Dowry is an ancient tradition that involves a woman bringing money, goods, or estate to her husband or his family during marriage. It is most common in patrilineal cultures and serves as an expression of the man’s seriousness and responsibility. Dowry payments in India have been stable over the past few decades, with a World Bank study examining 40,000 marriages.
A dowry is a gift given by the bride’s family to the groom and his family at the time of their marriage. In many cultures, women are now allowed to inherit and own property and/or money. Prenuptial agreements can also protect a woman’s property.
In the United States, dowry can encompass emotional support, shared experiences, and acts of kindness that strengthen the bond between partners. In some cultures, dowry is obligatory upon the husband and the wife has sole ownership of it. In Islamic marriages, the primary roles and responsibilities of both partners are defined, and the rules regarding the earning and spending of wealth are clearly defined.
Dowry is an umbrella term for the money and valuable goods that a bride’s family offers to the groom and his family at the time of their marriage. In some cultures, bride dowry is equivalent to dowry paid to the groom or used by the bride to help establish the new household.
Bride price refers to a situation where the groom alone or with his family makes a wedding payment to the bride’s family in the form of a bride price or bridewealth. Taking the dowry is the best decision one can make in their life, as it protects their wealth and reputation and saves them from divorce.
📹 What Is A Dowry?
What is a dowry? Why do people say it’s evil? Where does it come from? Was it always bad? What’s the history of a dowry?
Is dowry illegal in the US?
Is it legal to give or receive a dowry in the US? This is where it gets interesting. It’s not legal in the US. Some states have laws against dowries.
Dowry is illegal in the US. The practice of a bride’s family giving gifts or money to the groom’s family at the time of marriage is a long-standing tradition in many cultures. However, the law on dowries in the US is often misunderstood. In this blog post, we will look at the legal status of dowry in the US.
Understanding dowry laws in the US. The US federal law does not address dowry, and it is illegal in some states. In some states, giving or receiving dowry is illegal and can result in criminal charges. In California, Illinois, and Texas, giving and receiving dowry is illegal. Some states have no laws about dowry, which can make things confusing for those involved.
Case Studies and Statistics. In recent years, there have been many high-profile cases in the US about dowry. These cases show that the practice is complex legally and ethically. In 2018, a man in California was charged with extortion and conspiracy for demanding a dowry from his wife’s family. This case showed the need for clear and consistent dowry laws across all states.
What is the meaning of dowry in marriage?
A woman’s dowry is the money, goods, or estate she brings to her husband or his family in marriage. A dowry is money, goods, or property given by a woman to her husband or his family when she marries. In cultures where women live with or near their husband’s family, dowries have a long history in Europe, South Asia, Africa, and other parts of the world. A dowry protects the wife from being mistreated by her husband and his family. A dowry used this way is a gift that can be taken back if the husband does something wrong to the wife. Land and precious metals are often used in this form of dowry and cannot be taken back by the husband. A dowry can help a new husband take on his responsibilities as a husband. This is especially important in societies where young people often marry. The dowry helps the couple start a household. In some societies, a dowry helps the wife if her husband dies. In this case, the dowry is like her inheritance of her husband’s estate.
What is marriage dowry price?
Bride price is money paid by a groom or his family to the woman or her family before or after marriage. Bride price, bride-dowry, bride-wealth, bride service, or bride token is money or property paid by a groom or his family to the woman or her family. In some cultures, the bride dowry is the same as the groom’s dowry. It helps the couple start their new life together. Dower is property given to the bride by the groom at the wedding. Some cultures do both. Many cultures practiced bride dowry before records existed. Bride dowry is common in many Asian countries, Eastern Europe, the Middle East, parts of Africa, and some Pacific Island societies. The amount can range from a few dollars to thousands of dollars in Thailand and up to $100,000 in Papua New Guinea.
Function Bridewealth is often paid in a different currency. French anthropologist Philippe Rospabé says it’s not about buying a woman. It’s a symbol of the husband’s debt to the wife’s parents.
What is the point of a dowry?
A dowry is money or property given by the bride’s family to the groom’s family at the time of marriage. It is an ancient custom that is still practiced in many countries and communities around the world. Originally, brides received dowries, not grooms. The original purpose of a dowry was to compensate the bride’s family for her loss of labor and reproductive potential. Somewhere before the start of the Roman period, the custom changed so that the bride’s family had to give a dowry to the groom’s family. A bride’s dowry was often made up of clothes, often made by the bride or her family. Every item of clothing, from buttons to aprons, was a testament to the bride’s skill in sewing, weaving, embroidery, etc. Clothing, bedding, rugs, and wall decorations were also important for a newlywed couple to furnish their home. The custom of giving dowries has lasted for centuries. All women in a family group made their dowry starting from when a girl was born. Girls learned to weave, stitch, and embroider, so they could start making their dowry in their teens. Women used their hand-made items to express themselves in the fabrics that would furnish their future home. This was like magic, with the weaver’s soul in their dowries, made with their chosen materials, illustrations, and patterns.
Is dowry allowed in Christianity?
The court didn’t give you that woman. Go back and settle her dowry with her parents. Don’t disrespect her parents. If you do, God won’t be happy. The parents must receive gifts or money according to their cultural traditions. If the country’s culture doesn’t have clear biblical rules, follow the principles in the Bible. I don’t respect Indian culture when it comes to women paying men dowries. Most Indians practice Hinduism, which has over three million gods.
Do men pay a dowry?
Dowry: Money or goods given to a bride by her family. In the Roman Empire, the bride’s family gave money to the groom or his family to help pay for the bride’s living expenses. In some cultures, the groom gives a gift to the bride or her family on marriage. In others, the bride gives a gift to the groom or his family. The dowry can be a gift to the in-laws or insurance for the bride. It’s something she can keep if she gets divorced. Other terms for this are “bride price” or “bridewealth.” Over time, some families used the dowry system to exploit others. What was meant to be a gift and promise of security soon became a demand that resulted in broken engagements, divorce, violence, and even death. These countries made dowries illegal. Today, the dowry is more informal and casual. It is especially common among members of the African and South Asian diasporas. It’s a way to keep traditions alive and honor a couple’s culture.
