Marriage with a covert narcissist is complex and often distressing, with common narcissistic traits such as a strong sense of self-importance, fantasies about fame or glory, exaggerating self abilities, craving admiration, and exploiting others. Covert narcissists may appear quiet, introverted, anxious, and kind in public, but they may also be high in morality, accomplished, and calm. They may avoid confrontations and may be disheartening when they take control of the relationship.
To escape a covert narcissistic relationship, it is important to forgive yourself and recognize signs of manipulation, such as a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and a constant need for validation. At the end of a relationship, a narcissist may spiral down a gauntlet of manipulation tactics, blaming the partner for causing the relationship to fail, making lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouthing the partner.
Marrying a covert narcissist can lead to a complex and often distressing marriage, marked by emotional turbulence, confusion, and frequent disagreements. Clinical covert narcissist husbands are often passive-aggressive, expressing love conditionally and self-serving, prioritizing their needs over genuine affection. In a healthy relationship, the unhappy yet self-aware partner raises issues constructively and takes responsibility for their own well-being.
📹 How Does A Covert Narcissist Act In Marriage?
In this video, I reveal “How Does a Covert Narcissist Act in Marriage?” Most grandiose are easy to spot. They are the ones …
What does covert narcissism look like in a marriage?
The covert narcissist doesn’t care about their partner and will do anything to stay in control. They may be selfish and dominant, and their wants and needs will take precedence over their partners.
What hurts a covert narcissist the most?
A covert narcissist is different. They also get hurt by indifference, but they get hurt most by being a mirror for them. The covert narcissist needs to see themselves as they want to be.
How to handle a covert narcissist wife?
Dealing with a covert narcissist: Take care of yourself. Learn about narcissistic personality disorder. Set healthy boundaries. Remember you’re not to blame. Get help if you need it. Narcissism can present itself in two ways. Covert narcissism is often hard to identify and deal with. If you or a loved one is struggling with covert narcissism, call 844.875.5609 to learn about treatment for narcissistic personality disorder at our mental health facilities. What is a covert narcissist? There are two types of narcissism: overt and covert. An overt narcissist is easy to spot.
An overt narcissist is obvious. They demand that everyone appreciate how great they are. They may be loud, confident, full of themselves, and easily hurt by criticism.
How do I tell if my wife is a covert narcissist?
14 Signs of a Covert Narcissist: Insecure. … They’re passive-aggressive. They get upset easily. … They procrastinate and ignore others. … They’re easily stressed. … They’re envious. They are self-critical. … They have anxiety and depression. What is NPD? What are covert narcissists? What are common traits? What are signs of a covert narcissist? What causes NPD?Dealing With Narcissists Conclusion Additional Resources Infographics Eric has over 15 years of experience. Dr. Benjamin Troy is a child and adolescent psychiatrist with over 10 years of experience. Dr. Troy treats depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, and ASD.
Do covert narcissists love their spouse?
The bond won’t last. Narcissists don’t form deep emotional bonds. Instead, they become attached to the idea of love and try to recreate the feeling of admiration they had at the beginning of their relationship. They may belittle their partner if they don’t feel admired.
Narcissistic traits vs. narcissistic personality disorder. Not everyone with narcissistic traits has narcissistic personality disorder.
How does a covert narcissist treat their partner?
What do covert narcissists do in relationships? In other relationships, covert narcissists might do any of the following:
They don’t care about others’ feelings, needs, or problems. They use guilt trips and shame to control others. They expect others to care for them or solve their problems. They gaslight others by being critical but making it sound like it is coming from a place of concern. They take advantage of others’ vulnerabilities. They dismiss or deny others’ feelings, emotions, or experiences. They respond to others with passive-aggressive behaviors.
How to Deal With a Covert Narcissist. You may be in a relationship with a narcissist, whether it’s a family member, co-worker, or significant other. You can’t control a narcissist, but you can control how you act around them. You can protect yourself from covert narcissistic abuse. Don’t take it personally. Dealing with a narcissist can feel personal. When you’re on the receiving end, the lack of regard, sense of entitlement, manipulation, and deceptive behaviors can feel very personal.
How does a covert narcissist husband treat his wife?
