In summary, it is important to consider walking away from a marriage when there are signs of abuse, lack of respect, trust, abuse, communication breakdowns, and physical and emotional intimacy becoming extinct. Younger married couples may find it easier to divorce and start their lives over again, but staying in a state of abuse or infidelity can lead to serious consequences.
Some reasons for deciding to leave a relationship include the long-term nature of the relationship, struggling to devote enough time to the relationship, or the presence of abuse in the relationship. To address these issues, it is crucial to be direct and concise in your decision-making process.
Another reason to walk away from a relationship is when you are being abused emotionally, sexually, physically, and/or financially. If your partner is physically and sexually hurting you, and you feel your self-esteem has hit rock bottom, it may be time to leave. Increased time away from home without clear reasons could also indicate disengagement from the marriage.
Walking away from a relationship gives you firm control of your future, allowing you to decide who you want to be. It is essential to remember that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in a romantic relationship, and if you don’t receive the respect you deserve, it may be time to leave. Some signs of a potential breakup include no respect toward you and your needs, no trust with your partner, lack of value for the relationship, communication issues, lack of sympathy/respect/trust, and growing apart.
In conclusion, it is essential to recognize the signs of abuse, lack of respect, trust, and communication issues before considering whether to continue in a marriage. By taking control of your life and addressing the issues at hand, you can make a more informed decision about whether to continue in your marriage.
📹 When Is It Time to Walk Away from a Marriage?
Dr. Phil tells compelling stories about real people. The Dr. Phil Show is an American daytime talk show and TV series with host …
What is a silent divorce?
A silent divorce is a gradual separation between couples. It’s when the love and connection between two people slowly erodes, leaving them feeling like roommates.
How do I know if I want to stay married?
People who have a goal in mind are more likely to take action than those who don’t. A marriage works when each partner’s needs are met in three areas: safety, love, and esteem. There are no simple answers, but I can give you some things to think about. I can’t give you the answer. I can only help you find the truth for now. Read with honest reflection to find your answer. When I meet with a client who wants to divorce, I can often tell if they want to stay or leave based on why they want to stay married.
What are the signs of unhappy marriage?
You don’t talk much. There’s no intimacy. You’d rather be with friends than your partner. Everything they do bothers you. You’re emotionally distant. You have different values, beliefs, and goals. You criticize, disrespect, and defend yourself. Being in a relationship is hard. Many couples forget the promise they made on their wedding day. People don’t just fall out of love. Problems often build up slowly, testing a relationship. People often file for divorce because of unreasonable behavior, infidelity, or financial problems.
When should you finally leave a marriage?
If you’re being abused, you should think about getting divorced. No relationship is worth abuse. Staying in an abusive relationship is selfish. Here are eight signs your marriage is over. Marriage is complicated. You can change your mind about divorce if you work on your relationship. You can do this by talking to a counselor, communicating, being empathetic, and accepting each other’s imperfections. But there will come a time when you’ve had enough and leaving is the best option. A toxic or abusive relationship is often the reason people give up on their marriage. Even if there is no rage, one or both partners may lose respect for the relationship and their spouse, which might mean the end.
Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage or leave?
Staying together helps children feel safe and secure. But studies show that staying in an unhappy marriage can hurt the kids. Divorce can be hard in the short term, but it can make the whole family happier in the long run. It can reduce conflict and give parents the chance to grow and be free, which is good for them and their kids. Parents who take care of themselves and have healthy relationships help their kids do the same. Happier parents make happier kids.
We help parents make informed decisions that put their children’s best interests first. This article will help you make the best decision for your children, whether you’re divorcing or staying together. The Impact of Divorce on Children. Divorce is a big change for children.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used for when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
What is the misery stage of marriage?
The Misery Stage is where many couples find themselves considering a marriage separation or divorce. Many believe the pain is too intense. It may seem that too much has happened and there is no way to forgive and move on. Many judge that the restoration of love and trustseems impossible and it may seem that things can never be the same.
When children are involved, this third Stage of Misery is particularly difficult onthem. Regardless of whether the couple stays together in misery or divorce, the misery of the marriage relationship often begins to negatively affect the children.
The pain is often so intense during the Misery Stage that it is common to only want it to STOP. Much like the pain of a toothache that consumes your whole being, you cannot seem to think of anything else besides stopping the pain. One spouse may be pushing hard for the divorce, while the other wants to stop divorce and is resistant. Love is tested, often to the absolute limit.
What is the number one thing that destroys a marriage?
1. Lack of honesty. We often think of honesty in a very tangible way, like telling the truth about where you were last night. While this is important, there are other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages. Not being honest about spending, internet relationships, or substance use or addiction can cause problems in a marriage. If we keep secrets, we might start having secret lives with other people or substances. These can become more important than our partners. Our partners can’t compete with these secret lives, and marriages fail. Affairs often start this way. Affairs often start because of a lack of emotional honesty. Emotional dishonesty is when we don’t tell the truth about how we feel about our partner, our marriage, or ourselves. If we say we’re fine when we’re not, we’re being dishonest.
Is it worth staying in a loveless marriage?
3. More arguments. Staying in an unhappy marriage can make you feel insecure, resentful, or depressed, which can lead to more arguments. More conflict makes you feel worse, which makes you argue more. The more you fight, the more you may feel distant from your partner and sad, frustrated, and lonely.
This can make your life worse, according to Neupert.
