Verbal abuse is a common issue in intimate relationships, often involving repeated words used to demean, frighten, or control someone. It can be difficult for victims to recognize the signs of verbal abuse and how to respond to it. To leave a toxic relationship, victims should build social support, explore ways to become more independent, lean on family, friends, and others, and seek help from professionals.
Victims of verbal abuse can change their reactions to verbally abusive situations by withholding oxygen, re-centering, walking away, and setting firm boundaries with clear consequences. They should remember that verbal abuse can end up making them feel inferior or ashamed, and it is never their fault if they have been abused.
To minimize emotionally abusive behavior, victims should repeat the mantra “I will leave” or “I don’t want to be called names.” They should also set firm boundaries with clear consequences, such as “If you speak to me like that again I will leave” or “I won’t talk to you anymore.”
Emotional abuse doesn’t always include abusive words, but it can also involve isolating and controlling behaviors, such as preventing communication. Intimate partner violence (IPV) is considered a human rights violation and public health issue worldwide. By following these steps, victims can work towards overcoming verbal abuse and building healthy relationships.
📹 How to FIX an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | Dr. David Hawkins
Are you someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship and has decided, for now, to stay and work on the relationship?
📹 How To Handle Verbal Abuse From Husband
Everybody in this world deserves respect and nobody deserves abuse of any kind. If you’re someone who experiences verbal …
I have a friend who is confused on whether she is abused or not. Her husband says she is not. Although she says he calls her nasty names when hes angry with her and now for the past couple of years he pulls her hair, kicks, slaps her face and trips her to fall on purpose. Sounds like abuse to me but he tells her shes such a bitch that hes too easy on her. He takes her phone away when he feels shes going to “accuse” him of abuse to others. Hes even asked her friends, including me to please not talk to her because shes a liar and needs help. How do i help such a friend?
Sir, if you believe (I do not know) most narcissists are women, then you are not worth listening too. So where do you stand? I an already Leary because the only good move for a victim is to run, run, run.. I did not run and it cost me everything. I could win 80% if the battles but it takes too much energy that no one has if you plan on working. No one would helo me because no one believed me. It never got past being ignored…. I have had to recover on my own but admittedly, it has made it way way much harder.
I’ve been horribly verbally/emotionally abused for years. I just got out 3 weeks ago. After yet another raging verbal assault on me that ended up with him shoving and threatening to punch me, he threw me out of the home he had bullied me over for years. I just want to say that I disagree with the statement that your partner just “doesn’t know how to treat you”. He treats no one else like he treats me. He just doesn’t do this to anyone but me. Everyone believes he’s a great guy. In fact, what I believe is happening over and over is that he is too cowardly to stand up to any family member, friend, or co-worker who makes him angry and he would come home and project all his negative emotions onto me. I was the scapegoat and the whipping post. He refuses to take any responsibility and blames me. Always. He says my children hate me, my family hates, his family hates me. He tells me I have no friends, says I’m A liar, nothing I do or say is right or true, says I am worthless, add nothing, contribute nothing and calls me the filthiest names you could imagine. He always bullies me with the house, the dog, you name it. Anything I care about, anything I say is weaponized against me. It could go on for hours. If I’m silent it’s bad. If I defend myself it’s worse. The thing is that everything he says about me is actually what he’s doing to me. He has used me. He has put me down. He has abused me. It’s all lies and manipulations. I’m exhausted and so beaten down. I’ve been afraid. I’m not living like this anymore.
My husband doesn’t verbally abuse me on a daily basis. He tries to be a good guy, but he has a temper. When he gets angry, he can say abusive/hurtful things. When I verbally stand up for myself, that makes him more angry. Then, after my feelings are thoroughly hurt, I stay away from him (sometimes for days, but sometimes weeks). Avoidance is my self-protective mechanism when I can’t get some kind of emotional closure (i.e. a sorry). I think I may try the method suggested in this article, even though I am tired of trying new things to figure out how how to deal with my husband and his anger. I’m tired of the emotional pain he causes me. My husband has never laid a hand on me, and has made apologies in the past. Not all the time, but at least some of the time. I have determined that my husband doesn’t know how to deal with feelings, and lashes out like a small child when confronted with them. There are many adults who are actually wounded children on the inside and they lash out at people. He is definitely one of them. He has admitted that he has a temper, so at least he is not totally clueless there. Yet, he doesn’t know how to stop reacting in a mean way. I think many men, when experiencing strong emotions, take pot shots at their wives to alleviate the anger inside them. It’s not right, and it’s not fair. In my case, I have suffered the ramifications of my husband’s inability to handle his anger for 21 years. I would say that it’s okay to try a suggestion like this Dr. is suggesting.
