Around three percent of the United States population waits until they are married to have sex, according to Waiting Till Marriage. However, there are still around ten million waiters in the country. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that close to 90% of people who have ever been married say they would wait until marriage. This percentage has slipped over the years, with the share of adults aged 25 to 54 currently married falling from 67% in 1990 to 53% in 2019, while the share of cohabiting more than doubled over that same period.
The Wall Street Journal reported that the rates of first marriages in midlife have increased by 74% for women and 45% for men between 1990 and 2019. Gen Z respondents, 81%, are open to the possibility of getting married, with one in two saying they definitely see it happening. The share of adults ages 25 to 54 who are currently married fell from 67% in 1990 to 53% in 2019, while the share of Americans who are cohabiting more than doubled over that same period.
The mean educational level was higher than the US general population due to lower rates of people with a high school diploma or less. If you reside in the U.S., the likelihood of getting married before turning 40 is 86 percent for women and 81 percent for men. The likelihood increases with age, reaching a peak of 74% for women and 61% for men at age 30.
Premarital sex, defined as voluntary sexual intercourse between unmarried persons, is increasing worldwide, with 70-90% of adolescents now having sex by age 18 and most dating couples having sex within the first month of dating.
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How many people does the average person date before getting married?
Most relationships last about two years. The average number of relationships before marriage is about five. How long do relationships last on average? This depends on the couple and how well they communicate, share values, and resolve conflicts.
Trust, respect, and communication make relationships last longer. The average length of a relationship in the 20s can be different from that of other age groups because people in their 20s are still discovering themselves. They may not want to commit to a long-term relationship.
How common is it to wait until marriage?
Highlights In America today, most people live together before marriage and have sex before marriage. Also, about 40% of kids are born to unmarried moms.
In America today, about 70% of people cohabit before marriage, and about 90% have sex before marriage. Also, about 40% of kids are born to unmarried moms. These trends are often thought to be driven by changes in values and attitudes, such as the Sexual Revolution or the deinstitutionalization of marriage. But another idea is that family breakdown has grown not because people don’t want marriage and children, but because it’s difficult to achieve this. Many working-class people can’t get married because of penalties that make it harder for them to have families. And family dissolution and marriage penalties are big problems for working-class parents. I surveyed 3,000 U.S. women ages 18 to 44 to explore why the sequencing of family events has changed. The survey was another round of a long-running survey called the Demographic Intelligence Family Survey. This polled American women about their family attitudes, fertility preferences, and lifestyles twice a year. It provides market research for companies that make products for children and moms. That’s why it only surveyed women. I simply asked women to arrange six relationship stages in the order they thought was best for them. I asked women to arrange six relationship stages in the order they thought was best for them. The six stages were: getting married, moving in together, having a child, buying a house, meeting each other’s families, and having sex. The order was randomized for each respondent. By forcing respondents to put these stages in order, I directly measured women’s views of what they would prefer for their own relationships. I measured how much cohabitation and premarital sex reflect different values. Figure 1 shows the order of each stage from first to last.
Note: Responses in order. For example, the average rank for “meet family” was 2. In detail, 48% of women put “meet family” first, 31% put it second, 8% put it third, and 4% put it fourth, fifth, or sixth, respectively, for an average of 2.
Will a man wait until marriage?
Many people have sex before marriage. This is still true today. For at least the last 100 years in the West, most people have engaged in some kind of genital sexual activity. Many men and people of all genders will not and do not wait until marriage to engage in various kinds of sex with partners. That’s still true today. For at least the last 100 years in the West, most people have engaged in some kind of genital sexual activity with partners before marriage or without marriage. For many people before the last 100 years, this was also often the case. In most cultures, these standards were applied to women more than men. Women paid a price for acting outside of them, while men did not. Women married earlier than men in most cultures. For many women, marriage was about survival. Not being married could result in being unable to eat regularly. Most people in the world married much younger than they do now. Historically, women were told to save sex for marriage, not men.
In fact, we can say that while it’s still a small group, more men are saving sex for marriage now than in most cultures before. It’s more likely now than before that you’ll find a male partner who’s making the same choice you are. Will some people wait until marriage or wait until their early 20s to have sex? No. Most won’t change unless there’s a big change in how people have been doing this for at least 100 years.
How long does the average relationship last in your 20s?
A typical 20s relationship lasts about 4.2 years. But studies also show that those years aren’t always consecutive. Young people break up and make up more often than older people.
When to take the next step in your relationship.
How long should you date before marriage?
How long does an average relationship last in your 20s?
Is your early 20s too young to get married?
Considerations Before Getting Engaged.
Benefits of Waiting for Marriage.
How Long Should You Date Before Marriage?
You’ve found the one: your partner and soulmate that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you’re in your 20s, getting married might seem too soon. There’s no right or wrong time to get married, but there are some tips for dating before marriage. Read on to learn how long experts recommend waiting and things to consider before getting engaged.
What are the statistics on abstinence until marriage?
RESULTS Figure 1 shows the proportion of individuals in the 2002 survey who had had sex, had premarital sex, and married by each age. The table shows the proportion who had had premarital sex by specific ages for all respondents and by gender, as well as the median age at first premarital sex for various subgroups. By age 20, 77% had had sex, 75% had had sex before marriage, and 12% had married. By age 44, 99% of Americans had had sex, 95% had had sex before marriage, and 85% had married. At that age, 3.3% had waited until marriage, and 1.3% had not married or had sex. 97% of people who had sex had done so before marriage. Cox tests showed that there was no significant difference in the likelihood of having sex by gender. Males were slightly more likely to have had premarital sex at every age. By age 44, 96% of males and 94% of females had had premarital sex. Females were more likely to be married by each age. Women typically marry at a younger age than men. The marriage curve is included for comparison to the sex curves, but the percent who had premarital sex by a certain age cannot be calculated because most people who had both had sex and been married by that age had had sex first.
