To remarry after a divorce, it is essential to check the laws and regulations of your state and the state where you plan to get married. Most states allow you to remarry immediately after your divorce is finalized, but it is not possible to reinstate a legally dissolved marriage. In Alabama, final divorce decrees end a marriage as of the date of the decree, and neither former spouse is allowed to remarry for 60 days after the decree.
Communication is crucial for positive reconciling after divorce. If your marriage is voided, your benefits may begin again as of the month they ended because of the marriage, subject to the rules on administrative finality. If your marriage has been annulled from the beginning in accordance with State law by a court having jurisdiction over the matter, your benefits can be reinstated as of the date of the annulment.
For the second marriage to be legally recognized, you must obtain a divorce from your first spouse, obtain a marriage license from the India government, prepare and file a fresh new petition for dissolution of marriage, and serve a copy of your motion to your spouse. The deadline for motions to reinstate complaints varies from state to state, but you may have plenty of time.
Marriage restoration after divorce or separation takes place through willingness from both partners, support from families, and proper guidance. Initiating contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible and discussing the issues in the marriage can help make the process smoother and more successful.
📹 Testimony. . . From Divorced to Remarried!!! 😯🙌🏽🙏🏽🤗
New videoooo!!! ❤️ So I heard this testimony a couple months ago at church by a friend named Patricia and wowwww!
Can the same couple get married twice?
Is it legal to marry without a divorce? It is illegal to marry again without a divorce. If you marry again without divorcing your first spouse, it is called bigamy. Bigamy is a crime in India. It can be considered cheating if the wife files a complaint against the husband for marrying someone else without divorcing his first wife.
Any facts about human actions are in Section 114 of the Indian Evidence Act. For the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act, Section 5 says that a second marriage without divorce is a punishable offense if the first is not legally divorced. The Special Marriage Act also says that bigamy will be punished and charged as per Section 44. Second, marriage without divorce is illegal.
Who is most likely to remarry after divorce?
Gender and Remarriage. Men are more likely to remarry than women among people who can remarry. The gap has narrowed, but men are still more likely to have multiple marriages. In 1960, 70% of eligible men remarried, but only 48% of women did. By 1980, 66% of men and 46% of women had remarried. In 2013, they were 64% and 52%. They are getting closer.
These numbers have changed a lot over time. Women aged 25 to 54 are now as likely as men to be remarried. Women over 55 are less likely to remarry than men.
Do you need permission to marry again?
In Islamic law, a man doesn’t need his first wife’s permission to marry again.
Can a married couple get married again?
Check with the state where you got married the first time. Once you know your previous marriage license is invalid, you can plan your wedding. Bigamy is illegal in all 50 states. The crime of bigamy can be a felony or misdemeanor, depending on the state. These states consider it a misdemeanor.
Why do divorced couples get back together?
Couples who are separated sometimes get back together for financial, health, or family reasons.
Couples remember the good times when one spouse moves out. They may feel lonely or miss being close. Pictures remind them of their former spouse. Spouses who separate often say that being apart makes them appreciate each other more. Separated couples often realize they have a shared history that is hard to find with someone new. This can make them want to try to work things out with their spouse. The separation year can be lonely, and some people fear being alone. They may also miss their ex-partners.
Can you get your spouse back after divorce?
You can get back together with your ex after divorce. You can remarry your ex. After a divorce, a couple may realize they should have worked on their marriage instead of getting divorced. Some couples get back together years after a divorce. There are many reasons to get back together with your ex. However, it can be hard to overcome the reasons for the divorce. Also, the divorce may have made you resent your ex. Before you reconcile with your ex-spouse after divorce, remember these things.
How many marriages get back together after divorce?
It’s hard to find out how often divorces lead to remarriage. Research suggests it’s not very common. A 2001 study in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage estimated the number at about 10 percent. Nancy Kalish, a former professor at California State University, Sacramento, studied over 1,000 people in the mid-1990s and early 2000s as part of her research on romantic relationships. The study may not be representative, but she said 6% of couples she met divorced and remarried. Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you’re reading this in Reader mode, exit and log in to your Times account or subscribe to The Times.
How many people remarry the same person after divorce?
Nancy Kalish, a former professor at California State University, Sacramento, studied over 1000 people in the mid-1990s and early 2000s. She was researching relationships. The study may not be representative, but 6% of couples she studied divorced and remarried. Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you’re reading this in Reader mode, exit and log in to your Times account or subscribe to The Times. Thank you for your patience while we verify access.
Can a divorced couple get married again?
Why people get remarried after a divorce. The idea of remarrying your ex seems unlikely. You divorced for a reason and presumably have moved on. But people do remarry, and it’s more common than you think. One study says that 10% to 15% of divorced couples will reconcile.
