Grief is a normal response to the difficult experience of divorce, and it can last longer than most people think. Open communication is crucial in handling grief in marriage, and respecting individual grieving processes is crucial. Seeking professional help, establishing new routines, engaging in shared activities, honoring the loss together, practicing patience and understanding, and maintaining physical and emotional intimacy are some strategies for handling grief in marriage.
The five-stage model of grief, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, can help normalize one’s break-up experience. Acknowledging that the marriage is over and having a face-to-face conversation can help alleviate pain on both sides. Sharing feelings with friends and family, joining a support group, and avoiding isolation can help overcome the grief process.
Establishing a routine and maintaining the rhythms of life can help cope with the grief. Surrounding oneself with supportive people and avoiding power struggles and arguments with your spouse or former spouse can also help. It is important to remember that the grieving process may take up to two years, and it is essential to be kind to yourself and show compassion as you work through the mixture of feelings stemming from the ending of your marriage.
In conclusion, grief is normal after divorce, and it is essential to recognize that it is a normal part of life. By following the five stages of grief, establishing a routine, and seeking professional help, individuals can move forward into an uncertain future and move on mindfully.
📹 Grieving the End of a Relationship – Painful Attachment Trauma After Breakup
Hello. Thanks for checking out my YouTube channel. In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, …
How long does grief last after the death of a spouse?
Grief can take a year or more. Grief usually gets less intense over time, but the sense of loss can last for decades. Some events, mementos, or memories can make you feel strong emotions that last for a short time.
Difficult relationships. People who had a hard time with the person who died often feel sad after they die. They may mourn the relationship they wished they had with the person who died. Some people feel relief, while others feel nothing at all. People also feel regret and guilt. This is normal after losing someone.
What is the miserable husband syndrome?
Miserable Husband Syndrome is when a man gets angry, frustrated, and anxious because he’s losing testosterone. This can be caused by aging, certain medications, or too much stress.
Does divorce pain ever go away?
Will divorce hurt forever? Yes, it will. But that doesn’t mean leaving or being left by a spouse and coming to terms with it will hurt more than anything else. (It might.) When I first thought about this, I smiled. Will divorce hurt forever? Of course it will. But leaving or being left by a spouse and coming to grips with the aftermath might hurt worse than anything else. (It might.) Women say that about childbirth. People say that about kidney stones and car accidents. The pain is different, but that’s not the point. The point is that pain doesn’t last. It’s not forever. Feel the pain. Don’t ignore it, don’t be ashamed of it, and don’t try to stop it.
Who hurts the most after divorce?
Men are to blame. Divorce is always a two-way street. Both the husband and the wife are responsible at the end of the relationship. But it’s always the man who suffers. Even if a man is a caring husband, he is often seen as the reason for a failed marriage and divorce. This hurts their mental health. Guilt, shame, and anxiety are common symptoms. If not treated right away, they can cause stress and depression that last for days, months, or even years.
Trouble getting into new relationships. Men think the marriage failed because of them. But to overcome grief and loneliness, they often try to find solace in new relationships too soon. Even if they find love again, they still carry the pain of their failed relationship. They often find it hard to connect with their new partner and are unsure of their choices. The result is… The relationship never grows and is not satisfying. Divorced women take a different route. They take time to heal before starting a new relationship. They don’t rush into relationships and are happy with friends and family. This makes their future relationships successful.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used for when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
What are three things widows need?
Here are three things a widow wants you to know:
Heritage Woods of Minooka – 3 Things a Widow Wants You to Know.
Many widows find the death of their spouse difficult and painful. We can’t fully understand what they’re going through, but we can help those who have experienced this loss. Here are three things a widow wants you to know:
Widows feel alone after their spouses die. They’ve lost their partner and their main support. That’s why we should help during this difficult time.
What not to do after the death of a spouse?
Don’t tell their bank. 2. Call Social Security right away. … 3. Don’t wait to call their pension. … 4. Don’t tell the utility companies. … 5 – Don’t give away or promise items to loved ones. … 6 – Don’t sell their personal assets. When someone dies, often one person handles everything. This could be a spouse, parent, child, close friend, grandchild, or other relative. Maybe you’ve just lost someone you love and are the one handling everything. Maybe you’ve lost someone you love and want to help the person who is handling everything. You want things done correctly, fairly, and legally. You want to avoid conflict, hassle, and stress. You want to save time and money. This article will help you make good decisions after a loved one dies. See our 10 tips for what not to do after they’ve died. Telling the bank too soon can cause problems that will take time and money to fix. First, meet with an attorney who is a Certified Specialist in Estate Planning, Trust, and Probate Law to create a plan to minimize your costs, obligations, and liabilities. If you contact the bank before consulting an attorney, you risk account freezes, which could delay mortgage payments. Call Social Security right away to tell them about your loved one’s death. Notifying Social Security right away is important to avoid overpayments, legal issues, fines, and fees. Social Security will get their money back. Call Social Security right away to avoid problems later.
What is the walk away wife syndrome?
What is “walkaway wife syndrome”? Walkaway wife syndrome is when a wife leaves her husband because she is unhappy. The phenomenon begins when a wife feels disconnected from her spouse. She may or may not say she’s unhappy. If she does speak up, she may feel her spouse ignores her or dismisses her concerns. This makes her feel ignored and she withdraws emotionally. She may start living her life without her spouse.
Walkaway wife syndrome starts with the wife leaving because she feels unmet needs or dissatisfied. Over time, this may lead to less communication, less shared activities, and more focus on individual interests. Eventually, the wife may move out. Divorce follows. This final step often surprises the spouse, who is usually unaware of the situation. If the couple doesn’t divorce, they may lose respect for each other. Some call this “dead marriage syndrome.”
What are the 4 stages of grief tear?
Wordens Tasks of Mourning Task I: To accept the loss. To process the pain of grief. To adjust to a world without the deceased. To find a connection with the deceased.
Attention AT users. To access the menus, do the following. 1. Switch auto forms mode off. 2. Enter to expand a main menu option. 3. To enter submenu links, use the down arrow. You can now use the tab or arrow keys to move through the submenu options. This tool is for grief related to death. This tool doesn’t cover other types of losses like disability, divorce, job loss, or natural disasters. This Whole Health tool can help you support a Veteran who has experienced a loss other than death. To support someone who is grieving, it helps to know how grief affects people and what they might go through. This will help you understand normal reactions and reassure those who are concerned. People grieve in their own way. Everyone grieves differently. This tool summarizes common grief reactions, how long grief lasts, and what mourning involves.
