When a bride’s parents are paying for her wedding, they may have a limit on the number of guests they are willing to pay for. It is important to have a realistic estimate of the number of guests they are willing to pay for. Courts in British Columbia suggest that reasonable denials of parenting time may be permitted, provided they align with the child’s best interests. The traditional parents table seats the parents and their friends or relatives.
In Pennsylvania, visitation or custody rights to grandparents under certain circumstances are not as good as an agreement or court order that says the parent will pay you a specified amount of money. However, there are certain circumstances under which you can deny their presence. It is important to understand your legal rights and responsibilities and the potential risks and benefits of allowing pets or emotional support.
Some states require a court hearing and a judges order before minors under a certain age may get married. In California, for example, parents are allowed to choose not to have their children vaccinated. The HIPAA Rule provides an example of how state law limits costs to 25 cents a page and the actual cost is only four cents per page.
Insurers can deny auto insurance claims for various reasons, including wrongful denials, consumer action for wrongful denials, and the bride and groom’s responsibility to plan and pay for their own wedding. Parents should consider their own financial obligations when planning a wedding and treat everyone like guests.
📹 Refusing To Fund My Stepdaughter’s Lavish Wedding Exposed The Truth About My Wife
OP’s stepdaughter is having OP pay for her lavish wedding until OP finds out that she lied to him about walking her down the aisle …
What are the parents of the bride responsible for?
Who usually pays for the wedding? The bride’s family usually paid for most wedding costs, including the wedding planner, invitations, dress, ceremony, reception, flowers, photography, and music. “It’s harder to think about this now, and I am a feminist, but historically it has to do with the ancient practice of a bride’s family giving a dowry to the groom,” Post says.
The brides parents also hosted the engagement party, while some bridesmaids paid for the bridal shower. (Or anyone, really, besides the couple.) The groom’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and officiant. The groom paid for the bride’s engagement ring, wedding ring, and gifts for the groomsmen. The groom’s family often pays for the reception alcohol. But remember this from Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette Guide: “Traditions make weddings special, so a spending plan should help these traditions, not be a burden.”
The groom’s wedding ring; bridesmaids’ lunch or party; accommodations for the bridal party (if a bridesmaid is coming from out of town); wedding party gifts.
What does the mother of the bride pay for?
If you follow tradition, the bride’s family is expected to pay for most of the wedding. This includes the wedding dress, bridesmaids gifts, the wedding planner or coordinator, the invitations, the flowers, the reception, photography, the groom’s wedding ring, music, any meals for the wedding party, transportation and lodging for the bride’s family and bridesmaids, and transportation for wedding guests. The groom’s family is responsible for the bride’s engagement ring and wedding rings, the groom’s attire, groomsmen gifts, boutonnieres and corsages, the officiant’s fee, the marriage license, the rehearsal dinner, transportation and lodging for the groom’s family and groomsmen. If you want your parents to help, remember these tips. Start talking about it early. Ask them how they feel about contributing to the wedding or how they’d like to be involved in planning it. This is polite. Be aware of their financial situation. Don’t ask your parents to pay for your wedding if they can’t afford it. This should start early in the wedding planning process.
What should the mother of the bride not do?
Mother of the Bride: Avoid upsetting the bride. … Don’t be too casual. Don’t make the wedding about you. … Don’t be pushy. Don’t tell her who should be her bridesmaids. … Don’t compare her wedding to others. … Don’t be too critical. Don’t make empty promises. A child’s wedding is exciting, so you want it to go perfectly without upsetting the bride. The mother of the bride helps the bride plan and on the wedding day. Avoid these things to keep your relationship strong.
Is mother of the bride more important than mother of the groom?
The groom’s mother usually has a smaller role than the mother of the bride. Couples usually decide how involved their mothers will be in wedding planning. The mother of the groom should not take on extra responsibilities unless asked to. If you’re wondering what typical mother-of-the-groom etiquette is and how involved they should be in your wedding, here are a few ways they can help. Before the wedding. Ask the mother of the groom to help. Use their strengths, and don’t let them do things you or your mom can do.
What is the etiquette for parents of the bride?
Help the mother of the bride with the wedding. The father of the bride can help too. He can suggest venues and arrange travel. Be available to help at any time.The father of the bride has fewer responsibilities, so he should be available to help if anything goes wrong. Before the ceremony, he should spend time with his daughter. He will then accompany her to the wedding venue. He will usually escort his daughter down the aisle during the ceremony. This means the father of the bride is giving away his daughter to her new husband. During the ceremony, the father of the bride sits to the left of the aisle with the mother of the bride. After the ceremony, the father of the bride stands in the receiving line next to the mother of the bride to greet guests. During the reception, the father of the bride acts as the host.He greets guests, makes sure supplies are stocked, gives a wedding toast, and checks with vendors. The father of the bride also participates in the father-daughter dance. Before the dance, Dad may choose the first dance song.
