Dr. Romanoff suggests strategies to help individuals cope with insecurity in relationships. These include identifying triggers, taking stock of one’s value, and seeking professional help or self-help books. Insecurities can stem from past relationships or traumas, difficulty with intimacy, jealousy, and lack of happiness. Therapy, particularly couples counseling, can help uncover the origin of insecurity and teach healthy emotional processing. Challenge oneself to trust one’s partner’s feelings and intentions, and practice healthy ways to soothe oneself.
To overcome insecurity, it is essential to communicate with your partner about their insecurities. Emotional insecurities, such as doubt and inadequacy regarding feelings, depression, and dread of asserting oneself, can be a sign of insecurity. Seeking a marriage counselor can help mend the relationship in a healthy way, focusing on basic marriage practices and understanding how to forgive, apologize, and set boundaries.
In addition, discussing how each partner wants the relationship to function and how each needs to be met can help prevent insecurity and foster a stronger relationship. By addressing these issues, individuals can overcome insecurity and create a more secure and fulfilling relationship.
📹 How to Stop Feeling Insecure in a Relationship and Gain Confidence | Tom Bilyeu & Lisa Bilyeu
Are you using your partner to overcome insecurities and selfishly get what you want? We’ve all been there at some point, and …
Can insecurity ruin a relationship?
Low self-esteem. Insecure relationships often involve one or both partners who feel inadequate and low in self-esteem. People with low self-esteem don’t feel worthy of love and acceptance, which makes it hard for them to trust and feel secure in a relationship. This can also make you feel worthless and cause you to have a bad image of yourself.
Withdrawal or Isolation. One or both partners may pull away from the relationship, creating distance as a defense against threats.
Can insecurities ruin a marriage?
A Word from Verywell. Living with insecurity is painful and nerve-wracking. It makes you doubt your worth and makes it hard to function in a relationship. Not trusting your partner can cause you to do things that could hurt your relationship. Talk to your partner about your fears and feelings. If you need help, get it. This can help you build a healthier relationship. Get help now. We’ve tested and reviewed the best online therapy programs, including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find the best option for you.
How to deal with an insecure spouse?
5 Ways to Deal With an Insecure Partner: 1. Identify the Real Problem. Insecurity is often a sign of low self-esteem, but there may be other problems causing your partner to feel insecure. … Support them. … Spend time together. … Set healthy boundaries. … Watch out for manipulation. Dealing with an insecure partner can be exhausting. Dealing with your partner’s insecurity is key to maintaining your relationship and preventing emotional exhaustion. Here are five ways to deal with an insecure partner. Insecurity is often a sign of low self-esteem, but there may be other problems causing your partner to feel insecure. They may have been abandoned or cheated on before and worry that it will happen again. Let your partner talk openly so you can find the real problem. Ask your partner what they need to feel more secure. Short-term problems can cause temporary insecurity. This can be fixed by offering support and reassurance. However, deep-rooted emotional problems may require professional help.
How to stop being insecure and jealous?
Here are some ways to deal with jealousy and understand what’s behind your feelings. … Speak up. … Talk to a friend. Think of jealousy in a different way. Think about everything. … Be grateful for what you have. … Practice coping techniques in the moment. To deal with jealousy, identify the cause and talk to the person affected. Mindfulness and therapy can help too. Jealousy is seen as a bad thing. People often say things like, “Don’t be jealous” or “Jealousy destroys relationships.” Why is this emotion so bad? Jealousy can come up when you worry about losing someone or something important to you. Envy is wanting something that belongs to someone else.
Should I tell my partner I’m insecure?
Everyone feels insecure sometimes, but it’s important to talk about these feelings with your partner. When you talk about your feelings with your partner, you can work together to understand them and find ways to deal with them. How to Address Insecurities in Relationships. Talking about your feelings in a relationship can make it stronger. Expressing your needs and experiences helps you connect and respect each other. 1. Speak your feelings. Before you tell your partner you’re insecure, think about why.
Why do I feel so insecure with my partner?
