Living with in-laws can be a challenging experience, as they can overstep boundaries and become overly attached to their spouse. This can lead to a difficult marriage, as the couple may not have clear expectations or expectations for their relationship. To handle difficult in-laws well, couples should:
1. Become a unified front against your in-laws by building a unified front against them.
2. Stop anticipating and planning conversations with your in-laws, as it can get you revved up. Instead, discuss how you want to approach or avoid certain topics with your spouse.
3. Avoid alcohol and drug abuse, which can damage your marriage. Both women and men can face loyalty dilemmas when dealing with in-laws.
4. Be assertive, standing up for your values, morals, and beliefs with your in-laws without being aggressive or passive-aggressive.
5. Be more original, as every couple is two years apart and you may use unnecessary verbs and language.
6. Remember that your marriage is the primary relationship, and both partners must be intentional about making it the primary focus.
7. Draw healthy boundaries between yourself and your in-laws, as your marriage depends on it.
8. Avoid stoking drama or doing anything that will interfere with a blossoming friendship.
9. Living with in-laws can have a significant impact on a marriage, both positively and negatively. It is essential to be aware of the delicate dynamics between couples and intrusive in-laws to avoid damaging the marriage.
📹 Don’t let IN-LAWS RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE
When your in-laws disrespect you?
Talk to your partner if your in-laws are disrespectful. Tell your partner what’s going on and how it makes you feel. This will help you both understand each other and present a united front if the behavior continues.
Communicate With Your In-Laws – After talking to your partner, talk to your in-laws directly, but do it privately. It can be hard to tell them they’re disrespecting you. One way to handle it is to make sure they feel heard and appreciated. Ask them for advice or how they prefer to do things. Showing interest can stop disrespectful behavior. If you’re comfortable, you can also be more stern and defend yourself (but avoid arguments). Set boundaries with your in-laws. If you and your partner are on the same page, it will be easier. Make rules for your house and life that your in-laws must follow, like no unannounced visits, you and your partner make the final parenting decisions, and other similar rules.
How do I protect my marriage from toxic in-laws?
To have a healthy marriage, you need to set boundaries. Instead of holding grudges, say what you want and don’t want. In-laws love to give advice, but they shouldn’t tell you how to handle your household or spouse.
What is the psychology behind toxic mother in-laws?
A toxic mother-in-law is negative towards other family members. This can be shown in different ways, like controlling, manipulating, or being abusive. Her actions are sometimes on purpose, but may also come from what she learned from her family.
Toxic Mother-in-Laws: 12 Signs of One; How to Deal With One; Effects of Having One; When to Seek Help; Conclusion; Additional Resources.
Tricia provides empathetic therapy in Illinois, focusing on anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges. Dr. Patel has been a family doctor for almost ten years. She treats patients of all ages. She is interested in women’s mental health, burnout, anxiety, and depression.
What are hardest years of marriage?
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have rated the risk of divorce based on how long couples have been married. Low risk.
Home People also ask: What are the hardest years of marriage?
Years 1–2: Very risky; Years 3–4: Mild risk; Years 5–8: Very risky; Years 9–15: Low risk; Years 15 and over: Low to Mild Risk; in 2019, 2,015,603 marriages happened and 746,971 divorces were granted in America. That means about a 37% divorce rate. The average American marriage lasts about eight years.
Can a mother-in-law destroy a good marriage?
Can Mother-in-Laws Ruin Relationships? Yes, but there are ways to save it. Wives often leave their husbands because of their mother-in-law.
Is Your Mother-in-Law Causing Divorce? One reason for divorce is when a mother-in-law or other family member causes problems in a marriage. If you’re considering divorce because of your mother-in-law, speak with one of our Orlando divorce lawyers. The best divorce is no divorce. If you need legal help, call Sean Smallwood at 407-574-6155. Table of Contents Can Mother-in-Laws Ruin Relationships? How Mother-in-Laws Ruin Marriages How to Deal with a Toxic Mother-in-Law Are You Considering Divorce Because of Your Mother-in-Law? Reviews of Our Orlando Divorce Lawyers.
What to do if your in-laws are ruining your marriage?
Boundaries with your in-laws can include:
Set limits on how much time you spend together; decide what family traditions and holidays you want to keep; decide which topics you don’t want feedback on, like parenting, relationships, or health; decide how often you want family visits, like if they can show up unannounced. Don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t take things personally. Your in-laws might say or do things that hurt your feelings. Don’t take things personally.
What year of marriage is the happiest?
Couples often have a baby in the third year of their marriage. Their relationship gets stronger. The third year of marriage is the happiest. Not all couples know that both partners need to work at family life. About 40% of European marriages last 10 years or less. A study by Slater and Gordon Lawyers found that the happiest and hardest years of marriage are different. We at WeatBrightSide want to talk about why people get divorced. Some say love lasts only three years. Then the couple stops loving each other. After three years, people accept their partner’s weaknesses and feel more comfortable.
Do people divorce over inlaws?
Many relationships end because of interference from in-laws or unfair judgment from parents.
Do marriages end because of in-laws?
In-law conflicts can make it harder to stay married. They don’t cause divorce, but they can make it more likely. To keep your marriage strong and healthy, you need to understand how in-laws affect you and work to resolve conflicts. Communication, setting boundaries, seeking help, and fostering empathy are good ways to deal with in-law relationships. If couples focus on their marriage and deal with in-law conflicts well, they can build a strong and lasting bond.
Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.
In-Laws and Divorce: The Verdict is in! That wraps up our look at in-laws and their effect on marriages. Let’s take a moment to think about what we’ve learned.
Can bad in-laws ruin a marriage?
If you’re wondering if living with in-laws affects your marriage, the answer is yes because they can interfere in your life. In-laws may try to control their decisions or give unwanted advice.
10 ways your relationship with your in-laws affects your marriage.
5 tips for setting healthy boundaries with your in-laws.
5 practical ways to improve your relationship with your in-laws.
At what point do most marriages end?
The seven-year itch is a psychological theory with real data to back it up. The average time for a first marriage to end in divorce is about 8 years, while the average for a second marriage is about 7 years. What years of marriage have the lowest divorce rate? Couples who make it past seven years without divorcing enjoy a period of seven years with a lower-than-average divorce rate. In years 9–15 of marriage, parents often report more satisfaction as they settle into their careers and their children grow older. The divorce rate goes down each year after the 10th anniversary. This could be because couples have more realistic expectations about relationships over time. This second honeymoon period ends for many couples. The divorce rate is about the same from year 15 on.
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Why people are getting divorced in the United States. 42. A recent survey found that lack of commitment is the main reason for divorce. Here are the reasons and their percentages:
- Lack of commitment 73%
- Argue too much 56%
- Infidelity 55%
- Married too young 46%
- Unrealistic expectations 45%
- Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
- Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
- Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
(Respondents often cited more than one reason, so the percentages add up to more than 100 percent)
What Makes People More or Less Likely to Divorce? Your age. 43. 48% of those who marry before 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25% of those who marry after 25.