What is the dowry of virgins?
The guilty man must pay the virgin the dowry of virgins. The amount is not given here, but in Deuteronomy 22:29 we are told it is fifty shekels of silver, a very large amount in those days. The dowry must be paid even if he doesn’t marry her. Seduction was too costly to be common in those days. The girl’s father decided whether or not she would marry. If the father refused the man as a son-in-law, the dowry still went to the girl. The girl went into her marriage with a dowry. This law puts the father first. It was his job to look after his daughter and make sure she got a good marriage.
Does a woman keep her dowry?
If you or your husband or in-laws received a dowry, it is yours. You have a right to any property given as dowry to your husband and his family. The person who receives the dowry must give it to the bride. If you don’t, you could go to jail for up to two years and/or be fined up to Rs. 10,000.
📹 Why Do Indians Still Take Dowry?
This week, The Swaddle team explores the origins of dowry in India, and why it continues to be so common. Editor: Bavana Gone …
I remember when I was in class 7 and we casually went on a trip to the jewellery store (who does that?) and my parents got a gold biscuit. This was a common thing they did, they always got these gold biscuits when the price for gold was low. So this time I asked them why they were obsessed with gold biscuits. They told me that they did this for when they would need to marry off both me and my sister. I was confused because they taught in school that dowry is banned to which they replied that that doesn’t stop any family from taking unless it’s a love marriage so lmao. It’s been 10 years since then and I have realised that I am not attracted to men and haven’t come out to my family yet so that’s gonna be fun 🙂 Edit: My family is from Kerala and we’re Christians
My brother is getting married and he and my mom refuse to take dowry. MY GOD ! That was the toughest thing we ever had to do. Our side of the family almost ate us alive. The brides side was begging us to take atleast the jewels. And they MUST take all the wedding cost. And not share it with us. . Holy mother of love, that was a nightmare. We miraculously made the brides side agree toa tleast split the cost in half. And NO DOWRY.
I don’t know about other places but in Jharkhand and Bihar, if the guy is a doctor or if he is having govt job, they tend to take hefty dowry in case of arrange marriages. I remember talking to one of my male colleagues, asking him not to take dowry, as it’s not fair for the girl’s family and shouldn’t have any place in a progressive society. He was like it part of our culture, even his parents have aspirations. I was thinking Wtf.
Well let me tell you something. Dowry is not a real issue hypocrisy is . 1.If you are family of a daughter you hate when someone asks for dowry but you are groom’s family then it’s ok to ask for dowry . 2. Chasing well settled guy in order to secure future of daughters. Parents themselves don’t consider their daughters capable enough to secure their future so they chase guy way out of their league and end up paying for it . 3. Not allowing ur kids marrying by their choice – sounds stupid but it is still practiced in India . Let ur kids chose their own partner on their understanding rather than forcing them in alliance parents prefer for maintaining there social status . 4. Expecting guy to have big house, property, six figure salary but then at the same time not considering the age of a guy . It’s hard to achieve these many things by mid twenties
you know all these dowry problems would be solved if parents stop involving themselves in their adult childern’s love life so much, man or woman… they need to find a suitable partner themseleves, acc. to their own persepectives… then introduce them to each others families and decide their own futures. Of course, for this to happen, woman and man both should first be financially, socially and mentally independent in this society… and not stay dependent on their parents. Statistically, womanfolk are the dependent section of our society…for this to change we need more and more woman to get out of their homes, start working and building independent careers, and manage their own finances, and sponsor their own wedding together, bride and groom. If parents want to help, they are welcome, but not forced. never forced.
My relationship recently ended because they demanded “gifts” aka dowry. I am a Bengali and simply can’t be the part of the evil system again. The guy was from North Indian state. I had no idea that these people can make so many excuses to take dowry…oh sorry I mean “gifts”…”gifts”. I feel disgusted and he wasted my one year. He made fun of my height, wight, looks and job. He acts like he cares, but actually insults me, told I am “not marriageable” and no guy will accept. He thought eventually my family will give money and car and gold “gifts”. But I realized this tactics gradually and kicked him out of my life yesterday. Now I m having a hard time to sleep bcz I loved that guy. But I simply can’t ruin my life by being a part of this low class mentality. I did the right thing and have no regrets. Oh and I am a financially independent highly educated Bengali women and still they had the audacity to ask for dowry to my ma and tell bad stuff against me when rejected.
My cousin was my aunt and uncle’s only daughter.. They have land, rental property and own home. So naturally all these assets will naturally go to my cousin.. The groom’s family demanded a car(a luxury one), money and more jewels on bride. They didn’t demand anything at first but, when marriage was nearing they dropped the bomb.. My uncle had to sell a land and had to buy their demands.. Yet, they were saying that they could have done better.. I lost faith in humanity
If the transactional nature of marriage is to be eradicated, the first step is allowing men and women to choose their partners themselves without any family interference. Arranged marriages are inherently flawed as it’s the pairing of 2 strangers where their physical and material offerings are commoditised – literally like scanning through a brochure and picking out a product. How degrading is that to a human being. People always harp on about the low divorce rates in India, but what people should look into is what proportion of marriages are happy. Arranged marriage is a system designed to keep 2 people tied to each other with or without their will. A woman isn’t given the opportunity or permission to be financially independent so often women won’t initiate divorce for fear of their future (as in many cases their own families won’t support them). Men are raised as undomesticated so they need a female caregiver to “look after” them. Its an interdependent structure whereas the preferred approach should be to enable both parties to be equally independent. It shocks, surprises and upsets me how parents never allow their children to grow up and make their own decisions. I mean why in matrimonial ads are people written about as “girl” or “boy” when they’re over 18? Also, it’s baffling to me how a couple are pressured into deciding whether they want to marry a person they barely know after one or two meetings. A person is never going to reveal their true nature in this amount of time.
