Harassment is a form of harmful behavior that involves unwanted, repeated, and aggressive actions towards an individual or group, causing distress, fear, or intimidation. It can be used as a verb in certain contexts, such as “She filed a complaint about workplace harassment.” Harassment is defined as a set of manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse and reduce it.
Harassment can also function as a verb in certain contexts, although this usage is less common. In this article, we will explore the correct way to use the term “harassment” in a sentence, including its meanings, synonyms, and usage in various sentences.
The word “by” in a sentence is important to follow grammatical rules to ensure clarity and precision in writing. The 100 examples of adverbs in sentences provided in this article can help practice using adverbs and enhance writing skills. Articles in English are used before nouns, and the word “simply” can be used to convey a sense of clarity, ease, or straightforwardness in a sentence.
In summary, using words correctly can be challenging, but the terms “appropriately” and “correctly” have slightly different meanings. Grooming is when someone builds trust and emotional connection with a child or young person to manipulate, exploit, or abuse them. Understanding the concept of sexual grooming is crucial for understanding the consequences of such behavior.
📹 To stop abuse, we first need to understand grooming | Grace Tame | TEDxSydney
At 15, Grace Tame was groomed and raped by her maths teacher. In this powerful talk she reveals how important it is to detangle …
What is grooming in simple words?
Grooming is the act of keeping your appearance clean and neat. This includes things like brushing your hair or keeping an animal’s hair or fur clean. She pays a lot of attention to her makeup, grooming, and clothes.
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Which of the following is an example of grooming?
Stage Example Filling a Need I know you love jewelry, so I got you this watch. Isolating the Child You can trust me because I understand you. Sexualizing the Relationship Have you ever masturbated? I’ll show you how it feels good. Child grooming is when offenders start and keep secret sexual relationships with victims. Grooming lets offenders get close to children before they abuse them. Grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the adult, the child, and sometimes the child’s caregivers. The grooming process is often misleading because the offender may be well-known or highly regarded in the community. It’s easy to trust them. How do you know if a child is being groomed? Click on a red flag behavior below to learn how to help a child who is vulnerable or uncomfortable. Offenders often break rules but rarely abuse children. If you see someone crossing a boundary, tell them. Have rules about when and how adults interact with your children.
What is an example of grooming a teacher?
If a teacher shows too much attention or favoritism to a student, it could be a problem. If a teacher shows too much attention, favoritism, or special treatment to a student, it could be a problem. Giving gifts, doing favors, or spending a lot of time alone with a student may be wrong, especially if it goes beyond what is normal teacher-student interaction. Isolation and secretiveness: If a teacher isolates a student from their peers or separates them from the rest of the class, it could be a sign of grooming. If a teacher asks a student to keep secrets or makes them promise not to tell anyone about what they say, it could be a warning sign. Inappropriate communications and sexual comments: This could include personal or private conversations outside of school. Watch out for teachers who text, email, or use social media too much with students. Sexually suggestive comments, jokes, or innuendos are inappropriate and may indicate grooming. Emotional manipulation and boundary violations are also inappropriate. A teacher who praises or flatters a student too much may be grooming them. Emotional manipulation may also be involved. Crossing professional boundaries, sharing personal information, discussing inappropriate topics, or engaging in physical contact beyond what is appropriate may be signs of grooming. Inappropriate touching and changes in child’s behavior: Any physical contact that is inappropriate is a red flag. Even if you don’t see it, sudden changes in a child’s behavior like withdrawal, anxiety, depression, or reluctance to attend class may signal something inappropriate has happened. It’s important to note that some of these behaviors may have innocent explanations. If you see these signs or have a suspicion, tell the right people, like school staff, child protection services, or the police.
Signs of Coach Grooming. Here are some signs of coach grooming:
What is grooming harassment?
Grooming is when someone builds a relationship with a child or young person to abuse them. Groomed children and young people can be sexually abused, exploited, or trafficked. Anyone can be a groomer. If you find out your child has been groomed, you might feel upset and not know what to do. We’re here to help keep children and young people safe.
Grooming types. Children and young people can be groomed online, in person, or both. This could be a family member, friend, or someone they know. Online groomers may hide who they are by sending photos or videos of other people. Sometimes this is of someone younger to gain trust. They might target one child online or contact many children quickly and wait for them to respond.
What are the examples of grooming in personal care?
How do caregivers help seniors with grooming? Grooming helps keep the body clean and healthy. Grooming includes things like filing fingernails, combing hair, and shaving facial hair. Styling hair and painting fingernails are other types of grooming for which older people may have preferences. Grooming means different things to different people. Seniors’ grooming choices are influenced by their culture, religion, and social background. Caregivers should understand what grooming means to seniors so they can help them properly. Once a senior’s grooming needs and preferences are known, a caregiver should assess how well the senior can do it alone. Let the senior groom themselves as much as possible when it is safe to do so.
How do you use grooming in a sentence?
Grooming Sentence Examples: I spent years grooming you for this event because I believe in you. She took the curry comb from the wall and groomed Princess. Buy a brush for grooming your kitten. I wouldn’t have spent years grooming you if I didn’t believe in you. She took the currycomb and began grooming Princess. Also find food bowls, treats, and grooming supplies.
How to use grooming words?
The horses are being groomed for the competition. She spent hours grooming herself. She always looks neat. He’s being groomed to take over the company. Should the bride and groom see the best man’s speech before the wedding? —Judith Martin, The Mercury News, 22 Apr. 2024 While many designers have launched bridal capsule collections, the Jacquemus wedding collection is for everyone. —Laia Garcia-Furtado, Vogue, 18 Apr. 2024 See all example sentences for groom. These examples don’t reflect the views of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Tell us what you think of these examples.
Can you be groomed at 18?
Sexual grooming for adults. Grooming doesn’t just happen to children. Most cases of sexual grooming involve children or young people. Adults between 18 and 25 can also be victims of sexual grooming. The predator will groom the adult in the same way they would a child. The predator must get consent from the adult before starting a romantic relationship. They want to sexually exploit the adult. They may start by being friends. Then, they will use flattery, gifts, promises, and romantic gestures to start a romantic relationship. The predator often lies about their name, job, and other aspects of their life to confuse the adult victim. They do this to gain access, gain trust, isolate, and finally maintain control.
Grooming and human trafficking are connected. Human trafficking is slavery. The crime is when the victim is forced to work or have sex against their will. Anyone can be a victim of human trafficking.
What is grooming and examples?