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Why people are getting divorced in the United States. 42. A recent survey found that lack of commitment is the main reason for divorce. Here are the reasons and their percentages:
- Lack of commitment 73%
- Argue too much 56%
- Infidelity 55%
- Married too young 46%
- Unrealistic expectations 45%
- Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
- Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
- Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
(Respondents often cited more than one reason, so the percentages add up to more than 100 percent)
What Makes People More or Less Likely to Divorce? Your age. 43. 48% of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25% of those who marry after 25.
How do you decide if you should leave a marriage?
Before making the decision to stay or leave a marriage, it is important to evaluate the relationship, consider the long-term prospects, check for abuse or infidelity, and think about the impact on yourself and others. It’s a tough call, but you need to do what’s best for you.
📹 Walking away from marriage, children, and other stuff we’re supposed to have
When society believes something is good, does it necessarily mean it’s true? Is it wrong to live life differently? And what is life like …
I suffered severe depression several years ago. I could remember several years ago after divorce with my wife which brought me into my disastrous journey on Alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I had two alcoholic parents that beat me bloody daily, for no reason, just because I was alive. It took me into my 30’s before I could socialize with peers, and the scars of the abuse are life-long. It shaped my character, and I am nothing like my parents – but I chose a childless life and have very few friends. I am absolutely not lonely, this is my way of life. I chose to be a firefighter, medic and cop, and in this way cared for others. Don’t let society dictate your path of life.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Marriage is a wonderful institution invented so that two people could solve problems together they would never have had, had they remained single. Being single is an opportunity to live life on your own terms. A single life, not married with no children, has the ability to maneuver in life, with minimal constraints, that is the true power. Men are not worried about dying alone. Men are worried about living miserably. I’d rather live dangerously free than peacefully enslaved.
I’m 72, never married, have no children, and just a few important friends. I spend lots of time in solitude in my small home. I have no pressing needs or responsibilities, no worrying debt, and plenty of time to think. For me, a life of observance and contemplation is very important. Making a family and doing great things that may improve humanity is a wonderful way to create a lasting legacy, but I much prefer to sit this one out.
When I was 9 years old, I told my mama that I would never get married or have children. I remember her saying that I might change my mind, but it was my life to choose what I wanted to do or not. I’m 67 years old, not married, and have no children; I am very happy with my life and don’t feel like I have missed a thing.
My father had 10 children. From the 9 remaining, as one of my half-siblings passed away, only 3 of us were willing to take care of him during his last months. The rest of them didn’t even want to have him at their homes. Having children and being a good parent is no guarantee that you will be taken care of when you’re old.
When I was a younger man, I used to wonder why the married with children spent so much time trying to convince the young and unmarried that it was an imperative to get married and have children. I heard all the reasons and rationalizations, and while I wasn’t opposed to marriage, I didn’t have it as a personal goal. In fact, I think that marriage is an essential institution for the furtherance of our species and for the development and maintenance of society. Still, I couldn’t quite grasp why there was so much pressure by those who choose the family way to convince everyone that that was the only sensible and honorable way. Finally, it dawned on me, as I observed at all the unhappy married couples, the bitter divorces, and consequent state of society. The reason must be that misery loves company.
Along my life, over 60 now, I never fitted in. Never felt belonging to a group or another, never liked what most people of my age liked. I thought there was something wrong about me. I had my own world and was happy being in it. This article shad a light in this life and made me feel normal for the first time. So happy reading others accounts showing that there are more people out there feeling the same way. Thank you so much for showing this vision where we can feel that in the end we belong to a group in its own way!
I’m in my 30s. I’m single, I have no kids and I’m happy. All the money I make is spent on myself and all my free time is spent on doing things that I like doing. Call me immature, call me selfish, say that I’m wrong. In my humble opinion, the ones who are deluding themselves are those who think that the universe gives a crap about whatever they choose to do.
I was born to an abusive mother and a father who I rarely see because he is busy with work My childhood was hell, there was no one to really care about me I was bullied at school, beaten, and burned at home by my mother for no logical reason. In addition, I did not have any real friends. They were all toxic and exploitative. This left me with a lot of scars as I grew older I began to suffer from insomnia and anxiety most of the time, social phobia, in addition to self-loathing and depression. I always wonder: What did I do to deserve all this? I was just a crying, fragile little girl All I want is to feel okay, that I’m good enough, and that I’m worthy of love I really wonder why I didn’t think about suicide at that time… I grew up to become an introverted, isolated, and eccentric woman in the eyes of my family and others I became cold, sarcastic, and indifferent to anything that happens to me in this life. Even death doesn’t scare me anymore. I think the three best things that have ever happened to me in this cruel world My silly cat, Leon, and my best friend, Lian. I also joined nursing. I did not find nursing suited me at first, but now I believe that I was truly created to be there. I was created to take care of others. I remember that one time brought tears to my eyes when a patient told me while smiling that although I appear to be a cold-hearted woman, I really have the heart of a caring angel. This hit me hard and I was truly touched by his words I am now single and have decided to remain so.
I am 48, never married, and childless. I catch myself feeling like I’m weird, have failed at something everybody else does, and not living up to something. But I never wanted, nor even liked, children. And I find it very questionable to rely on another person for fulfilment, completeness, and a sense of security. My parents seperated after 37 years, when I was already 34. So, that did enhance my feeling that in the end, there is no such thing as ultimate trust in someone else. Humans are mood-driven fleshy robots, totally unpredictable. Self-reliance and feeling complete on your own are absolutely essential.