Parents of the bride share certain wedding responsibilities. Use this list to create your own wedding roles list. After the engagement, the bride’s parents send out the announcement to the local newspaper. It is custom for the bride’s parents to inform the newspaper of the engagement. If the groom’s parents live elsewhere, the parents of the bride should also see if they want the announcement to appear in their hometown. They should act as the host/hostess of the wedding and reception, which is arguably their most important role. Traditionally, the bride’s parents pay for the wedding ceremony and reception, which is why they take on the role of host/hostess. This includes deciding how many guests to invite, making guests feel welcome, and making sure everything goes smoothly. The host/hostess also oversees the closing of the reception. The bride’s parents should be the last to leave the reception to close the party and take wedding gifts to the newlyweds.
Does the mother of the bride have any duties?
The mother of the bride is in charge of welcoming guests at the reception. Other duties may include sitting at the parents’ table and dancing with the father of the bride to help warm up the dance floor. Finally, celebrate with your daughter. You’ll cherish the memories of this special occasion for a lifetime. Who walks with the mother of the bride down the aisle? In a Christian wedding, the mother of the bride is usually escorted by a son or other male family member. In Jewish ceremonies, the mother and father of the bride walk the bride down the aisle together and then sit.
Is the father of the bride responsible for paying for the wedding?
The father of the bride usually pays for the wedding. Not always the case, and that’s okay. The bride and groom, and sometimes the groom’s parents, can also contribute. If you’re not paying for the wedding, help deliver payments to the vendors. Some vendors need payment the day or two before the wedding or right after the reception. The bride and groom are busy, so having someone in charge of payments is helpful. If you know about food and wine, choose the reception meal and wine. Choose the appetizers, entrees, and wines that go well with each dish. The cake is usually chosen by the bride and groom, but you might want to taste it! Plus! If you’re paying for the wedding, you can control the budget by choosing the menu. If you’re paying for the wedding, you can control the budget by choosing the menu.
Is it tradition for brides parents to pay?
What the bride’s family traditionally pays for. The bride’s family usually pays for most wedding expenses, from the engagement party to the honeymoon. Christin Gomes and Ida Gibson, PhD, of Common Courtesy say these costs have typically included:
Engagement party; wedding planner; invitations and day-of stationery; photography and videography; venue; brides attire (and all accessories, including veil); ceremony and reception floral arrangements, décor, and rentals; food and drink; wedding cake; guest transportation; travel and lodging costs for bridesmaids and officiant; other reception expenses.
Now, say the experts, the rules are fluid, with the other partners’ parents and the couple contributing to any of those costs. Wedding costs have risen a lot and no longer just come from the bride’s parents, says Gomes. They can do whatever they want, as long as everyone agrees. What the groom’s family traditionally pays for. The groom’s family has traditionally paid for fewer wedding items, including:
How much should you give your daughter for her wedding?
The bottom line is: There’s no set amount for wedding gifts. Experts say to start at $100. You may want to adjust your gift up to $500 based on your relationship with the couple, your budget, and the cost of attending the wedding.
How much should bride’s parents pay for a wedding?
If you don’t want to be responsible for the whole wedding, you can use statistics to back you up. Here’s how it breaks down. On average, the brides parents spend 44% of the budget, the couple 43%, and the grooms parents 12%.
📹 UPDATED: Parents Paid For Lavish Wedding of my Sister & Refused to be at my Wedding Years Later
UPDATED: Parents Paid For Lavish Wedding of my Sister & Refused to be at my Wedding Years Later…8 Years Later They’re …
Funny that stepdaughter can’t see that her dad is only in the picture now because he doesn’t have to pay for anything! What a reality check that is going to be for her when “dear old dad” disappears again because he can’t use her for OP’s money anymore! How many “secret” outings did OP pay for her to schmooze her dad? She can do whatever she wants for her wedding but OP doesn’t have to pay for it!
OP not only saved himself from those parasites, but saved his stepdaughter’s fiancé and the kids as well. Respect. Also kind of scary that if she didn’t do the whole “real dad will walk me down the aisle” thing he’d have happily sunk that much money on the two undeserving twats while being none the wiser. Wow.
Lost Genre missed an OP’s edit on the 2nd update where OP tells the his “ex’s ex boyfriend” (the deadbeat dad) came to his house drunk to complain and said that he was “shagging his bird” and OP kicked him out. He was not sure if the ex was cheating on OP (it was very implied to), but he doesn’t care anymore because they broke up and he said that he will instal CCTV cameras on the house.
Story 2: As the nerdy gay kid growing up in the hood, my sister’s friends were my protectors. This is so true. If you picked on me, you had to deal with them! And I was eventually KNOWN as a tattletale. Every act of bullying was immediately reported to my sister. By the time I entered High School I was untouchable. Eventually, I went to college (many of them never left the hood), but even now walking down the street holding hands with my Caucasian (and frightened) boyfriend, we are greeted with nothing but positivity and love. My sister is still in “it” with 3 kids from 3 guys, but I’m still the little homie that nobody f*&ks with.