I mean yeah… Marriage is a market in India I still quote my computer science teacher who recently told my class boys “Independent Girls make bad wives, they won’t depend on husband for financial requirements and therefore u will lose control in them. So choose wisely” I was sitting there thinking, what the hell was my teacher’s point. I mean did she mean that girls should not be “over educated”🙂 or did she mean men should always “control his wife”🙂 or did she mean “something else”🙂.I was confused.. I mean she was showing bad example right? 🙂
Once when I was in 7th standard I told to my mom and sister that I will not take a single penny from my in law ( I mean was the dowry) and they said you should focus on your study than this shitty thing. And gave me a 15min lecture that it’s not all about the money it’s about the respect that your in law gives you and us (the ladke Wale kinda thing) So, yeah someone rightly said “Ki aurat hi aurat ki dushman hai” I may sound like sexist but this is what I’ve been perusal and experience for years.
As a working independent woman and what I know from other women like me …1. we want equal marraige 2. We don’t want guys parents money only guy should be able to earn as much as we do ( fair ask equal ) 3. Not willing to live with over interfering in -laws ( who are toxic and don’t know boundaries. Genuine ppl can live with ) 4. Share every responsibility without gender bias. 5. Guy can finacial help his family so does girl. Girl will take care of her parents whenever she see fits. Guy has to give same respect / effort towards his in laws as he is expecting from his wife to his parents. There now you go. I know around 10-15 girls middle class earning girls who wants these things. Respect and equality not audi or 2-3 cr flat. But haven’t seen any guy agree to this..even if they agree it’s extremely hard for them to have a partner who has equal say in all matters. Cause bachapan se yahi sikhaya hai mera raja beta to sabse khas hai.
Dowry Is Something Very Insane. Recently My Friend Got Married, Her Family Gave 15 Lakhs (Including 11 Lakh Car & A Bullet Bike) + All Furnitures + Household Items. They Only Themselves Paid The Engagement & Wedding Bills. The Overall Expenses Were Around 36 Lakhs!! Why These Greedies Don’t Understand That Bride’s Family Are Also Humans, They Don’t Have Any Money Machine In Thier Home!!
I have witnessed a case in my neighborhood that haunts me when i think of this society…..there is an aunt in my neighborhood who was married to a middle class family and her father was forced to give dowry but couldnot give the whole amount so that aunt of mine had to face domestic violence and constant torture at her in laws place …….they would make her do all the work all by herself and also did not give her food to eat added with beating and yelling……after a year she gave birth to a girl child and the family was discontented and wanted to kill the child ……so one day what they did was put kerosene on my aunt along with her daughter and attempted to burn both of them alive….but fortunately the aunt have being realised that they were in danger had called her dad who thankfully came with the police just in time also her brother in law did a lot to prevent that disaster (he was the only one at her in laws place who was good and cared for her)…..
Because in India marriages are not based on love or care willingly. It’s rare to see dowry exchange in love marriages where they marry each other by choice and love. Parents don’t want their daughters to be financially independent and flourish as a person but just want to marry her off to rich and stable guy. Like wtf ? Also the groom’s parents tag a fix rate for their son according to their job like they are some kind of commodity. They don’t want an educated and earning bride but an educated caretaker instead. My elder sister got married last year. It was a love marriage and both are earning. The topic of dowry or expensive gifts was not even brought up. The whole fallacy goes to hypocrite parents. I hope this generation knows what’s good for them.
So many people in comment section are defending dowry and this tell us how far we need to go. This is for people defending dowry see dowry deaths are real, but I have never heard about deaths because of low salary. And the logic you are giving are at some extent right but according to this logic that women marry only rich man then I don’t know how poor people are having a wife. I know most of families want a stable man then a poor one and this need to be changed but defending dowry because of this is so wrong. Dowry is a crime. Dowry deaths and domestic violence because of dowry are real. They only situation to escape this is marry a partner you love or marry someone who is financially independent.
Even in Regency-Era England, the dowry (among upper-class women) was absorbed by the man but she still had ‘pin money’ that took care of immediate expenses so that she didn’t have to ask for money. I feel that in our society, especially among some CIS-Het Savarna Men, feel a sadistic pleasure in seeing their wife be deprived and dependent. A sad reality indeed.
Both my husband and I are doctors. I just graduated from medical school and my husband was working as an attending physician in the US. We were asked all of 10,000 rupees as a dowry as a custom. Which we forgot totally. No one actually even remembered to ask or take the dowry. My inlaws are physicians too. Education makes a huge difference in our mindset. That’s the reason we all need to be educated. Even if you don’t plan to work in the future
I am a guy born and brought up in the US and I was discussing this with my female friend a few days ago. I am totally against it but she is supportive of ‘gifts’ and I fibd this so stupid. The girl does not need to be sent with a dowry or stri dhan. Woh khud bhi padhi likhi hai woh shaadi ya divorce ke baad kaam kar sakti hai aur aatm nirbhar reh sakti hai. There’s no chance that I’d accept ‘gifts’ in my wedding. Also Wtf is ‘Len den’ lene wala kuch de hi nahi raha aur dene wale kuch le bhi nahi rahe.
The question should be “Why Indians Still Give Dowry?” The receiving side will never refuse anything, its general human behaviour. But the fact that most families from girl side are comfortable to put grand amounts for groom just to bag their daughter a “good partner” or “family name” for me is the main cause of problems. Its not an issue if a women gets married late or not gets married to a grand surname or family if they are not willing to pay dowries, resistance is needed else no point of blaming the other side who’s in receiving end of all these benefits.