Percent of individuals who had had sex, had premarital sex, and married by specific ages, 2002 National Survey of Family Growth Figure 2 and the Table show premarital sex proportions using data from all four surveys (for women only) by 10-year cohort. The figure and table show that more people had premarital sex from the 1950s to the 1990s. 48% of the 1954–63 cohort had done so by age 20, while 65% of the 1964–73 cohort, 72% of the 1974–83 cohort, and 76% of the 1984–93 cohort had done so. 74% of the 1994–2003 cohort had premarital sex by age 20, between the 1974–83 and 1984–93 cohorts. The first cohort was more different than the later ones.
Do people regret waiting till marriage?
Most people who waited until marriage were happy, but 45 percent regretted it. Some who didn’t wait expressed mixed feelings about their decision. Almost one in five wished they hadn’t had sex before their wedding. It’s good to think about past choices, but don’t be too critical. Psychologists say harsh self-judgments about sex can make intimacy hard in future relationships. Two-thirds of those who waited to have sex until marriage said it helped their sex life with their partner. Those who had sex before marriage felt differently. Forty percent felt waiting would have a negative effect, and 41 percent said it would have no effect. Your past choices can affect your sex life. But you can improve your sex life now. Experts say that couples can improve their sex lives by making intimacy a priority. Nearly half of people who waited did so for religious reasons. Those who said this was why they waited were the least likely to regret it. Many people said they wanted to save themselves for a lifetime partner. They also said that delaying sex would help their relationship. 28% said they were pressured by culture to stay celibate, but most regretted it.
Why is abstinence 100% effective?
To avoid STDs, don’t have sex. This means no genital contact. Someone who is abstaining from sex doesn’t have any intimate sexual contact, including oral sex. You won’t get an STD. Abstinence doesn’t protect against HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B, and hepatitis C, which can spread through nonsexual activities like using contaminated needles for tattooing or injecting drugs or steroids. Who practices abstinence? Sometimes it’s hard to decide to practice abstinence because of peer pressure. But the truth is, many teens don’t have sex. Abstinence can also help you think about and grow an emotional connection. Having sex can change a relationship. It’s normal to not feel ready for that or the complicated feelings it can bring.
Do couples who wait until marriage last longer?
Couples who wait until marriage to have sex are happier, communicate better, and are less likely to divorce. They also have better sex. Should you assess sexual compatibility early in dating or wait to have sex? Should you wait for “true love” or test a relationship before getting married? Most single adults want to have a successful, lifelong marriage. Many couples move quickly into sexual relationships during dating. Recent studies show that 30-40% of couples have sex within a month of starting a relationship. The numbers are even higher for couples living together.
Source: Sassler, S., Addo, F. R., & Lichter, D. T.. The Pace of Sexual Activity and Relationship Quality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74, 708-725. Data from the Marital and Relationship Survey. See Figure 1 in Sassler et al. for more details. Do these dating patterns lead to loving, lasting marriages? Let’s look at what research says about these questions.
How many boyfriends does the average woman have?
Most women have seven sexual partners, while most men have around six. These numbers seem low, but many in the US think so. US survey participants said seven is the ideal number of sexual partners. Take this survey with a grain of salt for a few reasons. The study suggests these numbers may not be accurate. The survey found that only 67.4% of women and 58.6% of men have told the truth about their number of sexual partners 100% of the time. The study doesn’t define what makes a sexual partner. This makes the number even more skewed.
What percentage of men are abstinent?
Most men and women had weekly or more sex and one partner in the past year. These numbers go up with age. More men than women reported having no sexual partner (16.4% vs. 12.0%). This survey study of adults aged 18 to 44 years examines trends in sexual activity and the association between measures of sexual activity and sociodemographic variables. Question: Did sexual activity among US adults change between 2000 and 2018? Was there a link between sexual activity and other factors?
📹 Body Counts Are Rising, Marriage Rates Are Falling
When third-wave feminism was on the rise, marriage rates began to fall. However, rates of depression in women began to rise.
I’m married, and my husband and I took each other’s virginities. I’ve been mocked by other women, even my own neighbors, for not having a side piece and having a low body count. Even my own parents made fun of me being a virgin at 19. I’m a woman, and it baffles me. My parents also told me divorce was just a part of life and was just the “next step”, and that they are waiting for me to get divorced. No!
28 and engaged One sexual partner (ex boyfriend)in my teens when I was in college One sexual partner (current fiancé) in my 20s. No bar hopping, no clubbing, no social networking site/app use, and no dating app use in that time either. Don’t expose yourself to environments that normalize “hook up culture” and you don’t get brainwashed
As a 19 year old woman, who is in a relationship, and still a virgin, I was surprised (though I shouldnt have been) when several of my ‘friends’ would no longer speak to me when they asked if my bf and I are having sex and I said no. I am apparently “old school” and my life style is “weird” and “childish” and they couldnt associate with someone who wasnt “with the trends” or whatever (yeah I know I dodged a bullet here with them no longer speaking to me) But the peer pressure is RIDICULOUS My bf and I are both Christians (Baptist) and want to hold the values of Christ followers but also the research weve both done tell us that if this happens to not work out, we dont want to have to have the problems all our friends have. Either they cant move on, or when they do theyre constantly comparing their next partner to their last, physically, and sexually. I mentor several middleschool-highschool age girls, at my church, and my heart was broken when the 12 year old told me that she has already had sex, with a 14 year old, because she was bullied when she didnt have a “body count” She said she knew that we believe it shouldnt be done but felt so alone and disgusting because of the hate she received. This should not be something kids that age or really anyone under age should even be thinking about doing, much less be peer pressured into. Yes by all means educate children on their own bodies but that doesnt mean you should be teaching them about everything that young. nor should there be any encouragement to do it until their married not for religious reasons, but MENTAL Studies show that kids are traumatized and then their self esteem goes down when stuff like this happens and then they feel worthless.
