Leaving a narcissistic partner is a difficult process, as they prioritize their own needs, desires, and accomplishments over the well-being of their spouse. To handle this situation, it is essential to set limits, focus on a balanced future, and be kind to yourself. Remember to remember the times when wooing stopped, when the partner put you down, and how your partner may have distracted you.
Do not alert the narcissist of your plans until you have a team in place, as you will need to deal with numerous issues, including documenting financial records before formally filing for divorce. Don’t get sucked into their drama, as they may try to convince you to stay.
To handle marriage to a narcissist, keep yourself safe, centered, and sane, as narcissistic behavior can escalate to verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Keep your finances and avoid talking to your partner, unless you have children and need to co-parent.
When leaving a narcissistic partner, be brave and resist the urge to fight back. Maintaining composure is critical for disarming a narcissist and seeking help is essential.
If you’ve already left a narcissistic partner, focus on the issues and create a barrier between you and your narcissistic spouse. Negotiating a divorce settlement with a narcissist involves focusing on the issues, creating a barrier, and acknowledging the error of the narcissist.
📹 The difficult path out of a narcissistic relationship
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
What a narcissist does at the end of a marriage?
When a narcissist ends a relationship, they can act either combatively or passively. This shows they can’t handle rejection or criticism. Sometimes, a narcissist will leave when they feel their partner no longer meets their needs or gives them enough attention, even if the relationship is fine. If your narcissistic spouse has presented you with divorce papers, it is important to take the situation seriously. Narcissists often use manipulation and control tactics to maintain dominance. It’s important to talk to a divorce lawyer to protect your interests and understand the situation, even if you think they’re bluffing. You might decide to keep going with the divorce. How do you know a narcissist is planning a divorce? It can be hard to tell if a narcissist is planning a divorce because they are hard to read and manipulative. However, there are a few signs that a narcissist might be thinking about ending the marriage. One sign is when they start to devalue you. The narcissistic spouse may start to criticize their partner. This behavior shows up as blaming the spouse for everything or pointing out their flaws.
How do you survive staying married to a narcissist?
How to live with a narcissistic partner: Set clear limits. “Boundaries are something you have to do yourself,” says Dr. … Learn the signs of gaslighting. … Don’t get emotional. … Learn to negotiate. … Build your self-esteem and self-soothing skills. Know your inner circle. Living with someone who has narcissistic traits is hard. We asked a bestselling author for tips. We all want to put our needs first sometimes. This helps us keep our confidence and celebrate our achievements. But with narcissism, it’s different. Living with someone who has narcissistic behaviors can be distressing.
How do I live a happy life with a narcissistic husband?
Learn about NPD. … Be confident. … Speak up for yourself. … Set clear boundaries. … Practice staying calm. Get support. … Take action, don’t make promises. … A narcissist may need professional help. A relationship with someone with narcissistic traits can affect your well-being and mental health. Setting clear boundaries and having people you trust can help you find a way forward. The term “narcissist” is used a lot. It’s used to describe people who only think about themselves or try to control others. However, it’s important to remember that NPD is a real mental health condition that can cause problems for the person who has it.
How to divorce a narcissist safely?
Learn about narcissism to help you survive your divorce. … Speak to a therapist. Get a lawyer. … Don’t contact them. … Write everything down. Prepare for gaslighting before every meeting. Dealing with a difficult personality during a divorce. This article offers some tips on dealing with a narcissistic spouse during a divorce. But every situation and every narcissist is different. Narcissistic behaviors vary from person to person. If you have questions about your case, speak to a mental health professional and an attorney.
Learn about narcissism. People often think the term “narcissist” means someone who is vain or conceited. Some narcissists are just self-absorbed, but that’s not all.
What words can destroy a narcissist?
Use words like “no,” “accountability,” “consequences,” and “empathy” to challenge a narcissist’s sense of superiority and hold them accountable for their behavior. You need to set boundaries and stand up for yourself when dealing with a narcissist.
Does divorce hurt a narcissist?
How does a narcissist react to divorce? Narcissists struggle when their imperfections are exposed. Divorce shows a narcissist’s worst traits. It shows their marriage is flawed and often involves criticism in public. A narcissist might feel like they’ve failed if they find out they want a divorce. This could cause them to lash out. They will try to make you look bad in court. You must find ways to deal with your spouse’s anger while moving the divorce forward. Narcissism and domestic violence. Narcissists have trouble understanding others, including their spouse and children. This makes it easy for them to abuse, dominate, and control. When domestic violence turns physical, divorcing a narcissist is even harder. Abusers and narcissists both want to control their environment. When they feel out of control, they may act out. This can lead to new, worse, and even life-threatening abuse in the days after a divorce is filed. If you think your spouse might become violent, tell your divorce attorney right away. Your attorney can help you and your children stay safe, but only if you plan ahead. Make a safety plan before your narcissistic spouse finds out you want a divorce.
How long does a marriage last with a narcissist?
A narcissistic relationship can last as long as you want. Some people stay in these relationships for years, while others leave more quickly. What does a narcissist do at the end of a relationship? A narcissist’s behavior at the end of a relationship can be complex and depends on their personality, circumstances, and goals. At the end of a relationship, narcissists tend to react with anger or try to get their ex back.
Should you stay married to a narcissist?
If your narcissistic spouse is willing to seek help, you can navigate your marriage successfully. If they won’t get help, you can leave the marriage to find peace and heal.
How do you get a narcissist to leave your marriage?
Don’t blame the narcissist. If your spouse asks why you want a divorce, don’t list their faults. This will just make them feel worse. They don’t know themselves or what they did wrong, so nothing you say will make them see the truth. When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general. Don’t blame your spouse. Keep your word. Once you announce your decision, don’t change your mind. Ambivalence confuses and annoys the narcissist. It will also keep you stuck. Narcissists don’t change. Trying to make things work will lead to more failure, injury, and punishment for you. Being firm and moving forward with the divorce shows the narcissist he can’t control you. Hire a reasonable attorney. A “shark attorney” will make things worse. Choose a lawyer who will start the divorce with as little conflict as possible. Don’t serve your spouse in public or make false claims in a declaration. Be willing to use mediation, but don’t be a pushover. Hire an attorney who knows how to handle a courtroom.
Respond wisely. Narcissists have emotional outbursts. If you respond in kind, you’ll get more aggressive. Don’t reason with someone who is unreasonable. When you communicate, be brief, factual, neutral, and direct.
How to convince a narcissist to divorce you?
