This article discusses common marital problems that couples face, including lack of intimacy, emotional issues, medical problems, financial stressors, and a rut. To address these issues, couples should state their feelings openly and honestly, and seek help from a therapist. Understanding common problems can help build a healthier and more resilient relationship.
Some strategies for solving marital problems include journaling, observing thoughts, and asking helpful questions for therapy sessions. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, suggests that observing a couple’s interaction for 15 minutes can predict their likelihood of remaining together. Other issues include unmet expectations, conflicting viewpoints on children, inability to manage finances, lack of sexual compatibility, breakdown in communication, and imbalanced powerplay in personalities.
To address communication problems in marriage, couples should practice listening, patience, and curiosity. They should create a safe and encouraging space for their partner to express themselves in a way that is true for them. By addressing these issues, couples can strengthen their relationships and avoid divorce.
📹 How to Navigate Marriage Problems
On today’s show, we hear about: – A wife crippled by jealousy in her marriage – A husband struggling to get his wife on board …
At what stage do most marriages fail?
Many studies show that divorces are most common in the first two years of marriage and in the fifth to eighth year. The two most common years for divorce are years 7 and 8. What is the most common age for divorce? The average age for a first divorce is 30. Most divorces involve couples between 25 and 39. Women are more likely to divorce than men. The highest divorce rate is for African-American women aged 50 to 59. The lowest divorce rate is for Asian women between 25 and 29. The divorce rate for heterosexual couples is twice that of same-sex couples.
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Why people are getting divorced in the United States. 42. A recent survey found that lack of commitment is the main reason for divorce. Here are the reasons and their percentages:
- Lack of commitment 73%
- Argue too much 56%
- Infidelity 55%
- Married too young 46%
- Unrealistic expectations 45%
- Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
- Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
- Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
(Respondents often cited more than one reason, so the percentages add up to more than 100 percent)
What Makes People More or Less Likely to Divorce? Your age. 43. 48% of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25% of those who marry after 25.
What is the most difficult time in a marriage?
Some years are harder for couples because of unresolved conflict, exhaustion, and unmet expectations. Some of these years are 1, 5, 7, and 10.
Marriage is beautiful and meaningful. It’s also hard to navigate sometimes. In married life, we face many changes, including hopes and expectations, personal growth, priorities, disappointments, communication styles, finances, conflict, and responsibilities. All married couples want a happy marriage and try to make it healthy. But eventually, the honeymoon period ends and the reality of life tests us. These times of more conflict, confusion, and struggle can either make us stronger and happier in our relationship or make us feel worse and more likely to divorce. Divorce rates rise during certain stages of marriage. These years often signal changes in our relationships. Marriage problems often build up over time and get worse during certain periods and years. It’s not an exact science. Don’t believe in superstition or fear about specific years. Don’t think you’ll face the same fate as others. We hope to start a discussion about some of the common struggles faced by couples trying to build a better life together.
Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?
A study showed that unhappy married people who divorced were no happier than unhappy married people who stayed married. Divorce didn’t usually make people feel better about themselves or more in control. Divorce is often the best option in a bad marriage. If you are thinking about divorce, you may wonder if you’ll be happier afterwards. There are several things to consider when asking if you will be happier after divorce.
Who makes the decision: If you decide to divorce, you probably think it will make you happier. You see a better future. If you didn’t see the divorce coming, you are probably shocked, angry, or dread the future.
Gender differences: Research shows that men and women have different outcomes.
Who is usually happier after divorce?
Women are more likely than men to ask for a divorce in heterosexual partnerships. Are women happier after getting divorced? Leaving a long-term partner is hard. But most women do feel happier after a divorce. Being single is better than being married to the wrong person. Why do so many women find happiness after getting divorced, even though living alone can be hard? Many women use this chance to focus on themselves. It can start a new chapter. Here are a few things women do after getting divorced to be happy and stable again. Women often have strong support systems. They have close female friends they can turn to when they need help. Divorced women might also lean on their parents, siblings, and extended family. Also, women are less likely to be judged if they see a therapist. Many women see therapists after a divorce. Therapy can help you process your emotions after a divorce and start rebuilding your life.
How to overcome marriage challenges?