I followed the instruction in this article. I said to my spouse, “I don’t like what you said. I feel it’s disrespectful. Don’t say that again.” And he started to accuse me a lot as usual, but I just said “OK.” and left him. He stopped accusing me with confusion, I noticed he felt a little fear how I reacted with only 1 word “OK”. Thank you.
In the past I thought the personal attacks and belittling was because he wasn’t showed and understand how to treat someone and I for 19 years have tried to explain. Today I told him what would you do if you overheard our daughter’s boyfriend talk to her word for word how you just talked to me. First he said nothing and I asked again and he said it’s not the same. After I reflected on everything I realized he has always known it’s abuse because he knows not to treat me that way in front of extended family or friends. In his eyes it’s not the same because I don’t deserve to be treated with love and respect. I do deserve love and respect regardless of what he thinks💕
I agree with alot of these comments. My husband is verbally abusive. I ignore it mostly and try not to respond to his huge outbursts but guess what he still does it. I really dont think he cares. He never apologizes, he is completely incentive to me. This has been going on for 18 years. It wont stop until I leave.
I have been dealing with my verbally abusive husband for years. He’s getting so bad and he does say “yes, you need to feel like shiit and you need to change! I hate you and your ruined my life, you’re my biggest mistake I’ve ever made “… by just saying “ok” he just keeps going. I’ve started recording his ramblings. I’m trying to leave. He constantly tells me I need to leave, that I’m not welcome in the home any more, but sadly I’m not at a financial point where I can leave yet.
After perusal your poignant article it’s become abundantly clear to me after 14 years of all my friends family and other professionals such as pastors pleading with me to leave my partner that I need to leave my partner period!.. I have tried and tried and tried with him and he has done nothing but be a narcissist and verbally abusive. He has also been physically abusive to me it has escalated in the last year. I am taxed, and have lost my sense of self completely. Thank you for this article and the inspiration to finally take the step to walk out the door. Actually developed anorexia in the last year and a half due to his abuse and cheating and am only 5’5 and him down to 95 lb
I’m so happy I found your website! I’ve been having problems with communicating with my brother and father after my mother died couple of months ago. She was all empathy and positive vibes and without her there’s a lot of misunderstandings and anger. I love how you say it’s simple but not easy, it’s so true! And I love the simplicity of: ‘When X happens I feel Y’ then ‘Is that what you were going for?’ then ‘OK’ The example with mother and son is almost exactly how my brother treated our mother and is now treating me similarly, together with ‘youre just over-sensivite and over-reacting’
My husband disrespected both myself and my mom tonight – in the same sentence. It felt – oddly freeing. I’d been praying for guidance and wisdom… about some stuff that didn’t seem to rise to the level of abuse but gave me yellow and orange flags in my spine. I feel free now and clear that my next steps with therapy will focus less on trying to fix us and more on becoming more independent. We have very young kids and that will make things difficult but – all the more reason to illustrate a model of healthy relationships instead of what we’ve been doing. So, it may be worth it. Hoping it inspires change in each of us, but not expecting any change for the positive.
You can’t train a verbally abusive person ; they break you from the inside. A trainer is a rational person in a position of authority not a broken down person. Your mind stops working correctly when you are verbally abused . Abusive people are bad people and know exactly what they are doing . The best way to disempower them is to leave them and start on your healing journey . May be you can to do a article about training the abuser how not to abuse.
I didn’t want him to buy a motorcycle I just didn’t think we could afford it we had other necessities & bills that were more important. Been going on 5 months now. I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years & I felt like he saved me from that now 11 years later I get this. Idk how I lived through the abusive relationship many times I should of been dead. I tell Mr husband now that there’s nothing he can do or say that hasn’t already been done to me or said to me. I just sit quietly & go on with my days my life.
This does not work with my husband, he tells me that I do this or that as well, I’m so nervous all the time. I studder at times when I speak.. When I cry he says don’t start with that crybaby shit. He sucks the joy out of everything. He picks apart everything I do. Nothing is right, then he says he is trying to teach me how to do it right, like I’m a child. I have no where else to go and its been 20+yrs.