Grooming can happen online or in person and can take a short or long time, from days to years. A groomer can be anyone, even someone the victim knows. This could be a friend, family member, or someone at a club the victim goes to. Groomers can build a relationship with their victims, for example as a teacher, mentor, coach, friend, or romantic partner. They can also use other victims to entice their peers. Groomers lie about who they are, especially online. They can create a false identity and pretend to be younger.
Social media networks; text messages and apps like WhatsApp and TikTok; email; text, voice, and video chats in forums, games, and apps. Online grooming often involves adults creating fake profiles to befriend someone and gain their trust. This could lead to sexual abuse, online stalking, or harassment.
How do you use well groomed in a sentence?
Be well-groomed for the interview. There are great cruising opportunities on well-groomed pistes. Daisen has 26 slopes over 6 miles of well-groomed pistes. I was a well-groomed young man interested in fashion.
Home; Dictionary Meanings; Well-groomed Definition; Dress appropriately for the interview.
However, there is great cruising on well-groomed pistes.
What are 5 examples of personal grooming?
These five types of personal grooming help us understand why personal grooming is important: hygiene, dental care, skin care, hair care, and nail care.
- October 17, 2021
- Grooming, Health and Wellness, Image Management
Personal grooming is essential to enhance our image. It makes us feel good and looks good. Here is a list of personal grooming routines, tips, and benefits.
“Take care of your body. It’s where you live.
What is properly groomed?
Well-groomed: hair, skin, etc. well-dressed, clean, and neat. (of an animal) cared for well. neat; tidy: a well-groomed lawn. U.S. jetliners aren’t as well-groomed as foreign ones. He likes his girlfriends to be well groomed, too. They blended in with the aging hippies, well-groomed yuppies, and Hollywood actors.
📹 10 Examples of What Gaslighting Sounds Like
Gaslighting appears to be a word used a lot in the media these days, but what is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of emotional …
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed.
15 years ago, I was really hurt by a girl who gaslighted me, and it’s still painful and confusing to this day. We spent nearly every day together for two months and I was in love with her, but she increasingly did the push and pull on me. Over time, the pulls became romantic and sexual while the pushes became verbally abusive. After a particularly mean phone call from her in which she said I wasn’t good enough to be with her, I finally complained about her erratic behavior. In response she completely cut me off, but blamed me for all of it. She said I was overly dramatic, that her sexual advances were my fault and not a big deal, that my complaints sounded like the words of a dangerous person, and that we never really hung out much anyway. None of it was even close to being true, but I was so shocked and speechless that I could barely even collect myself. Even today, 15 years later, I’m still mentally scarred by the experience.
I always doubting what is Gaslighting means, then I realized that’s some part of me!! I think I concerns a lot for others people wanted good for them while not knowing I’m hurting them at the same time. 1, 3, 8, 9 those examples I did that quite typically, thank you to makes me realized how monster I am. Imma change it and showing more compassion and understanding to others. New subscriber is here!!
A lot of these type of articles helped me realize that I wasn’t the problem that I was painted out to be in the relationship with my child’s father. Between my child’s father and his mother especially his mother she’s the worst of all. She never held her son accountable for anything and it was always my fault for every single thing between her marriage and my relationship with her son. I thank you so much for these helpful articles. Keep the content coming.
I’ve realised in the past month or two that an ex friend gaslit me multiple times. He was the first person I really told my trauma too and he was all understanding and shit till suddenly when he was really mad at me it was suddenly all BS I made up to make him feel bad. He dated my friend at the time we were friends mostly and a bit afterwards. She also experienced gaslighting and took her longer to realise but once she did, she’s never wanted anything to do with him. He tried to sabotage my friendship with her after we stopped being friends because I called him out on something and told his gf at the time (my friend) what happened and he denied it EVEN TO ME WHO HEARD EVERYTHING HE SAID. I can’t believe I once saw good in him. I’m glad me and my friend now have the self respect to disassociate with him now
I mostly encounter being gaslighted by my parents back then, and it often made me think if my actions were wrong or if my presence that time was just out of place. I can tell when my parents are having a bad time when they start to badmouth / cuss extra words that aren’t even necessary to begin with. Often times I can tell it isn’t “disciplining” anymore, the argument ends with “stop being so emotional / soft” when in fact, I was in my right composure. Growing up, I kind of adapted that way of talking, and I can say its so easy to manipulate people if you intentionally want to prove you’re in the right position, and failing to see that reflection of what really is wrong with yourself as a gaslighter. I tried it with a couple of friends and it took a little bit of “convincing”, and it works almost every time. I kind of had that self reassessment when I broke up with my ex as she occasionally tweets about my or some other people’s red flags when we were still together, and it made me question myself alot and haven’t really fully recovered ever since. I’m more careful with what I say, how I act, and basically became more careful and conscious with talking to people, living up to that NPC energy. This article tells alot, and some parts I just discovered today. I’d take a break with socializing, especially with some toxic people in my life.
It for sure played a role in my life with my once best friend who really wasn’t a friend. Lucky for me, I started therapy for my anxiety and depression, and they helped me realize she was not a good person. She even used the “I’m sorry you felt that way…” But it was like a constant thing all the time. When I started sticking up for myself like my therapist said, she started telling everyone I was just an angry person all the time and had anger issues. I told my therapist and she laughed and said she didn’t really know me and it sounded like she may have some issues. Long story short, she tried to take advantage of me and my partner, therapy helped me see it, I stood up for myself, she continued to try to manipulate me but it didn’t work, she threw a fit, and we aren’t friends anymore. haha.
Here’s another one, which caused me to decide the relationship was over: this particular ex insulted me egregiously and falsely; when I called her out on it, she tried “Don’t take it personally.” I replied, “You personally directed that to me, which means it was meant personally; so there is no other way for me to take it but personally. Good bye.”
While I’m super aware gaslighting is a real thing and very abusive, I’m so tired of people who are using the word incorrectly like when someone has a different opinion or perception than you. I had my second sister say it to me just because she misinterpreted everything I said and when I’m corrected her, she told me I was gaslighting her. Isn’t that gaslighting in itself? Gasception???
Guys don’t fall for a gaslighter’s trap. You are too good for them. Never ever doubt how good as a person you are. Just because they tell you that you are a horrible person that doesn’t make you one. Don’t describe your personality and character on the basis of their opinion. Be an opinion of yourself, one which you like and be proud of. Stay strong guys.
