Leaving an abusive relationship can be a dangerous time for a victim, as the abuser fears losing control. Narcissistic partners often use manipulation tactics, blame, and blame others for the relationship’s failure. It is crucial to avoid getting sucked into their drama and stick to your plan to leave. If persuasion, guilt, and attention-getting behaviors don’t pull you back, the narcissist may pull out a promise to change.
To end a marriage with a narcissistic partner, keep your plans secret and don’t tell your partner you are planning to file for divorce. If they feel their control is in jeopardy, they may try to manipulate you into staying. The more a wife exhibits narcissistic qualities, the more marriage satisfaction declines over time.
Narcissistic partners prioritize their own needs, desires, and accomplishments over those of their spouse. This can lead to one partner feeling unheard, unsupported, and emotionally disconnected. Understanding these phases can help navigate the complexities and challenges of ending a marriage to a narcissistic partner.
Narcissists are self-absorbed, egotistical, and primarily focused on their own needs and happiness, often leading to destructive relationships with others. Partners often feel exhausted, confused, and frustrated by this toxic behavior.
📹 Overcoming the challenges of leaving a narcissistic relationship
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
What will a narcissist do when you divorce them?
Manipulative Behavior: Narcissists may use manipulative tactics to get what they want from the divorce. Blame Projection: Narcissists avoid admitting to anything bad about themselves.
Blog. Specialty tags: Divorce can be hard, especially with a narcissistic spouse. Knowing a narcissist’s behavior will help you plan for a successful divorce. Divorcing a narcissist is harder than usual. You and your lawyer must be careful. Narcissists are relentless in getting what they want and don’t care about the impact of their actions.
What a Narcissist Does During Divorce. It’s hard to know what a narcissist will do during a divorce because their behavior can vary a lot. Some may go to extreme lengths to get what they want. However, you will likely recognize your spouse’s narcissistic traits.
What words can destroy a narcissist?
Dealing with a narcissist can be hard, but there are words you can use to disarm them. Use words like “no,” “accountability,” “consequences,” and “empathy” to challenge a narcissist’s sense of superiority and hold them accountable for their behavior. You need to set boundaries and stand up for yourself when dealing with a narcissist.
CapCut presentations. CapCut is a video editing tool with lots of powerful features. It can remove the background of portrait videos and replace it with an image or change the background color. CapCut can also upscale images, adjust colors, restore old photos, and colorize black and white photos. It can also create portraits in various styles. The software lets you resize videos and change their aspect ratio while adding color, images, or blur effects to the background. Auto reframe will be available soon. CapCut also has an auto captions feature that recognizes different languages and generates accurate captions to boost editing efficiency. Users can also convert text to speech with one click, with support for 11 voices and 10 languages. Finally, CapCut provides access to rich video editing materials, including templates, music, stickers, texts, effects, and filters. These resources help users create high-quality, engaging video content.
What words destroy a narcissist?
Dealing with a narcissist can be hard, but there are words you can use to disarm them. Use words like “no,” “accountability,” “consequences,” and “empathy” to challenge a narcissist’s sense of superiority and hold them accountable for their behavior. You need to set boundaries and stand up for yourself when dealing with a narcissist.
CapCut presentations. CapCut is a video editing tool with lots of powerful features. It can remove the background of portrait videos and replace it with an image or change the background color. CapCut can also upscale images, adjust colors, restore old photos, and colorize black and white photos. It can also create portraits in various styles. The software lets you resize videos and change their aspect ratio while adding color, images, or blur effects to the background. Auto reframe will be available soon. CapCut also has an auto captions feature that recognizes different languages and generates accurate captions to boost editing efficiency. Users can also convert text to speech with one click, with support for 11 voices and 10 languages. Finally, CapCut provides access to rich video editing materials, including templates, music, stickers, texts, effects, and filters. These resources help users create high-quality, engaging video content.
How to peacefully divorce a narcissist?
How to end a marriage with a narcissist: keep your plans secret. Learn about narcissism. … Rebuild your support system. … Get a lawyer. … Expect more abuse and manipulation. … Be ready. … Remember why you’re leaving. … Set limits.
Divorce is painful. If you bring narcissism into the mix, the process will be harder. Your narcissistic partner will try to make the divorce as difficult as possible, regardless of who initiates it. A narcissist may see divorce as a challenge to their status and worth. If they feel they are losing control, they will do whatever it takes to gain the upper hand.
How to defeat a narcissistic husband?
Learn about NPD. … Be confident. … Speak up for yourself. … Set clear boundaries. … Practice staying calm. Get support. … Take action, don’t make promises. … A narcissist may need professional help. A relationship with someone with narcissistic traits can affect your well-being and mental health. Setting clear boundaries and having people you trust can help you find a way forward. The term “narcissist” is used a lot. It’s used to describe people who only think about themselves or try to control others. However, it’s important to remember that NPD is a real mental health condition that can cause problems for the person who has it.
How to get a narcissist spouse to leave?
Don’t blame the narcissist. If your spouse asks why you want a divorce, don’t list their faults. This will just make them feel worse. They don’t know themselves or what they did wrong, so nothing you say will make them see the truth. When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general. Don’t blame your spouse. Keep your word. Once you announce your decision, don’t change your mind. Ambivalence confuses and annoys the narcissist. It will also keep you stuck. Narcissists don’t change. Trying to make things work will lead to more failure, injury, and punishment for you. Being firm and moving forward with the divorce shows the narcissist he can’t control you. Hire a reasonable attorney. A “shark attorney” will make things worse. Choose a lawyer who will start the divorce with as little conflict as possible. Don’t serve your spouse in public or make false claims in a declaration. Be willing to use mediation, but don’t be a pushover. Hire an attorney who knows how to handle a courtroom.
Respond wisely. Narcissists have strong emotions. If you respond in kind, you’ll get more aggressive. Don’t reason with someone who is unreasonable. When you communicate, be brief, factual, neutral, and direct.
How do you peacefully divorce a narcissist?
How to end a marriage with a narcissist: keep your plans secret. Learn about narcissism. … Rebuild your support system. … Get a lawyer. … Expect more abuse and manipulation. … Be ready. … Remember why you’re leaving. … Set limits.
Divorce is painful. If you bring narcissism into the mix, the process will be harder. Your narcissistic partner will try to make the divorce as difficult as possible, regardless of who initiates it. A narcissist may see divorce as a challenge to their status and worth. If they feel they are losing control, they will do whatever it takes to gain the upper hand.