10 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Surround yourselves with healthy couples. … Love. … Put your spouse’s happiness above your own. … Put the relationship first. … Start over. … Don’t take each other for granted. Many good marriages fail because we don’t believe it takes work to keep relationships healthy. If you stop investing in your house, it will fall apart. It will fall apart. Think back to when you first started dating your wife. It took commitment, hard work, and imagination. If winning her was hard, why is it a surprise when neglect causes marriage problems after marriage? She wouldn’t have married you if you didn’t treat her well. Why risk it now? There are many ways to restore your marriage. Here are 10 ways to fix your marriage.
1. Surround yourselves with healthy relationships. Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and support your relationship.
What is marriage burnout?
Conclusions: Marriage burnout is when a spouse feels emotionally and physically exhausted. This is caused by being too tired, not getting enough emotional support, and not meeting the emotional needs of their partner. Spouses with children are more likely to experience marriage burnout.
Keywords Marriage burnout: emotional exhaustion Maslach Burnout Inventory Years of marriage Background: Most people want to get married. It can benefit husbands and wives. Marriage offers social, psychological, physical, and intellectual benefits. Is marriage a complex thing in today’s society? People get married for love, sex, security, companionship, and emotional reasons. People also get married to avoid feeling lonely or to share interests.
What is a silent divorce?
What is a silent divorce? A silent divorce is a gradual separation between couples. Intimacy, love, and connection erode, leaving couples feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. A silent divorce is not recognized by law. A legal divorce involves court proceedings, lawyers, and dividing property. A silent divorce is about emotional disconnection, indifference, and a lack of shared experiences. The couple may still live together and have children, but they don’t love each other anymore.
Signs of a Silent Divorce. A silent divorce isn’t discussed. But there are signs you might be going through a silent divorce. We list these signs below.
Why do marriages become unhappy?
Lacking trust, blaming each other, and comparing. Unhappy and unhealthy marriages can be caused by many things. Lack of trust is a big problem. If there’s been infidelity, it’s hard to trust each other.
3 Factors That Lead to Relationship Dissatisfaction. Why do some marriages succeed while others fail? People often ask me about this because a lot of people have been through a divorce or are likely to in the future. I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak to the issues I see in my therapy office. I work with couples and individuals, and many of them are stressed about their relationships. We are complex individuals, so when we add another person to the mix, the complexity doubles. This is why couples sometimes say they don’t understand each other or that they’re too different for a relationship. Two people can have different backgrounds, personalities, and still be happy in marriage. What causes unhealthy and unhappy marriages?
Can you fix a marriage without counseling?
You can fix your relationship without a counselor. This is more likely when the issues are minor. It can help you decide to see a therapist together after you’ve made as much progress as you can on your own. Couples counseling can help you and your partner save your relationship. Couples counseling isn’t always an option. Time and money can get in the way, and it’s hard if you and your partner aren’t on the same page. It’s hard to decide to see a therapist alone, and it’s harder to decide to see a therapist with a partner. It can take six years on average for couples to decide to see a counselor. By then, conflicts are often too deep to untangle, and therapy may not help.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used for when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
📹 How To Save Marriage On The Brink Of Divorce
Dr. Paul gives us simple principles to help save a marriage that is on the brink of divorce. Remember, easy and simple are not the …
My father was the pastor of a small church. The rule he had was that he would never allow himself to be alone with a woman, behind closed doors, for any length of time. He would have his wife always nearby and he would clearly explain the situation to any woman that needed to speak with him in private. I asked him about that and he told me that was simply the most prudent way – you never know what someone might do or accuse you of nor did he want any unwarranted temptation.
I remember the show- can’t tell you when it was, but there was a woman who you were advising, who thought her self as a cheater. You said to write “cheater” on a piece of paper, and when she mailed it in, she was to let the past go and move on, she was no more going to be a cheater. She did it. Sounds she’s got peace now.
A while back you had a caller that cheated on her husband and you asked her to mail you a card that said CHEATER and then you said once that’s sent then let it go bc it’s in the past and she needed to move forward. Love your show, so great to watch but painful to have to deal with things I’ve avoided for a long time.
