The greatest challenge to a second marriage is not usually direct conflict with the stepchildren, but rather conflict over the parenting of the stepchildren, especially if the new husband suffers from Guilty Father Syndrome. This guilt can be the result of many different things, such as making the stepchildren feel guilty or angry with the other parent.
Guilty Parent Syndrome (GPS) is a condition characterized by feelings of guilt and anxiety that interfere with a parent’s ability to care for their child. It can be caused by various factors, such as making the stepchildren feel like they owe them constant entertainment, trips, gifts, and money.
After receiving a divorce and splitting paths, parents may feel blame as their case is Guilty Priest Syndrome. Guilty Father Syndrome doesn’t need to tear the household apart; once guilty fathers acknowledge their behavior, it can break the bond between the couple.
Different fathers may experience guilt because they perceive themselves as abandoning their children in pursuit of personal happiness. The greatest challenge to a second marriage is not usually direct conflict with the stepchildren, but rather conflict over the parenting of the stepchildren, especially if the new husband suffers from Guilty Father Syndrome.
To protect your marriage, couples should set aside time every day when they are not mom and dad, and create space for each other to grow and develop as individuals.
📹 Are You Married to a Narcissist? Behaviors Shown In Husbands Abused by Narcissistic Wives | NPD
Are You Married to a Narcissist? Behaviors Shown In Husbands Abused by Narcissistic Wives | NPD | Narcissism | Behind The …
What are the symptoms of a guilty dad?
After divorce, guilty dads often give too much, let kids get away with bad behavior, and don’t set limits. They don’t want to create tension and discipline with their kids in the limited time they have together. If the mother is also failing to create structure and being more lenient with bad behavior, the kids are not being actively parented. The dad may also try to be a better parent than the mom. Divorced dads often parent this way to avoid more problems and ease their guilt about the divorce.
Biomom may even use the father’s guilt to manipulate and control him. She may make the children feel sorry for the dad to get her way.
What is the vindictive father syndrome?
Malicious Parent Syndrome explained. Divorce and custody cases often make people angry because they are about personal issues. This can make a parent angry at their ex. A vindictive parent wants revenge. This is called “malicious parent syndrome.” It’s important for lawyers to know what it is. We will look at the 17 signs of malicious parent syndrome and its consequences. We will also look at how lawyers can better prepare for these types of lawsuits, so they can help their clients find a good solution. What is malicious parent syndrome? Malicious parent syndrome is not a mental disorder. It’s a pattern of harmful behaviors where one parent tries to make the other look bad to their children and others. This behavior can include lying, manipulation, and false accusations of abuse or neglect. This is done to make the children dislike the other parent or get the court to side with the malicious parent. Psychologist Ira Turkat first described this behavior in 1995 as “malicious mother syndrome.” However, it has been recognized that it occurs in both men and women.
What is narcissistic malicious parent syndrome?
Parental alienation is when one parent tries to damage their child’s relationship with the other parent. A narcissistic parent can harm the child/parent relationship and cause the child to be unhappy. What is parental alienation? In a high-conflict relationship, one parent may use their child to get back at the other. Parental alienation is when a parent tries to make their child dislike the other parent without a good reason. A parent who wants their child to dislike their co-parent may say bad things about the other parent or make them seem dangerous. They may say the other parent doesn’t love them or doesn’t want to see them. In more severe cases, the alienating parent may restrict the other parent’s parenting time or move away without telling them.
How to deal with guilty dad syndrome?
You can overcome this guilty feeling by talking to someone, focusing on the good things you do for your children, and spending time with them. Schedule a call with me if you need extra help. I can help you overcome your guilty feelings. Schedule a call by clicking the button below.
What is the malicious dad syndrome?
What is Malicious Parent Syndrome? Malicious Parent Syndrome is not a recognized mental disorder. It describes a parent who disrupts their child’s relationship with the other parent. MPS often arises in high-conflict divorces involving child custody disputes. It involves acts of vengeance against the other parent.
Signs of Malicious Parent Syndrome. MPS symptoms can be extensive and damaging. They may lie to children and others about the other parent, break the law, and do bad things. For example, an MPS parent may say bad things about the other parent in front of the child, which makes the child think badly of the other parent. They may also try to stop the other parent from seeing the child or make the child dislike the other parent.
What is vengeful father syndrome?
Malicious parent syndrome is when a parent hurts the other parent to hurt the child. The term “malicious parent syndrome” or “parental alienation syndrome” is gender-neutral. It can apply to mothers and fathers. Both parents can be malicious.