2. Be honest. Tell a narcissist you want a divorce clearly. Don’t waffle. Don’t get into emotional or circular conversations. Stick to necessary topics. The goal is not to win the argument. It’s important to avoid making it an argument. It’s about moving forward, starting the divorce, and protecting yourself.
When you communicate, whether in person or online:
How does a narcissist divorce you?
FAQs about narcissist divorce strategies. How do narcissists act in divorce? Narcissists often use manipulation tactics during a divorce, such as lying, playing the victim, and spreading lies. They may also try to control the process by not sharing financial information or taking too long to get things done. Narcissists like conflict and can be vindictive. Stay vigilant and protect yourself emotionally. How do you outsmart a narcissist in a divorce? To outsmart a narcissist in a divorce, focus on your goals and choose your battles. Keep communication clear and calm. Hire a lawyer who knows how to deal with high-conflict situations. Find proof your spouse is manipulative. How does a narcissist react during a divorce? A narcissist usually gets angry, denies it, or tries to manipulate during a divorce. They might try to make the divorce take longer or make unreasonable demands. Those divorcing from narcissistic partners must stay focused on their goals while protecting themselves emotionally.
📹 Narcissistic Relationships | 5 Strategies
If you have a relationship with a narcissist, here are 5 crucial ways to manage it. Want to get Dr. Ramani’s advice directly?
“having to completely disconnect from your true self in order to survive” resonates deeply. Exactly my present situation and it goes against ever fiber of my being of authentic self. When you come out of the numbing “trauma bond” coma and realize how much of your true self has had to stay hidden to “keep the peace”, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
My 35 year marriage ended with my husband being removed from my house by the Sheriff’s department. It was a nightmare! I am so grateful to have people like you to guide me through this. Those were the most horrific weeks of mine and my children’s lives. We are happy and safe 7 months later and he is living in a tent. It is no longer my job to tell him what to do.
It was haunting when you talked about those who stay and how they know it isn’t a full life. When they exhale in the moments when the narcissists aren’t around. I know that not everyone has the ability or luxury to leave, but hearing those words felt so dark and heartbreaking. May those people who don’t have a choice, or feel that they don’t have a choice, find peace and happiness somehow.
I got out after two very worrying sentences. One was told to a roomful of his family and friends on when we were having kids, “I’m trying but she won’t lie still. ” I was mortified. It wasn’t a joke, but everyone else laughed. So gross. And the next was after a fight and as we were going to reconcile he said as an opening line ” I get why some men hit their wives.” Turns out he said that secondly line often at gym amongst the guys. No one called him out. Petrifying. I was out of that within the week- 3 months into marriage. I’m glad I got out so soon. I had really supportive friends and family, which surprised me. Just made me realise he’d created a mental cage for me, but I could choose not to stay in it.
I am sobbing into my hands so loudly like I have never had more of a raw emotion felt in my life. Dr Ramani you are the voice that is going to get me through this overwhelming toxic time. I really wish you really where sat on my coach talking to me right now. This will be the 3rd time I leave a narcissistic relationship. The amount of emotion coursing through me I’m sure you can imagine. As the tears leave my sore eyes I take great comfort in knowing and believing that one day, when all is said and done maybe even many years from now. But one day I will find myself again. I will rebuild my love for myself. I am so so thankful for your content and I wish you all the recognition and success for bringing light to what ultimately ruins alot of good innocent peoples lives. Because I could have been one of the many unfortunate cases that don’t get to tell my story at the end of it. I don’t feel so lonely anymore.
When you leave minimize any communication with them. Use smallest amount of communication you can. Don’t even text “okay”, text “k” instead. Use all of your power to give them absolutely no insight into your emotions. Drive different ways to work. Be unpredictable. It will be hard, but not as hard as life with them. When my youngest turned 18 with great joy I could block the ex so the only way they could reach me was via mail (that I throw away) or if they drove to my house when I could call the coppers. I am so, so happy to be free. My life is peaceful. Also, when you can leave you will need to sleep. You’ll see keep like you never have before. Just sleep. You are worn all the way out. Sleep without guilt. Sleep like it is your job. You need to. ❤️You’ve kept peace for a long time. Make peace. Even if it takes a war to make that peace.
I got soooo lucky he left!!!!!! I refused to marry him. He would have driven me crazy and have me committed and he would have taken possession of my fortune. He loved bombed me for 15 months and I enjoyed myself and yes I fell in love. But in the back of my mind, way back there I just could not let go of the red flags. Also I had premonitions and I kept on postponing the wedding. Sure enough my instincts were right. Things happened I confronted him. He left. Yes I got the s…t storm. Yes I got sick and ended up in the hospital. Yes I got scarred. With the violence and death treats…….I went no contact. I discovered Dc Ramani. I anderstand the whole thing now. But the bottom line is: HE DID NOT GET ME!!! I feel blessed and I am laughing.
ABSOLUTELY right on. And I wish legal advocates were better informed. I had to leave my own house out of emotional safety (and perhaps physical — he hadn’t done anything, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have). My lawyers kept saying that it wasn’t a good idea for me to leave him in possession. I finally said “stop telling me NOT to leave and start telling me HOW.” BTW, ended up getting my house back and getting him out, but it was over a year after I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and this article is, as I said, right on.
I planned “my escape” and set up an apt., then moved out while he was out. Divorce finalized, but 14 months later he still emails begging me to see him, come back. I have never responded or looked back. NO contact. Each person has their ah ha moment when you know you are dying inside and have to leave. It’s a journey back to our authentic selves. Tough but worth it!
I was in a narcissistic relationship about 8 months, he was living in my apartment about just a month, when he started treating so bad, and then I asked him to leave. He basically said no, I’m not going. And he didn’t . It was a hell, a nightmare, traumatic…. yes it was horrible. I was terrified, I was very very afraid of him, I couldn’t even hear his voice anymore that I started shaking. I’ve never been so insulted, humiliated and offended in my whole life. But I did it!
I’ve been a week with no contact.. he tried sending me flowers with notes to get me back..called my friend. I have my times of crying then happy times but I know it’s for the better. I miss the good times but there was always some BS. I knew all the red flags prior to the relationship but still went in. Having no contact is hard kind of but I’m praying it will get better
Get them to dump you for being disinterested in them. Be honest, insensitive, but not cruel. Become embarrassing for them to take around other people. Whatever they’re feeding on that you provide, stop providing it without explaining yourself or acknowledging you’re even doing it. I’ve done some of these things subconsciously (I review my behavior in hindsight, usually) and it’s gotten me dumped which was sooo much better than the drama. If you don’t mind being dumped, I highly recommend it as an exit route.