Do narcissists care if you divorce them?
How does a narcissist react to divorce? Narcissists struggle when their imperfections are exposed. Divorce shows a narcissist’s worst traits. It shows their marriage is flawed and often involves criticism in public. A narcissist might feel like they’ve failed if they find out they want a divorce. This could cause them to lash out. They will try to make you look bad in court. You must find ways to deal with your spouse’s anger while moving the divorce forward. Narcissism and domestic violence. Narcissists have trouble understanding others, including their spouse and children. This makes it easy for them to abuse, dominate, and control. When domestic violence turns physical, divorcing a narcissist is even harder. Abusers and narcissists both want to control their environment. When they feel out of control, they may act out. This can lead to new, worse, and even life-threatening abuse in the days after a divorce is filed. If you think your spouse might become violent, tell your divorce attorney right away. Your attorney can help you and your children stay safe, but only if you plan ahead. Make a safety plan before your narcissistic spouse finds out you want a divorce.
What a narcissist does at the end of a marriage?
When a narcissist ends a relationship, they can act either combatively or passively. This shows they can’t handle rejection or criticism. Sometimes, a narcissist will leave when they feel their partner no longer meets their needs or gives them enough attention, even if the relationship is fine. If your narcissistic spouse has presented you with divorce papers, it is important to take the situation seriously. Narcissists often use manipulation and control tactics to maintain dominance. It’s important to talk to a divorce lawyer to protect your interests and understand the situation, even if you think they’re bluffing. You might decide to keep going with the divorce. How do you know a narcissist is planning a divorce? It can be hard to tell if a narcissist is planning a divorce because they are hard to read and manipulative. However, there are a few signs that a narcissist might be thinking about ending the marriage. One sign is when they start to devalue you. The narcissistic spouse may start to criticize their partner. This behavior shows up as blaming the spouse for everything or pointing out their flaws.
Does divorce hurt a narcissist?
How does a narcissist react to divorce? Narcissists struggle when their imperfections are exposed. Divorce shows a narcissist’s worst traits. It shows their marriage is flawed and often involves criticism in public. A narcissist might feel like they’ve failed if they find out they want a divorce. This could cause them to lash out. They will try to make you look bad in court. You must find ways to deal with your spouse’s anger while moving the divorce forward. Narcissism and domestic violence. Narcissists have trouble understanding others, including their spouse and children. This makes it easy for them to abuse, dominate, and control. When domestic violence occurs, divorcing a narcissist is more difficult. Abusers and narcissists both want to control their environment. When they feel out of control, they may act out. This can lead to new, worse, and even life-threatening abuse in the days after a divorce is filed. If you think your spouse might become violent, tell your divorce attorney right away. Your attorney can help you and your children stay safe, but only if you plan ahead. Make a safety plan before your narcissistic spouse finds out you want a divorce.
How to divorce a narcissist peacefully?
Here are a few tips to help you stay emotionally healthy during your divorce if your spouse is a narcissist. Set realistic expectations. … Get support early. Set boundaries. … Consider therapy. … Document everything. Hire an attorney who knows how to deal with difficult personalities. Going through a divorce is hard. Many people say it’s one of the most challenging experiences they’ve ever had. Dealing with a narcissistic spouse makes divorce harder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental condition where a person is overly self-important. Dealing with a narcissistic spouse during a divorce is hard because they think they’re entitled, need attention, and don’t care about others. This makes the divorce process harder. A narcissist may try to hurt their spouse during the divorce. Narcissists want to win, so they won’t compromise and will drag out the proceedings. Divorcing a narcissistic spouse is very difficult. Narcissists don’t compromise or reason, so typical methods of handling a difficult spouse don’t apply during a divorce. You can make this difficult process easier for yourself with the right strategies. Here are a few tips to help you stay emotionally healthy during your divorce if you think your spouse is a narcissist.
How to convince a narcissist to divorce?
10 Tips for Divorcing a Narcissist: Plan First. Keep copies of everything. Stay calm. … Stay connected to support. … Don’t badmouth. Get a good lawyer. … Set and follow healthy boundaries. … Review your digital boundaries. What is NPD? What to Know Before Divorcing a Narcissist Tips for Divorcing a Narcissist Can Therapy Help? Conclusion Additional Resources Infographics.
Nicole specializes in psychodynamic and humanistic therapy. She’s an expert in complex trauma, substance use disorder, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and relationships and intimacy. Dr. Patel has been a family doctor for almost ten years. She treats patients of all ages. She is interested in women’s mental health, burnout, anxiety, and depression.
📹 This is What I Would Do If I Were Leaving a Narcissist Knowing What I Know Now/Lisa Romano
Narcissist #narcissism #toxicrelationships In this video, This is what I would do if I were leaving a narcissist knowing what I know …
Today it’s finally my turn. I broke up with my narcissist yesterday evening. I’ve been perusal these articles for almost two years and without them, I’m not sure I would have woken up to his narcissistic nature. It went surprisingly well, but I’m expecting backlash. I’m ready for it. He was waiting outside my house last night and it just made me more determined. Never again will I waste my life energy on a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Durvasula.
For me, radical acceptance meant an immediate improvement to my metal and physical health. However, being in this relationship for so long and being controlled for so long, I feared that I would not be able to handle the challenges of life by myself. They have away of making you incredibly dependent on them and they make you feel inadequate when facing life’s challenges. This caused me to stress out over living life on my own, and sadly that’s part of the pull back as additional stress for the victim seems overwhelming. The payoff to me, is realizing that the normal stresses of life are FAR easier to deal with then the crushing stress and anxiety of living under the narcissists rule. Choose healthy, choose confidence, detach from toxicity.
My negligent covert narc husband went ‘no contact’. He passed away 3 weeks ago. 🤗 I was his caregiver for 4 years, as well as for my 94 yo mother for 5 years. My life is now stress free, I have peace in my heart and I am a happier person after 10 years of daily stress from him…mostly because he could not deal with my boundries. The only person I ever met who would look for ‘trouble’ where there is none. I am no longer walking on eggshells etc etc etc. He too, now has peace ‘from himself’ and his soul is in a better place. His personality died with him. For that, I am happy for him.