Nobody is entitled to disrespect. I need to hear it right now. I don’t think my husband will change. Everytime he went home under the influence of alcohol, he always shouts at me and throw things in front of my children. I am so worried about my children, at the same time scared of what might happen. 😭😭😭
I’m in remission from breast cancer and i remarried in 2016 to my second husband, he was nice at first then it’s been hell, he verbally abuses me every day, he never apologizes, he is bipolar but that’s no excuse! Since I’m sick, I have no money, family, friends nor car to just up and leave! My son had to move out in a camper beside our house because of this man! I’ve tried to just not talk to him, but he belittles me every day about everything. He’s very nice to other people, he always says he doesn’t want to be married but want get a lawyer, he thinks I will get money or something? It’s been 7 years now and I sold my house and made that mistake by getting married for the second time! Wish I could go back in time 😢
I have a 40 year old uncle who cusses at me when I can’t give him what he wants (free babysitting, money, rides, etc). He tends to wait until I’m alone with my young child and calls us both “stupid ‘effing’ b*tches” and when I ask him if he can please treat me with the same level respect that I treat him with, he always tells me “I’ll treat a b*tch the way I want to treat a b*tch”. I never know how to answer, so I walk away and ignore it. Recently I’ve been speaking up so he’s been more verbally abusive and has gotten to the point where he’s stealing things from me and blames me for his life not being in order. It doesn’t help that my other relatives enable him and when I ask them for help they simply say, “he’s just like that, that’s just him. You need to get used to it. If he didn’t respect his wife or his girlfriends what makes you think he’ll respect you, his niece?” I’m starting to think I just need to severe ties with my birth family and move as far as I can before it gets worse. Especially when he gears that abuse towards my now 4 year old daughter. No matter what anyone says, that’s not okay and it’s not normal.
This is really helpful. I started doing step number 1 and 2 a year ago, but I didn’t see this article until today. I was told it was just a joke and I was too sensitive. I’d go to step 2 And he would say yes 😟. I wish I would have done step 3, but I would argue back after that point. After 3 years of being persistent that I’m not just too sensitive, things are actually better. I’m going to start implementing step 3 now that I am properly equipped.
Thank you. I have tried before to tell him that when he says certain things he makes me feel disrespected. He tells me that I am too sensitive & this is his personality. He use to not do this; it seems like he started it when the kids got older. He makes potshots, it feels like every time I open my mouth he says them. He has many great qualities responsible, hard working, good dad (other than not being a good example as a husband), not on drugs, doesn’t cuss or hit me and a good provider. I feel like, what do I have to complain about? I just feel like I annoy him & he hates my voice. I don’t want to talk anymore to protect myself especially in front of the kids so they don’t pick up this behavior. He has improved before but then it goes back to the way it was or just below the radar. I feel like he is gaslighting me, maybe unconsciously. I don’t want to have to open up this can of worms again. He will resent me if we go to marriage counseling and would not want to have to pay for it. I just want to speak to someone to help me from emotionally crumbling. I guess he doesn’t love me anymore & he is tired of trying to make the marriage work but won’t divorce me. I guess I need to find a free service or find a way to pay cash for help for myself. Sorry this was so long.
Here’s the problem with “when you do this, I feel that” the abuser deep down, WANTS to cut you, but they will never admit it. Yes, they can then say “I was only joking, can’t you take a joke?” and then there’s “don’t be so sensitive!” all kinds of retorts like this to shift the blame back to you. I’d really like some good shields that will throw it back on them
My husband comes from a family where the parents ignored the children and concentrated about their own pleasures and youth … And even now it is the same treatment my son gets from my in laws all about themselves and their priority even when baby had fever or other discomfort I have to oblige and accept the decisions every single time … it is beyond my understanding why such people have children… M tired of the marriage of their insensitive and abusive son.. but for my baby I cannot leave.. I feel so stuck… No matter how patient, how loving I am to them it is always my fault.. but anything good is only cuz they are in picture
If asking “is that what you were going for, is that what your intended…” and they respond with “you’re accusing me” what the heck do you do next? They flip it into manipulation “it was only a joke. you don’t trust me? why are you treating me this way? I don’t deserve this negativity, i’m not your enemy, why are you questioning me?” Then you have crazy making bunch of questions thrown back at you and you’re accused of accusing them!
