Jealousy in relationships can stem from various factors, such as self-esteem struggles, fear of partner abandonment, or past unfaithfulness. To overcome jealousy, it is essential to listen to your partner, set boundaries, actively listen, and know your limits. Insecurities can arise from various factors, such as low self-esteem, past traumas, attachment styles, lack of communication, or trust. To overcome jealousy, it is crucial to accept emotions with compassion and avoid judgment.
To calm down before acting on jealous feelings, give yourself time to think about your jealousy and use the event that caused you to be upset, angry, fearful, or anxious. Challenge yourself to trust your partner’s feelings and intentions and practice healthy ways to soothe yourself.
Practicing gratitude can also help you stop fixating on jealousy and gain valuable perspective on yourself and your relationships. When you feel jealous, take a moment to list all the things you are grateful for. Understanding that jealousy is not a sign of love but rather a sign of insecurity, fear, and possessiveness is key to healing the heart and freeing the soul.
📹 Overcome Jealousy in 3 Minutes #LOVElife
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How do I stop my wife from being insecure?
5 Ways to Deal With an Insecure Partner: 1. Identify the Real Problem. Insecurity is often a sign of low self-esteem, but there may be other problems causing your partner to feel insecure. … Support them. … Spend time together. … Set healthy boundaries. … Watch out for manipulation. Dealing with an insecure partner can be exhausting. Dealing with your partner’s insecurity is key to maintaining your relationship and preventing emotional exhaustion. Here are five ways to deal with an insecure partner. Insecurity is often a sign of low self-esteem, but there may be other problems causing your partner to feel insecure. They may have been abandoned or cheated on before and worry that it will happen again. Let your partner talk so you can find the real problem. Ask your partner what they need to feel more secure. Short-term problems can cause temporary insecurity. This can be fixed by offering support and reassurance. However, deep-rooted emotional problems may require professional help.
How to get rid of trust issues and jealousy in a relationship?
12 Ways to Let Go of Jealousy: Find the source. Communicate. Get another opinion. Consider the big picture. Practice gratitude. Rethink your response. Go deep. To deal with jealousy, identify the cause and talk to the person affected. Mindfulness and therapy can help. Jealousy is seen as a bad thing. People often say, “Don’t be jealous” or “Jealousy destroys relationships.” Why is this emotion so bad? Jealousy can come up when you worry about losing someone or something important to you. Envy is wanting something that belongs to someone else.
What causes extreme jealousy in a woman?
Face your fears. Jealousy can come from feeling insecure or having a poor self-image. It’s important to face your fears. This could be fear of losing your partner or fear of failure. Once you know what you’re afraid of, you can deal with it. Address your expectations. In any relationship, it’s important to know how much time someone can spend with you. If they can’t meet your expectations, don’t blame them. Set more reasonable expectations together. Practice gratitude. Think about all the good things in your life, says Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios. Be open and honest. Healthy relationships rely on good communication. If you feel jealous, talk about it. “Try to understand each other and trust each other. Practice mindfulness. Negative emotions affect your health. Try meditation to calm down when you’re feeling jealous or angry. To keep your relationships healthy, talk about your feelings, set expectations, and build trust. If you have trouble with jealousy, see a mental health professional. A Word from Verywell. Learning to identify jealousy is a skill. If you feel jealous, try to cope. Jealousy doesn’t excuse manipulation or abuse.
Can a marriage survive jealousy?
If you’ve been dealing with a jealous and controlling partner for years, you may have become less open with friends and the world around you out of fear of your spouse’s jealousy. This is unhealthy and joyful for no one. Dr. Gail Saltz says that if you or your partner feels jealous, it doesn’t matter. Jealousy will destroy your marriage. If you’ve decided to end your marriage because of your spouse’s jealousy, you may want to know how to do it. If you want to divorce, do it peacefully and respectfully. This takes experience with Texas divorce law.
How do you overcome low self esteem in marriage?
Here are some tools to help you and your relationship overcome low self-esteem. … Be honest about how you express insecurities in your relationship. … Be assertive. … Ask your partner for help. … Be kind to yourself. How you feel about yourself affects everything in your life. If you have low self-esteem in a relationship, it affects the relationship. It affects the relationship and makes you both less happy. If you have low self-esteem, you know it affects your life. You doubt yourself in every area of your life. You may be shy because you think no one wants you. It’s hard to find a relationship when you have low self-esteem. In a relationship and trying to make it work? Your self-esteem affects your relationship.
How to cope with a jealous wife?
If your partner is jealous, listen to them and try to understand why. If you know certain things make them jealous, change them. Tell them what you appreciate about them and reassure them you love them. Jealousy can ruin a relationship. If you don’t deal with it, it can ruin your relationship.
Where does jealousy come from? Jealousy comes from feeling insecure and not trusting your partner.
Envy and jealousy are similar. Jealousy makes you feel like you own your partner, while envy makes you want what they have.
Why is my wife so jealous and insecure?
Jealousy only becomes a problem when acted on. People who are jealous or possessive often feel inferior and compare themselves to others. Jealousy is a fear of not being good enough. When it hits, we think our relationship is in danger, so we can’t tell the difference between natural protectiveness and irrational suspicion. But when we see jealousy in our partner, we may think it’s cute and that they love us. If it’s healthy, those feelings will go away without hurting the relationship. But we must watch for signs of unhealthy behavior because it can lead to other forms of abuse. Unhealthy relationships often start with a partner looking for evidence of cheating. If they don’t find what they’re looking for, they’ll get angry and start making their partner feel bad. This can lead to emotional and physical abuse. Their tactics change, but as their jealousy grows, so does the chance for more abuse. It’s important to spot the signs early.
Why am I so jealous and insecure in my relationship?