“You humiliated her” He had one request in regards to paying and she didn’t follow through after saying she would due to not wanting kids at the wedding (despite inviting other children 🤨) then proceeded to turn around and say that Op isn’t her real dad and instead chooses to essentially honor an absolute deadbeat who’s done… what exactly? I don’t blame Op for being upset about that, he’s done everything he could for her and she’s not appreciative of it at all and just ignores him/what he says unless she needs something.
Nah, he’s NTA and stepdaughter and wife are AHs even if he assumed. He raised the step-daughter, he’s paid for everything for her, he’s the one footing the bill and he was asked to do so because he’s ‘dad’. You don’t get to ask someone to drop that kind of money (257k USD) and uphold the dad tradition just to have the person who was never around have that honor. He’d be the AH if his wife or an uncle was walking her down the aisle instead and he flipped. Otherwise, nah, pull all funding because he’s right, stepdaughter and wife only see him as a wallet, not a member of the family.
Story 2: I grew up in the 90s in a neighborhood with an OG, too. Back then, there were rules of who not to mess with (women and children) and who was fair game. They didn’t even cuss or drink in front of kids. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even realize that the OG was an OG until I got older! No also tended to mean no more often when it came to recruitment, too. Things certainly have changed…
He’s not married to his “stepdaughter’s” mother. I get that he and the mother have been together for almost 16 years, but it looks like that man has been trying to buy their love all those years, and yes, the mother and daughter were using him as an ATM…FOR YEARS. He dodged a bullet by not marrying the mom.
Nah, it doesn’t matter one iota if he was told he’d get to do what dads do for their daughters at the wedding or not. He raised her. He paid for everything and it was an outrageous amount on top of that. He treated her as a daughter, and she treated him as her father, then she denied him the public show of respect a father gets for doing these things. She was the AH as soon as she said her bio dad was doing it. I’d even go so far as to say it was not on him to be offered the position in the wedding to feel entitled to it–she was obligated to tell him, personally, before paying for anything, that he wouldn’t be, especially because of the money, but most definitely out of respect for raising her.
— 200K for a wedding is ridiculous. Stepdaughter had told him, he would walk her down the aisle, but decided to ask her father. OP has finally realized he is just a sugar daddy to his fiancee and her daughter. He is NTA for refusing to shell out $$$ to leeches and kicked them both out the house.Step daughter’s fiance canceled their engagement because of her deceitful use of OP’s generosity and possibly being her future ATM. I find it strange that the fiancee didn’t fight for custody of her children and sue OP for child support.
s1: NTA. if she hasn’t learned to treat OP like a human being with very valid feelings of rejection after 16 years, she never will. best of luck, OP, let’s hope your “real” kids take after you instead of your stbx. and best of luck to ex-daughter’s fiancé, considering the trouble he’s marrying into.
Story1: Definitely shows the bad side of being a stepdad. You can get all the financial responsibility and other duties of a father without getting any of the respect, authority, and appreciation of one. Ive seen too many reddit stories where this happened. That no matter how good the stepdad or adopted dad was, the offspring still chooses the deadbeat over them.
I really enjoy these articles, and I love LG’s commentary. I feel so bad for OP. To invest so much of yourself and give your all to horrible, heartless people and waste sixteen prime years of your life, only to find out it was all for nothing. You were being used for money and stability the whole time. That’s just soul crushing 💔. The fiancee and step brat are out of their freaking minds… planning a huge, expensive holiday for all of those people, including the loser EX, and OP wasn’t even invited?! He’s expected to pay for it and stay home to care for the kids, who were also excluded and cast aside in this joke of a wedding and honeymoon. Oh, HELL NO! Seek full custody so you don’t have to give that witch another dime.
I had a friend I served with who was from California. I’m from Southern Ohio so my experience with gang activity is 0 but we was telling me a story similar to this one when he was 13 but it was 2 guys that did it and told him to bring another box of chocolate the next day and they might let him keep his money. He avoid them for 2 days but the 3rd day while he was on the bus he told his friend what was going on and that if they were at the next stop he wasn’t getting off the bus there. A guy behind them who looked like he was in his 20s leaned forward and described the guys and asked my friend if he was talking about those guys. My friend said he was scared because the guy was clearly a gang member and was tatted up from finger tip to the top of his head but he confirmed it was them and the guy asked how much money they took and how much chocolate and how much money he lost from the chocolate and my friend told him but said it wasn’t a big deal. The guy said “it’s about to be a big deal, get off with me” my friend tried to talk his way out of it but he said to just get off with him. They got off and he said the guys faces looked worried. The guy yelled at them and was pissed about “fucking with our neighbors” and made them give him the money they stole and the money for the chocolate and for another box as an apology and told my friend where to find him if anyone else fucked with him or anyone else in the neighborhood.
Doesnt matter if he was promised or not. Everyone knows the bio father hasnt done a damn thing for her. She has trhe audacity not to even invite her half siblinghs from him. PAY YOUR OWN WAY NOW. I would cancel evry payment i could and walk away. Promise to walk down the aisle. He didnt promise his support of her all those years he just did it like a dad would.
