marriage else, it’s mere Sham/arrangement! You need to understand that when you marry, it’s fulfilled only if your loved ones are involved and during the entire ceremony, all you feel is lifelong promising bliss nothing else. ☺️✨
Namaskaram 🙏 Sadhguru Please speak for students for postponement of NEET and JEE,we tried a lot,now we are loosing our confidence and our mental stress is going high. please do something for us. Please 🙏 Speak for POSTPONE exam.93 % students want to postpone examination. I also want to postpone examination. GOVERNMENT is not saying anything thing …please 🙏 you speak for us. I hope you will do something for us.we have very much hope from Sadhguru. Thank you Abhishek
Ibest marriage starts when your loved one and you both have a say in it .It depends upon your relationship with your family and yourself . That’s what I believe. If u have amazing relationship with your family which allows your opinion you should go in that direction of both . Sometimes we ourself don’t know best interest or what’s best . I completely don’t agree wIth parents but the truth is majority know what’s best for us and can think long term
I believe compromises are the way to a successful marriage, as i see it people in any other country with higher divorce rates aren’t ready to make any compromises ! With marriage comes a great responsibility, it ain’t something replaceable or to be taken in a light way One should try to make it work till the last !
Well said sir👏 Just an addition If you are being physically tortured or you are being tortured for dowry or anything else please go away from that people and house …..see whats happening in india ove past few weeks….how many murders and suicides because of inlaw torture, husband torture etc etc…..don’t try to Impress your society or your parents….stand up for yourself ladies
There are only three truths for the living being.. birth, death and in between you are here to live.. Now to live in a society with it’s rules created by humans there will be many situations where you will need to fight, you will go into unwanted situations.. and this is unavoidable for all… To live this life and tackle all the situations it’s better if you have someone with whom you can share your feelings, someone with whom you can face these challenges and sail through life to achieve what your instincts says you to achieve .. So you should marry a person who is making your sailing through life easy.. You should not be in a marriage where your life’s problem is your partner 🙂 Life is like a movie.. it will be good or bad, you don’t know and it’s not in your control.. but your experience changes totally by with whom you are perusal it…
Sadhguru there are many questions raising i understand that before there was no tools that yogis can give proof and enhance or inspired people too meditate but now through phone you can inspire many of them Can you do any of such activities which can give them proof that meditation helps to enhance human capabilities It would be great🔥✊ Thank you for changing my mindset🔥✊
Hi guys during these tough times we are struggling with our personal emotional life, as an Army Vet., I had my fair share of dealing with emotions during this hard times, many of you have become and or will become depressed emotionally YOU DON’THAVE TOO. Many of hide it well, Im here for you, this article can help you become aware of it and deal with it without having to inform the world. Forgive yourself then forgive others
I found it interesting that he said “marriage is not about how it happened, who arranged it”…”your confused friends arranged it or your confused self arranged it”….”it’s best if it is arranged by responsible, sensible people” All of this implying parents are the responsible sensible people, and people that will be getting married are not. 1. If you’re not responsible, sensible, or confused about yourself. you have no business getting married. Marriage is about building healthy families if you or your spouse are irresponsible or confused about yourselves your children will suffer. 2: I love how the guruji says confused friends or confused self and forgets confused parents. Parents want the best for their children but they get confused on what “the best” is all the time and chose what seems best rather that what is best.
Looks like sadguru is pro arrange marriage, though as per the data he quoted divorce rate is certainly lower than the other countries in India but not the infidelity. In India people keep an unhappy marriage due to social pressure, not that they find arrangements to be good and pleasant. There are several you tube websites flooded with vashikaran etc. Every other marriage has a problem. Be it love or arrange. I think in love marriage, you have better clarity regarding a person’s traits and one can make an informed decision, in contrast arrange marriage is based on an assumption that we make in 2-3 meetings. Be it arrange or love, one can make it beautiful with constant feelings of affection, devotion, trust and less expectations.
chosen his own wife – on his own free will -and out of love shows me that as happy as he was with his wife – he did exactly that which I thought was the best– which means from the heart. Seems to be a wise and honourable respectful decision. Like in the western world when we are looking to find the one we are attracted to. Blessings
Love marriage is good, but you must date each other for atleast 5-10 years, to get to know each other and know if the marriage will actually work. One example is Prince William and Kate’s marriage, William dated Kate for 10 years before marrying her in 2011 and he then knew for sure that she was a princess and queen material, someone who can handle royalty, while his brother Harry rushed into marriage in 2 years, Harry’s wife could not handle royalty and they had to leave within 2 years of marrying, now their children don’t get the title of prince and princess because they are living in USA and Queen explained no British prince will grow up in USA because they fought a revolutionary war to get away from British monarchy, she was honoring the lives lost in that war and then they had to pull the race into convo to tell the world why he is not a prince.
