Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can significantly impact a marriage or partnership, leading to instability and emotional turmoil. It is highly treatable, but it is common for individuals with BPD to avoid treatment or deny their problem. However, understanding the impact of BPD, seeking professional help, and offering emotional support can help improve a relationship.
In a romantic relationship with someone with BPD, it is essential to prioritize open communication, establish boundaries, encourage professional help, and practice empathy and patience. This can help better understand and appreciate the unpredictable behaviors of those with BPD. If these behaviors persist, gradually distance yourself until boundaries are reset.
People with BPD can maintain successful marriages, but therapy may be necessary for them. Some couples may choose not to stay together due to various reasons, such as fear of abandonment or a pattern of unstable relationships. Supporting a spouse with BPD may be challenging, but with understanding, patience, and effective strategies, creating a healthy and loving marriage is possible.
In some cases, a divorce may be the best solution, as outsiders may not understand why anyone would remain in a marriage with someone with BPD. However, it is possible to establish stable and healthy relationships with individuals with BPD. Seeking support from a mental health counselor or therapist can help individuals affected by BPD gain insight, communicate more effectively, and maintain a healthy relationship.
📹 Mental illness consumed my marriage — until this epiphany
Family members and caregivers are often the ones on the front lines of mental illness: helping loved ones cope with a diagnosis, …
How long do marriages with BPD last?
How long do BPD relationships last on average? A 2014 study found that the average length of a BPD relationship between married or living-together partners was 7.3 years. Some couples stay together for 20 years. Many people say that two to four years is more common. If you have BPD, how long your relationships last depends on how intense your condition is.
How to survive a borderline spouse?
To help someone with BPD, take care of yourself. Don’t isolate. … You can have a life! … Join a BPD support group. … Take care of your body. … Manage stress. … Listen and be understanding. Pay attention to your feelings, not just what people say. BPD and relationships. People with BPD have trouble with relationships. Their mood swings, outbursts, abandonment fears, and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance. People with BPD often have a roller-coaster relationship with their partners and family. You may feel like you’re trapped in the relationship unless your loved one gets treatment for their BPD. You have more power than you think. You can change the relationship by managing your reactions, setting limits, and communicating better. There’s no quick fix, but with the right help, many people with BPD can and do get better and their relationships can become more stable. Those with the most support and stability at home improve sooner than those with chaotic and insecure relationships. You can improve your relationship and your own quality of life even if the person with BPD isn’t ready to acknowledge the problem or seek treatment.
Why is BPD life expectancy 27?
Results: People with borderline personality disorder live about 20 years less than the average person. This is mostly because of heart problems. Risk factors include being overweight, not exercising, eating poorly, and smoking. Other physical health problems include poor sexual health, self-harm, substance use, and blood-borne viruses. People with borderline personality disorder often have chronic pain and use opioids and benzodiazepines. Some psychiatric drugs used to treat Borderline Personality Disorder can make it harder for the body to process food. People with borderline personality disorder often don’t get the care they need because of self-stigma and erratic adherence to medical care. Clinicians also don’t screen or provide adequate care for the physical health problems these patients face.
Conclusions: Clinicians should know about the physical health problems in people with borderline personality disorder and offer routine screening and treatments. Keywords: borderline personality disorder; cardiovascular disease; morbidity; mortality; physical health; risk factors.
Can a person with BPD have a healthy relationship?
A Word from Verywell. BPD is treatable. Most people with BPD still have symptoms, but they can recover and have healthy relationships.
When should I leave my BPD spouse?
A relationship with someone with BPD can be hard. Sometimes you can work through these challenges together with a therapist. But if the relationship involves abuse or your rights are disregarded, it may be necessary to end the relationship. BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. It is a mental illness that causes people to act in ways that are difficult to understand. BPD Relationship Behavior Why They End It What to Expect When They End It When to Break Up How Therapy Can Help Conclusion Additional Resources Infographics Emily is an expert clinical psychologist with a special focus on parental and infant mental health conditions. She uses her experience and expertise to help families heal. Kristen Fuller, MD, is a doctor with experience in adult, adolescent, and OB/GYN medicine. She treats mood disorders, eating disorders, substance use disorders, and reduces the stigma of mental health.
What age does BPD decline?
