The term “industrial complex” refers to a mutually beneficial relationship between policy makers and various businesses within an industry. The military-industrial complex is the most widely discussed industrial complex, involving the relationship between government and businesses within an industry. The wedding industrial complex, a $70 billion business sector, is driven by the idea of amatonormativity and presents an image of one’s family and the bride as a special day.
The wedding industrial complex is a predatory capitalism that causes pressure to get married, both legal and political. It includes dressmakers, florists, reception halls, event planners, photographers, caterers, limo firms, DJs, bands, and jewelry designers. The wedding industrial complex is a transitional area between Outskirts and the rest of the world, introducing new predators such as Blue Lizards, White Lizards, and Vultures.
The wedding industrial complex is a system that depends on the dangerous idea of amatonormativity and feeds toxic ideas about marriage. It has turned brides and brides-to-be into bridezillas, with the WIC being classist and focusing on charging prices for services. To avoid this, couples should realize that the “wedding” is the ceremony only and think about what they really want before looking for inspiration or talking to vendors.
Rebecca Mead, author of a book on the out-of-control American wedding, discusses Disney brides, formalwear for pets, and whether hiring formal attire is necessary. The wedding industrial complex has both positive and negative impacts on couples and their wedding planning experiences.
📹 Class Differences, The Bachelorette Tax, & The Wedding Industrial Complex
Chelsea speaks with writer Philip Ellis about wedding culture, social expectations, and how they’re ruining our finances.
What can stop a wedding?
You can only stop a wedding if there’s a legal reason why the couple can’t be married. In today’s world, almost every legal issue is discussed before the couple gets their marriage license. It’s unlikely you could stop a wedding.
What is the definition of wedding industry?
This industry is made up of many smaller businesses in different industries, such as caterers, wedding consultants, dressmakers, beauty suppliers (hair, makeup), photographers, favors/bridesmaids gifts, music, honeymoon-related businesses, etc. The industry is big, but each part is smaller. These smaller suppliers are often local and small, and they don’t usually report their financial information to any agency other than the IRS. Larger industries are made up of many public companies that must file with the SEC, making it easier to find information. Larger industries affect the economy more obviously and make it easier to find information on them. Many smaller businesses, like caterers, DJs, and photographers, also provide services for other events. Some of these businesses only work on wedding-related services part-time to supplement their income or out of friendship. There will either be a minimal charge or no charge at all. It’s hard to find industry numbers, so we’ll have to find other ways to get the information. Search local newspapers for local market information. Also, there may be wedding accounts. Contact local companies and people for local experience. Look in the phone book under “weddings,” “party planning,” “catering,” “event planning,” etc. to find local companies and professionals. Also, Data Axle Reference Solutions (formerly ReferenceUSA) is an electronic directory with search limits by various geographic search functions.
What is the most stressful part of wedding planning?
When you get engaged, it’s magical. As soon as you say yes and get the ring, your mind starts racing. From picking out your wedding dress to going to your favorite bakery for a cake tasting, the excitement is real. When you sit down with your fiancé and discuss details over dinner, you realize wedding planning is more than finding the perfect dress, venue, and cake. Two of the most stressful parts of wedding planning are the guest list and the budget. Wedding planning can be overwhelming, especially when family and friends have opinions. People often try to make everyone happy when planning a wedding. You’ll probably feel this stress when creating a seating chart or guest list. Your wedding day is about you and your fiancé. Who you want to be there is important. This is the day you share your love with your family and friends and start a new journey together. Enjoy planning your wedding, not feeling overwhelmed. Here are a few tips to make your wedding less stressful. How to reduce wedding planning stress. The most stressful part of wedding planning is actually all of it! But it doesn’t have to be if you stay positive. If you can be flexible, planning your dream wedding will be less stressful. Be open-minded. You’ll get lots of opinions and hard decisions. Weddings make us feel many different things. If you’re open to the process, it’ll be more enjoyable for you and your fiancé.
What is the bridal industry?
The industry is defined as: Stores in this industry sell wedding dresses, veils, and other accessories.
Access to hundreds of data points and trends. Market estimates, competitive analysis, industry segmentation, financial benchmarks. Incorporates SWOT, Porters Five Forces, and risk management frameworks. PDF report or online database with Word, Excel, and PowerPoint export options. 100% money back guarantee. Industry statistics and trends, table of contents, frequently asked questions, methodology, industry revenue. Value and change from. Includes a 5-year outlook.
What is the wedding industrial complex theory?
The industrial complex concept is also used informally to describe how institutions are created, made more valuable, or changed to make more money. The marriage industry is an example of this. People want wedding dresses, venues, planners, cake bakers, rentals, photographers, etc. because they think weddings are important. Military–Industrial Complex — Businesses that make weapons for the army. Businesses in this industry make money from international threats, rising tensions, and war. This creates a conflict of interests because peace and cooperation could harm their profits. The term “non-profit industrial complex” describes how non-profit organizations, governments, and businesses are related. The term comes from social justice activists and scholars like Angela Davis and Mike Davis. It critiques the military-industrial complex. Many activists work for or with non-profit organizations. Nonprofits need money to achieve their goals. They register with the government to receive large amounts of money legally. These activist nonprofits usually get money from bigger nonprofits that are connected to big businesses and rich people. But if activists are too critical of businesses and the rich, they won’t get the money. To stay funded, they may have to change their ideas for improving society to be more acceptable to industry. Some people think these relationships are bad for activism. They use the term “non-profit industrial complex” to talk about them quickly, instead of explaining the whole system each time. They have written many articles and books about the NPIC. They study patterns of funding or discuss how activists’ goals change when they get more money. Animal–Industrial Complex — Livestock has evolved from a traditional practice into a multi billion dollar industry. To meet the growing demand for animal products, many businesses in this industry prioritize production over environmental and social responsibility. This is causing problems like climate change, ocean acidification, biodiversity loss, and the spread of diseases. Prison–Industrial Complex — Businesses in certain states can access cheaper labor from prisoners. This creates an interest in incarceration because it is profitable. The final consumers of hospitals and pharmaceutical companies are sick people. There is a conflict of interest because it is less profitable to heal patients permanently than to make them dependent on more expensive solutions or to contribute to the worsening of health problems. The rising expense of healthcare in the United States is due to the inflation of drug and hospital prices. Professional commentators need to express new opinions to stand out and capture attention. This leads to fringe ideas becoming the most prominent in public discourse.