I’m a 27 year old female that gets weird looks for being a virgin. I had classmates that lost their virginity at 13 and got pregnant. Kids went to parties, did drugs, smoked, drank, ect. Yet I was at home reading for fun. They probably thought I was the weirdo. But, now they’re probably regretting their life decisions and I’m sitting here guilt free.
Former married man. I’ve been beaten. I’ve had to deal with bipolar episodes. I’ve had to answer to police. I almost got sent to jail basically forever. She partied whenever she wanted and would disapear for days. I lost half of my stuff and was grilled by everyone for why I decided to “leave a poor girl at her worst” when she walked away with cash and prizes. Get careers, ladies… Marriage isn’t available to you, most likely.
I’m a female and my body count is 1. I’m glad I never gave into hookup culture. It never seemed empowering to me. Just seems like people that are horny & care more about looks than a persons character & emotional connection. I’ve always preferred to share something so intimate as sex with someone that actually cares, loves, protects, respects me with similar values and morals.
When I was 18, I was talking to a woman at church who told she had brother and could set us up. I was clear with her that my goal was marriage and not dating for fun. When I met her brother, I told him the same thing. 11 1/2 months later, we got married with the full support of both our families. Babies then came when I was 21, 23, and 25. Last year I turned 30 and did not dread it at all. I look back at my 20s with a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Now that we are essentially out of the “survival years” as parents, I’m able to focus on personal goals and the art of homemaking more. We also homeschool and are self-employed which is the most fulfilling i career I could think of for myself since I actually do put my business management degree to use.
I’m 38. I didn’t get married until 32, and I remained a virgin until then. It was hard and I had a lot of self-pity at times, not going to lie. But it was WORTH it, a thousand times over. You will never regret refusing to give your body and intimacy away to someone who is not committed to you in marriage. I feel so terribly sad for all the girls and young women who have fallen for the lie that a traditional, “old-fashioned” life with traditional values is somehow inferior. They will likely find out too late that they were wrong 😞 I’ve never met anyone who didn’t sleep around who wished they had.
It saddens me to think of all the babies being brought into the world as an “accident”. This girl I was friendly with slept with our boss at my first job, he got her pregnant, she uses the baby as a little instagram dressup doll for a few years, kid becomes a toddler… she leaves the state and begins dating someone we went to highschool with, abandoning her child and his father. It’s absolutely disgusting. I couldn’t imagine being raised by someone who hates you because you’re nothing but a testament to their lust and lack of an ability to wear a condom. My exes mom got pregnant at 16, and would constantly tell her that she stole her life from her, and she was to blame for her mother’s misery. That’s the kind of shit those people do. They CHOOSE to make decisions that negatively affect them… and then take out their miserable loser existence on a fucking child. You don’t want kids? Keep your god damn legs closed and wear protection if need be. It is NOT hard. No child deserve to be brought into the world by accident, from people that loathe them and blame them for all of their woes. No one.
Im fifteen and the only Christian in my household. My mom attempted to have the “talk” with me the other day after my older brother lost his v-card, saying that if my older brother who is objectively unattractive is doing THAT, then it is likely I might too. I actually ended up crying while explaining I don’t want the talk or need it. Explaining that I plan to wait until marriage because that is what is acceptable in my eyes. She was in shock that I plan to wait because of how common it is for people to want THAT at my age.
I’m 37 and a virgin. I’ve had only 2 boyfriends in my past . Those were long term relationships. I neither cohabited nor slept with them. I just haven’t yet found someone who’s marriage material. I know sex causes pregnancy and I care enough about my potential/hypothetical children to want them to have both a mother and a father. I’d rather die an old cat lady than have to deal with exes and baby daddy/baby momma drama BS!!
I’m 15, and let me tell you, my classmates were losing virginities as young as 12-13. I haven’t dated anyone yet, due to not being interested in relationships and I had people talk behind my back like ‘She doesn’t have a boyfriend yet, and hasn’t lost V-Card yet”. I am absolutely baffled by that, imagine people not talking to you just because you haven’t started dating and you haven’t lost your v-card. It’s ridiculous, and for no means will I get pressured into that shit, NO WAY. All of them can leave me and not talk to me, but I will not stoop that low to fuck up my own future just to fit in. This is a sad thing that is currently happening, I don’t even know why but, in the end, it is what it is.
I met my husband when I was 21 and he was 20. We were both virgins. We both wanted to wait until marriage. We wanted to make sure we were not rushing into anything. We wanted to make sure we were both mature financially and mentally. Of course we both got mocked and ridiculed by our friends like literally angry asking why we were waiting. To me I was like how is that your business? We were together for 4 years before we knew it was time to get married. And this year we are celebrating our 11 wedding anniversary 15 years together. I can’t picture being with anyone else.
