Polyamorous marriages are commitment ceremonies without legal backing, involving committed relationships between two or more people, typically romantic relationships. Key principles of a polyamorous relationship include open communication, transparency, and consensual decision-making among all partners. Trust is paramount as individuals navigate multiple romantic connections with honesty and respect. Polyamorous relationships can be seen as valid, healthy, and fulfilling, but they are not as valid or healthy as monogamy.
Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy that involves having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners at the same time. It is not illegal in many parts of the world, including the United States. In the legal sense, only two within the poly group will get married, assuming that all within wish to. However, polygyny is the specific variant of polygamy wherein a man enters into marriages with two or more women.
In summary, polyamorous relationships are not illegal, but they involve committed relationships between two or more people, often with no special rights or privileges. They are based on the belief that connections should not be restricted to one person because love is not finite. Polyamorous relationships can be both valid and healthy, depending on personal desires and the circumstances.
📹 6 Mistakes Couples New to Polyamory Make
Are you starting to explore polyamory with a previously monogamous partner? Here are some common mistakes to look out for to …
Why is polyamory healthy?
More intimacy and connection. Polyamorous relationships are very intimate and connected. With multiple partners, you can learn and connect with different people. This can make your relationships more intimate and fulfilling.
More variety. Polyamory lets you experience more variety. You can have different partners with different interests, hobbies, and perspectives. This helps you grow and experience more of life. Polyamory gives you more freedom. You’re not tied down to one person, so you can do what you want, when you want. This can help people in bad monogamous relationships. Less jealousy and possessiveness. Polyamory can help reduce jealousy and possessiveness. In a monogamous relationship, you might feel jealous of your partner’s other relationships. In a polyamorous relationship, you know your partner is also involved with others. This can help you be more understanding and less possessive. Polyamory can help you respect others. In a polyamorous relationship, you learn about and interact with different people. This can help you understand others better and be more respectful of their needs. There are also challenges to open relationships. Here are a few challenges: Communication is important. Communication is important in any relationship, but especially in polyamorous ones. You need to be open and honest with your partners about your needs, desires, and boundaries. Jealousy and possessiveness can still happen. Jealousy and possessiveness can still occur in polyamorous relationships. It’s important to understand these emotions and learn how to deal with them in a healthy way. It can be hard to find partners who are open to polyamory. It can be hard to find people who are open to polyamory. If you’re interested in polyamory, be patient and keep looking until you find the right people.
Are polyamorous marriages healthy?
Are poly relationships healthy? Polyamorous relationships can be happy and healthy. But because polyamorous relationships involve more than one person, they require more honesty, communication, and care. What does dating a unicorn mean? A “unicorn” is a bisexual or pansexual woman who is willing to be in a relationship with an established couple. The term is seen as derogatory because it implies a purely sexual role. Can a monogamous person date a poly person? “A monogamous person can date someone who is polyamorous,” says Sullivan. These relationships are one of the hardest polyamorous relationships to maintain, but they can work with the right communication and boundaries.
Why are so many people polyamorous now?
Experts say many things are changing, including attitudes toward monogamy and access to information about different relationship styles. Not everyone finds their one true love.
Can cheating happen in polyamory?
Sexual infidelity is possible in polyamory, depending on how it is defined. Some couples set rules about sex, and cheating is possible. Some partners are off-limits, like people of the opposite sex, close friends, enemies, or siblings.
How long do polyamorous marriages last?
How long do poly relationships last? On average, about 5-8 years. Polyamorous relationships last a long time. People in polyamorous relationships are good at managing conflict and making decisions together.
What are the odds of a polyamorous relationship working out? People in polyamorous relationships are just as valid, healthy, and fulfilling as those in monogamous relationships. In this article, we’ll explain what a polyamorous relationship is and how it works. We’ll also look at who is good for polyamory and how long these relationships last. Read on to learn about polyamory. It takes courage, honesty, and communication to make a polyamorous relationship work. If you can handle it and believe you can love more than one person, polyamory can work. However, it takes a certain set of beliefs and personality traits. If it isn’t for you, that’s okay. Studies show that about 1 in 6 people want to try polyamory, while about 1 in 9 have been in a polyamorous relationship. About 1 in 3 people who have been in a polyamorous relationship don’t want to be in one again.
What is the failure rate of polyamorous relationships?
What’s the success rate of open marriages? Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, California, says that less than 1% of married people are in open marriages. Some research says that 92% of open marriages fail. So few people engage in open/polyamorous marriages that 92% of them fail. That’s twice the current divorce rate for monogamous heterosexual marriages.
So, the alternative to monogamy actually fails. If someone came up to you and said: “Hey, I found this stock that will make you a millionaire. But there’s a 92% chance of failure. You could lose your money. But don’t worry – are you in? Anyone with two brain cells knows this is crazy. They want to secure their financial future. No one in their right mind would take these odds. How can polyamory solve the problem of failed marriages when it almost always fails? What’s the point?
The Bad. The biggest worry is the risk of STDs. Some people think condoms make everything safe. But condoms don’t protect against HPV or genital warts.
What are the rules of polyamory?
8 Rules for Polyamorous Relationships: 1. Decide how much to share with each other. … Make time for just the two of you. … Set boundaries. … Respect your partner’s partner. … Be realistic. Keep in touch. … Enjoy your alone time. Rules of relationships aren’t simple, but having rules in place, especially in a polyamorous relationship, can help keep your love life less complicated.
I put rules in quotes because no one wants to be held to strict expectations in matters of love. These rules are for you and your partners to discuss at the start and throughout your relationship. They help you set and stick to boundaries. Why does that matter? In a polyamorous relationship, things can get messy fast. The more people in a relationship, the more complicated things can get because you’re dealing with more feelings, says Jane Greer, PhD, a New York-based therapist and author of What About Me? Don’t be selfish and ruin your relationship.
Is polyamory linked to trauma?
Polyamory can help us break past trauma patterns. If you’ve experienced trauma, you might wonder if polyamory is right for you. You might worry that dating multiple people will be too hard.
Why is polyamory ok but not polygamy?
Both polyamory and polygamy are ethical when all parties involved consent. However, polygamy has been linked to abuse and is illegal in many countries. In contrast, polyamory is about consensual relationships without hierarchy or marriage. Solopoly is when someone has multiple romantic relationships but doesn’t prioritize any of them. People who practice solopoly don’t live with or share money with their partners. They want to be independent. What’s the difference between polygamy and polyandry?
How successful are polyamorous marriages?