For the first story, definitely Nta and if the bio dad is so good of a father why isn’t he paying a cent, Towards spoiled brat’s wedding instead of op then?, If anyone humiliated spoiled brat it would be herself since she showed she is a user and a gold digger too since she only cares about op’s money and nothing else, Seriously that’s what ex-enabler and her spoiled brat daughter get, and i know op wants his ex in his younger kids life but he should go to court to have main custody of them, And have supervision visitation with his ex so she can’t attempt to alienate etc without getting in trouble for it, because i can see her and her spoiled brat daughter pulling something.
I really thought I’d heard this story before. The details were incredibly similar, right down to the 200,000 pounds, the lavish vacation that the bio-dad was also invited to, and the whole engagement being broken off anyway in the aftermath. But I’m pretty sure the other one was (supposedly) from a guy in England. In that version it turned out that the OP’s wife (not 16-year fiancé) had been secretly screwing the bio-dad for a while, which was why he was invited along. And after that OP had kicked his wife and stepdaughter out, the bio-dad showed up and told him something to the effect of “I’ve been screwing your bird!” I do remember he used the word “bird”. So, yeah. Very English. The similarities are so suspiciously startling, I’m thinking that one of them is an intentional (near) copy of the other. Do they use pounds as currency in south Asia?
Story 1: In Western culture NTA, but I don’t know about your culture. Then there’s the fact that a deadbeat biodad happens to pop up out of the blue when walking his daughter down the isle is a topic of conversation and the daughter goes from not caring about her deadbeat bio-dad to him being the main man besides her fiance in her life. She’s setting herself up for disappointment and is entitled to expect you to pay for everything without strings attached. Update: An overly involved mother in the wedding, a red flag. I’m glad that the OP didn’t marry the mother of the bride. Also, why is the deadbeat dad invited to the honeymoon? That’s not a honeymoon that’s a family vacation. This sounds more and more like a family scamming the OP. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Dead-beat Dad the fiance and the daughter and by extension the future son-in-law are in on scamming wealthy men. Go to Dubai with your kids, a little revenge holiday. “Small issues” right… Controlling them with wealth, how broke is this family? “Take the post down, it ruins my image and proves I’m a liar”. Keep the post up. Yep a family of narcs, better off without them. So they’re not homeless. They’ll live. So the step-daughter’s fiance is a good enough guy, shame he got caught up with that family. Good luck with that co-parenting situation.
Does no one else find it odd that the fiance was going on the honeymoon family vacation with her ex and not OP? If he’s as bad as OP was led to believe I doubt she wants to spend all that time with him. Or maybe not only the daughter has been getting into close contact with him. Seems convenient- she left her ex and found a sugar daddy to raise their daughter, now she’s basically done with needing him she was just going on holidays with the ex etc? Yeah I think something else was also going on there.
Last story, and now I have a new Spanish word: payaso, clown. Maybe one day I will actually remember all of the Spanish I have learned and actually use it! Though I apparently do have a good accent, because I have had Spanish speakers react to my greetings in Spanish, but I love the language, it dances off the tongue.
Last story: For whatever reason, OG reminded my of the Bob Odenkirk character in Nobody, particularly in the scene where he’s in a questionable pawn shop asking questions and is about to get his butt kicked by folks there, riiiiight up until one older vet spies the tattoo of a pair of cards–a 2 and a 7–and just “Nope! Nope, nope, nope!” right out of the room, locking the door behind him. LOL Good movie if folks wanna see it.
NTA it’s the “real father” bit for me. If op really was the one to be there for her her whole life and bio dad wasn’t and op isn’t just making things up for sympathy. If it’s disappointing her hopes and dreams that earns one the title of real father with stepdaughter then i’d say op is on the right track finally.
Last story, once she started scaring the crap out everybody, made a baby cry, and the situation was getting worse, seems like it couldn’t get no worse. Him snapping her back to reality even for a minute might have snapped her out where she could even be talked to. Who demands to talk the pilot like he can really do something about turbulence. It’s not ihop, nta
Story 2: Well, I guess technically this was a happy resolution for OP, but you know “Payaso” stole that money and those article games off some other poor kid, right? When he offered OP the article games I knew the little ass-kisser totally broke into someone’s home and probably grabbed anything he could. Probably pawned the TV and system and couldn’t get rid of the games.
It is a basic commonsense to honor and respect the one who brought you up, who cared for your childhood, spent for your education, spent for your lifestyle, provided you with all that you have, than your deadbeat bio father who didn’t even pay his child support. Also, OP is in the wrong for spoiling people with his money. Obviously, they will feel entitled to your money, when you have done the fair share of spoiling them like brats. OP wanted to impress both his fiancée and stepdaughter right from the start, so he showered them with lavish gifts and lifestyle. You don’t get to spoil them like brats, and then complain that they act like brats.