Most of the time, BPD symptoms gradually decrease with age. Some peoples symptoms disappear in their 40s. With the right treatment, many people with BPD learn to manage their symptoms and improve their quality of life. *What is borderline personality disorder (BPD)?. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition marked by extreme mood fluctuations, instability in interpersonal relationships and impulsivity. *People with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment and have trouble regulating their emotions, especially anger. They also tend to show impulsive and dangerous behaviors, such as reckless driving and threatening self-harm. All of these behaviors make it difficult for them to maintain relationships. *Borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called “Cluster B” personality disorders, which involve dramatic and erratic behaviors. Personality disorders are chronic (long-term) dysfunctional behavior patterns that are inflexible, prevalent and lead to social issues and distress.
At what age does BPD get better?
The goal is to… Some people with borderline personality disorder get better as they get older. This study looked at how borderline criteria and functional impairment change with age. It tested the idea that older age is better than younger age.
Method: 216 people with borderline personality disorder were followed for six years.
Results: Participants showed similar rates of improvement in borderline features. The study found that older subjects’ functioning declined in the latter part of the follow-up, while younger subjects’ functioning improved. Functioning for the older subjects was comparable to or slightly better at year 6 than at year 1.
Do borderlines know they hurt you?
Borderline Personality and Abuse Awareness. Most borderlines don’t know what I’m talking about unless they’ve had successful therapy. Some are unaware of their behavior. Some see their behavior as a means to an end and take little to no responsibility for it. Others understand that they have acted poorly and have made the threat of abandonment and loss real, but they do not understand why they have done it.Similarly, they don’t know how to stop it. Some think the non-borderline is to blame. This can be confusing for the non-borderline. This doesn’t help the non-borderline. It doesn’t justify the abuse. Will a person with BPD ever change? If a borderline isn’t getting treatment, there’s no reason to believe the abuse will stop.
Do BPD regret hurting you?
People with BPD may get angry when they feel rejected or abandoned. People may regret things they say or do during a rage. This could lead to ending the relationship. People with BPD often regret and feel ashamed after a rage episode. BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. It is a mental illness that causes people to act in ways that are out of character. BPD Relationship Behavior Why They End It What to Expect When They End It When to Break Up How Therapy Can Help Conclusion Additional Resources Infographics Emily is a clinical psychologist with a special focus on mental health conditions. She uses her experience and expertise to help families heal. Kristen Fuller, MD, is a doctor with experience in adult, adolescent, and OB/GYN medicine. She treats mood disorders, eating disorders, substance use disorders, and reduces the stigma of mental health.
Does BPD get worse with age?
Borderline personality disorder usually starts in early adulthood. The condition is most serious in young adulthood. Mood swings, anger, and impulsiveness often get better with age. But the main issues of self-image and fear of being abandoned, as well as relationship issues, continue. If you have borderline personality disorder, know that many people get better with treatment. They can live more stable, fulfilling lives.
Symptoms. Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others, and how you behave.
Can someone with BPD be a good wife?
A marriage with a spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder can be healthy and loving if you understand, are patient, and use effective strategies.
What is BPD life expectancy?
Results: People with borderline personality disorder live about 20 years less than the average person. This is mostly because of heart problems. Risk factors include being overweight, not exercising, eating poorly, and smoking.
Objective: People with Borderline Personality Disorder usually die younger because of their physical health. This review shows the main risks for these conditions in Borderline Personality Disorder and suggests ways to address them.
Results: People with borderline personality disorder live about 20 years less than the average person. This is mostly because of heart problems. Risk factors include being overweight, not exercising, eating poorly, and smoking. Other physical health problems include poor sexual health, self-harm, substance use, and blood-borne viruses. People with Borderline Personality Disorder often have chronic pain and use opioids and benzodiazepines. Some psychiatric drugs used to treat Borderline Personality Disorder can make it harder for the body to process food. People with borderline personality disorder often don’t get the care they need because of self-stigma and erratic adherence to medical care. Clinicians also don’t screen or provide adequate care for the physical health problems these patients face.
Conclusions: Clinicians should know about the physical health problems in people with borderline personality disorder and offer routine screening and treatments.