Jealousy can be caused by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don’t feel attractive and confident, it’s hard to believe your partner loves and values you. Sometimes, jealousy is caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship. It’s unhealthy for partners to spend all their time together. Kahlil Gibran said, “You need space to sustain your bond.” Feelings aren’t facts. Are you imagining things? Ask yourself, “Is that so?” Is this true? If you don’t believe it, let it go. Acknowledge them before dismissing them. Jealousy can affect your behavior and feelings about the relationship. Here are signs of unhealthy jealousy.
How do I stop being insecure and jealous in my marriage?
15 ways to overcome jealousy in your marriage. Know your attachment style. To not be jealous, you have to understand how you relate to people. Talk about your fears. Meditate. … Be mindful. Challenge negative thoughts. … Know your triggers. … Take care of yourself. … Find a safe place. It sneaks in and before you know it, your marriage is in trouble. Jealousy in a marriage can destroy your relationship. It destroys you. You can overcome jealousy. People say the current generation is weaker and more jealous. The BBC article says that older generations have had biases towards the younger crowd for centuries. Also, saying young people are insecure ignores the problems they face from technology and social media, which we, the older generation, have created. This study shows that Snapchat makes people jealous.
Why am I suddenly insecure in my marriage?
How do I know if my relationship is healthy? How can I overcome my insecurities? Should I leave my relationship? Many people ask themselves these questions when they feel insecure in their relationship. Many things can cause relationship insecurity, but it often comes from feeling abandoned, neglected, or not good enough. Your relationship may be unhealthy and you may be feeling insecure for a reason. Let’s talk about signs of insecurity in a relationship to see if your relationship is healthy. This will help you make the best decision for you and your partner. Your relationship could be unhealthy, and you may be feeling insecure for a reason. Your partner is emotionally distant. You don’t trust your relationship. Your partner doesn’t want to be around you. Your partner is often upset or irritable. Your partner often expresses jealousy or controlling behaviors. You constantly need reassurance from your partner. You frequently find yourself in arguments and fights. You have low self-esteem or lack of trust in yourself. You feel isolated or alone.
How can I stop being insecure in my marriage?
Love yourself first. Lack of self-love is often the cause of relationship insecurities. … Learn to communicate. … Meet each other’s needs. … Balance your energy. … Act like a new couple. Tell new stories. … Don’t overthink. Do you ask for compliments? Asking where your partner is going when you know the answer? Asking for more attention when you’ve been together all day? You might ask your spouse about spending time with a coworker. These are signs of insecurity in a relationship. Many people feel jealous and insecure in their relationships, even if their partner loves them unconditionally. No matter how long you’ve been together, here’s how to stop being insecure in your relationship. What is relationship insecurity? If you’re insecure in your relationship, you’re unsure and unconfident. You believe you don’t deserve love. This causes anxiety. You may doubt your value and feel worthless. You may worry about your partner when they’re not around.
Should I break up if I’m too jealous?
Jealousy is a feeling, not a call to action. When you feel jealous, take a deep breath and remember that feelings aren’t facts. Just because you worry someone is cheating doesn’t mean they are. If you focus on something, it expands. If you’ve convinced yourself your partner is cheating, you’ll see evidence where there is none. Instead of worrying, accept your feelings and let them go. If we don’t pay it extra attention, it will usually go away. Ask yourself what you stand to gain from jealousy. Will acting on your impulses hurt or help the relationship? Will it make you feel better or worse? Will it help or hurt? Relationships are unpredictable. You can’t make someone love you or stay loyal. If you can’t trust your partner, move on. If you can’t move past a jealous feeling, be honest. Instead of being angry or ignoring your partner, tell them what’s wrong and listen to their answer. The interaction will strengthen the relationship, unlike punishments and games. If you see warning signs in a friend’s relationship, remember: Speak up. It’s not always obvious to the person experiencing it, so approach them kindly. Don’t be forceful or angry if they disagree. Be available when they’re ready to talk. Continue to love them through their difficult situation. If you think your friend is in danger, call another friend or adult and check out the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at thehotline.org.
📹 How Jordan Peterson Deals With JEALOUSY & INSECURITY | Lewis Howes
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People may look at jealousy in a bad way, but it’s actually a struggle. An evil struggle. It hurts when you see someone getting what you want. For example, good grades, looks, relationship, wealth etc. In my case, it really hurts BIG time. To everyone suffering from jealousy, i’m sorry you had to go through this, and i hope we can together overcome jealousy.
Thank you for this. I have been in a struggle the past week with this jealousy of my girlfriend hanging around another guy. We have been open about how we are feeling but it seems like that is not enough. What I have seen are the faults within myself, and how I need to improve my outlook and trajectory of life to be a better man for her and myself.
I am going through a tough phase in my relationship with a wonderful girl. I digged into her past and now I think I suffer from retroactive jealousy. Went over the internet read and read hundreds of articles. Most of the advices were about never dig into the past of your partner, which seems odd to me. If I can’t except my partner with their past. How can we ever build the solid foundation for our relationship? This where I believe your article can help and the message was loud and clear. There is always a better person than you but you need to be good at whatever you do (this also makes you unique as a person) . So that your partner values you and you both feel confident about the future of your relationship. Thanks Matthew for the wonderful article.
Hey Matthew. Before I ask my question, I’d really like to thank you so much for all of your help. The articles here on YouTube, your ebooks/audio books, your program “Attract Any Man”. Honestly, I’ve been seeing myself become more and more like a feminist and I wasn’t happy with where I was heading. Ever since discovering you, you’ve changed quite a lot of how I was thinking. Not to mention, you’ve given me great power and respect and confidence in myself 🙂 Thank you xx My question is, how should you respond/deal if your partner or someone you are dating is jealous? I previously had a bf that had quite a good sized jealousy streek in him and it was hard to deal with when we were together. Offen times, we’d be on the bus and I’d look out the window and he’d ask who I was looking at. We were on the subway and I was looking out the window again and he thought I was looking at another mans reflection. We were walking in the mall and I saw a phone both and turned my head to see what kind of phones there were and he thought I was looking at the guy there. We went to dinner once and our waiter was a man. Him and I spoke about the menu more as the waiter suggested a vegan option for me that he had once tried himself. I thanked him and my bf at the time thought I was flirting. It got so bad that I felt I had to pretend to not notice any of the men in public as well as I was starting to just look at the ground when we went out. I very often tried to confront him about it, explaining that he’s better then to feel jealous and that I was devoted to him etc.