I have been thinking that women in my locality should go to police when their husbands are harrassing for dowry. So that their husbands could get a lesson they deserve. But a police inspector in our locality was demanding 60 lacks dowry. And ppl were saying he has a big govt job and he could demand that much.
I have a question: Why does a father of the daughter have to give gold ornaments to the daughter while marriage? As Modern people are not going to wear that gold ornaments then what is the purpose of giving such expensive ornaments? All this things are so deeply rooted in our culture that we don’t even question it.
Rethinking the institution of marriage as a relationship between equals is a nice dream, but won’t happen anytime soon because the parties are not equal. Women are in an inherently weaker position when it comes to marriage. Between having fewer alternative options for income, the social pressure to be settled and the biological ticking clock, they lack the bargaining power to approach the institution as an equal. And when one side is at a disadvantage, the other side is certainly going to take advantage of it. So much so that even after marriage, a woman is not given any financial independence, even if she continues to work. Financial independence is the key here and apart from the obvious solution of more women in education and work-force, maybe it’s time to take dowry back to it’s original roots as shown in the article. Whatever “gifts” the bride’s parents give at the wedding should be to the bride. Whether it’s property or money, it should be in the girl’s name and neither the groom nor his family should be allowed to touch it without her permission.
I have heard this many times “humein dahej nhi chahiye, bas aap humaare mehmaano aur baraatiyon ka swaagat acche ae kar dijiyega”. Doesn’t it create pressure on the bride’s family to spend more for a lavish and expensive show off wedding party, with of course some goodiegood return gifts for the barati and mehman of groom’s side? Isn’t it of some vicarious kind of dowry?
How sweetly & efforrlessly speaks Anahita ❤️ Her facial expressions just hold me for each and every article. Talking about dowry, I don’t know when can we be free from this old money 💰 laundering practice of groom’s family. I am going through this whole shitty process rightnow as my sister is getting married & despite of my not agreeing with this all, I am being a part of this whole shit. Because of my father & the not so understanding groom’s family. I feel shocked to see when the Groom’s mother is demanding all the quantitative things with a smiling face & without any hesitation. I feel this should be a responsibility of Groom to take a stand in his own marriage & discard this burdening thought of Dowry. Also, at least women should support & understand women. Not saying every women is bad, but when I see a Groom’s mother herself is demanding about money, “kya kharch karenge, kya denge” this give me a very bad impression. Also, daughter should be seriously made educated by parents & make themselves Financially independent so that they don’t have to take this bullshit from anybody. In addition to this all, the burden of Society kya kahegi sochegi, this is itself an idea which resides in the heart of a family/father which sometimes forces people to get hurry and get stuck in these kind of wrong families
Hi The Swaddle, I really like the content and topic that you bring up. It’s quite essential that all of us understand the real cause and the statics of thing going around. one suggestion from my side I feel the content should be in Hindi (can take example by Soch by Mohak Mandal) so the generation like us (80s-90s) could show your articles to our elder generation (parents and grand parents). I know its difficult generation like these to understand such critical and long going on topics. Your content is good and can reach out to a bigger audience if made in Hindi. Hope you would consider this suggestion. Thanks.
The key to ending dowry I think is getting rid of the idea that, marriage is the most important thing in a women’s life. Grooms who asks for dowry should immediately be rejected. Stop bugging women asking her questions like “when are you getting married?”, “When are you having kids?”. Make your daughters financially independent so that marriage doesn’t end up becoming a means of livelihood for her. And getting married is not a woman’s obligation, motherhood is not an obligation. it’s a choice. It’s ok to be unmarried. It’s ok to be single. It’s ok to be childfree. Women don’t owe this world or anyone any children. Women don’t owe men anything. Don’t hesitate to reject potential grooms who dare to ask for dowry or special treatment in any form. Split the marriage bill equally between the bride and groom’s families. If groom’s family disagrees, once again don’t hesitate to cancel the wedding. Groom’s family is not God. Groom = Bride, Groom’s Family = Bride’s family. Groom and Groom’s family do not deserve any privilege or consideration. If we follow these, I think the dowry system will fall apart within no time.
I am from North East Dowry is not an issue here atleast among the locals. Most people here are decent enough not to ask or demand money or gifts shamelessly from the other party Also women are definitely treated better and equal here from what i have seen I guess you need to have good upbringing too like parents teaching their boys that women are equal etc which is generally seen here
Many women are in need of help on how to get a job or start nd run a business for their financial independence. If they get it, they’ll not be a liability in the concept of marriage. That’ll probably help this dowry go away. All they need is good knowledge, communication skills and self confidence to come out and earn for themselves and the taste of economical freedom will do the rest..
In Assam, its instead the groom’s family who has to gift the bride with most of the gold jewels and silken bridal attire. Yes,dowry system exists here in too, but its very casual and not heavily spent upon The concept of spending an entire fortune for a ” Big Fat Indian Wedding ” doesn’t exist in here as most weddings are quite an intimate and simple affair So yeah, girls have much more liberty in here I’m not generalizing, but its true atleast for a large section of the population.
I wanna add my two cents to the discussion. Even if the women become financially independent and contribute to the running of the family, dowry as a discriminatory extortion practice will continue. There are family’s family’s where the wife earns money and does all the housework and both her homemaking & earnings are considered a right of her husband to dispense with at his pleasure.
When society doesn’t values that women in a marriage can also perform good & aid financially, they also pressurise the men to earn more, work relentlessly, give up on their career dreams and choose a more secure path and doesn’t allow them to cope up with stress and anxiety organically. That’s the thing! Patriarchy is not saving anyone.
Girls and ladies (and decent men & fathers out there), while commenting I have seen some low level creatures saying in favor of this heinous system of dowry!! So, I request all of you to be financially independent (and please make the female members of your home financially independent too) so that these imbeciles can’t take advantage of you by giving lame excuses while searching for a groom. Trust me I am a second generation earning woman, meaning my mother used to earn too. It gives you a different level of mental strength and confidence & you can yeet these creatures out of your life. We can’t change society alone but we can definitely change our life. Also, please don’t marry until you become financially stable and independent (yes, womenfolk too) .