I am 67 years old. I never wanted to be married or have children. The idea of all of it was really unappealing to me. I have no regrets. In fact, I couldn’t figure out why people even wanted to do it. I actually always preferred animals to people, so I’ve always had a bunch of them. Even when I was part of a family growing up I didn’t like it. And personally, I don’t think my parents should have ever had kids because they were terrible at being parents. And I agree with you, when people choose to have kids, the kids don’t have a say in it. If they did, many would say no thanks. Being alive isn’t easy.
Steve Jobs nailed it when he said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. “
Everyone reading this, let me just say: Don’t let online strangers or family or friends determine if you should want kids or not. If you do, PLEASE make sure you are in a good financial, mental, physical, and emotional state to do so (and with a equally agreeable partner). If you don’t, then create some short and long-term goals since you’ll have a pretty large free-time margin down the line. Keep walking in truth and in love ❤
I’m almost 43 years old and a single man. I’ve never been totally against marrying but I’ve always known it was optional, not mandatory. My family members have often been puzzled as to why I decided to opt out of marriage barring something extraordinary happening. However, I don’t absolutely need a soulmate or children. What I do need is peace, tranquility and emotional balance in my life. I’ll remain single if it means avoiding unnecessary drama.
I think a lot of times people that follow society’s norms and conventions are scared by those that don’t. If someone has gotten married, bought a house, and has children, they are extremely invested into that lifestyle. Being confronted with someone happily living an alternative lifestyle might evoke feelings of doubt. They might have never considered doing things differently, or according to their own ideas. And that feeling of: “Wait, I could have chosen? I could have decided for myself what I wanted to do with my life?” can be pretty intense. Also, making life choices (like having children) that you can’t go back on kind of force you into making yourself believe it was the right choice. And that also works both ways of course.
When I was pretty young my mom told me “someday you’ll have a pain in the ass just like you running around and you’ll understand.” I replied “nope.” I think about that moment fairly regularly. I’ve stuck to it. I sometimes feel kind of bad because I know for sure she’d love some grandchildren, but bringing a child into this world just seems cruel. Not to mention that in America it’s a one way ticket to poverty. The energy that I would spend raising kids, I hope, is being used to advance society in other areas.
I’m 58, single, never married, no children. Always had to deal with people judging me. Once I went to a counselor and he gave me a children’s book called Ferdinand the bull. It actually really helped. Now I don’t care what people think of me. All I know is I’m not lonely and I absolutely love my life and it is very full and enriching.
I never wanted to have children or to get married. I’m 58 now and still feel this way. Did i miss out on something ? Maybe, but i really cannot see what that would have been. I DO know from a very early age that i am a loner, and those around me keep reminding me of this fact, by always attacking it, proving i understand myself a lot better than they could ever do.
32 Year old male. Not pressuring myself to “find someone and settle” is extremely liberating. Like everything, there are people who function better alone, then there are others who need a constant partner. Do you. Finally, in this world today where we unsee millions of lives and compete to raise 8 Billion people. Bringing another human because genetics is problematic. Capitalism and consumption cause the major problems regarding child rearing, a generation of people helping the kids that are uncared would help society more than everyone being forced to be parents.
I would say to Jordan P: I would have had a kid if I had found a woman who I loved, and who I believed would be a good parent to my child, while also being myself, psychologically, emotionally, and financially prepared to have a kid. We all need to find our own paths in life, and not force ourselves into marriage and creating a child because “we’re supposed to.” Having a child in such a way is the very definition of selfishness. The last thing this world needs is more people born into unhealthy and loveless situations.
I’m 41, divorced with no kids, not religious and couldn’t be happier. I don’t date, I no longer desire to be in a relationship and don’t currently have pets. Anytime I aspired to be what society wanted me to be, I was miserable. I may have mental health struggles and brain problems to contend with, but I’m happier in life than I ever have been before. I live a very peaceful life where I can pretty much do whatever I want and I would never go back to the life society wants me to live.
I’m comfortable, content and happy by myself. Age 66. Never married, no kids. Am not a follower. Carve out my own path. No complaints. Many times after meeting parents it’s easy to see why the kids are the way they are. It all starts at home. Glad I don’t have that BS. Foot loose and fancy free. I have no complaints.
When I was young, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a flight attendant, I wanted to live in Hawaii. None of that happened after I got pregnant. After my girls were grown and moved out, I jetted to the southern US and enrolled in college and went to New Orleans with various friends. I got involved in photography and theater. I never finished my degree (it was kinda dumb)…and now I look ahead towards my future. I no longer listen to anyone who tells me what I need to do. I do what I want, when and how I want to do it. My point is, never listen when other people tell you how to live out your life. As far as we know, we only get one life (unless you are Buddhist or something) so make it YOUR best life. ❤
I remember my Narcissist mother telling me I Owed her grand kids. I told her if she wouldn’t have run off every girl I dated that she would have had one by now. After all romantic opportunities have faded and old age has set in….I find peace in having a loyal dog and being a hermit. I can’t help it I just don’t like people and I like my alone time, besides a part of me feels like my gene pool should die out. If I can save a soul from enduring my F’d up family here on earth then that gives me fulfillment enough.
JP is clueless of the fact that some of us have evolved to a higher plane of awareness of the monumental changes in the societal, legal and economic landscape compared to that of the last century and, as such, have the capacity to make better informed choices as individuals than our more egalitarian ancestors ever did. Thus, adherence to an old order construct of pair bonding under a one-sided legal contract and procreation – for us – is not viable.
