Bullying is a growing issue that affects children and teenagers worldwide, with some individuals seeking control or power. Factors contributing to bullying include learned behaviors, personal characteristics, and past experiences. Bullies may seek revenge, while victims may instill sadism and power. Both groups claim that ideology and instrumental violence are the main reasons for bullying.
Bullying can serve a function for students who instigate it, such as achieving popularity and attention. Understanding the function of bullying can help teachers and parents prevent it. Cyberbullying impacts kids worldwide, and understanding why kids engage in bullying is crucial. Factors influencing students to engage in bullying online are complex and include learned behaviors, personal characteristics, and past experiences.
School bullying can range from physical attacks like punching, kicking, or stabbing to softer forms like insults or gossiping. Some common reasons for bullying include lack of impulse control, anger management issues, revenge, and a desire to gain a sense of power among classmates. Students who engage in cyberbullying may feel more emboldened about doing so online than they would in person due to physical separation and lack of support.
Students who regularly display bullying behaviors are generally defiant or oppositional toward adults, antisocial, and apt to break school rules. Some children who bully may enjoy getting their own way, while others may enjoy conflict and aggression. Some students may be thoughtless rather than deliberately hurtful.
In conclusion, bullying is a growing issue that affects children worldwide, and understanding the factors causing it can help prevent it.
📹 How to Stop Bullying! Examples & and Best Solutions (For Students)
Bullying is any intentional act aimed at making another person feel uncomfortable, isolated, or fearful. If you have been bullied, …
What is the purpose of the study about bullying?
Research on bullying has grown to help us understand why bullying happens, how to predict it, how it affects people, and how to stop it.
What is the most common active bullying students experienced?
The most common types of bullying at school for students aged 12 to 18 were being made fun of and called names (14%). Many U.S. children have been bullied. This has led to discussions about schools’ responsibility to stop student harassment, and some parents have sent their children to home school or taken other measures to prevent bullying. Here is what we know about U.S. kids’ experiences with bullying, based on Pew Research Center surveys and federal data. Pew Research Center analyzed U.S. children’s experiences with bullying. The findings are based on surveys by the Center and data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Center for Education Statistics, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. For more information about each survey, see the links in this analysis.
📹 Adult bullying: The epidemic no one talks about | Kevin Ward | TEDxSantaBarbara
Bullying doesn’t stop when childhood ends. Schoolyard bullies often become bullying adults, but there is a way to stop them in …
To anyone here in the comments section: The best way to deal with bullying is to grow a pair and stand up for yourself. Don’t be afraid to get physical. “But what if I get in trouble?” Don’t worry about that shit. Would you rather be in a little bit of trouble that won’t effect you for the rest of your life, and have pride in the fact that you stood up for yourself, or live with a lifetime of regret from cowering and not doing anything about it?
Bullies want to be treated like crap as it validates their existence…I find it to be a waste of my time. They don’t introspect about their actions to other people. They lack empathy. They hate themselves and when you show them any kindness they take advantage of you or start bullying you. They project their bad behavior onto you. Best thing is to have boundaries, walk away from the situation and never interact with them again. If worse comes to worse…punch them in the head with all your might and they won’t come near you.
The best way is the ignore bullies (if they’re non physical) is to look them directly into the eyes, uninterested, and walk away. Don’t bother speaking, silence works wonders. The point is that you’re showing them with your body language is that they don’t mean 💩 to you. Try to make them look immature and dumb for even trying to get into your head. They will eventually get bored and stop. It worked for my bullies
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “He who believes in Allah and the Last Day let him not harm his neighbour; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day let him show hospitality to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day let him speak good or remain silent”. “Good word is charity”. Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him ❤
Agree with what the article says. Some ideas: 1. Genuinely respect everyone all the time. People will not bully you, if you show them respect. 2. Tell adults. This is the main message of this article. 3. Officially complain in writing. This is very effective and unexpected. 4. Complain officially especially about online bullying. This is serious. 5. Suggest a bullying strategy for the school, if one is not in place already.
I have a bully in my class, and her name is Mila what time she said something hurtful so here are 4 things you should do 1: defend yourself, by saying confident things 2: if you see a girl, getting bullied defund her because if that bully is your bully, you can show your bully you are a confident, beautiful girl, or boy 3: get a teacher nearby 4: tell the principal This is for grades 5-college
For those of you here because you are being bullied, the best way to handle it us to believe in yourself, and DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. Laugh. Joke. You get called stupid? Say “Yea, my head is thick and it’s mostly skull. I fell it it cracked the concrete!” Or “Dang, I couldn’t tell I’d that whistling sound was from the wind passing between your ears or mine. Now I know, thankyou, you genius you!” Make it fun, take the power to hurt you away from them, show them you’re just fine regardless of what they say. Be PLAYFUL and don’t be overly mean back, speak confidently. It will deflate their meanness, sometimes instantly, sometimes it takes a while. But either way YOU will feel BETTER than the bully, because until they change their behavior, you are!
People reading this comment right now have probably been bullied a lot at some point in thier lives. Bullying other people for fun just to look cool at school or wherever is absolutely not okay. Whether they were raised that way, or they chose to bully others. It’s absolutely not okay. People need to stop bullying others just to look cool and need to come together and love each other. People need to forget about bullying other people so much and instead focus on your purpose in life, loving God, your family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and animals. Bullying is a waste of time and energy and you’re only making things worse for yourself and others. All the people who bullied a lot of people growing up just to look cool will receive thier bad karma one day. And all the victims will get rewarded for all the suffering they went through in life when they get to heaven on day. So bullies finish last after this life is over. God bless whoever reads this. Let’s love each other as a society so that we can all be happy. Bullying is a waste of time and energy.