Being insecure in a relationship means worrying that it might end. People can be insecure in their relationships even if their partner is not unfaithful. This type of insecurity often stems from fears of past experiences of rejection. It’s okay to feel insecure sometimes. What matters is how we handle it. Do we make our partner feel bad for no reason? Or do we use these feelings to understand ourselves and talk to our partners about what we want and need? Remember: We all deserve to feel secure and at ease in our relationships.
How do insecure husbands behave?
If you’re insecure, you might be jealous, have low self-esteem, be overprotective, afraid of criticism, or need reassurance. These signs can vary from person to person. Not every insecure person will exhibit all of them.
Knowing and dealing with an insecure partner is important for a good relationship.
Be empathetic and understanding when dealing with an insecure partner. Both partners should work together to address these issues through open communication, setting boundaries, and getting help if needed.
Why do I feel insecure in my marriage?
How do I know if my relationship is healthy? How can I overcome my insecurities? Should I leave my relationship? Many people ask themselves these questions when they feel insecure in their relationship. Many things can cause relationship insecurity, but it often comes from feeling abandoned, neglected, or not good enough. Your relationship may be unhealthy and you may be feeling insecure for a reason. Let’s talk about signs of insecurity in a relationship to see if your relationship is healthy. This will help you make the best decision for you and your partner. Your relationship could be unhealthy, and you may be feeling insecure for a reason. Your partner is emotionally distant. You don’t trust your relationship. Your partner doesn’t want to be around you. Your partner is often upset or irritable. Your partner often expresses jealousy or controlling behaviors. You constantly need reassurance from your partner. You frequently find yourself in arguments and fights. You have low self-esteem or lack of trust in yourself. You feel isolated or alone.
Does insecurity lead to cheating?
Self-esteem issues. People have affairs because they’re insecure. People with low self-esteem need lots of attention. Sometimes, they need the attention of just one person. They need to be validated by others. It can also make someone feel insecure in their relationship, so much so that they might cheat.
Sexually addictive behavior. Affairs are often linked to sexual addiction. This is when someone has sex a lot to feel better. These desires can be as compulsive as drug or alcohol addiction. Some people end up having affairs repeatedly or in multiple relationships.
To end the relationship. It’s hard to end a great relationship. We often don’t understand why we feel this way. This might be a subconscious process, so we might act out the one thing that will end it.
What is the root cause of insecurity in a relationship?
Low self-esteem causes insecurity in relationships. If you don’t love yourself, you might not feel secure in your partner’s love. Insecurity makes you feel unsure and inadequate. Insecurity can affect how we feel, think, and act. It can have a big impact on our mental health and relationships. Insecurity in relationships can come from inside or outside. Insecurities are deep-seated fears, doubts, and uncertainties that can impact self-confidence and emotional stability in a romantic relationship. These feelings can make it hard to talk, make you jealous, and make the relationship not work.
How to stop being insecure in a relationship?
5 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships: Stop saying you’re insecure. Think differently about yourself. … Ask yourself if you’re really that insecure. … Don’t overthink. … Seek therapy if you need it. … Talk.
📹 The #1 MINDSET To Stop Insecurity & Anxious Attachment From Ruining Your Relationships
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Hello L&T, I really enjoyed this article and agree with everything apart from beauty fading. – I definitely believe that you don’t need to have plastic surgery to maintain youthful, physical beauty. X – Apart from that – All content – Amazing!! 👍🏽😃🌈🌟 PS In a situation where a partner received a facial disfigurement – Katie Piper is the only person I know off who could relate – and she’s still beautiful. X😃🌈💝X
I’ve managed my anxiety for nearly a year now. Recently I discovered relationship anxiety as it manifested in my life. Thanks to everything I’ve done to manage anxiety in my everyday life, I knew to turn inward and do the work to instead of demanding my partner reassure me everyday. I did let him know that I was anxious and it would supportive to hear reassuring words but ultimately I know that is my job and my job alone to do the work. Journaling, meditating, trusting that the universe sent him because he’s who I asked the universe for. So yes, get support from your partner when you’re feeling scared about if the relationship will fail. Allow them to give you reassuring words BUT do the work yourself and meet your own needs
Hello, I watched this article about 8 times 5 weeks ago, I was struggling with immense relationship anxiety and this article has changed my life. I’ve always read people commenting on articles about how life changing the advice in the article was but nothing has resonated with me like that until I saw this article. I now have a healthier “take it day by day” approach and don’t put my sense of security in the hands of my relationship and it has been a game changer and my relationship has never been so good in the year and a half we have been together. Thank you so much! 🌞 don’t let your anxiety destroy your relationships people it’s not worth it.