After 17 years of my wife abusing and projecting she finally had an affair. When I said “how could you do this to me?!…she simply said “I’m sorry YOUR having a hard time dealing with this.” 😔ugh. Had I have known about psychology I could have done things differently. It’s still valuable info though. I will teach my children …and it will help them. Thank you 🙏 …and stay healthy everyone ☀️
I literally heard all of this in my last relationship, I could never express my emotions or thoughts without being told I was wrong, it’s not a big deal, you never take responsibility for anything, or being told that I needed therapy because I’m too much to deal with. All I wanted to do was talk about how I felt.
These days I realized gaslighting can not only happen within a romantic relationship, but also it can happen in a friendship, parents and child, teacher and childern…etc. I’m glad that I just realized that my very good friend was gaslighting me whenever we argue. And I forced myself to get out of that relationship! It feels painful and awesome at the same time.
I have a friend at the moment who i don’t really get on well with. She’s very opinionated, controlling, and gets mad when i talk to other people, which leads to me trying to distance myself often. There were a couple of instances recently where she yelled at me for no reason, shit talked about me, lied to me and ignored me for days before pretending nothing had happened, and another where she did something that really hurt my friend. Whenever i try to distance myself, she acts like I’m the problem, asks me if I’m ok, and shit talks me to other people. I’ve never had this with anyone else, and she made me feel like I’m the toxic one. This has helped me see it’s actually her gaslighting me into feeling this way, and I’m trying to cut her off for real this time.
Most of these aren’t gaslighting. Gaslighting is way more complicated than blaming someone else and taking the focus off you. A gas lighter will convince you it’s your fault. Diverting attention or trying to place blame isn’t enough to qualify. A true gaslighter is far more manipulative and cunning than to just blame you for what they did. They will have you blaming yourself.
Here’s a good gaslighting story: I live in an apartment complex meant for people with high-functioning mental/neurological disabilities, and there’s staff who help us with a number of things, each of whom work shifts here in the office next to us. I have autism, but I also have photographic proof of a grotesque lower spinal injury in my L4 vertebrae, so I need help lifting heavy groceries when shopping. A staff member, who I’ll call “Greg” for this story, drove over to the Albertsons I was shopping in, because I called him and asked politely if he could help with the 4 different gallons of water I needed. 20 minutes later, I was at the self-checkout, trying to scan everything without throwing my back out, but I didn’t know he was standing there right behind me, just perusal me with his arms folded, as though I’d done something wrong. First, he chided me about being “disrespectful”, because apparently I wasn’t hurrying up quickly enough. Everyone in staff has records of my injury, always accessible in the database, so I told him “I’m sorry, my lower back hurts, which makes it difficult to handle heavy things.” I said this nicely, making sure to communicate the same way I’ve practiced before. He responds by telling me “Well, I don’t think your back is hurting.” As if that made any sense. There’s literally X-ray records in the office! For the first time in YEARS, I spoke up like an adult, saying “You don’t think my back is hurting?” I said this angrily, giving him quite a bit of sass as I recall.
LOL! My soon to be ex (told him I would match his effort in the relationship, and it’s my fault we haven’t seen each other in two months now, so waiting to break up face to face due to a 2yr+ relationship) has said every single one of these things to me. No wonder his ex was telling he was a narcissist, he pretty much hits every trait Dr. Rami talks about. Glad he forced me to improve myself, because in my learning I’ve liked myself more, and less time with him has made my anxiety levels drop so much.
This just definitely proved to me that I was in fact gaslighted last year. They told me it was my fault, that I need to fix myself, I’m too sensitive, and even said that I was the one hurting them, not me. Sadly every time I see or hear there name (When it’s not even them) made my heart race and my chest hurt. But thankfully with the help of my parents and some friends, the pain is starting to calm down, and my pain it’s hurting less. I only experienced a small handful of what gaslighting feels like, like your going crazy and your at fault. But your not. And I empathize with anyone who has gone or even still going though this. 🥰 you deserve to be treated respectfully.
I was in a past relationship with a narcissistic person that did lot of these things and I got so depressed. In the end of the relationship he blamed me for emotional abuse and said everyone in his life agrees with him. I was shattered. I started to question my own sanity. He turned everything against me. I’m glad my parents believed me at least.
Well, now I can say this so called friend of mine is toxic and has gaslighted me for years. And when he “apologised” for his problems he said, “I’m sorry for everything, the reason why I was so toxic to you is because I was friends with ____”. Next day, he’s not friends with _____ and he’s talking about anyone and everyone behind their backs. I don’t know how to stop being his friend, it seems that it’s hard to let go of him, because he’ll make my life a living hell (spreading rumours, making fun of me, etc.) if I do. If I don’t, however, the same outcome would take place. I’m not a very confrontational person, I don’t like to talk about my feelings often, so being able to talk here knowing there’s no way he or anyone else will find this brings me joy.
Oh look, she described my mother. I didn’t know that she was this plus a narcissist. I’ve heard this over and over growing up with her. It’s destroyed my viewed on friendships and relationships; I’ve been learning and growing from it, but this website thankfully has reaffirmed and helped me understand. Thank you so much for making this. ❤️
It’s everywhere online, if gaslighting abuse was treated the same way verbal abuse was, loads of people would get banned in comment sections. I’m currently slightly addicted to calling people out when they gaslight me or other online users. I feel like it helps me protect myself against it in real life situations as well, like practicing self defense 😂
3 I’m sorry you feel that way. So infuriating. A ridiculous non apology. 9. You make a big deal out of everything / it shouldn’t have been a big deal. Minimizing the impact a behavior they chose has on you. I’m sensitive and ok with that. But not the only one who thinks some of the behaviors were a big deal. Thank you for including that on the list. Drove me nuts he said this to me. These are an attempt to not face consequences or take accountability for poor behaviors.
56 yo married man: wow, so weird, been married 26 years and we’re struggling more the last several years. Many of these trigger statements are generally or nearly verbatim to what I have used with my poor wife. Quietly sitting in mild, self-realizing shock. In my childhood I experienced many years with extreme cases of this activity against my Mom. She even went on and off medication for years. Probably totally influenced by gaslighting and physical abuse. Thanks to your effort here, I am ready to seek out and eliminate any version of gaslighting that I catch coming from my mouth in future disagreements. Thank you for helping me to grow and learn. I will share this with other young married and dating men and women in my daily interactions. In memory of my Mom Connie. Thank you!
