ADHD can significantly impact relationships, including marriages. It affects the brain’s ability to regulate attention, behavior, and emotions, which can cause significant challenges in a marriage. Some couples with ADHD may feel ignored and lonely, as their partner focuses on things that interest them but not on you. They may act like a child instead of an adult, leading to a lack of self-awareness and communication difficulties.
Inattention can lead to difficulties with organizational tasks and a hard time recognizing symptom-related disruptions in their sex lives. People with ADHD may lack self-awareness, making it difficult to recognize how they are coming across to others or how their relationship is going. Communication difficulties can be lessened for the partner with ADHD, but they may still struggle with communication.
Marriages are built on mutual trust, and when a person is not willing to do everything to be free of secrets, arguments and disagreements tend to arise. Parenting differences can also play a role in why marriages fail. Adult ADHD can tear a marriage apart, but with love, understanding, and the right treatment, most marriages affected by adult ADHD can become loving bonds.
Nagging is a common side effect of ADHD in romantic relationships, where the partner repeatedly forgets chores or appointments. To help couples cope with ADHD, it is recommended to increase compassion for each other and engage in reflective listening exercises to discuss roles and frustrations in their relationship.
📹 A spouse’s perspective on ADHD
Well, I am a nurse, and I am a wife, and a mother of four kids, and my husband has ADHD. ADHD impacts my life significantly, with …
Why ADHD partners are hard to love?
Blume said that ADHD brains have a harder time concentrating. It either daydreams or focuses intensely on one thing. Over time, this can make the NT partner resentful. ADHD adults also have trouble managing their time and staying organized. Blume said, “People with ADHD are often late.” They might also leave things out or lose things like glasses or phones. These behaviors can cause frustration for the neurotypical partner.
Money Problems. Couples who share money should talk about it often, but this is especially important when one person has ADHD. People with ADHD often make quick decisions, including financial ones. This can be a weakness for the ADHD brain.
What percentage of ADHD marriages end in divorce?
The US Census says that about one-third of Americans get divorced. This could be as high as two-thirds for couples with a spouse with ADHD.
Can people with ADHD truly love?
Kids with ADHD feel emotions more deeply, including love. When teens with ADHD fall in love, the feelings can be intense and disruptive. New relationships are exciting. Falling in love is an emotional roller coaster for most teens. But for teenagers with ADHD, falling in love or starting a relationship can be more difficult. Not all kids with ADHD struggle the same way. ADHD can make things more difficult for some. Parents can help. Knowing how ADHD affects love and relationships can help you support your teen.
The role of brain development. Kids with ADHD have trouble with executive function skills. Kids with ADHD take one to three years longer to fully develop executive function skills. This can affect kids’ social lives. A 17-year-old with ADHD might be less mature or more impulsive.
Are ADHD men loyal?
It’s true. ADHD has hurt more than a few relationships. People with ADHD are also some of the most loyal, generous, engaged, and fun people you could meet. After a lifetime of criticism, they need their partners to recognize their good qualities. We surveyed more than 400 people married to or involved with a partner with ADHD and asked them what they loved most about their significant others. Their answers about romance, bravery, and kind hearts delighted us. Here are some of our favorite responses.
Why are people with ADHD more likely to get divorced?
A strong marriage is built on trust, connection, and commitment. Most marriages start out well. Then things get complicated. For couples with ADHD or ADD, the most common daily problems are inattention, impulsivity, and poor executive functions. Also, poor communication and unfair expectations. To understand how ADHD affects marriages and other long-term relationships, ADDitude surveyed 1,256 partners with and without the disorder. Every respondent had a different experience, but some things were the same. Here’s what we learned. ADHD makes sex harder. Our survey found that couples with ADHD often argue about sex. Forty-two percent of partners with ADHD said the disorder affects their sex lives a lot. The partners without ADHD were even more sure—51% said ADHD hurt their sex lives with their partner.
Is it hard to be married to someone with ADHD?
For couples. It’s hard to be in a long-term relationship with ADHD, but it can be done. Work together as a team.
Family or couples therapy can help identify and solve problems. Patience is important in a relationship with someone with ADHD. This is a lifelong disorder that the person must manage. ADHD is a common mental health disorder that affects children and adults. In a relationship with ADHD, there are challenges. With treatment, patience, and support, it is possible to maintain a healthy, loving relationship with someone who has ADHD and help them function and feel their best. If you’re married to someone with ADHD, take care of yourself too. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help. You’re not alone.
Do ADHD marriages last?
Taking the pill isn’t enough. The ADHD diagnosis is good news for another reason. It explains why you have been struggling in love. People with ADHD often have trouble in long-term relationships. Those with ADHD in their relationship are more likely to get divorced than those without it.
That’s bad news! The good news is that we now know a lot about ADHD and relationships. Once you know these patterns, you can change them and make your relationship better. It’s not hard. It just takes commitment to change the relationship dynamics.