This modern day is depressing. As a man, I’ve been saving myself for marriage. Some will call me an incel and mock me, others will say I just can’t get any, and they’re allowed to believe whatever they want. I don’t look for anything crazy. I just want a partner who’s respectful/loving, feminine, and leaning more towards traditional over this modern day whatever-you-call-it. But, at this rate, it’s hard to even find someone else who isn’t sleeping around, let alone someone with a low body count…
Hearing about the sex lives of my classmates is revolting. These seniors are giving themselves away so easily, and they wonder why they have messed up relationships. The thing that bugs me most is hearing about the freshman hooking up at such a young age. I weep for gen-z, but I hope we gain better role models for how to have healthy dating lives. For now, I can only hope
Thank you for this article! It’s inspiring! I am a 21-year-old, Filipino woman and I just got married 2 months ago. I AM PROUD TO BE A WIFE who prays to be blessed with children and also to be a great teacher. Who said wifehood and motherhood can’t be “careers”?! I have always been a competitive person and I know I have great potential in achieving my career goals. But this doesn’t mean that CAREER should be my only world because I am always and forever will be REPLACEABLE in that world. There’s no other wife to my husband and mother to my future children but ME. One-night stands and short term, immature relationships are no fun. If we want healthy bodies in the future, then let’s protect virginity because that’s precious. And if we want to be proud of ourselves after 30 or 50 years, then let’s not permit our FEELINGS to boss us around because they constantly change. My point is being a careerwoman is great but so are wifehood and womanhood. Marriage is beautiful and sacred and hard and it is worth it. And if you don’t want to get married or have children, that’s fine but don’t sell your body to anyone because it’s not a toy. Have that dignity!
As a man who didn’t lose his virginity until 25 and honestly regrets not keeping it until I had married my wife two years ago, who is my WORLD and who I am incredibly in love with: Ladies, gentlemen: Please DO NOT buy into hookup culture. Every hookup I’ve been a part of, even friends with benefits, just left me feeling worse about myself and I didn’t feel truly loved, I just loved the temporary attention. Do not give into peer pressure, and do not listen to anyone who tells you you’re weird for being a virgin even if you’re older, guys or girls. SAVE IT FOR MARRIAGE. YOU WON’T REGRET IT.
Ever since grade school I was only interested in monogamous relationships, completely avoided hookups and online dating. I’m just a good guy who was looking for a good girl to share and love life with. That never happened. While I remained single, men who did the complete opposite from me ended up happily married with kids. Message I got was women would rather die alone than marry men like me, never really found a solid answer why🤷🏻Idk what the solution is, but hope it works out 👍✌️
Speaking as a man nearing 40 with a high body count I have a message to the other men out there. Don’t make the mistake I did. Focus on finding someone good and stick with her, marry her, start a family, . Now at my age, never married, no kids and the quality women are gone. Nearly all the single women left my age are either addicts, boozers, drama magnets, or loners you’ll never meet because they always stay home. Don’t miss the opportunity of a lifetime trying to get laid all the time, you only get one life so make it count.
I may sound old on this but I remember being a teenager in the 80’s. In my circle there were two groups of girls- one who was having sex and one who did not. The having sex group was smaller but somehow viewed as “cooler”. If a girl had more than one or two she was labeled a slut and no one wanted to date. Now nearly 40 + years later, I see girls from the “having sex group” and honestly feel sorry for them. Most are on their second or third marriage if at all. They are unhappy and some have expressed regret at their choices. This current trend is not going to end well.
Just got engaged to the love of my life a few days ago! I’m almost 27 now, but We met when I was 22 just turning 23. Guys prior to that avoided me because I wanted marriage, to settle down and make a house for my future husband, and I was very upfront about it. I told everyone they need not waste their time or mine if they weren’t interested in getting married and living together. It’s always been a goal of mine to stay home, make good food, and be a good companion. So happy to have found a man that shares my values! But definitely, others in our generation don’t feel the same always.
I was a virgin until I was 24 years old (34 years old now) by choice due to my christian faith at the time. I almost married a christian girl at 20 years old, but her family turned into absolute crazy control freaks which broke things up. Eventually, I joined the military and left religion, then decided to become sexually active. Honestly, it was kind of a disappointment based on all the hype, but I also think virginity or at least low body count in favor of serious dating sex only is much better compared to just sleeping around. I’ve been with a lot of women at this point, and it’s kind of just whatever. I’ve also seen plenty of guys, religious or not, be in miserable marriages or get decimated through divorce. That said, I wish that I were one of the lucky ones that gets married young and makes it through, but alas, life’s a real rollercoaster sometimes. I guess I should count myself lucky that I haven’t gotten anyone pregnant, caught any diseases, or been divorced lol. I’ll just be here in my house, with my paid-off cars, and all my stuff, nervously looking for a good woman that isn’t ate up with social media, has ludicrously high standards, and won’t eventually divorce me and weaponize my kids against me in the aftermath. I literally did the biblical thing of growing up, getting my education & career setup, and preparing to be a husband and father one day, but now I’m just….. stunned at how difficult it is to find someone that might actually be worth the investment and risk of starting a family together.
As an 18 year old guy I’m absolutely appalled and disgusted by how many of my peers are promiscuous and have been from such a young age, yet have no plans on ever committing to a long and stable relationship. And if you choose not to be promiscuous, people will shame you for it. It’s like Sodom and Gomorrah all over again. America’s young people need to reverse this trend.
As an Indian, I always felt suffocated whenever the social structure and rules and norms in India would prohibit men and women to “explore” before marriage. People still date, they do kiss and get intimate, but 90% of the women would still not consent to PIV sex, hookup culture is almost non-existent outside major metro cities. The number of average lifetime body count (~3 – one of the lowest in the world) should indicate how seriously these rules and norms are in effect. But the facts and charts that Brett showed suggest that may be there was some logic that our ancestors foresaw while establishing those rules that we now deem to be stifling and archaic. Women are unhappy, men are alone (and some of them bitter) and they say it’s a great time to be alive. Lol.