In malicious father syndrome, the father is the malicious parent. A malicious father would try to make the mother look bad in the child’s eyes or stop the mother from parenting. More about the Malicious Parent Syndrome. Divorce is stressful. Parents feel a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and hostility, when thinking about their and their children’s future. In such a situation, it’s easy to become destructive and set things right.
What is the malicious father syndrome?
Malicious Parent Syndrome is when a divorced or divorcing parent hurts the other parent on purpose. In some cases, the offending parent may mistreat their children to hurt the other parent. In Texas, we rarely hear the terms “malicious mother syndrome,” “malicious father syndrome,” or “malicious parent syndrome” in court. But parental alienation is often discussed in Texas family courts when deciding custody. Is there a difference between malicious parent syndrome and parental alienation? What impact could a parent’s malicious or alienating behavior have on a child custody case? As a family law attorney for nearly two decades, I can tell you that people do strange things in the midst of a child custody case. Divorce and custody issues are difficult to deal with emotionally.
How to keep guilty father syndrome from ruining your marriage?
Don’t get divorced and start over. Your next marriage will have a smaller chance of success. Make your marriage work by showing your spouse you’re committed. Next, tell your spouse about Guilty Parent Syndrome and how it can hurt kids. Make it clear that if left unchecked, the children will become resistant to guidance. He needs to know that rules and accountability make kids feel safe and loved. If you don’t set boundaries, your kids will be depressed, get poor grades, experiment with drugs, and have sex without protection. Love means parenting. Kids know the difference between love and buying affection. Guilty parents need to understand this, too. You can always get on the same page with your partner. Decide together what the new rules are for the children. Then have a family meeting to discuss expectations, responsibilities, and consequences. Don’t let the children choose who they like more. Agree to support each other and don’t let the children disrespect the stepparent or absent biological parent. Guilty Parent Syndrome doesn’t have to tear your family apart. If you understand divorced parents and stepchildren, you can keep your family together. If you stay married, you may get a thank you for parenting. After 20+ years as a stepmom, I wouldn’t change a thing. So I wouldn’t have it any other way: family game night may require three different decks of cards.
What is the divorced dad guilt syndrome?
Divorced Dad Syndrome is a behavior that some men have after a divorce. These men feel guilty about the divorce because they think they did something wrong. Their children’s emotional wounds fuel their guilt. These fathers might try to make up for their mistakes by being too strict with their kids. This makes them less focused on parenting. A divorced father might be too lenient with his children, not disciplining them even when they misbehave. He may let bad behavior go on without doing anything more. If a child doesn’t do their homework, a dad with divorced dad syndrome might remind them to do it but not punish them.
What is a toxic father behavior?
A toxic mother or father can be controlling, demanding, and harsh, putting you at high risk for long-term mental and physical health issues. Toxic parents can affect a child’s mental health at any age.
📹 Signs Your Marriage Is Over And Not Worth Fighting For | Signs You Need To Get Out NOW!
My name is Coach Adrian and I’ve dedicated my life helping people find happiness in their relationships. For a long time I helped …
I’m an abused husband married to this type of woman for almost ten years. This is hard to admit so I’m commenting. I’m digesting these articles today on youtube. I need prayer and hope to escape this. I’ve had a few breakdowns. i don’t want to kill myself or die or hurt anyone else but I feel like there is no way out. This article really spoke to me about my situation. Thanks.
Just left my narcissistic toxic fiancé and moved out of our house, it was an absolute living hell and this article described everything I was feeling and dealing with. The isolation from my family was one of the biggest things she did and my family has told me that’s what she was doing while it was happening. Fellas, get out now if you are dealing with this bc she will try and ruin your life. Us men deserve better than this.
Almost 40 years together, I realise now through these articles how trapped I was. First two decades were awful. I blamed myself for everything. When I look back I was bullied but did not understand what was happening. We are happier now, but the wounds remain for me. There is no point leaving now. I don’t want to live alone. It’s too scary. I work hard each day to rebuild my self esteem. She does not really know how I feel because she never listens. Always deflecting back on me. I feel guilty writing this. I love her but?!
Ive always taught ive been in this alone because I unfortunately found myself surrounded by a bunch of people who don’t understand all this . we have been married for 3 years and its really serious. I usually don’t feel like going home after a long days’ work. perusal these articles make me realize how much trouble ive found myself in.