I never had thought I would feel this jealous ever. I was always the type to look down on jealous couples and say in my head if you really love each other why not trust each other. Why is there jealousy at all? I just gotten into and now out of my first kind of relationship… and the feeling was terrible… It wasn’t anger but the feeling was this odd sick feeling in my gut. The feeling of fear, abandonment, and just a whole lot of knots in my stomach. These feelings kept me from sleeping, and even just being able to do other things in my normal life. I am not too sure what true depression feels like but I would say this has to be it… I am grateful to her… and I am glad I am out of this relationship because I think It was super unhealthy for me. I still miss her but I am learning and despite this awesome article and advice I don’t think jealousy and other emotions that get the better of us will immediately disappear. But we are all learning about ourselves. Just know to who ever reads the entirety of this… things will get better and it isn’t the end of the world! Maybe I haven’t found the one right now but I will someday at least I would like to hope so.
I think people need to stop making jealousy such a negative thing. I have been jealous all my life, from when my dad played with other kids to my brother saying he wished he had a different little sister. I think jealousy is a normal emotion for humans and shouldn’t be made taboo or something we have to get rid of. We have to understand and control it but it isn’t something bad. It’s normal and I hate it that society has created this narrative that anyone who gets jealous must be a bad person or incomplete person. Just my thoughts on the matter. I talk very openly to my boyfriend about my jealousy and he is perfectly happy with me. Maybe it’s because I am being honest or maybe it’s because I’m not the type to key your car or something crazy. I think jealousy, comparing yourself to others, etc. are all reasonable and normal human experiences and we shouldn’t demonize them anymore.
Thank you so much for this! My last marriage ended in adultery after 22 years. That was 3 years ago. I have now met someone and we have been dating for a few months now. She is younger and has many friends and she spends lots of time with them. I know my feeling jealous is more about what happened in the past than what is happening now. Hearing this helped me so much. I am putting my all into this relationship and I am so happy it is going well. Insecurity sucks and reminding myself what all I bring to the table is going to kill the insecurity. Thanks again.
A friend of mine claims that there will ALWAYS be someone BETTER than me/you….After this article, I REFUSE to believe it. Why? We are a collection of zillions of characteristics, it is statistically impossible one person to be better than you in ALL of these characteristics. No one is better than me/you. Just DIFFERENT. Hard to absorb at first, because comparison runs in our veins, but once we figure it out, we can start improving ourselves for us alone, NOT for competing with others.
You just saved me so much stress and anxiety. I don’t know how to thank you enough besides subscribe and like the article!! I have the WORST jealousy in the world. And it’s so strange for many different reasons. Ive never been jealous or had jealousy issues like I do with this man. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over three months now, and he has a girl best friend. And it’s not one of those girl best friends who likes him, and I know there’s nothing and will never be anything there. But I overthink like crazy, and, get scary jealous of any attention he gives her at all (even though it’s just them having a simple convo about random stuff). Although I don’t say anything to him bc I’m scared he’ll get mad at me. And of course I was comparing my body to hers…. She’s skinny and has all the right curves and I have curves too but I’m not as skinny as her. Or as short. But when you started to talk about other attributes, I realized yeah she has those qualities but she’s nowhere near as kind as I am. Or as sweet and loving as me. I have prettier eye lashes too and other things. And focusing on that and realizing how much those qualities outweigh her body any day (per my opinion) is all that matters. Plus I am deeply and totally in love with him. And I can feel it in my soul that he feels the same for me. And the reason I know this is true is because out of the couple serious relationships I’ve been in before him, I can say with complete truth that I haven’t felt in my soul that I’m going to be with them for the rest of my life like I do with this man.
I hadn’t felt jealous in long time but past few days I was so bothered by this emotion…I was actually surprised that I could get this miserable. I searched for help, went through several articles on YouTube, none of them convinced me but I finally found the convincing answer. I feel lighter now…. Thank you so much
You get jealous, no matter how good you are to your guy, no matter how funny. Awesome. Money you give. Sex etc. If they see someone else who is “attractive.” They are going to look, especially!.. If “that attractive girl” is better looking than you are. He is not thinking about how sweet, funny, compassionate or generous towards him, she is. Because he hasnt even interacted w her. Other than eye contact & how it shows on his face how pretty he thinks she is. Now, of course hes going home with you, but for however long it took him to lust over her the whole time he was with you, he was NOT thinking of “you’. He was FANTASIZING about another girl. Not her person. Her looks! & this!!! is why some of us are justified in our jealousy. Total disregard that you are there for the time that it took him to lust over a girl within eyesight. Sure he loooooves you & thinks you are good looking…but, at that moment someone else caught his eye even if he denys it. & that is why jealousy is so hard to overcome on both sides of the relationship. Im sorry but I feel betrayed if my guy stares at girls in the same way as when I’m betraying my guy, while Im perusal Ryan gosling throwing alley on the bed h wishing it was me! Haaa
Thank you!!! Great to hear male perspective on jealousy..Words spoken resonating in truth deflect and deflate any feelings of jealousy. No competition when you are showing up as your best self to others every day. “Focus on the package you bring to the table” and, I like to add, invoke self-care rituals if you happen to feel less than. Do things that make you happy and shine brightly. Spend time with people who bring out your best qualities and get you tf out of your head!!
So well said, I have been struggling with jealousy for a very long time. And it ruined my previous relationship in some extent. Now I am in a new relationship where I would like to get rid of jealousy and I think I am doing quite well now. I no longer get upset when she is around other guys. Your article reinsure my mind, really inspiring. I hope I can keep it going!!