My parents literally used “I’m sorry you feel that way” all the time and told me that’s how I’m supposed to apologize to people (they’re not great parents), and it’s only recently I’ve been learning how that isn’t the right way to do that I’ve grown up and lived in gaslighting environments with my family members and an abusive ex, so thank you for making this article. It’s super helpful to see that what I was around wasn’t okay and to know what habits I’ve learned from these negative influences
Damn this just made me realise my ex-managers gaslighted me the whole time I was under them. I knew I had every right to feel the way I feel. Yes I’m emotional. Yes there was a problem. They made me feel like I created a problem that no one else knew about, making me feel like a problematic and unstable person. They were so manipulative. Thank God I dont work under them anymore.
I literally had a girl say #3 I’m sorry you feel that way after I confronted her about her bullying and degrading comments which were addressed in front of two of my managers and she just completely played dumb and didn’t recall saying something rude to me a few days ago. She even had the audacity to try and take over the conversation in the very beginning and say “Oh you were acting strange that day” as if it was something wrong with me when I know for a fact she was making fun of me to her friend and making snide comments as i walked by.
My issue with 2 is sometimes something is one person’s fault and you’re not gaslighting when you call them or on it. A gaslighter will use 2 to avoid accountability and say you’re gaslighting them when you call out their contributions to an issue. I like how you showed a genuine response compared to a disingenuous response in the first one and it’s equally important to do the same for 2.
Just got into a fight with my big sis..and this is exactly how she acts..always looking for my weaknesses to look down on me..and the fact that i stayed silent just out of respect and i dont want to make things worse..but when shes crossing the line and i got mad, suddenly i was the ‘oversensitive’ one..as if her looking down on me all these years is totally fine..and the fact that shes fatshaming me all these year and i just laugh it off and play along, does not mean that its okay to keep on doing so..just because im a bit chubby and you’re the perfect proportion does not give you the right to always look down on me and completely destroy my self esteem..but when i confronted her about it shes dismissing it saying that shes just telling the truth and that if im offended about it means that her act of looking down on me is ‘okay’ as if i dont have any feelings..and everytime we got into an argument she would guilt tripping me saying that im ungrateful for the things that she gave me..the fact that those things are not even bought using her own money and it was our dad the one who bought it for her but just because she gave permission for me to use her things then suddenly i got mad at her because of her FOUL MOUTH and has nothing to do with me being grateful or ungrateful but she just love to find my weaknesses to look down on me and make me feel guilty for even get mad at her..look i love you sis but why is it so hard for you to say sorry when you know u did something wrong..
I remember my ex started acting strange and things didn’t add up so I went through his phone and found he was actively trying to hook up with other chicks. When I confronted him his response was “it’s your fault, you went through my phone and found exactly what you were looking for.” It’s definitely liberating no longer being in that relationship and my current relationship is much more healthy.
O_O Holy crap! I may have been gaslight. I already knew what gaslighting was. Yet this article is really enlightening. It is the signs of gaslighting that I learned about. A lot of it shifts the blame on the victim even in subtle ways. I didn’t know that counted as gaslighting. I have been abused in the past. That leads to depression, anxiety and low self esteem. A big part of it is that I get blamed for conflict. I feel like that I am the evil one. I try to be with different people, but this often leads to fights. I try so hard to be nice to people. I try so hard to please them and to be police. It’s not enough. It is never enough. I will never be perfect enough. Abuse involves lots of criticism and control. I try so hard to keep the peace that I walk on eggshells. Even that is not enough. It only takes the tiniest perceived mistakes to make people completely blow up. They have skins as thin as tissue paper. If people don’t get their way they will whine and moan, whine and moan. It is always my fault because I am not perfect enough. I have no empathy for thin skinned people. I have lived a really hard life. I have to go though lots of little irritations on top of that. I learn to manage my anger and be more emotionally stable. Did someone go through something that was actually bad? Did they get abused? Did they get assaulted? Do they have a mental or physical illness? Did they go through a natural disaster? Are they living in poverty? Are they suffering social discrimination like racism or sexism.
My God. I’ve been married to the Grand Poo Bah of “gaslighting” for 30 years. I never knew it was called gaslighting. My hope is that every person who is subject to this unacceptable behavior sees it for what it is, and puts an end to it, by any means possible. Thank you for yet another moment of clarity. .
My sister’s husband does that and has been doing that over the past 8 years to her. She has become a complete stranger to us now, low self esteem, full of doubts and anguish. She was a complete opposite to that as a young adult. She was someone we looked up to and has been a good mentor. Every time we try to get her help it always backfire and she is turned up against her own parents and siblings. She met a guy who is wrong at so many levels. My only prayers is for the kids who are being raised in a toxic environment and how they might normalize every bit of wrong in that house. It’s both physically and mentally draining when you have yo deal with a situation like this. Hope she realizes soon that she is in a toxic relationship.
Time Stamps 1:23 1. “WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?” 1:44 2. “EVERYONE AROUND YOU ISN’T THE PROBLEM, THE PROBLEM IS YOU.” 2:09 3. “I’M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY.” 2:27 4. “I DON’T REMEMBER SAYING THAT. I THINK YOU MADE THAT UP.” 2:41 5. “IT’S YOUR ANXIETY THAT MADE ME DO THE THINGS I DO.” 2:59 6. “YOU NEED HELP.” 3:15 7. “IT’S YOUR FAULT.” 3:36 8. “YOU’RE TOO EMOTIONAL.” 3:46 9. “IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.” 4:02 10. ” WHY ARE YOU SO DEFENSIVE ALL THE TIME? YOU’RE ATTACKING ME.” GOD BLESS 🙏
4 and 10 are both things I’ve said. why? because I’ve had someone tell me ive said something i didn’t, OVER TEXT. they interpreted it completely wrong. the exact message they’re talking about is IN CHAT, and it’ll take them about 6-8 times of me saying “re-read the message” before they actually do that and realise they’re making it up. sometimes people really do get defensive and can’t admit theyve made a mistake, and they’ll start an argument with you. sometimes you have to call that out. chances are, plenty of the people “realising” they’ve been gaslit are just looking for more reasons they’re 100% in the right with their past relationships. it ain’t always black and white wanna know the best way to know if you’re gaslighting or being gaslighted? EVIDENCE! get your facts straight, know what ur arguing and then you won’t second guess yourself.
I wish I had learned more about this before. I dated someone briefly (not even exclusively), and things took an awful turn when I said I wanted to slow things down. He basically yelled at me for 4 hours on the phone saying I had “failed everything” over & over, among other terrible things. It was so insane & unexpected that I began to believe him. Thankfully my mom was there to open my eyes to how wrong it was. If you don’t have resources like this, at least talk to someone outside your relationship with that toxic person! Be there for other people too.
