Who Do You Have To Invite To Your Wedding?

The average wedding guest list size in the U.S. is 117 guests, but your target number may be much larger. There are two schools of thought when it comes to deciding who to invite to your wedding: choosing your venue first and based on the venues. At minimum, the couples’ immediate family and wedding party members should be invited, but you can expand the list to include more guests if your family and friends list is small.

When it comes to aunts and uncles, it is generally polite to invite them as a unit. When sending wedding invitations to celebrities, it is important to send them early to allow them to respond. When building the guest list, it is important to consider who you can expect to see a positive RSVP from.

Siblings and in-laws should be in the running for a bachelorette party invite if they aren’t already accounted for in the bridal party. It is important to avoid inviting younger siblings, those who aren’t 21, or your fiancé’s sister.

Do not send out save the dates until you have finalized your guest list, as everyone who gets a save the date gets a wedding invitation. Remember that your wedding is all about you and your S.O., and you should only invite the people you absolutely can’t imagine celebrating without.

Who must be invited to a wedding?

It may seem really cruel to split your friends and family up into lists, but its a practical way to do it, and lets face it, weve all been a C-list wedding guest at least once in our lives, are we right? Of course, who you invite to your wedding is entirely personal, so your A-D list might vary vastly from ours. In your family, your cousins might feel more like siblings, perhaps having lots of children at your wedding is a high priority, or maybe you want to keep your guest list as small as possible – perhaps even elope! Simply put, you should invite all the people you want there, and you shouldnt feel forced to invite anyone youd rather not have in attendance. So lets get started!

A-List: The Guests You Need to Invite to your Wedding. These are the people you simply cant imagine getting married without – the Desert Island Discs of wedding guests. For some couples this might cover 10 people, for others this might be 50. So sit down with your other half and ask yourselves, If we decided we were going to get married tomorrow morning, who would we call first?

B-List: The Guests You Really, Really Want to Invite to your Wedding. Generally couples would still consider this group of people an extension of the A-list, but weve separated it to help you work out why you want certain guests in attendance, rather than blindly typing names into a spreadsheet. These are the special people youd love to spend your wedding day with, and are important to you to have there, but it wouldnt ruin your day if they couldnt make it at the last minute.

Who should I invite on my wedding?

Close Friends & Family Only You could choose to only invite close friends and family – if youre going really intimate, keep to parents, siblings, grandparents and a handful of close friends.

Let’s be honest: figuring out how to put together a wedding guest list that makes everyone happy can get more political than the actual Houses of Parliament. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

In fact, making a list that works for you and your partner should be simple: write down the names of everyone you want to be with you on your wedding day, and disregard the rest. Sounds easy, right? Yet somehow, in practice, things are never quite that straightforward. But fear not – we’re here to help. In fact, weve even made you a wedding guest flow chart to help you plot out who should be invited.

Here’s everything you need to know about choosing your wedding guest list from start to finish, including who to invite to your wedding, and who to say sorry, youre not invited to, and plenty of tips to keep everyone happy along the way (yes, even your parents!).

Who should get wedding invitations?

1. Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests Traditionally Receive a Plus-One. As a rule of thumb, Emily Posts Wedding Etiquette says spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation. “Even if youve never met or they are not your favorite people, your guest is part of a package deal,” authors Anne and Lizzie Post explain.

Some of the other hidden guests you should invite on your wedding day? The spouse or significant other of your ceremony officiant, as well as both parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

2. Everyone in the Bridal Party Should Receive a Plus-One. The rules about cohabitation, dating, and marriage go out the window when it comes to plus-ones for your wedding party. Not only does a happy wedding party make a happy couple, but allowing a bridesmaid to bring her new boyfriend, for example, is a small token of appreciation you can offer in exchange for her efforts and support, suggests Amber Harrison, a wedding expert at Shutterfly. Think of it as a “thank you” for every occasion your bridal party has had to organize and participate in over the past year.

Is it OK not to invite anyone to a wedding?

Its your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want to. You should definitely never feel obligated to invite anyone, including family members, especially if theres good reason to leave them off the list.

Still, it can be an undeniably awkward situation. If youre not sure how to handle it, Zolas here to help. Read on:

Part 1: Reasons to Not Invite Family to the Wedding. Weddings often bring family drama to the surface. Usually, its important to invite family members to the wedding, but there are some exceptions.

Is it okay not to invite family to a wedding?