Even if a person is better than you in every sense that the society has projected, still it is no reason for people to leave each other. Love is not a barter system in which you love somebody because of some qualities they possess. You should love somebody unconditionally, even when they have committed a murder. True love is this…And love is not more or less for others. It is equal for every being on the planet.
I think there’s more to jealousy than insecurity. I consider myself a 10 inside & out and don’t feel less than any other woman- however- I’m in an open monogamish relationship and when I see him get really close to certain women I feel jealous. It feels painful at times and I have to dig deep and figure out where it comes from. I’m thinking old patterning of ownership or needing to feel respected in a way. 🤔
How to Avoid feeling inferior: 1. Focus on the package you bring to the table (not the one aspect that the eother person is excelling) ● Instead of focusing on just excelling in one area, focus on diversifying that portfolio and saying you know what I’m goingbto be that person that brings so much to the table in every area. (In the amount that I inspire sb/ in amount of positive energy I bring to them/ in the amount of generosity I bring to/ on how much I complimemt them and make them feel great /in how much I spark their imagination and make them think about things they’ve never though about before/ in the amount that you travel them in new worlds that they haven’t discovered before…… Im gonna be that person that represents so many that it doesmt matter if the one person excels in one Category, they can never compete with all of the things that i am as an individual, as an entiretely.) * If sb leaves me when I am all those things, that really means that i can them walk away with a good heart knowing that this person wasn’t the person for me. *I think that point isn’t about jealousy is about logistics and two people that genuinely work together. Enjoy your relationships, and Focus on the package you bring to the table Extra notes: * Jealousy only exists by comparison *Jealousy comes when we feel inferiors
Recently, I encountered a scripture in the Bible somewhere in Luke, about how there’s no room for jealousy in the kingdom of God so now I’m on this journey of identifying, Processing, deciphering, analyzing and crucifying this jealousy for greater peace of mind and connection to our Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Holy Spirit and peace be with us all. ❤ we got this.
My jealousy became my sickness…i can’t handle it. Sometimes i imagine things that don’t even happen… If someone texts my gf i’ll be jealous,if she talks to a guy i’ll be jealous,if guys get too close to her i’ll be jealous….. The thing is that my jealousy annoys me too much now because i broke up with my gf and i get mad for no reason. I need some f*cking help
I think jealousy not comes as you compare but rather when you observe the practical stuffs like ur loved ones giving lot value to someone else.I mean, I dont really get jealous by just seeing good looking ppl around rather i appreciate their beauty.And as you told, think on more wider perspective..i did so but then the ques pop in — why still than my loved one attracted to that person if i m above him/her on wider scale ?.. How tackle this kinda thought ?
Jealousy is for children. When you focus on someone else`s life….you`ll never be happy in your own life. I learned that one when I was about 14 or 15 and I find it really strange how many “adults” still struggle with this. Emotions like jealousy, hate, regret, stop people from evolving into better humans, they block the way to inner peace….the only really important “thing” in life (jmho). I wish everybody a very positive day…and many more thereafter 😊
I wish this article helped me, but it really didn’t… I don’t feel jealous by comparison unfortunately… I feel jealous because, well, my girlfriend and I are going through a rough time right now, we’re so distant, and I see her play with her friends, and there’s one of her friends that my brain just doesn’t like him for some reason, they are like really close to each other and so, I’m just afraid that she’ll eventually leave me because of how distant we are, and that she’ll find a better relationship with him…
The other aspect Matthew is the fact that partners care about each other for many reasons. It’s complex. She doesn’t just love you because of your body and eyes and hair. She sees value in multiple areas of your life, from honesty to humility, or from work ethic to calmness during chaos. So if you do feel a tinge of jealousy towards a relationship ‘threat’, remember there’s far more reasons you are together than the one area you feel you are deficient’ at.
I think the key thing is, meet someone who doesn’t make you feel jealous because otherwise all your trying to do is cure yourself from there bad behaviour, when you find a good person who has respect and treats you how they expect in return, then jealousy becomes a thing of the past from being with someone who’s core values don’t align with your own.
I’m a 34 year old woman I and never used to feel envy or jealous of other people’s wealth, holidays and happy memories. But now I’m starting to feel these feelings and it’s new to me. It makes me sad that I missed out on so much growing up compared to people who get to go to places like Dubai and party with friends. I hope these feelings go away somehow as I get older. I think it’s because I was a carer for my mother since my teens, so I never got to gain a career or financial independence. 😔 💔
There is a person I have been feeling jealous around for the longest time. I think it is because she is liked by everyone and she is sweet and amazing, and I often wish I could be as kind as her. But I also do have a lot to offer, I am fun to be around, I am social and can make friends easily and I have a lot of passion for the things I love. Maybe I should stop comparing myself and remind myself that maybe I too bring something different, something she couldn’t do because she is not me. She is her, and I am me. When people tell me there will always be kinder people than me, I find it hard to take in because it feels so big. But hearing that I can develop in all of the areas I am good at, made me feel like I had the chance to be someone unique who can’t be compared to anyone because no one can ever be a second me, like everyone out there are unique too. It felt more calming to watch it from the perspective of what I am good at, because instead of putting myself down and feel ashamed for being jealous, I have just learned I focuses on the wrong sides of me as a person. I should focus on what I do well in and what I love and work on those things, rather than comparing myself to someone I will never fully know 100% either. Usually we never show ourselves fully to people, so maybe there are things I can do that she can’t, so I shouldn’t put myself down for not being like her, but remind myself I should be grateful for being my own person
I mean the message that he implies still relates with the fact of competing to someone. Not in one category but characteristics overall. That is still a concept for a race and a vast one for that. My advice is “there’s always gonna be somebody better than you” and you’ve probably heard this in many scenarios for consolation but it is the best way. Do not compete to begin with. Stay humble. Your ego is what you have built for the past idk how many years you’ve lived with it, you can still change the process. Good luck ✌️
wow, your words entered my heart and mind you really convinced me that there is always will be someone who is prettier smarter..etc than me.. you choice whethere to foucse on that thing and compare your self where you put your self in alower posittion. try to give the best of you to be the someone how inspire and pring possitive energy, generosity, complement that makes me feel better about my self and i wont foucse on others people features.