But the odds are against you. Second marriages end in divorce more often than first marriages. In fact, Psychology Today says that 60% of remarriages fail. And they end even more quickly. After 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved, versus 30% of first marriages. Couples have different reasons for getting remarried. Many people realize they miss their former spouse after the anger and frustration of the divorce dissipate. They may wonder what they could have done differently or if the marriage could have been saved. Some people who are thinking about remarrying their ex think they made a mistake getting divorced. Whatever the reason, some divorced couples remarry. If you want to remarry your ex, there are things you can do to make it work.
Can divorced couple get back together legally?
Hindu Marriage Act of 1955. Section 15 of the 1955 Hindu Marriage Act allows remarriage with the same person after divorce if both parties follow certain steps.
Legal Provisions: The Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 allows remarriage after divorce with the same person. A couple can remarry after getting a divorce. You can remarry the same person if both of you agree. Both people must say they want to remarry each other after getting divorced. The remarriage process is similar to a regular marriage, with legal requirements like registration and a ceremony according to Hindu customs. The couple usually says they want to get back together in public. This shows they still love each other. Emotional and Personal Considerations: Remarrying the same person often involves a lot of emotion. It shows a desire to reconcile and rebuild the relationship after addressing the issues that led to the divorce. While it is legal, society and family can affect whether you remarry after a divorce. The community and families might influence the couple’s choice.
Muslim Marriage Law In Islamic law, it is possible to remarry the same person after divorce. However, this is not the same in every Muslim community.
Divorce Procedures: Islam allows for different types of divorce, including talaq (initiated by the husband), khula (initiated by the wife), and faskh (court-ordered). After a divorce, both people can get married again. Halala is a controversial practice where a woman who has divorced her husband can remarry him. She must first marry another man and have sex with him, then get a divorce. Only then can she remarry her first husband. Islamic Principles and Ethics: The practice of remarriage with the same person after divorce is rooted in Islamic teachings emphasizing reconciliation and compassion. However, there are different views on the ethics of halala. Cultural and Regional Variations: The practice of halala and the norms surrounding remarriage after divorce vary a lot in different Muslim communities and regions. People’s ideas and how they act often affect decisions about remarriage.
Can a marriage be repaired after divorce?
Divorce is hard and can leave scars. Some couples may want to reconcile after the divorce is final. Reconciliation after divorce is possible, but it takes work. If you want to reconcile with your ex, here’s a guide to help you:
Step 1: Think about why you divorced. Before you can reconcile, you must understand why you divorced. Was it because of communication, infidelity, or money? Knowing why you split up can help you avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
How do you know when your marriage is beyond repair?
Real trouble has no emotional connection. … Communication problems. Aggressive communication. … There’s no physical intimacy. … You don’t trust them. … Fantasizing about others. … You don’t support each other. … You don’t see a future together. All relationships have ups and downs. Being in a couple takes work sometimes. What if the relationship is more work than play? We look at signs your relationship is over. We’ve all had difficulties with someone we love. Arguments and different interests are normal. Some myths about relationships are easy to believe. For example, couples shouldn’t fight; opposites attract; it’s important to have common interests; distance makes the heart grow fonder. Some couples think that getting help for your relationship means you’re in trouble. They believe that sex and love should happen naturally and that you shouldn’t have to work at it.
📹 This is Why Divorce Recovery for Men is So Hard: Feeling Like A Broken Man After Divorce
Divorce recovery for men is different in part because men are exposed to societal messaging that can often leave you like a …
This was powerful, my husband and I divorced in April after a year of separation. I fasted, prayed and was restored back to our father Abba and remained fervent in seeking God to restore my marriage and as of July we have reconnected and are on the road to restoration. God is faithful in his promises! If he can do it for me he can do it for you! Keep your eyes on him and he rewards those that love him and are obedient to his word/laws. 🙏🏽💜
Pray for me and my ex wife. We have been divorced for 8 years and God opened my eye up. And opened my heart up. Now I have a desire to want to fix my family. I was bitter towards her for years. But I recently realized that I should have never filed and I should have fought harder to keep my family together. And when I try to have a decent conversation with her about it. She gets bitter and mean towards me. But I really feel like God wants to restore my family and bring us back together. He hates divorce and He is the God of restoration.
My marriage came to a divorce recently. After 11 years and 4 beautiful children, I pray everyday that our Marriage is restored. I know I need to become closer to God and place him first. My wife wants a man who places God first, I have been finding my way back to the Lord over the past few months. My heart tells me that the Lord put us together, so it’s only him that can bring us back together.
Have Faith and Believe!! My husband and I were separated for 10 years than I got pregnant and my son father wanted me to get a divorce before our son was born which I did but than I did a fast asking the Lord who was it that HE wanted me to be marry to and in 2017 He told me after only being in the fast for 2 days He told me my ex husband and 4 years later in 2020 I got remarried to my ex husband now husband!!! Anything is possible for our God!! You must have faith and Believe and allow God to do the rest! Don’t look at your situation with your natural eyes look at what you know that God can do! I’m Praying that the Lords will be done for each and every one of yous🤍 God Bless you!