Polyamorous relationships aren’t the most successful, says Neil Wilkie. He told Red magazine that 20% of couples have tried non-monogamy, but open marriage fails 92% of the time.
📹 Joe Rogan – Does Polyamory Work?
Joe Rogan and Bret Weinstein discuss polyamory.
NRE is something I’ve been having to address with my partner at the moment. I think it’s a huge red flag that her other person admitted to feeling less excited to see or spend time with his wife when plans fall through, while my partner was saying she felt the same towards me for our own reasons. I personally think that it should be a requirement for the original relationship to be on a solid foundation before anyone else is introduced. While I’ve had that heart to heart discussion with my partner about where we had been falling short because of our own individual hang-ups, I don’t feel good about knowing the other guy feels that way about his wife. Something is just bound to go wrong and I don’t want to be a part of that or bring that into our physical home. I’m not alright with being adjacent to a relationship that breaks up another home entirely. Honestly, I can see why people are adverse to these kinds of relationships because they force you to be even more honest with yourself in a short period of time than traditional monogamy would.
I mostly agree that boundaries are what are needed, not rules, however, I don’t think all rules are bad. I have only three rules for my relationships: 1.) Inform me about any STD’s 2.) Inform me if you’re (my partner) dating anyone else 3.) Inform me if and when you’re going out on a date and where you’ll be The first rule is to protect myself, the third rule is for their protection (if something happens, like an emergency, I want to know where my partner is and that they’re on a date rather than finding out from some officer that there’s a missing person or John Doe issue), and the second rule is more a matter of trust. If we’re not talking about the fact that we’re dating other people, then we may lack consent. They’re still rules, because I’m placing them on my partners, but I believe they are completely reasonable rules. They aren’t rules to limit, but rather for safety and consent. As you said, not all rules are bad.
thank you! i find the concept of NRE really helpfull as a tool to combat jealousy. if my partner is head over heels for a new person, it doesn’t mean they share a deeper and more meaningful love than we do (in the established relationship). it’s just a specific kind of euphoria that comes with new relationships, whereas the existing long-term relationship has many other meaningful feelings to offer (like comfort, security and the joy of knowing each other so well)
My partner met another man that she fell in love with within a month. After she told me this, one day I asked her if she could help me a little with some very mild jealousy from her NRE. I told her I was very happy for her and literally the next day, she went to spend a nite with him and she never texted me “I love you, I will catch up tomorrow” which was something we both always did before we went to play with our partners. It was something we established from the beginning and never missed it once. I was very upset… it hurt bad. She told me she was too busy and forgot. There was another incident 5 days before this happened that was pretty similar with her. I can’t trust her now and it may end our relationship. This may sound like an over reaction to some but I am having a tough time with it.
Hello there, I am new to non-monogamy, I have always known that monogamy didn’t come naturally to me however It took me a long time to finally admit it to myself because of the way people might view me. I introduced non-monogamy to my “partner” but we have not done anything with other people. Simply because we haven’t found other people. I have a friend (whom my partner has met) and connected them to each other because I feel like they could develop an (enjoyable) connection, they both agreed to get to know each other and see what happens, one of my concerns is if it does happen, how do I speak to my partner about not being affectionate(kissing, flirting) with her when we hang out (I am pretty sure that I will become comfortable eventually) however I know that it will take some time getting used to. How do I bring this up in a way that doesn’t feel “restricting” to their connection? I know that it’s like why are you thinking about this if it hasn’t happened and it’s because I have a knowing feeling that they will connect beautifully.
I love this article!!! As someone who is also polyamorous, I absolutely agree with a lot what you say. ❤️ Communication, Comfortability, and Equality of love is the Biggest things that no one seems to do when it comes to Poly stuff. And the Boundary stuff is absolutely correct. especially as the Paraphrasing of it. I had a lot of these a couple years ago these bad habits, but I’ve stood my ground and made myself more understandable to it especially as one of my current partners has taught me a lot about Polyamory. Thank you for this article. ❤️ P.S, before anyone thinks they’re polyamorous, human skills like social stuff, self boundaries and also confidence (even if it’s not 100%) are all important to learn to establish a healthy and amazing polyamorous relationship.
I think one of the dilemmas I’ve run into being in a throuple is trying to find something the 3 of us can do together and enjoy. I have fun dates and special interests with my boyfriend and my girlfriend but trying to find something all 3 of us can agree on is so hard. I was the last one to join the party my girlfriend and boyfriend were dating before I joined.
What tips do you have for someone curious about Polyamory and considering adding my friend to my relationship? Especially if it seems like everyone is on the same page? Im very shy about formally asking my friend and have no clue how to go about it even though weve all been joking for months that we are a throuple (even though weve never acted on it at all)
My boyfriend is poly and Ive wanted to kinda mess with it a little and explore that side, problem is he’s too clingy and protective… okay well we both are actually but he wants me to establish rules and boundaries so now I’m just casually over here perusal things like to make sure I take everything into consideration
i’m trying to understand it because my partner came out to me as a poly the other day but everything make my heart shatter and makes me want to throw up. i don’t think i will be able to accept it maybe because i am a mono with bpd. i don’t want to break up with them i hope things were better but it’s not
My husband proposed to transition when we separated and he went back to live to his country. He met someone and stopped caring about me… She was hostile towards me, they made a drama because they didn’t know what to do with me being in the picture. Long story short, I decided to divorce after 8 years of marriage and now they are going mono and uploaded a bunch of pictures on Facebook because they are super happy together… I guess I’m a fool…
I have 2 gf’s, they know I’m seeing another woman but don’t know about each other. both want to move in, both of them say they will take care of the house but they want to work full time too, I tell them both separately, if they want to be out of the house and work full time then I want another gf who will take care of the house while we work full time. That’s my conditions for moving forward and moving in together. We can be monogamous but I want a homemaker, if she doesn’t want to be a Homemaker that’s fine I don’t want to break up but I do want a home maker. They seem hesitant but agreeable I’m thinking about buying them a hotel room for a Saturday night with a massage+dinner and drinks for them, tell them to just hang out be friendly and talk all the trash about me to each other they want, so they can get to know each other build some kind friendship and talk about their vision for our home What are y’all’s thoughts, how should I approach this
yes its hard for me, ive know for a while i was poly, and im dating my boyfriend, but another boy i like also likes me and my boyfriend, i like them both, and im a girl but there both boys, the only reason my boyfriend said no was because hes not attracted to boys, and he doesn’t want another guy doing stuff with his girlfriend. if anyone can, please give me ways to try and talk to him about trying it and setting boundries
Sorry but I disagree – rules need to exist. There is more than enough “freedom” in polyamory already. There still needs to be a framework that individuals are aware of and operate in. Thats what rules are for. They also help weed out partners that are not suitable for you early on, instead of having them blindside you through their behavior that may be far out of bounds for you and seriously hurt you.