To the caller who divorced her husband …often times second husbands make the best husbands bc they finally got what the screwed up in their first marriage. They know how to connect, help out around the house, and be there for you once they screw it up the first time around. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but your future is bright! Hang in there
Im pretty sure you had a caller who you told to do this as part of her healing process!!! …. Hahah (the cheater note) There was a women who called in who had cheated on her spouse long ago and they remained married. She had a hard time moving past her mistake. You told her that she sees herself as a cheater and she hasnt forgiven herself. You told her to write down the word cheater and mail it you as a symbol for letting go. Number one fan over here for remembering this when John himself forgot. 😂
21:00 That’s great advice. Sharing so many hours with the same person alone may foster troublesome emotions. The more time u spend with a person, the more probability for this to happen. One of the difficult situations I faced during my marriage was finding a picture of my husband’s boss (which is female and knows him for about 12 years) in his phone. She’s sitting in a food establishment alone in a table, so I know they were alone during that time. They do some shores on the field so that means hours and hours alone with her during work hours. I saw other things that were 🚩, but he always dismissed them. I guess I was gaslighted since day 1😢
Setting boundaries with family is important. I was in a similar boat. Basically, after 15 years in Florida, we wanted a new adventure – my father lost is mind when we told him we were planning to relocate to Colorado. While we did consider the impact to family moving further way, we decided that this was the best time in our life to make this move. Eventually, he came around. While he is still disappointed we have moved, he is trying to be as supportive as possible.
In regards to the in-laws. Wow you were right on. That’s so wrong everything they are doing. That’s so bad. What a terrible place they put them in! Hitting pause because things have changed and having a good discussion will be better right now…great advise. You have the right to keep things personal. I’m a people pleaser too but this will be best. Now this was 8 months ago an update would be great. I hope you are all doing well.
Spot on about the husband working alone with a woman. It’s playing with fire.A good friend of ours who had an affair, said that it happened over a cup of coffee. In other words, it wasn’t the intention at the beginning, but as time went on, time alone with a woman not his wife took its toll on their marriage and they divorced.
Hey Dr John, i think i know who sent it to you. In one session, you told a lady to write down cheater on a note. She was to post it to you when she was ready to forgive herself and get out of a toxic relationship with her partner, who was punishing her for her past. BTW i love your show – it’s super helpful.
I agree with him regarding the first caller. They are playing with fire – all of them. The lady has past trauma that makes her feel insecure. The new employee is novelty – not just in being a new person to them but in the fact that she is in a profession that not many women take up and she is also very good at it. One thing that makes men or anyone for that matter feel good is seeing their mentee learning and succeeding. Husband is training her right now. They travel together in one vehicle which would mean conversations on anything – profession, interests, jokes, problems, dreams, etc. etc. Plus they have lunch breaks, etc. together. All this provides opportunities for connection. It can lead to emotional cheating – time that can be used investing in your primary relationship is instead vested in another person. Plus he married his high school sweetheart which is nice. But a new person of course would provide novelty. Then when he goes home after a long day to kids seeking his attention or his wife mentioning normal life issues – the car broke down or the water heater needs to be replaced or whatever – novelty is so tempting over reality. Not saying this new employee took the job with the intention of being a home wrecker. But she herself could likely be playing with fire if she finds herself connecting and falling for the husband.
This is the exact same reason men and women not can’t but shouldn’t be friends. All it takes is one fight, and the other person is mad and you go hang out with your opposite sex friend and you are venting and one thing leads to another and you end up doing something you can’t come back from. You can have friends but you should never put yourself in a position where you are alone with them under any circumstance, its not fair to your spouse.
Maria, you were right to leave that marriage. That relationship started from predation where a grown man impregnated a teenager. The fathers of a great amount of TEEN pregnancies are ADULT men. Wow there are so many awful people in the comments attacking her for deciding that it was better for her to leave that stay with a man who did nothing. Honestly it is surprising how many men think it is ok to contribute nothing to a marriage or be horrible to your partner and still expect your partner to stick around. People wonder why the divorce rates are rising.