My husband and I divorced after a traumatic event in which a law was named after my nephew in New York State called Timothy‘s law. Four years ago he approached me after we have been divorced since 2005 and separated since 2003. He had remarried and even had children. Over the years there was still a bond between us that was unmistakable when we ran into each other in the same town or even at a couple of family funerals. That second marriage is dissolved as also did my second marriage. The bond is still quite strong after all of these years and he is and remains the only person I was ever truly in love with. My prayers continue so that I may find joy again and have the relationship that I was supposed to have had all these many years. Prayers work. Even after tragedy, remarriages & many tears and years of each of us being so unhappy in how we dealt with that traumatic loss of my nephew, true happiness can be restored after forgiveness of each other as well as ourselves. Even 1/16th of a mustard seed amount of faith can truly move mountains and clear negatives to bring back two people who were meant for each other no matter what occurred over the years apart. Found your article not by accident as there are no accidents. The gifts and signs from God are everywhere. I have faith we will work everything out even after 19 years apart. God bless everyone who is struggling with faith to hold onto that 1/16th of that mustard seed.
I am currently going through this in life. It has brought me back to the lord so for that I am grateful. Looking for love in someone else who doesn’t love you really hurts but god reminded me that the only true love that I had forgotten about was his love. I’m praising the lord for restoring my marriage exceedingly abundantly but in this season the only relationship I care to repair is the one between my father god and me! I know the rest will be added through this divine connection. Thank you for this article!
Please pray with me. He threw my bags out on the streets Easter Sunday in covid and sent me divorce through email 2 days later. I want to get back in my home with my sons and I now have to go to court this month I have been married 22 years happily but this year was rough and I think there’s another woman. Please god save my marriage and bring me home. Let my family be whole again we got this far in life. 🙏🙏
Thank you so much for this!! I am in a really tough spot in my spiritual life. Praying is so difficult. I come before God with absolutely nothing. There are no words. It’s like I can’t hope or expect any good, and the fact that I didn’t die on a fiery crash while driving is my biggest testimony. My spiritual life is dry. Fasting seems to be for nothing. I’m dealing with anger and self-haterd. Things aren’t progressing on my life and I just feel… empty. BUT … Then I see this… even though my problems are over 10 years old, there’s still hope. Right? It’s not easy, but I know God wanted me to watch this. I just finished praying shortly before perusal this. It’s not a coincidence. So, all that’s to say that I thank you for your obedience to God in posting this when you did, and for your friend who allowed for your audience to be blessed by what God has done for her and her family. It truly is a miracle. God bless!
Dear sister such a wonderful testimony this story encouraged me a lot and sister I too going through same situation me and my husband are staying saparate now it’s been 2 year’s he want Divorce from especially his parents guiding him wrong way n want him to remarry with another woman, I’m literally living in sorrow and pain I don’t want to lose him I’m praying continuously God restore my relationship I want him to back to me I strongly believe in God who restores the relationship and transferms the people lives please kindly pray for my husband his name is Shadrach paul pray that May reunited us and I’m waiting for that day to come I hope you all can understand the pain I’m going through daily.
I am so lost. My husband physically, emotionally and financially abused me… we are legally still married but we both want a divorce and it’s sad since we haven’t even been married a year. He’s supposedly Christian… but I honestly don’t know 😔 I prayed for my future husband since I was little and I really thought he was the one… but I guess not 😔 Now I feel like God doesn’t really listen to my prayers since he allowed this to happen to me. It’s like e a battle inside of me. Please keep me in your prayers. I don’t know what to do 😔 many tell me yes divorce him… others tell me to fix this marriage. I don’t think he even wants to fix it. It’s been hard… I hope no one goes through what I’ve been going through.
Iam currently going through this and it is so hard I’m trying to trust god … I pushed my husband away so much … but I didn’t know god had to put through this cuz I didn’t how much damage I was doing to him, god showed him our son, so I have faith even the small mustard seed of faith I live by….it got to the point where my husband wants divorce after being together since 2011 and married in 2017 he is the love of my life… and I will fight even if I have to go through this molding my character process.
I have been in a prophetic ministry for decades and I have witnessed the Holy Ghost remarrying saints. It is written, what God puts together, let no man put asunder. The Holy Ghost said that he didn’t put their previous marriages together. He said that they did it in their sins. He has mercy on whom he’ll have mercy. In certain cases God does remarry saints, giving them a born again spouse.
Really it’s her testimony so honestly she should have been telling this . The scripture says that we overcome by our testimony, so she should be telling er own testimony . There maybe a special anointing on this person to tell her story. And yes if she wasn’t ready then WAIT until God gives u the courage and strength to tell it. So I appreciate u telling the story but I pray that she will tell her own story..