I can see the mom arms folded, shaking her head, staring daggers into her daughter saying this…. All you had to do was be appreciative and let him walk you down the damn aisle. That’s 20 fkn steps, kiss on the cheek and then you’re married. Now bc of you, WE LOST OUR SPONSOR. I think stepdaughter should find a rich older husband to take care of her and mom, JS
AWESOME article Lost Genre. Both stories were entertaining and very fulfilling. This is just one reason that sets you apart from most others. As far as I am concerned, your website as well as Markee, Mark Narrations, and Ripe are the Gold Standard on YouTube for stories. The rest are wannabes that take the low-hanging fruit with no updates or endings even when they were posted but they are too lazy to find them for their websites. Keep up the great work.
I don’t understand entitled people and I never will. If a parental figure offered me that much money, not only would I thank them nonstop, I would actually refuse it. That’s too much. I’d probably accept some, but nothing close to 200pounds. And if they insisted on giving me the money, it would go into a property to live in and an account to save for elder care later in life. I don’t get it. Or why you would book such an expensive vacation. I would hate to go somewhere cool then get home and I have no money.
OP should’ve made this clearer, but he’s been in the stepdaughter’s life for 15-16 years. Also, stepdaughter had promised OP the chance to walk her down the aisle, then went back on it publicly. OP should’ve added all that to his first post, bc I thought this was a gift with strings attached type of story at first, but I guess anger doesn’t lend itself to logical writing.
I will say in the first story it doesn’t matter if stepdad “assumed” he would be walking her down the isle, the bigger red flag was already told: she didn’t invite him or her kid stepsiblings, but invited someone else in the family who had kids to the wedding. THEY WEREN’T GOING TO BE INVITED! Don’t blame him for going nuclear, good on him for getting out.
A similar story to the Payaso tale I had a Teacher who was invited to a Hells Angels Funeral and allowed to ride in the procession as a guest of honor and a friend of the recently departed who I’ll call OG. Teacher told us that OG was her neighbor for years and after Teacher moved they kept in touch. Some time after Teacher moved a group of biker thugs gave Teacher a hard time at her new home and claimed to be part of the Hells Angels. Teacher called up OG and explained the situation, OG ask for descriptions of the biker thugs and it turns out that they weren’t anybody in their Chapter that he recognized at least. OG called together his chapter and had them all ride down to Teachers new home in complete Hells Angels colors. When the biker thugs showed up to harass Teacher again, OG and over 20 burly dudes in full leathers and spikes put the fear of God into those idiots; it came out that they weren’t actually members of the Hell’s Angels just using their infamous legacy as a means to harass little old ladies. OG let the biker thuga know if he ever visited and Teacher had a bad thing to say about the biker thugs at all, it wouldn’t be pretty.
If I’m paying $200k for the wedding of the woman I helped raise, I am not allowing her deadbeat father to walk her down the aisle. Especially after uninviting the only people I requested to be present. “You want your ‘true dad’ to walk you down the aisle? Your true father can pay for your wedding then, if possible.”
out of respect for all the years that he is taking care of her and fathered her and giving her all the necessities and needs that you want out of respect I guess he thought that she would and she should have but since her daddy who hasn’t paid anything will be there to enjoy the proudest moment of his daughter’s life other than the birth of her first child!!and enjoy all the festivities as the doting daddy let him pay for it or her and her future husband and his family can pay for it because I bow out!!!!
The OP is partly to blame for being so determinedly ignorant of what was going on in his family and finances. He was forcing himself to not see or understand what was right in front of his nose. For years. Also, paying for the wedding is not what determines who walks the bride. I’m not talking about the fiancee and her daughter. I’m talking about how OP chooses to live his life.
OP got really lucky there. The amount spent on this, and that it was happening under his nose is hugely concerning. If the step-kid didn’t open her mouth, he would have not realised until the statements reflected the expenditures. £75k on a plane ticket to Dubai, and £160k for the honeymoon? OP needs to reflect on himself moreso than his ex and daughter.
As someone currently planning a wedding I can see how easy it is to get to $200k. It’s still a ridiculous price for a party but the wedding industry is essentially a big scam. Only thing worth the cost is the cake since those are usually larger and need to be transported in a specific way so that it doesn’t damage the cake in transit. ETA after update: $40k is much more reasonable but still overpriced. But they wanted how much for the honeymoon? With her ex? Uh huh. What you wanna bet she’s sleeping with her ex and the daughter thought this would be a good way to get them back together on OP’s dime. Update 2: good for the fiancé and OP getting rid of 2 gold diggers with 1 stone (and $2k).
Story 1: I don’t think he assumed he’d walk her down the aisle just because he was paying for it. He raised her as his own daughter while the bio father was a deadbeat. She also lied when she agreed to his condition for paying, which was that his mother and children were invited. She failed to honor her end and has no right to hold him to his.
