Lying in marriage can lead to a damaging relationship, as it can block real intimacy and cause harm. It is important to commit to being honest and be purposeful in your life and relationships. Be aware of the severity of the lie and the impact it causes on the relationship.
Lies can cause harm by blocking intimacy, which is based on trust and authenticity. To deal with a lying spouse, it is crucial to lay your cards on the table, admit to the problem, and take responsibility for it. Being honest and purposeful can lead to more fulfilling relationships.
To overcome lying in marriage, it is essential to adhere to the marriage covenant, which is meant to thrive rather than endure. This covenant should be invested in the relationship, not just the contract. If money goes missing or becomes too emotional, it is important to reflect on the relationship and how things need to change.
Infidelity can cause deep pain and heartache, but when both spouses are committed to healing and rebuilding the relationship, many marriages survive. The path to rebuilding trust begins with open and honest communication. The lying partner must take responsibility for their actions and express their feelings.
When someone lies to you in a relationship, address it as soon as possible. Let yourself be angry, disappointed, or upset, and sit down with your partner to talk about what happened. Remember that everyone lies, and seeking help is essential to help you overcome this challenge.
📹 How to Stop Compulsive Lying in Relationships (TRUTH AT LAST)
HOW TO STOP COMPULSIVE LYING IN RELATIONSHIPS (TRUTH AT LAST) How do you stop compulsive lying in relationships?
What does lying do to a marriage?
How lies affect relationships. Some lies are harmless, and it’s okay to lie sometimes. Even little, infrequent lies can lead to distrust and other relationship problems.
Trust is lost. If your partner lies, it hurts trust. The more lies they tell, the less you trust them. They also lose compassion and empathy. Lying makes it harder to understand someone’s emotions, which makes it harder to feel compassion and empathy for them. Intimacy requires emotional vulnerability, which is nearly impossible without trust and honesty. More lies and deception: One study found the brain can get used to lying. The more someone lies, the more their brain gets used to it.
How to Deal With Lying in a Relationship. If you think your partner is lying, there are ways to respond with compassion. Trust your instincts. You can’t always tell if someone is lying, but trust your gut. Your gut is often more accurate than trying to identify typical lying behaviors. Set healthy expectations for honesty. Asking your partner to tell you where they are and what they are doing all the time is too much to ask. But it’s reasonable to ask about plans when they leave or when you check in. Think before you respond. When your partner is lying, take a moment before you answer. Use the time to think before you respond. Ask questions or challenge what your spouse says. A 2008 study says to ask for eye contact and then ask for the story to be told in reverse if you think someone is lying. If you ask your spouse to retell their story out of order, it’s easier to spot lies.
Can a marriage survive a lying spouse?
With patience and work, such as couples therapy, you can repair the emotional damage caused by lying and restore trust. If you’ve been hurt too much or your spouse can’t win your trust back, it may be time to leave the marriage. Why a Partner Might Lie Common Signs Impact Tips on How to Respond When to End the Relationship? Can Therapy Help?In My Experience Additional Resources Infographics Mychal focuses on enhancing relationships and improving communication and emotion regulation. Heidi Moawad, MD, is a neurologist with 20 years of experience. She focuses on mental health disorders, behavioral health issues, neurological disease, migraines, pain, stroke, cognitive impairment, multiple sclerosis, and more.
Can a marriage recover from lying?
Cheating is the most obvious example of a bad thing in a romantic relationship. Even little lies can hurt and make you wonder if you can trust your partner. They said they loved your lasagna, but they really hate pasta night. Or maybe they spent a lot of money without telling you. No matter what your partner lied about, any lie from a loved one can hurt your trust. “The basics of any healthy relationship is trust,” says Angie Sadhu, MS, LMFT, a therapist at Manhattan Marriage and Family Therapy. “For a relationship to work, you need to trust each other and talk to each other.” You fight more when you doubt each other, and you risk suffocating each other. This tension can also make you feel anxious or stressed, which can make your relationship worse. A lie doesn’t always mean the end of a relationship. But it’s not easy to trust your partner again after they’ve given you a reason not to. To rebuild trust, both partners must be willing to work at it. If you’re not sure where to start, try these simple ways to rebuild trust in your relationship.