You know what’s funny? I have always struggled with jealousy issues. I always knew basically what this guy said in the article; that I shouldn’t compare myself to others, my partner’s not gonna leave me for someone else just because a few of their qualities are better, etc etc. However, even though I “knew” this, I believe in my subconscious, I still somehow doubted it. And I always used to get so damn mad at myself because I could not understand why I was still struggling with jealousy. Then this article comes along and after perusal it, all of a sudden it seems that the jealousy is cured. I think that, although I knew these facts at face value, the back of my mind still wasn’t convinced, and perusal this article managed to calm my subconscious. I don’t know about any of you, but for me I think coming from my insecure self, these facts meant nothing. But coming from somebody else, it totally changed my perspective.
I used to be very confident. I had a lot of trust in myself. I had good self-esteem, knew my self worth. I accepted who I am and my flaws. I didn’t compare myself that much, and I was comfortable in my own skin. After being cheated on with the person I trusted the most, everything, my self image, confidence, worth, everything just crumbled. I am VERY insecure now. I get so jealous easily. I don’t think I am enough. Trust issues was shot up so high. And I overthink, compare a lot. It caused so many complications with the next relationships I tried. I needed a lot of reassurance and validations. It’s really draining on my part and to whoever my partner is. And I wish I could just go back to who I was before but it’s so hard.
Everyone is so beautiful and unique… jealousy is so ugly 🥺 it just makes room for hate 💔 looking at everyone in the comments we all suffer insecurities… but what you don’t realise is that everyone has something beautiful about them 🥰 just be confident in yourself and don’t hate others for their own beauty ❤️
i’ve always been jealous of seeing my boyfriend liking other better-looking girls’ photos on social media and seeing him looking at pretty girls whenever we go out. i always compare myself to those girls thinking if my boyfriend wants me to be like those girls, physically. i get so jealous and insecure but i know i can’t keep bringing that up cause we’ll start arguing and i hate to argue with him 😢 i’ve always tried to learn how to control my self from being irrationally jealous. and perusal this article gives me hope and calms me down 😊 thanks Matthew!!
I’ve never experienced jealousy in a relationship until recently, and this advice really helps. I was with someone for almost 2 years and we broke up in February, mostly because I needed space to focus on things. A lot has happened since then and we decided to get back together recently and we’re very happy together, it’s just taking some time to build what we had back up but we both understand the steps we need to take for that. The only real difference between our last 9 months is that I didn’t hook up with anybody since then, but she did- one was a friend, and one was a fling who she thought she liked but realized in retrospect that she didn’t, and it was because of the fling that she decided she couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t me. I’m not jealous of the friend, and I never felt jealous of him even when my girlfriend and I were together because she knew him for a long time, and we were never jealous of each other’s friends. But for some reason, I’ve been feeling a bit of jealousy and resentment towards the fling, mostly because he was kinda emotionally manipulative to her in one instance. I know she was trying to get over me and she put herself in that situation but felt 100% safe in her actions, but for whatever reason, this fling she had really bothers me mostly because he wasn’t as nice to her as he should have been. I have no ill will towards her other friend, but I’ve been feeling a large wave of jealousy for the first time in my life over this. It’s strange.
I dig the insight and a diff way to look at it but this does seem to reinforce more competitionand comparison, on another level, when you run into someone that offers everything you offer just like that one thing you thought u had that was great. However, I am inspired about this topic and am gonna make a article to share a diff perspective that is rooted in spirituality vs competition as I feel like I’ve discovered a perspective for me that allowed me to overcome my jealousy and on the flip side, most guys, rich or poor, are now insecure around me even though I’m skinny as heck, 43 years old, and relatively broke in a financial sense. If you have no money and no material things and still feel godly and in love with yourself, your experiences, along with all those around you, I believe that’s when you’re truly full and not jealous vs trying to up your worth/skills and still comparing yourself with others on that similar level. Thanks again for this topic despite as jealousy is one of the hardest thing, even more than financial lack some times, to overcome. 🙏
Shit i watch this in 2020 and this article really helps me to ease my current anxiety due to irrelevant jealousy. See my boyfriend and I have this “perfect” relationship to my friends’ eyes since they see us capable to consistently love each other, having only once in a while fights & just being far from the toxic traits in a relationship. I am assured that my boyfriend rly loves me for who I am. Little did everyone & my boyfriend acknowledge that I haven’t truly healed and learned from my past relationship when it comes to jealousy. I feel the immense need to be prioritized, and I get this really uneasy feeling inside of me when he’s close to his female friends. They’re all gorgeous & simply talented in their own ways. I feel very talentless although I feel like I’m confident in my body, funny, and great at making my mans happy. See comparison really is a thief of joy because I started to grow insecure and sad and quite sometimes, I’m making him pay for this toxic traits. Now I realized the most important thing to note here, that I need to be able to understand that any girl could beat me in a lot of categories yet they could never be the person my boyfriend really loves. Goodluck to every “jealous but aware of a better change” girlfriends/boyfriends out there ❤️ It’s 2020 lets all leave the toxic trait behind
I think the solution isn’t to focus on beating someone by maintaining more categories than they are, it’s to realize that people just aren’t comparable because we’re all unique. There will never be another you. Your combination of categories is completely unique, and you may have things in common with another person, or they may have things u don’t have, but it doesn’t matter because you’re both your own unique combination.
