In the play Macbeth, Ross expresses doubt about the guilt of the grooms in Duncan’s murder. He believes that the guards had nothing to gain by killing Duncan, as they were supposed to protect the king. Ross doubts that the grooms committed the murder because they had no reason or motivation to do so.
Macduff, a wise and judicious man, is concerned that the old robes may fit easier than the new ones, and that they might end up dead too if they don’t do things carefully from now on. Ross also questions whether a political assassination like the one Macbeth commits is ever justifiable.
In Act 4 Scene 2, Ross tells Lady Macduff that her husband has fled from Scotland, and she is deeply agitated. She demands to know why. Ross’s doubts about accepting the grooms as the murderers stem from his belief that they had nothing to gain from killing the king.
The guards were supposed to protect the king, but Ross believes that they had nothing to gain by killing Duncan. Macduff, concerned that their old robes may fit easier than their new ones, suggests that they should do things secretly from now on or they might be the next to die.
In Act 4, Ross and Angus greet Macbeth, who is now Thane of Cawdor and Macdonald has been put to death for treason. Ross takes the wrong name, not Rachels, and is tasked with drafting a death warrant for the Thane of Cawdor. As a reward for his valor in the wedding, Macbeth is crowned Thane of Cawdor.
📹 TRANSITION DOUBTS
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What does Ross symbolize in Macbeth?
What does Ross symbolize in Macbeth? In the final scenes of the play, Ross, who initially supported Macbeths advancement in the Scottish nobility, fights against and aids in the battle that kills Macbeth. Ross is a symbol of changing loyalty in this play.
How does Ross respond to Lady Macduff’s unhappiness?
Ross’s speech makes Lady Macduff angry at her husband, but he says the country is in a bad situation. In Macbeth’s Scotland, no one can be sure of another’s loyalty or treachery. We are traitors, and we do not know ourselves. We fear things that we do not know. Lady Macduff and her son talk more about her husband’s loyalty. To her, Macduff has been dishonest. But her son, though naive, says the world is full of dishonest men. Another messenger comes in, making the scene more urgent. Once more alone, Lady Macduff thinks about the strange way people act. It’s dangerous to do good, but it’s easy to do bad. The audience should not be surprised at the young boy’s spirited defense against the murderers. His words (Thou liest, thou shag-haired villain) remind us of the indomitable spirit of honor and justice that must ultimately prevail.
Is Ross a villain in Macbeth?
In Macbeth, Ross is not good or evil. Ross is a messenger who delivers messages to noblemen.
Why does Ross tell Macduff that his wife is well?
Ross doesn’t want to tell Macduff that his family was killed. He might have seen them just before. That’s true. He may say they’re at peace because he knows they’re dead. Ross’s statement to Macduff about his family in Macbeth Act 4, Scene 3 is a form of irony. He calls it peace, but Macduff thinks it means safety. This is typical of Shakespeare’s style. It makes the tension worse and shows how people communicate badly. Ross avoids telling the brutal truth to spare Macduff’s feelings and maintain propriety. In Shakespeare’s plays, characters build tension by speaking in wordplay that is true but confusing. Ross knows the peace he experiences is different from what he expected. Ross says they are at peace, but MacDuff thinks they are safe. Shakespeare often writes about how people react to death and misfortune. I think Shakespeare is teasing and flattering his audience, and also showing how hard it is to communicate clearly in extreme situations. Ross’s words fit his character. He doesn’t like violent displays of emotion. He left Lady MacDuff because he didn’t want to embarrass himself. He has a strong sense of honor. He has trouble saying the lines because he doesn’t want MacDuff to be unmanned by his grief.That would embarrass them.
Why does Ross not believe Malcolm and Donalbain?
5.What three things does drinking provoke? Drinking provokes your face to turn red (nose-painting), you to sleep, and pee a lot. 6.How does Lennox describe the night, and what is Macbeths response? Lennox goes into a depth describing of his terrible night, claiming it just foreshadowed more bad nights. Macbeths response was to brushes it off by answering he had a rough night too. 7.What did Macduff discover? Macduff discovered Duncans dead body. 8.What excuse or explanation did Macbeth give for killing the guards (grooms)? What is his real reason? The excuse/explanation Macbeth gave for killing the guards was that he did it out of rage. However, his real reason was too dispose of any possible witnesses to his murder, so no-one could rat him out. 9.Why do Malcolm and Donalbain leave? Malcolm and Donalbain leave because they fear that the murderer will go after them as well, or that theyll be blamed for the crime. 10.Why does Ross not believe Malcolm and Donalbain were responsible for Duncans murder? Ross does not believe Malcolm and Donalbain were responsible for Duncans murder because it knows its not something they would do, he claims it to be against their nature.
Who is referred to as Bellona’s bridegroom and why?
Ans: Bellona is the goddess of war in classical mythology. In this extract, Shakespeare calls Macbeth Bellona’s bridegroom. He wants to show that Macbeth is likeable to Bellona because he’s a warlike man.
What does Ross do in Act 4 Scene 3?
Macduff and Malcolm meet in England and plan to overthrow Macbeth and take back their kingdom. Malcolm is a little suspicious of Macduff, so he tries to find out if the thane is loyal to Scotland. Macduff proves himself loyal, and the two of them join ten thousand troops to take down Macbeth. Ross arrives and says Macduff’s family died, but many people in Scotland want to fight Macbeth with him. Macduff vows revenge and decides to return to Scotland to kill Macbeth.
What is the rumor about Malcolm and Donalbain?
Macduff joins them to say that Malcolm and Donalbain are accused of bribing the servants who killed Duncan. Macduff says that Macbeth is now king. Ross goes to Scone for Macbeth’s coronation, but Macduff stays at his castle in Fife. Macduff finds Malcolm at the English court and urges him to attack Macbeth. Malcolm thinks Macduff is working for Macbeth to lure Malcolm to his death in Scotland. Malcolm tests Macduff and finds him sincere. He reveals that Edward has sent troops to invade Scotland. Ross then arrives with the news of Macduff’s family being killed. Macduff is grief-stricken, but he follows Malcolm’s advice and decides to avenge himself on Macbeth.
MALCOLM1754 Let us seek out a dark place and weep. MACDUFF1756 Let us hold fast to the mortal sword and, like good men, rule our kingdom.Each new morning, widows weep, orphans cry, and sorrows strike heaven. That sounds like it feels with Scotland, and it is a syllable of sorrow. MALCOLM What I believe, I’ll wail; what I know, believe; and what I can redress, I’ll do.You may be right. This tyrant, whose name is a curse, was once honest. You loved him.He hasn’t touched you yet. I’m young, but I know something. You may deserve him through me. Wisdom is to offer up a weak, poor, innocent lamb to appease an angry god. MACDUFF. I’m not treacherous. MALCOLM. But Macbeth is.A good and virtuous nature may recoil in an imperial charge. I ask for your pardon. I cannot transpose my thoughts. Angels are bright, though the brightest fell. Though all things foul would wear the brow of grace, grace must still look so. MACDUFF: I have lost my hopes.MALCOLM1785 I found my doubts here.Why did you leave your wife and child? Those precious motives, those strong knots of love. Without leave-taking? I pray you, let not my jealousies be your dishonors. You may be right, whatever I shall think. MACDUFF: Bleed, bleed, poor country!Great Tyranny, 1794. For goodness’ sake, don’t check the e. What about your 1795 wrongs? The title is offered. Farewell, lord. I would not be the villain that you think I am. For the whole space that the tyrant controls, and the rich East too. MALCOLM. Ben toffended.I don’t fear you. I think our country is sinking under the yoke. It weeps, it bleeds, and each new day adds another wound. I think with all my heart.