My separation was nothing more than torture. All of abuse and toxic traits just increased a thousand fold. I wanted to die. I lived every day in searing emotional pain and fear. I just couldn’t belive the escalation, I couldn’t cope. Everything you said is spot on… some people go back just for a break in the torture. ☹
This is exactly what is going on in my never-ending-divorce-from-hell. But, FINALLY my ex made a mistake so bad that the judge is paying attention and is not allowing it to continue. Without that mistake though, I don’t think that things would be turning in my favor. All of the things you have talked about happened. It has been awful but I would never go back!!
I’ve watched this article several times at different times in my journey out of narcissistic relationships. The line that hit hard today…we all saw red flags at the beginning and ignored them. I have someone in my life who I’m seeing red flags with. Thank you for the encouragement to not kick the can down the road and see if things get better.
god, i remember leaving my own narc relationship. it was a rollercoaster. from “lets just be friends” to subtle emotional manipulation: still calling me baby, still future faking (god! the future faking) etc. to me cutting him off completely and him still trying to text me to see if he can violate my boundary once more. one tactic they use after you’ve gone cold contact is to text you and add “you dont have to respond to this, but…” almost like they want you to pity them AND respond. you’re damn right i wont respond. block
Spot on throughout ! To disentangle completely and to be free, I elected for bankruptcy. I learned as I went, to expect no awards for heroism. It is a journey that ultimately is going from total destruction and nothingness to picking up one positive/meaningful piece of life after another, slowly climbing out of the abyss of emptiness to one that was much better than nothing at all, and being content with what I could reclaim within myself. Myself is my reward.
I’m still dealing with brain damage after my narc went into a rage and smashed my head 5 times. That was my closure. I didn’t even defend myself with the flying monkeys, they were part of the “no contact” clean sweep of my life. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, these articles are helping me sort out my mind and reducing the spin cycles.
They never go away. I’ve been no contact for a while and every now and then, I receive a weird text from him accusing me of doing something against him. Then a few hours after, hovering. Normal ppl realize it’s over and move on. Narcissists cannot accept that a person is no longer a fool for them and almost always goes out their way to get the ex to return or respond, even if it’s by force. Once I realized it was narcissism, I was completely done.
When I left the narc, I left when he didn’t think I could do it. Before I was financially stable, after having two kids, while the kids were babies You just have to bite the bullet and go, don’t look back, get lots of help. The real psychological shitstorm started after leaving. So much shaming, guilting, forcefulness… Still ongoing because of parenting the kids, and of course, he uses the children for his supply. I’ve been in the middle making sure my kids don’t become him. That’s been my biggest goal, and more important than anything. Any time I try to put myself first, he vindictively activates and tries to guilt me. Currently going through litigation so I can live finally in the city I want to live in… and it’s been 9 years since leaving him, built my career while having 80% parenting time. But guess what? I wouldn’t trade my freedom for another second being married to that person. I don’t regret my decision one bit. You may be scared, but you have to do this. You can’t heal in this environment. As you become healthy, you have the resilience to deal with this. You cannot raise fine children in toxicity. Think about your legacy.
I am in this relationship for 29 years, 6 children. Life has gotten so overwhelming and hard. I feel so out of control scared to make a move . The narcissist is gotten more aggressive and his tyrant traits are out of control. I am embarrassed to be here in this situation and looking so weak especially to my children. I need to get my dignity back . I am scared 🥺
Once you block them, it’s the curiosity that is the hardest. We all know what happened to the curious cat. That’s been my biggest struggle so far. I’m moving on by picking up a few new hobbies, meeting new people, and keeping busy. This has been a huge life lesson and these articles have been my guardian angel!
It has been 13 years since my narcassistic ex and I got a divorce. It took me all this time to realize that he was a narcissist and only through discovering your articles have I begun to understand what a classic case this was. In some ways Im glad that I didn’t know before hand how hard it was going to be to leave because I probably would have chickened out and stayed. Looking back, he did me a favor by pulling all the skeletons out of my closet and exposing them to friends, family and coworkers. He taught me to face adversity in the face, hold my head high and keep on going, one foot in front of the other. I regret the damage he caused my kids during the divorce. I didn’t escape without a beating and was fearful for my life for a long while but I no longer let him hold that power over me anymore. He showed me just how much strength I had inside me and I am grateful for that.
All I can say to those who find themselves in an impossible relationship with someone you love; they will never change if they are a full on lying, cheating or a grandstanding individual who knows how to mortify and manipulate you. You will ask “how did I not see this coming?” Because they built up your confidence and trust. They love bombed you. They did things for you. Then when they didn’t get their way, they’d punish you. They’d lose their temper and intimidate you. If this is happening in your relationship, it’ like being tied to a boat that is sinking. Plan your getaway. Write things out that happened that are out of bounds. Look at it every day. The other shoe will always drop, again and again. I’ve watched these articles in amazement that these types of selfish, immature and dangerous people can get that close to us to gain what they need. It’s not because of your merits, friendliness or the way you look and act, but what they can extract from you until there’s nothing left. Get out and stay out! (6 months of no contact, and healing….)
My first husband was a deeply self-involved narcissist (well, I guess they all are), and I was truly afraid of being physically harmed by him when I left him. Finally, he opened the door wide open for me to make my exit — he had a flagrant affair with a woman we both new and told me these incredible and unforgettable words: “you will destroy our marriage if you don’t let Pam move in with us.” Turns out they had it all worked out. It was SO liberating! he put on a great act of being devastated when I told him that was intolerable and packed up my things. Actually, I think he was truly devastated — he’d lost his “source.” But the main response I had was the pure joy of being free!
I am the one trying to leave my narcissist husband and absolutely everything that you described in your article is SPOT-ON. He has made my life a living hell…. I never knew hell on earth until I attempted to leave after 21 years of marriage and my life is literally upside down. He has done everything in the article and then some. I have aged tremendously and I’m fighting to stay alive. He has destroyed me emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically. I am so damaged. Lord have mercy and save me before he devours me completely.
Oh my heavens, Dr. Ramani, I wish I saw this article before I divorced my narcissist. It was the most horrifying battle, and I have been left ruined, both emotionally and financially. He got me fired from my job as a pastor, stole my church family from me, and manipulated everything he could to make sure I walked away penniless. Still, IT WAS WORTH IT!!! ❤❤❤ I can breathe again!! I have a shot at happiness!!! But you’re right. It was an enormous battle; I simply wasn’t prepared for it. Thank you so much for your articles. Your wisdom and kindness are nutrition for my soul. 🙏❤️
I remember those text messages. They were horrible, leaving you to think how on earth can someone say things like this and not even be bothered afterwards. Lost a few friends too, because of her lying to them about me. Back then it hurted much. Now, looking back, it has been 7 years, I can say that i learned alot from it. Made me stronger.