I come from Bihar and recently around on 25th of November, just the house in front of me had a woman’s body laying on their doorstep and soon I found out that the woman was their bahu and because her family was not able to provide the dowry they demanded, they made her starve for 8 days and cut her arms and legs and also used heated iron to scar her skin. The case was reported, the police came but the family bribed them and they did nothing and just left without investigating the crime scene. I was so disgusted and horrified, I’m seriously scared of humans more than anything now. Our whole neighborhood is just straight up disgusted by their behavior towards their daughter-in-law. We socially discarded the family but god knows how many women have to go through this just for the cause that they are women. Hope all of them find peace and security within their lives. I love them, they are a inspiration for me. I’m working hard enough, I make sure to leave this country as my father told me to. Good luck ladies 🚺 be strong and keep fighting because there’s alot to be fighting for.
Hmm i am from a community with no dowry so i will not comment on my behalf but hope the whole India can speak up against it coz before seeing this article i thought everyone opposes dowry as it was taught in school but i see a rare kind of human species here who supports them. So hope all of you can save yourself from this species💙
I am from Bihar, here if Brides family deny to offer dowry then they have to hear many nasty comments such “as forcibly imposing their daughter on someones” and Many life long taunts which sticked to them to their grave.. So not a single parent in the state can’t imagine to get marry their daughters without heavy dowry..
My neighbors they are native of Agra and 5 months back, the man of the house was talking to his distant cousin and telling him that a relative in their family is IAS and the cash in dowry they have demanded is “Rs. 1 Crore”. I mean “Rs. 1 Crore ” cash ??? ( Exclude stuff in kind) That means the other party is able+agreeing to pay. That is some serious shit. Even a lady whose son( has his own shop of electronics) got married to a girl(who was preparing for Teacher job in govt school,now she is teacher in central govt school) they received a “BALENO” car(top model) + Cash + flat in NCR. here are many such cases where even the girl’s family show off that they have given such kind of stuff to the Groom. So now my brother is a married man okay, in our community or family (Pahari people )dowry is not a dominant theme of marriage ceremony. So No DOWRY So the lady whose son got “BALENO” Car in dowry asked my mother ” Tere bete ki shaadi Hui na woh Govt job hai na,kitna Mila” ??? My mother said ” Nhi humare mein aisa nhin hota itna lene dene ka” The lady said” Na na Govt job wale ko bhot mil jata hai,tera beta toh govt. Job mein hai, humare mein toh govt job mein ho ladka toh bhot dete hain” Then she asked “Teri bahu Kya krti hai ” My mom said ” Job krti hai Gurgaon mein ” The lady said ” Private hai Kya ???” My mom said ” haan ” The lady ” Arey Pvt toh bekaar hoti hai,na aaney ka time na jaane ka time” In govt job Dowry remains always high even for not so good job profile. One friend of mine who became Sub Inspector in Delhi Police when he got married his family received (on demand) “Rs.
No country for Men! Law is against you. You will not be heard. You will be laughed upon if you cried or complained. Your curiosity, intelligence, courage, bravery and power to achieve impossible tasks have been neglected and forgotten. The very world you created in order to reap the benefits by working in those transmission lines, sewer lines, mines, buildings & skyscrapers, prevent forest fires offshore refineries, or canals by breaking your Sweat, Blood and Bones will be yours but less than equal. Those sacrifice made every time and everywhere to let young and weak to see another day will never be acknowledged, let alone rewarded. This list can go on but just want to say. To all men out there — Thank you, YOU ARE AMAZING!
Thank you ! I am waiting for its Second Part now. 🙄 WHY DO INDIANS STILL GIVE DOWRY?🤔 You covered one side of it (According to the articles verbal script).🧐 Also If you could please change the song from Chahida- chahida(take take) of Oye Lucky Lucky Oye to something which has Ditta – Ditta (give give). 😂
Dowry is taken by everyone but its forms are different. Girl’s family thinks that our daughter is not capable to make money, so they give money to boy to bring up their daughter after marriage. One condition can also be seen. If girls earn or make money, family search for boys who earn or make more money than their daughter then family again gives dowry. जायदा की चाहत में और जायदा चाहिए सभी को. Whether it’s from boy’s family or girl’s family.
I too used to hate dowry.But this one incident changed my perspective somewhat, so this guy comes to my House to see if I am fit for her daughter. But the Question he asked me were all about my income and my father’s property. All of his Questions were revolving around these Questions. So, I realised if girls is not going to earn. And her parents only look for Guys who are well settled and have good property, is not wrong. Then how come if a Guy asks for dowry is wrong?. If she can earn well, then guys should ask for dowry
Discussion below issues 1. Marriages where reverse Dowry happening, where Girls father earning money because of shortage of girl. 2. Law it self not define what is mean by Dowry. Girls after getting Divorce getting huge alimony, what is it, reverse Dowry.? Or Marriage unfortunately turning towards legalised prostitution.