They Make You and Others Uncomfortable. Sometimes, there are family members that tend to go overboard with everything. If having them at the wedding will make you or your guests uncomfortable, cutting them from your invite list is perfectly okay. While you could try to fix things ahead of time, sometimes its not worth the effort.Often, peace of mind is more valuable than having a relative that loves drama or has caused your family pain at the wedding. You shouldnt feel forced to invite anyone that makes you uncomfortable, especially because its your wedding.

Part 2: Dos to Consider When Not Inviting Family. There are many couples who choose not to invite family members for various reasons, but its especially hard when its because of a strained relationship. Even budget constraints can be delicate, since you still have to be aware of peoples feelings. Here are some things to do when youre not planning to invite family members to your wedding.

Do Surround Yourself With Loved Ones. For your wedding, you want to feel fulfilled rather than devoid, so its important to surround yourself with the people youve chosen as family. Family can mean close friends that you consider closer than blood relatives.

How do I deal with not inviting my family to my wedding?

How to Tell Certain Family Members They Arent InvitedOver the past few years, our relationship hasnt been the greatest and while Im open to working on that…… Hi _____________, while I love and respect our relationship/friendship I will not be able to invite you to my wedding because __________.

Most people want to share their wedding day with the most important people in their lives. Society tells us those important people are usually family members, but thats not always true. What happens when youre not close to certain family members and dont want them at your wedding? In some cases, not inviting them is an option.

Not inviting family to your wedding can be a nerve wracking thing to do—it may even feel like youre going against a societal norm. Keep in mind that your wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, so youre allowed to do it on your terms. That might mean letting some people down and not extending an invite. Here are some tips on how to approach not inviting difficult family members to your wedding.

• Do You Have to Invite Your Entire Family to Your Wedding?
• Reasons for Not Inviting Certain Family Members to Your Wedding
• How to Not Invite Certain Family Members to Your Wedding
• How to Tell Certain Family Members They Arent Invited
• What To Do if You Have to Invite Difficult Family Members

Am I wrong for not inviting my sister to my wedding?

Its a hard choice, but a necessary one. For anyone who hasnt had to make a similar decision, it might seem heartless to exclude a loved one from a big event like a wedding, family reunion or holiday gathering, but experts say its incredibly common.

“Most families have someone like this,” says psychologist Allison Moir Smith, whose company Emotionally Engaged specializes in helping couples with the sometimes unexpected feelings that come up when planning a wedding. That may include grieving the last days of your single life or facing “unfinished business” with family or friends. But knowing youre not alone doesnt take away the fear, guilt and shame that often comes with uninviting or not inviting someone you love.

I hated making the call to my sister. I explained as gently as I could my reasons for not having her there: I was scared she would become intoxicated and cause a scene to the point that I would have to have someone escort her out, which Id seen happen before. I knew that in addition to the typical wedding day nerves, I would be full of anxiety about my mom who had just started chemotherapy. I couldnt imagine also keeping one eye on my sister. Luckily, Jackie didnt fight me when I told her how I felt.

Should you invite everyone to your wedding?

Dont Let Your Parents Add Guests You Dont Know. Parents often have their own ideas about who should end up on the final guest list—distant relatives, long-time coworkers, golf buddies—but you shouldnt have to make space those youve never met. “Often the parents who are hosting the wedding may feel like they get to invite whomever they want, and while they come from a good place, it is all about conversation and compromise,” says Meyer. If your father-in-law is trying to add a business associate you and your partner dont know, or your mother is pushing for a table for her quilting club, stand your ground. “You should not have to invite anyone out ofobligation,” says Meyer. “All guests should be invited because you and your family want them there and enjoy spending time together, it can be as simple as that!”

Do Account for Plus-Ones. Guests living with a significant other—even if they arent engaged or married—should be invited with a plus-one, says Norcross. “You cant invite one and not the other—thats their partner!” she says. “If you have no idea who someone is dating, then you dont have to invite a guest.”

Plus-ones for anyone who does not have a long-term or live-in partner are more discretionary. Most couples approach this on a case-by-case basis: A former coworker who doesnt know your friends and family may warrant a plus-one to make them more comfortable; a life-of-the-party groomsman may be perfectly happy to attend solo. “If it is a destination wedding, I think a plus-one is nice,” says Meyer, “as it can be overwhelming for a guest to travel and stay alone in a foreign place. You know these people and what they need to feel thought-of.” However, if your guest list is ballooning, trimming the plus-ones you dont know and who arent in serious relationships with your guests is a no-brainer. “The couple typically will create the parameters,” says Daniels, “but it really is the first thing to cut if budget is a factor.”