What are the four 4 correct answers stages of grief include?
The 5 stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Everyone grieves. People often say that grief has 5 or 7 stages. The 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The 7 stages explain these better and help us understand grief more. They include guilt. Grief is universal. Everyone will experience grief at some point. It can be from the death of a loved one, losing a job, or ending a relationship. Grief is also very personal. It’s not neat or linear. It doesn’t follow a schedule. You may cry, get angry, withdraw, or feel empty. These are normal reactions.
How long does it take to grieve the end of a marriage?
People may go through different stages of grief. The intensity of this period usually peaks within the first six months of separation. The grieving process can take two years. Everyone goes through all the stages of grief, but in different orders. It’s normal to feel these ways, and they may come back around holidays or anniversaries.
Shock and disorganization. During this period, you may:
Feel numb. Your routines have changed. You go through your daily routines without really seeing, hearing, or experiencing events. Activities that usually have significance for you seem meaningless. You experience life without a sense of satisfaction.
What are the three C’s of grief?
Practice the three Cs. When planning, think about the three Cs: choose, connect, communicate. Choose. Choose what’s best for you. Even in the darkest times, you still have the right to choose. “Grief makes you feel like you have no control,” says Julie. Choose what you can do and what you can’t. This helps you regain some control.
Connect: “We’re wired for connection,” says Julie. Grief makes you feel lonely, which makes you isolate yourself. Don’t isolate yourself.
“No one wants to hear ‘How are you doing?’ all the time. Don’t fake it when asked. Honesty helps you and others.
📹 The Science & Process of Healing from Grief | Huberman Lab Podcast #74
This episode, I discuss grief and the challenges of processing losses of different kinds. I explain the biological mechanisms of grief …
Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my articles and posting such thoughtful comments. It’s inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other’s sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone – keep going and keep learning! As I’m sure you can understand, I’m not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on YouTube. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who’s hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I’m sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on YouTube. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future articles. If you have a question or an idea for a article that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it.
Constant anxiety, fear, panic attacks that make me want to jump out of my own body and run as far away from myself as possible. Denial, bargaining, blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the relationship, thinking of scenarios in which it could still work out, wanting to reach out, refusing to believe that it’s over. Lying awake at night to the point of not wanting to go to bed anymore, dreaming about her, waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to sleep again. Drinking and smoking to alleviate the stress. Constantly feeling tired. Not getting any work done. Spending all day perusal Youtube articles about getting an ex back. Neglecting my own physical well-being, not eating or drinking enough, ordering junk food late at night, not being able to do simple chores because they all seem meaningless. Not being interested in any other topic than my ex. Hating myself for being this way. Yup, looks like I’m not doing so well. That’s my experience two weeks into the break-up. What’s yours?
Being rejected by a lover is excruciatingly painful; I remember these feelings well – after each relationship…even after 3-7 months, even. This last one – several years long was different. I was OK and knew it was a dead end. Now I can see that each of those rejections reminded me unconsciously of my unconscious memories of feeling emotionally rejected by my mother…who was unable to bond with her entire family. Life is hard for so many of us. Relationships typically will fail until we get the childhood story connected to this adult relationship. At least this was my experience. Best to everyone here. Remember rejection is very similar to abandonment.
What sucks is you can’t really even talk to people about it. Either you go on for ages and it’ s exhausting for the person or you tell them and they try to be supportive by saying things like oh that is really hard but you will find someone better eventually or you’re better off without them. Even if that will be true one day that’s not helpful rn. I lost the man I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with, it’s been 5 months and some days I still feel like i can’t breathe. But it just feels like you can’t say that people.
You totally get me. I felt like I was going to die from the pain. Then at times I wanted to die. Not sleeping and not eating for days. I only ate enough to not pass out. I lost 5 pounds in a week. As I knew the relationship was ending, right before we were going to get a house together, I felt worse and worse each day. I wish I had seen these articles years ago and I would have saved myself a lot of grief and him as well. All I can do is say I am sorry to him and ask God to forgive me for choices and my behavior. I know that the trauma isn’t my fault but as an adult I have to accept responsibility.
I have CPTSD – got disorganised attachment as well. I’m apprehensive about opening up my heart to others but when it’s safe and I do, I love completely. Doesn’t matter how long I’m with the person – the rejection is triggering. It opens up all my old wounds. The grief is overblown. The heartache is excruciating. Anyone else who is the same – time heals all and cut the person out. You are 100% with or without anyone. ❤️Our need for love is to fill the void from childhood – but this love is something we can only give to ourselves.
This absolutely describes where I was 3 years ago. Spot on.. a level 10 for sure. I wish I encountered this then, but I got through. I’m thankful that I know all this now and that I am working on my attachment injury from that occurrence and beyond. I’m also filled with gratitude that I am no longer there and that immediate space of shock and horror. I’m grateful to be able to share my experience with others to help them, to have learned so much about myself from the breakup that I had and the chance to heal, be different, to be healthier, to be free, to have choices from self-destructive behavior and thinking, for awareness, self love, and so much more. Love to all who are experiencing this pain now and my deepest empathy.
I felt and got every single word from this article Alan. After 47 years (since a baby) of rejection to have my 11 year marriage end and him just walk away (He is a fearful avoidant) like it meant nothing is causing such real, incredible pain. I put everything in over and over again. I wasn’t even getting my needs met, not even basically but still I hoped for that change and yes since breakup I have bounced back with the “has he changed? will it be different this time” and of course I am left in floods of tears, backwards again. So now I have gone no contact. Cut every link. I have to. I am a big fan of your articles, helping me get through. My heart and prayers go out too for every single person perusal this article too that is hurting like hell. This too will pass I keep telling myself.
Thank you so much Alan. I am hurting so bad I want to throw up. You are an amazing YouTube friend. God is using you in my life, you have an uncanny sense of timing in my life. You always seem to post exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. No matter what I do, my grief of loss of relationship and loss of my first love is crushing excerbated by a life time of abandonment and rejection, everything you said i very very true for me. Thank you for your time, care, expertise and consideration, I needed this word. Be well.