Most of my friends only slept with their boyfriends, that meant body count of 3 by age 18, some had a lot more. My friends and family teased me for not having a boyfriend. My mum even suggested I date any guy so that better options know I’m on the market 🤢 she degraded me and potential mates to commodities. I’m proud I never gave in to those pressures and waited till I met the love of my life at 21. I’m nearly 35 now, no regrets. I always found the idea of sleeping with someone I don’t have a close emotional bond with repulsive. I never said that to my friends, their promiscuity is not my problem but I can tell none ended up in a particularly joyful relationships. You want a quality guy, be a quality woman
During a conversation at work I learned that two of my coworkers had to keep a little black book because otherwise they couldn’t keep track of who all they slept with. A male coworker was revolted by this so they asked me my body count. I proudly shared it’s one person. The male coworker admired me for it while one of the female coworkers straight out told me that I needed to get around more.
Great article. You’re really wise for your age. Took me till I was 29 to get to that place. But now I’m 51, married 25 years and so grateful I defied feminism and left my tech career to raise my kids. I’d totally do it all again. They are lying when they say marriage is bondage and raising kids is horrible. Don’t knock it to you try it.
Respect to you Brett for not giving in to that culture despite probably being around it quite a bit based on the other girls in your sorority judging you – at 23 I don’t (and really never have) carry myself as a man who is just looking to hook up with girls, and I feel like even without saying that, they can tell. It’s weird to think how 50 years ago everyone else would act the same way I do now, but today women just want a guy who see them as an object and know how to convey that in a conversation, and then use that as a reason to “hate the patriarchy” even more and call all men terrible. Like I just want someone to hang out with, cook for and watch shows with, but it seems like all women our age have thrown reality out the window.
The past can’t be changed but, you can change who you are now. I have a high body count but only 1 partner in the last few years. It took me a long time to fully understand what I need versus what I want. Society and the internet make this very difficult. There is still time for us to change. Thank you Brett for helping us understand what is important!
I’m a 30 year old male who hasn’t dated since high school. I’ve slept with a few women here and there (maybe around 3 or 4?) but I find the culture of dating apps disgusting. I would rather hang my self out to dry than sleep with someone who has had 10+ partners. My mother and father tell me I need to start dating but they don’t understand the culture is different these days than when they were growing up. I wish there were more women who valued being less scanty these days.
I married my first boyfriend at 20 and have 0 regrets. I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so why should I have waited for a specific age? I’m now 42 and we are still happily married and expecting our third child. I don’t feel like I “missed out” on having a bunch of failed relationships first. I’ve only ever had sex with my husband and don’t regret that at all. I also got to have a career and travel and have adventures. Marriage didn’t preclude me from any of those things, it gave me a partner to enjoy them with. I didn’t have to go through years of dating drama and could focus my energy on other endeavors instead.
I’ve been reading a lot of comments that people who have a body count of 0 or less are weirdos or boaring, and I feel bad for those who are getting horroble treatment from their parents, friends, and society. I come from a culture where being virgin is something to be proud of or something good, and I’m really proud of my people and my culture, which I will teach to my children. Feminism is the end of a happy life and a happy marriage.
I’m a woman in my late twenties and it makes me so sad that I bought into the promiscuous lifestyle up until a few years ago. At the time it seemed like the thing to do, and unfortunately I didn’t think for myself, or think about how it would affect me and future relationships later on. I wish I hadn’t acted that way, but I can’t change the past at this point. Best I can do is live my life now in a way that makes me proud of my current decisions. It’s a difficult situation now because the kind of man I would like to be with most likely doesn’t want a woman with a promiscuous past, which makes sense. And the women in my life are either very religious and are saving/saved themselves for marriage or they’re on the other side of the issue and think there’s nothing wrong with sleeping around. I wish I had had more women in my life who spoke honestly about the reality of sleeping around. Please carefully think about how these decisions will effect your life, your relationship with your partner, as well as how you see and feel about yourself
Thanks again for speaking the harsh truth, Brett! As a man, it’s sad that nowadays there’s less and less women with traditional values. I still believe in love, but it seems like it is an extremely hard task to achieve on this day and age, where things like happiness, love, truth and loyalty are easily left behind over promiscuity. Of course there’s still good wife material out there! But as you pointed out, it’s a percentage getting smaller and smaller, while mental diseases, body counts and over sexualization are constantly on the rise. Be grateful for what you have, and remember, as Edmund Burke said, “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
My parents were “almost” virgin by the time they got married at the age of 35 & 32, but they have been in a relationship for 11 years (My dad jokes about himself overthinking the whole situation when in fact they we’re both trying to stablish themselves economically) Of course like everyone else, they dated other people before meeting each other but never actually got into anything with anyone else, the same situation happened to my grandparents. Now here’s mine as a 25 y.o dude, so far history repeats itself in the family with exceptions; I didn’t wanted to wait until marriage for sex, and everyone around me seemed to be having it like there’s no tomorrow (whether it’s true or fake, people lie a lot) So I went to a girl from college I have been interested for quite some time, we dated many times, we fall in love and ended up having sex, despite my parent’s and grandparent’s warnings not to do it and wait a little more instead (We’re a pretty small but united family) In the end the girl I was in love for over a year was never really interested in me in the first place but only for casual sex, and as soon as she had it she started to act uninterested in everything that was going on between us and basically ghosted me. When I told my parents about the “breakup” first thing they said to me was “we told you”.