When to divorce over lying?
- Before leaving your spouse, think about their willingness to change and whether or not you can learn to trust them again.
- Weigh the severity of their lies. If your spouse is dishonest about big things, like finances or infidelity, it may be time to go.
- Think about how the lies are impacting your mental health and the mental health of your children, if you have any.
- *When someone is lying, they may talk too much or switch up their story mid-sentence. Listen to your spouse when they tell you something, but dont ask questions or make any comments. Its likely that they will get nervous and backtrack or contradict something theyve already said. *For instance, your spouse might say, “I went on a run yesterday after work.” If you dont respond, they might add, “Well, actually it wasnt a run, it was more of a nature walk. And I went with a coworker.”
How to cope with a lying spouse?
Dr. Malini Saba says to know why your partner lied to you. … Be patient and empathetic. … Be calm and don’t insult them. Be careful not to be manipulated. Television plots use deception and cliffhangers to keep us captivated. But there’s a big difference between enjoying fictional characters who lie and being duped by real people. Not trusting someone can ruin a relationship. Even a small lie can hurt a relationship. If you think your partner is lying, how can you prove it if they won’t talk about it? Get the latest news on India’s general elections on the HT App. Download now! Download now!
How to get over the trauma of being lied to?
Recover from betrayal trauma by practicing mindfulness, meditation, prayer, or journaling. Take care of your body by improving sleep, diet, and exercise habits. Get a physical exam, especially in cases involving sexual betrayal. How do you recover from betrayal trauma? Practice mindfulness, meditation, prayer, or journaling. Take care of your body by improving sleep, diet, and exercise habits. Get a physical exam, especially in cases involving sexual betrayal. Pamper yourself through massage, chiropractic care, hair or nail care. Try calming activities like hiking, drawing, painting, or coloring. Build healthy relationships. Set firm boundaries. Tell your story or testimony and listen to the stories or testimonies of others. You need to know you’re not alone. Seek help from a therapist. The best way to help couples recover from betrayal is to have three therapists involved. They should coordinate their treatment.
Is Betrayal Trauma a form of PTSD? People who have experienced partner betrayal trauma often have PTSD symptoms. The only difference between PTSD and BT is what caused it. What does betrayal trauma feel like? Betrayal Trauma symptoms may include:
Can a relationship go back to normal after lying?
Lying can ruin relationships, but with effort, trust can be rebuilt. Follow the steps in this article to break free from deception and build a stronger bond based on honesty and open communication. It takes time and patience, but the rewards of a trusting and loving relationship are worth it.
Is lying a reason for divorce?
One reason people get divorced is because their spouse lied to them. If one spouse lies, it makes it hard to stay together. Some people can’t live with, work with, or raise children with someone they don’t trust. Dishonesty can hurt children, other relatives, and the marriage. If you or someone close to you has caught your spouse in a lie, you can find out more about what to do if you marry someone who is dishonest.
Re-write or cancel prenuptial agreements. Americans are getting married later in life. After starting a business, an adult may want to use a prenuptial agreement to protect their assets. If you lie about money before you get married, your prenuptial agreement might not be legal. If a spouse doesn’t tell the truth about their income, debts, and assets, the agreement might not be valid. If you find out that someone has been dishonest, you can cancel the agreement or change it if the marriage goes ahead.
Mediation and Counseling. Counseling during marriage helps both parties talk about their feelings and decide how to move forward. A mediator can help you have a calm conversation. A mediator is useful when one or both partners have trouble expressing their feelings. If you’re dishonest in a relationship, it hurts both of you. If you don’t talk about it, it’s hard to fix.
Can a relationship survive lying?
Some couples can handle dishonesty, while others can’t. A lie can cause a relationship to end.
Can a liar ever change?