What message does Ross give to Malcolm?
He tells Malcolm to go back to Scotland, and lists the problems that have happened since Macbeth became king. Malcolm says he’ll return with ten thousand soldiers from the English king. Ross tells Macduff that Macbeth killed his wife and children.
What is the purpose of the conversation between Ross and the old man?
Ross and the old man talk about strange weather and animal behavior in Act 2, Scene 4. This makes Macbeth’s ascension to the throne seem dangerous.
What does Ross mean when he calls Macbeth Bellona’s bridegroom?
What does Ross mean when he calls Macbeth Bellona’s bridegroom? Bellona was a goddess of war. Ross calls Macbeth a god of war.
What question does Ross ask that indicates he doubts the groom?
Ross asks if the Grooms-Well trust was betrayed. This question shows Ross is unsure about the groom’s involvement in the murder.
📹 Ross Learns The Truth About Rachel | Friends | Max
When Ross stops by Rachel and Monica’s apartment to borrow some old cat toys, he accidentally discovers that Rachel has …
Look it’s like somebody coming up to you and being like, HEY YOU WON THIS AND THAT COMPETITION AND YOU WON A TRIP TO HAWAII, DO YOU WANNA GO? RN!! DECIDE QUICKLY! Like yes obviously, a vacation would be fun. But what if you just can’t go because of family? What if you don’t like being on the other side of the world completely alone? You have medical issues and simply can’t go? You’re in a financial crisis? What if you won’t be happy because you’ll be homesick, even though you know you’ll love it there? You love vacation but you’re still questioning. And that doesn’t make you invalid, that makes you fucking human.
Hiya Chase (TW: trans-ignorance), I started transition at 25 so I’d say it’s clear that I had a period of doubt before then. What I find can be particularly frustrating in regards to this is that the seed of doubt is often planted by others and then those people treat doubt as proof of not being trans. I’m still waiting on HRT/Surgery and some of the most regular phrases I hear when talking about it are;- “You better be certain because that is a permanent decision” “Are you sure you are trans and not just a feminine man” “Oh I could never put myself through something like that. Choosing to go under the knife.” “How do you know for sure that you are transgender?” “Couldn’t you just dress like a woman. Why should you be putting drugs into yourself?” “Everyone is unhappy with their body. You need to accept yourself not get surgery.” They don’t understand what they are saying and they are saying things that make me anxious about transition. People shouldn’t plant doubts and then use those doubts in an attempt to erase the person’s identity. The fact is that some people need surgery/surgeries and/or hormones… Some people don’t. We are all valid. 🦄❤️🌸🌼
i had huge doubts in the beginning specifically because everyone preaches about transtrenders. i recognize that some can exist, but i still hate that word. i still hate the concept. it scares the people who really think they are trans. they’re new in the community and extremely doubtful of themselves because they think people will point fingers at them and tell them they are joining a trend. i thought it for months before i realized what dysphoria was and how i constantly have it. so yeah. surprised you didn’t mention the fear of being “transtrender” in this vid.
Oof perfect timing I came out to my dad this weekend, I expected an awful reaction but it went pretty well. But after coming out I felt this weird feeling? Like not a good one but an indescribable one. Which of course made doubts, especially as I didn’t find anyone talking about it. – this has been a rant
I seriously needed this. I haven’t allowed myself to even look into transitioning due to doubting and fear. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t really trans I was just confused or that I just hated myself. But the more I’ve ignored it the more my depression and dysphoria worsened. It’s been almost a year and I’m just now beginning to accept myself. The doubts are still there, but I’m not allowing myself to hide away like I did before. For the first time I’m reaching out for help (mental health) and looking into transitioning.
Thanks for the article, I really needed this. I think I’m a transboy, because I feel “manly” and I want to be seen as a boy almost all the time. But sometimes I’m ok with being called a girl and I don’t know if I really want to live my life as a man. Although this rarely happens and if it does, just for a short period of time (like five minutes), it makes me question my identity so much.
Thank you so so much for this article, Chase. I’ve delayed my transition for almost 6 years now because of doubts. This emotional aspect of being trans is never talked about and it made me feel so isolated, like I wasn’t trans enough for having a mentally hard time with trusting myself. My parents are super emotionally and financially abusive, I have ptsd, and adhd which all turn into one giant cocktail of my brain constantly refusing to let me go on t because “what if I’m not trans”. I’ve always appreciated the openness and honesty of your articles. They’re what has helped me survive these 6 confusing and painful years in my life. I really want to make my YouTube website now and discuss my story because this aspect of doubt and emotions around being trans NEEDS to be discussed more.
This was so helpful! I really needed this. Do you have any tips on dealing with “What if” thoughts? (Examples: “What if I’ll never fit in among other guys?” “What if I regret transitioning?” “What if I feel worse after transitioning?”) It sucks, because I’m quite sure of myself right now, but you can’t look into the future. So any tips for dealing with this would be great!
I’ve been perusal your and other ftm articles for about 2 years now, thinking about my gender more and more, pretty much every day now. I find myself wondering if I could grow a bear if I went on T and if I’d like how it would feel, how I would look if I had top surgery, how my new name would fit with my last name, being euphoric anytime I’m read as male….YET I don’t allow myself to say I’m trans. There are so many doubts that keep coming back again and again. That I couldn’t possibly be trans because I should have known my whole life that I wasn’t a girl. I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t have liked wearing dresses when I was in kindergarden . That I should have known when puberty hit that something was wrong and why. That I should have expressed and felt, what I seem to feel so strongly now, at a much younger age, and that I should have had huge amounts of body dysphoria throught my life. But I didn’t. I hadn’t. It’s so exhausting, because there has been this ongoing battle in the back of my mind for 2 years now, and I’m not out to anyone yet…not even myself apparently. Is anybody else struggeling the same thoughts and this back and forth?
Great article! Questioning myself helped me figure things out. I grew up knowing that I was meant to be a girl but I didn’t realize until my 20s that transitioning was even an option. Like whoa, I can live my life as a woman and I don’t have to continue wearing this icky guy costume that doesn’t fit me. So I guess my doubts were not even being trans but more so whether or not being trans was even a thing because I didn’t have the language to describe myself when I was younger. Questioning things more intensely prompted me to dig deeper and deeper but getting to that point of being comfortable questioning wasn’t easy.