A covert narcissist gets angry at criticism. They may blame their partner to avoid responsibility. They may become controlling and manipulative. They also know how to be silent, passive-aggressive, and lie. Intimate partners and spouses of covert narcissists do almost anything to avoid upsetting the balance they live with. They don’t know what to say or how to make things right. How a covert narcissist might react to a divorce summons. Narcissistic behavior can be unpredictable. The partner of a covert narcissist may get tired of walking on eggshells and being manipulated. They want out of the relationship, so they ask for a divorce. They’ll see a divorce summons as a betrayal. They feel desperate. Your divorce will likely be a very stressful time for you.
How do covert narcissists act during divorce?
Your narcissistic spouse will try to get their way in the divorce, even if it means going behind your back.
What’s the single greatest danger of covert narcissism?
Exploitation. They do whatever it takes to feel special, even if it hurts others. Acting as if the world owes them. Empathy impairments. They lose touch with reality and stop caring about other people. Someone asked me to describe the greatest danger of covert introverted narcissism. To answer this question, we have to debunk some myths. Calling someone a covert narcissist doesn’t mean they’re any sneakier or more manipulative than the average narcissist. It also doesn’t have to do with hiding abusive behaviors. There is no evidence of this pattern in clinical or social psychological research. The term “covert narcissism” was created to describe narcissists who aren’t loud or boastful but are just as arrogant and argumentative as those with overt or grandiose narcissism.
Do covert narcissists ever cry?
People with NPD still cry. But their experiences are more selfish and less empathetic. A narcissist might use tears to manipulate others, but they may cry for other reasons. What is NPD? Do narcissists have feelings? Do narcissists cry? Communicating with an upset narcissist. When is therapy helpful?In My Experience Additional Resources Kaytee is a therapist with over a decade of experience. She helps survivors of relationship and family trauma, particularly those who have been abused or abandoned by their parents. Heidi Moawad, MD, is a neurologist with 20 years of experience. She focuses on mental health disorders, behavioral health issues, neurological disease, migraines, pain, stroke, cognitive impairment, multiple sclerosis, and more.
What is the best partner for a covert narcissist?
Someone who gives 90% without expecting anything in return. Someone who can change to suit the other person. They’ll never tell you what they need, but they’ll let you know when you’ve let them down.
How does a covert narcissist end a marriage?
They don’t understand their partner’s emotions and are often unkind to them. Narcissists often gaslight their partners to maintain control and power in the relationship. Some mental health professionals think this is intentional, while others think it’s just who they are. My opinion is that it is both. Victim Mentality: They may act like victims and blame others for their actions. Idealization and Devaluation: Covert narcissists start out idealizing their partners, but then devalue and discard them once they no longer serve their needs or the relationship is no longer exciting. Coverts often devalue their partners subtly by being passive-aggressive and withholding love. So, how do relationships with covert narcissists end?Narcissists are diverse. There are similar techniques and behavior, so let’s look at those. Some ways they can end the relationship are: As the relationship goes on, the covert narcissist’s true self is revealed. They may become critical, withholding, or emotionally distant, leading to a gradual devaluation of their partner. They may say they don’t want to be with her anymore and leave. They may stay in the relationship but treat their partner badly. The intimate partner doesn’t know what they did wrong and tries harder and harder to please the narcissist. Triangulation: Triangulation is when the covert brings a third person into the relationship. Covert narcissists seek validation and attention from others, which can damage the relationship. They do this to make you jealous and insecure. They may even use pets to get back at you. Silent Treatment: When they feel criticized or rejected, covert narcissists may ignore you as a punishment. They may ignore you when you speak. They may say, “I don’t feel like talking,” and ignore you for days, weeks, months, or even years. Ghosting or Abrupt Endings: Instead of talking about problems, covert narcissists may end the relationship without saying why. This makes their partner feel confused and abandoned. This is the hardest ending for the partner to accept because they don’t know what happened. I hear clients say, “Everything was fine, and then he stopped talking to me.” The partner is left wondering what they did wrong and feeling traumatized. Probing and hoovering: Even after the relationship is over, covert narcissists may text their former partners to see if they respond. Or they may send a meme or a short text. They want to see if you’ll get back with them. Once they think they can return, they start contacting you again. This is an attempt to get their former partner to come back. They act friendly and intimate with them, making the former partner think they’re back together. The partner is devalued and discarded again. Some narcissists discard their partners, while others view them as toys. The covert narcissist makes you confused about whether you’re in a relationship. They act like they’re in a relationship, then like they’re not. They don’t act consistently.