So wait if the abuse is constant, every day. And you follow these three steps every time, I can already see him saying something about how I repeat myself like a script. He’s smart I feel like this would only make matters worse and make him pop off even more… I’ve tried stuff like this. I’ve tried calm and collected, telling him how I feel, asking if he realizes that’s what’s happening, then ending with an okay. I wish this method was as easy as you’re making it out to be 🙁
I guess you have never been abused by a family member on a continuous day to day . It prisons your body and mind and fear keeps you from moving forward It was not until the OJ Simpson case that he allegedly murdered his wife, it was not unto that year that police would step in a domestic fight. My husband told the police I fell down the stairs, I was black and blue, the police said goodnight and left 2:00 in the morning I prayed for 10 years before I was sent a angel to help me
My husband has a temper.. he yells, if I try to explain he yells even more n say I have full of excuses. His temper frightens me. I feel sick to my stomach. He tells me I made him angry, I provoked him. He comes up with many things like, m ungrateful, m selfish, I don’t listen and the list goes on.. I don’t understand and at the end of It I get so exhausted n confuse that mostly I think perhaps he is right and I suppressed everything and apologized and I act normal. It is not possible to disagree or argue on matters with him. I avoid saying anything now. Can this be verbal abuse …???
This is very true it takes the wind out of their sails. My husband has a mouth on him when one answers like this they have no come back and shut their mouths as they end up arguing with themselves. One cannot argue with a reasoning calm person it drives them up the wall and they storm off to sulk. It is hard to do as one naturally wants to fight back tooth and nail, it takes a lot of practice, but restrain your comebacks and answer calmly ok and they cannot give an answer. They lose the power they think they have by trying to dominate you. One cannot dominate a calm person it is impossible. Like my father always said, ” Let them stew.” If one is getting bashed one should leave immediately. Call the cops have them arrested but if you have a husband like mine who runs off at the mouth to try and dominate and get their way, it works.
Let’s try this strategy on what I remember from my marriage: Me – “When you start raging and throwing things because I put the coffee cups in the dish washer backwards, I feel disrespected, threatened and horrible.” Him (Yelling) – “YOU’RE FEELINGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! YOU HAVE GOT TO LEARN HOW TO KEEP HOUSE RIGHT!” Next: Me – “Is that what you intended? Him – (yelling) “IF YOU DON’T START LISTENING TO ME I’M GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL” (Comes at me with a bar stool) Next: Me -“Ok” ????????????????? I don’t think so. I got out as fast as I could
The only thing i know how to handle my fiance everytime he talked shits about me is just to remain calm and silent. When i do that, after a few minutes he will realized that im not responding or reacting on whatever hes saying. (Even if it hurts me a lot) and it will make him feel guilty and sorry about what he have said to me.
I get where you’re coming from, yet the verbal abuse from people who don’t care how they treat family members… My kids learned how to do this from their father, and expect me to just accept it! So, I camly stated to my Adult son, to stop calling me names! I wasn’t upset yet he got really upset when he noticed that I was calm, and quiet, this only made him even more angrier, he wanted me to get upset, so that he could then use my reaction as a reason to keep me hostage to him, and not actually focus on his bullying tactics, but on my reaction instead.
I have delt with these for 13 years. I have given up that he will change. When i tell him these steps he turns it on me and then walks off. No apologies, he just thinks its funny to see me upset and bothered. I tell him im not going to fight or argue and that he’s not allowed to speak to me like that and then i am the bad one and he ignores me for a week.
When I try to discuss things in the way of ” I feel x when you x” what I brought up is either never addressed or it becomes my fault or incompetence. Often the response I get is “I feel x” about a completely different issue which results into a one sided argument and name calling. It is so frustrating! If I try just to use step 3 it cycles back into the previous outcome except I’m now being made fun of. (the way I’m talking, waking, standing, anything) and then demanded to speak.
I understand a lot of people aren’t understanding why hes explaining it in this way. Sometimes people grew up learning these behaviors and see it as normal, who doesn’t come from trauma at this point? Do you really want your partner to not think about their actions, you don’t say or do something once and then it changes; it takes time to completely change a mindset and have a heartfelt change towards how they approach something they dont know how to approach. Maybe its comfort as to why they’re doing it, if they’re just abusive and a narcissist then of course you leave and dont look back! There are a whole lot of different circumstances that call for different kinds of actions. (:
I was just hoping you could change the title to “How To Handle Verbal Abuse from a Spouse,” this could easily apply either way and I think it could add value to point men in the direction of this article as well. I get it, you didn’t say that men cannot be abusive and you said that nobody ever deserves to be abused and that is why I respectfully request a more inclusive title. Thanks!