Makes you stronger .. How many of us thought about ending our life, We didn’t, We survied, we took the pain & humiliation of discard, We were de mascullated, abused, mentality tortured. Yet we rebuild, 8 years on im forgetting. I even started dating again . I live off grid, away from society, i have peacec, harmony, she will always have conflict. So who wins,
Gf of 10 years, no kids with her she had hers from previous marriage, had me pretty duped it was all me and had her family behind her.. my family tried to help me but I didn’t listen. Eggshells and afraid to go home. Pushed me to my breaking point to get my reaction and made me look like the bad guy. She cheated on me, and my dumb ass let her know that was my biggest fear. She said I should have seeked mental health cause I was a narcissist. I cheated on her on purpose, yes, on purpose to get out of the relationship. I couldn’t be better. My replacement? Drunk by 9 a.m., and both are currently living off welfare.
The difficulty in leaving for me, is solely financial.I have zero assets, cash, or even my own personal vehicle, due to reason i wont mention here. Safe to say,my best and only option is to stay and withstand the abuse, until the children are grown. The worst part is the children are witnessing the chaos created by their narcissistic mother. All of the points of this article resonate with me 100% 🙏
Married 15 years. 9 years ago my wifes 32 year old daughter moved in. Its been 2 narcissists against me since. Whenever a disagreement, there is never a discussion to make things right. The only discussion is she wants me out. The wife was served with D papers a week ago. Im 65. I hope shit gets better. Thank god for my granddaughter.
My neighbour has been married to his covert narcissistic wife for 40 years. I think it’s too late for him. He tells lies and gaslights as easily as she does. He has his story and he obstinately and stubbornly sticks to it as though it has been rehearsed many times. He exhibits paranoia to such a degree that he is incapable of reason. I’m not going to talk to him again. I can’t tolerate any more abuse. I hope they both live for at least another 20 years and rot together completely.
The thing about this that gets really tricky is when there are two narcissists in a relationship, with the wife being the more “covert”-type greater narcissist and the husband being their unaware-type lesser or mid-range narcissist. What most do not comprehend is that the vast majority of narcissists are of the unaware type. Please refer to H.G. Tudor’s work, which is beyond the scope of traditional psychology, for a greater understanding of his classifications. I am not negating the fact that a wife cannot abuse her husband, or vice versa, or that perhaps it may be both in some instances. I have witnessed many a female go to town on her husband, which typically happens behind closed doors when the mask comes off. To all those who have suffered abuse, may you receive deep healing. 💜✨✌🏻
I was with a narcissistic woman for far too long. It’s a very long story of how I came to live with her, but the day she kicked me out was one of the happiest days of my life. It made me homeless for a long time, but it was complete heaven, even though it was in the winter and I lived in my car. I have since gotten married and we have two kids and for some reason, after 12 years, my wife if beginning to show similar traits. I am constantly on guard, wondering when she’s going to jump my ass over something completely random. It’s almost as if she enjoys talking down to me.
I was in a relationship exactly like this for 21 FREAKIN years. It was never ending, not even 1 compliment. Our children didn’t see any of this. When the divorce came, I said, I don’t care what the cost is, you’re not worth it. Actually, I wish I never saw this article, it only brought back all the hurt and nightmares.
I’ve been married for 2 and a half years and i discovered with time that my wife is a narcassist … The hard part now for me that we found out not long ago that our son is autistic and we started a long treatment with specialists for him. I am dealing with two heavy situations at home and it’s been already hard enough to live with her and now with the new challenge with my son i don’t know what to do … I am staying for now in the marriage because of him i don’t want anything to affect him negatively. I will start seeing a psychologist soon to seek help.
I was married for 18 years. I have no idea how many other men she was with during my marriage but I do know it was multiple. She always had a good story to shift the blame or to make me disbelieve what I thought was happening. Unfortunately we have three wonderful daughters that took the brunt of our relationship being dismantled. The biggest question that has been hard for me to face is how could I have been so blind? Why would I allow this? I understand to some extent that when you are in the situation, you want things to work so badly but it is definitely still difficult to wrap my head around.
