A breakfast sandwich maker is a great wedding gift for a brother, as it makes their lives easier and can be a great addition to their home. A breakfast sandwich maker can be a great gift for brothers who love gadgets and being in the kitchen. Depending on the couple’s relationship, it is generally recommended to give $50-500 as a single guest as a wedding gift. For casual guests, $75 should be adequate.
Another great gift for a brother is a watch, as he currently owns Nixon watches but would like to introduce him to automatic movements. A canvas toiletry bag can store his self-care essentials, and a unique framed print can be a beautiful addition to any home.
Some popular wedding gifts for brothers include a push pin travel map, a Tinggly experience voucher, and a customBourbon barrel lazy. Personalization items like engraved cufflinks, a customized photo album, or a heartfelt handwritten letter can also be great options.
When it comes to wedding gifts for brothers, Pinterest offers a variety of unique and custom items. Some popular options include a Hallmark wedding card, a Goroar wedding day thank you card, and a blank card. Ultimately, the choice of gift depends on the couple’s relationship and the specific needs of the brother and their partner.
📹 AITA for helping my Brother runaway from his wedding? – REACTION
Hey, Team Charlotte! Today’s story is a wild one – buckle up for some serious drama! In this AITA (Am I The A**hole) tale, we …
Is $100 OK for wedding gift?
Wedding gifts for guests are usually around $50-$100. Siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins give $100-$150. A wedding is a big event for everyone. How much to give at a wedding is unclear. Wedding etiquette won’t give you clear instructions. Use our tips to figure out how much to give at a wedding. Guests no longer bring gifts in boxes. Nowadays, guests prefer to give money. Then, let the newlyweds decide what to spend it on. How much should you give per person at a wedding? Wedding gifts for guests are usually around $50-$100. Siblings give $100-$150. Is $100 enough for a wedding gift? It’s fine if you’re not the mother of the bride or close relative. These figures are just guidelines. You can’t make someone give more or less.
What is the average wedding gift for a family member?
3. Think about how close you are to the couple. A wedding guest should give what they feel best celebrates the occasion, taking into account their budget and closeness with the couple, says wedding etiquette expert Sara Margulis. The average wedding gift is about $100. You can increase or decrease this based on how close you are. If you’re close to or related to the couple and have money to spend, you can spend about $150 per guest (or $200 for a couple). If you’re not close to the couple, you can choose a cheaper gift or make a smaller contribution.
4. Don’t give a gift if you don’t have to. While gifts are expected at the wedding and bridal shower, remember when you don’t have to bring one. Gifts aren’t expected at the engagement party, but a card is nice. If you’ve helped with the wedding, like hosting the bridal shower or being the brides makeup artist on the wedding day, you don’t have to buy a gift. If you only bring gifts when you have to, you’ll spend less.
How much money should you give your sibling for their wedding?
Friends or relatives, $75-$100. For close friends, family members, or wedding party members, spend 100 to 150 dollars or more. Brings gifts to weddings only if they’re not on the registry. If you’re not sure what to get, follow the registry website’s instructions and avoid the hassle of wrapping the present yourself!
11. Can I buy gifts not on the wedding registry? It’s okay to buy gifts that aren’t on the registry. Emily Post says guests can choose whatever they want, even if the couple has a registry. If you choose an off-registry item, make sure it’s something they’ll love. “It’s best to follow the couple’s wishes,” says Carlson. “If you know the couple well and are sure your gift is what they want, go for it.”
What role can I give my brother at my wedding?
Your brother can be an usher at your wedding. If you want to keep your bridal party exclusive to your ladies, you can still include your brother as an usher. Your partner completes you, but your sibling gets you better. The most loving and irritating creature God made for you. A brother is a blessing. Your brother has been there for you through thick and thin. Show your brother some love on your wedding day. They might show embarrassing childhood photos at your rehearsal dinner or make a funny toast at your wedding reception. But you wouldn’t have it any other way! If your wedding isn’t complete without your brother, here are some great ideas for honoring him! We guarantee you’ll love these ideas for making your brother an important part of your wedding. Your wedding guests probably didn’t expect you to stand up with your brother at the altar. But it’s your wedding! You can do whatever you want. Your bridesmaids or bridal party members can be men too! Brides no longer have to stick to wedding traditions. Modern brides are making wedding traditions more personal. You can nominate your dapper brother as your bridesman or make them part of the bridal party. Your brother can look great in a coordinated outfit for your wedding photos. Your brother will look great in any wedding attire, whether matching tuxedos or light gray suits. Your brother will look great in the same outfit as you, which will make great wedding photos. You can also match your brother’s ties to your bridesmaids’ dresses and boutonnieres to your bouquet and send him down the aisle first. Your brother and your wedding dress don’t go together. Your sister will be with you when you try on wedding dresses. But you can also involve your brother to stop when you think you’ve found “The Dress of Your Dreams!” If you and your brother are close, his approval will mean a lot to you. Ask him for his opinion before your wedding.
Is $300 a generous wedding gift?
$150-$300. If you’re in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that affect what you spend on the gift? If it’s a close friend, I usually give more than $250. If it’s local and no travel, I’ll give $50 to $100 more. With wedding season here, we’re back to the old question: How much should I spend on a gift? Etiquette experts don’t give dollar amount recommendations because guests’ financial situations and wedding gift budgets vary. It’s up to you, and no one should feel pressured to spend more than they can afford. A Bankrate.com survey found that guests plan to spend an average of $180 per wedding on gifts. The Knot puts that number at $160. The average gift on Honeyfund is between $125 and $150. These are just averages. Some spend less, some spend more.
Is $1000 a good wedding gift?
The average U.S. wedding guest spends $160 on cash gifts.