Treat the root cause of pathological lying. To change pathological lying, you have to address the mental health issues that cause it. Therapy helps people understand why they lie. Therapy helps them build the motivation to change and practice new ways of communicating. At Newport Institute, we help young adults understand childhood trauma that affects their behavior. Young people learn to replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with new skills for self-regulation and self-expression. In a supportive environment, our clients connect with themselves and others.
Do you or a loved one have self-destructive behaviors? Are you a parent or partner of someone who is a pathological liar? Contact us today to find out about our specialized model of care and how we help emerging adults get started on the path to long-term, sustainable healing.
How do you outsmart a liar?
10 Ways to Catch a Liar 1. Look for inconsistencies. 2. Ask unexpected questions. 3. Gauge against a baseline. 4. Look for insincere emotions. 5. Pay attention to gut reactions. 6. Watch for microexpressions. 7. Look for contradictions. 8. Look for unease. J.J. Newberry was a trained federal agent who could detect lies. A witness told him they didn’t look when they heard gunshots. He knew they were lying. How did Newberry know? The answer is by noticing when someone isn’t being honest. This can be shown by inconsistencies in a story, unusual behavior, or too much detail in an explanation.
These signs can be used by anyone to catch a liar, even without extensive training. Anyone can learn to spot lies. It’s not as hard as you think. Experts at WebMD say the top 10 ways to tell the truth.
Should you divorce a lying spouse?
Whether lying causes divorce depends on the couple and how bad the lies are. Some people may choose divorce if the lies are big and cause problems. Others think there might be a way out. They look for ways to deal with a lying spouse. In a nutshell. If you’re in a relationship with a liar, you might wonder when to leave. If you leave a lying spouse, you’re within your rights. You know what it’s like. It’s worth considering some factors before deciding when to leave a lying spouse. I hope you make the right choice for yourself and your mental health.
📹 How to Stop Compulsively Lying | Becoming Better
I’ve always had a problem lying. I lied to make myself sound better, stronger, or smarter. I lied to protect my image as the “honest …
Hey guys! Thanks for perusal and I hope that was helpful. Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🗣 Join the FB Group! -> facebook.com/groups/1032426806961329/
My partner has tried so much to let me know that our relationship is a safe space for me to communicate openly and that I won’t get in “trouble” for sharing things with her. I think my issues with emotional safety run so much deeper than just my relationship with my partner, I’ve started to see a psychotherapist and there is inner child work that needs to be done. But I’m worried that the fear of telling the truth is too deeply rooted in me and that I won’t be able to change fast enough to save the relationship.
You’re the ONLY person on YouTube that speaks on emotional safety for the truth. I think that’s completely underrated in understanding why people lie in relationships. I wasn’t honest in my last relationship due to not feeling safe and worrying about the consequences of being truthful and vulnerable. I just wasn’t sure if it was a safe space to be honest and completely vulnerable. I hate how all of these articles on YouTube kind of shame you into just being vulnerable right thing to do. Trust is just as important from your partner asking for the truth, if I don’t trust you to be vulnerable I may not do it
My partner lies about the dumbest things. I’m not the jealous type. To the point that his friends sometimes laugh that I’m more excited when he goes out. I’m not, I just want him to be happy and have thriving connections with other people. But he lied about who he was with (I have no issues with anyone in his life). He lied about going to an event. I’m in the same industry so I don’t see anything wrong with the event. He lied about who he has lunch with. I don’t really care if he goes to lunch with female colleagues – I even tease him and compliment him that he’s a wonderful and charming person. Even when he was forced to finally admit the truth about very serious lies about our finances, I even thanked him for being brave enough to tell the truth. That I know it must have been hard. And I appreciate him and I’m happy he can finally talk to me. We opened up to each other and I thought we were in a much stronger place. Only to find evidence of ANOTHER heinous lie. So tell me then. Objectively, how the hell did I make anything unsafe. I moved out of our home. He’s made me feel so unsafe and disrespected in our marriage.