Thank You, Dr Ramani, for this article! After having been with the Narc for 27 years, & at the age of 66, I am now free of him. We were full time RVing in FL for the winter. I couldn’t take his abuse any longer. So I loaded up the truck with my clothes, crafts & 1/2 the dishes & pans, & I came back to MI, our home State. He could NOT stop me, as the truck title in is my name only, due to him losing his license before I even knew him from too many DUI’s. I have watched so many article’s on Narcissists, & I know without a doubt, he is ONE! I now yearn to hear how to heal, & that the grieving is normal. And, I feel my love has died for him, but, I miss what I thought my life would be. Left him a year ago. Filing for Divorce. Counseling helps, as well as this positive article! I’m taking my time to heal. Loving not being degraded, called horrible names, being blamed for everything, plus seeing his eyes for black during his NarcissisticRages. My home is now very quiet, peaceful & loving! I also enjoyed Dr. Ramani telling us that we didn’t waste our years with them. As we were still living. Not happily, but, trying to be the glue to keep it all together. I’m doing what he told me that I could never do. Like getting my own apartment & making it on my own! Love proving him wrong! ❤ God Bless you, Dr. Ramani, for helping us live through & learning how to recover from this horrific abuse.
I found out my partner of five years had been cheating on me and lying to me the whole time. He made me feel paranoid and crazy over questioning his commitment. I lost friendships and now I have to move. It’s been so sucky. But dr ramanis articles have helped me take back some of my agency and feel a little less alone. Thank you so much for this community I’ve found ❤️
The justice you CAN get is doing justice to yourself: your health, your heart, your mind, your aspirations. You can take solace in knowing you kept your decency and never descended into their sewer. YOU are worth more; they’re not good enough for you. Aim for the stars; leave the mud behind. One thought that might really help: would you want to trade places with them; would you want to BE them?
One of the most beautiful things my mom ever told me is don’t regret what you did when you were in love. Idk it’s been helping in my narcissistic recovery. I don’t feel guilty for the things I didn’t know and how i tried to make it work. Im letting it go and not returning to them or anyone else that shows me these same signs.
I am getting a divorce from one now.He is a pastor and everyone loves him. He already has some other woman sitting on the front pew and no one sees anything wrong with it. I can’t tell you what all I dealt with in less than a year.It’s more like a cult than a church.They are perfect in public and terrible behind the scene.I’ve been studying narcissist behavior for 5 years that’s the only reason I got out so fast.His ex wife was still coming in and out of his life after 6 years when I came along.He’s 15 years older than me.Everything Dr Ramani is saying is true I saw it from the start I just wanted it so badly.I’ve been going to therapy for awhile I was told I was a fearful avoidant and put it with a narcissist.Run away y’all listen to her.
I just met with a lawyer yesterday to ask some questions about how to circumvent my narcissistic husband trying to prevent the sale of our house and he is going to help me with my divorce by creating a “Retain Jurisdiction Clause” which will not allow one spouse to drag their feet by demanding that they won’t take less than what THEY think the house is worth. This has to be filed with the divorce decree in order to be in effect. So my advice is get some legal advice before you do your own divorce. It’s well worth the $100 I spent yesterday for knowledge and peace of mind. God bless all of you as you move FORWARD in your life away from Narcissistic abuse. I still struggle with the gaslighting and radically accepting that they are not being honest! I wouldn’t tell a lie or treat anyone this way so it’s very difficult for me to believe that they are doing this and the 23 years of cognitive dissonance is very slow to clear, but is IS clearing. There is hope for recovery!
You will recover enough in time. The betrayal will stay with you for ever but 5 years out of my unfortunate relationship with one of them and the emotional pain is pretty much gone. Keep learning and know that this shit happens to so many people. Your eyes get opened to so many things. It’s a hell of a recovery and it will change you.
I’m all alone now after leaving every narcissist one by one. Mother, father, husbands, boyfriends after the divorces, so called friends and then adult children who fell for the smearing. Alone and aggrieved, but safe ! At peace, loving myself and practicing compassion for my inner child, naive wife and mother who did everything to protect children who sided with the narcissists. I’m not nice narc supply anymore. I’m empowered, knowledgeable and validated by your website. Alone but oh so grateful for you. Now I have a chance to be truly happy! ❤😊
Having a witness helps me with the injustice–someone who believes me when I relate a given exchange with the narcissist. My sister has become that person. Thank God for her. I can imagine my situation without her. I see myself literally walking the floor in small circles, all the while holding my head as I swing it left and right crying “no no no no” with nowhere to turn.
50 years of having both parents with narcisistic behavior not diagnosed. I grew up thinking love was transactional, but in growing up and being emancipated trying was killing me because I was never good enough. The smear and scapegoating was so hurtful. The relationship of my mother exploiting my child thinking my mother could be a better grandmother was wrong. Outing my child as a youth to triangulate for attention was so malisious. I tried to be forgiving, but the “stop talking shut up” attitude my parents displayed was apaling. In old age, my mother only calls me for services I have wizened up to her malingering, I have gone no contact, it hurts to recognise I wish I had had loving, caring, supportive parents. I deserved better. My only child desurved better.
The amount of stress, anxiety and fear that is trying to exit these relationships is unbelievable. There are days when I don’t know how I haven’t stroked out or gave myself a heart attack 💔… the survival mode lies and deceptions really are hard to cope with… smiling and planning your escape while beating yourself up for having to play the survival mode part which is so not you as a normal person. The cognitive dissidents is crazy making and the guilt and fear is damaging at best to mind and body . My exit is coming in April from the hopefully last narcissistic relationship I will ever experience. Here’s to personal growth and learning the skills to avoid these in the future …no more !!! 💝😢💯‼️
I have No challenges whatsoever after learning his ways were all narcissistic based. It baffled me when I was in it, and now it all makes sense. Thankfully, he never brought me down. As I told him, he enabled me to grow more internally for myself AND to understand what narcissistic behavior entails. Moving on with so much excitement!! New chapters!! ❤❤❤
Yes, I have pictures in front of a huge beautiful Christmas Tree in San Francisco. It was taken during his affair with a woman in New Zealand. His many travels there and her travels to meet him locally. I had no idea until he physically assaulted me one morning. How mentally ill is he, extreme. He has all of the Money, continues to travel internationally. The world is Evil. Thank you for being a Caring kind Dr. 💜
I am very happy in my life of no contact. Not a single regret. For years (decades) she turned my entire family of origin into flying monkeys. Her big mistake was telling me I was dead to her. BUT now that I’ve made it clear to the narcissist that we can live nicely completely independently of each other, NOW she sends text messages (group messages) that appear thoughtful and sweet, NOW she won’t leave me out of her agenda and narrative. I don’t engage. But I do wish she would go away forever.