Applications Examples of industrial complexes include:
How big is the wedding industry?
The wedding industry in the United States provides services and goods for weddings. In the US, about 2.5 million weddings happen each year. The wedding industry in the United States is worth about $70.5 billion. The wedding industry in the United States provides services and goods for weddings. Every year in the United States, about 2.5 million weddings occur. The wedding industry in the United States is worth about $70.5 billion. Many big companies make a lot of money from weddings each year. This includes clothes, flowers, music, and other parts of the wedding. The wedding industry is a modern phenomenon. The wedding industry changed and evolved into a capitalist industry between the 1920s and 1950s. Many American traditions were developed during this time by advertisements and promotions from major retailers, jewelers, caterers, and other companies.
What is the wedding industry in the US?
The wedding industry in the United States provides services and goods for weddings. In the US, about 2.5 million weddings happen each year. The wedding industry in the US was worth about $70.5 billion in 2022. The wedding industry in the United States provides services and goods for weddings. Every year in the United States, about 2.5 million weddings occur. The wedding industry in the United States is worth about $70.5 billion. The wedding industry has cultural and social elements and is an economic giant. Many big companies make a lot of money from weddings each year. This includes clothes, flowers, music, and other parts of the wedding. The wedding industry is a modern phenomenon. The wedding industry changed and evolved into a capitalist industry between the 1920s and 1950s. Many American traditions were developed during this time by advertisements and promotions from major retailers, jewelers, caterers, and other companies.
How big is the bridal industry?
The global market for bridal wear is expected to reach US$83.5 billion by 2030. It is currently US$61.1 billion. This is a 4% growth rate over the next 8 years. The offline segment is projected to grow 4% and reach US$71.3 billion by the end of the analysis period. The online segment is expected to grow by 3.7% each year for the next eight years. The report looks at future trends in bridal fashion and wedding dresses. Supply chain issues have caused delays in wedding dress deliveries, so the industry is adapting to the new normal. Bridal wear retailers are focusing more on online sales to recover from the pandemic.
We look at who is competing in the market, how designers are doing, and the role of bridal magazines and online platforms. Despite challenges, the global wedding industry still wants wedding dresses, and people are spending a lot on weddings.
How to avoid a wedding in an industrial complex?
2.) Think about what you really want before you look for inspiration or plan. Talk to your fiancé first. Think about how you want to feel, what moments you want to experience, and traditions you want to share with your guests. Write down your ideas. One couple wanted 15 minutes alone after the ceremony, so they added hors d’oeuvres to the cocktail hour. Make a list of the big items you’ll buy for your wedding. Venue, dress, tuxedo, rings, decor, bouquets, boutonnieres, DJ, caterer, bartender, honeymoon. Make two copies of your list (or download our worksheets). Keep one for yourself and give the other to your partner. Rate your top 5 most important items in order of priority. Your top priority should be #1. Then, cross out your 5 lowest priorities. Then, compare notes.
If you both crossed out wedding cake, you can go simple and use the savings for one of your priorities. Deciding how you want to spend your wedding day will help you make financial decisions. Knowing you can have the DJ for an extra hour if you cut the cost of the centerpieces makes the decision easy because you had planned how you wanted to spend your time. Remember, plan your time and emotions first, then your budget. This way, you can fully plan your wedding day.
Is marriage a complex institution?
Marriage is made up of many rules. Religious wedding vows and threats of violence at home influence how people behave in marriage.
📹 How Weddings Exploit your Love & Wallet – The Wedding Industrial Complex (ft. HeyItsVadim) | Salari
Your love is a wonderful thing, it’s understandable you would want to celebrate it, but weddings and the industry around it are …
Nothing exemplifies the absurdity of our consumer culture more brilliantly than a group of young friends who have a societal expectation to pay through the nose to be in each other’s weddings, precisely at the same time their disposable income is likely shaky and their student loan debt balance is likely massive.
I actually regret not spending more on my wedding. I wanted a really inexpensive, “chill” wedding but we had 80+ guests. My dad and brother cooked all the food which was amazing but I hardly saw them through the whole thing and when I did, they were sweaty and exhausted. The food was delicious but I wish I had just paid for catering so I could’ve had more time to dance and hang with the two of the most important people in my life.
I’m old, but the wedding implied reciprocity was around in my day as well. Sadly, I am single and still paying the single surcharge. Adding insult to financial injury, in a number of cases the last time I socialized with a college or work friend was at their wedding, because single friends are easily shed after marriage. I never got married, had a baby or a housewarming, but spent several decades giving gifts to friends and colleagues for these events. I’m 63, with no nice kitchen or housewares except a few I bought for myself. I made the mistake of buying nice things for others (registry) instead of myself!
Agreed. Just turned down my friend’s 4-day bach trip where flight + lodging alone cost $1000 without even factoring in activities, food, drinks, airport transport, etc. I would also need to take 2-3 days off work and I’m a freelancer, so that’s another $1000 in lost wages. $100 on the bridesmaid dress, $700 to travel to her ACTUAL wedding, $200 cash gift… We’re at $3,000! The entitlement of people’s expectations is shocking.
I realized in my late 20s that people don’t talk about their financial failures, only their financial successes. Most people won’t tell you that they are losing money day trading or managing properties. Most people won’t tell you that the fancy clothes and furniture they own is from a ton of credit card debt. So celebrate others’ successes with them, but realize that is not the whole picture and you should not hold yourself to their standard.
I wish we as a society could come to the realization that the days of unlimited growth are over. The days of 2000 sq foot starter homes, 2 SUVs in the driveway, immediately after a wedding are over. We need to embrace a more sustainable way to live. The ” American Dream” should not just mean unhinged consumption.
I’ve been a wedding photographer for well over a decade at this point and let me tell you, the best, most fun weddings I have attended have been under tents in peoples backyards. There’s no stress of having to be precisely on time because the church has another wedding an hour after your wraps up and you don’t have to deal with a tacky reception hall and all of their shenanigans and rules. The bride and groom are usually so much less stressed and it actually feels authentic and fun. My advice for anyone planning a wedding is to skip the reception hall, if it can be at all avoided. Keep the party smaller and have it at a restaurant instead if you don’t have access to a large backyard in the middle of farmland. Far too often I’ve had cafeteria-grade food at purpose-built wedding venues (Where I know it is costing the bride and groom an arm and a leg) and it’s just so disappointing, I’d rather have a rotisserie pig (catered) served under a white tent any day of the week.