I think everything in life has a ‘price’, and in case of relationships, it’s this horrible feeling when a meaningful one ends. I don’t know about others but I came to the conclusion that it’s not worth it for me anymore, I’d rather spend all my energy and time on improving myself, my finances, achieving my goals and maxing out my potential, without even seeking social validation from anyone. I just want to enjoy life, and that’s the path I choose. It’s a blissful, liberating feeling. (23 year old male)
I’ve watched hundreds of articles in the last 2 weeks since the break up and not one has resonated with me as much as this one. My father – who was my best friend in life – left my family when I was 11 years old. Subsequently my mom went into a state of depression for several years and left me essentially alone to rear myself. I’m almost 40 years old and I’m still single from being in unhealthy relationship after unhealthy relationship… not understanding why I’m drawn to those who will abandon me- yet it’s what I fear the most. Something about this last relationship that has really sent me in a tailspin. Thank you for saying the words I couldn’t say- letting me know how I’m feeling isn’t wrong- but normal. I can’t express how much this article has meant. Thank you.
leaving someone is like torture for me. one of my worst fears is being left, so leaving someone else is unbearable for me, even if the guy is dangerous. when you know the deep wound of abandonment, you don’t want anyone you care about to go through it either. when i tell myself i’m going to go through with the break up with him, i have a major panic attacks i run ti the bathroom and i am literally sick,. i actual feel like leaving him is going to kill me! how can you live with yourself knowing you hurt someone so deeply?.i don’t want anyone else to feel the pain of feeling abandoned. i hope this makes sense. thank you for your advice.
I was in a pretty bad relationship. I loved my partner to death. Whenever they hurt me, I just internalized it and didn’t want to hurt them ever in the same way. I treated them delicately. I truly loved them. 6 years passed and some days I was in agony but I lived with it because I loved this person so much. They were selfish. I knew that for a while. I would constantly think about his feelings. The problem was, he would too. His feelings were the only ones being thought about. Mine were disregarded by both myself and him. One day he pushed me so far. He kept attacking me. He kept calling me hurtful things and saying hurtful things (more than usual). And I just wanted to be alone that day to think. I told him the truth after his tirade. just one sentence. He dumped me days later. Because I hurt HIS feelings by saying he was a neglectful and abusive person. My feelings never mattered. After 6 years, this is how it sunk. It hurts to detach. Even when he hurt me, I still loved him. Even now, it hurts. This article is helping however. I’m going through this abandonment anxiety, but he is not. I guess I really know now that I was the one truly invested.
Yes, those mindful or mindless moments can sneak up on you and you find yourself in moments of comfort back into your being. You will be ok eventually. The relationship with ourself is the most precious. Letting go of the story, and our fantasy future life we construct. This is a big opportunity to heal the unresolved child abandonment. Be there with yourself. You are not alone. Self-validate not invalidate. Self care with a hot shower, fresh linen, nice meal and distracting movie. Love yourself back to stable xx
I watched this 6 months ago after I broke up with my boyfriend. I watched it a few times, and took the advice. I would add pre-washed spinach greens to my soup. I kept thinking about Alan’s words of wisdom. I didn’t do my taxes. I waited. Well, needless to say my ex and I started talking again. (Long distance) I’ve broken up with him again yesterday, and this time it is more definite and final. I am back to square 1, and it’s just bloody awful. I know I have attachment injuries/trauma of some sort. Also, it’s true…the raindrop analogy. With this grief it’s bringing up other loss/grief issues very much so – especially around my health and also aging. It is very tough. Indeed, I feel like a “normal person” would be like: “Ok, you tried, cut your losses…sad… (5 or 6)”… but, I’m definitely closer to a 10. Today I really felt that I could barely function in practical ways, so it was helpful to hear Alan’s advice…yet again. There is also grief for me just not knowing how to do relationships as well as I would like to. Thank you, Alan. I’m so glad this article is still available. I may need to watch it again tomorrow.
The imagery of the knife in the goat spoke to me because, when the grief comes blazing, I have scream-cried like an animal being slaughtered. I literally howl with the pain of it. It’s been eight months since he ended us and I’m now moving up to standard sobbing and misery, so there’s that. Progress not perfection, I guess. I’m diving headfirst into my childhood attachment issues, the loneliness, rejection, sadness, and anxiety. I’m tired of going through this.
For 18 years ago, for the frst time I really let myself to get involved. The person was clearly undependable which I was totally blind to. It turned out, he was having fun, fooling women, one after another. The point is that I think that perhaps, sooner or later, one has to reenact the broken, abusive ‘bondage’ one possibly had at least with one parent. I had the breakdown relatively late. The breakdown was so deep in my cells, it did some permanent damage which affected my physical health. Only years after have I understood how abusive my relationship with my parent has been, always, and still is. Now, I have healed a long way. My sense of reality in relationships is no longer distorted. This is life.
It’s been over 3 months since she completely wrote me out of her life and the pain is still so unbearable. I’m not holding onto hope of things working out anymore at all. But the void that this split left in my life is undeniable. Thank you for your advice. One second at a time is how things sometimes have to be.
It’s been over a year now and I am still having dreams of the good times in my life with my ex. I am afraid to go to sleep because I know I will dream of him and have such feelings of loss. When he discarded me it was when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was a brutal discard but 8 months later I am still having dreams of him that are all loving and kind to which I wake up confused. In the first half hour I am feeling such a crushing loss. Once I am awake I am able to see the relationship for what it was, abusive. Your articles are so on point. Grief is hard and last longer when the attachment disorder is not addressed. It is so helpful to understand my wounds from childhood are making this loss disproportionately traumatic. Friends and family just repeat over and over to just get over it so I have no one who understands to share with. These articles are helping so much. I am showing myself some self love and trying to stop the reliving of the trauma of abandonment. I have learned journaling has been most helpful because I could look at these experiences over time and see my own progress.
Thank you 🙏 for putting Into words the horrible pain of a heartbreak . I cried through the entire article because I felt acknowledged . It means so much to have someone validate the struggles and pain . I feel so judged and misunderstood. It’s so hard to explain what all this feels to others when they see it as simple as moving on . It does feel like I’m dying inside. I will try everything you said so I can make it through my day . I noticed your last article was a year ago . I really hope you come back on . You are a jewel.
A recent relationship rejection has left me devastated and I could not figure out how this came about – my last rejection 8 years prior seemed a relief! Now I see myself going through adrenaline rushes and extreme exhaustion; my productivity at work has drastically suffered, with persistent back-and chest-pain… and I was wondering why. This article has really helped me to soothe and understand what I am going through. I am also relieved by the thought that this is normal and that now that I see what’s happening is a positive indication that I have greater awareness than during previous rejections. I am also proud of myself that I got some good things on my own (e.g. burning scented candles) as I investigate my emotions.