📹 BPD Relationships | JOHN GUNDERSON
According to Gunderson, a person with BPD thinks the perfect (ideal) relationship will solve their problems. This causes a painful, …
I got diagnosed with BPD 18 years ago as a teenage. Spent my whole life fighting BPD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
i’m reading these comments about bpd in relationships, and i have to weigh in– i had an ex who i am 99% sure had bpd, and it was genuinely very emotionally difficult. however, I dont think that means that no one with bpd can ever be in a successful relationship. If someone is working on their mental health and putting in effort to resist certain reactions, they can absolutely have a great relationship. It is when people are not working against those reactions where there is an issue in terms of staying in a relationship
Spot on! Angry devaluation. I faced prolonged fear before building the courage to leave my now ex, (especially with our shared child). The fear stemmed from grappling with past suicide attempts and self-harm. Distinguishing authentic love from a codependent trauma bond was a very hard task. After enduring bouts of violence and meltdowns, I finally ended the relationship. Within a week, my ex started a new relationship and sought to involve our child in her new ‘family,’ portraying a facade of stability while blaming me for her emotional turmoil over six years. My worst fears about my daughter’s well-being were triggered. I tried suggesting waiting to bring children into the equation which my ex felt was a “attempt to control her”. Now, three months later, I’m gradually finding calm amidst this confusing and devastating journey. Coping through writing many songs and going to therapy, I’ve been exploring codependency and my role in allowing a destructive dynamic to persist. To those facing similar challenges, may healing and inner calm prevail. Prioritize self-love above all. 🌱🙏
It is a good partial description. I agree it is mainly founded on neglect. Caregiver(s) who dont validate you and may harmfully invalidate you. But in surplus to what the good doctor says, that I agree with, you form disconcerted connections in your brain regarding communication. We all communicate in several ways, not just words. But for us with BPD, we misinterpret those signals. As children we were constantly given mixed signals. You feed me, you cloth me, you keep me from dying, which says you care, but you only interact with me in ways that make me feel bad. You may even abuse me. You nelgect my needs as a human being who needs care and attention. So later in life the signals others send us are often misinterpretted. Someone says something critical and you hear they care. Someone says something caring and you hear criticism. I had to teach myself to listen to others, translate what they are saying in the context Im hearing it, try to see what they maybe saying and craft a response as to how they would like hear me. It is very far from in the moment and fluid with life, but it helped to keep me from exploding when I heard that you hate me because of my interpretation of what you said by recent behavior and your words. I also have the morphic form of BPD. When you involuntarily copy other peoples identities. I believe that is co-pathology with DID. Great article. I just wish it expressed more of the symptoms of BPD. People perusal it may discount their symptoms as not of BPD when they are and devaluate themselves.
My BPD wife of 27 years left in a year ago July. This is what it was like for me. \r Her love was the promised land and I was eager to prove my devotion. Together we wandering in the desert for many years, looking for the lush green forest at the edge of a lake, where surrounded by snow-capped mountains she could find peace and purpose. I brought plenty of food and water which never seemed to quench her thirst or satisfy a hunger she could not describe. \r Occasionally we came upon an oasis where I was content and happy. In time the spring would go dry and once again we would resume the search. I am now very tired, our water supply a burden I no longer wish to carry. I tap into the last reserves of inner strength to stumble onward in this barren landscape, gripped by a fear of what is beyond the next, ever shifting sand dune. The blazing sun is high over-head, so I’m no longer certain of our direction, but once again, there on the horizon a patch of green. Her enchanting song once again draws me to Bristol Cove on the lake in the mountains. \r We lay down together in the cool green grass, but I soon realize, once again it’s an illusion. Like a mirage, in a blink of an eye, it all vanishes and this time she too is gone. I realize I’ve lost the faith, I must give up the quest and turn back, no longer sure of the way home. \r The sun has set and in the darkness I cannot resist the urge to look back over my shoulder with ever step. It has become second nature to worried about her, I will always feel her pain and hunger, her loneliness in the void.
🚨Read this if you’re a MAN dealing with a BPD breakup: I know what it’s like. I’ve been there just like you. You feel like you’re alone on this planet and no one will ever understand the pain you’re in. It’s no normal break up and it feels hopeless. It’s hell. My life felt pointless for a very long time, feeling like everything was lost. HOWEVER, how hopeless it may seem, it is NOT. It’s been 3.5 years ago for me, and looking back this is the best thing that ever happened to me. You have to take back control of your own mind. Fight through the pain. Use the pain as fuel to go to the gym, work hard and become a better man. All this while feeling at your worst. I was a mess. Life had no more meaning and everything felt lost. But I overcame it all by working harder than I knew was possible. Find your purpose, find your goals and crush them. Your life will slowly start to be meaningful again. Once you overcome this. You will feel unbeatable. How hopeless it may seem; trust me, I’ve been there. Once you have left the dark side, looking back at it will become something amazing. Pressure creates diamonds. It breaks you, or it makes you. It’s up to you king. Good luck.