Polyamory is the result of mistakes 1# having a lack of commitment but not willing to admit it OR do something about it 2# having a lack of spine but not willing to admit it OR do something about it 3# having a lack of discipline but not willing to admit it OR do something about it 4# having a lack of interest meeting your partner’s emotional and maybe even $xual needs but not willing to admit it OR do something about it 5# having a lack of attraction for your partner but not willing to admit it OR do something about it 6# having a lack of trust but not willing to admit it OR do something about it 7# having a lack of your needs (in general) met by your partner but not willing to admit it OR do something about it. 8# falling into the trap of believing you are MORE capable of empathy than your partner
how are boundaries only for yourself? youre pushing such a toxic relationship, if you set boundaries about things that you dont want to happen and your partner doesnt respect them then what kind of relationship are you in? One filled with no care for the emotions of your partner and only care for your own selfish WANTS.
After my divorce, I went through a poly phase. I read the books, went to some workshops, had some simultaneous “relationships” etc. Learned a ton, especially how not to be enmeshed or in codependent traps that monogamous relationships tend to get into. Now I feel inclined to choose a monogamous relationship intentionally to focus on building something stable with one person with all the communication and relating tools that the poly community teaches. It’s not about poly vs mono, they both have their reasons. People promote poly because mono is the default and is often stifling and oppressive to those “stuck” in dead end marriages. But poly can be a trainwreck just as much as it can be rewarding and exciting. It depends on the people and how emotionally mature they are. I’ve seen a lot of women acting as empowered “goddesses” in the new age community with a handful of male orbiters all settling for crumbs of her attention. It just seems like these hot hippie chicks go to these parties and attract lots of barefoot man-bun wearing vagabonds who want to kiss her feet and will get into weird poly relationships with lots of passive aggressive manipulations going on. It all has a veneer of being “enlightened” but it’s pretty fucked under the surface. People still get hurt, deny their feelings, try to cope, get tossed around in different communities, all trying to find their place. Everyone wants someone to love them but not control them. The majority of the people who did poly eventually grow out of it and want a pair bond again, they just call it a “life partner” instead.
Short answer: jealousy, petty hatreds, dishonesty, and anger tend to ruin larger groups as effectively, and more often, than they do marriages. Friend of mine went poly. It was the beginning of the end of a several year one-partner relationship with a woman who seemed to be smart, stable, and good for him. It was all above board, she knew there would be other women and so on, but I think ultimately he was telling her she wasn’t enough, and that was that. I didn’t say anything, but I was like, if you’re gonna get out, just get out, don’t bring someone else in.
I’m a 30-something gay guy in a decade long monogamous relationship. Monogamy has been so good for my life. Everyday feels like a honeymoon. It’s so exciting to be together and it’s so peaceful when we lay like vegetables doing f-k all. Monogamy helped me stop feeling dissatisfied, and the constant yearning for instant gratification stopped. It’s not true that when you’re sleeping with more people, that the craving is going to be satiated. It will fill you for the night but not on a deeper level. It’s a chain around your neck, really. My partner and I agree that open relationships or polygamous relationships would be very damaging to us because we would not be able to cope with the jealousy that comes with sharing your partner. We’d rather break up and remain friends if our relationship is unsalvageable.
In regards to Joe being surprised that people are pressuring people to be non-monogamous: it absolutely does happen. I had a friend who for years had been trying to sell me on polyamory and ethical non-monogamy no matter how many times I told him that I would rather eat broken glass. It didn’t stop until he got his heart broken from an ENM relationship gone wrong. There is a ton of peer pressure from these kinds of people, and I think deep down it’s because they’re trying to justify it within themselves.
Having multiple partners may give you the thrill and enjoyment of discovering different experiences and the excitement from getting to know a different person. However, in the long run, the excitement and stimulation will never measure up to having a committed relationship with one person. One on one relationship is like a diamond. Time and pressure. I really hope our future generations seek on and know that true beauty comes with time, commitment and most of all patience.
My ex-wife pushed us towards polyamory. I think that anyone who feels like one relationship is not enough is somewhat selfsish. They will tell you that different people fulfill different needs, and i think thats bullshit. What you end up doing is if you feel something is missing from your relationship, rather than fixing whats wrong you just go find someone else to fill that void until suddenly you realize that you dont need to fix relationships, you can just go find new ones. I learned eventually that it was an escape for her. I think monogamy works, people just dont know how to do it anymore. I dunno, just my perspective. I could be wrong.
My son threw away his marriage to a lesbian that took his wife, because of their threesome. They both now raise his son. He still adheres to polyamory and lost his girlfreind to another guy she found more desireable. This will be an empty life with no comittment and certainly no love. This is a path to nowhere, where in the end no one wins.
both my co-workers are in long-term Polyamorous relationships, at first, it seems very good and open and loving but then they cry if they spend too much time with another partner out of fear of them leaving. Then try to push this idea on to me that MY lifestyle was odd and I was the weird one for wanting to be with one person and experiencing jealousy. But im always very respectful of what people do and I personally think people who want to be apart of this lifestyle more often than not are a bit confused and it is more of an experimentation than a lifestyle.
People don’t want to commit. They want to do whatever they want, whenever they want, and it’s attainable in virtually every way you can think of. “Poly” relationships are often just another outlet of people being a slave to their desires, and a lot of these people can’t commit to one person at a time. If it works for someone, that’s great, but it’s not very likely.
I used to only do open or poly relationships. Then after my ltr ended I took a few years working on myself, getting completely sober, not having meaningless sex, holding myself accountable for my creative projects, and reconnecting with my family after a terrible childhood. What I’ve learned about myself in retrospect is my reasoning for why poly was better and my insistence that I was happy was all part of some unhealed trauma and low self worth, despite the fact that I thought my self esteem was flawless at the time. Now as I’m reentering the dating scene I know I’m looking for someone interested in being monogamous with me and interested in starting a family. A very different picture from my teens and twenties. Unfortunately, in my city poly or ENM is the norm for people in their 30s like me so I’ve had to reconcile that I may be single for a while before I meet someone who wants what I want and kids may never happen. The irony is back when I was pushing poly in 2007-2014 peoples heads would explode like what do you mean you’re gonna sleep with other people?! But sometime from like 2015+ I feel like in cities it’s been practiced and embraced much more so that it’s mainstream. I can’t say definitively that there’s a right way to do things, but I do see in others doing toxic poly deluding themselves more so than those in toxic monogamy. I see a lot of toxic poly relationships that will talk pseudo intellectual garbage around it, whereas in most toxic mono relationships I’ve seen will admit it’s toxic but also admit they’re afraid of being alone.