I got married 9 years ago on a wedding which included 13 people and we had a lunch in a nice restaurant after the civil ceremony. This was wish of me and my husband. No particular gifts were exchanged. Nobody went into debt to be there. I had a designer dress, and my husband was wearing expensive suit. But this was a choice. And you can not even imagine foe much backlash we experienced, how many people acted insulted because there were no big wedding. It was like we owe that to our families.
OMG–the part about churning out wedding after wedding at a venue! Went to an incredibly expensive wedding at a very exclusive resort in Hawaii, where they did four weddings “at sunset” on the same beach. Each couple had twenty minutes, and the brides passed each other coming up and down the path to the beach. That just doesn’t feel “my special day” to me!
I cannot speak to other countries, but here in Singapore, there definitely is a wedding industrial complex, and it’s specifically for weddings for ethnic Chinese people, the largest demographic in Singapore. When you get invited to a wedding, you are expected to give a cash gift that is equal to or more than how much your seat at the table for the wedding banquet would cost. There isn’t a culture of a wedding gift registry – it’s basically cash gifts only. If you’re giving a material item to the couple, that’s in addition to your cash gift. There are even helpful charts indicating how much is expected based on the venue. The fancier the venue, typically a hotel, the more a table would cost. Oftentimes, this is something that the couple themselves may not want, but that their parents want, as a means to flex. So if you’re going for a wedding dinner as one guest, you are expected to pay between $200 and $400 a person, depending on the venue. If you’re invited, you basically have no choice but to go and pay your share of the bill. It’s not a “gift” – it’s expected. It makes every wedding seem very calculative and in my opinion, sucks all of the joy out of it. A gift should be a gift, not an unspoken expectation.
So true about celebrations being more expensive nowadays. Now it’s normal to have engagement parties, bridal showers, baby showers, kids birthday parties at whole venues with full decor, catering, professional photography. Growing up I saw those as at home celebrations but with social media there’s definitely pressure to go all out for e v e r y t h i n g
I am from a very working class background and live in a very working class neighborhood. All my siblings wedding had big weddings but not really elaborate in the 70’s and 80’s I seem to hear these days that even working class brides have some kind of expectation that this is the only time in their lives when they get to be a princess or something. They think that they will never go to a nice resort or go a formal occasion or have any other occasion to dress up EVER again, so its very artficial.
I don’t understand the whole wedding culture these days. Over 50% of all marriages fail and to start any marriage with this kind of financial pressure is crazy. The stress on families, friends and the couple themselves boggles the mind. When did this happen? Why did it happen? Stop trying to impress each other and get real.
I live in the UK where my friends and family had to fly in to attend our wedding. I couldn’t afford to pay for hotels for guests but it was a small wedding of 25 people where we had open bar, lots of food and my husband and I made it explicit that no gifts were required. I can’t believe people have friends/family pay to fly out AND get them a gift?! Crazy! I also told a friend who I knew was struggling with money that I invited them as I wanted to include them but they didn’t have to attend and I would still love them and I was being 100% truthful about still loving them even if they didn’t attend.
I’m a big fan of not going, but sending the nicest gift you can get. I’ve done this a few times for logistical reasons and it’s gone well. You get to show people you care about them, but then you can make plans to see them when you can actually spend time with them and learn about their new lives together!
My husband and I got married 7 years ago and let me tell you, it was tough back then too. We had 95 guests from across the country: MA, RI, PA, NY, FL, GA, AL, IL, MO, CA, OH, MN. So the need to make a wedding that was worth the trip was intense. We ended up having the reception at an area winery and Orchard. It was beautiful, my guests had full access to the orchards, were allowed to go picking, we brought lawn games, plus music and dancing. We had an after party at the hotel and an after, after party the next afternoon. Basically it was a full weekend of fun. None of the crazy extras but it was a fun late afternoon outside. My guests loved it and they still remember it as a fun weekend
I told my dad I didn’t want to have a graduation party because it was going to be embarrassing to be at the center of attention just for finishing high school, a thing everyone I know had done. And he said “We’ve spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on these people’s kid’s graduations over the years, you’re having one.” he definitely didn’t want to be the one to opt out lol. But I guess it’s a little different? More like a wedding registry than a bachelor party. Because, all told, it gave me $1600 to start adulthood with ($20 from this neighbor, $50 from this grandparent, etc) and I don’t know what I would have done without it tbh. I wouldn’t have even been able to buy my books for my first semester of college.
I 10000% want to celebrate my friends and show them love. I also 10000% resent that I’m expected to buy them new things when they’re 35 year old professionals who already have a house full of nice things. ESPECIALLY because I’m single and most likely will always be single, so I don’t have a chance of experiencing the reciprocity.
Wedding regrets are fascinating to me. My wedding was seven years ago and I genuinely don’t regret anything. I’m so happy we got married when we did; two very dear friends (including the priest who received our vows) passed away within a year of the wedding, and I’m so grateful that we had that celebration with them present. For us the focus was always on the celebration of our love and our community/family, so I think that’s why I have no regrets. Every vendor was local, and several were friends, which made it all really special; everyone involved had a connection to us and it really felt like a beautiful affirmation of our place within our community.
I’ve always wanted to celebrate my wedding with my whole family. My parents both have big families, and especially since they divorced when I was young, having everyone I love in one place is a dream! Now that I’m approaching 32 and am not yet engaged, it’s so hard to stomach the idea of spending $50k or some crazy number doing that. I could afford it, but I don’t want to. Thankfully it’s not a problem for today me, but I am going to very thoughtfully plan my celebration to make it affordable and comfortable for me and my guests 🎉
I think it’s great that nobody in my circle of friends (mid-30s) got married anymore. Most people I know here (Germany) see weddings more as a tradition that belongs to our parents’ and grandparents’ generation and something to opt in today only if you have a strong personal connection to it. There is nothing wrong with weddings, but I don’t think it’s generally worth the stress and cost that come with it. So I’m happy it’s gone out of fashion and I feel under no pressure whatsoever to get married. My partner and I have been happily non-married for 10 years now.