Thank you Chase! Tomorrow I’ll have top surgery. Everyone expects me to be happy and looking forward. But I’m terrified. On the one hand for the mere fact of having major surgery, on the other hand for the fact of giving up what I have known for the last 20 years and jumping into the uncertain. 2,5 years on T now, I definitely thought well about it. Having doubts now is ok. Deep down it’s still the right decision.
CHASE, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! This came at the perfect time in my life. I needed to hear this so bad and listening to you helped me re-affirm my identity as a trans man. I didn’t ever really want bottom surgery, I’ve always appreciated feminine things, and I’m attracted to mostly men; So I doubted being trans very often, and rationalized that I couldn’t be trans if I wasn’t the stereotype of a trans male. But your articles, especially this one, helped me realize who I was. I’m forever grateful to you!! I hope you realize the massive positive impact you’ve had on so many baby trans people finding their way! Thank you much!
Thank you Chase! This is the article I needed right now! I’ve known for ever that I was a boy inside, but my family is so closed minded that I just hid it and told myself that it was going to pass, but since a year and a half I just can’t keep up with it and your articles helped me a lot figuring myself and become less and less transphobic towards myself. I came out to my parents last month and since then I had so much doubts! “I might not have to do this, maybe I can still live as is and I don’t have to transition” or “what if I tell everyone that I’m trans, but I finally decide not to do it?” “I am surrounded by close minded people, what if they all reject me?” But that article gave me confidence. I am doubting because it’s one hell of a change and there is a lot of risk, but all of this is normal and shouldn’t make me doubt my identity. Thanks again, you’re awesome, keep up the good work!
I legit thought I was the only one having doubts, I mostly doubt myself because being trans is just so rare I sometimes think there’s no way I’m in that small group of people, but at the same time dysphoria is shooting me in the heart with a ak-47 every time I look at my feminine features. Is anyone else like this?
i know i need to transition because my dysphoria worsens every day, but transitioning is really scary to me. i have a lot of doubts because it feels like i’ll disappoint people and leave behind some parts of me that i wont be able to recover and lose completely. I know its something that I need and really want, but it feels like abandoning the life i’ve shaped and nurtured thus far. thank you for this article. i really needed validation. <333
For the past year and a half I thought I was non binary because I didn’t think I was trans but everything lately has been clicking into place. Like last July my great grandpa was having a party and my cousin kept calling me he and him and it made me so happy. I came out to my parents today and I feel so comfortable with myself now.
The thing is (I’m pre-t while typing this by the way) I’m not the one in Denial, my family is. They say stuff to me like “oH wElL mAyBe yOuR hOrMoNeS aRe aLl oVeR tHe pLaCe bEcAuSe yOu’Re sO uNhEaLtHy” and other stupid stuff like “yOu sHoUlD hAvE a rEaSoN tO eXpLaIn wHy yOu fEeL tHiS wAy”. Once, I’m moderately healthy, and two, it’s pretty hard to explain the feeling of not having the right kind of body when you wake up or when you look at yourself in the mirror. I’m glad I found this article because as of recent I’ve been starting to doubt myself a little, but I try to push it aside and ignore it for the most part. I’m just really glad I’m not alone in this situation and there’s other people who make articles like this to help with trans babs such as myself. 💙
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I came out to myself about a year ago and have slowly been coming to the people around me since then. Recently, I’v been struggling with accepting myself, and more so, accepting the process of transition. This brought on anxiety and doubt, which made me question my identity all together at times. I haven’t told a soul about those doubts because I fear I will lose credibility. All that to say, this topic is important for that exact reason. We need to know its okay to doubt and work through all of these emotions, and still feel and be seen as valid. <3
I’m currently in a “I have know idea what to do” phase : I’m not on T because I’m not sure that I want to be because I think I don’t need it and all this process and all that it brings is stuck in my head so thank you very much ! This article made me so happy while I was perusal it because listenning to someone tell that “it is okay to not know what to do and what is needed at the time” is so comforting !
I needed this article, it expresses what I can not. I’ve dealt with internalized transphobia for years. I was raised Christian and I fully expect to lose people but I know I’m not the only one who is going through this. It helps to have trans people with bigger platforms, it personally helps me feel more comfortable with me.
Transition doubts are normal and part of it all. It is totally okay to have doubts and I believe it is all part of the transition process. I’m 44 and recently started my transition (1st shot of T Apr 24, 2018). I’ve known since I was 7 that I wanted to be a boy. However, growing up in the era I did and the strongly religious family I was born into, I never had a chance to do anything about the desire to be a boy, or even consider transitioning. Now that I’ve started my transition, I still have doubts, though I can truly tell you that I have never felt more comfortable with myself than I do now. Doubts are totally normal and we do need to talk more about the emotional side of the transition process.
Also I recently decided that whilst I will likely have my first GIC appointment within the next few months, I am not ready to transition. As soon as I even entertained the idea of delaying full time/legal/medical transition it felt like such a weight off my shoulders. Between dealing with my Ulcerative Colitis (that is, ignoring it as much as poss and not actually managing it much beyond taking meds – whoops), sorting finances out and my mental health I just cannot deal with the instability and change. My head was getting so f’ing noisy every time I tried to think about ‘ok but if I change my name that will affect my work because some clients won’t want a male carer and others will be confused/ask questions when I turn up with a new name, but then I have payments that come out on my current payday but what if I can’t time leaving old job and starting a new one right and delay in new wage/first full wage of new job means some payments don’t go through and what if I can’t get the hours suited to my health needs without losing the income level I am used to and what if it is customer facing and I have a male name tag but don’t bind cause my body can’t take it day in day out, what if i hate the job and what about moving out of my mum’s house’. It honestly felt like such a relief to realise “I am only rushing it because I want to show ‘him’ (another fave person of mine) that I changed my name when I see him again in July so he can be proud of me” (he was the first people after my friends that I came out to ‘properly’) and “I am only doing it because the clinic will want to see that I am serious about it” but I talked to some people on the clinic’s unofficial fb group including one who went in ‘full female mode’ and still got their diagnosis, long before changing their name or even coming out to many folk and it helped me realise that they only care what I feel not how I present or what I have done.
This may sound stupid but, I keep doubting myself when I see all these people talking about how they get so emotional over there gender dysphoria, Like how they can’t even look at themselves. That’s not me at all, I can look at myself an not think completely horrible thoughts. For me, I hate my name, It doesn’t feel right for me, And I constantly question myself on whether I would be happier as a male, Because let’s face the facts, I don’t have very high self-confidence, I think that my chest is HUGE, And that makes me self-conscious, But I continue to think, What if I got over all these things and regret it all. My main point here is I don’t know if you would call what I have dysphoria or just low self-esteem… * Sorry for the rant, Sometimes ya need to get it all off your chest… *
This is so important and I’m glad you’re bringing light to this! I totally agree that the representation of trans people in the media has a lot to do with self-doubt. Transness is portrayed as something HUGE and as if medical transition were the only goal in the trans person’s life. Of course being trans is a big part of our life but we’re all complex people so that makes real trans people not be able to relate to the trans characters in the media, so they think they might not be trans. Here’s a tip for trans (including trans non-binary) or questioning people: try to actually MEET trans people. Go to a a trans youth group, LGBTQ groups, etc. It’s much easier to relate to an actual human being than a trans character whose script was written by a cis screenwriter.