This is the best article I have seen in the past 2 months after a breakup. Each day still feels like the first day, and the explained everything so well. And now I am learning to tell myself that it’s not business as usual, and I do need to slow down and just focus on taking care of the absolute basics. I was trying to do what everybody else recommends, starting new hobbies, going on trips, spending time with friends, and that pushed my even further into physical and emotional exhaustion. Thank you so much for this!
Thank you Alan for this most amazing and relevant article which is helpful for all kinds of losses. I only just found your articles and even though it had been several years since I went through this devastating loss, your words are helpful today because you are describing feelings that pop up over time, even today, that create panic, as well as the events of the immediate trauma. Your advice and suggestions are really sound and from my experience do help, and time is a great healer.
Thank you so much for these wise words Alan. This is exactly what I’ve been going through these last 5 weeks and it is unbelievably painful. All the pain of the past and the present rolled into a giant snowball coming right at me. You have helped me to slow down and work on taking care of me right now. It is a lonely painful process but I have done this before and know I will survive again!
Thank you for this article. After perusal this article I was depressed but decided to reach out to a family member because your words about looking for support from friends. I went to the ER was on 51/50 hold and went inpatient for three days. Because of this I realized it was my meds making me depressed, but I still have the attachment problems while there I learned very basic stuff in DBT and radical acceptance and now I’m working on healing and fixing myself so that my past no longer holds me and I can practice radical acceptance. Thank you, I love all your articles and how you explain things in a way that not only makes sense but describes very well what it feels like and then for the most part explains why it does and validates how I’m feeling is normal and that I’m not alone. No one is, I’m glad I decided to watch this article when I got the notification it changed my life (:
Thank you so much Alan. I went through a traumatic breakup back in June (as well as a decade ago) and I never knew how to deal with it outside of obsessing for months and months and months. Listening to this now has been so helpful in terms of helping me process what was happening and what it looked like from an outsiders self perspective. Thank you. I’m going to post this on the r/breakups subreddit today and often enough going forward. Thank you
The way u described grief when experienced against the backdrop of attachment trauma .is truly incredible . the detail in which u delve into the feelings, care with which u choose ur words and really come down to meet a person in their grief is a level of compassion and expertise that i am truly grateful to for .thanku .noone has ever explained this to me quiet so well .its literally like a godsent angel.
Thank you so much for this article Alan. I’m currently in that moment of excruciating pain, overwhelmed with sadness. To hear that this is normal for us with attachment trauma, it is incredibly validating. It’s hard to have conversations like this with people who have not dealt with loss the way we have. It does make me feel better, even if it’s just for a bit, that this pain is justified.
This has been one of the most helpful articles I have ever seen. Breaking everything down and studying the tiniest details helped incredibly I can’t even explain it. When you feel that sickening pit in your stomach and chest. Feeling the blanket on your skin. The light pressure touching you. The coolness or warmness of your blanket. This was been the best coping tool I have found so far.
That is EXACTLY how I feel. Beautiful imagery of the drops of rain water consolidating as they run down …. that is going to stay in my mind …. linked to the Simon and Garfunkel song – Kathy’s song. And as I watch the drops of rain Weave their weary paths and die I know that I am like the rain There but for the grace of you, go I…
As someone who has been on the hamster wheel for about three months, this is so true and can be so difficult, yet necessary. I think of what’s happened like a tree … a huge branch was cut off and it takes time for the sprouts of a new existence to start growing in the place of what was before. I don’t think it happens gradually either, one day you just surprisingly notice you’ve shifted and aren’t hurting as much. But it’s a long wait for the old neural pathways to decay. Baby steps in the meantime … Very difficult
Unbelievable, you’ve described what I went through 1,5 y ago. It was so devastating and I didn’t really understand why I felt so extreme (even I wanted the break up). But the night it came it was, like you said in your vid, the car, the bus, the train🚍🚌😵 I felt like grieving several break ups and sure ended with my childhood. I knew stuff happened. But I never knew the cause. It got better over time, I did therapy again, but I still feel shook up.
Thank you for being so straightforward. Everything you describe is what I’m going through. I am constantly conflicted about everything in the relationship, in the end he told me he didn’t think the relationship was right and ended it. But I want to blame his drug addiction and the fact that he took anti depressants which could have made him emotionally numb. At the same time I should not be with someone struggling with an addiction but he was such a loving person. It’s all a big mess but I’m glad you speak the way you do and giving some advice. Some YouTubers only give me hope by telling me if doing this and that he might come back
This article was life changing. I’m so glad it was 30 minutes. Because the second it was over, a lot of my anxiety rushed right back. I’m going to return to this every day or so to come back to reality. You’re a really special person Mr. (or Dr, i don’t know your level of education) Robarge. Thank you for saving me tonight.
Feel the pain. Feel it unmovingly, unconditionally. Instead of trying to get rid of it, bring it closer. Let it get worse. This is the path to freedom. Either that or continue being enslaved. You may want to read Michael Singer’s article “pain the price of freedom” Who is in charge? You or the pain?
Alan, God bless you for your articles! You have helped so many of us who found our way to your website through our OWN determination to journey forward in our lives by seeking the guidance and knowledge that is needed to gain awareness of our OWN truth so that we may find the strength to heal our OWN wounds and to take responsibility in nurturing our OWN spirits by taking charge of our OWN wellness to recovery. I believe in order to embrace our OWN true light and break free from the trauma bonds of our OWN attachment injuries from childhood that still plague us, we must focus on loving and caring for OURSELVES wholeheartedly….and it all begins with being patient and compassionate in our OWN path to self-love through our OWN self-care. I wish everyone good health in mind, body and spirit always! Times are rough now, but hope for a better future is ahead of us. Keep your heads up, beautiful people…and keep the faith! In the words of the great-late Maya Angelou, “AND STILL I RISE!”
Alan, I found you a couple of weeks ago. Your voice brings a calmness to me. Your words are clear and cause me to feel understood. I’m beyond crushed. I feel trapped in a whirlwind of mind torment. I desperately want free. Listening to your articles gives me hope that I will make it out of this prison of emotional pain. I would love to hear from you and possibly have some one on one sessions. Forgive me for coming across as desperate but i’m so deep in this grief that I need help from someone that is full of wisdom regarding this issue.
14:25,..I have no idea what you had to go through in your life to arrive here, but I thank God for you and your generous sharing of answers to something so complex as deep seated hurts. You explain me so well, and then you give me remedies for removing emotional contamination(s). And in simple words, no less!!!