Covert narcissists view their partners as tools. If they don’t need their partner anymore, they’ll stop contacting them. Think of a toddler who plays with a toy and then gets bored. The intimate partner deals with this because the narcissist is a toddler.
📹 Top 8 Strange Behaviors of the Covert Narcissist 3 Minutes or Less
This is a series of videos that will be 3 minutes or less, for those of you who don’t have a lot of time. Today’s topic is about the …
Out of all the types, the Covert has to be the most dangerous and damaging because it takes so long to unmask them. I have been plagued by this type my whole life, but not any anymore!!!!!!! I pray for freedom for anyone on this platform suffering from a Covert Narcissist or any other type of Narcissist for that matter.
When out with friends, they make everyone else think they are head over heels in love with you, hugging, kissing my forehead, bragging to everyone that I’m simply the greatest. But once you’re home, not a peep. Its as if you are invisible. Sometimes I actually think that maybe I died and I’m just a spirit in the room. That is how lonely it is with a CN.
Well, I must say, the world of narcissism is a fascinating one. While many people are aware of overt narcissism, where individuals display grandiose behavior and seek constant attention, covert narcissism is a whole different ballgame. Covert narcissists are masters at hiding their true selves and manipulating those around them. And yes, they do have some rather peculiar habits that set them apart from the rest of us. One weird habit of covert narcissists is their constant need for validation. Unlike overt narcissists who seek validation through external means, covert narcissists have a more sneaky approach. They often fish for compliments or sympathy by subtly dropping hints or making self-deprecating comments. They feed off the reassurance and affirmation they receive from others, and this habit can become quite exhausting for those who have to constantly boost their fragile egos. Another strange habit of covert narcissists is their tendency to play the victim. They are skilled at playing the sympathy card and making others feel sorry for them. They will twist situations to make themselves appear as innocent victims, even when they are the ones who caused the problem in the first place. This habit allows them to manipulate others into feeling guilty or responsible for their actions, ultimately gaining control over their emotions and actions. Covert narcissists also have a knack for gaslighting, which is a rather disturbing habit. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist distorts reality or denies certain events to make their victim doubt their own perception and sanity.
For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do.
My covert narcissist also had the characteristic of subtle community manipulation. She would pass along information about others in order to make herself appear concerned and compassionate while at the same time she gathered the dirt on other people and had a very well hidden hatred and/or contempt for people; her image was that of superiority over other people (i.e. haughty). The covert narcissist that I was encountered with fooled me for 13 years until she showed her true colors to me. These people are dangerous!
I’ve also noticed their emotions are the opposite of mine. When I’m miserable they’re happy, and when I’m happy, they’re miserable. I call my former house mate Backwards Man. It’s as if he’s from a different planet where normal decorum is the opposite of this planet. Over there, people failing or dying is funny, and people succeeding is a very solemn and serious matter.
There are five questions that a narcissist is unable to answer: 1.What do you love about me? 2. What are your deepest hurts? 3. Why can’t you admit that you’re wrong? 4. Why are you kinder to strangers than you are to the person you say you love? 5. How do you feel about yourself?\r Someone I thought was a narcissist answered them genuinely. If so, even though some people have these traits and/or behaviors, does it make them a narcissist?
I had to come up with this phrase to even just put words to such unbelievable behavior from my mother for decades. “Anything I do or do not do, say or do not say, can and will be weaponized against me in order to make out as if I’ve done something wrong, or to otherwise criminalize my existence.” Feel free to use that in your everyday lives to sum up and describe a narcissist to ‘outsiders’ that may not understand.
Accurate description of my mother. The covert type is really hell because of that innocent and pure mask, created and played like actors for years and years. Once a girl, who after I realized was a covert one, played acts of charity in front of me, to imitate a good person. Then, she discarted her ex with cruelty and zero empathy for a richer lawyer, known at work. I was shocked.
What about hiding or taking your things? Or giving a gift then taking it back without telling you? (Live together)? I fortunately don’t live with this person any longer. The behaviors were so bizarre to me and at first made me question my memory since things were going missing. She owned up to 2 of the things she took.
My covert narc father is over 70, I will feel liberated once he dies of old age. I was manipulated and subtly abused and yes, I was always framed for any wrongdoing when I was a kid. No wonder I was mentally ill and a loner from pre school to adulthood. I am in my mid 20. And the worst thing about this is that I see the same shit in myself now too. I am a narc myself. I was infected by the narc mindset when I was a naive child. Too bad I am going to hell for it. I dont really care. I probably deserve it too. And I hate that old man who is u fortunately my father. I hate the idea that I have the same disgusting blood running through my veins. I have decided to not get kids. I would just create the same cycle for those innocent souls.