Is ADHD affecting your relationship? If you’re wondering if ADHD is affecting your relationship, here are five signs to look for:
How can ADHD sabotage relationships?
6. Mistake each other. Not understanding someone else, jumping to conclusions, or mind reading can hurt a relationship. ADHD adults should listen carefully and clarify what others say. Don’t react to what you think someone means. Ask them what they mean and then respond.
7. Be unsympathetic. Many people don’t understand things from another person’s point of view. This makes it hard to be close to others. Talk with your partner about how ADHD affects the brain. Plan how you can understand each other.
8. Don’t fight. If you give in to avoid a fight, you give away power. If you do this often, you’ll start to dislike the relationship. Adults with attention deficit disorder should stand up for what they believe is right. It will help the relationship.
What is the best kind of partner for someone with ADHD?
Patience and understanding are important for dating someone with ADHD. Your partner’s diagnosis may be hard for them as it is for you. They may have been criticized or blamed for their condition for years. When they make a mistake, forget something, or fail to complete a task, be kind to them. Here are some tips for a healthy relationship with someone with ADHD.
What is the love language of ADHD people?
Acts of Service: Some with ADHD act more than they speak. They show love through helping, kind acts, or just being there. They show their love by being there for you.
Verbal Affirmation: Words can be powerful, and many value verbal expressions of love. They may be good at talking to their loved ones. Their compliments and affirmations show how much they care.
Gift of Giving: Gifting is about showing love and appreciation. Some people with ADHD enjoy choosing thoughtful gifts or making personal gifts. These gifts are a way of showing love.
Why do relationships fail with ADHD?
If you’re in a relationship with someone with ADHD, you may feel lonely, ignored, and unappreciated. You’re tired of being the only responsible person in the relationship. You don’t trust your partner. They don’t keep promises, so you have to remind them or do things yourself. It feels like your partner doesn’t care. Both sides can contribute to a destructive cycle in the relationship. The partner without ADHD complains, nags, and gets angry. The partner with ADHD feels judged and misunderstood and gets defensive. Nobody is happy in the end. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can build a healthier, happier partnership by learning about ADHD and how to respond to challenges and communicate with each other. These strategies will help you understand each other better and get closer. Speak to a therapist. BetterHelp is an online therapy service that connects you with licensed therapists for depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in 48 hours.
📹 ADHD and Toxic Relationships
People with ADHD can be susceptible to toxic relationships. Toxic relationships are found at work, at home, in friendships, and in …
Just got out of a relationship and everything you talked about what NPD people can do to people with ADHD, happened to me. It makes me sad realized the full scope of how I was abused but it’s making it easier for me to get away from her, and realize that me leaving was a good thing. Thank you for this article
People with ADHD shouldn’t be victimized when they need to own up to their own behaviors as well. If you are mentally capable to know that narcissistic behavior is bad and “has nothing to do with ADHD” then you as an ADHD person should NOT be dragging people like that. Same for cheating, if you know it’s bad don’t do it!! I’m in a situation rn where my ADHD ex is being a narcissist and I’m about to drop the 10 year friendship because of it. Dated for 4 months and he ended it all because he released long time grudges against me that I didn’t even know was wrong due to his lack of communication, then he wanted to be friends yet made excuses on why we can’t hang out due to his life but the ironic thing about that is that I see him post about 4 times a week hanging out with other people except me leaving me like a nobody and barely talks to me. I am so close on calling him out being a fake and blocking him. He definitely knows what he’s doing and it’s disgusting to the point it makes me puke!!! He doesn’t even care or understand how bad this hurts me. Friends shouldn’t treat friends like this PERIOD!!!
I have severe ADHD and I am in love with a narcissist I keep trying to be patient and help him recognize his behavior. It is hitting home now and it feels like a gut punch. I have low contact with him right now. He’s blowing up my phone. We have been together for 5 years and it did not appear until Covid 19. I am being emotionally abused. I have been stonewalled. He tells me that I changed since I began a healthy lifestyle and self-care and therapy trauma work shadowing work and taking my medication twice a day.
God bless you Stephanie. ❤ you went thru all my struggles in a nice, simplistic and truth full way. I have been considering myself a phoenix after seeing reality and staying away from illusions and manipulations. I had doubts that abuse from a narcissist was worst for a ADHD personality because of multiple traumas and not much tool to work with and not much stories about it either. My ex-wife is a covert, with psychological issues related to cognitive disorder cause by effect from Lupus. You can’t even imagine how far she went with her paranoia, hallucinations and smear campaign. For me, hell was on earth. My focus is on my well being, copping with adhd and my 3 daughters. I’m not giving up and Education is power !! 🎉😊 40 years old, forced to stop teaching after all the gaslighting and the depression on my end. Thank you and good article 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦
Trauma bonding is also about one person subconsciously entering into a relationship in order to resolve relational issues in their past that did not meet their developmental needs and left them traumatised. The traumatisation is suppressed in order to function, but leads to repeated dysfunctional pattern because the emotions of the original event have not been properly processed. They do not get properly processed in subsequent relationships because we subconsciously seek relationships with people who look like or display similar behaviours to those who neglected or abused us in the past.