Amazing you’ve described my time after a break up. Not my first bad break up, but that was hell (even it wasn’t so much about the person) and I knew I wouldn’t fix it with another relationship. As you mentioned warrior 11:00 I was reminded of my long meditation Buddhist practice before this break up (I stopped meditation at that time-bc I was disappointed I wasn’t protected by all the mind work I did). Anyhow, I was wondering if the years of practice before gave me the strength to go through this all by myself. In retrospect I did the things very similar ‘OK, what is now, what am I going to eat tonight… This is not the time for plans, be present’ – and it was still soooo painful. It changed after 1,5 y, different pain now and I try to accept it as a lifelong process.
I seem to be fighting myself to feel that it’s over… I want that knowing. I want it out of me. Affirming so many reasons why this was all kinds of wrong, and it was. Perhaps denial, shock… breathing and body scanning, making healthy choices or whatever represents self-love… it works. Stating the reality was interesting… adding this to my routine. Thanks Alan. #Trance #Release
The feeling and reality that he’s gone is….untouchable. My childhood trauma made me sink my talons right into him without even knowing it, however I did pick a person that wound up being “secretive” causing me to panic more. But the young girl in me loved being loved, even though it was crumbs at times. And this person came off the first 3 months as emotionally available with his mask on, which was my “hook” then gave me less and less. 2 people with messed up issues. At least I identified this and ended it, now I’m seeing a therapist… yay for me! Everybody hang in there we’re going to get better!
I was married for 23 years to the same beautiful woman. Two and a half years ago she left me because of some really hard times that we were going through with my health. There were unique circumstances in that she came out as gay later on in life but to me it still feels like she found a way out rather than something genuine. It’s been two and a half years, I still talk to her we are still friends but the trauma that it has caused my life is beyond measure. I can’t really go anywhere without memories popping up of us being in that particular place or seeing fall decorations knowing that it was our favorite season and that we looked forward to it every year. It’ss like an entire life that was built only to be torn apart, ripped apart. She has moved on and did so rather quickly and I am sitting here basically being punished every single day for loving somebody that deeply. We genuinely care about each other but I just do not know how to move on nor do I know how to stop the nightmares and memories from creeping in. I would love some advice because I have no answers…
The last 2 months I lost my apartment my job and for some reason I was holding on to this person that wouldn’t even help me even though I have help them a thousand times.. I literally lost everything and once I was on my butt literally they kicked me and broke up with me . Now I’m just going over things in my head over and over cuz u don’t understand I was there for you no matter what you did or what you went thru but thru my storm you walk away????
Thank you!! This makes so much sense. I left my ex a year in a half ago and I still pine for him. I wish I could get over this. He has moved on with a new relationship 3 months after we broke up. It killed me. I have Bpd, complex PTSD, and Major Depression. I’m in an intensive outpatient program but I needed more. Not everybody has such complex trauma issues. Lol thank you for your time and “validation”. God bless you.
Something about almost revealing your complete self to someone out of love and then getting broken up with truly hurts. You just know that your existence was dismissed and nothing about YOU yourself could hold them back to not say goodbye to you….its almost like they always knew you only were temporary goods to them.
My relationship has started and ended a few times at my hand. it is horrifically painful… before the end and once it has ended… so why if I know we are ending, why do I keep reaching for him, checking if he cares, caring if he cares, feeling sad and hurt and abandoned if he does not. It has to stop. A while back when I ended it … I was miserable for probably 6 months and started to recover.. to not feel as sick in the morning.. to be able to get through part of the day.. so I guess I feel there is some kind of hope… then he pulled me back… Into the Fire.
I am thankfully out of this danger zone but I was feeling like yes life became surreal and unbearable in my mind and sent me into the stratosphere of oblivion. Thank goodness life is returning or I am resurrecting but thank you for speaking so pointedly on it helping all viewers feel less alone, crazy and helpless. Wish i had seen your article few months ago to help me explain what I was processing.
Omg I love you I need this so bad I’m sure you kmow but I’m like going through the steps as thr article played and in laughing and crying and its rediculous and insane but I wanted to say thank you for your no nonsence approach no gamea no gentle hand holding the slap in the face and the knowledge that I’m alive and breathing is refreshing
Thank you so much Alan Robarge! Your article has helped me feel a bit more in control of my mind. Today I really struggled as I couldn’t come to terms with why me and my best friend are going through a brake up, as if it was not meant to be. I could not not stop crying, my chest felt so tense and I couldn’t breathe. I felt so lost, and all I wanted to know is how do I get myself back to normal … fact is, I need to acknowledge I am hurting, I am going through a hard time. When things get wild in my head, don’t compare myself to how I was yesterday, yesterday’s reality was different. Make life easier by going to the basics, I will actually write down what my basics are. Again, thank you for making this article, and taking the time to help me with my problems.
This is the only website that I’ve watched where the person I feel gets it. Everything you said is what I feel right now and it has been a long time since the breakup and I sob uncontrollably every day I’ll be at work with a person and just burst into tears I feel like I can’t even work right now or do the most basic of functions. I’m starting therapy this week because my attachment to my ex is incredibly unhealthy and I’m not functioning anymore or moving forward at all. I can only describe it as complete and utter devastation. I’ve been through some breakups before but nothing like this. For me, he was the one. I feel like basics is the way I need to survive now so thank you. I have had horrible abandonments in my life stemming from my father and then men in general who have either abandoned me or I perceived as abandonments / betrayal e.g. cheating etc..My ex suggested I get a cat, but I can’t even care for myself right now so I feel like I couldn’t care for an animal.
This is my sixth time going through this. Only just realised about my attachment trauma thanks to Alan’s articles. It helps to know the reason why it happens and why it is so incredibly hard. It magnifies a bad situation into an overwhelming, never ending physical and mental torture. Bless everyone going through it.
I lost almost 6 months of delaying my healing process by holding onto hope and waiting on my ex to change his mind, trying to persuade him into not giving up on us. PLEASE DON’T DO IT God knows if i had let him be i would be in a better place today regardless of him coming back or not without compromising my dignity and mental health over someone whos totally ok with losing me, having attachment trauma and being in a long term relationship and having a child with him i refused to accept things I’m in terrible pain this long later and i made it worse by being rejected multiple times by my ex Even if it feels like a stab in the heart and it hurts terribly DONT BEG OR PLEAD don’t do what I did. Cry your eyes out, surround yourself with people who are there for you unconditionally. Do a little self care and in time get involved in pursing your goals and hobbies. That’s what I’ll focus on from now on. Have no choice but to focus on myself and so do you. Sending my love❤
Omg, yes yes yes! Thank you. I am going through this. I feel like I am have fever, weak, and unable to focus. But I am in school and about to get exams, and have to struggle with myself. I feel like I am dieing, I dont know if maybe I want to. Thank you, atleast you see me, and understand. Thank you.