I went through a living hell when I filed for divorce it was during the process that I educated myself on NPD my ex wife is a covert narcissist I couldn’t believe the smear campaign she did on me she did every wicked thing that she could to destroy my life she weaponize the law against me I suggest anyone planning on leaving a narcissist make sure you have a plan and prepare yourself for a living nightmare I pray for anyone who is going through this type of abuse
I am literally losing all sense of myself suffering in this exact type of marriage. Its like my wife is on a mission to completely destroy me, my career, my finances, everything that I am. My days have become reduced to just trying to make it from morning to evening without getting into conflict with her. If I attempt to just stay silent and avoid her, she just picks and picks on ANY little thing to try and get me to react in a negative way so that she can point her finger at ME and say that I’M the one with issues! And I feel like I cannot talk to anyone about it because there’s no way they could ever understand or believe what I deal with without actually being here to experience it all themselves. I feel like an empty shell of who I was
The moment Dad failed to be the perfect father figure to Mom’s illegitimate first-born daughter, his “transgression” fueled the dysfunction Mom always practiced. She wanted to leave him but was already pregnant with me, and couldn’t bear going back home to her parents single with two kids. So, Mom clung to the hope I’d be born a girl she could rub in his face, with whom he could force Dad to treat her first-born as equals. Instead, I was born a boy; and with Mom’s twisted world view, my gender fueled the envy she’d always held against males. She tried twice more to have a girl, but got boys instead, and she became determined and succeeded to make our lives a living hell, every day. Within a few years of her last baby, she was a raving, backbiting, envious, unbridled monster. She physically, emotionally, and sexually abused us all, and tried to kill herself in front of us kids while Dad was TDY. Dad already had two children from a previous marriage, and as a Marine he loyally paid the child support. He also adopted Mom’s daughter as his own. So, if he’d had Mom committed for evaluation and treated as a lunatic (as she deserved), he couldn’t perform his duties: if he divorced her and won custody, he’d lose his career/retirement; and if Mom won custody, Dad would be broke for the bulk his life! So, he became determined to prevail and was subjected to Mom’s narcissistic abuse for the rest of his life, as were we all. The shame is, growing up in a family like ours, it’s easy to know something is wrong, but it’s also “normal”.
My ex would constantly do everything in her power to make me upset, and then play the victim and ask me why I was so upset… She would then take these examples of me being upset and try to present them to people as me having “anger problems” etc. She then tried to cheat on me, and when I confronted her about it, she left and filed false charges of DV, and I haven’t seen my two young children in over a year. I’ve retained a couple of lawyers and am slowly being financially bled to death while our criminal and family court system takes it’s sweet time to resolve the situation. I can’t imagine the horrible things this woman is saying to my children about me, and when I’m finally able to see them again, I wonder if they’ll even remember me…
Grew up with narcissistic mother. Moved away after 21, but her behavior worsened as time went by until her death. It was a no-win situation, but she was my only mother. Very sad and emotionally challenging and draining for me. Feel worse for my father, but he died before she did. “Flying monkeys” are the worst. If they only really knew what she was. I forgive them. Thanks for the article.
Married 12 years. She left me n blames me for everything, literally her whole life choices and called me controlling. While I never said a harsh word back to her. She belittled me and demasculated while mocking me for having emotions. 1. I never felt safe to relax around the house at all. If I wasn’t doing something she was angry with me. 2. She took as much control as she could over loans and finances. Wanting more when I couldn’t afford it 3. I sacrificed a lot for her happiness. But I never gave up on myself. She don’t like that at all. 4. She didn’t like my family at all and slagged of my friends 5. She gaslighted blame all the time. I would end up having to say sorry for something she did. 6. We both had desire for validation 7. She would call me controlling if I stuck up for myself or challenging her
I don’t believe that my ex-wife was a narcissist, but she was indifferent to my happiness, self centered and bereft of empathy. She was not violent or overtly hostile, but although she wasn’t (vocally or outwardly) dissatisfied, she basically never expressed appreciation and refused to make sacrifices or act supportively in any way for me. I don’t know if being treated indifferently amounts to actual “abuse” but certainly caused me to feel genuinely hopeless at times.
I was for eight years. Lovely in public, projected a twee and amiable persona but just not emotionally available or genuine in any way. Constant criticism, no support during tough times, everything on her terms and fixated on ruining me during divorce and custody – tried every nasty trick in the book and it backfired on them big time. A horrible period, so glad it’s over despite it being painful at the time.
My parent has all but disowned me because of the lies my narcissistic wife tell them. My mother is one of the most evil people I’ve ever met. My wife destroyed what was left of the relationship I had with my parent. My wife has told my parents and my in-laws horrible untrue things about me. I feel alone. I used to ask myself if I was the problem. I’m the common denominator in these relationships. My therapist has slowly shown me that am not the root cause of all of this. Yes, I’m still with her trying to survive because of my children. They are 10-year-old twins. Of course, there is never a good time to leave, but I’m waiting until they are old enough to understand the situation.