📹 Narcissistic In-Laws | The Signs
Are your in-laws narcissistic? Here are the signs of narcissism in an in-law, according to Dr. Ramani Durvasula. The idea of …
When you love your husband, but he is a mommy’s boy and that mommy is a possesive narcissist who acts so innocent and deserves an Oscar for best acting. Edit: I found my husband cheated on me. And my MIL is in full support of him. Blaming me for letting him loose. So. Im going to divorce and get my ass away from this toxic life. Edit2: we are getting divorced this week. Good riddance. His last claim was for me to quit my job and stay at his home with his parents. 😑
I met my MIL 2 days before my wedding. She is controlling, but I knew it didn’t matter because I knew who I was marrying. He saw the issues and didn’t tolerate it. We’ve been married 8.5 years now. I used to think he was mean for not being more involved with his family, but now I see him as very strong.
The older I get the less people I want to be around, I have ran into every kind of A hole in 40 years you can imagine. There are just too many weird personalities out there….Narcissists, Bi-Polar ect ect and I just have no more time for them, I’d rather go into the woods and watch nature than be around humans
My mother in law hates my guts, she thinks she is so superior to me,an really everyone. At our wedding reception she told me not to take the bride and groom off the cake that she was keeping it,she said Jack will be needing that in about 3 month’s when he remarry a decent person. Omg,I about died, right there in front of everyone, she said that, well of course Jack (my husband,her son ) was very irate, an we just left, I’ll NEVER forget her wicked little smile when we walked out the door. Well it’s been 17 years an we’re still married, the old bat was wrong, she’s treated me so bad that her an Jack’s relationship has been terminated years ago.
The story of my marriage. One of the reasons I divorced. He was a narcissist and his mother also. I am glad I am out of this chaos. I have always felt like I have to stand up for myself against him and his parents. It was awful. The moment I began choosing for myself and saying “no” then all hell broke loose. You then see the masks fall off and what you got yourself into. 6 years of a false marriage was enough for me. Now I see soooooo much more of how it all was in reality. It is like a cult. It is actually pretty disgusting. Thank God I am out! Feels good to be free.
What’s sad about these dysfunctional relationships is that the older in-law should be mature enough to be like a maternal figure, yet they act like an immature person jealous because you are a part of their son’s life. They should want their son’s happiness, which includes the daughter in law’s happiness, but the narcissist in-law can’t figure that out. They call their daughter in law toxic, yet they are the toxic ones. They call their own grown children horrible names, yet expect compliance. They block their daughter in law’s phone calls, yet complain why they can’t see the grandchildren even when nobody is stopping them from dropping by to see the grandchildren. Mental illness is the only way to describe their abuse, manipulation, control freak ways, lies & gaslighting. What’s ironic is that they blame others for their own problems & low self-esteem, but they are doing it to themselves.
Before my psychopath ex husband and his narcissistic alcoholic mother – i didn’t know that these type of people existed. They introduced me to the whole new world of narcissism, personality disorders, alcoholism, manipulations, you name it! It took me a 1 year to realize that it wasn’t something wrong with me but with whole family of in-laws…. I run, in the middle of the night to the airport with 1 luggage and whatever is left from myself. And never looked back!
My engagement was broken off because of this, 6 weeks before the wedding. My ex fiancé always had a hard time setting healthy boundaries with his parents and it caused a lot of problems. Once he started letting them get in the way of our family planning, I told him not to marry me if he was going to continue to do so. Then he walked out on me. It’s really sad but I’m thankful this happened before the wedding and not after.
Great info. I was raised by a vulnerable narsassist. I regret so much that I didn’t see the abuse she put my wife thru and worse my children. We’ve been no intact for years but damage has been done. My mom has steadily slide downhill and my siblings and rest of family have splintered off and it truly is the death of a generation but our choice will give our children a new start.
My MIL is a covert narcissist and controls my husband through me. I was stupid enough to fall for her love bombing but knew something wasn’t ever quite right with her. We lived with her when I was in nursing school and engaged, I suffered from panic attacks constantly and depression but thought it was from stress of planning a wedding. Recently We moved back in with them (briefly) and I figured it out from a book I read. Now we’re in a new home and I’m trying to set boundaries. It’s a touchy subject for my husband and he agrees she’s “off” but doesn’t ever want to communicate about her and I believe he’s in denial for how she treats me. It’s so frustrating
Yes yes yes. 💯 My ex described his family as “difficult”. I took it with a grain of salt, regrettably, and soon found out what he meant. Difficult was a major understatement. The toxicity was like nothing I had ever experienced. Attempts to set boundaries backfired and seemingly left me viewed as the enemy and had me confused as to if I was the real narcissist. The most manipulative and confusing 3.5 years of my life. We have a little girl. I pray everyday.
Hi Kyle and Dr Ramani, We would love to see an extended interview about narcissistic in laws, ways to cope, what to do if your partner is oblivious to behavior, what to do when they acknowledge their own parents behavior, etc. What to do if your own partner has told you your own parents are narcissistic… In an effort to save marriages…Just a full dive into this. I think it might give couples insite and direction on how to establish stronger communication skills and boundaries. If that’s possible. 🤷🏼♀️ My husband and I so appreciate seeing your articles. They have brought awareness and clarity within our home and relationships. You’re providing exceptional guidance and we’re grateful. Keep them coming! 🙌
I have a narcissistic mother-in -aw, a narcissistic sister-in-law and a narcissistic husband. A codependent father-in-law who is a punching bag for the MIL (literally punched him in front of all the family members many times). Then she managed to gaslight him into verbally admitting that she never hit him. The lack of awareness of my nar husband who is so lack of insight, who did not warn me about his lion den, and continually choosing his narcissistic family over me, is inexcusable. He is a victim of his nar. mother’s physical and mental abuse growing. Finally, he learned about the term narcissism and managed to call me the “narcissist”. God! Had I seen the red flags right from the beginning? Yes, the Nar sister-in-law was super rude right from the beginning. She would point her finger on my nose and accused me of not having a full time job. She would yell at my nar husband on the phone and being super rude to me for no reasons. Before I learned about narcissism, I took the fault for leaving him. That’s how much he gaslighted me for taking all the blame. I’m thankful to be able to see the light through these articles. Thank you!
MIL told me she hated “my guts” from the first time she laid eyes on me. If she had told me before our marriage, I would NEVER had married her son. She made my life a living hell for 12 years until I understood how their family operated. By then the damage was done to my children. What he married was a scapegoat that his mother would attack rather than him. Twenty years later, I am still responsible for everything that happened in their family from the beginning of time. I am a fortunate person who escaped alive.
Having toxic in-laws is really difficult luckily mine live overseas and my husband is the black sheep in that family. One example of this is when my in laws had a secret chat group and were literally conspiring to give my niece on her first birthday a cake with ingredients her mother said she was allergic to and keeping this a secret from her mother to prove some point….. I sacrificed a lot when I was pregnant with my son. I kept it a complete secret until he was born. I didn’t want that negativity or toxicity around me or my infant son when we were both vulnerable. I couldn’t share my joy on social media and most people knew that were our friends and my family but I was always worried that someone would spill the beans. So unnecessarily stressful.
I love this quote, as much as it saddens me. “I think there is something that should give you pause if a partner is willing to take you into the lions’ den and not prepare you. There’s a real lack of sensitivity and awareness.” I think that summarizes the main struggle of my former marriage. I had been so surprised by it when it started up (after my wedding). Then I found out from my sister-in-law that it was happening to her. Not one family member gave me a heads up. In fact, they were pretty content allowing me to be ripped apart. Hindsight is so 20/20, however I tried expressing my concerns but received such little help and support.