Thank you for making such a display of quality information, not only by having an expert like Stephanie who knows that much about this topic but that is also able to explain it clearly to lesser mortals like me. I have the impression that I knew a great deal of what has been said but I have been gaslit to the point of needing somebody else to reaffirm it, especially an authority figure. Which is ironic, since this is all about gaslighting.😚
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.. i wish i had seen this article before then i would have understood whats going in my life and tried to do something about it after my breakup… i wish i could take a small therapy secession from u but i live in india…. my parents dont take my ADHD seriously at all the ignore it as it is just nothing… and me being me dont really tell them what im going through because of their reactions towards it… thry think that threy know me but they too only know the calm and sorted life that i present in front of them…. they are totally unaware how actually i am in life… this article halped me very much to know about me and my past life… once again THANK YOU
Makes sense to me too. My therapist for a long time suggested I have ADHD and recommended I take Adderall. (taken briefly a decade ago so aware of it’s affects). I was afraid to take it because of being surrounded by the two most toxic people in my life, my wife and my mom. I was worried the drug would make me more aware of their abuse and make them more combative as my mind became sharper. Here it is 4am and can’t go back to sleep because of having to deal with both abusers while on Adderall yesterday. I had thought this for sometime that my inability to pay attention and shut things out and play the roll of an airhead is my way of dealing with the stress and anxiety I get from verbal abuse.
Ung. My ADHD partner has accused me of deliberately gaslighting him, and now interprets many things that I do as self-serving, controlling, and even conniving. It’s getting worse, and it scares me that he and I often remember things so differently. I’ve also just read research on ADHD and memory. Apparently, both short snd long term memory are negatively affected by ADHD. During one of our arguments, I very reluctantly requested that he read that research. (It was painful to discover this, and even worse to tell him about it. I HATE anything that might further undermine his sense of self-worth, which all that does, despite it being totally beyond his control and not an indictment of his actually wonderful character) Of course, whenever I bring up his ADHD, he sees it as an attack, so that went nowhere. I tell him that his arguments have convinced me that my own memory is certainly far from flawless (plenty of research on neurotypical adults makes it clear human memory is highly problematic for everyone, to varying degrees) but he refuses to ever meet me halfway, or even agree to disagree. After 24 years, progress had been very slow and fitful, but now, thanks to his exposure to the idea of gaslighting, he’s fully incorporated that into his idea of who I am. My point, at length, is that the information like that found in this article, while clearly vital, can also cause real problems.
Can someone with adhd be narcissistic as well? My friend’s ex had adhd but had a constant need for attention and as such it was like my friend was in a relationship with someone with adhd and after he gave her everything she pushed him so much he eventually lost his temper and pushed her, she then ended the relationship and got with someone else straight away and said they were in love and within a few months they’re getting married. Edit: she just said yes, a person with adhd can be narcissistic as well
My experience with being in a relationship with someone with ADHD and displaying RSD, was also 100% a gaslighter as I can now confirm after perusal this. I definitely attracted him because I was an easy target to manipulate and control as I really tried to work at the relationship and help him with his ADHD. He accused me of cheating all the time and that I had a secret app on my phone (which I was never even interested in other men) as well as checking my underwear to make sure they weren’t too sexy for when I would go out to see girlfriends, and often commenting on how I looked like a slut for wearing certain outfits. Sometimes ADHD goes hand in hand with gaslighting and manipulation.
Narcissistic rage from a covert narcissist, oh yeah, I know that all too well, and then the stonewalling was a divorce demand phone call & I was tossed out like a napkin. So glad he ended it because I couldn’t fully appreciate who I had truly been with until he left & 6 months later was at it again with someone new. No kids so no contact, & thank goodness, after waking up to the reality of who & what I had spent a decade living was another layer of grief & trauma. Much better now & happily solo 🙂 🙂
I got out of a relationship recently but was due to poor communication skills on my part. Ex told me with me not able to listen and have her repeating herself has raised her anxiety too high she couldn’t take it anymore she also has bipolar disorder aswell. My adhd wasn’t noticed by me till my ex wife pointed it out and then she divorced me because I couldn’t reciprocate emotions. Right now the rsd hurts so bad still hurt been a month now I’ve been getting my adhd treated for pass 6 months now and worked so hard to listen to my ex girlfriend but it wasn’t possible it seems and i basically felt like I was a failure just like I was with my ex wife.. Finally in therapy after waiting on the list for a while now though
My doctor refused to give me medication for ADHD for a decade, I had it from another doctor but he refused to refill– NOW finally, he gave me a script and my life is now moving ahead. MY doctor preferred to watch me fumble around calling me BPD, Bi Polar and simply Not helping me at all– ANY ADVISE?? I WANT TO SUE HIM. Great topic– THANKS FOR THE HELP!