Its hard to get past the ruminating stage. 25 years of marriage, where i felt competely sucked into making HIM happy, coupled with making my parents happy. Finding out later, how much my narc mom tried to control me through my narc ex. I need to move my kids & I out, so that hopefully pushing forward the divorce is less stressful for them. But living here is soul-sucking, and it’s hard to he be productive. 😐
So much of what you say describes my 33 year marriage to an ASD husband. I made sure I got my degree & had my career. Went places & knew I enjoyed the places not him. Long story beyond this but he tried so many things that you describe narcissists do. Revenge/karma happened after I left. I have my farm, he lost his home & has nothing. I have my life
Grief: I’m a year out of my relationship. For me, the hardest part is grieving alone, and feeling like I’m not even allowed my grief by society. There were never any family gatherings for us. No one died, so there’s no funeral. We weren’t married, nor did we have children, so no one ever celebrated us or sent us greeting cards even when we were together. I felt alone in my relationship because I got separated from my support network, and now I’m alone in my grief. It’s really hard to deal with, but it’s better than spending another 15 years in heartbreak and disappointment.
I agree with everything that you have talked about on this topic! I admire and respect you Dr Ramani, you are a very logical and intelligent woman! I am taking your advice and it has greatly helped me! Dr Ramani, you remind me of my aunt, my fathers sister, who was a math teacher, guidance counselor, and she worked for an attorney when she retired, she was a very intelligent woman who was my mentor, along with my very smart father, and my grandmother, my fathers mother! Thank you so much for your help with this awful and disturbing subject! Thank you again I appreciate you!❣️
I’ve definitely experience feelings of sadness; but this is preferable to feeling confused, angry, and frustrated. The process of grieving the expectations has been empowering. I’m enjoying my unique character more, so now with an open heart Im enjoying life more. Thank you Dr. Ramni. I didn’t have a clue of the system dynamics I was operating in until you share the knowledge with me. You are making a huge contribution to the understanding of self and relationships.. I hope you continue to write books. Wishing you the best, Barbara ‘Djyani’ from West Virginia.
Unfortunately, I got revenge by becoming him. I did exactly what he did to me and then he played victim. While I don’t have any regrets for teaching him a lesson, I wished I broke up and then made plans to leave. I’m in the midst of the smear campaign at the moment and still moving forward. I feel good about the great things coming my way yet still feel a sense of grief for all the time wasted, being lied to and having to rebuild from mental and financial damages as a result of staying in this toxic relationship.
In the absence of justice, I am devastated. I wouldn’t want harm to come to my father, I still love him. I only want people to see the truth and know that I’m not at all the person my father continues to make me out to be. No-contact amped up his attacks, no longer physical, but I’ve been squashed and estranged from my entire family. Losing my sisters, my nieces and nephews has been the most devastating outcome I could have imagined. I am angry that someone I cared for was able to hurt me and physically harm me to such an extreme extent and then continue to harm me from the distance of no-contact. When I’ve lost my entire family to lies, how do I let that go?
After 13 years I’ve left my narcisistic bf and FINALLY able to be in my grown children’s lives after all these years and trauma and drama I can say that ONLY YOUR articleS and my therapist, and my kids being here for me is what made me strong enough to Begin ignoring our bond and enjoying living once again! I’ve been hidden away for so long that it’s really scary but Dr Ramani has been holding my hand. Thank you doc! ❤
18 years out from divorcing my ex, I’ve just recently realized that only since I blocked him from contacting me entirely just over a year ago, has the real explosion begun. I know he’s enraged: how DARE I refuse his calls or emails?!!! And his anger calms his underlying terror of the isolation he’s brought on himself. One sick f__k.
My father is a narcissist, and sometimes I say to myself “yeah but he used to take us to vacations”… and when I look back at those vacations, I remember the yelling one hour before the photos were taken. The panic attacks I had when he would decide to get angry for nothing and hit the tables and the doors. The silent treatment when he would lose at board games, thinking everyone was against him… It was the same nightmare but with different landscapes 😂 Your website helps me a lot to figure all out, thank you 🙏
Amazon just announced that your book,It’s Not You, is 10 stops away!! Excited to read it!! I survived a 10 year, seven years married, to a narcissist.. ended in 2014. Devastating, I healed and did inner work on myself. Fast forward to now.. I just ended a 3+ year relationship with another one! I believe that my mother was narcissistic. I wish that you could be my therapist!! lol.. I have resolved to be alone and at peace ☮️!! Thank you for your content!❤
Married to a narcissist for 20 years. Feel like i don’t have financial security in spite of having a full time job. How do I achieve my financial security. All accounts are joint accounts and I don’t have anything in just my name. I get up with nightmares whenever i try to think of exiting this relationship
Dealing with the magnitude of the grief and recovery in realizing this relationship was nothing but a lie for decades is so heartbreaking! Thank you soooooooo much Dr Ramani for opening my eyes and validating the reality. Wow!!!❤. You have saved my mind and soul! Can’t thank you enough for your education and unequivocal support!!! I will listen to your words over & over! ❤️🥰❤️
I’ve felt the yo-yo of the grief of what could have been what I thought it was and the reality of what I do have. The worst thing for me is o can see he doesn’t even know what he’s doing or done wrong. It’s not coming from a place of awareness. Dude thinks he knows it all, what he did how he can fix it and he can control himself. Even with me telling him the answers he still is clueless. It’s heartbreaking. Yes I think why can’t you just listen and move to were you will make it right. Then the awareness hits you. He can’t. He just can’t do it. And I have to let go for my own well being. I’m on it but it’s f slow.
Life is never fair. You are either born lucky or unlucky and so everything works for the lucky ( people with good parents or narcs themselves)and nothing works for the unlucky( scapegoats and invisible children). Knowing my family set me up to be the target of every narc I ever met, not enough that THEY made my life hell, they doomed me to be the victim of every narc I ever met all my life til I finally learned what narcissists are in my late 50s. Too late . No justice in any interaction with every one of them. My life has been miserable and pointless except as the target and punching bag for these evil people.
Wow, so spot on with my relationship. Nothing was ever about me or the kids. I gave up who I was. Anything I wanted was pushed to the wayside. The comparison to old girlfriends, comments about how I seemed “nice” and “cared about him” was why he went out and married me. Years, and turmoil later, I look back and think, I was never really loved in a way that I wanted. Everything was about money and how he looked to others, and everything is always someone else’s fault, etc. I’ve been finally putting a name to the behavior in the past year, i thought it was me and i was blowing things out of proportion, cuz everyone thinks he’s wonderful, esp women. This is so eye opening and accurate.