I think our views on marriage have been severely tainted by those who came before us. We are an entire generation of people who watched our parents’ marriages fail, and grew up in broken homes or with “bonus” parents. Having an example of strong, lasting & loving marriage is scarce amongst millennials and Gen Z. No wonder no one values it anymore. I’m not saying this frees us of personal responsibility in relationships, but it does give a clue to how we’ve gotten to this point.
I’m 18 and I had sex with multiple partners in my early teen years and it is my biggest regret. I’m so mad at everyone who told me it was empowering. It hurt me a lot, but I know I can still find a good man who will look past that and I’m waiting again for the right person and celibacy and singleness has been very healing
I’m 32 and have only ever been with my husband. So body count is 1 😅 We started dating when we were 14, married at 22, travelled to 40 countries until we were 30, had our first baby and we’re about to welcome our second in a couple of weeks. We are solid – we have a truly great relationship and I don’t wish for anything to be different!
I have a son in high school, and I find this website fascinating because it helps me understand the dating environment my son is living in . I met their dad in my 20’s, did the career thing, and then had my boys in my mid to late 30’s . I decided to raise them full time because it was far more satisfying and fulfilling to be present with them every day . I left a career making 150,000, car,expense account, assistant and 25-40k bonus in 2007. (I also studied for 9 years to have my career), but once I had my boys, I was not willing to part with them for even an hour. I think planning and prepared stages works well . We waited 10 years to have children, while we traveled and saved for our future . Then I left the traditional work force and did some silent investing while my husband worked outside the home . Fast forward to now, and my 16 year old son and I have a great relationship because I put the time in with him to connect. He tells me he wants to get married and have kids . He wants his wife to be an equal, and also raise kids together. I have a feeling he would want a more traditional path because he sees his dad and I have been together 25 years and he sees it work . I told him the most important thing we need to do is set him up financially, so he can have the freedom to be a present father and husband . It starts with investing NOW. He’s doing the work to understand real estate and market investment NOW. He’s not dating, and he doesn’t want to right now . He wants to focus on his future, and wait until he’s ready to consider a serious marriage minded relationship.
I met my boyfriend of 3 years when I got out of highschool. He is my first everything and we live together, have plans for a family, etc. When I visited my VoTech teacher a few months ago while he was teaching class, I heard a group of 15/16 year olds talking about their multiple toxic relationships who they would be with for 1-4 weeks, 304 around with, and break up with. 10+ body count, at 15!!!! I get made fun of by coworkers/acquaintances for only having been with one person. “Don’t you wanna taste the rainbow? Don’t you want to explore and experiment with other people?” No. No I don’t. Im not going to ruin a wonderful relationship with the love of my life so I can whore around, nor do I have the desire to experience anyone else. Sex is the most intimate thing you can do, why tf would I want to do it with strangers or people who dont care about me deeply and just want to use my body to get off?
It’s also incredibly difficult to date as a result of this hook up culture. I’m 22 and a catholic. I tend to be more quiet and reserved and really long to settle down and have a family. But it’s so hard to find anyone who shares those values. I hope things will turn around eventually, because these stats are terrifying.
I’ve been married for 12 years and have 5 children. I’ve done my best, most rewarding work inside the 4 walls of the home. We homeschool 3 of our children (2 of them are too young). I’ll never forget even in 2011, the backlash I got for getting married right out of high school and the amount of people who just seemed to want us to fail… every single one of them was 30+ and a woman. I cringe now at young girls and how they’re being brought up. If I had ever dared to leave our home looking like some of these kids, my father in particular would have lit my butt up. As my Granny used to say about modesty, “Leave something to the imagination”.
I just stopped giving a fuck about dating. I dont need anyone or anything. Ive got my one bestfriend and a job. I can put food on my table and pay my bills. Thats all i need to live. Also started working out more and more. Only thing im worried about is how im doing myself. Ive got all the love i need from family and myself.
I remember moving to another state as a kid. During my jr high and high school years, I noticed how common it was to see students including my peers dating and it was a healthy mix of few months to a full year/known each other since X grade. Looking back, it was beautiful and I was fortunate enough to witness what true love looks like. Now sure break ups were common. Hearing people cheating on each other was rare and the idea of hooking up didn’t happen. But if it did, it was considered “one night stand”. After graduating hs the same couples I remembered seeing were still together. Now, they already have a family and recently bought a house. It really sucks that something this beautiful is taken for granted these days because nowadays it’s uncommon to see couples last a full year. Back then, a full year of being in a relationship was a cake walk.
When I was in high school, people always were talking about their hookups. It’s disgusting. I want to get married, but unfortunately I don’t want the government involved in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have decided to spiritually pursue our future. Instead of being married legally, we will be in the eyes of God. He was my first and will always be my last. I love him. I cannot wait to start our family
I remember publically a lot of people being shocked I was not hooking up with people left and right in Uni, and privately a lot of people told me they wished they had done the same… I saw so many hookups/dumps happen and it messed so many people up. Mind you this was pre-2020 and it told me all I needed to know. For anyone curious, I just kept my head down and avoided as much stupid drama as I could. I was a lot happier that way 😊!