I think it’s hilarious that you forgot that you told that lady to email you a piece of paper that said cheater so that she could let go of that identity part of herself. This was your homework assignment for her. And she obviously did it. And you are so funny that you didn’t remember that. Somehow. I listen to that episode recently and here you are with a pink slip of paper with the word cheater. This is exactly what you told her to do. Lol
I would be super uneasy if my husband worked so closely with another woman every day. I 1 MILLION percent trust my husband to never ever stray, but I also know that typically people spend the majority of their day with their coworkers. I work 9 hours a day and the 3 men I work with are all my brothers. Like, I’d cut someone over them, no hesitation. I’m in an office with them, not a truck, or unfinished houses and there are 3 of them, so accountability is there. Even in that, I don’t “dress up” or slap makeup on my face when going to work. My husband gets that, not the dudes I work with. My sweetheart would be super uncomfortable if I was in a truck alone with a man other than him everyday. So, ma’am, you are NOT crazy.
So the first caller needs to tell her husband not to work closely with a female to avoid potential problems, but Dr D isn’t cautioning the second caller against the fallout that will happen if his wife moves away while her dad is dying from cancer? The family left behind to carry that burden will most definitely have an opinion on that. Moving now would be running away from a hard issue they don’t want to deal with. Dr D should have called them on that.
The last caller I got to say she asked for the divorce and now that he found somebody fast and younger and I mean you know you kind of have to deal with him move on you know it’s a shame just for the kids when I say Time Heals all wounds and she’ll find somebody and she’ll move on to going to take time
I agree with Dr. Delony, you are playing with fire! Choose marriage over money. The wife has to fire this woman, without telling her husband. Sitting alone in a vehicle every day with a beautiful woman is too much access/temptation for a man to handle. A married has to limit that kind of access. The uneasy feeling the wife has is her body accurately reacting to a real and present danger. Pay attention to it! Hire 2 people as Dr. Delony suggested. Dr. Delony, you are amazing!
Dr John this is so utterly weird I actually do have pretty deep insicuricities and basically I’m jealous I’m just concerned when partners follow ig models etc etc I mean I’m actually going through a divorce and he followed the woman across the road I’m attracttive but the woman across Rd is a body builder with expensive car and she’s a bit younger etc. Anyway my mother and father narcs and both drug users I was really emotionally beaten my whole life. I’ve got to work on it though for future because I want to be happy simple
I would like to know the outcome of the woman who hired a beautiful woman to hang out with her husband all day every day alone there’s more red flags around that than there is in the world absolutely against it no no no no no no no I don’t care how secure your husband is in his marriage you are leading him down the wrong path and you put him in a bedroom with a beautiful woman!
Q1 Definitely do not have your spouse 24/7 with the opposite sex. Not because he may do something but because women and men are different and she may get upset or offended because of something he may say or do (that men may not) my husband has female employees but they all work from home and still can get offended by his tone or a sarcastic comment. I’ve had to tell him, when you speak to an employee who is female try to think one day your daughter will work for a man. Q2 How do we know his wife will be ok living with her in laws. I think living with in laws is Worse than having the in laws getting involved in my finances. I hope they found another solution. If he wants to go to NC and the wife does as well I’d have a 1 year or six month deadline to move out. Maybe max 15 months. Living with in laws is a freaking nightmare, especially for the wife who will most likely be home much longer yet he’s at work. Q3 I feel bad for her. She had to ultimately break her home to wake him up, and no somebody else is reaping the benefits of her waking him up. Men, why do you make it get to this point where a wife walks away. And when a wife walks away, she’s been thinking about it for years!!!! Also, because she asked for the divorce doesn’t mean she cannot be upset about him now breaking the promise of introducing a new girlfriend but he already broke his promise to love and cherish so it isn’t a surprise he’d break another promise. It sucks, but men can find a new partner faster than us women usually can.
On Maria’s call. Deloney mentioned that issue is Maria thinks something is wrong with Maria. How do we fix it Deloney! How do we gain inner confidence without developing a fat head? What is the balance? I’ve been sitting here trying this figure this out. What on earth do I do ya know? Ya can’t base it off other people’s approval because that’s people pleasing. Ya can’t base it entirely off youself because you might end up delusional or narcissistic. Ya can’t base it solely off your idea of God or ya might become a cult leader. What truly is the way to healthy inner confidence? I really wanna know lol Do we just take a little from all these aspects to get an idea? Social, inner and spiritual? Not take a whole piece of the pie from each, but just a bite from each pie to get an idea? I truly don’t know. I’m currently pondering this.