You introduction is my present moment… I feel so bad and still knowing that I did it for the right reasons…knowing that person is not good for me… conflicted because of how I responded to it and all this grieve… I know I will be myself and improve, I am dueling. But, hopeful that I’ll capitalized too… come on, it hurts, I know… let’s stay strong and learn…
I can’t explain how much your articles are helping me. Especially to accept the reality. It has been 4 months since my breakup and I am still hurting, maybe in a different way than 2 months back. I was in great panic then. Contacted him again and again. I was a mess. Now-a-days I can say that I am still grieving, still hurting, having spiraling thoughts. Still have some hope of working things out. But I am finding help, learning about myself, my attachment style, getting validation for my feelings from such articles. I am ready to move on, which was not the case 2 months back. I find so much comfort in your articles especially. To face the reality and knowing tools to progress ahead. Thank you!
I know this article is old but Thank you!!!!!!! This describes what I am going through after a 5-year relationship just getting settled because I moved.. unpacking has been so hard with each box I sob. I am in shock in disbelief, I thought this was my forever person. I am a new city have a new place but I am not ok 👌 it has only been 2 months since the breakup but I go to sleep then wake up realizing that it was not a dream..crazy thing is I made a long list to distract me from the breakup and I just can’t focus the playback of the last few days before I moved is on replay but I know I can’t fast forward the process and will take it one day at a time.
Wow, this is exactly what it feels like…..exactly. I wrote about it before perusal this article and I could have made this article from my notes. The shock, confusion, lack of sleep, the trance and the surreal experience. Endless crying and grieving. After the reality sets in you just have to sit in it. I made a daily check list which includes Getting up, taking a shower, eating right, exercise, work, what’s for dinner (don’t eat junk) list. I know the list is based in reality and what happens in my head might not be….stick to the list! I have to push forward……! I will get through this!
I feel every word of this. Perfectly explained. I’m emotional, physically and mentally exhausted. My husband told me he wanted a divorce August 2019, he filed Feb 2020 and we’ve lived separated this whole time under the same roof still. I’m in so much pain still almost a year that he withdrew and this month is one year since intimacy. I’m struggling daily knowing he consciously makes a decision to not stop the divorce process and the rejection of him being able to not want me, but is cordial through this process. I cry daily and I don’t even know how I feel anymore. I’m just numb.
Hi. Over the past few years I’ve discovered some qualities about my brother that make me feel like our once good relationship is now no longer possible. I’ve cried a few times because of how he treats me – shows lack of basic respect for me and I cannot repeatedly expose myself to that treatment. We saw each other at mom’s house over the holidays and although I was prepared and handled the situation well enough (I think) it makes me so sad to have to emotionally prepare for family and to plan ahead about the amount of time that I can be there and to put a limit on it. Sad. This article helps.
Living in peanut butter today. Don’t even know why I’m checking this out. Been here and done this before (the big break ups) and already knw how I need to go through all the phases and things, but no matter. It’s like hearing it again is comforting or something. I will say I do feel the stuff and go through the pain and my body fluctuates between a fatigued “OMG, I have no energy emotionally today” and this high energy “yay! it’s time to get a new life started now!!” feeling. I completely lose my appetite during times of pain and loss. I can’t swallow or eat, but I know I’ll be trying. My last major break up, over 20 years ago, I lost 36 lbs in a matter of a month or 2 and all kinds of speculations where made at the time by co-workers and nosey on lookers, and even though I could stand to lose a few lbs for optimal fitness goals, lol…doing this way is not even a little bit enjoyable. The emotional pain (a crying jag here and there, or the annoyance or the anger) really sucks, but I do know it will be ok and maybe even better later on. I’m the one who had to come to the realization after all. I’m the one who had to face the truth and stand by it instead of living in a dream of peaceful and pleasant on the face of things disconnection for the rest of my days. Not easy at all. Really painful, but still it is what it is.
Thank you so much for this article, Alan. My husband left me two weeks ago for another woman, and the pain is excruciating. I’ve never experienced grief like this, and I don’t really know how to do it. I have friends telling me to move out of “our” apartment to get my own place, or to redecorate so it looks different, or other big things. It’s all I can do to get through an hour without sobbing, let alone much else. These simple tips are exactly what I need right now, and it’s really comforting to get “permission” to do things in baby steps.
This is funny. I had a painful breakup, and i found this article so comforting 3 years ago. Then i entered in other relationship and now i am living and even worse break. Is worse because we were so deeply in love and we broke up due to incompatibility. But he showed me that real love truly exist. But at the same time, I am more equiped this time. I made a profound inner transformation and now I can see the results within me. I am single again, but i am not embarrassed of my needs anymore. I am more securely attached than Ive ever been. The pain is devastating, but I’ll be better once, and I’ll be stronger!! And i hope i dont need to wach this article again 🙂
Oh, yes… on fire… intensity is there… all you say is what’s happening… there is no possibility… nothing will change… and I want to get better… Exaggerated is the small word to say… everything is coming from childhood and I keep on entering the bad relationships… from one to another… I am a mass and freaking out… It’s just so true… I am on fire…. I felt the same way when my husband died last September and not going through the whole process I jumped to next relationship thinking it will help me… nope… few days ago I decided to end that dysfunctional relationship and now I am in pain… critical pain… thank god, I found this article… … and I did write a letter… angry… I know that we won’t get together and I know it’s over…. few days ago I felt exactly the same as someone died… I have been so sad… and next day angry… today I understand that it’s really over… I just want to overcome it…
Hearing the first words of your article finally I let go of thinking about what my lousy therapist told me. That I am not making progress in my healing, because I am not letting go and keep analyzing my issues. In a way he made me feel more guilty and ashamed, but I was curious about his words. About words “let go”. Listening to you I’ve realized today that I have hard time to let go of the bondage with my toxic, abusive mother. Thank you Alan!☮
I just told him last night!…. Immediately panic set in! Before I told him I lost thought of all my reasons. I love him so so much and this hurts so mad. Went to bed with a migraine, tossing and turning. Woke up crying, eyes swollen and red, chest tight, thoughts are everywhere! 11 years and 3 kids still feels like a failure. I can’t wait to be on the other side of this. Never want to feel this again!💔🥺😥
I had to laugh about the taxes – and disagree about redoing the carpet. A knee kicker would be great to get out aggression and anger lol. Thank you for breaking it down. The breathing & mild humor about taxes, explaining physical changes, and empathy helped my parts calm down. 100% correct on the functioning part. You are very soothing.