I survived a narcissistic father and enabling mother. At 50 I finally met a wonderful person. She survived a horrendously cruel mother and married a truly awful narcissist manchild. We are both nurses, she was accused of giving the wrong medication by another nurse, who had previously bullied her including physical assault. I witnessed this medication and so know it was a trap, but the hospital said they did not believe us as we are married and fired us both. Only she was reported to the nursing board and they also said they didnt believe us despite the prescence of my cosigning signature in the computer and gave her a punishment making it impossible for her to work. We had to leave the state to find work as coworkers called hospitals and told them what they thought we had done. Her narcissist golden child brother stole her inheritance and made it easy for her daughter to stay with him. Her ex husband has of course failed on every level and has enjoyed her suffering whilst continuingto fail to provide for their daughter. Divorce lawyers got her nothing and nursing lawyers got her nothing. There is no justice at all in this world.
My counselor told me & my x not to share news about my pregnancy with my toxic parents. When I told them he pouted 10:57 10:59 because I didn’t follow my doctors orders. As if he cared about my mental health he had a baby with another woman a few months after our baby was born. Sick ruminating since 1995. Complicit family made it hell on earth every time I tried to leave.
Gosh this is so true. I’d almost rather not know the context of what was really happening. Because it does change how you view important and happy events. My partner was texting his affair partner while I was in labor with our first child. Almost every major event of my adult life has a lie behind it.
When I ruminate now my focus is on my contributions to a better world no matter how small or insignificant to others. It’s the last part of my grief(I hope). Remembering all the good energizes me. Feeling a fulfilled life is important to me. The major narcs in my life are dead to me now. The remainder of my life on this earth is to enjoy a fulfillment of pleasant activities. It’s so calming. Allows me to participate in a meaningful life once again. I’ll not waste another thought on the narcs of this world. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I’ve realized that I have a photographic memory for the emotions of everyone in certain interactions. I’ve had conversations, thought nothing of them, played them back later with more attention and realized, “Ah. They’re lying to me.” And I know what they’re lying about and why. It’s like a massive middle-age power-up, brought on by an alchemy of natural empathy + the necessities of surviving decades of familial narcissistic abuse. The circumstances were unfortunate, but left me better trained than a Marine.
I wish this could have Spanish subtitles or a Spanish dub. I come from many narcissistic relationships, friends, family members, and partners. And it all came from a generational chain. One of the most affected people, aside from myself, I’d like to help is my mom. She is still with a narcissist, and has decided to just be numb and keep being there. For her, marriage is forever. And religion is a way the narcissist manipulates her. These articles are helping me to remind myself why I’m choosing to leave the narcissists in my life, and stop justifying. Even when sometimes I’d like to justify and keep being here, or run away from analyzing (or the pain it implies). I wish I could send this to my mom, but she won’t understand English. But I will try to explain it to her. These kinds of articles should be translated and taught to survivors all over the world. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
I was fortunate that I was able to vent and call them out, before it was too late . I have also seen karma descend into their lives, when they lost things that are important to them. I will never know when they have passed away, so that their is no further grieving. It is over! Now I can only use my wisdom, to make sure it never happens again.
Hi Dr Ramani. I have been perusal your articles for a few months now, I was afraid to write to you. I have been married to my narcissist for fifty two years now and very very sad, hurt, I would love to move out of this house,I moved out of the main room because he irritates me buy walking in & out of the bedroom. I asked him to give to give me space,he did it again.He was very angry of course,you taught me that. When he gets really mad he calls me a whore while we are married. I would never do that, five times a day.I can’t even talk to him and when you said ‘ no contact answer him yes, ok quick words. I do and he gets more angry. Thanks so much for helping me to cope. You are a sweetheart,I love your calm sweet voice, you are so honest. Oh I asked my daughter in the UK to buy me your new Book and send it to me,it’s on its way to me in South Africa in Alberton. I can’t wait to read it I can’t move out of the house because I have no money and no were to go, and a government pension, he knows that so he keeps telling me to get out you whore. It’s very hard to keep quiet cut I do, I never did before. I am 72 this year. Now that I am getting older he wants me out. I told him that I am staying right here if he wants a divorce he can do it.Dr Ramani thank you again.
I was in a 32 year relationship and never experienced anything like that, never knew there were people like that even. Didn’t have a name for it but I’m starting to learn a lot listening to you realizing some of that went on in my childhood and I guess that’s what made me susceptible to attracting a person like that to me, I am realizing that I may be codependent so I will have to look into that. Thank you.
I don’t want revenge, just for my covert narcissistic ex to not act narcissistic. We share custody of our kids and she makes what is normal for others a punishment when things doesn’t go her way. My journey is to accept that she is this way and not let her tantrums get to me. The hardest part is that to the outside world she is the sweetest person. I have seen first hand the mask go on/off. Seeing the instant change in facial expressions is scary once you know what is happening.
lil while ago I wrote. Sometimes it’s best to remain quiet. But sometimes it’s best to speak up too.. I would say when I was at my lowest this person entered my life to who I thought was my Knight in shining armour my earth angel has arrived my mental health was somewhat improved I thought wow im actually happy 😊 until the person’s armour fell off at first it was paranoid talk then controlling behaviour began which then led to physical and mental abuse. I’ve been cheated on lied to pushed kicked bitten natural hair wripped out ny head I could go on but tears are falling. Ppl are gonna say why stay why take it… honestly I got dragged so down tha I jus lost strengh everytime he would kick off after it would be kisses an sorrows manipulation at its best I fell for it everytime. Lost all my confidence my self esteem my morals I really fell so much 💔 i already had mental health issues before I met him an now I feel even worst which i dident thjnk possible💔 😪 I’ve lost family friends myself all for this one person 💔 😔 😢 I can’t belive how blind sighted I’ve been im mentally so drained. It’s gonna take me so long to heal from all of this but let the journey commence . Time to fall back in love with Me.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for sharing all this knowledge. I am a 90s kid and “Knowledge is Power” really relates to me now. My parents got me diagnosed with bipolar 1. My current therapist has diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety/Substance Reliance/Complex PTSD/Severe Panic Disorder (continuous vomiting bouts/ulcers). Thank you for being a consistent supportive voice of validation. I have distanced myself from my parents and flying monkeys/all blood relatives. Thank you for being the validating voice that I’m not crazy and showing empathy to all of us.