One of my “doubt” is the hair Am i going to loose my hair Or is it the same as like in cis men where if your fathers and mothers side of like males have a good head of hair you probably wont loose hair or theres a bigger chance of you not loosing your hair I literally ponder about this the most when it comes to being trans.
Thaaaank you for this! I was back and forth over this for so long with pretty much no one to talk to about it. I am so relieved to know that this is a normal feeling. I think we get sold the whole “I’ve know I was trans since I was 2” kind of narrative, and while that’s totally valid and it’s great that some people feel that way and get the help they need I think it’s become the default for many people, cis and trans, that it’s considered the only “real” way. I only started questioning my gender identity when I was 18 and it’s really difficult because I always feel like people aren’t taking me seriously. This goes double when your trying to explain non-binary to people too. Im also so glad that you’ve talked so much about taking time to think about what you really needed for your transition! It’s helped me so much in figuring out what I need. Thank you, Chase! Xx
Omg, Chase. I’m so glad you made a article about this. I’ve had doubts through my entire transition even though I knew what I needed. No one talked about the emotional side of transition so I thought there was something really wrong with me. The worst time was right before and after my top surgery. I was terrified and felt so alone. Thank you so much for making articles like you do. You’ve helped me so much. It’s like I finally have a friend that understands even if it’s through a article.
Thank you so much for talking about this it’s such an important subject. I’m at the very beginning of my transition and the doubts do come but the scariest part about having doubts, for me, is the thought of listening to them and saying like “oh no I’m not actually trans” and stopping everything and being completely miserable because those doubts are fear based, not truth based. 💚
I have been literally losing sleep on and off in turmoil since I was a kid. I’m in my mid-twenties now, but I never even knew that transitioning was an option until I was an adult. You talking about these experiences has made me feel so much better and I didn’t realize how much shame and guilt I was holding in while going back and forth like this. Basically, thank you for being you and for sharing your experiences. I wish that more people talked about this so that people going through things like this knew that they had people they could go to.
Damn chase. Yes. Two years ago I started going to therapy and my therapist wanted to discuss my trans things (she’s lgbt positive as shit). But then I went on a date and stopped even calling myself trans. That date led to engagement a year down the road. And I’m getting married in two months. I mean I still get dysphoric as hell though. Sometimes I’m ok with my body as is. But nights like tonight I put on my chest binder and pull out my packer. And damn it feels validating as shit. I mean my fiancé knows. He isn’t comfortable with it. But I love him so damn much and I do want to be with him. I guess I’m afraid I’ll never experience my full trans self. My masculine soul.
Thank you Chase! I’m having top surgery on the 23 May 2018, and unfortunately can’t have foreign objects on my body so can’t do bottom surgery, I hate that if you don’t get “lower or bottom” surgery you’re not truly trans!! It’s not another “put it into a box” or “put a label on it” thing!!! It’s not right!!! My physical body rejects anything foreign, any implant, clamp, clip or stitch left behind is an all out WAR! There are so many “in between” genders that lets everyone do what they want, and how they want, to the extent they want! Only YOU know what you need and want! BLESS EVERYONE FOR WHO YOU ARE!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE! I literally had my partner tell me “I won’t lie, it’s going to be difficult for me.” But, isn’t real acceptance NOT difficult for both parties? If I’m wrong, go ahead, leave a comment for me! I love you Chase, you’re a great person, and am SO GLAD you’re on here!!! You’re my FIRST YOUTUBE SUB!!!! 😉 I’ve had hysto, double oophorectomy, reduction and now getting top surgery this week! 23 May!! I’m done with surgery after this, lower surgery is not in my realm of possibilities as of now, it’s not “what I want” so to speak. I want real, not gizmos, stretching, implants ETC. I want to be real or nothing. I wish there was “parts exchange” but for now that’s not easy! My LGBTQ+ group we always talk/tease about “trading parts, hair growth” and make light of it, just to be able to exchange is a fantasy, but in reality, it would be awesome; but not feasible.
All my mom’s “But you never showed any signs” and “You were influenced by the internet” and “You were so feminine” don’t help. She’s like super supportive until it comes to me wanting to pursue a physical transition. I said that I wanted to consult a gender therapist and both my parents got like so uncomfortable and my mom’s like “The effects are irreversible, there are so many detransitioners, etc” and i was like “That’s what the gender therapist is FOR!!” Also she constantly says im destroying my body and that if SHE were trans she would find a different way of dealing with dysphoria and it just makes me fear surgery despite crippling dysphoria. She doesn’t know what gender dysphoria is like and im tired of her acting like im being fussy or overdramatic when i don’t want to wear or do something bc it’s dysphoria inducing
I needed this article so much. I was researching about going on T yesterday and I can’t do shots so I would go on gel and even that seemed so scary to me. And I felt like I was suddenly doubting everything about my nonbinary identity. And with top surgery…I don’t even know where to start. It scares me a lot. But I want it. But it scares me xD
i’m a cis lesbian woman and i’m honestly not sure if i’m trans. i have been thinking about it for the last few years and i just started perusal your website. i’m not sure as i only recently came out as lesbian (i was in denial for years most likely because of internalized homophobia) i bought a packer that you reviewed just to see how i feel about it because sometimes i notice i have top and bottom dysphoria. thank you for making these articles chase i love you and your website and i’m glad this article has helped so many people including myself 🙂 (sorry for rambling and kinda being everywhere with this comment i just don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and i don’t know anyone who is trans or would understand this sort of thing)
The thing for me is that coming to realize that you are trans is fucking huge. I was 19 when I first came to understand that I was trans and it wasn’t a very gradual thing. The past couple of years have been so overwhelming with coming out, getting my name changed, getting on hormones. Coming out as trans, people seem to think I know exactly who I am now, I am trans, that is it, its been solidified. I have received so much support and I’m forever grateful for it but I feel a pressure (from myself as well) to not have doubts and be confident. Idk its kind of hard to explain but this article made me feel a lot better about how I’ve been feeling recently.
This is so on point. The emotional side of being trans. I have spent so long questioning my being trans and then trying to get hormones that a lot of the time my emotions were put to one side. I’m now on hormones and suddenly like wtf with the truck load of feelings and emotions that have been unleashed because I’m not currently fighting to get what I need to transition and I’m now just experiencing what I’ve been working towards.