You can give anything from $100 to $1,000. “The card box on the gift table is often full of overstuffed envelopes,” Burton says. As a bride, I received one $1,000 check. But this was from an uncle who is well off. “For the rest of us, a range of $100 to $500 per guest is considerate,” she adds. Here are four things to think about when choosing a wedding gift.
How do I honor my brother at a wedding?
Invite your siblings to be part of your wedding. Ask them to read at the ceremony. Let them officiate the wedding. Have them be the official greeter. Let them help you get ready. Ask them to host the bridal shower. Have them be an usher. Your siblings understand you best. You and your siblings share a special bond from childhood to adulthood. You can laugh together over family jokes, awkward teenage years, and silly arguments. Your siblings mean the world to you, even if you argued with them growing up. You want them by your side on your big day. Here are eight ways to involve your siblings in your wedding.
Invite them to be in your wedding party. If you’re close with your sister, include her in your bridal party. She’ll help with the wedding activities before the ceremony and be your main planner. To include your brother in your wedding party, ask him to be a man or honor or bridesman. Ask them to read at the ceremony. Many couples ask loved ones to read at their wedding. Ask your sister or brother if they can do it. Have them read a passage you choose or let them choose one that’s meaningful to them.
How do I honor my brother at my wedding?
Invite your siblings to be part of your wedding. Ask them to read at the ceremony. Let them officiate the wedding. Have them be the official greeter. Let them help you get ready. Ask them to host the bridal shower. Have them be an usher. Your siblings understand you best. You and your siblings share a special bond from childhood to adulthood. You can laugh together over family jokes, awkward teenage years, and silly arguments. Your siblings mean the world to you, even if you argued with them growing up. You want them by your side on your big day. Here are eight ways to involve your siblings in your wedding.
Invite them to be in your wedding party. If you’re close with your sister, include her in your bridal party. She’ll help with the wedding activities before the ceremony and be your main planner. To include your brother in your wedding party, ask him to be a man or honor or bridesman. Ask them to read at the ceremony. Many couples ask loved ones to read at their wedding. Ask your sister or brother if they can do it. Have them read a passage you choose or let them choose one that’s meaningful to them.
Do you get your brother a wedding gift?
It’s impolite not to give a gift for your brother’s wedding. If your brother and his partner ask for no gifts, you don’t have to give one. Even if your brother is rich and you’re not, you still need to give a gift to honor the marriage.
What is the etiquette for siblings at weddings?
Wedding etiquette says siblings should be bridesmaids and groomsmen, including Maid of Honor and Best Man. But for less traditional couples, having siblings as bridesmaids and groomsmen might not be right. That’s okay!
What is the appropriate monetary gift for a brother’s wedding?
There’s no rule about cash gifts, but wedding experts say to start at $100. You may want to adjust the amount up to $500 based on your relationship with the couple, your budget, and the cost of attending the wedding.
📹 This Wedding Speech for My Brother Went Viral On Tiktok
Hilarious wedding speech for my little brother who just got married! Legend says I’m still his least favorite sibling. ☀ Follow Me On …
I feel like her “fear” that he’ll take away their hypothetical future kids because that’s what he was “raised to do” reveals so much about who she is as a person. She’s not worried cause it’s how he was “raised”, she’s worried because she knows she’s just like his mom and that he was raised to stand his ground against people like her.
I’m not surprised he found someone as crazy as his mom. One of the sad things about growing up in an abusive house is that, even as an adult, you can fall into the same pattern with people. Red flags can get missed because you have been used to them your whole life. They can even be comforting, because they are familiar. I’m very glad she showed her cards before she was legally tied to him. The rest of his family seem lovely. I hope this has helped all of them recognize the signs better!
There is no such thing as “good intentions” when going behind your partner’s back and aiding their abuser. It’s an irredeemable thing to do. Even if your partner somehow eventually forgives you, your relationship is 100% dead forever, because they know they can never trust you with anything ever again.
I remember one of my therapists telling me that the hardest patients to treat were narcissists. They usually didn’t want to be there in the first place, and the minute they sensed you were trying to “change” them they’d call you a sh*t therapist and leave. They’d then move onto the next therapist and the same endless cycle would continue.
I came from a great home with amazing parents, but I witnessed my friends struggles with toxic and abusive parents. Some people will say “family is everything” but they look at the world through rose colored glasses, they won’t be able to fully comprehend the damage unless they are having to witness it first hand. Empathy and understanding goes a long way.
PSA: if you’ve never been through abuse, and someone who has gets the courage up to share their story with you, no matter how unbelievable it may sound (since you’ve never been through it) please don’t use the word dramatic. Please. This is such a common thing for people who’ve never experienced abuse to say to survivors. No. We are not dramatic, just honest. Please, be a good friend to a survivor ❤
The comment about “people with normal parents can’t understand that children who were abused will cut out toxic parents asap” is the truest thing ever. The constant backlash I get from random people/sometimes friends about “how I treat my mother” is so frustrating. My mother is an alcoholic/drug addict that would physically abuse me. And yet, people still don’t understand what that entails and how messed up it was for me, if they came from a normal household. The sad truth is, not all parents love their children.
People who haven’t been through it don’t understand how painful it is to have the “but it’s your family” trope thrown in their face. No Contact is the last resort. It’s chosen after years, sometimes decades, of self-blame and trying everything to fix the toxic relationship, often harming themselves and their own lives in the process. Thank you, Charlotte, for explaining this!
I audibly gasped when it turned out the fiance invited the mother. Why would anyone be happy to see their abuser on their wedding day? Also Joe saying he’d celebrate his moms funeral the same way she celebrated their stepmoms funeral was just well deserved, even if it was messed up. Good riddance to both those people!
I have a great relationship with my parents, but my BF’s relationship to his mother is estranged. I would NEVER invite his mother to anything without his consent first. And when she first said before the wedding they were over-reacting about their mom was a red flag for me. Honestly it just show lack of empathy and respect for boundaries.