When my fiance and I were talking with our venue we asked about that, and they will package the left over food for us to take home and put in a freezer. We also made sure to pick a place with real silverware and plates to have less waste. -I realize my privilege to afford a more sustainable wedding. I’m really glad we won’t make as much waste. Luckily a lot of family are also getting married in a clump, so we’re sharing decor and items across the family for each wedding.
Here, it is almost understood that if you participate at a wedding, you “will get the money back” when you have your own -therefore it’s ok to spend more. Which doesn’t work if you do no plan to get married. Also it looks like in most cases you pay the same amount of cash (the required gift) if you’re single or with a plus one. Idk, I feel like weddings are not the greatest thing to be part of.
Ufff you should know about Mexican weddings then. There are a string of events months before the actual wedding. A ceremony for the groom to formally ask for your hand, a shower for the bride with her female relatives, a shower with just her friends, a bachelorette, a bachelor party,then finally the actual wedding. Just so wild and bizarre to me that this is still a thing. But in most cases the families (not the bride and groom necessarily) pay for all of that so it kinda makes sense. To me it sounds exhausting!
I read lots of posts online from people who are confused about what does this mean on an invitation and what if I want to invite someone and the invite does not have a plus one. I kept thinking “who invited you to their wedding? how well do you know them? give them a call and ask them. Are people inviting complete strangers to their wedding? Wow. Chelsea got invited to the wedding of someone who was a former colleague? Wow. I find that shocking. is that more of a high class thing so that friends of friends and colleagues can meet each other and exchange business cards?
I’m planning my wedding right now, and one thing not discussed is how limited the affordable venue options are if you aren’t going to have it in a park or at a religious institution. I’m fortunate to come from a wealthy background, but wanted to save money on the venue. All of the public event centers were booked up more than a year in advance, and the other venues in the general area, capable of holding 50+ people, where we will be having the wedding were charging $10,000+ USD.
My partner and I got married in July 2020 over Zoom in our apartment. We were going to get married in a local park with only immediate family (16 altogether) and then go to lunch nearby, but with Covid we just did everything over Zoom. We got to get photos with our cats (our photographer was the ONLY other human present with us) and we made our own lunch the day prior because we wanted it to feel homey. Zero regrets and just over $1000 spent in total. I didn’t even buy a new dress, just wore a blue and white one I already had but had never worn (which gave us our colors so one less decision to make haha). Weddings I’ve been to are so different and unbelievable. Love y’all dishing on this!
I’m so happy I only had my sister and cousin as my wedding party and bought their dresses and hair/makeup. I let my friends be free to just enjoy the party. If I didn’t want to be bothered with the extra parties and planning, then why should I make them suffer? I’m frugal as hell, but I’d never give up my wedding. It was a great celebration for marrying the love of my life and moving out of my parents’ home.
I got married 10 years after most of my peers. I had a long list of things I didn’t think were necessary for my wedding, one of which was bridesmaids and groomsmen. I still don’t understand that tradition and why it’s important to have a bunch of friends in matching clothes lined up next to you when you get married.
Regarding the food waste: I work at a very large convention hotel with a catering team. Unfortunately, weddings are probably among the LEAST food wasters compared to any other events. Actually come to think of it, weddings don’t produce any more waste than any other events that we hold. (In the terms of trash) That definitely doesn’t make it better. I’m just throwing this is the conversation
Got married 4 years ago, 1 year into my first full-time job and my first taste of financial independence. Saved all the money within that year and made sure to not be in debt for anything. Invited people that I really wanted there and when we said we made it ours, we really did and diyed so much and really made sure to get best deals. Don’t regret any of the expenses, just regret couple of organisational things (like not taking family only pictures or enough reception ones). It was amazing having those people there and some have left us so it was last opportunity to celebrate together. Spending within our means is the main reason we don’t have regrets.
Loved this episode. I got married last year and found myself resonating with so much of this. I had no bridal party and paid for 100% of my bachelorette party because I didn’t want my friends to have to pay anything, especially after being a bridesmaid to a total bridezilla. I’m not close with my family and paid for our wedding in full but my boomer mother was aghast when she wasn’t involved in the flower and alcohol choices. The entitlement of mothers in this process was my biggest surprise for sure.
My sister’s wedding was very beautiful, but with a budget of about $30k, it was a challenge to accomplish everything the couple wanted. One major source of decision-making stress was my parents, who paid for the wedding. What the couple wanted and what my parents wanted was often in direct conflict. They put a budget limitation on her, but then got upset when she eliminated things that they felt were important (but she didn’t). So in addition to fighting the cultural pressures for her wedding, my sister was also having to weigh our boomer parents’ views of what a wedding should be. In the end, my parents raised the budget a little to get the things they wanted. My sister has a good relationship with my parents, but will never forget how strained the relationship was during the planning process. She called me crying constantly. Anyway, weddings are a tough situation as there are so many “stakeholders” and family dynamics to consider. It’s not always about the larger cultural pressure to create a Pinterest-worthy wedding.
Amen to parents taking over and making the wedding into something bigger and spendier than the couple might have chosen for themselves. My mom definitely did some of that. It drove me crazy and we had a huge fight about it after the wedding was over. If I could go back and redo it all, I don’t think I would accept any money from her at all. I explicitly told her that we were not expecting any amount and we would not spend more than we could afford on our own regardless of whether she contributed, but it didn’t stop her from feeling like she was entitled to a say over what “she” was paying for.
This might sound terrible, but if I gift at a shower I don’t gift again at the wedding. Also if I have to travel and pay$$$$ to attend a wedding I give a considerably smaller gift than if it’s local. If that makes me cheap Ohkk cool. I’ve got small children and childcare is very expensive so I do what I gotta to keep the peace.
Speaking of playing the cards you’re dealt, I work in law and all my coworkers are in law school. I was so shocked when I realized my 20-something year old coworkers all come from money. I’m preparing to go to law school & it’s ridiculously expensive. This field is definitely made for rich people & I don’t think they realize how lucky they are to have all that help.
At my cousin’s wedding she sent people home with the floral center pieces and containers of food. I was eating leftover apps for a week. But my family is a mix of at the poverty line or below (aside from myself) so sharing with other family members and the church members is a huge part of our culture both in the church but also as a mixed ethnicity family.
So we couldn’t afford an open bar (like it would have been an additional 50% of our entire budget), so we served 2 drinks per person at the table and then there was a cash bar for additional drinks. Also I have some relatives that cannot handle an open bar, I really didn’t want the police to have to come to my wedding.