The ONLY PEOPLE THAT GET OFFENDED that you aren’t getting married and having kids are those that are married and have kids! For some reason they think I am nuts but it simply it different wants and priorities in life. I see marriage as a death sentence for men, i see kids as time, energy and money along with chaos. Am i right or wrong? Who cares, my decisions and i never ever impose my decision on others. So simple to understand.
People place way too much value on relationships. It doesn’t make you a better person, or even a happier person. Every now and then you meet someone that makes your life better over all, but you can’t expect someone like that to magically show up in your life with no effort on your part. And even then, people change over time. It is far better to focus on being happy by yourself before ever considering having a relationship
I onced walked into a cabin in the woods where everyone carved their names into the walls and all the wooden furniture- thereby totally trashing the place. They did this so a physical manifestation of their presence would remain after they left the cabin. This sums up the primary motivation why most people have children.
My father condemned me all throughout my twenties for not starting a family and carrying on the family name. Interestingly enough, in his youth he had multiple lovers with whom he had seven illegitimate children he was barely there for, one divorce and a second marriage that is slowly festering with each passing day.
I could never take life seriously. I’ve never wanted to follow the lifescript 1.0. The longer I live the more I’m convinced that it’s best to just stay away from all the human-made drama altogether. Their insecurities, fragile egos, fear of death and controlling, needy nature are way too exhausting to deal with. I just want peace and quiet, nothing else.
I agree with this article. My mother suffers from mental illness and my father was an abusive alcoholic. They should have never had children but they had 4 because they were being selfish. I never asked to come into this world. And since they didn’t know how to raise children in a loving environment, I suffer from depression, anxiety and OCD. I made the decision years ago not to have children because of this. I also understand that bringing a child into this world is against their will. They might suffer from the same things that I have even if I gave them a loving and supportive environment. I wasn’t willing to do that. I am so glad that I decided agaisnt having children. I’m not sad that I won’t have anyone to visit me when I am older. I am excited that I will be able to do whatever I want when I am older without disappointing or relying on my children. I have true freedom of not having anyone that relies on me or I rely on.
Putting up with my mother telling us constantly for 16 years (before she left) that every problem in her life, and the reason she was so angry and miserable all the time, was because of ‘you bloody kids!’ put me and both my brothers right off the idea of being that miserable 🤷♂ Way to end your genetic line mum! 🤦♂
I didn’t have kids and I am now 48, no regrets. I never had enough salary to have a kid plus myself. You can’t guarantee that a partner will stick around either. I didn’t buy a house because I am by myself so it is pointless. I am ok with my choice and really don’t care what Jordan Peterson says about it. I am happy without kids. I like kids but kids I can give back to parents. Maybe I am selfish…oh well but it’s better than having kids and not treating them well or resenting them.
It’s mostly jealousy. Marriage and having kids is like a mandatory job to some people, and when someone comes along and says, “Naw, I’m happy, single and don’t want marriage or kids,” they lose their mind like you’re cheating through life. That’s when they hit you with the, “You’ll die alone!” Everyone dies alone. “No one will be around to take care of you!” Your children are living their lives, let them be and get into an old folks home. There are too many unwanted kids already in this brutal world – we don’t need more.
I’m 42, never married, and no kids, and I’m not mad about that. What does bother me is the fact that I never found a true calling/purpose of a career. Having a family seems to bring a motivation to life that’s hard to replace. If I would’ve known that life would take me down this road, I definitely would’ve taken school and career more seriously.
I’m 29 and I have decided not to marry. I don’t want to take care of only my children & wife and get busy in a married life. I want to help few other ppl who are suffering from lack of finance and education. I feel if I get married then I will become selfish by thinking only about my wife and children which i don’t want.
I knew at a very young age that I wanted a peaceful single life. I grew up with tons of drama and disfunction within my own family which led to lots of blaming and narcissism. Id rather live the quiet life than live a life someone else wanted for me and hate it. I saw that go bad in my family as well. Never do something for someone else. Do it bc you want to do it! I cant tell you how many people have wanted to change me to their own liking and for their own benefits. Its disgusting. I dont want to be part of cult aka society.
Fact is, life drags us to many places we can’t predict. Sometimes we want children or marriage and we can’t find it. Sometimes we have sex with a woman, she gets pregnant and we marry because now we have a responsibility whether we like it or not. So the best thing is to make peace with how our lives are going, either having more money and buying a car or a computer as a single man, or perusal your child grow and deriving satisfaction from that. We choose less than we think, it’s hard to wrestle our impulses, and it is hard to be either married or single, because the life we don’t have seem alluring because we only focus on the good parts of it.
I was born to be a mother. My kids are my world. This has made me realise that too many people are having children who really don’t have the maternal instincts and would rather be doing something else. Having children is only for those who truly want kids. There are too many unloved kids/people who have mental illness due to knowing they were not really loved and wanted. Just watch Soft White Underbelly to see what I mean.
For me, my freedom to chose what to do every day with my time without having obligations to children or even a partner is priceless. I will never give this up and I don‘t care anymore what others may think of how I live my life. If they use their time to think and debate about how others live their life, they are the ones using their time the wrong way. As long as you are not harming or taking advantage of others, you are free to live your life the way you want.