I couldn’t eat for 2 days, but I remembered who TF I am, and went outside (change environment) and remembered I’m a spiritual being having a human experience (that is temporary) and I’m not my feeling, this body, these thoughts. I can manifest and be whoever my purpose is, and external validation is not necessary but a nice add-on. I’m going through a job loss, end of a relationship, and I saw my grandma for the last time. IDK how TF I’m making it, but I am. I have an appt with my therapist.
I feel horrible, i feel like my life has lost its meaning, I am so sad, depressed, and without energy, motivation… i thought i was more resilent but now it’s more than two months and I’m still destroyed, i keep stalking her profile, and i am even envious of her having success and crushing it, i feel bad about wishing she would fail and feel bad, because that’s what i feel, she made me feel so bad, i am so hurted i could never think i’d feel like this, she blindsided me, left me alone from one day to another, moved on without any honor, accountability, integrity, with the professed wish to hurt me… she never looked back and she seems happier than ever… She managed to be on the stronger side by preparing this for months and have the upperhand, at the end of the day what she wanted was to leave in a position of power, it was all a power game, not truly a love thing, f**k that
My situation is different meaning that my best friend died two and a half years ago. I was immediately thrust into heavy work dealing with the family trust issues which involved paperwork accounting lawyers and dealing with other beneficiaries besides myself. Well this immersed me into so much which help me Focus away from grief. Yes there were the immediate crying. (The day of death) when my friend passed away and I had six other friends with me at the time and the lawyer was there cuz he was our friend. So we all cried together and support each other for about two weeks. Well after that I was on my own and I’ve been on my own ever since it’s been about two and a half years. Interestingly the grief and all of the heavy sluggishness didn’t start until I finished up with this executor Trust paperwork at least three-quarters of it is complete. The rest is just sitting on it waiting which I have all the time in the world in my hands. This is when about six months ago everything just started to hit me. Just heaviness sludge like you said walking through peanut butter slow down like living in a trance. Then I got triggered by my biological family through an event that created feelings of rejection which set off a huge explosion of emotional storm within me(in the depth of my soul) while on top of everything else — feeling alone complete loneliness rejection going back to my childhood. It just immediately like threw me back into a Time zone. And I’ve been sludging through this as I make my way back up to get to the light.
The saddest part of going through this pain, my narc exes didn’t suffer or miss me one bit. They moved right on and were sleeping with someone else immediately afterward. Another shallow relationship cause they can’t be alone with themself. They don’t grieve or feel pain, ever. They just get angry when they don’t get their way but their emotions are very shallow and I never mattered. No one matters to them, they dispose of their own children. So I say…good riddance!!! Go celebrate they are gone, your way better off now.
We just broke up over the phone. She says there’s a lot going on right now and she just needs to work on myself. I can’t force it but I’m honestly just sad that it hurts so much even though I saw it coming. But I know I’m better off and Im doing better than her even now. Its not a comparison but that gives me some comfort. I know I’ll be okay and I hope I can find someone who cares about me and is actually ready for a relationship. I know I’m enough and I just have to live my life and keep striving to be better. For myself. Best wishes to everyone here. I know it hurts so much but it’ll hurt a little less every day. and one day you’ll wake up and realize it doesnt anymore.
im struggling with self care right now. im in the pit of despair and i have work on monday. i dont want to go because the person that left me was someone i report and work with daily. Thank you so much alan regardless. A lot of your articles are spot on and my go-to articles for the past half year when trying to go through and make sense of this messy relationship. Hopefully, one day you’d work with clients outside of the states as its hard to find a therapist that works with you. Many thanks from a canadian viewer.
I’ve been divorced for 2 years and I finally found a nice, supportive guy. Why can’t I stop crying? My ex husband was an abusive nightmare that had a 17 year affair with my sister. I was so happy for 2 years until I met this nice guy who seems perfect. And now…I can’t stop crying. I’ve been crying ever since I met this guy. I met him 2 months ago. When I met him I started having nightmares about my ex and my sister. Before I met this guy I didn’t have nightmares, I felt healed being away from my ex. Why is this happening?
Stay in the moment. Be simple and do everything with total awareness. Presence is key. “If I am present, if I am the presence, the love, then I can dissolve the emotion, the guilt, the unhappiness, because presence dissolves the past. When I am present I am Timeless, and the Timeless can dissolve the time in me.” Barry Long Feel the burn. Most, if not all addictions reflect an unwillingness to feel the burn or the pain. Do not look for a crutch. There is an opportunity here for some deep-seated spiritual growth. Do not waste it knowing that if you do not meet it now, it will come again in a different form.
Truth is no amount of consoling or what to dos work in that immediate happening and for months. It may take years and sadly has to be our own conclusive decision to do self care. Untill then lucky are those who get held and cared like a baby…..for as long as it takes…. Sadly no one does that for you.
I am currently feeling this pain in my heart. He was not only a lover, he was my family and my best friend. As a result, I feel very alone with only my dark thoughts for company. I am grieving once again. Unfortunately I have to function in normal life and it is very difficult. I catch myself crying in public. Fortunately I know I am a sensitive person so I always have a pair of sunglasses that I put on to hide the overflow. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel small and useless. Theres really nothing left in life for me. But, I am surprised that it’s been only a few weeks and although I’m broken inside and don’t care what happens to me, I am in acceptance mode. please pray for my situation. Even though I feel happier after perusal this… i have no will to live. Someone please get me out of my own brain…
He left me five months ago, bc he couldn’t trust me anymore, he used to get angry at everything I did. we still were friends after our breakup bc I bagged him to not leave me completely. We did everything as a couple, kissing cuddles, sex, supporting each other etc.. except being officially one. He kept repeating he was single and then while being my friend he started seeing other girls, but I was too jealous during his last date and panicked so much that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. We broke up over the phone and blocked each other. It hurts so much, everything is so painful physically and it feels like there’s no future for me, everything is meaningless bc I relied so much on him, dependent on him. On my own it feels incomplete.