My has bf been really good to me but there were many times when he would do or say something that I would the perceive to be unsafe ( I’m reality it wasn’t unsafe) but my mind can’t determine what’s a real threat and what isn’t. I always f up the best relationships because of this . My partners probably think the worst of me because of these problems I have but I just am literally unable to feel safe when being vulnerable or giving my heart out so I push everyone away. I wish I wasn’t like this . These people don’t deserve to be pushed away the way I’ve pushed them away and hurt them . I know all I’ve ever wanted since I was a young child was to feel loved and to give love and that just isn’t in the stars for me ig lol .
Fact 2 partners in a row. Second time around I was in so much denial that it could be happening twice. I kept thinking my new partner didn’t yell and scream at me so maybe it will pass and be all normal again soon. How wrong I was. No loud or physical abuse this time around it was just the manipulation and gaslighting that was so apparent. It wears you down over time trying to help them asking to both go see someone together but to no avail so in the end when I had no more energy left, holding onto my self worth I had to make the hard decision and from our last argument I / we chose no contact. I do miss and love her but now for my own happiness and maybe even hers I have to love her as a memory.
I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone with BPD and have witness to cycle myself a couple times and this is a massively oversimplified version of the cycle process and the relationship. He doesn’t mention the fact that when someone that doesn’t have BPD is first entering the relationship they don’t all feel swallowed up they feel love and sincerity and are immediately addicted to that person it gets to the devalued part of the cycle. Depending on the person this could just serve to make them and their own issues with self-esteem and self-worth person. That’s what happened with me the first time I was in the cycle of being a favorite person from a BPD suffer. I had no clue what was going on and saw that it was all my fault until the cycle started over and then began again
I’m an autistic lady, my boyfriend of 3 going on 4 years is also autistic and has BPD. He’s an angel and a gem truly, I did a lot of research and would read the information he would send me on BPD so I could understand him better and such, before moving in. He’s for real a sweet hearted person, all he ever wants is to be held and hugged 😌🖤 there’s never a dull moment, he’s the funniest person I know, my best friend and just my person in every meaning of the word, I know the dating scene was uncaring and cruel to him as it was to me for years. It’s crazy the shit he’s been through with exes and how people seemed to just dip, I refuse to ever give up on him cuz I know he refuses to give up on me 💟
how is it different than the relationship between 2 people with anxious and avoidant attachment styles? because in that relationship its the same dance/cycle which keeps on going. After an argument one partner moves away (avoids) and the other partner wants to get closer (anxious). Pulling one’s hair also falls under self harm?
I’m starting to talk to a girl that has BPD and TBH it’s hard to see her mad/sad and all I want for her is to be ok then she gets mad at me trying to look out for her and I’ve done so much for her in such a short amount of time. It truly makes me think about how do I work around this and with her. But she doesn’t make me feel better when I am getting yelled at or given attitude.
It’s a vicious cycle isn’t it. My husband’s ex-wife has suffered from BPD all her adult life and except for the cutting/self-harm stuff this explains her to a tee. After years of harassing us she seems to have calmed down and I hope she’s found a good therapist like you who can help her understand why she ruined her marriage and get her onto the path to recovery and healthy self-esteem.
im 17 dealing with this. i was mute from ages 8-11 and I would only talk if it was to lash out at a close family member. My teachers at school took note of this and sent me to the school counselor. She tried to help me, but my parents basically threatened her job if she kept helping me. My sister thinks im bipolar and anytimes shes home from college she begs my religious non therapy believing parents to take me to therapy. of course they always say no. I can’t tell if she’s has good intentions, or if she’s trying to treat me like an outcast. I know shes my sister but My brain choose the latter, as it usually does with most people. I lash out at her, my parents berate me and so i hide in my room. I’m just so tired of constantly making friends and then becoming paranoid and backing away from friendships, and lashing out because of my suspicions and then feeling like a monster, and then trying to apologize and then the person doesn’t look at me the same, and I’m back to square one. How can i just be a better friend and daughter and sister overall?
