Marriage is a good thing, as the Bible states so. However, it can become an idol if one prioritizes their own well-being over others’. Idolizing relationships can lead to low standards and expectations, making them susceptible to punishment. Enjoyment can also become idolatrous when it does not see God as more important than the gift.
To avoid idolizing marriage, it is essential to focus on three ways: 1) Pursue the relationship as a good thing, which is a no-thing compared to an infinite thing; 2) Pursue it as an expression of faith in Jesus, not a Christian life; and 3) Avoid idolizing marriage by celebrating each other’s gifts and abilities.
Idolatry in friendship can distort the purpose of God’s good gifts, such as marriage, family, children, friends, food, and jobs. It is crucial to recognize that a husband belongs to the Lord and is on loan to oneself for this life. Instead, we should seek God’s guidance and fulfillment in our heart, mind, body, and spirit.
In conclusion, balancing respecting your husband but not idolizing him requires understanding your attachment style and focusing on God’s timing and order. By recognizing signs of idolization, reclaiming the joys of singleness, and seeking God’s guidance, we can achieve a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with our spouse.
📹 3 Signs You Are Idolizing Relationships and Marriage: God Won’t Bless You With An Idol
One reason many people remain single is because they have idolized relationships and marriage in their hearts. God won’t bless …
Am I making marriage an idol?
3. Is your marriage based on God’s teachings? I’m not talking about how well you regulate your relationship based on Scripture. I’m asking if you want to bring your relationship under the word of God and measure it by God’s standards in the Bible, not the world’s or your own. If we stop reading the Bible and start defining love, faithfulness, and relationships on our own, we are moving toward idolatry. My three suggestions are: — Does losing him make you anxious? Does your love for him affect your love for Jesus and your engagement with his people? Is your relationship based on God’s word or your ideas? A happy marriage is one where love for each other is secondary to love for Christ. The more we love him, the more we love each other.
What to do when marriage is rocky?
John Gottman: Complain without blaming. … Fix conflicts. … Focus on the problem. … Show physical affection. … Show love and respect. … Spend time with your partner every day. … Be honest about your relationship. … Don’t let wounds fester. Seth and Kayla, both in their late forties and married for fifteen years, are thinking about getting divorced. “I’m done with this marriage,” says Kayla. “I feel unloved and rejected by Seth. We don’t have an emotional connection and rarely have sex.” Seth says: “Kayla loves the kids more than me and she’s always fighting with me.” “She keeps threatening to leave, and that might be the best option.” Many couples like Seth and Kayla want quick solutions to save their marriage. This is a common problem, but the solutions are never easy.
What does the Bible say about not being attracted to your spouse?
Husbands and wives should have sex with each other. The Bible doesn’t say how much pleasure is enough in a marriage. “Sexual attraction isn’t part of marriage.” Alex, a young woman, writes in to ask: “Is sexual attraction at the start of a relationship important for marriage?” Should you court someone you’re not attracted to? I’m praying about courting a man who is on fire for the Lord and pushes me to be a better woman for Jesus, but I’m not sexually attracted to him. What should I do? I was confused and moved by this question. I talked to my wife. This is a little more from our conversation. This is easy to answer on one level, but not so easy on another. The key word is essential. She asks, “Is sexual attraction essential for marriage?” I would say yes, at any time in the relationship. The word “essential” means “of the essence.” Does sex matter in marriage? No. It’s not part of marriage. Not essential. But be careful. I didn’t say sex. I meant sexual pleasure. Sexual attraction isn’t part of marriage. The essence of marriage is a promise between a man and a woman to be husband and wife until death. A marriage is about making and keeping a promise to be a husband and a wife. The covenant includes the promise to have sex with your spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3). The husband should give his wife sex, and the wife should give her husband. The Bible doesn’t say how much pleasure is enough in a relationship.
Why does God want people to marry?
God created marriage to show the world His love. When Christians understand God’s view of marriage, they have stronger marriages, families, and communities. They grow together and honor God. If you are married or dating, you may have wondered about God’s purpose for marriage. Maybe you’ve been married for years and have seen ups and downs. Or you are engaged and want to honor God in your marriage. What does God want from marriage? God’s purpose for marriage is bigger than your circumstances today. It’s bigger than you know. It’s designed to leave a legacy for the next generation.
Learn three reasons God created marriage.
How to not idolize your spouse?
There are three ways to depend on your husband without idolizing him. Celebrate his gifts. God gives each husband special gifts and abilities. Ask for his advice. … Cling to his comfort. My husband and I had five minutes before he left for work. We had a lot to discuss. The kids were playing downstairs, so we settled into our bedroom and talked. When our time was up, I was still talking about two days’ worth of problems and was close to tears. He touched my knee and said, “I love you.” “I’d like to hear more, but I have to go to work.” How could he leave me when I was clearly not OK? My burdens felt heavy, but they were everyday trials. We weren’t in a crisis. I just wanted someone to listen to me. My husband wanted to comfort me, but he had to leave. How would I make it through the day without him? Just as I was about to ask him to stay home, I realized God wasn’t going anywhere. I’d neglected to carry my burdens to him.