There’s are very common… Mines are 1. You’re so perfect when you express frustration. Or I’m always the buy guy. 2. You do that too. For example you can say to the narcissist stop yelling at me and they say you yell too. 3. Your so moody and emotional, it’s always something. 4. Also, weaponizing your insecurities against you.
In the movie he didn’t do the light thing to try to convince her she was crazy, it happened naturally when he would sneak up and look around in a boarded up area of the house for some valuables he wanted to steal. When he turned the lights on up there it would dim the lights in the rest of the house where she was, but he was telling her he left the house every time he was sneaking up there. She would ask him about it, and to cover up his own actions and avoid being found out, he decided to tell her it was all in her head and convince her she was crazy. He wasn’t making her doubt her reality to torture her, he was making her doubt her reality so she wouldn’t discover the nefarious behavior he was engaging in behind the scenes. He needed her to be distracted with questions of her own sanity so she wouldn’t figure him out. Though, he did to other things for seemingly no reason other than to torment her.
I’m perusal this and I’m sad that I’ve become the person that I tried to avoid. I unfortunately gaslight as a lot of these statements I’ve said before. These statements really affect people deeply to where they themselves can end up hurting others. This was a powerful article for me and I want to do better through therapy
To me, anytime someone tries to flip the script, backhanded comments, blaming, shaming, saying things that make you feel remiss, chastise you for expressing your concerns, telling you your expectations are unreasonable and doomed. You feel it in your core, it’s meant for you to feel badly, question yourself while they are steadfastly superior. I had enough of this BS in my marriage. Always trying to make me feel inferior, uninformed, and when provoked, I am not in control as an adult should be.
It’s important to understand who you’re dealing with. Narcissist and Gaslighter’s find “enjoyment” in what they’re doing. They love the back-and-forth and they love to constantly test boundaries to see if you’ll bend. It’s a game to them …..at your expense. They want to bend and stretch you like putty…. to the point where you’re just worn out. They usually don’t know how to communicate aside from assigning labels, deflection, dodges, and blaming. It’s a roundabout way of hiding their own insecurities, and insufficiencies out in the open. I was in a relationship with a person that constantly did this. Arguments are usually triangulated around you attacking from 4 or 5 positions that share no relevance to the topic being discussed just to make you doubt your own thoughts. Adam: I want to talk about your drinking and your abusive behavior towards me and the kids today. Sally is really hurt by what you said in front of her friends. Eve: i’m not abusive you’re just sensitive and my drinking has nothing to do with your problem. You’re the most selfish person I know. Well, this is an example….. notice how adam is trying to seriously discuss an issue and eve immediately deflect: not me, it’s you ….why would you think that? It’s obvious you weren’t comfortable and that’s the problem…. I’m fine. You’re just worried that I’m going to say something about your.(whatever) and pointed out in front of your friends. See how the argument tilts from Adam wanting to discuss a situation to “of you have a problem with it, It must be your problem?
An important distinction to make is when the abuser actually does something to upset you and you call them out on it. I did this with my abusive ex and he accused me of gaslighting him. We went to a therapist and the therapist confirmed my reasoning. If they actually are wrong or lying, then the distinction should be made that it isn’t gaslighting.
I was abused which messed me up nearly my whole life until just a recently by my former step mother and sister. But I didn’t know it was gaslighting. They did it to me starting at age 5. My scars nearly healed after so long but I needed lots of therapy, psychiatrist, and medication to recover. They still are trying but I’m woke now and fighting back. I also helping others along the way. I’m no longer a victim!!!!
Terms to look out for: You’re just insecure! You must be suffering from toxic masculinity! Here’s one even Councilors try to use: You suffer from Retroactive Jealousy! Never let anyone tell you that because it minimizes and marginalizes you and what you’re going through and it places all blame on your shoulders instead of the party responsible.
The phrase that I’m most familiar with is phrase #7, “It’s your fault”. This message had been given to me in various forms, such as: “If you didn’t mess up, then I wouldn’t have to yell at you.” “If you weren’t so dumb, then I wouldn’t be angry at you.” “If you weren’t so sensitive, then they wouldn’t mistreat you. It’s your fault that they treat you that way.” For a while, I believed that it was my fault that people mistreated me. But while some constant behaviors such as apologizing even when it’s not your fault or seeking validation affect others to mistreat you, they’re ultimately responsible for their own behavior. They can choose to react calmly and respect you or treat you with disrespect. You can change your behavior to decrease the likelihood of disrespect, but even if you change, it doesn’t guarantee that people will be nice. When I started inner work and wrote a letter to my inner child, I unexpectedly started crying upon reading a line that I wrote, “It’s not always your fault. Also, you deserve the respect that you give out to others”. That’s when I realized how much I had been affected by the message of “It’s your fault”. So it’s important for anyone who might be going through something similar to know that it’s not always your fault and you don’t deserve to be mistreated. While you can control some of your own behaviors to decrease the likelihood of mistreatment, you can’t fully control the behavior of others.
Man, I heard All of these for 17 years! And then in year 17 I used it’s not that everyone is against you, your dark side and not taking responsibility is the problem, then he called me a narcissist, and after years of all those things being said to me, it was the final most insidious gaslight. And it was his last, now he can only email me. Unfortunately, we have children together so Ican’t cut ties, but he gets demoted every time he acts out.
Does the power relationship between the doer and the receiver have any role to play, as it does in the original play/film(s)? I’ve always felt that it has, but it often isn’t mentioned, as it wasn’t in this post. If there is a differential (that is, the gaslighter has more power) then does it amplify the actions? If the reverse exists, can a weaker person gaslight a more powerful person? Can one of two equal people gaslight the other, or is having power a crucial aspect?