My wife told me when we met she was ADHD she has struggled with highs and lows with everything she does and it has been a rough sex life she can go long periods of time without it then at times she can’t go more than 2 days without it she is very toxic towards me most of the time and for short periods she can be very loving and caring but it doesn’t last long and I feel she has engaged in multiple affairs over the years she goes silent when I ask about the signs she often shows or the tables are suddenly turned on me as the adulterer and no sex for months at a time I am thinking of divorce?
My ex has adhd he would do and say things that hurt me and said I was gaslighting because he couldn’t remember saying or doing those things to me. He couldn’t even remember his promises to me. And I developed Cassandra Syndrome and I spiraled into a terrible person but I felt so neglected and taken advantaged of. I thought he was a narcissist. It was until after the break up I found out he has Aspergers
I feel like I have done some of these actions out of being hurt with my partner, but she did those things to get me on the toxic side, and eventually cheated on me. Being an INFP with adhd, I’m a bit of a lie detector, and was right that she was cheating during the time I accused her of cheating- she was! I think it was a circle of gaslighting? She calls me a loser like me, and in return and I don’t participate with her family and her family when her parent’s came from Mexico. I think In certain cases, both parties are toxic or forcing themselves to be together out of the stigma, “being divorced “. Also, the term narcissist, racist, etc is so so overused now.
Im NT, every time I search the relationship between adhd and toxic relationships it’s always adhd as the victim, why is my ND partner addicted to gaslighting me? And then using those words against me? When I say ‘no I remember this exactly happening’ – he says I’m gaslighting HIM?!?! I have some of the most glaringly toxic examples of what is straight up mental abuse but everything I find talks about them being the victim, its not helping me 😭😭
My adhd ex girlfriend, who I loved dearly and was trying to help with managing her adhd, and I had only one problem and that was her need for attention from other men. There was one particular colleague whose attention she adored and responded to and did not tell about me until the day before he and I met, even though they had known each other for over two months. I over reacted and lost my temper when I saw some article material shared on a group late one night and I sent a couple of angry whatsapp messages breaking up with her. I called the next evening to make things right but she didn’t want to know and said it was over. The previous week she had let at least three men hang all over her (one actually kissing her and proposing intercourse which appeared to make her very happy) at a wedding which had lead me to break up with her. She had begged me to reconsider, apologising and saying such things were part of the process. I accepted as it had made us promise to put boundaries etc in place, for both of us, as we were due to move in together the following month. The following weekend was when she and the colleague got too close for my liking and the Monday late night was when I saw the article footage. I know I over reacted and she knew I loved her and would not abandon her but I had become very insecure in the 10 days leading up to my reaction but she still wouldn’t hear of it. She moved on with someone else (not said colleague) within three weeks of our break up and made sure to not invite the colleague on the next group getaway a couple of weeks into her new relationship as her new boyfriend was there.
My husband has ADHD, recently diagnosed, and he can be very cruel. His emotional disregulation and search for dopamine have come at the expense of the happiness of our marriage. There are days when I hate hime. His diagnosis is not an excuse for poor decision making and the damage it causes. All I hear is how to support the person with ADHD, but where is the support for those that are involved with such people. Are we expected to just suck it up because they have an inabliity to regulate their emotions? Sorry for the rant, I am just frustrated beyond belief
I recently kicked out my ADHD wife because she became increasingly violent with emotions. Not actions, but an “EFF you” attitude. Recently put on 50mg of Vyvanse a day and she became an unmanageable monster. Before the amphetamines she would eventually listen to reason because her emotions would keep her partially grounded. But then she started associating the ups and downs with anxious attachment and started to double down on her ignorance and wouldn’t listen to any sort of reasoning. I’ve yet to encounter a more toxic person than someone who’s brain misfires and who is on amphetamines. Even a narcissist will run away.
They make it seem so easy to get help you just have to ask for it, you also . I get a top-of-the-line psychiatrist severe ADHD. So bad that I will need to be in therapy. I have no money to get treated. I tried to get a therapist and my family doctor work with her he told me it was pseudoscience. . Imagine being so depressed not knowing what’s wrong you, Please I beg of you do your research on ADHD. I can live a happy life fee. Who the fuck cares?? God I wish I had any other mental disorder learning disability whatever the hell you want to call it doctors don’t even want to educate themselves on it. People are committed suicide over this. Then you have doctors that are laughing. Funny and nice. Doctors doctors get on YouTube act like going to help someone. I took all the appropriate test severe ADHD.