Just ended a relationship with a girl that was a very wierd experience. It dawned on me that she must have been a covert narcissist. She would often times flirt with me. Send heart emojis, always wanting me over to her place. But things like never escalated. Just giving me breadcrumbs. Constantly giving me mixed signals. And when I called her out. She just downplayed it or played dumb. She lied. Lying is second nature to her. She lies so easily. She is a terrible listener. She loves to talk and yak away but wasnt interesed in my life at all. She like never questioned me about hardly anything. I found that very wierd. Shit listener. Also the point about feeling guilted into helping them out in various ways rang through. She could like give me small inexpensive gifts that I never asked for. So she could ask me to drive her and help her shop and whatever. I mean tedious shit I dont really want to do. Just because I drive doesnt make me wanna be your driver at your convinience. I felt just used. Used my energy, my time, just all of it. The final straw was that I found out she was fucking her ex at the time I met her. And I believe she still does.
Dude it genuinely takes so long to piece everything together. I’ve BEEN knowing my dad was messed up since I was like, 6. I’m 19, almost 20 in two weeks now and I JUST completed the puzzle. I’ve fully unmasked him, and he STILL thinks I’m unaware/can be fooled again. I cut him out of my life (as much as I could at least) but he’s a whiny baby and keeps blowing my phone and messages. 💀 I block him every now and again though
Here are some that I noticed. Devaluing their target by confirming that any other person in the world would have a right to X item or treatment. But for reasons they will leave either undefined or poorly explained their target is not worthy of x item or treatment. Displays of how big a problem their target allegedly is to them. For instance, cluttering any given space with cleaning products that seem to self multiply. To indicate how ‘dirty’ they think their target make themselves or their environment. AKA shaming behavior via object placement. Expressions of physical or medical distress or illness allegedly caused by the presence of their target. Such as “OMG, so gross! I’m gonna hurl!” Taunting their target into conflict via the endangerment of minors, or prized possessions. Deliberate incompetence used to induce stress in their target. Then recriminating their target when corrective actions are taken. Alluded to in your comments about your husband. Denial of the personal sovereignty of their target. I.E. “You can’t be trusted to make your own decisions.” Utilization of ‘isms” racism, sexism, ageism, etc. I.E. “You’re unworthy because of ‘X’ factor” Always pertaining to items that are beyond the control of their victim. Okay, this has already gone on longer than I intended it to. Thanks for the article Jill. I hope your day goes well for you.
My covert narcissist will never see himself for who he is. He genuinely thinks he’s a good person and has a normal emotional regulation system. He thinks it’s his right to be angry and outburst a lot. He asked me to be more intimate with him this weekend and i had to laugh 😂. Because no. I don’t ever want to sleep with you if you’re not being a real adult.
O my goodness I can’t believe you described an encounter with a lady that I bought a cat from. Everything you described she did in the brief encounter I had with her. Exactly like the narcissist I was married to for 24 years! Had I not had that horrible experience I would not have picked up on the red flags. It’s actually very easy to spot these monsters now.
Excellent Jill – as always. Probably important to point that everything you mention is only identified by the targets of their abuse. To all other people they appear genuine and truly concerned. Those who are not targeted probably wouldn’t identify with what you say. This makes the First Point you mention relevant to all other people that the target tries to talk to. It’s one thing to know that the concern for you is phony, it makes it even worse when the people you try to talk to tell you that you are wrong(!?!). Narcs are really b*****ds to put people in this situation.
BRAVO! 👏👏👏Once again you hit the nail on the head! My (soon to be ex covert narc) had a secret life. We are in the process of a divorce (on trial) and he still denies, denies and denies. One witness after another disputing his lies and he still will not settle. My attorneys laugh because he believes his lies. He looks like a fool so much so the pressure is starting to get to him. Each and every day when the trial day ends he literally runs out of the room he can’t bare to be subjected to the scrutiny that he faces during the trial. Each day squirming and fidgeting in his seat. On Friday he actually pulled his mask down (Covid mask) looked directly at me and whispered that I was a POS! Jill everything that you’ve said is so true. It hurts to hear sometimes but it’s also comforting to know that this is real and I’m not crazy. I’m nearing the end of this horrific man in my life. I have you to thank to help me get through it you really have been a blessing 🙏🏻 thank you ❤️
I was Married to a covert for 14 years. The 😊Divorce was just finalized. My first Ex husband was a malignant overt narc. The funny thing is, I often said my current husband was the opposite of my ex. Nope, exactly the same, just hid it under a mask of a good and giving person. It took me 12 years to realize what he was. I unmasked him and he admitted everything. The coverts abuse was actually a lot more damaging than the overt.