We’re planning our wedding and I am very glad I have been hearing about Chelsea’s wedding experience for awhile now. Renting a nice place for a weekend for the family to stay and having 2 smaller lunch receptions at that location with simple catering feels easy to plan. We’re going to the courthouse next month with a nice dinner after with our nuclear families. There are super cute dresses that can be found online that can look amazing with affordable tailoring. I am excited rather than stresses and I want to thank Chelsea for the inspiration.
LOVE THIS! THIS is exactly why I will NOT have bridesmaids nor will have a wedding with many attendees (less than 60). Several of my friends are “low income” and I was until relatively recently (and just finished being a grad student to boot!). I also think people need to learn to say NO. As awkward and painful as that is, if you cannot afford it (financially, timewise, etc.), or you simply don’t want to be involved/don’t consider them a close friend, don’t do it! Do yourself and the bride/groom a kindness and say no.
As a bride, I really needed to hear this. I’m just under a year away from my wedding and half of my bridesmaids live a long plane ride away. I’m also feeling the early onset pressure of inviting eeevvveeerrryyyooone. I definitely want to see what I can do to help relieve the financial pressure on my wedding party and give myself and my husband some grace so we can truly enjoy our wedding and that it doesn’t become something we have to “get through”. I definitely agree to tell all my bridesmaids not to give me any money or gifts and I’m open to any cost saving suggestions.
In my country (eastern Europe) you are supposed to straight up give an envelope with money that covers your meal at least. There are very clear expectations of exactly how much each guest should give based on the level of closeness to the bride and groom and the location of the wedding. And people will invite everyone they’ve been invited to or everyone that “owes”them an invitation, to make up back the money they’ve spent on those people in the past. It’s literally just business at this point. If you’re invited to someone’s wedding, you or your kids (if you’re already married) have to invite them to yours as well. I don’t go to weddings. They’re too expensive for what I plan to care about in my life and I won’t have a wedding either.
I guess my friend group is just way more chill than average then? I’ve been in multiple weddings and never had to do anything besides show up, and wear a dress I chose, paid for by the bride, in a color the bride chose. No one had bachelorettes, or showers we were expected to attend. I am about to get married soon – local venue, no bridal party, no shower, no bachelorette, no gifts. And edited to add – most of us are fairly well off, as we all grew up fairly privileged and are a bit older and established in our careers. We all just think it’s dumb to spend a lot of PTO and money on some of these wedding related activities—we get together and blow our PTO and money on activities that we actually all want to do together.
I got married late last year and we loved every moment of it and we spent $2000 (?) start to finish (clothes, shoes, rings, professional hair and makeup, gifts for our 6 guests, wedding photo albums, Minted thank you cards, etc. We went to a small wedding/elopement studio which included photos and out of town friends and family were able to Zoom in during the ceremony. My husband’s family ended up picking the tab for our wedding dinner (they were the only guests) on a nice, farm to table restaurant across the wedding studio. If we had to pay for the dinner and drinks, our guesstimate would have been $2600 ish? We didn’t see the tab, so I’ve no idea what the total was. We paid for everything in cash and our 4 guests were very happy that it was a short, no-fuss wedding with amazing food and drinks and nobody had to wear a stuffy suit (according to my in-laws). We don’t regret anything and it was one of the best days of our lives. With the money we saved on our small wedding, we’re planning on going on a bunch of honeymoon trips in the next 2 years all over the US and possibly in Asia ☺️. It’s 100% us and that’s all that matters.
ver much this!! I am so thankful I’m getting married at a venue that recognizes the absurdities of wedding planning and costs. My wedding is actually affordable for me and my partner and it definitely compares in all the weddings I’ve been to. Love your website! Venue is Hidden River Events in Asheville, NC btw. They’re absolutely incredible!
From an Irish perspective in my friend groups, those in long term relationships are prioritising a house deposit over a wedding. Though the cost of both increases year on year. I’m 34 and have been to 6 weddings total ( 2 in Ireland, 1 in Germany, 2 in UK and 1 in US). I’ve been single (on a modest income) for all but 1 of these. I’ve had work colleagues go to 4-5 a YEAR. You can’t be that friendly with that many people, a lot of this showing off is for klout but then the stag/hen weekends are turning into 3 day weekends in a hotel and associated activities. Ridiculous!
Commenting about the friend tax… I subconsciously stopped wanting friends/nurturing friendships around late 20s bc I am also self employed and it would just be completely out of my budget to celebrate these milestones. Life is expensive, having friends on top of it- forget about it. I have dogs instead- still an expense but the reward is constant- they’re the best
As I’m getting married next year I’m now obsessed with this kind of content. My partner and I are trying to keep are wedding small (has been inflated by parental expectations despite them paying nothing towards it) I have been so stressed trying to stop other peoples opinions taking over! It’s ridiculous. I’m pretty chill, I’m not wanting to put awful expectations of my bridal party- they are my closest friends why would I want them to struggle financially to be in my wedding. I bought their dresses and they were allowed to choose them. They can pick their shoes. We don’t want gifts just the presence of our loved ones at our wedding. We don’t want insane hens and stags. Maybe I’m horrible but I have told friends before that their hen dos are out of my budget or even that I just refuse to spend an amount on a hen. Surely it should be about spending time with important people not showing off.
I am so grateful and blessed to have friends who are generally thoughtful, mindful and respectful when it comes to what we as individuals can do or not do when it comes to weddings. One of my best friends was married in 2022 and she really was intentional about making sure, as a her bride squad, we didn’t over extend ourselves for the wedding and I so appreciate and love her for that. We had the most amazing journey together and it’s simply because the woman wanted to be a WIFE…..more than she wanted to FLEX for people who didn’t matter like that. My suggestion for anyone being asked to be apart of someone’s wedding is to be real about what you can do and if you know the person getting married has expectations you know your wallet can’t meet, do yourself a favor and graciously decline.
It started with Princess Diana. In the 70s, minimalist, hippie-ish weddings were the fashion. Then the big pouffey dresses and the tragic idea of being Princess for a day, instead of facing the frankly frightening responsibility of living up to those vows. Attendees should be there for moral support, not to empty their pockets. The more elaborate the wedding, the more likely it will dissolve. As for distance, I side with Larry David: “If you have to drive more than two hours, no present. If you have to fly, don’t go.”