This is happening right now to me we just got a divorce because of finance ..we want to be together with our family..financially I can’t provide for my family and it’s killing our hearts ..Lord please bless our family financially..give me guidienss to save my family..Show me a miracle God..our kids need us as a family..I pray you will save us.
I pray God answer this prayer I miss my husband my heart aches i see him in my dreams but when i wake up he is not there. My heart is calling him. We got married when i was 19 i make mistakes he made mistakes. God has changed me turned me into a mother i know it will be different now. I am praying God gives me the chance again.
I am in a very rough season. I believe God has said He will restore my marriage and my family, but it has been so long. I am trying so hard to believe but only feel despair. I’m not even sure I have faith anymore. I want to. Please any one who believes pray for my marriage restoration. Please pray for communication to open. I miss her. I miss my boys. Her name is Jessica and I love her so very much. Please pray and help me believe God’s promises
Beautiful #reconciliation testimony. Thanks for sharing with us! Those baby prayers be 🔥, a sweet aroma to God. Because they pray with high faith. In my Sunday school class for preschoolers – 4th grade, all we did was 🙏 and play games that teach lessons about Jesus. Matthew 18:1-10: About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea. “What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting. So if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.
God shakes everything in the lives of His children. Not all marriages are restored as not everyone gets physically healed. You trust Him anyway, since nothing else in this world makes sense or satisfies. As Peter said to our Messiah when asked if they too were going to leave Him, “Lord, where else would we go? Only You have the Words of eternal life.” Trust in the Lord with your whole heart and don’t lean on your own understanding. All things work for the good for those in Christ Jesus. Our Father is looking to grow people up in strength and maturity. Your family should not be your God. Don’t give up on Him, even if He’s not answering your questions. He has compassion on you as a father has compassion on his child. He knows how many hairs are on your head right this minute. You will come through this regardless if your marriage gets restored or not. Don’t fear the future. He will never forsake you. I’m a person whose marriage did not get restored. It’s been 15 plus years. You just got to trust Him and give it completely over to Him or it will eat at you. I’ve got a life and by God’s grace, I am happy and peaceful. God bless you all.
Hi I’ve been waiting for my spouse to come back although she’s unbeliever and we have been separated for last 7 months, she moved on with her ex boyfriend, and not to willing to come back cz of my mistakes.our marriage hasn’t been consummated, But i realises my mistakes of separation and I repented over my mistake. Now I have been waiting for past 7 months no response from my spouse end. I want to know the Will of God, weather God wants me to stick on or move on. M confused and please pray for me so I get clarity. How to know the will of God
God has allowed my husband to get engaged…we are both christians. He left me and our 3 year old daughter 2 years ago. He is now engaged to a single mum, it breaks my heart as he is raising her daughter whos 6. He only sees our daughter every 3 months, she barely knows him. Worst is this woman is from his new church and she knew he was married when they were talking…i sometimes wonder where god is
After a 48 year marriage my husband got mixed up with someone and divorced me at her request. “the day he told me he filed he told me, we have always had a good marriage he just wish it had always been this good” Odd thing to say. He said he was board and lonely and needed excitement. After that he said he went and saw an attorney that morning and just filed for a divorce. I hoped he would come home before the divorce was final. I hoped this fantasy would end. I pray ALL the time for restoration in our marriage. I have always felt he will come home it’s a feeling I can’t explain. However I have always believed in GOD but my faith has grown since this happened and the people I have met along the way. I feel this is a plan that needed to happen. I have gotten my kids and grandkid closer to GOD and it’s amazing. We all pray that we will see my husband, their dad and papa in church with us as a family. My husband and I have an amazing relationship it’s just we have this devil between us. So I’m not giving up but I’m also taking care of myself and getting involved with good and positive people. I’m trusting God with his plan.
Lord command to the wife (1 Cor 7 : 11, 39) if a wife is divorce/separated let her unmarried or reconciled to her husband, if her husbabd dies she is free to remarry but in the Lord. Divorced and remarry the same people is great restoration. a wife who has husband is abusive, immorality, abandon her should not stop pray for her husband
My wife said she’s going to serve me paper’s soon.. I cant believe this…we’re both christians and said we didn’t believe in divorce,i cant believe she’s doing this..our problems don’t involve cheating or abuse..so I dont get why we cant work on our differences,we have a child together and I want to be in his life constantly not part time.