‘Thank the Lord’ is my saying at least 100 times a day for getting out. God is truly great, for helping me to overcome this ordeal, even though, I left with no money, no family support and no job. I must say that I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and ended up marrying a man just like my mother. I wish I knew what I know now. Thank you for your articles, they are excellent.
“They are losing something they believe they have invested in. …and expect dividends from. …if you leave, you will pay.” Wow. Spot on! This is how they view the world ! I just wish they didn’t expect “payment” for life. ugh… it’s exhausting Thanks Doc! *You cover all the things in a way that really struck at the heart of it for me. I kept going back over your points. They don’t want to simply strike you down, they want to cripple you and watch you slowly bleed out for a lifetime. By any and all means. It is scary. Thank you and looking forward to the related article you mentioned.
I escaped 1 month ago from a 10-year relationship with my ex. The final straw was this spring when I had to say goodbye to my 16 yo pup. An hour before the vet arrived at our house he tried to convince me to not put Hollis to sleep when my heart finally knew it was time. His reason? He just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t responsible in ANY WAY for my decision. He also tried to keep Hollis’ ashes hostage when he realized I was going to leave. He came home when we were packing up and I had to leave a lot of things behind, but I had to keep reminding myself that everything could be replaced except me and my other pup. It took 2.5 years of therapy to get to this point, but every moment on my own has been so freeing. My chest isn’t tight 24/7 and I can breathe for the 1st time in my life. The food allergies that I developed over the last 8 years to preservatives are slowly lessening. Even my dog is happier and more playful than before we left! This was the toughest experience I’ve ever lived through, but I’m finally living life my way and I’ll never go back. Sending encouragement to anyone who’s thinking about leaving. You are strong. You are enough. ❤️
I just left with my son. A 9 year relationship. It WAS that bad. I was very afraid of the rage at the end. He had a weapon. But my son and I stood our ground and got out. We lived in fear and are still recovering in a safe place. It wasn’t easy getting out. I can’t tell people enough how important a safety plan is. Thank you for everything you do Dr. Ramani
Thank you so much for this. I’m listening while I pack up my office and put my business into cold storage, literally. Business has been growing, but my marriage died when he caused a humiliating scene here back in November. I’ve been lining up my ducks for half a year: attorney, storage room, documentation. Thanks again, Dr. Ramani, for dropping this breadcrumb trail of articles.
It actually was every bit as bad as you say Doctor, and then some. I’m grateful every day that I escaped with my life. He never was going to end that sick, sick situation. I tried to make him want too. It was all me in the end. It was every bit as bad as you say. I was cured of any desire to have any relationship ever again 7 years ago last May. I have no desire at all for future entanglement with a romantic partner. I really prefer the single simple life. I have more peace and have been happier these last years than I have been in a very, very long time. I regret almost nothing. I regret not having left sooner. Some people just deserve to be left in the dust.
You hit everything right on the nail. Dr. Ramani I’ve been in a narcissistic relationship on and off for 7 years. I always returned because of my fear of abandonment and loneliness. Your articles help me process things and make sense of the reality of the relationship and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for this. ❤ I always thought I could “love” him past his narc ways but he was consistent in letting me down. Thankful for this article and the clarity 🙏🏾
I’ve had the wind knocked out of me so many times, in such a state of confusion because you thought you had seen the worst of it. NOTHING is sacred to them. They will cut deeper with their words than anything you’ve ever felt before. When you think you’ve become numb to every insult they could possibly throw at you, you will step into a comfort zone because you know how bad it gets and you know that you can survive it. Then they will take such a deep jab at you again by saying new things that you couldn’t ever fathom saying to your worst enemy. It will leave you flabbergasted, shocked to the point of physical ache, while they go in the other room and whistle a jingle like it’s just another day in the park.
I am $150K in the hole in trying to divorce my pathologically affected husband … there is no hispanic soap opera that can match the incidents of this relationship and divorce … and I have had to face him in court as he is now representing himself … it has gone into 6 trial days, even the judge has lost her patience. I can check off every thing you say with at least dozen examples! Wow … thank you
My ex narc sent toxic messages to all my close friends and family when I went no contact. Luckily I expected it and was ready to let those people go. As a result I discarded the fake friends and the honest people remained in my life. I am very grateful. If it had not been for that experience I would have been with those friends to date.
“…part of preparation is to know ahead of time how bad it’s going to be when you decide to leave…” I left a 40+ year marriage exactly 1 year, 2 weeks, and 2 days ago after planning for a year and a half. It HAS been that bad and continues to go badly. But it is almost over. If not for these articles and “Should I Stay or Should I Go”, the process would have buried me. My soon-to-be-ex has said/done nearly every single thing that was mentioned in the article. I was so worried that I was over thinking and over-prepared for the worst. And worried that the attorney would think I was a paranoid nut…but I have needed every single piece of documentation, email, and record. Every day brings a clearer head, a more settled body, and a slow recovery of self that was lost so many years ago. It is never too late. Best of luck to you who are in ALL stages of the process. Stay strong!
I don’t feel valued anymore I don’t feel loved I don’t feel you’re there for me in times of sadness & pain (you instead would reply to me: that’s sign of aging) I felt walking on an egg shell everytime we go out (my heart would beat fast bec I’m a bit worried that anything I say or do could trigger you making a scene in public) and humiliate me. I don’t feel appreciated including my small achievements at work so far. I don’t feel that those small things I do makes you happy any longer. I feel that you always make a big deal out of my small mistakes (like when I missed a word you say, you would shout at me right away) I feel your rage right away in just one wrong move I make. I feel that you don’t have patience towards me anymore. I don’t feel that you feel happy when I’m physically beside you. I felt through the years that I was verbally and emotionally abused I feel that you don’t listen or hates to listen to my stories (about work, my family, my plans and what I love to do) It’s been 6years and it’s been 3 long days since I tried leaving you. How I wish days would fly faster that I would survive this away from you.
I left my parents when I was a teenager; I married in my 20’s and his family were Narrcissts: 38 years later my husband picked up where they left off: I am Now Free from all of them… the Battle was hard, I made the plan, I moved, I got people to help!,, These articles have helped me Thrive!, life is short.. So let’s get away from the ugly : and never GO Back!!!
Mother is a Covert Narcissist. Out of four sisters, I was the oldest and very briefly the Golden Child. But when siblings came along, I became parentified and moved to the Scapegoat position. The two middle daughters were mother’s Golden Children. The baby sister is the Invisible Child. Oddly, the youngest and oldest both look like dad and the two in the middle look more like mother. They could do no wrong in her telling. Learning all about narcissism in my 70s is one of those “better late than never” situations and I can’t thank you enough for the wonderful awareness work you are doing.