I lied to my partner about some things and finally exposed them to him. He’s been more distant with me as he is processing everything but he didn’t get mad. I’m so disappointed in myself mostly for not coming out about everything sooner. I don’t have a good track record with expressing myself openly and I feel like this article is helpful in figuring out how I can handle the situation, how I can be there for him while he processes everything. Thank you for this.
It is very good talk. It takes maturity, open hearted & humbleness for both to discuss this matter. If the lying spouse always ignores to be open, does not realise/admit that he/she is sick mentally/emotionally from very young,even the partner tries hard to accept his/her excuses in lying then there will be no breakthrough into a healthy relationship.
My husband is the compulsive liar and not me. I found out a lot of deceitful shit about him, from young teenage girls on his iPhone and an accusation from a teenage girl years ago, and I believed him then, but many things happened along the way finding the photos of those young girls/women. Wayyyy too much lies on his behalf. He has no conscience at all lying to me. I don’t know who he is. Don’t think our relationship can be saved anymore because all the things that i found out about him. He had all these years to confess to me. Most of our problems is caused by by him and his lies. It stressed out our kids so much over the years that they have health issues. I never will forgive him this time for all of the drama that he caused our family over the years. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to file for divorce if he is so unhappy. It’s on him!
My partner has lied many many times to me and always has a didfrent reason. Im now at the point that i just have to accept for myself that she is a liar. Im not getting mad at the things she does, i waa just mad at her for lieing. Now im just mad at my self for rhinking so long that she woukd become a more honest person. To be honest i know the boot is leaking but im so fed up with live to do the swimming again. Im 37 and im tired of all the failed relations. Alot of then were my own fault but as i grew older i tried harder and became a better person. Or atleast thats what i like to believe. But it doenst matter, love is a short lifed fairytale. Ill go down with this ship. Goodluck for anyone who has the spirit and courage to still try. You are worth ir.
was able to clear my doubts and i find out my wife was a cheat with no repentance. We were separated, my 3yr old son and I were living with my grandparents and he asked me if I liked his mom. I said yea buddy, I love your mom. He looked at me and said ‘why, daddy, mommy yells at you all the time and makes you cry’. That killed me and I knew it was finally over. Thankfully he doesn’t remember all that really happened.
My husband has been like that since he was little. Lying or hiding truth even when I try to make an emotionally safe environment. I promise to not get mad but he still never confesses. The only way I get the truth is to be a detective and figure it out for myself. In 7 years he has never once broke down and offered the truth…he doesn’t give me a chance to react the empathic way.
Just stumbled upon this article. You make so many good points. My relationship has been struggling (not even sure if we are together anymore…but still talking to each other). My partner was lying a lot and it’s 100% due to the lack of emotional safety. It’s hard for me because I have anxiety so certain things trigger it like lying. He’s also just generally a very secretive/private person. So it’s hard for me to react well. Though, I have seen things work for us when I react well. Or do things contrary to friend advice (which usually means I’m creating a safe space as opposed to giving ultimatums or getting upset) Though, at this point my poor reactions to two incidents have caused a rift that I’m not sure can be repaired. I want us to be ok and be together. I know we just both want a safe space. I’m not sure how to achieve that. Also love what you say about the long game! In this recent relationship, I’ve always said I was playing the long game. I think I lost sight of that or didn’t really fully know how to play it.
Wanna thank you for this topic and how deepful you’ve been talking about it. I’m now completely sure my partner lied to me and to our friends – A quite big lie about working in another country, far far away from us, across the ocean. When I discovered at first, I react bad. Very bad. But at the same time I felt that… He didn’t do in order to manipulate me, nor our friends. I gave him my trust, saying okay, I believe you, and months by months I found him being more open to me, as I recreate a more safe place time by time. But still, he didn’t admit the truth, even if I realize how happier he is talking about the life he has here, in the same country we both live (he used to “work” outside three weeks in a month and then come back but now he’s “staying” here, saying that’s there’s no need to be phisically there). I can see how more genuine he is. Less stressed. The more he is at ease, less he talks about the lie he created. But at the same time, I spotted all the details that make me 100% sure he’s lying about his work, lying about leaving the country. I’m trying to make out intimate space safet enough to finally let it all go and finally looking at him and says “I always knew.” Cause at first, I was angry. But getting to know him, day by day, I saw a very fragile self, a very low-esteem and I understood how probably he needs this story, this lie as a character he could play to, in Order to defend that most vulnerable and lose-fearing part of himself
My girlfriend lied to me for 2 years saying she was going to school when in fact she wasn’t until near the end of the relationship. Here I was thinking she would graduate this week instead she just completed her first semester of college and at a complete different one than the one she said in the beginning of the relationship. Had she told me in the beginning I wouldn’t have cared, my own parents waited/ didn’t finish. The fact she kept something so stupid a secret for so long scares me for my future with her. I broke it off.