I don’t have any experience in relationships b4 but the moment I entered a rs it started this inner insecurity of mine. I didn’t know all along I keep comparing myself and even my current relationship. Suddenly everything make sense and clear. My inner turmoil has gone. Thanks to u. Yeah I should focus on myself to be the best version of who I am
Hit me deep af. I think the reason is comparison but the most evil deepest reason is our ego that tells us we have to be the best in smth or everything. Ofc its good to try to be the best version of yourself, but in order to ever fucking relax you gotta tell yourself that you dont have to be the best. That you are GOOD ENOUGH. And here you‘ll find real peace.
i had this same realization one day. i was someone who was fiercely jealous. it was fuckin me up. then i met someone who changed my life. my best friend Trinity. i was a girl who’d say “blah blah blah i hate girls” 🙄 cringe and if i was in the room with girls, i instantly assumed my territorial angst was shared. wouldn’t acknowledge them much. but then i had the beginning of what i can only explain as an ego death. realization of how lacking i was in depth, self awareness, courtesy, generosity, etc made me want to run away from being the selfish shallow little bitch id been existing as, and actually trying to act in the best interest of anyone who’d be directly influenced by my actions. exercises
“Someone will always beat you in one category. So, go enjoy your relationship, focus on the package you can bring to the table for the relationship.” “Someone can never compete with who I am as an entirety” “If someone still leaves me at that point when I’m being all of those things that really means that I can let them walk away with a good heart knowing this person wasn’t the person for me and that someone for them is genuinely better for them. At that point, it’s not about jealousy, it’s about logistics and two people that genuinely work together.” I want to write the whole script and read it every single day. I am going through a situation where my partner is an Avoidant type and she just does not make up her mind about us. It is like being in a rollercoaster. I guess, sooner or later we will end the relation and part ways.
I think the best attitude to have in that case is the I don’t give a f… attitude. And if something gets to you, acknowledge what it is, if it is a weakness think how you can transform it into a strength and then get on with life and turning the weakness into a strength. What I’ve learned is that every step in life is a lesson, so every weakness we can perfect it into our own liking and the way we want it
I love the article, and it really is meant to help. I just want to mention though. No one’s jealous until that person who makes them feel like a complete shit, like “you’re SO bad that I’m this mean” kind of things, because there comes that point you start to really doubt yourself. Also being jealous while one already had a lot going on for them is completely different from being jealous while one doesn’t have a lot. Question becomes is it a self-assured fake confidence because to me, “overcoming” jealousy actually looks like a very passive, settling-in-reality kind of approach. Maybe it actually helps. Jealousy is so hard because one can improve skills but one can’t really improve how they look, and how their personality is wired. You know, there’re just things that no matter how hard I try it just seems impossible but then my bf or whoever is super mean and is making me feel like I have to change that in order to be with him and that, is quite some powerplay right there. Also- let’s try this analogy. Let’s say you have a client. Client constantly comes up to you and say “hey I just got a deal from this other person” “hey look at that other company they know how to treat clients right!” Like what kind of power-play is that? Do you want to serve a client like that? My ex used to say how he used to have a big crush on someone and who’s pretty and what’s his ideal girl type etc etc and I’m “good for a relationship but not really for a marriage” like what kind of a person says that?
Anybody can be smarter than you… Anybody can be more handsome than you… Anyone can be more funnier than you… Anyone maybe more stylish than you…Anyone can be better than you in any category buttt heyyyy youu ! The one reading this…! Remember… Your Girlfriend or your boyfriend doesn’t love anyone more than youuu…❤… You are the best ! Its alright sweet hearts… Lets do this 😊❤
You can feel inferior and not be jealous. You can be jealous and not feel inferior. You never even touched on the true foundation for jealousy. Yes, an inferiority complex can contribute. But it is not the heart of the problem. The thing that ALWAYS causes jealousy is distrust. Because, if you trust your significant other, you don’t have to feel inferior! You don’t have to worry about whether that better looking guy or woman can steal your significant other away! Distrust is a cancer that feeds low self esteem! And it eventually causes relationships to fail – for nothing – once the inferiority complex begins inventing cheating scenarios. Distrust is the fuel, while the inferiority complex is the match. When trust exists, the match has nothing to ignite!
Very good advice, and it does motivate me but to let someone walk away when you love and care so much for them and you know you can’t live without them in your life. I can’t think of that at all. I know that it’s very dangerous to think of someone like that because it can kill you mentally but you just want that person to be around for ever and to always show so much interest in you as you do to them. Idk please reply somebody and let’s genuinely talk about this
always be kind to your lover or lovers, even when there mean, be kind, jealousy is not something we should embrace, be honest with your partner, let your partner spend time with people and feel comfortable spending time with them even if your not lovers, have the value of appreciateing your time on earth and theres, dont hate someone when they loved you instead appreciate them, find a way to love your memmories with that person, listen to frank sinatra and old love music hits, rnb, hip hop, jazz, rock, heavy rock, funk guitar music whatever floats your boat, have the hope that if your lover changed and if youve changed then that is beautiful, every good change is beautiful, love art, appreciate anime and manga, listen to music, look at movies you dont usually watch or do, comics too, have hope in yourself, and if someone does break up with you have strength, its not always about how we feel on the outside its also the inside that counts, you have to see yourself as beautiful enough to acknowledge that there will always be someone to find you attractive, maybe that person you like will be back later if they found you loveable enough, be loveable, realize that your love is your adventure and be kind to that, if someone doesnt love you enough they might, you get the kindness you give back, always remember that.
I came home absolutely fuming after a 14 hour shift at work. For context, my girlfriend works with me and a new worker came in at the start of the week and from my point of view, they have been hitting it off. He flirts with her, she flirts back. It’s been killing me over the past week and today the fear semi-confirmed itself when he said they were calling each other all night before work. This article has helped calm me down so much, and I’m going to talk to her after her shift is over today. I’m pretty certain what the outcome may be, but I think this article has helped me cope with my feelings and I should be able to atleast end things on a good note and just be happy that we just were never compatible and somewhere out there is our perfect fit. Like or comment if you want to know the outcome, I’ll comment it as a reply in about 10-12 hours after this post because that’s when her shift ends and she’s coming over.