I way i understand it is infinite game is like the relationship we have with our family and friends. There is no end game, we have no real goals to be with them. We be with them because we want to. We don’t demand anything from other than respect and companionship. So if we dont have an expectations on our significant others, we might build a strong bond of friendship with them too.
I am in the midst of getting over my insecurities. Seven months in to the best relationship of my life with a man who has been extremely patient with me. It is so hard to understand this content with your head intelligently but to respond emotionally. It leads to more self doubt and loathing. It is definitely a process worth going through because at the end of the day patterns repeat . Thank you for another way of looking at things .
How did you do that, Clayton Olson??? This is EXACTLY what I needed and exactly at this time, today. And I don’t think anybody could have explained this any better. You read my mind- as far as my questions that were in my mind. And you provided the best possible answer. Thank you for everything you do.
Wow. This is insanely enlightening. I kept replaying what you said about letting the vision of the relationship guide your actions, instead of letting your partner’s actions guide your actions; something I definitely am getting more and more conscious of NOT doing after almost 30 years of doing that. It’s ego-driven for sure, and more about giving to get and score-keeping as you say. A lot of emotional withholding and transaction-based thinking. I am more on the avoidant side, so even when I feel an overwhelming fear or anxiety, I protect myself by just acting aloof and not showing my true vulnerability, and I would want to be the dumper before I am the dumpee, essentially. But this space of infinite thinking that you talk about is definitely a much more empowering way to be and approach relationships. I can’t tell you how much you’ve changed my life in every way. Thank you sooo much, Clayton.
As an finite thinker due to childhood trauma, i have come from a deep rooted, anxiety and insecurity in adult relationships. The neglect, abandonment and rejection i experienced as a child has pushed me to seek security, to be given reassurance, to ask for commitment through a label. To seek externally, rather than internally. I have suffered greatly from these behavioral cycles, but i now feel blessed to have gained the self awareness to go to work on unpicking this kind of determent behavioral pattern that leaves me time and time again feeling alone and sad. We are all on a journey of self discovery and it is through others, shared and gained relationship experiences (Negative or positive) that we learn to love ourselves on a deeper level. Acceptance is absolute key, through self awareness comes the truth of authentic self, compassion and empathy for others. I have learned that it is vital to fill the empty feeling inside of me with self love and to not seek external validation. Each relationship i have experienced has lead me to that realization and has helped my self love grow. To fully grow we have to let go. I recently over the past six months found myself in a relationship where the man i am with thinks in an infinite way, it is only through these articles that i have been able to find a label to these avenues of thinking. I am sincerely grateful and i am finding it liberating to understand that i can now work on turning my finite thinking ways, into a more infinite, less restricting mind view.
I can’t believe how much this resonated with me and so in depth with what is going on in my personal life. Resonates and hits home for me. Yes the insecurity is there, and trying get past that every day. with past relationships..Everyday is learning experience. Thank you for this in article so informing.
👍 Well said and so true ! My last relation was that finite thinking and was just a catastrophe. Thanks to you I can see that l engaged myself to that infinite thinking. No way I will lose myself in that kind of anxiety anymore. My plan is exactly to be in, not to have, and enjoy my next connexion. So I am on the right track !! 👍🙏❤
Clayton, I want to thank you so much for sharing this perspective. I was experiencing terrible inner stomach insecurity and listening to your article around 6 minutes alleviated the feeling I’ve been experiencing in my new relationship during the last 3 weeks of my life. Thank you so much, perusal your article just made something click and I don’t have to feel the insecurity I’ve been harvesting; I can exert that energy in a different way.