Why do people idolize marriage?
Marriage is a state of misplaced idolization. We think marriage will make our lives complete. Many look for a spouse who will make them happy. We think marriage will fulfill all our desires for spiritual connection, love, acceptance, and purpose.
Identity — being yourself Purpose — the reason for something’s existence Acceptance — believing in yourself These qualities can only be understood through self-awareness and a truthful understanding of who we are as God’s image and reflection.
What is the walkaway wife syndrome?
Sometimes, one spouse leaves the other suddenly. The other spouse is shocked. This is called “walkaway wife syndrome.” This term is used to describe when a spouse, often the wife, feels alone, neglected, and resentful in a bad marriage and decides to leave. What is walkaway wife syndrome? The term “walkaway wife syndrome” suggests a sudden decision, but it often comes after a long period of conflict. The divorce takes years to happen. After trying to get her spouse to deal with their relationship issues, the wife finally decides it’s pointless. She has thought about her options and is ready to leave the marriage.
Why do people like marriage so much?
Love and companionship are the main reasons people get married. A Pew Research survey found that love and companionship are the two main reasons people get married, while making a formal commitment is the third reason. It’s healing to feel seen and know your life matters.
Is it wrong to idolize your partner?
How are spouses idolized? We need to identify ways spouses idolize each other. A spouse often idolizes their partner by finding their worth in them. Your spouse bringing you joy and comfort is fine. But if you look to your spouse for validation, that could be idolatry. Your spouse can also control how you feel about yourself. Do you value yourself based on what they say to you? Or do things for you? While words can heal, they don’t determine your life or self-image.
Finally, you can idolize your spouse by putting your faith in them more than in God. This shows how important your spouse is to you. If they’re before God, that’s another problem. God should be first! What happens when you idolize your spouse? Scriptures warn against idolatry.
Are we destined to get married?
You decide if you get married. Some people know from a young age that they want to get married, while others rarely think about it. Your decision to get married depends on many things, like your personal preferences, your relationship status, and how much effort you’re willing to put into dating. This article discusses signs that suggest you might get married and reasons to consider it. If you want to get married, this article also covers how to find someone special.
What are the hardest years of marriage?
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have rated the risk of divorce based on how long couples have been married. Low risk.
Home People also ask: What are the hardest years of marriage?
Years 1–2: Very risky; Years 3–4: Mild risk; Years 5–8: Very risky; Years 9–15: Low risk; Years 15 and over: Low to Mild Risk; in 2019, 2,015,603 marriages happened and 746,971 divorces were granted in America. That means about a 37% divorce rate. The average American marriage lasts about eight years.
📹 Stop obsessing over marriage
This is your sign to stop obsessing over and idolizing the idea of marriage! I’m answering a question today related to marriage …
It’s hard because I lost my dad and both my parents are with God. I love God but I pray that God brings me a Godly man. I know He loves me but I become extremely lonely with my friends having their own lives with their own families. Please pray for me. I’m doing a lot better than I did last year but I really want a family.
A 19-20 year-old gets married and everyone rejoices and never thinks that the person who left singleness LITERALLY THE MOMENT THEY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY made marriage an idol. But the 30-40 year-old single who has prayed and hoped and waited on God’s blessing and who dares to be honest about how much they are suffering, frustrated, and confused gets subtly accused of making marriage an idol.
I never thought about Chronic Singless being a possible symptom of idolizing relationships. I’ve been chronically single, but I think at least for me, it’s partly to do with a fear of getting hurt since I remember what it felt like to get my heart broken. I still want to be married but I want God to be in control.
I’m guilty of this. I’m very interested in someone to the point where he was the only thing that could make me happy. Everything between me and this guy has gone wrong. It got to the point where I started to get into tarot, new age, and obsession. He rejected me, threatened me, and broke my heart to the point of suicide attempts. I’ve realized that I made him an idol and I need God to save me🙏
This really hit me! I used to have a Instagram account because I was following actresses and look what they wear so I can follow also the trending clothes, shoes, lipstick, you named it the worldly things. Then just last February I just decided to deactivate my account and start reading the bible and start perusal some Godly educational here on You tube. I did not realized that following actresses is idolizing. I feel so much better now! I thank God for opening my eyes and heart. Now i am more aware that Hollywood is run by satan!
I was one that NEVER went on a date and NEVER wanted to go out because I’ve seen so much of the wrong approaches by Christians to Christian and non-Christians on the dating scene. I stayed away. However, this was not do to fear, this was in preserving myself to receive my husband! We cannot just open ourselves up to just anyone. We must open our hearts to the right people. The word tells us to guard our hearts. Good article to help though. We need to stop idolizing. The devil deceives many with this sin.
correct preach. God told us we should walk by faith not by sight.As a child of God we should renew our mind by not idolizing any thing so far. We need to obey God because obedience is better than sacrifices. More over we need to obey God, and our husbands as long as we are walking in the same faith. I am encouraging with such kind of preach to know how to obey God in our lives and relationships.