Uff- I’m a 16 year old and ever since I could remember things, I’ve always had memories of my father saying “beti ki shadi ke liye paise bachne hai”, I used to ignore it but growing up listening to that repeadly was quite annoying, so one day maybe when I was around 13 I told him to stop saying & believing such imbecile things and he replied to me with “you don’t understand what the actual world is like” Again when I turned 14 I heard my father saying the same thing again and by that time I could say I knew quite a few things about how men and women are DIFFERENTLY in our patriarchal society so I told him to stop repeating things which r disgusting also because dowry is banned since idk for how long and getting married isn’t something y should be paying for, he replied with a “shut up when u don’t know the real world”… Like dude people like u r making the world so in-survivable, and I’ve not heard him say anything about it since then, kudos to me;)
The only solution is to take decisions at the individual level as well as at the collective level in panchayats and societies, for eg villages at their own level can take pledge that they will not allow to give or take dowry from now onwards in this village, then only laws can achieve success otherwise not,
To all those people saying Husband’s house is not a free hotel Bhai ek baat batao aisa konsa hotel hota hai jisme apne kaam khud karne padte hai aur dusre guests ke bhi kaam aur seva karo (Hypocrisy ki bhi seema hoti hai) aur man liya ki hai hotel toh she is doing the work she should be paid for it. Not asked for money.
there are 2 reasons first being that the groom’s side doesn’t want to upset the brides side by not accepting it if offered, it is seen as the groom being a big shot 2nd reason is the ego of the bride’s side that we are capable of giving dowry to the groom and if we don’t that is a stain on our family Obviously I’m not talking about cases where there is manipulation and coercion involved I’m talking about average families
I don’t know about other states but in Telugu states Andhra Pradesh and Telangana even if the groom is less educated then bride and he has less salary or equal salary as bride they will ask for high dowry or property and marriage expenses nearly 10 lakhs. I don’t understand when a girl is educated, doing job then why she has to pay the dowry and buy the men.
Mere neighbour mein ek ladki thi ..bhot saal phele when i was 12 years old …unke lie rishta dekha tha ladka jobeless tha but usne masters kia tha …ladki ke parents ne socha ki chlo ladka well educated hai or decent hai to shaadi fix krdi ye socha ki badmein lg jaega …or ladki ki parents ne apni khushi se usko gift ke tor pe bhot saman dia or paise bhi But vo ladka bhot hi careless hogya shaadi k baad na job dhunta or after marriage daaru pikar marna bhi start krdia or uss ladke ne or uske parents or zyada dahej ki demand ki …or because ladki ne manna kia to usko maara peeta gya To ab iss case mein kya ladka sahi hai kya ??? To all those jo kehte h dahej shi hai agar ladka tumhein job wala chahiye to
Me and my family was never involved in dowry system, we have followed it in my brother marriage, but what about preference given by girl’s family to boys in gov jobs, even if they agreed for boys in private jobs, they want 10-12 lpa with only 3-4 years of experience, which is not possible in many cases, there are genuine dowry and dowry related murder incidents but what about fake charges which led to non bailable warrants of entire family of groom.
Today dowry is not in the in the form of money or household goods but nowdays people are taking dowry in the form of gold . Yes, i saw many groom’s family saying we don’t want anything the gold sets for mother and father, a ring for sisters and gold for groom . In jammu i saw that this new way of taking dowry . Actually this trend of gold was rich people becuse they give so much gold to her daughter’s in – law and due to this many middle class and poor people also started demanding the same from bride’s parents.
Some rich peoples not taking dowry but ask to bride and her family…..shadi aur engagement ka pura khrcha aap krvado shadi lgvado bs aur kuch nhi chahiye…….aur inko luxurious wedding bhi chahiye…..jaise ladki apne ma bap ka boj hai to ye boj utha rhe hai…..after that demands increase after marriage, they want gifts in festivals like gold jewellery and all pregnancy delivery expenses also…..ye logonka culture hai in india rich peoples also involve in this unke pas kitna bhi paisa kyun na ho lekin unka expectation complete hona chahiye nhi to vo hmesha tont dete rhenge ye modern culture mein bhi chalu hai abhibhi most of the places……they dont think about girls parents finacial condition. I am experiencing this thing right now and now I am blaming myself for choose this type of guy. I didn’t think before the marriage.Unko kitna bhi smzao lekin unki rit unko bdlni nhi hai bilcul bhi generation by genration ye sb chaluhi rkhna hai.
Human Rights Watch has also criticized the Indian government for its inability to make any progress towards eliminating dowry deaths and its lackluster performance for bringing its perpetrators to justice in 2011. In 2004, the Global Fund for Women launched its “Now or Never” funding project. This campaign hopes to raise funds domestically and consequently finance the efforts of feminist organizations across the globe – including Indian women’s rights activists. As of 2007 the Now or Never fund has raised and distributed about $7 million. ☝India is your country and all Indians are your brothers and sisters. 🕊🏳☮️Ⓜ️
The simple thing is ….it feels like we are getting sold ..and I don’t want to pay anyone to marry me.. if I’m illiterate I’ll do all the household…raise your child…leave my family..if I’m literate I’ll do job ..manage childrens (teach them too) .. do household work and leave my family… But the fucking point is “I WON’T PAY ANYONE TO MARRY ME”
I feel women are equally responsible nowadays. In my cousins family talk about they have given dowry because they want PCS officer, and even my cousin sister not a single time said that she is OK with marrying with a primary teacher ( my cousin sister is primary teacher). or with a person with equal salary. She is rich ( her parents are) so they have given around 60 lakh. On the other hand my bhabhi is software engineer and they haven’t given a single rupee because salary of groom and bride is same.. I feel sad that there are good no.of girls who are educated but they give dowry because of higher salary and property of groom..
Evils of arranged marriage. As long as people keep arranging theirs kid’s marriages based on superficial aspects like money, looks and family property, problems like dowry wil keep existing. Let your teens date with restrictions so that they grow up into individuals who can handle relationships. Normalise sex education.
Things of hefty cost are exchanged in marriages without saying a single word directly .Said to be gifts but they are not!! Laws were made but couldn’t do much but the way things are acc to me only educational drives (ex. Beti bchao beti pdhao) can bring change. It’ll be slow but there will be a change. Also i see people in comment section going crazy about any such giving of things to boy’s family. To those people- “Tmhare ghr m kbhi shaadi hui h?” 😂. Boy has to give 1 or 2 month’s salary as the 1st shagun of marriage and 2nd shagun in exchanged after hldi i guess. Boy’s last shagun is given before sitting in mandap and girl’s last shagun is given after marriage has happened (That’s where dowry mostly happens). So there definitely will be exchange of money, gifts, belongings . Don’t get so judgemental about things. Although you can’t be blamed for being judgemental cuz problem is too big but still not evey gift is a dowry.