OMG THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME article!! THANK YOU SO MUCH ☺️🙏🏾 my only thought is PLEASE can you record more on this topic this is such a valuable insight, I have been working to set myself free from anxious attachment style and this is such a huge key. Please more articles that do a deep dive into Infinite thinking, I would love to hear more of your insights and practical tips on how to shift ones thinking …
Brilliant, compassionate, and mature advice. The ultimate goal of a relationship is wholeness and growth for each person. The bond will ultimately suffer from behavioral strategies. Operating from a giving place, with patience and empathy will yield permanent results regardless of the short term outcome. Thank you Clayton.
I’m just now seeing this content and Clayton this is such eye opening information. I recognize that I am in the midst of this transition for myself into an infinite mindset. I am so thankful to have seen this in order to give it a construct /definition that can be explained to another. The current guy I’m seeing is someone who has spawned some of this self realization and knowledge. In large part, he already has the infinite mindset and at first I was offended by it— I was seeking labels/the goal in mind – when I quickly reflected and said, “let me apply and adopt this type of mindset.” I’ve done some internal work and this article helps me visualize and understand the rest of this concept. Thank You!
Dude this article is helping my partner and I so much. I listen to esther, gottman, real, alain but this is so simply put and calls out all the bullshit. After listening a few times I made a visual poster and put one up at my partners and one up at my place and it is helping us more than all the posters that have come before lol. We’ve kind of made it into a game where we call out that “part” of the other person is having an insecurity wave and it helps me then to pull out boundary cards if we cant make it through the conversation. We really love each other and have so much fun together so to pinpoint what was tearing us down has meant so much to me. Thank you. Been listening to you and Jack for years since I was single. You guys are the best!!!! Have a great week 🌻
Hello clayton I just wanted to say thank you for this article.. I’ve been dealing with a lot of relationship anxiety even tho i just found out what it was at first I thought i was just an odd person but come to realize relationship anxiety really is a thing.. once again thank you for this article because you really opened my eyes into how to fix relationship anxiety i cant wait to replay this article 100 more times
So needed this right now!! I am in a relationship with the most wonderful man i’ve ever known (i’m 37 and have had my fair share of not nice men) and i’m more in love than i’ve ever been. But i’m ruining it with my insecurity. I am self aware enough now to know that that is what i’m doing but i had no idea how to turn it around. Now i know that i’ve been playing the “finite game” i feel like i can start to find a way out of it and into the “infinite game” which is definately where i want to be with this man. Thank you so much for making this article 🙏
thank you so much for this article!!!! needed this… i am ‘currently’ in the finite thinking in my relationship. A few months ago i felt great and happy.. definetly was in the infinite thinking mode. Want to get back tgere again… idk why/how i am feeling insecure atm… my bf and i are arguing alot lately and it’s not easy! Clayton!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU DO. YOU HELP ME SO VERYMUCH!! Greetings from AUSTRIA VIENNA in Europe 🇦🇹 stay safe🙏
Clayton, You really should have written a relationship book based on the infinite vs finite theory. Out of hundreds of relationship/breakup articles, this one cut the deepest for me. It really stuck a nerve and pulled roots out; where ive been going wrong for so many years with 20+ girls. This theory has changed my mindset and perception and I feel it has uplifted me and taken so much weight off of my shoulders. Thank you.