Omg you are so right, I only discovered my mother in law was a narcissist yrs later. I always knew she was toxic and had some sort of disorder, and the family dynamics were all wrong. just couldn’t figure it out, after extensive research on personality disorders I found narcissim and she ticks every box. The amount of absolute hell we’ve be through is unbelievable. How a parent can try to destroy their child I’ll never understand.
When I met my partner 3 years ago, I was so excited to get to know his parents and brother. My partner just said “The later you meet them, the better.” I did not understand this at all. Now I do. We are engaged and planning the wedding. Of course, everything we wanna do is wrong. I am the nasty woman, and they all hate me. They never said it to me but they did mention things to my partner.He is going to therapy cause he is super sad to have a family like this. I feel horrible and it is just getting worse. I am now not sure if I am strong enough to live like this even though my partner is trying so hard not to be in contact with them. There is always something they say. We live so far from them which is good but I am so upset. I would like not to care but it hurts so much.
I’ve been married for 18 years. Yes, my in-laws are beyond over bearing, and controlling over their grown children. I would share one week of my vacations( timeshares ) with the my wife’s family every year . It became so hostile that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’ve always had to be the bad guy, I have to set boundaries all the time. I could never let my guard down. My family isn’t all rainbows… we do argue( politics, religion, sports). But, if you stand your ground, make valid points. Your in. Would you like some coffee? They might ask. I’ve always told my wife to stand her ground.We’re very straight forward. My wife’s family is the opposite; a lot of whispers, secrets, underhanded comments. My father-in-law talks down to his children… my mother-in-law on the other hand tries to get her way without making it known. All the whispers and secrets. I’m the Son-in-law who shovels the snow in the winter, takes care of the house when they’re on vacation. Also, if there are electrical, plumbing, heating problems I’m there. I’m a veteran, I don’t take disrespect to kindly. My stance is, you don’t have to like me. But, you will respect me.
I walked into a storm of a marriage – mother in law a narcissist, sister in law was a flying monkey, father in law super selfish and a big ego, ganged up against me and made my life hell. My husband just didn’t see it. I shouldn’t have married him. I am getting divorced now getting out of the storm and all the toxicity. Dr ramani is so right if the husband doesn’t see it means he is still under the narcissistic parent – runnnnnnnn
It took me 5 years to see the narcissistic tendencies in my MIL. It took my husband another 5 years after I discovered it. I was patient with him because these were his parents. He kept trying to set up opportunities for us to work on our relationship. I was trying to establish boundaries and grey rock. Finally, we had a meeting where I asked him to pay attention to what they said/didn’t say and explained (ahead of time) how a narcissist would respond. His parents gave “text book” narcissist responses. My husband was crushed and disappointed. He finally saw the truth!
I had different red flags. I was totally love bombed till I had kids. But my husband was always telling me “my mom is the most selfish person ever. It’s like she isn’t human. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself. She’s a liar. She is always lying. My childhood wasn’t really like that.” This was my red flag. I didn’t understand at first because the love bombing was so intense.
My husband’s mom is a narcissist, and he’s always known something was wrong. It wasn’t til adulthood that he could put a label on it. Honestly, I think it helps my husband that I see it too, so he knows he’s not alone in it. He feels validated finally that outside people could see it as well. Unfortunately I’m no longer an “outsider” and the struggle is real lol, but we’re in it together, so that helps a little.
Thank you so much for talking about this topic! This is very important for people to understand how narcissism could be harmful to us. I suffered from depression and insecurity since I was little. I’m almost 40 and finally learned to accept myself and learn how to love myself. I also learned that narcissistic parent nor in-laws realize their behavior. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!!
My husband and I had to press charges and go to court against his mother for parental interference. My MIL is a public school teacher with 20 plus years in the field. She also holds multiple master’s degrees. She decided that my husband and I were neglecting our kids education and our choices for our kids weren’t up to “her standards”. For years she has threatened to sue us and call CPS. She was relentless and would not stop even after we begged her to leave us alone. She would show up to our home, work and then showed up to our kids school, all uninvited and unwanted. We had no choice put to press charges and file for a restraining order. She admitted in open court that she walked into my kids schools with plans to have a conversation with the kids principal because she felt my kids were being “neglected” and have a history of being “truant”. (They were homeschooled when we moved and we followed the states laws) My MIL even brought her resume to court.😅 Her lawyer tried to hand it to the judge lol. She tried to prove she knew what was best for my kids. The judge told her she has no legal rights to the kids, had no business at their school and as an educator she should know better. The judge said what she did broke the law by trying to get my kids private information.🤦🏼♀️ She was found in the wrong and was slapped with the restraining order. I still can’t wrap my head around this. I can’t understand how she could be so self absorbed and thought so highly of herself that only her opinion mattered.
To MedCircle, I saw this article today. Have been keenly perusal and following Dr. Ramani’s talks on Narcissistic people and N-ism. It was heartbreaking, depressing and disturbing, to say the least, on finding out how much of N-ism I have been subjecting myself to. Thanks to your articles and Dr. Ramani’s talks, I feel more empowered and stronger as days go by. As a person with Indian background, I can safely say that narcissistic in-laws are a rule in Indian familial system, rather than an exception. They exhibit all the symptoms talked about in this article. And let me add that parents used to raise their daughters to expect a narcissistic mother-in-law and sister-in-law and other in-laws. Sadly, not many gave them the tools to deal with them. This typical Indian structure is a thesis in itself. I call this the Indian Son Syndrome. I hear that things are changing in the current day generation. However, Indians and Narcissism have a very inseparable bond.
It’s all so true for me – the experience of being devalued, kept on the sidelines. Not so much openly criticised as kicked in the pants when you’re not there, but otherwise overlooked and diminished. Your work, your ideas, what you happen to think – never gets a look in. Forking behaviour, oh yes, where he takes it upon himself to arrange family events where you are always excluded and he is boss. Designed to make you feel insignificant, worthless, hurt. But when I stood up to it and told him what I really thought of him, it was like he didn’t know what I was talking about. I got even more firmly rejected. Changed nothing.
My in laws have been a source of mental anguish for 34 years-maddeningly, they live directly across the street. Last May my MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we came to a place of understanding, even love, after years of malignant drama at my expense. Friday was her funeral and my FIL chose not to speak one word to me-since her death I have driven him to doctor appointments and planned a luncheon on Valentine’s Day so he wouldn’t be alone. The final straw was taking him dinner down on my MIL’s birthday last Sunday-he didn’t thank me-didn’t acknowledge my efforts at all. I didn’t expect a parade, but his demeanor snapped me out of my idiot compassion phase. My husband went to confront him yesterday, about his treatment of me at the funeral and he flat out lied to his face. I am officially freed from any empathy or effort. Please take this article seriously. I love my husband and he has come incredibly far over the years but the stress I’ve experienced (including a nervous breakdown) was above and beyond what anyone should have to endure. I’m an empath, but I’ve no compassion for monsters.