This is so true for me, idolizing or placing relationships too high, above God & at times having disobeyed God 😔 The Lord has taken me through a very lonely season, removing everyone from my life… I can use this to make the necessary changes, repent and put The Lord back at the top, thank you for sharing!
That was intense! I couldn’t stop taking notes haha. I would like to share my personal reflections from your advice. This totally reminds me of parental relationships and other intimate relationships in our lives. Sometimes idolatry is overlooked with regards to obeying parents because it’s put on a pedestal. I know a lot of muslims fall into that trap because of cultural hindrance. And i just realized where this applies in my life… my dad! I always thought it would be a romantic partner as you addressed but generally our idea of relationships start from our observance of our mum and dad. Forgetting that they could very well be messing up in their approach
Only just got around to perusal this article but it has been coming up as ‘recommended for me’ for a few weeks…sometimes God does this with certain YouTube articles when He really wants me to hear the message! And I really needed to hear this 😂 It helped me identify that as much as I want to be in a relationship, I really have feared taking even small steps such as dating, due to my idolisation! Thanks for being a messenger for God, Mark!
I think it is difficult for a woman in marriage because of the curse on eve in Genesis. Very easy to let primary relationships to overgrow in our hearts. All the topics you brought up go much deeper… Even at my age, it’s one thing to have a knowledge of these things – it is another thing living it out. It is a day by day by day process & looking back at my life – well… it really is God’s grace & mercy out working
Whoaaa my jaw dropped @ never dating or talking to guys can be an idol and I said don’t get me together Mark! But you sure did. I knew something was off about me being NEVER talking to guys or going on dates because you’re so right it has become an idol. Too much exalting the opinions of others, fear, and unworthiness under the pretense of living holy or true love waits lol. But I’ve grown a lot and I think I’m ready. It’s just sad how the church is so aggressive about waiting for marriage and fornication but not many are teaching about how to do it with love and purity and holiness. It makes some of us feel like there’s something wrong when we desire a relationship and scares us away. Your service is so needed. Thank you!
since I was 15/16 years old. I have always want to get married and have children and I have always dreamed of my future because that was something that really would make me happy, but now I understand that God must be the source to my happiness and joy and strength, and this makes so much sence now. that I need to find my everything in God and not on earthly things and that is also why God says seek his Kingdom first and everything will be added on to you. I have been blinded again by the enemies lies!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much
I often felt that Relationship and its status was the source of Joy or Sadness in my life. Now I am going through toughest phase of my life where I lost my parents many years back n having tough time with the Girl I loved. But God is able to restore me. I pray that relationships shouldn’t be idolized in my life as well as anyones life. Thanks Brother.
I definitely repent today for creating an idol in my mind. I didn’t even know it was happening….it sneaks up on ya slowly. I didn’t realize how I was serving that idol until I caught myself doing things outside of the Word of God and acting out of Character. I even was trying to invent excuses and justification for this change. (Bowing down and serving) I am so grateful for the Grace and Mercy of God that woke me up and showed me the truth about the error of my ways….leading me to repent! 🙏❤🙏 God is so Good!
I’ve never been in a relationship because I believe it will happen when it happens. Haven’t met someone I see spending my days with. Also, I’m very independent. Sometimes I feel I would have to carry my partner mentally and emotionally and I don’t feel like I want to do that right now. I’m working on myself and my career first.
Medical school was an idol for me. I surrendered it. Shoot I would not have been a great doctor and it was not what I was called to do however, it was extremely hard. It wasn’t until I removed this desire from my heart that God revealed to me what He created me for. I still think about medicine from time to time
My wife and i split up about 4 months ago and I was devastated. We are living together again but we’re are not back together. We are basically room mates at this point in time. I’ve still been very miserable even though God has given me promises that we are going to make it. I finally accepted today that I’ve made her an idol. I am feeling much freer now and this article confirmed that this was the case. Let go and let God. Thanks for the article.
What you said about being petrified and fearful of relationships and group settings is so me! You described my situation perfectly. I noticed for some reason I’m always scared around guys and talking to them. I avoid them. I also do the same with group settings and friends. I feel like I always need to be this perfect image in order to get what I want. So exhausting. I want a relationship but I’m so scared.
Wow. The second point hit me right home… Lost for words. I thought I never really wanted to date anyone prior to actual marriage, mainly because I was so busy with life, or I knew that the “perfect” person will come in the future anyway. But it was a form of idolization… Thank you for this, Mark.
Loved this article, it spoke truth when I most needed to hear it. I had the Lord use a mentor of mine today to convict me of putting friendships and relationships as an Idol in my life. It happened slowly and through trauma but I was unaware of just how dependent I had become on these friendships of mine. Each of the signs you spoke about if reconfigured to mean any relationships (including friends) struck deep and true to aim. Today is the day, I want to change that. This Idol has cause me unbelievable stress because of it’s deep direct ties to my emotional highs and lows…I’m ready for that to stop. Thank for making this article in the general sense because it was used to help me even though my situation is probably quite different than what you had in mind when making this article.