My parents use these phrases all the time whenever I confront them on something they said or did to me. I failed a college class once during the summer semester despite my best efforts including staying up all night to study for the final. I would have passed the class had it not been for that exam. I was really upset because I know how my parents would react. My fears were confirmed when I told them. There was shouting, attacking, accusations, being told that I have a history of being irresponsible, threats of no longer paying for tuition, and being mocked for the efforts I put into the exam. When I was pushed to my limit and snapped back at them, they said “Don’t get mad at us. We’re just trying to help you.” There were more instances like this in the past over other various things. The next time I saw my mom, she complained about me not talking to her or my dad. I told her that I didn’t like how they talked to me the last time. All she said was “I’m sorry you didn’t like it but that’s tough love and someone has to tell you the truth.” Every time I bring up their verbal abuse and manipulation, they would tell me to stop holding a grudge and let it go. They expect me to have a relationship with them and yet they refuse to own up to their actions. They want to have their cake and eat it too. They never apologized and kept making excuses and pretending to not remember. They act like we’re a happy family when they just sweep this kind of behavior under the rug. I just see no point in confronting them anymore because they’ll just downplay me and gaslight me all over again.
I often felt like I must have suffered from an early form of Alzheimer’s or perpetual amnesia around the gaslighters in my life. I really thought for a long while that I blacked out on a regular basis since childhood. I got accused of wrongdoing when I recalled it completely differently. My reality often became a huge fog. In the rare moments I addressed their hurtful behavior or words, they dismissed it and called me “too sensitive” or “too judgmental” or “you think you’re perfect!”The most memorable line said to me was “What did your parents do to you?!” (Aka…you’re crazy)That was rich… 😝😞 Ugh…gaslighting is the worst!
If you say something like “Sweetie, ouch, you’re standing on my foot”, you’ll get a series of statements that begin with “I was just. . .” “I just came over here to be with you. Do you want me to go away? You’ve stepped on my toes before, too, you know.” And on and on while he’s still standing on your foot, apparently trying to convince you to believe otherwise, or that it’s not a big deal, and your feet are too sensitive. But those three words, “I was just. . .”, are always gaslighting words.
I loved that you explicitly mentioned that using those phrases genuinely isnt gaslighting but deliberately lying by choosing to speak those phrases is. Unfortunately most of the people dont like acknowledging a mistake to themselves and certainly not to the world and end up using those phrases to defend their fragile egos that cant accept a mistake and this notion of being perfect, to err is human. Also because people make a hue and cry about other’s mistakes (not theirs) whcih fuels the use of this defence further. Gaslighting = lying at its core.
These descriptions are so accurate that it is eerie. I’m thinking about the last conversation I had with a family member. She used so many of these phrases/tactics, making me feel like I was the problem. I was not the problem – I was telling the truth, a truth no one wanted to hear about. Eventually lost my whole family because I had to go totally no contact for my own sanity.
I had a friend I grew up with. He constantly, almost hard wired was scamming for money. Ducking out of drinks, expecting I pay for meals and constantly guiding situations to get me to pay. The worst bit is, he THINKS I wasn’t aware of it. As soon as he got what he wanted he was immediately into the next scam. Eventually a number of things happened where he put me in danger due to my disability and ignoring it. The last situation was he had been drinking. He is an awful drunk. He gets ultra snarky and nasty. He was showing off his new skateboard whilst drunk and it shot straight out from under him. I laughed. He then picked up a cushion and punched me in the face 3 times…of course he thinking he just “tapped me with a cushion.” Due to my spine issue he actually cracked a bone in my neck. I packed my stuff and walked out. I then received a number of text messages stating I was over reacting and the worst bit – he demanded I apologise to HIM for pissing him off, then he will apologise to me. I am still angry with myself for allowing this kind of behaviour for decades. If he won 50 million on the lottery he’d not give me a penny and still scam me for every penny he could get. If I won the lottery he would absolutely expect at least half.
I know I’ve used the phrase, “I’m sorry you feel that way” on occasion. when I said it I’ve intended it to mean “I don’t intend to change my values, but I did not mean to have that negative impact on you because of them” when dealing with a personwas something like a religious or political adversary and often something like a relative.
My mom was always like: – stop the social complex – nobody can tell you anything or you get angry – Who am I counting with then? – stop being so negative – why has god punished me this way? And the ones that trigger me the most are the fake-nice-commands like “would you do me a little favor” Or “son would you like to do that for me “(instead of her doing things by herself)
3:30 it really reminded of the time when my narcissistic ex would always play the victim, and i would always always ask for forgiveness and ask him if there is something i can do for him to forgive me and for us to be okay. but i had no idea that he had been gaslighting me. oh how i hated that feeling, i feel so bad for myself for keeping up with him for so long.
I angered a gaslighter, when they were deliberately and obtusely not understanding anything I was typing to them, in an online conversation, using the simple expedient of patronising them with kindergarten lessons in how to better understand written English, by improving their English Comprehension skills. It worked like a dream.
I’ve been gaslighted so much that I’ve developed an aggressive response to it. Like if I have to drive you way into a corner to admit your fault or give up your gaslighting habit then I will. I don’t think my way of dealing with it is healthy, but I consider gaslighting kind of like a snake that’s trying to slither out of everything and to prevent that from happening, you grasp it firmly near the head and don’t allow it to go anywhere. Never again will I allow a gaslighter to poison my mind.
“I’m sorry you feel that way” She would say this all throughout my early childhood. “Why are you so defensive?” She constantly accuses my dad of being defensive, and they get into arguments that she always wins through manipulation. She also fabricates events and makes me question my own judgement. It’s hard to tell when I’m right/wrong anymore and I’m scared of becoming like her.
Gaslighting isn’t always intentional, and can be done even when the gaslighter doesn’t know about gaslighting. It often can stem from narcissism and a need for control. For example, my dad has gaslighted me for most of my life, but it’s out of a need to control me and force me down the life path he felt was safe. Me having different opinions and confidence in my own memory and beliefs was problematic, so he crushed them whenever they came up. He also would take his anger out on me by making me do difficult and unnecessary tasks under the guise of “Is this unreasonable?”, which part if what lead me to getting kicked out is me saying yes to things. (For example, his clothes often came out of the dryer still dirty, and this was something we all knew. He would have bad days at work and then set outrageous “reasonable” rules on how I needed to do laundry, even though I’ve been doing my laundry for years with no issue. He would check and make sure the laundry was at the “right” line hight, which was far overfilled when dry and farther overfilled when wet, yet tried to convince me that this is putting less in than I was doing before. Naturally, my clothes started coming out dirty, and he was acting like I was finally having clean clothes. Not wanting to be in dirty clothes, I started fighting back hard. This was before he started to use me being able to go to school/work as blackmail to do his “reasonable” demands) It got to the point where I said I’m never going to respect you unless you can show me enough respect to acknowledge that blackmailing me with whatever you see as most vital for my life’s success is wrong, which of course he spun to be me saying I’ll never respect him and me being the problem and told mom that she couldn’t use any of his money for any of her needs until she kicked me out.