I’m 37 years old, married and just had a little girl 2 months ago. I’m really happy with my wife and life overall as we work like a team in every way of life. I never feel alone or without support because of her loyalty and love. Therefore I respect her as my equal and work hard for her to feel the same. However I truly understand people who don’t want to get married. My older brother got married with the wrong person, they always fight, shame themselves, and have no respect for their relashionship. She has cheated him and for reasons I cant understand he accepted her back. I feel terrible for my brother a I truly believe he would have been happier staying single. So, I think that if you found the right person for you, absolutely is worth living in marriege. If not, dont force it just to satisfy society expectations. You can be happy whatever path you choose to follow. Just be true and honest with yourself
I am a 50 year old woman who is happily not married . There isn’t one single married friend of mine, who doesn’t envy my life. I am successful, I am attractive. I have time to learn, read, grow, take care of my health and so many other things. I travel for a living and travel for leisure four times a year. I am truly happy. The common thing I hear from my married friends with kids is when their kids are grown they’re going to join me in my lifestyle. My own married sister is miserable with her kids and drowning in health issues that she’s not able to take care of because she’s working herself to death to take care of her house and kids while her deadbeat husband left her after 23 years of marriage. I respect the institution of marriage, but I knew from a very young age that it was not for me. Great article and thank you.
Yes! As an Autistic person(genetic condition) I think it would be cruel to knowingly pass that on. Also I’ve tried romantic relationships and I just can’t live with other people. It’s ok with just me and the dog, we remind each other of important tasks, while not being too much of a burden on each other. Live your life how you want, just don’t hurt people or animals.
I’m close to 41 and happy that I made the decision to not have children. All my life, everyone has told me that I’d make a great dad, and yes, I agree. I did want children up until 6 years ago. I’m just glad it didn’t happen when I wanted to be a father. I cherish my peace, tranquility, and free time way too much. As a life long introvert, having all that drama, noise, constant eventfulness, never having worthwhile free time, loss of tons of money, constant worry about the well being of my loved ones, being social by force so my child/children can have healthy mentalities, etc…would be a nightmare. I’m an awesome uncle & great uncle. That’s more than enough for me. I just feel bad for my mom. I’m her only child, and she always wanted, and I admit, she deserves to be a grandmother. The only reason my choice bothers me, is because of my mother. She’s been so great in my life, even as an adult. My decision robs her of the happiness she deserves 😢
My grandparents had 14 children because they needed farm hands. My parents had 7 children because they wanted a daughter (me). I’m unmarried and childfree by choice. My instincts are introverted and solitary — part nature, part nurture – and when it came time to care for my aging and ailing parents my siblings were nowhere to be found. They were focused on their own families. They offered little to no help and turned down my requests for help, so I had to figure everything out on my own. That means I had to hire extra nursing care help when I was overwhelmed by my parents needs. That was paid for with my parent’s money. After both of my parents passed away my siblings were livid that there was nothing to inherit. Well, cancer, diabetes and Alzheimer’s are expensive diseases to treat and manage. I had receipts for every penny spent on their care. I told them if they had just spent one day per week to give care to our parents then there would have been an inheritance. So much for the argument that your children will care for you in old age. In my case it was only one child who cared.
Got married, sponsored her permanent residency for her to stay in my country. And worked my ass off to afford a living for she and I. Only to be heartbroken by her cheating with another man while I was working and her excuse was I wasn’t present and that I made her feel lonely. I am divorcing now and I spent so much money and time when I could have invested that for myself..
I was 18 when I got married, she was 17. It was hard, I watched my friends all go to college while I slaved away in welding shops. That was 1990. We got through the tough times (first 5-7years) and made it work. Wasn’t easy. But worth it. My kids turned out great, my son went to Navy, married his girl now I have 4 wonderful grandkids. My daughter is now 30. She has chosen to not have kids or get married. I can see both sides of this. Extremes in both decisions. I love them both no matter what. Oh yeah, thought I would add, Money don’t make good parents guys.
I was surprised by that statement. Usually, the choice of not having kids is very difficult. It can come from trauma, but most of the time, it requires a very deep knowledge of yourself. When everyone goes one way, you need to know all the reasons why you’re going in the opposite direction. That’s definitely maturity, in my opinion.
As a an adult man who grow in a religious(real religious, not the western kind of religious) farmer family, abusive patriarchy, from a third-world country, the reason why people back then don’t even question about procreation, in my opinion is that, who would help plow the field when you get older?, who will tend to your need when you get weaker? So if you are in a stable environment and conditions, I don’t think grow family is really that matter, in fact, can make more trouble than good, your savings, etc..
“A child didn’t ask to be here.” I spend a lot of time thinking this since young age. I didn’t ask to be born and I’m not happy. That’s probably the reason I never wanted to bring a life into this world of suffering. Now nearly 60 and I cannot thank enough to be able to support the life I really enjoy, which is not much for many people, and not caring what others think about it. I learned overtime that the most important thing in life is if you are happy without thinking what others think of you. This article says it all. Thank you for another great article!
Great article and lovely to hear everyone’s stories. I knew from a young age I never wanted children. That was before my upbringing compounded that decision – a smothering mother and a narcissistic father. Neither me or my sister have had children. I have had relationships but always been clear that in this society and the way things are going with the environment, pressure from social media, greed and superficial intimate relationships (Tinder etc), lack of affordable housing that these issues are not what I’d would want for my children. I’m authentic and self assured and people respect that. I feel that I have done what I feel is best by not bringing children into the world due to societal pressure or ‘a fear of being alone’ when I am old. I live each day authentically and happily and I don’t worry about the future. I am happy about my decision and respect anyone’s else’s decision as to if they want or don’t want to have children.