Hi! Thanks for this discussion. Here’s my story. After my mother ( who is a narcissist ( having more than the DSM criteria states) entered the nursing home, my sister who is married & I single living away discussed selling our mothers second car as it wasn’t needed any longer. I said I would order the parts that needed replacing, put the ad up, handle the title etc and half the proceeds with her showing her the bill of sale. The next day I literally spent the entire afternoon dejunking the car, washing it, cleaning carpets, preparing paperwork etc, when my sisters husband informed me the next day, while passing thru the living room in front of my sister he decided he was going to sell my Moms car. Huh? I was taken aback, my sister said nothing at the time, just sat there,. Not to create dissension, between the two of them I just walked away at first very confused, then wondering why she didn’t speak up on my behalf. After all it was our mothers car, not his mothers. I have no idea if my sister didn’t tell him, I had already done the dirty work, and it had been discussed and settled, or she was just hoping I would let him get his way, and said nothing. Sadly, when I did ask her if she had mentioned to him, what we settled on, she denied even knowing. 😳 ( gaslighting). I was so confused again and then angry and shocked what I was seeing, I went ahead sold it the next day, and gave her half as agreed. After my BIL gave me the silent treatment, and made it so uncomfortable for me to stay there for the remainder of my visit home.
I had a narcissistic mother inlaw and she was my worst enemy from the minute she met me and her other five kids immediately joined her in hating me. I met her about four years after being with her son and we moved to her state which I still live here. The story is too involved to tell but the attacks she launched against me were insane. I got away from her son who was a violent person and just a narcissistic sociopath but after meeting his mother I understood why he had issues. She literally owns her son’s and my ex has never lived on his own. He has always had to live with someone that can work and pay bills because he doesn’t. I got away from him 15 years ago and his mother tried to destroy my career and my life and used my kids to hurt me. She ended up with all three of her adult sons in her home. My ex and his brother have been there about eleven years or more. Their youngest brother died there and had lived there years too after his divorce. He moved in when he was in his late. 20s and never had another girlfriend or relationship. Just one night stands. His mother wouldn’t let him or my ex have girlfriends. My ex tried to have a girlfriend after me and it lasted over a year but she left him because she said he and his brothers acted like their mother was their girlfriend and fawned over her and fought over her and she sat enjoying it all and she saw other things which I had known about. She said it was too sick for her and she left. A few years later she accused my ex of rape and isn’t the first woman.
My inlaws almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown after my daughter was born, my husband acknowledges what happened and their dreadful behaviour, but at the time I had no idea what I was in for. My daughter is nearly 7 and it took me 4 years to stopped being scared and traumatised after their emotional abuse, it was so bad that I wont have another child, I couldn’t face the same again, and my husband, who is different to his parents and 3 sisters, I sadly believe is not able to stand up to them consistently enough to protect me, I’m gutted but have to be practical, I hope my daughter will understand, I can only protect one child, I’m not sure I could protect 2 and I think the same again would this time break me.
So… the first time I ever heard anything about my mother in law, it was my husband telling me that because he dropped me home, he explained where he had dropped me home, She was disgusted that I didn’t live in a wealthy area of town 😆 Then when I met her face to face, she literally would not speak to me. She wouldn’t even look at me. Just pretended I wasn’t there. In hindsight I should have just left.
My mother in law once had the audacity when meeting me to suggest that I move out of my fiancée’s and my shared home and let him focus on his work and his son with his ex wife due to his stress after he went on an immature tirade directed at me because I didn’t win his parents over. Also she stepped back when I tried to hug her after meeting her for the first time.
Yes all true. Experienced it all, He was silent but more so wanted to always do what his parents said and when I discussed anything it was always I’m over reacting, it’s not what they meant, I’m taking it wrong, it’s my fault they are upset as they are only helping and I was gaslighted. So eventually got tired of the excuses and also the constant criticism of my behaviour and to apologise for things that were not my fault.
When I came to live with my husband, at first they were treating me well, gave me lots of gifts which i never asked for unless they ask me if i need something. But later I got to know that they were talking about me with my husband behind my backs. Telling my husband how to control me and they would tell him that all of them gave me life. At first i ignored this kind of stuff but later after lots of conflict with my husband, I understood that they were never on my side. They were just pretending to be by my side while they brain washed me behind my husband and then did the same to him while i was not around. When I stopped doing things their way and started giving priorities to myself and my time, they just changed instantly. Now we don’t talk much even though we live in the same house. I keep my distance and mind my own business and told them to do so. Not to mention my father in law is very manipulative and get aggressive when thing doesn’t go his way. Now i know why my husband have this kind of personality because he grew up perusal his parents doing this. Now he acts like them subconsciously on consciously who knows.
I left my bf of 7 years just before we’re gettting engaged. At least, well this guy always promised to marry me, but he never did. My bf was completely blind to his family system and would always pick his parents side when they critisised me. At first I didn’t know what was going on, but deep down I knew something was off. When I finally saw what kind of family and toxic personalities I was dealing I didn’t walk, I RAN 💥
Wow. Yes. so much yes. My own experience has been this. At first the family of my wife was perfect on paper, but when they showed their true colors I was already married and neck deep in the family. It felt like a scam. I felt cheated. My in laws are very hard and I don’t think we will ever connect…it’s taken some time for my wife to see her family for what they are…and she still sometimes struggles…but the best thing we did was move away and do our own thing. We lived 45 mins away from one of her sister. She never came visit. Not once. Since moving away….they’ve called, and pushed for a visit and it’s all part of game. The dumb stupid emotionally manipulative game. Pray for me.
This article is saved in my favourites and on repeat. I am not crazy but was turning crazy after all these years of being with them. He struggle with the thought that his parents has issue. His family and extended family always insist that their family is the best family and they might as well make gold trophy for themselves. Each family gathering has to be bigger and pricier than the other. Each gathering has to be a show case of their children’s achievements, best is this and that, earning 7digits. Their gatherings are always a show case of how many ventures and how many properties they have. It feels like I was attending a toxic golden globe. Waiting to rip up one another’s dress and suit. Even private dinner with his parents are consistently all about the numbers and connections. They never could bring themselves to the topic about their feelings. They never let him finish to do what he does, always overpowered, always criticised, always spoken down upon, their usual day with one another consist of shouting and tantrum throwing at one another. One of the first signs I had was how insistent they were to have him change his work and was about to send in resumes for him. It is clear to me that their presentation of a close knitted family is just a ‘face’. Ps, he is still living with them. Years of being together, i know what they say in-front and behind my back. Claiming that I stole his son and how I as a teacher is unsuccessful and consistently looks down on me. Pressuring him to earn more and insist for us to move in with them.
Having dealt with these personalities my whole life and later being diagnosed with C PTSD, I have lost interest in going anywhere or dealing with anyone or possible conflicts. Healing takes time. If I could do the past 20 years over I wouldnt, I am finally free, it took years and learned the lessons the hard way. I will never sit in a room and be criticised by people like this again, no matter how much I love the man connected to them.
I have moocher in laws who used their son (my husband) for money that is all. If he doesn’t give his father money then he’s treated horribly. His sister has everyone against him now. I find it so sick. My parents helped us get a home and all his parents do is take take take. Hubby starting to open his eyes and has decided to cut off the toxicity. I really wish everyone could just respect each other and get along but they are just so mean and nasty it’s not worth it.