I like the way Swaddle raises important social issues but I dislike how they omit any important detail that shows western world in Bad light. Dowry was a very strong tradition for the British elite and that’s how it was strengthened during British Raj. In Britain, a women without Dowry will find it impossible to get married. Yes it was evil and shouldn’t have a place in modern society and is probably the root cause of most social vices.
However, you are presenting only one side of story. There are few other aspects as well : 1. Girl’s family always look for hypergamy i.e. marrying their daughter to a man higher than their own social status. Most of the girl’s parents are ready to marry off their daughter with a more successful guy by giving dowry rather than marrying her to someone with lower social status. 2. While women are very vocal about dowry, they are not vociferous about discrimination done by their own parents while distributing property to their children where all property is appropriated by male child or girl’s brother.
Girls shouldn’t ask salary of groom. I mean you can ask about job, experience, company, education etc. Marrying someone based on salary is same as marrying someone giving/taking dowry. If boys are ready to marry girls without asking salary then why not girls? Girls ask for so many things like: Do you have govt job? How much property you have? How many homes you have? How much bank balance? Screenshot of bank balance Payslip How many brother/sister and how much property you are going to inherit etc Whether boy is earning in 6 digit or not while the girl is unemployed or merely earning 10-20k Whether the boy is graduated and have higher degrees than girl or not etc.
If dowry is bullshit, then why alimony is not. If a well established guy marryan unemployed girl (bcz vice versa is not see possible). If he shares his achievements, earnings and estate with that unemployed girl, but same time divorce happens. That same Bechari girl asks shamelessly for half his earning as alimony…. Is it justified ?
When you give Bribes as a money for college admission, Government offices,traffic police, Dowery etc. means that you were not qualified enough to get your work done due to which you pay the money that’s it … why you want settle family when you and your family is not settled….. their is whole city in India where men’s are willing to marry you for free every year millions of men died without married a girl in India if dowery is a big issue when you want somebody of above your capability in terms of job security, family status, family wealth, body structure and many more factors then only you give dowery …
Also I hv seen commonly that people scam bride’s family and show how eligible, wealthy his son is so they could milk bride’s family and gain more dowry but after marriage groom would say that he can’t do job and have put all his money to a startup or some kind of thing and truth comes out finally that groom is so lethargic and doesn’t want to do the hardships or any work …..all was fake to lure bride’s side and get more dowry .now groom doesn’t care for her wife also after having a baby and randomly throws tantrums at her and treats her like maid …..she hv left no choice ….devasted, depressed,loveless and still have to be a good person that take all responsibility,do sewa, puja, fast and always keep smiling ……. while the groom can be irresponsible yet respected and do all mauj with dowry money
Ye bahut sari cheezon se juda hai sabse gehri jad ye hai ki pita ki property k divide hona …ladke ko mil jaati hai ladki ko to nahi milta ..wo le sakti hai lekin usko doosri jagah move kerna hota hai kaise take care karegi…..aur pati k father p jo adhikar milta hai kewal shadi ker lene se …uski keemat bhi kuch hoti hai …..ye sab itna confusing hai ki log dowry lena ….aur even dena bhi prefer kerte hai ki wo apni property se kuch share apni ladki ko de sake ……baccho ko independent banao …..aur unko bolo ki khud ki shadi khud k paison se karo…jo le jana hai le jao apni sasural…..ladke ladkiyan khud manage kare apni shadi ….may be thoda sa ye culture weak hoga
Rich kids get dowry .. now a days it is hard to find a girl for middle class men. Woman hate to stay with in laws. They need sofisticated house with 6 digit salary and income should not be shared to parents. Rich vs middle class differentiation and salary should not be considered while looking for groom.
Can’t belive there are so many people justifying “exchange of heavy gifts”. If you want the wife to have equal contribution to a household then marry a working woman with equal salary or even if she is a houswife, acknowledge her work. Because of such excessive payments required to get a girl married the female foeticide rate is high. Both bride and groom’s family enjoy a wedding function but the bride and her family are expected to spend most money for marriage. Of course people should also stop running after guys who are very rich etc but can’t believe people are supporting dowry because if that reason. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Again swaddle manipulated its audience. Making streedhan and dowry alike and shifted whole blame over Hindu Scripture Dowry is different from Stridhan in various ways, although both the concepts would come into the picture at the time of marriage. The difference between dowry and Stridhan is as explained below:- Dowry is giving and taking property and valuable security between the two parties to the marriage. However, Stridhan includes gifts and valuables, all of which are given only to the bride and is not a compulsion or condition for the marriage.
@AS-uj9lw One more thing, if we are Indians, equality was never a part of Indian marriages and culture. Even the concept of ‘ardnareshwari’ says men and female are ‘sum’ (read in hindi) which means neutral not equal. You can apply equality in professional life but personal relationships cannot work by equality. They need tender, care and love. – Even take the example of our parents and before much before generation. I don’t think any one of them was superior or inferior.
I think the colonial India Was a sabotage to the culture of India What they thaught us was to believe in is….. so called stats but neglect the complete background behind any practice. What we see now is the British manipulated India and this needs to change if we look at the background and the significance or the reason behind any practice, we will understand the emotions behind it like it was started to make the married woman independent which I think for some reason wasn’t highlighted more in the article. So our tradition and cultural practices practiced since 1000s of years ago really had some diplomatic thinking with it which the Britishers have kept hidden from us and I think we must understand in today’s world that making women independent is the right way going forward which is why it all started
Please come to Assam. Your concept of marriage as a “marriage market” denoting women as commodity is surely going to change. The very word “dahej” is an urdu word and I am surprised that there was no mention of “srtre dhan” (voluntary gift to girl child by the mother) becoming a liabality in the society with islamic culture of bride buying and christian ritual of Bride price. The thing is this event of marriage became a ritual of barter system during this change in rulers in society. And your claim that it dowry grew from hindu culture is false. It was a social system of carrying forward the woman’s wealth which the men folk of the family had no right on. It went through the women. The mother decided how much to be given to the daughter and how much to the daughter in law. The men had no say in it. But gradually the ritual turned into payment feature of marriage. So, for social pressure or ego satisfaction. Men had to choose that most of the gold has to be gained in mrriage from the bride’s family. Later this will be the groomvs property. Which was far from the actual practise. I liked the way you presented how it i fested the society, from higher classes to the lower. And how its still prevelent in various names and faces. Only that i was expecting a few more strong points which when added would made the article charming. Please keep up the good work.