It’s stories like this that make me so happy my husband is supportive of me going no contact. He has an amazing family and struggled to understand at first, but he always took my feelings first. So for everyone no married yet: Regardless of if your partner knows everything you’ve been through, if they don’t put you first, they’re not the one
As a child of an NPD dad, you have no idea the lengths they will go to torture you. When I tell my friends the stuff he continues to do (I haven’t spoken to him in about a year) their jaws drop. No one can believe how sociopathic he can be. They finally get it, but when dating people initially think I’m the problem because I’m no contact with my dad… it’s fine, they can kick rocks. I’d rather swallow glass then invite that back into my life.
This one really hits home for me. I wont go into the details but my mom is the exact same way. When my dad passed from a heartattack a few years back she got even worse. Long story short I live with my siblings away from her now and we are doing a lot better mentally and physically. But this really brought up some bad memories for me. I am a huge believer that blood does not mean they cannot do you wrong, but you wouldn’t believe how many people have told me to ‘forgive her because she gave birth to you’. Family is who you allow into your life and loves you unconditionally, just because they are your blood does not make them your family and you owe them nothing if they mistreat you. People who think otherwise have never had to deal with that sort of abuse from people who was supposed to protect and love you.
I’ve read that story before, & I think my fave element is the fact that a bunch of adult siblings’ response to the reminder of a family trauma was to all gather at their parent’s house for effectively a slumber party (that would prove to be ongoing). Like, the whole “protective circle around bullet-dodging bro” was sweet + righteous, but it’s the “all hunkering down together & collectively battoning the hatches”, as tho huddled in a storm cellar while awaiting a cyclone, that to me is the most wholesome part.
Damn, I totally get them, If my fiance invited my father, stepmother and step and half siblings, I would also run. People who have not been in that situation don´t understand how much it hurts and how hard you fight to get out. I had to go to the police everytime they attacked me (verbally, physically) so I wouldn’t be forced to go visit them unsupervised. As soon as I could, I stopped seeing them and it has taken many years and so much therapy to see that side of the family again. I´ve cut off friends who didn´t understand and kept insisting, lost many family members from that side, no one knows unless they´ve been there.
OMFG YES! A lot of people who grew up with good parents and siblings never understand why someone would cut off their parents or siblings. “That’s still your mom, grandmother, sister, etc…” Like dude back TF off! You didn’t grow up in the crazy household that I did and just because you had a great life and love your family doesn’t mean everyone has had the same thing. Keep your opinions about it to yourself and stop trying to be captain save a ho. (Sorry you can see I feel strongly about this lol.)
This is by far my favorite AITA reaction you have ever done. My mother is a narcissist and I have cut ties with her permanently after she went after my Dad’s pension while he was dying of pancreatic cancer and I was his sole caretaker (they have been divorced since 1982, the pension was not awarded in the divorce decree, and she is remarried so idk what she was thinking bc the govt wasn’t going to give her anything. Plus everything went to me and I offered to build an addition onto one of her 3 houses in Hawaii which are all paid off.) Your understanding of narcissistics, especially mothers is 🎯. “You are so ungrateful”. My mom told me I need to me more grateful… for basic necessities… as a child lmao! Laughing at and celebrating other people’s pain. Then the sudden crying for sympathy. The husband too… brainwashed and backing her up. 🤯All of it. I’ll bet Sam would have never even gone for Daniela if he wasn’t primed by their horrible mom. This poor family! Thank God for great Dads out there. ❤
Thank you, Charlotte, for calling out narcissist mothers. Not enough people recognise this as being a thing. When I tell people that I went no contact with my mother in 2004, they sometimes tell me, that I should contact her because she is my mother, and that she probably needs me. I then start to list the things that she has done to me, some of which were illegal, most people agree that I am right to have no contact after the first thing that I tell them, the rest agree after the second thing. I have never needed to go beyond that point. Those things were really that bad. I do not have any anger towards my mother, what I feel for her is much worse than that, I feel indifferent towards her. One of the things that she did to me when I was just 4 years old was so bad, that she actually broke the bond between us. After my Dad passed away, I did not put up with her BS any more. After all, I had been mainly put up with it for his sake. My mother tried to make me choose between her and my wife. So I made my choice, and never saw my mother again. I did contact her one last time, when arranging to scatter my Dad’s ashes. She said that she would not be attending as she was “all over that” and had moved on.
as someone who will never speak to their mother again, I always feel seen and like we’re making progress as a society when people don’t feel forced to keep toxic and abusive people in their lives for the sake of “family”. real family doesn’t treat you like that, and also you CAN value family and still be estranged from a parent
My husband has a toxic family that he’s gone no contact with. When we first started dating, 12 years ago, It was very hard for me to wrap my head around how he could not talk to his parents, because I was very loved as a child. After some time, he began to tell me the horrible stories of things his mother and family had done to him. My heart breaks for him, however my very amazing parents have adopted him into our family, and love and treat him as if he was their own.
Family doesn’t always come first. Togetherness =/= healthy, but in saying that, I’ll argue my own point that the father and the 3 children actually have an incredible bond that makes togetherness = healthy. The mother isn’t the missing puzzle piece, she was a circle peg trying to fit into a square hole. But also props to the cousins and SIL for being there. This family had an army of support behind them.
More people should read Jeanette McCurdy’s memoir. I am very blessed to have helpful, loving parents, but after reading her book I understand more why people cut off relationships with their parents (or other family members). Sometimes it’s necessary. And even if you can’t fully understand, you have to respect other people’s boundaries.
I was raised by a narcissist mother. She’s very similar to this lady like being jealous of me, her own daughter! The gaslighting and pinning me against family members and comparing me to other people’s kids. The worst was the mental/ emotional and physical abuse. She always made sure to not leave marks. I’ve tried cutting her off but we are Latino and doing that is much harder. At 25 I spoke with some family about what she’s done and not much came out of it other than grandma and other family members saying that she was trying her best and to not embarrass my mom by telling people what she did. I’ve moved far away but she still talks with me and has since shown her true colors to my boyfriend and his family so at least they understand where I’m coming from.