The problem with poly or open relationships is that everyone is obsessed with sex nowadays. And not feeling trapped in a relationship. But if people put the energy they felt to want to be unfaithful into building a strong relationship. Then there would be less divorce. More than 90% of open relationships fail. And most relationships are not actually consented but rather accepted for fear of losing someone
I’m in a poly relationship, I’ll be blunt: -it can be just as toxic as monogamy -it is not a fix for a fucked up relationship -it’s not an evolved form of relationships, it’s just a different kind -it’s hard. Period. Anyone who tells you otherwise should play the lottery or they’re awful liars -There are innumerable risks if it becomes legal to marry multiple people -I know plenty of people with kids who do it but there’s not nearly enough studies to say the long term implications, and most who have kids don’t have children with any partner besides one strict partner Honestly, the sudden influx seems to be because it’s en Vogue with the push from extreme social progress, because social justice culture, BDSM communities, and other more underground communities like furries and such, aren’t necessarily one in the same with polyamory but very much entwined. It’s definitely got a “you must accept everyone” view which is great, but the rest of that sentence d is “as long as they agree with us.” Poly purists and social justice dictators are the worst things about these communities.
Human beings always begin to take things for granted, that’s the real source of this problem with relationships, if u genuinely love someone and work everyday to appreciate what you have then a relationship will last but ppl just eventually lose sight of what they have and it’s sad. Divorces keep rising and ik alot of ppl who end up regretting it because they dont try to see through the problems and see what they have and can fix, relationships are a never ending project and our society of instant gratification, selfishness, etc are what’s ruining things as a whole. STOP TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED!!! EVERY DAY WHEN U WAKE UP, REMIND YOURSELF, THAT IT WAS NEVER PROMISED OR GUARANTEED. APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE AND SHOW IT EVERYDAY! 💙💎
I think that people are mixing up polyamory with promiscuity. Personally, I’m in love with both of my partners equally. We are in a closed relationship with three people involved. We do not “go around” hooking up with other people outside of this relationship and cross boundaries. “Keeping options open” non- consensually IS cheating. However, I am in a COMMITTED polyamorous closed relationship with two people at once, and we as a group have plans to live with each other and care for one another exclusively.
My problem with things like polyamory and other ideas that seem to cater to our evolutionary past, is I think as humans we are supposed to somewhat sacrifice and not give into our animal instincts that appear to be bad for society. Be it controlling your anger, your eating, or consumption in general. You can lead down a dark path when you make claims like “that is how we are wired”. That argument could be used for why men rape women, or why people kill other humans, or people are racist. Its one thing to understand behavior, but its another to blindly give into it. Obviously I used extreme examples, but I think the point remains. I think it takes strength to recognize your human urges and not give in. That means controlling your aggression (or maybe websiteing it healthy ways) controlling your sexual urges (an example would be not have wild unprotected sex).
Bret Weinstein: a man who talks about Polyamory without knowing what it means and how it actually works. In a few minutes the guy puts polyamory, open relationships, promiscuity and deodorants… all in the same bag. 1) Polyamory is not easy and is not for everyone, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work and that it is not more rewarding that monogamy… again, for some people. 2) Most polyamory people I know don’t promote it, or say that “it is the way of the future”. It’s normally monogamous people the ones who are curious and start to ask a lot of questions, and usually they are the ones who get to those conclusions and think that polyamorus people are crazy. If you think otherwise, just watch again from 3:18 to 3:51. 3) At the end (10:50) he says that he would like to see a world where younger generations can chose for themselves if a type of relationship works for them or not… well, that’s exactly why polyamory and other configurations exists, but unfortunately, people like him just discourage others from trying for themselves (00:46).
I agree with Joe. Being in a committed monogamous relationship has a lot of benefits and its healthy. But if people feel they want variety they should come to a mutual agreement where both parties feel comfortable with it. All with honesty Theres no need to cheat. Just be honest with your loved one. And if this person really loves you they won’t leave you.
I think people have an interest in polyamory because they don’t feel “satisfied” in their relationship. Likely this is because they have unrealistic expectations of what marriage is and how much upkeep it takes, but even more so, they misunderstand what LOVE is supposed to be. Love is not always butterflies or passion or strong sexual attraction. Yes, it’s good and necessary to try to stay attractive to your partner, and to put effort into going on dates, etc. even after years of marriage. It’s probably more important in that case. But love is commitment, self-sacrifice, truth-telling, patience. Wanting to sleep around with several partners comes from selfishness and a lack of meaning and fulfillment in life. That won’t even come from a monogamous marriage. You must look beyond the Universe for such meaning. Aiming at Truth will make you more satisfied in every aspect of life, even in the face of trials and adversity, and it creates a stronger bond than any with your life partner.
I think one of the reasons a lot of people shy away from monogamy is because the typical couple or family can get claustrophobic and it is hard to meet all your emotional needs in one small unit. For most of history humans have lived in tribes. In recent history the nuclear family unit was heavily promoted and communities broken up, essentially to sell more stuff. Now breaking up the family unit and couples means selling even more stuff, cos more households. Having lived with a couple of women, my vision is monogamy but within a community, so we don’t rely on the other for everything.
Also the phrase it takes a village is pretty apt here imagine having more people to look out for you when you’re growing up you can draw from a lot more experience you can come to your own conclusions based off of how different people have lived their lives differently instead of just the two that happened to give birth to you
For those who want to move away from deodorant but also don’t want to smell bad, I would suggest using essential oils from spices ( I am partial to all spice, clove, and juniper myself) applied to the neck and wrists. These are areas of the body that carry a lot of blood flow through them so it helps the oils stay warm and diffuse throughout the day, they are not harmful unless you have an allergy, and will not smell overpowering unless you accidentally dump the bottle on yourself. People around me would frequently ask what was it that smelled so good and then I would tell them that it was the oils I was using as a cologne.