Yes, there is typically no comforting revenge. But, sometimes, there is. I knew that, when I left, it was going to be a bit like the Waiting to Exhale scene, where Bernadette sets her husband’s car on fire. I knew my mother and sister were going to rip one another up, in my absence and, even quite recently, I still see my “revenge by absenteeism” playing out, because my sister is unhinged for “some reason”. Sometimes, it is the less you do or the less you have done, by no contact, that is the biggest upset narcissists have. You don’t have to do anything vengeful or illegal. My mother would say, “You’ll be stuck with yourself.” Well, who did worse, being stuck with themselves, me or you? When they start to catch wind, that you aren’t longing for their presence, that they have no control, that you are unaffected by them, that they’ve been banished to merely being with themselves, it’s like sticking dynamite in their mouth. And, as much as the law might want reconciliation, in part, because it may be soothing to the narcissist, there’s not a dang thing they can do, to enforce your return, in a number of situations. I think that feeling or not feeling that you’ve wasted your life, on a narcissist, is dependent upon how you define your life. While you can end up living that narrative of “who I coulda been, if it weren’t for the narcissist”, which is often a song sung by the narcissist, you were not trying to dry them up into a raisin. If anything, you may have been trying to help them grow and live their best lives.
What was a married life with a kid is now omnishambles; while revenge is a dish best served cold, i have found he’s not even worth that, as kiddo and I have served his malignant self-indulgent dreams ENOUGH. We now have pieces to work through, to find OUR Peace. And if EVER there is anything that looks like a significant other, I shall remind myself: No Soul, No Service.
You have helped me in so many ways. I participated in your healing program for about 6 months and am now reading/listening to your new book. I was kind of sad today and have been isolated from many family members. I am pushing through a divorce and have had to move 3 times this past year. I needed this article today and appreciate your wisdom and bravery in helping those of us who are survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your immeasurable insight . I struggled with the rumination piece but can say with absolute certainty that learning ways to let go of the sense you need to ‘balance the scales’ of injustice was the most important . Karma really does have a way of catching up with these frauds and accepting that it may not happen in your time is part of the healing. Justice will be served in one way or another I know that for a fact. I also am a strong supporter of Psych -K counseling which almost immediately lessened the trauma bond for me and helped my nervous system to respond in a much healthier way
Thank you Dr Ramani. You just answered so many questions I had just last night. Thank you Thank you!!!!!❤ In my reality, to call someone ‘my Mother’ or ‘my Mama’ is the highest complement when said of people who have such compassion, comforting, and saintly methods of helping others and loving others even tho we’re broken. Much like Mother Teresa of Calcutta … I consider you a Mother of so many of us. I am certainly sending you hugs and thanking God that He allowed me to find your website.
I sure am glad you figured it out and left that place. Where in this world would we be without you on youtube. I am so blown away by your awesome bravery. To really “get it” is so creepy to do, but you gotta do what you gotta do, creepy or not. I can’t thank you enough for staying with us and hanging in there with us in this muck of sewage with the narcissist. Now we can help pull each other out of it. The good that comes from it is, we do get something from it and wisdom is the best thing in the world to navigate through it. Now we have tools.
Doctor Ramani, I have been listening to you for about a year and a half now and I have to say, THANK GOD FOR YOU. You are a walking talking encyclopedia with personality. There are quite a bit of people with good information, but you are a cut above, a whole other class! I have been torturing myself for 2 years now and when I listen to you, it’s like you’re telling on me, lol. I’d love to talk to you, because, God I need help. Thank you, you’re the best…
if you are hurt, i promise you are stronger than you know. if you feel like you are in a black mirror episode, i am here holding space for you and we can change the website. 🙂 Dear Dr. Ramani- I’ve been perusal for a while (a few years) and you’ve helped immensely, even with my own toxic traits.i’m facing it and i also thought the other day, am i in a black mirror episode? literally! it is hell when i think those thoughts but i laughed out loud when you dropped the black mirror idea because i just said that and i don’t know many people who have. i have also thought, i am in the sims article game and the someone controlling the game of my life is taking the door off the room I reside inside with their sims house design so I am in a spot i cannot escape because it was all a game, every bit. it is insane! i hate that! but….. off topic: you are gold. That necklace is gorgeous. it reminds me of hindu culture (westerner learning about hinduism/buddhism as I am a practicing yogi and realize I am God.} This is how I AM takIng my power back. not in a hedonistic way, but in a way i see that we are all equal, everyone is God and no supreme benevolent being is coming to save me. it has to be me. thank you for the guidance. if it is not a hindu necklace, it sure has traits of ones i’ve been looking at recently. my god the beauty of the culture, i want a hindu wedding but taking your advice_ one year OFF getting serious before jumping in another relationship! were you born in july, a leo or born in april?
Please talk about getting sucked back in. Im 5 months into a divorce, in my own apartment now. I had/have no access to marital funds and managed to get a credit card to leave. He wants me back and will make small changes. He will raise my allowance from $100 a month to $300 a month. I will not have access to any other money, or be able to make any household decisions. He will not go to therapy. Im scared.
I still grieve the lost years When I tried so darn hard every day to try to be enough, to do enough as if it was always me that just didn’t quite get it right I was constantly exhausted A few years no contact now & I really enjoy visits from my adult kids & Grandchildren I have almost reached indifference Brilliant articles Thank you, Dr.Ramini
It took me a minute to get through this article but I’m so glad I did!! The ending is the hope…the everything I can’t wait to experience…full blown Radical Acceptance . This is the most unbelievable Wake Up Call!! The stages I have gone through took years to get here. It wasn’t until I started to dig deeper to understand narcissistic traits. And so my story continues. I am in disbelief that I have been in completely no contact for weeks. It took me to experience two embarrassing explosions when I realized I am done with him. He hasn’t changed at all and expected me to support his bullying of others. I want so much to not remember the events but rather accept what was…it was my love for him that kept me confused. But I understand now the likenesses of my Mother and my ex behaviors and how I was groomed into understanding why I was treated…how I was groomed to feel sorry for my Mother therefore my ex husband. WOW….I believe in HOPE. And I will continue what is necessary for me to understand my tolerances. This has been a full blown circle of events..a lifetime of confusion is turning into clarity. It’s unbearable at times to go through but I am glad I was able to get through this article. It ends in hope. Bless You Dr. Ramani, you gave me a breath of fresh air. 💜💜
Now with a clear mind I remember the narcs were never in my life! I understand why my children chose me to raise them. Only my children I’m concerned about since their mother has nothing to do with them. I’m proud of all my children in their successful adult roles. And I tell them however embarrassing or emotional it is. Each adult child is different, each chose different careers, each have their own families. It’s fabulous to watch them mature and succeed in their choices in life. Grandchildren are wonderful too! I’m blessed! The narcs were in my life to teach me for this time. Thank you Dr. Ramani. I wonder 💭 what’s next? 🤔 Adventure of Life.