Just when I thought I had narcissistic abuse figured out. You feel crazy because it’s like everyone thinks they are such a good fit for you. They seem nice caring and stable even to you but then it’s this pattern of abnormal behavior you just can’t shake. Especially because it is such a change from the regular abusive pattern you might have had loud breaking stuff court whatever
My narcissistic father in his adult youth life was a mafia gangster doing smuggling from Cuba back in the forties & fifties & if he did not tell my baby brother when he was about 15, this criminal secret he had would have been taken to the grave with him!! One time I looked at my father & said to myself “dad you act like a gangster & he treated we kids like a mafia boss treats his henchmen!! “Daddy’s little secret”!!
Haha! Yup! If I didn’t answer the phone when my schizophrenic brother called me everyday, multiple times a day, I’d IMMEDIATELY get a text from my mom asking if I’m okay…feigning concern because I have a seizure disorder but it’s really just about control…conditioning me to pick up his calls no matter what and so she’d know what I’m doing 24/7. I told her if something was wrong cuz of my seizure disorder and I couldn’t answer the phone then how could I respond to your text? 🤦🏼♀️ Make it make sense.
I had an overt narcissistic mother and married a covert narcissist. I figured out my mother is a narcissist so I was looking out for people unlike her. It was an arranged marriage and he was understanding and did things that made me convince he cared about me. Now two years later I figured out he is a covert narcissist. He has all the qualities mentioned in the article. I am terrified of him. It took me the thought of pregnancy to actually understand what a mess I am in. Thankfully I have endometriosis and had to go through IVF to get pregnant at a young age of 26. During the IVF treatment which took weeks I couldn’t sleep, eat and fell into complete depression. I thought I was not ready to have kids. But then I started noticing the abuse I was exposed to. I ignored it thinking he at least tries to care about me. I said try because the caring was not successful. Because it was just a pretence and that’s why I never felt any care from him although he talks about it all the time, everyday. Sometimes I think he was just silly or stupid that he doesn’t understand my basic needs. Then he made me feel like I was high maintenance. It was not stupidity but a lack of empathy. He simply didn’t care. I didn’t want my child to grow up in this environment. Something in me told me after I have a child my life will be in literal hell than it is now. It’s fascinating that my unconscious mind told me this and not the other way around. I am just deeply grateful to God for making me realise this before it was too late.
Thanks Jill!! These coverts are damaged beyond repair… Currently in a job share with one ⚠️ who is 20 years older than another employee and I (we are all female) and she seems to be set on making the environment so unbearable for us that we will leave. That would provide years of ‘supply’ no doubt. Belittling, devaluing and using our own insecurities against us. All done when no witnesses are present. It seems to be a crazed envy of other females as she discusses her menstrual issues openly but she’s almost 60…?
My best friend passed away in September. My girlfriend never brought it up or asked me how I was coping with it. That was the beginning of the end. There were red flags from the start but they were subtle I just thought she was a bit strange I couldn’t put my finger on it. She never told me she loved me. She was asking for gifts and it was intensifying that was all she seemed interested in. I didnt dare say no. Eventually I did say no. That was the end of the relationship. I knew there was something up that I was being used. She’s ghosted me ever since.
Yes yes yes everything you said is spot on .even before I knew what all this was . I remember telling friends his words and actions don’t match up I remember saying after living together a year planing to get married I had a gut feeling something was off a gut feeling I couldn’t shake then yes I began to investigate found things that killed my reality devastated me of course I was called crazy and delusonal he was in fact 2 different people .and his mother enabled his behavior to the point of sickness a 44 year old man child grandpa wth the emotional maturity of a 19 yr old . and yes addictions porn dope . had several social meada accounts on and on . so yes they fallow a pattern of this word for word
In a highly sensitive person group in fb i got hurt or insulted by one paula who says my post in group reminded her of a narcissistic person who she lived with and now she has to live with my message! It was so insulting i felt deeply hurt and i asked her was she calling me a narc.ladies and gentlemen, you know what i was removed by the admin stating my stement indeed insulted other people in the group. Its been more than 13 hours of improper sleep and loss of energy. Highly sensitive people consisting of narcissistic persons acting like hsp omg. I am still in deep pain.