I was involved with swinger couples in my 20’s, then polyamory through most of my 30’s. Polyamory is too complex to become the most common way of relating. It takes up more time and resources. Urban couples without kids that have a lot in common with other poly people (hobbies and lifestyle) will be the most able to remain poly for more than 7 years. Looking back, I think swinging is the more sustainable form of non-monogamy for a couple to open up to. I’d love to see a study track 100 couples that open up to swinging, and then also 100 couples that open up in a polyamorous way. See how many couples are still together 10 years later. I bet it’s the swingers! The reason? They keep the couple (or pair bond) as primary importance. A few poly people still do hierarchical polyamory, but it is not the most promoted way to do poly. The spirit of the times is to be super egalitarian, and I think that’s part of why pair bonds won’t last as long in egalitarian poly. I also love having a female partner that has some body scent, damn! That’s all too rare these days, yes.
It needs to be understood that polyamory is difficult. A romantic/sexual relationship with a person is probably the most difficult thing that you will ever do. That is exponentially more complex with each other relationship that you add. When talking about and coming to agreement with another person the format of your relationship, it should not be forbidden to have a relationship with someone else, whether for religious dualities of good/evil behavior or even personal pre-requisites. It should be permitted to give the significant other a sense of freedom, but understanding that it WILL be more difficult. And I know in my personal experience, I am moving toward greater simplicity in my life, not greater complexity. So, in that context, if someone adds another to their life, it is to put something indispensable, something that really adds value to your experience, rather than just some imagined pleasure. Because each person arrives with their own baggage. As the Tao Te Ching says: “Bad fortune is that in which good fortune depends. Good fortune is that in which bad fortune hides”. Or more simply: “To gain is to lose. To lose is to gain”. And one of the biggest problems that a newbie poly person does is attempt to have polyamorous relationships with monogamous persons, usually with the people that he had monogamous relationship before the decision to be polyamorous…
Once you have multiple deep connections the experience of love is no longer scarce so the need to commit or bond to any single person that I used to have just faded away. Anything abundant is taken for granted and anything scarce we try to protect and hold on to. The essence of polyamory is simple but if you havent dealt with your own fear of loss or feel insignifficant Polyamory will magnify these feelings and it will hurt…real bad. The people I feel for most are the ones in a monogamous relationship and their partner comes out as poly and they try to adapt when deep down they are monogamous…brutal!
a deep fullfilling relationship with a single person requires work, anything that is worth it requires work. You also need to share priorities and values. If you think it is “more” natural to be polyamorous to avoid commitment have at it. Just keep in mind that in reality you are avoiding a deep relationship and actual commitment to someone. If you are polyamorous in order to NOT commit to a single person, why not go for more variety and sleep around outside your poly-group?
That’s the key for the marriage or relationship Is to cancel to pleasure of desire and grow together through the cons or pro It’s a vision of ultimate discipline and maturity when it comes taking care of two people and kids Communication is the key to success Some people are good with communication and some aren’t That’s what they have to work on themselves for the relationship to work Yes There are many different women and men Out there I’m living it now and till the end If the woman starts the idea If the men is attracted to it or not It can work or not Plus it depends the bond you or couple that they builds with the person that developed the polymer interest
Everyone I’ve known who’s tried polyamory or open relationships has went back to monogamy, whether with the original partner they tried it with, because they realize how much they value that person & the non monog caused unnecessary conflict for them…or a new partner because they realized they just didn’t love the last one enough to be monogamous. I don’t think non monogamy is sustainable. I thing it’s a fad. Especially in the “spiritual”/heady subset of society. People saying it’s more spiritual in some way because you’re supposed to be open and “free love” blablabla. I don’t get it. Dating is soooo draining and boring to me. I prefer to be alone or in the company of people I really really connect with, feel comfortable around, and don’t need to put a bunch of energy into being around. And I don’t enjoy sex without an emotional connection. Non monog is not for me.
Every past relationship I have ever had is coming from a place of failure, be it mono or poly, and they all failed for different reasons – with the only singular unifying element being yours truly. Examining our own culpability in the failings of our romantic endeavors is step one on the path. Polyamory is not easy. Monogamy is not easy. It isn’t about “which is harder or more noble.” One could sit and make the argument for either side ad nauseum – the point of it all is that you remain free to do so. Contrary to what a lot of people think, it is possible to cheat in polyamory. You don’t get to just “fuck around” at your leisure, this is how you get diseases. Polyamory requires time management skills – making sure everyone is on the same communication wavelength and the scenarios look very different. Some people don’t get along so well, so you might have days where you spend a week or so in one house and a week or so in another house. Or, if you just have a secondary partner you’re dating casually (you can date casually in Poly and have a primary, you still need to get the seal of approval from other said primary however) and you just see them every other weekend. Prioritizing primaries becomes an issue – Triangle setups, 3 interconnected individuals are common. V setups, one person with two partners – anything in between. As long as everyone is consenting (this means they know what they’re getting into and saying “YES” and being a willing, active participant) everything is peachy.
I’ve been in a few polyamorous relationships with my fiancé. They tend to not work out, not because of me or my fiancé but the other woman. I’m not jealous whatsoever, and I’m attracted to women as with men. But our past girlfriends are usually jealous or have an unpleasant personality. My fiancé and I always stick together, but we end up letting the other girl go if it’s not going to work out
My biggest concern is that people can hardly be trusted with their own reason versus primal instincts (id). I don’t believe most of us are self-aware enough to avoid the pitfalls of the latter. We will tell ourselves convenient lies to justify our aims/desired outcomes—it’s so hard to have the truth of ourselves, to know ourselves, and then to avoid our own trappings, let alone the ones encountered in the world.
I’ve been with my husband for 7 years now. Wait for the love of your life! It’s been 7 years and we still hardly ever fight (I think it’s been over a year since our last fight) we’re still in the honeymoon phase. I tell him whenever it comes into my mind how amazing he is (and sexy) and yesterday we screwed like it was our first passionate time. I want him constantly. Why on earth would either of screw that up with something else totally meaningless?
imagine youre in the middle of a normal relationship problem and youre both getting frustated with eachother. imagine the realisation that i could get over my frustration by hooking up with someone else. even if youre not a jealous person, you wont even really like yourself that much after the thought alone.
Joe Rogan is so sweet to the community. I will be honest I come from an intimidating relationship I am a software student/professional and my partner is a chemical engineering borderline grad we are arguably smart dependent on you view of college. We struggle to remain intelligent about it but we manage. It’s lots of philosophy. LOTS!!