I’ve been so jealous of my older brother for i think 5 6 years since the time i was a teenager and when i had this meltdowns my mom wouldn’t understand them and try to comforts me but she would for my brother and always would make excuses for him but not me. And when i lost all my friends and i didn’t have the chance to go to college and became empty and lonely, i had started again feeling jealous. My brother has tons of friends whom he goes with every night while i sit at home because i don’t have anyone. And he also has a wonderful college life. I do not blame him for any of these. But somtimes he makes bad comments about how some people just sit at home without trying to make friends and build a social life. I really hate when he does that, i try my best to have friends, but i always fail, he doesn’t know the amount of disappointment and self-hate i feel everytime i befriend somone and they stab me in the back. He doesn’t understand. I blame my mother for this. She comparing me to him when we were little made me jealous of him. It is all her fault, not mine. I really hate being jealous, it makes me hate myself. I hope one day i will get over it.
Our jealousy is evolutionary. We feel jealous in such moments because of our sense that a cherished connection we have with another person is threatened, and our fear that a loved one may find someone else to replace us. For such extremely jealous individuals, their jealousy almost always leads to the end of relationships.
Interesting!!! Not one category that is more important than you…focus on diversifying your portfolio. Good 💡! Represent so many things, it’s ok if someone excels, at something better then you, because you’re bringing a lot more…if that someone leaves you, it’s logistics, maybe that someone is better with that other person…opening a door for you to excel with someone else. Only compare yourself to whom you were yesterday! No one else
Really love your website, really really it is helping me to know what to say to me guy and how to turn him on… we been dating recently but following your advice and using my natural awesome skills, he just got to set a goal to propose to me in the near future… because he feels that I’m warm, makes him feel appreciated and safe… and no other girls and even his ex’s made him feel as great as I do.and not even closer to this feeling
I get jealous about business competition/comparison. I am running along with a number of people who are building the same business. For some strange reason, I feel so much pain when I see them succeeding and I am not. This turns into so much hate against myself and negative self-talk, which leads to anxiety. I appreciate you all for reading this message and would love your support and perspective.
You know what. Its been my phenomenon any time a guy even remotely tried comparing me with any other woman. Cos i have worked on everything abt me. I apply “kaizen” “continuous improvement ” to every part of my life and i challenge them. Anyone can be better than me in one category but just one, not even 2….forget the whole package i am. I was like where did u hear me to echo this!!!!!
We can’t eradicate jealousy – it’s a normal human emotion. Just like love. We as humans have all kind of emotions from “negative” to positive but they are valid and it’s not possible to eliminate them. We can learn to handle jealousy better and make sure it doesn’t affect us to the point of big upset or harm on to the other. We can talk ourselves out of jealousy by increasing self love and self worth ❤ We can distance ourselves from the very jealous ones who drain us energetically and we can watch our own feelings and keep them in check. As long as this World of duality exists, there is always going to be opposites : love, hate, admiration – jealousy and so on.
Here’s what helped me…The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer is a book that helps with…life! He explains why we think the way we do. This book was a game changer for me! Michael Singer has a lecture series available on Audible and YouTube about his book. It can stand alone and I think is even better than the book. SUPER helpful!
I got a crazy story… Gave online dating a try a bit more than a year ago… Met a guy who pretended to be from somewhere else, faked and accent and everything… he ended up telling me half the story (saying he was 1/2) but still pretended to have that accent. I didn’t understand, but said he had fallen for me and it was just something that got out of hand, and I also had feelings for him at that point. His mom had left the country (that I do have proof of) for months and when she finally came back, we met each other at the park to watch him play a game (he played soccer), didn’t take more than 5-10min, for her to accidentally reveal him and all his lies including the damned accent. I tried to play it off and not make a scene since if wasn’t his poor mother’s fault. I confronted him about it when we got back to his house (since I had some stuff there), and broke up with him. Again, said it was a stupid lie he made up to amuse himself bc he didn’t think he’d seriously meet anyone. So, it was just something that had gotten out of hand. I broke up with him, but he begged and begged and apologized and said he loved me (mind you we had spoken about even possibly living together in the future). We kept sort of seeing each other (yep, I’m the dumb one at this point), and within the month I found a pair of dirty woman underwear in a drawer in his closet… when I confronted his ass he said it was from before he met me, but even if it was, I could tell he had opened that drawer in the time we dated and put other random stuff in there (that he got in the time he was with me) so even if it was the truth, he decided to keep that shit in there.
My boyfriend has a very specific type and he follows and likes photos of girls that look like that it hurts because I feel like I’m not satisfying him and I’m just not enough. It also makes me angry cause he doesn’t think about me and how I would feel and I literally have no eyes for anyone else but him. It’s sad he doesn’t feel the same but I know it’s what I deserve. I just don’t know if im overthinking it or he’s hurting my self esteem
No one is perfect, everybody has issues, the person you’re jealous of right now, might have cancer, might be in a tougher situation than you!! Don’t let the appearance or materialistic stuff get to you, it’s just an illusion. Let God be in control of your rage and envy, love thy neighbor. All that doesn’t matter when you have God in your heart ♥️ Some people don’t have anything:( Always be thankful in prayer.