I made the decision to leave, I saw it like a game of chess, if I make this move, then he will make that move. Needless to say, he had no idea I had been planning on leaving and had started to leave. Yes, it is a tough journey, especially with my boys, but they were my reason to fight and to push through the storm. Now each day I am grateful that I can breathe again, and I have a beautiful man in my life who loves me and my children. I wouldn’t have found him if I stayed. Praying you can find the strength to decide to leave, and follow through with that decision, it is sooooo worth it 💝
Everything in this article is so very true. To end my lifelong battle scared relationship with my mother was very much like surviving a hurricane without much shelter, the fallout, the relationship with my brother and his family. She even tried to turn my own kids against me. I’m am so very thankful to be out of that toxic relationship and wished I’d managed it sooner. It was worth all I went through. Wishing those that haven’t done it yet all the best, you can do it!
These are so valuable, thank you Dr Ramani! I’m a 48 year old male, and I have just remembered the large chunks of my childhood I had blocked out due to horrible, near psychotic psychological abuse from my narcissistic father. He would sit outside my room at night and talk in a low, creepy voice about how worthless and ugly I was (I’m not kidding – this is when I was 5-10 – what’s that going to do to a kid?!). The constant gaslighting of my older siblings didn’t help much – yep, they’re narcissists too. As the youngest I was the scapegoat in the family structure. Due to the abuse I became quite weird and alienated, and school was virtually impossible, as was any socialization. I went on to suffer years-long bouts of severe depression and suicidality, in and out of hospital, all due to the implanted scripts of the narcissists. I’m currently in the process of leaving the family – the only one I trusted revealed her true form just this week – it’s almost comical how their behaviour plays out exactly as described, but the revelation that they never loved me at all is very painful. I’m oscillating between anger at my life being so stunted by these walking egos, and relief that I can now see it for what it is.
No one could warn me hard enough about my divorce. It was like one of those lifetime movies. There are terrible people out there who want to ruin your life, it was a hard lesson to learn. I had to clean house with so many people, even my cousins I had known my entire life. What a lot of grief that was…
I just have to say how much I appreciate the validating message in this article. I have felt this dread, this pit in my stomach, when thinking about leaving my partner. Friend have innocently but ignorantly urged me to just leave, this primal gut feeling I have is screaming, “wait! Armor on first!” Thank you Dr. Ramani for calling a spade a spade, I appreciate your frankness🙏🏾
You confirmed for me what my intuition was telling me before i found your articles… Prepare, prepare, prepare toughest thing I have had to do. Stay in a relationship get the ducks in an order, make it superficial, set up my boundaries, resist the manipulation while I prepare everything. getting all ducks in order, tweezing our financials apart, getting the house in order, research cost of living as in rents in the area. Most of all trying to get the house ready for sale as tons of work needs to be done on it to prepare it. All alone, no family, no friends, no one to help and it can be daunting running this on my own. I have tried therapy in the past individually and I just managed to get really bad therapist. And I don’t have the strength to try that again. Finding a good therapist can be tough; one that doesn’t project on you or understands a covert/vulnerable narcissist. But I know I am doing the small stuff and I worry that I will miss something or the emotional toll will be great…
I left my narcissistic mate 3 years ago. It was everything Dr. Ramani described in this article. I knew it was going to be a very difficult process, and my mental energy had been so depleted by the 30 year relationship. I am full of joy now, and I am flourishing. There is a new dawn when you leave. Plan for a frustrating time as you untangle from your narcissist, prepare to lose some people you thought were your friends, and have your reputation smeared by your ex. It is worth the reclaiming of your true self.
I only now truely understand the description of Survivor after getting out of one of these hellish narcissistic relationships. It has been the worst experience of my life. But it’s over now and I am forever grateful that more damage wasn’t done. Every description of the aftermath is spot on. Dr Ramani has helped me so much in my darkest days ( and nights) with her kindness, honesty and understanding.
Escaped a couple of months ago, and I am now in the process of divorce from a malignant narcissist who is an attorney. It was pretty shocking to realize that yes, I was walking on eggshells while there, and I still am. I have to avoid most of the support system I very carefully developed, because he knows who they are, watch where I go to make certain I’m not followed. None of them know my physical location. And yet … The last time my therapist saw me he was shocked at how much better I looked, relaxed and happy. A bad day now is better than a good day there.
I just figured out that I survive a break up with a narcissist when I was 25 (we dated for 4 years). I had no idea this was his diagnosis. It was hard! Stalking, arrasment, treats, turning people against me, he even tried to hit me once I was lucky I had a good guy friend with me. By the end I was tired and all alone, but was the happiest I’ve been in years
I lost pretty much everything when I left my ex husband…all of the people I thought were friends, my children, the people I was close to in his family (despite the fact he was the “black sheep” of his family, they still took his side)…because they all believed his story that “it wasn’t that bad”. Part of me regrets going “no drama” when I left. I didn’t publicly discuss why I left with anyone and it took time to talk to those who seemed willing to listen as I was working on re-establishing myself in another state, so he was able to talk to many more people than I was, first. That having been said, all of that was worth it. It was hard to find out in such a manner who in my life truly cared about my mental health and safety, but it was necessary. It took some time for me to overcome the hurt and anger over what happened, but when I did, I realized what a beautiful life I had started making for myself. The pain(s) I experienced through the 20 years I spent with him and in the process of leaving him, have made me appreciate the love I have now, from new friends and family, even more. I no longer survive everyday, I truly live…and that is what made all of that so worth it. To those in the middle of situations like that, I want o say….hold on. It will pass. Yes it will hurt because you actually love people, but hold fast because you have to love yourself most in order to love others properly. And tolerating narcissistic abuse is not loving yourself…you deserve so much better and it’s out there waiting for you.
Even if they leave – once I was happier without him and didn’t fall for his hoovering he went after me as if I left him. I was not prepared for the full on assault and manipulation and the harm to the kids ( parental alienation of my son and continued attempts of my daughter). Lawyer up, document and be prepared for the worst
I have just recently researched this subject and I am thrilled to have found you. I am a HUGE empath and am constantly gaslighted by a friend and you are so right on all this. So helpful and heartbreaking I have had several coworkers like this but a friend a life long friend she has blown my mind in the last 5 years she as shifted into a big time “Narc” and she has ALL the tells..so thank you as I no longer feel like I am losing my mind.