If i saw this article 2 years ago I’d have saved myself from so much turmoil and pain. Just wanna thank you for making this article. I’m currently undertaking CBT because of a past relationship that absolutely shattered my trust in people especially men and this article has given me a different lens to look through instead of the nihilistic and fearful one I’ve had as a defense mech. Bless.
Thank you for your articles, you speak such wisdom Geoffrey. I really appreciate your conversation about emotional safety though the paradox is that when you live with a compulsive liar; the receiver of the lie is cheated emotional security and safety and so the chaos begins. Shameful activity is the root of the lie and if it is something so alarming that is being hidden; it may not ever be acceptable to the party being deceived.
I was holding onto something for about a month from my partner, just withholding information because I didn’t want to get into a fight with him. Honestly, my indefinite waiting probably made this small issue so, so much worse, I should’ve just told him right away. This article really nailed home the “safe space” for me. I’m not a liar at all, I even pride myself in honesty, so does my partner. But It’s hard to willingly walk into a tiger cage knowing you’re going to get mauled. It’s easier to just keep the cage door closed. I’m going to go on a walk with him today and tell him what I haven’t and tell him why I didn’t feel like it was safe for me to. This article was great to reassure me that these things happen, I’m not an asshole or a liar, these can be semi-taught and learned behaviors. I’m not excusing myself for keeping things from my partner and I will own that. But I think it’s worth addressing why I was scared to tell him and that, if we work on that together, we can return to the honesty we started with. Him helping with that safe space, me keeping a wide open dialogue with him, and vice versa
I disagree and agree. Personally, I am all about trust and communication in my relationship. I don’t cause arguments over honesty, even when the truth hurts. I attempt to talk it out calmly. I make it VERY clear, We can work through just about anything, so long as he’s honest. However, I recently found out he’s been lying about everything in our relationship. So if I make him feel safe when he tells me the truth, why is he still lying? I do understand what you are saying though, I have seen situations like that. However, that’s not always the case. My man has been lying about everything and anything. Stuff I wouldn’t be upset about and stuff that does hurt. He knows I would still talk through it with him and avoid conflict. He is not even trying in our relationship, also he’s been lying since we first got together. Literally since we started talking. He assured me he would change and he loves me, and I believed him. 2 1/2 years later, here we are again… I guess that’s “shame on me” then right..
Thank you for this article. I was the one caught in a small lie in the relationship and the partner reacted in the first way instead of the second. I would like to reestablish the emotional safety feeling so that I can not be the one that is constantly lying. I want to be able to save my relationship before I ruin it. I have already been given the ultimatum with one lie and I want to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
Good points, I only I wish it pinned the responsibility on the liar more than the other person, so they can reform their destructive behavior. It doesnt matter how safe the space you create, a liar will still lie if they want to. I know from personal experience, and had to walk away, as devastating as it was for me. Create the safe space, give another chance if you have to, but if it becomes a pattern, know that you did everything you could and it’s time to take care of YOU. Stay strong ❤
I have been at home on Disability from a Car Accident and Our Relationship has Suffered tremendously. I’m in the first month of this Training. It’s like something that has been right in front of me the whole time, that seems so simple Now. But the damage has been done. So Now I’m beginning to rebuild. And It Is Tough. But I can see the bigger picture. Don’t give up guys. Keep in mind have long it took to get to the place where your Partner doesn’t feel safe enough to talk to you for fear of retribution. Ask yourself, “how would you perceive these drastic changes of your partner’s behavior?” Would you believe that Anyone has changed that much in such a short time? Thank You for these articles and I will be attending the master class today at 11 am. Est.