I was married to an abusive wife for 5 years. She didn’t allow me to have any female friends. I couldn’t travel to visit my parents without a fight. So many times I wished I was dead. Thanks god she dumped me after she transformed me in a piece of trash. After I recovered she wanted me back. But thanks God, I was awake and never wanna see her again.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place in my marriage. We’re going to counseling, but it just doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Some might say, “then divorce her and seek help”. Unfortunately, it is not that simple. We have 2 children, and having gone through a nasty divorce between my parents as a kid, I never want my kids to have to go through the emotional trauma of it like I did. I know she would fight tooth and nail to never relinquish any bit of custody of our kids. Since it seems like healing and making it better through counseling isn’t really helping, it leaves me with my other option, which I’ve unfortunately had to choose for myself. This option is to endure it for 13 more years until my youngest has become an adult. I cannot bring myself to give up a minute of my time with my kids either, and it would be crushing to miss anything, any first moment, first discussion, etc… And so, I only try to harden myself for the treacherous journey ahead, and just try not to completely lose myself along the way. Anyway, I hope for the best healing and recovery for anyone else effected by abuse of any kind.
My wife is great! But I was engaged to a narcissist before. And I find myself having learned defence mechanisms come up in me when it’s really not necessarily valid. I can talk to my wife and she listens like a normal person, and we are both willing to compromise if need be to solve a problem. My point is that I still feel the effects of that miserable engagement years later. But things can and do get better.
20 year married. Adopted her out of wedlock child. She ruined any relationship with him. Jealous of me trying to be friends with him. Came between me and our children. After 20 years of working as a factory manager and G.Manager, I was retrenched. Her mom past away, so she made her move out to keep the inheritance for herself… Never knew a selfish and entitled person and never been as sad as by her. She grows old instead of up. Please teach your children and make sure they don’t develop such cruel traits. Pastors – teach about this at church as it’s there too.
Took me 34 years to figure out my ex was a covert narcisst. She was so bad, she poisoned my daughters against me while I was away in the Navy serving sea duty. The last time that I saw my children they reminded me of a fight with my ex. They remembered when I ended up throwing a knife so hard it stuck in the wall. I told them that remembered that fight too. It was because I wouldn’t fix supper after working all day. The thing is, my ex was a stay at home mom. She had nothing else to do all day but to wait and attack me when I walked through the door. I had bad day at work and didn’t feel like cooking. Bcause I didn’t want to fix supper that night she fought until she drug the neighbors into it and she packed up her things to take the kids away and move back to her mother’s house. Well, we patched it up again, but the trauma was on the kids and it was all my fault. Their whole life they believed all the fighting was my fault. And still do. Set myself free by giving her EVERYTHING including the grandchilden 12 years ago. Never been happier! Probably should note that the reason I had the knife in the first place was that I was offering to cut my wrists. If she wanted my blood, if she want me to give that much of myself.
My Wife is not physically abusive to me, but she is very emotionally abusive to me. Every time I try to talk about it with her ends up in an argument, because she gets very angry and calls me names like “pussy” “c*nt” “weak” etc etc She turns the conversation around to blame and criticize me. I end up going outside to the yard, smoking a cigar, playing sad music article’s, even crying and contemplating suicide, although I couldn’t actually commit suicide because my Dad died that way and I know how much it hurts your loved one’s left behind. I am 62 years old and a stroke survivor, she is 60 and disabled. It would be easier on us both if we could get beyond this and just be happy. Neither of us could manage financially alone. And honestly we are too old and not in the best of health to start a new life afresh. Plus I could never in the future trust another to let myself fall in love again. We have been married 24 years. This is both of ours second marriage. HELP HELP HELP !
She never helped in our marriage. I thought getting her a house would want her to run it. She never did. Made it nice inside, plush carpet fresh everything. Nope, just called it a dump. She always went to her mom’s & sisters every weekend & come back as a man hater. I stayed real busy, that’s how I dealt. She always threatened divorce saying I’m taking everything & I’ll never see the kid ever. Her mom chased her husband away so she never met her dad. She ran off with this destitute sweetalker boyfriend w HIV to end the marriage. I had to file, then they teamed against me, him being out for my life’s work. He backs her false accuse as her witness. I did lose to them & now she’s 9 yrs of won’t pay ordered kid support. No help could help me, no one could relate.