In all honestly if y’all really want to know the best way to get revenge on a bully. Depending if it’s one or more billies. The best way is You catch them is outside of school not after school but outside of school when they buy themselves. because TBH bullies are actually scary people in real life that’s why when they bully somebody they always got to have a friend with him or an audience to show off. To embarrass you they like pride. But without that friend or groups and audiences watch how they energy will be different from outside of school to inside the school. How I know because it happened all the time.bullies are cowards
I’m 13, I’ve been bullied for most my life and I really can’t stand it anymore. I thought my new school was a safe place but today I got called names and people even decided to throw rocks at me since im a really quiet person and a loner. I didn’t know what to do so I just ignored them. They kept doing it again, and again. It wasn’t really a big deal, so I didn’t worry about it too much. But if they do it next time again and again, I’m planning on telling a teacher. It won’t do anything though because they really don’t care about detentions or nothing. So I’m here perusal a vid because it’s stupid and the only way I want to stop bullies is by giving them a comeback-which I’m bad at…
In 2nd grade (August 2016 – May 2017 if u wanted to know) this kid was bullying me like badly. He made me cry majority ov the times. So one day, i think it was pajama day because we were all wearing pajamas and we were going to watch a movie. He kept bothering me so before the movie started, i walked over to where he was sitting, grabbed his chair and he fell out of it. He was crying obviously,. The teacher called me ovrr to her desk and was very angry. She told my mom and dad. I got silent lunch the next day. He was still bullying me in 3rd grade but thank God when 4th grade rolled around he left my elementary school.
What if tell the adult doesn’t work, what if adult try to be silence, what if after adult punish the bad student then others try to exclude the informer, then the case getting worse. Sometime if lucky meet a right adult to tell, it would be a faster solution with no doubt. But sometime not. Many children they treat bullied by school. Some of those stay silence many year then get depression. Those children, have no Friends, no partner, even stranger do not help them. Classmate, teacher, sometime they cant help or after help but get more worse. Get more worse means …bullying will be upgrade. And the true always happen is, Classmate, because they are also children, they scare to get too close with victim because they’ll be worried that the fire will spread to them. Those victims, feel hopeless, helplessness. Stay silence….Not good. Tell a wrong person or handling in wrong way…..Not a solution. Sometimes, need some luck. Not only just tell victims “Stand up, do Something, do not stay silence” even it is True and a Only solution.
I experienced bullying in schools in Bangladesh as a child growing up then coming to Britain I experienced bullying in schools in Britain as a child growing up. There is no racism in bullying but bullying happens to children in schools in every country. How can teachers and parents solve bullying in schools as bullied children won’t talk to their parents about it and when they talk to their teachers about it it never gets solved as bullying happens again in schools.
This did almost nothing to help people with bullying, except at the very end, where it gives some trite, generic advice or assumes the bullied has a favorite teacher or someone to talk to. Largely it just identifies what bullying is, which is often not the problem. Also, in being publicly available doesn’t this mean a bully could take the very general advice in this and reverse-engineer it to make it ineffective to the bullied, or even invert it all together? Imagine a bully antagonizing a student enough in subtle ways not caught by others, then having that student lash out in front of everyone and accuse that student of being a bully? That’s stuff I’ve seen happen, and that would be nice to have a article which could teach, say, psychological ways of dealing with that.
Okay, but what if the teachers already know bullying is happening. Like they see it, but don’t really do anything about it, or maybe even encourage or start it? And it’s not just one teacher, but like all of them. All of them are aware, of it, but do little to nothing to stop it. I’m pretty sure they think just, boys will be boys. Idk, I just feel like I can’t really do anything to help those who are bullied when it’s such a huge issue.
Currently, I have this kid in my class (6th grade) and he was bullying me because I was “special ed”. His name is Fabien. Honestly he has a wierd name. But anyways, he was talking behind my back with my other friend named Ruben. He’s been doing this since I moved classes. He judges on what I watch. He said today that he knew I had a girlfriend and he said I was Shaq with Goldilocks and everyone started laughing. I hope someone can help me with this situation because I plan on telling my teacher about this. And if they don’t do anything then I will
This article is like the worst way to stop bullying. You got to beat them at their own game. It is smart to tell people before you do something to retaliate though, I’m being tripped up on the bus every single day for the past year I am one step away from write crossing this kid. I recently received advice, saying, I should tell an authority figure, and then if he keeps it up betamethasone game, the last thing you want to do is lose composure you gotta act like it doesn’t even affect you, agreeing with him is also a good way to keep them off your back if you call me stupid I’ll be like yeah you’re right I need to put my grades up you lose all that power and leverage over me
I was bullied ruthlessly in high school and middle school, milk poured on me, isolated during lunch and class, called anorexic, future school shooter, holocaust survivor, albino, I got into a couple fights, was recorded and lost, called weak and a pussy afterwards by people who had no involvement or understanding 🤦 Kids and teens are so so cruel for dumb reasons.
Ok but in Arab schools like mine is different when you get bullied by the popular kid everyone will bully you if you tell an adult or a teacher on anyone and i only have 1 friend and i cant tell him everything and we dont have groups or these kind of things our school system is shit! And i cant do anything about it also no one wants to be friends with be because of my clothes or because i talk with a girl and everyone hates me and i cant do it anyomre
I agree; bullying is not okay. Yet, that doesn’t seem to stop negligent teachers and parents from ignoring or condoning such behavior. Bullying can be prevented or even stopped when authority figures learn to take things seriously, and take responsibility to do the right thing in stopping bullies from preying on victims. But if they’re stupid, incompetent, and just don’t care, bullies are going to do just as they please. In some cases, bullies harass their victims because it makes them feel good and because they enjoy it. And you don’t have to do anything to them. Because often, bullying is unprovoked. Whatever the circumstances are, its a worldwide epidemic that has plagued society for ages.