I have a parent like the mom from the first story, and I HAD friends who didn’t believe the evilness and bad behavior of this person. So they tried to make a intervention or meeting… it went horrible wrong, ended in tears… And I gladly cut contact with those friends as well. Don’t need people like this in my life.
As a person who is no contact with both my father and sister I can confirm that people never respect your wishes to stay away from toxic family members. I have had to stop speaking to several other family members because they constantly would guilt trip me about ” how family is so important!” No regard to my feelings at all!
Even if the ex-fiancée didn’t end up being emotionally manipulative herself, I don’t think OP or Sam were wrong to get him away from the wedding. This stance of “you don’t understand the value of family” to invite someone your fiancé has told you hurt them is the definition of betrayal. If you love someone, you support them. And if Sam could no longer trust her to have his back or value his boundaries, then he’s right to drop out of the marriage.
My best friend’s father was (and still is) a narcissist. I remember her getting into therapy and opening up to me about all the things her father did to control her. Up to this point I had supported her every time she tried to reconcile with her father. I also had a rough relationship with my father so it felt like we were navigating this together. When she started opening up to me boy oh boy did I realize how different our situations were. People need to stop comparing the struggles others have with narcissistic parents to the struggles they have with their own parents because it is not the same. My father felt remorse for the pain he caused me, her father 100% did not. You need to trust the victims because when it comes down to it, they lived that experience and you did not. They are the ones who have most likely talked to therapists and other specialists, and you have not. It’s ok for you to not understand, but if you are their friend you need to trust them. Also as a side note, I feel the people who defend narcissists (even after learning about the abuse) are either a) in a situation where they are dealing with a narcissist and haven’t realized it yet, b) are someone who has done something to hurt someone and are remorseful and afraid they will not be forgiven, or c) are a narcissist themselves.
This reminds me of a story a customer told me when I was a bartender, many years ago. He and his friends got their friend, the groom, trashed drunk and put him on a one way flight to Alaska. He missed the wedding and didn’t get back to their town until a year and a half later with a lot of money he made working on the Alaskan Pipeline. He said he was angry at first, but realized what his friends had been telling him about her, were true, and they helped him dodge a bullet.
Think the Dad’s difficult journey to protect his family’s wellbeing in his children’s childhood helped give these awesome siblings their integrity and strength to pull together and protect their brother’s peace (when timing was hardest). So glad they’ve got each other, incl Ana, who also sounds wonderful. I hope they can get on without anymore noise. Cut off is a hard decision and should be trusted and met with compassion, never judgement. Here’s to bouncy castles and wine!
As someone raised by two narcissists, it is literal hell. Every type of abuse you can imagine is employed. It’s always the victim’s fault. They isolate you and are only nice when they want to use that to manipulate or shame you. I’ve tried to move away multiple times and they wipe me out financially every time. It was so normal to me to be the horrible monster that I only went to therapy to try to fix myself from being a horrible person. Only for my therapist to look horrified when I started talking about my ‘normal’ life. Run far and fast from narcs. They will destroy your life and blame you for it all while telling you how much you deserve to suffer. I’m working very hard to get out of my situation and quietly taking back my power. (I’m thirty and not even ‘allowed’ to have my own car.) I’m glad this family had one good parent and that they dodged another awful relationship. If a person ever seems too good to be true or love-bomb-y. Run. If anyone gaslights you. Run. If anyone enables a known abuser. Run. No one deserves abuse. Do not let those people get claws in you. And I’m sorry for any kids who grew up in it and that’s all they’ve ever known of family. It’s a horrible existence, but there are ways out. Stay safe, everyone.
My estranged husband is a narcissist & he says that his children & I are “ungrateful” for everything that he has done for us. Sorry, that I’m not grateful for the abuse that he inflicted on myself & my children for too long. I am happy that through therapy I was able to recognize what he was doing to all of us & I got myself & my children out of there.
It’s like a masterclass in manipulation tactics and massive red flags… I’m impressed the family handled the situation with so much composure and dignity, the brother saved himself from misery for sure! I’m glad they’re all going to therapy so they can process this and hopefully the next girlfriend will actually make him happy, love and respect him
I feel so much for these siblings. I have had no contact with my mother since I was 14 and this year she sent her whole contact list to tell me and my brothers how terrible we were for “abandoning” her. So glad he didn’t repeat his father’s mistakes and didn’t marry a narcissistic woman like his mother was. Best way to live a healthy live is to only keep people who cheer you on in live instead of breaking you down.
Charlotte is so right about narcissists… i dated one for 8 months, worst months of my life… she would say something nasty to me and when i asked why she said it, she tried gaslighting and said i said it, even when i had proof… bit like the 200 texts she sent when i broke things off then told everyone i sent her them. Just hoping all those “friends” she was sooooo nice to their face, found out how nasty she had been behind their backs when they chose to believe her and not me 🙁
That mother and ex-fiancee were quite the pieces of work. But what an awesome family unit OP, Dad, and her two brothers are (oh, and the nice SIL, Ana). Even after all of that, they still have a great outlook, reminding each other not to spend energy on toxic people who aren’t worth it. Remarkably healthy, considering everything they’ve been through. Here’s wishing them all great things for the future; they certainly deserve it! ❤
When OP’s mom took her and her brothers to “celebrate” something, it reminded me of one episode of the tudors, but in the episode of the tudors it was the stepmother (Anne Boleyn, played by Natalie Dormer) wore yellow and was in a festive mood when her former boss (Queen Katherine of Aragon, Anne used to be her maid, and was King Henry VIII first and, according to the eyes of the Catholic Church, legal wife) passed away.