I regret how much we spent for so many reasons: 1. We took out a credit line to pay for it 2. I let the expectations of my MIL and mother drive a lot of decisions, even though we were footing the entire bill 3. Those decisions included prioritized inviting extended family who didn’t even RSVP “no” over friends who would have come in a heartbeat 4. We loved our details but big things were not what we wanted because, again, we had to make choices based on family our mothers wanted there
I am LOVING these podcasts with authors and writers bc I’m finding so much new work to check out! Already finished Eve Rodsky’s book, got my library to pick up Jamie Vernon’s, and now can’t wait to suggest Philip’s. Lovely discussions as always 😊 My two cents: even as a non-single person without kids, my partner and I still cannot afford to go to our friends’ weddings bc everyone is spread out all over the US. I’ve had to reason with him several times that only one of us can go if we choose to bc everything from flights to the airbnb/hotel to transportation to boarding our dogs for a weekend is too damn expensive. I’ve missed quite a few weddings and he went to one without me (he was a groomsmen) and I never felt bad bc I knew I couldn’t afford it in the long run. If the reciprocity thing is still real, we’re kinda fucked if we get married bc no one will prob want to show up. 🙈🙈 oh well
A lot of “we’re just venmo-ing each other that same $20” energy here 😂 but as a perpetually single person, I also want to point out that (on top of the struggle of trying to live with 1 income) it adds a bit of insult to injury to pay for all of these things when you know you may not ever have a wedding, bachelorette party, bridal shower, baby shower, etc. (ALSO true for people who just don’t want to get married/have kids). I am so happy to celebrate a friend’s love story, and to buy cute stuff for their baby, and to generally support them – but it can be bittersweet (they’re often moving into a different life stage and we may have less in common/grow apart a bit) & just plain bitter (let’s buy you expensive dishes while i’m still eating off of the cheap set from college that’s now missing several crucial pieces).
My husband is a musician and used to work in a wedding band. He saw almost every wedding venue in our contry (Israel, small place). Anyway, he hates weddings and can’t see anything charming about them after seeing so many of them. And I can barly plan a picnic. Both are families are huge and if we envited just the ones we are close to, it would be a 300 ppl wedding. So we flew to New York and got married in the city hall. No party, no pain. It was awsome.
Chelsea’s comments about a cash bar- literally just had a conversation with someone about this. My husband and I talked with a couple who casually mentioned how they wanted the perfect wedding and even though they were given 40k toward a wedding by their parents, they had a CASH BAR! Because the place they picked was sooooo expensive…like…they truly were defending having a cash bar when they started with a net +40k budget….
For me there was no crash after the wedding, rather, a huge weight off my shoulders which lasted a couple months. I had the happy memories of the small wedding I always wanted and not a single regret but I also didn’t have to worry about planning, something going wrong or the pandemic having another wave and it all being postponed.
I chose to have a very small wedding. Just family and my closest friends. I didn’t require matching dresses. A family friend catered the wedding. As it was during 2021 we streamed it on zoom to those who couldn’t travel/come. We opted out of live music. We had it at a family home with a huge backyard and beautiful garden. I don’t regret any part of it. My wedding being so simple allowed me to have nothing to stress over and I got to actually enjoy my special day. Which, others in my family and friend circle didn’t get to do because they had so much to worry about.
My aunt actually cried at the cost and fit of her bridesmaid dress for my uncle’s wedding. It was $400 in 1997, and it was a velvet that didn’t move when she moved. She was a teacher, and so was the bride… but my aunt by marriage had parents that were probably funding a lot, and she’d already been planning and getting stuff before she even met my uncle.
There is nothing wrong with an MC at weddings. In Romania all wedding have MC-s because that is the person that keeps the event going. There are a lot of moments and rituals in a wedding that need coordinating. The MC does that. The one single wedding I went to that did not have an MC, I had no idea what was going on the entire time. Plus an MC takes a lot of pressure from the bride and groom on that day, so that they are not bothered with questions. Here in Romania, the profession of wedding MC is even passed down in the family from father to son in some cases.
I am militantly of the opinion that if you want to have very specific requirements for your wedding – such as it taking place “abroad” from where you habitually live (I’m in the UK, so I’m thinking of a wedding or even a stag/hen do in a European city, or a wedding on a Caribbean beach), or if you want all the guests to wear a certain colour THEN YOU SHOULD PAY FOR THAT. Of course most people couldn’t begin to afford to do so, and they should have to cut their coat according to their cloth. We have built up this idea of the fantasy wedding & of anything the couple wants being OK, but it’s just completely toxic. I also think it doesn’t do anything to mitigate the feeling afterwards of “let down” when the actual marriage can’t live up to that one ridiculous day.
Re: registries… I didn’t want to have one, but some people apparently get offended if you propose that they contribute for a honeymoon or something and really want to give a physical gift. We were afraid that if we didn’t have a registry, people would just buy us things we already have and that we would have to return. We have things in all price ranges though and honestly, we don’t expect someone who has had to spend a lot of money to get to the wedding to so much as offer us a hand-towel.
I once broke off a marriage as we couldn’t agree on how we will spend our money. The wedding venue, who and how to get a place of our own, how to go about our jobs after marriage and etc., Still the most unpleasant memory of mine, but after a couple of years passed, I realized it was due to our class/ socio-economic differences. Fyi, I am a South Korean living in Seoul. Our marriage culture is so different and it can get so toxic.
I agree so much with what you said about registries! I already have a house full of stuff and I don’t what more clutter! I got pressured into making a registry by my and my husbands family and made to feel guilty for asking people for a honeymoon donation. But I’d rather someone gift me money than waste money buying me a gift that I don’t need or want
In México it’s normal that guest take the florar arrangements home. In fact there is constant jokes about it whenever there is a wedding or a big event: who in the table is taking the arragement lol I like your points through this episode but in general the tone felt too mean or annoyed by other people’s choises. I will never understand this idea of “if I don’t go, the friendship is over”. Its ok if you can’t make it, chill.
whats worse is never being invited to a wedding. ive moved around a lot so i dont have close friends, i was scapegoated in my family of origin so all the abusers and their enablers have disowned me, people from my culture think im a freak so no one wants me around, and im not religious. i guess it’s good i havent gone broke on weddings but i think theres something really wrong with our society that someone like me who wants nothing more than to hype other ppl up and support others simply doesnt belong in a celebration of love. it’s hard but at least i love myself.