Very well explained everything ive been feeling. But I feel like my lies may end the relationship. As the lies have piled up awhile and they deal with my partners self confidence. How do I explain that I want to stop? And that I want to bring truth and safety without causing a breakup? Is there maybe a special sort of conversation structure I can practice?
I have been trying to understand my partner for so long. He’s not only lying about important things. He make up tall tales about everything. It’s like he is living in an alternate reality and he is stuck in a delusion that he is this person that he is not. I have tried to speak with him about it in a calm safe manner, but he just gets mad at me for not believing everything he says. I feel like I have to walk away because he has this problem that he is not willing to admit to or fix. My love for him has kept me with him for 4 years, but I am feeling I will have to love him from a distance.
If your partner lies to you and you try like I did to say it’s safe to to be honest, they still won’t open up as brands them as a liar without you stating that, so I’m sure they take on board they messed up and will never put themselves in that uncomfortable position again . And then the cycle repeats as they got away with it and happens over and over again,until you walk away and realise your involved with an untrustworthy partner, you can’t have an honest conversation and resolve something if one of you does not tell the truth it’s impossible and they will always be right and may even turn it on you for thinking in that way of them
This article is absolutely fantastic!! I cheated on my ex girlfriend by online role-playing and I felt like total trash I hated what I did and I wanted to tell her but I hid it. I was terrified if I was honest she would just yell and kick me out because she kicked me out everytime we got into a big argument from the frustrations held in. It was such a toxic situation and I’d do anything to be back with her and hope that she would be able to handle it differently I already know what I did was wrong but I began to hate myself for lying on top of more lies 🙁 I was scared to be honest.
I was never given the chance to hear the lie for him to know how I would respond. He found out that what he was doing didn’t matter to me but the lie he held from me is what made me sad/hurt. Once I forgave it and thought it was okay, he continued lying to my face. Five months later and counseling I am mad when something else comes out. I have been with him for 49 years so I don’t know why this has just started. He had an emotional affair with an old girlfriend. He says it’s over and admits it was wrong but now lies about other things. Of course I can’t heal, even though I have told him it’s okay to tell me the truth. I can’t be hurt any more than I have been by the lying. I am now so done with it.
My bf lied a lot to me About so many things and he still does but he keeps saying he’s changed but he hasn’t and I’ve already told him “telling the truth or lying I’m going to be mad either way but lying will make me not just mad but will make me not trust you and will break a huge bond we have” what do I do he never learns..
I have just discovered my exe to be a compulsive/pathological liar, He’s made up his job and all these stories where I’m not sure who he is. I learned he lied about therapy and pills, and once I caught him he opened about everything. He said he was ashamed of who he was and he wanted to start being honest and wants help. I don’t know if I should go back, I love him but I don’t know if he can fix this. Can I ever trust him? Can he get help?
here is my view. I extremely value honesty. I also look at us as being human. So no matter how you look at it. There is not a single person alive or dead that is perfect. So I don’t look down when others make mistakes. No matter how bad it appears to be. With that said. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life time, sometimes with the best intentions in my mind. I’ve just got to the point where when it comes time to make whatever decisions I need to make. I make the one that keeps me from having to lie. The say I see it is no matter what you do to me. If you can come to me and be straight forward and honest. Chances are I will forgive. The biggest reason is the fact I know how hard it is to admit you wronged another person. To put yourself out there and say hey I fked up. I did this or this and I feel extremely bad about it. Is one of the hardest things to do IMO. So when others come to me and they are honest I tend to think about how much courage it took to be straight in the first place. Will I be mad. Maybe it depends but I wont be as mad, and I will be more apt to be understanding. I would say if I am its more about catching me off guard. For the most part though I can tell when others are not being straight with me. I may act like I don’t know but I would say 84 percent of the time I do know. Im just giving them a chance to step up. Or see if they will keep doing it. What gets me. Is one person that has known me for longer then anybody else. They know that Im forgiving and I try to put myself int their shoes so I dont judge as much.