I have a burning question: does anyone else think Daniela could have or was possibly having contact with the DM (devil mother) prior to the wedding, during the planning or before that, developed a connection because they are kindred spirits or the whole “family” thing, and because they talked, this could have been planned or the DM talked about those details before?
Poor Sam, but thank goodness he has such an amazing family to back and support him throughout all of this. Even the family had a tough time and it’s never easy but it clearly made them more bonded as a family. To those who enjoy reading, try “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” it’s not about narcissists but it is very helpful.
This was handled so perfectly. Kudos to 0P, her family (dad’s side), and friends. I also think her brother dodged a missile. His fiancée sounded like a bit of a narcissist herself. * Sad Note: Although, hopefully, most people successfully avoid getting ensnared by the “suicide tactic,” there are times when they don’t. I had a dear friend who wasted the best years of his youth being stuck in a relationship with an insanely jealous girlfriend when she threatened suicide if he broke up with her. I lost touch with him in (full grown) adulthood, but I pray that he eventually escaped her.
This gave me chills. This is all so familiar. The toxic the folks not getting it, the gaslighting, the pain on your big day, the repeating the cycle. The crap legal system. So so glad to have them all free of both narcissistic women and their families. And do glad at least some folks get it now and especially glad they didn’t have any pregnancy. No more kids dealing with such high toxic drama. And especially glad they got some fun time together. And I’d sell the house after you get some healing.
My mother would be best described as a bi-polar, sociopathic narcissist, even if clinically there is no such thing. The mother in the story is downright nice compared to my mother, who would crawl into bed with my sister’s boyfriends because they “deserved to have a real woman, not a little girl”. Yeah. Father divorced her when my sister and I were kids, and I wasn’t sad to see her go. Unfortunately, my sister turned out to be just like her, so I not only didn’t have a mother, I don’t have a sibling either. Sympathize with anyone who has a parent/family member along these lines.
About the daddy-daughter outing thing. I can relate. My dad loves going on individual outings with me and each of my sisters, and he calls them “daddy daughter dates.” I was with a friend and my dad was saying how excited he was to go on one. I think we were planning a drive to the beach or something. My friend kept reacting to the phrase until I had to step behind my dad and kick my friend in the leg. I’m still annoyed about it 🙄 I used to laugh awkwardly about such things when I was a teen but now I stand up for myself. Someone made a joke about the fact I call my dad “daddy” and I said, “you know that’s literally my dad, right?” And they quickly backed down. Some people are so dirty minded.
Blood or not, you don’t get to abuse people because you FEEL like it. It is never okay. My step daughter has cut ties with her mom and she calls me mom and names her mother by name. I’m in her phone as ‘Mom Vol. 2’ 😂❤ I love her so much. Actions speak louder than words ever will. Listen to what people say, but watch what they do even more. Stay strong besties. This person nor the family are the Aholes. This was INSANE!!! What a wild ride. I think I might have whiplash. 😂
Similar thing happened to me. Crazy narcissist dad who disrespected and mistreated me over and over again. I cut him off completely, he stalks me, talks crap about me and then goes acting victim to others that know me to get them to convince me to forgive him because “at the end of the day he’s still my dad. His gf ALSO called me and my siblings ungrateful and got mad at me when I was depressed cus I was going through hardships in my marriage and wasnt all happy and enjoying her family’s christmas party instead calling me dramatic and with an attitude. Dad told everyone he knows I had “f*cked” all the guys I had talk to (I always had more male friends in high school but nothing romantic with them) even though I was a virgin back then. He would go into office whenever I and a doctor’s appointment just to hear my answer whenever a doctor asked if I was sexually active. He had people perusal me in the school. People perusal me at church. He had people come close to me making me feel like I finally had an adult that would understand the craziness I was living in, and then those adults would go to him and tell him all the “crap” I was talking about him. I had him break the cups/plates because I didn’t wash a cup and spoon (not exaggerating) I spent most of my teenage years meeting all the women he would bring home to f*ck and then having to hear their nasty moans. Being called disrespectful if I didn’t provide my shampoo, clothes, or hair stuff to his gf’s. Having his gf’s confess of abortions they had, and me always getting blamed for his financial instability.
I was estranged from a parent until they finally passed away (not sad) – I would’ve absolutely called off any relationship with someone who forced that parent back into my life. I made it a criteria to never even date someone who would suggest that I should forgive that parent because “they’re my parent.”
I don’t fully know the deal with my husband and his family. I know they’re low contact, but not why, and the most I ever did was (early in our relationship) ask something like “that’s a long time, shouldn’t you call them?” and when he said no, I pretty much dropped it. I say “pretty much” because I have since made it clear that I’m on his side no matter what he decides.