Dr. Ramani, you are absolutely amazing. I watch all articles with you I can find on YouTube. One question I have and haven’t found the answer yet, though. Dr. Ramani, you were asked many times if a narcissist can heal, awaken, and get better. The answer to that question in no, unfortunately. However, I am curious to know if the narcissist can get WORSE in time. And if yes, what are the proclivities for that? Thanks for your answer in advance!
I’ve endured narcissistic abuse by my wife for 7 years. She’s abuses me emotionally and financially.. recently I was blessed with people who were willing to expose her lies and cheating. Turns out she’s been lying and cheating and openly meeting men and women for years.. all while slandering me to everyone. She doesn’t know I know yet what she’s done yet. She brags that she can do whatever she wants and i won’t leave. She’s very wrong
I have come across evidence of my abuse… but approaching the police with this is a double edged sword because I have been interrogated as though I was lying. I have had my abuser triangulate with the police and the social workers for a safe house. In this situation I fear I will appear as though I was planting this evidence. But I really came about it…
Sooo heavy. I’d moved out & had to move home because courts didn’t get him out or car about his child abuse. I was so hopeful because I’d finally started yoga & had the body I wanted. Wellbutrin & ambian & more nonsense continued Sept 2004 to May Friday the 13th of May 2005. Horrific financial abuse & was attacked then a one year protection order & now 19 more years processing nonsense ongoing. Ongoing. The unbearable weight lifted & slowly digested SADISTIC dominant control unmedicated. Thank God
Oh post-separation-abuse… Survivors can grow even stronger, find a strength they never thought, through the rigours of safely leaving. Sometimes external help and truly professional support (mental health, legal, physical security, police, professionals) may be needed to help you through. You’ll need to bring in the professionals.
My ex only had a relationship with me inside the hotel rooms. He took me out of my APARTMENT THEN TOLD ME HE IS GOING TO BUY OR RENT AN OTHER PLACE BUT HE KEPT ME IN HOTEL ROOMS FOR years. . He never took me anywhere doing nothing did not want to be seen with me in public! He was never with me on my bdays on valentine days on special days.never bought me and game me any bday gift never never never! He never gave me flowers. He never hugged me. He slept each night putting his back to me! He even got his own blanket and his own pillow, separating himself from me in bed. He made me starve and beg if I wanted to have sex with him. He would punish me constantly even when I listened to him and obeyed him! We we’re mostly like roomates who were doing his or her own separate life! He physically abused me 20 hrs a day every single freaking day/night without a break uptill he got a heart attach! But he continued to abuse me emotionally financially and psychologically after that! Narcistic people are sadistic!
Justice for me will be A: when divorce papers are served, B: when the divorce is finalized. Your book “Its not you” was the kick in the a** I needed. I have a new therapist and don’t know if she is onboard with a narcissistic relationship but she lets me vent and provides advice to focus on healing myself.
How do you speak to my soul in every article you produce?! How have I had so much evil in my life and I never even knew it until I was 40?!. Now that I know it and have gone through the hell, I feel so much worse now. It’s been 7 years and it’s hitting me more now than ever. Did I not heal properly?? My ex was absolutely evil, he was so good he took my own family with him?! Even after they watch all the torture.
On the topic of revenge: it gave me peace of mind just knowing he has to live with himself.. with the things he has done the shame he is pushing down constantly must be huge and the pretty narrative he has to keep up must be exhausting. I know he struggles with depression and somewhere deep hates himself.. thats more than enough revenge for me. Even though he is seemingly oh so happy living with the new supply (former mistress).
The complexity of the human mind is a beautiful thing. It’s unfortunate that a narcissist sees it as something to exploit. My parent used gaslighting -> brainwashing -> indoctrinating -> coercive control. He saw joy and innocence as a vulnerability to exploit. Anything he could, he used his advantage to bring outcomes that suited his needs. To steal the light of innocence and joy from little children is kind of evil.
I wasted another 7 years dealing with what I know now as a spiritual covert malignant narcissist. they lied cheated 2 dated 4 married. texting their supply while in the house. isolated us from everybody and everything. It is the lies. noting was real. they never wanted to be married . I go to church and they tell me that I didn’t. She was having an affair with me for 3 1/2 years. praying, dinner, and they were cheating. they never thought they would get caught. but they lied about it.
I would never seek revenge or vengeance, or wish any harm on anyone even the person that harmed me the way I was harmed. I allowed it to happen, and even if I didn’t, and I was taken by surprise and I was because I had never encountered anyone like that in a relationship. I still would not Wish any harm to them or seek any type of revenge. I just wouldn’t if anything I pray for them and their family and their wellness.
At first I was thinking that I don’t wish any evil on him. In fact, if he were to die tomorrow I might even cry. But then I thought about conversations with my best friend and realized that wen we talk about the fact that he sexually abused and basically trafficked my daughter we do fantasize about things that I don’t actually wish on him. Things like castration without anaesthetic and so on.
Concerning the hypothetical trip to Italy… Here’s the problem. We couldn’t go on that trip to Italy hiding that kind of secret and really enjoy ourselves. They can. They aren’t like us. They’re not wired like we are. They don’t have the same emotions attached to relationships that we do. Maybe he was happy because he was with you. Maybe he was happy because he was in Italy. Maybe he was happy because he was thinking of that other woman. All we can do this side of those kinds of events is try to squeeze all the personal joy we can out of the event for ourselves. Because I guarantee you that’s what they do.
Thanks for the article. Most of the experts on the net will use medical terms to put these narcissists in a bad light, but they have no idea what was their life journey and how they built their normals and reality. Jesus was invented as a character who taught millions how to forgive and be compassionate, so they evolve as a spirit towards God. The narcissist lives in the Mind prison, a reality that is made up, but it hurts, every day. Don’t kick someone who is already down and hurting. They are in survival mode without realizing. We all get paired up based on our soul data…or karma. “Oooo…I don’t deserve that”, this mindset will keep people in the victim attitude
It’s the lies that I can’t get over because I just keep unearthing more. It’s like my whole family of origin was based on lies. I don’t even really know who my actual siblings are because I think my first cousin is my half sibling. And when I ask questions I’m shut down and ostracized. I’m thrown out of the family because we have to protect the holy, Christian Sunday School teaching narc. Why can’t you guys just tell the truth and answer my questions???