Thank you for sharing. For me, to be very honest, I’ve been struggling with this for a few years, I definitely have this problem. Sometimes I’m afraid that I won’t be able to change because I’ve been in the cycle for so long. There are times where I’ll try but I still struggle and worry about it. It’s like my default is to worry about it. But then I’m reminded that like Paul said “There is no good thing in me, that is, in my flesh”(Romans 7:18), letting me know that it’s in my nature to not produce anything good outside from/without God and His help. If I could ask you guys to help pray me through this that I overcome, I would really appreciate it. May God give us all the grace to move beyond this setback and struggle in our lives. ❤
Very informative, I am suffering from idolizing relationships, yes, my focus was on this guy in cellgroup who I went out last year. The saving grace was him telling my cellgroup leader how uncomfortable he was about me pursuing him everytime via WhatsApp or Facebook. I felt hurt that I did it to him. Made my confession about it last year and still struggling with it. With this struggle, I always ask this priest from Philippines to help get advice from. Pray for me, please! Thanks. Great advice, from this article. Gb!👌😃
I appreciate that you reiterated that there are some who are called to be single. I believe I’ve learned that I was born to do so. And yet, there’s this childhood friend who God seemed to say I would be with, some day; I grieved over her in adolescence. And now, God has put me into a situation where I’m inextricably near her,’geographically’, but can go no further towards, or away, from her.
I feel like I needed this article and that this is what god was trying to tell me through prayer about relationships god kept on telling me not to worry and whenever I would pray about this one girl I would feel as if it was worrying about it and a deep obcession in my heart took over I think my insecurities are what is causing me to idiolize these things instead of god but I know that so long as I seek the lord everything will be ok.
Mark, thank you for all these articles. I constantly watch them. This one hit home for me. I have been struggling with idolizing a relationship so badly. Even so, I had committed sexual sin with a nonbeliever almost 8 months ago and I’ve repented, but it still has a huge place in my life because I work with that person. I have thought things like trying to make him a Christian to make the situation better. I have just felt so empty and sad the past couple of months. I keep hitting the same wall. I’m scared to open up to any other person because I feel like I deep down don’t deserve a good Godly man… even though, that’s what I want. I am that person that never dates anyone. I am so scared of hurt and putting relationships at such high high priority in my life and emotions. That when I finally thought I really liked this person, it hurt to realize they’re not for me. I am not God. I cannot make someone a Christian if they do not want it. If you see this Mark, or anyone, please help me pray that God helps me fix this idolatry in my heart. I do want a relationship and it to be blessed by God and from God. I have to not idolize it. 🙏🏼 It has been so hard for me. Growing up, everyone tells you that you’re beautiful and you must have a boyfriend. It’s a lot of pressure. I’ve been hurt so badly in the past by a guy. So I want a relationship, but I also have my wall built so high up. Sometimes I do not think anyone can even see me. In that last relationship, I idolized my boyfriend.
This is me. The other extreme where I don’t have a date in many years or relationship due to fear of imperfections, or stay away from groups or people due to fear of other people’s opinions of me. Even sending a text message when I am expressing my opinions/thoughts/preferences kills me sometimes because of my fear of how it might be received, and it could be to just anyone. And recently I realized that I was thinking about someone in a relationship so much that I saved his photo on my phone just to look at it whenever I thought about him sometimes, I just realized that it is like worshipping an image of an idol, which is kind of freaky now that I think about it. And my emotions were totally out of whack when I was in that relationship. I was tired, exhausted and distracted all the time that I could barely function or do any work. I broke off that relationship because I was detecting disobedience to the Lord on the other end and because of how dysfunctional I was in that relationship. It felt like a battle fighting with the sword of the Holy Spirit, whether to follow God’s Word or to give in to my or someone else’s desires. Although even after the breakup I was still struggling with if I made the right decision or not. One of the reasons I stayed in that relationship for a little while was because I was confused about a few signs that I got, that I don’t know if they were from God or from other spirits at the time, that told me that he was my husband, which I also doubted. And this morning I read in Revelations that the second beast gives many signs to deceive people and to worship it and the dragon.
I so desperately needed to hear this. I liked a guy so much that I allowed what happened in our friendship to deter my emotions & it dragged me away from God because i was so heart broken … I’m doing the healing now but this time with Jesus. I’m returning to my first love. ❤️💕 i also realized that even though marriage is something i desire, that doesn’t mean it is Gods will for my life . I will be okay. He always knows what’s best even when we are hurting & don’t understand. I’m no where near ready for a relationship & I won’t be dating for a long time. I am going to stay focused. Definitely need to repent & allow Gods will to be done. God will never send us something we idolize. We must learn to always put Him first in everything.🥹 God bless you Mr. mark
God smashed an idol in my heart. I was idolizing a woman for years who was non believer that I fell in loved with and wanted her to believe but she has not yet. God cut it off and showed me how much she was in my heart to the point where i would do anything for her and make my life revolve around her. praise God for his deliverance. God first, everything else second.