Problem with polyamory is quite simple… There will be 2 demographics. Top 20 percent of guys with 50 percent of women and 50 percent of women being shared by 80 percent of guys. It will be a total disaster. It’s the typical non sense you see in third world crapholes. Alpha males will love it. Everyone else will be sharing bottom shelf women and there will be zero incentives for average women to even try. it’s sort of happening right now where we effectively have no middle class in the dating market. Seriously there is a reason they push monogamy. Polyamory will just destabilize the society.
I dont think I am even physically capable of that. When I really love a girl, at least the one I used to think was my soul mate, when we broke up I couldn’t even get hard for any other girl for months afterwards. My body just rejected every other woman no matter how much I tried,no matter how good she looked, until I got back with the soul mate girl was I physically capable to have sex, but then she had to move away 🙁
6:10 exactly the poly reality of relationships that I have seen automatically breakdown when it stops being an experiment and children are introduced. The non bio person left and now the couple no matter what orientation are whenever they like in or a nuclear family, husband wife child. Even if they would like another person in theory it wouldn’t work not only because raising a child is very time consuming and it can be hard to maintain any relationship. But now to find a unicorn that would be willing to take on that child as well would be practically impossible to find. As unlike those “boring people” as they would like to be, eventually we all get with the program
The problem with polyamory not having any really famous “spokespeople” who really represent it in particular, it ends up being totally unclear as to what it actually means about a person. One particular thing is that it has absolutely nothing to do with not having a “pair bond”, or primary partner as humans call it. Many if not most poly people have a primary. If you were just dating then who would you even be cheating on? But much more importantly, polyamory isn’t something that anybody can just try, any more than anybody can try to be gay, or straight, or anything else. The thing about accepting or not accepting polyamory can be illustrated by what kind of lives the unheard-from spouses of people that weren’t allowed to be gay, publicly, had. With polyamory, mainstream (the majority of) (monogamy-oriented) people – (who don’t hold the validity of polyamory) – get a lot of unhappiness. Feel cheated on. Just like way back when you got people in relationships where the person just doesn’t love them romantically – (much, or maybe at all) – and is never going to. In other words, for any mainstream people who don’t understand why love would entitle them to own 100% of someone’s sexuality, or just don’t care to/need to, it appears they have to lie, like gay people used to have to lie. It also seems that it’s about as common a way of seeing things as being gay or bisexual or pansexual, etc – to be poly. I don’t think it’s for everybody at all. Most people need to own nigh-on 100% of a person’s sexuality, just like most people are attracted to one gender or another – but there’s a spectrum of difference.
Polyamore and shit like that is like when a kid has divorced parents and they share custody and whenever the kid does something bad and gets his mom upset he runs to his dad to avoid getting punished, taking up responsability for what he did, people feel like theiy’re entitled to this and that without putting any efort or assuming responsabilty, I never heard of a couple in which both parteners put efort without taking things for granted to need “spicing with other people” is so easy to hide the trash under the rug and walk in another clean room
poly is not a free-for-all; there are boundaries, it does require more communication to be “successful”. love compounds; the more you love, and are loved, the more you can love. I detest that these two are claiming that poly is “wrong” (paraphrasing). I have nothing against monogamy, myself– and nothing, really, against these people– but I strongly disagree.
I’m in an exclusive throuple relationship. My wife came to me years ago and said she liked women as well but that she hadn’t acted on it because she felt like it was wrong. We have been together for 14 years(wife and I). Our girlfriend and my wife have known each other for a little longer. They have always been attracted to each other but were afraid to ruin their friendship. They finally decided to throw caution to the wind. There is a lot more to this tale but I’ll leave it short. We are very happy. That self denial my wife felt is gone. She has a bigger glow about her than she did before and I’m happy to have shared this life with her. You only get one. Live it to its fullest. Live that you may live.
10 years ago I thought “why not, let people do what they want…” Since then I’ve Known several couples who were in these sorts of alternative relationships. In one case things actually seemed pretty good for a while, But just like a really cheap used car you buy at the auction, sooner or later the ugly truth comes out. All these relationships eventually turn Toxic. My ex-wife’s best friend was in a MFM polyamorous Relationship and all of the jealousy and childish emotions that started coming out a few years into it in their triple marriage were just as bad as any toxic, unhealthy monogamous relationship except exponentially more complicated. Joe is being naive when he compares the two, any love triangle is going to be as bad or much worse as a complicated marriage only involving 2 partners. This is not opinion, it’s simple math. Life & marriage is complicated as is, adding a 3rd partner just turns a chess game into 3D chess. P.S. after 7 yesrs of marriage & 2 kids we decided to try the swinging lifestyle, 6 months later our marriage came crashing down like the Hindenburg, 4 months later we were divorced. The emotional damage we have caused both of our daughters is something that I will always carry with me. Even though the kids in the situation are the only innocent ones they are the most hurt.
the best relationship you ever have in life is with yourself. many ppl struggle with insecurity & self love. this is what people fear in polyamory; that someone else will “steal” your persons love away from you. the fact is that one person cannot fulfill all of our needs. We love many ppl in our lifetime & if it’s between consenting adults then what exactly is the issue ?
I mean, raising kids can be anywhere between a blessing and a curse. If the kid isnt yours but your raising them during the hard times, sometimes the only reason a parent puts up with it is because the kid is biologically theirs. People stay in crap marriages, torture, for decades because of the kid. Thats how strong that instinct is.
I love Bret and Heather here. As a cynic, this is my default opinion on polyamory – two people just want to have sex with whoever they want, whatever kind it is, and tout it as their relationship lifestyle. I say fine. Go ahead. But having relationships based purely on fulfilling sexual needs is shallow and you won’t be happy living like that for any extended period of time (I’m talking decades here). It’s purely to satisfy their base desires and that’s that – not good. But you can make a biological and psychological case for why polyamory doesn’t work, and that’s what Bret does here. Good man!
This topic is new for me but after listening to different opinions, the polyamorousity seems to become interesting to people because it’s the exact opposite of what has been problematic in their monoamorous relationship. It doesn’t mean that poly is the answer to all your problems. New problems will arise from it. So it seems that the question shouldn’t be whether poly or mono is right, but what the root cause in your mono relationship has been and why you couldn’t work it out.