Why don’t u talk about after Divorce Dowry when women takes Property and money’s from men, why don’t you talk about when women choose good Salary package Candidate. Why don’t you talk about when a women starting to earn after they always married whom earning more than them. Just talk these things also. Dowry dowry laga rakha hai humesha.
Dowry still exists because of baised Hindu marriage Act .. after marriage few days latter or even next day bride refused to stay in relationship and file for divorce, court hold husband liable and order to pay maintenance, and alimony having non of his fault. To avoid such burden groom family ask for the same amount which can be used for giving away as alimony, maintenance in such fraudulent marriage. Secondly greedy bride/bride’s family which want their poorly educated or dismally earning daughter marries off to financially well to do boy for luxurious life and even want their daughter to support her parents, siblings by providing luxury life by using her husband money. Untill there is no equal financial/earning capacity between prospective bride and groom, dowry system will remain exist (because of financial inequality i. e. bride financially weaker than groom)
Demanding dowry is totally justified if the girl and family are after a well settled, high income, heavy assets kinda guy, then why shouldn’t a guy look for the same since women always marry up be it in terms of height, strength, earning etc. It just seems fair to equate it in financial terms. A man earning 2lakhs per month will still Marry a woman who earns nothing, but we never see the reverse do we? Also a woman earning 50k per month won’t settle for a guy earning less than that. Dowry is totally justified
I feel that by enforcing the property inheritance equally to son and daughter will give a solution to dowry. Bcz lot of groom families thought that dowry as a part of bride’s ancestral property and they thought it is their right to ask dowry. So by giving equal proerty rights, in future, families themselves will realise dowry is an extra cost and it needs to be stoped.
Dear Swaddle team, I am writing this message to present my views on the contents of your website. I am a subscriber of your YouTube handle and there’s a persistent mistake that your team does. Despite the fact that it describes the goal to look at issues from a femininst lense, the website only talks about women! I have watched all of your articles and the all the content is about women and only 2-3 of them any mentions of men or the transgender. The balance is heavily disrupted. I also have a request that the team communicates with the people in the comment section. There are so many other views presented there and I have never personally seen your team replying to any of them. I also request that you present a Q/A with locals and not from researchers. The only reason being it makes the content more grounded. The studies conducted never show the participants and it is easy to forge data. All in all, I hope you take this into account and let me the progress. Keep up the good work 🙂 Regards, Major P. S- I typed all this the official site but message could not be sent so I am sending it here. Also, I have no issues people disagree with me, please present your take on this and let’s have a two way communication.
i say this, If your a man & have a job & want to get married. you don’t accept any dowry or gifts from the bride’s family because it will truly gives confidence, trust & everything that bride’s family need. the bride’s family will take care of you more than ever before. if you accept any money or gift from bride’s family, its means you are poor, greedy, you will do anything for money. & thats not a man that society needs. You want to be a man, then dont accept any dowry or any gifts from bride family.
Girls family only looks for well settled boys only. Girls don’t compromise in that case. Similarly if bride leave the job nothing will happen. Husband had to provide everything for his family as well as take care of parents too. Even after divorce husband still have to provide everything for them. Girls too are choosy and when she gives dowry she is looking for lifetime luxury. Even her parents won’t meet her immediate demands after marriage. It’s a give and take policy. If they are torturing she should not stick on the marriage and report police. Solution: Both bride and groom should share expenses in marriage and in life. Support each other
Okk let’s suppose a Handsome good looking boy form a decent family with A grade officer rank in govt. service suppose a girl family who is searching a govt officer husband for her daughter ;will show his interest in that boy… Now what will bridge that gap between both family? Simple Funda – play at your own level there is no such things as Dowry or Gifts Or Creta Or Maruti 😂🙌
In most of the cases for a son, their parents could produce 3 to 4 daughters. So try to understand that concept. In Bihar if a boy is born then Dowry they have to take, if girl is born then they have to give. ‘Kismat’ is a tag for this. Zabardasti karna galat hai, lekin gift bolke diya jaa rha hai to kabhi mana nhi karte hain.🙏 Gift milta hai, maanga nahi jata hai. Jai shree ram🚩
Hey all the fellow people listen here carefully,marriage is a holy thing but now all have made it poor.all of you have made it a business.the solution for this is love marriage but unfortunately love marriage can’t happen in all the houses.another solution is that marry someone who is of your standard or below.”DOWRY IS TAKEN BY ANIMALS”.SO BETTER BE AWARE OF ANIMALS. I hope all of you will get to marry to a loving and caring partner.
Are women ready to marry poor, low salary handsome young men of good character who do not want any dowry.. No.. So, what happens is that some women start offering dowry to attract marriage proposals from only the rich well employed men. Such women offering dowry will marry all the rich well employed men. So, now the women who are not offering dowry will be able to get only the left over men who are the poor, low salary handsome young men. But, even unemployed women don’t want to marry a poor low salary handsome young man… Even unemployed women want to marry only the rich government employed men.. So, unless all women decide to stop offering dowry to attract the rich well employed men and get ready to marry the poor low salary handsome young men, the dowry system will never stop… Because, there will always be women who are offering dowry to attract the rich well employed men..