Infinately absolutely, I used to think, and you would think a relationship is about being in each others corner, against the world but Society gears people up to think they are another “battle” to wage through, personally I blame the mobile phone, has been the biggest killer or relationships, because no one has any” space” anymore, it can be used as a tool for hounding someone, or conversely not calling etc, Great post, – is about who you become through the benefit of having a relationship,
dude… you are a gold mine, Clayton. Thank you,.. just love your content!!! 🙂 … You could probably divide this into 3 or more segments if you wanted to even…. to expound on stuff, give even more examples of how the bad mindset plays out, vs the good mindset. Because every sentence is loaded with good info, it takes a moment to let it sink in! :p . Very eye opening. … (even to this relationship advice nerd. lol)
Hi there Clayton! I got wind of you from Helena Harts’ website and id just like to say that this concept of finite thinking vs infinite thinking completely changed my relationship and maybe even my life. Learning this concept came at the perfect time in my life when I was truly at a crossroads in my relationship with a man I deeply love and I can truly say it is saving the relationship. I no longer feel the need to control him or gain some type of power in the relationship. I realized that the ultimate vision of our relationship is what matters most to me, not the tedious mishaps we all as humans sometimes fall in.. I didn’t realize I subconsciously crave that deep connection and from now on, that is where I am putting my focus and energy, that and who I can become in the relationship and my vision for my life… THANK YOU! YOU SAVED ME! 🌟
Perhaps in a follow up article you could discuss how to gracefully communicate to potential partners who are attracted to the self secure woman (ya know, because we’ve been following your advice, Clayton!) but that potential partner is still stuck in their own “self sabotaging” mode… Lately, my confidence has been landing me in the ‘counselor role’ more often than not.
this should be something taught building relationships is not possible without in depth knowledge like this and so many people arent naturally gifted with this knowledge ofc for the simple fact no one is perfect. I myself never thought as myself as anything close to perfect however when it came to relationship intelligence i failed to realize i could always learn and do better. My partner has shown me that and although we have a long way to go i hope she never took any of my lack of knowledge as nothing less than us being young, I love her with all my heart and am becoming a better person not only for her but for myself. I love you ya Amar
This is exactly what i need to hear right now. In my past i have been self sabotaging because of anxiety. And im doing it again. This saved me from thoughts from an old paradigm building up in me now. Thank you thank you thank you🙏🏼💖 I have been learning about feminine energy and it is getting me the results. How can i find the sweet spot between setting healthy boundaries and infinite mindset??
I have found myself sometimes able to have infinite thinking when it comes to some situations but others I find myself (as it says in Matthew 7) putting my faith or security in things that are not stable “like shifting sand” instead of in God and learn from where we can grow and the enjoying the quality of the relationship with the other person. Thanks for sharing. Good things to keep in mind.
The finite thinking is the game my whole marriage of 15 years was playing which ultimately caused us to divorce.. But with infinite thinking weve been able to reconcile and become partners again and feel excited to be together and grow together applying what weve learned and look to the future, truly as one. Things are absolutely different and i never thought id feel this way about partner or ex spouse.
My first time here this is very informative tnk you. I have a question..I been widowed for few years and recently I meet samoan it is a long distance relationship…however we have different lifestyle I leave in the country I am simple dont party and I don’t need many people around to be happy..he is from the city loves party and he bikes hangs out with biker women every weekend when we are not together. I am on my last draw not sure what to do I feel insecure about it and I don’t have much hope all though he tells me no one else exists for him Help
Thank you so much for posting this article. I’m in LDR currently How can I keep the connection ? you mentioned about seeing your partner friends,ex or co workers as a threat as just when he mentions there name I go to a place of hate I can’t help it my mind just wonders there it’s so frustrating where it just sucks the positive of the relationship how do you see them as inspiration this one I’ve struggled with a lot?