1) I think it’s time for OP to recognize he has been a ATM and not appreciated as the father who supported and raised this girl. He is not beeing treated with respect and regard. I think NTA to withdraw his offer to pay for this lavish show. I hope he can get most of his money back and cancel everything. I’m thinking it’s good he is not married to the mother of the bride and it seems this relationship needs to be over. After update: I’m glad OP found out how much he was being taken advantage of by his fiancee and stepdaughter. I’m glad he found out the truth, is cancelling everything, and telling the freeloaders to GTHO. After next update: I am glad OP is better off with the X and stepdaughter out of his home. I think it’s good his kids are with OP and the stepdaughter’s fiance is now an X after learning how badly she and her mother behave. After petty revenge: I’m glad OP and his kids had a nice holiday trip. 2) Good thinking on OP’s part and what a lovely outcome.
You can’t think of how a wedding could cost £200K? OP said they’re South Asian. South Asian weddings are frequently huge multi-day events with hundreds of guests. Now most of them still don’t come anywhere near that kind of cost, but when you’re talking about hundreds of people and multiple days, it’s not hard for the costs to balloon ridiculously. Of course, in this case OP was definitely getting taken advantage of, but it’s definitely possible for costs to get stupidly high.
This is way more than simply walking the step daughter down the aisle. It’s the constant insignificance put on O)P and his family. He’s 100% right. He’s nothing but a blank check to a bunch of selfish people. He didn’t realize it until the finale and the step daughter made it clear. Even the fiancé’ expected the daughter to be taken down the aisle by this generous man who isn’t even married to her yet. Talk about a selfish, entitled, arrogant, ungrateful pack of people with bad attitudes; that makes them the AH. OP is wise to get out of this whole crazy money grab. Surprised LG you didn’t see the AH in this story. After all this time and support, OOP didn’t need a written contract securing him the place of honor. He had every right to expect he naturally would be chosen for that honor. In hindsight there is no honor in being any part of this entitled brat’s life.
A father is the man who brought you up, cared for you, pays for your wedding and walks you down the isle. He doesn’t have to be your biological dad. You can’t pick and choose which bits you want the father figures in your life to be and expect everyone to be fine with it. Make your choices and live with the consequences.
NTA! But he keeps saying stepdaughter. She is not his stepdaughter she is his fiancée’s(?) daughter. OP is not an AH but he is an absolute clown. Edit after first update. This guy is so dense he doesn’t see after all that that his “fiancée” is sleeping with the ex. I didn’t say cheating because it’s clear he is the ATM/side piece.
1st: the first class tickets at the OP didn’t even know about on top of paying for the entire wedding on top of that let me guess they expected him to fund their little trip while they were out there as well. If he didn’t catch it in time they were going to continue to use his money while they were on this trip and now we’re angry at the OP because the jig is up, I’m at least happy that the OP stepdaughters seem to be ex fiancé has the common sense to realize just how disgusting both the woman he was marrying and her mother were . because if they were willing to put the OP through something like this, who knows what could’ve happened if this guy would’ve come across some money, and these ladies willing to do what they did to the OP to him like the gaslighting, manipulation, lying, backstabbing, and gold digging.
I’m a bit confused with the step dad/step daughter story. He keeps referring to the step daughter’s mother as his fiancée. So he’s not married yet to the step daughter’s mother? So, she’s not his step daughter yet. How long has he been supporting her? How long has he been her “stepfather”? Seems a bit of information is missing here or something got lost in translation.
This story has very little to do about the money. The wedding could have cost $1,000.00 and the daughter+mom would be in the wrong. That daughter promising this man to walk her down the isle after he raised her is just so wrong. It was clear that they just saw him as a weak ATM and my guess is that his wife was cheating on him with her ex and somehow she would also need to go on the honeymoon as well. I hope his other children are close to adults and since they said they want to live with him that should help him out in the long run. I would 100% DNA test those kids though.
God last story remind me of when my ex assulted me and threaten me with a mc club from my country, because his older brother was friends with the president. Well what he didnt know was that my dad had one of the high ranking member as his trainee at work. He was a really cool dude and always super kind to my father ant to me when I was with my father at work. Anyway my dad knew there were 2 kind of ppl this mc club did not distespect children and women, they rode in fundrasers for women and were VERY open with hating men who engage in domastic violence. Well my father told him about what happened to me and that my ex had used their name to scare me into silence. My dad only told me ” exes name wont bother you anymore” this was after months of stalking and threatening me. I dont know what happened but I bet it was glorious.