I hurt my toe last week a table fell on it and the nail completely came off my husband has been taking care of me. But we just got into an argument and he told me you know how hard it is to take care of you im stressed at work and i have to take the kids to school yet i hate that he helps me but then rubs it in. It hurts so much ive been in depression and honestly dont want to go back to it ☹️😢
I do believe many people don’t understand they’re abusive. A lot of people are hung up on the trained comment and trust i get that but us, as those being abused, we do need to speak up – if you’re with a narcissist, u stay in a vicious cycle thanks to the narcissist and unfortunately its up to us to leave them alone. You can use grey rock techniques when leaving the relationship as well as this gentleman’s advice. For example, I’ve since showed my abuser that i am not afraid of him, his words don’t shake me, etc. Now, he has nothing to work with besides his own internal anger and insecurities. If you KNOW youre with a narcissist, its time you turn to your support system (if u have any) and find strength within. Its hard and literally mind altering but Some of y’all are saying you been with an abuser for over 30 years………? So you remained abused for over 30 years because? Stop putting your destiny in these mens hands.
Thanks I found your website. Because I feel myself that I am verbally abusing by my husband. And I am scared asking him face to face about why he is saying that disrespectful words to me every time he is angry. I am worried and scared if I am asking him if that is what he intended, he may get irritated and feel angry again. So in this case, what you can advice for? Can I just send message to my husband instead of talking to him face to face?
Dr Paul, please help, I lost my job October 2019, we decided that I would stay home and be there for the children and do the cooking and cleaning. Once a month I go to buy the groceries for the whole month. Once a month I get verbally abused when I get home,this is usually anywhere, in front of the kids and as loud as possible. I do realise that due to covid 19, there are some extra factors causing stress to my husband on top of the loss of my income. I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, I feel like a complete failure as a wife, mother, housekeeper, cook. You should know though, my staying home and doing everything myself, I have saved us more money than what I earned, also my stepson has moved back in with us, which means we feed him also, but this does not sink in with my husband. Please help me? Kind regards Mitzi South Africa
Thank you for the information. My abuser is my older brother he is extremely verbally abusive we have gotten physical in the past and he gets in my face and holding a fist like he’s about to punch me. This has been going on for many many years. I am trying to find the way to report him. I have police reports and articles of him constantly verbally abusing me. I’m tired of it
My wife is like that when she is angry. Swearing, call me loser and kick at objects in the home. Even though I’m night shift, attend classes, sleep a couple of hours and pick up our son to care for him, I still cop a serving about the home. Accused of not doing anything. But I’m the one every evening before work maximising the 4 hours to feed our son, wash up, clothes washing and get ready for work! I was taking out the trash last night and thinking all the stuff I try and do won’t get noticed anyway. It’s such a huge deal that I haven’t had time to change the silicon seal around the bath basin or spend a few hours changing the fly screen on one of our balcony doors (changing to that tough aluminium stuff). It was extremely hard when I had spent 2 days chasing a specific cake for our son’s daycare (must be eggless) and coming home late and tired. I got our son ready and carried him to her car. She screamed at me to hand over my garage remote (hers is not working) and out the front kept yelling loser at me despite me protesting I’m night shift and doing everything whilst she sleeps and works… Even today I attended class after night shift, drove to the office to change the garage key, went to the shops for my son’s dinner tonight and now I’m trying to rest at nearly 1pm when I must be up at 5:30 to pick him up from daycare… not to mention all the assessments I fell behind in at uni 🙁 I hate being called a loser. I overwork myself sometimes. I work in a good job mostly night shifts and study nursing.
I think you should run these clips past women’s aid first Paul. I know you THINK that you’re referring to some very low level ”almost harmless” level of verbal abuse (?) and that poor hapless husbands don’t realise they’re hurting their wives, and wives need to train their poor husbands to treat them with respect – BUT these verbal abusers DO understand that their accusations are abusive. YES THEY DO. They don’t talk to their fathers in this way, or their boss, or their colleagues or clients or the neighbours. Nope, only their wives, funnily enough. Putting people on notice is relevant and effective in a GROUP when you’re colleagues and you can illuminate the battle field, the witnesses (ie, colleagues). But when it’s behind closed doors it doesn’t achieve anything unless the abuser knows you’re ready to leave. Yeh, it’s better to be as non-reactive as possible but it won’t stop verbal because talking down to somebody is an excellent way to make an abuser feel good if he’s that type. Putting somebody on notice isn’t relevant when it’s all behind closed doors. Not unless it’s followed up with a specific intention to see a solicitor or get a job or leave, or expose them. And even then, somebody who can control their behaviour so that they show their colleagues and neighbours respect but not their wife, that person chooses to behave badly. Paul, I worry that you are so invested in to keeping married people together at all costs that you put the onus back on wives to ‘control’ their husbands’ behaviour, yet again.