I just got back from the wedding of one of my best friends. Everyone was either married or having their first or second baby. While I was just there having fun and being amazed by the adult lives of people I once knew young, my celibacy was bothering everyone, turning it into a pity towards me. The thing is that their lives seemed so sad to me. They got married because of fear to end up alone so they accepted a very average life giving up themselves. But no one told me how happy they were to actually get married and have kids. Everything seemed so precarious, that got back home being even more uninterested in marriage.
I… don’t know what to say. This article came at the PERFECT time for me. I’ve always thought I was weird for wanting to remain single and childless. But I look through the comments, and I see a whole community of people who feel the same way. ❤ Life isn’t a checklist made by other people. Life is an experience determined solely by you.
As a sufferer of mental illness, I am in the camp of those who believe that having children is too much for us to handle. In my twenties, I was naïve and just assumed that I would one day find my soulmate and have children. But after countless rejections and going through a brief but terrible marriage, I experienced a mental breakdown and have never fully recovered. MDD and chronic anxiety prevents me from being “normal” – whatever that means. I don’t have the luxury of ignorance. My existential crisis is profound. I’m not asking for sympathy, I’m trying to take it day by day and not let it my depression take my life. Hopefully some day science will find a cure for depression.
When it comes to kids and a wife, yeah, I do wish I had gotten married, had a kid or two. Then I look at my friends who have all gotten divorces, their emotional, physical and financial pain and think I’m so glad I am not going through that BS. Its much easier to be the friend who is there to listen than actually going through it. The problem isn’t people wanting kids, its our society which hates the family. If it didn’t it would be working to rebuild families, not tear them down.
I agree with this. Many people who have kids live miserable, unhappy lives and raise terrible children who grow to be terrible adults and continue the cycle while some people who never reproduce live amazing lives and contribute to society. See Sir Isaac newton, Beethoven, George Washington, Michelangelo, Nikola Tesla, etc. If having kids was so great and beneficial, modern society would be wonderful with no crime or human misery.
Looking back, I didn’t really want a child and always kind of put it off until I was in my “late” years. After I got him, we stopped at one and I have to admit that I didn’t know that I could feel something for another person like I do for my child. I can’t imagine life without it today so it worked out really well for me. But on the other hand, if I didn’t get it, I wouldn’t even know what I’m missing and I would probably find happiness in other things that I now have less time for, so I agree with the conclusion of the article, let everyone do what they want and let them hope that it is the best decision.
I am a Christian, 60 now, a lifelong bachelor; never missed having a family. Very happy & healthy (indeed, people think I’m 40). No conflict with my faith either: nowhere in the New Testament does it say that you must have kids. I see my friends-with-families live in a constant state of worry & anxiety. While I’m free to travel the world & read 40-60 books a year.
Firstly i thank you for this article 🙏 it was brilliant❤ I think people need to really understand its depth and then decide what they want. Living or making decisions according to Societal norms is wasting your life. Contemplation is required here. True individual choices should be mattered with valid reasons and keeping in mind the responsibilities coming with it.
I’m in my 40s. Never wanted to get married, never wanted to procreate. The unlimited freedom that I feel nonstop cannot be explained unless you are living it. And as for many who aren’t, their envy is palpable. You don’t have to give away your life to antiquated ideas. You can choose a life where you wake each day to beautiful, unfettered randomness.
I had a Muslim co-worker tell me that we’re “obviously” here to pray to God. He meant well, and I’m sure truly believed it. I didn’t argue. But inside I was thinking “yes a supremely wise, intelligent, and omnipotent being needs people to worship him. Right? Makes total sense. NOT!”. I always feel bad for people like that. So easily convinced of things. Yet I’m almost jealous. It’s probably nice to not realize how complicated the world really is. ✌️
I’ll leave reproducing to those that desire to have a family or children. I’ll be in my little corner of the world, enjoying my peace, quiet and comfort. We all die alone, whether you have family or not because our experience is our own, no one else’s. Live life for yourself, ignore the rest. Peace and love.
I am almost seventy. As a child, I experienced abuse and poverty. I decided then that when I grew up I would enjoy life and remain free of family. I have never regretted it. I couldn’t imagine me any other way. My long marriage ended with my husband leaving me in poverty so I do wish I had avoided marriage too. I am alone, most everyone has passed but I have my wonderful pets. I live in the woods. I am at peace. I was demonized by society for not wanting children. Society feels threatened by those of us who walk a different path. I love difference and diversity. Kindness is my religion. I don’t fit in anyone’s box. The road less traveled is always the most interesting one. Live and let live. I do have my opinions though and Jordan Peterson is someone to avoid!
Im in my early 50s. Never had kids. I’m so glad I didnt. It has been so hard for my husband and I to take take of ourselves and the furry children we have been blessed to have been able to give second chances to by adopting them from shelters over the years. Everything is so incredibly expensive and I knew that I could never afford to give children a running start in life. I think its selfish and unfair to bring children into this world unless your fully able to afford to give them the very best in life and the tools to get ahead.
I can’t thank you enough for how you and your content introduced me to a fresh way of thinking and living. I found this website back in 2022 while I was going through a really difficult phase of my life and didn’t know which way to head. Einzelgänger will always hold a special place in my heart. I am truly thankful. ❤
Nice to see lots of like minded people here. Never wanted or had children but did get married to someone who was equally adament about not wanting children. We’ve spent our lives together, sharing experiences, working in fulfilling careers and providing generations of animals with a loving secure home. For me, that’s living my best life.