As a 19 year old woman who’s happily a virgin I know if we knew the exact numbers of everyone body count on top of our heads it would easier and embrassing at the same time. And I’ve lost many “friends” over my decision and fast forward to today 3 of them are broken with hella issues and 2 have a child/children but they never bring up the fathers at all. And one of them actually texted me about an invite to their baby shower but not once asked about me that was crazy frfr 😂
i am a 40 year old virgin my self it’s a good thing don’t let other men and woman fool you into something you will regret later on in life, men don’t want a woman with body counts, i never found the right woman in life to many woman out there are selfish and lack of respect for there own body, now i am very sick with health problems and not going to ever find someone the propaganda from our own government has ruined the correct way of a good moral life, you have to also know lust is a sin it has to happen in only marriage way of life and stay married
I’m 24, still a virgin, and I know my problem is that I pursued acting from age 18-now and ignored dating. When I did start dating most guys just wanted to have sex, led me on until they realized I wouldn’t give it up and then dumped me, so frankly the fresh and fit type podcasts are also the problems. Saying men need to have sex before marriage but women can’t is the stupidest bs I’ve ever heard. Maybe neither? Like? What?? Does no one have values anymore? I struggle with believing that men are “good” and not falling into the feminist trap cos of hookup culture. I’ve been so scared to go back into dating cos I’m not sure if guys want me for my body or my soul and personality.😂
The increasing animosity between men and women is seriously disturbing. I used to just laugh at it cause it was kind of fun seeing the chaos but we’re seeing in real time how it’s poisoning society. I get along with pretty much everyone I come across male or female. Getting married and having kids is probably the biggest thing I’m looking forward to the most and I feel like some sort of outsider for that reason. And the kicker is I’m only 20 years old and a sophomore in college 😭 I miss the days where it didn’t feel like everyone hated each-other.
I think these women are trying to get other women to hoe out like they have because they themselves know it’s wrong and are disgusted/ashamed with themselves. Having others around you who have done the same will make it feel less gross/bad. I had a friend in high school, his body count was in the high 20s if not 30s. He tried so hard to justify it and make it seem like he wasn’t disgusting and how I should do it too. He just didn’t want to be the only one on such a low level. It’s easier to bring people down to their level than to rise to others.
As a 17 year old male in college I can definitely attest to this. Even in Tennessee where people tend to lean conservative, there are so many young people sleeping around and women wearing… interesting clothing to say the least. One time I mentioned that I didn’t want to have sex before marriage and everyone acted like that was a crazy high standard.
I feel bad for my 20 year old son. All he wants is a steady healthy relationship but everyone he meets just wants to do the hook up culture shit. I think it’s starting to depress him. Sucks too, kid is awesome, good looking, has a lot to offer, holds down a fulltime job making good money. Not sure what advice I can give him when you see articles like this.
I am almost a 20-year-old woman and I have never been in a relationship, romantic wise in my life and I think I’m glad I have not been because I don’t want to lose my virginity early because people are so adamant on sleeping around and i want to save myself for someone who loves and cherishes me as I do not want to be thrown out like trash as these women are but can’t see that. I’m not sure if i would want children yet though.
All throughout school especially high school I was mocked by my classmates and all the girls around me because I had never had a boyfriend and I had obviously never slept with anybody while they themselves were casually juggling 3 boyfriends. Their comments did infuriate me though I never expressed it because unlike what so many people assume is the case, I don’t have a boyfriend because I simply don’t want to. I’m more than capable of sleeping around and having multiple boyfriends but I absolutely do not see the point in it because surprise surprise there is no point. Also I absolutely don’t have the energy and mental stamina to deal with multiple people at once let alone the stress that comes with having a boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m 19 years old and I’m thankful for the way my parents raised me. I don’t care what other people consider to be “trendy” and what they think of me when I don’t follow them. I know what’s right and what’s wrong and I’ll stand by it no matter how many people mock me for it.
I am gen z and was deceived into the body count being like prize tokens. I am so grateful to find a good man who could look past my history and not mind that I was a single mom. I had a lot of red flags admittedly, but he saw the good in me in my motherhood. Now we are happily married and have our third child on the way. He even brought be out of my liberalism and now I am a traditional homeschooling housewife. I pity the young women who are just like I was. I hope they realize how detrimental that behavior really is before they are 40, single, and childless.
This is a conversation every young woman needs to have with herself. When I was early in my university career, I wanted to focus on my education and career. I wanted (and still want) to pursue a Phd. What changed is that over time, I saw and heard from professors from all sorts of backgrounds. The ones who focused on their careers in their early adulthood were in their 40s, and learned the hard way that they either couldn’t have the children they’d always wanted, or that it would be extremely difficult and/or expensive to have children. They had to come to terms with their choices. The happiest and most fulfilled professors got married when they fell in love, prioritized having a family, and then still went on to get their graduate and Phd degrees once their children weren’t little. I also met professors who had their children while they got their degrees. It reminded me that I do want children, and that I would rather be the fulfilled professor who had her children in her 20s and 30s, and then went on to have a career after the children were older. It’s okay to not want marriage and children. Women have to understand and accept that biology restricts women to bearing children in their young adulthood. That’s reality.
I have spoken to some women who dared to be honest and they admitted that their body count was 35+….at the age of 22 or so. The thing is, I think this is now the norm, not the exception. It’s just that most women still downplay their number. If you think about it, women can have unlimited sex, and nowadays, without social norms restricting them, they are actually going all in. An average young woman who goes out to party every week will have 1 sex partner per week. 4 per month. A less promiscuous girl would go out once a month and have 1 hookup per month, 12 per year. When I was hanging out with younger women and saw them going to night clubs, bars etc, they never went home without a guy. It’s almost impossible for a woman not to find a guy when going out. On top of that, women can simply order “home delivery” via apps like Tinder, Bumble etc. So, I think in all honesty, in western countries, a 25 year old now will have had 30+ men( minimum of 12 men for every year spent single )
I’m going to be transparent. I have had many s* partners in my lifetime. I am only 30 years old now. I would say the most of these partners accumulated between the ages of 12-19 years old. I used to have a much different mindset back then based on what I was going through at home and bullying in school. It was a sick experience that I grew “friends” and popularity by being known as a promiscuous party girl. I can flat-out say doing that kind of thing did ruin my reputation with future partners, but also showed me the reality of many people will take something from you if you simply offer it. No good person wants to marry someone who everyone has been with. Don’t be afraid to say no to people, don’t have s* just because you want to or feel like it and most of all it’s ok not to be the center of attention when it comes at the expense of your health. This goes for MEN and WOMEN.