Amen! The divorce and remarriage for adultery doctrine is based solely on the supposed guilt of the wife in Matthew 5:32, and Matthew 19:9. However, the wife in Matthew 5:31-32 is clearly not guilty of fornication because the Jews that Jesus was speaking to were still living under the law, and if fornication was discovered, there was a moral obligation to report the offender according to Deuteronomy 22:13-24. The wife, who would have been found guilty of fornication, was subsequently stoned to death, according to the law, which had still governed the Jews up until Christ’s death on the cross. The same for a woman caught in adultery, according to Leviticus 20:10. How could a wife, guilty of fornication, or adultery, under the law of Moses, be given a writing of divorcement and be caused to commit adultery with whosoever marries her, that is divorced? Jesus is clear, in these examples, that the wife is not guilty of fornication, but is still caused to commit adultery if she marries another man now that she is divorced. This is the only way that Matthew 5:31-32, and Matthew 19:9 keep harmony with Romans 7:2-3, and 1 Corinthians 7:39. Unlike the synoptic gospels of Mark and Luke, which were written to evangelize the Gentiles, Matthew was written to the Jews, and has of 24 characteristics that identify it as intended for the house of Israel. The ancient Jews called the betrothed (engaged) “husband” and “wife” according to Deuteronomy 22:23-24, Matthew 1:18-25, and Luke 2:5-7. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (Moses’s precept of divorce and remarriage) was never for fornication or adultery.
I am honestly very confused right now. I got married as an older teenager. I was a lukewarm Christian. My husband at the time SAID he was a believer, but it would turn out he had his own idolatrous version of god he believed in. He even said the Bible was written by a bunch of dudes and that the end times stuff was whack. He told me that me & my friend were nuts. Anyway, he got extra heavy into alcohol & drugs followed. He never thought he had an issue, wouldnt work, he was always a jerk & would especially pick fights with me whenever I tried to hold him to commiting to outings he promised. It got to a point where even our son, a baby, would start getting upset when we fought, so I left him. I divorced him. 8 or so years later, we had both dated other people, I even fell in love with a guy moreso than I had my ex husband. He ended up talking to other women & leaving me, BUT he treated my son like his own. My ex pretty much igbored our son. If wasnt for this other guy, we would not have ever been introduced to a hobby my son lives so much. I like doing things. My ex husband is lazy & plays games. This guy showed us an outdoor thing ny son absolutely loved. We TRAVELED & have had many good times because of it even after the breakup. I had recently let the devil have credit for making sure every happy LOVING family chance I could have ever had in life from child to adulthood, he won the battle over. I say that because I know the tribulation is practically starting tomorrow & it is NOT going to be a romantic time.
I lived with an unbeliever and i lefted him but not because of adultery ( i lefted him because of another reason but we cheated each other). I started to live with another man who is baptized and he baptized me. Who is my husband now? How to know this?😭😭😭 Please if excist some chapter i should know write here. I just want to live how Yahua wants for me to live. I want to have husband and kids.
Yep! Marriage is for life for sure. Remain unmarried or reconcile if you separate. If I can’t do anything else, I’m telling you read, 🔸️🔸️Divorce and Remarriage: What the Church DIDN’T Tell You!🔸️🔸️ My jaw was on the floor after reading. You won’t have any questions left after. Your eyes will be WIDE open‼‼
Sisters did you know that fallen angels learned woman to paint their faces? We should be set apart from the word, no pants, fake hair, nails, eyelashes, no painting hair, nails, no high heals and similar. I recomend every sister to read book of 12 Patriarch. Please do not seduce man, it is from the flesh, we are called to live from the spirit. Blessing to all
I’m sorry, but that’s just not true… Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.\r John 9:31 KJV\r Now God does hear a prayer 🙏 of repentance as seen by the verse below. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.\r Luke 18:13-14 KJV
Getting far away from my ex-wife was one of the best things that has ever happened. Unfortunately, my marriage really damaged some of my life. I am with a good woman now. I am not religious, and although I respect people’s individual choices, I am joyful for the choice that I made to better my life away from the toxic source.
This woman ought to understand she must veil or cover her head when praying to God and pray through Jesus Christ. Otherwise, her prayers will not be accepted. “Every woman praying or prophesying with her head unveiled dishonoreth her head; for it is one and the same thing as if she were shaven. 6 For if a woman is not veiled, let her also be shorn: but if it is a shame to a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be veiled. 7 For a man indeed ought not to have his head veiled, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man: 9 for neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man: 10 for this cause ought the woman to have a sign of authority on her head, because of the angels”. 1 Corinthians 11:5-10 (ASV)
Thanks everyone for posting their comments. I read everyone of the comments as the article played. I have been divorced since 2006 and I thought I was never going to be able to see a bright day again(depressession, anxiety,insomnia, you name it). I was in denial for a long time because of my pride. My anger was so strong they diagnosed me bipolar. Thru prayers and counseling I have been able to get to the root of my problem and be able to date once again and restore my relationship with my sons. God bless everyone in their struggle
I’m currently going through a divorce after 20 years of marriage and it’s heart breaking. I started holding my wife accountable last year and she played the victim. So much so she started slandering me at church. The elders got involved and despite me having proof against her lies, they still believed her and have been fanning the flame of her victimization. She then had me arrested for something I did not do. Her emotionality, as well as her lying, has been over the top. I personally could care less about societal stereotypes. What I’m finding is that the church was not there and discerning as they should’ve been. I’ve been married to a woman that calls herself a Christian but lies like she’s of the devil. She won’t let me see my kids now which my attorney is fighting but it hurts that I’ve been a devoted father to my kids for over 16 years but she is trying to alienate me from them. I may lose my job after all is said and done and the legal fees I’m accruing are enormous. I’m mourning over the fact that I’m losing everything I’ve loved and worked so hard for over the years. I’m going to have to start all over.