The title is misleading. This isn’t about “best solutions”. The best solution research has found so far is The Bystander Effect. Using class sociograms can help this be put in practice. Also, students need to be told their legal rights and the formal complaints procedure and how to escalate complaints.
I’m at 8th grade and I just get offended at the 5th grade 2 kids I have social anxiety started at kindergarten almost everyone bully me because of how I walk it they said I look like an injured person🙄so all I did when I walk is put my backpack under my legs so they can’t see my cool walk😮….and yes I’m a small 8th grade teenager My experience of Bullying: So I’m just walking to home from school because I was constipated so I didnt take the bus.I need exercise you know.And then two 5th graders are walking behind me and they were laughing and they said “why is he so small?😂” and I thought I was the one they were talking about so I looked back and they were laughing and pointing their index finger to me and I feel offended that I wanna cry at the street but I don’t want but so I just run until I go tho me and went to my room and cry and then I pray to God so he can help me stop this and then after minutes of crying I thinking ” WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE ME?ARE THEY PERFECT😮?NOO THEY ARE ONLY A PERSON LIKE ME I GUESS THEY JUST LIKE DOING WHAT SATAN LIKES😂…..
umm im here writing an essay about a social issue that people deal with… i chose bullying because im basic. ANYWAYS, this does not stop bullying. i deal with it every single day, and no, telling the bully to stop does not help. i did that once and the bitch who was bullying me slapped me and then it started a fight. umm, but telling an adult only helps sometimes… on some occasions, the adult doesn’t even care dude. 😐
Bullying is not ok, even if it is sophisticated and from people who really should know better. Let’s say… I was an accomplished professional who was considering running for public office. The acts of bullying and “capture” within various organizations proves the points of needed reforms… or jail time. The reality of better is that it takes more than one person, but it also takes people standing strong. Bullies suck
You have not told the permanent solution, Which may include Confront the person who is bullying, Or Take Major Actions by Gathering Foolproof and Genuine Evidences by article Recording and Calling Police 🚨 for this purpose and show them Evidences and Fight against This Cruel and Inhuman Activity And Cruelty because sometimes person may commit suicide which is worse than anything.
When it was 2022 l started getting by 6 people i dont know they names but l was just sitting in my sit and this girl called destiny she come up to me and said why l so quiet and l said l can quiet of l want so she started bullying me and hed friends to they was saying bad things how l looking 0 and how l fat and why l does eat much like can u believe that and also said how my father dont love me because l to fat so when it was home time we does wait for we parents or we does walk home alone they started to bully me outside this destiny girl said look l have money in she wallet she showed me it and this girl called vanessa said if my mommy rich l say no and then they leave me alone l was sitting in a tier with dirt and rocks in it and then start throwing flowers at me and two girls stood up for me and this black girl said why they throwing flowers at me when my mom came she thinking they were talking to me and she ask me to ask what happened l explained and she tell my sister about it and when princpal had enough she told me to go to the back of the school so the students would say sorry to me when they say sorry they started being nice to me and when 2023 destiny came back to bully me again she hit me on my shoulder almost made me push next class board and yea that what happened if ur princpal does nothing say swear words to or teach them a lesson sorry if this long
You have to be careful who you bully, there are some crazy women who can beat you up and send you to the hospital. In 8th grade my girly friends Yuli, Paula and I were bullying a butch nerd girl who dressed like a man she wore long baggy shorts and boxers for swimsuits and underwear, one day this butch girl got tired of our jokes and she beat the crap out of poor me and my friends Yuli and Paula; since that beatdown we decided to be more careful who to bullying.
I’ve been bullied my entire life; from family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. I’ve had personal strength and confidence my whole life, but that doesn’t make me less affected. I have C/PTSD from it all and this abuse is steeped in narcissism. It’s all called narcissistic abuse and it claims lives, rips families apart, and ruins great jobs and teams. I’ve seen one bad apple ruin the bunch my entire life. This is a pandemic issue and everyone needs to read and learn about narcissistic abuse and the spectrum of narcissism to protect themselves. Victims need to tell their stories and throw these people under the bus. I’m not going to be abused and then be quiet about it. I’m glad you decided to tell. That’s the first line of defense.
Even if you are smaller than the bully, it is necessary to remember that bullies are actually cowards . If a bully comes onto you and you react wildly, defensively and very loudly (even call a supervisor and ask him to judge) asking him to get off you, he usually will leave you well alone and avoid you in future. Bullies don’t like being dared, reported, exposed in any way . They really are cowards trying to boost their ego so they look for submissiveness not challenges
Happened to me a couple of times early in my career. You have to be a porcupine… and you have to be willing to project that you have no qualms about using your quills. that stops 90 percent of any aggression toward you. the remaining 10 percent get the quills once and they aren’t a problem to you anymore. If you are being bullied, my suggestion to get intimately familiar with your shadow. we all have it and we’ve been taught to suppress it since we could speak. Once you understand and accept your capacity for violence, projecting it is a piece of cake. After that, you can stare through the soul of any bully and terrify them
People may think bullying disappears after adolescence, but the truth is, our society is structured so that people are bullied everyday into behaving as what is expected of them. For example, the wealthy and entitled will always win any litigation. The people they sue are often just regular people who cannot afford lawyers. This is just one example of legalized bullying in our society. Another is employee, employer relationships where people can easily be eliminated if management allows bullying of certain people because they prefer some over others. If one does not fit in, they can easily find themselves victims of bullying and unprofessional behaviour, resulting in the alienation of competent, but perhaps not the most social employee, They can only be left alone if they are labelled as “disabled”, because they do not play the game of “climb the ladder while stepping on your colleague”. There are many more examples of this less-than-equitable society, culture and country.