I started T this week (last Friday, to be precise), got kicked in the mouth by dysphoria yesterday (Wednesday), and clicked this article today (Thursday). Thank you. SIDE NOTE: Having doubts about thr medical aspect of transition is so completely acceptable – these are potentially dramatic processes and procedures. Hesitation on something that could be completely life changing is so incredibly normal.
Thank you for this article, I’ve mostly transitioned socially at work and with friends. And lately I’ve been looking into starting HRT i want to start so bad but I’ve been letting fear and doubts hold me back. I don’t know any trans people in my real life I also grew up with a homophobic father so a lot of times I’ll tell myself in my head that “I can’t be trans” or “Being trans isn’t real” or “I’m just making all this up” and I know it’s not true it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my gender since I was 3 years old. I’m just struggling to get past it and move forward. I have my first laser appointment March 1 so I’m hoping once I start that it will make me feel good enough to go make my appointment for Hrt
I’m going through the same stuff…. Transitioning at such an older age people just don’t get it….. “but you have lived your whole life and NOW you think you are a man? WTF.” … then there is “what mental changes will I put my kids through”…. I’ve been back and forth in my head for what seems months of should I proceed or just stay as I am…… however yesterday I sent off my paperwork for my legal name change and I feel so great and empowered that if that is what I feel like after sending in mail what will I feel like if I take the next step! Who-raw transition here I come! Yea that’s today… hope I’m this brave tomorrow! 😬 keep doing these articles Chase—ie-poo 🤣
Thank you for this article! I’m going to start physically transitioning in a few months and mentally preparing to go hormones has been a ride. The fact that some of the changes testosterone does are permanent really stresses me out. I know I need to transition but at the same the back of my brain keeps telling me that there’s a small change that I’m wrong. Doubting myself has made me feel like I’m not trans enough and this article gave me the language that I needed to deal with those feelings. Thank you for talking about this topic!
Hi Chase, thank you so much for this article. It really put my thoughts into words and it was extremely validating. One thing I would like to see talked about is people who haven’t known their whole lives that they were trans, but realized it later in life about themselves. It’s a really scary thing making a realization at 26 years old that the lifetime of being bullied, having anger issues, eating disorders, drug use, reckless behaviour, all stems from the fact that i couldn’t let loose and learn to be me. I know I’m definitely not alone in this experience and if you haven’t done a article on this, it would be nice to see this discussion happen.
I am a cis female and I watch your articles to educate myself to be better at being there for the people close to me I have the upmost respect for trans people and I just want to be there and understand as much as I can because I understand it can be difficult and seeing people being themselves makes me so so happy 💜💚 I love your website!
Omg thank you so much for talking about this Chase ! I would love to hear more discussion about this because I struggle with aspects of this topic a lot and think the same thing that since I doubt medical transition & sometimes don’t know what to do to feel comfortable in my body (for myself) I thought I wasn’t trans & non binary enough 😭😭 or thought I wasn’t trans & nonbinary at all…it’s such a good feeling to see I’m not alone and it’s completely normal what I’m feeling.
Thank you so much for bringing light to this topic. I’m getting top surgery soon and am experiencing so much anxiety and nervousness and doubt. It has honestly had me in a state of constant anxiety because I felt like I wasn’t trans enough. I haven’t heard many trans guys talk about this so I don’t feel as alone
Perfect article !!! thanks for talking abt this, Chase ! It’s so relieving to know that these feelings are normal lol i thought i was just me thinking “am i even trans”. It’s hard to decide if i want to transition medically/socially w these doubts. Complicated even more by the fact that im non-binary so idk if hormones/ surgery would end up swinging my dysphoria in the opposite direction. I think ive decided to chill for now. I’m still young & if i get to 40 & think “yeah i think i want to transition” then i can ! and i think i’m ok with that.
Thank you for articles like these! I’m not trans, but my partner is, and getting different insight from different people I think helps me understand more of what she goes through and will go through in the future. I know there are things that I will never be able to fully comprehend because I’m not living it and it’s just a perspective I can’t say I have, but anything that helps me help her is amazing. Thank you thank you thank you for being so open about everything! I’m sure it helps many trans people but it also helps people like me. 😛
I think a huge part of why some people doubt transitioning so much is because they’re told that in order to be a ‘real’ transgender person, they have to at least take hormones and transition visually to the gender they feel like they are, but this excludes all the people who maybe don’t have as severe dysphoria and actually really like their bodies the way they are and feel okay with the body they were born with. I’m a cis woman and my boyfriend is a trans guy. He’s been living as a guy for over seven years now and he’s not on hormones, nor has he had any surgery. He feels like a boy and when he looks in the mirror, he sees the body of a boy (even though it’s technically the body of a biological female). He doesn’t want to have to change what he loves about himself, just to be accepted as a ‘valid’ trans person by other people. This kind of story or trans perspective is never really talked about, but I do know some trans women and trans men who don’t want to transition at all for a variety of reasons. I wanted to share this perspective in case anyone else feels the same as my partner.
I love this article. I’m 15 years old and 2 years ago I came out as ftm. I definitely struggle a lot with accepting myself and doubts, but in the end I always get dysphoria and realize I need hormones and surgery to be happy. Ive always felt this pressure that I have to know who i am. But you don’t. Take ur time. You gotta do you what makes u happy and comfortable with yourself
Thank you so much for this article Chase, I found out and actually accepted I’m trans not so long ago and I’ve been through the “I am but maybe I’m not really” and it was driving me crazy cause I trully thought that because I wasn’t 100% sure then it must have been something else, I thought I may have been doing it for attention to “to be cool” or whatever some people say… And I was scared of coming out cause I didn’t want to back up and have people telling me I was lying or just stupid… This article means so so much and I’m 100% sure I’ll show this vid to my mom when I come out cause it will help with her view of “if you are you know” that isn’t true for everyone… Anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
I don’t know what to say about that article. The last few minutes really really resonated with me. I’m still trying to figure things out and I have no idea what I’m doing and I am honestly completely and totally terrified to figure it out. I have been pushing my feelings away for so long because they didn’t feel valid or like you said”not trans enough” like I have to fit in a stereotypical box. I’m just so scared that if or when I figure this out, what will change? I’m so scared of change. I’m so scared of this. And I have absolutely no idea why. I just wish it was an easy decision. But thank you so so so so so much for this. This is actually the first article I have watched as I just recently found out about you from my fiancé. But I think this was the perfect one for me to see. Again thank you. You are amazing and you are adorable!