One of my most frustrating expriences post-divorce. When you finally get back out to the market again and you listen to woman talk about their men doing terrible things to them yet maintain the relationship and blow you off as an option. Plus the fact women will not approach you as much if your single. So even though I am a better person now than when I was with my ex-wife women find me less valuable and there isn’t a way to communicate that to someone you haven’t met yet. Been a really weird experience. My first recommendation, don’t get married using the legal document. Just do a social marriage.
Thank you for posting this. This resonated with me SO much. No one has to read this I just dont talk to anyone so this kind of makes me feel like I’m expressing myself in a more meaningful way than talking to my shadow. I have been stuck for 2.5 years now. I have maintained a self care routine this whole time, which included going to the gym among a list of other things. Since its been so long, I have made a lot of progress physically, and people are really starting to notice.. Mostly women. The thing is, I am not who everyone sees when they look at me. To me, I’m the guy that spends all his time in his apartment not interacting with any human in existence. I’m the guy that feels like a failure because I wasn’t able to save my marriage. I am a guy that feels like my whole life has fallen apart because of me, and I’m afraid to establish another relationship with anyone else because I feel I’ll just fail again and have to go through this again. I hate the feelings I have felt during this time so much that I just avoid any and every connection. People see a “handsome” guy, a “fit” guy, a “stoic” guy., or whatever… For me, I’d rather them just keep staring at me and coming to there own conclusions of who I am. Better that, than have them get to know me and find out im just a sad, depressed, “failure of a man” thats lost everything that mattered to him. If ever I’m forced to interact with someone for whatever reason, I act like who I think they think I am. I am bold, I’m confident, I smile.
The article definitely resonates. It just feels like a downward spiral. I’ve been separated for 10 months divorce upcoming, and I thought that I was ok. That as hard as it was going to be, it was the right decision and the only way forward if we want lead happy lives and not be toxic to each orher or hurt our children. I thought I was over it, that I was ready to move on. I was finding my stride and that I hade made peace with that chapter in my life. Why is it so hard to believe that it’s just transitory. I feel broken, shattered, betrayed, hopeless. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I tried my best, I feel like I did so much to suppporkt her through her struggles, her drinking. I felt like an outsider that was never good enough for her to want to grow and start our own lives our own traditions. I reach the same conclusion time and time again that I just need to accept that being alone is ok and that focusing all my energy, all my love to my 2 girls will be enough for my life. I’m damaged like everyone, I just never got over or dealt with my own trauma. Both our baggage got in the way. I feel like I’m just ranting and complaining and that I shouldn’t because I’m healthy, I’m financially stable, I’m not bad looking. Why am I complaining?! I don’t know if it’s depression just because of my failed marriage, I don’t know if I was always just set to fail because I’m meant to be alone. At least I have my kids maybe that should be sole focus for however long I still have in this life and bury the rest.
Wow! I’m blown away how you nailed this topic. I wish you were my therapist. Not to say my current therapist is not doing her job correctly; I’m saying she doesn’t quite understand the stuck part that you described so well. I have a unique problem that I believe you can explain to me. I’m neither a strong man nor a sexy man. I don’t identify with either one. I know myself. I know what I want, but I’m overly sensitive. I feel every emotion in its rawest form. I have no problem expressing my feelings. In fact, that was one of the reasons for my divorce. My wife couldn’t deal with my reaction to things. Take, for example, if I saw something sad i’ll cry. If I felt love, I expressed it. If I were angry, I would express that as well. Never violence, but I would raise my voice. My emotions are at times are my worst enemy and cause more problems for me than anything else. It’s been 16 years since my wife left me and I still feel hurt as if only a week had gone by. I’ve chased friends away because they can’t deal with my emotions. So, I feel forced to bury them and not let them out when around people. I try to temper them, but sometimes they’re so overwhelming I can’t. They spill out and scare people away and out of control. But if something makes me sad, I’ll cry. I have to let it out or i’ll explode. So my qiestion is, how do I balance my emotions so that i’m still true to myself, yet not so emotional around people? That and being stuck, more like frozen, afraid to move forward because I never want to go through that again.