Nice lecture, but when we say bullying its a form of corruption, in adults bullying/corruption is much harder to deal with. Unlike the presenter, I’ve always fought back, physically and non physically, even when I was outnumbered or outsized. Most of the time I won. But in adulthood things are much more difficult, as it tends not to be physically and the more power the abuser has the more people are involved, and harder to get justice for it. I am in a conflict with a corporation and they managed to get all sectors to cover up for them in the Netherlands with lots of corruption, almost impossible to deal with. I still haven’t given up and won’t give up, these people have no limits.
That “Walk away and they will leave you alone” or “Always tell a teacher” doesn’t always apply. I am 40 years old and I still wish to this day that my parents would have instilled in me that if was ok to fight back, and if I did they would be ok with that. So I took and took and took until I graduated.
Wow I’m 56 years old and thus is my life. I was severely bullied right from public school, through my jobs, a Narcissistic abusive marriage. Finally just over a year ago I have gained confidence and peace through the help of the Lord. I feel my purpose Is to now help others who have gone through what I have.
Thank you. At age 61 I left a new position that I hoped would be my last. I tried to convince myself that if I stick it out that one day the bullying would stop. The worse part is the women treated me like a sibling often does and one day it got to be too much I walked off the job and I don’t speak to my sister. It’s been three months of healing and now I’m getting ready to start the job search again. This time better armed to establish boundaries that work for me.
My parents were my bullies. I guess it’s obvious I’ve been bullied b/c two councillors asked me who bullied me, assuming it had been at school . Spurred on by my parents my siblings and some other family members thought that I would stay around and be their whipping post for life . NO CONTACT works . I believe family members still regard me as their scapegoat .
Bullying has happened to me a lot. Stopped for a while, just happened again yesterday. At work. Caused me to make a mistake that actually can make me liable. I’m angry I let it happen, but I am a single mother and was worried standing up for myself and saying no would cost me my job and future. It’s tough, and I wish it wasn’t just allowed. Bullying can really mess people’s lives up, as I am learning the hard way. It should not be a “part of what it means to live in real life”. It just should not happen and then be permitted by everyone else. I am so stressed out now, and life seems less bright because of it. But I am a strong person, just gotta keep moving forward I guess.
One reason I was homeschooled. A kid learning to stand up for themself is nice, but bullying can get so intense it’s sometimes extremely difficult. It’s such a physically and emotionally destructive force on young people, a force that has intensified with social media as well. Not saying everyone should be homeschooled but it’s another reason people choose to.
I was bullied as a child and in the workplace. I learned to live with it. I think it made me stronger mentally and emotionally. I have told my grandchildren that if they are bullied, to say to the bully, ” I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for you because you have such a low opinion of yourself that you have to try to make others feel bad, so as you can feel good.”
Bullying stops when you “Give the Gift”. Giving the gift to yourself to traverse the darkness and end up on the other side stronger, confident and self-actualized, because you’ve killed your fears, and you’ve decided that nobody else’s opinion matters, and if they attack you, they will find it a more pleasant experience climbing Mount Everest in a jock strap. Your story will end by living happily ever after by taking SOLE responsibility for that part of the book.
My mom also taught me to turn the other cheek. I am 33 now and I still can’t stand for myself most of the time. I blame my mom for that. I blame myself for that. Fear almost chokes me everytime I’m bullied by my colleagues, by my family sometimes, I gave up on all my friends just of fear of being bullied eventually. All my boyfriends treated me like dirt. I gave up on relationships 3 years ago because of that. I fight every single day for my self esteem and I can tell it’s excruciating. I just feel I can’t do it most of the times. So I hide. And when I do it I shake, I break, I cry, I scream, I feel all the anger and the hatred being all too real.This man is amazing and he trully understands and empathises with this cruel behaviour. Thank you!
Having been on the receiving end of workplace bullies because of an incident that may have threatened the job of an employee, who was ranked above me, I was intimidated, isolated and ignored.Unfortunately what some of these bullies didn’t know was that I was suffering from a minor breakdown which included paranoia . I was terrified and went to therapy. It nearly cost me my marriage and my health, as I was constantly going over and over what I had done to receive such treatment from my colleagues. That was so futile-everybody else was getting on with their lives,except me! Now whenever I see anyone of those bullies I look straight through them and walk away. They really don’t deserve any of my attention.
Bullies were in every government office I worked in. Awful people. Kevin Ward is exactly right here. If you’re getting bullied, you need the right tactics to deal with it. Unfortunately those tactics are not easy to find. The reality is that you’re being attacked (psychologically if not physically). You also have the inalienable right to defend yourself. Therefore you need to get as creative, ruthless, and fearless as necessary. Because playing by the rules may not work…
I’ve been bullied my whole life…I’m a pacifist and there were times many took goodness for a sign of weakness.. I’ve always had to eventually…”Stand My Ground”!…. And this really ticks me off… WHY? WE DO NOT LIVE IN ARCHAIC ANCIENT,MIDEVIL OR EVEN DURING THE INDUSTRIAL AND SOCIAL UPHEAVALS OF THE LAST CENTURY… I’ve always thought with the age of abundance, technology and especially establishment of social policies..laws to protect all citizen s.. WE STILL GO THROUGH THIS INSANITY……. I STILL THROW DOWN THE QUESTION…..WHY!?