This is super duper validating for me to hear, and I resonate with it a lot. I’ve been waffling back and forth for eight damn years about whether I should go on hormones or not, and it’s a comfort to hear that this is normal. I want desperately to have more androgynous features and have bad bottom dysphoria, but there are aspects of my body that I do love, and I’m so afraid of losing the progress I’ve made in learning to love my body by “trading” features, I guess? It took me so long to stop pulling my hair so much and I don’t have bald spots anymore like I did as a kid — but what if testosterone takes it all away from me? I would love to have a squarer jaw and easier time gaining muscle and bottom growth, but what about myself that I’ve worked hard on to love disappear in the process? It’s big shit, and I’m glad I’m not alone.
oh my god, thank you so much for talking about this, Chase! I’m a nonbinary person currently in the process of trying to get booked for top surgery, and I’ve been having so many doubts about this decision. It’s been a back and forth with myself for months. In a way I’m glad that I have this long time to really digest this decision but also anxious because it’s not happening fast enough?? Either way, this article really resonated with me so much! Thank you <3
Really needed this article. I got my first gender clinic appointment date a couple of weeks ago and I got so scared I cancelled it almost as soon as it was offered to me. I have a lot of similar issues with having control and agency over my body and medically transitioning kinda feels like giving up control and that’s terrifying to me, but having that immediate fear reaction to something I’d been looking forward to for so long made me start seriously questioning my identity and whether I had just imagined being trans that whole time. I haven’t. Our fear doesn’t make us less trans, we still deserve to get hormones and surgery (if you want that! not everyone transitions in the same way) even when we’re afraid. It’s really reassuring to hear other trans people talking about their experiences with self-doubt and fear, to hear that it’s okay and that things can get better. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!! Though this article is already really old haha
I will add that I watched your article about fear of transition so many times just as I was about to get hormones and even when I first started them. You have consistently been my go to person in my transition because I literally had no one. I know I’m trans but having no one to talk about this stuff with is hard because of what you say in this article, I don’t want comments from others who may take my fears and concerns as me not really being trans. It’s hard enough without those opinions.
I’m feeling really down today and I wanted to hear from someone further on in their journey (you’re my fav role model) :). As I was perusal this an idea struck me that would help A lot of people I think. Can you do a article just about getting through the hard times, that we can do it and were all loved? I would really like to hear a article like that coming from u. It would mean a lot.
Honestly thank you so much for making this article. It took me so long to come out as trans because I was constantly doubting myself, wondering if I was actually trans or just kinda going with it, at the time I was dating another trans guy and I tried talking to him about it but I think he was lucky enough to not have them. Anyway, I identified as non-binary for about a year because I thought that would make it easier but honestly it felt wrong. Eventually I came out as trans not even a year ago and, while I still have a lot of doubts, I feel more me, it feels right. I think that one of the things that was making me doubt myself was that I’m a massive hypochondriac and believed I had asthma for 2 years (I just have breathing problems due to my anxiety and being overweight) and I started believing that I only thought I was trans because I knew people who were. My gran still thinks that but I’m pretty much in a place right now where I know I’m a guy, I know I’m trans, my family is making an effort to call me Matthew and use he/him pronouns, and I feel like hormones is something I need to do (currently on waiting list for the GIC), I’m not sure about surgery yet but one thing at a time. I still have doubts but this feels right. I might not have the most masculine personality or whatever but who cares. Fuck gender rolls. You do you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I’m so glad you made this article Chase. I need this talk. I questioned myself for a very long time. I think I mostly did cos I didn’t fully understand. I’m 44 and I am trans/ non binary/ queer. I just recently started coming out to a few ppl. I’m always scared they won’t understand or want to. I doubted myself cos I didn’t feel 100% male or female so I just was like, I guess I’m just confused. Now I know different though from mostly perusal you but others too. I also have doubts cos ppl will tell me, oh you can’t be that or feel like that. I grew up as a Christian so ppl would say, That’s just “wrong ” so feel that way. I know different now. I still have doubts and I’m not where I want to be yet but I will get there. I will find ppl that will help me.
This helped me so much because I’m feeling this so much right now. I told my friends yesterday to use he/him pronouns for me and had a discussion with them about name stuff and how I’m not sure about the name change even though I’ve had a name picked out for almost a year I’m just having a lot of trouble committing to changing it because I’ve always gone by Grace and that’s what’s comfortable and familiar. Also I had a doctor’s appointment and talked to the doctor about being trans which brought up a lot of questions for me. I have so many doubts but I know I’m trans and this article makes me feel so much better.
3:35-3:41 was a revelation for me, and you’re completely right. When I had doubts, I didn’t actually doubt my identity; I doubted my judgment that realized my identity. I didn’t trust how I could know if I was trans or not, because it was all just feelings inside my head. I only knew I was trans when I had evidence that took a physical manifestation. Like when I cut my hair.
I have really started to love perusal your articles because theyre all so down to earth. I feel like i’m not trans because I have sooo many doubts, one of the main ones is that noone will think anything of me (mainly my family as I have no friends…) because there is very few girls and I feel like them seeing me as a girl is the only thing that makes me special, but then on the other hand I dont want to be one of the girls. Another doubt I have, although its more of a fear really, but being trans etc it all makes me embarrased and I dont feel like Id be comfortable transitioning in front of my family which makes me think, well if I really was trans then i should be wanting to transition no matter what. I dont know if these even make any sense nor do I know why im commenting these but it feels good to get them off my chest and know that well respected trans people, such as you Chase, have had doubts too, it makes me feel less alone and ‘normal’ to a certain extent. So yeah… ramble over… honestly your articles are great man and I really really do hope you make more like these. Thanks Chase for everything, also you look great, I am well jealous of your hair mate man.
To this day, even being post top surgery, I still feel a type of way about having had to go through so much to be more comfortable in my own skin. it sucks I needed surgery, but I have honestly grown so much from it, and dont take things for granted as much. Im still finding my way, and my journey has been more u orthodox im still doubting if i want HRT, Like i want it but i dont feel ready. but i will find my way and whats right for me.
When I first discovered that I’m trans I was very overwhelmed by all these new terms, identities, options. I was only 13. When I came out to my therapist she immediately asked if I wanted hormones and surgery. I was scared and overwhelmed so I said no. 5 years later I know that hormones and sugery are the way to go for me, and they have changed my life. It’s okay to be scared, it’s a lot of information to process. Take your time to figure yourself out!