My husband flat out HATES his “biological donor” father. It took me a really long time to understand how he could truly hate his own flesh and blood. Even with a narcissistic mother, I could never go completely no contact. However, once I understood how deep the hurt was for him regarding his biological donor, I stopped suggesting they mend their relationship. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, and I’ve never laid eyes on the biological donor. I assume I never will, and I’m ok with that. Better to live a happy life without a toxic and abusive person, than to force a relationship that is doomed to fail. And I’ve learned that family isnt just blood relatives, it’s the family you choose. ❤
As someone with the attention span of a…”oh look a squirrel ” level, I cannot say enough how much I appreciate how you react to content. You review the material and then summarize it so prefect. Thank you! ❤ Edit:also first story(the one with the narc mom who showed up to the brothers wedding) ops brother and dad are gangsta! I love their fafo/over it completely/ dgaf responses to the insanity. Lol I wish I was that quick off the cuff
I remember this story and let me tell you. OP and her brothers deserve a far better mother than that she-devil! And that ex is also terrible. But thank goodness they have each other and their Dad. ❤ And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather join the “cult” OP has than have a toxic family in my life. And I’m sure I’m not alone in this. 😊
I really liked this story, because it details so well how narcissistic traits affect not only those who (diagnosed or not) suffer from this type Cluster-B Personality Disorders, but also how it affects their children. Children raised by a parent with outbursts of narcissistic drama and abusive behavior, are often scared of their parent because they get traumatized by it at an early age. And yes, they will react in dramatic ways when their boundaries are crossed, because part of the narcissistic abuse is all about no respect for the children’s physical, mental and emotional boundaries. I am happy their father took action so early. Even though they had to still meet their mother growing up, he created a home for them with him, that was safe and with walls (boundaries) between them and their abusive mother. Also, the way she tells the story, it’s clear that their father has created a mentally healthy environment for them. They see things as they are without falling into the trap of indulging in feelings of victimhood. I believe their mother, if properly assessed, would be diagnosed with Cluster-B disorder. The ex seems to have similar traits, but if it’s not part of her “typical” way of interacting with people, it’s probably something she will learn and grow from. Hopefully her parents are healthy and will tell her that it’s not okay to lie and manipulate. I really wish all the best for both families in this story, and I hope their mother will get diagnosed. Knowing they have been dealing with a mental illness affecting their mother, can help heal the wounds from a broken childhood.
This hits hard for me personally, I can fully understand the lengths they went to delete their mother from their lives. As everyone has stated, it is a “VERY STRONG MOVE” and takes a lot of understanding of that parent’s issues and toxic tendencies to make that hard decision. Most people never see nor understand the situation they’re in with their parents and end up ruining their mental just from keeping these people in their lives. It’s very hard to snap out of the manipulation tactics they use and takes a very strong mind to do so. I’m glad this family stuck together through it all and broke the cycle of abuse early. Sadly some people don’t have that type of support and have to go through it alone and spend their whole life trying to understand why they get treated that way. It’s a sad story but these types of family situations must be shared and spread across the community to make awareness and help others understand this type of personality disorder. 🙏✊
I grew up in a family where we are one massive unit. We dont cut out problempeople, we just love on them and leave them alone for a while. When I met my man and his family, they had a very different situation. My fil was kicked out aged 16. Alcoholic father (grandfather to my man) and the mother of fil left him with her exhusband but took the sister and lert the country. Mil had a very problematic brother in law so it was only my man, his sister and their parents and mil’s mother. I was shocked to hear all the stories of why my man has so little contact with his family but I respected that he didnt want anything to do with certain relatives. It wasnt until a few years into our relationship that I got to witness these relatives’ behaviors myself and it was shocking!! Im so glad I had enough love and respect for my man and his family to not press the questions and try to build bridges. Our relationship would have died the second I tried something like that. I always knew that not all families have what mine has. I had friends with problematic families growing up, but I never saw how truly evil some people can be until I met some of my man’s extended relatives. I cant imagine ruining my own wedding like that by springing someone on my man like that. My family is big on forgiveness, but we also know there is a line that shouldnt be crossed. Poor Sam dodged a lifetime of grief by not marrying that girl! How awful could you be to someone you say you love?!?!?! Ewww!!!
i know i’m coming into this late, but I’m so relieved I’m not the only one with a narc mom who accused me of becoming my father’s “real wife” (I was 14). this happened because my dad and i would take walks together, go hiking, etc. and I would talk to him about my life in a way I could never do with my insane mom. it’s a memory that is burned into my brain and still makes me feel awful and disgusted. your articles are out here healing people (my mom and I are NC now) 😂
I love the “estranged” part ❤ when I was young, I didn’t see my father often. When he moved out of his now-ex wife’s, and back closer to where I lived, I’d visit him more often. When I became a teenager, my eyes opened to who he was as a person. I remember one night, when I was 14, he was incredibly drunk and stoned, and told me that his work mates were disappointed that he wasn’t bathing me anymore (you know, like what a parent does with their newborn). I was horrified, and then there was also the belting of his dog when the dog wee’d and poo’d in the house when father was at work. My now husband unlocked that memory for me, when he slapped our dog and caused her to yelp. I cried that night, and unloaded every memory to my husband. I haven’t seen my father since I was 17. My sister from his side visits every so often, and we’re both waiting for him to pass away.
My mother and I were abused for 16 years by her ex-husband. Out of nowhere he kicked us out and then divorced her. 3 months later he came looking for us because he was struggling financially (he no longer had control of my mother’s income). He stalked us and we hid. On my mothers birthday the bell rung and we thought it was a delivery so we stupidly pressed the buzzer. It was her ex. My grandma had told him where we were… Because she wanted him to “take us back”… because she was “worried about my mother financially”… He was the one taking all her money in the first place… She told him no, she wouldn’t go back to him. He continued to harass us for 3 years. Right up until my mother got remarried… to his icon (he had bought all this guy’s books. My mother randomly found him on online dating.) Now he stalks us on Facebook… He commented this on my public wedding photo album on the photographer’s post: “My god, you’ve lost so much weight.”
I’m so thankful they look up to their dad as a main role model. Could you imagine if that monstrosity of a woman created 3 more of herself?! Good for them for having boundaries and standards for how they can be treated❤❤ its never too late to start. I think we all have atleast one person in our family we wish we could block😅
I grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother … never again. And I had a relationship where a guy told me I didn’t know what a good family was cuz I grew up being abused and when I was leaving the abuse his mother told him that if I didn’t want to be abused I should be the maid and step in mother for my half siblings all while having a job and and trying to keep good college grades
I had cousins telling me how much I would regret not saying goodbye and making amends with my dad when he was dying. I barely knew him, so no….I’m good, thanks. They would miss him because he was in their lives while he abandoned my mom with 3 kids. They still probably think I am the selfish one for not letting him unburden himself, but that’s not my job. If he felt a certain way about how he treated his family, then that’s a bad time to suddenly feel remorse.