I have a drunk 2 1/2 hour recording of my covert narcissist losing his shit and baiting me into a physical altercation so that he can prove his narrative he’s been telling. My entire relationship was a lie. Based on nothing but lies. I uploaded 3 minutes of it on TikTok. Makes me physically illlllll to keep thinking about what he did to me.
My partner who I think is either a covert or emotionally abusive. He Often says one thing and does another. Omits, lies, is deceitful. Has had secret dating accounts while being entangled w me. He always finds ways to twist something and always make it look like I’m at fault. We have 2 kids. He’s in and out, breaks promises. Says he’ll be back at a certain time- doesn’t do so. My oldest has now been berating, and insulting with me, she’s angry: and he is getting better about putting boundaries to her, but it’s not consistent. I’ve been going crazy- also post partum 9months. I’m still trying to see the hood in him, and see to it that he changes. He threatens to take the kids from me.
Being an empath + codependent + low self esteem made me forgive a narcissist for 3 years I forgave him so many times and so many times he was so fucking abusive. And I had another physical abusive relationship before him. He made fun of my trauma, my rape, my insecurities. He laughs in my face, pushes me off the bridge and then tells me he loves me.
U juust described my abusive sister she is exactly like that and she was speaking horribly to my mum and I couldnt hold it in anymore I snapped cause i am fed up her treathing me like this did not hurt half as much as seeing my mum being treated like this so i snapped i told her exactly how things are she screamed back at me played the victm insulted us then started saying I did this and that for you obv as if we do nothing even tho we done way more for her especially my mom and I said to her so you think because you did something for someone that excuses you to treat everyone like shit,omg she is so entiteled and obvipusly truth hurts she got even more enranged but I didnt back down and I kept telling her to just leave us alone and she just went in her room.started smashing stuff(like any normal non abusive person does) and then she took a few bags and left went to her mates she hasnt been in the house for 3 weeks now which I am happy about but she still keeps messaging my mum and harrassing her and being horrible and she wont get out of our lives I just want all of this to be over and to never see her again
When I was 14 or 15, my Full-on-narc father (although I didn’t know at the time why he behaved the way he did) – he gave me a nice camera, something nice he never did for me. After the old scumbag went away to feed the worms, I was going through his photos. And you would never guess, I found some of my photos I took at school of girls at school. Nothing weird, just fellow students.
Im at a Point in my relationship where I don’t know if I’m the problem or he. I see a lot of patterns in him that are described as those of a covert narc. The thing is, he claims that those are the traits that I have, so I’m struggling with finding out what it is. But I feel like he is the one with lack of sympathy and different povs. He’s the one with prejudices to nearly everybody. He’s the one who makes subtle joke about me all the time and says I’m just too sensitive who I don’t laugh at it and he can’t acknowledge something I did good. He rarely shows interest in things that are going on in my life. And he doesn’t have any kind of self reflection anytime I wanna talk about it with him. He rather gets angry about me bringen “the same topic up again and again” and that if I’m so unhappy about it I could easily leave. And I tried guys.. I tried leaving but then again he makes me see his caring and loving side and also makes it look like I’m the bad one who is leaving and I’m the one who is ripping it apart not being aware of the fact that we BOTH live in this rs to make it work.