Find the way this person talks a little over involved & zealous, apologies Sir if you read this I mean no offence personally I’m just stating my preference & tolerance level. The overall message & 3 step tool is good tho & helpful. I agree that many do not realise how they speak & interact can be offensive to others. Although yes, being bothered by this only applies to those who have appropriate conscience/care levels, so will probably only work when interacting with them. I wrote the steps down as I think they are a great tool for daily life. Thankü for this article 🙂
My dad is great but he can be abusive physically and verbally. I’m still young so I’m almost clueless. My mom was sitting in the car on the phone tears down her face. She signaled me to walk away. Earlier my mom wanted a kiss before my dad went to the gym. He said “F**king sh*t!” Then walked away. I pretended I didn’t hear it but deep inside I wanted to cry for my mom. He’s great I know he loves us but he acts like he hates us sometimes. My mother is strong and beautiful and so kind. I wish I could say the same to my dad. Abuse is no joke. 😭😭
I’m going to try and give this guy a chance but I already don’t like him….15 seconds into the article and he’s talking about how to avoid verbal abuse from your husband. Seriously? How presumptive is that to assume that husbands are the only ones who do it. I’m literally here bc I can’t take it anymore from my wife. Been dealing w/ it for years but it’s seriously crushing my spirit. Editing my comment: I clicked on it bc the first thing I saw was the cover and it said “how to deal w/ verbal abuse in relationships”. All of I sudden I re-read the title after being confused and see that it’s addressed to husbands. I really hope this is not imbalanced and can apply this in my marriage. I’m desperate, love my wife but I can’t move forward much more w/ all her cheap shots, condescending attitude and insolent public remarks when we’re trying to have a conversation. It really does hurt. What hurts the most is her validating her comments all the time saying things like “you deserve it” or “oh well I don’t care”.
What do you do when you have nowhere to go because this is your home and you can’t accept the fact of starting over? Or going to some kind of center and living room with other people? I guess those of us like that are just screwed…… It is different for normal people that have a bad day or get angry and say something they don’t mean VS. someone who is messed up in the head and refuse to get help because they don’t understand they even have a problem and they treat you like shit even though they are severe hypocrites because they cuss you for the things that they do wrong….. Lord I pray for myself 🙏 in all the other troubled women in these comments
unfortunately i don’t agree, an abusive emotional relationship = you should leave the partner! it is very rare you can train your partner to respect you, if they don’t do it genuinely then your off good without them . i don’t care how much you have been traumatized in your life or how much you are depressed or feeling bad if you disrespect me and not try to communicate your feelings with me then you shouldn’t be with me
This article is a prime example of a therapist treating someone with a problem he himself has never personally experienced.. none of the advice given here works or is helpful or even practical in a real life situation with any abuser. Verbal or otherwise. Yes, in fact abusers will tell you to your face that they purposefully disrespect you and in this example its actually a more polite version of how they would respond in saying such a thing. You can not train anyone over 18 years old and you can not manipulate or undermine abusers without repercussions and consequences. The fact is that abusers do not feel you are a victim and if they do feel that you are in fact a victim of their words or actions that you must have deserved it and therefore you had it coming and you are or were the one who has.wronged them and to be blamed. A very few will admit they felt justified but knew what they were doing was wrong. Abuse can never be justified. It’s abuse. The only person anyone.is.in.control.of.or.has power over is themselves and how they react. My advice is to say as little as.possible and do everything you can to understand now that it will never be better than it’s ever been and if it’s not good enough for you right now as it.is now in this moment as your reading this comment, then it won’t be tomorrow or next year or at any point in time. Anything outside of your experience for what it is now and has been in all the history you share with them is an illusion. It’s a fantasy you are foolish to hope for and most likely even if you know that this won’t improve you still have yet to accept this as truth .