This explains my past. I was single all through high school cause I crushed on guys so much that I was scared to talk to them. Right after high school I had one relationship that was pretty bad & didn’t even last for 4 months. After that I quit idolizing relationships and now I’m 26 and dating a guy that truly loves me. Right now marriage is our biggest goal.
Seriously, this is like the fifth time this has happened with your articles. Although usually I’m just thinking about something or praying silently to God about it, but just yesterday I was on the phone with my friend and we were talking about how easily we can start to idolize a relationship or partner if we’re not careful to put God first always. I’d like to give praise to God for recommending me this vid right now, but perhaps this time it was just youtubes advanced algos that picked it up 😂😂 Matt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
When I got saved I was emotionally immature and unable to connect romantically with women. I thought being saved would solve my problem. But the desire for a relationship became an idol in my life. God said no idol to get in the way of my relationship with him. Better to realize that I had to let go of the idol. By th r time I did let go I realized that I didn’t need a relationship anymore!
I’m not going to make any excuses for any sins involving idolatry, but if anything, I recognize that my ADD adds an extra challenge in my ability to see things for what they are in reality. I’ve picked up different negative mindsets and attitudes because of the way I was raised, and this is starting to affect me off and on. Shame and guilt shouldn’t be the basis of how we judge others, whether they’re Christian or not. God’s grace has healed me a lot over time, and yet, it feels like the devilish side of my mind is still playing tricks on me. I would appreciate any prayers for more spiritual healing 🙏❤❤🩹
I haven’t dated in a long time. With that being said. I never considered the idol part. Mostly it’s because of my not being financially rich. That I believe has been my achilles’ heel. In other words, how can I attempt to have a girlfriend if I have no future financial future funds to support a family? That has been my main focus in not dating. As a man I feel the provider part of me has and must be strong. Yes, I have a job. And I’ve started my own business. I’m not financially free, yet. I’m working on it. Great message, material like this is a great help. Thanks again.
This article helped me realize why God wouldn’t give me the true, real, “Song of Solomon love” as I call it, as my husband. I looked back and couldn’t understand why He wouldn’t have orchestrated that for me when I’d waited so long at that time, but instead He showed that kind of love existed years later when I was already married and it isn’t allowed. I came to see that I had an idol of relationships. But until this article I didn’t understand why He didn’t just give it to me back then. Now I see. Because I would have idolized whoever that was as my husband. FatherGod knew my weakness, yet had mercy and let me get married and have children as my calling, and that one day he”d show me my idol so it could be removed. It’s been painful, but I’ve grown closer to Him, and I’m working to put relationships in the right place lower than God. He is merciful and good.
Hello im suffering from chronic oneitis froma girl i barely know i sufferdd daily and suffered low self esteem and low self confidence amd forgot god im getting better now but its a ride i used to be joyful and confident but i met her and my life amd mind was destroyed and i believe god is gonna curse me if i dont be with her i barely k kw her i dont k kw whats going on
What he’s saying is true but I honestly don’t know what to do.I’m in bad shape health wise due to obesity & the consequences of that. My doctor instructed me to get physically fit or else..I’m not trying to be some athletic idol,I have serious health concerns. So what do I do?I can’t do it all perfectly. What about those who struggle?
How come he blesses others that idolize a person/relationship they really want with prayer they get it & im praying hard for this person to come bck and all i get bck is to feel worst is like god ain’t listening to me at all I’m starting to give up feeling very angry at god it seems like everyone is getting what their praying for but I’m not getting no answer
Source of my deepest sadness. This is an idol for me. I hate it. But I still keep doing it. Conviction is not the same as repentance. Please pray for me. Haven’t dated for a year. But constantly thinking about marriage and look at the opposite sex as potential partner. Maybe it’s a form of lust. Not in a sexual way but emotional. Never had a male friendship.
Ok, well how do I want a relationship without idolizing it can you give me some examples plz? Am I supposed to care but not care? And how do you do that? I thought maybe I had fixed it but I guess maybe I still kind of idolize it to some degree. How do I not let how someone made me feel about myself upset me and mess with me? Especially when it keeps happening? Is that part of idolatry?