My Dad couldn’t live a life outside of the family home because he was a policeman in political instability in Northern Ireland and he needed to live in the family home. He couldn’t leave because when he did ( when the troubles were actually over) he was homeless because he was kind enough to let her live in the family home with the kids. He didn’t want his kids to leave the home, so he did. And guess what the Narc has said for the 25 years since? ”He left us”….I feel for men caught up with these kind of women.
I respect women, but a narcissist wife is not a “lady”, she is a woman that happened to be your wife; her only goal is to destroy you as a human being… so, thanks, but no, not a lady… more like a “lady McBeth” but without the “guilt”… your narcissist wife would do anything to you and never, ever, she would feel guilty. Probably she feels guilty not causing you more damage. Now, mind you, she does not do this by criminal intent, she only wants you to “rise up” to the level she envisions you to be; she wants to mold you the way she imagines her husband has to be… only to destroy you again. If you look into a narcissist’s soul you find nothing… they are empty, shallow, fake; never satisfied with nothing, never know what they want… they themsleves live in a tormented world… I on my end, I do not feel compassion for their suffering, because they drag others into their empty world. Falling in love with a narcissist is like falling into a black hole, you are doomed to loose everything, you loose your self-worth, you loose your perspective to life, friends, family, money, you loose the right to chose anything, you lose the right to pick your food, or to say that the food she cooks or orders for you does not taste good… whatever… you end up just like an abused puppy.
Great article, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.
Great article. All true. I need to seek professional help. I’m on my 6th wife, all narcs. I don’t understand why I am so vulnerable to these kind of women. I didn’t know what a narc was until after I divorced #3, of 35 years. Then I realized that she was like the poster child of narc women. 3 more since then, and this one is going down hill fast. She can do no wrong, I can do no right. She is an MD, and knows everything. All must be made to agree with her, or else. She has two teenage children that are awesome. I enjoy helping them become who they want to be. I have sacrificed everything for them. I have no outside hobbies. I’m available to them 24/7. I’m nothing but kindness and complimentary toward them. And that’s all good of course, unless I object to something my wife says. She and the children are Mexican. So that introduces and even stronger dynamic to the situation. I’ve helped them apply for a resident visa, which is in progress. Once that is finished, I’m not sure what I will do. But I have got to have some relief.
I’ve flicked the switch today, solicitor is going to initiate a divorce. I feel sorry for the kids (20 and 22, still living at home), but they’re adults and in time should be able to get though things. I’m not taking the rubbish situation I’m in. Yes, my partner might be struggling too, but I can’t help her, heaven knows I’ve tried and of course failed as the only person that can help her is herself (together with professional help). But she’s denying she’s got past unprocessed issues which I definitely know she has (as she’s told me certain things happened). All respect for me is gone, the last few weeks were quite clear about that crossing various boundaries set.
After 30 years I only realized a few months ago. She filed for divorce. I didn’t have the balls. I went to rehab thinking I was an alcoholic. It just created a self fulfilling prophecy. Tried sobriety AA but it was not working. The “blame yourself for everything philosophy” is the foundation of the 12 steps. And it just amplified the abuse. Thank god I’m out. If you are in the same place: RUN!
😳… married a narcissist … Divorced her after 8 years. Thought I knew what to avoid and ended up in a domestic relationship with a woman that showed noooo signs the first 5 years and ol boy once I was $400K in debt giving her everything…she showed her true colors ! Now i don’t know how to get out of this narcissistic relationship without going bankrupt 😢
I am married since 15 years to a narcissistic wife. Of course it is hell. Lately I learned all about narcissists. This helped a lot. In the mean time I enjoy the situation as I have a real challenge to navigate the situation. Every time I find a new trick to prevent falling in the rabbit hole, I am happy like a small child. Lately, I even saved secretly some money to buy a new guitar. Let’s see how it will turn out in the end 🤭
I’m not proud to admit it, but I’m afraid of defending myself for fear that it will make things worse for me… and that I won’t be believed if the person I fended off will turn authorities against me. I’m hypervigilant to the point of paranoia and my anger is difficult to control… as if I can use that anger to protect myself without having to face something I can’t protect myself against. This society wants us to behave as sheep, yet it rewards wolves. In an ideal world, such as one of those socialist utopias – a cosmic joke, really – we would all be goats: Proud, strong, well boudaried, part of the group. However, sometimes I wonder if we are forced by necessity to choose between predator and prey.