I don’t know her that well but she seems to be a sweet kind person but I feel like she is using me for validation. She acts like she likes when I talk to her but she’ll spend as little time with me as possible. She looks at me like she likes me but won’t spend any more time with me than she has to. She knows I like her and is feeding my addiction. It doesn’t pay to hide things I can put pieces together using social media and public records. Here I thought she’s been divorced for 20 years but it’s only been 5 years. She didn’t mention that when we first met 5 years ago. Sneaky, shady people are the worst.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00: (youtube.com/watch?v=6PJAJzEIby8)(youtube.com/watch?v=6PJAJzEIby8) * The Covert Narcissist’s Mask of Concern* – Covert narcissists hide their true selves behind a facade of concern and care. – This concern feels insincere and manipulative. – You might feel like a detective trying to uncover their true intentions. 00:42: (youtube.com/watch?v=6PJAJzEIby8)(youtube.com/watch?v=6PJAJzEIby8) * Playing Detective with a Covert Narcissist* – Covert narcissists are secretive and deceptive. – Your intuition will pick up on inconsistencies in their stories. – You end up playing detective to figure out who they really are. 00:54: (youtube.com/watch?v=6PJAJzEIby8)(youtube.com/watch?v=6PJAJzEIby8) * The Terrible Listener: A Red Flag for Covert Narcissists* – Covert narcissists pretend to be caring and attentive listeners, but they’re not. – Their actions contradict their words, revealing their true lack of interest. – This inconsistency is a major red flag. Made with HARPA AI
It’s funny- the guy I’m suspecting of narcissistic traits mentioned that he feels like he’s being fake when he talks about showing care or empathy, so he doesn’t even try. maybe that’s a good thing as he’s not lying about anything- and maybe it’s my fault for believing I could be someone he could finally not have to fake care for. I’m beginning to believe I’ve been wrong about that and all it’s done is make me have mental breakdowns begging for an ounce of care and consideration when we argue. Idk what to do anymore as I don’t want to lose him and I think he’s a genuinely good person- just has a lot of trauma and internal issues that he has no desire to change because he said he “loves himself” (even though he’s exhibited traits that reflect internal shame and self hatred). I don’t know what our next steps forward are.
I’m perusal these articles to educate myself as I have been called a covert narcissist. I would never purposely hurt or put my (now ex) through what a narc does. Narcs/gaslighters know what they are doing and are calculated in their behavior whereas I had/have no clue. I’m honestly not that clever. I do recognize some behaviors of mine in these articles, but it’s never in purpose so that’s kind of scary. I don’t want to be that person so I’m trying to learn more. Thank you for your article 🙂
Yes all these stories that everyone else are sharing here are going to help us all to realise what we have been living with and we cared about is never going to work out with those kind of partners. Because they are broken down from childhood they are damaged good so sorry to say. I recently fallen deeply in love with one it was fantastic for the first 4 to 5 months, then things started to change she would disappear on weekends I’m staying at a girlfriend place she needs my help this become on going. I asked her I’m concerned that there’s something else is going on if there is just tell me the truth. She replied no why are you thinking that way trust me I would never do anything wrong I have morals. Lies after lies and dishonesty the truth finally comes out she has been seeing someone else but it’s not what you think she wants me to believe he’s a friend and he’s nice to me, we share a bed together but no sex he hasn’t been inside of me. I told her you should have told me long ago the truth, her reply was it’s only been a couple of weeks I told her no it’s been more like a few months now you’ve been going there every weekend not your girlfriend place. Lies on lies that’s all they are ever going to give us all. That is there life they can’t change no matter what happens down the road if someone decides to stay with you’ll all be looking over your shoulder wondering what are they upto is that the kind of relationship we deserve as caring kind of partners no I don’t think so, we should all have someone special in one’s life that comes with honesty trust respect and dignity and morals for oneself and others that comes in to your life.
They need to be the center of attention, at first they’re are nice, loving, caring but their mask will slip at some point . Shame you, insult you, guilt you and the need to be right . No accountability and when it’s over they quickly move on to another host like the parasites that they are . I did 5.5 years 6 months later she married some guy in less than a month, she got pregnant 6 months after . No shame these individuals, stay away !
Sorry not trying to be mean and don’t wish bad on anyone or want anything bad to happen to anyone but I don’t care about people stuff or people. If you don’t like me, don’t care. Been abused in the past and maybe I’m fd up. I always think there is something wrong with me and maybe there is because I don’t care about anyone in a way except my family, I’m protective over them but strangers nope. Generally tired of ppls shit
It is not called an ’empath’. The correct word is ‘co-dependent’, and co-dependency is as malignant as narcissism. Don’t deceive yourself that you’ve been treated badly by this bad narcissist against your will. You played along like a nice little slave, and you satisfied your own trauma-shaped needs by being subservient to a narcism. You need treatment as much as the narcissist does. Stop blaming them and take responsibility for YOURSELF.
She will say “after all I’ve done for them…” like she’s entitled to be hateful and ugly because she’s been making deposits into her account. She doesn’t use my name anymore, since my supernova occurred; she calls me daughter as if she’s reminding me of her position. Little can she understand she has no position in my life at all now. Idk if it’s 7×70 or 70×70 but in 52 years I continued to forgive her and I finally reached my limit. Thank you Jill. 🙏🏼❤️🫀🧠💪🏼