A man recently broke up with me and we had a relationship for 7 months but he just left with little explanation after I opened myself and my home to him,he also bought a ring and took it back. Through out the relationship he needed to change something’s about himself as well as me but he didn’t. I had many prophetic dreams that led me to believe that we were going to be together. He won’t respond to my text and said he is going through a trying time.i dont know what to believe or what actions to take I’ve been rejected so much that its left me with lots of trauma in my life to deal with. I thought that he was different I still believe that he is a good guy .What are your thoughts??? Confused
My 20 yr old nephew thinks he is in-love with his 19 yr old girlfriend. They have been going together for about 4 yrs now. He spends lots of money on her for everything & when they argue & she breaks up with him he shows a really bad attitude towards his parents, cusses and disrespect them to their face. He is an only child & was raised in church from infant to adulthood & before this girl he loved going to church. Needless to say, he doesn’t go to church any more and spends most of his time 24\\7 with her at her parents house. What concerns his mom & me is that every time his girlfriend breaks up with him he threats to kill himself. I think she is using him for a money fool b\\c she knows he idolizes her. She is very pretty girl on the outside, but I don’t think she is on the inside. How do you reach a person who thinks the sun rises and set set on the throne of his princess & life is not worth living if he is not her chosen prince any more?
For the people out there who are commenting on being lonely… that is ok! God created us to be in relationships with one another, and that’s a beautiful thing He desires for all of us! I’m asking God to change my mind on what it really means to be lonely. I’m 35, single, never been married, and never came close to even dating a brother in Christ who has treated me with respect. I’ve made marriage an idol, something I wanted to make up for the life I’m not currently satisfied with. That wasn’t fair to myself, and I’ve missed out on a lot of great dating opportunities in order to get to know people but every time I’d see a cute guy I’d automatically want to be exclusive and get married. Nope, not of God! God has more for me, and He has more for you too!
So what, I can’t be sad that I don’t have a girlfriend for almost 9 years? I’ve been practicing my faith, growing and maturing with God, praying for it to come true, because I’m truly lonely and I don’t have a lot going on in my life, and because I dream of having a family of my own one day, so because that’s not happening and I’m sad and I think about that dream often, and pray about it often, you’re telling me that that is an idol?
This is the most horrible subject. The problem is for us who have been single forever and starving for affection, we are told that we are making relationships an idle because love’s been held back from our childhoods until our adult lives. If you’re lost in the desert and you see water you’ll want to drink and drink. After decades of waiting it should not be considered an idle when you have been waiting for so long. Maybe this article is pertaining to someone who has only waited for a short time.
I do not really agree with the “never been on a date” part that counts as idolatry. It makes sense if you never give someone a chance or say no to a date because you are afraid it is not going to live up to your expectations, but i am sure there is a lot of girls who would love to go out on a date, but no one has ever ask them out.
@ApplyGodsWord some constructive remarks not to be taken harshly. That is super unfair and even misleading Mark. I usually agree with your statements, but you can have even deep negative emotions about single and relationships not be an idol. Just because we are believers in Christ, does not mean you will be happy and cheerful all the time. The thing about Christians being happy and fulfilled all the time is absolute garbage. Evil pain of all kinds constantly torments some of the godliest people I know and know of. The real question is not why do some of God’s people suffer, it is why do some not. God doesn’t automatically give you positive emotions and fulfill things as some claim. I seek God, pray, and try to put Him first in everything, and I’ve still found that it is very rare that God truly fills those voids and longings. In much the same way of a fast, It’s more of a denial of self in not satisfying those hurts and our desires as a devotion to God. Even Paul had severe unrelenting torment and God’s reply in 2 Corinthians 12:9 states: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” If God has allowed the thorn of relationship pain and not granted our desires, it would be sin to do so outside of His will. We must live with the pain if or when he desires to fill that vacuum. To say otherwise would be along the lines of Job’s friends saying that he is experience what he is because he isn’t following God.
Relationships are controlling my emotions. They can make me happy and sad. Rejoice in the Lord! Not circumstances Whats the ultimate source of my joy? Who has supremacy in my heart? Extremes in the dating spectrum. Always dating someone Disobeying God for the sake of being in a relationship: dating a non believer, premartial sex R E P E N T!! Choose to obey God above relationships
I don’t know about this.Before I was saved I was married to an abusive husband.I would not be alive today if I had not divorced him. I really believed God would give me a husband.I don’t know why I am alone.I have dated a few christain that were worse than the men of the world.I quit going to church after the last date with a so called christain man.I just could not do this dating anymore especially when most of them wanted to be disobedient.I knew God would not bless these relationships.So I have waited and waited and I am still alone.I have never been so depressed. When I was working as a nurse I was told by my fellow nurses that God was not going to put a husband on my doorstep.You have to get out and meet people.By your advice I know they were right.Maybe after I get settled in my retirement I will get out and meet people.Thanks so much Mark.God bless you.
I find myself having to have to almost laugh out loud. Because if anyone really looks at the actual reality of my life. I am in a position that is the lowest of low and even in appearance I to my self look so unattractive. How could I actually have any male attention? It is and would only be by my Saviors great hand and by his favor that I so claim he is my first love.