I’m working on self-love and insecurities. My insecurities and trust issues have gotten worse with social media. I feel as though things have changed drastically because of it. For instance, my boyfriend follows several IG women who are sleezy. I called him out on it and he said he never followed them. These women use photoshop and filters so they look nearly perfect, which is something those of us in real life can’t obtain. It’s weird because porn doesn’t bother me. I hate feeling this way. I wish I could just let it be and trust until given a reason not too. Even writing this post, I feel immature. I’m wondering if other women go through this and how they handle it.
i relate to all the finite thinking examples given. When I was listening to the Threat vs Inspiration one I cried a bit. I’m 19, with my first serious boyfriend of two years. I tired of my anxiety and fear. I just want to be better, for him, for myself. I feel guilty to be with him, and I question what he sees in me and why he stays with me, and I loathed myself for not being mature enough like how he is. It’s so exhausting and stressful to deal with this much overthinking and negativity everyday and trying to keep it to myself and solve it myself so as not to burden anyone around me. Shit. I mean I know how strong I am and all that I’ve overcame so far, and I know I’ll get through this because I’m not one to give up. But damn I’m just thinking how long would it take me? How long do I need to make him wait? three fours years maybe? 8 years? idk.. I acknowledge that I am making progress each day. Somedays I just want to cry. I won’t allow myself to ever give up trying, but I’m so damn tired.
I’m sitting stewing in the agony of break up right now, once again I got told that “I’m too hard work” and can recognise that I brought way too much finite thinking. I feel like I would give anything to let go of insecurity….I carry so many traumatic memories from the past that interfere and spoil whatever I’m building with someone new. Is there a retreat that you could recommend where one can “let go” of relationship baggage?? I need to let go of insecurity but it feels hardwired into me so I just feel hopeless and any direction would be appreciated.
Infinite thinking however, opens up to non-committal because it’s self serving. Maybe it’s more growth oriented, and we definitely should incorporate it within a healthy relationship, but it feels like a ton a pressure needing to show up as secure attachment when honestly we all just want to be accepted and loved right where we’re at. Also a partner who is willing to do the dance with you while you wrestle and try to become more secure is a beautiful thing (as long as you truly are working on not projecting your own stuff into them, because that can also become imbalanced and unhealthy within a relationship). However feeling like you must show up as totally secure for the other person to not reject you is unrealistic in my humble opinion and in itself causes anxiety.
Insecurity for me comes from people not knowing what they want and not stating their intentions. Romantic relationships need stability and consistency to flourish. As far as Im concerned put a label on it. As much as I enjoy spontaneity Im not going to put something in my mouth if I don’t know what it is .
You really do have some good advice for a young man, bravo. But to become a better person is putting yourself down in a sense, all one has to do is, realise that who they are has been indoctrinated on them from an early age. So in accepting this, then one takes back their power, and live accordingly to their own reality, and possibly like who they are. Love to all, and all to love
Overall, I’m not an insecure person. I feel secure in a relationship until the man I’m with literally stares at other women in front of me. When I was married I felt feelings of rejection when my husband looked at other women in front of me but, I never expressed my feelings about it to him. After being single and unattached for 3 years, I got into the relationship I’m currently in. It’s a great healthy relationship. Initially he was doing the same thing. I expressed to him that I feel disrespected when he does that and he stopped doing it. But my question is why do I feel like this and what can I do to stop feeling this way? I wish that when my partner looked at other women that it wouldn’t phase me. What he does when I’m not around doesn’t phase me. I’d like to keep that posture all the time.
My girlfriend is simping to this dud a singer, have a good fashion sense, and yeah a good looking guy long hair good voice he love that dud so much “A local artist here in oir country” and that slowly i can’t stop but to compare myself to that dud she explains to me it’s different etc i said OK a year later now she had another dud that she simping another good looking guy that can sing ang yeah another “long hair plus good voice combo and also local artist here in our country” I can’t stop but to be sad about. When ur partner admiring someone? like really down bad even if its just an artist you can’t stop comparing yourself. her excuses was “well I’ll never get that chance to see them or atleast be close to them anyway so that’s ok” but the anxiety in me what if she found someone nearby that have all the same features that she love its the long hair dud with a great voice I feel like i can be done or out anytime lol 😆 I really need your POV here guys thanks
This is great but as a divorced 41 year old woman who wants kids I want to know what my boyfriend is thinking because after 8 months if he doesn’t see marriage then I need to leave. It makes me insecure when I think he went from talking about marriage and kids all the time with me to saying we aren’t doing well enough. Makes me think it’s pointless.