My wife gaslights me ALL the time. We have a 9 month old boy, and she tries to make it seem like I do NOTHING for him so she can hide her insecurities about doing less. I work from home, so she makes me watch him while she goes to the store, feed him, change him, i do ALLL the bottles and baby dishes.. All while working from home. She does all the night feeds (which dont happen anymore) and of course pumps, and she claims i do nothing. I am tempted to just stop doing anything for real just to show her what I do, but i know that’ll only add fuel to her gaslighting fire and she’ll just say “see i told you that you don’t do anything”. She says it all the time. She also tells me she ALWAYS does the food, even though i buy 3/4 of all the meals, and all the meals i buy are significantly more expensive. She gets the cbeapest meal we get, and i a get the expensive ones, and she will tell me i she ALWAYS gets the food. This relationship is so hard but i want it to work for my son so.badly.
I was involved with a narcissist who was gaslighting me for years. When I finally opened my eyes I tried to get him into therapy (I still believed he could change)when he started reading about about all of this, he started doing things that would force me to say some of those things. He would start arguments when he knew other people would walk up on us. Then he would beg me to leave him alone making it look as though I was bothering him and he was doing nothing.
I think it can still be gaslighting without manipulation being the goal. I think people can do it unintentionally by completely dismissing someone or making themselves the victim in the situation. I also think one that would count would be, “your taking what I’m saying wrong” instead of acknowledging the fact that your feelings are valid and that they hurt you. What do you think?
Thanks for sharing this. Indeed, a lot of people at workplace experience this kind of behaviour that makes you question your own self. It’s not only meant to pass on their own blame to you but to also crush your own self confidence and to stop you from questioning them. Very rightly said that at times you end up apologizing when you see that the conversation is not going anywhere and you just want to end it.
This was beneficial to me in understanding how people act. It helps me put a name to a behavior. I usually listen to everything a person says. I would shut off a gaslighter. I would not give them any more access to me. Someone who says “that never happened” is someone I would never trust, especially when you have witnesses. I would label a gaslighter a deceiver.
I have just now realized what I have experienced in the work place on a few different occasions over the years. I could never put my finger on it exactly and never could figure out the words to properly explain it, but it is interesting to learn of this behavior and of narcissistic behavior. All I can say is document every single interaction with these people.
Very useful. We hear these phrases all the time. I would add ‘why are you such a hater’. They use this to accuse you of ‘hate crime’, which is what Orwell called ‘thought crime’ in his visionary book ‘1984’, a ‘crime’ punishable by prison nowadays. Gaslighting today is not just an individual matter; it is done on a grand scale; they are state-sponsored organisations who do that regularly via the media.
I was vaguely aware that the term could be related to that old play, but I was never clear on any of this. Actually, I thought it was some social media thing – didn’t know it could be a thing outside of social media. So this article is the best explanation for me to date. But why not use the actual terms like manipulative ? I guess gaslighting is easier to say, but it sure confused me for a long time.
I am an open book. I talk all the time I am uncomfortable with silence. I’m told I have alot of empathy because I relate. I am now 67 and my counselor told me I push talk. He said I was smart although I do not feel smart I have struggled since the 6th grade. I have a hard time focusing. The point to my comment it I feel gaslighted alot even by my siblings. I think it is because I give my frienemies ammunition to use against me or to just to try to enable me. I have set boundaries when I am pushed to the max but only in the past decade have I learned to be more calm and address the problem instead of my hurt feelings. So the disclaimer is very important to not look at everything as gaslighting. I also feel that this is become to well known and is being weaponized. It is very dangerous in the wrong hands esp the powerful (ie teachers,bosses and government) and mind developing teenagers. Great article but the disclaimer should guide you to another related article on how to disarm a gaslighter. Good luck to all this changes everything about your surrounding whether you like it or not. I have been told I’m paranoid. Maybe I am maybe I’m not but I take everything now and analyze motives then address why I feel the way I feel. I don’t wait until I am angry any more but it has been a long arduous road. Happy Valentines. Love yourself. You are worth defending.
Watching this I have used several of those phrases but never intentionally tried to manipulate info. I do have a bad memory and don’t recall many conversations that cause domestic challenges. I hope my SO doesn’t think I am trying to gaslight. Thank you for providing details so that I may better communicate.
I thought gas lighting was one specific thing but this helped me understand. My roommate told me I was gaslighted by someone I was talking to. They asked why I was quiet, I hesitated. I didn’t want to bring up why because I didn’t want to seem toxic for having feelings. I was sad and confused because actions didn’t line up with words. They asked again and again for half a minute. But after the day they knew I had, the texts I was sent, I was ignored when we had little time to talk… for a game. I was in shock. Then I opened up and was exhorted that I didn’t know how to communicate, because I was hurt speechless before saying what was wrong. My feelings were disregarded and I was attacked for not immediately responding…
I have a friend who uses every single one of these phrases. She makes me feel so bad about myself that I’ve changed so much this year. The problem is that I can’t drop her because she only gaslights me and people around us think she is some sort of angel. Recently, she stopped talking to me because I started ignoring her (she only cares about her issues and won’t even listen to my stories if they don’t concern her). So I guess it’s good, but when I confront her about it she tells me I’m the problem.
hey, these days i had hard time dealing with myself . My friend did something bad to me and these days she puts the blame on me, when all i did is speak up and ignore her because she put me in an uncomfortable position . She blamed me because i didnt help her with some project, when actually she didnt actually ask for my help and bcs of that i got in trouble with the teachers . I denied it and because i didnt like what she done, i started ignoring her . These days she confronted me because she,, didnt understand,, why i am ignoring her, i explained how i felt and she blamed me for talking bad things behind her back, when i did not . She told me that she didnt ask for my help because she knew that i wouldnt help, like what ? she came to me and asked for me to accept her appology but at the same time she blamed me for talking bad ab her, that made me really confused . And now i still take the blame from others for ignoring her and leaving her alone, when this hole time i was the one who shouldve been sad for what she did . I started to think that im the problem in everything, i blame myself for ignoring her and i question myself,, maybe i did something wrong?,, . Is this gaslighting ?( my english isnt so good, im sorry )
I know someone where, when we are talking he’ll say one thing and moments later say the opposite. I get confused and it becomes hard to understand what he means. I’ll point out what he just said and he’s adamant he’s “never said that”. I just heard him seconds ago and argue “yes you did” and repeat the conversation. He doesn’t remember saying it even doing something then turns it around and says IM gaslighting HIM. Because of situations like this, even been recording every conversation we have together just so I can self validate and remind myself I’m not hearing things. It’s a huge problem in our relationship. I don’t think he listens to himself when he talks that or he’s not as self aware as he thinks he is.