I feel like the worst thing that one can say to a victim of bullying is “Dont let it bother you!” and that it’s ‘not personal.’ Only victims of bullying would know how deeply personal it is. The emotional pain it causes hurts so much. It cuts like a knife. 😢 And that’s also putting it lightly ‘cause the pain feels like the knife being used is the long, serrated kind, too. Thank you for this article! ❤ I really appreciate it.
Thanks. A good presentation – well done. I was harrassed and abused physically and verbally in Grades 6 and 7 at an all-boys school. I’m now in my 40’s. I grew up hurt, broken and with chronic low self-esteem. I left that school after it all got unbearable in Grade 7 – BUT….not until I played a piano recital in front of the Junior School on Speech Night. Then I walked out and away from that toxic environment. I spent the rest of the school term at home doing my schoolwork by correspondence thanks to my mum’s efforts. I got no counselling in my teens so grew up with lots of anger, sadness, PTSD and with no idea how to express myself in a joyful manner. Life is about joy, love, and very important – COURAGE! Now, after teaching English overseas, going to university, playing ukulele and piano in aged care homes everywhere, hitch hiking, spending time in nature – I have been proving myself for years and years that I have talents and gifts to offer this world and that I am NOT, anymore, that sad, broken, grief-stricken 12 year old. He lived in 1986. I will turn 45 year old very soon and look forward to a rich and abundant future. Thank you.
Anybody that can’t relate; they ARE the bully. It’s not like the examples. It isn’t that obvious. It is mostly perpetrated by people in positions of authority or influence. In the workplace, the only alternative is to leave, because they are looking for reasons to fire you, especially if you become aware.
I was a freshman in high school. Unassuming at 130 lbs. 5’9″ and kept to myself for the most part. One day I witnessed a kid who suffered MS or some illness that caused him to struggle with walking make his way through the hallway. He still carried his own books from class to class even though those thick text books were heavy and made things even more difficult for him. As he went past me, the biggest guy in the school, a football linebacker at 250 lbs. 6’5″ kicked one of his feet and causing him to trip and fall, scattering his books and papers across the floor. When I saw this something took hold of me. A rage so intense that I blacked out and dont remember what happened next, but this is what I was told. As the people around pointed and laughed, the linebacker turned to walk away. He appearently didnt see me pick up the 1000+ page science book of the poor kid he just humiliated and begin to run directly at him. I supposedly jumped onto his back with enough momentum to make him drop face down with me then on top of him. And at which point I proceeded to brutaly deliver a devestating volley of blows to the back of his head using the science book I had just picked off the floor. And I didnt stop until 4 faculty members were finally able to pull me off. By then I had turned his skull into a disassembled jigsaw puzzle that took a team of reconstructive surgeons 16 hours to (kinda) put back together. I was arrested and held in police custody while they questioned witnesses. Initially charged with aggrevated assault, the charges were dropped once the state and the guys parents learned what had occured to motivate such an act of gratuitous violence.
It’s true what he said that bullying is not a big deal unless you experience it, I was never bullied until I was 38 years old and my BIL married a narcissist, I took it for a year and a half, I hoped and expected my husband or someone would stand up for me, nobody did, finally she threatened me after months and months of throwing sand on my face and then I cut all ties. I still wish I would have stopped it sooner.
I was bullied in my first year of school by a phycotic teacher she made me so scared to go to school. I became incredibly shy and still havnt managed to cure the social anxiety even 20 years later. i was bullied a little bit in school people would make up stories about me. And that stressed me out. The only times people would try and physically intimidate me was when there was 6 of them and me on my own. Its hard to fight back in situations like that. However i did fight 1 after being pushed to far and he ran away crying after the first punch. He was so weak. Like all bullies i suppose
Starting in the fourth grade I was bullied by six classmates in school. This bullying went on for six years and near the end, I tried to commit suicide twice. A friend of mine heard that there was going to be a martial arts demonstration at a martial arts school about 25 miles away. I hitchhiked to the demonstration and never looked back. I stopped training just five years ago and I am 66 years old now. As a result, the bullying stopped. I eventually had a career in law enforcement and security at a university. In my opinion, bullying won’t stop until you take ownership of the problem and become a better fighter than the bully.
Thank you Kevin Ward! I’m so glad I watched this talk because it resonated with me for several reasons. On Sunday I chose to end a 3 year friendship with a woman because she is an argumentative narcissist. Listening to your talk I realized she is also a bully. She wasn’t a close friend but I needed to end that friendship in order to protect myself. When I was a child I had a terrible stutter and that made me a target for bullies, so I’m familiar with this problem. Thank you for your suggestions which inspired me to take some action in my own life!
When people are rude to me and say inappropriate things, I look at them and say “you don’t get to talk to me that way”. Usually, people are stunned and just stare at you. You have to stand up for yourself. Being assertive is not the same as being confrontational. You are in a battle for your self esteem and dignity, and no one, no matter who they are, has the right to take that from you. Stand strong!!! If people don’t like you for being assertive and standing up for yourself, they are not the people for you. Walk away and keep your peace.
Therapists taught me that adults in the education were bullying me, and I grew up not knowing this. The bullying developed into physical health, and my therapist taught me to block them. My parents told me to punch a bully. I made formal complaints about bullying, but it’s just a piece of paper, and parents said they won’t stop, even after formal complaints.