Husbands abuse like this too, I experienced all of this. My husband’s most used phrase was “that’s none of my concern”. I came to realize he had zero concern or empathy for anything but himself. I also came to see from whom he learned /inherited the behaviors. Seperated from everyone, it’s been a long, lonely and difficult escape.
I am worried about my dad. He allowed my narc mom to move in with him… and has had a series of strokes since… she’s basically made him a prisoner in his own apartment. She is POA, and could care less what his doctors are saying (she doesn’t even go into the office with him, knowing that his short term memory is shot from the strokes). Trust if I had the money, he would be on the opposite coast with ME. That woman has kicked him into the ground my entire life, and knowing she is still doing it when he needs support, I just can’t even. She treats him like he owes her something… which he DOES NOT. Nothing makes her happy, and nothing ever will. I just heard that her old boyfriend, whom she got a brand new car from, is back in the picture. It makes sense why she stayed in the hotel while my sister was there to care for my dad… ugh. her day will come… all her stories are going to come to pass, even if it kills me doing so. I have been no contact with her h 9 years in December (it was my 35 bday that she said some nasty shit, and hung up on me. Ok, if that’s what you want to say to your first child, and think its ok… you go on right ahead. You have to live with that, not me.)
My ex always said that she would destroy me, after 30 yrs. I was ready to take her best shot. I left her, and she tried to manipulate me. But after all that time the only thing on mind was to be free. I took my lumps and it was well worth it. I came from a broken home and wanted better for my kids. Life is Less complicated without her. Life is all about the pursuit of happiness. But some people are too self involved to understand.
Thinking that you can fix her, make things better that she will realise your a good person, a nice guy, doing all the things you think will make her happy, supporting her insecurities by not doing the things you think aggravate her, if you think like that you have only one option available to remedy the situation…………run.
My brother was married to a narcissist. He did not survive it. He didn’t see forty. Run, y’all. It’s not even a LITTLE bit worth staying. I wish my brother had run, just once of all the times I begged him to. Currently trying to help his only son survive it from afar and be ready for him to escape to on Freedom Day. It’s like being forced to REWATCH my childhood only in third person. Narcs–NOT. EVEN. ONCE!
I am a survivor of this situation and went through many of the situations that this article shows. I was married to a narcissist for eight years. She was very manipulative and became impossible to deal with due to her complete and total selfishness. She was also physically abusive. During a fight she started, she hit me from behind in the head with a mini baseball bat and knocked me unconscious. I woke up some time later to hear her perusal television. I could not get up or stand as I had a concussion. I was able to reach a phone in the bedroom and called 911 for help. My wife was arrested for assault and endangering my welfare for not getting me help. It turned out that I was lying on the ground for four hours and she never did anything to help me. She later plead guilty to simple assault and basically got away with it by paying a fine and having to take an anger management class. I moved out after I was released by the hospital but suffered post-concussion issued for a few months. We divorced but it took some time for that to get done. In retaliation for me having her arrested, she decided to fight me over everything. My life got much better as I got therapy and recovered both physically and mentally. I met my current wife during the divorce, and we have been happily married for over 20 years. For those of you in a marriage to a narcissist, all I can say is get out. Things for you will never improve and may only worsen as it did for me. Luckily, I ended up in a much better place.
My wife blames me for something every day. She blamed me today for her nails being messed up. Other day she said I shouldn’t be installing a ceiling fan myself and that I shouldn’t even think I’m qualified to do that and put me down throughout the installation. Nothing I do is enough for her. Right after we got married she started fidelity accusations out of nowhere and they werent true. Lost
I think one should not label without a proper diagnosis. But I came out of a marriage like this, was constantly walking on eggshells. Did everything, paid for everything but nothing was enough. I hope people come out of it with less suffering. Please be very very very careful who you spend your life with, if there are red flags, RUN!
Blamed me for her not getting to see her parents, never any money, then she would take off from work taking “non-paid vacation”, and of course, that didn’t hurt our finances. When I tried to improve my job situation she tried to change what I had been offered, my boss and I came up with an educational plan and when I told her the first words were “are you sure” always making me question myself, then said “maybe you should do… instead”, so everything my boss wanted was not as good as her plan, even though she doesn’t do my job. Would totally ignore me a month or weeks before birthdays, anniversary, valentines day and then I would assume we were doing nothing, then the day of, gifts or telling me how I didn’t care. When I finally left, up and disappeared, and then filed for divorce, she spent weeks telling her lawyer I would be back and we would work it all out, meanwhile, I blocked her calls and texts, zero contact. When I told my lawyer, she said she needed to have a “little talk” with her lawyer. Everything we had planned for our life revolved around when, if, how… she could “see it” happening.