I did it 3 years ago and I had no money, no support and I still believed I loved him. It is as bad as Dr Ramani says it is but leaving is SO WORTH IT. It is the scariest and yet the best thing I’ve done in my life. I’m still recovering from the trauma but it’s manageable and i feel like me once again.
I was totally naive going into the divorce just like I was when getting involved with him. I thought, okay my attorney is going to handle this correctly and protect me and the judge will see this for exactly what it is. WRONG! Dates for important events kept getting delayed, I kept being attacked by everyone involved, and nothing my attorney said ever came true. Halfway into the divorce I believe he was bought, paid off. It was so sickening to see all this play out and know there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. That is how our judicial system works and in particular family court. I am so looking forward to the day when all these crooked attorneys and judges are taken down.
You’re probably saved many lives that you don’t know about Dr.Ramani. Thank You for your encouragement and knowledge. I’ve been perusal you for quite awhile and I’ve been healing like I never thought I could. Im dealing with narcissist in my family that has become worse. You’ve changed my life. God Bless you. ❤.
Oh no, I just found your article late. I left the narcissistic without any preparation So I was not ready with the flying monkey I was shocked like “Didn’t she already get what she want? that big amount of money? Why she did flying monkey now? Why she can’t understand my position?” And some part of me, almost taking her side, blaming to my self like “should I not leave her as a friend? Is my decision to leave her wrong?” I didn’t expect it and that left in my mind for months: blaming, reassuring my self again and it backs to blaming again To anyone who wants to leave narcissist, hear this out! The article is accurate! Thank you Dr Ramani!
I did have a lawsuit against my former spouse and two former friends for slander and defamation of character. I was too tired to pursue that and focused on safety through my divorce process. My whole family, sans one niece were standing with him and against me. I had no contact with my teenage daughters for two years, however it wasn’t for lack of me trying. One adult daughter has been manipulated away by he and his wife once again. She’s an adult and has to make her own choices. Sadly, my 12 year old grandson is in the middle of it all. I did my therapy and recovery work which is VERY necessary. I’ve gotten my education and certifications which now allow me to coach women who find their selves in these situations. I am blessed. Living in a different state and living life well!
I’m currently going through a really hard time with my now ex-girlfriend. We own a house together and have a 2 year old. 2 months leading up to the big breakup, she was constantly going out drinking and leaving me with our child when I got back from doing 13 hours at work. Getting our son fed, bathed, and into bed. Now, I didn’t mind doing it, but it was ALL the time. She doesn’t pay anything towards the mortgage, but unfortunately, she is named down on it. We talked about selling it but finally agreed that we want it to go to our son when he’s older, so I will buy her out. Within a week of us breaking up, she had someone waiting on the wing. He was picking her up outside the house. When I am at work, she and him would take my son to a soft play, go out for food, etc. After 4 years of being together, she can just write me off so easily is beyond disturbing. I dont want to get into an altercation with this new guy because if anything, im glad he’s taking her away from me. They are going to look at a house to rent until our mortgage has finished 🤞She still continues to go out and manages to just get back in time in the morning before I have to go to work( roughly 5 am) so she can look after our son. I feel so bad for him that he has to deal with this woman until he’s old enough to hopefully just say, “dad, can I just come live with you!” I have always done my best to support us all, but it wasn’t good enough. I caught her driving home once at 3 in the morning when we were still together, and she was drunk as hell.
My daughter is in a relationship with a narcissist, and has a son by him. I seen his evil side and knew immediately that he was a player and got violent. Now she is scared & has told me she wants out and wants to live with me with her son. We are taking it slow. She caught him online being disloyal. And when she seen how many she was devastated. We have always been close but I was almost discarded but she is unwilling to let me go out of her & my Grandson lives, because her Father was so absent to this day. He’s cost her a home, her belongings. And he trashed her car. But im here for her & she has counseling and they never married thankfully. So we’re getting prepared for the storm and I can’t wait for my old version of my babygirl back. 💗 Thank you for sharing awareness 🙏
Dr. Ramani has the correct word – indifference- which essentially means “I don’t care anymore”. After anger then resentment, indifference set in for me at one flash moment that proved to be the last straw for me. That moment of indifference is when after 40 years of marriage I moved out, spent a year on my own, grieved a loss and began to find peace and myself again. Healing will come; I can testify to this.
When I left my narcissist I had no idea of the wild ride I was in store for. The vindictiveness and punishment began immediately. After 7 years of being in this relationship, confidential and personal information shared with her instantly became weapons, and this info was put into play to pretty much destroy me. Her actions did come to an abrupt halt though as she passed away 5 weeks after I left her. I honestly feel that nothing else would have stopped the war she had waged on me. And yes…I felt a real sense of relief when I learned of her passing… something I never imagined I would feel towards another human being. Thank You for these articles Dr. Ramani….So helpful to so many.
I really resonated with this article. I tried leaving 3 years into a 12 year relationship and it went really bad. After my daughter was born I was so happy to be a mom, but so miserable with him and I knew I couldn’t be the one to leave or I’d have to “pay” huge, and I was already way too broken. So I did what I could and I made him want to leave. I cut off sex after our baby was born, I gained weight, I quit trying to do everything for him that I’d always done in the past. I just quit caring. And I quit arguing with him (or rather going in circles about the same things we had been arguing about for years). It took 5 years, but he finally found someone new and within 2 months he “discarded me”. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years with no job, no money. But his family helped move me and my daughter into a place nearby. I got a job and slowly I have started all over. For 12 years I thought I was going crazy. It’s been 3 years and I get along with him for our daughters sake, we have 50/50 custody (I actually have her most of the time thankfully, but he fought me for 50/50 because he didn’t want to have to pay child support) but I’m still very much healing. Dr. Ramani has helped me realize so much that I didn’t understand for years. I’ve been in therapy but I always get so much more from these articles than I have from the 4 different therapists I’ve seen in the past 4 years because they don’t really seem to understand what I have truly been through because of him. The only reason I still see see my doc is because I still have really bad anxiety from everything I’ve been through with him and I need my anxiety medication.
WHAT AN EXCELLENT, ESSENTIAL PRESENTATION! BRAVO, Dr. Ramani! YOU NAILED IT! No one understands and illustrates narcissism quite as accurately as you do! THANK YOU! Nine years ago, I went “no contact” with my narcissistic parents and entire toxic family. Five years before that, I began the horrific, traumatic nightmare of divorce with a narcissistic man who tried to kill me. Leaving such people is indeed traumatic—but the freedom and real life that one can establish thereafter is well worth the nightmare as you recover and begin to finally live.