My in laws are a narssistic cult. From grandiose to malignant to covert. My youngest brother in law is not and have set boundaries from the start and seems to have a normal relationship with his own family. The things my in laws have done, imposed, and said is just beyond disbelief. If I try to share my experiences and stories with anyone, their response is, “that doesn’t happen!” and I’m perceived crazy. My other sister in law who the in laws have completely discarded, tormented and cheated on her together as a narcissistic cult, is already been labeled, “lazy, dysfunctional and cuckoo.” She has been divorced and completely kicked to the curb. The damage they have done to her is a very sad example of what narcissistic abuse can and will do to you if you don’t do the work or are just unaware of narcissism. I’m so glad to come across Dr Ramani and a few others on youtube and am doing the daily work and have set a lot of healthy boundaries and have always been hardworking and independent. I do feel emotionally fatigued a lot living with my narssistic husband but I’m working on my exit strategy. Hopefully this year and I can start living a healthier life without him.
After 25 years I completely and permanently terminated my relationship with my in-laws. I highly recommend it. They, of course upped their gaslighting game severely with my husband. My courage gave him the courage to stand up for himself…. they do NOT like it and are attempting to get him back in their sick abusive family system. Not happening…. the jig is up.
Thank you. A few years ago, I had a lovely relationship with a great women. But it was ruined by her parents. I knew they were controlling from things she had said and I felt so sorry for her. I hated how she lived in fear of them and wanted to please them so much. This was a 32 year old woman, trained lawyer. But she had to do whatever they said and was belittled by them like she was a child. I had never seen anything like that. I didn’t give her enough support or communicate my frustrations before I ended it. My emotional intelligence wasn’t great back then. I’m sad I hurt her by ending it and I hurt a lot from it. But she couldn’t stand up to them and I didn’t want to live that way. She told me she had an abusive relationship after us, I felt bad and blame myself for this. I hope she is ok now, but know she will always be controlled by her parents. I still miss her and beat myself up about it. But I know deep down inside it wouldn’t have worked. I hated the resentment that was inside me, I blamed her, but she was a victim, I didn’t see that back then. Had a bit therapy about it, helped. I’m now with a woman that has such a loving family, it’s so evident the difference. But I still miss my last partner. Think as I have a narcissistic mother, I find it hard to accept a loving family but working on it. Educating myself in this area has saved my life, I was skeptic of psychology but has helped to see my flaws and recognise that you can’t change others, we are the masters of our own destiny.
My entire family and extended family humiliated me and disrespected me so often and so intensely and for so long that I turned off to it and just kept talking and living among them. I was surviving. I eventually left them but my life fell apart anyway because I had a very bad foundation in life. There’s really no room for forgiveness or reconciliation or reunion. I don’t know why I’m alive. I know I’m not here to be a slave or a savior, so at least, I’ve ruled a couple of life roles out but I’m very damaged and undermined and am still just surviving. I don’t need therapy or religion or spirituality; I need justice and empowerment.
Her mother is a single mother of two different fathers. The mother abandoned my ex when she was 3 till about 15 years old. Now 22 and now my ex has two kids with two fathers. I left her after she kept abandoning me to go stay with her mother, the same mother that abandoned her. I told her this, I warned her and she never listened Now she’s with her mother Wish her all the best
My mother in law is a Complete Narcissist. My husband is the black sheep/ escape goat. I walked in storm of in laws. Mother is narcissist, father in law was passive/ workaholic/ alcoholic. Brothers are pons and enforcers of mom’s bad behavior. Half -sister was treated like a step child. My mother in law controls her siblings also. The family is cruel, Dysfunctional, liars, disloyal this law, lack of empathy and overall toxic. We had to walk away from his toxic family.
The whole family is narcissistic, they all sided with the ex and made it horrific during the whole 30 years. The parents and the sister had never had anything nice to say to their faces while king story that u don’t care to talk about them anymore, I’ve rid myself of all of these reptiles (unfortunately I can’t get rid of him )
GOOD article. This has to be one of the WORST family dynamics to deal with. It was for me. My boyfriend did not realize he was walking me into the lion’s den and he had given them the perfect information to tear me limb from limb, and that was “Id been married before to a man in college who cheated on me and I divorced him”. They kept trying to make it all about money. There was NO MONEY, we were in college and were poor as church mice. The Golden Child, was totally understanding of my circumstance, which was 11 years ago. After we were married, the father in law, accused me of being a whore and how I was gonna divorce his son & take all his money. My husband, just didn’t know how to deal with them. We should have gotten counseling when all this was going on. They’re dead & gone but it still hurts.
Here’s my experience. Being used as a messenger to pass on ‘difficult’ requests to my husband. When I’d reach out to have conversations beyond my husband, they would seem uninterested and distracted during the conversation. Communication was not free flowing, if they made an attempt to talk to me, it was followed by a request for a favor. After 1.5 years of living with them i saw regular instances of passive aggressiveness and just ignorance towards my existance and that’s how they would treat my husband earlier but I just thought it would have been different with a married son (but why would it, I ain’t no princess or a daughter of theirs, lol) Towards my 4th year of living with them, it was selfish actions that helped with the final nails in that coffin. Was like living in high school, that’s the only way I can describe it.
Thank you so much for this. I was looking everywhere for a article like this. I described them as wolves but lions den works. We are still fighting over this. He still thinks it was me and he thinks they are soooo nice. I don’t know if we will make it or not. Either God is protecting me from them or maybe to just stay away. Time will tell.
I actually cut ties with my MIL first before doing research (the final straw came last year when she lied about me to our daughter to try to convince her that I was a terrible person and brought my daughter to tears when she tried to defend herself). I zeroed in on BPD/NPD. She sure checks alot of the boxes. My hubby of 39 years was pissed and is very supportive of me. He’s going to set boundaries with her to try to keep their relationship from ending…she’s 86. Had I known what I know now I am certain that if I had stood up for myself and my kids from the beginning she would not have liked it, and our relationship would have ended a long time ago. She’s lucky she got the 39 years she had with us.
I’ll be in Ghana to spending time with family in laws. This trip’s purpose is a funeral of my father in laws, when me and my husband planned to go there, they already started controlling us(especially me) and whole situation, including our flights. They told us this ” You will be very busy and no time to be with her so she should come 2-3 weeks later ” which’s means, after the funeral. I was very shocked. When I told them I want to attend the funeral, and expressed my feelings and how important for me etc… They clearly said ” You can not get all what you want, your feelings is not important in this situation, suck it” If I’ll be there then mother in law would worry about me and will be mentally unstable they said.lol Everybody was screaming and talked over me when I tried to have a conversation with them very calmly. I had a conversation about how toxic and disrespectful they were with my husband but, my husband doesn’t understand how severe the situation is. This is not only situation that I felt completely be disrespected of course. It’s very true, your family in laws may destroyed your marriage,if they are very narcissistic and toxic but your partner isn’t very supportive and clear minded. My relationship with my husband is 7 years. This trip will give me an answer for this marriage.