Sweet simple things Good hygiene Smelling good Baby oil Hugs and kisses Making a simple meal for them Flowers Chocolate Perfume Fruit Soft music Coffee eg together Popcorn Massage away tension A walk in the park together Forgiving perusal comedy,lol perusal the sunset Looking at the stars Exploring new things Experiencing new Memories Remembering good memories Singing to the other person even if you can’t sing that makes it even better Not waiting for the perfect time Make the perfect time now Love to live and live to love Have boundaries Respectful of each other Read a book to the other one Improve your surroundings Declutter Shower together Have a fun day everyday
What I got from this article there’s acceptable jealous and harmful jealousy: Harmful jealous: maybe you’re envious that someone better looking than you hugged or greeted your spouse. Spouse having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Envious of partners success. Acceptable jealousy: partner is giving too much attention and is communicating too consistently with someone of the opposite sex even possibly finding them attractive. My opinion: I have a traditional based mind set and I personally believe men and women don’t mix especially when they find each other attractive. You shouldn’t spend too much time with someone who you find attractive and you shouldn’t spend time alone especially. Set boundaries and talk about it just like Jordan spoke about its good to discuss things you’re ok with.
“You are on the same team, that is the point.” So well said. You should never think of your partner as competition or someone you own. They are you team player. You need to provide assists and congratulations because when they win the team wins. If they are cheating then it is a different story. Cheating is saying you want to be on the other team.
This talk is profound. Many people have shame of talking about porn and would not admit publicly they are perusal it. It seems like a growing problem, I remember when it was first erotic magazines when we were kids, this moved to the triple x rated websites and internet pictures and articles later on. Porn gives false and very shallow gratification. The last words where Dr. Peterson mentions that “watching a sexual act where you are not involved says something about you” rang a bell. There are multiple causes of this to be possible to happen but if you are in that situation start taking care of yourself, do sports. Educate yourself. If you try changing all the small things about you that are under your control it is like magic how much your life can change. For people to see you as attractive and potential sexual partner you have to develop yourself so you have things to offer on the table. It is not easy. Or it seams it is not until you start doing it.
I love listening to Jordan Peterson he’s so intelligent I’ve honestly become like so callous and so indifferent to the world I’m just incapable of trusting other people but he has been helping me get my life on track so that I can focus on myself this man is truly a godsend to me I’m so glad that I discovered his stuff and I sincerely hope that everyone can appreciate how valuable this man is to the human race.
Yes I agree with most of this. My views are pretty traditional and I believe the society’s approach and view of sexuality harms people a lot and causes a great deal of unhappiness. I think sex (including emotional intimacy) should be a sacred and special thing between a couple, and that this helps the relationship survive and thrive long term
Idiots tend to say people who are insecure are jealous, well, I am very jealous, specially with people my instinct tells me to be with. Think about it, there are few things we really care or are important to us and it is not a car, or a house or a dog, it is a person, and you do not want to risk losing the love of your life, not because she/he would make you happy, but because that person is the only one you want to share it all.
Wow this was my life with my high school sweetheart. I was with him for 14 years since I was 14, had 3 children together. I feel like I did nothing put encourage him and I wanted him to be happy. I was scared because the odds were against us he had issues with drugs and alcohol, his mom passing, no family support on his side. I went to school throughout all this while I kept a full time job he was in and out of work but this was all throughout the years in which he was growing up an maturing. I felt like his mother and I understood that I knew the dynamics weren’t working but I stayed for the kids, I’m glad I did because if I would have left early on he would not have been the man he is today I say that because the men in his family are horrible no goals no job so he was headed down a dark path. I don’t like to say I alienated him from his family but he realized the more he would leave to Go hangout with them bad things would happen so he stopped going around them. He became more successful at work as did I. He was never happy, I made more money and I think that’s what ended up with him hating me. I never understood I was so motivated and wanted him to be happy. He cheated on me and completely abandoned us. Interestingly enough I became more successful since the break up almost 2 years now and he’s never been happy with me and say I’ve never done anything for him. It’s sad sometimes people will never realize they’re in their own way.
If someone has no jealously and insecurity at all in a relationship then they don’t care about you and wouldn’t care if you weren’t there. There’s a healthy balance but if someone has no insecurity or jealousy at all I’d see that as a major flag they’re not taking the relationship seriously. Too much is obviously bad but if they’re just indifferent to you then why be with them
As a teen I always thought that people “grew out of” jealousy when they reached or ended their teens (life is difficult enough without focusing on other people), how wrong I was I`m sad to say. It`s sad how people focus on what others think of them. Focus on being the best you can be because only then you are able to be the best you can be to the people around you and be a true friend (jmho). “Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius”. I wish everybody a healthy, happy, positive. and wonderful life 🙏🌎☮
I think it’s a very liberating message that shame is an inherent part of sex in a way, it is a social act so there is no reason it should be entirely stripped of it as it is a regulator. The degree of shame can be a problem, but if you have a desire to get rid of it entirely then that is an impossible goal.
Oh man, I was so there with this conversation. I was really into agreeing with the need for becoming clear with just what it is we want then expressing it. I was going to ask a relatively new boyfriend if he might be willing to watch this before I initiated a conversation I need to have that is along the same lines as the one discussed. Then seemingly out of nowhere comes the topic of pornography and Wham! I am on the other side of the fence. With what seems to be a lack of congruency and ideas that are not well thought out regarding pornography I cannot help but believe there is a blind spot there. It’s so very different than anything else I have seen him present. I have never seen him shy away from talking about something bny saying, “It’s way more complicated than that.” That’s a cop out. And then the supposition that perusal 2 people having sex implies something about your desirability or courage. What?! Seriously?! I’m so disappointed. So, should I also be drawing conclusions about the men who are perusal football or another sport or activity on tv several times a week and what that is saying about them? Shall we also make that same leap about courage with them and so many others? And finally< i have bumped into 2 other observations. The first is the apparent avoidance of statements of inclusion with same sex couples and 2, I came across a article of his and the title said something about crying as he shared he besieged in Jesus. He can believe in whatever he likes but in this instance I think it has had a profound negative impact upon what was once a man who had the ability to maintain perspective. One last thought. I could not et go of the thought that he looked so much older and so much more frail and his voice no longer holds the power it once did. I suspect some of the changes aer not all that unusual in this stage of his life and I wish him nothing but the best.