After 19 yrs of marriage and 27 years of being together, my wife has asked me for a divorce. I’m absolutely broken, my insides are shredded. I do feel as that failure you speak about. She fell emotionally in love with another guy at work and that pushed her to realize she needed/wanted more. I’m just having a difficult time trying to move forward because I keep dwelling in the past with what I did wrong or what I didn’t do right?
The thing about us men is that we believe that ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’ are a weakness. We are so used to disregarding them for most of our lives, that when they become overwhelmingly intense we feel lost and we feel even worse.. we feel ‘beaten’ and like failures bc of these emotions. I’m here to tell all men out there that we are human. It’s ok to have emotions and to feel them. It’s perfectly ok to cry. To release the emotions. It cleanses the soul and it HELPS. you are NOT weak because you feel ‘defeated’ or like a ‘failure’. It means that you care. To all my brothers I send you love and strength. Courage includes feeling your ‘feelings’ and not considering yourself a loser for doing so. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s not about wallowing or feeling sorry for yourself. It’s about acknowledging your humanity in this complex isolating world we live in. It’s ok to feel sad and lonely and to feel like you’ve ‘lost’ or ‘failed’. To live is to strive and fail. So sometimes failure is inevitable. You are important and you are valuable even when it seems like you are anything but. I get this. And so I wish you well on your journey, as painful, heart wrenching and lonely as it may seem. You are not alone. Your fellow brother, who has been through the hellfire.
My first marriage was 14 years and two beautiful children. It took years to get past that enough to try again. I remarried earlier this year thinking that this was the one I should have married in the first place. Now, after only 5 months of marriage, she wants a divorce. I’m devastated. I’m lost. She doesn’t blame me but, I still feel broken and responsible. I’m holding a lot of resentment towards her because, she said she shouldn’t have married me in the first place because of her mental state. I give up on women. There just is no point anymore. Nothing makes them happy. Loyalty, love, respect, they lie when they say they want that. They want you to read their minds and it’s impossible to do so. Men aren’t complicated creatures ladies, stop making everything so complicated for us!
Wow! I mean wow…. Thank you Rachael for a real deep and meaningful talk. I am 10 years divorced after 22 years married with two children. I was broken for two years, hoping that my ‘absence’ through work, hadn’t caused her to have an affair (with my next door neighbour)It took that long for me to find the truth😔 Her inheritance (of 2milion) a year before our split wouldn’t have helped! I am obviously still hurting and this has a lot do do with the new lavish lifestyle she is leading. Whilst I am back to hand-to-mouth living. I am with my soulmate and feel bad about these thoughts of being jilted, financially ruined and forced to view her wealth through my children (paying for cars, deposits on houses, ski holidays etc… Those two exercises will become a regular part of my day to day reference. Thank you so much🙏
I’m currently struggling going through this . I’m handling everything, running my business, bills, home bills, 4 days with kids and taking care of ever gosh damn thing and she comes and goes as she pleases. I am running on empty even though I’m sleeping and doing what I can to recover . It’s not working I am drawn out and feel stuck which is a horrible feeling
I have been separated and now divorced 4.5 years. It still hurts. I have wanted reconciliation because we have 5 children and because well.. I made vows. She’s had a bunch of relationships and one night stands this past 4.5 years. I have had no-one. I won’t enter into a new relationship because I have hoped we could reconcile. I won’t have sex outside of marriage and so at the moment I feel lonely and also heart broken still. I keep going, I work on myself. I fail at times fall into old patterns of self comfort and then recommit myself to recovery. I am not ready for a relationship but I miss having companionship. Sometimes it’s hard to see why I live. I hope in Christ. I hope to God and commit myself to him and trust he will guide me. But it is indeed painful.
Bent but not broken. Bloodied but unbowed. The divorce that was forced upon me pushed me to my spiritual and emotional limits. When it became clear that I could not save my marriage, I was suddenly filled with an unyielding determination to save my pension, my homestead, my good name, and my constant presence in the lives of my kids. I stood my ground, fought back, and won. The one good thing about a divorce is that you find out who your true friends are.
And often Societal Pressure/Ideals often say : Men have to pay for Everthing, but when the woman gets a job and $$$ it’s hers for Fun or Independence, not to reduce pressure on the Man… and we can’t Men mention $$$ or it causes the Woman too much stress, but the Man must provide regardless of stress is often causes. Very challenging situation to deal with and leads quickly to resentment and frustration. Then when trying to communicate on this, the woman gets mad and says we are putting too much pressure or controlling
My wife divorced me 21 years ago. I’m still broken. And hard to remarry or even approach a woman if you feel as if they all have contempt for you. The bible says God hates divorce, and I think I understand why: it leaves a trail of destruction and brokenness that is irreparable, for the persons involved, and society generally. People remarry and move on (most of the time), but the scar remains. Can either party ever forget each other even in a new and happy marriage? Maybe women can, but I can’t.