THANK YOU for speaking to the fact that IT – IS – PERSONAL. No-one would tell you “not to take it personally” if you got shot in public by some spree shooter with an anger or even a mental health problem. Or if you were struck and paralyzed by a drunk driver. Deliberately targeting someone you actually know? DEFINITELY PERSONAL.
I was “effectively” fired for workplace bullying. I was working unarmed security and told my managers about it . Then to cover themselves, the client employees complained about me. Their safety manager had me removed from the contract. They were the main client in my area. The only work available was part-time at lower pay. I quit and was denied unemployment. I was punished for doing the right thing.
Studies show that kids who fight back are better off psychologically later in life than those who just turn the other cheek. I suppose Jordan Peterson (or Carl Jung) would say that there is no shame in taming the shadow within you; it gives you strength, courage. The difference between you and the bully is that the shadow does not control you.
I had a brother who bullied me for years. Only way to stop it would have been to kill him. When I tried to fight back he strangled me into unconsciousness with a leg hold around my neck. I was 16. I found out that he thought I was dead. The only way to stop some bullies is to kill them, which should have happened to my brother, but didn’t. This is the world we live in where the strong bully the weak. Where strong nations bully weak nations. Where indigenous people are colonized and genocided by conquerors. Where meaningless ethnicities are siaughtered by imagined enemies as in the Rwanda massacre. Sometimes fighting back only gets you murdered sooner. Let’s be honest about this sinister species. There is no answer. Bullies love bullying, and bullying is an inherent part of the nature of a large percentage of the population. Try to fight back and sometimes you end up dead. Kevin Ward’s lecture is a lovely fantasy and in cases where the odds are not too unevenly stacked it might be true. If I had fought back successfully against my brother, I would have spent a large number of years in prison. He was determined to humiliate me at every opportunity. At one point my mother sent me to live in another country to protect me from him. So Kevin Ward, get real. No psychological or physical self-improvement I could have accomplished would have protected me against a psychopathic brother. Kevin Ward is trying to bully us into believing something that isn’t true by using his superior speaking ability.
Back in school, whatever I said or did was heavily criticized/reacted to by other students. They basically gave me a weirdo identity. I was left alone and friendship takes two willing parties, so don’t blame me for choosing to stay alone. If the only dignity I could salvage was to not chase and beg my mates for friendship, then I held on to that. There’s different types of bullying. When you see a kid alone always for years, it’s a type of bullying. It’s a type of exclusion that may not be coming from the kid’s side alone. I even had two friends at first and the rest of the class would always call my friend over leaving me. Then people had the nerve to ask what was wrong with me (my lonesome moody behavior). All the attitudes made me feel like they hated me. No matter what i did, i was never on the same relating level with them. So we grew up, all of us, and I kept away from them all. Ten years later they reconnect in a group chat and one of them sends me a private message. A question. “Why was I behaving how I behaved then?” . Like they didn’t know they deliberately tagged me a freak and excluded me from their friendships and exaggerated every word and action from me, leaving me too scared to speak or react like a normal human being. The bullies don’t change. They grow up and continue. So you just have to learn to stand up. My progress on that isn’t even 1% but I’m trying and hoping that by God’s grace, one day I’ll be able to be this really confident lady who isn’t easily shaken and can stand up for herself.
Some truth here. Been on the receiving end in a water company. One guy was so stressed out that he smashed a lab up and another worker stabbed someone with a glass pipette. I went off sick shortly after being threatened with a faceful of acid. Like the boss said accidents happen. Trouble is I had to sign a non disclosure agreement to get a reference.
This inspired me. This morning I had a little run-in with a co-worker who made me feel bullied. He does this occasionally and it does upset me but I tend to just stew and feel bad. I actually brought it up with him and he was mortified that he’d made me feel that way. Hugged it out, all good. Sometimes, not always but sometimes, bullies don’t realise it. I wonder if that’s why in some stories, a monster’s only fear is it’s own reflection.
It was awesome, so much influence it made on me cause somehow I relating to this guy. That was exactly what my mom told me when I complained her about some kid at school bully me for my glasses and she said “Dont care about it, Dont answer him” and it gut worth. And it countiniued till now,and now at my job Im taking bully from a guy and it seems he’l never wants to leave me alone. Until one day, just like the speaker I said enough!
If you go to the local county fair, notice the little kids showing their project livestock. Watch the child leading a hefty and excited steer or goat around the show ring, or the little girl making her horse go through its paces. Those are children who will learn to deal with bullying. They have practice dealing with fear, frustration and the satisfaction of feeling their own power.
This IS what occurred The last 17 Years,since my bully buffer passed away. Who has been the worst harasser with her cohort relatives? My closest family member. Narcisstically Held my funds so I wouldnt move on. Im so tired but Im trying to get my courage and stand back to go on with whatever is left. Anxiety and the dark cloud . Know all about it. Im told the awesomeness is around the corner and not to give up. This talk totally resonates. I long for this fear to Get OFF of me permanently.
I’m 27 living on disability I’ve been bullied and tooken advantage of all my life in ways that has socially crippled me I’m afraid to leave my house I dont like people looking at me in my face idk what to do I need help big time I’m tired and alone and always hiding from everyone I literally dont do nothing I’m so broken
When I started working at a new job our supervisor bullied is constantly. She would threaten to fire people, demean a d degrade us. She especially hated the men. I felt so bad for them. One day after her usual morning rant I simply walked out. People told me to Report her and all of that. I decided to just stop it for me right then and there. I have never been sorry for doing that. I did not have that intention to quit like I did that morning but my internal self had had enough. No more! I found a new job within about a month. Sometimes you just have to listen to your instincts.