Wow, I’m crying. This article is so valuable to me. I know I need to leave …I’ve known for way too long. So afraid and beat down and have no clue where to start. Now I do know where to start….with me. It’s no longer all about him, it’s about me! Please pray that all of us trapped gain the courage to move on and not get sucked back in. Thank you Lisa 🙏🙏🙏
I legit am so over these people. I garden, grow food and keep to myself and my kids. They can’t even turn anyone against me at this point because I’m not interested in being liked nor spending time with anyone. I truly truly truly enjoy being home and laughing with my kids. Their dad and any coworkers can say whatever they want about me. They ain’t getting anything from me and they ain’t getting any of my food. 😂 why should I care about gossip when I m at home doing a puzzle listening to classical music?? 🤔 ❤❤❤
In most cases, if you do a consult with a lawyer, they can’t work with your spouse in the future. Look for & visit as many top lawyer in your area that do free or low-cost consults that you can to prevent your spouse from hiring them. Even if you don’t hire them, the narcissistic spouse can’t hire them. Remove their potential to hire a shark as their lawyer.
I have followed you for a long time gaining incredible knowledge, and insights into not only the Narcissist but also myself. I’m no longer in that destructive & toxic relationship with the Narcissist, it ended several months ago. I developed the courage & walked away from that detrimental relationship. Thank you for helping me learn about myself (being codependent) so now I can find a healthy relationship at some point in the future & it won’t involve any Narcissistic men anymore. ❤️😊🙏I’m content right now continuing my journey “solo” to focus on healing, & taking my time.
Very timely for me. I’m dealing with a covert narcissist mother who has acted as my caregiver since I became disabled in 2014. She lives out of town and visits me every 5 weeks. My energy is drained everytime she leaves. This past summer the veil started lifting and she turned nasty because my attitude changed. For some reason I got pulled back in until this past Christmas break. She visited for one week and I saw it all. I was blown away. I went into trauma shock for 20 days with no emotions 😕. I’m not going back this time, I see it clearly. To the point that I see how this has been a pattern with friends, boyfriends, and organizations all throughout my life. I’m ready to change! I’ve joined your support group, found a therapist today, and hope to do your next class. Thank you so much for these valuable tools!!! Much gratitude 🙏 ♥️
Wow Lisa! These are the same steps you can take when documenting a narcissist at work who is trying to destroy your career. It’s easier to leave a job, but that is not always possible. Quite frankly, I was pissed that this abuser thought they had the right to push me out of a good job so they could keep theirs. They saw I was the new employee who was doing well and for some reason they equated that to them looking bad. The only reason they looked bad is because all of their focus was on hurting me instead of doing their job. This person got fired and five years later, I am still there. Btw, your articles were the first I found on this topic and they were very helpful. I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until I googled their tactics and the word narcissism came up. I was mortified, but i got through it.
Thank you Lisa. End of article: exact google search. Years of journaling and blaming myself and I found out I am a people pleaser. The strong confident woman with no BS put up with his silent tx, projection, future faking word salad nonsense and I got out of the fog and back in the light. Thanks Lisa – Namaste. Shutty Shutty! ❤️
Im binging on articles as i prepare myself to leave my narcissist this week. Ive left before but fell for the manipulation.. im telling myself not again, and no more disrespect and abuse. These articles are extremly helpful. Being a codependent with a narcissist is a personal hell. Heres to hopeful new beginnings and breaking from from the mental torture.
The narc will attempt to introject themselves into their marks which causes the mark that confusion the author talks about above in detail. I had a glancing contact with a female narc, and what the author talks about above is true! But I chopped it short! What woke me was the instant rage she fell into when I offered to help her in an area she figured she was tops! Nobody can help her cause she knew it all! An insult, she figured. I attempted to top her – nobody tops her, ever!! WE LIVE AND LEARN😉
THANK YOU SO MUCH! It recently dawned on me that I’ve been living with a covert narcissist but every time I Google “how to leave a narcissist” the advice is always something along the lines of “run don’t walk” or just rip off the band aid. But it’s not that easy or realistic for most ppl to just up & leave, and my instincts tell me it needs to happen gradually or else it could be dangerous if this is sprung on the narc out of nowhere. This article is full of things we can do in the meantime once we’ve made up our minds, and protect ourselves while we create & initiate a plan to leave. Thank you again and wish me luck ❤
I have been married for 31 years to a BPD/Vul. Narc. She almost destroyed me. I have been very codependent and finally see what the truth is now. I am in therapy and we are divorcing. I have an exit plan and a timeline for things. This emotional rollercoaster and loss of self was almost my undoing. I don’t really grieve for the relationship anymore, I just grieve for these folks that will never know empathy or love. She will be taken care of well, as this is an equitable distribution state. We will split two pensions and I have bought her a new vehicle and we will split everything else. Such a sorry thing, but I am at least responsible 50%. My only worry is that she really will not leave. If not, I will, the plan and time is set.
Dear lisa❤ you are my life changing person. You helping me so so much. I suffered from codependency with my parents. And your articles are my life change and awareness. I’m now first time in my life cut my controlling relationship with my parents. And I’m learning from you in the best way. A big big big thank you, and a hug❤❤❤❤ tamar from Israel.
Pray for me and my kids. I just anounced him that is over, i’m done and don’t wanna live with him anymore Rage is comming, trethening, manipulations true kids, accusation of being bad mother, being agresive etc. I didn’t do anyting except tell him what is in my hearth and mind. After hi called me and my son idiots, again.
I have PTSD. How do I get up in the wee hours of the morning and study? I’ve only just realised why I would start new things and never finish, because my brain couldn’t function beyond the day to day of survival in this relationship. I’ve been awake since 1 am and it’s now 3.30 am. My health is a mess. My husband is currently in the hoovering stage and after realising yesterday that I’m serious (because I applied for a rental and he didn’t expect it) he has stepped up the next level of psychological abuse. After 23 years I never imagined I’d be asking myself “who is this person I thought I knew so well”?! Literally sleeping with the enemy.
Luckily I have found articles like this over the past couple weeks and has helped open my eyes. For a long time I was confused and in the fog, in a bad mood, and probably lost opportunities for new friends. I’m just trying to recover my energy now. Thankfully we were not married. It was just a waste of time and bummer learning experience.