I think my comment goes better here: Infatuation or ‘puppy love’ is another word for making another human being a temporary god, a deliverer. ‘Please!’ it screams, ‘Please deliver me from my loneliness, you’re exactly what my soul wants, you are the person that can satisfy the longing in my soul’. But really what they want is a cover-up for the lust of their flesh and the lie that they must replace the LORD God with a god of sinful flesh. They want someone to satiate their unchecked passions and to stroke their egos. It is the greatest needful disappointment to realize that a mere person makes for a horrible deity. Like clinging to an idol that disintegrates to dust when you reach out to caress it. That’s what it’s like to cling to a person to satisfy every longing. What is man anyways? One day that handsome hunk will turn to dust. One day that hot babe will be in the ground. Physical appearance and ability is fleeting. We have nothing to boast of and can’t even draw one breath apart from the grace and allowance of God. We can’t move our feet or tongues apart from His sovereignty. Infatuation is nothing more than temporary worship of created being. When we look to a person to satisfy, we anger the LORD God intensely with our idolatry. It is just as bad as bowing down to a stone god or golden calf. The devotion will only last so long. Hot passions cool off, then what’s left? What does it to the worshipper? And what does it do to the worshipee? (Is that even a word??) For any person to accept the worship of another is absolutely pride and narcisissm.
I have this spirit inside of me telling me God wants me to date this christian girl i met in church shes a christian and shes pushing me to do things with her and her friends. Shes pushing me to do fun things. I have this spirit to date her but i want this spirit to leave because if this was gods will God would tell her you should date him
But this isn’t fair. I don’t know how one would fix this to be given what you’re asking God for. I come from an abusive childhood. My parents are deceased. I have no close family or siblings. Ive never had a boyfriend. It’s human to desire companionship and I am only that. Ive even been celibate for 7 years as a sacrifice to God to prove myself worthy. And you’re saying that God views my desire for a relationship as idolatry. Im frustrated with Him. I’ll be honest. But He refuses to take the desire away. This is just sad.
So confusing ..if one don’t imagine or desire to get married.why would anyone get married ?..than its like getting married is a sin ..because if anyone gets married it’s because you make it feel like your saying person don’t feel like God is enough. So why date or start anything if cant finish ..your dang if do .and dang if dont .that’s catch 22 scenario..I mean I am ok being single .i still have fun with friends..just I would enjoy it more with significant other..to do things .
I’m not a Christian nor religious but it’s just the strangest thing. I feel like God is speaking through you to me. I can just feel it in my heart that I was supposed to receive this article, because I’ve wanted marriage my entire life, but have lost myself in the process of dating and seeing guys, and I just feel exhausted. I grew up in Sweden where we’re not very religious but I feel so deeply that I need to surrender to self-love and abstinence. Thank you for your message <3
Thank you for this. I am so deep in idolization that I didn’t even realise it until I saw this article. Thank you so much for your obedience to God, you have really helped me through this journey of singleness (I started perusal your website last year). May God continue to use you, bless you and protect you.
Thank you so much for this! I have been guilty of this, especially as I’m 32 with no romantic prospects. Seeing pretty much everyone else around me find themselves in relationships and marriage can send me on a downward spiral of ovethinking and comparison. I try to figure out the formula that everyone else used to be successful and compare to what I could be doing wrong and why it hasn’t happened for me yet. I’ve exhausted my headspace doing this and it only makes me feel worse. I think for me, my obsession stems from fear rather than idolization. Worries of getting old, etc. In any case, I need to stay hopeful and reminded of the fact that God indeed does want the best for me, even if it’s taking longer to receive my desires. Thank you so much for this encouraging article 💕
Sarah, God has really blessed you with the ability to communicate so clearly. Your articles are short and to the point; yet they’re incredibly powerful and even when you have a tangent, it’s needed and fits so well to your message. I am sure you would have to edit here and there but your completed message always impresses me and I always take something away that helps me with my walk with God. Thank you for your hard work and I thank God for blessing you with this gift that is definitely helping to build up His church!
My issue is I’ve been praying for twelve years for a spouse. I’ve never been in a serious relationship in my life. I’ve kept myself for my husband. I’m not dating but rather waiting on God’s perfect match but I really want a spouse. Maybe it’s idolatry or maybe it’s the deep desire that Abraham had for a son. I know it won’t complete me but it’s something I deeply want and In the past 12 years I have been everywhere spiritually and emotionally. I’ve been so spiritually content and healthy I forgot my desire, I’ve been so depressed all I could think about was how forgotten by God I felt. Ive been in places of apathy where I didn’t even want it even though subconsciously I’m sure I still did and still no spouse. Sometimes testimonies like this are encouraging but sometimes they incite frustration because I’m like dang they learned the lesson and got the blessing so fast but somehow I’m still here. In any case! I genuinely appreciate your website it has been helping me all Day since I found it
Thank you so much for talking through this subject! I will be turning 60 this year and I believe God told me in 2015 that I will be married again someday. I sometimes get lonely since being widowed 18 years ago. It does take quite a discipline to tear down any Idol stronghold of a coming mate! It is a process of resisting that spirit of loneliness when the enemy wants to remind us that we are getting older & it has been a long time. Giving it all back to God is the only way.