I lived like this for 23 years with a narcissistic mom, now I’m living with a wife whose like this when she is drinking. Every damn day, can’t get a word in edgewise, get all of her behaviors reflected back on me, fighting, arguing, hiding in the garage at night so I Can sleep for work. To say it sucks would be an understatement.
I was in denial; intimacy decreased. But I was in an out of hospital- multiple surgeries- both feet. Got hassled badly at work- was vindicated and won my case. Paid the mortgage. Then got shut down could not even express my opinion. Voices raised. No violence nothing broken- I did shave my moustache off in protest. She leaves in the middle of the night to the police and then up to my daughter’s house 20 minutes away. I was only just over a month from foot surgery bone grafts and titanium hardware. The police arrived at 10 am saying we are here to help then assaulted me throwing my walking stick away. Forced me to walk destroying my operation and then taken to a psych ward and twice resisted attempted to needle drug me. Upon being seen by a doctor I was immediately released. What is this man doing here. – the police coving their abuse – no crime committed by me or threats of self harm ; nothing. Now I wonder if I argue will I be locked up and drugged for someone else’s convenience. But the police don’t think it through- their current approach is thuggery not police serving and protecting the public. We are the enemy not citizens. No respect or compassion is afforded the enemy. No discussion but insulting remarks … now I don’t care. Kids are grown up. Free expression awaits. —- Found solice.
Going through this right now.. It’s been a nightmare we have small kids and I’ve gotta be connected to her for these kids! They take your life from you… have you thinking you’re the problem! I never her my wife say I’m sorry for anything she did! Which made me take the blame for everything in the relationship. She even isolated me from my family and friends! I am 5 years in and she filed for divorce when I called her out on her actions! I’m gonna put my trust in God for him to restore my mental and emotional health!
I’m perusal this because I know that I’ve been the abusing narcissist/Borderline Personality Disorder perpetrator in my marriage. I’m so grieved by how I’ve hurt my long-suffering husband. I had no idea how sick I was until trying to deal with my equally sick family members. When I started learning about these types of disorders, I began to see myself in these descriptions! I was horrified. I’ve had to learn how to forgive myself. The Lord has helped me see that I have sinned this way. I’ve repented and have been healing through my strong walk with the Lord and allowing Him to heal me and deliver me from my old behaviors and way of seeing things. Praise God, after 15 years our marriage is thriving and I can absolutely shout with joy that I am free!!! May the Lord multiply our years so that my beloved husband may experience true joy and respect and love in our marriage. Jesus has transformed me…may I show the love of Christ to my husband, the way my husband showed the love of Christ to me. Praise God and hallelujah!!!
I have had undiagnosed ASD, so it was not hard to manipulate me, as I have been raised by a narcissistic mother. I was married twice, to narcissistic ladies, the first one discardee me after six years, because of my limitations. The second marriage lasted twenty years, with her “managing” me to her own benefit only, before she divorced me to marry another woman and I still stayed for another three years, serving her and her lovers, before “escaping” Now, finding myself back at my mother’s house, the load became so heavy, I saught professional help and was subsequently diagnosed. Tools provided by posts such as this ine has been a great help on my journey. Thank you.
I am very appreciative of the comments left regarding this article. My wife had called me a narcissist tonight because I became angry she woke up our 3 year old daughter. I became very assertive & verbally direct because she stated that she was not talking extremely loudly, that’s what awoke our daughter, when she was. I went to our room to escape her after verbally expressing myself, and then there she was. She opened our door, screamed at me “You are such a narcissist!” and then slammed the door shut as loudly as she could. She’s already thrown a chair at me and told me she would stab me, and although she was drunk, it was frightening to me when a two weeks later she stated “I cannot believe I can never drink whisky again because of a little fight.” Our son still talks about his moms behavior. Although she has stated she wants to work on herself and has in many ways, nights like this makes marriage very difficult. I am a stay at home dad, but only because she stated she wanted to be the one to work. Anytime I talk about getting a job she gets upset. I don’t think I can last much longer. It is horrible. . .