My mother in law has always talked to my children about me behind my back. And she would criticize me in front of everyone. And she loves to give them gifts. My husband just went along with everything and never crossed her. After 35 years of marriage he is finally aware of things but it’s been horrible. He is so loving to me but I’m having trouble forgetting the past and the mother in law is still rotten to me. But she pretends to be so self righteous.
for about 3 years, I experienced my kids’ father’s parents’ narcissism (For sure his dad, not 100% sure his mom – i think she has adapted to his narcissism and maybe adopted some traits but ultimately submits to his reign). I was so aware of how unhealthy their interactions were and how messed up i felt they treated their children, even my bf, but he had what i thought was a sort of close yet transactional/dishonest/weird relationship. He would gaslight me about it. he said they were “complicated” and swore up and down they liked me, and said that i would offend them. we fought for years about this. He would NOT set boundaries, and yes they walked all over me, belittled me, dismissed me, mostly acted like i did not exist and then would talk about me behind my back. he claimed he would vouch for me but he never did it when i was actually in their presence, which to me made me thik either he was lying ( i still think this) or at the very least he was not truly standing up for me because it would mean more if he did it in my presence.now five years later, I see my partner has NPD. He gaslighted me, and his mom did as well–she is a huge enabler for him and her husband.
My marriage right here. Passive aggressive covert narcissistic family cult- in a nutshell. We have a 3 year old. My life’s mission now is to save him because I’ve given up on my wife, sadly. Im trying to find a way to remain in the marriage and the house we just bought while insulating our son from any of our conflict.
Dr. Ramani, there are many over symptoms of narcissistic mother and father-in-law’s, but there are also ones that are more quiet and covert. It’s not always visible to the eye, but in small remarks and lack of communication with their daughter in law, and no one’s being shown, or once every 10 years, a small, nice gift, etc..
Does sociopathy and narcissism run in families? I come from A socio-narc mother and a Narc father (though he is extremely kind-hearted to people he loves) and my 3 siblings all came out as Sociopathic and narcissistic as them. Middle child-me- I was that families scapegoat and punching bag. I ended up getting married to a Sociopathic man and had a daughter (who at age 9 shows her heart, empathy and emotions are like mine, I pray she stays that way). So after 11 years of incredible mental and emotional abuse among physical, he left to explore his sexuality (was a sex addict and blamed his cheating and curiosity on me). When I say he left, I mean he left. Never spoke to us again for 8 years and counting. And, when he left, his mom and dad and sister completely left as well. Cut to now- because of an illness I’m dealing with my daughter ended up in a situation where the state had to find her kin for her to live with. So in laws are back in the picture. His mom is very obviously a sociopath and his sister is a socio narc- 100%. Its like staring at a white version of the family that raised me. All of this to ask if this experience is just unfortunate or is there strong correlation between family members all turning out completely void of empathy because of genetics. TLDR: My entire nuclear family is socio narcs- and so is my ex spouse and his nuclear family. Is this something that anyone else has seen? Are there studies? Thanks for the article. Edit:Oct 2020 Daughter is back home and is in intensive therapy to undue all of the emotional turmoil that her grandmom and aunt put her through.
My gut told me that my ex was a narcisst (there were enough red flags) I still went on. The first time I visited his house and I couldn’t eat up because of all the food he choose for me. He put the salad bowl in the fridge. The first thing I heard if his mom was “What is this girl, can’t she eat it?! Next time she has to eat up!” in an aggressive voice. And my dumb me still kept going. This family (all of them were I’ll).
She never liked me, kicked me out of their home within 2 months of dating. Years of ignoring us, suddenly when I’m pregnant she wants to help her son buy a house, talks him into it, puts a down payment of 30k on a house all in his name, they are splitting the mortgage every month, she stops paying, we put all our savings to save it, maxed credit cards to eat, we foreclosure, devastated within a year husband lost his job and we ended up living with her for a year. That was 10 years ago. I’ve lost all my family, friends and sanity. Our children have been subjected to all this stress and craziness. I could write a book about how horrific the last 20 years of this treatment has been but my childhood pretty much sealed my fate of even putting up with this level of nuts.
17yrs ago I saw all red flags but didnt have the maturity to comprehend it all. Now stuck w/ narc inlaws & w/ a husband who is still in their shadows who wont admit and set boundaries towards their manipulative, emotionally abusive, financially exploitative & condescending behaviors. Infact he has become part of the herd. And oh boy dont even get me started on the silent treatments, passive aggressive behaviors,stubborness, gas lighting, etc etc.
Unfortunately, i found this talk useless coz i didn’t realize that i was involved with narcissistic or sociopathic in-laws until i was highly emotiinally stressed a few days after my 1st baby was born and i phoned my mother-in-law for help and she told me “STOP CRYING!!! I can’t help you. Go see a doctor” & that was that… I couldn’t believe it coz she herself had told me how her own mother had cruelly turned her away when she too turned to her for help as a young woman, yet here she was, doing exactly the thing she had complained about. I remained in shock about this for the best part of 2 years until i thought “oh… she’s a sociopath… she can feel pain but cannot see it in another”, but looking back now, she never came over to offer any form of support, never gave of herself much at all and excused her neglect of her son’s family by boasting about how she didn’t want to Interfere and how good a mother she was that she gave us all this space – actually i think this was just her justification for her laziness and refusal to help those she knew were floundering, while she just didn’t care enough to help. This was my experience of narcissistic in-laws… And unfortunately, her daughter was exactly the same… so much so, that her own son committed suicide becoz even tho she lived in the same house, she wouldn’t go into his room and make contact with him – she too, boasted at his funeral how she didn’t go into his room for over 18mths to speak to him coz she didn’t want to “interfere with his life” and she knew he was severly depressed.
I lived this. I could have handled the toxic in law but my husband would not set ANY boundaries. He did not care at all how their intrusiveness affected me. He was more bonded to his mother than to me. I was an outsider. I left when the counselor told me he knew exactly how it was affecting me… he didn’t care… he was doing what he wanted to.
I’m about to move in with my Narcissistic bipolar mother in law which has terrified her own family to where she’s no longer invited in their homes. My spouse came up with this idea, I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, chronic back pain, medial epicondylitis, and insomnia and am a 100% disabled veteran. I haven’t even met her and she’s already said so many bad things about me and she’s never even met me. I told my spouse it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep us in the same house because I will not be a doormat and I’m brutally honest and will call people out to their faces if I’m disrespected or someone I love is disrespected. I get along with every person unless they disrespect me deliberately not accidentally. She’s already taken jabs so I’m ready to tear her mentally apart when I met her. It took me 30 years to overcome the Narcissistic abuse from my Dad I’ll be damned if I have to go through that shit all over again. I don’t have the mental stability to handle her calmly so I’m going to warm with her any advice would be helpful? I know I’m apart of the problem because I am in a state of constant fear and respond accordingly. Any advice would be helpful.
Mistake number one: moved in with my boyfriend at his dad house. His father is a narcissist but I didn’t know that until I lived with him. It was supposed to be temporary but now my boyfriend doesn’t want to move out. His dad makes it very hard to live there. I went back home to visit my parents during quarantine to make sure they were prepared since they are elderly. My boyfriend calls and says my dad put your stuff in boxes and says you can’t live here anymore so we have to break up. We are both 27 and 28. I had moved to a whole other state for him and now I have no where to live. I can’t believe his dad would make such a huge decision without first speaking to me or my boyfriend about it. 😢
My father-in-law is a covert narcissist. After his wife left him, he started focusing his energy on my husband and would stop speaking to our family anytime he was challenged. We had to permanently cut ties because we have young kids. It has been very lucky that my husband and I were on the same page.