You make such a good point here on the stigma that being trans inherently means your life is crap. I work for a conservative company. I get paid a decent wage. I have been married for 6 years, together for 12…. Still together even after I came out. My friends, family and coworkers have been supportive. I was able to get access to health care without gatekeeping, but safety protocols in place. Being trans doesn’t mean that your experience will be tragic. If it is or isn’t tragic, BE VISIBLE. #wearehere
In a way, I had my doubt that I am trans, maybe cause I don’t have heavy body dysphoria and more social dysphoria now that on social media I perceive myself as male and feel great and get uncomfortable when called a girl. I’m going to be a year since coming out as trans. I have been questioning since 2016 and still am.
i been following u, ty, and stef for years.. i would always comment things crying about how i could never come out.. im out and im planning on starting t within a month or so.. with the support of all my family.. im very shocked still, even tho its been like 7/8 months since i came out. but im… getting doubts? its so strange.. yet other times i know what i want.. its strange. not sure what more to say. but im glad this article is up so soon to the time i plan on starting t
For me it’s more ‘I can’t be this because I am too feminine ‘ even though I’ve always experienced discomfort over having secondary female characteristics.I like makeup and dresses, I guess, and it makes me think that I’m just being a whiny cis person who never accepted puberty. It’s hard to accept this part of me. I’m also asexual which makes me question if I just associate certain reproductive traits with femaleness, and that is wrong, and I am just being sexist, blah blah blah. It has also historically made me very jealous of and skeptical towards nonbinary people (less so the ‘obivously trans’ -note the quotation marks for being major problematic ) . Because I doubt myself …And it manifests onto them, even if we are both struggling with this. Because I think ‘maybe I’m just a whiny cis…maybe it’s normal for people to have these issues even if they are cis…maybe I am trying to be a special snowflake, etc, etc’ despite feeling this way for 10 damn years + I would also much more be nonbinary or agender than a transmale …I dunno it feels like I never attached myself to my body’s sexual characteristics, and I don’t know what to do about it. But imagining the opposite sex’s characteristics doesn’t feel right either …(though I do like male chests better) . Sorry for the mini-paragraph. Thanks Chase for being so awesome. Also sorry for making ths comment all about my self confessions and not about the content of the article specifically, but I feel the need to vent and often feel very very alone about this.
As a cis-human I relate to this feeling with sexuality. If you identify with anything that doesn’t “conform” to societies view on “normal” – you have doubts. For me I doubted I was bisexual for YEARS because of most of the reasons you stated. I also dangerously doubted my depression for similar reasons. You’re right in the fact cis people will never know how trans people feel, I’m glad there’s a platform people can speak out on to educate others but personally I feel like the emotions are easily relatable. I don’t think personally I would ever question another person’s identity because it’s theirs …not mine? Like how can you question how someone else identifies, it makes no sense to me.
oof good timing, I started T 3 weeks ago and my emotions have been ALL over the place since then. Happy, scared, excited, nervous, lost— it’s a lot. I know i’m making the right decision and overall I’m super happy about it, but some days I just wake up like “Okay, this trans stuff fucking sucks, let’s just get over it now”
Thank you SO MUCH for this article. Was posted just at the right time. I am about to go into gender therapy, and I am very terrified. Especially because of the stories I’ve heard where some will not issue you hormones if you’re not “masc” enough or not “trans” enough. Also afraid of pushing it forward, you know? Actually getting the help is just scary in general. Any tips or advice? Thank you 🙂
I’m from Chile, I identify a female lesbian. I didn’t know anything about be a trans, that’s why I stated to watch your Chanel because I want a better world for LGBTQ+ community. Trying to understand everyone in our community, learning how I can be a better person, thank you for be so open about everything. ( sorry about my English is not my first language)
I’m going through psychological and medical diagnosis so I can be put on HRT (describes my brain 100%) oh, thanks brain. At least there you’re average. One thing I read somewhere that I liked: “If you’re not doubting yourself you might make a reckless decision. Doubts show that you’re aware that what you do has consequences.”
Thank you… I’ve been so fucking confused about everything and just the over-all concept of being trans… I’m only 16 and I’ve been overwhelmed with a gender crisis. I have no idea what I am yet; as of now I consider myself non-binary, but a small part of me feels like a trans-man. I don’t want to openly express that because I’m so unsure of it. I feel much more comfortable with they/them pronouns but also don’t mind he/they being used for me at times. I’ve thought a lot about hormones but I’ve decided that I’m too young to be thinking about any of that stuff yet because I need to take my time. But it’s so painful sometimes… (In short. This article really opened my eyes a little bit and gave me that motivation to keep on pushing through!)
I think it could make a nice article if you made one more focused on sending a message to the ones around us as trans? I don’t really know how to explain… I’m on the verge of coming out to my family, but I think it’d really help them to watch someone who knows about it talk about things like: how do they best support, what does it feel like to be trans, what does it mean, what are some doubts and problems trans people go through etc. Basically an informative article on being trans specifically aimed towards the people around. I hope that makes sense? For one, I know my mom has always been scared of it because she’s afraid it’ll be hard or that it’ll make me miserable to become trans. I just had the thought that maybe if she were to be informed from someone of experience, rather than just me, she’d be less worried.
I feel like I’ll watch this article every time I have doubts 😂 I know that I’m trans for so many reasons, but my family is transphobic and therefore I was too, so for a long time I thought to myself “if I act as a girl, I’ll be one” which is so unhealthy but I did it anyway because I was a monster, there was no way I could be a boy inside a girl’s body! (A lot of people convinced me of it) Now that I’m 21 and I finally accepted myself I feel excited and scared at the same time. On one side I could finally be what I always wanted, see myself in the mirror and be proud and when my therapist told me she’d help me get on T I was so excited! But on the other hand, I’m scared that I would hate the changes, that I’ll regret it and I could just keep my mask on and live as is as long as I can support it… I keep doubting myself since I realized that I could get on T soon… I’m scared… Not of my identity, but to transition. Sometimes I know I need it, sometimes I believe there’s nothing wrong with the way I live now, the thing that troubles me the most is the anxiety around caused by all that. I have a great relationship with doubts and regrets…
With me it’s just the anxiety about side effects and skin reactions to my hormones., I’ve delayed taking them twice and now I have to wait even longer to start even though I really really really want to take them this time. I’ve been through all the transgender doubts though, so this is a good article for people who are still going through that. But just yesterday I decided I’m going to eventually get bottom surgery. I can get it on Medicare for like $25k so I save about $70k. I’m going to work it out. Hormones, top surgery, bottom surgery – I want it all. That is if I don’t wuss out and delay starting hormones again.
I started my transition 9 years ago and am pretty much done at this point, except from also wanting hysto, and I too still get my flashes of doubts, or whatever they are. I think they might be akin to intrusive thoughts, cause they seem to follow the same pattern as my official such. Last time was today when I was perusal some straight porn and just randomly thought to myself: “Maybe I shouldn’t have transitioned? Like what if I could have learned to be comfortable with being a woman?” but I didn’t think much of that thought, cause I know that wouldn’t have worked out. I never had doubts about getting on T or having top surgery (which I started and had), but I did briefly have some about getting a hysto (few years ago) and I’ve really doubted further bottom surgery. Like I’ve literally been on and off about if I want meta or not since I came out as trans. But recently after a lot of deep soul-seraching I figured out that I don’t really want meta, cause I’ve begun to appreciate those parts of mine for what they are and can do. I still think of myself as a man, and of my genitals as female and they don’t align with my gender, but somehow I’m now fine with that now. Some people have thought I was gonna detransition cause of opting out of getting bottom surgery, but no that’s not my intention. These days when I get my trans doubts, it doesn’t really upset me but just confuses me a bit. But you’re probably right, that it’s a struggle to accept myself for who/what I am, and also possibly just my brain testing if I still really want to live as a man.