Great article. Another thing I really hate is when I tell people that I don’t want to get married or have children, I get the response, “You don’t know that for sure. Maybe you haven’t met the right person.” I’ve even had people double down when I’ve repeated it and said, “No, I really don’t want those things.” It’s almost as if it blows their minds that a person could never want that, or that the person must be unhappy.
I just turned 50, never married or had children. I am so thankful🙏🏻 I do love children & dedicated much of my life work towards helping them & their health. Marriage & children is the right choice for others but would not have been for me, I would have been miserable & likely not understood why. I have an amazing life full of joy & wonder. I travel a lot experiencing new cultures, have adventures, continuously experience amazing new life lessons & have wonderful communities of real/true friends, I feel fully loved not only by them but also learned to love myself. I have a truly fulfilled life.
My father has literally told me to my face that by NOT having kids, I haven’t served my purpose as God intended. Part of me not wanting to have kids was caused by my father’s upbringing, he was one of the most abusive dad’s in our neighborhood when I was growin up & I honestly was scared that IF I ever had a child, I might turn out to be like him as a parent…
Having kids does not guarantee that they will visit you or love you in your 60s. My dad died last year at 66 and I stopped visiting my narcissist mother because I was tired of being shamed and criticized over every aspect of my life. My self esteem and mental health are way better. I had two abortions in my twenties and subsequently got a tubal ligation. I spend my money and free time traveling and intend to do so until I die.
I’m happily married and we’re ok with not having children. We just don’t want to. We simply don’t want to put the time and work into raising children. We know enough people who have kids to know the enormous responsibility. We both come from toxic families so maybe that’s why? It’s really just wanting to spend our time on ourselves, our relationship, and our dreams.
I’m at my 40s, a woman, single, never had any relationships. Sometimes, when I listened to Jordan Peterson, it kind of makes me sad, like I asked myself: was there something wrong with me? Was I not feminine enogh or was I screwed up so much? I am an introvert. I have tried to make a relationship work once. But, I found it did not work. I find that marriage is not for everyone and it’s okay.
My girlfriend just broke up with me a month ago because she wanted to have children (and I’ve never wanted them). She didn’t blame me for that nor tried to convinced me, but in the past weeks I’ve been rethinking my choice, wondering if I made a mistake. Thanks to this article for helping me reaffirm my choice.
It took me until I was 45 to realize that I am happier alone (as in not co-habitating, not necessarily completely isolated and never see another human). I like people, but in small doses. I like seeing people in public, at Starbucks or restaurants I eat at, or at the bus stop. And when I’ve had enough, I want to go home to my cat and everyone else to fuck off. And I don’t want a ‘permanent’ romantic relationship either. Daliances and flings are perfect. Fall in “love”, have fun for a bit, and then move on and do it again. I’m even more ok with monogamy than I am with co-habitation. In theory, I could see myself in an ‘exclusive’ relationship, as long as that person lived on their own like I do. Come over for dinner, get laid, go home! I wish I had known this about myself when I was 18. I wasted my whole life and went through an enormous amount of trauma and heartbreak until I figured this out.
Is rare to see a website that I can relate with when it comes to these topics. It feels good to know that I’m not the only one. When I tell society that I don’t want to get married or have kids, it almost feels like trying to teach a goldfish how to speak fluent English. Nobody understands nor wants to understand… Ever since I was 10 years old I knew I never wanted children. I was always told that I will change my mind and regret it if I didn’t have children. I got my vasectomy in my early 20s. When I was in the consultation, the surgeon and the nurse were scolding me trying to change my mind about the procedure. They said that I would change my mind. Now that I’m in my mid 30s, I still never changed my mind. Whenever someone asks me if I want kids, 100% of the time I always say no. And I’ve been consistent with saying the word no ever since I was 10 years old. I don’t hate kids or anything, somethings aren’t for everyone. Back when I was dating a lot, I told the women up front that I didn’t want children. Some said they didn’t want children either. But after dating them for a while, they magically changed their minds and said they want a baby from me. Some have even said to me “”I thought after you fall in love with me, you would change your mind about having kids! I didn’t think you were serious!”” One woman even told me that I “owe” her a baby since she’s been with me for a while. But I always stayed consistent and never changed my mind… There was a time when I wanted to get married.
I used to think like this. That I was a product of so many ancestors and each one of them had a kid. If I don’t I will break the line and be the weak links who broke thousands of generations. The problem with this thinking is the line of my ancestors is anyway being carried by my siblings. If my brother doesn’t have kids it will be my cousins who will continue the line. Just coz I choose not to have kids, it doesn’t mean my ancestors will be cheated out of their descendants…
As a Gen-Z representative, I believe that many of us hesitate to pursue marriage not because we don’t want to, but because we fear our parents’ opinions. They are often overly protective, quick to judge, and even a minor issue can lead them to conclude that a potential partner is unsuitable for us. This fear of parental disapproval can create significant pressure and anxiety, making it challenging for us to confidently navigate our own relationships and decisions about marriage. We crave independence and autonomy in choosing our life partners, yet the weight of parental expectations can feel like a barrier, causing us to step cautiously or even delay such major life decisions.