This is true mastery and power. Thank you so much, Kevin Ward! I’m so sorry you had to experience bullying as a child all the way up into adulthood. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you thank you. Because this is a story that doesn’t get told enough! I was that girl that was bullied from childhood all the way up until adulthood. I’m in my thirties now and I’ve still been bullied within my own family but it stopped a few years ago when I decided to stand up. My parents never told me to speak up or to stand up for myself. I hope you know how much you changed and helped so many others and continuing to do so for a lifetime. The world should clap for you and for anyone that has experienced bullying and were able to see the light.
There are many different forms of bullying but in adulthood it often takes the form of cruel humour directed at the target and social ostracism so the martial art we need to learn really is the comeback, juvenile though that may be. We’re all of us forced to become talkshow participants in group situations, which I think is why I detest those celebrity panel shows so much. All bullying is about competing for dominance, sorting out who’s the leader of the pack and who’s the scapegoat. We’re just glorified primates really with a few fancy toys.
I was constantly bullied a few years ago, where I finally snapped! I almost killed him, with a hammer to his skull The Police saw him as the victim, even tho he was twice my size and walked into my house uninvited and tried beat me up. I got charged for attepted murder, hes been mentally affected, due to his injuries
I disagree, we need to stand up for each other. No one should have to face bully’s alone. We need to stand together. There is strength in numbers. What stopped the bullying for me as a kid was standing up for others being bullied and making friends with other outcast. I was no longer alone. We all need a support system.
8th grade a kid who I figured because of his aggressive behavior towards me was going to do something and I told my dad. He said if he touches you in class then go apeshit on him. The kid hit me from behind in art class, I got up, started punching him like crazy, someone told me his friend started punching me too. Anyway we went to the principal, nothing happened to either of us. But he NEVER messed with me again.
I was bullied by my older brother until I was 18. What stopped him? I did. It was April in my last year of high school. I had started taking Tang Soo-Do the first of the year and this particular day I’d had class after school so I was tired, hungry when I got home. My brother and sister were in the kitchen when I walked in. She was making biscuits and I’m not sure what he was doing but when he saw me started trying to hit me. My instincts and training took over and I started blocking his blows while telling him to stop. He said that he wanted to see if I had learned anything. After one of his attempted strikes and me blocking I struck him in the solar plexus with an open hand strike which caused him to move back up against the preheating stove. He was also shirtless by the way. The look on his face though. Our sister says, “I bet you’ll leave him alone now wancha?” He never tried doing that again. He has always thought he knew better than everyone else but that day he didn’t know what was coming.
I would say, never run away, avoid a bully if you can otherwise there are techniques you can use I have learnt: 1. meditation – focus on bully in your minds eye, confront them and breath in energy they took from you, breath out energy they gave to you. ( this helps set boundarys) 2. stay fit and sharp. 3. give up masturbation, huge strength comes from this practice alone. 4. practice breathing techniques to help you master fear. 5. Forgiveness, try to say a pray once a day that emphasizes forgiveness of your oppressors and your self. Those that suffer the most are the ones who can not let go of hatred. good luck, hope this helps someone.
Great talk! We need to spread this message of strength, responsibility, and action needed to cure fear and insecurity. The world is a vast, sometimes mean place; thinking we can change it is presumptuous and delusional. The best we can do is to work on ourselves, and help others do the same. Simple, not easy, yet the only real way forward. Thanks for sharing! 🙏 – Patrick Fulop
Pretty cool story! I have never said much before, but I’ve had similar experiences because we moved around too when I was a kid. Even today, when I feel intimidated…I automatically turn the feeling into a dominate driver behavior; and push through to control the situation. I automatically remind myself in micro seconds that I got this; because I let kids decide for me how I should feel for way to long when I was younger. Even a little bit when I started to date girls! I feel for kids that have to deal with this on social now, and at school. We need more coaching on this for everyone. Especially through stories like this. The military (Marines) got me to stand up for myself. It took way to long.. Awesome story Kev.
Punching them back will only make the situation worse for both, ignore them, and if they don’t stop, then refer to authorities, don’t mistake their aggression for confidence, don’t give much thought to what they say, they can only express what they are, what they say is not a reflection of who you are, those kind of people will realize sooner or later how their own mentality is making them unhappy by limiting themselves.
Its an amazing speech, and at whatever age, gender, role, of time of your life you are in watch this, it is going to be meaningful to you in someway. Every human needs to watch this. Everyone has been bullied at sometime whether they admit it or not. It not just the content that is to the point, but there is also strangely some deep truth conveyed in the clarity of @KevinWard that resonates with everyone seeing this. Thank you @TEDxSantaBarbara @KevinWard
There is a group of about 5-8 people at my place of work (there are over 100 of us for context) a crafts market with locally made goods who thrive on drama. Their recent entitlement campaign has effectively split the market into two groups, these people are rallying supporters from within the market and higher up in market management and playing victim. They are starting to bully people including me for disagreeing with them over market policies. These people have even co-opted people who I used to be friendly with. It’s amazing the bullies ability to garner support. One of them is a 50+ year old man who prays on young 20 year olds at the bar. He has started a smear campaign against me recently, i’m 29. These people are some of the most sad and pathetic creatures you will ever meet. What hurts them the most is when you make them feel as small and pathetic like they truly are, not the self important ego maniacs they think they are.