I once saw something where a wedding had a limited open bar and I really liked that. Everyone got champagne (or sparking grape juice) for the toast and then all over 21s got 2 more alcoholic drinks of choice free and under 21s got two mocktails or additional glasses of sparking grape juice free. After those two, guests had to pay for alcoholic drinks but soda and water were always free. I like this because everyone gets to partake but binge drinkers aren’t doing so on the bride and groom’s tab, and I would think it would curb some of that binge drinking anyways.
I love weddings and I absolutely loved every minute about my own. We did have a somewhat elaborate wedding but don’t regret what we spent on it except for our wedding stylist, our wedding coordinators from our venue were so amazing that they did all the styling, making our stylist redundant. We paid for all our wedding party members outfits. My bridesmaids could wear what ever floor length dress in Navy and once they chose, I’d buy and send to alterations if required. Also paid for all their makeup and hair, I don’t think it’s fair to make people pay for your wedding.
I loved a lot of this conversation, but I do want to make a small defense of the cash bar decision that some couples make (specifically talking about myself): for us, having an open bar was truly cost prohibitive, and it would have meant that other aspects that were more important to us would have had to go (ex the absolutely beautiful and DELICIOUS cake we had!). We opted for the waaaay more cost effective champagne toast, which meant everyone of drinking age was guaranteed at least one drink. We were also really hesitant to welcome the possibility of anyone getting sloshed at our wedding. Particularly my family has a history of alcohol abuse, so I was really apprehensive of an open bar to begin. Ultimately, we didn’t feel like an open bar aligned with our values for our big day. Call me tacky, lame, stingy, whatever, but I think everyone managed to have a great time at my wedding without the open bar. Drinking is not a social value everyone holds, and I don’t think we should draw judgmental conclusions about folks who choose not to center drinking on their wedding days.
My boyfriend and I are living in France and getting married in several months. We were first to not invite all the family members (uncles, aunts, cousins, etc) to the wedding, and only invite closest friends. Of course, it costs some money, maybe parents will help, maybe not, but we can afford our wedding, and especially we are getting the wedding which is truly ours, close family and friends, our favourite wine bar and nice catering and I am really happy about it
I grew up in a well off household, my parents paid for my schooling, and right out of college I started making over 6 figures, the triple combo of unrelatability. I’m aware of this, and never assume that other’s have had similar advantages or experiences, but because everyone else in my position is hamming it up cosplaying as a middle class everyman people think I’m bragging when I actually answer the “That must pay pretty well” remark by saying that it does, and is the reason I can afford the things I have. I’m not trying to rub it in everyone’s faces, but until people realize the rich people they know actually did start life with a stacked hand the world isn’t going to make much sense for them.
What’s going on, that if people are getting married later (and I don’t doubt that) and so are presumably more experienced about life in general, why they are not applying some common sense to their weddings. Are folks in their late twenties and thirties really still as vulnerable to peer pressure as teenagers?
I get extreme anxiety thinking about having a wedding in the future because of the obvious expense of having one for myself, but also the cost that will inevitably be pushed onto guests, and especially those I’m very close to. I have friends who live all around the world so wherever we choose to have a wedding it will be a “destination” for someone, and though we will be explicitly stating we do not want gifts, there are always costs to attending a wedding.
I’m getting married this year. It’s a very last minute thing; we got engaged in November and will be married in April, don’t want to hang about. What has shocked me is how expensive in the UK even the base level legal stuff is for the actual ceremony. Giving notice (an action you have to do before marriage here) is a £70 appointment plus the cost of a passport photo for each of us as he is not a UK citizen. The registrar coming to our venue to legally wed costs £935, and then the venue cost on top of this was £2,750 for 2 hours rental. So just the legal ceremony is costing us £3,755. I did not realise that renting a small small venue (we are getting married in the Fitzrovia Chapel, a non-consecrated chapel with a tiny capacity) would cost so much. We’re having a home garden party as the reception, and our total budget is £15,000. We looked at just a registry office wedding but all the reports I read were so in and out in 10 minutes, and my best friend is coming over from Germany so I wanted to have a little longer ceremony.
Why are weddings such a big thing in the US and UK? I just informed my fiancé that we do not do stag/hen dos in México. It’s a tacky people thing, the same as having a huge entourage of bridesmaids and groomsmen. More traditional weddings can last 3 days, but usually they are collectively organised and paid for. It is also quite acceptable to only have a civil wedding and a reception. I’ve only been to 2 weddings in the past 10 years, none involved a church.
Chelsea’s perspective is formed by living in New York City and previously the D.C. area. Other parts of the country have significantly different norms. Also, it doesn’t appear that either of the presenters for this vlog attend many weddings of religious people who consider the wedding a sacrament. I think weddings are much more diverse. I am shocked and appalled by the bridezilla culture featured in the media that is extremely indulgent and self focused. I do see that this media focus does normalize an extreme emphasis on consumption.
I’m getting married this year and the pressure is real XD; But I’m not offloading that onto my bridesmaids (to the extent that can be managed). They can wear whatever they want (within reason: obviously it would be weird if they showed up in a bathing suit, since this isn’t even a beach wedding) and I’m covering the costs of my bachelorette party. They are doing more than enough by getting themselves there, especially since for my sister and cousin they will need to buy plane tickets.
Weddings in my culture are very big and last over a few days. We don’t hire staff to serve the food, families usually help with everything. Families also bake the cakes and make the food. Decorations are limited to the table, and the weddings usually happen in gigantic halls. The clothes are usually traditional clothes one had for years, and we have the wedding in the areas where most of the family live in. The guests aren’t expected to give expensive gifts, but rather items that the couple might need. Like plates or kitchen equipment. The food that is served is soup, which is easy to make for many people. Less expensive.
I agree that with a destination wedding the presence is a gift. But I also like to have the option of a registry when I get an invitation to a destination wedding. Cause the fact is if I don’t have the money and it’s not a place I already wanted to travel then I’m not going to come. But if I don’t make it I will send you a nice gift.
I heavily emphasized affordability for my bridal party and was so glad I did. I told my party to each pick their favorite Disney princess and then make/buy an outfit that looked like them, that they could use again in the future. My bridesmaids (and one Bridesman! A very dashing Prince Eric) looked fab, saved a ton of money, and didn’t have banana yellow ball gowns rotting in their closets after. 🤣 Hubs had matching suits for his guys (and one groomswoman) and they each picked their favorite color for their tie/pocket square/vest.