I have reacted well to finding out lies, I don’t argue or yell name call or anything. But I am mad and question why to understand reason to fix it. But him knowing I will get mad even how well I reacted he still continues to lie. The lies aren’t even worth lying about. He has an issue with me getting mad but I can’t change my feelings, people get mad, but I reacted well to the issue. He has told me talking about our issues are me being rude and mean. But it’s not we have to be honest about them and talk it out. It’s not always something we want to hear but I’m trying to make things better. But him hiding things and lies not only to me but about me. As he is a victim to his friends and family. Some things are complete lies and or blown up. When I asked him he said he’s venting but it’s lying about what’s happening between us or just about me. He won’t talk to me but talks to everyone else and try’s to act like everything between us is ok. But then I find out lies he told me, I reacted well but that hasn’t changed the lies. What does this mean is there a article I should watch?
My partner didn’t feel emotional safety before I met him. I’m a very open communicater and always share my feelings. After 9months in our relationship I found out he lied to me from the first time I met him. I was open about very difficult things and he just couldn’t, but also judged me for the things I did. And at the end I found out he did the same. I find it very hard to understand why he didn’t feel safe with me and jugded me.. it really broke me when I found out..
I believe the point here is that people need to have honesty and integrity on their values list. If you do something you were not supposed to do show responsibility and own your mistake. If you lie to your partner that means you have no respect for them. You can’t be with a person that has doble moral. When you lie on their face it’s like thinking you are stupid and I can continue doing stuff behind your back. It’s not about safety it’s about integrity.
Safety first! my girl came out to me one time like you in said your article and still continued to lie eventually about a month after that stuff just kept gettin worse arguments bad ones and we are finally done now thank god. Don’t even try unless you are a liar with them honestly some just aren’t built Loyal very hard to find these days! Find someone as real as you!
I did this recently when he finally wxposed a little lie to me. What happened? I gave an invh, and he took a mile. I think he really just gave himself permission to lie more, bc it didnt seem “that bad”. When he expoaed that lie…and i gushed with appreciation and thanked him. Little did i know that he still had several lies in his back pocket. He literally will rationalize on.why the lie wasnt REALLY that bad. :/
Hi, I confess im a liar, and ive said many lies to my partner and she’s forgiven me but she will never forget which is understandable, but I’ve lost her trust and it’s hard for her to trust people and I was the first person she’s truly trusted and I betrayed that trust. I’m trying to fix myself and to stop lying because she doesn’t lie to me because it’s one of her values that honesty is the best thing that someone you love can give, and I’ve promised her multiple times I won’t lie and then I mess up again and lie to her again, do you have any more tips aside from this article to stop lying completely to everyone I love especially her? To add onto this, I’ve been lying since a young age and never thought to change, but I can’t lose her and I really am trying to change, so please do you have any tips on how to change?
I’ve been in a relationship for three years with someone who constantly lies to me about other women. I don’t know what to do, my initial response was anger because of cheating etc. but I tried to be more calm and create a talking environment but that didn’t work either. It’s been years of non stop lying and changing stories. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I want is to know the truth. Please let me know if you have any tips on how to get through to him.
First, there are never good reasons to lie in a relationship. There are reasons, but none are good. Regardless of the backlash, each person has the responsibility to tell each other the TRUTH. I lot of what you said is definitely good advice to me, but for reasons, I don’t think that you had intended. To start with it is always ideal to keep your cool and maintain a poker face. Make your partner comfortable enough to tell you the truth and if any of the truth is worthy of ending the relationship, just do so in the same cold and calm manner in which you received the truth. There really is no reason to throw a tantrum.