Opposing view: I’m probably in his same generation, and going through school I was pretty much the guy with few friends. I went to city schools, suburban schools and rural schools….from West coast to East coast. I was a thin shy awkward student. Not once was I bullied. A few “guy-type-challenges” and the occasional inflammatory remark…but these were one-offs which led to nothing. I never took any of that seriously or personally. What is my point? This guy either has a very vivid imagination and likes to tell stories…or as a child he intentionally made himself a target by his own inflammatory language to other kids.
Same here I stood up to my bully but it made it worse. HR is not going to help it just going to make you feel helpless and full of anxiety and make you sick. The funny thing is I worked for a school that doesn’t tolerate it for the kids. But when it comes to the adults it’s mobbing and different clicks. Some teachers even bully the kids. Plus they get away with it . The world is just getting worse than ever.
The worst thing is when you have been bullied at school by the teacher. You didn`t quite understand what was your fault and blamed yourself for everything. Being A-student, you are trying even harder to prove that you are not a piece of sh*t and you worth something. It is difficult to process this experience when bullying is ‘smart’, not punching or fighting, but abusive behavior from the adult`s side. When you are being treated like an animal: you are being teased in front of your peers for nothing and in a day the teacher pretends as nothing happened and pretends that all is okay. Moral suffocation is the most complicated part as it is difficult to overcome even through the years.
I’ve be bullied & harassed at work & regardless of the policy of anti-bullying supervisors will call you the victim the troublemaker; because “no one else has a problem”. And the supervisors witnessed it & would tell other supervisors that I was a trouble maker; so they avoided me! I can retire now; but I’m so depressed; I’m worried for myself & for me it’s worse; because l’m autistic (RITVO level)! My level of autism isn’t understood; and society is uncaring!
I think it is about mood, bullies want to dictate your internal emotional state, and I agree, that is why it is personal. Because your internal state is your own. In the workplace you have to think logically. You sacrifice something in a job, you sacrifice your energy to a project or set of responsibilities but especially you sacrifice your time, and that is precious. But in that you should not ideally have to sacrifice your mood, your internal state. If you are in a relationship, lets say a friendship, you can leave it, when you realize that your so called friend makes you feel bad more often than good. But in the work place that might not be the easiest solution. So how to we take control of our time and our internal state. I think it is simple! By valuing it. It is the most precious thing we have, internally. When you value something internal more than external things in life, when you realize that this is yours to make the most of, then you will protect it. Because you will get so mad if someone is trying to take it away from you in snide remarks or cold silence. It also takes humanity to understand that people who do shield themselves in dominance behavior are deeply scared beings or simple minded, and have yet a lot to learn. I think it is those to things that can make you survive toxicity, it is what you value in life, and your humanity. And don’t be afraid to blow the whistle to your super-ordinates, the trick is not to “complain” for the sake of complaining but to be sincerely disturbed about such barbaric behavior in your midst.
I worked for a small “environmental” company for 2 years. There was/is a girl there named Jenna who was a horrid gaslighting bully. I even took a copy of the work place bully wheel to the owners to try and address it. Nope. I left. They told me this was an ongoing problem. Several others left because of the same woman. They lost many employees over her. Yet, nothing ever happened, in spite of everyone commenting one way or another about her behavior. I doubt anyone would ever hire her or keep her employed. She was awful. Even listening to her talk about issues w her daughter at school, she was teaching her daughter to be the same. It’s sad that this behavior is never addressed w any meaningful way.
thank you for talking about this. I also experienced bullyness when I was a child, and I was surprised to get bullied at the workplace as well. It seems like they have never grown and the worst part is knowning that those bullies have children of their own 😢😢😢😢… I would say, for your defense always call out the bully either to your superv. HR, or an anonymous line.
I relate, at my senior tennis table club i am being bullied for no reason, i took the step to denounce it at the top level of the organisation but mostly to step forward to tell my bullies : it is over i wont take it anymore @ all cost i will fight back by words/play/strenght. I promise myself. Thanks for sharing.
I get bullied at work. Some days it feels like theres a ” I hate Lucy ” club. Most of the people are foriegn and speak their own language in front of me. Its not that it bothers me that they speak their own language but they it amongst each other and they laugh and laugh. So I make it awkward inquire if they are laughing at me. Then they all get defensive and start stuttering over their answers. My boss is quite aware of this and he told me hes got my back. I chose to ignore it but somedays its pretty bad. I just ignore them for the most part. But it’s kind of hard when the bigger boss is kind of a bully himself. He is always perusal me from afar. I think he wants to be rid of me but he needs to find a valid reason but I dont give him one. I know…spiteful of me. I think it gets under his skin. 😁 it nice knowing that his boss has my back.
Very important information. Thanks. One of the best places to start getting “bully-proof” is learning about your innate personality traits through Personality Science. It is very freeing to know just how many talents and abilities you inherently possess; and the key is, that every significant trait or trait cluster, has both constructive elements and destructive elements. The next thing I do as a Personality Manager is to teach a person how to maximize his/her strengths and turn weaknesses into strengths. This is the beginning of building confidence and I have seen it happen many, many times, including in myself. I know it can be done. This is the root, and then all these many other helps are easier to incorporate into your confidence.
Great talk. For all the desperate victims out there. Always know that just because you are being bullied doesn’t mean you are afraid. You can always stand up for yourself! All you have to do is to cut off your emotions when someone bullies you and defend yourself without thinking of the results. My father used to tell me: if a man wants to fight you. Fight back until the end even if you happen to know you’ll lose! I know now why he said so! Bullies don’t like those who resist. They like who accept! Stay safe fellas