Because I’m a sometimes over-active commenting subscriber I have been too embarrassed to share, but if you need more subs. I’ll quiet down and share up. So sorry about your creepy Cheater mail. That is super freaky dealky. Hope that mystery gets solved – try calling Gavin DeBecker! He’s a personal security expert and can help beef up your security team, just in case. These days… nobody can ever be too careful. Praying for that person to get clarity over confusion, at least in communications. Hope your team continues to thrive. Cheers!
3rd caller needs a reality check. You do not get to file for divorce, choosing to walk away from you marriage and then dicate who and what he does. I guarantee you she is not going to tske her new man for an interview with her ex before she introduces him to the kids. Not saying reason for divorce wasnt valid but this is what you get when you walk away from a commitment you made.
This is too funny “CHEATER” That was from a show you did two years ago with a woman named alisha who is divorced but ex was living with her and co parenting with her. She said she had cheated on him and that was five years ago and she needed to leat it go so you tolf her to write on paper in marker CHEATER and send it in to you and never reopen that wound.
As a woman in a primarily male work environment, Im actually kind of disappointed that Dr Johm advised her to rethink hiring a woman apprentice even though she said she was the best person for the job and did not get any untrustworthy vibes from her or her husband. I have been in the same (male dominated) work for about 15 years and it is pretty much impossible to find senior females to learn from (or junior ones for me to train). It is one thing if there are relatively equal males and females for everybody to mentor and learn from. But for fields that are male dominated or female dominated, you must often go out on a limb and try to train and learn from people of different genders. Good luck to the male nurse or female electrician.
I don’t subscribe for a reason. Even though I usually listen on podcast–I’ll come here to show my wife or make a comment occasionally. But the truth is after over 15 years of youtube usage I actually ignore most of my subs. So you’re better off with me not subbing because the overwhelm of articles in the sub makes me not want to watch them while my actual memory of a show comment is what brings me here.
Don’t hate on Maria 😢 he got her pregnant at 17 years old, he’s 4 years older then her. she’s not mad he’s happy she’s upset that he all the sudden was doing everything she so desperately wanted him to do for her for another girl and thinks something is wrong with her that he’s now willing to be a everything for someone else and not her. It’s really sad 😢 and kids are not a disqualification for dating their are some awesome step dads out there.
This woman is insecure. She can’t control what her husband does. Maybe she should try to get herself in a place where are self esteem is boosted. There’s always going to be someone better, prettier, smarter….and that’s life. If he cheats, then you will know. If you begin this mistrust, it will consume you and possibly push him to see someone else differently. It’s his responsibility if he cheats but keep your sanity and do something good for yourself.
For Maria and her EX. I cannot stand when women use manipulation tactics with men like I want a divorce, silent treatment, etc…then play mind games like telling their husband sure you can date I don’t care….then get upset once the husband moves on and is surprise surprise happy because he is not with someone who is playing emotionally manipulative little kid games while in a relationship. The saddest part of this call is she is more upset that this man has moved on and is happy and a good father to her children than she is happy that he is being a good father all because she is not getting the happiness that she is seeing. Sounds like an emotionally controlling woman who needs to grow up.
I was getting wound up listening to that Maria. She`s trying to come across as a victim when in-fact her ex-husband is the victim. She`s 25 and her eldest kid is 8 meaning she was screwing her ex at age 15 and I doubt Maria was a virgin at the time. Her husband is in the military and military men`s wives are renowned for cheating. Maria said, she was seeing some other guy even before the divorce was finalised and I wager was cheating during the marriage. She said, her husband was a good man and a provider but this didn`t stop her initiating the divorce because 80% of divorces are initiated by women. The usual excuse, he wasn`t there are me, I was lonely blah, blah, blah. But he will be stung for child support, alimony and only have visitation rights to his kids on her terms. Maria is only upset because her ex found another woman so quickly and seems he can get along without her while she`s stuck as a young mum struggling with 3 kids, her choice. This is a typical modern woman, stay single guys and even more so if you have jobs that take you away from home for long periods because women can`t be trusted. I hope Maria`s ex husband had enough sense to have the children DNA tested.