It took me three years after the relationship to clear my head, find my feet on the ground and start breathing again. It was not easy by any stretch of the imagination. But, oh man….. when you find yourself and you find your strength and accept your freedom…… wow. That makes every tear worth it. Hold on tight. One day at a time. One breath at a time. You will make it. Your tears will change from soul crushing devastation to unbelievable gratitude! Gratitude for the good times, gratitude for what the pain taught and how it changed you. Tears of gratitude for your new life. Your new life will be worth it. The way this changes you is what it is all about.
What dr Ramani is saying is so true. I was living with my ex narc who decided to pursue one of my best friend. I told them what my boundaries were and they both knowingly crossed it while trying to keep it a secret from me. But I already knew what was going on.. and i left. But before i left i went into a rage ive never experienced before. In hindsight the rage came from all the years of abuse and repressing my emotions and allowing him to disrespect me. That day i lost a best friend and a person who i thought loved me (been together for 10 years). Why did i take so long to leave? Because i just realised my dad was a narc too. … 3 months before this rage.. i was getting physically ill, unable to sleep properly, went into major depression.. it was like as if my body knew this was going to happen but my heart was fighting it. My heart still wanted to see the good in my ex. But the disrespect from my ex and my friend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My ex was a covert narc and my friend was an enabler. My ex is so confident that i will find my way back to him (yes he told me this) while he entertains my friend…his ego cannot handle the fact that I am the one leaving him. Fast forward to present times, i find myself having PTSD symptoms, going in and out of sadness, but i do feel alot free-er and lighter. Its a hard battle especially when im living overseas while my loved ones are in another country. But i cant wait of the growth and happiness i will be experiencing for myself 5 months from now, 10months from now, 1 year from now, 10 years from now.
I asked my covert narcissist boyfriend of 7 yrs to move out last week. I used all the things I learned from you and other professionals to get him to leave as quietly as possible. He tried everything on the checklist before that happened. Tried blame shift, projection, guilt, shaming, denial, excuses, confession, begging and finally pretending I never asked him to go. Just started doing dishes and fixing garbage disposal that’s been broken for 3 years. But I stood firm. My response to everything he said was, “i understand how you feel. I feel that way too. That’s why it’s better you go. All that is the last snd none of it matters now. You can blame me or yourself. It won’t matter either way or change what happens now. Now it’s over between us. My 11 yr old daughter is hurt by our relationship and tension. And actions she sees us take. Don’t hurt her more. You’re a better person for leaving. It’s okay. I know this was stressful for you. You can go now. We won’t hate you. Please go.” He left but seemed disturbed that he didn’t have an answer to that and wasn’t prepared – caught off guard in the middle of one of his devaluating tirades I usually endure. I feel like he’s out there tho. Just plotting. Hating that he was left with no options to do what he wanted. Which was use us for narcissistic supply. I found out he was lying about everything. He admitted it and expected us to stay together because he confessed to something I had already discovered. As if he came clean and wanted reward.
After leaving my narcissistic relationship, I was very afraid that I’d fall out of my friends’s circles. But actually, and this might send hope to the others out there, the friends stayed loyal to me (even if they kept up with the narcissist as well), saying they always knew something was up with him. People might sense which one of the couple is full of shit and which isn’t. They also sense who is there for them as a real friend and who’s just for show. And if you tell about your abuse, they are inclined to believe you because they might have had a gut feeling that something was up with that person in the first place. So, surprisingly, you can sometimes rely on other people’s good judgement. A narcissist just simply cannot gaslight everyone to the same degree at the same time.
I listened to Littlefingers advice to always imagine people doing the worst, so we won’t be suprised but we’ll be ready. I’ve got tons od messages, recorded his rages. I’m ready for the war. Still suprised though, because he’s playing his “i’m gonna change, I’m the Prince charming” card. Good luck with that 🙂 stay strong, survivals! You’ve got to outsmart them and just for your safety imagine the worst and be prepared.
You literally described my escape experience and the aftermath from my Narcissistic Father who is also a Sociopath who showed no remorse or guilt. It was beyond soul crushing to be relentlessly stalked and harassed. I even escaped to the US from another country but because of Internet he could stalk and harrass me and find out info about me. It was horrifying. It has been lasting for over a decade now. It is so heartbreaking. I had no idea the aftermath would be like this. I appreciate your work so much💜🌈
“It has taken me four years to leave. It took its toll on me. And as you said I have binders and cell phones and recordings and Witnesses and statements and lost children and family and friend relationships and everything that you described.. including the aging and the look and feel of being a wreck.. a fractured version of who I once was.. loss of financial and career stability. It IS hard. I really feel like it’s necessary that I highlight to those perusal this article and who might read this comment that it does get better and your appearance comes back, and you begin to see joy in the small things again. You begin to remember how you used to dress you begin to get on a daily maintenance routine for self care and body care and cooking again and everything else that you started to neglect because you just didn’t know if you were doing it right or if doing it at all was worth it anymore. It does come back. Have faith be strong understand that you are your biggest fan in this process. This is a time for refinement for discernment and for understanding who it is that you can count on when you are in the depths of your Low’s.
This article is awesome . Dr ramani is spot on. I have recently ended it with a guy who I believe was a narcissist I actually told him I felt he was one. At the begining he love bombed me with messages which I did feel were red flags and I chose to ignore my instincts were telling me at the time I was in the wrong relationship. He would eventually start to come out with odd things, things that would push someone away from them. He would go weeks without contacting me yet I would go back to him. The last time I saw him I hadn’t seen him for 9 weeks (yes I hear you say “why bother”) I did what I had to do and I was the final straw. I took him out for dinner and while we were out we barely spoke but he told me “your jeans are tight and your hanging ” Now to me this is a form of abuse. It was so off putting to be told such words he never even apologised. Says alot about him. I told him how I felt and he never apologised . He just turned all of it onto me and told me I was confused about what he had said and that I was blowing it out of proportion. It’s been 5 weeks, I wrote him a card told him I was hurting and that he wouldn’t hear from me again. It was tough but it was super empowering .