Bpd in relationships is really hard – my relationship is going very well but only because I am very self aware of it and my partner is incredible – I’ve had relationships before that were nothing like this. But the narrative of bpd forming from a cycle of over investment in relationships doesn’t chime with me. I was exceptionally good at masking and no one even knew I had depression until I told them, although a couple suspected. I always struggled with knowing my life was exceptionally privileged and yet I felt so profoundly in pain – my parents were supportive in everything, they were progressive, I never experience trauma and they dedicated a lot of their lives to me. I would be very interested if there’s any causal evidence to this narrative or if it’s just a conjectural rationalisation of the consequences of so called “bpd”; as it seems entirely possible that this occurs at a more subtle level and people in this bracket manifest themselves through relationships like this. There’s also an interesting question about whether it is “our fault” or not for our mood swings. On one level, of course it isn’t, we don’t control it. Yet no one controls their mood swings. I think philosophically that we ARE our so called “bpd” and we have to accept that, it’s not something external to us and treating it so relies on an impossible idea of the “normal human”. That doesn’t mean we’re dicks right; the bar for effective social interaction in the long term is perhaps higher for us than others, but that’s a systematic issue of neurotypical heuristics in culture, and so the burden is, at this current moment, on us and our loved ones to form a new type of relationship where our divergent sense of self and mood swings are accommodated to maximise the love we’re capable of.
I am dying taking care of my mother that clearly has borderline personality disorder it is a nightmare and it’s her way or no way it’s her way or you don’t love me you don’t want to take care of me because I said stop calling me 94 times in 2 hours because I didn’t pick up the phone that means to her that I’m abandoning her how the hell am I supposed to deal with this
Its an interesting reading but how different is it from the histrionic/narcissistic traits that demand attention and love and burst into chaos or violence when its not available? To me BPD is often a left-over stamp for people who are somewhere in between or simply combine multiple very bad character traits.
I think some people should take a moment to distinguish between whether their ex partner was just a crappy person instead of saying “My ex with BPD used to chest on me”. Them cheating isn’t bc they have BPD, it’s because they are crappy people. With that being said, nobody’s bad experience should be invalidated and I am sorry for what people have experienced. I just think it’s NB to not put us under the same umbrella when the actions of someone was not due to them having BPD, it was just because they were shitty people in general.
1:18 was the point that broke me. That was my entire life for 7 months. This entire article was my entire life every second of the day for 7 fucking months straight. Which is around 18,410,000 seconds. Forgive me for venting, I know I shouldn’t be but in the comments, the amount of people talking about the non BPD partners is insane. I came here to understand myself, try to redeem myself from the endless void of last year that still devours me. I know what I did to my non BPD ex. I know I put too much on them. I know I had unrealistic needs that will never reach realism. I’m so fucking self aware of what I did but theirs so much lack of understandment in these comments. I’m sorry for your abusive experience, but please, take your comments about your borderline ex elsewhere, not under this article… please. I don’t like opening or telling people about my dumbass BPD because no matter what it always sounds like I’m trying to excuse my behaviour. Fuck, my ex could expose the shit I did on the internet and all the backlash I get is well deserved I won’t try to defend myself. What am I even getting at? Right, I’m sorry for your bad experience. But remember, their will never be a good experience. So everything that you’re commenting now about your ex BPD partner destroying your mental state isn’t helping you, and it sure as hell isn’t helping the mass amount of borderline viewers that came here to feel a little less like a monster. Edit: I completely forgot about this comment and I disagree with a lot of things I said.
I don’t have bpd but my sister has highly suspected bpd and from what I’ve seen, it’s a horrible disorder both for the people and the person. From my experience, if you date or get close to someone with bpd there is a high high chance they will get bored and leave, they will throw everything they have at you, if you leave them first they will say whatever, my father nearly got put in prison because of what my sister said, and she’s gotten multiple people beaten up and in prison for her allegations, all because they wanted nothing to do with her, they will pull as many lies till they get what they want, they fake disorders for attention and will get into a relationship with whoever they can, if you deny someone with bpd wether it’s you catching them lying or how they are behaving, they will immediately be on a roof or self harming, they will exaggerate things to get attention, their brain will make them believe somthing that never happened and they are seriously obsessive. Im not sure how it is shown in men, I’m currently working on that, but from what I’ve seen they are the same, except men seem to be a little more well behaved? I’m not sure, I don’t exactly live with a guy with bpd it’s only talking so I would have to edit this comment sometime in the future. But I hope this helped? Aha
I’m sure maybe for some people this is correct. But these “painting all Borderlines with the same brush” articles are just annoying because I have BPD and this is not be at all. These articles make me feel sad cause I tell people I have BPD, and these are the articles that people watch to understand, and this is so misleading…