It’s been 6 weeks. I finally dropped off his stuff. I called once last week – he didn’t answer. I’m glad he didn’t – I did have a weak moment. But it’s hard to sleep at night. Amd I’m not getting rest. I’m just telling myself – it’s done – it’s over – that’s it. And hoping I get thru each night with more sleep at some point .
I’m trying to finalize the end of an abusive relationship. I was looking for a article on,the grief of .. idk … Losing that .. or healing from that trauma,while at the same time … Dealing with the grief of losing someone, because even though it is abusive … It hurts,in more ways than one …. I have been in other abusive relationships before, and … I’m scared .. that I’m emotionally damaged .. I just want to … Not be broken . Im still scared, of what he may do .. And for some reason, I’m still sad.. to walk away … And my anxiety is high … And I don’t know how to cope with it all at once . It’s the weirdest pain to feel ….. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say .. I’m just going to watch this article now …
“Your life will never be the same…” A very significant light bulb for me, as a person who has a VERY hard time with breakups/rejection, was becoming aware of the SECOND part to that statement: Yes, my life will never be the same after this… But this doesn’t mean I will never be just as happy, or even happier! It’s VERY difficult for me sometimes to see how I can ever be happy again without a particular person in my life. But I’m looking back and learning! If i have thought this about multiple partners in the past, yet ended up being happy again, then my mind is just lying to me! The conviction that there is only one way for me to be happy (being with one specific person) is simply a lie – a very convincing one too when it’s accompanied by such strong emotions at times of grief.
I lost the woman I wanted to spend my life with in March and I have been struggling to find meaning in my own life ever since… I miss her so much.. the grief hurts so bad it drops me to my knees at times.. I’ve dealt with loss many times in my life with several family members, grandparents, and my father but the grief isnt the same feeling as losing someone who was your other half and your best and only friend and someone you sacrificed for and gave your whole heart too… she had a son too who I helped raise from the time he was 2 until he was 6 and I treated him like he was my own and spent time with him everyday and now I never see him.. I lost my whole family in one swoop… I stupidly thought that holding my girls hand in the hospital as she was pulled off life support and as she passed from this life to the next was rock bottom and it couldn’t get any worse than that… little did I know that it wasnt.. I haven’t hit rock bottom yet but I now know that what comes after the loss is much worse.. the coming home to an empty home, the lack of response when you say I love you out loud to yourself, the longing for their voice their touch their smile looking back at you their warmth their embrace their kiss, the silent car rides doing all the basic tasks you used to do together, the waking to an empty home that was once shared, the closing off the room they spent the most time in because you can’t bare to be in their because it’s too painful and you keep picturing them there, the inability to sleep in your bed because you shared it with them and now you sleep on the couch because the bed is no longer comfortable without them, the change in routine for your day because you no longer have the same responsibilities as you used to have, the waiting for your phone to light up with a message from them, passing by all the favorite places the 2 of us always went too and all her favorite places she loved to shop, all the unfulfilled plans and promises of things you always wanted to do with them or do for them that can never be fulfilled, all the things you pass by and say I bet thet would love this and the “want” to tell them about it or surprise them with it and the sudden realization that you cant, and the million other minor details that are now missing in your life after the loss of your other half are all worse than the initial loss.
I lost my husband going on 6 years ago. He passed away on May 28th, 2018. I came home and he had passed away of a heart attack. I didn’t get to say goodbye. We were married 41 years and loved each other very much. I was devastated the first 8 months. I cried every day. The lost of my best friend, protector, provider, strong arms to hold me, my love. When we were first married I use to say the poem to him or give it in a card How do I love thee let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely as men strive for right. I love thee purely as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints. I love thee with the breath smiles, tears, of all my life; and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. It’s almost 6 years we never slept apart and I have had trouble sleeping since his side of the bed is empty. Last month I lost our puppy we had for 17 years. She slept at the foot of our bed. She is with her daddy now in heaven and I know one day I will be there with them so I have that hope. Everyday I tell them good morning and talk of them through the day. Grief morphs into a dull sadness a longing a yearning that never goes away. But I am better. ❤😇✝️
I lost both my parents in the earthquake in Turkey. It’s been a month. however, it is not getting easier. The things we could not do together, the words that were not uttered, and the loss of so much potential and opportunity are endless. They are haunting me every day. I am able to sleep, and function mostly at work but I am bleeding inside.
Thank you for this episode. I lost my wife to breast cancer a year ago. There isn’t many resources or outreach for young widowers like myself (especially during Covid). I’m still coping with everything and any and all information to help me feel like I’m not a crazy person is very welcomed. My grief has ruined my career path, my passions, and my interest in life. The only thing I found that helps is regular exercise and running. I miss my wife desperately and I know that void she left when she passed will never be healed. Restarting my life at 35 really really sucks. Thank you for this episode! I’m sure you realize how needed this information truly is and I appreciate you and your colleagues insight into this difficult process.
I lost my dog this week to a completely unexpected terminal illness. I have never felt such sadness in my soul. She was such a good friend. She did what we needed her to do and we never had to correct her behavior. She slept in my bed every night and had my days regimented for 8 years. She was such a fun and funny animal. I can’t believe she had to go. I still think about what to cook that I can share with her or see parks that I think we should go to b.c she would enjoy new sniffs…then I realize she is no longer with us and get so sad. My sincere condolences to everyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. I pray for your peace and return to joy.
Grief is so hard. My husband & I attended a weekly grief-support group for two years after the loss of our oldest child. Now, twenty years later, we lost our middle child last month just before the holidays. I feel some of the pain of the first loss is now inter-mingling with this recent loss. It seems I feel the loss of both of them now. Grief is emotional, mental and very physical and it is possible to adjust, but it takes time. Be patient with yourself. A treasure is not forgotten.
I lost my girlfriend with 22 to cancer a few days ago…I think there is nothing harder for a young man than losing his the love of his life. We had six wonderful years and I am so so proud of her faith and will to the last second. I will read a lot about grief, talk to psychologists and work on myself to stay alive and reaching my dreams – that would be her wish…one day it’s will be ok, maybe not today or tomorrow but I believe with her on my side everything is possible 🙂 <3 love & prayers to all out there, who are going through the same. you can do that.
I just lost my dog. My buddy. I’ve never experienced grief over loss of a pet until now. I miss him so much 😭 As I work through my grief, I remind myself that my buddy wouldn’t want me to continue to be sad. That he’d want me to be happy. My dog was a Pomeranian named Peanut. When I’m having trouble with my grief I say to myself “What would Peanut want for me?” It seems to help me move through the emotion more easily.