i’m 18 and didn’t realize that what i went through at home wasnt “normal” until i joined the army at 17, got away from home, and started therapy on my own. it’s probably the best and hardest process i’ve ever went through. but thank you for the preparation because i am terrified to go back home because i haven’t spoken to her in weeks…i know there will be hell to pay
So true Dr Ramani!! I’ve been trying to exit this narcissistic relationship.. there was smearing to the point of damaging my character… So I grey wall in the relationship to try to clear my name.. And their new friends seem to be more exciting and relevant but now I’m seeing the same subtle smearing within the new relationships… I’m thinking as long as I don’t entertain the Narc and friends .. I can slowly get away from that relationship!! 🤞🏽
Dr Ramani just described my end of the relationship from a female narcissist. I fled for my life and became homeless for over a year while this stretched out in the court system. Some additional points I would like to add. 1) If your narcissist is a female, especially if she plays a great victim, expect NO FEDERAL, STATE, CITY, OR COUNTY AGENCY to believe what you say. Especially responding police officers or judges. That’s why I was homeless for a year, still court ordered to pay ALL THE BILLS, including cable, under threat of going to jail if I stopped. 2) To iterate a point Dr Ramani made, you will find out who really are you true friends. I had people I thought would stand beside me in any battle, step back and say, “I can’t really do anything to help” or “I can’t come to court that day” or just straight up, “I don’t want to get involved”. This included people I served with in the military. At the same time, people will step up for you that you swore wouldn’t do a thing for you or that you have a horrible relationship with. During my year long fight while fighting this and not having a steady place to live, my sister passed away. She lived with my elderly mother and now, I had to try and take care of her, work my job, fight a bitter divorce, all while homeless, 3 states away. Within days, I got a call from my ex fiance (side note: I was the one who called it off with her) husband, who didn’t like me at all, called and offered to move my mom in with them while I was going thru all of this.
My goodness, I broke off with a covert narcissist 5 years ago and I wish I found your articles sooner to help me prepare and understand that I was doing the right thing. I was in a relationship for nine years (my first ever relationship) and I never thought he was a narcissist, but after binge perusal your articles I realized that he was a covert narcissist. Your articles on the aftermath of a break up all rang true, and these articles helped me bring closure to not feeling guilty for breaking it up with someone who I thought needed help from depression and other things. These articles help me with closure and that I wasn’t “crazy” or “selfish.” I am now engaged to someone that truly values me and we can have disagreements and actually have a discussion. What a true difference it is from going to a toxic relationship to a health one. I don’t feel numb and like a robot anymore and it felt so damn good to be out of relationship where I felt like I was walking on eggshells every single damn day. I hope all the victims out there who are in these relationships find the strength and means to leave and have a support system. Thank you Doctor Ramani
Yes, when I ended things. I prepared my friends and family for the worst. I told them he will try to reach out eventually. It’s sad. They didn’t believe me, until it happened. He reached out to my mom and most recently my best friend. This is just the beginning. I know he stalks me, even though I’ve blocked him in everything possible. I’m so happy. I’m not afraid. I’m living a beautiful life. Always vigilant, but never afraid.
Thank you for all your articles. I fully admit I have a whole host of issues, many of which are completely unrelated to the narcissistic abuse I have endured and which are related to my time in the Marines, but it’s taken me 42 years of life and at least 4 of personal therapy to realize that my mother was a large part of the problem. You’re doing incalculably valuable work here.
I’m so glad to hear someone just be straight about how it is….I get frustrated with people who don’t understand how horrifically damaging it is to deal with NPD relationships….yet I’m thankful that they don’t understand because I know they haven’t had to go through it themselves. It’s still hard when trying to explain what it has done to you…I’ve just given up on talking about it with people…it’s pointless…
Dr Ramani this article popped up in my notifications today after a night of having self defense protection near me at all times because I’m setting boundaries that the narcissist I’m married to that has a new supply, doesn’t like. I’ve been wanting to leave for years but haven’t been able to (I’m stuck) but I’m going to do it. Thank you for everything you do, you understand narcissism better than anyone else I’ve seen. ❤️
My husband’s abuse escalated into the danager zone. hat was the “straw that broke the camel’s back” & there is a thin line between love & hate. Unfortunately, because of the 2008 economy, I had to stay. He had to tone down; his health was failing & he lost his control over me. I never started it, he did; but I finished it & became the bitch I never knew I could be.
I left him two weeks ago, and he was like ok we’re done. Yesterday he started calling and texting me, again. I’m keeping blocking him everywhere. It’s was 6month relationship, and I figured out that’s there’s something wrong about him attitude from the first month, but I wasn’t aware about Narcissism. When this website popped up into my YouTube feeds! It was like a saver to me. I became very sure that he’s a narcissist. And it took me full month to have the courage to break up with him. The only problem now is, I’m stuck with the rumination! I’m thinking about our relationship like 16 hours a day!! Every day. How much should i wait so i can skip the rumination phase, I feel like I’m gonna be stuck for ever.
This is exactly why I have stayed. I am a robot existing. 30+ years. I know if/when I leave I will have to disappear far away to feel safe. I have been on lists for housing for years and both times they fall through for unforseen legal reasons. If it wasn’t for my dog, honestly there would be no reason to go on. And it is disheartening to read comments from people who say things like..just make up your mind, be strong and start over. I really wish it was that easy. He has threatened to burn my house. I am 66 and unable to work due to physical limitations. But I have not given up hope. Thank you Dr Ramani. She understands.
After I left my narc, it took years to get over him. I thought I would never stop mourning the loss. Once I clearly understood the game he had been playing, I got over the heartache in an instant. Keep perusal these articles. Trust me, the narc is incapable of love. Eventually you will realize that your love was fake too. It was more like Stockholm syndrome. There is zero love on either end. It’s just a highly dysfunctional dynamic.
For those of you in romantic relationships with narcissists, if you can’t decide whether to leave, think of this: do you want your kids to have a parent who treats them the way the narc treats you? Would you honestly choose that life for your children? Watch how the narc responds to stress, disappointment, criticism. Imagine him/her treating your precious little boy or girl like that. Imagine having to watch that sweet innocent little face tear up when the narc engages in character assassination, false accusation or gaslighting. Against YOUR child. Imagine the narc saying what he/she says to you to a child. Read the comments to these articles that come from children of narcissists. There are lots of them. Do you really want to bring a child into this world with this narcissist? He/she will treat your children the same way he/she treats you.
After 2 years and a legal settlement after the King Narc (my father) passing, MY LIFE IT BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It wasn’t easy, you miss (in my case an entire family of total addictions that were/are completely dependent on alcohol, drugs and adrenaline rush for rage) those you shared ‘I love you’ for decades at the end of every phone call and physical goodbyes that ended up meaning absolutely nothing in the end. Grief, all five stages and the four stages nobody knows about, I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Dr Ramani, my physiotherapist, and my friends along with an extended family.
I left a narc last year and the journey was hard but I did it. 7 months later here I am again 2 months into another narcissistic relationship. The love bombing stopped 2 weeks ago and the destruction began. Luckily I see it now. Last was 3 years of hell. 2 months in I am running as fast as I can buy still sad and hurt. Onward and upward!