This is what my 2 of my daughters accuse me of but they do this to me. I was forever apologising to them anytime they got angry and then walking on eggshells trying not to upset them. I have become defensive even my psychologist said to stop defending myself just ignore them or say I need a break from them for my mental wellbeing. They become relentless at times to the point I have to block them.
I’m not too sure on this, but I think men respond differently to gaslighting than women. Another huge part of gaslighting is the abuser pretending that the emotions they make you feel are the emotions that you are making them feel. It triggers your mind to go on the defensive, rather than the offensive. It also makes it so that the a lot of things that are mentioned in this article are the things you need to say to them. Which in turn makes you question if you yourself are the narcissist. It’s a crazy projection thing that I can’t properly explain, but I’m sure there are people out there that share my perception.
The most ambiguous is that just because we may use those phrases or others may use those towards us it doesn’t mean that it is not concern and care but gaslighting. And also what it means: intentionally? In many situations we meat with emotional manipulation either intentional or unintentional. Like a person is using tears or trying to blame other person of her emotional state. These are simple defensive phrases that make you secure from not getting into manipulation and treating yourself as perpetrator.
My ex would lie to get the blame off himself. The worrying part was that he’d convince himself it was true. He did not respond to an email about student housing and thus was not on the waiting list for a room. I know he didn’t reply for a fact, he hadn’t proper read the email. He told his mother he did reply but they didn’t put him on the list then let her ring them to Try and sort something. A few weeks later he’s complaining about the stress of finding somewhere to live cos ‘they f***Ed up’. I remember looking around the room and wondering why he was saying that when the only other person in the room (me) knew the truth. It was a common occurrence and could be very unsettling.
I have said all of these things. And I have been accused of gaslighting. But If a person is lashing out because they don’t deal well with the stressors in their life. If they are blaming you for their suffering, but cannot articulate why, or those claims really are not true. Then you are being reverse gas-lit.
When my first wife was insulting me and I world confront her, pointing out how she had hurt my feelings this way before, one of her favorite phrases to use was, “Oh name one time!”. then it became, “Oh, just that once!” and finally became, “What do you do, keep a file?” Another favorite was, “It must kill you for me to tease you a little bit”. If I ever dared speak one of those phrases to her she’d go into a silent pout for hours, or even days.
Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” is how a person protects themselves from taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings. Usually I have to say this when someone is blaming me for how they feel. Not gaslighting even in the slightest. Not by a long shot. It maybe defensive, or dismissive, or insensitive, but hardly gaslighting.
I recognize this behavior in relationships in my past. When I was dating a guy and suspecting the was also seeing someone else, I would be told, “No, you have it all wrong. It’s nothing like that. She’s just a friend.”. Yeah, right — that was never the truth. It always made me doubt myself and it kills me that I allowed them to do that to me.
I’m a disabled person who can’t function independently and I’ve needed my Mum to help me somewhat. I’m now 30 years old and am finally realising that it’s not my fault. It’s eerie, but my mother says every single one of these things to me. Literally word for word. I’m 30 and I’ve just realised I’ve been gaslit my whole life.
I learnt about this from my manipulative ex. She acused me of everything, and I’ve never felt more confused in my entire life. Hearing these phrases brought back a flash of bad memories. I’ve healed and much stronger now, it took everything I had and much support from my family and friends. But I’m definitely not going to trust someone on that level again. Next time it may destroy me. Stand up against mental abuse. It’s sad this world seems to reward people who step on others more
The worse thing about gaslighting as that it can make you doubting yourself as some times, it will not be gaslighting, and it will be truth, and you don’t want to be a narcissist (right???) and just say that everyone is gaslighting you, every single time! So in the end, all this doubt builds up and you just feel shit…
I have been doing this a lot during my lifetime and actually didn’t realise how much I did it until I watched this article. I clicked it because people Called me a gas lighter so i thought I should find out what they meant this really helped me and I will try not to make the wrong decisions that I have made in the past no matter how tempting it may be
this can happen unintentionally too. Ive been treated exactly like this but the person who made me feel like this used to do this out of instinc. She just grew up in an enviroment where this behaviour was Normal. And no matter what i did it was always my fault for how her life was. Espetially the “I dont remember saying anything like that to you” or “you’re too emotional for no reason” hit so hard. DO your self a favour: LEAVE or the damage will be with you for a long time. It’s beem 2.5 years for me and i still strugle thinking its all my fault and that there is something wrong with me. And it all started when i was in that relationship. Even to realise it it took me a year after it ended. Take care of your self toure the most important person in your life! NEver forget that!
⚠️ I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS GASLIGHTING BUT THIS IS WHAT IM GOING THROUGH⚠️: So my friend found out some of our mutual friends were talking bad about her and she took it out on me telling me about their messed up. She said that I shouldn’t be friends with them and texted me later saying “if you want to lose me then go ahead”. I felt really bad and I kept saying sorry but she couldn’t care less. About a month later she starts it up again and makes me feel bad for still being friends with the people that talked bad about her. She was talking about how I need to grow up since I don’t like confrontation and saying how I’m a fake friend and the only reason she hangs around my friend group is because of 3 other people in it, NOT ME (this is important for later) So that day I text my friends about it and they point out how when everyone else leaves and I’m the only one there she talks to me. Only when I’m alone!! So the next day she calls me over and I say “I don’t think it’s fair that you’re making me choose sides” then she said how she still wants to be friends with me but I always hang out with her and it makes her uncomfortable!! What?! You just called me fake and said you don’t hang out with my friend group for ME and you said the only reason you’re not a jerk to me is because you would have to go out of your way to do it. She also said how she never told me to choose sides. I told her after school we can hang out cause none of them are there but she kept interrupting me saying no!
My ex had memory blackouts when angry. She smashed plates and honestly don’t remember. Even if I showed her the broken pieces, she’s in denial, and just walked away without acknowledging the facts. I truly concerned about her, but had to leave her once I found there’s nothing I can do to make her confront her mental health problems. Staying with her longer would put myself in further danger. Sometimes what’s been accused of gaslight, are valid concerns. Overusing gaslight would over correct, and prevent people from getting fair external feedback. Which would then prevent people from getting psychological help when they really need.