What wild is that because you know that so many women expect you to be this mysterious/traditionally hetero-normative yet modern & conscious man, (even the “good” girls) you adjust to have a shot at them. And you notice how you disappoint them when you get nervous, or express your feelings, It can make dating feel kind of fake.
What broke me is the affair the was catalyst for our divorce.with a kid thirteen years younger than me and six years younger that her. He had two kids from two different women..was abusive. Put hands on her twice went to jail, temporary restraining orders, put a gun to his head when she tried to leave (she went back) destroyed her property, cheated on her..she always went back… I was not perfect, but I was dam proud of the boyfriend, fiancé, and husband I was, but it was not good enough. Just a hard pill to swallow
Over 34 years of marriage and at age 55 she wants out and has started acting like a teenager. I have no proof of another man or woman romancing her. I do not get it. But she never has had any communication skills. I’m certainly not perfect, but I’ve been faithful. I just feel empty inside. The heartache is almost unbearable. She never told me why she left me. I am not a drinker or a drug abuser. But now I can easily see what can cause a man to get lost in self-medicating. I am 60 years old and this is the first time I’ve had my heart broken. Being lonely and broken is painful. I miss my companion, life partner, and best friend. She was everything to me.
ok, good article. I understand what you mean. But the pressure is not societal. The pressure is how one is taught in their family of origin to be a husband or wife, or a divorced man or woman. Those are the real pressures, and those pressures mean you live up to your code of ethics and morals, or you don’t. If your family is not the kind that approves of divorce, getting a divorce is a failure, whether you like it or not. Can such a man forgive himself for the failure of his marriage? Yes, they can, lots of men and women have given their blood, sweat, tears, and bones to marriage and still ended up divorced. But this is where “societal messaging” rushes in and tells divorcing couples “everyone is entitled to be happy. If your marriage isn’t working, just throw it away, you’ll be sad for a little while, but you’ll get over that, you just have to reframe your failure as a success for you to live your best life.” There is a meme out there that says “no guys, she was never yours. It was just your turn.” That’s not my belief system. Not yet anyway.
Imagine being led to believe that your wife is on your side and that she agrees to a fair and balanced divorce only to realize at the last second that she intends to throw you under the bus by accusing you of being bullying, abusive and asking for thousands of dollars in back payments, property that isn’t marital, trying to limit your visitation with your child, etc….
Most of these comments are from awhile ago but I’ll add my experience. 5yr green-card marriage, no kids, no house, none of those things. Being walked out on after a slow, degrading and one-sided relationship has left me feeling even more empty somehow. I loved this woman more than anybody or anything I’ve ever known. The reason why this is possible is because I never had self love from the very beginning. I even blamed myself for physical/mental abuse. All the things of mine she broke. Now I’m starting all over from square one (and I mean literally). I’ve never felt shame or embarrassment of this level in my life and have lost a number of friends to her (she always was the popular one). It’s a daily struggle to manage even the most basic tasks. In my heart I know this is a good thing, but it feels like the complete opposite.
What if the man left his wife homeless and bankrupt and never got help for himself, so she HAD to divorce him? He is unable to forgive himself therefore he couldn’t move on. It is as if he remained on the sinking ship while his wife had to bail water and get on a rescue boat to save the family. Almost 30 years and he never got help and the only thing she could do was leave him to go down with the ship. 😢 What if she still cares and tries to see if he is hanging on. How do you help someone who is already broken and caused his wife and family to be broken too? Now divorced but devastated. Maybe your website can help him. I know I gave him resources and stayed as long as i could…😢
It’s not all a myth. I relate to the victim and the failure. The response to me expressing these feelings to others is invalidation or disinterest. People think it’s encouraging or helpful to tell you just don’t think about it or just live your life and be happy. Even therapists seem to want to jump past these feelings and move on to “what’s really troubling you”?
I may just be too bought into it from my life experience, but seems like these are not myths. Dating apps favor the sexy types as all you have to go on is photos. And the guy my wife left me for was a physically stronger guy. I know there plenty of reasons I became unattractive to my wife. But it fits these “myths” more than I want to admit. I hope I’m not making your point perfectly of how strongly we believe these things, haha.
I make 20,000 dollars a yr I invest and I save I eat organic and I cook all my meals I am car free and have a e-bike I am 27yrs old male saving for retirement So 20,000 dollars is a perfect start for me Because of all the things I listed I also used to be homeless So all the money I make is MINE It’s not the governments or a ex wife I smoke weed every single day I can buy anything I want as along as it’s not over one million dollars lol My I have 5 brothers and all of them are on child support My dads kids are all grown and my mom still gets money from him Why would I get married again??? Kids and sex? I can adopt and pay a hoe for sex My dad pays my mom money and she’s 60yrs old And he’s 64yrs old It’s cute until its isn’t lol