Not enough information! We don’t know that OP was told he was going to be the one to walk the stepdaughter down the aisle or not, he may have assumed (which is dangerous). But it’s clear that stepdaughter was withholding that info from everyone, especially OP, in order to have OP pay for the wedding, which is more than a bit crappy. And the digs about her half-siblings were obvious slights as well. More than a little dysfunction is showing up here. Also, OP refers to his stepdaughter’s mother as HIS fiancé, implying they aren’t married despite having two children together. So how old is the relationship and their two children? This may be a part of the stepdaughter’s problem. COMMENTS: Given that we now know the stepdaughter did tell OP that he would walk her down the aisle, which was a lie, I have to say NTA! But OP, stop call her mother your fiancé if you do/did not intend to marry. Call her your partner or SO. Fiancé implies intention to marry. UPDATE 1: Glad you were able to get (some/most/all?) of your money back. It appears your former SO was as much of a gold digger as her daughter. I’m sorry you’re no longer able to see your two youngest now. I would consider going to family court to try to gain custody, but failing that please at least support them. UPDATE 2: I suspect your ex-stepdaughter’s fiancé is thankful for all of this coming to light before she took him to the cleaners. Unfortunately, your ex-SO does have certain rights concerning the kids unless otherwise ordered by a court.
All I have to say is this. It does my heart some good to see weak ATM men have a spine. Hopefully, OP can get away from this relationship with little cost. But his ex, who I am sure, is going to try and take OP for everything he got. Hopefully, OP has a good lawyer ready to go. Western countries favor women in the family courts system.
I can’t believe LGRS thinking that a daughter or step daughter needs to explicitly say that the man giving her the cash is the father in the ceremony. Thinking that they don’t need to be told while you are grabbing their money is way beyond simple entitlement, I would say it goes so far as to be fraud because by taking the cash it is implied that this daughter views him as her father. Awful comments acting like that can just be glossed over by money grubbing kids.
I normally agree with you on alot of your points but the first one wasn’t it. If I raised you as my daughter and gave you nothing but love and guidance while we’re not related by blood I CHOSE you while the deadbeat didn’t, it was a slap in my face to not only invite that man to the wedding but to have him walk you down when he did nothing for you. OP can’t possibly be the AH in anyway
Sorry he acted as the farther. You put the money away for it. So nice. But you might have been lied to. And she was keeping the money for herself. I think you just lost a wife. 15 Years what is a long time. Ya if the daughter changed her mind she should have warned him in privet. I think the InLaws knew and we’re trying to warn you.
Baby sitting story. Why are people piling up on op? The sister knew of her probs and hubs should have too! What would have happened if op had had a panic attack and accidentaly harmed the baby? If i was that hubby i would be asking a BIG what was this errand? and start looking at stuff. If he is a night shift worker who knows what the wife could get up to. (Okay, call me a paranoid guy. Lol.)
Story 1: My Sister & I were raised by our maternal grandmother. That woman was verbally, physically & emotionally abusive to me all the way up until I was 20, which is when I moved to another state. My grandmother showed extreme favoritism to my sister, who was 2 years younger than me. She never abused my sister but instead showered her with lots of gifts & special treatment. If anyone showed me an ounce of kindness or affection she would call it favoritism. If I received an award or gifts in school for good grades, she would call it favoritism. I was her personal punching bag & scapegoat. Everything bad that happened to her was somehow my fault. I haven’t spoken or seen my grandmother & sister in 16 years by choice. Til this day, I still don’t know why she hated me so much. I no longer care to know why. No excuse given can justify the abuse of an innocent child
For step 2, I’d like to point out that panic disorders an get extremely out of hand extremely fast and it’s very very hard to make logical decisions during those times. The mother knew that op has severe mental issues that op cannot control and yet still chose to leave a child with op. It’s the parents faults, no op. I have severe ptsd and just as an example of how out of hand panic attacks can get and how quick they come on I’ll give an example. I went to my doc a few months ago bc I’m immunocompromised and had a case of facial cellulitis that was resistant to 3 antibiotics. I was sat down with my doc and a resident and the moment she told me to go to the ER bc I needed iv antibiotics, it was like this shift came over me and within less than five minutes I went from anxiously sitting down to nearly passing out to loudly having a panic attack in their restroom all bc I have medical ptsd and physically cannot function in a hospital or ER setting. What does this mean? It means that, based on what my psychologist told me, my brain is screwed up to the point that i can no longer control myself when it’s triggered to a certain point. The body immediately just done that fight or flight response and it takes years and years of therapy and meds to treat it and even then something that may seem minor to you can set it off again. So take it from me, op did what they could and is actively in treatment and has made their family aware of this issue; it’s up to the parents to keep their child safe now
Wow the comments are so hard on the 2nd story. Op warned them she is leaving in 15mins the mother of the child is 100% to blame here and I say that as a parent. If the original errand was for 30mins she should have been no more than 15mins away. Instead she was away for 3hours?!?! And i say this as a parent
The narrator of that first story was WRONG about something. When she said that the parents only loved the younger sister. They did NOT love the baby. They TOOK CARE of her but I take very good care of my CAR because its USEFUL to me but I do not LOVE my car. Part of loving a child is providing the child with a safe, healthy, nurturing environment and creating that horribly toxic and sociologically unhealthy home environment by treating her sister so horribly and creating jealousies and trauma within the household in the long run ALSO fails the “favored” child. If they had TRULY LOVED THE YOUNGER CHILD they would have been nicer to the older one. I think they felt GUILTY for failing to give the older child a better childhood and dealt with that by SHUNNING HER instead of making amends in some way and saw the baby as their “second chance” to be good parents and focused all of their energies on her.