I identify as nonbinary and thanks for this cuz I definitely have anxieties about top surgery. Spent the other night binge perusal the podcast. My gender therapist/doctor told me last week, top surgery could be covered, during my informed consent about T. My parents kept telling me “girls feel that way too” and that made me feel like I wasnt dysphoric enough, because my body cant handle binding well and I still like some “feminine” things. And I dont have any strong memories before having a chest which could be related to my epilepsy honestly. So its just like dysphoria and my chest is all I know, and sometimes doubt if im doing the right thing.
Chase thank you so much. Your articles have been so helpful to me in my journey and this article is so… Affirming? I guess that’s the word. (Also unrelated sidenote oh gods I have to change my YouTube profile picture it’s from years ago and like ugh that’s not me anymore thanks) Edit: I changed it and I don’t know if it’s appearing. If you’re not seeing me with a cat it’s the old pic 🙁
I never had doubts about wanting hormones or surgery but I totally feel you when you said internalized transphobia. Til this day, I still hate being trans and just wish I was born as a cis guy. The only thing I can say that I like about being trans is all the wonderful people you meet in the LGBTQ+ community. Its still something I have to learn to love about myself but its a process and it takes time of course… that aside, I have a question. Once I saw a tweet that said “Not all transmen are ftm.” I don’t know if that relates to anything you said in this article or not but when I saw that, it didn’t really make much sense to me. Could you explain what that means?
Oh man. As a cis person I have so many doubts about everything! I can’t imagine how hard transitioning is and can’t believe that someone would ever think someone isn’t trans just because they have doubts. Obviously they do—but it seems like an obvious thing. People have doubts all the time about big decisions like buying a home, having kids, moving out, etc. Transitioning is also a big decision. I’m definitely not saying being trans is a choice—because it isn’t. I’m saying that coming to understand yourself, choosing how you want to transition, etc.,etc. is a huge decision so of course you should be able to have doubts! Loved the article. Also hope my comment made sense.
personally, once I figured out that I was trans, I never have had doubts that I was. But it’s odd that I still doubt socially transitioning, even when getting dead-named and mis-gendered feels so horrible. Chase is the only youtuber I have found that openly speaks his mind out on these issues and his content helps me dramatically in realizing that my emotions are fucking normal and in part, I have been delaying the life I would like to live. Thank you Chase
1. chase, thank you for making this article! i’ve been doing a lot of questioning (and doubting) around surgery and it’s nice to hear someone talk about that openly 2. i was so into 99% of what you say but i was wondering if you could unpack/address what you say at 5:23 about socialization and depictions of trans people in media. It kinda sounds like you’re saying that being depicted as a sex worker or that being a sex worker is a negative thing and contributes to negative stereotypes about trans people. And being a sex worker is not an inherently negative thing but instead an incredible demonized profession in lots of places in the west.
Heya Chase! You’re amazing and i love your articles! In this article i have a small debate for you….. at the start you make quite and aggressive statement about Cis people judging. I felt this was out of place and interesting that you used that tone but gently addressed it at the end. Does this come from a stigma that all CiS people have this view on transgender people? Or is it just the experiences that you have had with judgement? Cheers and much love Kat
Hey! I recently came out to my parents the other day, but it didn’t really go as planned. My biological mom supports me, but my dad and my stepmom don’t really. My dad is an older man and me being trans kinda goes against what he’s lived by. My stepmom on the other hand says that I am doing it to feel accepted and that the brains of those who are trans function differently than those who are cis. She goes on telling me about aspects of my personality that “really only girls can possess”. She claims that she knows me more than I know myself, but I can’t persuade her that I am much more. At this point I don’t know what to do because I can’t confront her about it because she’ll just get upset at me for speaking my mind and tell me that I am just doing this for attention (I know, stereotypical right?). I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice? Thank you so much! Toby
When the thought first crossed my mind that I could be trans, I immediately thought, “trans people have it so hard, I don’t want to have to come out as trans, I don’t know how that could even begin to work.” Then I just said to myself “I’m not trans” and tried not to think about it for a while. But now I’m starting to doubt again??
i was a tomboy when i was a kid, but would still like to be girly sometimes. when i was 12 i got a hat and i learned about gender fluid, i thought hey that can be me! 3 years later and i’m still just uncomfortable in my own skin. last year i found that i am in fact trans. closeted as fuck, but i’ve cut my hair off, and i kinda bind. trying to get the courage to come out to my actually lgbt hating family.
I’m nb and I want to have hrt,,, specifically T… I’ve always wanted a deeper voice and more masculine features, but I’m doubtful… I’ve tried to talk to people about it, but they don’t listen. I’ve wanted top surgery for awhile as well and whenever I try to talk about it I always get “you’re flat you don’t need it” but they never listen to me when I try to voice what I feel. When I came out to my dad.. he said it wasn’t real and I’m scared that if I go on hormones and get top surgery and eventually talk to my family… what will they think…. idk I’ve been having a lot of anxiety over this..
I hear a lot in the media on how people who are trans have felt that way their whole life. I felt a lot of dysphoria during puberty, but it went away after a while. Now I’m going into college and the dysphoria is overwhelming. Is it just a phase I’m going through or should I start to transition? Would that be valid?
Also!! It’s okay to doubt what kind of trans you are too!! I thought I was a cis girl, then a boy, then *agonised confused screaming*, then I felt like a girl for one day (I still don’t know why that happened) and that sent me spiralling again, then I thought I was a guy again, then agender again, then I decided you know what? Gender is weird and annoying and while I’d by definition be called agender, this whole thing is dumb and I don’t get it so my gender is “fuck you”. Basically, you’re allowed to change your mind and you’re still valid as FUCK.
I think that a big part of my doubt comes from the fact that I’ve been told that because I’m attracted to men I’m just a masculine straight girl which… I don’t feel that. What I do feel is not being able to be in a comfortable relationship with a man because of my identity. Because a lot of guys aren’t openly bi or pansexual, I have to look at the straight boys who don’t want to date me because they don’t wanna be gay and the gay boys who don’t wanna date me because of their transphobia and not wanting to be seen as “straight”. I’m far away from horomones at this point so this is a struggle I’m going to have to live with for a while when all I want is LOVE!!
Personally, the hardest thing for me has always been to put pressure on others to use the correct pronouns and name and such. I am still early on in my transition (3 months on t and thus 3 months on being out openly) and I still dont correct people that say she/her and my old name, some of it is because I know many are still working on it and corrects themselves either in front of me or the next time they use the right pronouns and name. But the main reason I dont correct people is this stupid thought that I am making others uncomfortable (like ashamed?) when correcting them because they did wrong? I know it doesnt make sense and is silly, and I am slowly getting to where I’ll be ready to start correcting people I feel like.
It would be surprising if we didn’t doubt ourselves, considering that most of us went through considerable time pushing our “trans feelings” aside and trying to fit in. Which leads to being out of touch with our sense of self and making it that much harder to figure out what feels right once we dare to face who we really are.