Do I need to invite my boss to my wedding?

Realize You Dont Need to Invite Everyone. Just because you work with a lot of people doesnt mean you have to ask everyone to attend your wedding. Seriously, the decision is completely up to you and should be based on who you really have a true connection with, not who you feel obligated to invite. So, if theres no one from work you truly want there, feel free to take them off the guest list.

Prep for How to Handle Their Comments. One thing you might be stressed about is how your colleagues will react if they dont get invited to the wedding. Be sure to have a default response prepared, so that you dont stumble over your words or say something you dont mean. Need an example? Two appropriate responses are: I was keeping my guest list small or I was only able to invite a certain amount of people. However, Id be happy to celebrate this major milestone with everyone in a different way.

How do you decide who not to invite to your wedding?

Points to Ponder Before Deciding Whom Not to Invite. Photographer Meredith Ryncarz, owner of Meredith Ryncarz Photography in Savannah, Georgia, has a specific set of questions that she feels couples need to ask before formulating the guest list. Consider things like whether youve talked to them in the past year and if you see a continuing post-wedding friendship. In addition, ask yourself if there is a family or other deep connection. Also, evaluate whether or not theyre supportive of your union.

“If you answered yes to any or all of these, then you should be inviting them,” suggests Ryncarz. “This will help keep your guest count down to a reasonable list and weed out acquaintances that, while you might feel obligated to invite, really are not vital to being part of the guest count or the story of your day.”

“Formulating a guest list should come easily for the large majority, but there will be some people that come to mind, which raises the question if an invite should be extended or not,” says Kelley Nudo, client manager at Momental Designs in Wyoming, Pennsylvania. Setting parameters will help in these situations. For example, have you seen them in the past five years? If not, then they may need to get cut.

Is it rude to not invite cousins to a wedding?

Do I Have to Invite Cousins to My Wedding?: The Short Answer. No, you dont have to invite your cousins, or your partners cousins to your wedding, if you dont want to. Its your wedding day, and you and your partner should feel free to invite only the people you really want to share the day with. That said, you should take into account the possibility that some cousins may get upset if they arent invited (but theyll likely get over it in time), and that your parents may get upset that you werent able to accommodate all of your extended family members, especially if your partners cousins are invited. Its also worth bearing in mind that its a nice gesture to invite all of the cousins if you have a good relationship with them, and if its possible to do so.

Do I Have to Invite Cousins to My Wedding?: The Long Answer. We know you probably dont want to hear this, but, it depends. It actually depends on several factors;

• The size of your guest list, taking into account venue capacity and budget restrictions
• How many cousins youve got
• Whether your partner is inviting their cousins
• What your relationship with your cousins is like
• How upset your parents will be if cousins arent invited

Is it rude to not invite partners to a wedding?

• Is the guest in a relationship? If youre not sure whether the guest is in a relationship, its worth asking a mutual friend or relative, as this information can be useful!
• How new is that relationship? If its an established relationship more than six months in length (or shorter, but the couple seem extremely close already), we recommend trying to accommodate the guests partner. If it seems quite new and is shorter than six months in length, its easier to justify not inviting their partner. We dont recommend making distinctions between different relationship statuses (married, engaged, cohabiting etc.) as we find this a largely unhelpful method for guest list planning, and one that can sometimes cause offence. If you need to draw the line between some guests partners, we recommend you give preference to the guests/couples youre closest to. For example, it might make more sense to invite your best friends boyfriend of eight months than to invite the husband of one of your work colleagues… but only if you take the third point below into consideration!
• Will the guest know many people at my wedding? If they dont know any of your other guests pretty well, attending the wedding could be quite an awkward experience for them, so its polite to invite their partner, regardless of how serious or long the relationship is, or else offer them a plus one. If theyre going to know a few other people at the wedding quite well, they should still be able to have a great time, so having a partner or Plus One present isnt as important. For this reason, it can be helpful to invite a couple of guests from the same social group to your wedding, for example, two or three pals from your workplace or sports team, who you know will have a good time together, even without partners in tow.

What are the alternatives if I dont invite guests girlfriends or boyfriends to the wedding?. If you decide not to invite guests girlfriends, boyfriends or partners to the wedding, think about inviting them to the wedding after-party, if youre having one (known as The Afters here in Ireland) or to the Day Two party.

Got another question relating to wedding guest etiquette? You should find the answer here.