S2: NTA she rung everyone and contacted everyone, and she started panicking so she wasn’t in the right mind. It’s not like OP just left, she did what she could telling 3 different people. The sister tricked her into babysitting because she knew that OP would refuse. The sister is the one that put her child in danger. They have no right to be angry with her. The sister is disgusting. I would never go to her house again.
Yep anything could have happened. Such as Op flipping out and causing more trauma to the kid. Or getting violent during a panic attack. Sister is AH, she was most probably out drinking or worse having an affair. Don’t blame the crazy, she prevented a tragedy from taking place. Best thing anyone can do is walk away from a situation b4 the danger takes place.
S2 has me curious, can anyone come up with an errand that needs to be run Saturday night, I mean other then drinking, getting drugs or whoring? I mean possibly grocery shopping, but that’s going to take more than 30 minutes. But that being said, you don’t abandon a 4 year old that way. Sure her having a panic attack won’t help the kid sleep, but being alone in the house sure increases the chances something horrible might happen to the kid (and it’s not their fault that their mother is a scumbag!)
If i wasn’t I’d get in 1 last dig. I’d buy the old house from the bank. Send them a letter telling them you bought it and invite them over. As they get there thinking omg she’s going to give us the house. Demolish it in their faces. The laugh at them and drive away. Sell the lot take a slight loss but in the end the place you had your traumas in would be gone. Sorta cathartic if you ask me.
Second story: NTA. She told her sister that she couldn’t and she tried to find solutuins before her mental health crashed completely, She did agree for just 30 minutes and not more. Those calling her an AH, might not really get that mental health is a pretty serious thing and of what i could get she started to get into full fight or flight mode when the sister broke the agreement. And as far her mental capabilties allowed her with the upcoming panic attack, she did try to get someone else there before she had to leave before exploding.
S1 NTA you should have went NC after you graduated and left the house. It always amazes me how parents that abandon their child and think they are owed something. She got her do over baby she needs to o leave you alone. You should have called CPS on them. Along with ike ago. Stop caring about what happens to those sperm and egg donors. The old lady aunty is your mother. Your parents haven’t cared for you in over a decade. Good thing your husband read the he letter first. Send an empty letter back, with a piece of paper saying paid in full. Finally you got a spine.
Last story. That was a lose lose situation. We have to accept that we are not the people in the situation and we can’t judge what they do. They’re very many famous people who would tell you that you would do the exact same thing if you were that person. People go around saying if I were you, but what they mean is that if the other person was them. It’s hard to explain but if I were you, I would do the exact same thing that you did so let’s not call people arseholes
Story 1: Damn, and I thought my parents and sister were shitty people … Story two … Hold up, skipping past the part that douche just decided to have a panic attack for no reason other than being someone who has panic attacks, and left a toddler alone in a house … husband has night shifts and sleeps all day? Shifts are 8 hours, right? He sleeps for sixteen hours?? And not even at home? Where does he sleep??
— The kid was asleep, why were you panicking? Girl if you get that anxious that 2 hours with a SLEEPING child makes you run off into the night you need inpatient treatment. How do you function with the normal stress and inconveniences of everyday life? Sister is wrong in a big way for tricking you into babysitting and needs a verbal a$$ kicking from husband and your parents. Usually I am very understanding of mental health issues, but you get so overwhelmed, it’s not just an issue it’s an illness. You need a tranquilizer along with anti anxiety medication because you are one hot mess and to see your hopefully is a psychiatrist more often and group therapy.
Last story- The comment that was made that they hoped OP never had any kids isn’t wrong. You don’t agree to being alone and in charge of caring for a child for 1/2 an hour, when you know that logically, crap happens and it’s always longer. Sis took advantage of OP, but the kid was left alone. Not in a good mental state to be a parent and lacks common sense.
The baby mama is AAH she left her child with a narcissus. That’s Being treated for depression and all the other myer of pharmaceuticals that can It’ll do you buy People whose motivation it is To keep you dependent. Help me people don’t Pay their bills. yeah that maui vacation from fizer didn’t hurt either. And if that person has a streak a green through their hair run before you Find yourself being transition
You can be charged with abandonment not the mother you have the child. You should have called the police up and have them come out and take care of the child and going home. Then the wife in the fair partner could explain to husband where she was. But you left a child that you accepted responsibility for. No wonder you have anxiety It’s obvious that you’re narcissistic Interpret my opic behavior definitely should be not exposed to children
Last story. YTA. All you had to do was sit there and exist till someone came home. I know anxiety & panic attack’s don’t make any sense, but you worked yourself into that attack. You knew in advance you would be minding the sleeping kid for a little bit, if you didn’t want to, you should have grown a spine & said no straight away. God, fancy leaving a sleeping toddler in a house alone. Parents get reamed for that. The mother didn’t leave that kid alone. You did.