Secure attachment is incredibly important. Most of us need a stable base to come home to, someone we can count on to help calm us down after the world has had our way with us. Polyamory is an incredibly slippery slope, most people can’t make it work. The people I know who have made it work have VERY specific agreements down to the smallest detail, and are incredibly good and grounded as far as totally honest communications with their partners. That level of honesty is the secure base where new risks can be experimented with. Everyday stress can derail the whole thing, we get jealous, insecure, scared. Some married people agree to be each other’s “primary” while each person is free to have casual (protected) sex with other people outside of the home. The issues come when there is strong emotional attachment to someone new, the issues comes with caring for the new person. Where does sex end, and pair bonding begin? Each person has to maintain clear boundaries with the secondary person that it’s basically “only sex”. These kinds of specifics need to be held with discipline and clarity. Most people don’t have the bandwidth to maintain a career, maintain a secure primary relationship, and fuck someone else on the side, let alone raise kids as well, it’s a lot of responsibility. As far as the “new world” sort of thinking, I have to agree for the most part, but it’s very difficult. The human sexual nervous system is designed to attach for about 4 years. This gives us ample time to fuck our brains out, make babies, and get the babies ambulatory to be raised by the rest of the community.
Two people have one relationship to cultivate, with no competing relationships. Three people have three relationships, each of which is destabilized by the other two relationships. So, monogamy is just more stable. That doesn’t mean polyamory is necessarily the wrong choice, but it certainly is risky.
“No one breaks your heart, you break it by trying to put it where it doesn’t fit”. Expectations and jealousy are a key component of this discussion, there are some of us (and sadly we’re not the majority, i have to recognize that) who don’t feel insecure but rather happy when your partner or primary partner finds happiness and excitement going out with someone else, and find their sexual encounters arousing. It takes a very specific kind of person to make it work and I’ve seen my fair share of couples who got into it for the wrong reasons. But you won’t remain the same forever, that’s the hard part for people to accept in a marriage, the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with, will change with time as will you, the question is whether you’re on the same path or not.
The fact that people have difficulties in poly relationship doesn’t mean much, given that people have difficulties in all kinds of relationships. People are complicated and communication isn’t always easy – we all learn and grow as we go along. I don’t think there is one type of relationship that is right for every person on the planet – it depends on their personality. Monogamy may suit some people, other may find it unnatural. I know people who are happy in very traditional, old-fashioned relationships. Good for them, I say! I know people who are happy in poly relationships. Good for them, as well! I know people who are happy being single – not everyone prefers relationships, and that is good as well! I also know people who are miserable in all of those kinds of situations. I think everyone should find what kind of companionship feels right for them. And whatever that may be, they are more likely to make it work if they are mature as a person, evolved, honest with themselves and others, have good communications skills and a healthy self-esteem. If they are messed up, their relationship will be as well, no matter what kind of relationship it is.
There’s a BIG difference in Polyamory and an Open Relationship. In an open relationship, there is a primary partner that you more than likely live with and you both have an agreement that you both can see other ppl. I think that is WAY harder to sustain than Polygamous agreement with multiple men or women, where there is no primary partner and each of your partners/lovers understand that they are just as equal as the other ppl you are seeing.
Back when I was dating, every girl I met had ongoing sexual relationships with many men. Monogamy was the exception. It was when they got knocked up (immediate need might lock down that guy or know they will be less desirable) or start losing their looks and thus their options where they suddenly decided to lock it down. The men, on the other hand, mostly wanted monogamous relationships other than the most attractive who had so many options. Bottom line, I think most people would rather have it all if they had the option.
I have been polyamorous for 12 years and I agree with some of the points. I don’t like that it is touted as a superior way of being, it is a way of being that works for some people for various reasons. There are many people in the poly community who I wish would figure themselves out first and maybe try having one healthy relationship rather than trying to fix themselves (and get their fix) through being poly. Also, there’s a difference between simply having more than one fully consensual romantic and/or sexual relationship and making polyamory one’s identity.
Were not ment to mate with one person I dont think its dismissing the other person but knowing your limits and understanding that you are drawn to many people and want to act on your feelings instead of just not being happy and cheating on your partner but rather be open to just loving people.I feel like I have evolved.
It’s hard to have bret on the podcast because he speaks so slowly and articulated that people continuously interrupt him instead of letting him finish a thought. I want to hear what he says but joe is so quick to be the devils advocate. Jordan Peterson, as much as I like him, was finishing his thoughts as well.
As a person who is poly, it’s not for everyone, it’s probably not even for most people. If you’re ok and your partner is ok with having other partners than that works. If you’re ok with it and your partner isn’t that’s not gonna work. If your partner is ok with it but you’re not ok with it, it’s not gonna work. Monogamy is also going to work for people. It’s about communication, and understanding what works for you and how comfortable and secure you are with yourself in other people
People can run their relationships however they want, just don’t hurt anybody who’s involved then everyone should be good 🤷🏽♂️ But yo being in a poly relationship sound way too complicated cuz caring for one person is complicated enough 🤦🏽♂️ Look if I find my partner too boring to stick with I’ma lose romantic feelings for her then see her more as a fuck buddy than a girlfriend, then in this point I’ll either have my relationship with that girl be either an open one or “friends with benefits” but that’s just me 🤷🏽♂️
I’m a member of a poly triad (m/f/m). I’m the “new” member. I’m also older. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years. I’ve understood from the beginning that this couple I have become a part of desires to have a child. I have 3 adult children from a previous relationship. I am absolutely on board with them having a baby. I feel as if my input, as a father of 3 will help these people I love raise a child. I’ve already been through the shite they are headed for. Please explain how my insight and experience into child rearing will adversely affect my loved ones? In my case, I feel like my advice and guidance will help my loved ones raise a child, because I’ve already been there. Please discuss among the class.
I heard people still chest in agreed poly and even open relationships. They want to taboo of doing what they are not supposed to do, even when they have freedom to do pretty much what they want. Swingers with agreed limits, or to put it another way, monogamish with agreed exceptions to exclusivity where the primary relationship remains the protected important thing is stands a better chance than poly.
Transcending norms and societal programming is what being open is all about. My partner I know very deeply…..and security is an absolute illusion….I choose her daily with other people in the mix. Relationships out of obligation and pressure from societal norms lead to deception and tends toward abuse…..most monogamous relationships hide parts of themselves to their partners. We have 6 children (3 each from other marriages) and we have been open almost our entire relationship. There is no breakdown of our relationships….its not all about sex and its an equal opportunity among the sexes.
Idk, it feels wrong to me. I mean, on the paper if all the subjects involved are 100% confortable with it all is good. The point is, this is the ideal case. In the real case if even just one of them is 98% confortable with it instead of 100%, then he/she will be emotionally “subordinate” to the others and maybe just pretend to be ok with it out of fear of loosing a loved one. In nature, the ideal does not exist, and empirically I can easily see that among 3 people in a polygamous relationship at least one of them would not be totally ok with it.