We eloped. We wanted to get married on the beach in Hawaii. We knew that no one would want to attend a destination wedding. We had a ceremony 2 weeks later. It was on a Sunday at 2pm. We did appetizers and cake. We had a cash bar. Our guests weren’t drinkers, it was early in the day and those few who were drinkers, let’s just say….”shouldn’t be tempted to over endulge”. I do regret not hiring a photographer. We gave cameras to two family members but they were shy family members, so they didn’t get anyones attention before taking pictures, so no one is looking at the camera. I bought poinsettia plants to decorate and gave them to some guests when we were done.
I spent more being a bridesmaid and attending a good friend’s wedding once than the entire cost of my budget friendly wedding. Guess which one of us is on track to purchase a home this year 🤦♀️ I symphasize that it was expected of my friend to have a huge wedding because of her delightfully huge personality, but it’s a scam, period.
I actually am happy to report I don’t regret spending any of the money on my wedding. We were lucky to have some help from our parents to cover expenses, which freed up budget for us to cover accommodation for all of my husband’s family who were flying in from abroad. We kept things chill and our venues and vendors weren’t wedding specific so we didn’t get thrown any outlandish add-ons. My sister was my only bridesmaid and I told her to wear whatever she felt comfortable in, and so did my husband’s groomsmen. We didn’t match but who cares! That wasn’t important to us in the least. The only frivolous expenses were actually things my mum really wanted to cover as a gift (which were hair&makeup for me and her and flowers. I didn’t care much for flowers and would have probably done the hair & makeup myself if she hadn’t been so generous, but I ended up so happy with both, I felt very lucky). Our venue was on the smaller side of things which really forced us to think carefully about who we wanted to invite, so we ended up with only really important people there. Honestly, it was my exact dream wedding! But having gone through it I can totally see how things can easily spiral. We were lucky to have people and vendors around us who didn’t try to pressure us into things we didn’t want.
Well, that is wasteful on the bride, groom, wedding planner, whoever’s side. With my wedding, we asked ahead of time if we could get leftovers packaged either for our guests or for us if the guests didn’t want it. Had frozen maggianos ravioli for almost a month of lunches! Brought the containers for them, they put it in a cooler till we were ready to leave. We took it all home, tossed it in the deep freeze and fed out of town guests leftovers for at least 1 meal for the next week as well.
When we got married 8 years ago, I made a conscious choice not to spend a fortune just because others do, not be flashy even with the industry’s moneypit expectations. We chose an expensive location because we wanted it to have a beautiful outdoor space, not just a glorified restaurant. But we saved on all the other things not just as a financial decision but also as not buying into the hype and making it as sustainable as it can be. I got my gown from a second hand bridal consignment, I made my own candy bar with fruit and supermarket sweets instead pf ordering it especially, we made our own party favours because I liked doing it and it seamed cheaper and more fun. I remember how surprised our location’s party planner was when I told her we don’t have a decorator, our florist will bring in the flowers and my family will decorate it with decorations made by me and some of my girlfriends. And that we didn’t want fireworks. I mean – how flashy and unnecessarily pompous do those look! We had paperlanterns instead. It was the perfect day.
My husband and I had a small, simple wedding in 2020 (less than $5k, about 40 people) and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Also we’re debt free, own our home, yada yada, perhaps that helped us not feel like we had to “prove anything” to anyone. No one had to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to attend therefore people were just able to enjoy themselves stress free. My sister did the opposite in 2022 and by the time the wedding came after all was said and done spending hundreds and thousands throughout the year on wedding shower, bachelorette party, bridal luncheon, etc etc there was a lot of bitterness which most definitely took away from the joy of it all. Also, I’ve never ever met someone who didn’t regret spending $20k+ on their wedding. It certainly doesn’t contribute to the happiness of the marriage, and often, quite the opposite.
Growing up in Applachia (I’m 32), weddings were always very simple.Usually at a church or a banquet hall. Even my friends who had the means didnt have extragant weddings because it could be considered tacky. Unless you are a doctor or lawyer or your parents are (people would know you have the means), then having a very extravagant weddings would raise eyebrows.
I recently had a thought about any future potential wedding I may or may not have. I would very much like a SMALL wedding, but my mum’s family alone is huge (we’re Chinese and I am one of 16 grandchildren) and I’d definitely be expected to invite everyone… Tbh I’d rather just have my friends? If I could do anything without repercussions I might not even invite my parents, we’re not that close… Maybe even just get married in secret!
P.s. Also just yesterday in the news people are becoming ill because of the living cost crisis – they often cannnot heat their homes choosing between food or heat. They are ending up in hospital with hypothermia. I think with these headlines dominating, the cost of living is going to be the get out card for not going to a wedding for the working / middle classes. No one will fight you on it this year especially if you want to use this summer to build a heating fund for next winter, instead of a fancy destination wedding/holiday. I reckon this consideration will last until 2025.
Seat covers!! We theoretically had the money to use them, but I think they are SO. UGLY. It was one of my hills to die on that we wouldn’t have them hahaha. Literally chose my wedding colour based on the base colour of the chair upholstery bc that was whatever to me, and I just could not be spending $100s on some shit I hated. If anybody judged me for that I haven’t heard about it in the years since.
Do you like ContraPoints? The way you edited this article, and the alcohol, plus the smooth discussion of dismantling problematic social behaviors, give me vibes of her. Thanks for the points for making marriage more affordable. My girlfriend lives in Colombia, and I can’t wait to bring her here and marry her! <3 Hearing that you had a loved one across the seas makes me so happy and hopeful that we can have a happy ending, too.
Don’t buy a wedding cake. Buy a party cake designed to your exact specifications. It’ll be half the price, you’ll get better service, it’ll likely taste better, it’ll probably look better, and you’ll have way more choice about the design. My wedding cake was a level of rainbow white cake, a level of marble cake, and a level of mint, shaped into a tower with a ramp going from the top to the bottom, with the number Pi marching down the way, that the decorator printed out just so she could get it right all the way down to something like 50 places. It looked and tasted amazing, and cost something like $120, with delivery that day. Wedding cake shops started at around $200 and were mostly boring. >_<