Thank you so much! I kept seeing a article of yours and finally going to watch it. I think God wanted me to watch this. I realized I was idolizing marriage too much and am idolizing dating/relationships. I hope that I can meet my future husband soon to become friends with him and go on dates and enjoy that journey. However, I need to put God first, get a job, serve more, learn more about my Catholic faith and prepare to be a wife for I am lacking. Trying to level up on cooking lol Going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation soon to confess my sins. Praying for all the singles out there it’s a hard cross to carry, for myself included 🙏❤💕
Yes, you have highlighted the Trust factor in all of this. I think I get so nervous surrendering it. I always put it down and then pick it up back off of Gods Alter… 🤦🏽♀️ before he’s even started working on it. I have been single for 15 years. I never lived with a man before. I know a lot of women who have live in boyfriend. But I just have to trust that God has a better option for me.
Wow, the transition of your desires or acknowledgement of marriage is similar to me. He is definitely teaching me to lean into His comfort and affirmation more and more and it’s helping all my relationships. It’s like I’m loving people from a place of overflow rather than need. Dedicating my mind, desires and hopes to the One who already made us complete in Chirst!
Thank you for this article Sarah, something I needed to hear. An old friend contacted me a few days ago and told me that she was getting married after having dated for 5 months and immediately my heart was ecstatic for her, but at the same time I felt some pain, “why couldn’t that be me?”. I jokingly said that God will need to send my future husband to my front door and he must tell me that he’s the one 😂😂. Joking aside, I delved into why I felt that way and I recall wanting to get married since my early 20’s and it never happened. Many times over and over again I would commit it to the Lord and then ‘take’ it back into my own hands and like you say, obsess about it. I laid it at the Lords feet about 6 months ago, or so I thought, until the conversation with my friend. And I just realized after perusal your article that I haven’t let it completely go and left it at His feet. Very interesting that you said that the obsession, whatever it is, is showing a lack of faith/trust in the Lord…never heard it like that before-WOW. My life’s verse since age 14 has been Jeremiah 29:11, and I was gently reminded tonight by your article that the Lord is the One who I need to focus on continuously and if it be His will, He will bring my spouse to me. God bless you for your obedience🙏🏻 PS: the courses that you spoke about, where would I find that please?
It’s hard. I was in preparation stage last year.. felt like I heard God say I was going to meet my husband soon, month or so later, met a great guy I fell in love with. I then started messing everything up because I started messing with someone else as if I needed validation or something. Since that fell apart and I prayed for God to fix it. Nothing happened but I now feel like I don’t marriage anymore. My heart just breaks now and I know I desire to have a marriage that honors God
Thank you for making these article’s! I have only recently started perusal your content, but feel like God is using a lot of it to give me confirmations and revelations. We really do have a wonderful and loving Father that knows what is best for us and we can trust His timing without obsessing over all kinds of things ourselves. 🙂 Thank you and God bless you. <3
I truly belive I have surrendered (but maybe I’m kidding myself idk lol) but I can admit I am struggling with reverting to the default setting I ran on for so long of never wanting to be married due to never having marriage as part of my reality growing up. But now that God has healed me from that and exposed my true desire of wanting marriage at the age of 25 but only really deciding I do want it, at the age of 32 instead of constantly wavering. I’m struggling with maintaining a balance of not idolizing marriage; checking my motives; too much excitement and just giving up. It’s a really hard balancing act.
Hey, I’m 16 and for the past month, I’ve been agonizing over relationships. I’ve tried blocking out the thought of it and the result was anxiety and brain aches. I’ve tried to just let these thoughts flow but it becomes like you said and now finding the word for the feeling, “exhausting”. Now I feel like God is calling me to just seek him and focus on him. I haven’t been able to enjoy outings with my family like I want to and now my mother is concerned. Would you give me advice on focusing and seeking God, and how it would practically look to focus on God and seek his face? Please respond.
I hate that I don’t understand how you can be in a relationship and have a relationship with God. He’s a jealous God so how can you even put time into someone else. Also if things are not happening quickly like other relationships then that just means y’all not meant to be correct.? I’ve been going over and over in my head why this is so confusing. My whole relationship history has been awful and even though my bf is amazing, I just can’t seem to allow him to love me or me even learn to love him. I hate it.
Dear sister Sarah, I don t know you, also honestly, I haven t watched so many of your articles, but… something tells me that you are an intelligent woman, I see that you are also a faithful person (and I really appreciate that at someone!). But…. seriously??!! You, fulfilled happy married woman, with a husband next to you, a soul who will be with you “for better and for worse”, the one who you will start a family, YOU really have the audacity to come before us, unmarried sad alone UNhappy girls to tell us “Oh, marriage isn t that important” “Oh, having a husband isn t that important, you don t need a soul near you” “Oh, it s not that important to have your own family” SERIOUS?! Sister, I m telling you what this is called.. this is called HYPOCRISY! Honestly, I don t know what the other sisters/brothers would do, but I will listen and pay attention to such words ONLY from an unmarried sister/brother who is 100% happy with that… not having a husband/wife, not having a soul next to, not having her/his own family!