NTA, I myself have a narcissistic mother and it took so long for me to even admit to myself that she abused me. My ex always told me I was exaggerating or that I was blowing things out of proportion. My current partner fully understand why I have low contact with her and respected my boundaries regarding her. I’m so glad that OP’s family is healing from this
Sam did the right thing in running away from his wedding.if his fiancee would disregard that,what else is she going to disregard? Sam,op,and the other brother, and their own father had valid reason to be no contact with the mother.they all explained this, multiple times.mom is front and center,at Sam’s wedding.sam walked out.
Omg I ran to this article as soon as I saw the title! Gimme the tea, Charlotte! 🍿🍿 Edit: Wow, this brings back so many memories. I cut off a narcissist myself a few years ago, and that person did so much of what OP’s mother and fiancée did, including acting like when I spent time with one of my parents I was in direct competition with the narcissist- but in my case, the narcissist wanted to take my spot as the trusted eldest child, which was so creepy and disgusting. I’m just very lucky that the narcissist in my life was a step-parent, and not a blood relative.
i, too, have once told an ex that the only thing i cared to know about them in the future is when the obituary hits the paper so i can frame it. she thought she was WAY more important than she actually was after the fact and was convinced i was ‘stalking’ her… when in reality, her and her little friends were constantly looking me up and checking my social media. 😂😂
Dealing with a narcissistic ex of my husband is a A LOT. We’ve tried EVERYTHING to keep things civil and so far the best decision has been to avoid any contact with her; this family did the same, and the bride not being able to understand what it means to be abused like that doesn’t mean that abuse isn’t valid and this family is “being dramatic”. And yes, my husband’s ex is very fun to be around – most people don’t suspect a thing.
Mom of 2 daughter who are now 14 and almost 12. I insist they have special date days with their dad. He takes them to dinner and to watch their favorite sports team. We also celebrate things together too. But it is important to us that they both get uninterrupted daddy daughter time. They are both the biggest daddy’s girls, especially the older one. He is showing them how they should be treated thoughtfully and with care.
I remember this reddit story from Lost genere’s website. I wholeheartedly agree with what the sister did, and my brother did. My mom was(and still is) a narcissist. My dad got full custody of my brother and I when we were younger. She still blames everyone for her not being there for us, and when she was, she allowed us to get abused by our older stepbrothers. What the fiance did was so inconsiderate, and did not deserve to marry him.
Had a narcissistic/ egotistical boyfriend for ten months before breaking up with him and running for the hills. Every conversation had to relate to something around him. I’d vent to him about a family member, and he’d go on his own tangent without regarding mine. Props to everyone who has or is currently dealing with them, stay strong y’all ❤
As horrifying as the Mom and Ex are, what I took away was that OPs family (the dad and siblings) are as wonderful as the others are awful. They all have each others backs, and really seem to love and support each other. I’m so happy for them, that they have that. I hope all their trauma is behind them.
I can relate to this, because I have a very toxic mom and a great dad, unfortunately my dad died 2 years ago so all I have is my siblings we are still talking to my mom but we canno’t bring ourselves to love her again because she was now shamelessly giving everything to her new lover(the guy she was cheating with even before my father died). Lastly not all people can understand our pov and sadly viewed us as being an ungreatful child.
NTA. This story hit home so hard I understand exactly where they are coming from. I’m glad he got out of that marriage. My mom is a narcissist 2 years no contact and when I was kid my stepmother got hit and killed by a drunk driver and she said that “it was her karma for taking her children away from her” and I just knew it was so wrong. So I feel with OP being the only daughter and having the mom hate you. I hope the family has found healing❤
Definitely NTA. I am NC with my own mother (I normally call her my egg donor or her christian name rather than mother tbh) because of her being an adulterer so I can understand him being blind sided that the ex would invite the mother to the wedding. And the reaction of just taking himself away from that toxicity, perfection. Self preservation for his own well being. Love the family rallying around and having a massive sleepover lasting forever to make sure he was all okay too, so sweet.
Can confirm its narcissist behavior. My brother is a narc and never apologized for his mistakes e.g. barge in my sister and I’s room without knocking, his way is the correct way, saying mum’s skills on handling a toddler is outdated despite she raise him for 30 years and etc. When pointing out his mistakes or wrongdoings, he said that “we are not like family”. Like in seven hells we’re not, especially with the disrespect and the gaslights.
My heart goes out to that family. The trauma they were put under to respond by running away just by the sight of her? I truly hope they heal 🥺Also, I am SO happy that they have a beautiful father and eachother as siblings. Stay strong my loves🙏🏼💖🙏🏼 By the way, NOT the a-hole, but a true hero and you deserve a medal😘😘😘
a guy i know has been in a relationship w a girl who was his biggest stalker she was like concerningly obsessed with him but bc she can flip a switch and be “nice” he has no idea. my heart goes out to this family, i hope they heal. you don’t need anyone in your life who hurts you no matter how much you love them, people who love YOU won’t hurt you
I have the same type of parents. If my fiance invited my father to our wedding, I would have done the same thing. The only reason I invited my mom is so she wouldn’t make me feel bad. People that had loving parents never understand having parents that treated you poorly and that you could never love. So glad she helped him get out of that marriage.
I have very loving parents with whom I have a great relationship and even i get this. NTA. Holy crap. What gets me is they were so TRAUMATIZED they BARRICADED themselves in their home. And then all of the manipulation from the ex! I’m sorry that happened bit it’s so good he found out before the wedding and glad their Dad could raise them away from their mother.
My husband’s family is like this to a point. We have “gray rocked” them a lot when we have to be around them. We have little contact only because our niece and nephew stay with his mom from time to time because his brother still lives with her. Once the kids are grown we will probably have no contact or very very little. Our niece and nephew have grown up in the chaos and we make our home their peaceful getaway when they are over.