My life has been like this for the last 17 years and 4 kids later. The recent incident was I got sick last and we suspect that I might have covid-19 due to my husband getting it from his bowling friend. I dont go anywhere but he does. So I wanted chicken soup so my husband ask his mom and she come to make me soup because my husband asked her. However, she previously had text me asking me if her son was ok and she was worried. So I texted her and told her that her son was fine. Then my husband told her that I was sick. so today when she called me again because my husband wont answer her. she told me that I could not get sick, because I am the one the wholes the family together, then she said “you will be fine. My poor son, you will be fine” When she knows that her son is lazy, i do everything around the house, I feel like a made not his wife. Then I have dealt with his narsaccisstic sister in laws.
I am an only child. My husband is one of 7 kids. They are clannish and cliquish. one sister-in law snubbed me in the grocery store. They never seem to be at fault for anything. An example is that he snores. I got upset, got out of bed and slammed the door. The next day, he said that I was inconsiderate for disturbing his sleep. One granddaughter split from her husband. “She outgrew HIM” Only the “blood” siblings and spouses of some siblings are accepted, while others are never around, even at holidays, as if they don’t exist. i am accepted because I am his wife, but they really have never allowed me into their social circle. I quit a job. It seemed to bring shame on the family’s reputation. They cut down anyone who leaves the house, like a relative who visits and then goes home. They talk negatively about that person as soon as they leave. They call gossip “story sharing”. One sister-in-law said to me, “I have no loyalty to you.” Is this a narcissistic family? Or something else. They are Catholic.
Yes, it’s almost impossible to make my husband see it. He is completely oblivious to his narcissistic mother. I don’t even know he actually doesn’t realize or he knows but doesn’t want to admit it. Because I understand it could be embarrassing to say that their parents are narcissist. And he thinks I am rude since I completely have no relationship with my in laws.
I have to break up with my ex due to his French snobby family. They were enjoy being superior on me, control me, insult me, and interfere into my relationship. I didn’t feel comfortable to reveal all my private stuffs to them and etc. I feel shocked a lot. This is like drama. MOTHER IN LAW PLUS A SNAKE SISTER. BYE
My husband had 4 sisters trained by mega-narc mom. Hubby was the People Pleaser. All was well for 10 years. Well, not WELL, but they all lived far away – so we had time to recover between visits to see them. When QueenBee SIL posted one selfie too many and I called her on it online, all hell broke loose. For three years, Every Classic Narc Trick in the book was lobbed at me… like grenades. For the first 6 months, my husband sided with THEM! Therapy, yelling, more therapy, more yelling, therapist tells husband that I am NOT the problem, that I DON’T need therapy. Boom. Hubby got EMDR therapy, started journaling. Now we’re on year 4 after the dust up. We started attending church, we’re building a free store there to help the homeless, and we foster dogs. We changed our phone numbers, blocked a bunch of his relatives online. We pretend they’re dead. It was a long road to happily ever after. But hey, I’m stubborn and he’s lucky.
This is so true! my mil’s parents had a weird strained relationship. I was never warned about it. Nor was I hinted about the relationship his grandmother and father shared. or his parents shard. he is oblivious to it and keeps telling me am not used to that ‘normalcy’. he refuses to admit it is wrong and unhealthy . he never told me about the financial situation in his house. i came to discover all of this after marriage . my mil is complete narcissist.
I have been married 24 years, but I never forgot my husband’s comment after having a normal conversation with his father while meeting him for the first time. “Wow! He was actually nice to me! He must have grown up!”. That was such an odd response following such a normal conversation. My husband then went from not speaking to his father to kissing his butt. I knew something wasn’t right, but couldn’t place my finger on it for a long time. Over the years, I heard stories of abuse perpetrated by my father-in-law who acted the complete opposite around me. It was confusing, but I didn’t doubt the stories for a moment since they were all so similar and told by different people. I won’t support an abusive person while my husband remains an enabler. I haven’t seen my father-in-law in over 4 years and I’m comfortable with my decision not to see him.
i am a 39 year old male, my sister is a few years older, she hates me, she treats me like utter dirt, i have a broken right arm thats not getting medical attention, my sister has broken my will, spirit and hopes and every day I fear I walk into the next trap, it’s 3AM, day 2 without sleep. in one day well be moving to a new house on a farm. i am terrified of what awaits. i have no hope as my mother has utterly been bent against me. my sister uses fear “i pay all the bills” i’m not ungrateful for the bed and food she provides, but everything i do, fix the internet, fix my laptop, setup my TV, ect ect… is invalidated. i feel alone, i have no friends, no one to turn to, nowhere to run. my anxiety levels are tearing me inside out. i have nothing to my name, nothing to give. and i know once i walk out i will have even less to my name. i am begging anyone please give me guidance to not react or say anything. please, she literally wants me to suffer.
On Father’s Day my mother in law arranged a dinner party for my husband and his ex wife and their kids and didn’t invite me. I didn’t know what was going on until I drove up on them having a dinner together – when he was supposed to be having dinner with me. The feeling of betrayal caused me to move out that day.
My husband has warned me about his family specifically his sister and mother prior to meeting them. If my husband doesn’t live his life according to how they tell him they will give him the silent treatment. The mother and daughter can’t get along but their relationship is strengthened by their disagreement on my union with my husband. Sister recently told me we need to move where they live so that he can be close to them, when I mentioned I have no family or support there the sister mention “oh your ex/child’s father is here that should be enough for you” my husband was livid and called her out. She believes she said nothing wrong and that I was just offended, she then guilt trips my husband saying he didn’t congratulate her on getting a new job. Called out for saying something hurtful and insensitive to someone and then turns around and plays the victim…true narcissist behavior
I have been married for 10 years and have 2 children. My MIL has a history of divulging other peoples secrets and is a compulsive liar. Her behavior has become more bold over the years cause no one ever says anything – she is odd and at says troubling things that are red flags. Even with counselling, my partner refuses to speak up, instead he deflects by belittles me …saying things like “you’re exaggerating, it’s not that big of a deal” etc. When you add up all the little things – it’s literally impossible to ignore! Despite what I thought were shared boundaries, he insists on imposing and initiating contact with her, which include the presence of our kids, all under the premise it’s “for the children benefit”. (ps. the kids never ask to see her). I am empowered though, cause I’m not alone – none of the daughter-in-laws want to be alone with her, we all feel the same, that she’s untrustworthy and sneaky. None of her sons say anything – they’re so scared to “rock the boat”. So things just continue…same same, which is destroying us. If he does ever say anything – it’s always from the stand point of “my wife think you’re mean, it’s ruining our marriage” and she LOVES it – she loves the attention. It’s gotten to the point that it’s no longer about her – it’s now about him….his denial and unwillingness to cut her off – it’s so unhealthy. His desire to please her trumps everything. I can’t leave him cause then I’ll have no control over her access to my kids. I’ve even secretly told their school that she is never to take them or approach them (that’s how strong I feel).