My husband and I waited until marriage and we just got married this February. I’m 21 and he’s 26, we took each other’s virginities. We met online over PlayStation a few years ago, and a year after he came out to actually meet me in person, we got married. We are both Christian, and we wholeheartedly believe that God brought us together! ❤
Your website should be called the common sense. Thanks for bringing this message to young women. I’m 60 now, was a bigger Thom boy than you, until I turned 18, and wanted babies, but had no BF yet, was still studying, for the next several years. But thanks to that biological calling, I immediately quit smoking. Did get married, had children, two boys, in their 30’s today. Would have had more, but hubby was always sick. Anyhow, I think young ladies are afraid of pain or for getting scars. Good news, pregnancies went super well, forgot pain during childbirth as the joy was much bigger, and for the same reason, i couldn’t care less about my flabby skin left on my belly; I’m not a bikini model, so. Priorities, people.
Thank you Brett, I’m a 24 year old dude and I can tell you first hand that the dating game nowadays is a load of crap, full of shallow self cantered people with little to no aspirations of family and family values. I was raised Christian and was taught family was a paramount cornerstone to a happy and prosperous life. I would be miserable if all I ever had was a successful career a bunch of money and nobody to share it with.
We can’t pair bond if we go around sleeping with everyone. I’ve been horrified at some of those shows. It used to be the only women that behaved like that had been s*xually abused as children. They did this so they they felt in control. It was a sign of severely emotionally damaged women. Now, they treat it like its a sport. I was actually just talking to a friend about this. Every time I need to go to the doctors for anything they immediately ask me about STD’s. I’ve been with my husband since 2004. I’ve not been with anyone else and neither has he. During the lockdown I got a bladder infection. I knew exactly what it was because I had had them before when I was teen and kept damp bathing suits on too long. I think I was sitting at my desk sweating too much and barely moving. Anyway, had to do the tele doc thing and I kept being asked how many partners I had and was I positive it wasn’t an STD. Then asked if my husband was with anyone else. I was like look neither of us have and we’ve both been looking at each sitting in the same office together at home, so no. I never used to get asked questions like that before. The impression I got is women have become massive wh*res since 2004 riddled with STD’s. /shudder
I was back in my hometown for a visit and got together with a girl I had a crush on back in the day. We got chatting after a couple glasses of wine, she told me she had 200+ different partners. I have never been more turned off in my life, I bailed soon after that and I think she got embarrassed and blocked me on the socials afterwards. It was kind of depressing.
I was very liberal and was going down a bad path. I met my boyfriend at 17 before I had the time to do anything destructive, and we have been together for 5 years, I am now realizing how lucky I was to have found someone early instead of sleeping around when my brain was not developed enough to understand the consequences. I have since become quite conservative and I realize that I want to be a wife and mother over anything else, I’m very thankful for the circumstances I had because I know many girls my age will only realize they made mistakes when it’s too late.
Not just women, but us men as well were taught to go to college and make something of ourselves to have a career. The economy as a whole wasn’t the same back then where you didn’t have to go to college to buy a house and live off of one income. Nowadays, in 2023. It’s a good idea for us millennials and gen-z to go to college, do a tech bootcamp, do trade school. So that you can make something of yourself and be independent and successful up to the point of being a middle or upper middle class citizen contributing to society. To me, we just have to adapt. Yes, of course, the data is going to showcase fewer marriages than ever before because those were the dark ages 1950s 60s when things were less expensive and you can buy property for under 15k. As a male millennial in this day and age. The goal, in my opinion, is to have a career and be independent. Save up for a house or nice apartment, save for retirement, have the option to CHOOSE if you want a partner to date or marry, and that’s that, lol.😅
I married at 33, my wife being 28 at the time. We were both virgins, and took each other’s virginities after the wedding. It took a while to find someone who shared the same values as me when it comes to sex before marriage. Sex is something special between husband and wife. Hold on to those values, even if it seems weird in this society.
I’m a 28 year old man. I took part in hook up culture for a little bit from 19-24. It left me feeling empty & disgusting. I haven’t been with anyone since and I’m waiting for marriage. I remember being a teenager and being made fun of for not having a gf etc. One of the same people who made fun of me for that wound up having twins with a 25 yr old methhead prostitute at 19. There were soooo many teen pregnancies that I observed it was horrendous. As I got older I started to observe that hook up culture resulted in people sleeping together and not talking about ANYTHING, winding up pregnant and splitting up before the baby was even born. As someone who grew up in a broken home I find that soooo freaking repulsive and disgusting. My goal is to get financially & physically fit & get married to a beautiful girl who wants to have double digit babies. Stay together forever and produce some kickass kids!
menstruation used to begin at age 16/17 100 years ago and marriage happened a few years later, it was what evolved to be the way humans grow up. its how we adapted to live and generate life expectations. today, we menstruate at age 11 and get married at 30. its obvious that would cause changes in pre marriage dating. the question is what do we do about it.