It’s hilarious that the bride’s family think they would win a lawsuit against the groom for the cost of the wedding, when it was the bride’s actions – the bride WAS TOLD (read back, you even said it) but called them ‘dramatic’ instead of believing them. A judge would absolutely not side with the bride’s family for the cost of HER DECEPTION and deliberate actions. It would actually be funny to see them go to court, because I bet the groom would not just be found not responsible for the costs, but would also win pain and suffering penalties.
My late husband kept trying to get me to reconcile with my mother because “family is important.” Eventually, I tried. Then my mother attacked me so bad during a visit that we packed and left right then even though it was 10pm. I’m one of those people who eats when they are upset. I was so upset I couldn’t eat for three days. I didn’t even do that when my late husband died. After that visit, he finally figured out that sometimes it’s best to let people cut toxic people off.
Yeah…my now husband (whose mom died just before we started dating-cancer) became annoyed with me and let me have it one day when I was venting about my narcissistic parents. I tried not to say anything about my mom to him because of the loss he had suffered so recently, but sometimes I could not help it, and this time, he had had it… Fast forward to our whole family going to Texas for my cousin’s wedding. I invited my now husband to go with me. One morning at breakfast, our family dynamic was on full display for him. We went back to our room before going out for some planned activities and when I closed the door to our room, he turned around, looked at me, complete bewilderment in his face, and said, “What in the hell was that?” I asked what he was talking about (because, you know, “basic breakfast banter with my family.”) He said, “that, at breakfast, with your mom, sister, dad, and brother? What was that?!?” I: “oh, yeah, well, that is what annoys me sometimes, so I say something. I am sorry. I know you miss your mom. But, sometimes it just gets to be too much and I have to vent.” He said, “My God, Kathy! I have never heard of or seen any parents talk to their child like that, ever. Not ever. And they were backed up by (your brother and sister!)” I said, “yes. That’s what they do.” He: “I had no idea.” I: But I told you how it is with them” He: “yeah, but I thought you were exaggerating. I could not imagine you were just sharing straight information. It’s unreal.” People who have not grown up in such an environment really have a hard time believing it can be that bad.
First story, same with my mom. My dad was the oldest son and going to inherit a huge store so my mom put on her best behavior and he fell in love with her for 19 years, even though literally right after the wedding, she was mean and unreasonable… they were talking about which family they’ll go to on what holiday, she wanted them all to be her family’s. She didn’t want to spend any holidays at his family’s… thankfully we did get to, idk how he pulled it off but she was a leach huge time. He couldn’t give up the woman he thought she was
8:15 – “injury” *inquiry Honestly, injury works just as well in this context, considering that I can only imagine how traumatic it would be to have to explain, over and over and over again, about what this mother put them through, and how she treated them, and that, yes, it was abuse and gaslighting and toxic… So, ironically, Charlotte used the right word, even if it wasn’t what was written in the post!
Something I can never understand, and this is coming from a person who has great parents who loved me and encouraged me though life (this is not a brag), People who say “But it’s Family” like that is a solid term. Family is what YOU make it! If that means everyone, all the cousins, aunts and uncles or you and your partner or maybe it’s you and your friends or it even be you and your pets, but YOUR family is YOUR family however you want to make it up, and nobody should be able to label it differently.
Literally have an aunt that kept her twin daughters locked up in her house and only let people visit if you ran some errand for her. Wasn’t till the girls went camping with our grandma (huge deal already) that one of the girls had a medical emergency and had to go to the dr. (She hadn’t been in years) that their mom abandoned them because “if your gonna act grown then you can be grown.” They were 19. But really had no life skills and depended on their mom because they knew nothing else. Let’s just say (months later) now things are very good and it’s a happy ish ending.
Wow. I’m with the kids. Sam really dodged a bullet. What most people get wrong is that they aren’t marrying for companionship. Love blinds us and we tend to dismiss flaws.if you are looking for a lifetime companion, then that’s what you look for. Knowing what someone is and is not capable and willing to do, makes a difference. Sincerely, your Virgo Sista😊
Gotta love the “I’m pregnant” tactic to get him to talk to her. And when that didn’t work, going straight to “I’m gonna OFF myself! 😭” tactic. Good idea to call the police and have them put her under observation at a psych ward for making threats against her own life instead of trying to “talk her down from the ledge” so to speak. Joe did every “gray rock” tactic in the playboy for how to deal with narcissists. Good on him!
My boyfriend and I both come from not so great parents. For a little while we were invalidating each other because “no way are their parents worse than mine” until we both realised it’s not a competition and multiple parents can be shitty and abusive. I can’t imagine having his dad at our wedding but I’d like to invite mine because they’re civil publically and have gotten better when my brother and I became adults and drew hard boundaries.
Absolutely NOT!!!! As someone who has narcissist parents who I’ve gone NO CONTACT with that fiancee was in the wrong. She doesn’t get it because she never lived it. Telling him he doesn’t value mothers or all family is so freaking wrong. He was about to be the beginning of their family and she totally fumbled it. You should respect your partners feelings and reasons for why they have the relationships they have with family members.
Not mostly mothers. There are just as many, if not more, narcissistic men. After I finally divorced my narcissistic abusive ex (was married for 40 years) my youngest went no contact with his dad who had definitely abused him. My ex was not abusive to my older kids (unless you consider that it’s abusive to abuse your child’s mother). So they still have relationships with him, to an extent, when he bothers to take the time to talk to them or spend time with him (he neglected them growing up and continues to neglect them). Oh, and though he fought me on the divorce he remarried 5 MONTHS after the divorce was final.
I have to agree about the whole people who grew up in healthy homes don’t really think about the fact that some people didn’t have that. As someone who grew up in a toxic home with a Narcissistic mother and a absentee dad, it some times gives me whiplash when I meet people who have healthy relationships with their parents cause sometimes I forget that the toxic home life isn’t normal.