I have commented before that I have two narcissists in my family sphere. It is only in the last 6/8 months I came to understand my ex husband of 25 years and my son in law of 25 years are both the same. I have to have communication with my ex husband because of one our daughters and my oldest daughter married one. My ex husband was in the military and he was sent a junior officer to work with him in this new post. It was like putting magnesium into water. They hated each other then and still do. But to my despair my oldest daughter married this junior officer and the family slowly but surely disintegrated from then on. None of us invited to their wedding in Los Vegas and so on. It wasn’t until recently I was subjected to an outburst from my son in law when collecting me from the airport in his car. I was baffled by this odd behaviour and started researching it that I came to understand what I had been subjected too and even now up against narcissistic behaviour.
My husband is an only child and raised primarily by his mother (parents divorced when he was 7). He has ASD and we both feel certain his dad definitely has it too and question if his mother may also, but his mom exhibits a lot of the same narcissistic behaviors as my mother does. Ironically my mother and mil have the same birthday (my mom is 1 year older). My husband can’t see at all how his mom is and her digs and rudeness towards me from day 1, go right over his head. I had zero warning from him about her. Whereas I gave him full warning about my family – told him my family was really toxic, but would act perfect all the time when he’s present, but get nasty as soon as he is out of ear/eyesight. He didn’t believe me about how toxic my mother and 2 of my siblings (sisters) were with each other and all of us, because they always acted right when he was around. It wasn’t until we were planning our wedding long distance and I kept getting calls from my sisters shredding me for decisions I was making and finally put them on speaker so he could hear from himself. I get so stressed out, my stomach clenches, I get indigestion big time when we are getting ready to go visit his mom and continue to feel these things for the entire visit. She’ll be “nice” in front of my husband/her son for only so long and then she becomes far more overt with her barbs and insults (and tone of voice) towards me, but he still doesn’t see it. I dread visiting with her and at one point, after she and her husband (my husband’s stepdad) told him they had never liked me, when he was seeking support from them while we were going through a rough patch, to be nicer and treat me better, he came home told me what they’d said and I didn’t feel emotionally safe having them to our house.
My in laws were all High Conflict Personalities. I met them later and found my self in a living nightmare for years with no resources; my ex-spouse was a narcissist and her mother was one, as well. It sucked. I ended up in a cluster of Cluster B types for many years. It was like jumping in a peaceful spring with a mesh net between you and what you could not see….PIRANHA!!!!!😱 (There interchanges were horrible; yet they said they loved each other after maliciously attacking each other. )
Been with my man for over 12 yrs, family has known me since I was 17, I’m 40 now. He had a stroke I found him and saved his life getting him to a hospital, and his mother slams the door in my face and takes over. I am stuck living with him under her roof for the time being, just moved from Oregon to Florida. Got a decent job, working on saving and getting ready to setup our own place for him to come home to if/when he’s ready. I’ve gone grayrock after countless manipulation attempts, rude, disrespectful comments etc….. I’m over it. I will not allow her to poison Our relationship. As far as her, I’m done. I want nothing to do with her anymore. The playing innocent bullshit, the behind closed doors conversations are NOT happening…. ITS OVER WITH HER. I hope I’m doing the right thing. I’m here for him. No one else matters. My sensitivity is no longer involved. We have a healthy relationship. It has nothing to do with anyone else’s gauntlet of approval. Fuckem. I thank gods everyday I do not have human children.
OMG I have these kind of narcissistic in laws, they made me sign prenup, when living in one of their houses, asked me to pay rent. Now helped us but a home but all big finances decisions are made by them. We always need approval from them to do anything 🤦🏻♀️ My husband and my expenses are also shared 50-50. Even babys’ expenses are shared between us…. some things don’t settle in within me I hate it… i even blew off on them… but everytime i loose my cool, i look bad Not them, their point of view is, all we done is helped you and our son. They did help us and gave us loan too to repay them…. but i dont know i feel so out of family, When finances talk comes up, they def want me to come up with my 50% but will help their son with his 50% Even if we would like to refinance the house that’s under our name, we need their approval for it …..ughhhhhh
If you grew up in a disfuctional family, finding yourself with a bi polar, narssistic person . Be careful of fracken counselors who want to twist your confused actions as though in the big picture you needed the narssist to point out areas needing improvement. You run as fast as you can. Let go and grow. You need time, as time goes by you will get clarity. Lots of quacks out there. Read books adult children of alcoholics, 12 step programs. articles on youtube about narssist
My mother knew that my ex, who is a narcissist, was one….but did not tell me 35 years ago. According to a friend of hers, my mother claimed that I would not listen., My mother said, Like father,, like son.” ..My ex, who lied about why I left, helping to end my relationship with both our families, would call his dad “selfish” but if I said anything,…Ex got 60% of our assets and about 5% more, violating our settlement. He was the favored child. His family saw me as the golden calf. And, yes, I raised one narcissist because I was more numb than I realized. Thank you MedCircle: Cannot change the past but understanding it helps.
Partners mother NARCISSIST. Partner suffers from borderline personality disorder. Mother can do no wrong, ignores my existence, ignores me when in the same room, jabs at my partner about things and takes the Mick, yells all the time and controls her, uses her as a partner figure. Just broke off a three year relationship yesterday.
my mother in law and sister in law became impossible to deal with after we had kids, they were fine before .. especially my mother in law, she pretends to decide what my kids can and can’t do, which days of the week she can come to our house etc.. I told her to stop both nicely and not so nicely, but she starts crying, says she can’t sleep at night and keeps doing it.. and my sister in law is basically a toned down version of her mother
His family go out their way to make me feel unwelcome and not wanted in the family. They leave me out and disrespect me purposely. The worst thing my partner makes excuses for them. When he notices them being nasty he doesn’t support me… or says he doesn’t notice it .. constantly brushes them problems away. We’ve spoken about it so many times but he won’t do anything about it
Very hard when you have a child with your partner of the narcissistic mother in law. In my other half’s eyes her mum is just doing things to help us. And while she does do a lot to help us she has some serious narcissistic tendencies. And her daughter come before me in any pecking order no matter what situation. She makes herself so important and thinks everything she does is godly and no likes to put me down. She doesn’t respect my parenting if she doesn’t agree with it and tried to parent herself and push her views on to my other half’s to parent our daughter. It’s so hard as I know our married life would be amazing without my MIL in it. But my spouse would never see my view. She doesn’t even really back me up when her mother is rude to me.
My In Laws are complete malignant narcissists. They put me through so much tribulation and hurt and I have really tried to make it work but I have had enough of the bullshit. I cut out both my awful sisters in law, and I will cut out my toxic mother in law in due time. I cannot wait to be completely done with this terrible family. My husband stands by me and sees why I am cutting them out. I would like to maybe keep my relationship with my father in law, as he was the only one who treated me with respect. Let us see. But I am done for the most part. No more of this messy family.
I don’t know if my mother in law is narcissistic or not, all I know is she controls the situations so everything can work in her favor. Just to exemplify, once my father in law came to visit us and stayed for 3 months, no previous warnings. He did so mostly because my mother in law would be traveling ALL THE TIME and she would park her 75 years old husband at our house, so she would not have to deal with that. The only way to stop that turnings into a habit was to cut relationship with them (from my end). Now she parks her husband at my brother in law’s house and his wife seems ok with this arrangement—as long as the old man is paying for rent and everything else including paying for their 9 years old child’s education. It is weird.