I attended a wedding with a friend of mine. Everyone who was there either was married, expecting a child or have children who are married. My friend and I were the only single ones and I’ll be honest it seemed daunting at first especially since everyone was like “You poor things, I hope you find someone soon” yet we choose to be single. After they shared stories it turns out being single isn’t as bad as being married. Everyone I talked to had suffered from being lonely/alone or wanted children. The thing is, they went through with marriage after only dating for about a year. Then after a while they either regret it and pushed through or divorced. Some worked out in the end, others split. From those stories, I learnt that marriage wouldn’t be a bad thing if it weren’t so damn expensive to have a child and if people didn’t rush to get married. You have to take your time, get to REALLY know that person including all the embarrassing and not so fun things about them. Why? Because you’re going to spend your whole life with this person so you have to be ready to expect anything from them. Not just date for 6 months, think you know them then find out it was a massive mistake. As for being single, it’s really not that bad. Sure, you are alone sometimes and not get to hug someone. But does that really bother you if you actually like being alone? Of course not. Also having children either makes or breaks the marriage, a true test of how good of a match you are. And as we are seeing right now, more often than not people made the wrong choice marrying their spouse since they end up being terrible parents.
I’m nearly 40 now, and I sometimes wonder what it would have been like had I opted for kids. The satisfaction one can have from raising a life to a successful level is certainly something special, that bond between parent and child. However I can’t help but see too much evidence in recent years though that I’d be bringing a child into a world I myself am liking less and less, so as things stand, I don’t regret my decision.
I’ve heard some women say, “if a woman hasn’t had any children by the time she’s 30, there is something wrong with her”. This comes out of a woman who has 3 kids, can’t afford any of them, is confronted with a future where all her relatives she’s been sponging off of have one foot on a banana peel and the other over a grave. To me, to meet a woman in her 30’s without any kids who is attractive, healthy and well educated with in-laws is like a dream come true.
I am old now but perusal my parents fight and struggle made me decide I never wanted children even when I was a high school teen. I did want a permanent companionship and a partner which I eventually found in middle age. Every relationship before that I regarded as just temporary and had no expectations of it lasting very long. That mindset made the break-ups easier to get over. I think I am just a lucky survivor who never quit trying to get it right. Nothing more.
I lived a miserable married life for 5+ years, had to sacrifice all my happiness so that my (then) husband and in-laws would be happy, and all I received in return was ridicule and cruel words. I found peace for the first time in several years once I finally decided to walk away. I was literally in rags by then, and had to start from scratch and work very hard to get to where I am now – have a decent job, and enough money saved up once every 2 or 3 months and travel as often as I can, which makes life feel wonderful! And I thank God often for having a child-free life!
As an outsider myself (that has no kids and has mainly dedicated its life to travelling, teaching and learning), I appreciate this content. And yet, I happened to watch “Idiocracy” for the first time a couple of days ago and makes me think how predictable it’s becoming when you’re describing your neighbor’s situation. It is true that the planet needs less people, but who are going to be the ones inheriting Earth? Shall we care at all? I want/choose to believe that no matter the situation future generations face, they will make it through with people following or not following the norm. Preferably not following the norm (not doing things because that’s what they’re supposed to do) but because they consciously decided by themselves to do it (be it having kids or not). Personally, I’m starting to consider having kids, weighing the implications. It’s such a challenge to undertake, the creation of a good human being! I don’t think you’re ever ready for such an endevour, but as usual, I’ll just let life (not society’s dictation) take its course.
I definitely prefer going against the grain and paving my own path to be my unapologetic self. It took 43 years to gain the confidence to live on my own terms, but it’s absolutely liberating. My intuition is what I listen to rather than any social programming. Thank you for sharing your profound perspectives!
I wasn’t against marrying and having kids. I dreamed about love and being a father someday. But after living through my parents’ abuse and horrendous marriage and an abusive stepparent, and being given no useful guidance about manhood or adulthood by my baby boomer parents, I rejected making the same bad choice of marrying and reproducing with the wrong person and reliving all that hell again and replicating it for my potential kids. I eventually took the red pill and learned how to heal myself, and to choose and interact with women the mentally healthy way. But after a certain age good luck finding someone without baggage in the form of divorce(s) and kids by some other guy who will always have a say in your family life. It was extremely difficult for me as a sensitive and thoughtful person to make this decision and it felt like a sacrifice. So as much as I value most of JP’s messages I won’t be judged by him or anyone else for my life choices that avoided bringing further dysfunction to myself and others.
The glass can be half empty for some and half full for others. I have seen the glass both ways and there were times where I felt like I should not get married and have kids because of the toxic Environment I grew up in. But it was long back and now I chose to focus more on positives and things have changed. I worked hard for that change. We still aren’t prosperous, but I see the love and sacrifices that my family does for me and it makes me question my beliefs. I’m going through the most tough phase of my life with jobless and health issues, but my family in spite of my a s s hole behavior chose to love me and take care of me: health and financial wise. Meanwhile my friends except one guy, rest didn’t even bother to check in on me at least once. Sometimes I wish to have a daughter and have those beautiful moments with her but that isn’t easy as I’m not from a well-off family, I will have to work really hard for that. So, for now I haven’t decided whether I will have wife or kids. Probably few years down the line if I’m well of then I definitely will. Most of our decisions are directly/indirectly influenced by our culture, religion and Environment we grow up in. Marriage is work, having kids is work. Some are born in a prosperous or big family with abundance of love, Hardwork and sacrifices. Their motivation will be to continue having this loving family. Some are born into toxic families or broken progressive cultures where they would have experienced relationships with wrong people.