5:00 “Isn’t monogamy extraordinarily hard to pull off?” Yes. And if you can’t pull it off with one person, odds are you can’t pull it off times two or three. She is right, conflating promiscuity and novelty with polyamory would be a mistake. It is three times the commitment and communication and conflict resolution, etc. Troubled married couples would not be the target demographic for poly evangelists. Now Joe’s marriage, as a bi female, that is something I’d be willing to take a swing at. Sign me up for babysitting and housekeeping duties hello. Lol if I get access to the dunk tank and the dog I’m in and have em both turned out.
I think just like any kind of relationship there’s too many people in this world to have a singular opinion and something that isn’t black and white. I’ve personally been a part of a polyamorous relationship for years now and maybe we just got “lucky” with our personalities, flaws, and feelings flowing together so well, but we’re happy. No one knows what is down the road, but we can work it out together. It probably helps that none of us want kids, are religious, or have major differences in views, but I believe it is possible to be in a healthy and happy polyamorous relationship. It’s definitely not for everyone and it won’t work out all the time, but isn’t that with any relationship?
Nigerian here, i consider africa has the flexible family system partially because we just really dont know much along with the complexities of 100s and thousands of tribes. for instance in the koisan of southern africa there is alot of gender equality and monogamy is alot common. while in east africa we have around 50% of the women in polygamy . and there is islam north africa and ethopia which i comsider has non african family systems. before colonization polygamy was even way more but usually by a minority of the population, it was not uncommon for several african societies to have 5% of the men take a third of the women . also one point is that in most societies in africa the family is much weaker while the clan especially the female clan jointly take care of the children. while the men wage war and herd cattle. with the majority of women in the hands of a few men this creates alot of sexless young men, and its was common for young men from puberty onwards to sleep wage war and live together in small violent clans so has to capture women and improve thier social status there is a cycle here let me explain The young men wage war since their sexless which in turn kills them off,which lowers the supply of young men,which means young women marry the older men who arent waging war thus making the problem worse
Dating these days is F’d up everybody knows this. And there are so many dead, romance-less, sexless marriages. Poly sounds like a great solution, but in the long run people seem to do better in pairs than groups being real, bonding etc. Hopefully for some Poly is educational and like a workshop to go back and do monogamy the right way. Honesty, empathy, and love/giving being the keys
I like this conversation and all three participants but I felt like the guess arguments were kind of weak and showed me more about he’s limitations and insecurities than actually telling me why poly relationships don’t work, altho a couple of points he made were interestingue. On the topic of mating and deodorants or makeup, that was BRILLIANT and I would love to listen to them arguing about it more.
What does polyamory have to do with the “noise” in the market. It seems like Weinstein is suggesting that polyamory is a response to the market of anxiety, yet it feels like monogamy would be the more “logical” response to the market of anxiety because it removes the anxiety of your partner finding someone else. Polyamory is a direct rebuttal to the anxiety, and allowing you and your partner to let your relationship be what it is, whether or not there are other people involved. Now this would make sense if it was the makeup or deodorant brands that were actively promoting people to be in the “less secure” polyamorous relationships, but that ignores how polyamory is not being promoted on any mainstream websites but instead is a very fringe idea that is being disseminated in a grassroots way by people who feel it works better for them. This is a rejection of mainstream anxiety and possessiveness over your partner and asks people to be more open to what relationships could be if we were less scared. Also it feels wrong to base your basis of judging a style of relationship on how well it can rear children. Because not all relationships are meant for the kids, sometimes it’s meant for the individuals in the relationship.
All relationship models have pros and cons. I think polyam, is better for individuals that study psychology and human nature AND do not have room for jealousy in their lives. Personally, I think polyam sounds exciting and fun. More variety, more love, more support. More conversation. More new ideas. More income. More points of view. It just sounds stimulating.
This would work in the same theoretical framework like prosperous communism because it SOUNDS good. But, we know there is a massive gap between ideals and our human nature. I think it would work well for a very small minority but most people don’t have the maturity, ethics and self-awareness for a regular relationship let along a poly relationship which needs these things significantly more.
Being in a relationship should make you happy. If it does not, LEAVE the relationship. Unless you have kids, then its a whole different ball game. And relationships are not hard if you know how to filter the people you get in a relationship with. That’s what they were talking about. That there is so much noise we can’t make good decisions because we are trying to follow some made up marketing/social rules that do not naturally exist for us. I’ve had only a few relationships in my life, but they were never bad. And I never got in a relationship with someone unless they were able to engage me mentally as well as physically, because I knew it would not be successful otherwise. Yes there were a lot of lonely nights, but once you are happy, you forget them and it makes it worth it.
If what the poly people truly want, and this is what they say, is to have a deep rooted bond with multiple people. Then it should be possible without having sex with them and potentially having a child. Which is a big jealousy issue talked about in the article. Unfortunately many people who suggest poly are those who cannot grow personal bonds because of a lack of skill that makes relationships work, which is what got them hooked into poly as an alternative.
I’ve been poly my whole life with a few periods of monogamy. By far I’m much happier with committed non monogamous relationships. My nesting partner and I have been together for 10 years have 2 children and are very committed to our family and providing a healthy life for our kids. We also have other meaningful relationships. Not just hook up or sexual. Our sex drive, in general, has always been on opposite sides of the spectrum.
A couple that doesn’t really like or enjoy each other shouldn’t be together anyways. A polyamorous way requires that all parties are fully and wholeheartedly willing and aware. Most people don’t know what they want and when years pass they learn who they are. I think most of us don’t even really know who we are until at least 30 and the adolescent hormones make us think we know who we are.
First, polyamory is practiced among many traditional cultures around the world for various reasons, so to characterize it as “experimental” is not entirely accurate. Second, no one is denying that polyamory is really difficult, just as monogamy is really difficult. And yes, issues of jealousy and insecurity can and do come up. But what is important is not that they come up, but how people deal with it. Just as in successful monogamous relationships, honest and open communication is critical. Polyamory doesn’t work for everyone, but neither does monogamy.
Yeah perusal four other relationships in my lifetime all very close friends or family in one case, i learned a valuable lesson: It never works. And it always fails in the same way from what ive seen: Woman wants a excuse to be a slut basically, her guy loves her so he says yes, guy does not exercise on it and then woman goes and finds a guy or two or three. And in a couple of cases one of these guys moved in and talking behind the guy’s back ensue and she eventually dumps her guy to go with the new guy she found. Happened every single time i observed it. Now is that indicative of it always failing? No but it causes failures enough by ratio that i know i would not want to try it.