Not to mention, I’ve tried this stuff. Unfortunatly, although it may work with a kid who’s mouthing off, or someone who isn’t genuinely trying to hurt you, it just doesn’t work with abusive people. Whether it’s a spouse or relative or someone else, especially if they have a personality disorder. Inflexibility. They’re not going to take any responsibility. It’s intentional.
Abuser Ex …it’s not even possible to say those things to him. Nope…he would say “Don’t listen to your mother…she’s Insane”. Completely cut me off from all people that I loved, or could love me. Trying to explain, in any way….the abuse they were doing to me. They will say “That’s Bull Shit….You have to do what we tell you to do, or we will GET RID OF YOU”. They do not call me Sensitive…Nope. It’s She’s Insane….When will she finally admit how Insane she is. They Up the Annie. Being around them, speaking to them, being invovled in anything they are doing….is ENABLING THEM TO DO MORE ABUSE. They LOVE abusing my life….I’ve watched them. Once they think I’m stuck in their abuse situations….Now, they behave Happy.
I am pregnant and my boyfriend treats me like complete poop. Something tells me he’s talking to other women. Bc my ex used to do the same. And I caught both talking to other people. Today I left his room door unlocked and he called me screaming telling me “Why did you leave my door unlocked you stupid b*tch!”. I apologized and he said “You aren’t sorry bitch”. I am so tired of it. Everyday he finds reasons to yell at me. And honestly I feel like I’m wasting my time. Why be so nice to some one that treats me like 💩?!
It lives in my house, extremely, verbally abusive, has been this way for 12+ years, both myself, my daughter, even our pets have to try to avoid him, he makes every single day hell! We are not married and I tell him to get out all the time, he won’t, he doesn’t even care that I will have to call the police and have him dragged off my property! He will end up in jail, had him arrested a few years back, so he already has a record, it’s like he wants to be punished, he knows how disgusting and sick he is, or it’s just another way he can play the “victim role”
My father is abusive. He even hits my mom sometimes but use verbal abuse all the time. I don’t know how to deal with it. I always stood against it but it gets more worse so now I don’t do anything anymore as if I’m not seeing or hearing anything. I don’t know what to do he treats all of us too badly. No respect no nothing. I just want to leave this house. I’m so frustrated that I had to share this on online!
My husband has two personalities when he is home he asks for forgiveness and makes me feel love but when he leaves on a work trip he verbally abuses me and tells me how much he wants to throw me against a wall and hurt me. He watches articles on YouTube and directs it towards me and tells me I’m abusive not realizing that he is putting me down and cursing at me.?
My mother says “shhhhhit” when she realizes I’m out of my room and where she is going, like the kitchen. I hate it, but she did it my whole childhood, even when I came in from school as she stared at the TV. She didn’t want me then or now but invited me. Don’t do it people…leave the boomers to die alone.
I experienced some triggers attached to this article, and in some of your responses, I will be very honest, you’ll probably run into some… I understand what you’re trying to say, but I came from an abusive marriage before, if I tried to use this method for that, I would have been worse off, if not ☠️, I hate to say. There are definitely some really deceptive people who might use these against those they hurt… I hope that gets taken in consideration.
This article is absolutely ridiculous. When you have someone that Verbally and emotionally abuses you, they know exactly what they are doing. There is no reasoning or explaining your feelings to them. They don’t care. Their goal is to hurt you and cause harm. Most verbal and emotional abusers are narcissist. They have no regard for anybody but themselves. This kind of advice will get the victim no where but deeper into depression and anxiety. These abusers feed off your emotions, so the best way to handle these people is to not react to them at all. It’s called gray rocking. You make yourself so boring that they have to get their narcissist supply elsewhere. I wish the church would start to educate themselves with these personality disorders. These people need to be made accountable for their actions and their victims need a place of understanding and rest to get their lives back to normal again. I’ve lived with a narcissist for 18 years and I’ve paid the price physically and emotionally for staying because I was told to a better wife by the church. Get some better training and give people help that will get them through the situation they are in.
One way How to handle verbal abuse.. research the abuser and all who surround that person esp the people that they are actually respectful to. Then laugh, but only real laughter at their verbal accosts. Because once you research and aquire the knowledge to understand the science behind their accosts it may become laughable. Knowledge is power. What abuser may be going thru may be all learned behavior and not taught by you. So therefore you may not take their abuse personally. How many times in their life did they say the mean things they say? Are you the first person abuser told to hurry up n go dlget fkcd? No i don’t think so.