One reason why relationships aren’t stable in the West is because everyone has too much sexual memory of 10-20 partners before marriage. You can’t just wipe that karmic memory away. So after sometime they get bored and don’t feel the feelz and then they search for the next one and feel this is it, only to repeat the same pattern. So too much infidelity and the divorce industry is big business, so they need you to divorce. Emotional body runs on patterns of emotional behavior. These patterns can run across generations and lifetimes. You find again and again people doing the same mistakes for this reason. Without wiping off the karmic memory of those patterns that energy cannot become free to create a much better life for you. This is a problem when such people take up spiritual processes. They just have way too much memory and karma and blockages and old dysfunctional patterns to clear out. Sadhguru says it has made their energies the least stable of any generation before it. Of course, the arranged marriage as far as I’ve seen practically is such a cold blooded soulless transaction at times (it’s all about chores and social status one side and financial prestige on the other) at least on Day 0 that I really wonder how they stayed together all life. We have a long way to go before creating consciously beautiful relationships. But it can only be made by two consciously beautiful people.
I think everyone should attend their calling instead of being a mindless robot for society….I appreciate Modi for this ..He was forced into marriage by his parents and instead of accepting the injustice he decided to go and do what his heart told him…He was so open minded for his generation when he asked his wife to continue teaching and live life her own way instead of getting shackled in a marriage.And now he’s doing so much for the women of this country which he wouldn’t be able to do if he didn’t take a decision….So the bottom line is that everyone should follow their heart …🙏🏼
My friend brother has love marriage which failed after living 2yrs 2gether and having 1 child. After that my friend decided to go with arrange marriage which didn’t even work for 3 months. So according to her there family is cursed non of their relationships worked. But according to her, her brother marriage is better bcuz atleast they enjoyed few years of their marriage. They decided to live 2gether and than separation. But both things hurt equally atleast for the one who wants to save it.
My mother does not live with my father, my father is a cheater. Theirs was an arranged marriage. They are not divorced till now due to some societal pressure. So Sadhguru dont give those divorce rate in india lower than other country bullshit. With the rise in education divorce rate also increases. Compatibility and sacrifice is the key for a healthy relationship.
I don’t agree to arrange marriages when your parents choose, it lead to force marriages and the victims are more women and young girls. Easy to say you as man I agree, but asked yourself, if someone force your underage sister( wherever you live in the world) to marry a man she doesn’t want to: will you agree with the arrange marriage? and is it true marriage without both side consent? No, your parents consent isn’t your consent. Arrange marriage only works and acceptable when both side agrees, without any force and pressure from anyone. By the way not just in India exist this practice, but because of the media it’s mostly focus on them, so my comment it not against Indian culture and traditions!!! So for a man easy to say yeah, all marriage are arrange marriage. I want to hear a woman says that, who can’t choose her partner for life or want to, because culture and family wherever you live in the world. I want to hear a women’s truly opinion, because only heard till men’s opinions in the question. if you are women, you choose to live this way with your fully consent and never felt any kind of pressure to choose this way and you truly happy, that’s good.
In India divorce rates are low because divorce is considered kind of wrong, its not socially accepted. Moreover, women have been taught from beginning in India, they are the ones who have to adjust in the new family and ignore any wrong that happens to them, and they consider it their moral duty to do so and hence not come forward to take any action.
After multiple failed relationships, I came to the realisation that I am always attracted to the same type of people who are not the best match for me to say the least. Although I make my own decisions in every aspect of my life, I have given up my marriage to my parents to choose because I believe my marriage is not just me and a man but two families coming together and I guess a beautiful family is all I need in this lifetime
Sadghuru…I always have felt that the natural process before getting married was to “fall in love”. This is not the case when parents choose your better half for you. Don’t you think this is very wrong to do?? I have never understood these ideologies… Marriage is a very big deal. It really is supposed to be for life. That being said, I would never be ok with someone picking out and arranging my life partner for me. Does this make sense to you?
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1.5 percent. Because we are probably not allowed to do that. We fear family, society and everything and think that divorce is bad. I believe if people divorce when they think it’s not working, it’s good. But in india, men or women may not talk or see or even like eachother for years and years but they’d still be together.