Do you have an clients that you help whom are far away from you? I live in florida and I lie all the time. I am perusal these YouTube articles trying to learn how to stop lying. I don’t want to be labeled as a liar but I don’t know how to stop lying. My boyfriend tell me it’s easy and to just not lie. Which sounds easy but when your lie all the time since a small child I don’t know how to not lie. Do you know of any tips on how to stop lying? I have a very low income and can’t afford the therapy I need to beat this horrible habit. I just don’t know what to do. And I want to be trustworthy and for my boyfriend to be able trust me. If there is a way we can communicate about this situation of mine please let me know. THANKS SO MYCH!!
Man I’m not worried about no emotional safety because if they was worried about my emotional safety they wouldn’t did what they did I’m not rewarding them if they was grown enough to do it they should be grown enough to tell me I’m not playing no games to get no truth with no person why would I play games to get the truth 9 out of 10 they not going to tell me the truth then I’mma sit here stress myself out like why they not telling me the truth man please
“Because why lie when the truth is completely fine to express” What about when the truth isn’t ok..like they did something that isn’t ok and you confront them about it and they tell the truth about doing the thing. Am I just supposed to put on a happy face and act like the thing that was not ok that they did is ok? I get being calm and not overreacting but what if just expressing your unhappiness about what they did causes them to feel attacked and further justifies the lying? It’s like a catch 22.
So for six months straight I better myself got comfortable and fell off and just let one thing let me get angry and react a certain way and all the progress is lost so please guys take these words seriously. In every aspect of your life this changes everything and it’s so easy to screw up all that trust and safety by one outburst. So please learn the Mind shifts and Practice what you are preaching.
I have to disagree with this one. People lying because theres no emotional safety is a small fraction of the lies out there. The majority of the time the reason is for personal gain. Because they want that job that they are not really qualified for. Because they don’t want to be judged for those bad intentions. Because they know they are doing something they shouldn’t so they lie to get away without having any consequences. Putting the blame on the reaction of the victim is telling the victim that they wouldn’t have lied if you didn’t (fill in the blank) that’s what a narcissist does. That’s diverting away from the real issue and putting the focus and the problem onto the person that’s being manipulated because that’s what lying it. It’s manipulation. If it’s chronic, that’s emotional abuse and the liar should definitely be held accountable for that toxic trait, not the victim.
I had girlfriend who lied alot and would not let me go with friends at cinama told my friends I can’t go because she will fall out with me and he said she’s not true girlfriend u need to get rid of her I should have after that then I eventually got rid of her 1 year later did not want to break up at 1st but I know if they won’t let me see friends that’s not good
Yea but what if the person is constantly doing the thing that they lie about? They are honest about it but continue to do it? So let’s say they stop lying about it and just tell the truth?!!! So they tell the truth but they continue to do it and you as the person on the other end is constantly hurt??
Hmm I don’t agree with this. There premise is that there was “openness” in the beginning and that partners teach each other to lie. I disagree. Some people come into a relationship with childhood wounds that have them feel unsafe with everyone. There are people who are compulsive liars and don’t realize it. In those instances it doesn’t matter how supportive or safe the partner is the one who had childhood wounds never feels safe and will tell lies. These type of people need therapy to really address their issues.
I’ve struggle with lying since I was younger. I’m bad at it and I tried to cover it up with more lies only to feel lost ashamed and on the brink of losing the man I love. It has major affects on everything around you. I have to face the issue instead of running from who I am to change for the better. Especially when you hurt the ones you love you’re also not loving or respecting yourself. This was insightful for me and well needed. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you for being so vulnerable. I have been dishonest and manipulative since I was a kid. Manipulation can be subtle, I would use words to ever so slightly change the story to where it benefits me. I have really hurt my companion and my children and I don’t want to do it anymore. God lead me to your article. And for the record I am a woman, but your message is for everyone. 🙏🏼
Dude this article helped me so much, thank you for your vulnerability. Today, I have no idea why, But I overexaggerated a surgery I had to I dont know… get pity? Get attention? Didnt know really. I think now that it was to seek approval from other people. I’m going to pray extra hard tonight. You’re such a blessing for posting this, God bless